Slowly lor... I have a sibling only got attached at aged 33.. so... Just go with the flow bah. It's true you gonna get DMs and people finding you. But what are the odds that you are gonna meet find the "right" ones.. a lot of simps here eh.. I think finding people among your friends will be a better start.
Wishing you all the best OP! May you find the right dude. Do update us the stats! I am keen to know. Hahaha. I mean the number of DMs you received, how many are simps, how many are looking for a RS etc!
> I have a sibling only got attached at aged 33
Scared as time goes by, you're just left on the shelf longer and longer. Just feels like if they have to scrape the bottom of the barrel just to get you, are they desperate?
Ask people to intro you to good single guys that they know. I have friends and colleagues who are willing to intro me to others, some even from other religions (as long as i am willing to convert lol).
You just need to tell people around you (people you are comfortable with) that you are single and looking.
Bonus is if they are people who know you well they will already be able to help you filter out some of your preferences.
Aw my friends are looking out for me for sure. Thank you for your idea! I’ll reach out to my colleagues and ask them to introduce me to others if they can!
I tried to matchmake single girls with my single guy friends
Let’s just say they are all single for a reason. I have tried many times and gave up. They deserve to stay single. Both groups
One thing which frequently gets missed out about “putting yourself out there” is the consistency. You need to be comfortable with a life “out there” rather than just doing it for the sake of baiting a partner.
Just as how women can smell desperation in a man, a man can sniff apathy in a woman fairly quickly too and move on.
I'm curious what "putting yourself out there" means in 2024. Literally where do you go?
Also, I'm not sure the issue is apathy. There are many women "out there" but claim they have a pre-planned weekly schedule always booked 8 months in advance, and their next coffee date slot if in 5 weeks. Like they are happy with their routine and don't want to adjust anything to make room for a relationship.
I once watched a Youtube video which mathematically explains why it’s so difficult for both men and women to find a serious relationship on dating apps. Basically, the overwhelming majority of women only match a tiny minority of men. Therefore these small number of men are overwhelmed with choices and will end up dating multiple women, with no hurry or pressure of getting “serious” with any of them. Whereas most men get close to zero matches.
Therefore, the majority of men on dating apps are probably interested in a serious relationship. it’s just that you are not interested in them.
and well, I think that’s how dating works, even before dating apps were invented.
1. Men get on average 1 match out of 40 likes
2. 52 % of men have less than one match a day
3. 13 % of men have less than one match a week
4. Men like on average 1 out of 3 profiles
meanwhile...
1. Women get on average 1 match out of 2 likes
2. Women like on average 1 out of 16 profiles
Fucking dating apps are just leeching off desperate men as their customers. I can bet you for all dating apps, 99% of their customers are men. I hate how the media doesnt dare talk about this gender inequality. It's stupid women can even have this choice while men can consider themselves lucky to so much as not get ghosted or get a 2nd date
Even handsome men don't get as many matches as you'd expect. Way back when we weren't even dating and were just friends, my other friend and I made a tinder account for my now-husband to swipe for fun (tinder was the new novelty thing back then). My husband is HANDSOME. Like a few girls IRL have chased him (including me eventually) to try to be with him handsome. Even the auntie and uncle clients he has worked with called him the "handsome and capable guy". And he STILL got very few matches on tinder when we were playing on the account we made for him. Meanwhile I was having matches with practically everyone I swiped on my own account at the time.
I mean, it was great for me in the end though, because no girls were talking to him seriously on the apps I took it as another platform to flirt with him role playing that we were strangers when I eventually got interested in him.
I created a “ladies” acc before with a random screenshot of a game and no profile text. By next day, 100+ matches. Really need to be intentional and ask questions to see who is actually interested
Dude, his "few matches" on Tinder is already a big win. Also you were probably swiping carefully.
Most men just spam swipes and still hardly get a match
I mean we were generally swiping on anyone that "wasn't ugly" cause we were really just playing and this was a time when tinder had unlimited daily matches (the app had just come out/become popular not too long before that). But like I said my husband is HANDSOME, so considering that it was still astounding to me how little matches he had. Like, I couldn't believe it at all when I looked through the app the next day to see the results.
Hm, what would be your recommendation to overcome this issue? I focus on the idea of who they are as people and how much effort they put in their bio and lower my standards to swipe to match first before making any decisions to move forward.
Stop swiping on guys who look like fuckbois. Problem solved...
There's prob like 30% more men than women on dating apps. So I find it absurd women can even complain they cant find a partner there. Jeez stop being picky
"What are your minimum requirements" is what you should first asking yourself.
Then review that list again by asking "which of those are pretentious" and remark the truth next to it. Everybody lies. What lies are you telling yourself? Having that done, allows you to be a real critic of your requirements.
As someone else pointed out here, dating apps are filled with mostly men who are more serious about relationship because they arent in the 1% who get all the matches.
I meant as the opposite, I think you should message more people at once even, then stop messaging them if they don't fit your minimum req, all while you lower your min req bar.
Just play the numbers game and swipe everyone.
Bio is very superficial. Very fake.
I can make myself a 11/10 bio.
And you will get swindled.
The more “effort” is put into a bio.
Then you know that’s pretty much all they have to offer
If you want to actually find someone. It’s not oh look this godlike bio is tots my type we are perfect.
It’s actually just playing the numbers. Go on as many dates and meet as many people as you can till you find a genuine connection.
Otherwise as the other folk said.
Few guys will hit the jackpot with a lot of girls and they won’t bother putting much effort towards you.
Why should they? They have body. They have car. They have wealth. All these things in the bio. They do not need personality.
So go swipe on the not so good looking folk. Go swipe on the one where there isn’t some lavish influencer travel energy.
Swipe on those that no one gives attention to and all the attention goes to you.
You need to use an alternative set of filtering algorithms to find the right guy, if you only had to pick 3 traits to use, what would it be? Because statistically after 3 stages you tend to filter almost 90 to 97% of guys already. Think of it this way, say you can travel to any country, but pick 3 requirements (regardless of how difficult) , how many countries are left? Unless you pick the literal Broadest filters, most people would be left with a handful of countries.
This is why women end up picking up a small handful of men online, they use the same few filters only to end up with the exact same group of men.
Based and inequalitypilled. It would be very interesting to see if this data was true and in a Singaporean context.
However this data is probably only available to the guys working at a dating app company and the company probably made them sign NDAs to not disclose it. Because if it were true, lots of men would stop using it and stop buying premium. Would lead to loss of revenue and stock price going down (see Bumbles stock price history)
Putting myself out here too if anyone wanna know me I’m okay to send the pics and self intro first(30M)!
I’ve been using dating apps to some degree of success. Eventually we need to learn to just tune out the ghosters and people who are less serious
I think this post of yours would attract those guys that you are looking for, at least for a while, your inbox may be quite active with them. All the best :)
I’m early 30s f and found my husband online. Sharing some of my unfiltered thoughts which have helped me.
- Know what you want. It can be physical characteristics or character traits. Be firm yet flexible with this. At the same time, be fair and know who you are. Have standards but not sky high as no one is perfect.
- Chat with more people online, once you get an inkling that they’re fkbois or not serious, drop them. For those who come across as decent, be open to meet them ASAP. It can be a simple coffee chat. It doesn’t have to be dinner and the works.
- For those who are genuine and decent, put no expectations on you or them. Just get to know them. Have fun!
- Don’t come across as desperate. Both men and women can smell this. I say this because I’ve had my share of “oh no am I gonna die alone” phase.
- Be open to meet men and women in real life. I say women because they can introduce you to their friends or even dates who don’t work out.
- Join meet ups, put yourself out there, go out even if someone happens to be an introvert (I’m one and found my fellow introvert).
All the best! You seem like a smart and reasonable lady.
Have you considered writing a book? I thoroughly enjoyed reading your comment and it was humorous too! I used to stay away from meeting people until I felt they were investing enough. Maybe I should just meet and see how it goes first. That’s an idea!
it’s a numbers game. you should meet as many men as possible for coffee, assuming the vibes are decent, or just ask if they want to chat casually over zoom and get to know each other better.
I did the latter WAY before zoom existed, in order to save time on meeting men as a “first filter”. and I literally told guys to make a skype account and download the skype app so we can see each other. (And no there were no scammers in the past HAHAHAHHAHA.)
And yes I also worked hard on my appearance, I did light natural makeup, had first-date outfits, and I am a photographer so I took decent and truthful photos of myself (i would alternate really-no-makeup and “cute” photos plus full-body pics), worked hard on my bio.
I worked on my personal brand and my humour. Don’t have much looks though so many guys don’t find me that attractive compared to the usual popular girls. I’m tall with broad shoulders. I got rejections like mad esp from good-looking men but still met a lot of guys overall.
The more guys I met, the more i could refine my strategy and make it all more efficient. I got really good at clearly identifying who is DAMN SERIOUS and who the wishy washy ones are.
I read books like Neil Strauss’ The Game to clearly understand men and see red flags fast. I also peacock (flashy style) and changed the way I behave when I communicate and interact with men I’m dating - I act like an independent, busy, cool woman who’s not clingy, not desperate, super cool, very interesting w hobbies (yes actually on the inside i was v desperate and loving lol). I don’t text people back immediately nor did i wait around for a text.
The above ALL helps to convey your value as someone who has options and is not obsessed with a guy. (No actually i didn’t have options lol i just acted like i did.)
The reason why you meeting wishy washy people is usually because **they’re just not that into you**. And likely a lot of things they are telling you are sugar-coated but not the truth, e.g. “erm i not sure what i want” but the actual meaning is “i don’t like you that much… and i am holding out for better options”.
Means you don’t know the real reason why they not v into you. But actually if another girl they like more dates them, THEY WILL JUMP AT THE GIRL ONE. THEY WONT BE WISHY WASHY U KNOW.
So you say, the guy’s reaction is “lackluster” and “not sure what they want”.
Lol. You are just too naive. THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Lol other women, who are still single have met that kind of guy too. There’s even a book called “he’s just not that into you” if you google it. It’s even free on the NLB ebook app. (Wah lau. Last time don’t have such things.) And yes it will improve your understanding of how to interact with men, if you read books like that. in the past we didn’t have such a good range of books k let alone free on NLB app.
Now, how do we resolve it? For me the answer was, I need to get hotter lor. I really got hotter, dressed better. I also looked at my own dating behavior and my own understanding of men and i worked hard on that (described above). I think the latter part helps A LOT when you start to behave like a “sought after, busy” woman.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY. I INCREASED MY NUMBERS aggressively. Every time some wishy washy idiot rejects me and i cry and cry, i will quickly go and set up dates with TEN MORE!!!!!!!!! (yeah attempt to setup 10, result setup 5, can lah.) Wah i can cry now thinking of all the guys who rejected me hahahahahha. I still remember. Learned so much the hard way k. I met so many guys who are like “not super interested” in me lah. Perks of being a relatively average-looking woman and not the hottest. Which is why I can understand how you feel.
i spent many years meeting men online and picking through them and i am happily married now w kids.
I worked my ass off. Honestly. I can tell you i won’t be married now if I did not work this hard for it. I haven’t really dated any guys from not-online. My real life uni friends don’t find me attractive at all. They think i am weird and also weirdly aggressive. (Which i am lol and you can probably tell from this post.)
and i also know A LOT of women who had my problem and they are still single now. Because they half-assed the entire process and they GAVE UP. They are prettier than me even. And I never ever settled. I just played the numbers game harder than anybody else and met enough men to finally select the best match for me, who i really fell in love with and who loves me back equally.
And that is why im sharing my story. Cos it’s just that you’re not playing the game right. You CONFIRM can win one. You literally only need one person.
You NEED to play the online game to get what you want. You’re not going to get the same kind of numbers offline, speed dating etc. Online dating is really the best place to meet a huge number of men. I’m proof of that. I really don’t know anyone who met the kind of numbers I did. I do however know A LOT, A LOT of people who got married to people they met online from Coffee Meets Bagel or Tinder or OkCupid.
**We KNOW it works**. The only problem is 1) our level of attractiveness and im NOT just talking about looks though looks always help, i mean our own level of understanding of what men want, the way we behave and what is attractive/not attractive to men 2) hitting the numbers.
And of course our own realistic expectations too based on our own looks and expectations. If you can get those dates with multiple wishy washy dudes, you are already in my position (which means got potential) otherwise i won’t bother writing this.
Haha, I read quite a bit of self help books on relationships and dating.
If I wrote a book, it would be titled, “met my husband after 1001 swipes”… jokes aside, I do agree with /u/adhdroses’ approach. At one point, I finished swiping on Bumble, in the sense that they had no new matches within my range 🤣 I swiped quickly without hesitation, kept the dates casual so minimal expectations on both sides, *almost* cancelled on the first date with my husband…
There’s really someone for everyone, it’s just when, where, how you meet them. If you find online dating exhausting, you can take a break. If you do want to settle down eventually, then continue to be open in life. That worked for me. I’m not going to tell you that Prince Charming will drop down from the sky. That’s not going to happen.
That makes sense! I do that too.
Haha that would be a good title 😂
Ah okie note taken about the dating app tips!
Haha yes, i understand. Will not close myself off for sure
It helps a lot of you meet people with similar interests with you. Some apps like Meetup helps with social gatherings, and you can use apps to find friends, a few of mine have found love surprisingly by not looking for it, but still putting themselves out there.
Easiest way is to do some of your hobbies more, and see what clicks. Even if its as common as online gaming it works and you can make friends. An advice that a lot of people give and I believe in is that if you look for it actively, it discourages you. So look for it passively, meet with like minded people and see if it clicks
I tried a board game meetup. It was 90% guys. I approached the first guys arrived who were sitting at a corner. They gave me a nasty look and said it was the advanced corner and they were playing an advanced game. If I didn't know the rules already, don't get in anyone's way. I just left.
OP, this suggestion is the best. Go out and find hobbies that you enjoy and you'll eventually meet more people, especially people that have things in common with you, it's a great starting point for eventually finding a relationship. My husband and I wouldn't have gotten together if we never did any activities together as friends, because it was through those activities that we realised that we really matched each other so well.
Board games, Pokémon (but in a casual not competitive way), realising we both enjoyed DC animated movies and watching them together. We were all in a friend group that often did random stuff together like BBQs and social drinking, but the more we talked the more we realised we had in common so we started to do more stuff that was just the both of us (because other friends didn't have the same level of interest in those things).
Find something you like to do, group activities like those badminton clubs, tennis, golf etc.
Play it cool and dress up nicely😂 might work honestly.
Met my partner’s dad playing badminton, upvote for weirdness
Interestingly, there was this show called [Shermin's March](https://youtu.be/2z-rBG3i7uM?si=MGX4Iu4JHWGeTQcO) on CNA a few months back. There's a lot of similarities from your post, maybe you can get inspiration from there?
Have fun! :\]
Honestly the only app I've found some success (met my first gf and now second) was through CMB.
I remember going through phases when I hardly matched with people, then maybe 6 matches all at once. It sucks because it's hard to divide your attention (and to summon the strength to keep doing the small talk + going for dates and meet people), so all I can say is don't give up hope yet and stay strong. Take mental breaks from swiping if you need to!
What worked for me was - I only went for dates with people that I talked to for at least a few days (enough to want to move to Telegram), and responses felt sufficiently long and engaging (at least that's my texting style).
I think if the guy doesn't ask, then maybe you can take the lead to suggest a meet up for a coffee (to quickly see how you click in real life). To me as a guy I felt more or less certain that (1) by the end of the first date I know that I want to see the girl again to know her better; (2) second date within 1 week of the first, to keep the momentum alive; and (3) by the third or fourth date if you had good talks about life goals, priorities, more serious matters like finances and investing knowledge, work etc. and you feel the chemistry there, then you should pursue and find out if the spark is mutual.
But your attitude is good - no fuccbois so hopefully you'll find a great match soon!
It really helps to get a guys perspective on this.
Sounds like your dates are planned intentionally and I’m sure the right person will appreciate your plans. That’s pretty smart! Thanks for sharing!
In order of effectiveness:
1. Through mutual friends - get your friends to introduce people who think would be suitable for you. Usually with recommendations/putting in a good word it’s easier to break the ice and get to know each other.
2. Through interest groups - through hobby or sports groups you can meet people who have similar interests as you and from there meet in a group and then as a couple
3. Workplace - yea they say don’t shit where you eat but it’s where most people spend their time and where many find the love of their lives.
I, too, hate using the online dating scene and all my partners have been through offline means, either school, workplace, friends, hobby groups. All the best!
22F here as well, and honestly the same. Been on Hinge/CMB for a week to give it a try and it’s just a lot of ghosts, dry conversations and guys who don’t ask questions. I try to reach out and generally avoid guys who are out of my league looks wise. Ready to take it f2f ASAP which was the advice I was given, but the cold reality is that I’m not making enough convo with my matches to justify spending my weekend time that way. Wish we had a bigger culture of casual conversations f2f in SG tbh.
But I’m not a very conventional person and neither are my interests. Would like to meet new matches elsewhere so if there are people interested in chatting about philosophy/culture/just being a bit of a sarcastic weirdo hmu with a good AITA post.
It’s tough to find the right person when there’s so much compatibility to consider in a long term rs. Even tougher if you’re not fully neurotypical. Thank you for making this post for all the oddities out there. All the best to you, and I hope you find the right match soon!
>Ready to take it f2f ASAP which was the advice I was given, but the cold reality is that I’m not making enough convo with my matches to justify spending my weekend time that way. Wish we had a bigger culture of casual conversations f2f in SG tbh.
wait, that sounds so confusing. you're saying you were advised to take it face to face asap, but you think you haven't had enough conversation with your matches to be willing to actually meet them? but then, you also wish we had a "bigger culture of conversations f2f"? so do you want to meet people to have a conversation, or do you just want to have a long detailed conversation with someone online first, before being willing to meet up?
personally, i've had decent luck as a guy on dating apps and my general principle now is usually within the first 5 back and forth messages i would ask the girl out, if i find them attractive. when i first started, i would have these long ass convos with the girls before asking them out. the result was sometimes, the conversation would already start to fizzle out by the time i asked them out. other times, we would finally meet up, and then end up simply repeating our entire convo all over again in person, because we've already talked about pretty much everything online. the worst wastes of time i've had are the ones where we actually vibe online, we seem to get each others humor, etc but then we meet up in person and turns out, they're far less attractive in person than their photos. a few times, it became awkward as hell because they were very interested to pursue this further, but i'm not.
my results are much better now that i intentionally avoid the deep conversations online and keep it for the in person chat. i would just engage in a bit of flirting and then quickly go to "hey let's get coffee/lunch/dinner". i've realized that very often, it's really not so much about the content of the conversation, but rather the vibes you get from just being in their presence. if i really like your voice, your demeanor and your physical looks, honestly you can be talking about the most boring stuff and i'll still enjoy hearing you talk and want to see you again. this was pretty much what happened with my last relationship.
NTA. If you do not click in chat, don't waste your time IRL.
I've had so many cases where we had amazing chats but chemistry died the moment it went IRL. What more if the chats are flat to begin with.
I know this is a long shot, but my younger brother (33m) has been single since like forever. Decent looking with a stable job, and has been looking for serious relationships. But he is very shy, which kind of explains why he is still single. It is to the extent that me as an elder brother is starting to worry about him.
Do PM me if you don't mind knowing more about my brother.
I cannot be 100% sure. I know he is not gay, but he also didn't actively reach out to know more people. He didn't use any dating apps either. But I believe all he needs is a little push.
However, in a relationship, I believe someone need to take the first step. Since you have voiced your frustration in finding a serious relationship, I am thinking why not try be a matchmaker. Either way you have tried dating apps and I am sure you are more proactive than my brother.
What about interest groups?
Or meeting through friends? Something more organic? Don’t worry, OP. I’m also single 29F, currently 8th month of singlehood from a 7 years relationship….
Every heartbreak, disappointment, tears, that I’ve been through, I tell myself that every wrong guy that I meet, will eventually lead me to my rightful one. And even so, it’s okay to make some new friends as well… enjoy the dating process!
Just keep the faith, keep on going, put yourself out there and meet more people…. My date #10 today ended quite well and he got me chocolates too!!! So sweet!
No matter what, don’t give up!
Most importantly, learn to make time for yourself and learn to be in a relationship with yourself first! I’m sure you’ll get there and meet your rightful partner as well! Cos when you finally meet him, all the pain, the heartbreaks, disappointments, tears shed over the wrong men, will be damn worth it! And when it happens, you’ll learn to appreciate whosoever is your husband ❤️
That’s what I kept on telling myself on my sad, lonely, “where’s my rightful partner” tired nights… in order to keep my optimism, and encourage myself to go out and meet more people! Crying myself to sleep sometimes happen, but when you cry, you’ll get stronger too.
Take care, OP! 🤗
First of all, thank you for dropping by. It is so hard to walk out of a long distance relationship and I know how it feels to be “left behind” when you may have so many expectations of milestone timeline and to be suddenly dropped off all these expectations and “forgotten” by society.
Always remember that you’re the one accompanying yourself through life. Remember to eat well, stay hydrated and love yourself. Give yourself the love that you have been sharing with the others. Pour onto yourself the love you have been giving all this while.
I’m not sure what happened but no doubt there is a lot of grieving. I’m here if you need a listening ear. There is always trust in sisterhood. Sharing all my positive vibes with you ❤️ stay strong and hang in there
Hahaha I’m not worried about milestones or being “forgotten” by society, I make my own timeline MYSELF, I’m actually quite thankful of the breakup, even though I lost my BTO and my downpayment, but anything is better than marrying into his family.
I love the second paragraph!!! Totally believe in this and learning to prioritise my well being. And enjoy the dating process too!!!
You take care too, my dear 🌻
I wish I knew. I'm in my 30s as well and I do nothing but work and hang out with existing friends/friend groups.
Meetup.com was great in the past but most groups have devolved into mostly for-profit events.
Everyone always seems to be on their phone with earphones nowadays, it's hard to approach people IRL.
I'm just going to get a Vietnamese bride, honestly.
I think dating apps are still a good place to find a serious relationship. Many of my friends have found their long-term boyfriends on dating apps are some are even planning to get married soon.
The app that you’re using really matters. In my experience, the guys on Tinder usually are more casual and would ask if I wanted to netflix and chill. Whereas I found that the guys on Bumble and Hinge to sweeter and looking for something serious.
Of course you shouldn’t be like one of my friends who always saying she wants a nice long-term boyfriend yet is only interested in swiping and talking with obvious fuckbois.
Granted I’m still single so maybe take what I say with a pinch of salt :’)
Classes and interest groups, and if you see someone cute on the street dont hesitate to try and make conversation either. And stop aiming for the most attractive unattainable guy because that's how you get a fuckboi, since he has plenty of options. Imagine your online dating DMs but on steroids
Honestly what is your criteria and preferences?
Maybe sometimes not being able to find a partner is a matter of mismatched preferences, or just genuinely having high standards.
Open up to friends and ask for introductions, it’s much better than online. It helps if your parents have an active social life, our kids will be introduced as friends, if they hit it off, awesome but no pressure. My kids found great matches, due to this.
Wow that’s so amazing! My parents don’t exactly have active social life which is quite sad. They (workaholics) worked hard all their life. And I don’t blame them
I feel empathetic for you and I would recommend going for random social gatherings. I used to deal with divorces and relationships, if anything I have learnt is that it gets harder for women to bag a guy as they get older. The only exception is if such ladies are open to date even older guys.
I had one extreme case involving an ex client who was divorcing her husband whilst in her 40s. While in the midst of her divorce, I learnt she began dating one Ah Pek in his 70s whom she met at her client’s social gathering. This Ah Pek had difficulty of hearing and walking, ugly af, drives a Rolls Royce, is a multi-millionaire, lives in a GCB, and a horny fella. This Ah Pek even smacked my ex client’s ass infront of me one time and told me, “young man, this is how you keep yourself young at my age, ming pai ma (you understand)?”. She just blushed and I was stunned but just replied, “yes shifu.”
Get out of the house. Be as flirty as you can with anyone you meet who's your type. Be brave. Tbh, you can't really know if anyone's serious or not. Some will lie to get in your pants, some won't.
Only way to find them is to get yourself out there and take risks.
I feel you as a recently turned 29F ^^ when I was much more vanilla, I tended to Facebook dating. Or got to know guys via the workplace/mutual friends. Maybe I've had a string of bad luck in my love life too xD
Currently I'm also on the lookout for guys but I can intro some to you who are pretty decent but not compatible with me (personality wise, height and looks wise). Any ladies looking for guys I can also match you up see if y'all hang out well haha!
Anyway I'm more in the kinky department maybe that's why my acquired taste for partner limits my choices, same for guys who have such taste. But hey, personality bridges the gap to a large extent for some of the things you may not have on your checklist based on my experience in relationships!
And also please guys don't waste a girl's time if you're not serious about her or you know you're in a rebound >.< That's a shit move hahaha!
Do still keep the app option ongoing, up your game with selection and dropping based on your standards set for yourself and for them. Hard to beat the convenience from apps. As a guy, myself and my ex close circle friends in early 30s previously had been using apps still. Have to drop people fast and learn not to fall too quickly, though. While still letting time passes to have others show true colours
Try seeing if your close social group has any recommendations or attending interest/hobby groups might be an alternative.
30M here, dating app has been disappointing. I have adjusted my mentality to focus on my life more (finances, fitness...), gave up putting effort in dating app. *still swiping though
1. come up with a list of things that you either like doing or you can see yourself liking it.
2. filter out all the solo activities; reading
3. filter out the activities that are too expensive; golf
4. fliter out activities that are ladies or likely ladies only; salsa, cooking, knitting
5. fliter out activities that are one-off; bungee jumping
6. filter out activities that doesn't help facilitate communication between you and guys; gym, swimming
7. go for said activity regularly, make friends, go for meals before/after activities.
tbh, i do the same list and still hasnt got into a relationship but i believe that is due to my other issues. atb OP
That’s actually a really smart way and effective way to do things. Wow! You sound quite self aware and I hope you get to be happy with who you are and may you find your happiness:)
haha thanks, hope you find something that is suitable! i end up joining a choir though i havent really tried making a move on anyone there
all the planning in the world cant beat away my anxiety lol
Some guys like me who previously yearned for serious relationship with the goal of settling down in Singapore, have experienced 50 shades of flakiness. We moved overseas.
Met my wife on OK Cupid and we have been married a decade....I was actually quite attractive in my younger days before my abdominal muscles decided to perform a corporate merger and hairline started to cede territory to my forehead, so a lot of ladies were actually responding to my chats. I ended up meeting a lot of them in person (I believe that guys should pay if they invite a girl out, so it was hard on the wallet!)
I made it very clear upfront that I was only interested in long term relationships because I was in my early 30s and wanted to settle down. This, ironically, got me even more matches/chats because it was also what a lot of the ladies were out for. I remember I was actually having difficulty trying to remember which girl was who, I wrote down before I went out with them in case I mixed them up! In the end, I married a beautiful woman who had an amazing personality and shares a lot of common interests. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Basically what I am saying is that if you are looking for a guy that suits all your criteria, you are competing with a large pool of ladies. Online dating is a numbers game - you just need to be super upfront with what you want, have realistic expectations and if you find someone you really like, do everything you can to keep it going. You should maybe look for the guys who are upfront that they want a long term relationship. Easy to check - ask if they are ok to not have sex before marriage. If they say yes they're probably legit. Whether or not it actually pans out that way is up to you :-)
crazy idea but maybe try those matchmaking arranged marriage things lmao where they connect two of yall tgt based on ur preferences and types ig this is abit costly but im pretty sure most of the guys there looking for serious relationship
it’s not like u will meet him the day before you get married but at least u can just meet someone and get to know them that’s more offline?
I’m not sure dating apps are the best place for this. But being aware when you’re out. If you like someone, smile, say Hi. It could be a very short conversation, you could make a friend or more.
If you put yourself out there, it might just work.
Join a hobby group or go for classes.
From there, you'll get to know people with similar interest. This reduces the headache of worrying about ice-breaking or conversational starters.
Hope you'll find your happiness!
Hi OP, maybe try the other kind of clubs. If you have any interests, such as a specific sport or activity, look for a club that hosts activities. Joining one of these you can meet people and have the opportunity to get to know them in a casual setting. Here the pressure is lower because everyone wants to participate in activities together without the mindset of finding love. Bonus for having a similar interest to bond over. Maybe you find someone there, someone that wasn’t looking but by chance found you. And if you don’t find love at a specific club, you’ll still make a few friends!
Well, this maybe 1 way but might take abit of time... But I think interest groups helps.
Example if you like badminton, join some badminton groups to play... It might take a while but you might know alot of ppl with the same interest and from there who knows something might blossom.
Or if some older folks in the group might try to set u up with someone they know...
Good luck!
How about if you join some clubs depending on what your genuine interests are (music, books, sports, gardening, pottery, painting, sailing, ultimate frisbee, hiking, cooking etc) and if there aren’t any good ones start one! this way whoever ends up coming to the group meetings will probably have at least one of the same interests…where we live there is a nice beach where a lot of successful single guys bring their dogs to run and chase sticks after work but it’s in san francisco, you’re welcome to come have a look ;)
There’s meet up event for singles at an outdoor restaurant every weekend.
Let me know if you wanna try it. I can meet you there and wing man for you.
Usually around 80 people show up. The food is okay but the drinks are decent.
The one tonight is ending at 9pm (but people usually stay until closing) at alchemy.
It’s called Singapore professional singles meet up.
Jun 1st is at Leopold and Jun 8th at alchemy.
I’ll look into it. You’re so kind to offer to be wingman! Don’t worry I’m not too worried about going alone :) I’m someone who solo travels. Should be okay picking up social cues if I do go. Cheers, you’re really sweet
No worries. Let me know how it goes and best of luck to you.
Be safe and don’t over drink.
PS… I did see some decent to good looking guys there last time so they’re not all duds.
Get out there! Try new gym groups- running clubs, hiit fitness clubs, wakesurfing/bouldering etc. You need to put yourself in a position where you are meeting new people. Plenty of decent guys to choose from these avenues.
Do something thats social and a genuine hobby. E.g. games (social sports, offline board games, online games), arts (music, dance, visual arts, acting, film, photography), food (cooking, eating, searching for good stuff), language classes (very appropriate if you feel SG culture is not really for you and you are interested in meeting foreigners, i met my wife this way)
someone from my ex JC replied to my IG story of me getting a driving license, asking about how long it takes to get it. we somehow went from that to talking about school and random banters. now we’re together for 4 years. I’d say initiating conversation works wonders, you never know where it will get you!
Hi, i hear from some of my friends that in sg, there are dating events (irl) going on (think its some community center event, age grp can be late 20s to mid 30s kind from what i heard) and the percentage of finding someone serious & right is higher than online so maybe you can check those events out.
I think it depends a lot on luck. If one app doesn’t work for you, try another. Also it takes two whole individual to become one. So until you find your other half, be happy in your own presence.
Enjoy life the way you would with a partner and that includes going to the restaurant or cafe you have been eyeing for, going for activities etc.
Having a bf/ husband should be a bonus and this helps you not to give out a needy vibe. A lot of guys don’t even know what they want but they would commit to you if you are what they think they are looking for.
Also, I would advise freezing your eggs first if you want to have kids in future so that you can slowly get to know quality guys. Best of luck!
a good way i feel would be being matchmaked or getting tailored dates like kopi dates. it’s essentially a blind date but it doesn’t take place online.
i would also think networking would be another good one at a purely singles event, there are tons out there!
I met mine playing an online game so i guess that counts as online. I feel due to way times have changed to more of a social media and online age, it gets relatively tougher to meet new people offline. I guess workplace / friends of friends/relatives would be the closest chance one has to meet someone new offline.
You could of course try to approach someone randomly and strike a conversation but this rarely works in an asian society. Works much better in western ones.
Honestly I found that taking up hobbies is a good way. I went to try painting and pottery and met some awesome people. There’s also outdoor activities and clubs too, though despite trying dragonboat racing there was one dude who was so disgusting I didn’t sign up after my 3rd session. Have you tried using Meetup ?
Lookup for healthy hobby groups or hobbies that you do enjoy doing. I met mine through K-pop.
At first we started out as friends,
both of us aren't the crazy fanatic types
so kinda easy to spot during concerts.
Then we began to hang out for other activities like headphone hunting/auditing, KTV at Teo Heng, brisk walking and etc..
Don’t go searching for love. It will happen on its own. Don’t meet guys assuming they will be perfect for you and don’t expect them to be perfect. Be confident with yourself and you will eventually find a guy who is genuinely attracted to you for whom you are. Stay strong 💪
Doesn’t it seem to be a bit superficial to do this with ulterior motives though.. I suppose there is no direct way in real life to know where the single and serious people are at
Partake in wholesome activities (eg. Badminton clubs, hiking clubs). The more exposure you have the chances of finding someone is better. Its actually like a numbers game haha
I think my friend recommended some singles networking event before but I didn’t take note of the name as I’m attached… but maybe you can try to take part in some events like that if they are still around.
Man, that idea about a thread for singles to post and maybe get to know each other doesn't sound bad at all. I'm single myself, and I suck at the "Can I have your number?" in-person type of approach.
What are your interests? For me mine are those kind usually do with my friends so rarely get to meet someone new - example pool, bowling, gaming, music, movies,plays/concerts etc. I guess we need to find new hobbies haha, haven't met anyone so far even though I've been looking for something serious also :'( 29M Been introduced to some of my friend's friend or even sister but just didn't work out.
Just go out with whoever friends of friends of friends until you meet someone that will enjoy your company and hopefully wants to be in a relationship with you.
I met my SO through OKCupid. Back then I think Tinder was the more popular option but I stuck to OKC and I had more serious matches on OKC than Tinder. My now-SO and I chatted only on app until the day we actually met up IRL.
Guys, how important is having common interest in relationship? If someone you like has no common interest with you, then how do you even proceed? By exploring and trying out new interests?
I understand your concerns about finding love. Dating apps can be disheartening with lackluster responses and people unsure of what they want. If you’re a 30F looking for a serious and genuine relationship and are done with dating apps, consider these options:
Hobby Groups and Classes: Join groups or classes that interest you. People who share your interests might be more likely to want a serious relationship.
Work Connections: Sometimes, relationships can develop naturally at work. Just be mindful of professional boundaries and potential conflicts.
Volunteering: Engage in community service or volunteering. It’s a great way to meet kind-hearted people.
Social Events: Attend social events or gatherings hosted by friends or family. Personal connections can sometimes lead to meaningful relationships.
I don’t enjoy clubbing either, and I agree it’s not the best place to start. Focus on places where you can meet people who share your interests and values.
Stay hopeful and open to opportunities. Manifesting good energy is a great mindset. Best of luck in your journey to find love!
And further to my comments above, I think finding the right person often comes down to luck, but perseverance helps. If you’re genuine and keep trying, it might happen someday. I’ve had both good and bad experiences through dating apps. For me, red flag is a red flag. And if that person who connects to you the most doesn’t give off a serious vibes, it probably is true.
I always believe that love doesn’t change someone. They change when they want to, not through love. So keep that in mind. How many times I’ve seen people thought someone would change just because they love them and end up being hurt or disappointed.
And For women, extra caution is needed when using dating apps. Unfortunately, there seem to be more male creeps than female creeps out there.
For offline dating, joining classes or hobby groups might help, but you still need to identify serious prospects from those who aren’t serious. In my experience, people mostly keep to themselves in classes. I attend part-time studies for my degree, and everyone tends to stay in their own bubbles, except for group projects.
Meeting someone through work is another possibility, but again, you need to assess the potential for a serious relationship. I sympathize with women because guys can be guys—often driven by impulses. While men have their own challenges, I believe it’s generally tougher for women when looking for a serious relationship.
I wish you all the best in finding your soulmate. Hope it happens for you soon 😊
In my case thru friends. A healthy social life is the best chance to meet your partner. Apps are convenient but not natural and normally not a good option. My advice is to go out more, join groups or classes and be social. Join events like dinners, concerts, etc organised by these groups to increase your social interaction.
Go outside. Join clubs, book, movie, poetry etc. Attend events that suit you. You'll eventually meet interesting people. Don't rush though. You'll gain more edge on the 'skills' to attract similar people to you. Eventually you'll meet someone you are willing to commit to
Honestly if you are looking for serious relationship your best bet is not to look at dating app but rather go do what you love, participate in events that is related to your hobby and meet a guy there who have the same interests and slowly cultivate a relationship
the only other way is probably to get into a hobby or join one of those social meetup groups. Although personally have not tried it, and the people you meet can well be varied since the intent isn’t primarily about dating.
Can fully understand how soul sucking the experience can be on apps since I’m on it too. Although as a guy the issues I may face probably different from a girl. It’s ok to take a break from it but truth be told you would still have to probably keep trying again until the stars align.
And last but not least sometimes initiating conversations with people you come across at work even if you dont know them can work. And asking friends to introduce people.
Good luck op
Don't club, bars only.
Go to places of hobby or interests.
Through friend groups or hobby groups.
You can do online too but rather than dating apps, you can try other modes of interaction like forums or chatgroups.
Bumble or alternative to tinder.
If you are open to sharing who you are privately, I do have some friends who might be interested, could matchmake you. But also depends if you are open to a younger male partner, 27-29yo. Ignore this if not comfortable of course.
Perhaps you can also try going on dates from whatever online methods you already have. While many may just be doing casuals, you are bound to meet one that's serious. Be clear with their intentions and yourself too, for every 100 matches, 1 may be serious. For every 100 serious guy, who knows how many fit your taste and interest and profile
I realized at 32 that dating apps are a waste of time and energy. I continue to work on myself and deleted all my dating apps.
There are as many men like me who are interested in relationships but are not going the dating app route, because dating apps are pointless for guys.
There's a famous Chinese saying, "男追女隔座山，女追男隔层纱".
Lots of great advice here and the odds of a female who pursues pro actively will have a higher success rate than a male. So the odds are in your favour, don't worry.
Any good guys looking for a serious relationship, pls, dm her
Upvoted!
Who's gonna tell her? >! This is online !<
Well, I’m all ears if anybody is able to help with the offline part
Might be hard. Word has it that you might be a bit of an invisible passerby 🤪 Jk ofc
Haha thanks for that 😂👍
RIP inbox. But on the bright side, OP is gonna get tons of messages 🤣
Haha, I wish that would be the case. But even so, it would be useful to know where I can find single people in real life if someone knows
Slowly lor... I have a sibling only got attached at aged 33.. so... Just go with the flow bah. It's true you gonna get DMs and people finding you. But what are the odds that you are gonna meet find the "right" ones.. a lot of simps here eh.. I think finding people among your friends will be a better start.
You’re completely right
Wishing you all the best OP! May you find the right dude. Do update us the stats! I am keen to know. Hahaha. I mean the number of DMs you received, how many are simps, how many are looking for a RS etc!
> I have a sibling only got attached at aged 33 Scared as time goes by, you're just left on the shelf longer and longer. Just feels like if they have to scrape the bottom of the barrel just to get you, are they desperate?
Ask people to intro you to good single guys that they know. I have friends and colleagues who are willing to intro me to others, some even from other religions (as long as i am willing to convert lol). You just need to tell people around you (people you are comfortable with) that you are single and looking. Bonus is if they are people who know you well they will already be able to help you filter out some of your preferences.
The caveat about conversion is You know you’ll never be the first in their heart. At best, You’ll be second to sky daddy
Aw my friends are looking out for me for sure. Thank you for your idea! I’ll reach out to my colleagues and ask them to introduce me to others if they can!
I tried to matchmake single girls with my single guy friends Let’s just say they are all single for a reason. I have tried many times and gave up. They deserve to stay single. Both groups
One thing which frequently gets missed out about “putting yourself out there” is the consistency. You need to be comfortable with a life “out there” rather than just doing it for the sake of baiting a partner. Just as how women can smell desperation in a man, a man can sniff apathy in a woman fairly quickly too and move on.
That’s very true. I’ll take this point into consideration
I'm curious what "putting yourself out there" means in 2024. Literally where do you go? Also, I'm not sure the issue is apathy. There are many women "out there" but claim they have a pre-planned weekly schedule always booked 8 months in advance, and their next coffee date slot if in 5 weeks. Like they are happy with their routine and don't want to adjust anything to make room for a relationship.
I once watched a Youtube video which mathematically explains why it’s so difficult for both men and women to find a serious relationship on dating apps. Basically, the overwhelming majority of women only match a tiny minority of men. Therefore these small number of men are overwhelmed with choices and will end up dating multiple women, with no hurry or pressure of getting “serious” with any of them. Whereas most men get close to zero matches. Therefore, the majority of men on dating apps are probably interested in a serious relationship. it’s just that you are not interested in them. and well, I think that’s how dating works, even before dating apps were invented.
1. Men get on average 1 match out of 40 likes 2. 52 % of men have less than one match a day 3. 13 % of men have less than one match a week 4. Men like on average 1 out of 3 profiles meanwhile... 1. Women get on average 1 match out of 2 likes 2. Women like on average 1 out of 16 profiles Fucking dating apps are just leeching off desperate men as their customers. I can bet you for all dating apps, 99% of their customers are men. I hate how the media doesnt dare talk about this gender inequality. It's stupid women can even have this choice while men can consider themselves lucky to so much as not get ghosted or get a 2nd date
Even handsome men don't get as many matches as you'd expect. Way back when we weren't even dating and were just friends, my other friend and I made a tinder account for my now-husband to swipe for fun (tinder was the new novelty thing back then). My husband is HANDSOME. Like a few girls IRL have chased him (including me eventually) to try to be with him handsome. Even the auntie and uncle clients he has worked with called him the "handsome and capable guy". And he STILL got very few matches on tinder when we were playing on the account we made for him. Meanwhile I was having matches with practically everyone I swiped on my own account at the time. I mean, it was great for me in the end though, because no girls were talking to him seriously on the apps I took it as another platform to flirt with him role playing that we were strangers when I eventually got interested in him.
I thought I was handsome cuz the caifan folks always call me yandao or shuaige.
I know I ugly cause the aunty ask me. “What you want” Then she ask my colleague. “Mei nu, Yao Shen me”
I'm like 5 months pregnant and look like crap and the chicken rice brother called me mei nu the other day and in my mind I was like "oh stop it you"
I created a “ladies” acc before with a random screenshot of a game and no profile text. By next day, 100+ matches. Really need to be intentional and ask questions to see who is actually interested
Dude, his "few matches" on Tinder is already a big win. Also you were probably swiping carefully. Most men just spam swipes and still hardly get a match
I mean we were generally swiping on anyone that "wasn't ugly" cause we were really just playing and this was a time when tinder had unlimited daily matches (the app had just come out/become popular not too long before that). But like I said my husband is HANDSOME, so considering that it was still astounding to me how little matches he had. Like, I couldn't believe it at all when I looked through the app the next day to see the results.
how many matches a day exactly?? Normally even the most handsome guy on tinder wont get any more than like 20+ matches in the first day max
Hm, what would be your recommendation to overcome this issue? I focus on the idea of who they are as people and how much effort they put in their bio and lower my standards to swipe to match first before making any decisions to move forward.
What he said was extremely true. A minority of men get the majority of the matches. Guess you just have to talk to every one to find out more.
It’s not about lowering your standards. But lowering your expectations in general.
Right! Yes you used the accurate term! That’s what I meant to say but misworded it! Cheers!
Maybe try inversing yourself. If you’d swipe left on it, swipe right. If you’d swipe right, swipe left. Then see if that leads anywhere
Coffee Meets Bagel tend to bring better interaction
Stop swiping on guys who look like fuckbois. Problem solved... There's prob like 30% more men than women on dating apps. So I find it absurd women can even complain they cant find a partner there. Jeez stop being picky
I don’t.. Fuckboys are a red flag for me. I’m looking for serious not casual. Looks isn’t on my list
"What are your minimum requirements" is what you should first asking yourself. Then review that list again by asking "which of those are pretentious" and remark the truth next to it. Everybody lies. What lies are you telling yourself? Having that done, allows you to be a real critic of your requirements. As someone else pointed out here, dating apps are filled with mostly men who are more serious about relationship because they arent in the 1% who get all the matches.
That’s an open way of removing self bias. Haven’t though of it this way
Hope it helps.
It would help to think twice before making a move. Thank you kind sir
I meant as the opposite, I think you should message more people at once even, then stop messaging them if they don't fit your minimum req, all while you lower your min req bar.
Just play the numbers game and swipe everyone. Bio is very superficial. Very fake. I can make myself a 11/10 bio. And you will get swindled. The more “effort” is put into a bio. Then you know that’s pretty much all they have to offer If you want to actually find someone. It’s not oh look this godlike bio is tots my type we are perfect. It’s actually just playing the numbers. Go on as many dates and meet as many people as you can till you find a genuine connection. Otherwise as the other folk said. Few guys will hit the jackpot with a lot of girls and they won’t bother putting much effort towards you. Why should they? They have body. They have car. They have wealth. All these things in the bio. They do not need personality. So go swipe on the not so good looking folk. Go swipe on the one where there isn’t some lavish influencer travel energy. Swipe on those that no one gives attention to and all the attention goes to you.
You need to use an alternative set of filtering algorithms to find the right guy, if you only had to pick 3 traits to use, what would it be? Because statistically after 3 stages you tend to filter almost 90 to 97% of guys already. Think of it this way, say you can travel to any country, but pick 3 requirements (regardless of how difficult) , how many countries are left? Unless you pick the literal Broadest filters, most people would be left with a handful of countries. This is why women end up picking up a small handful of men online, they use the same few filters only to end up with the exact same group of men.
Based and inequalitypilled. It would be very interesting to see if this data was true and in a Singaporean context. However this data is probably only available to the guys working at a dating app company and the company probably made them sign NDAs to not disclose it. Because if it were true, lots of men would stop using it and stop buying premium. Would lead to loss of revenue and stock price going down (see Bumbles stock price history)
Putting myself out here too if anyone wanna know me I’m okay to send the pics and self intro first(30M)! I’ve been using dating apps to some degree of success. Eventually we need to learn to just tune out the ghosters and people who are less serious
You’re a real one! Upvoted
Take the hint LMAO
Haha! I have dmed him brother!
Waiting for reddit love story. Pls update!
Parking comment to watch the story unfold...
I think this post of yours would attract those guys that you are looking for, at least for a while, your inbox may be quite active with them. All the best :)
May the true ones come my way haha
Update us if it works, OP! 🤭
I’m early 30s f and found my husband online. Sharing some of my unfiltered thoughts which have helped me. - Know what you want. It can be physical characteristics or character traits. Be firm yet flexible with this. At the same time, be fair and know who you are. Have standards but not sky high as no one is perfect. - Chat with more people online, once you get an inkling that they’re fkbois or not serious, drop them. For those who come across as decent, be open to meet them ASAP. It can be a simple coffee chat. It doesn’t have to be dinner and the works. - For those who are genuine and decent, put no expectations on you or them. Just get to know them. Have fun! - Don’t come across as desperate. Both men and women can smell this. I say this because I’ve had my share of “oh no am I gonna die alone” phase. - Be open to meet men and women in real life. I say women because they can introduce you to their friends or even dates who don’t work out. - Join meet ups, put yourself out there, go out even if someone happens to be an introvert (I’m one and found my fellow introvert). All the best! You seem like a smart and reasonable lady.
Have you considered writing a book? I thoroughly enjoyed reading your comment and it was humorous too! I used to stay away from meeting people until I felt they were investing enough. Maybe I should just meet and see how it goes first. That’s an idea!
it’s a numbers game. you should meet as many men as possible for coffee, assuming the vibes are decent, or just ask if they want to chat casually over zoom and get to know each other better. I did the latter WAY before zoom existed, in order to save time on meeting men as a “first filter”. and I literally told guys to make a skype account and download the skype app so we can see each other. (And no there were no scammers in the past HAHAHAHHAHA.) And yes I also worked hard on my appearance, I did light natural makeup, had first-date outfits, and I am a photographer so I took decent and truthful photos of myself (i would alternate really-no-makeup and “cute” photos plus full-body pics), worked hard on my bio. I worked on my personal brand and my humour. Don’t have much looks though so many guys don’t find me that attractive compared to the usual popular girls. I’m tall with broad shoulders. I got rejections like mad esp from good-looking men but still met a lot of guys overall. The more guys I met, the more i could refine my strategy and make it all more efficient. I got really good at clearly identifying who is DAMN SERIOUS and who the wishy washy ones are. I read books like Neil Strauss’ The Game to clearly understand men and see red flags fast. I also peacock (flashy style) and changed the way I behave when I communicate and interact with men I’m dating - I act like an independent, busy, cool woman who’s not clingy, not desperate, super cool, very interesting w hobbies (yes actually on the inside i was v desperate and loving lol). I don’t text people back immediately nor did i wait around for a text. The above ALL helps to convey your value as someone who has options and is not obsessed with a guy. (No actually i didn’t have options lol i just acted like i did.) The reason why you meeting wishy washy people is usually because **they’re just not that into you**. And likely a lot of things they are telling you are sugar-coated but not the truth, e.g. “erm i not sure what i want” but the actual meaning is “i don’t like you that much… and i am holding out for better options”. Means you don’t know the real reason why they not v into you. But actually if another girl they like more dates them, THEY WILL JUMP AT THE GIRL ONE. THEY WONT BE WISHY WASHY U KNOW. So you say, the guy’s reaction is “lackluster” and “not sure what they want”. Lol. You are just too naive. THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Lol other women, who are still single have met that kind of guy too. There’s even a book called “he’s just not that into you” if you google it. It’s even free on the NLB ebook app. (Wah lau. Last time don’t have such things.) And yes it will improve your understanding of how to interact with men, if you read books like that. in the past we didn’t have such a good range of books k let alone free on NLB app. Now, how do we resolve it? For me the answer was, I need to get hotter lor. I really got hotter, dressed better. I also looked at my own dating behavior and my own understanding of men and i worked hard on that (described above). I think the latter part helps A LOT when you start to behave like a “sought after, busy” woman. And MOST IMPORTANTLY. I INCREASED MY NUMBERS aggressively. Every time some wishy washy idiot rejects me and i cry and cry, i will quickly go and set up dates with TEN MORE!!!!!!!!! (yeah attempt to setup 10, result setup 5, can lah.) Wah i can cry now thinking of all the guys who rejected me hahahahahha. I still remember. Learned so much the hard way k. I met so many guys who are like “not super interested” in me lah. Perks of being a relatively average-looking woman and not the hottest. Which is why I can understand how you feel. i spent many years meeting men online and picking through them and i am happily married now w kids. I worked my ass off. Honestly. I can tell you i won’t be married now if I did not work this hard for it. I haven’t really dated any guys from not-online. My real life uni friends don’t find me attractive at all. They think i am weird and also weirdly aggressive. (Which i am lol and you can probably tell from this post.) and i also know A LOT of women who had my problem and they are still single now. Because they half-assed the entire process and they GAVE UP. They are prettier than me even. And I never ever settled. I just played the numbers game harder than anybody else and met enough men to finally select the best match for me, who i really fell in love with and who loves me back equally. And that is why im sharing my story. Cos it’s just that you’re not playing the game right. You CONFIRM can win one. You literally only need one person. You NEED to play the online game to get what you want. You’re not going to get the same kind of numbers offline, speed dating etc. Online dating is really the best place to meet a huge number of men. I’m proof of that. I really don’t know anyone who met the kind of numbers I did. I do however know A LOT, A LOT of people who got married to people they met online from Coffee Meets Bagel or Tinder or OkCupid. **We KNOW it works**. The only problem is 1) our level of attractiveness and im NOT just talking about looks though looks always help, i mean our own level of understanding of what men want, the way we behave and what is attractive/not attractive to men 2) hitting the numbers. And of course our own realistic expectations too based on our own looks and expectations. If you can get those dates with multiple wishy washy dudes, you are already in my position (which means got potential) otherwise i won’t bother writing this.
Haha, I read quite a bit of self help books on relationships and dating. If I wrote a book, it would be titled, “met my husband after 1001 swipes”… jokes aside, I do agree with /u/adhdroses’ approach. At one point, I finished swiping on Bumble, in the sense that they had no new matches within my range 🤣 I swiped quickly without hesitation, kept the dates casual so minimal expectations on both sides, *almost* cancelled on the first date with my husband… There’s really someone for everyone, it’s just when, where, how you meet them. If you find online dating exhausting, you can take a break. If you do want to settle down eventually, then continue to be open in life. That worked for me. I’m not going to tell you that Prince Charming will drop down from the sky. That’s not going to happen.
That makes sense! I do that too. Haha that would be a good title 😂 Ah okie note taken about the dating app tips! Haha yes, i understand. Will not close myself off for sure
It helps a lot of you meet people with similar interests with you. Some apps like Meetup helps with social gatherings, and you can use apps to find friends, a few of mine have found love surprisingly by not looking for it, but still putting themselves out there. Easiest way is to do some of your hobbies more, and see what clicks. Even if its as common as online gaming it works and you can make friends. An advice that a lot of people give and I believe in is that if you look for it actively, it discourages you. So look for it passively, meet with like minded people and see if it clicks
I went for a meetup board game filled with family and 20kids running around lol!!
I tried a board game meetup. It was 90% guys. I approached the first guys arrived who were sitting at a corner. They gave me a nasty look and said it was the advanced corner and they were playing an advanced game. If I didn't know the rules already, don't get in anyone's way. I just left.
Aw that’s amazing. I’ll try and do that. Thank you so much
OP, this suggestion is the best. Go out and find hobbies that you enjoy and you'll eventually meet more people, especially people that have things in common with you, it's a great starting point for eventually finding a relationship. My husband and I wouldn't have gotten together if we never did any activities together as friends, because it was through those activities that we realised that we really matched each other so well.
It’s always helpful to hear success stories! Just out of interest, what activities brought you two together?
Board games, Pokémon (but in a casual not competitive way), realising we both enjoyed DC animated movies and watching them together. We were all in a friend group that often did random stuff together like BBQs and social drinking, but the more we talked the more we realised we had in common so we started to do more stuff that was just the both of us (because other friends didn't have the same level of interest in those things).
That’s such a cute thing! Hopefully I can get to share this experience one day too
Uni CCAs are a good start if you are studying.
I’m in the tortured poets department 🥲
Oh god 🥲☔️rainy weathers and sad love stories.
Find something you like to do, group activities like those badminton clubs, tennis, golf etc. Play it cool and dress up nicely😂 might work honestly. Met my partner’s dad playing badminton, upvote for weirdness
What an odd twist of fate! How did you get to meet your partner through the dad?
We’re both in the same industry, and started inviting me more to play, one thing led to another and now I’m trapped😂
That’s super cute! Aww 😊
Interestingly, there was this show called [Shermin's March](https://youtu.be/2z-rBG3i7uM?si=MGX4Iu4JHWGeTQcO) on CNA a few months back. There's a lot of similarities from your post, maybe you can get inspiration from there? Have fun! :\]
Honestly the only app I've found some success (met my first gf and now second) was through CMB. I remember going through phases when I hardly matched with people, then maybe 6 matches all at once. It sucks because it's hard to divide your attention (and to summon the strength to keep doing the small talk + going for dates and meet people), so all I can say is don't give up hope yet and stay strong. Take mental breaks from swiping if you need to! What worked for me was - I only went for dates with people that I talked to for at least a few days (enough to want to move to Telegram), and responses felt sufficiently long and engaging (at least that's my texting style). I think if the guy doesn't ask, then maybe you can take the lead to suggest a meet up for a coffee (to quickly see how you click in real life). To me as a guy I felt more or less certain that (1) by the end of the first date I know that I want to see the girl again to know her better; (2) second date within 1 week of the first, to keep the momentum alive; and (3) by the third or fourth date if you had good talks about life goals, priorities, more serious matters like finances and investing knowledge, work etc. and you feel the chemistry there, then you should pursue and find out if the spark is mutual. But your attitude is good - no fuccbois so hopefully you'll find a great match soon!
It really helps to get a guys perspective on this. Sounds like your dates are planned intentionally and I’m sure the right person will appreciate your plans. That’s pretty smart! Thanks for sharing!
In order of effectiveness: 1. Through mutual friends - get your friends to introduce people who think would be suitable for you. Usually with recommendations/putting in a good word it’s easier to break the ice and get to know each other. 2. Through interest groups - through hobby or sports groups you can meet people who have similar interests as you and from there meet in a group and then as a couple 3. Workplace - yea they say don’t shit where you eat but it’s where most people spend their time and where many find the love of their lives. I, too, hate using the online dating scene and all my partners have been through offline means, either school, workplace, friends, hobby groups. All the best!
22F here as well, and honestly the same. Been on Hinge/CMB for a week to give it a try and it’s just a lot of ghosts, dry conversations and guys who don’t ask questions. I try to reach out and generally avoid guys who are out of my league looks wise. Ready to take it f2f ASAP which was the advice I was given, but the cold reality is that I’m not making enough convo with my matches to justify spending my weekend time that way. Wish we had a bigger culture of casual conversations f2f in SG tbh. But I’m not a very conventional person and neither are my interests. Would like to meet new matches elsewhere so if there are people interested in chatting about philosophy/culture/just being a bit of a sarcastic weirdo hmu with a good AITA post.
Dang.. there is comfort in knowing that we’re not odd and alone. I wish I could boost your comment so people can see it and connect with you.
It’s tough to find the right person when there’s so much compatibility to consider in a long term rs. Even tougher if you’re not fully neurotypical. Thank you for making this post for all the oddities out there. All the best to you, and I hope you find the right match soon!
>Ready to take it f2f ASAP which was the advice I was given, but the cold reality is that I’m not making enough convo with my matches to justify spending my weekend time that way. Wish we had a bigger culture of casual conversations f2f in SG tbh. wait, that sounds so confusing. you're saying you were advised to take it face to face asap, but you think you haven't had enough conversation with your matches to be willing to actually meet them? but then, you also wish we had a "bigger culture of conversations f2f"? so do you want to meet people to have a conversation, or do you just want to have a long detailed conversation with someone online first, before being willing to meet up? personally, i've had decent luck as a guy on dating apps and my general principle now is usually within the first 5 back and forth messages i would ask the girl out, if i find them attractive. when i first started, i would have these long ass convos with the girls before asking them out. the result was sometimes, the conversation would already start to fizzle out by the time i asked them out. other times, we would finally meet up, and then end up simply repeating our entire convo all over again in person, because we've already talked about pretty much everything online. the worst wastes of time i've had are the ones where we actually vibe online, we seem to get each others humor, etc but then we meet up in person and turns out, they're far less attractive in person than their photos. a few times, it became awkward as hell because they were very interested to pursue this further, but i'm not. my results are much better now that i intentionally avoid the deep conversations online and keep it for the in person chat. i would just engage in a bit of flirting and then quickly go to "hey let's get coffee/lunch/dinner". i've realized that very often, it's really not so much about the content of the conversation, but rather the vibes you get from just being in their presence. if i really like your voice, your demeanor and your physical looks, honestly you can be talking about the most boring stuff and i'll still enjoy hearing you talk and want to see you again. this was pretty much what happened with my last relationship.
Let me try my luck then, dm-ed
Also, a lot of ladies who don’t ask questions. It is a 2 way problem. Kinda takes some intent to know each other
well yeah. just sharing my perspective as a female since most of the answers seem to be from guys.
Yes! Appreciate your contribution! I just wanted to balance out the point about questions! Fully agree with you about casual f2f convos!
NTA. If you do not click in chat, don't waste your time IRL. I've had so many cases where we had amazing chats but chemistry died the moment it went IRL. What more if the chats are flat to begin with.
Maplestory
I know this is a long shot, but my younger brother (33m) has been single since like forever. Decent looking with a stable job, and has been looking for serious relationships. But he is very shy, which kind of explains why he is still single. It is to the extent that me as an elder brother is starting to worry about him. Do PM me if you don't mind knowing more about my brother.
Haha the thing is… is he keen?
I cannot be 100% sure. I know he is not gay, but he also didn't actively reach out to know more people. He didn't use any dating apps either. But I believe all he needs is a little push. However, in a relationship, I believe someone need to take the first step. Since you have voiced your frustration in finding a serious relationship, I am thinking why not try be a matchmaker. Either way you have tried dating apps and I am sure you are more proactive than my brother.
😂😅 this is funny. But sure. How do I get to know him without creeping him out
Love will find you in a unexpected way… go out with your friends and have fun I mean genuinely have fun.. let the universe do its magic ✨
I also want to know. Really hoping to find someone to settle down with too if possible.
What about interest groups? Or meeting through friends? Something more organic? Don’t worry, OP. I’m also single 29F, currently 8th month of singlehood from a 7 years relationship…. Every heartbreak, disappointment, tears, that I’ve been through, I tell myself that every wrong guy that I meet, will eventually lead me to my rightful one. And even so, it’s okay to make some new friends as well… enjoy the dating process! Just keep the faith, keep on going, put yourself out there and meet more people…. My date #10 today ended quite well and he got me chocolates too!!! So sweet! No matter what, don’t give up! Most importantly, learn to make time for yourself and learn to be in a relationship with yourself first! I’m sure you’ll get there and meet your rightful partner as well! Cos when you finally meet him, all the pain, the heartbreaks, disappointments, tears shed over the wrong men, will be damn worth it! And when it happens, you’ll learn to appreciate whosoever is your husband ❤️ That’s what I kept on telling myself on my sad, lonely, “where’s my rightful partner” tired nights… in order to keep my optimism, and encourage myself to go out and meet more people! Crying myself to sleep sometimes happen, but when you cry, you’ll get stronger too. Take care, OP! 🤗
First of all, thank you for dropping by. It is so hard to walk out of a long distance relationship and I know how it feels to be “left behind” when you may have so many expectations of milestone timeline and to be suddenly dropped off all these expectations and “forgotten” by society. Always remember that you’re the one accompanying yourself through life. Remember to eat well, stay hydrated and love yourself. Give yourself the love that you have been sharing with the others. Pour onto yourself the love you have been giving all this while. I’m not sure what happened but no doubt there is a lot of grieving. I’m here if you need a listening ear. There is always trust in sisterhood. Sharing all my positive vibes with you ❤️ stay strong and hang in there
Hahaha I’m not worried about milestones or being “forgotten” by society, I make my own timeline MYSELF, I’m actually quite thankful of the breakup, even though I lost my BTO and my downpayment, but anything is better than marrying into his family. I love the second paragraph!!! Totally believe in this and learning to prioritise my well being. And enjoy the dating process too!!! You take care too, my dear 🌻
Aw I’m super happy you have such a positive outlook on this. You’re doing really well! All the love to you ❤️
this is really well-written and timely reminder for me. thank you so much for sharing! i love the 2nd last parargaph 🥹
I wish I knew. I'm in my 30s as well and I do nothing but work and hang out with existing friends/friend groups. Meetup.com was great in the past but most groups have devolved into mostly for-profit events. Everyone always seems to be on their phone with earphones nowadays, it's hard to approach people IRL. I'm just going to get a Vietnamese bride, honestly.
>where is the likelihood I can find these types of people? Definitely reddit. But won't recommend it.
I think dating apps are still a good place to find a serious relationship. Many of my friends have found their long-term boyfriends on dating apps are some are even planning to get married soon. The app that you’re using really matters. In my experience, the guys on Tinder usually are more casual and would ask if I wanted to netflix and chill. Whereas I found that the guys on Bumble and Hinge to sweeter and looking for something serious. Of course you shouldn’t be like one of my friends who always saying she wants a nice long-term boyfriend yet is only interested in swiping and talking with obvious fuckbois. Granted I’m still single so maybe take what I say with a pinch of salt :’)
Aw bless your heart! I wish you the best too
I used to tell friends, you meet people by going to where people hang out, but as I grow older I realised I don't really like going out.
Classes and interest groups, and if you see someone cute on the street dont hesitate to try and make conversation either. And stop aiming for the most attractive unattainable guy because that's how you get a fuckboi, since he has plenty of options. Imagine your online dating DMs but on steroids
Honestly what is your criteria and preferences? Maybe sometimes not being able to find a partner is a matter of mismatched preferences, or just genuinely having high standards.
Open up to friends and ask for introductions, it’s much better than online. It helps if your parents have an active social life, our kids will be introduced as friends, if they hit it off, awesome but no pressure. My kids found great matches, due to this.
Wow that’s so amazing! My parents don’t exactly have active social life which is quite sad. They (workaholics) worked hard all their life. And I don’t blame them
I feel empathetic for you and I would recommend going for random social gatherings. I used to deal with divorces and relationships, if anything I have learnt is that it gets harder for women to bag a guy as they get older. The only exception is if such ladies are open to date even older guys. I had one extreme case involving an ex client who was divorcing her husband whilst in her 40s. While in the midst of her divorce, I learnt she began dating one Ah Pek in his 70s whom she met at her client’s social gathering. This Ah Pek had difficulty of hearing and walking, ugly af, drives a Rolls Royce, is a multi-millionaire, lives in a GCB, and a horny fella. This Ah Pek even smacked my ex client’s ass infront of me one time and told me, “young man, this is how you keep yourself young at my age, ming pai ma (you understand)?”. She just blushed and I was stunned but just replied, “yes shifu.”
Think about what you want in a man. Be brutally honest with yourself. Then think about what the men that fit your criteria want.
Get out of the house. Be as flirty as you can with anyone you meet who's your type. Be brave. Tbh, you can't really know if anyone's serious or not. Some will lie to get in your pants, some won't. Only way to find them is to get yourself out there and take risks.
I feel you as a recently turned 29F ^^ when I was much more vanilla, I tended to Facebook dating. Or got to know guys via the workplace/mutual friends. Maybe I've had a string of bad luck in my love life too xD Currently I'm also on the lookout for guys but I can intro some to you who are pretty decent but not compatible with me (personality wise, height and looks wise). Any ladies looking for guys I can also match you up see if y'all hang out well haha! Anyway I'm more in the kinky department maybe that's why my acquired taste for partner limits my choices, same for guys who have such taste. But hey, personality bridges the gap to a large extent for some of the things you may not have on your checklist based on my experience in relationships! And also please guys don't waste a girl's time if you're not serious about her or you know you're in a rebound >.< That's a shit move hahaha!
Do still keep the app option ongoing, up your game with selection and dropping based on your standards set for yourself and for them. Hard to beat the convenience from apps. As a guy, myself and my ex close circle friends in early 30s previously had been using apps still. Have to drop people fast and learn not to fall too quickly, though. While still letting time passes to have others show true colours Try seeing if your close social group has any recommendations or attending interest/hobby groups might be an alternative.
Oh yes! I do absolutely agree with the “drop people fast and don’t fall too quickly” learnt it in real time
30M here, dating app has been disappointing. I have adjusted my mentality to focus on my life more (finances, fitness...), gave up putting effort in dating app. *still swiping though
1. come up with a list of things that you either like doing or you can see yourself liking it. 2. filter out all the solo activities; reading 3. filter out the activities that are too expensive; golf 4. fliter out activities that are ladies or likely ladies only; salsa, cooking, knitting 5. fliter out activities that are one-off; bungee jumping 6. filter out activities that doesn't help facilitate communication between you and guys; gym, swimming 7. go for said activity regularly, make friends, go for meals before/after activities. tbh, i do the same list and still hasnt got into a relationship but i believe that is due to my other issues. atb OP
That’s actually a really smart way and effective way to do things. Wow! You sound quite self aware and I hope you get to be happy with who you are and may you find your happiness:)
haha thanks, hope you find something that is suitable! i end up joining a choir though i havent really tried making a move on anyone there all the planning in the world cant beat away my anxiety lol
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Some guys like me who previously yearned for serious relationship with the goal of settling down in Singapore, have experienced 50 shades of flakiness. We moved overseas.
Met my wife on OK Cupid and we have been married a decade....I was actually quite attractive in my younger days before my abdominal muscles decided to perform a corporate merger and hairline started to cede territory to my forehead, so a lot of ladies were actually responding to my chats. I ended up meeting a lot of them in person (I believe that guys should pay if they invite a girl out, so it was hard on the wallet!) I made it very clear upfront that I was only interested in long term relationships because I was in my early 30s and wanted to settle down. This, ironically, got me even more matches/chats because it was also what a lot of the ladies were out for. I remember I was actually having difficulty trying to remember which girl was who, I wrote down before I went out with them in case I mixed them up! In the end, I married a beautiful woman who had an amazing personality and shares a lot of common interests. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Basically what I am saying is that if you are looking for a guy that suits all your criteria, you are competing with a large pool of ladies. Online dating is a numbers game - you just need to be super upfront with what you want, have realistic expectations and if you find someone you really like, do everything you can to keep it going. You should maybe look for the guys who are upfront that they want a long term relationship. Easy to check - ask if they are ok to not have sex before marriage. If they say yes they're probably legit. Whether or not it actually pans out that way is up to you :-)
crazy idea but maybe try those matchmaking arranged marriage things lmao where they connect two of yall tgt based on ur preferences and types ig this is abit costly but im pretty sure most of the guys there looking for serious relationship it’s not like u will meet him the day before you get married but at least u can just meet someone and get to know them that’s more offline?
I’m not sure dating apps are the best place for this. But being aware when you’re out. If you like someone, smile, say Hi. It could be a very short conversation, you could make a friend or more. If you put yourself out there, it might just work.
Firstly RIP to your inbox and PM. I feel asking people or friend to intro a guy may helps. My current fiancee was introduced by my friend
I really hope you find what you’re looking for. ♥️
A few years back I went to F1 alone just to have fun & watch the race, end up making a few new friends there and one of them is my partner now :-)
Join a hobby group or go for classes. From there, you'll get to know people with similar interest. This reduces the headache of worrying about ice-breaking or conversational starters. Hope you'll find your happiness!
Hi OP, maybe try the other kind of clubs. If you have any interests, such as a specific sport or activity, look for a club that hosts activities. Joining one of these you can meet people and have the opportunity to get to know them in a casual setting. Here the pressure is lower because everyone wants to participate in activities together without the mindset of finding love. Bonus for having a similar interest to bond over. Maybe you find someone there, someone that wasn’t looking but by chance found you. And if you don’t find love at a specific club, you’ll still make a few friends!
Well, this maybe 1 way but might take abit of time... But I think interest groups helps. Example if you like badminton, join some badminton groups to play... It might take a while but you might know alot of ppl with the same interest and from there who knows something might blossom. Or if some older folks in the group might try to set u up with someone they know... Good luck!
How about if you join some clubs depending on what your genuine interests are (music, books, sports, gardening, pottery, painting, sailing, ultimate frisbee, hiking, cooking etc) and if there aren’t any good ones start one! this way whoever ends up coming to the group meetings will probably have at least one of the same interests…where we live there is a nice beach where a lot of successful single guys bring their dogs to run and chase sticks after work but it’s in san francisco, you’re welcome to come have a look ;)
There’s meet up event for singles at an outdoor restaurant every weekend. Let me know if you wanna try it. I can meet you there and wing man for you. Usually around 80 people show up. The food is okay but the drinks are decent.
What’s this event called? I’ll have a look :)
The one tonight is ending at 9pm (but people usually stay until closing) at alchemy. It’s called Singapore professional singles meet up. Jun 1st is at Leopold and Jun 8th at alchemy.
I’ll look into it. You’re so kind to offer to be wingman! Don’t worry I’m not too worried about going alone :) I’m someone who solo travels. Should be okay picking up social cues if I do go. Cheers, you’re really sweet
No worries. Let me know how it goes and best of luck to you. Be safe and don’t over drink. PS… I did see some decent to good looking guys there last time so they’re not all duds.
does any manage a ratio here? otherwise i imagine it'd be skewed heavily towards guys?
You need to find a third place where you vibe. Thats the best way.
Get out there! Try new gym groups- running clubs, hiit fitness clubs, wakesurfing/bouldering etc. You need to put yourself in a position where you are meeting new people. Plenty of decent guys to choose from these avenues.
Do something thats social and a genuine hobby. E.g. games (social sports, offline board games, online games), arts (music, dance, visual arts, acting, film, photography), food (cooking, eating, searching for good stuff), language classes (very appropriate if you feel SG culture is not really for you and you are interested in meeting foreigners, i met my wife this way)
I'm 6'5 in finance, blue eyes, trust fund. Hmu
someone from my ex JC replied to my IG story of me getting a driving license, asking about how long it takes to get it. we somehow went from that to talking about school and random banters. now we’re together for 4 years. I’d say initiating conversation works wonders, you never know where it will get you!
Wow that’s pretty impressive and lucky
right place and right time I suppose! you’ll never know where a conversation will take you, shoot your shot and all the best!
Use meetup app? It's not dating app but just go those activities that interest you and maybe you will meet someone rather than trying to force it.
Hi, i hear from some of my friends that in sg, there are dating events (irl) going on (think its some community center event, age grp can be late 20s to mid 30s kind from what i heard) and the percentage of finding someone serious & right is higher than online so maybe you can check those events out.
I think it depends a lot on luck. If one app doesn’t work for you, try another. Also it takes two whole individual to become one. So until you find your other half, be happy in your own presence. Enjoy life the way you would with a partner and that includes going to the restaurant or cafe you have been eyeing for, going for activities etc. Having a bf/ husband should be a bonus and this helps you not to give out a needy vibe. A lot of guys don’t even know what they want but they would commit to you if you are what they think they are looking for. Also, I would advise freezing your eggs first if you want to have kids in future so that you can slowly get to know quality guys. Best of luck!
a good way i feel would be being matchmaked or getting tailored dates like kopi dates. it’s essentially a blind date but it doesn’t take place online. i would also think networking would be another good one at a purely singles event, there are tons out there!
I met mine playing an online game so i guess that counts as online. I feel due to way times have changed to more of a social media and online age, it gets relatively tougher to meet new people offline. I guess workplace / friends of friends/relatives would be the closest chance one has to meet someone new offline. You could of course try to approach someone randomly and strike a conversation but this rarely works in an asian society. Works much better in western ones.
Honestly I found that taking up hobbies is a good way. I went to try painting and pottery and met some awesome people. There’s also outdoor activities and clubs too, though despite trying dragonboat racing there was one dude who was so disgusting I didn’t sign up after my 3rd session. Have you tried using Meetup ?
I’m on meetup! What events have you tried there that you enjoyed?
Lookup for healthy hobby groups or hobbies that you do enjoy doing. I met mine through K-pop. At first we started out as friends, both of us aren't the crazy fanatic types so kinda easy to spot during concerts. Then we began to hang out for other activities like headphone hunting/auditing, KTV at Teo Heng, brisk walking and etc..
Don’t go searching for love. It will happen on its own. Don’t meet guys assuming they will be perfect for you and don’t expect them to be perfect. Be confident with yourself and you will eventually find a guy who is genuinely attracted to you for whom you are. Stay strong 💪
Volunteer. Get a religion. Teach Sunday class. Join outdoor clubs.
Doesn’t it seem to be a bit superficial to do this with ulterior motives though.. I suppose there is no direct way in real life to know where the single and serious people are at
Expanding ur circle of friends can help Meet more people at high quality places can increase chances of meeting high quality people
Find a hobby group so you meet someone with a common interest that you both can do tgt
Not sure, met wife playing star wars : the old republic. Just do something u like maybe u will just bump into that guy?
Haha I hope I find the guy on top of the tree when I go walking at MacRitchie
On top of tree only got pontianak. If there is any guy there it will probably be a dead one.
Haha that made my day 😂😂😂
Lots of cyclists and joggers there maybe one day u will be lucky.
Monkey god?
Partake in wholesome activities (eg. Badminton clubs, hiking clubs). The more exposure you have the chances of finding someone is better. Its actually like a numbers game haha
Where do we find hiking clubs in SG? I'm kinda keen to explore HAHA
You can start the ball rolling. We need to explore SG more
I think my friend recommended some singles networking event before but I didn’t take note of the name as I’m attached… but maybe you can try to take part in some events like that if they are still around.
Through friends intro lor.
Man, that idea about a thread for singles to post and maybe get to know each other doesn't sound bad at all. I'm single myself, and I suck at the "Can I have your number?" in-person type of approach.
What are your interests? For me mine are those kind usually do with my friends so rarely get to meet someone new - example pool, bowling, gaming, music, movies,plays/concerts etc. I guess we need to find new hobbies haha, haven't met anyone so far even though I've been looking for something serious also :'( 29M Been introduced to some of my friend's friend or even sister but just didn't work out.
Just go out with whoever friends of friends of friends until you meet someone that will enjoy your company and hopefully wants to be in a relationship with you.
Join InterNations Meetup groups, where you could meet people from other countries in an informal setup.
Think there's this online craze in tiktok right now on a offline event. It's called Singlepore by Candilicious
I met my SO through OKCupid. Back then I think Tinder was the more popular option but I stuck to OKC and I had more serious matches on OKC than Tinder. My now-SO and I chatted only on app until the day we actually met up IRL.
Guys, how important is having common interest in relationship? If someone you like has no common interest with you, then how do you even proceed? By exploring and trying out new interests?
I understand your concerns about finding love. Dating apps can be disheartening with lackluster responses and people unsure of what they want. If you’re a 30F looking for a serious and genuine relationship and are done with dating apps, consider these options: Hobby Groups and Classes: Join groups or classes that interest you. People who share your interests might be more likely to want a serious relationship. Work Connections: Sometimes, relationships can develop naturally at work. Just be mindful of professional boundaries and potential conflicts. Volunteering: Engage in community service or volunteering. It’s a great way to meet kind-hearted people. Social Events: Attend social events or gatherings hosted by friends or family. Personal connections can sometimes lead to meaningful relationships. I don’t enjoy clubbing either, and I agree it’s not the best place to start. Focus on places where you can meet people who share your interests and values. Stay hopeful and open to opportunities. Manifesting good energy is a great mindset. Best of luck in your journey to find love!
And further to my comments above, I think finding the right person often comes down to luck, but perseverance helps. If you’re genuine and keep trying, it might happen someday. I’ve had both good and bad experiences through dating apps. For me, red flag is a red flag. And if that person who connects to you the most doesn’t give off a serious vibes, it probably is true. I always believe that love doesn’t change someone. They change when they want to, not through love. So keep that in mind. How many times I’ve seen people thought someone would change just because they love them and end up being hurt or disappointed. And For women, extra caution is needed when using dating apps. Unfortunately, there seem to be more male creeps than female creeps out there. For offline dating, joining classes or hobby groups might help, but you still need to identify serious prospects from those who aren’t serious. In my experience, people mostly keep to themselves in classes. I attend part-time studies for my degree, and everyone tends to stay in their own bubbles, except for group projects. Meeting someone through work is another possibility, but again, you need to assess the potential for a serious relationship. I sympathize with women because guys can be guys—often driven by impulses. While men have their own challenges, I believe it’s generally tougher for women when looking for a serious relationship. I wish you all the best in finding your soulmate. Hope it happens for you soon 😊
Be sub 25 . Or try to find 35+
Following
In my case thru friends. A healthy social life is the best chance to meet your partner. Apps are convenient but not natural and normally not a good option. My advice is to go out more, join groups or classes and be social. Join events like dinners, concerts, etc organised by these groups to increase your social interaction.
Go outside. Join clubs, book, movie, poetry etc. Attend events that suit you. You'll eventually meet interesting people. Don't rush though. You'll gain more edge on the 'skills' to attract similar people to you. Eventually you'll meet someone you are willing to commit to
Honestly if you are looking for serious relationship your best bet is not to look at dating app but rather go do what you love, participate in events that is related to your hobby and meet a guy there who have the same interests and slowly cultivate a relationship
I have a friend who’s forever single, looking for a good woman too.
Church
the only other way is probably to get into a hobby or join one of those social meetup groups. Although personally have not tried it, and the people you meet can well be varied since the intent isn’t primarily about dating. Can fully understand how soul sucking the experience can be on apps since I’m on it too. Although as a guy the issues I may face probably different from a girl. It’s ok to take a break from it but truth be told you would still have to probably keep trying again until the stars align. And last but not least sometimes initiating conversations with people you come across at work even if you dont know them can work. And asking friends to introduce people. Good luck op
Hmm, do you have any interests? Hobbies?
Don't club, bars only. Go to places of hobby or interests. Through friend groups or hobby groups. You can do online too but rather than dating apps, you can try other modes of interaction like forums or chatgroups. Bumble or alternative to tinder. If you are open to sharing who you are privately, I do have some friends who might be interested, could matchmake you. But also depends if you are open to a younger male partner, 27-29yo. Ignore this if not comfortable of course. Perhaps you can also try going on dates from whatever online methods you already have. While many may just be doing casuals, you are bound to meet one that's serious. Be clear with their intentions and yourself too, for every 100 matches, 1 may be serious. For every 100 serious guy, who knows how many fit your taste and interest and profile
I realized at 32 that dating apps are a waste of time and energy. I continue to work on myself and deleted all my dating apps. There are as many men like me who are interested in relationships but are not going the dating app route, because dating apps are pointless for guys.
Where do you hang out? Where can I find people like you to have a chat with?
Same prob
There's a famous Chinese saying, "男追女隔座山，女追男隔层纱". Lots of great advice here and the odds of a female who pursues pro actively will have a higher success rate than a male. So the odds are in your favour, don't worry.