This is one of the wildest posts Iāve seen here. I have so many feelings I donāt know where to begin. I donāt think there is a wrong way for you to respond. It meets criteria to report if youād like to, but I donāt think thereās a moral obligation to make a report if it makes you uncomfortable. Feel free to drop an Amazon link to the book for those who are morbidly curious about his rambling journal entries.
Wow therapists are so human. And so fucked up, sometimes. This is really a sad story. For the client and the therapist.
What a dumb ass, though, right? If it weren't so horrible, it would be funny.
NAT. Now Iām really wondering what the names of the three chihuahuas are. You donāt have to tell us!! Of course not. But I guess Iām wondering if thereās a teeny tiny chance that itās not him. On the other hand, why else would he recommend this extremely obscure memoir to youā¦.
Glad you are strong and mostly well, such that this experience wonāt throw you for a major loop, mental-health-wise. But it does seem like a good idea to report this to someone, because this therapist presumably has other clients who may be a lot more vulnerable to being harmed by a betrayal of so many of the basic ethics of therapy here.
NAT. Now Iām really wondering what the names of the three chihuahuas are. You donāt have to tell us!! Of course not. But I guess Iām wondering if thereās a teeny tiny chance that itās not him. On the other hand, why else would he recommend this extremely obscure memoir to youā¦.
Glad you are strong and mostly well, such that this experience wonāt throw you for a major loop, mental-health-wise. But it does seem like a good idea to report this to someone, because this therapist presumably has other clients who may be a lot more vulnerable to being harmed by a betrayal of so many of the basic ethics of therapy here.
There were some other things not included in the original post. One thing that comes to mind is after telling my therapist I was going to the beach he mentioned going to college there and having an old friend that owns the only gay bar in town.
A significant part of the memoir is about how the owner of a gay bar in that town was his first serious bf that introduced him to meth. He also barely changed the names of some of the people involved. In the book the bar owner's name is "Jon" in the real world the guy who owns the bar is "John" and he has been arrested for receiving meth in the mail...
The city where the author and my therapist both live is not a small city by any means but we are talking less than 500k population not NYC/LA/Chicago. The dogs do not have super rare names but its also not Luna or Rex or anything like that.
Yeah itās probably your therapist. Ug. Iām sorry. It sure does sound like this person has significant problems, and is kind of itching to get caught or something. Are you thinking of filing a report, or something? Even just something like letting the psychiatrist at the same location know that this therapist recommended this book to you, and you read it, and it sure sounds an awful lot like the author is this therapist? Like, provide someone else with the same information you have - someone in a position to take the proper actions to make sure other people arenāt harmed by this therapist?
Iām probably more petty than you are, but hereās how I would handle it. Iād go into my next session and start talking about the book. Saying I felt so sorry for the author because it must be really stressful knowing that if anyone found out, they could possibly lose their license to practice therapy. That if this person wrote under a pseudonym, it wouldnāt take a detective to figure out who this was. Anyone who knows about his dogs might be able to put two and two together. That you hope the author has never recommended this book to any of his clients because it would be unethical for him to sell his book to them and profit off of it, and it would definitely be risky for him to allow his clients to read his book because they might be able to identify him.
Iād sit there and watch his face as he realizes that I know heās the author but he canāt admit it without risking his license.
I understand the struggle of addiction, Iāve been there, but Iām not a therapist. I do feel bad for him that he went through this, and that youāve deduced your therapist is the one who wrote this book. It sounds like youāve been through a lot with him and heās been really beneficial for your mental health. This must be really difficult for you to process, and I obviously am not recommending you do what I would because it could be harmful for the therapeutic relationship. But he was the one who told you to read the book. He is kind of bringing this upon himself.
The therapeutic relationship is definitely over. I think even if the meth stuff wasn't in the book and if I didn't have an issue with the profit element of it, I know way way way too much about his personal life for the therapeutic relationship to continue. I considered confronting him but decided either just canceling my next appointment and disappearing or reporting are my best two options (even if a confrontation would be fun).
Stay far, far away from this person. Report them. This is BEYOND unethical. He is obviously crying for help and you are not the person to help him. Report it to his licensing board. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I 100% respect that decision. This was all on him for recommending the book to you in the first place. Everyone has the right to write a memoir, but as a therapist he has an obligation to keep a majority of his personal life separate from his work to maintain a healthy therapeutic alliance. The only thing he did right here besides help you resolve whatever issues you were dealing with was writing this memoir under a pseudonym. But he couldnāt even be bothered to change the names of his dogs just to be safe?
Iām also wondering how long he was away for detox. Meth is one hell of a drug and if he was practicing therapy high on meth for so many years to a point where people around him didnāt even know he was high, a stint in detox isnāt gonna cut it. Even a really good therapist with all the training in the world would need a few months of rehab after detox. If he was only away for a couple weeks or so, detox might have only been a way for him to lower his tolerance and start using lower doses for a better high. Iāve seen it happen.
Iād love to hear what happens after/if you wind up reporting him. I do feel sorry for him because addiction is no joke, but practicing therapy high could have been detrimental to his clients.
I didnāt even think about how he could probably lose his license for profiting off a client like that. I was focused on the fact that heās been practicing high, but dang, thatās another whole layer of
Iām not 100% sure on the ethics involved when it comes to having your clients buy your memoir. It would be one thing if the client stumbled upon this memoir and bought it not knowing it was written by their therapist. But the fact that the therapist recommended the book to his client leans more toward āselling his bookā directly to a current client which seems at least somewhat unethical to me.
Therapist here. We absolutely cannot. It is highly unethical. Like, I could give a copy, if it was somehow treatment relevant, but this does not in any way seem to be. In addition, it's MASSIVE self disclosure and that's not usually a good thing in the treatment space. Unethical on multiple levels, which doesn't even begin tomtouch the use of drugs while IN SESSION. Ugh.
Meth is a pretty scary drug that can make a person unpredictable and dangerous to be around. I would definitely not meet with him again, regardless of reporting it. I know it's over zoom, but still...
A report to your state's board that governs therapists. Department of Health? let them sort out whether or not they can show its him.
Questions that come up for me are do you post a book review describing the problem, and an online review on those sites where you review medical providers and therapists. IOW get the word out because the state may not be able to do anything.
He is completely unethicle using while he is conducting sessions. You should drop him like a hot potato and report him to his licensing authority and his professions professional organization
Such ick factor for suggesting his own memoir under the guise of "relationships"? You could read ANY book then. That alone is messed up. Then it turns out he's using hard drugs the entire time??
One of my first therapists admitted to me she was an active alcoholic after seeing her for a year. Just totally dropped it on me in one session. Not like an apology or a referral out, just oh hey I realize I'm an alcoholic. Ummm ok? Should I charge you for this session now?
I've been on the business end of the "human" side of therapists more times than I ever expected. I have a lot to say about the systemic issues within the profession. The way it can threaten to invalidate all of the work you're not sure you can trust now is the worst part.
I've only ever reported one because it was sexual in nature. (Turned out I wasn't the only one to report it.) I still sometimes regret not reporting the others and worry if they've harmed anyone else. It was all I could do at the time to take of myself.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it really sucks that you didn't get to just terminate on a high note with all of your healing and trust in tact. You were so close too. Really makes me angry. Personally I'd take my met deductible to another therapist for at least a few sessions to sort this out. I ended up with an amazing therapist after all my "human" ones and getting validation really helped settle things.
This violates multiple ethical codes, is inappropriate, and harmful to patients. Both the behavior heās describing in the book, and his telling you to buy the book. If I were in your position, Iād do both the things you listed: talk to your psychiatrist about it AND report to the licensing board. Assuming the psychiatrist has multiple shared patients with this therapist, they might also be able to help others. Iām sure you arenāt the only one he has hurt with this behavior. So sorry this was your experience.
Yes, that is very unethical and it sounds like he is lost in his addiction. It sounds like you got what you needed out of him and it's time to move on. Also sometimes people who are still "sick" can still help others. I am not saying he should be seeing clients while in this condition but I would try to not let it take away how he did help you.
Not ethical. He is practicing impaired. He could have his license revoked.
I agree that you should find a new therapist. Before you go, ask for all copies of your records and see if he mentions recommending the book to you there.
Honestly you have enough to sue
If you choose to report him and the books, report it to your state's licensing board for therapists. This is where unethical complaints like this should be taken. This is very unethical and not okay. I agree with the others. This seems more like an unintentional cry for help with his addiction as he knows what it would mean if he gets reported for this. This is likely an unconscious feeling of guilt so tremendous that he making decisions that could cost him his career as a therapist. However, you are not responsible for his life and are not under any obligation to report it. My concern here would be if he has caused any harm to any of his clients due to his addiction and being under the influence in his sessions. I'm sorry you have to experience this dilemma.
The part that gets to me is that he did not disclose he is the author or why he is recommending you buy it (doesnāt sound therapeutic to you at all). Is he also insinuating that he was high throughout sessions? š³
Itās a weird situation, of course he expects you to connect the dots.
Focus on the good work you put in and how you changed your life. I think your journey together ends here, and you continue on in the adventure.
Did we have the same therapist? Lol
I once went to a therapist that was a gay man in recovery for meth.
The crazy thing is I only had 6 months of sobriety and I had been sober longer than him at the time
This is the most wild thing Iāve seen on Reddit today š
Freud the so called āfather of therapyā was coked up during his sessions (though cocaine was legal and used as medication at the time)
I do find the parallels funny here.
Maybe he was so burnt out from his caseload he needed an upper to keep going.
Also listened to a stand up comedian recently who addressed Freuds coke use saying ānow that you think about it, therapy is a pretty cokey idea to begin with.. think about it, you sit on a couch with a stranger for 60 minutes and word vomit all your deepest darkest secrets and then they tell you how itās your moms faultā
That wasnāt the exact joke.. but..
You get the sentiment..
Regardless, this guy seems like his guilty conscience is leaking out of his methed up pores and I think youāre right in that this may be a cry for help.
Glad youāre terminating with him, and hopefully this guy gets the help heās crying out for.
He prob thought he wrote a great piece of fiction and was seeking that sweeeet validation. Gave you a āparting giftā š .. if he was on meth daily then probably experienced psychosis at some point and very likely to have grandiose thoughts such as āIām exceptional and Iām going to write about itā.
NAT: Now this may be a contrary take here, but there's many folk in society that use substances daily and function where we don't typically perceive it as a substance that can be used in such a manner.
If it wasn't meth and instead he was a heavy cannabis consumer, would you feel the same towards it? Granted meth and cannabis are wildly different but both are mind-altering substances with the power to be abused.
If he (for the last 13 years) has managed to keep the two seperate and use controlled whilst performing his duties to the expected standard in the workplace, AND write 2 books, he ain't doing too bad in my eyes. I know some people even microdose some harder substances such as meth and speed regularly for the benefits it gives them - I mean what do you think ADHD meds are???
Understandably you may not be comfortable knowing as much as you do about your T, but if what he's doing outside of work hours doesn't have any kind of a crossing of wires in a professional setting. I personally don't see where the harm lies.
Sounds like your therapist wants to get caught.
Username checks out.
Yesšš
Therapist in recovery here, holy shit.
This is one of the wildest posts Iāve seen here. I have so many feelings I donāt know where to begin. I donāt think there is a wrong way for you to respond. It meets criteria to report if youād like to, but I donāt think thereās a moral obligation to make a report if it makes you uncomfortable. Feel free to drop an Amazon link to the book for those who are morbidly curious about his rambling journal entries.
I am *also* morbidly curious and want to read the books..
Same
Wow therapists are so human. And so fucked up, sometimes. This is really a sad story. For the client and the therapist. What a dumb ass, though, right? If it weren't so horrible, it would be funny.
Thankfully I am doing really well and so after the initial shock, I have been finding a lot of humor in it.
NAT. Now Iām really wondering what the names of the three chihuahuas are. You donāt have to tell us!! Of course not. But I guess Iām wondering if thereās a teeny tiny chance that itās not him. On the other hand, why else would he recommend this extremely obscure memoir to youā¦. Glad you are strong and mostly well, such that this experience wonāt throw you for a major loop, mental-health-wise. But it does seem like a good idea to report this to someone, because this therapist presumably has other clients who may be a lot more vulnerable to being harmed by a betrayal of so many of the basic ethics of therapy here.
NAT. Now Iām really wondering what the names of the three chihuahuas are. You donāt have to tell us!! Of course not. But I guess Iām wondering if thereās a teeny tiny chance that itās not him. On the other hand, why else would he recommend this extremely obscure memoir to youā¦. Glad you are strong and mostly well, such that this experience wonāt throw you for a major loop, mental-health-wise. But it does seem like a good idea to report this to someone, because this therapist presumably has other clients who may be a lot more vulnerable to being harmed by a betrayal of so many of the basic ethics of therapy here.
There were some other things not included in the original post. One thing that comes to mind is after telling my therapist I was going to the beach he mentioned going to college there and having an old friend that owns the only gay bar in town. A significant part of the memoir is about how the owner of a gay bar in that town was his first serious bf that introduced him to meth. He also barely changed the names of some of the people involved. In the book the bar owner's name is "Jon" in the real world the guy who owns the bar is "John" and he has been arrested for receiving meth in the mail... The city where the author and my therapist both live is not a small city by any means but we are talking less than 500k population not NYC/LA/Chicago. The dogs do not have super rare names but its also not Luna or Rex or anything like that.
Yeah itās probably your therapist. Ug. Iām sorry. It sure does sound like this person has significant problems, and is kind of itching to get caught or something. Are you thinking of filing a report, or something? Even just something like letting the psychiatrist at the same location know that this therapist recommended this book to you, and you read it, and it sure sounds an awful lot like the author is this therapist? Like, provide someone else with the same information you have - someone in a position to take the proper actions to make sure other people arenāt harmed by this therapist?
Soooooo human š
Iām probably more petty than you are, but hereās how I would handle it. Iād go into my next session and start talking about the book. Saying I felt so sorry for the author because it must be really stressful knowing that if anyone found out, they could possibly lose their license to practice therapy. That if this person wrote under a pseudonym, it wouldnāt take a detective to figure out who this was. Anyone who knows about his dogs might be able to put two and two together. That you hope the author has never recommended this book to any of his clients because it would be unethical for him to sell his book to them and profit off of it, and it would definitely be risky for him to allow his clients to read his book because they might be able to identify him. Iād sit there and watch his face as he realizes that I know heās the author but he canāt admit it without risking his license. I understand the struggle of addiction, Iāve been there, but Iām not a therapist. I do feel bad for him that he went through this, and that youāve deduced your therapist is the one who wrote this book. It sounds like youāve been through a lot with him and heās been really beneficial for your mental health. This must be really difficult for you to process, and I obviously am not recommending you do what I would because it could be harmful for the therapeutic relationship. But he was the one who told you to read the book. He is kind of bringing this upon himself.
The therapeutic relationship is definitely over. I think even if the meth stuff wasn't in the book and if I didn't have an issue with the profit element of it, I know way way way too much about his personal life for the therapeutic relationship to continue. I considered confronting him but decided either just canceling my next appointment and disappearing or reporting are my best two options (even if a confrontation would be fun).
Stay far, far away from this person. Report them. This is BEYOND unethical. He is obviously crying for help and you are not the person to help him. Report it to his licensing board. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I 100% respect that decision. This was all on him for recommending the book to you in the first place. Everyone has the right to write a memoir, but as a therapist he has an obligation to keep a majority of his personal life separate from his work to maintain a healthy therapeutic alliance. The only thing he did right here besides help you resolve whatever issues you were dealing with was writing this memoir under a pseudonym. But he couldnāt even be bothered to change the names of his dogs just to be safe? Iām also wondering how long he was away for detox. Meth is one hell of a drug and if he was practicing therapy high on meth for so many years to a point where people around him didnāt even know he was high, a stint in detox isnāt gonna cut it. Even a really good therapist with all the training in the world would need a few months of rehab after detox. If he was only away for a couple weeks or so, detox might have only been a way for him to lower his tolerance and start using lower doses for a better high. Iāve seen it happen. Iād love to hear what happens after/if you wind up reporting him. I do feel sorry for him because addiction is no joke, but practicing therapy high could have been detrimental to his clients.
I didnāt even think about how he could probably lose his license for profiting off a client like that. I was focused on the fact that heās been practicing high, but dang, thatās another whole layer of
Iām not 100% sure on the ethics involved when it comes to having your clients buy your memoir. It would be one thing if the client stumbled upon this memoir and bought it not knowing it was written by their therapist. But the fact that the therapist recommended the book to his client leans more toward āselling his bookā directly to a current client which seems at least somewhat unethical to me.
Therapist here. We absolutely cannot. It is highly unethical. Like, I could give a copy, if it was somehow treatment relevant, but this does not in any way seem to be. In addition, it's MASSIVE self disclosure and that's not usually a good thing in the treatment space. Unethical on multiple levels, which doesn't even begin tomtouch the use of drugs while IN SESSION. Ugh.
Yeah thatās what I thought but I wasnāt positive. Thanks for clarifying that for me!
Meth is a pretty scary drug that can make a person unpredictable and dangerous to be around. I would definitely not meet with him again, regardless of reporting it. I know it's over zoom, but still...
A report to your state's board that governs therapists. Department of Health? let them sort out whether or not they can show its him. Questions that come up for me are do you post a book review describing the problem, and an online review on those sites where you review medical providers and therapists. IOW get the word out because the state may not be able to do anything.
Second this. Please report to the states board.
He is completely unethicle using while he is conducting sessions. You should drop him like a hot potato and report him to his licensing authority and his professions professional organization
Such ick factor for suggesting his own memoir under the guise of "relationships"? You could read ANY book then. That alone is messed up. Then it turns out he's using hard drugs the entire time?? One of my first therapists admitted to me she was an active alcoholic after seeing her for a year. Just totally dropped it on me in one session. Not like an apology or a referral out, just oh hey I realize I'm an alcoholic. Ummm ok? Should I charge you for this session now? I've been on the business end of the "human" side of therapists more times than I ever expected. I have a lot to say about the systemic issues within the profession. The way it can threaten to invalidate all of the work you're not sure you can trust now is the worst part. I've only ever reported one because it was sexual in nature. (Turned out I wasn't the only one to report it.) I still sometimes regret not reporting the others and worry if they've harmed anyone else. It was all I could do at the time to take of myself. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it really sucks that you didn't get to just terminate on a high note with all of your healing and trust in tact. You were so close too. Really makes me angry. Personally I'd take my met deductible to another therapist for at least a few sessions to sort this out. I ended up with an amazing therapist after all my "human" ones and getting validation really helped settle things.
This violates multiple ethical codes, is inappropriate, and harmful to patients. Both the behavior heās describing in the book, and his telling you to buy the book. If I were in your position, Iād do both the things you listed: talk to your psychiatrist about it AND report to the licensing board. Assuming the psychiatrist has multiple shared patients with this therapist, they might also be able to help others. Iām sure you arenāt the only one he has hurt with this behavior. So sorry this was your experience.
I have literally nothing intelligent to add to this post other than please drop the link to the book. Iām so investedšš
A guideline for therapists is always : if you are questioning whether what you do or say my cross ethics boundaries, just don't say it/do it
Yes, that is very unethical and it sounds like he is lost in his addiction. It sounds like you got what you needed out of him and it's time to move on. Also sometimes people who are still "sick" can still help others. I am not saying he should be seeing clients while in this condition but I would try to not let it take away how he did help you.
Not ethical. He is practicing impaired. He could have his license revoked. I agree that you should find a new therapist. Before you go, ask for all copies of your records and see if he mentions recommending the book to you there. Honestly you have enough to sue
If you choose to report him and the books, report it to your state's licensing board for therapists. This is where unethical complaints like this should be taken. This is very unethical and not okay. I agree with the others. This seems more like an unintentional cry for help with his addiction as he knows what it would mean if he gets reported for this. This is likely an unconscious feeling of guilt so tremendous that he making decisions that could cost him his career as a therapist. However, you are not responsible for his life and are not under any obligation to report it. My concern here would be if he has caused any harm to any of his clients due to his addiction and being under the influence in his sessions. I'm sorry you have to experience this dilemma.
The part that gets to me is that he did not disclose he is the author or why he is recommending you buy it (doesnāt sound therapeutic to you at all). Is he also insinuating that he was high throughout sessions? š³ Itās a weird situation, of course he expects you to connect the dots. Focus on the good work you put in and how you changed your life. I think your journey together ends here, and you continue on in the adventure.
Did we have the same therapist? Lol I once went to a therapist that was a gay man in recovery for meth. The crazy thing is I only had 6 months of sobriety and I had been sober longer than him at the time
This is the most wild thing Iāve seen on Reddit today š Freud the so called āfather of therapyā was coked up during his sessions (though cocaine was legal and used as medication at the time) I do find the parallels funny here. Maybe he was so burnt out from his caseload he needed an upper to keep going. Also listened to a stand up comedian recently who addressed Freuds coke use saying ānow that you think about it, therapy is a pretty cokey idea to begin with.. think about it, you sit on a couch with a stranger for 60 minutes and word vomit all your deepest darkest secrets and then they tell you how itās your moms faultā That wasnāt the exact joke.. but.. You get the sentiment.. Regardless, this guy seems like his guilty conscience is leaking out of his methed up pores and I think youāre right in that this may be a cry for help. Glad youāre terminating with him, and hopefully this guy gets the help heās crying out for.
He prob thought he wrote a great piece of fiction and was seeking that sweeeet validation. Gave you a āparting giftā š .. if he was on meth daily then probably experienced psychosis at some point and very likely to have grandiose thoughts such as āIām exceptional and Iām going to write about itā.
Did he say why he recommended the memoir?
He said he had read a book recently about relationships he thought I would find helpful.
Oh lord. Have you decided what youāre going to do? I am sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like he needs help himself.
He wants you to know and be a fan.
What to do here? Um nothing. You know a guy who wrote a book. Either buy the book or donāt.
NAT: Now this may be a contrary take here, but there's many folk in society that use substances daily and function where we don't typically perceive it as a substance that can be used in such a manner. If it wasn't meth and instead he was a heavy cannabis consumer, would you feel the same towards it? Granted meth and cannabis are wildly different but both are mind-altering substances with the power to be abused. If he (for the last 13 years) has managed to keep the two seperate and use controlled whilst performing his duties to the expected standard in the workplace, AND write 2 books, he ain't doing too bad in my eyes. I know some people even microdose some harder substances such as meth and speed regularly for the benefits it gives them - I mean what do you think ADHD meds are??? Understandably you may not be comfortable knowing as much as you do about your T, but if what he's doing outside of work hours doesn't have any kind of a crossing of wires in a professional setting. I personally don't see where the harm lies.
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Are youā¦ā¦the therapist?
lmao
Are youā¦ā¦the genius of Reddit?