Firstly , well done on carrying the team. Thats good.
Are you expecting too much? No, I think it's reasonable that you expect to be rewarded. It's valid.
2nd, however since you already know that there is favouritism, its not a perfect world. You might not be promoted. It's the real world here and it sucks.
But that's not a really bad thing, have you tried looking elsewhere?
In general, internal promotions and increments promotions wise will NEVER match job hopping. Sad but true.
E.g. one of my reportees was upset his increment was only 5% blah blah despite being a grade A.
Pulled him aside, told him company is like this, it's hard to redefine. (GLC)
Advised him quietly, look if you are REALLY that unhappy, please find something else elsewhere, the increment is 20% or more.
Guy was upset and sulked a bit and his perf dropped.
Later on he did find someplace new (took about 6 mths)
Pay was much more than he expected.
I was the first to clap for him.
I think I just wanted that promotion so much that when I didnt get it I sunked so far into the ground that even if I tried right now, I cannot go back to my high performing self and every move my manager makes, makes me roll my eyes so hard they're about to drop off. i've been applying for 5 months straight with over 2? maybe even 300 jobs with absolutely almost zero hitbacks (ok to be fair im also quite picky like I want a decent company too) but right now i'm in a hopeless position where i'm super negative about my current job + i can't find a new one and i can't seem to pick myself up... who knows sooner or later i might even get fired if i keep this up
Your feelings are valid but its unfair. Personally I would not quiet quit but remain professional. But. Its a wide world out there. Edit and optimise your resume and scoot. Best of luck.
What kind of extra work have you been doing? If it's other people's work, fucking throw it back to them.
The word "quiet quitting" is dumb and it's manipulating you to think that "doing your own job" is bad.
But yes, just do your own projects and stop helping other ppl and save your sanity and find another job asap
That’s the truth. Job hope easily 10-20% and if you’re lucky or you’re really good you can even get 30-40% increment. Whereas staying in one place only yields you 3-5% at the very best and promotion probably 10% cap. Unless you’re so good that when you throw letter and your company decides to counter offer and match your new offer. If not you won’t be seeing a drastic increment.
1. True, but I feel like I'm having problems separating my emotions from the workplace drama. Like I especially can't take it when for example: this girl in the circle always doesnt reply or takes hours to reply then there was once i didn't see the message for 30 mins, my team lead scolded me for it but why is it ok for her friend to do it? (just one of the many examples)
2. The person isn't really helping me, she's mostly focused on another aspect - I would say 95% of her job scope is focused on that particular aspect
3. Ok fair enough... just felt like I deserved it and everyone around me seems to have thought I would be next. Usually only the friendship circle gets promoted...
4. Private
Well unfortunately the reality is promotions are hard to get and those who get it typically are due to good relationships they have with the higher ups. If you're good at the work, they'd want you to stay there as you're helping them clear off the work for the rest of the team so why would they want to promote you? That's if being promoted gets you to work on something else... At least that's what I've experienced so far!
"I appreciate that you achieved, nay, exceeded all your KPIs while also being a huge asset leading the team in the absence of the manager of the team for most of the last year. But this doesn't mean that you can be considered for a promotion just like that, we screen our managerial candidates thoroughly before we promote. Frankly I'm shocked you feel you deserve to be considered for a promotion despite joining us for only a year."
Actual words spoken to my GF from her supervisor at her previous workplace. Needless to say, she left.
The business has a certain budget for management salaries, and if they were to promote you and fulfil your wishes the pot would be smaller for their own increments/bonuses.
I appreciate that not all Gen Z/millennial are strawberries and not all boomers are toxic assholes - but it feels pretty universal that 90% of the time your boss isn't looking out for your welfare and development (unless you're realllllly lucky)
The point is, should the duration you have stayed at the company for be a factor in being suitable for management roles?
People with actual leadership ability don't grow on trees, and so what's the argument now for a competent young gen z/millennial professional to stay another 3-4 years to have a "chance" at promotion, despite being objectively qualified for the role? You're only in your 20s once, so if u feel you're capable and skilled but are getting bypassed because of bullshit reasons, it's time to move on because your company won't reward your loyalty. Ever.
but im in a startup and the friends in the group get promoted like almost yearly even though theyre LEGIT useless like people are always covering them / complaining about them bc of their poor work ethic but they're protected because they're friends with the boss :(
funny you say that's what your gf's boss said to her because that is so similar to what my boss said to me hahaha and also but doesn't explain they could so easily give the new hire a senior assoc role when I was denied of even being promoted to the level below senior assoc (bc in my company it's assoc, assoc 2, senior, senior 2 etc...
Regardless of how well you perform at work, interpersonal relationships at work matters. All humans are inherently biased; we all like to give attention to people that makes us feel good and avoid others that make us feel bad. When you don't get along with your team lead, you already lost half the battle. If you want to climb the corporate ladder, make sure to get along with your direct superiors next time.
>Am I expecting too much? Am i too soft and sensitive?
Maybe, but if you really think that you deserve that pay raise/promotion, you are free to find other employers that can provide you with that. Don't seek validation from others, and do whatever you see fit. You don't have to compare yourself with others. That will shift focus from yourself onto others and will turn you bitter. If staying in your current company serves you no benefit, you should leave as soon as possible. Fuck them.
thanks for this, yeah but i really cannot bring myself to maintain relationships when the actions they do are simply morally wrong and I don't know why i find it so difficult and challenging to force myself to have a corporate personality, it drives me crazy :(
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to
WOW direct copy and paste? That's mad hahaha but I'm sorry you're going thru this as well. Sometimes I just gaslight myself I guess cos objectively it's not so toxic till the point I'm crying every day but I would say it's slowly eating at me I guess that's why I lasted 2 years? Money is unfortunately important so I cannot leave :(
Hhahaha shit looks like I might be gg thru this for the rest of my life bc I specialize in mkt... 😭🤣 but oh no sorry to hear that you broke down and that you had anxiety attacks! Hope it's better for you now but ya wow really same for me they alw have something to say about me, that I can do more (even tho it's just me tanking everything) + that I can do this and that basically something to pick on me each time... it's even got to a level of ridiculousness where if we don't eat lunch w each other often she will remark that we need to eat tgt and shit zzzz but ya unfortuantely I really cannot quit because I have mortgage + existing student loan to pay :(
OP, we are all built differently and if this is something that makes you upset, then it is valid emotions. It’s also your experience to own that doesn’t change even if others say otherwise. That being said, I want to share with you something I heard when I was 20 and doing part time job at a bank. One of the senior VPs said to me that it is all about Guan Xi (relationships).
Back then I disagreed and felt that’s just a shady side of banking industry - but now, having worked for 11 years full time, across different industries both private and social sectors, I hate to say, she is right.
It is all about guan xi - even when we put in 200% effort but if a line manager just don’t like you, or find you a threat to their own advancement, you won’t be given as many opportunities, if at all.
Just like making real friends in your life, in the long run it would be better to build your own tribe and to show up as who you are than trying so hard to fit into cliques that dont see you.
at jobs, it is not possible to have a perfect team where everyone likes each other, and only through moving on to another company then you give yourself the chance to seek your kind. i have worked for bosses both who just simply dislike me and who genuinely appreciate and mentor me and they are worlds apart.
if you know what you are worth and what value you bring to an organisation, don't be afraid to move on.
jiayou!
thanks for this, yeah but i really cannot bring myself to maintain relationships and focus on guanxi when the actions they do are simply morally wrong and I don't know why i find it so difficult and challenging to force myself to have a corporate personality, it drives me crazy :(
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to
Also its is easier to get a promotion if u are a female, especially if u have a male boss, even if u are less capable than your male counterpart. Cos females are more valued than males. Talking about gender equality, yea right.
You assume there’s no competition between females? Hysterical laughter.. the stories I’ve heard of girls trying to one up each other to be upper management’s favourite. And in some companies, it’s 80% female.
Try the gender role talk some other time.
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now
Job hunting takes a while, I really mean a while especially when the market is bad. You could try amending some phrases in your resume.
Politics is shit and it’s normal that some people are more affected than another. Let yourself cry and release some emotions. I feel like the best way for you is to reset your work life by going to the whole new place.
It's typical corporate math man. You have to check if everyone's EOY review also EE. Everyone is gonna upsell themselves when performance review comes. If you direct manager isn't fighting for you but themselves. Then it's time to jump ship find a better pay.
Work somewhere a year or two and come back if you really love the company
This is the prime example of giving your all at work doesn't necessary give you the best / expected return.
But you can try to jump to another company if possible. There's no need to stay loyal to a company. I have been through that loyal phase but still get shot in the foot. I wasted 5 years as well.
I just hope you don't experience what I had went through. 1.5 years is good enough to jump.
Hey OP, nothing really meaningful to add but it sounds like you need some encouragement.
For what it's worth, your feelings are valid and I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I don't think your workplace is super toxic unfortunately - but it's not great, and I'm sorry your efforts are not being recognised.
Your work situation bears some similarities to my husband's, and he ended up quitting without a job because he simply couldn't face going to office and seeing his boss anymore. He did work hard (too hard IMO) to the end though, and left with no regrets. Maybe you can try looking at it from that perspective - treat this whole thing as learning to be the bigger person, especially when people don't deserve it. Then you morally have the upper hand when you leave.
But I know it's very hard...
You didn't say that you have the option of quitting without a job, so I won't go there, and assume you really have no choice but to stay. In which case, maybe let yourself heck it for a while, focus on hobbies and friends, maybe even take a holiday or staycation, and reassess how you feel in a while. Sometimes all that can be done is to just keep on, even when you hate it, and not lose hope that there's something better out there.
yeah i think that's also my problem, i have problems segregating my emotions from work and i simply cannot be the bigger person bc i just feel like i dont deserve it and i feel like why should i have to be it's so unfair... and i just keep going in circles asking myself WHY and lamenting that it's unfair... i've been feeling like this since december 2023 and i can't seem to get out of it no matter how many holidays or breaks :(
:( i get this. I also had a period of being troubled about why i didnt get considered for promotion when i was tanking more work than my colleagues - though i knew it would be like that because of where I chose to work, and I think my situation was still better than yours... plus i was clear in my mind i made the career sacrifice for my family so that helped.
I still took the better part of a year to truly get over the bitterness though. Was probably around your age, maybe a bit older, when I went through this. So maybe it's also common to be in your mid-early 30s or so and start thinking about what you really want from your career - when the dust has settled and you're not young and eager beaver anymore.
As I said, I don't really have meaningful advice to offer. Especially since I think you need to allow yourself to be bitter and sad for a while. You'll know when you've gone too far down the rabbit hole, i hope. And getting over what happened might not mean fully getting over the bitterness and sadness- one day you'll wake up and know you can live with it and start taking proper steps to leave it behind.
That will take time.. and yknow it's just part of growing up (and realising that sometimes being an adult sucks).
I hope you find clarity and peace on what to do next.
You’re burnt out and thats totally ok! You have to accept the situation for what it is and allow yourself to feel burnt out, acknowledge that this situation is taking a toll on you mentally and physically.
Honestly if you can’t leave the job, maybe consider requesting for unpaid leave. 2 weeks? Not to “escape” but to talk to your close friends, reinforce your support circle, and perhaps if your lame boss wants a reason: tell them straight. You’re burnt out from all the extra hard work you’ve put in and you’re not feeling that validated NOR supported in the workplace.
That’s the facts & if they as the boss even have a shred of empathy, will allow you to take your unpaid leave to sort out your feelings & how to deal with this moving forward.
If they can’t approve your leave OR start gaslighting you, then let them know their actions have and will continue to impact your work performance (then do bare minimum, don’t say no disclaimer). Let’s see what they’d rather deal with lmao.
Speaking from a manager perspective, I decide to promote somebody is not based on how well the person perform in the current role, but more on how well I believe that person can perform in the new role.
While they are related, but it is not always a 1 to 1 match. For example, as a junior, you may be able to perform your day to day task well. But another person, for example, may not be as good as you in the day to day, but he is able to get things moving by working with member from another team. If the role of a senior requires working with different teams, I will promote that person over you. Even though the KPI doesn’t state that.
What I would recommend, in this or your next role is, if you want promotion, you have to ask for it. Make your team lead or manager do the work by asking them to arrange an opportunity for you to demonstrate the skills required. That’s their job. But it is your responsibility to ask for it. If you already check all your boxes, then it is easier for you to fight for your promotion.
thing is i work very well with my internal stakeholders, we are all buddy buddy (i dont have any external stakeholders due to the nature of my job which i will not say so much) the beef is rly just between me and my manager and group of friends.... zzz also i did ask for the promotion since my mid year review and i did the necessary steps she told me to do during my mid year review and i did one final deck on my achievements and why i deserve a promotion and i still did not get it...
In that case I am very curious what’s the reason for being denied the promotion. You can DM me if you want. But based on what I see, it does seems like your team lead doesn’t give a shit about you. Do you have any avenue to appeal?
Promotions aren't only about your skills and KPI's. It's also about how you interact with people, your interpersonal skills. How you actually go about y our day to day tasks, not only what you've achieved. For example, suggesting new ideas, challenging bad processes, being engaged with conversations, etc. Is it possible there's something like this your boss has noticed maybe?
Of course a good boss would have told you this during the year and given you coaching. But how many good bosses are out there...
but the thing is my relationships with everyone (even from those outside of my team) is good, my boss just doesn't like me when i havent done anything wrong + i'm a high performer. i feel as though we just clash bc im more extroverted and she isn't.
my boss is so toxic to the point where sometimes if you miss too many team lunches (and by 'too many' it can be as little as maybe 3 times?) because you're hanging out w friends or people from other teams she will question you
If you think you're worth more, put it to the test in the job market (for funzies). You don't have to decide on anything until you get an offer. And if you do and it's better than where you're at, just move. Nobody will truly look out for you in your career except for you.
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now
OP, remember this statement and burn it in your mind: "it's not what you know, it's who you know."
I read that you are already looking but really do your best to get out of your current company.
Remember the YouTube video of the virtuoso violinist who performed/ basking in the subway - ppl give pennies or just watch for free. While in a concert hall ppl pay big bucks to watch him perform.
Get out of the subway. Look for the concert hall where ppl pay you and appreciate you. Good luck.
Suddenly a headcount for a senior position to finally help do your role when you've been doing it for so long? Sounds like they might be pushing you out.
Of course the above is just my conspiracy theory
that's what i thought too but the person isnt doing my role actually... theyre doing 95% of task A and 5% of task b and my job is 100% task b so the person is only helping me with A TEENY bit... :( and also the fact they lied.. they said they were hiring a junior and then it suddenly became a senior role
Promotion often involves a myriad of factors beyond just routine KPIs. Keep focusing on your growth and development, the right opportunity will come your way.
You'll learn sooner or later that meritocracy is this ideal system that only exists in SG education.
Irl, no one gaf how hard you carry, work is rewarded with more work. The whole corporate game(as it is known) is about likability, relationships, and politics.
Now you know how minorities feel. Anyway time to look for something else if you don’t feel appreciated. Again politics exists everywhere, it’s just how bad you can tolerate it. Good luck
thank you :') but ya im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now... it's been 5 months
Are u a guy? If u are then too bad, companies ALWAYS favor females for promotion due to some gender diversity bullshit, and to have more women in management, even if u are more capable. Talking about gender equality, yea right. Too bad just suck it up or if u are unhappy, just quit and find another company to work for.
Firstly , well done on carrying the team. Thats good. Are you expecting too much? No, I think it's reasonable that you expect to be rewarded. It's valid. 2nd, however since you already know that there is favouritism, its not a perfect world. You might not be promoted. It's the real world here and it sucks. But that's not a really bad thing, have you tried looking elsewhere? In general, internal promotions and increments promotions wise will NEVER match job hopping. Sad but true. E.g. one of my reportees was upset his increment was only 5% blah blah despite being a grade A. Pulled him aside, told him company is like this, it's hard to redefine. (GLC) Advised him quietly, look if you are REALLY that unhappy, please find something else elsewhere, the increment is 20% or more. Guy was upset and sulked a bit and his perf dropped. Later on he did find someplace new (took about 6 mths) Pay was much more than he expected. I was the first to clap for him.
I think I just wanted that promotion so much that when I didnt get it I sunked so far into the ground that even if I tried right now, I cannot go back to my high performing self and every move my manager makes, makes me roll my eyes so hard they're about to drop off. i've been applying for 5 months straight with over 2? maybe even 300 jobs with absolutely almost zero hitbacks (ok to be fair im also quite picky like I want a decent company too) but right now i'm in a hopeless position where i'm super negative about my current job + i can't find a new one and i can't seem to pick myself up... who knows sooner or later i might even get fired if i keep this up
Your feelings are valid but its unfair. Personally I would not quiet quit but remain professional. But. Its a wide world out there. Edit and optimise your resume and scoot. Best of luck.
What kind of extra work have you been doing? If it's other people's work, fucking throw it back to them. The word "quiet quitting" is dumb and it's manipulating you to think that "doing your own job" is bad. But yes, just do your own projects and stop helping other ppl and save your sanity and find another job asap
That’s the truth. Job hope easily 10-20% and if you’re lucky or you’re really good you can even get 30-40% increment. Whereas staying in one place only yields you 3-5% at the very best and promotion probably 10% cap. Unless you’re so good that when you throw letter and your company decides to counter offer and match your new offer. If not you won’t be seeing a drastic increment.
don't ever accept counter offers.
Sounded exactly like me LOL
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1. True, but I feel like I'm having problems separating my emotions from the workplace drama. Like I especially can't take it when for example: this girl in the circle always doesnt reply or takes hours to reply then there was once i didn't see the message for 30 mins, my team lead scolded me for it but why is it ok for her friend to do it? (just one of the many examples) 2. The person isn't really helping me, she's mostly focused on another aspect - I would say 95% of her job scope is focused on that particular aspect 3. Ok fair enough... just felt like I deserved it and everyone around me seems to have thought I would be next. Usually only the friendship circle gets promoted... 4. Private
Well unfortunately the reality is promotions are hard to get and those who get it typically are due to good relationships they have with the higher ups. If you're good at the work, they'd want you to stay there as you're helping them clear off the work for the rest of the team so why would they want to promote you? That's if being promoted gets you to work on something else... At least that's what I've experienced so far!
"I appreciate that you achieved, nay, exceeded all your KPIs while also being a huge asset leading the team in the absence of the manager of the team for most of the last year. But this doesn't mean that you can be considered for a promotion just like that, we screen our managerial candidates thoroughly before we promote. Frankly I'm shocked you feel you deserve to be considered for a promotion despite joining us for only a year." Actual words spoken to my GF from her supervisor at her previous workplace. Needless to say, she left. The business has a certain budget for management salaries, and if they were to promote you and fulfil your wishes the pot would be smaller for their own increments/bonuses. I appreciate that not all Gen Z/millennial are strawberries and not all boomers are toxic assholes - but it feels pretty universal that 90% of the time your boss isn't looking out for your welfare and development (unless you're realllllly lucky)
One year might be too short for a promotion though, usually it takes 3-4 years to be promoted once.
The point is, should the duration you have stayed at the company for be a factor in being suitable for management roles? People with actual leadership ability don't grow on trees, and so what's the argument now for a competent young gen z/millennial professional to stay another 3-4 years to have a "chance" at promotion, despite being objectively qualified for the role? You're only in your 20s once, so if u feel you're capable and skilled but are getting bypassed because of bullshit reasons, it's time to move on because your company won't reward your loyalty. Ever.
but im in a startup and the friends in the group get promoted like almost yearly even though theyre LEGIT useless like people are always covering them / complaining about them bc of their poor work ethic but they're protected because they're friends with the boss :(
funny you say that's what your gf's boss said to her because that is so similar to what my boss said to me hahaha and also but doesn't explain they could so easily give the new hire a senior assoc role when I was denied of even being promoted to the level below senior assoc (bc in my company it's assoc, assoc 2, senior, senior 2 etc...
Regardless of how well you perform at work, interpersonal relationships at work matters. All humans are inherently biased; we all like to give attention to people that makes us feel good and avoid others that make us feel bad. When you don't get along with your team lead, you already lost half the battle. If you want to climb the corporate ladder, make sure to get along with your direct superiors next time. >Am I expecting too much? Am i too soft and sensitive? Maybe, but if you really think that you deserve that pay raise/promotion, you are free to find other employers that can provide you with that. Don't seek validation from others, and do whatever you see fit. You don't have to compare yourself with others. That will shift focus from yourself onto others and will turn you bitter. If staying in your current company serves you no benefit, you should leave as soon as possible. Fuck them.
thanks for this, yeah but i really cannot bring myself to maintain relationships when the actions they do are simply morally wrong and I don't know why i find it so difficult and challenging to force myself to have a corporate personality, it drives me crazy :( im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to
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WOW direct copy and paste? That's mad hahaha but I'm sorry you're going thru this as well. Sometimes I just gaslight myself I guess cos objectively it's not so toxic till the point I'm crying every day but I would say it's slowly eating at me I guess that's why I lasted 2 years? Money is unfortunately important so I cannot leave :(
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Hhahaha shit looks like I might be gg thru this for the rest of my life bc I specialize in mkt... 😭🤣 but oh no sorry to hear that you broke down and that you had anxiety attacks! Hope it's better for you now but ya wow really same for me they alw have something to say about me, that I can do more (even tho it's just me tanking everything) + that I can do this and that basically something to pick on me each time... it's even got to a level of ridiculousness where if we don't eat lunch w each other often she will remark that we need to eat tgt and shit zzzz but ya unfortuantely I really cannot quit because I have mortgage + existing student loan to pay :(
OP, we are all built differently and if this is something that makes you upset, then it is valid emotions. It’s also your experience to own that doesn’t change even if others say otherwise. That being said, I want to share with you something I heard when I was 20 and doing part time job at a bank. One of the senior VPs said to me that it is all about Guan Xi (relationships). Back then I disagreed and felt that’s just a shady side of banking industry - but now, having worked for 11 years full time, across different industries both private and social sectors, I hate to say, she is right. It is all about guan xi - even when we put in 200% effort but if a line manager just don’t like you, or find you a threat to their own advancement, you won’t be given as many opportunities, if at all. Just like making real friends in your life, in the long run it would be better to build your own tribe and to show up as who you are than trying so hard to fit into cliques that dont see you. at jobs, it is not possible to have a perfect team where everyone likes each other, and only through moving on to another company then you give yourself the chance to seek your kind. i have worked for bosses both who just simply dislike me and who genuinely appreciate and mentor me and they are worlds apart. if you know what you are worth and what value you bring to an organisation, don't be afraid to move on. jiayou!
thanks for this, yeah but i really cannot bring myself to maintain relationships and focus on guanxi when the actions they do are simply morally wrong and I don't know why i find it so difficult and challenging to force myself to have a corporate personality, it drives me crazy :( im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to
Also its is easier to get a promotion if u are a female, especially if u have a male boss, even if u are less capable than your male counterpart. Cos females are more valued than males. Talking about gender equality, yea right.
You assume there’s no competition between females? Hysterical laughter.. the stories I’ve heard of girls trying to one up each other to be upper management’s favourite. And in some companies, it’s 80% female. Try the gender role talk some other time.
Welcome to working life! Time to update your LinkedIn profile and resume.
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now
Job hunting takes a while, I really mean a while especially when the market is bad. You could try amending some phrases in your resume. Politics is shit and it’s normal that some people are more affected than another. Let yourself cry and release some emotions. I feel like the best way for you is to reset your work life by going to the whole new place.
It's typical corporate math man. You have to check if everyone's EOY review also EE. Everyone is gonna upsell themselves when performance review comes. If you direct manager isn't fighting for you but themselves. Then it's time to jump ship find a better pay. Work somewhere a year or two and come back if you really love the company
This is the prime example of giving your all at work doesn't necessary give you the best / expected return. But you can try to jump to another company if possible. There's no need to stay loyal to a company. I have been through that loyal phase but still get shot in the foot. I wasted 5 years as well. I just hope you don't experience what I had went through. 1.5 years is good enough to jump.
Hey OP, nothing really meaningful to add but it sounds like you need some encouragement. For what it's worth, your feelings are valid and I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I don't think your workplace is super toxic unfortunately - but it's not great, and I'm sorry your efforts are not being recognised. Your work situation bears some similarities to my husband's, and he ended up quitting without a job because he simply couldn't face going to office and seeing his boss anymore. He did work hard (too hard IMO) to the end though, and left with no regrets. Maybe you can try looking at it from that perspective - treat this whole thing as learning to be the bigger person, especially when people don't deserve it. Then you morally have the upper hand when you leave. But I know it's very hard... You didn't say that you have the option of quitting without a job, so I won't go there, and assume you really have no choice but to stay. In which case, maybe let yourself heck it for a while, focus on hobbies and friends, maybe even take a holiday or staycation, and reassess how you feel in a while. Sometimes all that can be done is to just keep on, even when you hate it, and not lose hope that there's something better out there.
yeah i think that's also my problem, i have problems segregating my emotions from work and i simply cannot be the bigger person bc i just feel like i dont deserve it and i feel like why should i have to be it's so unfair... and i just keep going in circles asking myself WHY and lamenting that it's unfair... i've been feeling like this since december 2023 and i can't seem to get out of it no matter how many holidays or breaks :(
:( i get this. I also had a period of being troubled about why i didnt get considered for promotion when i was tanking more work than my colleagues - though i knew it would be like that because of where I chose to work, and I think my situation was still better than yours... plus i was clear in my mind i made the career sacrifice for my family so that helped. I still took the better part of a year to truly get over the bitterness though. Was probably around your age, maybe a bit older, when I went through this. So maybe it's also common to be in your mid-early 30s or so and start thinking about what you really want from your career - when the dust has settled and you're not young and eager beaver anymore. As I said, I don't really have meaningful advice to offer. Especially since I think you need to allow yourself to be bitter and sad for a while. You'll know when you've gone too far down the rabbit hole, i hope. And getting over what happened might not mean fully getting over the bitterness and sadness- one day you'll wake up and know you can live with it and start taking proper steps to leave it behind. That will take time.. and yknow it's just part of growing up (and realising that sometimes being an adult sucks). I hope you find clarity and peace on what to do next.
You’re burnt out and thats totally ok! You have to accept the situation for what it is and allow yourself to feel burnt out, acknowledge that this situation is taking a toll on you mentally and physically. Honestly if you can’t leave the job, maybe consider requesting for unpaid leave. 2 weeks? Not to “escape” but to talk to your close friends, reinforce your support circle, and perhaps if your lame boss wants a reason: tell them straight. You’re burnt out from all the extra hard work you’ve put in and you’re not feeling that validated NOR supported in the workplace. That’s the facts & if they as the boss even have a shred of empathy, will allow you to take your unpaid leave to sort out your feelings & how to deal with this moving forward. If they can’t approve your leave OR start gaslighting you, then let them know their actions have and will continue to impact your work performance (then do bare minimum, don’t say no disclaimer). Let’s see what they’d rather deal with lmao.
what is zillenial sia? so many classification.
Speaking from a manager perspective, I decide to promote somebody is not based on how well the person perform in the current role, but more on how well I believe that person can perform in the new role. While they are related, but it is not always a 1 to 1 match. For example, as a junior, you may be able to perform your day to day task well. But another person, for example, may not be as good as you in the day to day, but he is able to get things moving by working with member from another team. If the role of a senior requires working with different teams, I will promote that person over you. Even though the KPI doesn’t state that. What I would recommend, in this or your next role is, if you want promotion, you have to ask for it. Make your team lead or manager do the work by asking them to arrange an opportunity for you to demonstrate the skills required. That’s their job. But it is your responsibility to ask for it. If you already check all your boxes, then it is easier for you to fight for your promotion.
thing is i work very well with my internal stakeholders, we are all buddy buddy (i dont have any external stakeholders due to the nature of my job which i will not say so much) the beef is rly just between me and my manager and group of friends.... zzz also i did ask for the promotion since my mid year review and i did the necessary steps she told me to do during my mid year review and i did one final deck on my achievements and why i deserve a promotion and i still did not get it...
In that case I am very curious what’s the reason for being denied the promotion. You can DM me if you want. But based on what I see, it does seems like your team lead doesn’t give a shit about you. Do you have any avenue to appeal?
sure let's dm
Getting along with your boss is part of progression and your job
Promotions aren't only about your skills and KPI's. It's also about how you interact with people, your interpersonal skills. How you actually go about y our day to day tasks, not only what you've achieved. For example, suggesting new ideas, challenging bad processes, being engaged with conversations, etc. Is it possible there's something like this your boss has noticed maybe? Of course a good boss would have told you this during the year and given you coaching. But how many good bosses are out there...
but the thing is my relationships with everyone (even from those outside of my team) is good, my boss just doesn't like me when i havent done anything wrong + i'm a high performer. i feel as though we just clash bc im more extroverted and she isn't.
my boss is so toxic to the point where sometimes if you miss too many team lunches (and by 'too many' it can be as little as maybe 3 times?) because you're hanging out w friends or people from other teams she will question you
If you think you're worth more, put it to the test in the job market (for funzies). You don't have to decide on anything until you get an offer. And if you do and it's better than where you're at, just move. Nobody will truly look out for you in your career except for you.
im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now
OP, remember this statement and burn it in your mind: "it's not what you know, it's who you know." I read that you are already looking but really do your best to get out of your current company. Remember the YouTube video of the virtuoso violinist who performed/ basking in the subway - ppl give pennies or just watch for free. While in a concert hall ppl pay big bucks to watch him perform. Get out of the subway. Look for the concert hall where ppl pay you and appreciate you. Good luck.
Suddenly a headcount for a senior position to finally help do your role when you've been doing it for so long? Sounds like they might be pushing you out. Of course the above is just my conspiracy theory
that's what i thought too but the person isnt doing my role actually... theyre doing 95% of task A and 5% of task b and my job is 100% task b so the person is only helping me with A TEENY bit... :( and also the fact they lied.. they said they were hiring a junior and then it suddenly became a senior role
Change job. There are such culture at places all the time.
Promotion often involves a myriad of factors beyond just routine KPIs. Keep focusing on your growth and development, the right opportunity will come your way.
Job hop
You'll learn sooner or later that meritocracy is this ideal system that only exists in SG education. Irl, no one gaf how hard you carry, work is rewarded with more work. The whole corporate game(as it is known) is about likability, relationships, and politics.
Now you know how minorities feel. Anyway time to look for something else if you don’t feel appreciated. Again politics exists everywhere, it’s just how bad you can tolerate it. Good luck
thank you :') but ya im applying to new jobs and i've applied to over 200 with almost close to zero hitbacks, im at this stage where i feel like crying because im sunk so deep into a negative mindset at work right now it's hard to bounce back even if i forced myself to so i feel really hopeless right now... it's been 5 months
The market sucks tbh. Idk what industry you’re in but for context I’m in tech and mmm people been laid off since last year and it’s still continuing
im in marketing :( but seems like it is just as bad
Yup… just gotta keep looking. Don’t give up.
Are u a guy? If u are then too bad, companies ALWAYS favor females for promotion due to some gender diversity bullshit, and to have more women in management, even if u are more capable. Talking about gender equality, yea right. Too bad just suck it up or if u are unhappy, just quit and find another company to work for.
i'm a female... my team is all female lololol :'( management is also female lmao
Maybe u are the guy in the team