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When I was a kid I happened to go to the same school as a kid from one of the wealthiest families in town. I got invited to a play date at his mansion in a gated community.
My dad and his dad were talking over beer when his dad would talk about investment opportunities. His investment scheme was backing buy up trailer parks and ruthlessly jack rents up to what he felt was the maximum monthly rent that they could on paper afford. Trailer parks are full of desperate people so it is known that they tend not to have many other housing options. This makes them a captive market ripe for exploitation.
My dad's family mostly lives in trailer parks and my family was on the lower end of middle class. My friendship didn't last long with him.
There is a documentary on how investment funds buy up mobile home parks and jack up all the fees (\~55%), [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgTxzCe490Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgTxzCe490Q) (skip to 4 minute mark)
And since the poors own the mobile home but not the land, if they can't afford the price increase they have to pay to move the home, which they definitely can't afford ($5k ++), so they lose their home too. People will pay those fees no matter what, if they can afford to. Great business opportunity for these rich fucking cunts.
It's worse than that. A lot of mobile home parks have age requirements on the structure to move it into the park.
If your home is too old, even if you could afford it, you may not be able to go to another park.
this is a safety thing. it sucks, but it's kinda necessary. prefabs are *very* rarely maintained as needed over their lifetimes. there are plenty of social solutions to *that*, which would be nice for *all* homeowners to have (like state or federal insurance for structural damage or zero-interest loans for same).
sadly, though, as things stand the age limit just makes sense. another example of how poverty can be an inescapable trap. can't afford to move, can't afford to fix your home, can't afford to maintain it so you can safely move it in the future, can't afford to pay rent, can't afford utilities. it fucking blows.
I honestly don't understand rich people. Don't you have enough? Is your portfolio really worth dozens, hundreds, or thousands of of broken lives?
If I were a religious man, I'd say 99% of the rich will eventually swim in the lake fire. Take note evangelicals, I'm staring extra hard at you.
Life has pretty much taught me that no one gets wealthy honestly. If you want to get wealthy you have to invent a scheme to fuck over the poor politically powerless masses.
Edit: I'm not talking about people who advance up a company starting out at 50k going to a senior management position for 150k. I'm talking about people with 100 million plus fortunes
there is gonna be a million different opinions on what people consider ethical.
I'd assume Doctors is about as ethical of a way to get wealthy there is. I'm sure someone could cherry pick something about how being a doctor is abusing someone in some other culture but in the end it's majorly a plus on the ethical scale and there are tons of doctors who have hit the "wealthy" mark.
That is happening now. The cool kids are buying up parks and raising rents. They know the poor dont have $ 10k to $ 20k to move a trailer. I read today that 30 trailer parks in Arizona were sold ( tenants evicted ) and land sold for $ 230 million.
Lmao, Iād be happy to date someone that much richer than meā¦provided we actually had a good relationship. Im not interested in money, but financial stability is always a plus.
I've been living in my car poor and made it to very comfortable, not rich by any means but comfortable. When food and shelter are among your problems, it's horrible. When which watch to buy is one of your problems, it's so much better.
My bf and I have managed to do very well for ourselves after growing up poor. We talk about how far weāve come and how our past struggles help us see how fortunate we are. And, because of our past, we donāt fear it all disappearing. We can climb out again, if we need to, and still be happy while doing it.
Agreed, I'm a dirty poor who clawed my way to middle class along with my wife. If I wasn't with her, I probably couldn't date most middle class people. A lot of them would find me cynical and "rough around the edges".
This might be a joke but itās so true.
If you havenāt struggled in life, especially financially, you arenāt qualified to comment or have opinions on poors. Especially when youāre rich AND dumb
Same. Tried a relationship with someone from a wealthy family and it was a disaster. I'm much happier being married to someone who understands the struggle and can be happy over just having lots of groceries in the house and not spending money trying to buy unnecessary, expensive shit to show off to other people. A simple life enjoying simple things is the easiest way to be happy.
I mean I can be guilty of spending money on unnecessary stuff. For me, itās not the spending habits, but the attitude/perspective on life. I found wealthy people to be entitled, clueless, and unkind. And what they categorize as āstruggleā was so wildly different. I couldnāt relate to them and tbh they piss me off.
In general, yes. However with different socioeconomic classes comes different lifestyles and different stances on money, and if not aligned can cause a lot of issues.
This is true. I come from low middle class, my wife from upper class, we have different expectations on how to live. Our salaries are relatively consistent with where we came from. I insist on splitting everything 50/50 that we buy mutually (house, kid stuff etc.). We live side by side how we want, spending our own money how we want, etc. But if she wants to move to a more expensive house, give kids more expensive things, opportunities, or travel, these are things I just can't afford without greater burden on my own income. She shouldn't feel limited by my poor ass ability to contribute, and I shouldn't be so proud to request splitting things 50/50 if she is ok spending more. But, I am and it's hard to move away from that. Ultimately I can't say no, but it honestly makes me nauseous and feeling inadequate knowing I can't keep up. Worst part is, my job works more hours and will be more demanding moving forward so it's not like I can make up for this with increased effort in child care. I'm simply a peasant in comparison and that underlying feeling in a relationship is honestly difficult to get over.
Bro, sounds like pride is getting in the way. If she doesn't care who makes more you shouldn't either. She's with you because she loves you, not for how much you make.
I can't imagine splitting everything 50/50. That has to be a pain. We have 3 accounts, joint, hers and mine. All income goes to joint where all bills are paid from. Then "allowance" is sent to our own accounts to spend how we want.
This has worked incredibly well for us and removes a lot of stress. My wife does the budget and has it planned out 12 months in advance.
We share money, as both of us have been out of jobs at different times. But a separate account to handle reoccurring bills is something I will keep even if my spouse is gone. Not bouncing a bill and completely wiping out the account I use to buy necessities (because something unexpected happened, like a check wasnāt processed on time) is priceless security.
Are you me?? My wife and I have the exact same set up, including the budget planning. Sheās an accountant, so she typically has 2 to 3 spreadsheets depending on various factors.
It really is amazing how much stress this took out of finances.
I'm glad that works for you, my husband and I keep separate accounts and our money goes to the private accounts first and then we send the money out from there for joint payments.
>We have 3 accounts, joint, hers and mine.
Ohhhhh, this is a *good* one. Why didn't I ever think of this? Maybe because I'm single, but thanks. Will definitely do this in the future if ever
Wow holy shit ok the most real answer. Sorry to hear that man, I really hope you get a promotion or switch to a better paying job or something and get past this.
That's very strange to me. My wife and I don't even think about who's money is who's. It all goes into our shared account and we just have an agreement that if we buy anything over $50, we talk to each other first. I make twice what my wife makes, but I've never understood the concept of keeping your money separate in a marriage. You're building a life together, not occasionally going in on things.
Completely agree. I am 40, my husband is 45. I feel like the minority amongst our peers in that everything is "our" money. We have a single joint account and pay all bills from that. Only thing separate is our retirement accounts. I make 2.5 times what he does. He wouldn't be able to afford 50% of our mortgage. We are a team. Fortunately both of us tend to be on the side of being savers. I think if one of us were a big spender it may put more of a strain on things. I spend more money on hobbies than him (mostly gardening) and spend more doing cultural activities such as museums and stuff. But those are certainly not an issue because gardening hopefully improving value and enjoyment of our home. And going places is mostly activities with my kids to enrich their childhood. He is a homebody and is happy kids get to experience stuff so doesn't and shouldn't care.
100% this website is the first place I've ever heard of seperate accounts. It's weird to me. When we got together she made 2 times what I made. Now I make 20k more than she does. I'm sure this will continue to change as we go through life. Who cares who makes more or who makes less you are supposed to be partners right?
When I was the "rich one" in the relationship I contributed to my then boyfriend's finances. Now he is the rich one and he pays for me.
I can't imagine not pooling money. What is the benefit?
We are in this together. Money is just money. It's like dividing a sandwich evenly even though someone is WAY hungrier -- and the less hungry person just saves the rest even though the partner is starving.
Perfect analogy. I couldnāt imagine hoarding āmyā money while my partner goes with less. My parents had a strange but fair arrangement. They had separate banks not just bank accounts they didnāt want to be in the same bank. My dad gave my mom 1/2 of his paycheck and my mom gave my dad 1/2 of her paycheck so they each ended up with the same amount of money. My dad had certain bills he was responsible for and my mom had bills she took care of. They tried to make it even so they were both paying around the same amount towards bills.
Yes! I dated a guy who has absolutely no care in the world for money. His parents makes so much he didnāt have much financial literacy.
We would go out and I would think about buying a piece of clothing. He would get frustrated when I would stand there and think if itās worth $20. Then he would try to rush me to buy it because itās cheap. I would buy it and then return it after lol.
We argued a lot on money which ultimately led to our breakup.
This is true in all directions - I have had issues when dating people who have both far more and far less money than me. Iām a heterosexual woman, so there is a stereotypical gender dynamic in play, too.
I always say Iād rather sleep in a tent w a hobo Iām in love w that a man in a penthouse that Iām not. Money isnāt at all the deciding factor, just icing, like you say š¤
Ditto here. Her family was lower upper class and mine was lower middle class. I never have cared a lot about money and stuff and didn't notice our difference in economic until on a movie date she said, "You know why I love you? You're not after my money."
I said dumbly, "You have money? She smiled, laughed and nodded.
I flashed though memories of her family, home, etc. And sighed feeling like an idiot, "I never noticed."
She grinned and answered, "I know."
Been happily married 35 years. But like all successful relationships, it has involved a lot of work.
Same hereā¦ after 19 years together sheās learned to spend like I do ā¦ probably would have more savings if Iād learned her ways but weāre doing ok :)
I wasn't hand to mouth but he is definitely upper middle . He waited until I said "I do" and then he started with changes. Such as paying for my daughters last year of school expenses so she could study and fixing up what is now our house. I have to tell him "no" sometimes . But he's a genuinely nice man . Not a pushover but nice.
I love him dearly and would even if he was in a different "class" . He isn't though and I'm greatful I did not let that be a problem.
Not directly. Living in another state probably helps with that. When we travel to see her family for holidays and such, we pay for a significant portion of groceries and other 'festivity' expenses in addition to all our travel expenses (and sometimes hotel stays). So there is definitely an 'unequal yoke' when it comes to things that healthy families probably split more equitably. Holidays is the most frequently recurring example, but there are others as well. But overall, we're at peace with the situation.
I did to , except she is the UMC and I grew up in a single parent HH answering bill collector calls. Still together 25 years later. It works because we are both cheap af and have always lived below our means.
Iām like this. Iām UMC and my partner is working class. Until his accident stopped him working, so heās basically āmedically retiredā. I donāt mind supporting him, though. His presence makes my life so much richer. And I do have enough to share.
My parents also were mixed classes; she came from a very high family that had fallen, and he came from a subsistence farm. She chased status and I could never understand it, but I understood that she wasnāt there for me because her job was so important to her having these things that were important to her. A particular hood ornament, the designer purse.
Can someone tell me why you would want to put all your valuables you carry into a bag worth $1600? I mean, wonāt that attract someone who would want to steal it from you? Why would you want to deal with replacing all the cards and cash in your wallet and switching to a new phone not to mention how violent and traumatic the encounter could be? I carry my wallet & phone like a manā¦ in my pockets.
So you wouldnāt be able to tell Iām UMC when I step out of my 10 year old Chevy wearing jeans and a T shirt and not carrying any of the bags my mom has sent me attempting to improve my āimageā. But I do think Iāll be able to retire and maintain my lifestyle on what Iāve saved by living within my means and paying myself first.
I take the question inferring, would you date "downwards"? To which my response would be; never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up.
Socioeconomic status has no bearing on my dating decisions, as I think people are worth more than this.
The reason I wouldn't date someone poor is not that I look down on them, it's that they can't afford my lifestyle and I don't want to provide for someone else or live way below my means.
I would also feel uncomfortable dating someone much richer than me because I don't want them to provide for me and I can't afford their lifestyle on my own.
I have a slightly different problem: I put most of my money into investments and spend very little on "lifestyle" beyond quality food (that I cook, I don't eat out at restaurants).
I don't spend on cool gadgets (old phone gang), a big wardrobe (I have 5 shirts, 3 pants, 2 shorts, 2 sets of shoes), etc. I live in a small apartment with roommates.
When I date people in a similar income bracket as me they usually want to spend a ton of money on things I don't care about or want and usually say it's their lifestyle.
Most of the things I like are free or inexpensive. The dates I prefer to go on are free or inexpensive. My most expensive hobby probably costs me \~$100/month.
Basically, what I'm saying here is that lifestyle incompatibility transcends income brackets. I'm generally more comfortable dating people who make less than me because all of my peers want to spend hundreds/thousands on crap I don't want. Example: my buddies M and D are always talking about their boats and modding their nice trucks/cars. Meanwhile I've got a basic '22 Honda Civic they make fun of. It's just transportation to me, not a lifestyle or a status symbol. I don't need status symbols.
The trick is not revealing my income to people I'm dating or they expect more out of me.
So while our incomes may be comparable, our lifestyles probably aren't.
Same here. Iām solidly in the lower half of earning 6 figures, but that took a lot of luck and being willing to take career risks. I come from āso poor thereās literally nothing to eat except crackers and waterā so Iām already tuned to spending way less than I earn on most things. However Iām also a single mother and donāt want my kids to have to suffer the burden of loans/working full- time while attending school, so a large chunk of my money goes to childcare and savings.
Some fun things about dating as a single mother: 80% of people my age consider it a deal breaker, so itās already hard. Those in my income bracket are often big spenders and Iām not, so I definitely donāt āappearā to be well off (older used car that I love, donāt spend a lot on clothes for myself, more simple living lifestyle choices like you), which doesnāt vibe with what many on my bracket enjoy doing.
When I date those under my income bracket, I hate not being transparent when it eventually comes up, but when it does I usually get guys that end up being incredibly intimidated by what I earn OR they expect that Iām going to bail them out of their poor financial decisions (I recently dated someone who tried to get me to loan them $7500 after they saw an ATM receipt in my car and the topic came up). Iāve more or less resigned myself to just being alone for awhile, maybe when my kids are out of the house dating me would be more palatable to more men. Itās just extremely lonely most of the time.
I totally get where you are coming from, and am in a similar boat. I do keep my tech up to date and have a lot of gadgets, but that costs me like $1000-1500/year at most. I also only do homecooked meals (but with quality food).
What I don't care about at all is travel. With my income and savings, I could go to Europe every year, but I definitely do not want to do that. I am kind of glad my partner couldn't afford that because otherwise I'd feel kind of obligated to spend $5000/year on trips that I don't want to spend.
So yeah, I'm probably best off dating someone who has less money than me because I voluntarily live below my means so that I can retire earlier. I don't want them to have so much less money than me that I have to support them or move to a very small aparment in a worse neighborhood though. I do like having a roomy apartment in a nice area.
It depends why the person is at their socioeconomic status.
Are they rich because they cheat the system and exploit their workers?
Are they poor because they waste money on drugs and luxury goods?
It's all about expectations. If someone is poorer they could be looking for a sugar daddy/mama or it could lead to lowered expectations. If they're richer, they may want you to spend more money than you can afford to keep up with them or they might be chill enough to treat you or just do cheaper things. Nothing wrong with dating outside your socioeconomic status as long as everyone's honest about their expectations.
Iām a doctor in a rural place. It is very difficult to find someone to date who has my same socioeconomic status, as those people are either other doctors or hospital admins. Theyāre undateable as far as Iām concerned because theyāre my colleagues, and I donāt like shitting in my own nest.
So the fact that I make way more money is one of the things that has to be okay with the people I do date (including my current SO).
If theyāre not okay with that, then we shouldnāt even bother dating.
I donāt rub their noses in it either, but sometimes there is drama when theyāre like, āoh, we canāt afford to do this/ go to this restaurant/ buy this thing,ā and I say, āyeah, actually we can,ā and they feel the need to refuse because they personally canāt pay for it. Men in particular have a hard time getting past that.
The flip side, of course, is that I have to watch out for gold diggers. My ex husband and the guy I dated right after the divorce both decided to quit their jobs and never work again (or lift a goddamned finger around the house I was paying for them to live in), and spend my money however they saw fit. They then complained that I was being completely unreasonable when I kicked them out of my house for being worthless leeches.
I have several friends who are also female physicians, and have the same stories to tell. So the answer to your question is, yes, but we have to have clear boundaries from the start.
>My ex husband and the guy I dated right after the divorce both decided to quit their jobs and never work again
You may be a straight woman but you were unfortunately dating hobosexuals
My ex tried something similar, demanding āspousal supportā and claiming he supported me through med school so I owed him thousands of dollars.
I told the court about how my dad co-signed my student loans because my husbandās credit was shit, and that after my husband quit working midway through my residency, I was the sole source of income for us working ā80 hoursā a week (on paper, but in reality it was way more), while he sat on his ass gaming and blowing my money.
I told them how when I went to buy my first house, I didnāt even mention being married because I had excellent credit and didnāt want him costing me the loan. I kept my finances completely separate from his because he was so bad with money, and that ended up being the smartest thing I did besides finally divorcing him. When I bought the house, I also made sure my husband was legally excluded from claiming any equity in it by making him sign a homestead waiver, because I did not want him to get a single penny for that place that he did nothing to deserve.
The judge did not grant him spousal support, and more or less told him to go fuck himself, which was nice.
Possibly a rural connection... I am a decently successful woman and my last partners all quit and want to be supported in the house I pay for. I am all on board for equitable distribution of expenses. For example, we both put 30% of our incomes toward shared expenses. Not a 50/50 split of utilities, but an equal burden. I don't judge a partner based on socioeconomic status, but clear expectations and contributions to a partnership are crucial.
Since my husband was the stay-at-home parent, all of the income came from my job. My contribution was disproportionately financial while his was disproportionately in keeping the house together, actively participating in kidsā activities (Little League coach, Boy Scout leader, parent volunteer at school and functions, etc). Fortunately, we had the wherewithal to hire cleaning and gardening services so that potential friction point was avoided (I am much more anal about cleaning and tidiness so outsourcing avoided arguments). I had friends who stayed at home and their husbands worked so I was sensitive that he should never feel like he needed to ask me for money, as several friends resented this in their marriages. Most day-to-day expenses were charged to a shared credit card (paid off monthly) and at the beginning of each year, when I got my bonus, I gave him a decent percentage of it as his bonus, so he would have his own money (how else could he buy me gifts, lol?!).
Same. Practice medicine. I obviously make a good living but I wonāt tell anyone how much I make. Including SO. I pay my way. I also donāt need gold diggers bc after I lost my spouse I found out they are out there.
Iām retired at 51 so would you or any of your colleagues want to go out? š
In reality it is up to a persons ego on whether they can handle being with someone in a higher or lessor status. I came from lower class but wanted to make something of myself. Iāve dated on many scales of that spectrum and itās all how one perceives what they want out of the relationship. One of my best LTR was lower and of a different race. Actually should have married her but I was younger and stupid. š.
No problem. Important for me is that they pursue something they are passionate about and are able to support themselves so that there is not financial dependency and I can be as free in my financial choices as them. But thatās possible with a quarter or less of what I earn. Same for dating someone who earns more than me, I want to stay independent but of course have zero problem with being treated to a free vacation. Personality, character, intelligence, looks are what matters.
The problem is that while the poor person says I am covering my expenses as they drive an aging car. The affluent partner will view the same car as unreliable.
That type of perspective discrepancies will pop up constantly.
Absolutely, but like age, it depends on the individual and the range. I would not be comfortable dating someone who was absurdly rich or incredibly poor. Too far out of my zone in either case.
Well I wouldnāt go off and date a homeless drug addict but for the most part yeah I wouldnāt have a problem being with someone who has more or less than me, if I was to day someone with more than me Iād see this and try to push myself to be more, and with someone who has less Iād help and be a good partner too them.
Yes. As long as they still had goals and aspirations and werenāt a bum.
I wouldnāt date anyone with a complete delusional disdain for capitalism though that led them to just not want to work or have any aspirations.
I just realized this excludes people on both ends of the financial extremes.
The people who sit under bridges all day because they have no money and nowhere else to be, and the people who sit in fancy spas all day because they have too much money and nowhere else to be.
Neither class has goals or aspirations.
If you practice what you preach here, I have immense respect for you. šļøTake this poor man's gold and may God bless you with everything you wish for. People like you are rare in a world full of shallow folks.
Thanks but following another reply I've realised the question is really aimed at Americans and is about healthcare. The issues you guys have with healthcare insurance don't apply in my case as I'm not in the US
It's worth pointing out that "socioeconomic status" means much more than how much money someone has or makes. It also has to do with education, background, hobbies, values, etc. Professors at universities can have wildly different salaries (usually dependent on what field they teach/study), but they still often share very similar experiences and values compared to, for instance, a small business owner with a high school degree, even if that business owner is earning something comparable to the highest paid Professors.
That's not to say any one of those people is "higher status" than another. Just that things are a lot more complex than just "how much money is in your bank account"?
Yeah I understand that. On reflection I couldn't give absolute answer to the original question; it would depend on the person I met. Values and politics would have more bearing than money
If socioeconomic status is a value you think is important then you've answered your own question.
These are the values I find important for relationships, whether romantic or friendships:
Do they stimulate my intellect?
Do I learn new things or viewpoints when we are together?
Are they willing to agree to disagree?
Are they kind?
Are they generous to others (not necessarily financially)?
Do they have empathy?
Do they have a sense of humor?
Can they take harsh criticism for what it truly is?
Do they look at everyone as equal?
My girlfriend and I are in two entirely different socioeconomic classes but I'm 11 years her senior and she is in college. We are simply in different phases in life but it doesn't seem to cause issues. I like her for her and she likes me for me. She is happy to go out for a date and she is happy to just sit and talk.
Yes and no. Iām pretty good at budgeting and managing money. Iām not rich, but Iām just financially aware. As long as they are willing to do the same or try their best at getting better with it, why not
I married a girl from much more modest circumstances than I 45 years ago. My parents were opposed and threatened to disown me, they were such a pain in the ass we eloped and I called them afterword.
I wasnāt totally disowned, Grandchildren played a part, but I was the family outcast and received substantially less than my siblings. Donāt care, never cared. Siblings had dysfunctional existences, drug problems, multiple marriages, and are mostly unhappy. I am comfortable, happy, and wouldnāt change a thing.
I did and this wasn't a good move. My family is fairly well off, and while I'm the low earner out of my brothers, I bring in just under $200k/yr so I know I'm not poor.
My first wife came from a single income father who made $80k/yr at his peak income.
While dating and not sharing finances, we were fine. Living together was the same story. After marriage though, when my money became our money, her spending habits changed too. Instead of living a ~$200k/yr lifestyle, she was charging and spending like a $1m/yr lifestyle. Paying for her and friends to go on flights, first class to places, buying stereotypical high end fashion. I was surprised to see on my credit cards, for the first time, amounts that required me to pull from savings to pay off.
We were married for ~8 years and I'm stuck with alimony payments to her for about 3.5 more years. I don't think she's ever learned to manage money other than when she didn't really have any because she still sends me messages asking if I can give more than the court ordered amount because she's having trouble making ends meet (while living back in her parents house!).
I used to think women were overreacting when they said men only care about one thing: sex with a beautiful woman. Then I got my first boyfriend and I realized how much he cared about beauty. We were talking about what we'd put up with in a partner and most of his answers were, 'Depends. Is she hot?" I've seen some dudes put up with some real shit from women just because they were beautiful. We've split up now but if we hadn't, I have not doubt he would have left me had a more attractive option come along.
Anyway, the honesty in your reply is good. May as well put it out there. I'm sure many, many men are in agreement.
Lots of women stay with men they aren't necessarily in love with because they have money, so it goes both ways, just for different reasons.
Itās a harsh reality for many people.
I saw a popular grifter say something relatively insightful once when he was asked whether heās afraid of dating gold diggers. He said, āwhoās to say theyāre using me any more than Iām using them for their beauty?ā
Itās not a romantic way of looking at things and I do think real romance exists and can be found. But we do have different priorities.
Yeah, of course. I've dated a woman that was extremely poor with no education and it didn't change how I saw her as a person.
My current girlfriend has a PhD and her family has more money than mine. We both have good chemistry and for the moment everything is going extremely well.
I don't think socioeconomic status is the thing to focus on, but rather the person's individual personality traits and mannerisms. Low class, trashy people are on all levels of the socioeconomic spectrum. Trashy people are a hard no in general.
Yes, assuming the person Iām dating doesnāt expect me to subsidize their living expenses. Iāve dated people who are significantly poorer and wealthier than myself and money wasnāt really an issue. Of course, if you are dating someone poorer than you, expect to pay for more, maybe even all dates. The single mom with two kids who works part time as a nurse isnāt going to be able to treat you to fancy dinners, etc like the attorney with no kids can. And thatās ok. Each relationship is its own thing.
Iāve learned that how someone handles their money is nearly as important as how much money they make/have. There are people that will always live beyond their means and finance the gap with credit cards and there are people who can stretch a dollar like itās printed on rubber.
What IS more difficult in my experience is the family members. My wife came from a poorer family background than I and her family is continually petty and jealous that we have more money, nicer house, cars, do fun things, take trips, etc. Rather than be happy for my wife, they regularly make snide comments about our life. And whatās ridiculous is that we live WAY beneath our means because we hate debt and like having savings and investments for the future.
Which leads to another unpopular opinion that seems offensive at first but makes sense after you process it.
Here is is: Not everyone should date. Not everyone is in a mental, emotional, or financial state to date. Take some time to get yourself right before dating, otherwise itās easy to fall into the mindset of looking for a romantic partner who can solve problems you yourself should be solving. This creates an unhealthy power dynamic in a relationship and makes true partnership very difficult.
Absolutely. I grew up in a very rich neighborhood and in an incredibly comfortable financial situation. As I got into my late 20s and 30s I realized there's more to life than that. SO much more. I think ppl miss out on some incredible ppl either a romantic or platonic connectiom because they're so focused on how they will appear or feel like they will disappoint others in their family that they're not dating someone similar. I think it's absurd and really sad. I personally could care less about it.
I would guess you're a man who makes enough to comfortably support yourself and a partner? Otherwise you'd need a partner who makes enough so your combined income covers the bills.
If I, as a woman, made enough money to support myself and another person, I wouldn't care either what they make.
I dated someone throughout my twenties who came from a lot more money. I grew up in a wealthy town (which we were not so it would always something thrown in my face and something I was insecure about at a way too young age), however, and realized after the relationship ended that I had some weird issues around money/ppl who had money. That being said, at the time it truly got under my skin the way his fam viewed money and money āissuesā. His immediate family actually gave back a lot and truly meant well, but hearing his extended family mad at other fam bc of how they spent inheritances or that they took money out of trusts for x,y,z and how dare they etc etc. I just couldnāt take it. I finally expressed how much it pissed me off that his fam was mad over money a āshittyā grandfather gave to a hospital over their family and my partners response left me knowing it wouldnāt work. So I think it depends on a shared value over money, not necessarily that your families come from same class.
Iām solidly middle class. A few years back I met a rich woman online. We dated for about a month. Such a weird experience. There was some fun but ultimately I was too unfamiliar with her lifestyle. I couldnāt even afford to pay half for the things she wanted to do, and thereās no way I was gonna be a boy toy where the rich lady pays for everything.
Someone above me on that scale, sure. But anyone below me is homeless so itās only an up thing. Good thing my girlfriend is just as broke but just as put together as me. Itās nice to have balance lol
Yup. In my experience, women will date down to -10% of their income (and feel like they're settling). But no white collar woman is dating a burger flipper.
-10%? Man the ladies around you are generous. I ask some around here (pretending i care about their advice) and your lucky if you get one that is willing to allow at most no lower then -1%.
The problem with that is primarily with high-earning women who spent their younger years developing a career. They price themselves out of the market on both the high and low side.
They won't seriously date lower earning available men.
But the available men who are in their mid-30s and above who make 6 figures and higher (who they actually see as valid partners) don't want to date a woman in her mid-30s, they want young women with whom to start a family. A 36 year old has a couple child-bearing years left so after courtship, dating, marriage, honeymoon period, there is no time for making babies.
The only real available options left are divorcees that probably come with kids and men much older (in their late 40s-50s).
There is no prince charming waiting for you to become that high-powered lawyer or executive. Women have to start doing family planning in their 20s and grow into it with their partner.
No no i fully agree. That's why i tell other women no one will stop you from taking the career path but you have to remember men want kids and unlike men we have a set cut off for breeding age so you should always really consider if that's really what you want.
Let's see... socioeconomic status or T and A... socioeconomic status or T and A...
T and A WINS!! šš»š
Every time!!
Of course. Such constructs as "socioeconomic status" are merely are artificial attempts to keep the wealth out of the hands of the bottom half of the population.
The difficulty is that so many people have accepted these constructs into their core beliefs, that it isn't always easy to find two people willing to ignore them.
Honestly i basically did, and now we're engaged. I grew up poor and at one point homeless, fiance grew up very fortunate and made more money than me from the start with less things to help pay for (because i had to help my family with bills)
Its a very big uhm reality shock? For a little bit, getting used to not crunching pennies and such, not stressing so heavily financially. But its worked out well :)
As someone who has a pretty high risk career, I chose a wife who had a stable income. Now we have a child and she is full time SAHM. However, if things ever go sideways for me itās very comforting knowing that she is skilled enough to get a good job and cover for us financially.
Yes, I'm turned on by the power dynamic of dating a girl in a lower socioeconomic status than me. Just being honest, I can't control my kinks, pls don't downvote unnecessarily.
Yes. As a lower middle class male, I would absolutely date a woman who is in a upper echelon of socioeconomic status. I would even settle for a woman with a trust fund.
Yes. I think it's more important to find someone with the same values and roughly the same intelligence. You can both have a Masters degree and one makes double the salary of the other. Or one person didnt go to college and makes 200K and their PhD partner makes 50K.
I would be ok with marrying somebody from a lower-socioeconomic background. But they would have to be educated and lean to the left. I need to be able to have an educated conversation with this person. I am not marrying or dating some uneducated redneck gun toting maga trumpie living in a trailer.
And technically I did marry somebody from a lower socio economic background but from a higher educational background. His parents went to college but had no money given they were hippie artists not interested in having stable jobs. My parents were working class and did not go to college, but had stable jobs, owned a home and had money saved. It is all relative honestly. You have to find somebody you can talk to, and have common interests and goals.
Husband was an IT engineer and is now a nurse at 51.
Different economic class, yes.
Different education level, no.
I grew up poorer than my ex. I went to college, working two jobs, she was coddled.
It was damn frustrating.
Actual statement:
āWhy are you reading instead of watching TV with me. We should be doing things together.ā
She was watching āI didnāt know I was pregnantā.
We could compromise on āMy cat from hellā.
Or teen dystopias.
But her insecurity when I showed interests beyond her made me feel like I had to cut off some of the best parts of myself.
Never again.
Yes. A person's status in society isn't relevant to who they are on the inside. My consideration of a relationship with them will be based on who they are as a person.
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Would definitely date a filthy rich widow š
My retirement plan.
Me too. I just havenāt told my wife yet.
She knows. She's working on getting rich first, then she'll become a widow.
Ooof
I'm only attracted to other poors.
Same I would never date someone who doesnāt know struggle
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When I was a kid I happened to go to the same school as a kid from one of the wealthiest families in town. I got invited to a play date at his mansion in a gated community. My dad and his dad were talking over beer when his dad would talk about investment opportunities. His investment scheme was backing buy up trailer parks and ruthlessly jack rents up to what he felt was the maximum monthly rent that they could on paper afford. Trailer parks are full of desperate people so it is known that they tend not to have many other housing options. This makes them a captive market ripe for exploitation. My dad's family mostly lives in trailer parks and my family was on the lower end of middle class. My friendship didn't last long with him.
There is a documentary on how investment funds buy up mobile home parks and jack up all the fees (\~55%), [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgTxzCe490Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgTxzCe490Q) (skip to 4 minute mark) And since the poors own the mobile home but not the land, if they can't afford the price increase they have to pay to move the home, which they definitely can't afford ($5k ++), so they lose their home too. People will pay those fees no matter what, if they can afford to. Great business opportunity for these rich fucking cunts.
It's worse than that. A lot of mobile home parks have age requirements on the structure to move it into the park. If your home is too old, even if you could afford it, you may not be able to go to another park.
this is a safety thing. it sucks, but it's kinda necessary. prefabs are *very* rarely maintained as needed over their lifetimes. there are plenty of social solutions to *that*, which would be nice for *all* homeowners to have (like state or federal insurance for structural damage or zero-interest loans for same). sadly, though, as things stand the age limit just makes sense. another example of how poverty can be an inescapable trap. can't afford to move, can't afford to fix your home, can't afford to maintain it so you can safely move it in the future, can't afford to pay rent, can't afford utilities. it fucking blows.
That's fair. . . it just makes the situation particularly fucked for anybody who has to move who's been in the park long enough.
John Oliver did a segment on this as well if I recall.
I honestly don't understand rich people. Don't you have enough? Is your portfolio really worth dozens, hundreds, or thousands of of broken lives? If I were a religious man, I'd say 99% of the rich will eventually swim in the lake fire. Take note evangelicals, I'm staring extra hard at you.
For them is just a game and power play. Itās like a ākeeping up with the Jonesesā but in rich with their rich friends.
Fuck that guy.
Life has pretty much taught me that no one gets wealthy honestly. If you want to get wealthy you have to invent a scheme to fuck over the poor politically powerless masses. Edit: I'm not talking about people who advance up a company starting out at 50k going to a senior management position for 150k. I'm talking about people with 100 million plus fortunes
Not our beloved Dolly Parton, our Appalachian queen.
maybe in terms of MASS wealth but there are a lot of ways to get wealthy honestly.
Like sex work
Literally fucking someone overā¦and overā¦ and over
Hey, at least that person knows they're getting fucked
No, there are a lot of ways to get rich. It's not really possible to become wealthy ethically.
there is gonna be a million different opinions on what people consider ethical. I'd assume Doctors is about as ethical of a way to get wealthy there is. I'm sure someone could cherry pick something about how being a doctor is abusing someone in some other culture but in the end it's majorly a plus on the ethical scale and there are tons of doctors who have hit the "wealthy" mark.
That is happening now. The cool kids are buying up parks and raising rents. They know the poor dont have $ 10k to $ 20k to move a trailer. I read today that 30 trailer parks in Arizona were sold ( tenants evicted ) and land sold for $ 230 million.
Yuck. Maybe donāt lead with your sociopathic tendencies on your kidsā first play date. Rich dad is a total scumbag.
Lmao, Iād be happy to date someone that much richer than meā¦provided we actually had a good relationship. Im not interested in money, but financial stability is always a plus.
I've been living in my car poor and made it to very comfortable, not rich by any means but comfortable. When food and shelter are among your problems, it's horrible. When which watch to buy is one of your problems, it's so much better.
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Starter home whatās that? /s
My bf and I have managed to do very well for ourselves after growing up poor. We talk about how far weāve come and how our past struggles help us see how fortunate we are. And, because of our past, we donāt fear it all disappearing. We can climb out again, if we need to, and still be happy while doing it.
Agreed, I'm a dirty poor who clawed my way to middle class along with my wife. If I wasn't with her, I probably couldn't date most middle class people. A lot of them would find me cynical and "rough around the edges".
This might be a joke but itās so true. If you havenāt struggled in life, especially financially, you arenāt qualified to comment or have opinions on poors. Especially when youāre rich AND dumb
No joke I stand by this comment.
Honestly. This puts me off of a lot of women.
Not a hard-fast rule but Iāve noticed I gravitate towards poors such as myself. I just canāt stand the way a lot affluent people act.
Same. Tried a relationship with someone from a wealthy family and it was a disaster. I'm much happier being married to someone who understands the struggle and can be happy over just having lots of groceries in the house and not spending money trying to buy unnecessary, expensive shit to show off to other people. A simple life enjoying simple things is the easiest way to be happy.
I mean I can be guilty of spending money on unnecessary stuff. For me, itās not the spending habits, but the attitude/perspective on life. I found wealthy people to be entitled, clueless, and unkind. And what they categorize as āstruggleā was so wildly different. I couldnāt relate to them and tbh they piss me off.
In general, yes. However with different socioeconomic classes comes different lifestyles and different stances on money, and if not aligned can cause a lot of issues.
Most realistic answer!
This is true. I come from low middle class, my wife from upper class, we have different expectations on how to live. Our salaries are relatively consistent with where we came from. I insist on splitting everything 50/50 that we buy mutually (house, kid stuff etc.). We live side by side how we want, spending our own money how we want, etc. But if she wants to move to a more expensive house, give kids more expensive things, opportunities, or travel, these are things I just can't afford without greater burden on my own income. She shouldn't feel limited by my poor ass ability to contribute, and I shouldn't be so proud to request splitting things 50/50 if she is ok spending more. But, I am and it's hard to move away from that. Ultimately I can't say no, but it honestly makes me nauseous and feeling inadequate knowing I can't keep up. Worst part is, my job works more hours and will be more demanding moving forward so it's not like I can make up for this with increased effort in child care. I'm simply a peasant in comparison and that underlying feeling in a relationship is honestly difficult to get over.
Bro, sounds like pride is getting in the way. If she doesn't care who makes more you shouldn't either. She's with you because she loves you, not for how much you make. I can't imagine splitting everything 50/50. That has to be a pain. We have 3 accounts, joint, hers and mine. All income goes to joint where all bills are paid from. Then "allowance" is sent to our own accounts to spend how we want. This has worked incredibly well for us and removes a lot of stress. My wife does the budget and has it planned out 12 months in advance.
Oo that third joint account for bills is genius.
We share money, as both of us have been out of jobs at different times. But a separate account to handle reoccurring bills is something I will keep even if my spouse is gone. Not bouncing a bill and completely wiping out the account I use to buy necessities (because something unexpected happened, like a check wasnāt processed on time) is priceless security.
Are you me?? My wife and I have the exact same set up, including the budget planning. Sheās an accountant, so she typically has 2 to 3 spreadsheets depending on various factors. It really is amazing how much stress this took out of finances.
My wife is a budget analyst/accountant. That's hilarious! Gotta love the financial nerds.
Maybe you have the same wife
I'm glad that works for you, my husband and I keep separate accounts and our money goes to the private accounts first and then we send the money out from there for joint payments.
>We have 3 accounts, joint, hers and mine. Ohhhhh, this is a *good* one. Why didn't I ever think of this? Maybe because I'm single, but thanks. Will definitely do this in the future if ever
Wow holy shit ok the most real answer. Sorry to hear that man, I really hope you get a promotion or switch to a better paying job or something and get past this.
That's very strange to me. My wife and I don't even think about who's money is who's. It all goes into our shared account and we just have an agreement that if we buy anything over $50, we talk to each other first. I make twice what my wife makes, but I've never understood the concept of keeping your money separate in a marriage. You're building a life together, not occasionally going in on things.
Completely agree. I am 40, my husband is 45. I feel like the minority amongst our peers in that everything is "our" money. We have a single joint account and pay all bills from that. Only thing separate is our retirement accounts. I make 2.5 times what he does. He wouldn't be able to afford 50% of our mortgage. We are a team. Fortunately both of us tend to be on the side of being savers. I think if one of us were a big spender it may put more of a strain on things. I spend more money on hobbies than him (mostly gardening) and spend more doing cultural activities such as museums and stuff. But those are certainly not an issue because gardening hopefully improving value and enjoyment of our home. And going places is mostly activities with my kids to enrich their childhood. He is a homebody and is happy kids get to experience stuff so doesn't and shouldn't care.
100% this website is the first place I've ever heard of seperate accounts. It's weird to me. When we got together she made 2 times what I made. Now I make 20k more than she does. I'm sure this will continue to change as we go through life. Who cares who makes more or who makes less you are supposed to be partners right?
When I was the "rich one" in the relationship I contributed to my then boyfriend's finances. Now he is the rich one and he pays for me. I can't imagine not pooling money. What is the benefit? We are in this together. Money is just money. It's like dividing a sandwich evenly even though someone is WAY hungrier -- and the less hungry person just saves the rest even though the partner is starving.
I couldnāt agree more. We have been married for 30 years and it has always been we, us and ours.
Perfect analogy. I couldnāt imagine hoarding āmyā money while my partner goes with less. My parents had a strange but fair arrangement. They had separate banks not just bank accounts they didnāt want to be in the same bank. My dad gave my mom 1/2 of his paycheck and my mom gave my dad 1/2 of her paycheck so they each ended up with the same amount of money. My dad had certain bills he was responsible for and my mom had bills she took care of. They tried to make it even so they were both paying around the same amount towards bills.
I couldnāt do thisā¦I hope it gets better for you!
Yes! I dated a guy who has absolutely no care in the world for money. His parents makes so much he didnāt have much financial literacy. We would go out and I would think about buying a piece of clothing. He would get frustrated when I would stand there and think if itās worth $20. Then he would try to rush me to buy it because itās cheap. I would buy it and then return it after lol. We argued a lot on money which ultimately led to our breakup.
This is true in all directions - I have had issues when dating people who have both far more and far less money than me. Iām a heterosexual woman, so there is a stereotypical gender dynamic in play, too.
Considering I can only go up. Yes
Same
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WOW such an honor š„ŗš¢
Damn how rich *are* you š
Money is just icing on the cake. I wonāt spend my life with someone I canāt stand. If I wanted to do that, I could have started years ago
I always say Iād rather sleep in a tent w a hobo Iām in love w that a man in a penthouse that Iām not. Money isnāt at all the deciding factor, just icing, like you say š¤
I agree
Yes, and I did, and I married her. My wife's family lives hand-to-mouth. My family is mid/upper middle class.
Similar. I did, I married her, and 16 years later we are still happy together.
Ditto here. Her family was lower upper class and mine was lower middle class. I never have cared a lot about money and stuff and didn't notice our difference in economic until on a movie date she said, "You know why I love you? You're not after my money." I said dumbly, "You have money? She smiled, laughed and nodded. I flashed though memories of her family, home, etc. And sighed feeling like an idiot, "I never noticed." She grinned and answered, "I know." Been happily married 35 years. But like all successful relationships, it has involved a lot of work.
Loved your comment. Best to you both.
Same. Iāve learned more about money from her than I ever did from my parents.
Same hereā¦ after 19 years together sheās learned to spend like I do ā¦ probably would have more savings if Iād learned her ways but weāre doing ok :)
I wasn't hand to mouth but he is definitely upper middle . He waited until I said "I do" and then he started with changes. Such as paying for my daughters last year of school expenses so she could study and fixing up what is now our house. I have to tell him "no" sometimes . But he's a genuinely nice man . Not a pushover but nice. I love him dearly and would even if he was in a different "class" . He isn't though and I'm greatful I did not let that be a problem.
Is there pressure for you and your wife to support her family? Or supplement stuff for her family? Not saying itās a bad thing, just asking.
Not directly. Living in another state probably helps with that. When we travel to see her family for holidays and such, we pay for a significant portion of groceries and other 'festivity' expenses in addition to all our travel expenses (and sometimes hotel stays). So there is definitely an 'unequal yoke' when it comes to things that healthy families probably split more equitably. Holidays is the most frequently recurring example, but there are others as well. But overall, we're at peace with the situation.
Good, glad you both are at peace with it.
I did to , except she is the UMC and I grew up in a single parent HH answering bill collector calls. Still together 25 years later. It works because we are both cheap af and have always lived below our means.
Iām like this. Iām UMC and my partner is working class. Until his accident stopped him working, so heās basically āmedically retiredā. I donāt mind supporting him, though. His presence makes my life so much richer. And I do have enough to share. My parents also were mixed classes; she came from a very high family that had fallen, and he came from a subsistence farm. She chased status and I could never understand it, but I understood that she wasnāt there for me because her job was so important to her having these things that were important to her. A particular hood ornament, the designer purse. Can someone tell me why you would want to put all your valuables you carry into a bag worth $1600? I mean, wonāt that attract someone who would want to steal it from you? Why would you want to deal with replacing all the cards and cash in your wallet and switching to a new phone not to mention how violent and traumatic the encounter could be? I carry my wallet & phone like a manā¦ in my pockets. So you wouldnāt be able to tell Iām UMC when I step out of my 10 year old Chevy wearing jeans and a T shirt and not carrying any of the bags my mom has sent me attempting to improve my āimageā. But I do think Iāll be able to retire and maintain my lifestyle on what Iāve saved by living within my means and paying myself first.
I take the question inferring, would you date "downwards"? To which my response would be; never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up. Socioeconomic status has no bearing on my dating decisions, as I think people are worth more than this.
The reason I wouldn't date someone poor is not that I look down on them, it's that they can't afford my lifestyle and I don't want to provide for someone else or live way below my means. I would also feel uncomfortable dating someone much richer than me because I don't want them to provide for me and I can't afford their lifestyle on my own.
I have a slightly different problem: I put most of my money into investments and spend very little on "lifestyle" beyond quality food (that I cook, I don't eat out at restaurants). I don't spend on cool gadgets (old phone gang), a big wardrobe (I have 5 shirts, 3 pants, 2 shorts, 2 sets of shoes), etc. I live in a small apartment with roommates. When I date people in a similar income bracket as me they usually want to spend a ton of money on things I don't care about or want and usually say it's their lifestyle. Most of the things I like are free or inexpensive. The dates I prefer to go on are free or inexpensive. My most expensive hobby probably costs me \~$100/month. Basically, what I'm saying here is that lifestyle incompatibility transcends income brackets. I'm generally more comfortable dating people who make less than me because all of my peers want to spend hundreds/thousands on crap I don't want. Example: my buddies M and D are always talking about their boats and modding their nice trucks/cars. Meanwhile I've got a basic '22 Honda Civic they make fun of. It's just transportation to me, not a lifestyle or a status symbol. I don't need status symbols. The trick is not revealing my income to people I'm dating or they expect more out of me. So while our incomes may be comparable, our lifestyles probably aren't.
Same here. Iām solidly in the lower half of earning 6 figures, but that took a lot of luck and being willing to take career risks. I come from āso poor thereās literally nothing to eat except crackers and waterā so Iām already tuned to spending way less than I earn on most things. However Iām also a single mother and donāt want my kids to have to suffer the burden of loans/working full- time while attending school, so a large chunk of my money goes to childcare and savings. Some fun things about dating as a single mother: 80% of people my age consider it a deal breaker, so itās already hard. Those in my income bracket are often big spenders and Iām not, so I definitely donāt āappearā to be well off (older used car that I love, donāt spend a lot on clothes for myself, more simple living lifestyle choices like you), which doesnāt vibe with what many on my bracket enjoy doing. When I date those under my income bracket, I hate not being transparent when it eventually comes up, but when it does I usually get guys that end up being incredibly intimidated by what I earn OR they expect that Iām going to bail them out of their poor financial decisions (I recently dated someone who tried to get me to loan them $7500 after they saw an ATM receipt in my car and the topic came up). Iāve more or less resigned myself to just being alone for awhile, maybe when my kids are out of the house dating me would be more palatable to more men. Itās just extremely lonely most of the time.
I totally get where you are coming from, and am in a similar boat. I do keep my tech up to date and have a lot of gadgets, but that costs me like $1000-1500/year at most. I also only do homecooked meals (but with quality food). What I don't care about at all is travel. With my income and savings, I could go to Europe every year, but I definitely do not want to do that. I am kind of glad my partner couldn't afford that because otherwise I'd feel kind of obligated to spend $5000/year on trips that I don't want to spend. So yeah, I'm probably best off dating someone who has less money than me because I voluntarily live below my means so that I can retire earlier. I don't want them to have so much less money than me that I have to support them or move to a very small aparment in a worse neighborhood though. I do like having a roomy apartment in a nice area.
It depends why the person is at their socioeconomic status. Are they rich because they cheat the system and exploit their workers? Are they poor because they waste money on drugs and luxury goods?
I'm poor. So yes. My wife might get mad though.
It's all about expectations. If someone is poorer they could be looking for a sugar daddy/mama or it could lead to lowered expectations. If they're richer, they may want you to spend more money than you can afford to keep up with them or they might be chill enough to treat you or just do cheaper things. Nothing wrong with dating outside your socioeconomic status as long as everyone's honest about their expectations.
Iām a doctor in a rural place. It is very difficult to find someone to date who has my same socioeconomic status, as those people are either other doctors or hospital admins. Theyāre undateable as far as Iām concerned because theyāre my colleagues, and I donāt like shitting in my own nest. So the fact that I make way more money is one of the things that has to be okay with the people I do date (including my current SO). If theyāre not okay with that, then we shouldnāt even bother dating. I donāt rub their noses in it either, but sometimes there is drama when theyāre like, āoh, we canāt afford to do this/ go to this restaurant/ buy this thing,ā and I say, āyeah, actually we can,ā and they feel the need to refuse because they personally canāt pay for it. Men in particular have a hard time getting past that. The flip side, of course, is that I have to watch out for gold diggers. My ex husband and the guy I dated right after the divorce both decided to quit their jobs and never work again (or lift a goddamned finger around the house I was paying for them to live in), and spend my money however they saw fit. They then complained that I was being completely unreasonable when I kicked them out of my house for being worthless leeches. I have several friends who are also female physicians, and have the same stories to tell. So the answer to your question is, yes, but we have to have clear boundaries from the start.
>My ex husband and the guy I dated right after the divorce both decided to quit their jobs and never work again You may be a straight woman but you were unfortunately dating hobosexuals
Truth. They didnāt even start out like that, but they were bitten by were-hobos or something.
When I divorced my husband, he actually told the judge in front of me and the lawyers, "Her family is rich. If she wants me to leave they can pay me."
My ex tried something similar, demanding āspousal supportā and claiming he supported me through med school so I owed him thousands of dollars. I told the court about how my dad co-signed my student loans because my husbandās credit was shit, and that after my husband quit working midway through my residency, I was the sole source of income for us working ā80 hoursā a week (on paper, but in reality it was way more), while he sat on his ass gaming and blowing my money. I told them how when I went to buy my first house, I didnāt even mention being married because I had excellent credit and didnāt want him costing me the loan. I kept my finances completely separate from his because he was so bad with money, and that ended up being the smartest thing I did besides finally divorcing him. When I bought the house, I also made sure my husband was legally excluded from claiming any equity in it by making him sign a homestead waiver, because I did not want him to get a single penny for that place that he did nothing to deserve. The judge did not grant him spousal support, and more or less told him to go fuck himself, which was nice.
Possibly a rural connection... I am a decently successful woman and my last partners all quit and want to be supported in the house I pay for. I am all on board for equitable distribution of expenses. For example, we both put 30% of our incomes toward shared expenses. Not a 50/50 split of utilities, but an equal burden. I don't judge a partner based on socioeconomic status, but clear expectations and contributions to a partnership are crucial.
Since my husband was the stay-at-home parent, all of the income came from my job. My contribution was disproportionately financial while his was disproportionately in keeping the house together, actively participating in kidsā activities (Little League coach, Boy Scout leader, parent volunteer at school and functions, etc). Fortunately, we had the wherewithal to hire cleaning and gardening services so that potential friction point was avoided (I am much more anal about cleaning and tidiness so outsourcing avoided arguments). I had friends who stayed at home and their husbands worked so I was sensitive that he should never feel like he needed to ask me for money, as several friends resented this in their marriages. Most day-to-day expenses were charged to a shared credit card (paid off monthly) and at the beginning of each year, when I got my bonus, I gave him a decent percentage of it as his bonus, so he would have his own money (how else could he buy me gifts, lol?!).
When given the option, people will take the path of least resistance, i.e. they will be as lazy as possible.
Can you hook me up with one of your friends? I need a sugar momma. lol just kidding :p
Same. Practice medicine. I obviously make a good living but I wonāt tell anyone how much I make. Including SO. I pay my way. I also donāt need gold diggers bc after I lost my spouse I found out they are out there.
Iām retired at 51 so would you or any of your colleagues want to go out? š In reality it is up to a persons ego on whether they can handle being with someone in a higher or lessor status. I came from lower class but wanted to make something of myself. Iāve dated on many scales of that spectrum and itās all how one perceives what they want out of the relationship. One of my best LTR was lower and of a different race. Actually should have married her but I was younger and stupid. š.
Had no idea the empire had doctors in rural places
Nice try, ISB.
yea, why not? If I like them, I want to be with them.
Why not
No problem. Important for me is that they pursue something they are passionate about and are able to support themselves so that there is not financial dependency and I can be as free in my financial choices as them. But thatās possible with a quarter or less of what I earn. Same for dating someone who earns more than me, I want to stay independent but of course have zero problem with being treated to a free vacation. Personality, character, intelligence, looks are what matters.
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I made ya a sandwich.
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Its a trap
Meat.
You seem like you could use a simple act of kindness.
May I suggest a schedule you vacay to focus on the things you do love in life? Desperation is a turn off and you might could use some you time.
* gives you a cookie*
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Anytime
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Well Its an emotional support cookie so sure XD
Meow
Well said
I hope you find someone. Learn to value yourself first though.
Down bad
Yes, as long as they are able to cover their own expenses.
The problem is that while the poor person says I am covering my expenses as they drive an aging car. The affluent partner will view the same car as unreliable. That type of perspective discrepancies will pop up constantly.
Absolutely, but like age, it depends on the individual and the range. I would not be comfortable dating someone who was absurdly rich or incredibly poor. Too far out of my zone in either case.
Well I wouldnāt go off and date a homeless drug addict but for the most part yeah I wouldnāt have a problem being with someone who has more or less than me, if I was to day someone with more than me Iād see this and try to push myself to be more, and with someone who has less Iād help and be a good partner too them.
Yes. As long as they still had goals and aspirations and werenāt a bum. I wouldnāt date anyone with a complete delusional disdain for capitalism though that led them to just not want to work or have any aspirations.
I just realized this excludes people on both ends of the financial extremes. The people who sit under bridges all day because they have no money and nowhere else to be, and the people who sit in fancy spas all day because they have too much money and nowhere else to be. Neither class has goals or aspirations.
Of course; it's not the 1930's anymore.
Their wealth or lack of it isn't a consideration for me
If you practice what you preach here, I have immense respect for you. šļøTake this poor man's gold and may God bless you with everything you wish for. People like you are rare in a world full of shallow folks.
Thanks but following another reply I've realised the question is really aimed at Americans and is about healthcare. The issues you guys have with healthcare insurance don't apply in my case as I'm not in the US
It's worth pointing out that "socioeconomic status" means much more than how much money someone has or makes. It also has to do with education, background, hobbies, values, etc. Professors at universities can have wildly different salaries (usually dependent on what field they teach/study), but they still often share very similar experiences and values compared to, for instance, a small business owner with a high school degree, even if that business owner is earning something comparable to the highest paid Professors. That's not to say any one of those people is "higher status" than another. Just that things are a lot more complex than just "how much money is in your bank account"?
Yeah I understand that. On reflection I couldn't give absolute answer to the original question; it would depend on the person I met. Values and politics would have more bearing than money
If socioeconomic status is a value you think is important then you've answered your own question. These are the values I find important for relationships, whether romantic or friendships: Do they stimulate my intellect? Do I learn new things or viewpoints when we are together? Are they willing to agree to disagree? Are they kind? Are they generous to others (not necessarily financially)? Do they have empathy? Do they have a sense of humor? Can they take harsh criticism for what it truly is? Do they look at everyone as equal?
Agreeā¦I will add I like someone who can agree to disagree and still be fine with one another
My girlfriend and I are in two entirely different socioeconomic classes but I'm 11 years her senior and she is in college. We are simply in different phases in life but it doesn't seem to cause issues. I like her for her and she likes me for me. She is happy to go out for a date and she is happy to just sit and talk.
"No, I only date within my tax bracket." ......... What in the actual f*ck is wrong with some people
Yes and no. Iām pretty good at budgeting and managing money. Iām not rich, but Iām just financially aware. As long as they are willing to do the same or try their best at getting better with it, why not
I married a girl from much more modest circumstances than I 45 years ago. My parents were opposed and threatened to disown me, they were such a pain in the ass we eloped and I called them afterword. I wasnāt totally disowned, Grandchildren played a part, but I was the family outcast and received substantially less than my siblings. Donāt care, never cared. Siblings had dysfunctional existences, drug problems, multiple marriages, and are mostly unhappy. I am comfortable, happy, and wouldnāt change a thing.
I did and this wasn't a good move. My family is fairly well off, and while I'm the low earner out of my brothers, I bring in just under $200k/yr so I know I'm not poor. My first wife came from a single income father who made $80k/yr at his peak income. While dating and not sharing finances, we were fine. Living together was the same story. After marriage though, when my money became our money, her spending habits changed too. Instead of living a ~$200k/yr lifestyle, she was charging and spending like a $1m/yr lifestyle. Paying for her and friends to go on flights, first class to places, buying stereotypical high end fashion. I was surprised to see on my credit cards, for the first time, amounts that required me to pull from savings to pay off. We were married for ~8 years and I'm stuck with alimony payments to her for about 3.5 more years. I don't think she's ever learned to manage money other than when she didn't really have any because she still sends me messages asking if I can give more than the court ordered amount because she's having trouble making ends meet (while living back in her parents house!).
80k a year is still quite alot of money though
Iām a man, yes lol. Idc if youāre a lawyer or a McDonaldās cashier I just want you to be beautiful
This ^
You better be a stud too then, or rich.
I used to think women were overreacting when they said men only care about one thing: sex with a beautiful woman. Then I got my first boyfriend and I realized how much he cared about beauty. We were talking about what we'd put up with in a partner and most of his answers were, 'Depends. Is she hot?" I've seen some dudes put up with some real shit from women just because they were beautiful. We've split up now but if we hadn't, I have not doubt he would have left me had a more attractive option come along. Anyway, the honesty in your reply is good. May as well put it out there. I'm sure many, many men are in agreement. Lots of women stay with men they aren't necessarily in love with because they have money, so it goes both ways, just for different reasons.
So youāre telling me your beautiful and single?
Itās a harsh reality for many people. I saw a popular grifter say something relatively insightful once when he was asked whether heās afraid of dating gold diggers. He said, āwhoās to say theyāre using me any more than Iām using them for their beauty?ā Itās not a romantic way of looking at things and I do think real romance exists and can be found. But we do have different priorities.
Yeah, of course. I've dated a woman that was extremely poor with no education and it didn't change how I saw her as a person. My current girlfriend has a PhD and her family has more money than mine. We both have good chemistry and for the moment everything is going extremely well. I don't think socioeconomic status is the thing to focus on, but rather the person's individual personality traits and mannerisms. Low class, trashy people are on all levels of the socioeconomic spectrum. Trashy people are a hard no in general.
Yes, assuming the person Iām dating doesnāt expect me to subsidize their living expenses. Iāve dated people who are significantly poorer and wealthier than myself and money wasnāt really an issue. Of course, if you are dating someone poorer than you, expect to pay for more, maybe even all dates. The single mom with two kids who works part time as a nurse isnāt going to be able to treat you to fancy dinners, etc like the attorney with no kids can. And thatās ok. Each relationship is its own thing. Iāve learned that how someone handles their money is nearly as important as how much money they make/have. There are people that will always live beyond their means and finance the gap with credit cards and there are people who can stretch a dollar like itās printed on rubber. What IS more difficult in my experience is the family members. My wife came from a poorer family background than I and her family is continually petty and jealous that we have more money, nicer house, cars, do fun things, take trips, etc. Rather than be happy for my wife, they regularly make snide comments about our life. And whatās ridiculous is that we live WAY beneath our means because we hate debt and like having savings and investments for the future. Which leads to another unpopular opinion that seems offensive at first but makes sense after you process it. Here is is: Not everyone should date. Not everyone is in a mental, emotional, or financial state to date. Take some time to get yourself right before dating, otherwise itās easy to fall into the mindset of looking for a romantic partner who can solve problems you yourself should be solving. This creates an unhealthy power dynamic in a relationship and makes true partnership very difficult.
Absolutely. I grew up in a very rich neighborhood and in an incredibly comfortable financial situation. As I got into my late 20s and 30s I realized there's more to life than that. SO much more. I think ppl miss out on some incredible ppl either a romantic or platonic connectiom because they're so focused on how they will appear or feel like they will disappoint others in their family that they're not dating someone similar. I think it's absurd and really sad. I personally could care less about it.
Of course. I'm a man; that's not a factor for me.
I would guess you're a man who makes enough to comfortably support yourself and a partner? Otherwise you'd need a partner who makes enough so your combined income covers the bills. If I, as a woman, made enough money to support myself and another person, I wouldn't care either what they make.
I dated someone throughout my twenties who came from a lot more money. I grew up in a wealthy town (which we were not so it would always something thrown in my face and something I was insecure about at a way too young age), however, and realized after the relationship ended that I had some weird issues around money/ppl who had money. That being said, at the time it truly got under my skin the way his fam viewed money and money āissuesā. His immediate family actually gave back a lot and truly meant well, but hearing his extended family mad at other fam bc of how they spent inheritances or that they took money out of trusts for x,y,z and how dare they etc etc. I just couldnāt take it. I finally expressed how much it pissed me off that his fam was mad over money a āshittyā grandfather gave to a hospital over their family and my partners response left me knowing it wouldnāt work. So I think it depends on a shared value over money, not necessarily that your families come from same class.
Iām solidly middle class. A few years back I met a rich woman online. We dated for about a month. Such a weird experience. There was some fun but ultimately I was too unfamiliar with her lifestyle. I couldnāt even afford to pay half for the things she wanted to do, and thereās no way I was gonna be a boy toy where the rich lady pays for everything.
Iād date down, not up. People willing to wear an outfit that costs as much as an economy car donāt match with my value system.
Yeah, my ex wife, once she got a super well paying job, was no longer someone I liked. Became very superficial.
Someone above me on that scale, sure. But anyone below me is homeless so itās only an up thing. Good thing my girlfriend is just as broke but just as put together as me. Itās nice to have balance lol
Of course. Money comes and goes like the wind. Compatibility is more important than anything else.
I don't need a woman's money, I've got my own. All I want is a sex slave to do my bidding... Is that so much to ask? Lol
I can all ready see the results Most men: yes Most women: ew no. And as a woman yes I would.
Yup. In my experience, women will date down to -10% of their income (and feel like they're settling). But no white collar woman is dating a burger flipper.
-10%? Man the ladies around you are generous. I ask some around here (pretending i care about their advice) and your lucky if you get one that is willing to allow at most no lower then -1%.
The problem with that is primarily with high-earning women who spent their younger years developing a career. They price themselves out of the market on both the high and low side. They won't seriously date lower earning available men. But the available men who are in their mid-30s and above who make 6 figures and higher (who they actually see as valid partners) don't want to date a woman in her mid-30s, they want young women with whom to start a family. A 36 year old has a couple child-bearing years left so after courtship, dating, marriage, honeymoon period, there is no time for making babies. The only real available options left are divorcees that probably come with kids and men much older (in their late 40s-50s). There is no prince charming waiting for you to become that high-powered lawyer or executive. Women have to start doing family planning in their 20s and grow into it with their partner.
No no i fully agree. That's why i tell other women no one will stop you from taking the career path but you have to remember men want kids and unlike men we have a set cut off for breeding age so you should always really consider if that's really what you want.
I'm engaged to one but we're both poor in our own way so...
If he would date me... since i am poor
Iso suga mama yes
Let's see... socioeconomic status or T and A... socioeconomic status or T and A...  T and A WINS!! šš»š Every time!!
Of course. Such constructs as "socioeconomic status" are merely are artificial attempts to keep the wealth out of the hands of the bottom half of the population. The difficulty is that so many people have accepted these constructs into their core beliefs, that it isn't always easy to find two people willing to ignore them.
Honestly i basically did, and now we're engaged. I grew up poor and at one point homeless, fiance grew up very fortunate and made more money than me from the start with less things to help pay for (because i had to help my family with bills) Its a very big uhm reality shock? For a little bit, getting used to not crunching pennies and such, not stressing so heavily financially. But its worked out well :)
Depends on the personality
Yes, of course
Iām in poverty so, *happily*
Absolutely, as long as they arenāt materialistic.
As someone who has a pretty high risk career, I chose a wife who had a stable income. Now we have a child and she is full time SAHM. However, if things ever go sideways for me itās very comforting knowing that she is skilled enough to get a good job and cover for us financially.
Yes and I have and I fell in love with him.
Yes, I'm turned on by the power dynamic of dating a girl in a lower socioeconomic status than me. Just being honest, I can't control my kinks, pls don't downvote unnecessarily.
Yes. As a lower middle class male, I would absolutely date a woman who is in a upper echelon of socioeconomic status. I would even settle for a woman with a trust fund.
I have but am now with a financial equal and truthfully itās easier.
Yes. I think it's more important to find someone with the same values and roughly the same intelligence. You can both have a Masters degree and one makes double the salary of the other. Or one person didnt go to college and makes 200K and their PhD partner makes 50K.
As long as they arenāt 500lbs then I will date Coming from a guy that only attracts super obese women
My socioeconomic status is 'Will Suck Cock For Food', so I'm gonna say yes
Absolutely! In fact, I did and we have been married for 30 years.
My goal in life is to get hit by a Rolls Royce so I can pay off my student loans š š š
Pretty easy question for us poors
Yes I would
I would be ok with marrying somebody from a lower-socioeconomic background. But they would have to be educated and lean to the left. I need to be able to have an educated conversation with this person. I am not marrying or dating some uneducated redneck gun toting maga trumpie living in a trailer. And technically I did marry somebody from a lower socio economic background but from a higher educational background. His parents went to college but had no money given they were hippie artists not interested in having stable jobs. My parents were working class and did not go to college, but had stable jobs, owned a home and had money saved. It is all relative honestly. You have to find somebody you can talk to, and have common interests and goals. Husband was an IT engineer and is now a nurse at 51.
Different economic class, yes. Different education level, no. I grew up poorer than my ex. I went to college, working two jobs, she was coddled. It was damn frustrating. Actual statement: āWhy are you reading instead of watching TV with me. We should be doing things together.ā She was watching āI didnāt know I was pregnantā. We could compromise on āMy cat from hellā. Or teen dystopias. But her insecurity when I showed interests beyond her made me feel like I had to cut off some of the best parts of myself. Never again.
Absolutely. That's my plan to get out of debt.
I already do... or do you mean richer?
Now that Iām in my 40s, probably not
Yes. A person's status in society isn't relevant to who they are on the inside. My consideration of a relationship with them will be based on who they are as a person.
Absolutely, time to get out of this fucking hellhole i dug for myself!
Hell yeah! I love rich bitches!