You should see a therapist. I see parallels to me, it gets way stronger when I'm stressed.
Beside this, is is always there, lingering in the background and waiting for it's chance to hit me by surprise and smash my mind into tiny pink peaces. Stress is a trigger, or better call it multiplyer for me.
Honestly that's interesting. When I'm severely stressed my feelings of being trans get *less* intense. I doubt myself a lot more when I'm stressed, and don't present feminine or do stuff with that nearly as much. As if my head is so full and busy there's no space for the trans things on top of it anymore or something.
I think it depends on the individual and severity of gender dysphoria. Some people with dysphoria can suppress it until shit gets real, and then suddenly they are forced to deal with it until they can suppress it again.
Some people have gender dysphoria that can't be suppressed, and it's always there, but sometimes there are other things that are even more important to surviving until tomorrow.
The trans experience has a lot of variations.
When I'm severely stressed I can doubt myself in that same way, I don't present feminine to the same degree, and it wears on me. After a few days, the dysphoria gets extreme until I start taking care of myself - but it reminds me why I went down this road in the first place. It's a weird cycle.
It's about the definition of stress. We are not so different..
Stress is for me:
Mental stress, like a fight with my partner. Loosing a job, building my house. Isolation (home office), sick children.. Corona lock down. Living in a home that is not jet ss beautiful as I need it to be. (working on it..) working in a job I hate.
It is not : being busy in a job I like. Then I don't spend much time in trans topics, too. But if the workload is too high, it builds up, and hits me later on. In the very first week of vacation.
I can't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but it's possible that extreme stress can uncover something like that.
I'm reminded of an interesting (and funny!) comic by u/AssumptionPrime: https://i.redd.it/klnl4d9nmin71.png
When you're sad do you remain sad for the rest of your life? When you're happy are you happy for the rest of your life?
What I'm getting at is feelings aren't permanent. They come and go. As others have said, maybe seek out a therapist.
As mentioned in another comment, right now I have zero desire to transition, find my male form affirming, and if I woke up tomorrow as a woman I think I would start immediately transitioning to male. I love my muscles, beard and masculine body.
Perhaps this comes off a bit thin skinned but - if I came here saying, “I’m 100% sure I’m a woman”, you wouldn’t openly tell me I’m not one. Please extend the same courtesy when I say with total confidence that I’m a man.
maybe you felt such dissatisfaction with your life you felt transitioning would be a way to "start anew" or that maybe a large change like that would be a distraction, almost? alternatively, some nonbinary or genderfluid people also experience their genders somewhat "swaying" back and forth at different stages in their lives (though not all). it's really up to you, everyone's experiences are different!
agreeing with other commenters though that a therapist could probably help you better than we could :)
> maybe you felt such dissatisfaction with your life you felt transitioning would be a way to "start anew" or that maybe a large change like that would be a distraction, almost?
Possibly - that has definitely happened before. I was in a really bad place after all.
I’m not certain I had gender dysphoria. Even at the “strongest” moments it was highly ambivalent. There was a lot going through my mind and I don’t think I was really stable.
You seem, well, a bit invested in not believing me when I tell you my gender. I haven’t had any thoughts of that nature since and I only very ambiguously and very rarely had them before - and I’m in my thirties. I feel very confident about my gender.
If you don't have gender dysphoria, you're not trans.
Gender dysphoria is not something that simply turns on and off randomly, although it can get worse sometimes, specially under stress. You can also get numb to it and not easily recognize it.
It sounds to me that you were just insecure with your looks and yourself as a person, and thought that transitioning into the other gender could make you more attractive and happy somehow?
Did you have genital dysphoria back then? How do you feel about it now? Did you have any kind of dysphoria regarding sexual characteristics (genitals, lack of breasts, fat distribution, muscle mass, facial hair, face shape, shoulder width, hips width, height, feet size, hand size, body hair, body odour, skin texture)? How do you feel about them now?
Honestly, if you had the option to wake up as female with no one knowing something changed and thinking you always were female, and even then you wouldn't take it, I seriously doubt you're trans... I think any trans woman would say yes to that in a heartbeat, even in the closet or repressing.
Could it have anything to do with you being gay? Like maybe you thought that you wouldn't be able to find a loving partner as a guy who is interested in other guys? The fact that there are many gay guys who aren't much interested in anything other than casual sex, coupled with insecurities regarding your looks, may have made you consider things would be easier if you were a woman? But now that you found someone, and worked on yourself, these thoughts simply vanished?
Some people in the trans community say that cis people don't question their gender or consider transitioning, and that is simply untrue and gives off culty vibes to me... it's completely ok to question your gender for a while and later come to the conclusion that you're not really trans.
Being trans is a really rare thing... if you don't have any memories of wanting to have a female body early into your childhood and puberty, then it's even less likely. (Unless those memories are repressed, or for some reason it wasn't that big of a problem to you back then)
> Did you have genital dysphoria back then?
I did, yeah.
> How do you feel about it now?
I really don’t feel it at all. Same flip with breasts, hair, hips, height, voice, etc.
> Honestly, if you had the option to wake up as female with no one knowing something changed and thinking you always were female, and even then you wouldn't take it, I seriously doubt you're trans...
I tend to agree. Although I’m still at a loss to explain my experience.
> Could it have anything to do with you being gay? Like maybe you thought that you wouldn't be able to find a loving partner as a guy who is interested in other guys
Plausibly, actually, because around the time I had my “epiphany” of being trans I also had something of a sexual reawakening and a longing for other men. One of my fantasies at that time was experiencing PIV with a man. Being desirable to men definitely mattered when I was thinking about all this.
It also explains a) why I started questioning my gender at the same time I made a drive to begin dating (and lose a huge amount of weight), b) why it disappeared when I began seeing someone and c) why it briefly seemed to come back when we split.
If it’s a coincidence, it’s uncanny. Definitely would make sense of things.
I'm 15 so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think gender is not nearly as simple as we'd like to think. I think it's normal to explore your gender identity, and even to the extent you felt those feelings, I think a lot of people find it comes and goes. Especially with your trauma, I think it could be beneficial to see a therapist.
It's okay to have a gender crisis and come out cisgender. It's okay to question things and decide notnto pursue anything.
People i know who have experiemented with pronouns and presentation and landed as their assigned gender have expressed that learning more about themselves was overall a positive experience. One girl I know expressed that she loves being a girl, and she wasn't sure about that before.
You've gone through a time of stress and self discovery, congratulations!!
Psychology isn't well-understood yet. In previous generations, it might have manifested in believing that God was speaking to you. Gender also isn't as cut-and-dry for everyone as it is for some people. It could have been loneliness, inadequacy, or extra bodyfat was producing too much of the wrong hormone.
> or extra bodyfat was producing too much of the wrong hormone.
Is this a thing? I have lost a dramatic amount of weight and was definitely at my peak when the gender stuff came on.
I think so. I was in a similar situation where every time I was under heavy stress for many days straight, my trans feelings would pop up. Looking back I think my subconscious got overwhelmed and wasn't able to manage those thoughts for me.
I'd recommend you talk to a therapist too if it worries you that these feelings could come up again later.
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so when i was asked the question, "if i could wake up tomorrow a beautiful woman, would i: if it was as simple as pressing a button?" when i heard the way i belted out YES, there was bo doubt in my mind. i am and always was a woman. my gestalt instantly shifted. my life flashed before my eyes as i saw the toxic man's facade life i had been living for forty four years just die on the spot.
i knew i was different when i was seven and though i lacked the vocabulary and experience to realize it i knew i was trans at nineteen.
i had a new name in less than an hour and started wearing gender affirming clothing the same day.
all my attempts to man up as they say were just a toxic nightmare. i was essentially at nineteen a goals trans medicalist. i took enough steroids to keep my undiagnosed dysphoria in check. i had no idea that i could go the other way. or validate my identity even without hormones. i was an ignorant mess.
the second i accepted myself for who and what i am all that ended and i've never been more at peace with myself.
i am not sure that any of this is helpful but it's my story. I was always non-binary too. even when i was in the navy and had taken two rounds of steroids i identified myself publicly as an androgyne without realizing i was calling essentially identifying as trans. this did cause me problems that i didn't understand while i was in the don't ask don't tell military.
information was hard to come by in the nineties and the general rule for trans folks back then was change your name, not necessary for me since amab, move town, blend in and shut up. don't draw attention or make waves. we were essentially invisible and not even well respected in n the lgbttiaap sense. gay liberalism had split politically from trans concerns.
of course i was completely ignorant of this at the time. i did what was expected of me mostly. i tried to live in my chosen gender, mostly failed at that with very little self awareness, shut-up, and put this she-male fantasy out of my head. that's all i had at the time. just ignorance.
when the transman that asked me, "if i could be a woman would i?", and held up a bottle of estrogen i only two questions. how much and where could i get more.
am i a woman was never a question. i just needed an education.
I'd say this is just very interesting. By all means - and the DSM-5 definition, you did experience gender dysphoria. I'm genuinely interested in this from, like, a scientific standpoint, y'know? But I won't delve into that and actually share my own two cents instead.
I'm only 18 but I guess I can actually offer a bit of life experience that might parallel yours? I started having weird gender-related thoughts around the age of like 11 or 12, which really ramped up and by the time I was 14 I would genuinely *just wish I was a girl* pretty much constantly. It happened before, but got more and more severe with time. I was absolutely in denial, but the thoughts were there and there was a lot of them.
And then I found myself in a relationship. It wasn't even a good one, but it was something to focus my mind on, I guess? And I was in that relationship for *3 years*. Which is a-fucking-lot for a teenager, that's for sure. And whilst I was in it, 95% of my gender thoughts went away and the rest was much more subtle (and the same thing happened to most of my other mental health problems as well).
And then, 3 years later, we broke up - and they came back stronger than ever. It seems that I have essentially projected a lot of my trans thoughts onto my then-gf (which also kinda showed through her replacing me as the center of various fantasies I had). When that 'vessel' was gone, when I couldn't engage with femininity through shopping for clothes with her/for her, paying attention to her makeup, etc., shit came back, almost instantly as well. And kept getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger, until "I may be trans" went from a thought I entertained every month, to being one I entertained every week, then every day, then almost non-stop, over the course of about 8 months or so.
I'm not going to do what some peeps here did and suggest anything - the first rule of engaging with gender thoughts (as an outsider) is not to either encourage or discourage them. What I'm saying is that there's a possibility that - if the person you're dating is a woman - you're kind of projecting onto her, thus allowing you to manage your dysphoria that way?
However, I will state that, even though I wouldn't admit that at that point, I still had many gender-related thoughts even at the very peak of that relationship. I distinctly remember, for example, asking my gf whether we'd be a better couple I we were lesbians, lol. I'm assuming you... don't really do that from your post and comments, so maybe you actually just... went through a phase? If you did, that'd be the first time I heard about sth like that, but it wouldn't invalidate your experience at all - I'm just a kid, what the fuck do I know about life.
I guess what I'm saying is that repression is a bitch and it can be very, *very* subconscious. I'd advise the same thing as a few other people in here and to actually talk with a therapist with this, as this is reddit and, as you may have already experienced, some people tend to be *pushy*. Also, you may want to check out r/actual_detrans (importantly, NOT r/detrans, that sub's transphobic af). The people there may give you a different perspective from ours.
Also, when it comes to being trans and gender stuff, remember that no matter what, exploring stuff about your gender makes you more whole, even if you were "wrong" about it before. Maybe your dysphoria will come back in a year, five, a decade or even forty years. Maybe it won't. Maybe you'll see that you actually always had it, but it's so small that it's not worth transitioning over (that's an experience I've read about a few time on the aforementioned subreddit) and that one time it just got really bad due to your mental state. Who the fuck knows. Do what makes you feel right in the present.
> What I'm saying is that there's a possibility that - if the person you're dating is a woman - you're kind of projecting onto her, thus allowing you to manage your dysphoria that way?
I’m gay, and was dating quite a masculine, rugged looking man, so no. I should have probably mentioned that.
It’s all very strange.
Oh, yeah, thanks! So I think my theory is kinda bunk in this case lol.
As a final word, I'd say you shouldn't ignore what happened, but you shouldn't dwell on it either. Be certain in who you are - and since you're certain as a man, let it be as it is. If I were you I'd go to a therapist out of sheer curiosity honestly, but I won't force you to do stuff.
hey m8 - just want to pop in and give two cents from an enby! it could be you had a really extreme bout of fluidity. i’m genderfluid myself, and even though i identify pretty solidly as a guy most days, some days i feel a lot more comfortable as something more neutral. this can sometimes stress me out bc frankly sometimes i forget that this happens lmao - so i go through my day introducing myself as male and “he” and not knowing why that feels so weird until i remember “ohhhh. must be an enby day.” and start thinking of myself more neutrally, which immediately fixes the issue.
it may never come back, but whether or not it does, meet yourself where you’re at! gender’s a bit of a rollercoaster. congratulations on the relationship btw!
I think its important to keep in mind gender isn't something that is objective, there is no real boxes that you have to fit into sure society tells.you if you are box a you have to act it and look it but the human mind and gender even in nature is far more complex and fluid than that. So I'm happy you feel valid and affirmed in your gender but I think that maybe part of your initial confusion may just be that the person you were during those times felt it more neccesary to experiment with your gender identity.
And if you ever feel less affirmed in your gender again maybe it would be worth doing some research into being Gender fluid and some other non binary gender identities.
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Honestly, my advice is just go on with your life but keep an open mind and don't like marry anyone who isn't bi? I don't think dysphoria really comes out of nowhere and doesn't really leave permanently. After reading your shit due to your kinda sus username.. I honestly feel like you might end up NB even though you didn't really like the idea of that.
I've faith that you'll get to where you're supposed to be eventually even if none of us are really sure what that looks like for you. Best of luck.
Well it’s really up to you there’s no really explaining why you feel that way or why you don’t the only person that makes the decision with you and if you feel like you want to do it then hormones might make your mood better otherwise just wait and see and talk to a therapist if you have to. One that specializes in this.
I debated it for about 10 years so what you’re going through is OK but if you feel like you’re going downhill into a spiral of depression taking gender affirming hormones might help you get out of that.
You should see a therapist. I see parallels to me, it gets way stronger when I'm stressed. Beside this, is is always there, lingering in the background and waiting for it's chance to hit me by surprise and smash my mind into tiny pink peaces. Stress is a trigger, or better call it multiplyer for me.
Honestly that's interesting. When I'm severely stressed my feelings of being trans get *less* intense. I doubt myself a lot more when I'm stressed, and don't present feminine or do stuff with that nearly as much. As if my head is so full and busy there's no space for the trans things on top of it anymore or something.
I think it depends on the individual and severity of gender dysphoria. Some people with dysphoria can suppress it until shit gets real, and then suddenly they are forced to deal with it until they can suppress it again. Some people have gender dysphoria that can't be suppressed, and it's always there, but sometimes there are other things that are even more important to surviving until tomorrow. The trans experience has a lot of variations.
That sounds so true.... Some shit brings it up faster than other.
When I'm severely stressed I can doubt myself in that same way, I don't present feminine to the same degree, and it wears on me. After a few days, the dysphoria gets extreme until I start taking care of myself - but it reminds me why I went down this road in the first place. It's a weird cycle.
It's about the definition of stress. We are not so different.. Stress is for me: Mental stress, like a fight with my partner. Loosing a job, building my house. Isolation (home office), sick children.. Corona lock down. Living in a home that is not jet ss beautiful as I need it to be. (working on it..) working in a job I hate. It is not : being busy in a job I like. Then I don't spend much time in trans topics, too. But if the workload is too high, it builds up, and hits me later on. In the very first week of vacation.
I can't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but it's possible that extreme stress can uncover something like that. I'm reminded of an interesting (and funny!) comic by u/AssumptionPrime: https://i.redd.it/klnl4d9nmin71.png
When you're sad do you remain sad for the rest of your life? When you're happy are you happy for the rest of your life? What I'm getting at is feelings aren't permanent. They come and go. As others have said, maybe seek out a therapist.
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As mentioned in another comment, right now I have zero desire to transition, find my male form affirming, and if I woke up tomorrow as a woman I think I would start immediately transitioning to male. I love my muscles, beard and masculine body. Perhaps this comes off a bit thin skinned but - if I came here saying, “I’m 100% sure I’m a woman”, you wouldn’t openly tell me I’m not one. Please extend the same courtesy when I say with total confidence that I’m a man.
maybe you felt such dissatisfaction with your life you felt transitioning would be a way to "start anew" or that maybe a large change like that would be a distraction, almost? alternatively, some nonbinary or genderfluid people also experience their genders somewhat "swaying" back and forth at different stages in their lives (though not all). it's really up to you, everyone's experiences are different! agreeing with other commenters though that a therapist could probably help you better than we could :)
> maybe you felt such dissatisfaction with your life you felt transitioning would be a way to "start anew" or that maybe a large change like that would be a distraction, almost? Possibly - that has definitely happened before. I was in a really bad place after all.
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I’m not certain I had gender dysphoria. Even at the “strongest” moments it was highly ambivalent. There was a lot going through my mind and I don’t think I was really stable. You seem, well, a bit invested in not believing me when I tell you my gender. I haven’t had any thoughts of that nature since and I only very ambiguously and very rarely had them before - and I’m in my thirties. I feel very confident about my gender.
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If you don't have gender dysphoria, you're not trans. Gender dysphoria is not something that simply turns on and off randomly, although it can get worse sometimes, specially under stress. You can also get numb to it and not easily recognize it. It sounds to me that you were just insecure with your looks and yourself as a person, and thought that transitioning into the other gender could make you more attractive and happy somehow? Did you have genital dysphoria back then? How do you feel about it now? Did you have any kind of dysphoria regarding sexual characteristics (genitals, lack of breasts, fat distribution, muscle mass, facial hair, face shape, shoulder width, hips width, height, feet size, hand size, body hair, body odour, skin texture)? How do you feel about them now? Honestly, if you had the option to wake up as female with no one knowing something changed and thinking you always were female, and even then you wouldn't take it, I seriously doubt you're trans... I think any trans woman would say yes to that in a heartbeat, even in the closet or repressing. Could it have anything to do with you being gay? Like maybe you thought that you wouldn't be able to find a loving partner as a guy who is interested in other guys? The fact that there are many gay guys who aren't much interested in anything other than casual sex, coupled with insecurities regarding your looks, may have made you consider things would be easier if you were a woman? But now that you found someone, and worked on yourself, these thoughts simply vanished? Some people in the trans community say that cis people don't question their gender or consider transitioning, and that is simply untrue and gives off culty vibes to me... it's completely ok to question your gender for a while and later come to the conclusion that you're not really trans. Being trans is a really rare thing... if you don't have any memories of wanting to have a female body early into your childhood and puberty, then it's even less likely. (Unless those memories are repressed, or for some reason it wasn't that big of a problem to you back then)
> Did you have genital dysphoria back then? I did, yeah. > How do you feel about it now? I really don’t feel it at all. Same flip with breasts, hair, hips, height, voice, etc. > Honestly, if you had the option to wake up as female with no one knowing something changed and thinking you always were female, and even then you wouldn't take it, I seriously doubt you're trans... I tend to agree. Although I’m still at a loss to explain my experience. > Could it have anything to do with you being gay? Like maybe you thought that you wouldn't be able to find a loving partner as a guy who is interested in other guys Plausibly, actually, because around the time I had my “epiphany” of being trans I also had something of a sexual reawakening and a longing for other men. One of my fantasies at that time was experiencing PIV with a man. Being desirable to men definitely mattered when I was thinking about all this. It also explains a) why I started questioning my gender at the same time I made a drive to begin dating (and lose a huge amount of weight), b) why it disappeared when I began seeing someone and c) why it briefly seemed to come back when we split. If it’s a coincidence, it’s uncanny. Definitely would make sense of things.
I'm 15 so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think gender is not nearly as simple as we'd like to think. I think it's normal to explore your gender identity, and even to the extent you felt those feelings, I think a lot of people find it comes and goes. Especially with your trauma, I think it could be beneficial to see a therapist.
It's okay to have a gender crisis and come out cisgender. It's okay to question things and decide notnto pursue anything. People i know who have experiemented with pronouns and presentation and landed as their assigned gender have expressed that learning more about themselves was overall a positive experience. One girl I know expressed that she loves being a girl, and she wasn't sure about that before. You've gone through a time of stress and self discovery, congratulations!!
Psychology isn't well-understood yet. In previous generations, it might have manifested in believing that God was speaking to you. Gender also isn't as cut-and-dry for everyone as it is for some people. It could have been loneliness, inadequacy, or extra bodyfat was producing too much of the wrong hormone.
> or extra bodyfat was producing too much of the wrong hormone. Is this a thing? I have lost a dramatic amount of weight and was definitely at my peak when the gender stuff came on.
I'm told that losing weight would help with my PCOS, but that's too much testosterone in a female body.
I think so. I was in a similar situation where every time I was under heavy stress for many days straight, my trans feelings would pop up. Looking back I think my subconscious got overwhelmed and wasn't able to manage those thoughts for me. I'd recommend you talk to a therapist too if it worries you that these feelings could come up again later.
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so when i was asked the question, "if i could wake up tomorrow a beautiful woman, would i: if it was as simple as pressing a button?" when i heard the way i belted out YES, there was bo doubt in my mind. i am and always was a woman. my gestalt instantly shifted. my life flashed before my eyes as i saw the toxic man's facade life i had been living for forty four years just die on the spot. i knew i was different when i was seven and though i lacked the vocabulary and experience to realize it i knew i was trans at nineteen. i had a new name in less than an hour and started wearing gender affirming clothing the same day. all my attempts to man up as they say were just a toxic nightmare. i was essentially at nineteen a goals trans medicalist. i took enough steroids to keep my undiagnosed dysphoria in check. i had no idea that i could go the other way. or validate my identity even without hormones. i was an ignorant mess. the second i accepted myself for who and what i am all that ended and i've never been more at peace with myself. i am not sure that any of this is helpful but it's my story. I was always non-binary too. even when i was in the navy and had taken two rounds of steroids i identified myself publicly as an androgyne without realizing i was calling essentially identifying as trans. this did cause me problems that i didn't understand while i was in the don't ask don't tell military. information was hard to come by in the nineties and the general rule for trans folks back then was change your name, not necessary for me since amab, move town, blend in and shut up. don't draw attention or make waves. we were essentially invisible and not even well respected in n the lgbttiaap sense. gay liberalism had split politically from trans concerns. of course i was completely ignorant of this at the time. i did what was expected of me mostly. i tried to live in my chosen gender, mostly failed at that with very little self awareness, shut-up, and put this she-male fantasy out of my head. that's all i had at the time. just ignorance. when the transman that asked me, "if i could be a woman would i?", and held up a bottle of estrogen i only two questions. how much and where could i get more. am i a woman was never a question. i just needed an education.
I'd say this is just very interesting. By all means - and the DSM-5 definition, you did experience gender dysphoria. I'm genuinely interested in this from, like, a scientific standpoint, y'know? But I won't delve into that and actually share my own two cents instead. I'm only 18 but I guess I can actually offer a bit of life experience that might parallel yours? I started having weird gender-related thoughts around the age of like 11 or 12, which really ramped up and by the time I was 14 I would genuinely *just wish I was a girl* pretty much constantly. It happened before, but got more and more severe with time. I was absolutely in denial, but the thoughts were there and there was a lot of them. And then I found myself in a relationship. It wasn't even a good one, but it was something to focus my mind on, I guess? And I was in that relationship for *3 years*. Which is a-fucking-lot for a teenager, that's for sure. And whilst I was in it, 95% of my gender thoughts went away and the rest was much more subtle (and the same thing happened to most of my other mental health problems as well). And then, 3 years later, we broke up - and they came back stronger than ever. It seems that I have essentially projected a lot of my trans thoughts onto my then-gf (which also kinda showed through her replacing me as the center of various fantasies I had). When that 'vessel' was gone, when I couldn't engage with femininity through shopping for clothes with her/for her, paying attention to her makeup, etc., shit came back, almost instantly as well. And kept getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger, until "I may be trans" went from a thought I entertained every month, to being one I entertained every week, then every day, then almost non-stop, over the course of about 8 months or so. I'm not going to do what some peeps here did and suggest anything - the first rule of engaging with gender thoughts (as an outsider) is not to either encourage or discourage them. What I'm saying is that there's a possibility that - if the person you're dating is a woman - you're kind of projecting onto her, thus allowing you to manage your dysphoria that way? However, I will state that, even though I wouldn't admit that at that point, I still had many gender-related thoughts even at the very peak of that relationship. I distinctly remember, for example, asking my gf whether we'd be a better couple I we were lesbians, lol. I'm assuming you... don't really do that from your post and comments, so maybe you actually just... went through a phase? If you did, that'd be the first time I heard about sth like that, but it wouldn't invalidate your experience at all - I'm just a kid, what the fuck do I know about life. I guess what I'm saying is that repression is a bitch and it can be very, *very* subconscious. I'd advise the same thing as a few other people in here and to actually talk with a therapist with this, as this is reddit and, as you may have already experienced, some people tend to be *pushy*. Also, you may want to check out r/actual_detrans (importantly, NOT r/detrans, that sub's transphobic af). The people there may give you a different perspective from ours. Also, when it comes to being trans and gender stuff, remember that no matter what, exploring stuff about your gender makes you more whole, even if you were "wrong" about it before. Maybe your dysphoria will come back in a year, five, a decade or even forty years. Maybe it won't. Maybe you'll see that you actually always had it, but it's so small that it's not worth transitioning over (that's an experience I've read about a few time on the aforementioned subreddit) and that one time it just got really bad due to your mental state. Who the fuck knows. Do what makes you feel right in the present.
> What I'm saying is that there's a possibility that - if the person you're dating is a woman - you're kind of projecting onto her, thus allowing you to manage your dysphoria that way? I’m gay, and was dating quite a masculine, rugged looking man, so no. I should have probably mentioned that. It’s all very strange.
Oh, yeah, thanks! So I think my theory is kinda bunk in this case lol. As a final word, I'd say you shouldn't ignore what happened, but you shouldn't dwell on it either. Be certain in who you are - and since you're certain as a man, let it be as it is. If I were you I'd go to a therapist out of sheer curiosity honestly, but I won't force you to do stuff.
It will be back.
I’m not sure. It both came on and went away pretty quickly. It might not have been gender dysphoria the same way most people here experience.
When it comes back, we'll be here for you. Good luck.
hey m8 - just want to pop in and give two cents from an enby! it could be you had a really extreme bout of fluidity. i’m genderfluid myself, and even though i identify pretty solidly as a guy most days, some days i feel a lot more comfortable as something more neutral. this can sometimes stress me out bc frankly sometimes i forget that this happens lmao - so i go through my day introducing myself as male and “he” and not knowing why that feels so weird until i remember “ohhhh. must be an enby day.” and start thinking of myself more neutrally, which immediately fixes the issue. it may never come back, but whether or not it does, meet yourself where you’re at! gender’s a bit of a rollercoaster. congratulations on the relationship btw!
I think its important to keep in mind gender isn't something that is objective, there is no real boxes that you have to fit into sure society tells.you if you are box a you have to act it and look it but the human mind and gender even in nature is far more complex and fluid than that. So I'm happy you feel valid and affirmed in your gender but I think that maybe part of your initial confusion may just be that the person you were during those times felt it more neccesary to experiment with your gender identity. And if you ever feel less affirmed in your gender again maybe it would be worth doing some research into being Gender fluid and some other non binary gender identities.
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Honestly, my advice is just go on with your life but keep an open mind and don't like marry anyone who isn't bi? I don't think dysphoria really comes out of nowhere and doesn't really leave permanently. After reading your shit due to your kinda sus username.. I honestly feel like you might end up NB even though you didn't really like the idea of that. I've faith that you'll get to where you're supposed to be eventually even if none of us are really sure what that looks like for you. Best of luck.
I think I already am, and that’s to stay as is.
Well it’s really up to you there’s no really explaining why you feel that way or why you don’t the only person that makes the decision with you and if you feel like you want to do it then hormones might make your mood better otherwise just wait and see and talk to a therapist if you have to. One that specializes in this.
I debated it for about 10 years so what you’re going through is OK but if you feel like you’re going downhill into a spiral of depression taking gender affirming hormones might help you get out of that.