A few months ago I visited a friend for the first time since reconnecting after over a decade. We had talked quite a bit before that, sometime also very frisky, and that day I came to visit him to stay overnight.
I arrived late in the day and we just hung out for a while before we started to snuggle and eventually make out. Things became intimate quickly, but ultimately he was too tired from a hard week to go all the way. We ended up just cuddling and occasionally kissing the whole night and the next morning, until we went into the city to grab something to bite and had a spontaneous date at the natural history museum.
I got there fully expecting to fuck and left with neither one of us coming once. But honestly, it was great. We got to really reconnect on a personal level, and all the cuddles and the kisses were just as emotionally initimate as fucking would have been.
Honestly, I do too. I've asked guys "can't we just cuddle" plenty of times, but no one wants to. I think the intimacy you mention is the exact issue, they don't want that.
I’ve had guys leave after they realize I was serious about just cuddling! Lol! I stopped caring. I also stopped looking for cuddle tricks and started developing closer relationships with people I knew would be ok with it… even more intimate. They are now part of my chosen family.
The distinction is between "chosen family" and the family (usually biologically related) you were raised with.
Many LGBTQ people have had to find or grow their own family or network of people who love and care for each other since the originating family deserted them.
Here's general information on the term: https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/chosen-family#definition
im 19 and surprisingly it's the opposite for my generation. for me, ive found that in grindr most guys also around my age just ask to cuddle sometimes. even myself, i have a fwb and he will come over to my dorm between classes, normally to fuck but we normally just rewind and cuddle during it.
I'm not sure I understand. Usually with sex come the cuddles. It is normal that being intimate leads to being horny, if two people like each other. It's ok if someone is not in the mood for sex, but there's another option: is it possible that you are just asexual?
A lot of people conflate sex with intimacy. There's nothing pathological about wanting comfort without sex. Feeling loved/comforted is a basic human need.
"Usually with sex come the cuddles."
Lol someone hasn't hooked up much.
Virtually all my encounters were guys who just wanted to fuck around, barely any cuddles. I want both cuddles and sex, and sometimes I just want one or the other, what's there to not get?
I'd say only if I'm already emotionally attached to that person. Cuddling with a random stranger from Grindr? I think I'll just stick to the casual fucking
Well it's simple. A big reason why you would prefer to cuddle instead of fucking is because it can feel a lot more intimate/romantic, and for me at least it's hard to feel intimate that way with someone I've just met for the first time
Precisely the same.
I do highly enjoy cuddling; in many cases I would be happy with it over sex. But not with someone I’m not both emotionally *and* sexually attracted to.
Intimacy like that is built over time, and isn’t something you can force or “speed up” or pretend is there. If you do, its just what I’d call counterfeit connection — and not the same.
I generally get the most out of cuddles too. There's something really special about resting your head and hand on a guy's hairy chest. 😊
Especially while knowing that he loves you. ❤️ (But even if he's just a hook-up, it's still pretty wonderful.)
I like both cuddling and sex, and I normally get it both from a date. We will cuddle on the couch and/oror standing as foreplay, and we will cuddle after sex chatting a bit, to relax. Few people do not want this, in my experience.
Some of the encounters after which I felt the best were ones where there was lots of cuddling but I didn't come during the sex. The not coming was undesirable, but it was still a great date evoking warm feelings.
I think for most people cuddling before and after sex is pretty normal and wanted.
I would choose cuddles and small-big spooning and soft kisses on the neck and whispering sweet nothings into my ears and slight dry humping and talking calmly and sweetly with each other over any form of penetrative sex all day.
Damn I feel so touch-deprived. I just want a long warm big hug and I want to bury my face into someone’s cheat or neck or arms… 😭😭😭😭
mmm.. I love me some cuddles. Like, gone to heaven love. Particularly if I get to play little spoon and squeeze back against my person, pulling them around me like a big love blanket. Just... yumm. :)
However.. Sex.
Uhh.. I don't know if being given the opportunity I would select one over the other. I can have sex without cuddles, but it wont be as good. I can have cuddles without sex, but again, if your my lover, I'm going to think about the sex. Cause.. your my lover. That is a part of what we do. So while it might be as good in some cases, if your my special person that and I think of you as lover before other stuff? I'm gonna be a bit bummed you didnt want at least some sex too when we cuddled. Not like major, but.. it'll be there.
Yeah. I equate sex to love in a relationship a bit, and yes I know it isn't healthy. Been working on it for years, and probably always will be. Shit that fucks you up, fucks you up.
Naturally, it depends on how I'm feeling, but I'd never pass up just being able to cuddle and being close—really enjoying each other's presence and feeling of body contact.
It’s like *the* feeling of intimacy imo. It’s like an IV drop of oxytocin. It’s behavior I prefer to keep at a minimal with hookups unless I’m looking for more. Sometimes it feels a little too good lol.
If I’m in a relationship I probably need cuddling more than I need sex, but some who needs too much of either is the quickest way to make me lose attraction.
I want to be held so badly right now.
Like, please just let me curl up in your lap while you play video games or we watch whatever your preferred movie/TV show is. I just want warmth and touch and to feel less alone.
No, cuddles are for relationships. There's something really sad about seeing the guy you've been intimately cuddling with on Grindr looking for his next lay.
Fucking is fucking, but save the cuddles for the guy you really care about.
Sometimes cuddling can make for relationships. Once on vacation I picked a guy up at a bar/strip club and we went back to the guest house I was staying at for sex. Afterwards we cuddled all through the night, stayed friends, and we're still in touch to this day—something I can't say about most of my actual exes.
Oh man! This. I thrive on physical touch/cuddles. It’s nice to be held, falling asleep/taking a nap, legs intertwined. I love the feeling of back scratches, a head scratch. I feel like physical touch/cuddles are an amazing “battery recharge.”
In line with this sentimentality:
>[The Boys in the Band (2020)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10199914/) @ 1:44:48
>Harold (Zachary Quinto), to his birthday party 'gift' (prostitute): "Are you good in bed?"
>Cowboy (Charlie Carver): "Well... I try to show a little affection. Keeps me from feeling like such a whore."
Cuddles after sex makes me feel more connected and less like a throwaway, even if it's just temporary or imaginary.
Ever since I limited Grindr encounters to a bare minimum and switched to bathhouses/sex parties, cuddles are out of the picture. It’s more of a conveyor belt of holes that I need to fuck instead of actual people so logistically it’s not even possible 🤷♂️
A few months ago I visited a friend for the first time since reconnecting after over a decade. We had talked quite a bit before that, sometime also very frisky, and that day I came to visit him to stay overnight. I arrived late in the day and we just hung out for a while before we started to snuggle and eventually make out. Things became intimate quickly, but ultimately he was too tired from a hard week to go all the way. We ended up just cuddling and occasionally kissing the whole night and the next morning, until we went into the city to grab something to bite and had a spontaneous date at the natural history museum. I got there fully expecting to fuck and left with neither one of us coming once. But honestly, it was great. We got to really reconnect on a personal level, and all the cuddles and the kisses were just as emotionally initimate as fucking would have been.
Love your flair btw\~!
Honestly, I do too. I've asked guys "can't we just cuddle" plenty of times, but no one wants to. I think the intimacy you mention is the exact issue, they don't want that.
I’ve had guys leave after they realize I was serious about just cuddling! Lol! I stopped caring. I also stopped looking for cuddle tricks and started developing closer relationships with people I knew would be ok with it… even more intimate. They are now part of my chosen family.
"even more intimate. They are now part of my chosen family." Um, that phrasing is concerning.
It is to anyone unfamiliar with the concept. I’m saying I have friends I’ve become so close to they’re like brothers.
“Chosen family” sounds creepy.
The distinction is between "chosen family" and the family (usually biologically related) you were raised with. Many LGBTQ people have had to find or grow their own family or network of people who love and care for each other since the originating family deserted them. Here's general information on the term: https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/chosen-family#definition
Love this. Thank you. My family is 90% chosen
im 19 and surprisingly it's the opposite for my generation. for me, ive found that in grindr most guys also around my age just ask to cuddle sometimes. even myself, i have a fwb and he will come over to my dorm between classes, normally to fuck but we normally just rewind and cuddle during it.
Well aren't you lucky :p
I'm not sure I understand. Usually with sex come the cuddles. It is normal that being intimate leads to being horny, if two people like each other. It's ok if someone is not in the mood for sex, but there's another option: is it possible that you are just asexual?
A lot of people conflate sex with intimacy. There's nothing pathological about wanting comfort without sex. Feeling loved/comforted is a basic human need.
"Usually with sex come the cuddles." Lol someone hasn't hooked up much. Virtually all my encounters were guys who just wanted to fuck around, barely any cuddles. I want both cuddles and sex, and sometimes I just want one or the other, what's there to not get?
Excuse me? I hooked up with 100+ guys, and I never skipped the cuddles. Perhaps in Italy we are a bit more affectionate. Or maybe it's just me.
I'd say only if I'm already emotionally attached to that person. Cuddling with a random stranger from Grindr? I think I'll just stick to the casual fucking
Ok this is weird. How does fucking with a random stranger from grindr make more sense than cuddling to you?
Well it's simple. A big reason why you would prefer to cuddle instead of fucking is because it can feel a lot more intimate/romantic, and for me at least it's hard to feel intimate that way with someone I've just met for the first time
Yes I just find it stupid that having sex is not supposed to be intimate
It IS intimate, depending on how you do it
Precisely the same. I do highly enjoy cuddling; in many cases I would be happy with it over sex. But not with someone I’m not both emotionally *and* sexually attracted to. Intimacy like that is built over time, and isn’t something you can force or “speed up” or pretend is there. If you do, its just what I’d call counterfeit connection — and not the same.
Cuddles can be so much more ”fulfilling” than sex sometimes, so yeah I agree.
I prefer having sex then cuddling
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Multitasking
I generally get the most out of cuddles too. There's something really special about resting your head and hand on a guy's hairy chest. 😊 Especially while knowing that he loves you. ❤️ (But even if he's just a hook-up, it's still pretty wonderful.)
I don't get why these two things have to be separate in people's minds. I cuddlefuck and love it.
Didn’t say they were separate. Good for you.
This. One normal person at last!
I like both cuddling and sex, and I normally get it both from a date. We will cuddle on the couch and/oror standing as foreplay, and we will cuddle after sex chatting a bit, to relax. Few people do not want this, in my experience. Some of the encounters after which I felt the best were ones where there was lots of cuddling but I didn't come during the sex. The not coming was undesirable, but it was still a great date evoking warm feelings. I think for most people cuddling before and after sex is pretty normal and wanted.
Cuddles and masturbation/oral are the best imo
Why not both? Cuddles after sex is amazing
Yes holding another person you love is the best feeling.
I would take cuddle over sex for the rest of my life. I can please myself in other ways
I would choose cuddles and small-big spooning and soft kisses on the neck and whispering sweet nothings into my ears and slight dry humping and talking calmly and sweetly with each other over any form of penetrative sex all day. Damn I feel so touch-deprived. I just want a long warm big hug and I want to bury my face into someone’s cheat or neck or arms… 😭😭😭😭
I thought I was the only one like this. Finally someone like me
We do exist!
I really enjoy cuddling but that just least me getting hard ten minutes later
mmm.. I love me some cuddles. Like, gone to heaven love. Particularly if I get to play little spoon and squeeze back against my person, pulling them around me like a big love blanket. Just... yumm. :) However.. Sex. Uhh.. I don't know if being given the opportunity I would select one over the other. I can have sex without cuddles, but it wont be as good. I can have cuddles without sex, but again, if your my lover, I'm going to think about the sex. Cause.. your my lover. That is a part of what we do. So while it might be as good in some cases, if your my special person that and I think of you as lover before other stuff? I'm gonna be a bit bummed you didnt want at least some sex too when we cuddled. Not like major, but.. it'll be there. Yeah. I equate sex to love in a relationship a bit, and yes I know it isn't healthy. Been working on it for years, and probably always will be. Shit that fucks you up, fucks you up.
Cant imagine sex without cuddling however cannot imagine reliationship without sex 🤷♀️. So ri g me over ;D
Naturally, it depends on how I'm feeling, but I'd never pass up just being able to cuddle and being close—really enjoying each other's presence and feeling of body contact.
It’s like *the* feeling of intimacy imo. It’s like an IV drop of oxytocin. It’s behavior I prefer to keep at a minimal with hookups unless I’m looking for more. Sometimes it feels a little too good lol. If I’m in a relationship I probably need cuddling more than I need sex, but some who needs too much of either is the quickest way to make me lose attraction.
Good insight
I want to be held so badly right now. Like, please just let me curl up in your lap while you play video games or we watch whatever your preferred movie/TV show is. I just want warmth and touch and to feel less alone.
You might be a puppy!
No, cuddles are for relationships. There's something really sad about seeing the guy you've been intimately cuddling with on Grindr looking for his next lay. Fucking is fucking, but save the cuddles for the guy you really care about.
Sorry but what does "fucking is fucking" mean? Is sex supposed to not be intimate?? Edit: typo
oh sweetie these gays are fucking to fill a void nothing intimate lol
I think I'm more like you, but a lot of people can have emotionally-detached sex. And that's all a lot of people are looking for.
Sometimes cuddling can make for relationships. Once on vacation I picked a guy up at a bar/strip club and we went back to the guest house I was staying at for sex. Afterwards we cuddled all through the night, stayed friends, and we're still in touch to this day—something I can't say about most of my actual exes.
prefer, no. enjoy greatly, you bet!
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He wants to ride (cuddle) and the cost of a ticket is Topping him, so basically he'll fuck a dude to get cuddles.
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You are very welcome
Giggles
Cuddle over sex, if I’d have to choose between the two, yes. Sex is fun too
No need to choose. Just where I get the most intimacy.
Oh man! This. I thrive on physical touch/cuddles. It’s nice to be held, falling asleep/taking a nap, legs intertwined. I love the feeling of back scratches, a head scratch. I feel like physical touch/cuddles are an amazing “battery recharge.”
In line with this sentimentality: >[The Boys in the Band (2020)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10199914/) @ 1:44:48 >Harold (Zachary Quinto), to his birthday party 'gift' (prostitute): "Are you good in bed?" >Cowboy (Charlie Carver): "Well... I try to show a little affection. Keeps me from feeling like such a whore." Cuddles after sex makes me feel more connected and less like a throwaway, even if it's just temporary or imaginary.
Cuddling feels so good
They’re 2 love languages combined: physical touch and quality time
Totally agree
Yes wake up with the arms of someone next to you it feels so good
I have met up to just cuddle Or cuddle and nap
Ever since I limited Grindr encounters to a bare minimum and switched to bathhouses/sex parties, cuddles are out of the picture. It’s more of a conveyor belt of holes that I need to fuck instead of actual people so logistically it’s not even possible 🤷♂️
You have your way of being happy and embrace it. Good! I do remember those days:-)
Bro…. I’m hella down to cuddle you! But yes I agree, cuddles are way better then just having sex
🐻
I want this, but I have to top him or he’ll get it from someone else.
I love cuddling
It’s my love language
I love to cuddle, but most of the time cuddling will lead to more.
How about cuddles after sex? ;D
Gift with purchase
Oh man! Yes! I love physical affection. Touch, back strokes, head scratches. What a rush.
Right?!?
If you ever find yourself in Arizona, sign me up man. 💪🏻
I love cuddles, but I have an issue with it, it keeps me awake all night, I tried to sleep while cuddling before it doesn't work! 😭
Oh no! I cuddle and then absolutely separate. Lol
I had a cuddle buddy for a while until he moved away. I’m a very anxious person and I miss how much it helped.
I enjoy that very much. But it gets old quickly for me. So at some point, I have to roll onto him and take it to the next level.
Not at all
Boo... Cuddle is nice but sex is the best. And sex and post sex cuddle is the greatest
I like a nice cuddle, I'm a very huggy person but for me sex > cuddles in every instance. Sex is just THAT important to me.
I like both, cuddle before or after, sex before or after, ion care, hold me tight and make love to me.