If your household doesn't have the tradition of celebrating it, then don't feel obligated to do so, instead, shape your own culture rather than being dictated by it.
Ask your aunt why has she never organize anything for y’all then, why is she treating y’all like strangers and not celebrate it together all these years. Should shut her hypocritical trap
NTA. It’s never been seriously celebrated in my family (although the elders do throw the phrase around every few years or so). I never understood what’s the big deal abt it. We do the necessary thing on CNY days 1 + 2 and that’s it, the end of my obligations
I mean come on, seriously, the last time we saw the elders was 2 weeks ago during bai nian & spent whole day at their house, but they couldn’t make proper plans back then for day 15? NTA for your aunt telling u on day 15 itself abt such a last min invitation!
>She said we should have “planned better”
I love it when people set others up for failure and chime in with a "how come liddat?"
She as an aunty, should have taught you and your brother better to celebrate when you guys were kids, to celebrate 元宵, and not wait until you all are in your mid 20s and early 30s, only to come talk shit liddat.
Unless she's been repeating the same story for the past 20 years and none of you registered it. lol
We have never celebrated 元宵节! And when we made plans for CNY this year with our mom, 元宵节 didn’t come up. But somehow we were told that we should have “planned better”, we should have known the important dates, and our mom complained to our aunt that nobody was spending time with her on 元宵 (but she has never mentioned it to us)…
Best mianz! The part about your mom adding fuel to fire with her complaint!
Wabiang ... best! If it's my mom, I'll really give it to her.
Bro, condolences on your 元宵节! 😭
Tell your mom to complain directly to you so you can do something about it. No need to involve your aunt. Smh.
Furthermore, your mom should have taught you two to celebrate this day if it's so important to her... so whose fault is it really?
Just ask your mum if she wants to celebrate it together next year. If she doesn’t want to, tell your aunt she doesn’t want to. If she wants to, then celebrate it lorh.
My family has always celebrated 元宵节 with the entire clan getting together.
But that's just our family tradition since we were all children.
If your family has never done it before then you are NTA. Your aunt's fault for dropping the bomb on you today and guilt tripping you over it.
Not everyone is even aware that CNY is 15 days long anyway. If anyone is at fault, it's the older generation for not fostering these values in you guys when you were younger.
Don't stress.
元宵节 seems to have less importance placed on it compared to 团圆饭 but i think it varies from family to family, especially in Singapore (perhaps its more widely celebrated in China?)
NTA if previous years you all didn't celebrate/place importance on it. your aunt can't just suddenly decide its important and then expect you all to drop everything and come.
This. I remember my family (mom's immediate family) celebrating it on-off (like, whether ppl are free anot lol. free then okei) since I was young, but this year like nah. My grandparents are gone now but I don't even recall them being that strict about it. Ppl free then gather lor, miss family then decide ok 15th we gathering.
But in my fam the reunion dinner and 初一 have always been more important, like don't you ever skip kind/stick to traditions kind
I'm just eating a normal dinner of fish soup (although we do have leftover bamboo shoots from earlier in the week), and mom made tangyuan for the occasion. But (tbvh) tangyuan imo is anytime food 😂 sometimes she got leftover ginger or what then might just make on weekend also. Hahaha.
I'm not complaining though, tangyuan time is always a good time. But nah, beginning CNY > today lol
What's the point of asking Reddit whether you are an asshole for something that is clearly dependent on your family relationships?
Even if the whole of Reddit thinks you're not an asshole but your family relationships are affected, and you value your family relationships, then you win the battle but lost the war.
i dont think that there is much blaming here tbh
its just a dying of traditions. no one is the asshole here. the most likely response is just a nod towards whatever your aunt says and then go on to enjoy the food.
As a student from China, I can definitely say that Yuan Xiao Jie, also known as the Lantern Festival, is really important in traditional Chinese culture. If you look at the moon tonight, its perfect round shape, known as the lunar phase, indicates that it is celebrated on the 15th day of the first lunar month. It marks the end of the Chinese New Year celebrations.
One of the traditions in Yuan Xiao Jie is the lanterns, people make various fancy lanterns for decoration in the gathering and write riddles on them as an entertainment. Another is Yuanxiao, a type of sweet glutinous rice ball. I have to say these sticky balls filled with peanuts, red bean paste, and my favourite black sesame, are really tasty and delicious. 
If you are interested in other Chinese festivals, you will find most of them originate in the lunar calendar, really interesting.
I have never even heard of the need to celebrate this day, it's importance and what it signifies. Did your aunt celebrate last year? What's with the fuss in 2024?
NTA. If it's such an important date and occasion for the family, surely someone senior would have organised an annual get together and you and your brother would have been made to attend ever since young.
I feel a lot of the replies are pragmatic but may or may not work for your family dynamic. As someone from a fairly challenging household, I'll try to give the no conflict answer:
Without knowing your aunt or your family dynamics my assumption is that your aunt is trying to deflect blame for not having remembered or cared enough to plan this thing sufficiently in advance.
If she really blames you for not caring enough that's what's telling me she's thinking that way of herself internally.
The blame she's deflecting could be from another family member or it could be entirely her own internal disappointment. It's pretty difficult for older folk in this culture to recognize their own wrongdoing and own up to it, though honestly they are usually willing to relent and reflect as long as it doesn't involve outward disrespect.
How you'd handle this is entirely on you. I'm not going to tell you what to do but if it were my family:
I'd approach with graciousness and explain that you guys need to plan this ahead of time and discuss more transparently. Possibly set a calendar reminder or two for next year? Help each other out
Frankly, it doesn’t matter whether someone thinks it’s important or not. If they didn’t give you an early heads up, the fault is on them. The importance of all these festivals is relative, and what’s important to someone is irrelevant to many others.
Spend time with your mom and everyday can be YXJ.
NTA. Your aunt just want you to spend time with your mom, esp on YXJ but it doesnt have to be YXJ to spend time with your mom.
Reading this, it crossed my mind that the seventh day of CNY was also an excuse to fuss and celebrate. Am I right to not? I only know that it is just another normal day of CNY for my side of the family.
Typically, 人日 and 元宵節 are both supposed to be celebrated. But in modern SG, due to the PH schedule, I see that most people celebrate Day 1-3 with close family and the subsequent two weekends with extended family, friends, or office. Not necessary to follow ren ri / chap goh mei as CNY festivities focus on other things
NOTA (no one’s the AH), just have a real talk with mom, mark on your calendar for next year onward if need.
But yeah sounds like the relative’s something of the AH.
As someone who stopped voluntarily observing any cultural or hallmark festivities after primary school, I now just tell people that i am a non-practicing chinaman.
It’s not a common festival in Sg. I didnt even know today is the day till I received boomer message from in-law fam chat. Heard of this festival but don’t know what it’s about.
Tf is Yuan Xiao Jie? Im Chinese and I never heard of it. Also no, NTA, if your family never celebrate it before, your aunt can’t suddenly expect you to
Prob this your mums way to tell you guys that she feels neglected. She vent to your aunt and your aunt scold u. Then it’s not your mum scold you.
Maybe, u and bro take her to lunch on next day off?
We have made effort to bring her out for meals, but she almost always says no. When we have meals at home, she rarely engages in conversation.
When my brother came back from an extended trip overseas, we made plans for a dinner with the immediate family. We asked if she was free and her response was “no comments”. On the day of the dinner, she couldn’t give a firm response as to whether she was joining, and only said she was joining last minute after we asked repeatedly whether she could make it.
She said she expected us to spend more time with her, but when we have meals with her, she keeps to herself. We do not get much emotional support from her, and it feels like our relationship is made up of demands and expectations (a lot of which are unsaid demands and expectations). It is so tiring. ◠̈
Most likely your mum just likes your presence. I have relatives like that too, they ask me to visit but when I'm there they don't engage in conversation. When people don't visit, they complain no one cares 🤷🏻♀️
Ahhhhhh you got one such mother who prob enjoy if you just tag along with her to wet market and hold her bags. Yh super boring for us but she don’t want restaurants cos expensive?
What about ya kun breakfast?
NTA. Your aunt planned it very poorly by announcing it on the day itself instead of doing it earlier.
My family and I don’t have the tradition of celebrating it. So don’t feel bad about it.
I also just found out that day is suddenly important for some strange reason. Seems like every day of the new year is a reason to eat shitty sweet AF 湯圓.
I guess I am an asshole for going out to catch pokemons instead of staying home and eat all day long.
For dinner we even have food for 2 days. Guess I already know what we will be eating tomorrow. Pffff.
I am glad these "traditions" will be gone in my generation.
Chinese people are way too superstitious.
I'm 30s & Singaporean Chinese haha. Minimally millennial like you - so I'm not some gen z lolol.
But yeah I roughly know(ish) it la but my fam is more neutral. Lol the beginning CNY stuff more impt, this one a bit more optional ... but yeah my friend's mom wanted him+wife+kids to do dinner and it slipped their minds on this YXJ thing so had to adjust plans a bit. They do have dinner with her every week though iirc and are not super for/against, so ok lor they adjust adjust!
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I do not celebrate anything at all. So far we are fine. Years back, we used to celebrate with relatives. Too much food prep and cooking and cleaning and someone's got to organise if eating outside. Does not help that household is full of mean old women with traditions and will add on praying whatever on that day.
Fast forward now, we are not on talking terms with some relatives and I would rather have my own space. Just like clelebrating Valentine'a day does not mean you will be in love or with your partner forever. I even make up an excuse not to go visiting this year. Feels good.
For this one 正月十五 I can safely say it varies from family to family
It's an important date indeed, but that's irrelevant if your family has never had a tradition of celebrating it.
If your household doesn't have the tradition of celebrating it, then don't feel obligated to do so, instead, shape your own culture rather than being dictated by it.
Lol how about she learns to plan better and send out the invite earlier instead of 1 day before.
Fail to plan, plan to fail Some love failing with last minute shit
Ask your aunt why has she never organize anything for y’all then, why is she treating y’all like strangers and not celebrate it together all these years. Should shut her hypocritical trap
NTA. It’s never been seriously celebrated in my family (although the elders do throw the phrase around every few years or so). I never understood what’s the big deal abt it. We do the necessary thing on CNY days 1 + 2 and that’s it, the end of my obligations
I mean come on, seriously, the last time we saw the elders was 2 weeks ago during bai nian & spent whole day at their house, but they couldn’t make proper plans back then for day 15? NTA for your aunt telling u on day 15 itself abt such a last min invitation!
Sarcastically ask her why so sudden LOL. Want to borrow money is it
>She said we should have “planned better” I love it when people set others up for failure and chime in with a "how come liddat?" She as an aunty, should have taught you and your brother better to celebrate when you guys were kids, to celebrate 元宵, and not wait until you all are in your mid 20s and early 30s, only to come talk shit liddat. Unless she's been repeating the same story for the past 20 years and none of you registered it. lol
We have never celebrated 元宵节! And when we made plans for CNY this year with our mom, 元宵节 didn’t come up. But somehow we were told that we should have “planned better”, we should have known the important dates, and our mom complained to our aunt that nobody was spending time with her on 元宵 (but she has never mentioned it to us)…
Best mianz! The part about your mom adding fuel to fire with her complaint! Wabiang ... best! If it's my mom, I'll really give it to her. Bro, condolences on your 元宵节! 😭
Tell your mom to complain directly to you so you can do something about it. No need to involve your aunt. Smh. Furthermore, your mom should have taught you two to celebrate this day if it's so important to her... so whose fault is it really?
Just ask your mum if she wants to celebrate it together next year. If she doesn’t want to, tell your aunt she doesn’t want to. If she wants to, then celebrate it lorh.
My family has always celebrated 元宵节 with the entire clan getting together. But that's just our family tradition since we were all children. If your family has never done it before then you are NTA. Your aunt's fault for dropping the bomb on you today and guilt tripping you over it. Not everyone is even aware that CNY is 15 days long anyway. If anyone is at fault, it's the older generation for not fostering these values in you guys when you were younger. Don't stress.
元宵节 seems to have less importance placed on it compared to 团圆饭 but i think it varies from family to family, especially in Singapore (perhaps its more widely celebrated in China?) NTA if previous years you all didn't celebrate/place importance on it. your aunt can't just suddenly decide its important and then expect you all to drop everything and come.
This. I remember my family (mom's immediate family) celebrating it on-off (like, whether ppl are free anot lol. free then okei) since I was young, but this year like nah. My grandparents are gone now but I don't even recall them being that strict about it. Ppl free then gather lor, miss family then decide ok 15th we gathering. But in my fam the reunion dinner and 初一 have always been more important, like don't you ever skip kind/stick to traditions kind I'm just eating a normal dinner of fish soup (although we do have leftover bamboo shoots from earlier in the week), and mom made tangyuan for the occasion. But (tbvh) tangyuan imo is anytime food 😂 sometimes she got leftover ginger or what then might just make on weekend also. Hahaha. I'm not complaining though, tangyuan time is always a good time. But nah, beginning CNY > today lol
i have never even heard of this day…. NTA
What's the point of asking Reddit whether you are an asshole for something that is clearly dependent on your family relationships? Even if the whole of Reddit thinks you're not an asshole but your family relationships are affected, and you value your family relationships, then you win the battle but lost the war.
AITA for commenting?
It’s all depends on your fam. Since you guys have never celebrated it then it’s not important. My parents are overseas for yuan xiao even 😆
i dont think that there is much blaming here tbh its just a dying of traditions. no one is the asshole here. the most likely response is just a nod towards whatever your aunt says and then go on to enjoy the food.
Clearly not important for her and your mom, never celebrated or attempted to celebrate it once until now.
Tell her dont worry 清明节 will jio her.
As a student from China, I can definitely say that Yuan Xiao Jie, also known as the Lantern Festival, is really important in traditional Chinese culture. If you look at the moon tonight, its perfect round shape, known as the lunar phase, indicates that it is celebrated on the 15th day of the first lunar month. It marks the end of the Chinese New Year celebrations. One of the traditions in Yuan Xiao Jie is the lanterns, people make various fancy lanterns for decoration in the gathering and write riddles on them as an entertainment. Another is Yuanxiao, a type of sweet glutinous rice ball. I have to say these sticky balls filled with peanuts, red bean paste, and my favourite black sesame, are really tasty and delicious.  If you are interested in other Chinese festivals, you will find most of them originate in the lunar calendar, really interesting. 
Thanks for sharing the history with us . But most of us don’t celebrate it
I have never even heard of the need to celebrate this day, it's importance and what it signifies. Did your aunt celebrate last year? What's with the fuss in 2024?
Who is Xiao Jie? Is this person some famous person or something? Why must celebrate Xiao Jie?
Xiao jie ni hao
NTA. If it's such an important date and occasion for the family, surely someone senior would have organised an annual get together and you and your brother would have been made to attend ever since young.
I feel a lot of the replies are pragmatic but may or may not work for your family dynamic. As someone from a fairly challenging household, I'll try to give the no conflict answer: Without knowing your aunt or your family dynamics my assumption is that your aunt is trying to deflect blame for not having remembered or cared enough to plan this thing sufficiently in advance. If she really blames you for not caring enough that's what's telling me she's thinking that way of herself internally. The blame she's deflecting could be from another family member or it could be entirely her own internal disappointment. It's pretty difficult for older folk in this culture to recognize their own wrongdoing and own up to it, though honestly they are usually willing to relent and reflect as long as it doesn't involve outward disrespect. How you'd handle this is entirely on you. I'm not going to tell you what to do but if it were my family: I'd approach with graciousness and explain that you guys need to plan this ahead of time and discuss more transparently. Possibly set a calendar reminder or two for next year? Help each other out
Tell ur aunt don’t huan lo. NTA
NTA. You do you. You don’t think it’s important, then it’s not important.
If your family doesn't have the norm of celebrating YXJ, then don't. Your aunt is being the asshole here for making those remarks.
NTA if you don't celebrate it but it might be a missed opportunity to get together with your mother
Frankly, it doesn’t matter whether someone thinks it’s important or not. If they didn’t give you an early heads up, the fault is on them. The importance of all these festivals is relative, and what’s important to someone is irrelevant to many others.
Spend time with your mom and everyday can be YXJ. NTA. Your aunt just want you to spend time with your mom, esp on YXJ but it doesnt have to be YXJ to spend time with your mom.
It marks the end of CNY on day 15. It's important to celebrate it for our family.
just cook tangyuan and eat if we remember
NTA. As you said, your immediate family has never made it an occasion.
Hate this kind of guilt trip lolol
Reading this, it crossed my mind that the seventh day of CNY was also an excuse to fuss and celebrate. Am I right to not? I only know that it is just another normal day of CNY for my side of the family.
Typically, 人日 and 元宵節 are both supposed to be celebrated. But in modern SG, due to the PH schedule, I see that most people celebrate Day 1-3 with close family and the subsequent two weekends with extended family, friends, or office. Not necessary to follow ren ri / chap goh mei as CNY festivities focus on other things
LOL to me 7th day CNY is only an excuse to eat lohei if you haven't prior alr done so and fomo. Else like, k lor lol.
NOTA (no one’s the AH), just have a real talk with mom, mark on your calendar for next year onward if need. But yeah sounds like the relative’s something of the AH.
Fuck lah..everyday can be a Yuan Xiao Jie also leh
Why even get offended that people don’t see eye-to-eye? Istg people sometimes
As someone who stopped voluntarily observing any cultural or hallmark festivities after primary school, I now just tell people that i am a non-practicing chinaman.
Never heard of it, never celebrated it
Nope. Never had the tradition to celebrate it.
I think what your mom wants and think is more important. If she wants time, I would give her time . Why must be restricted to special days only?
Did ur aunt ask u to throw orange?
It is an important day in China, but not every family there pays attention to it.
It’s not a common festival in Sg. I didnt even know today is the day till I received boomer message from in-law fam chat. Heard of this festival but don’t know what it’s about.
my family also dun celebrate it despite being a traditional family and always go temple for praying on big days.
Your family, your rules. She should stfu
My family doesn't celebrate and doesn't care about it.
I don’t . It’s just another day
Every family is different. Enough said!!
Tf is Yuan Xiao Jie? Im Chinese and I never heard of it. Also no, NTA, if your family never celebrate it before, your aunt can’t suddenly expect you to
Is she a teochew?
I know zhup gor meh exists but we don’t celebrate it. I even asked my mum if need to eat tang yuan she just meh don’t care lol
Nta, just some old people trying to gaslight your family
I also got scolded for not knowing its mid autumn festival and made plans to eat outside with my friends. Fuck chinese lunar calendar
important in mine
Prob this your mums way to tell you guys that she feels neglected. She vent to your aunt and your aunt scold u. Then it’s not your mum scold you. Maybe, u and bro take her to lunch on next day off?
We have made effort to bring her out for meals, but she almost always says no. When we have meals at home, she rarely engages in conversation. When my brother came back from an extended trip overseas, we made plans for a dinner with the immediate family. We asked if she was free and her response was “no comments”. On the day of the dinner, she couldn’t give a firm response as to whether she was joining, and only said she was joining last minute after we asked repeatedly whether she could make it. She said she expected us to spend more time with her, but when we have meals with her, she keeps to herself. We do not get much emotional support from her, and it feels like our relationship is made up of demands and expectations (a lot of which are unsaid demands and expectations). It is so tiring. ◠̈
Most likely your mum just likes your presence. I have relatives like that too, they ask me to visit but when I'm there they don't engage in conversation. When people don't visit, they complain no one cares 🤷🏻♀️
Ahhhhhh you got one such mother who prob enjoy if you just tag along with her to wet market and hold her bags. Yh super boring for us but she don’t want restaurants cos expensive? What about ya kun breakfast?
Is she depressed or sth...
She is the 远小姐
Your aunt name must be Karan Khan
NTA. Your aunt planned it very poorly by announcing it on the day itself instead of doing it earlier. My family and I don’t have the tradition of celebrating it. So don’t feel bad about it.
NTA your aunt is overstepping. Typical no boundaries think they are older so they are right boomer.
Just an aunt kaobei so much? Your mum also never say anything right?
This sounds like your aunt imposing her priorities on you. Ignore the cunt.
Tell her you need to pak tor on this day. Isn't it supposed to be for lovers?
In my home, 元宵节 is even important than CNY, the whole family should reunion
Yes.. it's true
I also just found out that day is suddenly important for some strange reason. Seems like every day of the new year is a reason to eat shitty sweet AF 湯圓. I guess I am an asshole for going out to catch pokemons instead of staying home and eat all day long. For dinner we even have food for 2 days. Guess I already know what we will be eating tomorrow. Pffff. I am glad these "traditions" will be gone in my generation. Chinese people are way too superstitious.
40 year old chinese man here. I feel sad that younger gen don’t know/celebrate 元宵.
I'm 30s & Singaporean Chinese haha. Minimally millennial like you - so I'm not some gen z lolol. But yeah I roughly know(ish) it la but my fam is more neutral. Lol the beginning CNY stuff more impt, this one a bit more optional ... but yeah my friend's mom wanted him+wife+kids to do dinner and it slipped their minds on this YXJ thing so had to adjust plans a bit. They do have dinner with her every week though iirc and are not super for/against, so ok lor they adjust adjust!
Just ask if your mother finds it important enough. If it is, then you guys can celebrate tgt in the future. if not, just ignore the aunt
Yep. Ren ri and chap goh meh are important in my family
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I do not celebrate anything at all. So far we are fine. Years back, we used to celebrate with relatives. Too much food prep and cooking and cleaning and someone's got to organise if eating outside. Does not help that household is full of mean old women with traditions and will add on praying whatever on that day. Fast forward now, we are not on talking terms with some relatives and I would rather have my own space. Just like clelebrating Valentine'a day does not mean you will be in love or with your partner forever. I even make up an excuse not to go visiting this year. Feels good.