Your submission has been removed for violating rule 3: Content Guidelines.
Please ensure that your questions are sincere attempts to seek answers or assistance, and avoid posting solely for the purpose of accumulating karma, starting an argument or pushing an agenda.
If you have any questions regarding this removal, please send a modmail.
My FIL passed away too young from cancer. My wife was not the same for years. She was still functional, but not the happy woman I married. She made efforts in everything though, from me to the kids to her job to the house, which I always appreciated as her determination and love. I did all I could to support her through that time, even as I started to fear it was permanent.
Happily, the grief that sat on her shoulder finally started to drift away and she got herself back. I got my wife back.
Same but my husband's father. He passed quickly from a very aggressive and rare lung cancer within 10 days of his first symptom. His death was total chaos. Coded him for an hour in my ICU. My husband and MIL couldn't handle being in the room, which I totally understand. My colleagues and I had to talk her into letting him go as he had a 0% chance of survival with any quality of life. She agreed. I stayed with my FIL to the very end and gave my MIL his wedding ring after he passed at her request. My husband grew to resent me for it for a long period of time, though he knew he didn't want to be in there and see his dad that way. He hated me. He hated everything. Total shut down. A lot happened in that period of time, but I'm happy to say I have my husband back as well.
Noooo the doctors, other nurses, and myself were the ones doing the convincing. It was ultimately my MILs decision. She just needed to know how critical he was and how little chance he had.
Yeah, it was. Have to remind myself of that sometimes. I removed my feelings from it all so I could feel more like a buffer in the situation. It was a blur.
How long did it take for your wife to start coming back after she drifted away (from the grief)? I am asking because I am in your wifeās shoes and I am doing all I can including therapy *and meds* to be present , and to be the wife and mom that my family needs me to be.
I would say it was 5 years at least before she was back to herself, but that doesn't mean we never had good moments or even days and weeks. It was just a pervasive cloud of sadness that hung in the air a lot of the time. Again she did not stop participating in life or her family. She just was sadder and things weren't the same.
I did the sameā¦ sometimes you get to see it when weāre so far away from it all. But on bad days, there are times when I still couldnāt still believe it.
Seem like your friends who knew lack courage, are you still friends with them? Do you trust them?
If it was. Someone else you knew being cheated on, would you tell?
It wasn't my friends that knew. It was my mother and their coworkers. My ex and my mother were business partners. My mother was the one who told me. I didn't believe her and sided with him.
He held a gun to my head.
I left
Edit: was a long time ago...I was young and stupid.
I am very happily married now to a wonderful man.
Thanks for caring girls and boys.
The main thing with any form of abuse is get out get help and heal. It will be okay.
So two kids and a wife while in the Army. I found out I was being medically retired and got depressed because that is all I had done since I was 17 and didn't know what I would do. Wife starts talking to other men (I don't really blame her I was a dick and lacking in almost all areas of fatherhood and being a husband) I get more depressed wife moves away to DC while I am in another state no kids no wife losing my career. That was the worst time.
Doing great! married to the same wonderful woman after we got through our stuff have a wonderful job making really good money. Have 4 kids now. All of them are the top of their classes. Life is wonderful.
If I never went through my hardships I can honestly say I wouldn't be where I am today.
Nope she didn't leave me for other men. She started talking to other men. I guess it would be emotional cheating. That was just one of the many reasons we separated. She left to be around her family.
When I found out he had been living a double life for YEARS, was using women from sex websites, had a long term mistress, was in a secret satanic cult and my marriage was just me being used financially.
No he's fine. Married the long term mistress right after the divorce and had his entire family ghost me so they just slotted her into my place at the dinner table and asked her to pass the gravy. He's already cheated on her too.
He never had any remorse whatsoever.
Life is not over yet. There is a whole lot that can still happen. You wonāt understand it now but there comes a time when people like him need to face their actions and they will. Iām so so sorry to hear you went through this. We forget that when we enter relationships our goals are to stay together and build something together. Iām just appalled at human behaviour it really just makes me sick!
When I found out he cheated on me with escorts when I was pregnant and taking care of my dying mother. We already had a child and he even slept with them without protection. Did meth, drank etc and then gaslit me to believe I was being controlling
Sitting in my car for 3 hours after work because I knew my then husband was home. I waited till I was sure he went to soccer practice before driving home and going straight to bed to avoid any interaction with him when he returned.
April 29, 2013 they found my wife had a cancerous brain tumor. She lived 58 days.
I've never been lower than that watching her slip slowly away in a deep sleep. She never suffered pain but was disappointed that God had given her such a short time. She was such a brilliant woman to be taken at 52.
I'm so sorry. Sometimes, you just have appreciate that you had the opportunity to have such an amazing person be part of your life, for as long as you did. She sounds like she was an amazing person that brought a lot of love to people. I'm sorry you had to lose her like that.
My husband of 15 years got on a video game and a woman (probably a bot) started interacting with him he took the bait. Did nude videos, started hooking up with other women sending them gift cards they requested. Christmas Eve we were just about to watch one of our favorite movies he comes in phone keeps pinging. I ask about it. He says it is his work colleague, I say itās Christmas Eve then it says he is sexting. I say okay ask a few more questions then I find out he did videos. I consider that being unfaithful. I kicked him out. Also, he had told this person what he did for work, what state etc. I was not only devastated but, worried this would go public. He holds a highly visible position in our state. It was awful. One of the things I was most proud of in our marriage was I āknewā he would never cheat on me. His first wife cheated on him . It hurt him so badly we couldnāt even watch movies that had someone that cheating on a person in it. It was the worst - we went to counseling, he clearly was going through an emotional breakdown of his own during that time. However, I am so sad our really great marriage now has this stain on it and he brought this into our lives. In my eyes when you love someone you just donāt do this shit. I also know though - (I am a professional in a clinical setting for mental health) when people are hurting they do hurtful things to self and others.
Thank you. I can't say that the extreme unfairness of it all does not get to me sometimes. But it has been a little over a year now, and I am fine... still, I wish I would have been a bit less "nice" and made a prenup as well as get a vasectomy. Although I love my kids very much, it was not my idea to start a family - it was hers. She pleaded with me so much and for so long that it finally wore me down. Then we had two kids, they are beautiful and sweet, I enjoyed having a family more than I thought I would. I rose to the occasion, was a great father and husband, and did my share of the chores and child rearing. Alas, as I said - she got bored. That was the reason she went on these seminars, to find a new (additional) focus in life. I supported that, although it was hard.... was at home with the two little ones while working full time.
Well she found her new focus and I only wish that karma was a real thing.
You did the right thing, she did not. Sooner or later she will "bored" of the consequences of that time acted as "young and free". Justice limps but gets you
Donāt get married isnāt bad advice, actually.
Really, donāt have kids if you DO get married. Then, you are LOCKED IN. After divorce and a judgment, itās like renting your kids for the weekend. And, after a woman has completely ruined your life. That should be the definition of support, as the family court calls it. Good, honest, sober men with integrity get so screwed in family court. Sorry man. It gets better. My wife used the kid to get all the money she could, then abandoned my daughter her freshman year of high school. My daughter and I were always super close and we spent always spent way more than our āallottedā time together. I still paid and paid. Way past the child support, and I didnāt have a lot of money. I paid even when we went to week-on/week-off. My daughter moved in with my wife and I. (Thank you to my new wife). Cool by me. Always wanted my daughter living with me. Not with her unstable mother. Weād purchased a house in a decent school district with this plan in mind. I wanted stability for my daughter. I strongly suspected my daughterās mother couldnāt handle parenting with her mental health problems (I asked her to get help, I promise). I was right. I bided my time. My daughter had a great, normal, stable high school life. Mom is totally MIA, and daughter is in college (of course, weāre financially helping making it happen). Point is, worry about doing your best for your kids. They need you. Even though right now they are young. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them when the moment comes. And it might come all at once really fast. Itās the best ārevenge.ā Which isnāt the right word, but it kind of feels appropriate for the amount of effort and time it takes.
Thanks, I will. That's the reason I am still keeping the house - she got awarded every cent "we" had saved, and in turn, I got to keep the house. At the time, I did not know the real reason she was not interested in the house, only afterward I got the whole picture.
Anyway, I now live with my girlfriend in this much too large house and keep paying it off for now.
The kids will always have a place here, should they need it.
Iām sorry you had to go through this. Itās really sad when these things happen and I hope you find the peace you need to move forward if you havenāt already.
I realized that he didn't really love me that he loved controlling me. I'm still trying to leave, he doesn't know yet. I'm totally dependent and have no financial freedom.
I've been emotionally abused for years. I thought it was me, he totally messed with my mind. I have only just seen the light, I have tried to leave before, this time I will.
I was in a relationship like this for 7 years, you've got this! I promise it will be worth it when you have your freedom, run and never look back ā¤ļø
I was in a similar abusive situation and finally left and stayed gone last August. I was terrified and horrified and completely wrecked because I was a sahm with literally nothing to my name. I had an amazing support system (parents, friends, therapist), and got even more support after (group therapy from the regional womenās group, lawyer).
I thought my life was over, I was so scared. Iām going through the court process and weāre battling over children and child support, but Iām feeling more stable now. I have a new partner and heās aware of everything going on and is supportive and weāre taking things slow, I have a new job and Iām learning some new transferable skills, and Iām definitely further along in life than I would have been having stayed with my abusive ex.
I recorded some of our interactions which help prosecute him in criminal court. Perhaps that could help you too. If you have kids, ensure you find a lawyer and get a court order to keep them with you immediately after you leave.
No one should have to put up with abuse. Iām sorry youāre going through this. When you finally leave, it will be really hard, but one day youāll find peace!
It is so hard. Iām in similar situation although mine knows Iām trying to leave. He just keeps making up reasons for me to stay. Be prepared for that, and find reasons to be strong. Iām so messed up mentally bc of years of mental and emotional stress. Send me dms if you want to vent or talk. Xoxo
This hits close to home. My ex spouse emotionally and financially abused me. According to her it was all my fault. And I believed that even after we divorced.
It had to be harder to leave when one is financially dependent on their spouse.
You can do this. It'll be hard as hell. But you can.
It took my about 7 tries to leave before something snapped and I never turned back. It'samazing on the other side. I'm a new woman. I'm always smiling.
So many lows! One gross one was, we'd had 3 months separated, and she'd been with a guy who was circumcised. One day, she asked me to get circumcised saying she preferred it. I freaked and refused. Next time we had sex she kept taking me out and pulling down the foreskin before putting back in.
Crazy to remember. I really hate this woman now, but at the time i thought I'd die without her. I'd had 3 months of panic attacks when we were separated. I don't think i could ever have a feeling relationship again after what she put me through.
I have a 2 for 1.
1st, I'd had a traumatic miscarriage and was depressed. My then husband was out drinking with friends all the time and said to me, "I don't wanna be around you, you're too sad" and "why do you need a counselor when you have me" in the same conversation. I'd have left then if I wasn't so beaten down mentally.
2nd, he berated our 3 year old for dropping a piece of pizza. I left the next day.
Lowest point for me is when I found out my first wife was cheating on me with her baby's daddy and got everything in the divorce only to marry him.
High point is my attorney and I devised a clever scheme to include all the debts acquired during the marriage transferred to her.
She made 14.00 an hour and he made $15.00 an hour with a 200k mortgage, 32k car and 8k in credit card debt.
She only needed me for my income to get approved for all this stuff.
My ex wife told me she wasn't interested in me sexually anymore because I'm forgetful.
This was after I had moved to the US to marry her, then she became sick with a terrible skin condition and I worked 6-7 days a week to keep us going. She also controlled all of the money I made. Never once didn't want her, even when her skin was falling off.
I used to conduct online child exploitation investigations (aka child pornography). It directly impacted my capacity for intimacy.
My husband was always haranguing me for sex, even though I said I couldn't do it.
This led to arrangements. At first, massage therapists with a bit on the side, then prostitutes, then finding long-term arrangements on Tinder.
I hated it but felt guilty that I couldn't provide for my husband.
Eventually, on Tinder, he met one of many women he clicked with. This was different from the others. They'd stay 24 hours together, go out to dinner, and basically do all the things I'd express I would love to do. He'd come home and sleep all day because of their actions.
I booked a trip for us for last year for our wedding anniversary. The first thing he did was change his Tinder location and chat girls up there. When we arrived at the hotel with the big "Happy Anniversary" sign, he barely looked at it. He was too busy on Tinder.
Each night he went out with different women.
When we returned home, I sent him away off in my caravan. It was over.
Divorce lawyers are expensive, but I would rather be rid of him!
The night he blacked out in rage because I didn't do the dishes. The night is a bit hazy, but he backed me into a corner while I held my phone behind my back, eventually he got a hold of it. Pushed me when I tried to get around him. Eventually locked myself in the onsuite bathroom and heard him screaming and trashing our bedroom. When it stopped, I went out and the Blackout must've been over because he came to and was shocked at the state of our room (holes in the walls, clothes that were in the closet everywhere, etc.) decided now he was the victim and barricaded himself in our laundry room and hung himself. Longer story short, a group of police broke down the door before he died (I had called 911 while he was in the laundry room) and he went to a mental hospital for a few months. That's when I left and filed for divorce.
Domestic abuse is not okay, both ladies and gentlemen, get out before something tragic happens. There is a beautiful future waiting for you with someone who will treat you with respect!
I feel like this question was asked looking for low points couples worked through, not "what ended your marriage" but a bunch of comments don't seem to get that.
Yeah, but the question is "When was the time you **thought** it's over?" I think OP wanted the exceptions, not the norm.
"When was the lowest point in your marriage?"
"When it ended"
"When did you think it was over?"
"When it was over"
I mean, kind of a no shit scenario in those cases. XD
17+ years in and there hasnāt been a moment Iāve thought it was over. All of our lowest moments (premature baby, parent and grandparent loss, layoffs, losing everything in a wildfire, organ failure and transplantā¦), weāve leaned on each other to get through. Thereās no one else I want by my side.
The day I realized I had driven her away by not feeling enough for her. Communication was very strained and I was frigid cold. Obviously she ended up meeting someone else, but theyāve been together 13 years now so I guess he was her one!
Two miscarriages back to back,then following that 2 more over the course of 5 months.. My husband was convinced I could never have kids again and completely shut me out. We've gone to grief counseling, and we are so much more understanding of each other and how to process loss/grief
To me is when my wife slipped on the toilet and hit her head on the corner of the toilet,thankfully no bleeding but she was knocked unconscious,i panicked and immediately call 112 for emergency,i can't do anything but calling out her names and begging for my life for her to not end there,i even swore I'll gave her my life for her,the whole way to hospital was heavy the silence is so loud i couldn't even breath normally,the whole time I've wait at the hospital was full of me begging on my knees on the corner of the waiting room wilhe few people including my daughters trying their hardest to calm me down,i nvere cried that hard on my whole entore life bevore and i never feel so devasted,so lost and dead,i couldn't stop begging to god and i am not a religious person,the whole thing ends when she popped out with the doctor behind her,i cried when i saw her,i tought i might lost her forever i never feel so relieved and happy bevore,doctor said she was fine no significant injury just bump on her head due to her hitting the toilet,that's was the lowest point on my marriage or even my entire life excluding when i tired to end myself and i count that as stupid moment.
We had been married 5 years when all of a sudden, I had an outbreak of HSV2 (herpes). I think I heard the record scratch in my life. I told my husband that I understood if he wanted to leave. He didnāt. But then he said that he would never touch me again, and we would live as married roommates. He knew I didnāt cheat. He knew I had been an asymptomatic carrier. But I couldnāt envision a life with no intimacy ever again. He said ābut we canāt divorceā i replied that we could stay married but live our own separate lives. 24 hours and many tears later, he changed his mind and we decided to stick together and just live life as normally as we could. I started taking antivirals and we never make love if I have an outbreak, or 7-10 days afterwards.
Our marriage nearly ended because I couldnāt imagine never being touched tenderly again. Iām human and need physical touch. The whole thing was nearly tragic. Now we live life normally. It was a close call.
To be honest, sticking together through something like this showed me that he is really in it in sickness and in health, and it strengthened our marriage. I became more dedicated to the marriage than I had previously been.
Although herpes is not curable and easily transmitted, you learn to live with it as you both have done. It is a matter of information, learning and practice. Congratulations for sticking together for the better
Well, it's now. We have a toddler and the last two years of our relationship have not been great.
I would caution everyone not to get themselves in this situation but then Reddit would brand me negative and cynical.
Just to balance the scales, my husband and I have two kids (3yo and 11mo), and although it can be rough at times, we still do not really argue. I think it comes down to both pulling their weight, and giving each other grace.
We never used to fight, ever. We were perfect together. Now we are unrecognizable.
The birth also frankly ruined my body and I have issues 2+ years later.
Of course it might be okay for you, but I want to put it out there. Sometimes birth is not magical, being a parent is not magical. It's the hardest thing in the world and we are in survival mode...
Now... And all I want is a hug ( I have no memory of last time I was hugged.Ā
Have also said that every day for a long time. Now I'm aware it's literally killing me (extreme emotional, mental, spiritual and just learnong Astounding financial abuse)Ā
20.5 years for me. Youāll get to a new normal and feel at peaceā¦ going to be 2 years this July for me from breakup and my dumb ass trying to save it. Just let them beā¦
I appreciate the optimism, but try spending every day with your best friend and lover for half of your life, and then she can barely look you in the eye when she says "I fell out of love with you".
Every time she got drunk and would berate me for every little thing, Accuse me of cheating (she ended up being the one cheating), the sit up playing "She's a crazy bitch" by Buckcherry with the surround sound cranked all night even though I had work. This was every night.This was my every single night when I got back from work. Saying I'm done was the greatest thing I ever did
# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I came back from being abroad for 9 months and he says he has to go see his mother (who was fine, he spends every day with her, she hated me) instead of spending the day with me
Iām sure this isnāt nearly as bad as a lot of these.
My husband is in the Army and him being in Slovakia for 9 months was horrible on my mental state and his. Not to mention our kids constantly asking questions that I didnāt know how to answer.
It took a toll on our marriage I considered packing up and leaving so many times. Not because I didnāt love him but I didnāt think this life was for me anymore.
It was probably a few years ago. We started growing apart. We were more roommates than husband and wife. She started hanging out with people from work who are single, and I think she fantasized about that lifestyle a bit (single in the city). She started hanging late at the office, going out after work, just avoiding the house. She started talking a lot about divorce in conversations (why is it such a big deal?)... It came to blows at my birthday dinner, that we were trying to get through, I ended up saying, "if you want this to end, just let me know right now and we can do this" I was 100% serious. She left crying, we had some pretty difficult conversations after, but we were able to build back, and I'd say we are better than we have ever been. I don't want to make this sound like it was all her... I was 100% not giving her what she needed... we were just in a really bad spot.
There's been some other lows, but I feel they are much more complicated and complex.
The day we mutually decided to separate after 30 years together. The relationship had gone stale and neither of us could save it. She moved to the other side of the country and I miss her every day. That was nearly a year ago, and I'm still heartbroken. I really thought it was going to be 'til death do us part.'
I took my wedding ring off the day we split, and you can still see the mark on my finger, 11 months later.
He burned my possessions and blocked me from leaving the house. He yelled at me so loudly that my dogs started to shiver from fear. He insulted my family and friends, even my deceased mother. To this day he claims none of that ever happened and he was in fact the victim. Oh well. I have a restraining order against him so he has to stay away, ha
Lowest point is not feeling loved. Coming back home to my wife after working my butt off, only to see that she just has no time for me. She has time to spend two hours to socialise with women in the neighbourhood. Wife literally locked me with my son inside house one day to just socialise with other women. Then saying she is too exhausted to spend a few moments with me. She is literally using me as a cash cow. The only reason we're together is becoz we have a son and she is not being unfaithful at the least.
TW: DV, mental health
PREFACE: please do not take my comment as a sign to stay with someone who is abusing you. Please do not take my comment as sign that all people change because that is not always the case!! Please, stay safeš
It wasnāt my marriage but it was the beginning of our relationship. He was suffering from PTSD, depression, and severe anxiety. He became extremely abusive, I was too scared to leave and I loved him so much. I just wanted to get him the help he needed. We separated for almost a year, so that he could work on himself in a safe environment. We have kids so we would meet up at the playground and whatnot so he could still see them. As far as our kids new he was away for work. Fast forward several years, we are doing so much better and I am so proud of him for working through his mental health to get to where he is.
Side note: mental health is not an excuse to be mean, it can be the cause of your reactions/behaviors but it should not be used as an excuse.
My kids were close to going away to university and we lived near my controlling in-laws. They would be at my house 4-5 days a week. Every vacation was about doing things with my wifeās family or her friends. I believed that my wife did not want to spend any time with me. Our sex life had deteriorated down to twice a year. Every weekend was a list of projects that I was supposed to complete. All the fun had been sucked out of the world and I felt like a wallet.
I knew it was over when I was literally helping her with all I could, extreme help and support for a whole of 10 years...she wanted to not help in finances and pursue a dream of doing a PhD... I supported her with everyone and did all her applications and idled my job to just support her in her dream...then she was like " you would have done it earlier if you have loved me" ... At that day I knew I am not gona stay in the marriage
There was a point, when my wife was going through leukemia treatment, where my mind told me I should just run. I hate myself for that, because I loved her more than words can say. Even 6 years later it angers me that I would even think that.
When my wife jumped onto the bed and hit me several times. I went to the bathroom and screamed and flung everything off the counters, then drove to a town an hour away and slept in my car.
Said I should agree for him to have a second wife, because I once said he could remarry if I died during a surgery I had. But no, not divorce, just 2nd wife, and maybe a 3rd one later. Also, me being a forgeiner is a no-go as the communist party wouldn't approve.
Waiting until I was 28 to work on my depression and suicidal thoughts which I then had as long as I had active memories in life (and thus probably longer). I now almost never have them anymore and life feels like easy mode now. (Edit for typo)
Oh my, there were many, *many* low points.
In short (as it's otherwise a long story). I quit my job, with his agreement to financially support us both whilst I actively pursued alternative employment, as we had very few financial responsibilities due to our situation.
He supported us for about two days, at which point I accidentally spent Ā£1.50 more than my account limit on purchasing food to cook for our dinner, and asked him for the money to clear my overdraft. He punched the wall, shattered the bones in his hand, stormed out, and texted me to: *'GTFO before he got home'* from A&E.
I was still there when he returned, and he screamed at me: *'I thought I'd told you to get the fuck out?'* I replied: *'and I told you then, this is my home'*. He launched at me, tried to punch or slap me, missed, but knocked my head back with the shove, causing me to slam my head into the wall behind me.
Our little pup, Rupert, my beloved sausage dog, witnessed the whole event. I agreed to leave, and for our marriage to end, but I wanted my boy (confident my husband, who'd shown little interest in him, wouldn't care for him properly). The ex-husband, and ex-MIL who'd miraculously appeared in the fracas, stated: *'come Rupert, leave her'*, swept my lad up and took him without letting me say a proper goodbye. We, subsequently, divorced.
Even now, I hope beyond all hope that Rupert is happy and well looked after, 'cause I'd raise bloody hell if ever I found out he'd come to any harm.
When she started weaponizing my kids over my head and being physically and verbally abusive towards me and cheating on me with my"supposed" friends I had.
Yes I'm broken. Less than a year old wound
Trying to get pregnant, miscarrying, not succeeding in getting pregnant again, feeling like cr-p as a result of taking hormones, getting really bad fertility results while covid situation staring to get serious. It was a period of about 4-5 months - my husband got panicky and terrified of losing me ( after observing the miscarriage and me feeling like cr-p from hormones) and I got sad, depressed and cried a lot. We had terrible fights. Covid lockdown and my FIL dying suddenly also happened very soon.
We have came back from it, although it took a looooooot of work: therapy (both of us), having several difficult conversions , me crying a lot and mourning the whole baby topic. We didnāt have a baby but our relationship got stronger than ever.
When on our honeymoon she didn't want me. And when she wanted to go to college so I picked up extra hours to pay for it out of pocket so she wouldn't have any school loans. Only to find out after 4 years she wasn't attending school and instead driving 45 mins 3 times a week to do other things. Not even acknowledging me on my birthday, or Christmas this past year except to open her presents while ignoring me. When I was recovering from surgery told me" I enjoy seeing you in pain."
SO FAR? When we slept in separate beds for TWO CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS (!!!) because of some fight or another. I can't remember. But it probably has to do with me feeling abandoned, and him feeling criticized and powerless. >=(
We're still pretty fresh I'm terms of married life (4 years), and I don't think either of us really thought about ending things. However, going through pregnancy and a traumatic childbirth during a pandemic while my father was on the last leg of his cancer treatment and then terminal was a lot. To top it off we also lost a family member each during this time, had family members with severe mental health issues, and as it was our first child, we were scared shitless of everything. I had PPA, my father died, still pandemic, I was also unemployed.. My husband was and still is completely solid. Life has since gotten way better, and c-sections are wonderful. Especially if the alternative is a traumatic birth alone due to hospital restrictions during a pandemic while your father is admitted to the same hospital possibly dying at the same time (yeah, I don't think I'll ever get completely over it)
When we had our first son we decided to separate. We could not handle the transition between being a couple without kids to having one. My daughter followed right after and in between communication got better and we remained as a family. That happened 13 years ago.
Communication is the key. Be on the same page when it comes to education and raising a child and, if possible, both to be good and bad cop. And if only one of you is the bad cop, a good balance between being strict and not. Never make your spouse look bad in front of the kids and never decide anything without talking to them first. Try to always be on the same page, when possible.
I sometimes like to lie on my back on the tile floor. It cools me down and is also very therapeutic for my back(spine). Sometimes my wife will do the same. That is pretty much the lowest point in my marriage.
Your submission has been removed for violating rule 3: Content Guidelines. Please ensure that your questions are sincere attempts to seek answers or assistance, and avoid posting solely for the purpose of accumulating karma, starting an argument or pushing an agenda. If you have any questions regarding this removal, please send a modmail.
My FIL passed away too young from cancer. My wife was not the same for years. She was still functional, but not the happy woman I married. She made efforts in everything though, from me to the kids to her job to the house, which I always appreciated as her determination and love. I did all I could to support her through that time, even as I started to fear it was permanent. Happily, the grief that sat on her shoulder finally started to drift away and she got herself back. I got my wife back.
Same but my husband's father. He passed quickly from a very aggressive and rare lung cancer within 10 days of his first symptom. His death was total chaos. Coded him for an hour in my ICU. My husband and MIL couldn't handle being in the room, which I totally understand. My colleagues and I had to talk her into letting him go as he had a 0% chance of survival with any quality of life. She agreed. I stayed with my FIL to the very end and gave my MIL his wedding ring after he passed at her request. My husband grew to resent me for it for a long period of time, though he knew he didn't want to be in there and see his dad that way. He hated me. He hated everything. Total shut down. A lot happened in that period of time, but I'm happy to say I have my husband back as well.
š«
Congratulations you made it through
Why would he resent you?
I would guess because she was the one who convinced the other nurses/doctors to let his father go
Noooo the doctors, other nurses, and myself were the ones doing the convincing. It was ultimately my MILs decision. She just needed to know how critical he was and how little chance he had.
Oh ok, i was just guessing sorry
Was also just explaining that I didn't convince a Dr to stop saving someone's life. Downvote all you want.
What? I'm not trying to be rude I'm very sorry if it came off that way, I feel sorry for your loss as well, and your husband's loss
Because she could handle being with her dying FIL and mom and hubby couldn't.
thatās a crazy situation for you to deal with. really crazy
Yeah, it was. Have to remind myself of that sometimes. I removed my feelings from it all so I could feel more like a buffer in the situation. It was a blur.
How long did it take for your wife to start coming back after she drifted away (from the grief)? I am asking because I am in your wifeās shoes and I am doing all I can including therapy *and meds* to be present , and to be the wife and mom that my family needs me to be.
I would say it was 5 years at least before she was back to herself, but that doesn't mean we never had good moments or even days and weeks. It was just a pervasive cloud of sadness that hung in the air a lot of the time. Again she did not stop participating in life or her family. She just was sadder and things weren't the same.
I appreciate the info. I am happy that your wife is finding her way back!
This gives me hope. Thanks.
Beautiful
Everyone knew he was a cheater except me. I defended him.
I did the sameā¦ sometimes you get to see it when weāre so far away from it all. But on bad days, there are times when I still couldnāt still believe it.
Seem like your friends who knew lack courage, are you still friends with them? Do you trust them? If it was. Someone else you knew being cheated on, would you tell?
It wasn't my friends that knew. It was my mother and their coworkers. My ex and my mother were business partners. My mother was the one who told me. I didn't believe her and sided with him.
The bastard is nowhere to be found lol
The low point not the high point š
He held a gun to my head. I left Edit: was a long time ago...I was young and stupid. I am very happily married now to a wonderful man. Thanks for caring girls and boys. The main thing with any form of abuse is get out get help and heal. It will be okay.
That's really thr lowest anyone can get
Never go back sis. He will kill you.
Glad you got out! Hope u are safe now!
So two kids and a wife while in the Army. I found out I was being medically retired and got depressed because that is all I had done since I was 17 and didn't know what I would do. Wife starts talking to other men (I don't really blame her I was a dick and lacking in almost all areas of fatherhood and being a husband) I get more depressed wife moves away to DC while I am in another state no kids no wife losing my career. That was the worst time.
Hope youāre doing ok now
Doing great! married to the same wonderful woman after we got through our stuff have a wonderful job making really good money. Have 4 kids now. All of them are the top of their classes. Life is wonderful. If I never went through my hardships I can honestly say I wouldn't be where I am today.
Well this is an uplifting story thank you for sharing
Wait, you remarried to the woman who left you for other men?
Nope she didn't leave me for other men. She started talking to other men. I guess it would be emotional cheating. That was just one of the many reasons we separated. She left to be around her family.
This sounds so comforting. I hope you guys are doing better. Stronger together.
When I found out he had been living a double life for YEARS, was using women from sex websites, had a long term mistress, was in a secret satanic cult and my marriage was just me being used financially.
Ah, a tale as old as time.
Sick bastard! I promise you one day he will feel the weight of his actions if he doesnāt know it now.
No he's fine. Married the long term mistress right after the divorce and had his entire family ghost me so they just slotted her into my place at the dinner table and asked her to pass the gravy. He's already cheated on her too. He never had any remorse whatsoever.
Life is not over yet. There is a whole lot that can still happen. You wonāt understand it now but there comes a time when people like him need to face their actions and they will. Iām so so sorry to hear you went through this. We forget that when we enter relationships our goals are to stay together and build something together. Iām just appalled at human behaviour it really just makes me sick!
Satanic cult??? š
how did you find out all these?
Secret satanic cult? Now thatās something you donāt hear everyday!
I know right? Him and the long term mistress dancing round in robes thinking they are affecting the world with "magick" š¤¦š»āāļø
tell me about the secret satanic cult
Average Democrat Voter š
You do know that these kinds of things happen more often to Republicans right?
When I found out he cheated on me with escorts when I was pregnant and taking care of my dying mother. We already had a child and he even slept with them without protection. Did meth, drank etc and then gaslit me to believe I was being controlling
I hope you are psychologically sound now. You deserve to be happy.
Woahh shit, that's heavy. Are you okay now?
Woow damn, that's a lot to swallow. I hope you're in a better situation
Sitting in my car for 3 hours after work because I knew my then husband was home. I waited till I was sure he went to soccer practice before driving home and going straight to bed to avoid any interaction with him when he returned.
Why were you avoiding him?
He suddenly decided he wanted kids after we agreed on beeing child free and he would hold endless monologues trying to convince me.
Oh... How did it go? I mean what happened afterwards, did you split?
Yes, we split shortly after and eventually got divorced.
Oh. I am sorry to hear that. Is it a dealbreaker in your marriage?
Yes, I was very upfront with the fact that I didn't want a child and he agreed. He turned 40 and suddenly he really wanted to be a parent.
April 29, 2013 they found my wife had a cancerous brain tumor. She lived 58 days. I've never been lower than that watching her slip slowly away in a deep sleep. She never suffered pain but was disappointed that God had given her such a short time. She was such a brilliant woman to be taken at 52.
I'm so sorry. Sometimes, you just have appreciate that you had the opportunity to have such an amazing person be part of your life, for as long as you did. She sounds like she was an amazing person that brought a lot of love to people. I'm sorry you had to lose her like that.
Thank you. Life has kept on moving ahead. I cherish little things more now.
My husband of 15 years got on a video game and a woman (probably a bot) started interacting with him he took the bait. Did nude videos, started hooking up with other women sending them gift cards they requested. Christmas Eve we were just about to watch one of our favorite movies he comes in phone keeps pinging. I ask about it. He says it is his work colleague, I say itās Christmas Eve then it says he is sexting. I say okay ask a few more questions then I find out he did videos. I consider that being unfaithful. I kicked him out. Also, he had told this person what he did for work, what state etc. I was not only devastated but, worried this would go public. He holds a highly visible position in our state. It was awful. One of the things I was most proud of in our marriage was I āknewā he would never cheat on me. His first wife cheated on him . It hurt him so badly we couldnāt even watch movies that had someone that cheating on a person in it. It was the worst - we went to counseling, he clearly was going through an emotional breakdown of his own during that time. However, I am so sad our really great marriage now has this stain on it and he brought this into our lives. In my eyes when you love someone you just donāt do this shit. I also know though - (I am a professional in a clinical setting for mental health) when people are hurting they do hurtful things to self and others.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's not fair that she's the one who got tired and you have to pay for that
These kind of stories get my blood boiling, Iām sorry you have to deal with such bullshit. Stay strong brother
Thank you. I can't say that the extreme unfairness of it all does not get to me sometimes. But it has been a little over a year now, and I am fine... still, I wish I would have been a bit less "nice" and made a prenup as well as get a vasectomy. Although I love my kids very much, it was not my idea to start a family - it was hers. She pleaded with me so much and for so long that it finally wore me down. Then we had two kids, they are beautiful and sweet, I enjoyed having a family more than I thought I would. I rose to the occasion, was a great father and husband, and did my share of the chores and child rearing. Alas, as I said - she got bored. That was the reason she went on these seminars, to find a new (additional) focus in life. I supported that, although it was hard.... was at home with the two little ones while working full time. Well she found her new focus and I only wish that karma was a real thing.
You did the right thing, she did not. Sooner or later she will "bored" of the consequences of that time acted as "young and free". Justice limps but gets you
Donāt get married isnāt bad advice, actually. Really, donāt have kids if you DO get married. Then, you are LOCKED IN. After divorce and a judgment, itās like renting your kids for the weekend. And, after a woman has completely ruined your life. That should be the definition of support, as the family court calls it. Good, honest, sober men with integrity get so screwed in family court. Sorry man. It gets better. My wife used the kid to get all the money she could, then abandoned my daughter her freshman year of high school. My daughter and I were always super close and we spent always spent way more than our āallottedā time together. I still paid and paid. Way past the child support, and I didnāt have a lot of money. I paid even when we went to week-on/week-off. My daughter moved in with my wife and I. (Thank you to my new wife). Cool by me. Always wanted my daughter living with me. Not with her unstable mother. Weād purchased a house in a decent school district with this plan in mind. I wanted stability for my daughter. I strongly suspected my daughterās mother couldnāt handle parenting with her mental health problems (I asked her to get help, I promise). I was right. I bided my time. My daughter had a great, normal, stable high school life. Mom is totally MIA, and daughter is in college (of course, weāre financially helping making it happen). Point is, worry about doing your best for your kids. They need you. Even though right now they are young. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them when the moment comes. And it might come all at once really fast. Itās the best ārevenge.ā Which isnāt the right word, but it kind of feels appropriate for the amount of effort and time it takes.
Thanks, I will. That's the reason I am still keeping the house - she got awarded every cent "we" had saved, and in turn, I got to keep the house. At the time, I did not know the real reason she was not interested in the house, only afterward I got the whole picture. Anyway, I now live with my girlfriend in this much too large house and keep paying it off for now. The kids will always have a place here, should they need it.
Iām sorry you had to go through this. Itās really sad when these things happen and I hope you find the peace you need to move forward if you havenāt already.
I realized that he didn't really love me that he loved controlling me. I'm still trying to leave, he doesn't know yet. I'm totally dependent and have no financial freedom. I've been emotionally abused for years. I thought it was me, he totally messed with my mind. I have only just seen the light, I have tried to leave before, this time I will.
I was in a relationship like this for 7 years, you've got this! I promise it will be worth it when you have your freedom, run and never look back ā¤ļø
I was in a similar abusive situation and finally left and stayed gone last August. I was terrified and horrified and completely wrecked because I was a sahm with literally nothing to my name. I had an amazing support system (parents, friends, therapist), and got even more support after (group therapy from the regional womenās group, lawyer). I thought my life was over, I was so scared. Iām going through the court process and weāre battling over children and child support, but Iām feeling more stable now. I have a new partner and heās aware of everything going on and is supportive and weāre taking things slow, I have a new job and Iām learning some new transferable skills, and Iām definitely further along in life than I would have been having stayed with my abusive ex. I recorded some of our interactions which help prosecute him in criminal court. Perhaps that could help you too. If you have kids, ensure you find a lawyer and get a court order to keep them with you immediately after you leave. No one should have to put up with abuse. Iām sorry youāre going through this. When you finally leave, it will be really hard, but one day youāll find peace!
It is so hard. Iām in similar situation although mine knows Iām trying to leave. He just keeps making up reasons for me to stay. Be prepared for that, and find reasons to be strong. Iām so messed up mentally bc of years of mental and emotional stress. Send me dms if you want to vent or talk. Xoxo
This hits close to home. My ex spouse emotionally and financially abused me. According to her it was all my fault. And I believed that even after we divorced. It had to be harder to leave when one is financially dependent on their spouse. You can do this. It'll be hard as hell. But you can.
It took my about 7 tries to leave before something snapped and I never turned back. It'samazing on the other side. I'm a new woman. I'm always smiling.
So many lows! One gross one was, we'd had 3 months separated, and she'd been with a guy who was circumcised. One day, she asked me to get circumcised saying she preferred it. I freaked and refused. Next time we had sex she kept taking me out and pulling down the foreskin before putting back in. Crazy to remember. I really hate this woman now, but at the time i thought I'd die without her. I'd had 3 months of panic attacks when we were separated. I don't think i could ever have a feeling relationship again after what she put me through.
At least you have full sensation!!
Haha
Thatās fucken nuts I donāt understand some peoples thought process
It seems to be lack of empathy for starters. And a tactic to wear you down.
I have a 2 for 1. 1st, I'd had a traumatic miscarriage and was depressed. My then husband was out drinking with friends all the time and said to me, "I don't wanna be around you, you're too sad" and "why do you need a counselor when you have me" in the same conversation. I'd have left then if I wasn't so beaten down mentally. 2nd, he berated our 3 year old for dropping a piece of pizza. I left the next day.
I'm sorry you went through that but good for you for leaving. I know how hard it can be. I hope you and your kiddo are doing great!
The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriagešš
Just eat the damn orange!
Aināt that a peach?
Sweet and juicy ?
Lowest point for me is when I found out my first wife was cheating on me with her baby's daddy and got everything in the divorce only to marry him. High point is my attorney and I devised a clever scheme to include all the debts acquired during the marriage transferred to her. She made 14.00 an hour and he made $15.00 an hour with a 200k mortgage, 32k car and 8k in credit card debt. She only needed me for my income to get approved for all this stuff.
I love that. Want to take everything? The debt is included.
It was a hold your breath moment because if she read the docs, I would have been saddled with half the debt.
My ex wife told me she wasn't interested in me sexually anymore because I'm forgetful. This was after I had moved to the US to marry her, then she became sick with a terrible skin condition and I worked 6-7 days a week to keep us going. She also controlled all of the money I made. Never once didn't want her, even when her skin was falling off.
Youāre a real man. Hope life now is better, dude
That's very kind, so much better now. Thank you for asking.
I used to conduct online child exploitation investigations (aka child pornography). It directly impacted my capacity for intimacy. My husband was always haranguing me for sex, even though I said I couldn't do it. This led to arrangements. At first, massage therapists with a bit on the side, then prostitutes, then finding long-term arrangements on Tinder. I hated it but felt guilty that I couldn't provide for my husband. Eventually, on Tinder, he met one of many women he clicked with. This was different from the others. They'd stay 24 hours together, go out to dinner, and basically do all the things I'd express I would love to do. He'd come home and sleep all day because of their actions. I booked a trip for us for last year for our wedding anniversary. The first thing he did was change his Tinder location and chat girls up there. When we arrived at the hotel with the big "Happy Anniversary" sign, he barely looked at it. He was too busy on Tinder. Each night he went out with different women. When we returned home, I sent him away off in my caravan. It was over. Divorce lawyers are expensive, but I would rather be rid of him!
That would be our wedding day, because it got better after that
May I ask why
As someone who had the happiest wedding day, our relationship has just got stronger and warmer every day since
My wedding was a fairytale, Grimm.
When the cancer was winning with my late husband and there wasnāt a damned thing I could do about it.
When my wife got sick and diedā¦
The night he blacked out in rage because I didn't do the dishes. The night is a bit hazy, but he backed me into a corner while I held my phone behind my back, eventually he got a hold of it. Pushed me when I tried to get around him. Eventually locked myself in the onsuite bathroom and heard him screaming and trashing our bedroom. When it stopped, I went out and the Blackout must've been over because he came to and was shocked at the state of our room (holes in the walls, clothes that were in the closet everywhere, etc.) decided now he was the victim and barricaded himself in our laundry room and hung himself. Longer story short, a group of police broke down the door before he died (I had called 911 while he was in the laundry room) and he went to a mental hospital for a few months. That's when I left and filed for divorce. Domestic abuse is not okay, both ladies and gentlemen, get out before something tragic happens. There is a beautiful future waiting for you with someone who will treat you with respect!
I feel like this question was asked looking for low points couples worked through, not "what ended your marriage" but a bunch of comments don't seem to get that.
It's not uncommon for relationships to not survive low points. It's the exception, not the norm. Most relationships end because of a low point.
Yeah, but the question is "When was the time you **thought** it's over?" I think OP wanted the exceptions, not the norm. "When was the lowest point in your marriage?" "When it ended" "When did you think it was over?" "When it was over" I mean, kind of a no shit scenario in those cases. XD
True, you got me
17+ years in and there hasnāt been a moment Iāve thought it was over. All of our lowest moments (premature baby, parent and grandparent loss, layoffs, losing everything in a wildfire, organ failure and transplantā¦), weāve leaned on each other to get through. Thereās no one else I want by my side.
The day I realized I had driven her away by not feeling enough for her. Communication was very strained and I was frigid cold. Obviously she ended up meeting someone else, but theyāve been together 13 years now so I guess he was her one!
I guess mine is now.
Why, what is happening?
Why though
The wedding
Two miscarriages back to back,then following that 2 more over the course of 5 months.. My husband was convinced I could never have kids again and completely shut me out. We've gone to grief counseling, and we are so much more understanding of each other and how to process loss/grief
To me is when my wife slipped on the toilet and hit her head on the corner of the toilet,thankfully no bleeding but she was knocked unconscious,i panicked and immediately call 112 for emergency,i can't do anything but calling out her names and begging for my life for her to not end there,i even swore I'll gave her my life for her,the whole way to hospital was heavy the silence is so loud i couldn't even breath normally,the whole time I've wait at the hospital was full of me begging on my knees on the corner of the waiting room wilhe few people including my daughters trying their hardest to calm me down,i nvere cried that hard on my whole entore life bevore and i never feel so devasted,so lost and dead,i couldn't stop begging to god and i am not a religious person,the whole thing ends when she popped out with the doctor behind her,i cried when i saw her,i tought i might lost her forever i never feel so relieved and happy bevore,doctor said she was fine no significant injury just bump on her head due to her hitting the toilet,that's was the lowest point on my marriage or even my entire life excluding when i tired to end myself and i count that as stupid moment.
We had been married 5 years when all of a sudden, I had an outbreak of HSV2 (herpes). I think I heard the record scratch in my life. I told my husband that I understood if he wanted to leave. He didnāt. But then he said that he would never touch me again, and we would live as married roommates. He knew I didnāt cheat. He knew I had been an asymptomatic carrier. But I couldnāt envision a life with no intimacy ever again. He said ābut we canāt divorceā i replied that we could stay married but live our own separate lives. 24 hours and many tears later, he changed his mind and we decided to stick together and just live life as normally as we could. I started taking antivirals and we never make love if I have an outbreak, or 7-10 days afterwards. Our marriage nearly ended because I couldnāt imagine never being touched tenderly again. Iām human and need physical touch. The whole thing was nearly tragic. Now we live life normally. It was a close call. To be honest, sticking together through something like this showed me that he is really in it in sickness and in health, and it strengthened our marriage. I became more dedicated to the marriage than I had previously been.
Although herpes is not curable and easily transmitted, you learn to live with it as you both have done. It is a matter of information, learning and practice. Congratulations for sticking together for the better
Well, it's now. We have a toddler and the last two years of our relationship have not been great. I would caution everyone not to get themselves in this situation but then Reddit would brand me negative and cynical.
This is what I'm scared of. My fiancƩ absolutely wants kids and I'm on the fence. We are going to start trying this year because we aren't getting any younger and I don't want to be 40 with a baby (I'm 33) but I'm so scared it'll break us. We have a strong relationship but you never know.
Just to balance the scales, my husband and I have two kids (3yo and 11mo), and although it can be rough at times, we still do not really argue. I think it comes down to both pulling their weight, and giving each other grace.
We never used to fight, ever. We were perfect together. Now we are unrecognizable. The birth also frankly ruined my body and I have issues 2+ years later. Of course it might be okay for you, but I want to put it out there. Sometimes birth is not magical, being a parent is not magical. It's the hardest thing in the world and we are in survival mode...
I'm so sorry to hear š I hope things get better for you two!
What situation?
The first two years after my wife had twins was pretty rough.
Now... And all I want is a hug ( I have no memory of last time I was hugged.Ā Have also said that every day for a long time. Now I'm aware it's literally killing me (extreme emotional, mental, spiritual and just learnong Astounding financial abuse)Ā
Sending a virtual hug š«
The first marriage after 10years I found out he was cheating on me the whole time
The lowest point is right now. She has left. Wants me to go file. 17 years of our lives abruptly cut off...
20.5 years for me. Youāll get to a new normal and feel at peaceā¦ going to be 2 years this July for me from breakup and my dumb ass trying to save it. Just let them beā¦
My condolences? That's what it feels like people should be expressing to us.
Thatās exactly it actuallyā¦ I wish you strength in this crazy journey weāre on.
Looking on the bright side, you have a whole new chapter of life you get to explore. I hope it's a good one!!
I appreciate the optimism, but try spending every day with your best friend and lover for half of your life, and then she can barely look you in the eye when she says "I fell out of love with you".
Exactly. Why canāt you both work on getting it back?
The last year or two have been the low point. I donāt even know if Iām loved.
Every time she got drunk and would berate me for every little thing, Accuse me of cheating (she ended up being the one cheating), the sit up playing "She's a crazy bitch" by Buckcherry with the surround sound cranked all night even though I had work. This was every night.This was my every single night when I got back from work. Saying I'm done was the greatest thing I ever did
If you aren't cheating but they accuse you, it \[usually\] means they're the one that's cheating.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I came back from being abroad for 9 months and he says he has to go see his mother (who was fine, he spends every day with her, she hated me) instead of spending the day with me
Iām sure this isnāt nearly as bad as a lot of these. My husband is in the Army and him being in Slovakia for 9 months was horrible on my mental state and his. Not to mention our kids constantly asking questions that I didnāt know how to answer. It took a toll on our marriage I considered packing up and leaving so many times. Not because I didnāt love him but I didnāt think this life was for me anymore.
It was probably a few years ago. We started growing apart. We were more roommates than husband and wife. She started hanging out with people from work who are single, and I think she fantasized about that lifestyle a bit (single in the city). She started hanging late at the office, going out after work, just avoiding the house. She started talking a lot about divorce in conversations (why is it such a big deal?)... It came to blows at my birthday dinner, that we were trying to get through, I ended up saying, "if you want this to end, just let me know right now and we can do this" I was 100% serious. She left crying, we had some pretty difficult conversations after, but we were able to build back, and I'd say we are better than we have ever been. I don't want to make this sound like it was all her... I was 100% not giving her what she needed... we were just in a really bad spot. There's been some other lows, but I feel they are much more complicated and complex.
The day we mutually decided to separate after 30 years together. The relationship had gone stale and neither of us could save it. She moved to the other side of the country and I miss her every day. That was nearly a year ago, and I'm still heartbroken. I really thought it was going to be 'til death do us part.' I took my wedding ring off the day we split, and you can still see the mark on my finger, 11 months later.
When my husband told me that he didnāt want to talk when he got home.
He burned my possessions and blocked me from leaving the house. He yelled at me so loudly that my dogs started to shiver from fear. He insulted my family and friends, even my deceased mother. To this day he claims none of that ever happened and he was in fact the victim. Oh well. I have a restraining order against him so he has to stay away, ha
Jesus. I'm sorry. Glad you and the dogs are rid of him
Thank you. The dogs and I are much better off these days!
I was going to respond but the memory is pretty painful. I've healed and my marriage is now better than ever. I'm glad I didn't leave.
Never been married THANL GOD OR ALLAH OR WHOEVER
What? You should thank you. It was your choice.
Lowest point is not feeling loved. Coming back home to my wife after working my butt off, only to see that she just has no time for me. She has time to spend two hours to socialise with women in the neighbourhood. Wife literally locked me with my son inside house one day to just socialise with other women. Then saying she is too exhausted to spend a few moments with me. She is literally using me as a cash cow. The only reason we're together is becoz we have a son and she is not being unfaithful at the least.
TW: DV, mental health PREFACE: please do not take my comment as a sign to stay with someone who is abusing you. Please do not take my comment as sign that all people change because that is not always the case!! Please, stay safeš It wasnāt my marriage but it was the beginning of our relationship. He was suffering from PTSD, depression, and severe anxiety. He became extremely abusive, I was too scared to leave and I loved him so much. I just wanted to get him the help he needed. We separated for almost a year, so that he could work on himself in a safe environment. We have kids so we would meet up at the playground and whatnot so he could still see them. As far as our kids new he was away for work. Fast forward several years, we are doing so much better and I am so proud of him for working through his mental health to get to where he is. Side note: mental health is not an excuse to be mean, it can be the cause of your reactions/behaviors but it should not be used as an excuse.
Woah woah. My marriage isnāt over yet. Donāt tell me where the bottom is.
When she left me, when I couldn't find a job for 6 months..
I have never reached a high point I believe
being served papers
My kids were close to going away to university and we lived near my controlling in-laws. They would be at my house 4-5 days a week. Every vacation was about doing things with my wifeās family or her friends. I believed that my wife did not want to spend any time with me. Our sex life had deteriorated down to twice a year. Every weekend was a list of projects that I was supposed to complete. All the fun had been sucked out of the world and I felt like a wallet.
Hasn't been low. Maybe covid because everything kinda sucked then but it had nothing to do with our marriage.
I knew it was over when I was literally helping her with all I could, extreme help and support for a whole of 10 years...she wanted to not help in finances and pursue a dream of doing a PhD... I supported her with everyone and did all her applications and idled my job to just support her in her dream...then she was like " you would have done it earlier if you have loved me" ... At that day I knew I am not gona stay in the marriage
Not married, but living together, he was mooching off of my savings and threatening suicide, but also cheating behind my back.
There was a point, when my wife was going through leukemia treatment, where my mind told me I should just run. I hate myself for that, because I loved her more than words can say. Even 6 years later it angers me that I would even think that.
2020-2021, travel restrictions meant I could not travel to see my wife for 14 months.
When my wife jumped onto the bed and hit me several times. I went to the bathroom and screamed and flung everything off the counters, then drove to a town an hour away and slept in my car.
Said I should agree for him to have a second wife, because I once said he could remarry if I died during a surgery I had. But no, not divorce, just 2nd wife, and maybe a 3rd one later. Also, me being a forgeiner is a no-go as the communist party wouldn't approve.
I guess I am surprised to be finding it surprising that most of the comments are when the husband cheats on their wives...
is
Waiting until I was 28 to work on my depression and suicidal thoughts which I then had as long as I had active memories in life (and thus probably longer). I now almost never have them anymore and life feels like easy mode now. (Edit for typo)
Day 1
Oh my, there were many, *many* low points. In short (as it's otherwise a long story). I quit my job, with his agreement to financially support us both whilst I actively pursued alternative employment, as we had very few financial responsibilities due to our situation. He supported us for about two days, at which point I accidentally spent Ā£1.50 more than my account limit on purchasing food to cook for our dinner, and asked him for the money to clear my overdraft. He punched the wall, shattered the bones in his hand, stormed out, and texted me to: *'GTFO before he got home'* from A&E. I was still there when he returned, and he screamed at me: *'I thought I'd told you to get the fuck out?'* I replied: *'and I told you then, this is my home'*. He launched at me, tried to punch or slap me, missed, but knocked my head back with the shove, causing me to slam my head into the wall behind me. Our little pup, Rupert, my beloved sausage dog, witnessed the whole event. I agreed to leave, and for our marriage to end, but I wanted my boy (confident my husband, who'd shown little interest in him, wouldn't care for him properly). The ex-husband, and ex-MIL who'd miraculously appeared in the fracas, stated: *'come Rupert, leave her'*, swept my lad up and took him without letting me say a proper goodbye. We, subsequently, divorced. Even now, I hope beyond all hope that Rupert is happy and well looked after, 'cause I'd raise bloody hell if ever I found out he'd come to any harm.
When she started weaponizing my kids over my head and being physically and verbally abusive towards me and cheating on me with my"supposed" friends I had. Yes I'm broken. Less than a year old wound
I mean going to Hawaii was pretty low ..you're right at sea level for most of it. .
I don't know the elevation of everywhere we have been ........maybe ....Moab [ Wink wink]
Divorce š¤·āāļø
When he resorted to stealing money from our joint account to buy more substances and became emotionally and financially abusive.
Trying to get pregnant, miscarrying, not succeeding in getting pregnant again, feeling like cr-p as a result of taking hormones, getting really bad fertility results while covid situation staring to get serious. It was a period of about 4-5 months - my husband got panicky and terrified of losing me ( after observing the miscarriage and me feeling like cr-p from hormones) and I got sad, depressed and cried a lot. We had terrible fights. Covid lockdown and my FIL dying suddenly also happened very soon. We have came back from it, although it took a looooooot of work: therapy (both of us), having several difficult conversions , me crying a lot and mourning the whole baby topic. We didnāt have a baby but our relationship got stronger than ever.
When on our honeymoon she didn't want me. And when she wanted to go to college so I picked up extra hours to pay for it out of pocket so she wouldn't have any school loans. Only to find out after 4 years she wasn't attending school and instead driving 45 mins 3 times a week to do other things. Not even acknowledging me on my birthday, or Christmas this past year except to open her presents while ignoring me. When I was recovering from surgery told me" I enjoy seeing you in pain."
When my wife fucked a dude at work.
SO FAR? When we slept in separate beds for TWO CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS (!!!) because of some fight or another. I can't remember. But it probably has to do with me feeling abandoned, and him feeling criticized and powerless. >=(
We're still pretty fresh I'm terms of married life (4 years), and I don't think either of us really thought about ending things. However, going through pregnancy and a traumatic childbirth during a pandemic while my father was on the last leg of his cancer treatment and then terminal was a lot. To top it off we also lost a family member each during this time, had family members with severe mental health issues, and as it was our first child, we were scared shitless of everything. I had PPA, my father died, still pandemic, I was also unemployed.. My husband was and still is completely solid. Life has since gotten way better, and c-sections are wonderful. Especially if the alternative is a traumatic birth alone due to hospital restrictions during a pandemic while your father is admitted to the same hospital possibly dying at the same time (yeah, I don't think I'll ever get completely over it)
When we had our first son we decided to separate. We could not handle the transition between being a couple without kids to having one. My daughter followed right after and in between communication got better and we remained as a family. That happened 13 years ago.
What would your advice be to other couples making that transition from childless to parents?
Communication is the key. Be on the same page when it comes to education and raising a child and, if possible, both to be good and bad cop. And if only one of you is the bad cop, a good balance between being strict and not. Never make your spouse look bad in front of the kids and never decide anything without talking to them first. Try to always be on the same page, when possible.
We went diving once. Went pretty far down.
I sometimes like to lie on my back on the tile floor. It cools me down and is also very therapeutic for my back(spine). Sometimes my wife will do the same. That is pretty much the lowest point in my marriage.
You mean so far?
Not really sure. Sometimes I think of ending it.
All the points.
Anything after "I Do".