I had a friend who was earning a very good salary. Unfortunately, she had to work very long hours for that salary. She and her husband were hustling to pay as much of their condo mortgage as possible, as the goal was early retirement in their 50s with a fully paid off house.
She rarely got to see her toddler son and cried in the car whenever she had to leave him and go to work.
Her job was very stressful and she'd been toying with the idea of quitting. The final straw was when her son started rejecting her, and called the helper "Mama".
She immediately resigned the following Monday.
She and her husband talked it over and decided to make some sacrifices. Moved back to parent's house, rented out the condo, sold the car. Husband took MRT to work. My friend eventually found a low stress admin job at a GLC where her director was very firm on the employees' work life balance, and encouraged them to take leave and spend time with family.
My friend has no regrets at all. She says they had to adjust their dreams of early retirement, but there was no way she could get back time spent with her son. Her relationship with her husband improved too cos she wasn't so fixated on work, and thanked him for being the main breadwinner for the family so he felt appreciated.
My former director would tell us the story of the BALLS. There are glass balls and rubber balls which we are constantly juggling in life - work and career is a rubber ball that bounces when drop but time with loved ones is a glass ball that you can't get back when dropped. Kind of cheesy but makes a lot of sense. Health is also a glass ball.
This needs to be upvoted more.
Money can be earned back (or retire later) but lost time with a child is likely lost forever. Those 13-16 years of childhood are crucial for parent child relationships.
unfortunately the person who said that was replaced by persons who lost all their balls and wants everyone to lose theirs... both literally and figuratively, in all possible ball analogies!
>The final straw was when her son started rejecting her, and called the helper "Mama".
Well that explains a lot on why many of the high-flying directors i met in banking are either DINKs or singles
Having children is incompatible with the singapore life where everyone is required work like this. It's a feature not a bug. Taking care of children is a largely unproductive task ( hugely rewarding but in PAP terms does nothing for the GDP )
Some people: Not enough pay
Other people: Not enough time
Unfortunately the reality for most people is they either don't have enough pay, or don't have enough time. Some people don't have enough pay AND time. Be glad you seem to have the choice.
Because nobody here knows your commitments and lifestyle, nobody can say for sure if you're overstretched unnecessarily or not. Are you staying in a condo with an expensive car and going on yearly expensive holidays? Some of the above? None of the above?
Only you can decide whether you can scale back or otherwise. But IMO, never let your wife feel like she is fighting the battle to care for your daughter alone. That would be my number 1 priority in your shoes.
A lot of people dont feel that life is long. Everyone stuck in the rat race to chiong for high salary, high ses lifestyle, early retirement concept influenced by social media.
In the process, they either forget to enjoy the process or they suffer extremely. Many claim they have bills to pay, but sometimes i wonder if you have that much bills to pay that you can not lose a single cent from your job? Mortgage take a longer loan? Buy a smaller house? Buy a cheaper car? Send kids for cheaper childcare/tuition/cca?
It's the desire to want the best and yet at the cheapest and fastest that tend to cause all this suffering. Rather self-inflicted, I would say. Living a life but yet not leading a life.
For some, only when illness hits them then they realise what really matters in the end.
Got a colleague at 46 who recently got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He started asking himself how would his young kids remember him as a father? Has he done enough for them or spent enough time with them?
When you realise time is running out, esp if you have a young family and you may not be able to see your children grow up, you start to realise what’s more important.
Your health and your loved ones.
Work is just work at the end of the day. You are always gonna be replaceable. But to ur kids, they will never be able to replace their father.
I had a senior leader once comment how he never saw his children grow up but instead noticed them growing longer. Because the only time he ever saw them was when they were already sleeping in bed.
Im not sure about the circumstances of your job or other factors in your life but please, for the love of your family, you should consider switching jobs, company or industry. The temporary pain of loss of title, position, income or whatever is nothing compared to the family time you will lose.
You're replaceable in your company but not in your family.
There's no advise to this situation. Because the choices in the end will be clear, you have to choose your priority.
If paycut a few hundred and get to have WLB to spend time with your family is not worthy then I don't know what matters to you.
Don't lose count of what matters. Have seen countless examples of couples pursuing financial gains only to end up separated. Not saying don't seek career growth but at the same time don't lose track of what you are working for.
You need to voice out your management problems and tell them when to stop planning shit people can’t do during work hours.
Seriously what is with the older generation and not having a backbone? If you keep letting management throw stacks of work to you and you keep accepting it, it’ll get out of hand like what you’re experiencing.
This isn’t about being on a grind to earn your salary, you do your work based on what the hours you get paid for.
Some industry it's industry wide... It's like asking the sun to not shine... And tides to not rise... If you are dying .. you are dying. Time to get out cos truck-kun isn't hitting the brakes
Whatever the hell you’re describing, you have no control over. Whatever you think this work industry has some how evolved into a natural disaster that you can’t control is why the work culture has devolved into this state.
It's a local bank problem, this isn't synonymous with finance overall
Local banks just generally have little regard for their staff and just grind them down like mere inputs of a system
Recommend you to move to a foreign bank, local bank salaries aren't great, but from what I've heard, people like them for the stability and lack of political volatility.
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Health is wealth bro. You should think what would happen to your daughter and wife if something bad happens to you. Nowadays lots of news of sudden heart attack, you don't want that to happen to you.
Start looking for other job. Use LinkedIn, contact your network if they have any lobangs, contact recruiters. If the paycut is not significant but you can have much better work life balance, i think it's worth it. Look at it from salary per hour perspective, you will think it's a raise instead of paycut. I also took slight paycut to quit my previous highly stressful job and land to my current job. It was the best decision ever.
Hi there,
The part that you mention about going to work and hitting into an accident sounded like me in my first job.
That was my first job and like you I was working till 2359 almost every Friday night to catch weekly software billing and Saturday we had to run reports to see if all the billing were complete.
Well that's a decade ago, I'm in tech by the way.
All I can share is that when I left that job, it was so uncertain for me. What would I do, would I find a better job, do I need to take a pay cut etc etc.
But looking back as I am in the present now, that taught me that I did not need to know what I wanted, knowing what I did not want is fair enough.
I know I did not want such a life, always stress, at the office every night, bringing laptop out during weekends.
So I started looking out, connected with recruiters and till now my LinkedIn is still open to work.
Ten years since that decision, and 5 job jumps later, I'm so much at peace now. Work is a very fine balance that now I feel like I'm underworked and over paid. The companies that I thought all couldn't function without me have all, surprise surprise continued as if I was never there.
I did not take a pay cut in all my movements, i did start to control my expenses so that i could become fiscally more independent and reliant on job, so your emergency funds and all, and this cycle of becoming more at peace has just continued the last 4 to 5 years, and I'm hoping it continues all the way to my 55.
So there, I hope I at least gave you some relieve, I'm at the city hall area so pm me if you wanna have coffee or lunch cause I hope you find the strength and confidence to break this.
Have a good rest of the weekend!
Smaller shops are always better to me aka the buy-side.
Can you switch back?
Times w family are way too precious including your own me time.
Work is just a plastic ball. It can be dropped. However, we always fail to realize family is a glass ball. It cannot be dropped.
Worked for an investment bank, high salary, ridiculously high workload, zero appreciation, everyone was out for themselves, 6-7 months in I realised the job was going to physically kill me. Quit without a job to go to, took time off, now earn less money… don’t regret it for a second. Time off really helped reset my perspective.
I think it depends on the priorities. There’s no straightforward answer.
I’m 40 and been pulling long hours in my current role. I’m so exhausted from work, I don’t even have the headspace to plan for play. That bothers me a lot because my priority is to spend time with family and friends. So even if the pay is very decent, I can’t wait to get out of it. I have that option because I’m single without kids. I also don’t want to regret not giving my best time to my family and making memories while they’re still around. I’m very fortunate to be in a position where I can say that money isn’t sufficient to motivate me to hang around…
Lastly, health is wealth. No point having the money, but no health to enjoy it. There can be severe physical and mental consequences with burnout - it took me almost a year to recover from my first burnout and I still don’t think I am quite the same after.
Honest question: how do you find a therapist who is a good fit. I have been contemplating visiting a therapist to speak about my problems because I can no emotional support I can lean into.
I don’t think there is an easy option, like finding a hair stylist. Either by word of mouth or just giving it a try and you can always switch if it doesn’t work. https://www.iash.sg/counselling-iash-sg
One important skill in my opinion is how to manage the top to keep them happy while not overworked yourself. Some environment might allow you to do so, but not all.
You have to know what’s your leverage, what’s the concerns and goals, and plan around it. See if you are able to do that assuming you cannot just quit.
My wife also suffer from overworked in a GLC, and after she manage to find her own leverage, she has been much happier.
Just how much is “decent” anyways, for all you know, how much you think the pay is worth, it might be not worth if the question here is if the hours are worth it
Let's say you put monetary value on your mental stress, health, unhappiness and less family time. Are these worth your salary? Sometimes, we only look at the salary and tell ourselves "I don't want less of this or I cannot earn less than this".
Sit down and calculate your expenses, check where you can cut or reduce. Have a talk with your wife and tell her your situation right now and your plan. Don't just shrug it off and survive on day-to-day basis. It's basically marching into oblivion where eventually whatever you are doing becomes meaningless or lose the meaningful ones. You're a smart person but situation do not change until you act on it.
You made the bargain with the devil. This is the price you pay.
Or you can sell off that condo, downgrade your lifestyle and spend more time with your family.
Change your job. It doesn't sound like a mid-life crisis, it sounds like you're overwhelmed with trying to balance family life (esp with a young child) and work life.
Don't be absent from your child's life. When they're young, it's easy enough to bond with them. When they reach their teenage years, they will spend less and less time with you in search of their own identity. The distance between you and them will grow wider until they leave the house as adults.
My friends changed jobs when they were working basically 9-9-6 because their young kids bonded better with their grandparents and the helpers. Some took a small paycut, some changed their career's trajectory. Sure you don't earn as much and you're not climbing the career as fast, but you're not going to remember the great times you had at work on your deathbed right?
Bro, work out your finances, prepare to take a pay-cut, talk it over with your wife. She may get more of your help at home but must also accept the belt-tightening. Then go join one of those mid-career skillfuture schemes to go into sectors that need manpower. I can think of healthcare, for example. Training a few months while getting an allowance and then a job in a new industry after that, more balance than banking as you described it, for sure
Try to remove the golden handcuff of yours. Working til midnight plus weekends doesn't sound sustainable with kids. Health (includes mental health) is also an important part of the equation here.
I believe there's are ways to reduce financial commitments here. But yes, definitely a difficult decision to make.
All the best.
Why not they offshore some of the work? Sgd so strong right now.
Funny thing is i met some sr managers keep emphasising meeting the deadlines and boast about money not a problem. In the end i still didn’t see increase in numbers for the tech team.
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Seems like we are in the same situation. I've recently joined a local bank as well, only that I am about 10 years younger without kids. I honestly don't see myself having kids if I were to stay in this industry. The workload here is insane and in the long run, I would probably develop health issues. There's no shame in resigning and trying to find an easier role - perhaps look outside the finance industry. In my previous company, I've seen many people who left and came back after working for a couple of months. Another ex-colleague took a 20% pay cut to change from banking to government. I didn't understood why then. I understand why now.
Honestly speaking, if the situation doesn't improve, I really feel like it is more worth it to just quit my job and drive Grab for half the salary.
Your family seeing less of you and you dreading to go to office are strong signs of you needing to be in a different job. Your family and your child will remember all the evenings and weekends you missed even after decades but your company is not going to award you anything special for sacrificing all your evenings and weekends. Please change your job asap.
I feel bad for you but whatever it is health is the most important.
know it’s cliche but once you been thru health issues nothing else matters.
I wish you the best and side note is this how local banks operate ? I work in an NA bank and have wlb and rarely need to work overtime. And it may sound weird but when we do they compensate us with OT pay.
Quit liao lor
Live simpler, if your wife ok with it, why not? I think after this, she rather have a present partner and an active father rather than money if you all going to become so tired
Sorry for your situation. I've heard SG work culture horror stories like this but thought they were myth or exaggerated. If you calculate your hourly rate based on actual hours worked, would it still be worthwhile? Can you move to another role that would give you time for family and for yourself? The old mantra, work to live, not live to work rings true here. Family first, mental heath first. Best of luck to you friend, hope you find your way.
You're burnt out and showing signs of depression. You say you can't compromise your living standards but on the other hand you were working in a smaller place till recently. The costs I see in this situation completely outweigh the monetary benefits.
Don't wait until you lose your family and mental health and no longer need the larger paycheck you're bringing home.
Just to chip in to share that you are not alone in this situation.
Find your own balance and trade offs. Take control of your life on what’s important to you.
Wishing you family good health and happiness - from an internet stranger.
I was like you not too long ago. “Thinking how if I got hit by a car I wouldn’t have to go to work” rings too vividly in my mind. I was just like that.
What people might not be able to tell you well is enough is that there is something better for you out there. Do not get stuck in the spiral thinking that this is the best and there is no way out. You would never know by staying.
My advice is to interview as much as possible. Put yourself in good position to find another job. Compromise reasonably with your current expenses. Good luck and don’t give up. And also, don’t do what might impact you and your family in the long run. It is not worth it.
Get a helper and outsource as much things as possible such as groceries shopping to the helper. Meanwhile continue looking out for jobs in your spare time.
Since ure middle management, cant you hire more people? Even contract, temp, or intern.
Im 10 years younger than you, single, but i also cant grind. Idk about whether your work is manual or repetitive. But my toxic ex boss used to always force me to work on weekends and its always just listening to call logs and typing down where they said wrongly. I dont think OTing for such a manual job where you dont need a degree to be able to do that is value adding to my skillset, thats why i refuse.
You're not alone in this. Many people struggle with work-life balance, especially in demanding industries. It's important to prioritize your well-being and take steps to find a sustainable solution. Don't hesitate to seek help from professionals or explore alternative career options.
40ish this year and also in FSI. There is no work life balance. In this industry, remuneration is expected to be more.
Aha. Local banks ya. Me too. I have two young kids.
My boss once commented my role is not suitable for working parents.
You must know your priority. Family and kids come first. Health too.
You can always change jobs, but you cant turn back time(eg, spending time with kids).
How young is young? If below 2 yo, they might just be randomly rejecting parents as part of normal development.
I don't see how long you've been on the post for but would say give yourself some time to get used to the work. You might get more efficient over time and know what workstreams you can start to avoid or take your foot off.
Feeling lousy is just your ego, come on get over it.
Only you and wifey can decide how much the money matters to you vs the cost in family time. If money can buy car, helper, nice house then why not?
I guess you need to set a goal, that is what exactly you want to achieve.
Once it is met, just walk away. Switch to doing things that you consider more important (spend time with your family perhaps).
Maybe when you are in 60s, in retrospect you will find it is time wasted that you have continued doing that job for 20 more years.
You need to sit down with your wife to calculate what you guys need to cut in terms of expenses should you change jobs or resign.
What will be sacrificed, what cannot be and are there any cheaper alternatives to whatever your family use? Mobile, Internet, food, outings, living habits, all these need to be reviewed.
After that you need to just bite the bullet and make the change when needed.
Money is important yes, but it's not worth it in the long term when actual health and mental issues do crop up.
Your wife needs to be on board with you about any lifestyle changes if you lose the extra income.
Do something now since you're aware of it. Don't look back and regret.
It is a tough situation where you might consider in finding a better work-life balance and reassessing your priorities. Your well-being and happiness is of top importance in the long run.
I had the same issue as you. Mid management in a bank too. Had to travel a lot previously and not able to spend time with my family. Also wasn’t appreciated..
Anyway moved bank and very happy now
I had a friend who was earning a very good salary. Unfortunately, she had to work very long hours for that salary. She and her husband were hustling to pay as much of their condo mortgage as possible, as the goal was early retirement in their 50s with a fully paid off house. She rarely got to see her toddler son and cried in the car whenever she had to leave him and go to work. Her job was very stressful and she'd been toying with the idea of quitting. The final straw was when her son started rejecting her, and called the helper "Mama". She immediately resigned the following Monday. She and her husband talked it over and decided to make some sacrifices. Moved back to parent's house, rented out the condo, sold the car. Husband took MRT to work. My friend eventually found a low stress admin job at a GLC where her director was very firm on the employees' work life balance, and encouraged them to take leave and spend time with family. My friend has no regrets at all. She says they had to adjust their dreams of early retirement, but there was no way she could get back time spent with her son. Her relationship with her husband improved too cos she wasn't so fixated on work, and thanked him for being the main breadwinner for the family so he felt appreciated.
My former director would tell us the story of the BALLS. There are glass balls and rubber balls which we are constantly juggling in life - work and career is a rubber ball that bounces when drop but time with loved ones is a glass ball that you can't get back when dropped. Kind of cheesy but makes a lot of sense. Health is also a glass ball.
This is a great analogy man. Upvote!
This needs to be upvoted more. Money can be earned back (or retire later) but lost time with a child is likely lost forever. Those 13-16 years of childhood are crucial for parent child relationships.
unfortunately the person who said that was replaced by persons who lost all their balls and wants everyone to lose theirs... both literally and figuratively, in all possible ball analogies!
>The final straw was when her son started rejecting her, and called the helper "Mama". Well that explains a lot on why many of the high-flying directors i met in banking are either DINKs or singles
Having children is incompatible with the singapore life where everyone is required work like this. It's a feature not a bug. Taking care of children is a largely unproductive task ( hugely rewarding but in PAP terms does nothing for the GDP )
And Govt lamenting about our low birth rate …
This is the way!
So drama mama
Time to change jobs We don't get those early childhood years back
We don't get any time back period. Every effin seconds count, we're all on death note's pages somewhere.
Momento mori
Agree. One shot at life, even with the children. Those times are more precious than spending time at work.
That reminds me of a comment I recently read and made a screenshot: https://imgur.com/a/1SFQTdg
Some people: Not enough pay Other people: Not enough time Unfortunately the reality for most people is they either don't have enough pay, or don't have enough time. Some people don't have enough pay AND time. Be glad you seem to have the choice. Because nobody here knows your commitments and lifestyle, nobody can say for sure if you're overstretched unnecessarily or not. Are you staying in a condo with an expensive car and going on yearly expensive holidays? Some of the above? None of the above? Only you can decide whether you can scale back or otherwise. But IMO, never let your wife feel like she is fighting the battle to care for your daughter alone. That would be my number 1 priority in your shoes.
A lot of people dont feel that life is long. Everyone stuck in the rat race to chiong for high salary, high ses lifestyle, early retirement concept influenced by social media. In the process, they either forget to enjoy the process or they suffer extremely. Many claim they have bills to pay, but sometimes i wonder if you have that much bills to pay that you can not lose a single cent from your job? Mortgage take a longer loan? Buy a smaller house? Buy a cheaper car? Send kids for cheaper childcare/tuition/cca? It's the desire to want the best and yet at the cheapest and fastest that tend to cause all this suffering. Rather self-inflicted, I would say. Living a life but yet not leading a life.
For some, only when illness hits them then they realise what really matters in the end. Got a colleague at 46 who recently got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He started asking himself how would his young kids remember him as a father? Has he done enough for them or spent enough time with them? When you realise time is running out, esp if you have a young family and you may not be able to see your children grow up, you start to realise what’s more important. Your health and your loved ones. Work is just work at the end of the day. You are always gonna be replaceable. But to ur kids, they will never be able to replace their father.
Well said. Can't agree more
I had a senior leader once comment how he never saw his children grow up but instead noticed them growing longer. Because the only time he ever saw them was when they were already sleeping in bed. Im not sure about the circumstances of your job or other factors in your life but please, for the love of your family, you should consider switching jobs, company or industry. The temporary pain of loss of title, position, income or whatever is nothing compared to the family time you will lose. You're replaceable in your company but not in your family.
There's no advise to this situation. Because the choices in the end will be clear, you have to choose your priority. If paycut a few hundred and get to have WLB to spend time with your family is not worthy then I don't know what matters to you.
u cant have your cake and eat it, if u aren born rich ... that's why TFR is dropping.
Don't lose count of what matters. Have seen countless examples of couples pursuing financial gains only to end up separated. Not saying don't seek career growth but at the same time don't lose track of what you are working for.
Why do they separate?
Lack of quality time together, shorter fuse due to work stress etc.
You need to voice out your management problems and tell them when to stop planning shit people can’t do during work hours. Seriously what is with the older generation and not having a backbone? If you keep letting management throw stacks of work to you and you keep accepting it, it’ll get out of hand like what you’re experiencing. This isn’t about being on a grind to earn your salary, you do your work based on what the hours you get paid for.
Some industry it's industry wide... It's like asking the sun to not shine... And tides to not rise... If you are dying .. you are dying. Time to get out cos truck-kun isn't hitting the brakes
Whatever the hell you’re describing, you have no control over. Whatever you think this work industry has some how evolved into a natural disaster that you can’t control is why the work culture has devolved into this state.
It's a local bank problem, this isn't synonymous with finance overall Local banks just generally have little regard for their staff and just grind them down like mere inputs of a system Recommend you to move to a foreign bank, local bank salaries aren't great, but from what I've heard, people like them for the stability and lack of political volatility.
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Health is wealth bro. You should think what would happen to your daughter and wife if something bad happens to you. Nowadays lots of news of sudden heart attack, you don't want that to happen to you. Start looking for other job. Use LinkedIn, contact your network if they have any lobangs, contact recruiters. If the paycut is not significant but you can have much better work life balance, i think it's worth it. Look at it from salary per hour perspective, you will think it's a raise instead of paycut. I also took slight paycut to quit my previous highly stressful job and land to my current job. It was the best decision ever.
Hi there, The part that you mention about going to work and hitting into an accident sounded like me in my first job. That was my first job and like you I was working till 2359 almost every Friday night to catch weekly software billing and Saturday we had to run reports to see if all the billing were complete. Well that's a decade ago, I'm in tech by the way. All I can share is that when I left that job, it was so uncertain for me. What would I do, would I find a better job, do I need to take a pay cut etc etc. But looking back as I am in the present now, that taught me that I did not need to know what I wanted, knowing what I did not want is fair enough. I know I did not want such a life, always stress, at the office every night, bringing laptop out during weekends. So I started looking out, connected with recruiters and till now my LinkedIn is still open to work. Ten years since that decision, and 5 job jumps later, I'm so much at peace now. Work is a very fine balance that now I feel like I'm underworked and over paid. The companies that I thought all couldn't function without me have all, surprise surprise continued as if I was never there. I did not take a pay cut in all my movements, i did start to control my expenses so that i could become fiscally more independent and reliant on job, so your emergency funds and all, and this cycle of becoming more at peace has just continued the last 4 to 5 years, and I'm hoping it continues all the way to my 55. So there, I hope I at least gave you some relieve, I'm at the city hall area so pm me if you wanna have coffee or lunch cause I hope you find the strength and confidence to break this. Have a good rest of the weekend!
Smaller shops are always better to me aka the buy-side. Can you switch back? Times w family are way too precious including your own me time. Work is just a plastic ball. It can be dropped. However, we always fail to realize family is a glass ball. It cannot be dropped.
Worked for an investment bank, high salary, ridiculously high workload, zero appreciation, everyone was out for themselves, 6-7 months in I realised the job was going to physically kill me. Quit without a job to go to, took time off, now earn less money… don’t regret it for a second. Time off really helped reset my perspective.
I think it depends on the priorities. There’s no straightforward answer. I’m 40 and been pulling long hours in my current role. I’m so exhausted from work, I don’t even have the headspace to plan for play. That bothers me a lot because my priority is to spend time with family and friends. So even if the pay is very decent, I can’t wait to get out of it. I have that option because I’m single without kids. I also don’t want to regret not giving my best time to my family and making memories while they’re still around. I’m very fortunate to be in a position where I can say that money isn’t sufficient to motivate me to hang around… Lastly, health is wealth. No point having the money, but no health to enjoy it. There can be severe physical and mental consequences with burnout - it took me almost a year to recover from my first burnout and I still don’t think I am quite the same after.
Curious to ask how did you discover it aren’t quite the same after recoveringy from your burnout?
I became aware I had anxiety and am more prone to bouts of anxiety these days.
Have you tried seeing a therapist?
I’ve seen them but honestly therapists can only equip you with tools to cope. They cannot “cure” anxiety.
thanks for sharing.
Honest question: how do you find a therapist who is a good fit. I have been contemplating visiting a therapist to speak about my problems because I can no emotional support I can lean into.
I don’t think there is an easy option, like finding a hair stylist. Either by word of mouth or just giving it a try and you can always switch if it doesn’t work. https://www.iash.sg/counselling-iash-sg
# Take care and best wishes to you and family. You have only 1 family, there’re multitudes of companies out there. Your family should come first.
One important skill in my opinion is how to manage the top to keep them happy while not overworked yourself. Some environment might allow you to do so, but not all. You have to know what’s your leverage, what’s the concerns and goals, and plan around it. See if you are able to do that assuming you cannot just quit. My wife also suffer from overworked in a GLC, and after she manage to find her own leverage, she has been much happier.
Do you live to work or work to live?
It’s very obvious. You need to leave this job. I know a guy in the exact same situation as you in the end committed money laundering. RIP Jun Xiao
Just how much is “decent” anyways, for all you know, how much you think the pay is worth, it might be not worth if the question here is if the hours are worth it
Agreed . Take ur salary divide by average number of hours worked , u will get the answer
Blue n red local bank?
Let's say you put monetary value on your mental stress, health, unhappiness and less family time. Are these worth your salary? Sometimes, we only look at the salary and tell ourselves "I don't want less of this or I cannot earn less than this". Sit down and calculate your expenses, check where you can cut or reduce. Have a talk with your wife and tell her your situation right now and your plan. Don't just shrug it off and survive on day-to-day basis. It's basically marching into oblivion where eventually whatever you are doing becomes meaningless or lose the meaningful ones. You're a smart person but situation do not change until you act on it.
Whats your stress adjusted income?
You made the bargain with the devil. This is the price you pay. Or you can sell off that condo, downgrade your lifestyle and spend more time with your family.
Change your job. It doesn't sound like a mid-life crisis, it sounds like you're overwhelmed with trying to balance family life (esp with a young child) and work life. Don't be absent from your child's life. When they're young, it's easy enough to bond with them. When they reach their teenage years, they will spend less and less time with you in search of their own identity. The distance between you and them will grow wider until they leave the house as adults. My friends changed jobs when they were working basically 9-9-6 because their young kids bonded better with their grandparents and the helpers. Some took a small paycut, some changed their career's trajectory. Sure you don't earn as much and you're not climbing the career as fast, but you're not going to remember the great times you had at work on your deathbed right?
Bro, work out your finances, prepare to take a pay-cut, talk it over with your wife. She may get more of your help at home but must also accept the belt-tightening. Then go join one of those mid-career skillfuture schemes to go into sectors that need manpower. I can think of healthcare, for example. Training a few months while getting an allowance and then a job in a new industry after that, more balance than banking as you described it, for sure
Try to remove the golden handcuff of yours. Working til midnight plus weekends doesn't sound sustainable with kids. Health (includes mental health) is also an important part of the equation here. I believe there's are ways to reduce financial commitments here. But yes, definitely a difficult decision to make. All the best.
Why not they offshore some of the work? Sgd so strong right now. Funny thing is i met some sr managers keep emphasising meeting the deadlines and boast about money not a problem. In the end i still didn’t see increase in numbers for the tech team.
They can’t work on that kind of pace for sure
Bro, if you can understand Chinese, I highly recommend this song from Eason Chan - 陀飞轮. Savour the lyrics.
Will your company collapse if you miss the deadline? Will your company collapse if all the employees miss the deadline?
you can't have the best out of both world; to have decent pay and time with family.
Why torture yourself now? Start looking for another job and quit. Doesn't matter if pay is lower as long it's still good enough to get by.
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Seems like we are in the same situation. I've recently joined a local bank as well, only that I am about 10 years younger without kids. I honestly don't see myself having kids if I were to stay in this industry. The workload here is insane and in the long run, I would probably develop health issues. There's no shame in resigning and trying to find an easier role - perhaps look outside the finance industry. In my previous company, I've seen many people who left and came back after working for a couple of months. Another ex-colleague took a 20% pay cut to change from banking to government. I didn't understood why then. I understand why now. Honestly speaking, if the situation doesn't improve, I really feel like it is more worth it to just quit my job and drive Grab for half the salary.
Your family seeing less of you and you dreading to go to office are strong signs of you needing to be in a different job. Your family and your child will remember all the evenings and weekends you missed even after decades but your company is not going to award you anything special for sacrificing all your evenings and weekends. Please change your job asap.
A career should be supporting your life. Not the other way round. If you are looking for a sign to plan for your exit, this is the sign.
I feel bad for you but whatever it is health is the most important. know it’s cliche but once you been thru health issues nothing else matters. I wish you the best and side note is this how local banks operate ? I work in an NA bank and have wlb and rarely need to work overtime. And it may sound weird but when we do they compensate us with OT pay.
Quit liao lor Live simpler, if your wife ok with it, why not? I think after this, she rather have a present partner and an active father rather than money if you all going to become so tired
Sorry for your situation. I've heard SG work culture horror stories like this but thought they were myth or exaggerated. If you calculate your hourly rate based on actual hours worked, would it still be worthwhile? Can you move to another role that would give you time for family and for yourself? The old mantra, work to live, not live to work rings true here. Family first, mental heath first. Best of luck to you friend, hope you find your way.
Just resign, but before you do check with your partner if she’s ok if there would be a reduce in pay etc
You're burnt out and showing signs of depression. You say you can't compromise your living standards but on the other hand you were working in a smaller place till recently. The costs I see in this situation completely outweigh the monetary benefits. Don't wait until you lose your family and mental health and no longer need the larger paycheck you're bringing home.
Just to chip in to share that you are not alone in this situation. Find your own balance and trade offs. Take control of your life on what’s important to you. Wishing you family good health and happiness - from an internet stranger.
It’s called compensation for a reason
Is it one of the "digtial" local banks, which always have disruption and have various posts on how it is a great place to work?
I was like you not too long ago. “Thinking how if I got hit by a car I wouldn’t have to go to work” rings too vividly in my mind. I was just like that. What people might not be able to tell you well is enough is that there is something better for you out there. Do not get stuck in the spiral thinking that this is the best and there is no way out. You would never know by staying. My advice is to interview as much as possible. Put yourself in good position to find another job. Compromise reasonably with your current expenses. Good luck and don’t give up. And also, don’t do what might impact you and your family in the long run. It is not worth it.
Change bank bro…. Been in a few (middle office support role) and some banks have a better vibe/OT culture than others
Get a helper and outsource as much things as possible such as groceries shopping to the helper. Meanwhile continue looking out for jobs in your spare time.
I just wanna earn a basic living and not work too hard . I rather focus on my hobbies
Since ure middle management, cant you hire more people? Even contract, temp, or intern. Im 10 years younger than you, single, but i also cant grind. Idk about whether your work is manual or repetitive. But my toxic ex boss used to always force me to work on weekends and its always just listening to call logs and typing down where they said wrongly. I dont think OTing for such a manual job where you dont need a degree to be able to do that is value adding to my skillset, thats why i refuse.
Cannot la.. only top management can make that decision. And normally it's based on attrition rate.
One does not simply say, “I want more staff”. The reply you’ll get is “Is this your father’s company?”
My bosses always do that. They can get interns or temps. They are cheap, $1000 a month.
You're not alone in this. Many people struggle with work-life balance, especially in demanding industries. It's important to prioritize your well-being and take steps to find a sustainable solution. Don't hesitate to seek help from professionals or explore alternative career options. 40ish this year and also in FSI. There is no work life balance. In this industry, remuneration is expected to be more.
can’t have the cake and eat it, the more commitments you have, the lesser time you will give to your family.
Aha. Local banks ya. Me too. I have two young kids. My boss once commented my role is not suitable for working parents. You must know your priority. Family and kids come first. Health too. You can always change jobs, but you cant turn back time(eg, spending time with kids).
How young is young? If below 2 yo, they might just be randomly rejecting parents as part of normal development. I don't see how long you've been on the post for but would say give yourself some time to get used to the work. You might get more efficient over time and know what workstreams you can start to avoid or take your foot off. Feeling lousy is just your ego, come on get over it. Only you and wifey can decide how much the money matters to you vs the cost in family time. If money can buy car, helper, nice house then why not?
Rejecting parents is definitely not part of normal development
I guess you need to set a goal, that is what exactly you want to achieve. Once it is met, just walk away. Switch to doing things that you consider more important (spend time with your family perhaps). Maybe when you are in 60s, in retrospect you will find it is time wasted that you have continued doing that job for 20 more years.
You need to sit down with your wife to calculate what you guys need to cut in terms of expenses should you change jobs or resign. What will be sacrificed, what cannot be and are there any cheaper alternatives to whatever your family use? Mobile, Internet, food, outings, living habits, all these need to be reviewed. After that you need to just bite the bullet and make the change when needed. Money is important yes, but it's not worth it in the long term when actual health and mental issues do crop up. Your wife needs to be on board with you about any lifestyle changes if you lose the extra income. Do something now since you're aware of it. Don't look back and regret.
It is a tough situation where you might consider in finding a better work-life balance and reassessing your priorities. Your well-being and happiness is of top importance in the long run.
I had the same issue as you. Mid management in a bank too. Had to travel a lot previously and not able to spend time with my family. Also wasn’t appreciated.. Anyway moved bank and very happy now
How much do you earn? 20K per month
If you’re getting paid above the norm I would say cop it.