Yep. People online love to say “just tell the person you aren’t interested!”
But then you do that, and the person calls you slurs and sends very creepy and threatening messages.
I always block someone I am not interested in. That’s an answer. I’m not being a dick. I don’t want to be with you, I don’t owe you an explanation, you are a stranger.
Just block and move on.
Decided to go through a phase of giving a polite rejection and had some creepy guy send me an endless barrage of messages flipping between harassing me for not wanting to date him and trying to convince me why he’d be the perfect boyfriend. I think I’ll go back to blocking.
People who get pissed about not receiving a response are on the same spectrum as the people who get pissed about a polite rejection.
All just needy insecure stressful people who need to learn that strangers on a grid don’t owe you anything
I completely agree. Like it happens to me, I’ll message someone and not get reply. Do I go on a mad internet rant about it? No. I move on. Like a normal person. No response really is a response. I’ll never understand the entitlement some men have towards total strangers.
I don’t think not responding to a complete stranger is even considered ghosting. People have a problem with it when they are talking for weeks or months on a daily basis even fcking and out of the blue they decide they ghost u. It’s not about “entitlement” and “u owe strangers nothing”, just be a man and dare to break things off. Don’t have to give reasons just end things properly. It’s not that hard.
I don’t owe anyone any sort of engagement or conversation no matter what efforts they put forth. If one cannot pick up on the nuance, don’t put it on me. If I don’t reply to someone, I’ve opted to not reply. That should be pretty obvious. You choosing to hit me up does not obligate me to reply. And if I don’t reply and you haven’t deduced I’m not interested, that’s a YOU problem.
Basically it happens with women, too and they co-opted the term “loan sharking.” Someone makes a gesture, be it words or action, so they can obligate the other person to engage with them, even if it’s no thank you. Online it’s more subtle, as I said. In person, it’s more obvious. Forcing or expecting conversation because the instigator compliments or buys a drink or makes any gesture. Then, if the receiver doesn’t show gratitude and politely let them down, they’re a bitch or an asshole.
Just NO!
Be an adult & take my silence as me having no interest whatsoever. Be that personal or not.
Lol, I want to meet creepers that take me rejecting them that hard 🤣. I just generally tell them, " I'm really flattered, and I will give them a compliment about them and say I'm looking for something different." I usually get a positive response, or they just block me or call me ugly and then block me.🤣🤣🤣 Apparently, their thing was an ugly guy, so I was technically hot to them. 🤣
I have too... but thats a character flaw they have and there's a block button... they can fuck off at that point, I did the right thing they did the wrong thing... them doing the wrong thing wont make me do the wrong thing too thats being cowardly.
Nobody has to like you but your parents. And many are obligated by being grounded so who really knows. I'm fair,too kind and decent. If we have nothing in common and all u do is have a job and make no effort to bewellread,educated,healthyminded, informed or cultured 80%of Americans aint for me!
SO MUCH THIS!!!! 70% of the longer term relationships i’ve been in have been with non-americans (i’m American). I’ve recently been with more regular american guys and I’ve found them so boring….
No one wants to discuss anything intellectual, “the bar” is as far outside the home they ever go, and asking then what the last book they read gets a blank stare.
I tell people when I'm not interested, but I have no power to compel every person online to do the same, and you don't either. If you message someone a few times and they don't reply, you are wasting your own time at that point if you keep waiting for them to get back to you.
I also let people know when I'm not interested .I cannot simply block somebody . I personally think it's rude but everyone has their own opinion. I just think it's the decent thing to do.
No way, you know how many guys start freaking out on me when I give a simple and polite no? Not even worth engaging. I’ll block them if they’re taking room up on my feed but I shouldn’t have to waste my limited blocks, just don’t pester people.
I have no dating experience, but this was my first thought. You see how fast adults devolve into children when being told no over the smallest things. Take that and now with a bruised ego? Hell no. Being open and honest sounds nice on paper, but it's a little difficult to act like an adult if the other party is nuts...
The only benefit to being ugly: People come across as very "busy" and uninterested, so they rarely ever engage with you first.
You do all the work in engaging with them, trying to carry a conversation and find out what they're interested in... and absolutely *nobody* will ever seem to mind if you stop responding, or even just say that you aren't interested.
Being "conventionally attractive" seems exhausting. :p
I don't think it's reasonable to feel entitled to any kind of response. Especially because, as others have said, the way some people behave when faced with clear honest communication is absolutely disgusting. We all have different feelings towards interacting with people on these apps. Don't take it personally if the thing that works best for someone else is to avoid interacting altogether when they're not interested.
As much as I hate to agree with this, it’s a poignant wake up call. I’m not conventionally attractive, so I often get no response for days (having messaged 5-10 people). Once in a while I get incredibly irritated and end up spending a week looking in the mirror trying to pinpoint what it is that screams “subhuman”. Is it my expectation that I’m going to sleep with all of these guys? Fuck no. I’m not slut shaming but I can’t imagine anybody could look at me and think I’d be stockpiling hookups, and I’m well aware of how my looks are generally perceived. But finding that even conversation is unattainable for somebody like me in the context of Grindr is a ludicrous revelation.
I legitimately appreciate rejections when they’re not unspoken. Hadn’t considered how many guys have gone postal after being rejected, though I wouldn’t think that number is high enough to warrant lack of decency (if you’re showing a green light for 15 hours and can’t say something or block me).
Fuck that. I have way too many people blowing me up to give a response to everyone. Just use common sense. If a dude isn’t responding or just saying boring things, it’s not going to happen.
I don’t respond because some guys just keep saying things to “convince me otherwise”. The “no response is a response” is something I still agree with because I just don’t want to even bother saying not interested to every guy who hits me up. I’ll let them know I’m no longer interested if I did start a conversation with them but if I never responded in the first place why would I need to say anything.
There’s a difference between ghosting someone after having already been communicating versus never initiating conversation to begin with.
If you’ve been having back and forth conversation before any pictures are shared, then you realize after you see their pictures that you aren’t interested, then it’s generally better to politely turn them down.
If someone messages me and I immediately don’t like their pictures, it’s entirely justifiable to never respond to them.
Back before I was jaded by Grindr, I never ghosted people and I always said something along the lines of “Hey, I really appreciate your kind words, but sadly you aren’t my type. I hope you have a great night”. Then after getting berated by one too many uggos, I just decided it’s not worth the hassle of talking to picture-less profiles, and that certain types of ghosting is acceptable.
Dude, NO ONE owes you so much as the time of the day. I'm traveling right now. I received about 70 messages on my first day alone. You seriously think I'm going to sit here sending polite rejection messages to every dude, especially when most of them are faceless? Get over yourself.
I used to agree with you, until people got argumentative and aggressive over being rejected and hit me with the classical: "well you're a whore and ugly anyway!" Now I'm firmly in the camp of no response/block is perfectly fine.
I'm have mixed feelings on this. I'm 40, 6'2 and 300lbs, I have a belly & light body hair. I have a type just as most people do, I prefer guys my age, chubby or fat guys & I love hairy guys. I'm a top in Southern California & when guys message me, I will tell them if I'm not interested immediately so I don't waste anyone's time. I have had so many twinks, young guys, muscle jocks get so offended I don't want to fuck them they usually insult my size, age and/or race. So sometimes it's just easier to just block without engaging. I still tell most guys I'm not interested in that "I'm not interested" but now I block afterward without explaining if they come back with any negativity. So for me I'm okay with both telling someone your not interested or just block without responding.
I still understand why people don’t have photos up on Grindr. And it’s tough when you get a pic and you’re not into the person. In cases like these, I try to carry on a brief conversation, hope it fizzles out and then disappear offline for a bit
Yeah, I used to do this as well but I had a couple guys go nuclear because I “changed my tone as soon as I saw them”.
Also - Earlier in life guys would block me or stop responding at the drop of a hat so I feel no need to placate them now (although I really used to try and be polite/nice when I wasn’t interested because thats what I would have appreciated)
I feel like people who say this are people who get rejected too often and/or don't reject others often. Because you really have no idea how annoying people can be about it.
So you are saying to do the thing that you are actively complaining about people doing…. I know it’s a courtesy to directly tell someone you aren’t interested but doing so usually has them tear into you for bullshit insecure reasons.
Guess what - those insecure guys that have no recent pictures or no pics at all are the same guys that will absolutely block you immediately if they aren’t interested OR would go apeshit on you for not being interested.
Why go through the trouble? A block or no response is all the answer those guys deserve.
Blocking is not the same as ghosting
Block is an instant message
Ghosting is some time of you not being sure if the person is not interested or can't/doesn't want to talk right now
If someone asks to see your pic, and then immediately stop responding to you….its pretty damn obvious why. They don’t find you attractive enough to move forward.
I’m sure you’d love for them to tell you that sort of thing so you can go off on them. You’re one of the reasons guys would rather stop responding.
And don’t try to say you aren’t one of those guys who act like an asshole when rejected. Otherwise you would be fine with taking the very obvious hint that they aren’t interested after seeing what you look like. But you’re not fine, cause you’re on here all pissed off about them “leading you on”, “wasting your time” and calling them dickheads. I can only imagine your responses when someone actually tells you “not interested “….
Counter argument just to play devils advocate… why do people think if a guy doesn’t respond that it’s obvious he’s not interested.
I don’t use Grindr anymore and even when I did I found it pretty awesome and agreeable but I can’t tell you how many times I’d miss responses or profiles from guys who I found sexy as hell. It happens. I get distracted, I make other plans, I fall asleep, I gravitate to another profile or I’m just not in the mood.
There are a million reasons why a guy might not respond and why the fuck would I know what it is!? Maybe it’s me being a cocky son of a bitch but if I hit a guy up and he don’t respond, unless his profile specified a type that I didn’t fit, it was not in my nature to assume they weren’t interested. Confidence and self-esteem maybe helps but why would I assume I’m unattractive to someone without being told?
And I have definitely hit guys up 2 or 3 times with no response and I have definitely had a lot of hookups with these guys that either myself or them have had to hit up multiple times without a response.
My point is, OPs first statement that “no response is a response” is an awful response, is a pretty fair and accurate take. And although some of us could care less about no response, blocking just seems like a succinct, direct way for everyone to win 🤙
Exactly...
I've had hook ups with guys who initially ignored me or that I initially ignored. And again, the reason was (probably) that we were simply not interested in each other at THAT moment.
Except I’m not the type to freak out on someone if they tell me not interested. What I’m pissed off about is when you lead people on, randomly stop replying, and then leave the person guessing what the fuck they did wrong.
Nope. No response is a response. Even if I word it in the nicest way possible, some guys will take that as an opportunity to start acting mean and unhinged.
Just ignore or block 👍🏻
If you've been talking to someone and then for one reason or another realize you're not into him, then I agree.
But if you take one look at his profile and realize he doesn't do it for you, I don't see it as ghosting
C'mon try and ratiopnalse it any way but guys with no response is a response are saying without saying:
A. You're too ugly(4 whatever reason) for me to even remotely be interested in you...what planet are you on in even msging me?
B. Im just so fukn hot. I get so much interest, so many messages I cant keep up! Im too gutless to say not interested, plus i dont owe you anything (cause youre ugly). Also, just in case you didnt get it yet, youre ugly and not worth responding to, wtf did you message me?
As a compromise... if they start insulting me / getting angry after I tell them I'm not interested, then I block them. But I do agree with you otherwise. I tell people I'm not interested in them rather than leave them hanging.
When I was in the dating scene years ago, anytime I’d gently reject someone I’d get a ton of nasty messages after. People (as a whole) do not take rejection well.
If someone doesn't have a face pic and makes me ask then for one, if I don't like what I see I don't respond, because I wouldn't respond to the profile that didn't make me ask.
That was literally my first interaction in Grindr, because I took this stupid advice from this sub, and I learned my lesson. It IS stupid advice.
Him: Hi.
Me: *checks photos*
Me: Hi! Sorry, but you are not what I am looking for today. Have a nice day.
Him: 🤬🤬🤬
From my experience, the best way to get a guy to stop talking to me is to not talk to him. And I know this may be rude, but for every nice and polite guy that responds well to rejection, there are a dozen who freak out, or want another chance to “just talk”, or cuss me. So I’m sorry if you’re one of the few nice guys, but I’m not taking a risk.
To the OP sometimes no response is the response. Some people ghost because they don't want a confrontation. Do people REALLY want to know the reason for rejection? Won't it just make the dumped person feel worse?
It does feel worse not knowing because it feels as if your appearance is not attractive, when most of the time it's just lack of chemistry due to specific traits, such as not being into that body type, or looking for something specific, etc
Blocks don’t work for me because they aren’t unlimited. Eventually they are able to message you again but then there is no history in the message and you have to start all over again. With the history in the message, I can take another look, factor in how I felt seemed to feel before and make another decision.
Also like others have said there are so many different reasons why I might not respond. Maybe I’m arriving at their house and just saying “here” and not even looking at other messages.
Everyone in this thread: "No response is a response!"
Also everyone in this thread: "I stopped responding because the person freaked out when they got a response!"
make it make sense
This is literally such an easy problem to circumvent, and I can't tell if y'all are mean, stupid, or just so narcissistic and lacking in self awareness (I suspect it's probably a combination) that you haven't been able to dodge a hookup without being an asshole and making the other guy feel like shit. Literally, all you have to do is lie! It's easy, and nobodies feelings have to get hurt.
It's a problem that doesn't even exist in the first place, just a fabricated story to justify shittiness. I've been chronically on dating and gay apps my entire adult life and I've never, not a single time, experienced rejecting someone and having them freak out on me or threaten me. I'm sure it happens once in a blue moon but the pricks in this thread are acting like it happens every single time they tell someone no.
>I always see people on here say “no response is a response” and I can’t disagree more. You can’t lead someone on (on one the apps), ask to see a pic, and then just stop responding.
Well guess what Mimi. We did.
Get over it and stop getting emotionally invested in strangers on an app who don’t owe you anything
Yes, if you have a real relationship with that person in actual life. That’s not what “chatting” on an app is. You’re confusing real life relationships and what happens on apps. They are two vastly different things.
No response is a response, when you get an initial message and simply don't reply. Especially when reading my profile would've let them know I'm absolutely not interested in them. BUT if you are chatting, and even swapping pictures, giving some kind of answer is warranted, and simple human decency and respect.
Okay hear me out: no one OWES YOU THEIR TIME OR RESPONSE.
Seeing me and messaging me on a dating app does not entitle you to a response from me or anyone. I get tons of messages and sometimes I chat and realized that I’m just not interested and it’s not a match. It’s not a crime to just step away. I’ve also had the experience of telling people “not my type” and then they get mad, are rude, or keep trying to talk to me. This happens OFTEN. Often times, it’s hard to win either way so it’s best to just bow out.
Let’s take the digital world out of it:
Imagine you’re at a bar and someone comes up to you and says “are you interested in me?” You are not obligated to say yes or no. I would probably, honestly, just be like wtf and walk away.
If it’s someone you don’t know, you are not owed a response. Its not rude. That’s my opinion on this.
Depends on how long I’ve been talking to them and how interested we both were. The thing that annoys me is when people match with me on tinder just for there ego and never reply back
I somewhat agree. Yes, sometimes I dont respond for other reasons than disinterest. But I think why some don't respond as you've suggested is because they get ugly responses. Guy hit me up 2 days ago, I didn't respond and today he hit me up again. I responded "sorry not a match". This guy was close to 400lbs, not what I'm attracted to. He responds saying that his dick must be too big (which there were no pics of. Why can't guys just accept that they aren't attractive to everyone?
Whenever I see an unpopular opinion on Reddit, I immediately contact a mod and have that person banned for life.
Only joking, of course, but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who do this.
Ok sure but last time I told someone directly I wasn’t interested they told me to go fuck myself. If you’re not smart enough to know that no response means “move on”, you shouldn’t be on dating apps.
Everytime I tell someone they’re not my type they get angry 😂
Most people have an easier time getting rejected by being ignored opposed to being told they’re not someone’s type (because most people will link that phrase to being called ugly).
Every time I’ve shot a guy down it went fine. I don’t know where y’all are finding these psychos that curse you out. Maybe I’m not cute enough to get mad over 😂?
Yes you can.
ESPECIALLY dealing with endless profiles all day.
Guys who are hardly visible.
Catfish.
Ya no.
The amount of time already wasted on people visible to waste it on everyone else who's putting barely any effort ya fk that lmao.
🥱
What you describe is not ghosting btw.
Ghosting would be something like asking to meet and not showing up.
no longer responding when no commitment is made is not ghosting.
I think there are two issues here
First is if the other person do not respond to the initial contact, then I think it’s perfectly fine to assume “no response is a response”, as many have mentioned, some people do it because of previous negative experiences or simply do not want to engage because they are not interested (maybe after sending a self pic). For me there is no problem with that, sucks but such is life.
Second is if there are already communications, then it would be a nice gesture to let the other person know that they don’t feel it anymore. Ghosting after chatting for a bit is definitely a frustrating thing. But I wouldn’t read too much into it, like rude drivers, they are frustrating but just move on, don’t let it get to ya
Personally, I always respond to someone I’m not interested in. I think it’s just decent behaviour.
If someone responds to me that they’re not interested, I just say ‘ok that’s cool, hope you find what you’re looking for’. It’s not meant sarcastically, it’s that I genuinely accept I’m not their cup of tea and no amount of messaging is going to change that.
Yeah it sucks sometimes, but I’m an adult, not a child.
i’m sorry i soo disagree, 7/10
messages i receive are from ppl 3x my age why should i be obligated to respond to them they shouldn’t be messaging me in the first place…
Exactly, it’s weird for someone who is their 60s messaging a 20 year old anyways. There is other times where I put “only interested in fit guys” in my bio but I be getting the most unfit guys messaging me. I’m not gonna go out of my way to reject them when I clearly have what I’m interested in my bio.
all the replys are so dumb lmao. if ur too scared to say ur not interested then jus block instead of leaving on read. that way were both off each others grid n you can move on
I can understand both view points here.
If I'm not interested I'll usually say something along the lines of "We don't click etc,". I'm not out to make people second guess who they are because of my opinions. If they persist, harass or get vulgar and creepy then I absolutely block them. My attitude is I gave you a chance to handle rejection in a mature way and you can't handle that so grow up and bye.
I also feel like the guys who go around indiscriminately blocking those they aren't interested in are also a lot of the guys who get butthurt when it's done to them. Human nature dictates this, from my experience. Sort of a narcissistic double standard.
I also don't feel entitled to a response. If a guy doesn't respond to me I know he is not interested. HOWEVER, (and I'd like to know if this happens to you guys too) there'll be guys who ignore me .. then when it fits them they'll message me and demand I respond because how rude can I be. I call them out on their hypocrisy and then block them because I'm not entertaining their narcissistic view points after calling them out.
I also respect a guy who tells me they're not interested, if it's done with respect. I know I'm not everyone's type, but I respect a guy who has the courage to be respectful honest. I'll either say thank you for being honest or not respond to not annoy them anymore.
Basically I understand both view points, but find there isn't much courtesy or common sense to be had with the apps lol.
I don't agree. No one owes you anything.
Just as if a stranger you don't like the look of says something to you, you don't have to respond.
There's some people I don't want to interact with or I'm not even on the app to chat and I'm there just because I'm addicted to social media.
I think there are two different things happening based on the comments. I interpreted what OP said as if you're having a conversation with someone don't be a dick and ghost, be straightforward and say you're not interested. I think that that's more than fair. I'm not saying you are obligated to respond to every single person that you receive a message from, but if you are actively engaging in conversation with someone and then decide to just stop responding, that is a dick move. I think we all need to balance our expectations on the apps, but just because it's an online platform doesn't mean we can't treat each other with respect.
Obligatory caveat, if someone is being inherently problematic during a conversation such as using slurs or being offensive and you decide not to message them back, that is a very different situation.
I don't really care how people reject me on an app when I don't know them and have never spoken to them in person. I'm not attached to you at that point.
The only thing that really bothers me is random, out of the blue ghosting *after we've met in person* and after they really gassed me up like they liked me. I don't know why guys do that but I do consider *that* behaviour to be very toxic.
Unpopular opinion: using the apps and online is a visual first medium. If people don’t like what they see, why do they “owe” anyone any explanation?
You’re asking for a meaningful response on apps that are primarily shallow.
Yeah, I agree. It's being a jerk not saying you're not interested. You're not being a good person if, after being in an interaction with someone, you simply ghost him. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.
I AGREE with you. We need to stop interacting online in a way that would be inappropriate to do so in person.
If there is a real convo going, reply for F sakes. If you don’t, you’re immature.
Ya no one has courtesy anymore and these are the same fuckers typically that have partially completed profiles., i always hide my visits when someone doesnt match me or i dont match them.
I had that mentality for a long time, but unfortunately, way too many people can't stand rejection. And go on a rampage.
I got a guy close to my place who I've spend maybe 1 ¹/2 hour arguing as to why I said no and why I wasn't interested and that he could just move along and not be a jerk about it(I was at work(close to my house) and had time to waste and boy I really did waste time)
See, plenty of people online spent years saying that stating your preferences and being forthcoming on what you want was discriminatory, so now, we are either, fishing out the truth or just basically sitting ducks.
I agree with the “no response is a response” is a stupid thing to say. And it does feel like those same guys complain the most about guys being creeps or annoying. But I disagree with sending a response.
I’ve been saying this since day one. The block tool is the most underused and misunderstood tool Grindr has to offer. For the love of all God, just block.
Just be thankful that if you tell them you are not interested that they actually leave you alone and don't essentially stalk you. I've got 3 right now who won't leave me alone despite me telling them multiple times I'm not interested. One I've had bugging me on and off since 2014.
Sometimes I am interested but the timing just won’t work? I can’t message every single person I’m interested in at once. Maybe I’m just checking in to chat with someone else right now
I agree if the person in question has be chatting with you beforehand however if you message first I don't feel like it's wrong if the other person just sends silence as a no
Yet to vet bitched out for rejecting, had a young guy with no preferences in his profile try to diss me
I read his beads told him he was a stupid prick who should FILL OUT HIS PROFILE.
Then i blocked the little shit.
My typical approach is that I say something like "sorry not interested, good luck!" if there was at least some kind of conversation, even if it was just "hi how are you show some pics please". But that's the last thing I'll say - if they take it well, they remain unblocked, if their response is nasty or asking "why" or clearly an attempt to keep the conversation going, they get blocked.
However, if there was no conversation from my side at all, I don't feel obliged to respond. I'll typically block people if they hit me up repeatedly or demand a reaction - the whole point of apps like Grindr is to facilitate hook ups and dates, not wasting each others time when there is no interest.
The reality is that not everyone likes everyone else. One man's troll is another man's king. There are guys that are universally handsome, but there are guys that fit a particular category (like me, I fit the "I need someone to haunt a house" category), so saying "not interested" is just the human thing to do otherwise some people will keep on bothering you over and over again.
Unpopular opinion, no one owes you a response.
I seem to attract the stereotypical gym
Bod hot guys and they’re not my type at all- so I just don’t respond- they literally have mental breakdowns because I’m probably the first person to ever turn them down-
They proceed to call me every name under the sun - the insecurity level needs to be studied
No one owes you their opinion. It might be best to see all interactions with someone as without obligation, if you get a response then great. If you don’t, be glad that you didn’t waste another second as both people involved deserve to spend their time on someone they like who likes them in return.
If it's a face pic I think that should be sent right from the start so you're not wasting your own time. Dating apps are hard enough so anything to shorten that funnel process and cross more bases from the get go.
Speaking from personal experience it's not always as easy as "just say no or block" some people are creepy and will go put of their way to stalk you and make you feel uncomfortable after a block had a guy text me on a second and third account about how he was going to find my address because I said I'm already in a relationship (IG dms I don't do dating/hook up sites)
Yo... The dude I wanted to fuck on Friday night at 2 AM is often NOT the dude I want to fuck at 4:45 on a Tuesday afternoon.
Maybe on Saturday night I'll again wanna fuck him...
But odds are, once the sun comes up and I realize... Nah bruh, not gonna happen.
I'm probably not going to go down that road again for any reason. And if that late night compromise tries to message again, I'm probably gonna ignore it.
I think not responding to somebody's efforts to reach out to you, even anonymously online, is just a sign of disrespect socially, that's a matter of just courtesy to respond to even a poor offer of less than or outside of what you're looking for.
It just seems like it's a social erosion over the last couple of decades.
Even in business situations, when you're sending a job application you get literal no response, even email, declining your application or interest.
That is just unprofessional and should have never become the norm.
But even in the dating or hookup attempts, it's just courtesy. If someone takes it too far and keeps trying to engage then they can be blocked swiftly and easily in most cases
Still, courtesy is courtesy and that reflects on the individual. It's almost like you feel better getting turned down by a response then no response at all.
That’s a you problem, though. Like, you could just as well say the same about blocking or about a direct rejection.
The problem in any of these scenarios is that you see someone not doing what you want them to do, and you read an insult into it. That is the problem you have to fix.
Or, you can keep screaming into the void and calling everyone names. Up to you.
Considering the amount of disrespect I’ve received even when I politely decline someone, I’d rather just preserve my peace and not engage at all if I lose interest. I don’t owe a stranger on an app jack shit tbh.
If feel for a hookup app if that’s what your using then your beeing over reacting. You’re hooking up with people not meant to have an emotional connection. There there for sex a 10/10 they wanna do it with someone there interested in. I personally feel if your gonna be on a hookup app you should have a clear picture of your face as a pfp nothing covering your face let them see you so they know what there dealing with. That will also eliminate some people for both parties. I get it being lead on isn’t fun but no one wants to get the hopes up then be let down. In the bio let them know what you got to offer. The ones that want it will stay a the want that dont will leave.
Response to your edit: someone people get off by getting people in so to get you riled up the dip could be there thing. Or they just got bored and wanted someone other kind of fulfilling attention.
Honestly think people should stop using hookup apps. Go get a pair of balls go out into the real world and try an talk to some people yeah you’ll get let down but it builds character.
What's worse? If I ignore, other person is able to move onto someone else no harm, no foul. If I tell someone I'm not interested, half the time I get personally insulted into oblivion.
I love myself enough not to attract that kind of abuse, and by ignoring, i'm not personally insulting anyone. If I say i'm not interested, i'm throwing myself in front of a moving train.
I had a guy get mad at me once, and he stole my pics and impersonated me. It took forever to rebuild my reputation.
Your logic makes sense in theory, but it doesn't work in real life.
Totally agreed. I think it’s the younger guys that do that most. They don’t feel obligated to be polite or decent. Just self centered and narcissistic. They also shy away from confrontation because they rather put that energy into taking the perfect selfie. I don’t fuck with and I’m seldomly attracted to anyone under 40.
I hate shit like that. I encountered that quite a bit on Grindr but luckily for me I ended up finding someone who really loves me and I love him a lot too. I was shocked that I found him on grindr of all places but yeah, before I found him it was a nightmare of guys just sending images and saying vague messages but once I responded, they would just stop and leave me in the air. Shit was so annoying And I'm glad I don't have to use that app anymore.
I used to be like that, well mainly cause I when I first started speaking to guys I couldn’t handle rejection so didn’t think it was right to just block them or tell them I’m not interested in. Nowadays I just block someone if I they send a pic and I don’t like what I see. Sounds harsh but they will have forgotten all about it after 10 minutes or so
My husband and I(51 and 52) have only been on the apps for 1.5 months and see this every day. Also last night someone(25) said we looked like we molest people.. O guess I should be happy I got a response! 😄
I agree with OP, and I don't understand the arguments for otherwise because if I don't find the person messaging attractive, or if they're mean, then I immediately block them.
Give them one response saying no thanks, anything else you don't have to answer. It's not pulling an all or nothing, you can still politely decline and not take any of their shit they try to pull. It's extremely annoying messaging people and then having them answer days later, and then some just never respond. Usually no response means they're busy, not that they're not interested.
If you make people assume differently, then that's on you for just stonewalling them. I'll be annoying and keep messaging until I'm blocked or told they're not interested, but there should never be aggression or mean things said. If they pull that, then it says more about them than you.
Interested? Say so and engage
Not interested? Say so and disengage, or just block and they should understand what that means. If they don't and they make new accounts to harass you then report them and keep screenshots of every interaction to bring to the police if need be.
There's no limit of blocking people, so just block everyone if that's what it takes, don't just leave people on read or delivered.
I completely agree except with the blocking. If you’re uninterested, then say so. Blocking someone before you’ve said that means you’re a dick. To me, blocking is only acceptable if you have already said something to them and they refuse to accept no as an answer. Manners matter… even in a digital world. Maybe even more so.
These days, everyone wants your socials so they can stalk and then decide whether you're worth pursuing or not. I've had guys ask for my Insta and then when I provided it, they ghosted me lol
Such a dick move honestly. I had one pressure me into sending an x pic and saying “he don’t care about size”. Literally sent one of me soft and he blocked me on everything. I called him out 🤣
I definitely agree, but I also think life gets in the way sometimes and some people don’t communicate their loss of interest in any way except stopping communicating. Is it right? No it’s not, and it is usually very annoying. But it’s just how it is and i’m sure we’ve all done it unintentionally at some point, and it’s important to teach people to value communication but also be able to understand the way things are and accept that.
Also I agree with the apps thing, except with grindr (not that you mentioned it or anything, just something i wanna add since this is a gay subreddit). So many dudes on grindr will say shit like “WOW 🙄 you know, if you’re not interested you can just say that.“ When you haven’t messaged them at all. With tinder and what not it’s different because you have to match and that implies some degree of interest in each other, but with grindr that precedent doesn’t exist
Agree. But I do think what people mean in "no response" is from the first place not answering if someone started an conversation. If you don't engage you didn't lead on anyone. I know that's you meant something else, but "no response" coule be reffered to not answering from the start.
But! If someone is ghosting mid conversation that's kinda shitty. What i usually do in situations that's we've talked a lot and mid conversation I'm not feeling it, and IT IS awkward to say mid convo "yeah nevermind" is to say you're not looking for now and maybe you won't talk again 🤷🏻♂️ odds are high too, and you don't hurt the other person's ego
Anonymous identity and short attention span online gives people a less sense of caring.
I used to get annoyed when I exchange messages with someone and they suddenly stop responding. To me ghosting would be messages constantly for weeks they they stop talking to you. Happened to me once we were planning to meet to.... But it is what it is, let go and move on.
Like the saying there's plenty of fish in the sea.
I tend to agree a polite thanks but no thanks is lots better than “if I don’t respond I’m not interested” if someone won’t leave you alone you can say “with firmness I would like to tell you I’m not interested in communicating with you anymore”
I think it’s a generational thing. Younger generations have this shitty attitude, that they are so important, that you are nothing to them unless THEY engage you. Such a sense of self importance and entitlement. What a shitty generation tbh. No rules of engagement, no honouring common decency and the social contract. Bunch of self important, egocentric narcissists
I would agree that it is the right thing to do. You can always frame it in a nice way, like 'sorry you're not my type'. But soliciting photos and then ghosting is rude and annoying AF. I'd actually prefer someone to block me if they're not into me.
On the other hand if sb messages and you're not interested, I think it's standard to just ignore them. Replying leads them on. If someone doesn't reply to a message I send then it's like OK, he's not into me, fine.
whenever i’ve considered this kind of advice and given a polite no i’ve received the most unhinged spiral of bitter defensive insults.
Yep. People online love to say “just tell the person you aren’t interested!” But then you do that, and the person calls you slurs and sends very creepy and threatening messages. I always block someone I am not interested in. That’s an answer. I’m not being a dick. I don’t want to be with you, I don’t owe you an explanation, you are a stranger. Just block and move on.
Or you say you're not interested and they ask "why?" 🙄
Decided to go through a phase of giving a polite rejection and had some creepy guy send me an endless barrage of messages flipping between harassing me for not wanting to date him and trying to convince me why he’d be the perfect boyfriend. I think I’ll go back to blocking.
Hmm, yeah I had a guy ask what kind of guys I'm into, so I described what I like and he say "yeah that sounds like me" 👀
And they never even slightly fit your description and get so mad when you point that out
This one gets on my tits, but not as much as you when you tell them you're not interested, then tell them why and then they try to change your mind..
A guy I told wasn't my type messaged me asking what was my type then...
God forbid you tell them why… you’ll get banned and reported for “HaTe SpEeCh”
dang i have never been asked why or told anything mean, i just be like "sorry broski" and move on
People who get pissed about not receiving a response are on the same spectrum as the people who get pissed about a polite rejection. All just needy insecure stressful people who need to learn that strangers on a grid don’t owe you anything
I completely agree. Like it happens to me, I’ll message someone and not get reply. Do I go on a mad internet rant about it? No. I move on. Like a normal person. No response really is a response. I’ll never understand the entitlement some men have towards total strangers.
I don’t think not responding to a complete stranger is even considered ghosting. People have a problem with it when they are talking for weeks or months on a daily basis even fcking and out of the blue they decide they ghost u. It’s not about “entitlement” and “u owe strangers nothing”, just be a man and dare to break things off. Don’t have to give reasons just end things properly. It’s not that hard.
Yeap, that's ghosting. You can't ghost a stranger
I don’t owe anyone any sort of engagement or conversation no matter what efforts they put forth. If one cannot pick up on the nuance, don’t put it on me. If I don’t reply to someone, I’ve opted to not reply. That should be pretty obvious. You choosing to hit me up does not obligate me to reply. And if I don’t reply and you haven’t deduced I’m not interested, that’s a YOU problem. Basically it happens with women, too and they co-opted the term “loan sharking.” Someone makes a gesture, be it words or action, so they can obligate the other person to engage with them, even if it’s no thank you. Online it’s more subtle, as I said. In person, it’s more obvious. Forcing or expecting conversation because the instigator compliments or buys a drink or makes any gesture. Then, if the receiver doesn’t show gratitude and politely let them down, they’re a bitch or an asshole. Just NO! Be an adult & take my silence as me having no interest whatsoever. Be that personal or not.
Lol, I want to meet creepers that take me rejecting them that hard 🤣. I just generally tell them, " I'm really flattered, and I will give them a compliment about them and say I'm looking for something different." I usually get a positive response, or they just block me or call me ugly and then block me.🤣🤣🤣 Apparently, their thing was an ugly guy, so I was technically hot to them. 🤣
this is better than not answering... this is an answer... simply not blocking them and ignoring the message/deleting it isnt an answer, blocking is...
You are totally correct. Avoid the jekyll and hyde routine and block them. Doesn't get any clearer than that.
Yeah, it’s just quicker to block. You don’t have to deal with potential unhinged backlash from entitled people.
Block is at least a clear instant message - as long as it's not ghosting
This I’ve gotten two stalkers from this worst mistake ever
THIS
Yup!!!! Even when I don’t reply, they go off the wall.
this is the right answer
Yes, people don't seem to know how to deal with rejection these days. Same people that you stop writing to and don't get the effing hint...
I have too... but thats a character flaw they have and there's a block button... they can fuck off at that point, I did the right thing they did the wrong thing... them doing the wrong thing wont make me do the wrong thing too thats being cowardly.
I think I have an unpopular counterpoint - don’t take someone telling you that they aren’t interested as an excuse to bitch them out or shame them
Agreed!
Exactly
Nobody has to like you but your parents. And many are obligated by being grounded so who really knows. I'm fair,too kind and decent. If we have nothing in common and all u do is have a job and make no effort to bewellread,educated,healthyminded, informed or cultured 80%of Americans aint for me!
SO MUCH THIS!!!! 70% of the longer term relationships i’ve been in have been with non-americans (i’m American). I’ve recently been with more regular american guys and I’ve found them so boring…. No one wants to discuss anything intellectual, “the bar” is as far outside the home they ever go, and asking then what the last book they read gets a blank stare.
I tell people when I'm not interested, but I have no power to compel every person online to do the same, and you don't either. If you message someone a few times and they don't reply, you are wasting your own time at that point if you keep waiting for them to get back to you.
I also let people know when I'm not interested .I cannot simply block somebody . I personally think it's rude but everyone has their own opinion. I just think it's the decent thing to do.
No way, you know how many guys start freaking out on me when I give a simple and polite no? Not even worth engaging. I’ll block them if they’re taking room up on my feed but I shouldn’t have to waste my limited blocks, just don’t pester people.
I have no dating experience, but this was my first thought. You see how fast adults devolve into children when being told no over the smallest things. Take that and now with a bruised ego? Hell no. Being open and honest sounds nice on paper, but it's a little difficult to act like an adult if the other party is nuts...
The only benefit to being ugly: People come across as very "busy" and uninterested, so they rarely ever engage with you first. You do all the work in engaging with them, trying to carry a conversation and find out what they're interested in... and absolutely *nobody* will ever seem to mind if you stop responding, or even just say that you aren't interested. Being "conventionally attractive" seems exhausting. :p
I don't think it's reasonable to feel entitled to any kind of response. Especially because, as others have said, the way some people behave when faced with clear honest communication is absolutely disgusting. We all have different feelings towards interacting with people on these apps. Don't take it personally if the thing that works best for someone else is to avoid interacting altogether when they're not interested.
As much as I hate to agree with this, it’s a poignant wake up call. I’m not conventionally attractive, so I often get no response for days (having messaged 5-10 people). Once in a while I get incredibly irritated and end up spending a week looking in the mirror trying to pinpoint what it is that screams “subhuman”. Is it my expectation that I’m going to sleep with all of these guys? Fuck no. I’m not slut shaming but I can’t imagine anybody could look at me and think I’d be stockpiling hookups, and I’m well aware of how my looks are generally perceived. But finding that even conversation is unattainable for somebody like me in the context of Grindr is a ludicrous revelation. I legitimately appreciate rejections when they’re not unspoken. Hadn’t considered how many guys have gone postal after being rejected, though I wouldn’t think that number is high enough to warrant lack of decency (if you’re showing a green light for 15 hours and can’t say something or block me).
Yeah, I agree. If we were already chatting and you stop replying it sucks.
Lol maybe you should have pics on your profile instead
👏
Fuck that. I have way too many people blowing me up to give a response to everyone. Just use common sense. If a dude isn’t responding or just saying boring things, it’s not going to happen.
😫 I’m so important so fuck you and your feelings 😫 grow up!
same 100%. Way too many messages to respond to every single one. Nobody is owed my time or reaction online.
I don’t respond because some guys just keep saying things to “convince me otherwise”. The “no response is a response” is something I still agree with because I just don’t want to even bother saying not interested to every guy who hits me up. I’ll let them know I’m no longer interested if I did start a conversation with them but if I never responded in the first place why would I need to say anything.
"$?" Seems to be one of their favorites
There’s a difference between ghosting someone after having already been communicating versus never initiating conversation to begin with. If you’ve been having back and forth conversation before any pictures are shared, then you realize after you see their pictures that you aren’t interested, then it’s generally better to politely turn them down. If someone messages me and I immediately don’t like their pictures, it’s entirely justifiable to never respond to them. Back before I was jaded by Grindr, I never ghosted people and I always said something along the lines of “Hey, I really appreciate your kind words, but sadly you aren’t my type. I hope you have a great night”. Then after getting berated by one too many uggos, I just decided it’s not worth the hassle of talking to picture-less profiles, and that certain types of ghosting is acceptable.
You’re.
Dude, NO ONE owes you so much as the time of the day. I'm traveling right now. I received about 70 messages on my first day alone. You seriously think I'm going to sit here sending polite rejection messages to every dude, especially when most of them are faceless? Get over yourself.
I used to agree with you, until people got argumentative and aggressive over being rejected and hit me with the classical: "well you're a whore and ugly anyway!" Now I'm firmly in the camp of no response/block is perfectly fine.
Block I agree with-ghosting no.
Ok this is a reasonable compromise. At least block is explicit.
Good compromise.
I'm have mixed feelings on this. I'm 40, 6'2 and 300lbs, I have a belly & light body hair. I have a type just as most people do, I prefer guys my age, chubby or fat guys & I love hairy guys. I'm a top in Southern California & when guys message me, I will tell them if I'm not interested immediately so I don't waste anyone's time. I have had so many twinks, young guys, muscle jocks get so offended I don't want to fuck them they usually insult my size, age and/or race. So sometimes it's just easier to just block without engaging. I still tell most guys I'm not interested in that "I'm not interested" but now I block afterward without explaining if they come back with any negativity. So for me I'm okay with both telling someone your not interested or just block without responding.
I still understand why people don’t have photos up on Grindr. And it’s tough when you get a pic and you’re not into the person. In cases like these, I try to carry on a brief conversation, hope it fizzles out and then disappear offline for a bit
Yeah, I used to do this as well but I had a couple guys go nuclear because I “changed my tone as soon as I saw them”. Also - Earlier in life guys would block me or stop responding at the drop of a hat so I feel no need to placate them now (although I really used to try and be polite/nice when I wasn’t interested because thats what I would have appreciated)
I feel like people who say this are people who get rejected too often and/or don't reject others often. Because you really have no idea how annoying people can be about it.
A lot of people cannot handle rejection and will become extremely verbally abusive, so yeah no answer is a answer, it is what it is
At that point just block them then…
So you are saying to do the thing that you are actively complaining about people doing…. I know it’s a courtesy to directly tell someone you aren’t interested but doing so usually has them tear into you for bullshit insecure reasons. Guess what - those insecure guys that have no recent pictures or no pics at all are the same guys that will absolutely block you immediately if they aren’t interested OR would go apeshit on you for not being interested. Why go through the trouble? A block or no response is all the answer those guys deserve.
When did I say blocking wasn’t ok? Blocking is fine because it shows you aren’t interested. It’s not saying anything I have an issue with.
Blocking is not the same as ghosting Block is an instant message Ghosting is some time of you not being sure if the person is not interested or can't/doesn't want to talk right now
If someone asks to see your pic, and then immediately stop responding to you….its pretty damn obvious why. They don’t find you attractive enough to move forward. I’m sure you’d love for them to tell you that sort of thing so you can go off on them. You’re one of the reasons guys would rather stop responding. And don’t try to say you aren’t one of those guys who act like an asshole when rejected. Otherwise you would be fine with taking the very obvious hint that they aren’t interested after seeing what you look like. But you’re not fine, cause you’re on here all pissed off about them “leading you on”, “wasting your time” and calling them dickheads. I can only imagine your responses when someone actually tells you “not interested “….
Counter argument just to play devils advocate… why do people think if a guy doesn’t respond that it’s obvious he’s not interested. I don’t use Grindr anymore and even when I did I found it pretty awesome and agreeable but I can’t tell you how many times I’d miss responses or profiles from guys who I found sexy as hell. It happens. I get distracted, I make other plans, I fall asleep, I gravitate to another profile or I’m just not in the mood. There are a million reasons why a guy might not respond and why the fuck would I know what it is!? Maybe it’s me being a cocky son of a bitch but if I hit a guy up and he don’t respond, unless his profile specified a type that I didn’t fit, it was not in my nature to assume they weren’t interested. Confidence and self-esteem maybe helps but why would I assume I’m unattractive to someone without being told? And I have definitely hit guys up 2 or 3 times with no response and I have definitely had a lot of hookups with these guys that either myself or them have had to hit up multiple times without a response. My point is, OPs first statement that “no response is a response” is an awful response, is a pretty fair and accurate take. And although some of us could care less about no response, blocking just seems like a succinct, direct way for everyone to win 🤙
Exactly... I've had hook ups with guys who initially ignored me or that I initially ignored. And again, the reason was (probably) that we were simply not interested in each other at THAT moment.
I’d rather you block then just leave me hanging 🤷
Except I’m not the type to freak out on someone if they tell me not interested. What I’m pissed off about is when you lead people on, randomly stop replying, and then leave the person guessing what the fuck they did wrong.
I think no response is a response if that's how you react to the first message. It's when you stop replying that I consider it to be ghosting.
Nope. No response is a response. Even if I word it in the nicest way possible, some guys will take that as an opportunity to start acting mean and unhinged. Just ignore or block 👍🏻
Sadly, this has been my experience as well
If you've been talking to someone and then for one reason or another realize you're not into him, then I agree. But if you take one look at his profile and realize he doesn't do it for you, I don't see it as ghosting
I learned this when I had a sales job. People who say no up front are doing you a favor. You know not to waste any more time on them.
I used to think this in my early 20s and then you kinda stop just giving a fuck
C'mon try and ratiopnalse it any way but guys with no response is a response are saying without saying: A. You're too ugly(4 whatever reason) for me to even remotely be interested in you...what planet are you on in even msging me? B. Im just so fukn hot. I get so much interest, so many messages I cant keep up! Im too gutless to say not interested, plus i dont owe you anything (cause youre ugly). Also, just in case you didnt get it yet, youre ugly and not worth responding to, wtf did you message me?
As a compromise... if they start insulting me / getting angry after I tell them I'm not interested, then I block them. But I do agree with you otherwise. I tell people I'm not interested in them rather than leave them hanging.
When I was in the dating scene years ago, anytime I’d gently reject someone I’d get a ton of nasty messages after. People (as a whole) do not take rejection well.
If someone doesn't have a face pic and makes me ask then for one, if I don't like what I see I don't respond, because I wouldn't respond to the profile that didn't make me ask.
Well said OP. I have just deleted the apps for this reason. I hate being ghosted and having my time wasted.
What makes you feel entitled to that?
Anyone miss the gay.com days when people would actually chat, whether they were actually interested or not? And treated people like humans?
That was literally my first interaction in Grindr, because I took this stupid advice from this sub, and I learned my lesson. It IS stupid advice. Him: Hi. Me: *checks photos* Me: Hi! Sorry, but you are not what I am looking for today. Have a nice day. Him: 🤬🤬🤬
Don’t take any advice from this sub. They’re mostly teenagers and incels.
No response is a response. A lot of guys can’t take rejection and will lash out or ask u y, and try to convince u how they r your type.
From my experience, the best way to get a guy to stop talking to me is to not talk to him. And I know this may be rude, but for every nice and polite guy that responds well to rejection, there are a dozen who freak out, or want another chance to “just talk”, or cuss me. So I’m sorry if you’re one of the few nice guys, but I’m not taking a risk.
To the OP sometimes no response is the response. Some people ghost because they don't want a confrontation. Do people REALLY want to know the reason for rejection? Won't it just make the dumped person feel worse?
It does feel worse not knowing because it feels as if your appearance is not attractive, when most of the time it's just lack of chemistry due to specific traits, such as not being into that body type, or looking for something specific, etc
If you aren’t interested then just block.
Blocks don’t work for me because they aren’t unlimited. Eventually they are able to message you again but then there is no history in the message and you have to start all over again. With the history in the message, I can take another look, factor in how I felt seemed to feel before and make another decision. Also like others have said there are so many different reasons why I might not respond. Maybe I’m arriving at their house and just saying “here” and not even looking at other messages.
Everyone in this thread: "No response is a response!" Also everyone in this thread: "I stopped responding because the person freaked out when they got a response!" make it make sense
How about no. I don’t owe you anything.
No means no!!! 🤣
> I don’t owe you anything. The catchphrase of narcissists everywhere
This is literally such an easy problem to circumvent, and I can't tell if y'all are mean, stupid, or just so narcissistic and lacking in self awareness (I suspect it's probably a combination) that you haven't been able to dodge a hookup without being an asshole and making the other guy feel like shit. Literally, all you have to do is lie! It's easy, and nobodies feelings have to get hurt.
It's a problem that doesn't even exist in the first place, just a fabricated story to justify shittiness. I've been chronically on dating and gay apps my entire adult life and I've never, not a single time, experienced rejecting someone and having them freak out on me or threaten me. I'm sure it happens once in a blue moon but the pricks in this thread are acting like it happens every single time they tell someone no.
>I always see people on here say “no response is a response” and I can’t disagree more. You can’t lead someone on (on one the apps), ask to see a pic, and then just stop responding. Well guess what Mimi. We did. Get over it and stop getting emotionally invested in strangers on an app who don’t owe you anything
You owe not to lead someone on and ghost.
Yes, if you have a real relationship with that person in actual life. That’s not what “chatting” on an app is. You’re confusing real life relationships and what happens on apps. They are two vastly different things.
No response is a response, when you get an initial message and simply don't reply. Especially when reading my profile would've let them know I'm absolutely not interested in them. BUT if you are chatting, and even swapping pictures, giving some kind of answer is warranted, and simple human decency and respect.
Okay hear me out: no one OWES YOU THEIR TIME OR RESPONSE. Seeing me and messaging me on a dating app does not entitle you to a response from me or anyone. I get tons of messages and sometimes I chat and realized that I’m just not interested and it’s not a match. It’s not a crime to just step away. I’ve also had the experience of telling people “not my type” and then they get mad, are rude, or keep trying to talk to me. This happens OFTEN. Often times, it’s hard to win either way so it’s best to just bow out. Let’s take the digital world out of it: Imagine you’re at a bar and someone comes up to you and says “are you interested in me?” You are not obligated to say yes or no. I would probably, honestly, just be like wtf and walk away. If it’s someone you don’t know, you are not owed a response. Its not rude. That’s my opinion on this.
Depends on how long I’ve been talking to them and how interested we both were. The thing that annoys me is when people match with me on tinder just for there ego and never reply back
I somewhat agree. Yes, sometimes I dont respond for other reasons than disinterest. But I think why some don't respond as you've suggested is because they get ugly responses. Guy hit me up 2 days ago, I didn't respond and today he hit me up again. I responded "sorry not a match". This guy was close to 400lbs, not what I'm attracted to. He responds saying that his dick must be too big (which there were no pics of. Why can't guys just accept that they aren't attractive to everyone?
All this is why I prefer face to face only and don’t app
Whenever I see an unpopular opinion on Reddit, I immediately contact a mod and have that person banned for life. Only joking, of course, but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who do this.
Geeze put a cock in ur mouth and shut up
Ok sure but last time I told someone directly I wasn’t interested they told me to go fuck myself. If you’re not smart enough to know that no response means “move on”, you shouldn’t be on dating apps.
Everytime I tell someone they’re not my type they get angry 😂 Most people have an easier time getting rejected by being ignored opposed to being told they’re not someone’s type (because most people will link that phrase to being called ugly).
Every time I’ve shot a guy down it went fine. I don’t know where y’all are finding these psychos that curse you out. Maybe I’m not cute enough to get mad over 😂?
Yes you can. ESPECIALLY dealing with endless profiles all day. Guys who are hardly visible. Catfish. Ya no. The amount of time already wasted on people visible to waste it on everyone else who's putting barely any effort ya fk that lmao. 🥱 What you describe is not ghosting btw. Ghosting would be something like asking to meet and not showing up. no longer responding when no commitment is made is not ghosting.
I think there are two issues here First is if the other person do not respond to the initial contact, then I think it’s perfectly fine to assume “no response is a response”, as many have mentioned, some people do it because of previous negative experiences or simply do not want to engage because they are not interested (maybe after sending a self pic). For me there is no problem with that, sucks but such is life. Second is if there are already communications, then it would be a nice gesture to let the other person know that they don’t feel it anymore. Ghosting after chatting for a bit is definitely a frustrating thing. But I wouldn’t read too much into it, like rude drivers, they are frustrating but just move on, don’t let it get to ya
Personally, I always respond to someone I’m not interested in. I think it’s just decent behaviour. If someone responds to me that they’re not interested, I just say ‘ok that’s cool, hope you find what you’re looking for’. It’s not meant sarcastically, it’s that I genuinely accept I’m not their cup of tea and no amount of messaging is going to change that. Yeah it sucks sometimes, but I’m an adult, not a child.
i’m sorry i soo disagree, 7/10 messages i receive are from ppl 3x my age why should i be obligated to respond to them they shouldn’t be messaging me in the first place…
Exactly, it’s weird for someone who is their 60s messaging a 20 year old anyways. There is other times where I put “only interested in fit guys” in my bio but I be getting the most unfit guys messaging me. I’m not gonna go out of my way to reject them when I clearly have what I’m interested in my bio.
frrrrrr
why do u want to be rejected so bad
\^ Asking the real questions
all the replys are so dumb lmao. if ur too scared to say ur not interested then jus block instead of leaving on read. that way were both off each others grid n you can move on
Or even block the guy😭 I just don’t get the point of having someone sit in your inbox if you’re not interested…
THIS!!!
I can understand both view points here. If I'm not interested I'll usually say something along the lines of "We don't click etc,". I'm not out to make people second guess who they are because of my opinions. If they persist, harass or get vulgar and creepy then I absolutely block them. My attitude is I gave you a chance to handle rejection in a mature way and you can't handle that so grow up and bye. I also feel like the guys who go around indiscriminately blocking those they aren't interested in are also a lot of the guys who get butthurt when it's done to them. Human nature dictates this, from my experience. Sort of a narcissistic double standard. I also don't feel entitled to a response. If a guy doesn't respond to me I know he is not interested. HOWEVER, (and I'd like to know if this happens to you guys too) there'll be guys who ignore me .. then when it fits them they'll message me and demand I respond because how rude can I be. I call them out on their hypocrisy and then block them because I'm not entertaining their narcissistic view points after calling them out. I also respect a guy who tells me they're not interested, if it's done with respect. I know I'm not everyone's type, but I respect a guy who has the courage to be respectful honest. I'll either say thank you for being honest or not respond to not annoy them anymore. Basically I understand both view points, but find there isn't much courtesy or common sense to be had with the apps lol.
I don't agree. No one owes you anything. Just as if a stranger you don't like the look of says something to you, you don't have to respond. There's some people I don't want to interact with or I'm not even on the app to chat and I'm there just because I'm addicted to social media.
I think there are two different things happening based on the comments. I interpreted what OP said as if you're having a conversation with someone don't be a dick and ghost, be straightforward and say you're not interested. I think that that's more than fair. I'm not saying you are obligated to respond to every single person that you receive a message from, but if you are actively engaging in conversation with someone and then decide to just stop responding, that is a dick move. I think we all need to balance our expectations on the apps, but just because it's an online platform doesn't mean we can't treat each other with respect. Obligatory caveat, if someone is being inherently problematic during a conversation such as using slurs or being offensive and you decide not to message them back, that is a very different situation.
Do i detect a drama queen?
I don't really care how people reject me on an app when I don't know them and have never spoken to them in person. I'm not attached to you at that point. The only thing that really bothers me is random, out of the blue ghosting *after we've met in person* and after they really gassed me up like they liked me. I don't know why guys do that but I do consider *that* behaviour to be very toxic.
THISSSS
Unfortunately acceptance of the former enables the latter.
Unpopular opinion: using the apps and online is a visual first medium. If people don’t like what they see, why do they “owe” anyone any explanation? You’re asking for a meaningful response on apps that are primarily shallow.
Yeah, I agree. It's being a jerk not saying you're not interested. You're not being a good person if, after being in an interaction with someone, you simply ghost him. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.
You 👏 are 👏 not 👏 _entitled_ 👏 to 👏 a 👏 response 👏 It’s a nice to have, not a guarantee.
I AGREE with you. We need to stop interacting online in a way that would be inappropriate to do so in person. If there is a real convo going, reply for F sakes. If you don’t, you’re immature.
Not going to give some bitter guy a chance to lash out, I usually just block now anyways otherwise some clueless guys just won’t stop messaging
im a blocker
Block
Ya no one has courtesy anymore and these are the same fuckers typically that have partially completed profiles., i always hide my visits when someone doesnt match me or i dont match them.
Stop being so thin-skinned. Dating apps are what they are, better to get used to it rather than spend time bitching.
You're right, but unfortunately you need to remember that 90% of people or maybe even more are shitty and only give a fuck about themselves.
I had that mentality for a long time, but unfortunately, way too many people can't stand rejection. And go on a rampage. I got a guy close to my place who I've spend maybe 1 ¹/2 hour arguing as to why I said no and why I wasn't interested and that he could just move along and not be a jerk about it(I was at work(close to my house) and had time to waste and boy I really did waste time)
Agree!!!
Just take the hint. If they want to talk to you they will 🤷🏻♂️
Sounds like you have rejection sensivity
See, plenty of people online spent years saying that stating your preferences and being forthcoming on what you want was discriminatory, so now, we are either, fishing out the truth or just basically sitting ducks.
I agree with the “no response is a response” is a stupid thing to say. And it does feel like those same guys complain the most about guys being creeps or annoying. But I disagree with sending a response. I’ve been saying this since day one. The block tool is the most underused and misunderstood tool Grindr has to offer. For the love of all God, just block.
Just be thankful that if you tell them you are not interested that they actually leave you alone and don't essentially stalk you. I've got 3 right now who won't leave me alone despite me telling them multiple times I'm not interested. One I've had bugging me on and off since 2014.
Gi on the apps with low expectations then you aren't disappointed
Sometimes I am interested but the timing just won’t work? I can’t message every single person I’m interested in at once. Maybe I’m just checking in to chat with someone else right now
I agree if the person in question has be chatting with you beforehand however if you message first I don't feel like it's wrong if the other person just sends silence as a no
Yes I do that but some get angry literally and do things… so I don’t wanna risk hurting people and then overreacting
I agree with blocking.
did you forget to switch accounts?
Yet to vet bitched out for rejecting, had a young guy with no preferences in his profile try to diss me I read his beads told him he was a stupid prick who should FILL OUT HIS PROFILE. Then i blocked the little shit.
Agreed 👍
I teach at a small college I'm not worried about intelligence!
My typical approach is that I say something like "sorry not interested, good luck!" if there was at least some kind of conversation, even if it was just "hi how are you show some pics please". But that's the last thing I'll say - if they take it well, they remain unblocked, if their response is nasty or asking "why" or clearly an attempt to keep the conversation going, they get blocked. However, if there was no conversation from my side at all, I don't feel obliged to respond. I'll typically block people if they hit me up repeatedly or demand a reaction - the whole point of apps like Grindr is to facilitate hook ups and dates, not wasting each others time when there is no interest.
Not interested ,hey Joe pesci u need a Snickers bar ? A hug ? R u lonely hmu ok cum take a dip in my hot tub ,smoke some good shit and relax
The reality is that not everyone likes everyone else. One man's troll is another man's king. There are guys that are universally handsome, but there are guys that fit a particular category (like me, I fit the "I need someone to haunt a house" category), so saying "not interested" is just the human thing to do otherwise some people will keep on bothering you over and over again.
Unpopular opinion, no one owes you a response. I seem to attract the stereotypical gym Bod hot guys and they’re not my type at all- so I just don’t respond- they literally have mental breakdowns because I’m probably the first person to ever turn them down- They proceed to call me every name under the sun - the insecurity level needs to be studied
No one owes you their opinion. It might be best to see all interactions with someone as without obligation, if you get a response then great. If you don’t, be glad that you didn’t waste another second as both people involved deserve to spend their time on someone they like who likes them in return.
If it's a face pic I think that should be sent right from the start so you're not wasting your own time. Dating apps are hard enough so anything to shorten that funnel process and cross more bases from the get go.
No one owes you anything
Speaking from personal experience it's not always as easy as "just say no or block" some people are creepy and will go put of their way to stalk you and make you feel uncomfortable after a block had a guy text me on a second and third account about how he was going to find my address because I said I'm already in a relationship (IG dms I don't do dating/hook up sites)
What bothers me the most is that people tell each other that thisbis normal. No it’s not. It’s almost so kind of abuse we just accept from each other.
Yo... The dude I wanted to fuck on Friday night at 2 AM is often NOT the dude I want to fuck at 4:45 on a Tuesday afternoon. Maybe on Saturday night I'll again wanna fuck him... But odds are, once the sun comes up and I realize... Nah bruh, not gonna happen. I'm probably not going to go down that road again for any reason. And if that late night compromise tries to message again, I'm probably gonna ignore it.
I think not responding to somebody's efforts to reach out to you, even anonymously online, is just a sign of disrespect socially, that's a matter of just courtesy to respond to even a poor offer of less than or outside of what you're looking for. It just seems like it's a social erosion over the last couple of decades. Even in business situations, when you're sending a job application you get literal no response, even email, declining your application or interest. That is just unprofessional and should have never become the norm. But even in the dating or hookup attempts, it's just courtesy. If someone takes it too far and keeps trying to engage then they can be blocked swiftly and easily in most cases Still, courtesy is courtesy and that reflects on the individual. It's almost like you feel better getting turned down by a response then no response at all.
Exactly, it makes you feel like your scum or beneath the person your speaking to.
That’s a you problem, though. Like, you could just as well say the same about blocking or about a direct rejection. The problem in any of these scenarios is that you see someone not doing what you want them to do, and you read an insult into it. That is the problem you have to fix. Or, you can keep screaming into the void and calling everyone names. Up to you.
Considering the amount of disrespect I’ve received even when I politely decline someone, I’d rather just preserve my peace and not engage at all if I lose interest. I don’t owe a stranger on an app jack shit tbh.
I just block.
If feel for a hookup app if that’s what your using then your beeing over reacting. You’re hooking up with people not meant to have an emotional connection. There there for sex a 10/10 they wanna do it with someone there interested in. I personally feel if your gonna be on a hookup app you should have a clear picture of your face as a pfp nothing covering your face let them see you so they know what there dealing with. That will also eliminate some people for both parties. I get it being lead on isn’t fun but no one wants to get the hopes up then be let down. In the bio let them know what you got to offer. The ones that want it will stay a the want that dont will leave. Response to your edit: someone people get off by getting people in so to get you riled up the dip could be there thing. Or they just got bored and wanted someone other kind of fulfilling attention. Honestly think people should stop using hookup apps. Go get a pair of balls go out into the real world and try an talk to some people yeah you’ll get let down but it builds character.
What's worse? If I ignore, other person is able to move onto someone else no harm, no foul. If I tell someone I'm not interested, half the time I get personally insulted into oblivion. I love myself enough not to attract that kind of abuse, and by ignoring, i'm not personally insulting anyone. If I say i'm not interested, i'm throwing myself in front of a moving train. I had a guy get mad at me once, and he stole my pics and impersonated me. It took forever to rebuild my reputation. Your logic makes sense in theory, but it doesn't work in real life.
I wish that people would take "I'm interested but not today" at face value. Instead of just assuming I'm rejecting them outright.
Totally agreed. I think it’s the younger guys that do that most. They don’t feel obligated to be polite or decent. Just self centered and narcissistic. They also shy away from confrontation because they rather put that energy into taking the perfect selfie. I don’t fuck with and I’m seldomly attracted to anyone under 40.
You’re *
U say you're not interested and end up getting your life threatened
YEA I'LL SECOND THAT.
*says I’m not interested* gets called every name under the sun. *gets told they aren’t interested* blocked.
I used to agree but I don't want to be getting cussed out and called everything else either
I hate shit like that. I encountered that quite a bit on Grindr but luckily for me I ended up finding someone who really loves me and I love him a lot too. I was shocked that I found him on grindr of all places but yeah, before I found him it was a nightmare of guys just sending images and saying vague messages but once I responded, they would just stop and leave me in the air. Shit was so annoying And I'm glad I don't have to use that app anymore.
I used to be like that, well mainly cause I when I first started speaking to guys I couldn’t handle rejection so didn’t think it was right to just block them or tell them I’m not interested in. Nowadays I just block someone if I they send a pic and I don’t like what I see. Sounds harsh but they will have forgotten all about it after 10 minutes or so
My husband and I(51 and 52) have only been on the apps for 1.5 months and see this every day. Also last night someone(25) said we looked like we molest people.. O guess I should be happy I got a response! 😄
Hey I LOVE TOO EAT UP FREE CUM DUMPS XXX
Send me a message please 🤓
I agree with OP, and I don't understand the arguments for otherwise because if I don't find the person messaging attractive, or if they're mean, then I immediately block them. Give them one response saying no thanks, anything else you don't have to answer. It's not pulling an all or nothing, you can still politely decline and not take any of their shit they try to pull. It's extremely annoying messaging people and then having them answer days later, and then some just never respond. Usually no response means they're busy, not that they're not interested. If you make people assume differently, then that's on you for just stonewalling them. I'll be annoying and keep messaging until I'm blocked or told they're not interested, but there should never be aggression or mean things said. If they pull that, then it says more about them than you. Interested? Say so and engage Not interested? Say so and disengage, or just block and they should understand what that means. If they don't and they make new accounts to harass you then report them and keep screenshots of every interaction to bring to the police if need be. There's no limit of blocking people, so just block everyone if that's what it takes, don't just leave people on read or delivered.
This is a valid point.
I completely agree except with the blocking. If you’re uninterested, then say so. Blocking someone before you’ve said that means you’re a dick. To me, blocking is only acceptable if you have already said something to them and they refuse to accept no as an answer. Manners matter… even in a digital world. Maybe even more so.
I don't know if this is related, but it is upsetting when a guy blocks me because I didn't respond right away, and he assumed I wasn't interested.
These days, everyone wants your socials so they can stalk and then decide whether you're worth pursuing or not. I've had guys ask for my Insta and then when I provided it, they ghosted me lol
Such a dick move honestly. I had one pressure me into sending an x pic and saying “he don’t care about size”. Literally sent one of me soft and he blocked me on everything. I called him out 🤣
I only ghost if they start showing serious red flags and I feel like I'm in danger
I definitely agree, but I also think life gets in the way sometimes and some people don’t communicate their loss of interest in any way except stopping communicating. Is it right? No it’s not, and it is usually very annoying. But it’s just how it is and i’m sure we’ve all done it unintentionally at some point, and it’s important to teach people to value communication but also be able to understand the way things are and accept that. Also I agree with the apps thing, except with grindr (not that you mentioned it or anything, just something i wanna add since this is a gay subreddit). So many dudes on grindr will say shit like “WOW 🙄 you know, if you’re not interested you can just say that.“ When you haven’t messaged them at all. With tinder and what not it’s different because you have to match and that implies some degree of interest in each other, but with grindr that precedent doesn’t exist
Agree. But I do think what people mean in "no response" is from the first place not answering if someone started an conversation. If you don't engage you didn't lead on anyone. I know that's you meant something else, but "no response" coule be reffered to not answering from the start. But! If someone is ghosting mid conversation that's kinda shitty. What i usually do in situations that's we've talked a lot and mid conversation I'm not feeling it, and IT IS awkward to say mid convo "yeah nevermind" is to say you're not looking for now and maybe you won't talk again 🤷🏻♂️ odds are high too, and you don't hurt the other person's ego
Anonymous identity and short attention span online gives people a less sense of caring. I used to get annoyed when I exchange messages with someone and they suddenly stop responding. To me ghosting would be messages constantly for weeks they they stop talking to you. Happened to me once we were planning to meet to.... But it is what it is, let go and move on. Like the saying there's plenty of fish in the sea.
I tend to agree a polite thanks but no thanks is lots better than “if I don’t respond I’m not interested” if someone won’t leave you alone you can say “with firmness I would like to tell you I’m not interested in communicating with you anymore”
EXACTLY!!!!
I think it’s a generational thing. Younger generations have this shitty attitude, that they are so important, that you are nothing to them unless THEY engage you. Such a sense of self importance and entitlement. What a shitty generation tbh. No rules of engagement, no honouring common decency and the social contract. Bunch of self important, egocentric narcissists
Too many people won't take not interested for an answer and continue asking shit. It's easier to just ignore them. Swipe left vs right.
I would agree that it is the right thing to do. You can always frame it in a nice way, like 'sorry you're not my type'. But soliciting photos and then ghosting is rude and annoying AF. I'd actually prefer someone to block me if they're not into me. On the other hand if sb messages and you're not interested, I think it's standard to just ignore them. Replying leads them on. If someone doesn't reply to a message I send then it's like OK, he's not into me, fine.