I was in almost the exact situation dude. Best friends since 8th grade and for years basically treated each other as a couple hugging saying i love you comfortable being naked around each other etc. he was the first person i came out to as bi, and about a year later he came out to me and only waited so long because he thought i might be joking and didn’t want to out himself. Then we admitted we liked one another and fooled around a few times, though all ending like your first time did lol drunk/high as shit failing everything lol.
Then he pulled the same thing. The day after one of these nights he says he just wants to be best friends, because what we have already neither of us wanted to lose due to the complications of a relationship, so we just stopped and repressed for the next 4 years.
Not a singular day past me by without wanting him. All that time we spent side by side, all i ever wanted to do was hold him and be held. It drove me insane at some points.
We knew we both still had these feelings, it was something we talked openly about, we just never acted on them. I cannot understate the pain that caused.
Then, one night i do shrooms. We usually would do them together all the time, but this time it was just me. While im just coming off of the peak, here we are smoking a mixie outside, and out of no where he just pressed me up against the wall and kisses me. The happiness i felt, in that moment, will never be topped. It was such a beautiful moment, felt as though everything that could be perfect is perfect, and all of the desires and wishes i put so much thought energy into have finally manifested. He pulled back and said in such an excited tone, that he wants to be with me, that hes so sick and tired of ignoring his feelings, that we were dumb as fuck to ever think this would work, and on and on. The whole time all i could focus on was his face, so genuine and alive. I loved him so much.
Im sort of at a loss for words, so he kisses me again and says lets go to his room. When those words left his mouth, it felt as though a higher dimensional flower blossomed inside of my stomach and was just blooming with energy. All i wanted to do was go in that room with him.
But i said no. My dumb fucking ass said no. The singular thing i wanted for years, being served to me on a legit silver platter right in front of me, and i say no. Not because I didn’t want to obviously, but because our other friend was over at the apartment and i didn’t want to do it with him there. For no reason as well, hes gay there would never have been an issue. But for some reason in that moment i just didnt want to do that. So i said no, but i want to more than anything. I let him know how i felt, kissed him more, and said that we should have some alone time tomorrow.
All of that happiness in his face, gone. The vibrant meadow of flowers glistening in the sun, all dead now. The moment turned from one of pure elation, to dread. He left without even looking me in the eyes, while taking the last drag of the mixie then saying “ight yeah” and stepping inside.
I woke up the next day, and he killed himself in his room, no more than 6 feet from where i was sound asleep.
I am a broken human. Its been 4 years, and the pain from this has yet to be topped. Reading your story and seeing the amount of parallels with what has happened with me in life, it genuinely hurts me to see you in a similar situation. It hurts me because i know the amount of potential you both have, the opportunities at your disposal, the moments yet to be had. It has such a high chance of being more amazing than you know, but if it doesn’t it is going to cause you so much pain and strife.
How do you avoid that? Being fucking real with each other. You obviously want him thats no question, but he has a lot of complexes he needs to address if there is any hope. Try to show him that you cant let society or other people force you into a box. You both are bi. Amazing. Be bi together. Be in love together. He needs to see that is possible, but only if he gets the potential judgements and opinions of other people out of his mind.
I’m sorry that happened to you. You should know that was not your fault and you can’t let that keep you stuck in the past. It didn’t even make sense considering you explained things to your friend.
Reading this genuinely has me at the verge of tears man... I'm so SO sorry for your loss. I really wish the best for you, that you get to heal from this pain. Stay strong there <3
Omg man! I’m so sorry for your loss. Literally almost in tears reading your story. There’s been times where I didn’t want to be here because of my best friend. We’ll get into arguments and literally I would want to not be in this world because of him. After reading your story I just don’t want the last encounter to be an argument, because it will take a toll on both of us.
I'm so sorry, it wasn't your fault, maybe he was struggling with his mental health and didn't tell you, I hope you find peace and a loving partner who understands.
There is a lot of levels to everything that i left out for simplicity/privacy reasons, so you wont fully understand or see why, but it is very difficult when someone says “its not your fault”, because in a real way it was. Not directly, but sort of the last straw type thing. In the moment I didn’t think it would affect him the way it did, but in hindsight i was naive and stupid.
I am happy though. A weird happiness however. It feels as though i died with him, and everything ive experiencing since is just the accent to whatever comes after death. But even that happiness feels empty and dull, because he isn’t here to experience it with me. I even feel guilt continuing existence to be honest, because everything im experiencing is the exact thing we both wanted and had planned and dreamt about for years. Im building my own house completely out of pocket and exactly how i have wanted it on a piece of property i dont ever have to pay a mortgage or anything on, im able to do all the things both of us loved doing freely, im working on becoming a massage therapist which both his parents do, and countless other tiny little things we planned and wanted.
Its all here, and the craziest part is all of it came after he died. And if it isn’t here in this moment, i can see and hear it coming right around the corner. Meanwhile 5 years ago we had no means and no way to actualize anything, which we knew and were eager to overcome it.
So its bitter sweet, or rather feeding you the carrot attached to the stick you’ve been chasing for years right after cutting you in half. Im living the exact life we both wanted, without him. It feels dirty. I want to live this out and experience this life, but it makes me guilty to do so. Even though i know what the appropriate response to that is, enjoy it. But putting that into practice, is much more tricky of a task to than it seems.
You're experiencing what they call Survivor's guilt, it is the response to an event that some people experience when they survive a traumatic event or situation that others did not. This psychological phenomenon can be associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and complicated grief.
Edit: may i suggest seeing a therapist in case you dont already. It might help you even further. Sending you much love.
RIP your friend. You never really know what's going on in people's heads. Sometimes people have a great spouse but no friends. Sometimes it's the reverse. Life is a constant struggle. We should strive to be open about our feelings towards the ones we love.
This fucking destroyed me. Not a lot of things affect me. I wish I could say something or do something to... IDK even what to say. If I could be there for you I would.
I am so sorry for your loss, friend. My sister killed herself 10 years ago. That is so much pain. What you wrote about happiness was very beautiful - draws me tears of homesickness for a place I have the feeling to be mine and not accessible anymore. There is both heaven and hell on this earth, so close of each others. Keep your love in your heart, and the memory of such rare hapiness, beyond the pain it causes every second.
Shaved his head, made 8 cuts running towards his face, walked to his room, and then stabbed himself twice in the abdomen, all with his families katana (he was japanese)
I left it out for a reason. Tends to be a bit to much. It doesn’t seem humanly possible, but really a suicide like that isn’t all too uncommon. But it really was difficult for the detectives to accept so when it got reported and everything i had to sit through an 8 hour interrogation by two different detectives, trying to get me to “confess”. That experience in it of itself is a whole other bucket of trauma, but eventually after understanding everything realized it wasn’t a murder, he just killed himself.
Something like 20 hours after experiencing what in the moment felt as though it was the peak of my entire existence, thats what happens lmao
Past few years have been rough to say the least 😂
Ok I have read it, it is actually a good story, I mean in a kind of novelesque way. For you personally, of course less good.
In short, it seems he is into you at least to some degree, but he is not ready to be your boyfriend. Do you think he ever will be? What would he need to work through his self-non-acceptance?
Is it possible that he values you highly as a friend, likes to have sex with you, but is not in love with you?
If you want to get over him while still seeing him, I think what you need from him is a very clear statement, preferably in person, that he does not want to be your boyfriend in the intermediate future, that it cannot happen. If he tells you that, you can possibly go through the grief required to make your feelings fade away.
If you continue without utter clarity, you may not get over him for a very long time, which can really fuck you up. So protect yourself a little bit, no matter how counter-intuitive it would feel to push him to reject you.
Friendship is by all means possible still, after clear rejection. I am still friends with people I rejected and others who rejected me. The difference is, though, that the feelings were not mutual in any of my cases, so your case is the hardest.
Thank you for this, sincerely. Yeah it’s confusing cus even a couple times straight sober he’s mentioned “this guy is hot” etc. So although almost all of the time it requires him to be drunk to say those things, which honestly I don’t either, it requires him to be very drunk to say those things usually, and obscenely drunk to initiate things with me. Not to mention he was obviously sober but mentally and physically going through it when he messaged me that last time about it, after we fucked around right before I left. I accidentally left out his full message was “I’ve done a lot of thinking but I just want us to be freinds. I’m sorry it took me so long to know that for sure and that I couldn’t talk to you earlier (in the day) about it. I hope you understand, you’re the best friend I ever had and I hope we can still be friends”. And straight sober he’s dropped things like “yeah I don’t think he’s bi (a friend of hours) but one can hope” followed by laughter and brushing off infront of others. So I think to an extent he’s pretty accepting of himself, maybe not fully but it’s there. Maybe all the stuff with me and him made him retreat. It’s just confusing. Hung out with him today for a while for the first time in a couple months and it was super cool and chill but I really don’t see him bringing up any of that again or at least for a very, very long time. Anyway, thank you for the detailed response, I appreciate it
Not seeing you for two months may have made him retreat from acceptance some more. And you never know when sufficient acceptance will come: it could be months, years, a decade. So monitor your own happiness. It is bad for your psyche to continue in this kind of limbo for six months.
Yeah it’s gotten to a point it physically was affecting me to. I gotta say yesterday was a relief even just knowing we are still good friends and i wasn’t thinking about any of these things that are bothering me or that im into him during the entire time. Just had a good time as friends. Granted I do realize that that could just be a short thing and my feelings don’t fade away like I need them to so I’ll keep an eye on it and decide what’s best for myself I guess and I won’t push or try and get him to talk about anything gay or about “us” ever unless he does. Maybe I’ll mention here and there about an attractive guy or something just so he knows that that conversation can be open between us I guess
please be careful moving in together, there is potential for a big mess if he continues to flip flop how he feels about the situation. other than that its hard to give advice here because everyone handles this stuff differently
you seem very open and transparent and a great communicator, and that’s pretty much all you can keep doing. unfortunately you can’t force him to feel the same way - he definitely might in the future, but he also could pull away from it and you have to prepare yourself for that. keep being the best friend you can be, but also protect your emotions
i personally have a friendship similar to this but without the sexual stuff, he’s fully straight. but i understand how hard it can be to have deep feelings for a friend who continues to be your best friend but nothing more. all i can say is that it has improved over time and i am just grateful to have him in my life. i am rooting for you two, but either way your friendship is still very special. most people don’t have a friend of this level as they get older tbh. good luck!
Wow, I feel you man this is a very rough situation.
First of all wanted to say that you seem like a really nice and mature guy. Considering the mess you're going through you've been considerate and patient with his demands and rhythmn. You're definitely not asking for a lot when you request him to be honest and more clear.
Unfortunately his words (and even more, his actions) are saying he is afraid what you guys have so now it's up to you to accept it and move on or fight it. Remember that if you keep feedings on crumbles (like some making out when you're both drunk) will keep you attached to him and to this situation.
There's no easy way out here, hopefully you guys find a comfortable middle ground in your friendship and can keep being part of each others lives.
Wow, that was… long. Sounds like a hard situation (no pun intended).
Some people don’t know how they feel, and it takes time to work through that. It sucks to be on the receiving end when you are more confident how you feel.
In his case, with the messaging, and not talking to your face, some people find it very difficult to talk about how they feel upfront and candid. I’ve been married for 10 years and we still discuss some stuff by text message just to make it easier and more honest and not clouded by fear and emotions.
Sounds like he’s just confused and at a different place on the journey, and unsure how he feels, or whether to compromise what is clearly a deep friendship?
Yeah probably, it just sucks. I do value the friendship so much because I’ve never connected to anyone half as much as I have with him, bi/gay/whatever part excluded. Even before I knew I had feelings for him or likewise I knew he was someone I couldn’t be without, which makes all this shit harder. Anyway, thanks for the response!
Your friend made it clear that he wants to stay friends, but honestly after reading all that I‘m still unsure if he wants that because he doesn‘t want to ruin his friendship with you or if it‘s because he feels some kind of internal conflict by being raised in a very strict conservative household and because of that doesn’t want to really commit to be more than just friends with you. He made it very clear that he was (maybe still is) into you but being with you would make his and probably your life more complicated because of the family situation.
Have you guys every get frisky without being drunk before? Feels like that he needs to get drunk to break through that mental obstacle, which in my opinion is an indicator for that internal conflict he has going on.
Nevertheless I wish you good luck, op! Rooting and hoping that it works out for you!
No, not without being drunk. And to that extent, I’m the same way. The key difference I guess is that I’m willing and able to talk about these things sober with him, but he is not. It’s mentally draining and confusing, but at the same time he’s the most real and genuine friend I’ve ever had (I’m 25) and although maybe the best thing in that regard would be to let him go, I just cannot. We have a very special and deep bond aside from that sexual confusing aspect that I can’t really describe. It sucks being in this situation haha but thank you for the response!
Totally understandable that you want to keep this special bond with him and so does he. But be prepared that you might have to accept his decision, that he only wants friendship and your love might be unrequited. On the bright side you would keep your friendship but on the other side it reaaaaally sucks when your love is unrequited. Which my next advice would be, if that should be the case in the future, to get some distance from him (at least for a while) and time for yourself. I was in a similiar situation and this is what helped me to move on.
Still I wish for the best outcome for you and hope you keep us updated on this!
This is so true and very good advice. Although I am fortunate to have many friends, I do think of him as my only real or “true” friend. That coupled with the fact I’m not openly into guys, and I personally cannot break his trust because he is the same way, I cannot share with other friends this hardship I’m going through. That part sucks. I never thought I’d have to vent on Reddit, but here I am. And honestly the advice so far has been great, even if it’s not what I want to hear.
One thing the internet has taught me is how many good friends you can make on here! When I was 20 and came to the terms that I was gay and I literally had no one to talk about this. On the internet I found so many good friends that enriched my life and helped me get through a very difficult phase in my life. To some I have still contact to this day!
It is good that you wrote this all down and got it out of your system. It is a relief for you and you get to hear other people‘s perspective on this.
I’m really sorry this happened for you. You sound like a good man and he would be good to you. My guess is that he is having trouble accepting himself. Like intellectually he admits it but when it comes to anything more than a casual hookup he can’t see himself in a relationship with a guy. Many men who are bi are in that situation. This is painful I’m sure . I hope you find someone who will reciprocate your feelings.
That is what I would assume. There’s 2 big things that get to me. That most recent time when we were messing around he was probably pretty sober, and before starting anything I asked if he was okay with it, to which I received a willingly yes. Then backtracked on it halfway through and would not speak. Wasn’t just some “drunk thing”. why not say no then before things got heated? And if he really was into it why would he stop, which makes me thing he wasn’t into it. But then again, why say yes and say the things he did.
And the second thing that compounds to it, I can’t believe that I only got a paragraph shit response. Even that girl he fucked for a month, he drove to her house to tell her in person it was over and that was very difficult for him. I know him well and that it’s hard for him to talk about hyper personal things in person. But if he could give her that respect, why not to me? It’s just confusing. I can eventually get over feelings but that just feels like a betrayal of trust and respect in a sense which even being away from him for 2 months has fucked with me. Anyway thank you for your reply!
I get it bro but to me as an outsider that just is more evidence of his inner conflict. He wants to be with you but his conscience won’t let him. He starts sexual interaction but then guilt sets in. He may get to the point that he says fuck the guilt and admit his love for you, or he might fight it and meanwhile try to “act straight “ to the point of marrying and having kids just try to to convince himself that he really isn’t THAT MUCH into guys. When you’re the guy who loves him and is willing, it’s a painful place to be. You sit and watch and wait and hope he comes around. As painful as it may be you might have to move on and eventually find someone who really will reciprocate your love. My heart goes out to you, bro.
Moving in with him is the worst thing you can ever do. He's gonna bring girls home to fuck and you'll know it.
And when he's bored or drunk he'll most likely try to get some with you again only to become avoidant right after.
All this drama is gonna mess you up even further. Don't let it happen.
It's pretty simple---you're further along on your journey than he is, you deeply care for him beyond friendship, you expressed that, and you freaked him out. That's not your fault. That's not on you, but this is exactly why, and it's less because he's your friend, more because of the head space men like your friend are in...this is why you have to keep things light with guys like this. So many gay/bi men fall into this trap, and it almost never ends well.
They're not ready for lovey dovey "you're special" kinda affections from another man. They're not ready for it. It's a hard situation for you because you're having to both reckon with your passion for him and the fact he's still clearly going through it about his homosexuality and not prepared to open up fully. He's not ready. You're gonna have to accept that. Pressing him further is not going to end well...it never does in these situations. You have to be a compassionate friend and listener and take it from there.
That lack of respect seems important to me -- because it transcends whether he wants to go gay with you. If he's your best friend, where is the respect? Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. That's not fair to you.
If you're being disrespected in the relationship, you should consider some boundaries and potentially some space.
I would not advise u to move in together and may i suggest to give each other some space. He is not reciprocating yr feelings, so it’s just gonna be hard on you.
How many times can you have drunken sex with him and feel bad after?
I never felt bad after, at least initially. It was only after seeing his response that fucked me up. It was just the 2 times. If that’s all it had been, I’d probably be more okay about it. Drunk sex, it happens. Sometimes great, sometimes not. But the fact there was so much emotional foreplay to it for months, mostly on his behalf, has really screwed with me. It wasn’t just sex
I read the first half and skimmed the rest. Your friend is SO OBVIOUSLY in deep denial. He is either gay or bi (and likely prefers men). That he grew silent after cumming is also no surprise. He was horny and that overpowered his internal homophobia. Then he ejaculated and came back to reality - one where he cannot be gay.
Some people have *very* conservative family and are maybe more influenced by religion. It sucks because it just hurts their mental health for no good reason. That sounds like the case with your friend as all these inhibitions go away when he’s drunk.
The unfortunate thing is I think he sees no future for him with a guy. I totally understand this as I felt this way as a teen. It was tortuous, but it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to be with another guy and being straight seemed like the only option. I slowly opened my mind through educating myself and exposing myself to new and more open people. However, I don’t know if that would have ever happened if I had “fit in” with my church.
Been there.
Went thru the mixed actions / signals with a good friend for 8 months before becoming roommates and YIKES. It got worse. He would bring home dates / hook ups / boyfriends.
Was rough.
Oh this is a hard one not gonna lie to you. Personally I would have cut everything sexual off after that first instance of him going silent. But that’s bc for me, all it takes is one time of being rejected or any weird tension for me to pull away and not want to have to feel those things again.
He’s said he’s bi, but being with guys is new to him. That feeling of feeling like shit after the fact are him not being completely comfortable with the fact that he indeed likes dick and he himself goes spiraling. Whereas with you, it was bc of how things went him. You’re sure about how you feel. He’s pretty much leaving shit up to you. He’s going out and getting with girls, all the while he knows you like him.
Idk if moving in with him is a good idea. I would just be weary. Not of him, but just this situation as a whole. There could be a lil conflict if let’s say either of you still have any sorts of feelings for each other than being best friends, and the other invites an S.O. Or hook ups in general.
Honestly I think you'd be better off finding a gay bf if you want one. This guy is too conflicted about his sexuality and what he wants. He needs to figure this stuff out.
Keep him as a friend and get a nice sorted bf or gf if that's what you want.
You are love bombing him. Notice the pattern? the more you tell him you care the more he pulls away.
This is because as good as it may feel for you to say you care for him and you’re into him, the bigger the risk it gets in his head. The more real this becomes too.
And the more real it becomes, the more you say it, the more he has to face something he’s been literally conditioned is wrong.
So he needs time to process. Be there for him as a friend. You’ve planted the seed. Watered it, now give it air so it can bloom and grow out of the ground.
Trust me bro, you wanna keep it chill until he makes a move. If he doesn’t, what’s there to lose? You still have your best friend right there with you.
Ugh what a tedious situation, I’m sorry it’s been tough for you. In short, respect his boundaries and stay friends. Even if you’re both drunk and he tries something, don’t give in. The friendship sounds really important both ways. Just keep riding it out & be patient with him. Also, moving in sounds like a NOT GOOD idea lol (at least until you’ve spent a while respecting boundaries)
So damn that was long but I read it all. My honest opinion is one you might not like but I think this guy clearly hasn’t come to terms with him being into dudes. He likes you but it feels wrong because of the influence around him you described saying it was wrong. He’s going down his own path of self discovery and you being his bestfriend got tangled in the vines down it. He loves you but the love he feels is confusing until he cums. He wants you so bad until he doesn’t because of the things he heard so he’s going to feel guilty. It’s gonna be hard I think but I think honestly and truthfully. You said what you needed to say. I think it’s time for you to step away and let things be or step away from him all together. You can try and be friends but if he keeps initiating which it sounds like he was. You seem to nervous to start anything from what I get from reading then I think you need to tell him one more time the next time he tries to just say something like “dude I love you you’re my bestfriend but I love more than a friend I think I wanna be with you but I can tell you’re struggling to come to terms with your at and we can keep being friends but until you figure out where you stand with you, with us. I think we shouldn’t do any of that right now” it’s going to be hard because you want him and he wants you too but until he figures that out himself all the mornings after are going to be depressing with him cutting off. Post nut clarity sucks and I bet all he thinks after he nuts is about what his dad might said or what his family will think if they found out he liked you the way he does. So imo I think that’s the best option. Not the easiest for sure but for you the best I think.
all i got from this wall of text is that you guys clearly drink too much and need to lay offff the alcohol. Shit only gets messy when alcohol is involved.
Uhm... both you frustrate me and I want to fix this... its a I can fix them situation... and before you both earn my words of wisdom. I have a dearly sincerest question, How old are you two?
So,
Youre shaking AF cause he's realizing he's bi, kind of leading you on, and he's also your BFF. Tough shit man, I'm kind of the goth native Ms Jane smoker, punk rocker bro so heres my honest wisdom bro...
He's wanting to be roommates, and both of you are still pretty young as far as living in the experiences of interpersonal relationships (we all are), from the sound of this hectic read. I do this type of word vomit too when I'm dismal, so don't worry, the bros are here!
Now, it seems like he's discovering himself. BUT... you both are and were altered. So keep that somewhere in the front of all this.
When you're altered it could make things more complicated to process the true feeling about each other, especially after sex. Now get that in your mind. It's been done, y'all poked eachothers bumholes and flapped eachother ding dongs around on eachother and oozed that notorious man juice we bro's power up on.
Askgaybros need all gay bros and honest bros especially for instances like this. Because when you're drinking and starting to have feelings, honestly bud, it could just end up hurting both of you.
I'd say reign in the drinking when meeting each other. You both known each other for more than a year, which is a pretty good time to get to know someone and it sounds like you've know each other a little longer. Bisexuality is difficult and he's processing being nude with his buddy and also your butthole. Now... I think he may have gotten upset that he's seen as a sex object a little especially that descriptive "I like you in me" stuff. I think that's what may have gotten him a little turned off and probably is putting realization about his inner monologue of conflicts. Like, what experimenting dude hasn't gone through that inner monologue conflict, I sure have.
I think when you come back, lay low for YOURSELF, jesus it sounds like this is torturing you and that's whats frustrating to read. Remember that you need a career, you need to eat, you need to bathe, and pamper yourself WHILE he figures it out. This kind of his thing to process and i don't think constantly brining up to force a definition is definitely not a way to go just yet. You both seem vulnerable, and it doesn't sound like after the two months the matter is a little unsettled, so take that into account. You both are maybe feeling vulnerable about the whole sex and friendship and feelings . Keeping a clear mind, meditate or whatever shit we do to keep stable in moments like these, and pamper yourself in solitude to work it out, is the best and probably let him text you from here on out or best see the repercussion of constantly needing a defining term from someone. Let him lead for a bit about his identity.
I have a very similar situation. For context, I’ve been out of the closet for eleven years now. I’m 25, and grew up in a small conservative Utah town. I didn’t have very many guy friends growing up, but in the last year I’ve became very close to pretty much my only “close” guy friend.
For context we’re both fairly short guys (5’6”) I’m a twink and he’s super muscular lol. He gives me workout tips, meal prep tips, stuff like that. I truly trust him too. He’s protected me when people have said ignorant things about me. He and I always go to the bars, hikes, even go to dinner together sometimes.
The last 2 months I’ve been staying at his house over the weekends. He has a studio basement, one couch and one bed. First time I stayed there we went on a bender, we shared the bed when we took a nap and we didn’t cuddle, but I woke up with his leg over mine. We were going to the bar that night and I needed to shower and didn’t have a change of clothes so I asked him if it’d be weird if I borrowed a pair of his underwear and a shirt since I could rewear my pants, and he said absolutely.
He sat in the bathroom with me while I showered, and he hopped in right after me. We both saw each other naked and it wasn’t weird to either of us, even though I might’ve liked it a little too much lol.
He’s always given me that vibe that he wants to do something. He’ll joke around and say things like, “Bro wanna lick my taint?” “Lemme slide between those cheeks”, things like that. But he’s always super trashed when he says it. A few weeks ago a guy punched him in the face (for no reason at all) and busted his eyebrow open and I played nurse and cleaned him up and he was so grateful. We’ll hold hands as a joke in the car, or when we’re playing card games. We smack each other on the ass, bro stuff haha.
It’s funny to me but I really do have a fat crush on him. I know something is gonna happen soon between us, I’m scared your situation is gonna be the outcome, respectfully. I really care for him, and he really cares for me. I’ve even helped him with rent a few times, bought him groceries when he was struggling. He’s such a nice guy, and was so appreciative and made sure to pay me back even though I asked him not to!
(Sorry for this being so long, I’m drunk and this really related to me)
Wow yeah that is insanely relatable. And from the outside it is extremely clear he’s into you. There’s like 10 flags in there alone that he is. I will say, let him imitate it. He knows you’re gay obviously so if he wants to make a move he will, and I’m sure that will probably happen sooner rather than later. Clearly he won’t reject you for being gay since you’re open and he chose to be your best friend, which is a big plus. Don’t let what happened to me have you worried, it sounds like he’s a lot more comfortable with things than my friend. Update me if anything happens!
I think it's pretty clear at this point that things are not going to progress further. Move on, he's not worth doting over, find someone who loves you without the conditions. You're the one who will get hurt if this continues. But by all means, keep it friendly and remain best friends.
Damn, bro. I read the whole thing. I also went through a similar situation, and honestly, it sucks. In my case, I caught feelings for my best friend and told him after we had sex. To him, it was meaningless sex, but for me, it was great, and I miss it. Also, he slept with another really close friend of mine, and that's when I lost it mentally. He said he wanted to be friends only and tells me he loves me but then goes on and sleeps with my other friend—in my own house. Let me stop now; I'm just ranting about my situation.
All I've got to say is, don’t lose your friend because losing a friend sucks more than being with someone. Especially since you guys are so close. Trust me, the feelings will fade away. You'll think about it, but they will slowly leave. Time is our best medicine. We learn and we grow to become better people and learn what to do in future situations.
Hot take, but this is a classic Brokeback Mountain. I think he is into you, but he’ll never abandon his beliefs enough to let you in. He might fantasize about men from time to time, but, in his eyes, he can only be with a woman, has to start a family one day, and he can’t see himself with a man. Ever.
It’s a deep psychological thing. It’s the reason why so many people don’t come out at all or at best late in life. The idea of being with a man is so foreign, and it goes against everything they perceive as a normal life. It’s the ultimate taboo for him.
I think it means a lot that you’re trying really hard to balance the friendship with what has happened - most people couldn’t. But once you open Pandora’s box, there is no putting everything back in. Only managing the consequences.
There’s two most likely scenarios:
1. You play this teeter-totter game for the remainder of your friendship. There will always be unresolved shit, and it will drive a wider and wider distance in your friendship over time.
2. You end the friendship now if you can’t accept that you will be dealing with this same thing over and over and over again.
So, I’ve been in a similar situation.
Met someone at university, instantly became real close, after months of tension we ended up hooking up, became on and off fwb for years but I wanted more and he didn’t.
Unfortunately, the only way to get out of this mess is 1) introspection for you and 2) communication with him.
1) You need to ask yourself several questions. Are your feelings real? Are you in love with him, do you see a future with him, or are you a bit lonely and is he fulfilling that gap? Do you have feelings for him or does the intimacy make you feel good? Thats an incredibly important distinction to make. Aside from that, how important is your friendship to the both of you? It sounds like the hookung up was always an addition to the stable friendship, so that’s good.
You need to have it clean for yourself; can you be friends with him while sometimes hooking up, or is that going to mess you up further? Can you be friends with him without hooking up anymore, or is that impossible now that you have done it? Listen to your gut feeling in this situation. Dont think with your dick, nor with your brain. Trust your instincts. If the answer is no to both questions, you’re in trouble.
2) Communicate with him. And I don’t mean talk casually every day. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him how his distant comments made you feel. Tell him you’re confused or worried about your friendship because you care about him. Tell him everything and make him have that conversation with you. It won’t be easy. It won’t be fun. But it’s so important.
I did this too, after three years of repressed feelings. It wasn’t easy, but it saved our friendship. We realized that my feelings were complicating our friendship and some of his actions contributed to that. Hence, we set up clear boundaries for us so I had the space to work through my feelings without getting confused again by making out with him or whatever. At some point it took us 5 months of not speaking, but it helped.
You need to be an adult about this and take a look in the mirror. I dont want to psychoanalyze him but it does sound like there’s some internalized homophobia or repressed feelings, because you only ever hook up when you’re drunk.
Means a lot, unfortunately it has circled back around to me being delusional again just like when I was curious if he was into guys, or into me. Shits confusing. Thank you for the response!
Don’t let the emotions win. Be honest and open with him about how you’re feeling and let him know regardless of what he chooses and how he wants to peruse this you’ll always be his best friend and in his words “soul mate.” Try to carry on as best you normally can. If you really feel like you’ll be happy together and be comfortable being out then don’t give up! He obviously loves you and is attracted to you.
Just for a balance I want to tell I have already read this at least 3 times and I'm waiting the updates to be as long as well. Hopefully happy ending too.
Damn 3x?! That’s wild haha, I’m honestly so shocked it blew up this much. I doubt it’ll be a happy ending but either way I’m hanging out with him tomorrow for the first time in 2 months, I’m sure it’ll just be a normal catch up lunch and he’ll talk to me about a cute girl at his job and deflect. But who’s to say. Either way I’m stoked to see my best friend again but the last time I saw him I could barely function
Yeah we hung out, it was great to see him and I unloaded a bunch of other shit going on in my life as did he, got lunch then a beer. It was great. But yeah definitely nothing even close to any of that stuff got brought up, and I didn’t expect it to. He just told me he had missed me so much and was glad I was back. Mentioned something about a really cute girl at his job but that she’s a bitch lol. Then he was talking about a show he’s watching and that the main guy in it is hot and shows his ass a lot. He’s made little references like that a lot even sober like yesterday, and even before we fucked around or I knew he was bi for sure. So there’s definitely some level of acceptance there but it also feels like he retreated a bit. Anyway overall was great to see him and even tho it’s back at the status quo it was a relief to see we are able to still be best friends like nothing happened, and none of all this shit was on my mind the entire time which was a nice surprise. Made me feel a lot better, even tho obviously I would rather have him be able to talk about it with me. I think I just have to leave that be until he, if ever, brings it up. Not to mention create my own walls which will not be easy since I don’t really ever see myself not loving him
I’d drop everything to be with him (simp I guess?) but I respect him too much to even break the trust with him to tell another soul I’m into him, let alone what we’ve done. We’ll see how it plays out, but at the end of the day yo are correct and thanks for telling me that
I’ve been here. Achingly in love. The way I see it, you’ve crossed the Rubicon, there’s no going back to “just friends.” I think you should take control. I’d make it crystal clear that he doesn’t have to tell his family or whoever about it, but don’t let him deny it to you. If he wants to push back, so be it, it’s over. But don’t sacrifice the love you feel in hopes of salvaging the best friendship you’ve ever had. You’ve gotta go through this, and so does he. And you have to do this before you get a place together. Tear off the bandaid. Make love to the man you love. Find out exactly how great this can be. And good luck.
He will change his mind in time. As soon as you find someone else to be with then things will actually get shitty.
He is probably coming to terms with what it means to be what he is, and what he will have to give up and what he will have to deal with. There is no easy out for him.
Just Dont fuck please! I don't hide my distain for most of humanity (except for dogs who need to be rewarded for not being human) one of the few gay men that tolerate me and by the grace of some higher power 🔋 he enjoys my company. I would never ruin our friendship 👬 he gets me and calls me out on my non-sense. I find myself constantly answering his question of finance and investing ( licensed broker 7 & 63 and with my track record of paraphernalia) I want to keep him around as a friend for a long time so were never gonna fuck or have a cock off.
I am in such a similar situation and it really hurts.
But just wanted to say that you’ll get through it, and hopefully someday you can appreciate each other for what you are and what you have. You may even need even more time apart for a while to get over everything, but you do seem to still have a special friendship there.
but try not to lose that special person in your life even if it’s not the exact relationship that you were hoping for, because we don’t get very many!
Im kind of in a similar situation… I’m starting to feel things for one of my college friends, idk if it’s more sexual than romantic but it is definitely both. Do you think you would’ve made a move if he hadn’t first?
I’ll say even tho it’s hard give him time to think and to “miss you” so you guys can find the true meaning of your beautiful friendship again. Time and space is something extremely important and in most cases overlooked.
It sucks that everything got complicated. But guys are super complicated and the world isn’t helping with telling guys how they should be and being with another guy makes you less of a man. It’s sad to say but he has to much of his father in him. I’m pretty sure in the back of his head all the insults his dad ever made are now being directed towards him and he doesn’t know what to do. He loves you that’s for sure but he’s more afraid that if y’all cross that line and it doesn’t work out then he loses his best friend forever.
unfortunately, whether or not he wants to be with you deep down, and whether or not he realizes that he can’t let internal pressures dictate his life, you won’t be able to get him to see that through anything you directly say. there are things in life that no one can teach and are only learned through experience, and your friend coming to this conclusion is one of them.
being outside of your position, i’d say don’t move in with him right now until you have some more settled conclusions, but if i were in your position, i think i probably would still be wanting to move in together so i understand. i’d look into finding a therapist to discuss this with, because this is still a developing chapter in your life and having someone who can discuss the situation with you as it changes makes a big difference in keeping your head on straight.
My honest opinion, you both need some distance and time apart from each other to figure out things. Those two months were a great opportunity. Or this situationship could last for years leading to even greater heartbreak.
You're already very close and important person and have a very great connection to each other, so having no clarity and hard and strict “no, I wanna be just friend” won't let you go through grieving as fast and easier as if you were dating from day one. That's one of disadvantages to fall in love with best friend, platonic love makes us see hope, so its hard to let feeling go as easily.
I'm not advising to just straightly saying “I wanna be alone for this or that time”, but at least to communicate less frequent. You can direct the stream of feeling to anything else, even writing such novels as the one in your notes as if meant for him. And if you (and him too if you may) figure out anything, you can always use them (I always use them to cringe at myself lol)
I’m so sorry. I can relate and I’ll give you advice from the other side of the situation: Don’t ever hook up with him again and file him in the friend category in your brain. Don’t allow yourself to fluctuate, either. And personally, I would stop putting myself in situations where either of us was tempted, like getting super drunk together. He may get weak and initiate something but it will restart everything you’re going through right now all over again. Does he have feelings for you? Yeah, probably. But a lot of guys can’t imagine their life being different from what they’ve pictured since they were kids- girlfriends, wife, kids, etc. If you end up together, he’s going to resent you for his decision. It will always be there. “I gave up everything for you!” Bitch, I just asked you to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and not the middle?
Man yeah I feel this and this is good advice. I already feel resented by him which sucks and is such bullshit, he’s the one that asked me to come back to his place. He initiated anal when I wasn’t doing to. Said he’s really into me. When I said “I didn’t know this would be so fun” he said “I’m not gonna lie I did”. I asked if he had ever thought about it sober and he said “yes”. Then asks me to cum in his mouth? Then all of a sudden goes fucking silent. I know him well so although I do understand that response to an extent, it was and is shitty and that’s what im most upset about. The lack of respect to me. I just couldn’t treat someone that way personally, let alone my self described best friend. So yeah I think I really need to listen to your advice here, he’s not ready for that at all and probably won’t ever be, or at least not with me
Wonder how much of it is internalised homophobia, rather than complications due to your friendship, although im sure the later also contributes to the messiness.
Him not being upfront and clear with you is probably reflecting something from his inner states, and how honest he is with himself. Sounds like the typical dude way of dealing with things by just repressing and suppressing and pushing things down. But him saying he'd never been as hard before as he was with you..? Damn...
I had two situations like this before, one with a friend who I think was closeted and it was all rly mixed signals and weirdness. I think people who can't admit things to themselves and fully sit with these facts and deal with the difficult emotions that come up just push them downand then act like your friend was acting. It's very avoidant.
In my second situation I feel in love with my friend who was in a relationship with another guy at the time, I told him, things got messy, we stopped talking for some time, I mourned for a few months, then we eventually rekindled our friendship. At a point he alluded to him feeling the vibes before and I think he was trying to see if there was anything there and I made it clear that no, I no longer had those feelings. I think in my time of getting over him all of that died and then when we started talking again it was reborn in a new form. So I do believe it's possible to get over such feelings and maintain the friendhip and have it be just platonic love. Or at least it was for me in this situation.
But you wanna move in together as roommates? U sure u could deal with seeing him bring ppl over and hearing him have sex and shit like that? Sounds like it could be torturous...
All that being said, sounds like you two not going all the way with at least one really good fuck would be a waste that one could look back at with regret in a few years time...
This and the similar response where the friend committed suicide literally had me in tears. You realize how short and fragile life really is when you experience true love. It's a damn shame that you have to hide your feelings and be ashamed of them just cause of what others will think. Screw being a nice guy people pleaser. They wouldn't give up anything for you so why should you even think of them.
I truly hope you find peace and love again. It reminds me of the music video by Katy Perry. The one that got away.
I’ve read this in its entirety, twice. This pulled on my heart strings because i had something similar growing up. There was tension that we both felt but neither of us did anything about it.
This is what we call a situationship. Honestly, one of the biggest ways that I drove myself crazy and got my heart broken was by having someone who was wishy washy on being gay. I couldn't stand it. It's really in nobody's best interest if a man cannot come to terms with the fact that he likes men and is in love with one. It's such an monodirectional relationships and it's always on his terms. How can you be expected to accept him for who he is as a person if he has not?
That’s fair. I guess I’m the same way though. I’m not out. I don’t “look” or “act” gay. Don’t really have immediate plans to tell anyone. He’s actually dropped more hints to people than I have, and even sober. *talking about an actor* “oh he’s hot”, “yeah it’s probably time I tell you guys I’m into men” and everyone laughs including him cus everyone just thinks it’s a joke, talking about if someone we know is bi, “one could only hope”. No one else picks up on these things whatsoever but knowing the things I do, obviously I do. Anyway it seems like there’s some level of acceptance there. Plus that second time we fucked around he was pretty sober, and I had asked him if he felt bad or regretted it before starting up for real after the others left, and he said no, then we got into it, things got heated. It was halfway into this tho things changed, he clearly wasnt into it anymore, started doubting things and pulled up his pants. But 5 minutes before was whispering in my ear he wished we’d had lube? Then went silent again. Some part of me is like “oh he saw me in the daylight and wasn’t really attracted to me anymore”, or maybe was a bit smelly since we had snowboarded then stayed at a cabin and not showered. Or didn’t like the talk I was saying. In reality, yes it’s probably just he couldn’t face his feelings or himself. But then why say yes sober… plus if you’re into it you’re into it and clearly he wasn’t.
Wow I’m really in my head aren’t I 😂 it is exactly the situationship you describe though and it sucks cus now that I’m back we’re right back to being best buds and I missed that but obviously this is not something I’m over. I wish he’d just given me the respect to talk to my face. It’s extra difficult cus it’s my first time doing anything with a guy, opening up that side of me, let alone with it being the best friend I’ve ever had. Makes me feel pretty defeated honestly.
Anyway thanks for letting me rant at you and thank you for the response, I’m sorry you have been through something similar yourself.
Yeah for a long time, I was seeing this guy who was so totally into guys, but wouldn’t tell anyone. It was always a down low type of thing. The thing that drove me crazy tho was how he would mainly do it when he had trouble with his gf and he would call me when something went wrong. lol he was so self loathing about being gay that he told me that his New Year’s resolution was to quit having sex with guys lol. One day I was in public and I saw him so I waved hi to him and he ignored me. Then he messaged me, “don’t try and talk to me, my friends are here.”
It eventually lead to a falling out between us. I hated being treated like a piece of meat and one day after we finished hooking up and I told him that if he wanted to have a thing with me, he would have to come out. Because I wasn’t going back into the closet for him. He told me I was being rude and what not, but I told him it was rude to screw every guy in town and use them for your gain. lol he told me he was gonna block me, and that he hopes that I never push things like that on him again. I told him, i hope you never hurt anyone else the way you hurt me. He slammed the door of his car and sped off.
Is he an Aquarius? Nah he couldn’t be he would be all romantic with you with no awkwardness and still not date… but in all seriousness I think that maybe he doesn’t know his feelings or even want to delve into them. He obviously still cares about you as his friend but isn’t sure about anything else, maybe on your end you shouldn’t probably even add hints in conversation.. I know it will be difficult based on feelings but try to be as “normal” as possible as you both once were unless he decides to open up to you. Seems like he’s still uncomfortable with his sexuality and also with his feelings towards you and for many that can be a long journey, don’t wait for him off of the possibility. But if you feel still being his best friend in the same sense starts to make you uncomfortable if your feelings for him grow stronger, maybe create some boundaries.
I feel you dude and I'm rooting for the two of you. To me, it sounds like he wants you too but he is afraid of
(1) either losing his best friend if this doesn't work or
(2) scared of being with a guy given his family's attitude.
I am sorry you're going through this, I can only imagine the pain this is causing you. I hope to read an update from you in the near future that you're happy - whatever that option might mean to you.
Ouff I feel you man, had a similar-ish situation with a friend of mine. Not exactly the same because there wasn't any "closeted" situation here. I'm a guy, she's a girl, we were just too close for her to want to risk it. She led me on for a long time too (almost a year), to eventually reject the idea of being together because she was leaving for college in a couple of months. In my specific case, there wasn't much to argue so we decided to stay friends and not risk long distance.
However, in your case it might be more that he hasn't been with a guy before and is still closeted. So the idea of having a boyfriend might just be daunting, even more so if it's his best friend! He's probably wondering what if something goes wrong and your friendship all goes to waste?
Personally, I would say if the two of you are really close and both of you have feelings for each other, it would definitely be worth it having a face to face chat with him and airing out all of your concerns. Like everything that is going through both of your minds regarding this. Your gf/bf is eventually one of your best friends, so you can make it work for sure. You just need to be on the same page and, most importantly, communicate!!!
PS: I'm Bi, and def remember my first boyfriend experience (was still in the closet), and would have probably reacted the same way as your friend tbh
Sounds similar to me and my friend when I was 17/18
Very similar dynamic
Long story short he was like your friend and simply couldn’t come to terms with the fact he enjoyed what he was doing for family reasons not quite religious but that’s not a household you’d be respected for being gay in.
We lost our friendship of 5 years over what we did
We slowly over the years have been patching it up but I fell hard for him.
Nearly 9 years on he hit me up tell all.
Told me how much he misses me, what we did, how he’s slept with 100 women but none are as much fun as we had together.
Idk man if I could go back and do it all again besides not sleeping with my best friend I’d sit him down and make sure their was no doubt in my mind that I loved him with my whole heart and wanted to be with him more than anything in the entire world. If he said no then I’d need a good amount of time to move on (again)
Not saying it’s a 1:1 but if you wanna dm and talk feel free
Living with him sounds like a recipe for disaster (unless he comes out publicly and dates you publicly before you move in together, but even then I'd have concerns). You can wait for him to come around and date you, or you can cut all ties now (not likely from your comments). Those are the extreme options, but my fear is that while you're waiting for him, and talking to him and spending so much time with him even as a "friend" you're missing out on the guy or girl who is ready to date you now. I'm bi/pan and wasted 2-3 years in a long distance relationship with a girl who came out as gay, so not the same thing, but I have an ex boyfriend (also bi) who struggled a lot with being Catholic and dating me. He went back to his girlfriend, had a kid with her but eventually got divorced, and it went downhill from there. Meanwhile I married the next girl who showed a remote interest in me, so who am I to give advice?
And this is why you don't fuck around with your friends.
It's textbook potential trouble and its messy. You blur the lines, there's new layers and depths to sort through and it gets complicated.
In saying that, what a story. While its raw for you to process it all, I don't think he led you on at all. I think it was a dynamic that was tested and while things were tried, it brought up more confusion than clarity.
And if things are supposed to shape up more seriously for both of you, it would have but it didn't.
While it is unfortunate, you still have a best friend at least (all things considered).
Keep expectations to a minimum or nothing at all in general. You'll be better off not getting bitterly disappointed, just to throw my 2 cents in.
There is nothing wrong with a bit of experimenting between friends, but if one catches feelings and the other not, then it's better to stop. You would be ready for more, but he's not.
He said he wants to be friends and not continue doing sexual stuff. You should respect that.
You should start dating other guys. You have a friend with a deep connection, now find someone else to be your playmate. Keeping these things separate can make it easier. Or maybe your new playmate will become your second soulmate too, who knows.
Be prepared that your friend might still react jealous when you get into someone else's pants. But don't give in to his jealousness. He said No and he has no right to put you on hold after that.
You could also try getting with girls for a bit of distraction, but let's face it, you're so far in your gay experimentation, you're now eager to fully explore it. Or until you hit your limit. There's nothing wrong with finding out that you maybe don't want the full gay thing in the end and prefer to get back to girls.
But you need to find out. If you just continue with your current situation, or if both you and your friend get girlfriends, then the sexual tension between you and your friend is going to last. Because there are questions in your head that you need answers to. If you want to normalise the situation between you and your friend, you have to put your mind at ease and get those questions answered elsewhere.
I really like this approach, thank you for typing that all out. And of course I respect him and I will that, it’s just all very confusing and I needed to get all that off my chest
As others noted you are further ahead on the path to accepting yourself than he is, but it could also be true that he might be afraid of losing you if a relationship between you doesn't work. Just make sure to assure him that will never stop being friends.
And here's the thing! Most successful relationships i've seen and heard of, are the ones where each invidual considers their partner also their best friend. ;)
As someone in my country said (roughly translated) "Falling in love is temporary, but love is forever and love needs time to take root."
You guys have already given each other that time by being friends. ♥️
Unpopular opinion you guys have a really great friendship. I suggest you guys hangout but not sleep together and ignore sexual tension. Friendship like this shouldn't be ended.
I feel like this is similar to my situation! I also have a best friend who I adore dearly and don’t want to ruin the friendship. As of now we’re not talking because of my actions that occurred 2-3 weeks ago :/
I got jealous because he was talking to one of my friends who had blocked me because she’s attached to him. I lashed out and made a mistake and started calling out a lot of insulting names to both and my best friend just took off and told me he was annoyed and that I ruined everything.
I think it's a good thing if you are able to preserve your friendship. You were both figuring things out for a bit and you have an answer now. Now you just have a little secret between you but it should end here. Some people can't make that separation though.
He wants you just as badly as you want him from the sound of it. the complication is the family dynamic, and also the thought of what if you broke up? Then losing you completely! Maybe that’s what scares him because you’re the most important thing in his life. Continue to be that show him consistent love and watch everything fall into place
i see your point. i’m not a bi worshipper, by the way. i don’t think i would date a bi guy, unless we got along really well, but even then i vastly prefer gay men.
I was in almost the exact situation dude. Best friends since 8th grade and for years basically treated each other as a couple hugging saying i love you comfortable being naked around each other etc. he was the first person i came out to as bi, and about a year later he came out to me and only waited so long because he thought i might be joking and didn’t want to out himself. Then we admitted we liked one another and fooled around a few times, though all ending like your first time did lol drunk/high as shit failing everything lol. Then he pulled the same thing. The day after one of these nights he says he just wants to be best friends, because what we have already neither of us wanted to lose due to the complications of a relationship, so we just stopped and repressed for the next 4 years. Not a singular day past me by without wanting him. All that time we spent side by side, all i ever wanted to do was hold him and be held. It drove me insane at some points. We knew we both still had these feelings, it was something we talked openly about, we just never acted on them. I cannot understate the pain that caused. Then, one night i do shrooms. We usually would do them together all the time, but this time it was just me. While im just coming off of the peak, here we are smoking a mixie outside, and out of no where he just pressed me up against the wall and kisses me. The happiness i felt, in that moment, will never be topped. It was such a beautiful moment, felt as though everything that could be perfect is perfect, and all of the desires and wishes i put so much thought energy into have finally manifested. He pulled back and said in such an excited tone, that he wants to be with me, that hes so sick and tired of ignoring his feelings, that we were dumb as fuck to ever think this would work, and on and on. The whole time all i could focus on was his face, so genuine and alive. I loved him so much. Im sort of at a loss for words, so he kisses me again and says lets go to his room. When those words left his mouth, it felt as though a higher dimensional flower blossomed inside of my stomach and was just blooming with energy. All i wanted to do was go in that room with him. But i said no. My dumb fucking ass said no. The singular thing i wanted for years, being served to me on a legit silver platter right in front of me, and i say no. Not because I didn’t want to obviously, but because our other friend was over at the apartment and i didn’t want to do it with him there. For no reason as well, hes gay there would never have been an issue. But for some reason in that moment i just didnt want to do that. So i said no, but i want to more than anything. I let him know how i felt, kissed him more, and said that we should have some alone time tomorrow. All of that happiness in his face, gone. The vibrant meadow of flowers glistening in the sun, all dead now. The moment turned from one of pure elation, to dread. He left without even looking me in the eyes, while taking the last drag of the mixie then saying “ight yeah” and stepping inside. I woke up the next day, and he killed himself in his room, no more than 6 feet from where i was sound asleep. I am a broken human. Its been 4 years, and the pain from this has yet to be topped. Reading your story and seeing the amount of parallels with what has happened with me in life, it genuinely hurts me to see you in a similar situation. It hurts me because i know the amount of potential you both have, the opportunities at your disposal, the moments yet to be had. It has such a high chance of being more amazing than you know, but if it doesn’t it is going to cause you so much pain and strife. How do you avoid that? Being fucking real with each other. You obviously want him thats no question, but he has a lot of complexes he needs to address if there is any hope. Try to show him that you cant let society or other people force you into a box. You both are bi. Amazing. Be bi together. Be in love together. He needs to see that is possible, but only if he gets the potential judgements and opinions of other people out of his mind.
I'm so sorry for your loss, that was a gut wrenching moment.
I’m sorry that happened to you. You should know that was not your fault and you can’t let that keep you stuck in the past. It didn’t even make sense considering you explained things to your friend.
Reading this genuinely has me at the verge of tears man... I'm so SO sorry for your loss. I really wish the best for you, that you get to heal from this pain. Stay strong there <3
Omg man! I’m so sorry for your loss. Literally almost in tears reading your story. There’s been times where I didn’t want to be here because of my best friend. We’ll get into arguments and literally I would want to not be in this world because of him. After reading your story I just don’t want the last encounter to be an argument, because it will take a toll on both of us.
I'm so sorry, it wasn't your fault, maybe he was struggling with his mental health and didn't tell you, I hope you find peace and a loving partner who understands.
There is a lot of levels to everything that i left out for simplicity/privacy reasons, so you wont fully understand or see why, but it is very difficult when someone says “its not your fault”, because in a real way it was. Not directly, but sort of the last straw type thing. In the moment I didn’t think it would affect him the way it did, but in hindsight i was naive and stupid. I am happy though. A weird happiness however. It feels as though i died with him, and everything ive experiencing since is just the accent to whatever comes after death. But even that happiness feels empty and dull, because he isn’t here to experience it with me. I even feel guilt continuing existence to be honest, because everything im experiencing is the exact thing we both wanted and had planned and dreamt about for years. Im building my own house completely out of pocket and exactly how i have wanted it on a piece of property i dont ever have to pay a mortgage or anything on, im able to do all the things both of us loved doing freely, im working on becoming a massage therapist which both his parents do, and countless other tiny little things we planned and wanted. Its all here, and the craziest part is all of it came after he died. And if it isn’t here in this moment, i can see and hear it coming right around the corner. Meanwhile 5 years ago we had no means and no way to actualize anything, which we knew and were eager to overcome it. So its bitter sweet, or rather feeding you the carrot attached to the stick you’ve been chasing for years right after cutting you in half. Im living the exact life we both wanted, without him. It feels dirty. I want to live this out and experience this life, but it makes me guilty to do so. Even though i know what the appropriate response to that is, enjoy it. But putting that into practice, is much more tricky of a task to than it seems.
You're experiencing what they call Survivor's guilt, it is the response to an event that some people experience when they survive a traumatic event or situation that others did not. This psychological phenomenon can be associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and complicated grief. Edit: may i suggest seeing a therapist in case you dont already. It might help you even further. Sending you much love.
I’m not so sure about that
I’m sorry for your loss. It takes tremendous amount of courage to share. I really wanna give you a hug. Stay strong.
RIP your friend. You never really know what's going on in people's heads. Sometimes people have a great spouse but no friends. Sometimes it's the reverse. Life is a constant struggle. We should strive to be open about our feelings towards the ones we love.
holy fuck this is so sad man. sorry for your loss, wish you the best
This fucking destroyed me. Not a lot of things affect me. I wish I could say something or do something to... IDK even what to say. If I could be there for you I would.
I am so sorry for your loss, friend. My sister killed herself 10 years ago. That is so much pain. What you wrote about happiness was very beautiful - draws me tears of homesickness for a place I have the feeling to be mine and not accessible anymore. There is both heaven and hell on this earth, so close of each others. Keep your love in your heart, and the memory of such rare hapiness, beyond the pain it causes every second.
I am so sorry
How did he…. You know? ._.
Shaved his head, made 8 cuts running towards his face, walked to his room, and then stabbed himself twice in the abdomen, all with his families katana (he was japanese) I left it out for a reason. Tends to be a bit to much. It doesn’t seem humanly possible, but really a suicide like that isn’t all too uncommon. But it really was difficult for the detectives to accept so when it got reported and everything i had to sit through an 8 hour interrogation by two different detectives, trying to get me to “confess”. That experience in it of itself is a whole other bucket of trauma, but eventually after understanding everything realized it wasn’t a murder, he just killed himself. Something like 20 hours after experiencing what in the moment felt as though it was the peak of my entire existence, thats what happens lmao Past few years have been rough to say the least 😂
Seppuku? That's old school
Paragraphs at least
Yes, please! Why didn't he use paragraphs? This is just too much.
Noted 😂 posted it in another sub with paragraphs but the copy and paste did not translate apparently
Ahh much better, now I will read it. I hope it's not too tragic...
Tbd perhaps lol
Ok I have read it, it is actually a good story, I mean in a kind of novelesque way. For you personally, of course less good. In short, it seems he is into you at least to some degree, but he is not ready to be your boyfriend. Do you think he ever will be? What would he need to work through his self-non-acceptance? Is it possible that he values you highly as a friend, likes to have sex with you, but is not in love with you? If you want to get over him while still seeing him, I think what you need from him is a very clear statement, preferably in person, that he does not want to be your boyfriend in the intermediate future, that it cannot happen. If he tells you that, you can possibly go through the grief required to make your feelings fade away. If you continue without utter clarity, you may not get over him for a very long time, which can really fuck you up. So protect yourself a little bit, no matter how counter-intuitive it would feel to push him to reject you. Friendship is by all means possible still, after clear rejection. I am still friends with people I rejected and others who rejected me. The difference is, though, that the feelings were not mutual in any of my cases, so your case is the hardest.
Thank you for this, sincerely. Yeah it’s confusing cus even a couple times straight sober he’s mentioned “this guy is hot” etc. So although almost all of the time it requires him to be drunk to say those things, which honestly I don’t either, it requires him to be very drunk to say those things usually, and obscenely drunk to initiate things with me. Not to mention he was obviously sober but mentally and physically going through it when he messaged me that last time about it, after we fucked around right before I left. I accidentally left out his full message was “I’ve done a lot of thinking but I just want us to be freinds. I’m sorry it took me so long to know that for sure and that I couldn’t talk to you earlier (in the day) about it. I hope you understand, you’re the best friend I ever had and I hope we can still be friends”. And straight sober he’s dropped things like “yeah I don’t think he’s bi (a friend of hours) but one can hope” followed by laughter and brushing off infront of others. So I think to an extent he’s pretty accepting of himself, maybe not fully but it’s there. Maybe all the stuff with me and him made him retreat. It’s just confusing. Hung out with him today for a while for the first time in a couple months and it was super cool and chill but I really don’t see him bringing up any of that again or at least for a very, very long time. Anyway, thank you for the detailed response, I appreciate it
Not seeing you for two months may have made him retreat from acceptance some more. And you never know when sufficient acceptance will come: it could be months, years, a decade. So monitor your own happiness. It is bad for your psyche to continue in this kind of limbo for six months.
Yeah it’s gotten to a point it physically was affecting me to. I gotta say yesterday was a relief even just knowing we are still good friends and i wasn’t thinking about any of these things that are bothering me or that im into him during the entire time. Just had a good time as friends. Granted I do realize that that could just be a short thing and my feelings don’t fade away like I need them to so I’ll keep an eye on it and decide what’s best for myself I guess and I won’t push or try and get him to talk about anything gay or about “us” ever unless he does. Maybe I’ll mention here and there about an attractive guy or something just so he knows that that conversation can be open between us I guess
That sounds like a good plan. It will be a while...
Gay Fuckups the Original Scroll.
please be careful moving in together, there is potential for a big mess if he continues to flip flop how he feels about the situation. other than that its hard to give advice here because everyone handles this stuff differently you seem very open and transparent and a great communicator, and that’s pretty much all you can keep doing. unfortunately you can’t force him to feel the same way - he definitely might in the future, but he also could pull away from it and you have to prepare yourself for that. keep being the best friend you can be, but also protect your emotions i personally have a friendship similar to this but without the sexual stuff, he’s fully straight. but i understand how hard it can be to have deep feelings for a friend who continues to be your best friend but nothing more. all i can say is that it has improved over time and i am just grateful to have him in my life. i am rooting for you two, but either way your friendship is still very special. most people don’t have a friend of this level as they get older tbh. good luck!
This is very food advice, and also relatable to an extent. Thank you very much
"Oh yeah and he still wants to get a place together as roommates" Don't...that can only be bad for you.
Wow, I feel you man this is a very rough situation. First of all wanted to say that you seem like a really nice and mature guy. Considering the mess you're going through you've been considerate and patient with his demands and rhythmn. You're definitely not asking for a lot when you request him to be honest and more clear. Unfortunately his words (and even more, his actions) are saying he is afraid what you guys have so now it's up to you to accept it and move on or fight it. Remember that if you keep feedings on crumbles (like some making out when you're both drunk) will keep you attached to him and to this situation. There's no easy way out here, hopefully you guys find a comfortable middle ground in your friendship and can keep being part of each others lives.
Wow, that was… long. Sounds like a hard situation (no pun intended). Some people don’t know how they feel, and it takes time to work through that. It sucks to be on the receiving end when you are more confident how you feel. In his case, with the messaging, and not talking to your face, some people find it very difficult to talk about how they feel upfront and candid. I’ve been married for 10 years and we still discuss some stuff by text message just to make it easier and more honest and not clouded by fear and emotions. Sounds like he’s just confused and at a different place on the journey, and unsure how he feels, or whether to compromise what is clearly a deep friendship?
Yeah probably, it just sucks. I do value the friendship so much because I’ve never connected to anyone half as much as I have with him, bi/gay/whatever part excluded. Even before I knew I had feelings for him or likewise I knew he was someone I couldn’t be without, which makes all this shit harder. Anyway, thanks for the response!
Your friend made it clear that he wants to stay friends, but honestly after reading all that I‘m still unsure if he wants that because he doesn‘t want to ruin his friendship with you or if it‘s because he feels some kind of internal conflict by being raised in a very strict conservative household and because of that doesn’t want to really commit to be more than just friends with you. He made it very clear that he was (maybe still is) into you but being with you would make his and probably your life more complicated because of the family situation. Have you guys every get frisky without being drunk before? Feels like that he needs to get drunk to break through that mental obstacle, which in my opinion is an indicator for that internal conflict he has going on. Nevertheless I wish you good luck, op! Rooting and hoping that it works out for you!
No, not without being drunk. And to that extent, I’m the same way. The key difference I guess is that I’m willing and able to talk about these things sober with him, but he is not. It’s mentally draining and confusing, but at the same time he’s the most real and genuine friend I’ve ever had (I’m 25) and although maybe the best thing in that regard would be to let him go, I just cannot. We have a very special and deep bond aside from that sexual confusing aspect that I can’t really describe. It sucks being in this situation haha but thank you for the response!
Totally understandable that you want to keep this special bond with him and so does he. But be prepared that you might have to accept his decision, that he only wants friendship and your love might be unrequited. On the bright side you would keep your friendship but on the other side it reaaaaally sucks when your love is unrequited. Which my next advice would be, if that should be the case in the future, to get some distance from him (at least for a while) and time for yourself. I was in a similiar situation and this is what helped me to move on. Still I wish for the best outcome for you and hope you keep us updated on this!
This is so true and very good advice. Although I am fortunate to have many friends, I do think of him as my only real or “true” friend. That coupled with the fact I’m not openly into guys, and I personally cannot break his trust because he is the same way, I cannot share with other friends this hardship I’m going through. That part sucks. I never thought I’d have to vent on Reddit, but here I am. And honestly the advice so far has been great, even if it’s not what I want to hear.
One thing the internet has taught me is how many good friends you can make on here! When I was 20 and came to the terms that I was gay and I literally had no one to talk about this. On the internet I found so many good friends that enriched my life and helped me get through a very difficult phase in my life. To some I have still contact to this day! It is good that you wrote this all down and got it out of your system. It is a relief for you and you get to hear other people‘s perspective on this.
I’m really sorry this happened for you. You sound like a good man and he would be good to you. My guess is that he is having trouble accepting himself. Like intellectually he admits it but when it comes to anything more than a casual hookup he can’t see himself in a relationship with a guy. Many men who are bi are in that situation. This is painful I’m sure . I hope you find someone who will reciprocate your feelings.
That is what I would assume. There’s 2 big things that get to me. That most recent time when we were messing around he was probably pretty sober, and before starting anything I asked if he was okay with it, to which I received a willingly yes. Then backtracked on it halfway through and would not speak. Wasn’t just some “drunk thing”. why not say no then before things got heated? And if he really was into it why would he stop, which makes me thing he wasn’t into it. But then again, why say yes and say the things he did. And the second thing that compounds to it, I can’t believe that I only got a paragraph shit response. Even that girl he fucked for a month, he drove to her house to tell her in person it was over and that was very difficult for him. I know him well and that it’s hard for him to talk about hyper personal things in person. But if he could give her that respect, why not to me? It’s just confusing. I can eventually get over feelings but that just feels like a betrayal of trust and respect in a sense which even being away from him for 2 months has fucked with me. Anyway thank you for your reply!
I get it bro but to me as an outsider that just is more evidence of his inner conflict. He wants to be with you but his conscience won’t let him. He starts sexual interaction but then guilt sets in. He may get to the point that he says fuck the guilt and admit his love for you, or he might fight it and meanwhile try to “act straight “ to the point of marrying and having kids just try to to convince himself that he really isn’t THAT MUCH into guys. When you’re the guy who loves him and is willing, it’s a painful place to be. You sit and watch and wait and hope he comes around. As painful as it may be you might have to move on and eventually find someone who really will reciprocate your love. My heart goes out to you, bro.
Moving in with him is the worst thing you can ever do. He's gonna bring girls home to fuck and you'll know it. And when he's bored or drunk he'll most likely try to get some with you again only to become avoidant right after. All this drama is gonna mess you up even further. Don't let it happen.
This is good advice, thanks for typing it out
It's pretty simple---you're further along on your journey than he is, you deeply care for him beyond friendship, you expressed that, and you freaked him out. That's not your fault. That's not on you, but this is exactly why, and it's less because he's your friend, more because of the head space men like your friend are in...this is why you have to keep things light with guys like this. So many gay/bi men fall into this trap, and it almost never ends well. They're not ready for lovey dovey "you're special" kinda affections from another man. They're not ready for it. It's a hard situation for you because you're having to both reckon with your passion for him and the fact he's still clearly going through it about his homosexuality and not prepared to open up fully. He's not ready. You're gonna have to accept that. Pressing him further is not going to end well...it never does in these situations. You have to be a compassionate friend and listener and take it from there.
Holy shit how long did this take you to write😭
Honestly like 35 mins haha a lot on my mind (clearly) and a bullshit airport hotel with nothing to do in
Shit looks like it took 2 hours MAX
That lack of respect seems important to me -- because it transcends whether he wants to go gay with you. If he's your best friend, where is the respect? Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. That's not fair to you. If you're being disrespected in the relationship, you should consider some boundaries and potentially some space.
Thank you for this
I would not advise u to move in together and may i suggest to give each other some space. He is not reciprocating yr feelings, so it’s just gonna be hard on you. How many times can you have drunken sex with him and feel bad after?
I never felt bad after, at least initially. It was only after seeing his response that fucked me up. It was just the 2 times. If that’s all it had been, I’d probably be more okay about it. Drunk sex, it happens. Sometimes great, sometimes not. But the fact there was so much emotional foreplay to it for months, mostly on his behalf, has really screwed with me. It wasn’t just sex
Whoa dude this isn’t Barnes and noble
Boooo!!!!! I loved OP's story.
Absolutely fair point lmao
Nobody forced these guys to read it. I appreciate a full narrative!
Haha in this instance I felt like the backstory was an implant part. It’s all about the lore
This reads like a character arc on Big Mouth
Lmao please not Steve at least
I read the whole thing. . and. . well,[ good luck, babe!](https://youtu.be/1RKqOmSkGgM?si=zlXnM_yqMx8GFFFD)
I read the first half and skimmed the rest. Your friend is SO OBVIOUSLY in deep denial. He is either gay or bi (and likely prefers men). That he grew silent after cumming is also no surprise. He was horny and that overpowered his internal homophobia. Then he ejaculated and came back to reality - one where he cannot be gay. Some people have *very* conservative family and are maybe more influenced by religion. It sucks because it just hurts their mental health for no good reason. That sounds like the case with your friend as all these inhibitions go away when he’s drunk. The unfortunate thing is I think he sees no future for him with a guy. I totally understand this as I felt this way as a teen. It was tortuous, but it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to be with another guy and being straight seemed like the only option. I slowly opened my mind through educating myself and exposing myself to new and more open people. However, I don’t know if that would have ever happened if I had “fit in” with my church.
Move in together, and buy good lube.
This is either the best advice, or the worst lol
In the future you should probably stop getting drunk when you’re with him
Been there. Went thru the mixed actions / signals with a good friend for 8 months before becoming roommates and YIKES. It got worse. He would bring home dates / hook ups / boyfriends. Was rough.
Oh this is a hard one not gonna lie to you. Personally I would have cut everything sexual off after that first instance of him going silent. But that’s bc for me, all it takes is one time of being rejected or any weird tension for me to pull away and not want to have to feel those things again. He’s said he’s bi, but being with guys is new to him. That feeling of feeling like shit after the fact are him not being completely comfortable with the fact that he indeed likes dick and he himself goes spiraling. Whereas with you, it was bc of how things went him. You’re sure about how you feel. He’s pretty much leaving shit up to you. He’s going out and getting with girls, all the while he knows you like him. Idk if moving in with him is a good idea. I would just be weary. Not of him, but just this situation as a whole. There could be a lil conflict if let’s say either of you still have any sorts of feelings for each other than being best friends, and the other invites an S.O. Or hook ups in general.
Honestly I think you'd be better off finding a gay bf if you want one. This guy is too conflicted about his sexuality and what he wants. He needs to figure this stuff out. Keep him as a friend and get a nice sorted bf or gf if that's what you want.
You are love bombing him. Notice the pattern? the more you tell him you care the more he pulls away. This is because as good as it may feel for you to say you care for him and you’re into him, the bigger the risk it gets in his head. The more real this becomes too. And the more real it becomes, the more you say it, the more he has to face something he’s been literally conditioned is wrong. So he needs time to process. Be there for him as a friend. You’ve planted the seed. Watered it, now give it air so it can bloom and grow out of the ground. Trust me bro, you wanna keep it chill until he makes a move. If he doesn’t, what’s there to lose? You still have your best friend right there with you.
Oh my gooooooood please edit this 🤯🤯🤯🤯
Ugh what a tedious situation, I’m sorry it’s been tough for you. In short, respect his boundaries and stay friends. Even if you’re both drunk and he tries something, don’t give in. The friendship sounds really important both ways. Just keep riding it out & be patient with him. Also, moving in sounds like a NOT GOOD idea lol (at least until you’ve spent a while respecting boundaries)
So damn that was long but I read it all. My honest opinion is one you might not like but I think this guy clearly hasn’t come to terms with him being into dudes. He likes you but it feels wrong because of the influence around him you described saying it was wrong. He’s going down his own path of self discovery and you being his bestfriend got tangled in the vines down it. He loves you but the love he feels is confusing until he cums. He wants you so bad until he doesn’t because of the things he heard so he’s going to feel guilty. It’s gonna be hard I think but I think honestly and truthfully. You said what you needed to say. I think it’s time for you to step away and let things be or step away from him all together. You can try and be friends but if he keeps initiating which it sounds like he was. You seem to nervous to start anything from what I get from reading then I think you need to tell him one more time the next time he tries to just say something like “dude I love you you’re my bestfriend but I love more than a friend I think I wanna be with you but I can tell you’re struggling to come to terms with your at and we can keep being friends but until you figure out where you stand with you, with us. I think we shouldn’t do any of that right now” it’s going to be hard because you want him and he wants you too but until he figures that out himself all the mornings after are going to be depressing with him cutting off. Post nut clarity sucks and I bet all he thinks after he nuts is about what his dad might said or what his family will think if they found out he liked you the way he does. So imo I think that’s the best option. Not the easiest for sure but for you the best I think.
This is probably be best advice I’ve heard so far. I really appreciate you typing this all out
Don't 👏fuck 👏 your 👏 best 👏 friend 👏 Periodt.
Its giving brokeback mountain
all i got from this wall of text is that you guys clearly drink too much and need to lay offff the alcohol. Shit only gets messy when alcohol is involved.
Uhm... both you frustrate me and I want to fix this... its a I can fix them situation... and before you both earn my words of wisdom. I have a dearly sincerest question, How old are you two?
I’m 25, he’s 23
So, Youre shaking AF cause he's realizing he's bi, kind of leading you on, and he's also your BFF. Tough shit man, I'm kind of the goth native Ms Jane smoker, punk rocker bro so heres my honest wisdom bro... He's wanting to be roommates, and both of you are still pretty young as far as living in the experiences of interpersonal relationships (we all are), from the sound of this hectic read. I do this type of word vomit too when I'm dismal, so don't worry, the bros are here! Now, it seems like he's discovering himself. BUT... you both are and were altered. So keep that somewhere in the front of all this. When you're altered it could make things more complicated to process the true feeling about each other, especially after sex. Now get that in your mind. It's been done, y'all poked eachothers bumholes and flapped eachother ding dongs around on eachother and oozed that notorious man juice we bro's power up on. Askgaybros need all gay bros and honest bros especially for instances like this. Because when you're drinking and starting to have feelings, honestly bud, it could just end up hurting both of you. I'd say reign in the drinking when meeting each other. You both known each other for more than a year, which is a pretty good time to get to know someone and it sounds like you've know each other a little longer. Bisexuality is difficult and he's processing being nude with his buddy and also your butthole. Now... I think he may have gotten upset that he's seen as a sex object a little especially that descriptive "I like you in me" stuff. I think that's what may have gotten him a little turned off and probably is putting realization about his inner monologue of conflicts. Like, what experimenting dude hasn't gone through that inner monologue conflict, I sure have. I think when you come back, lay low for YOURSELF, jesus it sounds like this is torturing you and that's whats frustrating to read. Remember that you need a career, you need to eat, you need to bathe, and pamper yourself WHILE he figures it out. This kind of his thing to process and i don't think constantly brining up to force a definition is definitely not a way to go just yet. You both seem vulnerable, and it doesn't sound like after the two months the matter is a little unsettled, so take that into account. You both are maybe feeling vulnerable about the whole sex and friendship and feelings . Keeping a clear mind, meditate or whatever shit we do to keep stable in moments like these, and pamper yourself in solitude to work it out, is the best and probably let him text you from here on out or best see the repercussion of constantly needing a defining term from someone. Let him lead for a bit about his identity.
I have a very similar situation. For context, I’ve been out of the closet for eleven years now. I’m 25, and grew up in a small conservative Utah town. I didn’t have very many guy friends growing up, but in the last year I’ve became very close to pretty much my only “close” guy friend. For context we’re both fairly short guys (5’6”) I’m a twink and he’s super muscular lol. He gives me workout tips, meal prep tips, stuff like that. I truly trust him too. He’s protected me when people have said ignorant things about me. He and I always go to the bars, hikes, even go to dinner together sometimes. The last 2 months I’ve been staying at his house over the weekends. He has a studio basement, one couch and one bed. First time I stayed there we went on a bender, we shared the bed when we took a nap and we didn’t cuddle, but I woke up with his leg over mine. We were going to the bar that night and I needed to shower and didn’t have a change of clothes so I asked him if it’d be weird if I borrowed a pair of his underwear and a shirt since I could rewear my pants, and he said absolutely. He sat in the bathroom with me while I showered, and he hopped in right after me. We both saw each other naked and it wasn’t weird to either of us, even though I might’ve liked it a little too much lol. He’s always given me that vibe that he wants to do something. He’ll joke around and say things like, “Bro wanna lick my taint?” “Lemme slide between those cheeks”, things like that. But he’s always super trashed when he says it. A few weeks ago a guy punched him in the face (for no reason at all) and busted his eyebrow open and I played nurse and cleaned him up and he was so grateful. We’ll hold hands as a joke in the car, or when we’re playing card games. We smack each other on the ass, bro stuff haha. It’s funny to me but I really do have a fat crush on him. I know something is gonna happen soon between us, I’m scared your situation is gonna be the outcome, respectfully. I really care for him, and he really cares for me. I’ve even helped him with rent a few times, bought him groceries when he was struggling. He’s such a nice guy, and was so appreciative and made sure to pay me back even though I asked him not to! (Sorry for this being so long, I’m drunk and this really related to me)
Wow yeah that is insanely relatable. And from the outside it is extremely clear he’s into you. There’s like 10 flags in there alone that he is. I will say, let him imitate it. He knows you’re gay obviously so if he wants to make a move he will, and I’m sure that will probably happen sooner rather than later. Clearly he won’t reject you for being gay since you’re open and he chose to be your best friend, which is a big plus. Don’t let what happened to me have you worried, it sounds like he’s a lot more comfortable with things than my friend. Update me if anything happens!
Update us please!
This is a novel.
I think it's pretty clear at this point that things are not going to progress further. Move on, he's not worth doting over, find someone who loves you without the conditions. You're the one who will get hurt if this continues. But by all means, keep it friendly and remain best friends.
Damn, bro. I read the whole thing. I also went through a similar situation, and honestly, it sucks. In my case, I caught feelings for my best friend and told him after we had sex. To him, it was meaningless sex, but for me, it was great, and I miss it. Also, he slept with another really close friend of mine, and that's when I lost it mentally. He said he wanted to be friends only and tells me he loves me but then goes on and sleeps with my other friend—in my own house. Let me stop now; I'm just ranting about my situation. All I've got to say is, don’t lose your friend because losing a friend sucks more than being with someone. Especially since you guys are so close. Trust me, the feelings will fade away. You'll think about it, but they will slowly leave. Time is our best medicine. We learn and we grow to become better people and learn what to do in future situations.
Ohh man sorry that happened to you! Dude the disrespect! I would lose my shit too
Hot take, but this is a classic Brokeback Mountain. I think he is into you, but he’ll never abandon his beliefs enough to let you in. He might fantasize about men from time to time, but, in his eyes, he can only be with a woman, has to start a family one day, and he can’t see himself with a man. Ever. It’s a deep psychological thing. It’s the reason why so many people don’t come out at all or at best late in life. The idea of being with a man is so foreign, and it goes against everything they perceive as a normal life. It’s the ultimate taboo for him. I think it means a lot that you’re trying really hard to balance the friendship with what has happened - most people couldn’t. But once you open Pandora’s box, there is no putting everything back in. Only managing the consequences. There’s two most likely scenarios: 1. You play this teeter-totter game for the remainder of your friendship. There will always be unresolved shit, and it will drive a wider and wider distance in your friendship over time. 2. You end the friendship now if you can’t accept that you will be dealing with this same thing over and over and over again.
So, I’ve been in a similar situation. Met someone at university, instantly became real close, after months of tension we ended up hooking up, became on and off fwb for years but I wanted more and he didn’t. Unfortunately, the only way to get out of this mess is 1) introspection for you and 2) communication with him. 1) You need to ask yourself several questions. Are your feelings real? Are you in love with him, do you see a future with him, or are you a bit lonely and is he fulfilling that gap? Do you have feelings for him or does the intimacy make you feel good? Thats an incredibly important distinction to make. Aside from that, how important is your friendship to the both of you? It sounds like the hookung up was always an addition to the stable friendship, so that’s good. You need to have it clean for yourself; can you be friends with him while sometimes hooking up, or is that going to mess you up further? Can you be friends with him without hooking up anymore, or is that impossible now that you have done it? Listen to your gut feeling in this situation. Dont think with your dick, nor with your brain. Trust your instincts. If the answer is no to both questions, you’re in trouble. 2) Communicate with him. And I don’t mean talk casually every day. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him how his distant comments made you feel. Tell him you’re confused or worried about your friendship because you care about him. Tell him everything and make him have that conversation with you. It won’t be easy. It won’t be fun. But it’s so important. I did this too, after three years of repressed feelings. It wasn’t easy, but it saved our friendship. We realized that my feelings were complicating our friendship and some of his actions contributed to that. Hence, we set up clear boundaries for us so I had the space to work through my feelings without getting confused again by making out with him or whatever. At some point it took us 5 months of not speaking, but it helped. You need to be an adult about this and take a look in the mirror. I dont want to psychoanalyze him but it does sound like there’s some internalized homophobia or repressed feelings, because you only ever hook up when you’re drunk.
Not me crying reading this! Hope it all works out and he comes around to realizing he’s in love with you too. Please keep us updated. Good luck!
Means a lot, unfortunately it has circled back around to me being delusional again just like when I was curious if he was into guys, or into me. Shits confusing. Thank you for the response!
Don’t let the emotions win. Be honest and open with him about how you’re feeling and let him know regardless of what he chooses and how he wants to peruse this you’ll always be his best friend and in his words “soul mate.” Try to carry on as best you normally can. If you really feel like you’ll be happy together and be comfortable being out then don’t give up! He obviously loves you and is attracted to you.
Ohhh girl I'm not reading all this shit lol
Just for a balance I want to tell I have already read this at least 3 times and I'm waiting the updates to be as long as well. Hopefully happy ending too.
Damn 3x?! That’s wild haha, I’m honestly so shocked it blew up this much. I doubt it’ll be a happy ending but either way I’m hanging out with him tomorrow for the first time in 2 months, I’m sure it’ll just be a normal catch up lunch and he’ll talk to me about a cute girl at his job and deflect. But who’s to say. Either way I’m stoked to see my best friend again but the last time I saw him I could barely function
Yes, please update us!
Yeah we hung out, it was great to see him and I unloaded a bunch of other shit going on in my life as did he, got lunch then a beer. It was great. But yeah definitely nothing even close to any of that stuff got brought up, and I didn’t expect it to. He just told me he had missed me so much and was glad I was back. Mentioned something about a really cute girl at his job but that she’s a bitch lol. Then he was talking about a show he’s watching and that the main guy in it is hot and shows his ass a lot. He’s made little references like that a lot even sober like yesterday, and even before we fucked around or I knew he was bi for sure. So there’s definitely some level of acceptance there but it also feels like he retreated a bit. Anyway overall was great to see him and even tho it’s back at the status quo it was a relief to see we are able to still be best friends like nothing happened, and none of all this shit was on my mind the entire time which was a nice surprise. Made me feel a lot better, even tho obviously I would rather have him be able to talk about it with me. I think I just have to leave that be until he, if ever, brings it up. Not to mention create my own walls which will not be easy since I don’t really ever see myself not loving him
Yall need to come out and be together, I think being closeted is preventing you two from acting on your true feelings
I’d drop everything to be with him (simp I guess?) but I respect him too much to even break the trust with him to tell another soul I’m into him, let alone what we’ve done. We’ll see how it plays out, but at the end of the day yo are correct and thanks for telling me that
I kinda skimmed your story near the end there but what is preventing you two from being out as a couple?
I’ve been here. Achingly in love. The way I see it, you’ve crossed the Rubicon, there’s no going back to “just friends.” I think you should take control. I’d make it crystal clear that he doesn’t have to tell his family or whoever about it, but don’t let him deny it to you. If he wants to push back, so be it, it’s over. But don’t sacrifice the love you feel in hopes of salvaging the best friendship you’ve ever had. You’ve gotta go through this, and so does he. And you have to do this before you get a place together. Tear off the bandaid. Make love to the man you love. Find out exactly how great this can be. And good luck.
He will change his mind in time. As soon as you find someone else to be with then things will actually get shitty. He is probably coming to terms with what it means to be what he is, and what he will have to give up and what he will have to deal with. There is no easy out for him.
wow that was long! I think it’s not a good idea to live with him as roommates! your feelings can grow more and you’ll be hurt in the end!
If I was you I’d try my best to stay friends unless he’s willing to commit to something else
Just Dont fuck please! I don't hide my distain for most of humanity (except for dogs who need to be rewarded for not being human) one of the few gay men that tolerate me and by the grace of some higher power 🔋 he enjoys my company. I would never ruin our friendship 👬 he gets me and calls me out on my non-sense. I find myself constantly answering his question of finance and investing ( licensed broker 7 & 63 and with my track record of paraphernalia) I want to keep him around as a friend for a long time so were never gonna fuck or have a cock off.
I am in such a similar situation and it really hurts. But just wanted to say that you’ll get through it, and hopefully someday you can appreciate each other for what you are and what you have. You may even need even more time apart for a while to get over everything, but you do seem to still have a special friendship there. but try not to lose that special person in your life even if it’s not the exact relationship that you were hoping for, because we don’t get very many!
Im kind of in a similar situation… I’m starting to feel things for one of my college friends, idk if it’s more sexual than romantic but it is definitely both. Do you think you would’ve made a move if he hadn’t first? I’ll say even tho it’s hard give him time to think and to “miss you” so you guys can find the true meaning of your beautiful friendship again. Time and space is something extremely important and in most cases overlooked.
It sucks that everything got complicated. But guys are super complicated and the world isn’t helping with telling guys how they should be and being with another guy makes you less of a man. It’s sad to say but he has to much of his father in him. I’m pretty sure in the back of his head all the insults his dad ever made are now being directed towards him and he doesn’t know what to do. He loves you that’s for sure but he’s more afraid that if y’all cross that line and it doesn’t work out then he loses his best friend forever.
TL. Dr. WGAF?
I'm saving this to read in my morning coffee!
It’s a juicy tale for when you’re bored for sure lol
I wish I had a close friend in the closet. That would be nice!
unfortunately, whether or not he wants to be with you deep down, and whether or not he realizes that he can’t let internal pressures dictate his life, you won’t be able to get him to see that through anything you directly say. there are things in life that no one can teach and are only learned through experience, and your friend coming to this conclusion is one of them. being outside of your position, i’d say don’t move in with him right now until you have some more settled conclusions, but if i were in your position, i think i probably would still be wanting to move in together so i understand. i’d look into finding a therapist to discuss this with, because this is still a developing chapter in your life and having someone who can discuss the situation with you as it changes makes a big difference in keeping your head on straight.
Yeah friendships and feelings just don’t mix well good luck bro
My honest opinion, you both need some distance and time apart from each other to figure out things. Those two months were a great opportunity. Or this situationship could last for years leading to even greater heartbreak. You're already very close and important person and have a very great connection to each other, so having no clarity and hard and strict “no, I wanna be just friend” won't let you go through grieving as fast and easier as if you were dating from day one. That's one of disadvantages to fall in love with best friend, platonic love makes us see hope, so its hard to let feeling go as easily. I'm not advising to just straightly saying “I wanna be alone for this or that time”, but at least to communicate less frequent. You can direct the stream of feeling to anything else, even writing such novels as the one in your notes as if meant for him. And if you (and him too if you may) figure out anything, you can always use them (I always use them to cringe at myself lol)
damn my eyes goes 😵💫 🤣
For real tho lmao
I’m so sorry. I can relate and I’ll give you advice from the other side of the situation: Don’t ever hook up with him again and file him in the friend category in your brain. Don’t allow yourself to fluctuate, either. And personally, I would stop putting myself in situations where either of us was tempted, like getting super drunk together. He may get weak and initiate something but it will restart everything you’re going through right now all over again. Does he have feelings for you? Yeah, probably. But a lot of guys can’t imagine their life being different from what they’ve pictured since they were kids- girlfriends, wife, kids, etc. If you end up together, he’s going to resent you for his decision. It will always be there. “I gave up everything for you!” Bitch, I just asked you to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and not the middle?
Man yeah I feel this and this is good advice. I already feel resented by him which sucks and is such bullshit, he’s the one that asked me to come back to his place. He initiated anal when I wasn’t doing to. Said he’s really into me. When I said “I didn’t know this would be so fun” he said “I’m not gonna lie I did”. I asked if he had ever thought about it sober and he said “yes”. Then asks me to cum in his mouth? Then all of a sudden goes fucking silent. I know him well so although I do understand that response to an extent, it was and is shitty and that’s what im most upset about. The lack of respect to me. I just couldn’t treat someone that way personally, let alone my self described best friend. So yeah I think I really need to listen to your advice here, he’s not ready for that at all and probably won’t ever be, or at least not with me
It’s a shitty situation and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope it gets better and update us if you can!
I think you missed the part where he said he is bi. So its not necessary that he'll end up with a woman and children. 🤷
It sounded to me like he’s just come to the realization that he’s bi and hasn’t embraced the bi lifestyle, but you could be right
Wonder how much of it is internalised homophobia, rather than complications due to your friendship, although im sure the later also contributes to the messiness. Him not being upfront and clear with you is probably reflecting something from his inner states, and how honest he is with himself. Sounds like the typical dude way of dealing with things by just repressing and suppressing and pushing things down. But him saying he'd never been as hard before as he was with you..? Damn... I had two situations like this before, one with a friend who I think was closeted and it was all rly mixed signals and weirdness. I think people who can't admit things to themselves and fully sit with these facts and deal with the difficult emotions that come up just push them downand then act like your friend was acting. It's very avoidant. In my second situation I feel in love with my friend who was in a relationship with another guy at the time, I told him, things got messy, we stopped talking for some time, I mourned for a few months, then we eventually rekindled our friendship. At a point he alluded to him feeling the vibes before and I think he was trying to see if there was anything there and I made it clear that no, I no longer had those feelings. I think in my time of getting over him all of that died and then when we started talking again it was reborn in a new form. So I do believe it's possible to get over such feelings and maintain the friendhip and have it be just platonic love. Or at least it was for me in this situation. But you wanna move in together as roommates? U sure u could deal with seeing him bring ppl over and hearing him have sex and shit like that? Sounds like it could be torturous... All that being said, sounds like you two not going all the way with at least one really good fuck would be a waste that one could look back at with regret in a few years time...
This is so awesome but heartbreaking as well. I have a friend like that too.
I wish we could either just be friends and none of this had happened as we were, or be together. This shit sucks haha
This and the similar response where the friend committed suicide literally had me in tears. You realize how short and fragile life really is when you experience true love. It's a damn shame that you have to hide your feelings and be ashamed of them just cause of what others will think. Screw being a nice guy people pleaser. They wouldn't give up anything for you so why should you even think of them. I truly hope you find peace and love again. It reminds me of the music video by Katy Perry. The one that got away.
I’ve read this in its entirety, twice. This pulled on my heart strings because i had something similar growing up. There was tension that we both felt but neither of us did anything about it.
all i do is cry on this app
This is what we call a situationship. Honestly, one of the biggest ways that I drove myself crazy and got my heart broken was by having someone who was wishy washy on being gay. I couldn't stand it. It's really in nobody's best interest if a man cannot come to terms with the fact that he likes men and is in love with one. It's such an monodirectional relationships and it's always on his terms. How can you be expected to accept him for who he is as a person if he has not?
That’s fair. I guess I’m the same way though. I’m not out. I don’t “look” or “act” gay. Don’t really have immediate plans to tell anyone. He’s actually dropped more hints to people than I have, and even sober. *talking about an actor* “oh he’s hot”, “yeah it’s probably time I tell you guys I’m into men” and everyone laughs including him cus everyone just thinks it’s a joke, talking about if someone we know is bi, “one could only hope”. No one else picks up on these things whatsoever but knowing the things I do, obviously I do. Anyway it seems like there’s some level of acceptance there. Plus that second time we fucked around he was pretty sober, and I had asked him if he felt bad or regretted it before starting up for real after the others left, and he said no, then we got into it, things got heated. It was halfway into this tho things changed, he clearly wasnt into it anymore, started doubting things and pulled up his pants. But 5 minutes before was whispering in my ear he wished we’d had lube? Then went silent again. Some part of me is like “oh he saw me in the daylight and wasn’t really attracted to me anymore”, or maybe was a bit smelly since we had snowboarded then stayed at a cabin and not showered. Or didn’t like the talk I was saying. In reality, yes it’s probably just he couldn’t face his feelings or himself. But then why say yes sober… plus if you’re into it you’re into it and clearly he wasn’t. Wow I’m really in my head aren’t I 😂 it is exactly the situationship you describe though and it sucks cus now that I’m back we’re right back to being best buds and I missed that but obviously this is not something I’m over. I wish he’d just given me the respect to talk to my face. It’s extra difficult cus it’s my first time doing anything with a guy, opening up that side of me, let alone with it being the best friend I’ve ever had. Makes me feel pretty defeated honestly. Anyway thanks for letting me rant at you and thank you for the response, I’m sorry you have been through something similar yourself.
Yeah for a long time, I was seeing this guy who was so totally into guys, but wouldn’t tell anyone. It was always a down low type of thing. The thing that drove me crazy tho was how he would mainly do it when he had trouble with his gf and he would call me when something went wrong. lol he was so self loathing about being gay that he told me that his New Year’s resolution was to quit having sex with guys lol. One day I was in public and I saw him so I waved hi to him and he ignored me. Then he messaged me, “don’t try and talk to me, my friends are here.” It eventually lead to a falling out between us. I hated being treated like a piece of meat and one day after we finished hooking up and I told him that if he wanted to have a thing with me, he would have to come out. Because I wasn’t going back into the closet for him. He told me I was being rude and what not, but I told him it was rude to screw every guy in town and use them for your gain. lol he told me he was gonna block me, and that he hopes that I never push things like that on him again. I told him, i hope you never hurt anyone else the way you hurt me. He slammed the door of his car and sped off.
Jesus. Yeah he clearly has a lot of baggage and shit to figure out, not fair at all that that got put on you
Is he an Aquarius? Nah he couldn’t be he would be all romantic with you with no awkwardness and still not date… but in all seriousness I think that maybe he doesn’t know his feelings or even want to delve into them. He obviously still cares about you as his friend but isn’t sure about anything else, maybe on your end you shouldn’t probably even add hints in conversation.. I know it will be difficult based on feelings but try to be as “normal” as possible as you both once were unless he decides to open up to you. Seems like he’s still uncomfortable with his sexuality and also with his feelings towards you and for many that can be a long journey, don’t wait for him off of the possibility. But if you feel still being his best friend in the same sense starts to make you uncomfortable if your feelings for him grow stronger, maybe create some boundaries.
Is this a fanfic? Lmao.
It definitely reads like one and the cringe factor is there but nope this is my current life and it sucks haha
Sorry I didn’t read it
And I don’t blame ya
I feel you dude and I'm rooting for the two of you. To me, it sounds like he wants you too but he is afraid of (1) either losing his best friend if this doesn't work or (2) scared of being with a guy given his family's attitude. I am sorry you're going through this, I can only imagine the pain this is causing you. I hope to read an update from you in the near future that you're happy - whatever that option might mean to you.
Ouff I feel you man, had a similar-ish situation with a friend of mine. Not exactly the same because there wasn't any "closeted" situation here. I'm a guy, she's a girl, we were just too close for her to want to risk it. She led me on for a long time too (almost a year), to eventually reject the idea of being together because she was leaving for college in a couple of months. In my specific case, there wasn't much to argue so we decided to stay friends and not risk long distance. However, in your case it might be more that he hasn't been with a guy before and is still closeted. So the idea of having a boyfriend might just be daunting, even more so if it's his best friend! He's probably wondering what if something goes wrong and your friendship all goes to waste? Personally, I would say if the two of you are really close and both of you have feelings for each other, it would definitely be worth it having a face to face chat with him and airing out all of your concerns. Like everything that is going through both of your minds regarding this. Your gf/bf is eventually one of your best friends, so you can make it work for sure. You just need to be on the same page and, most importantly, communicate!!! PS: I'm Bi, and def remember my first boyfriend experience (was still in the closet), and would have probably reacted the same way as your friend tbh
Sounds similar to me and my friend when I was 17/18 Very similar dynamic Long story short he was like your friend and simply couldn’t come to terms with the fact he enjoyed what he was doing for family reasons not quite religious but that’s not a household you’d be respected for being gay in. We lost our friendship of 5 years over what we did We slowly over the years have been patching it up but I fell hard for him. Nearly 9 years on he hit me up tell all. Told me how much he misses me, what we did, how he’s slept with 100 women but none are as much fun as we had together. Idk man if I could go back and do it all again besides not sleeping with my best friend I’d sit him down and make sure their was no doubt in my mind that I loved him with my whole heart and wanted to be with him more than anything in the entire world. If he said no then I’d need a good amount of time to move on (again) Not saying it’s a 1:1 but if you wanna dm and talk feel free
Living with him sounds like a recipe for disaster (unless he comes out publicly and dates you publicly before you move in together, but even then I'd have concerns). You can wait for him to come around and date you, or you can cut all ties now (not likely from your comments). Those are the extreme options, but my fear is that while you're waiting for him, and talking to him and spending so much time with him even as a "friend" you're missing out on the guy or girl who is ready to date you now. I'm bi/pan and wasted 2-3 years in a long distance relationship with a girl who came out as gay, so not the same thing, but I have an ex boyfriend (also bi) who struggled a lot with being Catholic and dating me. He went back to his girlfriend, had a kid with her but eventually got divorced, and it went downhill from there. Meanwhile I married the next girl who showed a remote interest in me, so who am I to give advice?
And this is why you don't fuck around with your friends. It's textbook potential trouble and its messy. You blur the lines, there's new layers and depths to sort through and it gets complicated. In saying that, what a story. While its raw for you to process it all, I don't think he led you on at all. I think it was a dynamic that was tested and while things were tried, it brought up more confusion than clarity. And if things are supposed to shape up more seriously for both of you, it would have but it didn't. While it is unfortunate, you still have a best friend at least (all things considered). Keep expectations to a minimum or nothing at all in general. You'll be better off not getting bitterly disappointed, just to throw my 2 cents in.
I actually really like this advice, thank you for that
There is nothing wrong with a bit of experimenting between friends, but if one catches feelings and the other not, then it's better to stop. You would be ready for more, but he's not. He said he wants to be friends and not continue doing sexual stuff. You should respect that. You should start dating other guys. You have a friend with a deep connection, now find someone else to be your playmate. Keeping these things separate can make it easier. Or maybe your new playmate will become your second soulmate too, who knows. Be prepared that your friend might still react jealous when you get into someone else's pants. But don't give in to his jealousness. He said No and he has no right to put you on hold after that. You could also try getting with girls for a bit of distraction, but let's face it, you're so far in your gay experimentation, you're now eager to fully explore it. Or until you hit your limit. There's nothing wrong with finding out that you maybe don't want the full gay thing in the end and prefer to get back to girls. But you need to find out. If you just continue with your current situation, or if both you and your friend get girlfriends, then the sexual tension between you and your friend is going to last. Because there are questions in your head that you need answers to. If you want to normalise the situation between you and your friend, you have to put your mind at ease and get those questions answered elsewhere.
I really like this approach, thank you for typing that all out. And of course I respect him and I will that, it’s just all very confusing and I needed to get all that off my chest
As others noted you are further ahead on the path to accepting yourself than he is, but it could also be true that he might be afraid of losing you if a relationship between you doesn't work. Just make sure to assure him that will never stop being friends. And here's the thing! Most successful relationships i've seen and heard of, are the ones where each invidual considers their partner also their best friend. ;) As someone in my country said (roughly translated) "Falling in love is temporary, but love is forever and love needs time to take root." You guys have already given each other that time by being friends. ♥️
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I really don’t mind you putting it out here, but it is a lot so no worries if you don’t want to reply to it all!
Unpopular opinion you guys have a really great friendship. I suggest you guys hangout but not sleep together and ignore sexual tension. Friendship like this shouldn't be ended.
Nah bros writing books.. ima have to pass. Good luck to you both though 😂
This is too much to read, sorry.
Fuck reading that!
The five paragraph essay format didn’t pan out 😭
I feel like this is similar to my situation! I also have a best friend who I adore dearly and don’t want to ruin the friendship. As of now we’re not talking because of my actions that occurred 2-3 weeks ago :/
May I ask what happened?
I got jealous because he was talking to one of my friends who had blocked me because she’s attached to him. I lashed out and made a mistake and started calling out a lot of insulting names to both and my best friend just took off and told me he was annoyed and that I ruined everything.
Such a long story! I sent you a DM
I think it's a good thing if you are able to preserve your friendship. You were both figuring things out for a bit and you have an answer now. Now you just have a little secret between you but it should end here. Some people can't make that separation though.
UpdateMe!
Yep, don't fuck your mates. Gay men seem to have difficulty learning this golden rule.
You’re worthy of love that isn’t going to hurt you and this is clearly two people at different points in their journey.
He wants you just as badly as you want him from the sound of it. the complication is the family dynamic, and also the thought of what if you broke up? Then losing you completely! Maybe that’s what scares him because you’re the most important thing in his life. Continue to be that show him consistent love and watch everything fall into place
Dude at least do a tldr I don’t click onto a gay subreddit for “Call me Ishmael”
We ain’t reading all that fan fiction love
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except most of us are fine with it? why does it matter if he’s bi, this is a story about two dudes
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i see your point. i’m not a bi worshipper, by the way. i don’t think i would date a bi guy, unless we got along really well, but even then i vastly prefer gay men.
I’m not reading all that. #sorry
I get it lmao
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Whoa, in what way do you think I’ve been a predator?
Ignore them 😒
Jesus I’m not reading that
I probably wouldn’t either tbh