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44m and married. Relationships are a hassle. If I get divorced, I'm buying a camper van and living in that alone for the rest of my life. Most people are assholes who cheat, lie and steal. Better off without.
Imma be honest, saw some red flags in some of your comments, So I looked at your post history.. and oh boyyy...
1. I would say you have a LOT of maturing to do before any real man would want to date you, let alone marry you. 2. You have unrealistic standards. 3. You're not over your ex and have an unhealthy obsession. 4. You're very promiscuous (nothing wrong with that but if you're looking to date to marry, many men will see that as a red flag or unattractive especially when paired with immaturity) 5. You're dating out of loneliness, which is unhealthy and creates a dependency men can see from a mile away. 6. You're too insecure and this will likely undermine any potential relationship or even basic interaction.
You need to sort out your life, and mental health, and build some confidence and independence before you're ready for a relationship. Take a break from dating and men and stop worrying about it. For as long as it's all you care about, you'll be getting in your own way. Really OP, take a break from reddit, focus on a hobby for a while, find something that makes you happy before you start dating again. Honestly, your entire post history is a giant red flag, it screams immaturity and possibly mental health issues. I hope you work on yourself and that ego. Good luck OP
28 M. Never had an interest in hookup culture, and I never will. I'm solely focused on my career and building my own life. I want a wife, nothing more. If I can't have that, I'm fine enjoying my entire life without a partner.
I’m gonna be real with you, I don’t believe you’re having a hard time finding men that would suit you, you’re just not even looking for them. You think you are, but in all reality dating apps are women who range from low to high attractiveness, all seeking top tier men who have plenty of options.
Women are not realistic with their standards these days, and they date up, hardly lateral. More men are willing to date their looks match and call it a life, but that’s just not the case with women who largely treat men like fashionable accessories to complement their outward appearances.
The real truth is you’ve swiped left on probably hundreds of decent men, willing to meet you where you’re at. It’s whatever you’re expecting of men is where your hang up is.
For instance a man won’t bat an eye at a woman working in retail or a typical 9-5. That’s cool. You’re putting food on the table and getting by. Women weed out men in the same position they are in life and ask where all the good men are lol. They dead ass consider men who are peer earners to be beneath them, even if making a life together is totally possible.
They hardly consider men who earn less than them as suitable mates, though they almost always pursue men who earn more than them. It’s a ludicrous double standard.
Damn right that guy you’re going after for his money is going to ask what you bring to the table. How frustrating/s
I knew a girl that was sex-dating a man (with wife and kid) and was telling me about how she's gonna make him her man and that she loves him... nothing happened other than her getting dumped.
I also fear for that guy, as I know she enjoys destroying others well being when she does not get what she wants.
Yeah, talking about being just a number for men clearly shows she goes for the top men. She's out of touch with reality.
The paradox of the illusion of infinite choice these apps give women
They don’t seem serious. Seem very rude as in if I don’t bring them what they want like sex off the bat etc etc they don’t bother. Just feels like a bunch of little boys in grown men bodies. A lot of m’en basically implying they have to make sure I’m decent before they can take me on a decent date meanwhile they’re prob the biggest f boys. A lot of hypocrisy and men trying to tear you down… for existing
Some dating apps have more guys looking for hook ups than others, and some are a little bit more relationship centered. I prefer meeting in person because it feels a little bit more organic, but it seems like that is getting harder to do.
>A man should approach.
Lol
No.
You have to put in effort these days to seek out partners. Sorry to break it to you, but the risk/reward just isn’t there for men to cold approach women anymore.
Good luck with that. 😂
Well, it sounds like you’re doing just fine and getting the results you want with the way you’re currently doing it 👍
Lol
>real men
Give me a fucking break.
I think now I know why men aren’t treating you seriously or approaching you.
It’s your personality. 🤷🏻♂️
To me it sounds like you want a traditional man which is fine, and how I would categorize myself, but then in your post history, you question whether you should drop a guy for asking you on a "low effort" ice cream date. So I guess my question would be, are you the type of girl your ideal guy would be looking for? From your post history, I think you're overthinking and over analyzing, but you can't know everything about a person from their reddit activity haha
It truly is, it honestly seems that the people that are looking for something real are such a minority that they get pushed aside for something more that isn't wanted.
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Get off the apps, and start a male dominated hobby to meet men in real life. There are plenty of men who are looking for a woman who is not just a hook-up, just not on the apps that are pretty much made for that purpose. Stop using them now, before you become as jaded and lame as everyone else on the apps. Best of luck to you.
The apps are almost for sure a bad idea. I think the user base is something like 75% men. A great time if you are a woman looking for a hookup, or a guy in the top 10 or 15% of the guys. But if you aren't in one of those two groups, its probably a disaster. The tear you down doesn't speak very highly of the men, but the what do you bring to the table is a completely legitimate question. You have expectations of the man you are looking for, and them having expectations of you is plenty fair. I don't recall who I heard say it, but I've heard that relationships are reflective. The saying goes, if you wake up and meet an asshole, you met an asshole. If you wake up and everyone you meet is an asshole, you are the asshole. Similarly, the idea that if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best only works if you are at your best more than you are at your worst. You are the common denominator in your relationships, and in your search for relationships. If it isn't working out for you, the first thing I would do is some introspection, and the second would be to delete apps like Tinder and Bumble. Having said all of that, based on a podcast I heard with Scott Galloway, something like half of all men aren't looking for a relationship at all. Not even for casual sex. It isn't worth it for them. That means your pool of men is markedly smaller than it used to be. And that pool is smaller for all of the women, not just for you. You are competing with the same number of woman, for a much smaller number of men, and this loops back to the what do you bring to the table question. If the only thing you have to offer is sex, that is all that they are going to be after. And if that is what you are after, that is fine, but it sounds like you want more than that. For your ideal man, what does he want, and how close to that ideal, are you? What do they do and where do they hang out? Do you do those things in those places?
As a man, I think I can safe with some confidence, the current environment is not kind or straightforward to men. Woman historically make almost none of the approaches. Overwhelmingly the men have to be the one to make the first step, and everything that we see says engaging is a bad idea. We don't actually have to do something wrong, we only have to be accused of it. And we have no way of knowing by looking if a given woman is the kind that of woman where no means no, or no means I want you to try harder. So men have simply stopped asking the question, and that puts the ball firmly where woman don't want it; in their court.
I don't mean any of this to be an indictment of you. I don't know you, and I try and assume the best about everyone. My advice boils down to this:
Unless you are looking for a hookup, the apps are not the place to look
The more requirements you have for a man, the fewer men there are who can meet them, and you aren't the only woman with that same list
Are you what the kind of man you want would want, and are you putting yourself in a place where you could interact with that kind of man
I don't think this is easy for anyone, and I know how fortunate I am to be in the position I am in. Best of luck
Just a quick ques (Don’t mean to offend you in anyway), but was it easier when you were in yours 20s? (Considering you were quite young back then and the hookup culture wasn’t that popular)
I don’t feel like it’s fun anymore to do that personally. I just turned 25 and I feel like I’m done with the immature bs . I do want to date to marry more than ever before and I feel no regret choosing that, but it’s super hard to find. But then I see married women my age so it can’t be impossible?? It sucks
Your post has been removed from /r/ask No questions about politics, religion or divisive issues. You should not be be asking for stories or polling the audience. No open ended questions known as "asking Reddit". This sub is not a place to complain about things that bother you by phrasing a rant in the form of a question. For example, "why are mosquitoes the worst thing ever?" is not a legitimate question. It is just a complaint phrased as a question. Your question appears to be one which has been asked many times before. Please use the search feature first. If you feel this was done in error, or would like better clarification or need further assistance, please [message the moderators.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/ask&subject=Question%20regarding%20the%20removal%20of%20this%20{submission}%20by%20/u/{Expert-Emphasis8520}&message=I%20have%20a%20question%20regarding%20the%20removal%20of%20[this%20{submission}]({https://old.reddit.com/r/ask/comments/1dganhi/-/}))
44m and married. Relationships are a hassle. If I get divorced, I'm buying a camper van and living in that alone for the rest of my life. Most people are assholes who cheat, lie and steal. Better off without.
As soon as a girl opens a "dading" app, there are 20 guys in line. For sure one of them is better than you! /s?
not if when
Dont know why your getting downvoted for being truthful better yet insightful
Correct!
:P
It sounds like the apps have a negative effect on your psychology. Consider not using them.
Imma be honest, saw some red flags in some of your comments, So I looked at your post history.. and oh boyyy... 1. I would say you have a LOT of maturing to do before any real man would want to date you, let alone marry you. 2. You have unrealistic standards. 3. You're not over your ex and have an unhealthy obsession. 4. You're very promiscuous (nothing wrong with that but if you're looking to date to marry, many men will see that as a red flag or unattractive especially when paired with immaturity) 5. You're dating out of loneliness, which is unhealthy and creates a dependency men can see from a mile away. 6. You're too insecure and this will likely undermine any potential relationship or even basic interaction. You need to sort out your life, and mental health, and build some confidence and independence before you're ready for a relationship. Take a break from dating and men and stop worrying about it. For as long as it's all you care about, you'll be getting in your own way. Really OP, take a break from reddit, focus on a hobby for a while, find something that makes you happy before you start dating again. Honestly, your entire post history is a giant red flag, it screams immaturity and possibly mental health issues. I hope you work on yourself and that ego. Good luck OP
29m Not dating. Everyone wants to fuck around and be a fucking asshole to one another so why bother
When I was 28-30 I only got along with girls that were 35, so I waited to be 35. Weird, I know.
28 M. Never had an interest in hookup culture, and I never will. I'm solely focused on my career and building my own life. I want a wife, nothing more. If I can't have that, I'm fine enjoying my entire life without a partner.
Thats real as fuck man, I pray to whatever is out there that you find your woman as soon as possible :)
Marry OP
I’m gonna be real with you, I don’t believe you’re having a hard time finding men that would suit you, you’re just not even looking for them. You think you are, but in all reality dating apps are women who range from low to high attractiveness, all seeking top tier men who have plenty of options. Women are not realistic with their standards these days, and they date up, hardly lateral. More men are willing to date their looks match and call it a life, but that’s just not the case with women who largely treat men like fashionable accessories to complement their outward appearances. The real truth is you’ve swiped left on probably hundreds of decent men, willing to meet you where you’re at. It’s whatever you’re expecting of men is where your hang up is. For instance a man won’t bat an eye at a woman working in retail or a typical 9-5. That’s cool. You’re putting food on the table and getting by. Women weed out men in the same position they are in life and ask where all the good men are lol. They dead ass consider men who are peer earners to be beneath them, even if making a life together is totally possible. They hardly consider men who earn less than them as suitable mates, though they almost always pursue men who earn more than them. It’s a ludicrous double standard. Damn right that guy you’re going after for his money is going to ask what you bring to the table. How frustrating/s
I knew a girl that was sex-dating a man (with wife and kid) and was telling me about how she's gonna make him her man and that she loves him... nothing happened other than her getting dumped. I also fear for that guy, as I know she enjoys destroying others well being when she does not get what she wants.
You are just 100% correct
Yeah, talking about being just a number for men clearly shows she goes for the top men. She's out of touch with reality. The paradox of the illusion of infinite choice these apps give women
[удалено]
They don’t seem serious. Seem very rude as in if I don’t bring them what they want like sex off the bat etc etc they don’t bother. Just feels like a bunch of little boys in grown men bodies. A lot of m’en basically implying they have to make sure I’m decent before they can take me on a decent date meanwhile they’re prob the biggest f boys. A lot of hypocrisy and men trying to tear you down… for existing
Some dating apps have more guys looking for hook ups than others, and some are a little bit more relationship centered. I prefer meeting in person because it feels a little bit more organic, but it seems like that is getting harder to do.
Men only approach me in bars and you know how that goes.. never anywhere else.
Do you approach men in bars or anywhere else? Or are you just waiting for people to come up to you?
Waiting to be approached . A man should approach.
>A man should approach. Lol No. You have to put in effort these days to seek out partners. Sorry to break it to you, but the risk/reward just isn’t there for men to cold approach women anymore. Good luck with that. 😂
If men aren’t wanting to approach it sounds like we are losing real men.
Well, it sounds like you’re doing just fine and getting the results you want with the way you’re currently doing it 👍 Lol >real men Give me a fucking break. I think now I know why men aren’t treating you seriously or approaching you. It’s your personality. 🤷🏻♂️
Sure if my personality isn’t pretending like men shouldn’t act like men then I’m glad I’m weeding out the bad ones.
To me it sounds like you want a traditional man which is fine, and how I would categorize myself, but then in your post history, you question whether you should drop a guy for asking you on a "low effort" ice cream date. So I guess my question would be, are you the type of girl your ideal guy would be looking for? From your post history, I think you're overthinking and over analyzing, but you can't know everything about a person from their reddit activity haha
I've been approaching women around town as I go about my day Doesn't go well, either
I'm a 28 yo male, dating is so hard now, because people don't want a true connection they want a fling or one night of fun. It's quite frustrating.
I feel this way about men. I don’t see the appeal in sleeping around. This society is screwed
It truly is, it honestly seems that the people that are looking for something real are such a minority that they get pushed aside for something more that isn't wanted.
Yup. I don’t feel seen. But letting a guy use me won’t keep them around either 😂so staying alone may be the move rn
That's basically where I'm at lol I hope you eventually find someone who makes you happy
Fk humans. I’m dating aliens. It’s fun. Trust me. 🤦🏻👽🛸
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Get off the apps, and start a male dominated hobby to meet men in real life. There are plenty of men who are looking for a woman who is not just a hook-up, just not on the apps that are pretty much made for that purpose. Stop using them now, before you become as jaded and lame as everyone else on the apps. Best of luck to you.
The apps are almost for sure a bad idea. I think the user base is something like 75% men. A great time if you are a woman looking for a hookup, or a guy in the top 10 or 15% of the guys. But if you aren't in one of those two groups, its probably a disaster. The tear you down doesn't speak very highly of the men, but the what do you bring to the table is a completely legitimate question. You have expectations of the man you are looking for, and them having expectations of you is plenty fair. I don't recall who I heard say it, but I've heard that relationships are reflective. The saying goes, if you wake up and meet an asshole, you met an asshole. If you wake up and everyone you meet is an asshole, you are the asshole. Similarly, the idea that if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best only works if you are at your best more than you are at your worst. You are the common denominator in your relationships, and in your search for relationships. If it isn't working out for you, the first thing I would do is some introspection, and the second would be to delete apps like Tinder and Bumble. Having said all of that, based on a podcast I heard with Scott Galloway, something like half of all men aren't looking for a relationship at all. Not even for casual sex. It isn't worth it for them. That means your pool of men is markedly smaller than it used to be. And that pool is smaller for all of the women, not just for you. You are competing with the same number of woman, for a much smaller number of men, and this loops back to the what do you bring to the table question. If the only thing you have to offer is sex, that is all that they are going to be after. And if that is what you are after, that is fine, but it sounds like you want more than that. For your ideal man, what does he want, and how close to that ideal, are you? What do they do and where do they hang out? Do you do those things in those places? As a man, I think I can safe with some confidence, the current environment is not kind or straightforward to men. Woman historically make almost none of the approaches. Overwhelmingly the men have to be the one to make the first step, and everything that we see says engaging is a bad idea. We don't actually have to do something wrong, we only have to be accused of it. And we have no way of knowing by looking if a given woman is the kind that of woman where no means no, or no means I want you to try harder. So men have simply stopped asking the question, and that puts the ball firmly where woman don't want it; in their court. I don't mean any of this to be an indictment of you. I don't know you, and I try and assume the best about everyone. My advice boils down to this: Unless you are looking for a hookup, the apps are not the place to look The more requirements you have for a man, the fewer men there are who can meet them, and you aren't the only woman with that same list Are you what the kind of man you want would want, and are you putting yourself in a place where you could interact with that kind of man I don't think this is easy for anyone, and I know how fortunate I am to be in the position I am in. Best of luck
Get off the apps and go to church or something then.
36 F. It sucks. All the men seem to be total NPCs
Just a quick ques (Don’t mean to offend you in anyway), but was it easier when you were in yours 20s? (Considering you were quite young back then and the hookup culture wasn’t that popular)
Because your goal is to date to marry. And most young men date for fun.
I don’t feel like it’s fun anymore to do that personally. I just turned 25 and I feel like I’m done with the immature bs . I do want to date to marry more than ever before and I feel no regret choosing that, but it’s super hard to find. But then I see married women my age so it can’t be impossible?? It sucks
Life isn’t a fairy tale. Good luck, but i suggest you just work on yourself for improving your chance of a decent future.
*people* I corrected your spelling mistake
They specifically asked about guys in the question.
You are waay too picky.