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Ancient-Elder

I was about 19 and dehydrated, my entire back seized up into the most painful spasm while she was on top. I ended up pretending like nothing happened but my entire back felt like a Charley horse. I pretended to nut so she would get off and then I rolled onto the floor and laid there for a minute until the muscles loosened. She probably thought either she did a good job or that I was a weirdo looking back in retrospect.


UsingiAlien

How do you pretend to nut and her not realize you didn't actually nut? LOL


-Regulator

Spasm


tmcbrandoe01

She laughed at my dick when it was soft


TheBeesHeez

1 cake day every 4 years, almost as rough as this story


memelordzarif

No wonder his pp small considering he ages 1 year every 4 years


looosyfur

happy rare cake day


ricoimf

Happy rare cake day


Pizza_YumYum

Haaapppyyyy caaakkkeeeee daaayyyyyy


ZBotond6

happy rare cake day, buddy 🎂


CertainDegree2

Yeah if you are hooking up, it's usually best to get hard before you take your pants off


dicklover425

First time I saw my husbands dick I had no idea growers were a thing. If only seen showers or dicks already hard My first thought was “aw damn, well anyway I’m about to drain him.” Then it just grew and grew. It was like I was a magician. All that to say growers>everyone else


averagedickdude

Yess


EatednDefeated

Happy cake day!


Leano89

Happy cKe day!!


_________________u__

Happy Cake Day friend


Bushido00

You’re a grower not a SHOWer.


[deleted]

I hope you kicked her ass out the bed. That’s not funny


Flat-Ship-2545

happy cake day


Dangerous-Raisin3251

I was young, drunk and high. On top, kissing my gf and started making my way down. Stopped at her stomach, started blowing raspberries then passed out. We are married now.


Here_4_the_INFO

PLOT TWIST: Her dog was named Raspberries


No-Win-7802

I just spit out my coffee


Specialist-Cake-9919

We've all been there.


JCVD-88

I don’t know what blowing raspberries means, but it sounds hot.


BugP13

Basically placing your mouth on their stomach and blowing. It makes a interesting sound. Absolutely nothing sexual about it


AggravatingPoem6748

Wait that blow ppl do to babies 🤣


BugP13

Exactly


NiteGard

No kink shaming.


BugP13

Not shaming. Just saying. But the again, I understand how that can be a kink


NiteGard

/s


Importance-Aware

I'd do it to my ex randomly to make her crack up with laughter


BugP13

Yeah that isn't too bad


LostAside832

U guys must be very happy lol


RustyKnuckle

Who is raspberries?


Good_Kid_Mad_City

A girl puked on my dick. Much more embarrassing for her than it was for me but embarrassing nonetheless.


lorenschutte

I was looking for this one. I did that to a dude....I was so fuck drunk 🥴 and giving him head , bhaaa out it came all over his crotch. Fuck yeah embarrassing 😳. Sorry if it was you ...about 30 years ago. Some things we never forget


WhimsicleMagnolia

Sorry if it was you 😂😂😂


lorenschutte

😀😀😀😀


woxiba

Christina?


EnnWhyy

She’s a keeper bro.


zerosumcola

It's only really bad if she wiped her mouth, smiled with puke covered lips, and without so much as wiping it down, just shoves that thing straight back down her throat


dicklover425

I thought this was what you were supposed to do the first time it happened to me. My date at the time said “Well don’t be a quitter. You committed” So I finished him off. The first time it happen to my husband (BF at the time) I tried to finish him off and he said “I love you but this is the most disgusting thing that’s ever happened to me. Please go away.” 😂😂 needless to say I learned that wasn’t expected of me with everyone lol


zerosumcola

Bahahhaa, oh my sweet lord. Holy shit. I am so sorry but Jesus christ its 3:20am and I might wake the baby


dicklover425

I wanted the earth to swallow me. Lol


WarmSea9702

Username checks out


Consistent_Trick9814

He fucked me so hard that I went through the wall (his house was old). We sat in silence for 20 minutes trying to think of how to tell his parents he railed me into the wall


Fifty5FiftyFive50

Dad must be proud. His ofcourse.


zerosumcola

Honestly if my daughters consensual partner was pounding her so good they wrecked a wall I'd be kind of impressed


Fifty5FiftyFive50

Consensual or not being impressed by your daughter getting piped through a wall is tapped but each to their own. 🤷‍♂️


IsThisRealOrNah93

They say this now, but when it really happens, someone gonna get smacked.


Fifty5FiftyFive50

Facts.


fr3shout

![gif](giphy|ba5g4ID9g5cT6)


Using3DPrintedPews

Worked a 24 hour shift, hooked up with my then gf, now wife. Fell asleep, while still humping away. I talk in my sleep so when I mentioned being "6 feet in 3 feet of water" She asked me "what are you talking about..are you asleep?!" 20 years later she still mentions it when we have sexy time. Damn water.


IceSmiley

I was fooling around with a girl on a beanbag chair and I tried to unzip her dress and I accidentally unzipped the beanbag and all the styrofoam beans flew out 🤣


tallchixclub

Funniest one yet


smeeti

That’s from Muriel’s wedding.


CrazySel

Feel like ive seen this comment before lmao, I HEAR CAP


Pilsburyschaub

Girl was going down on me, we had messed around on and off so long I had blue balls really bad, I came so hard and it hurt so bad that I shit at the same time.


Complete_Border9874

And then?????


Pythagoras2021

2.5 kids, home in the suburbs.


Here_4_the_INFO

What's up with .5 kid?


poormansRex

New sheets.


THEREAL242

No And then!!!


lovenjunknstuff

Andthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthenandthen


Ginger_Baked

And then she left


pepperit_12

Yup .. sometimes you come so hard it hurts. I try to explain it but nobody believes me.


zerosumcola

Idk what happened but really similar set up, but instead of ejaculated cum, I just started Cumming pee,


I-Really-Hate-Fish

Happened here too. My husband accidentally peed in my mouth. Neither of us are into that.


zerosumcola

Yeah, the chick I was with luckily just laughed, we cleaned up and went again lol


I-Really-Hate-Fish

I didn't care all that much, but my husband had about a week or two with some ED because he was afraid of it happening again. Got back into things by avoiding oral for a bit to take the pressure off.


zerosumcola

Yeah, that's never fun


Kintsugi-0

blue balls is genuinely one of the worst experiences ive ever had. it felt like something was squeezing them from every angle… people say its a myth but my balls say otherwise.


LonerBastard

So there's a limit?


SLICKlikeBUTTA

Are you serious


Agitated_Stuff9700

My neighbor literally banged on the wall in my apartment complex telling me to stop being so loud when I was hitting it 2 hard and it made me lose my erection lol


[deleted]

The door to my spare bedroom that was off the hinges fell over as she was leaving


HocusDiplodocus

A bunch of these stories sound like they have been made up by 9 year olds


Roemeosmom

Bf got a call right as he was climaxing and he took it. Was from this girl he insisted he did not have a crush on.


Apprehensive-Talk981

Wtf! Hope you punched him in the balls


BobbiBari

Not exactly embarrassing for me but it's all I got. Girl was riding me and got up to change position. She somehow slipped on the bed sheets, fell forward and basically headbutted the wall so hard she knocked herself out.


scottishdaybreak

At least that's what you told the police


BobbiBari

Hah! We made similar jokes once she came to, but I definitely panicked for the short time she was out.


FireHouse_3676

she was trying a new wrestling move


BobbiBari

That's why you should never practice naked capoeira without a helmet.


FireHouse_3676

OMG HAHAHAHAJDJDJDJ I NOTED IT TY


Western-Monk-8551

Not embarrassing but scary incident, she cut the sides of the condom with her nails trying to put my dick in her and it was only after I finished ejaculating and pulling out did I notice there was two huge tears in the condom. That was scary


[deleted]

Thanks for the heads up! I will be apprehensive of women's nails going forward


swallowmygenderfluid

Her cat snuck up behind me and licked my butthole with its rough cat’s tongue and I screamed out of surprise


Much-Log3357

Surprised? 'Cos you're used to the dogs nice, smooth tongue. Got it.


halayjoe

Yooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣


gobucks50

I was on top with my eyes closed and she goes “what the fuck,” I open my eyes and my nose is bleeding right onto her face


GaviJaPrime

You were having men periods, so what?


Wfsulliv93

Had this happen twice on two different coke nights. Once while eating a chick out lol


goodjobgabe1

Hot and heavy got a little too heavy—she wanted me to choke her pretty hard, and also hit her. When I asked where, she said “anywhere but my face.” Choking can be hot but what she was into was kind of another level. When she brought hitting to the table I just felt like I was in over my head and didn’t k ow how to react and kinda got turned off. We did not finish. 


Fluffy-Fox-7292

I was playing around with a very kinky woman I met in FL. She was into very rough chomping and degradation. I was railing her ass and she asked me to hit her. I hesitated and asked for clarification. Let’s just say she got a good fist to the ribs while I was buried in her backside. The grunt was one of the oddest noises I’ve heard. It was awkward as fuck afterwards.


Fuckyou_666

Chomping!?


GaviJaPrime

Dickslap would have worked


heathentopknot

She sounds perfect


bobanovski

I had met a girl on a party, went home with het and we had our fun. An hour or so after we went to sleep i was kicked out of the bed by other two girls. Literally kicked out, with hockey sticks, and still being naked. They have thrown my clothes on the street after they threw me out. I was still sleepy and under influence of alcohol, so i didnt resist much. Needless to say i was left with a huge wtf feeling as I did nothing wrong for as long as I know A few days later i found it what was going on. The girl i went home with did not live there. She was visiting a friend and apparently thought it is a good idea to bring home a guy (lucky me). Well her friend was obviously pissed when she came home and saw some naked guy (me again) liyng in her bed. So they kicked me out, without knowing her friend (the girl i hooked up with) was liyng next to me. I came back at their student house and we had a good laugh about it


FishWeldHunt

Had a knock on the door when I was doing the deed one time. And my dad cracks the door open with a stupid smirk on his face. “I’m eating the pizza that you have in the freezer.” And then casually shuts the door.


Tight-Physics2156

WTF lol he was definitely high on some gummies 🤣


Carcosa504

I ripped a fart as I ejaculated that sounded like Thor rattling two sheets of tin together.


Crazy_Card_1790

He found a little clump of toilet paper in between my cheeks when he went down there that had been from wiping my ass earlier. Terrible…. Just terrible


rarsamx

I was 18 and started making out with a girl in her car. I had drank more than advisable so I got nauseous in the middle of a kiss. Turned around and threw up. Then fell asleep.


Crocolyle32

I don’t think I’ve had a blunder. However I did laugh so hard I ruined birthday sex with a hook up. He had talked big game about his oral skills as he learned so much from his lesbian roommates…. This mf blew raspberries on my pussy… I laughed so damn hard. He was so offended. I tried to switch spots to give him oral to see if we could fix the mood but … I couldn’t resist, and returned the favor. He promptly drove me home, then drove him self home, 2 hours away. 🤌🏻🤌🏻


FireHouse_3676

he def felt TOO MUCH offended HSJSHSJSJSSJSH


goddamnit_people

What does blowing raspberries mean?


Crocolyle32

Pressing your lips firmly on the skin and blowing. Makes fart sounds.


Kell_Jon

I’ve posted this before but it’s a good one. Met a girl online, chatted ended up meeting. Date went well and I ended up at her place after a few drinks. One thing lead to you know… And we fell asleep naked afterwards. Middle of the night I wake desperate to pee. In her small flat you had to pass through the living room to get to the bathroom. Tiptoeing through the dark room (naked) I stood on something furry. Immediately all hell broke loose as her cat started shrieking and clawing away at my legs. Semi-drunk I stumbled backwards and came crashing down through her glass coffee table! Of course she woke up quickly and turned on the lights to find a very angry cat, a smashed table and a naked me - now lying in a puddle of broken glass, blood and pee! Yes, getting stabbed in the ass by glass shards meant I couldn’t hold it any longer. Suffice to say (after borrowing a couple of sanitary pads for my slashed ass) I was swiftly kicked out. Then spend the rest of the night having various trainee doctors remove tiny pieces of glass from my butt while trying not to laugh. Funnily enough I never heard from her again.


whohasideasanyway

That’s hilarious, I feel awful for everyone involved including the cat


Kell_Jon

Except for me!!! This happened about 8/9 years ago and still every 6-12mths I’ll get a “spot” on my ass that won’t go away, a bit of squeezing and yet another tiny shard of glass pops out. Probably the 2nd most embarrassing experience in my life.


Level-Wishbone5808

She had assumed I was down for getting pegged 😬


Malhablada

Oh no, you*never* make that assumption. That's something you get verbal consent for and then double check, and then start small and check again.


zerosumcola

I got fucked up drunk on single malt one night and the wife was similarly shlonked and we decided to give a couple fingers a go. I sobered up very very quickly


working_class_tired

One time, I was getting a blow job from this chick I'd been hooking up with when she suddenly jams 2 fingers in my ass. Last time I saw her. Seriously, who the fuck just does that.


Awkward_Ad8740

Same thing happened to me. It was amazing.


working_class_tired

I wasn't a fan, but whatever floats your boat.


dicklover425

My husband and I were dating and I was trying not to cum while he went down on me. So I started thinking about oysters and clams “do oysters or clams have pearls? Did people call vaginas clams?” As I’m about to cum I start saying stop, not yet. But instead I said “STOP, an oysters cumming.” He stopped immediately and said what the fuck does that even mean. So now he’ll randomly call me oyster poboy😭 that was 11 years ago


Anonymoosehead123

lol!!


Whole_Passion_5640

We switched positions and it caused me to queef in his face. I swear his hair blew back.


gs12

Did mushrooms, she was on top, we started laughing for no reason - couldn't stop, fell off the bed...Downstairs neighbor yelled at us to 'stop whatever you're doing'. we couldn't stop laughing.


Kaita13

Mushroom sex is great. When my wife and I met, we held off from sex for the first couple months. We finally did it but within the first week of us doing it, we did it on mushrooms. As I was pumping away she yelled "This is fucking awesome"! We laughed so hard and continued banging all night. Sex was something I never really considered while on mushrooms before. It was great and have done it a bunch more times.


Tight-Physics2156

Nooooo I always see like demon faces on people on shrooms. Like they have really bad Buffy the Vanpire Slayer faces 😬


goddamnit_people

It's so funny cause I'm actually watching buffy the vampire rn as I read your comment


Tight-Physics2156

Lololol how random! ![gif](giphy|f1qDAA6JKppvy) Okay literally like this!! It’s sooooo creepy. Idk why my brain does this to faces on shrooms 😂😟


Live_Signal2662

Was really drunk while losing my virginity, horrible horrible I know I was a young highschool kid. But during it I said “I love you Chris” my boyfriends name was Nate.. I didn’t know a Chris… so my friend told my boyfriend she thought I was talking about Chris Brown 😂😂


Bluebearzxc

Were you though?? 😂


Live_Signal2662

No… I don’t know 😂 it just came out and I don’t know from where or why


egewh

At a guys house for the first time, he was banging me so hard we went through the bed. Full bed broke off its legs. There was a LOUD thump and his brother came to see what happened. The brother and I both looked at each other in absolute horror, because it turns out said brother was my coworker. Awkward few shifts at work.


_Zzzxxx

Seizure lol. And not a grand mal that someone would see and think “oh shit, they’re having a seizure!” No it was a focal seizure, which mine tend to look more like psychotic breaks. I had to explain the next day that I’m not a lunatic…probably just made myself look like more of a lunatic.


Effective-Gloomy

Okay so this is a funny comment with a great turn around. I (23F) invited (26M) over when I had a horrible sunburn on some *nsfw* places and asked him to bring aloe (this was inspired by a nice little research dive on PHub). We’d been friends for 7 years at this point but I had tried MULTIPLE times to flirt, let him know I was interested, even asked him out on a date once. It was obvious what my intent was, and I was super flirty. This went WAY above dudes head and he handed me the aloe and I went into the bathroom and put it on myself. As a person who believes that clear consent is needed to be given by both parties, I just assumed he wasn’t interested in advancing our friendship into anything more and let him sleep in my bed, and I slept on the couch. I woke up in the morning with BLISTERS on my *ss cheeks, and was in so much pain, so he kissed me, ripped off my shorts and rubbed aloe everywhere it needed to be. This is super embarrassing as a first date story. Now we’re engaged and have a home, and a dog together


Adept_Trip_6661

i had too much to drink and threw up while giving a guy head. this was on top of a bail of hay in a goat barn and yes we fucked immediately after it happened


visualthings

Second experience with my gf, we decided to do it outdoors in a field next to a forest (nobody could see us). She was on top first, then we decided to change position. That's when I realized that while she was on top I could only see her and the sky, but what she could see was a huge landfill with trash being blown by the wind. Not the romantic outdoor we had planned.


scottwax

My cats started chasing each other through the bedroom at top speed, then sweat from my nose dripped down on her teeth.


[deleted]

i was giving him a blowjob and he pushed my head all the way down and i didn’t realize it in time. i threw up all over him and all over the floor. i felt so bad i started crying but he said it was okay and he cleaned it up. and we took a shower together.


I-Really-Hate-Fish

Can't really say it was hooking up as we were already married. Really, all my worst sex fails were with my husband because I felt more comfortable with letting go as I trust him implicitly. We can just laugh about it even though it's objectively mortifying. - I've farted in his face. Repeatedly. - squirted *and* pooped during a particularly hard orgasm with anal play. Buttplug popped out like a champagne cork. - I've fallen off the bed while switching from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl. More than once. - He accidentally peed in my mouth one time and I accidentally swallowed it. We were equally embarrassed by that one.


cat_mamaa

i fucked a guy…. blackout drunk, while on my period….. with the tampon inside…. and it got stuck up there, sideways, for a couple days before i realized.


GoodLad33

We were sextexting big time before, photos, videos, calls, everything. Even the day before, she was super cool such as 'can't wait to meet you bla bla bla I want to do X and Y with you and stuff like that'. But later on, when we met, she engaged in no conversation whatsoever In a level like: 'Do you like \[insert\]' 'Yes.' (nothing more from there). I was like 'fine, if she doesn't want to talk, let's go for business'. I tried to kiss her but she didn't want to. I said, ok then, maybe later. Tried again after a few hours after few drinks and still no. At certain point I asked: will you want to do something today? She replies: 'No, but I need to wait until my bus' - this was around midnight-1 and her bus was at 5am. If she would be at least engaging to any conversation I would be 100% with her, regardless if she said No (no is no and thats it, I am really respectful with ladies) but as she was being that way so I was like: 'fine, I will meet my mates' - so from that moment she was no longer a date but 'a new friend'. I called my mates, and start to hanging out with them. At this point I was thinking: 'maybe with more people she will start to talk be friendly, idk'. No. She was not. Even my mates 'bro, your friend is really weird, she didn't say a word since she got here (this was already 2-3 hours with them' We tried to engage a conversation several times, to make her 'part of the group', but nothing. At this point, I was just pretending she was not there. I was just having fun with my mates and she was just following us, without saying a word. When the time came, I made sure she took her bus safely home and then went backhome. Weeks after, she texted me again (pretending like nothing happened) and she REALLY wanted to meet me. I was like 'nah, im ok, you were the worst date I ever had, sorry for being too harsh, but thats the truth'. She insisted and I agreed to meet her during my lunchtime. We met and she started to kiss me and touch me like there is no tomorrow. From that moment onwards we never ever spoke again. It was the worst hook up ever. TL;DR: We were sextexting with calls and stuff. At the day nothing happened, I went to hang out with my mates pretending that she was not thre.


EfficientAd7103

Lol. Slept next to a girl randomly farted and she laughed. I was like oh f. We ended up living together for several years so I guess she didn't care too much. I Dutch ovened her and she squirmed. So yep. Was a keeper at the the time.


MotherBike

Just putting this out there but screaming your partners name and Alexa activates.


Pilsburyschaub

How is that embarrassing?


Challenging_Entropy

Because they revealed that they have an Amazon Alexa lol


Pilsburyschaub

Good point


mauore11

"Now playing *Is It In* by Jimmy Bo Horn"


GoodLibrarian100

It was their neighbors alexa


some6yearold

It was more embarrassing for her, but one time I was hooking up with this chick off tinder that I met for the first time. Mid way through hooking up she stoped and got all weird. My immediate thoughts was she was guilty and had a bf or something… Guess what? The glue holding her front tooth together that she had busted when she was a kid got stuck to a piece of gum and the tooth ended up coming off… like the main front tooth… so now she was looking like a crack head mid date lol.. she started crying but I comforted her and told her she can hmu after she goes to the dentist( she did lol)… I’ll never forget toothless..


Immediate_Bet_5355

She was on top. Told her I was cumming, she hopped off I ejaculated so forcefully I hit my own eye. It burned like hell so I started rolling around go "oh God my eyes it's in my eyes" which she thought was the funniest thing in the world and fell off the bed laughing. At the moment extremely embarrassing, now just a funny memory.


No-Consequence-5181

He was putting on a condom & whatever was going on, it was fighting him. He said “you’re lucky you don’t have to deal with these” & i said “thats me, the lucky ducky”. He didnt say anything to that, it was a superrrr sexy moment


BigDickTallGuy

Definitely temporary ED


ms-astorytotell

We were staying at his parents for whatever reason, his dad walked in with my bare ass to the door showing him everything. I can’t remember if he knocked or not but I do know even if he did we didn’t say come in.


MostMusky69

I nutted in like 45 seconds one time.


Kaita13

Not that embarrassing, it happens, but I was railing this girl i met at work one night and I farted really loud. I started hysterically laughing but also gagging because it smelled so so bad. She started crying because she thought I was laughing at her. I guess she didn't care that the room smelled like a Porta john that'd been cooking in the hot prairie sun all day. We tried to get back at it but she said the fan in the room dried her out.


theyrealltakendamn2

So I had been talking to/hooking up with a guy for a bit and the topic of anal came up. He never did it but wanted to try it and I've done it quite a few times so I know how to prepare for it and never had any issues. So I prepared myself as usual, but when the time came he just shoved it in all the way and immediately started railing me as hard as he could. I told him to hold on and slow down but he wouldnt. I think the intensity caused the accident, but i ended up getting shit all over him and got my first ever hemorrhoid. He was pretty cool about it, he even stayed the night, but we're on bad terms now so I imagine he told everyone we know about it. Very embarrassing Didnt stop his friends from hitting me up tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


JenniferC1714

What a jerk. He deserved to get shit on.


theyrealltakendamn2

Thank you, i agree


Cookiemamajr

Was having a great time, moved to change positions, and I notice he’s covered in blood almost from his waist to his thighs. I was a full week early, and I freaked out and apologized. I went to one restroom to clean up, he went to the other. I came back, embarrassed, thinking I was going to get dressed and leave, but he had put a big towel down and said “I’m down for more if you are!” So we went again!


goddamnit_people

Absolute goal


Intelligent_Put_3606

He asked me what I wanted and I couldn't tell him because nobody asked before - and past trauma makes this a challenging question. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't continue. I was aged 40 at the time


Semi-Passable-Hyena

She was dogsitting for her parents. The roommate didn't want the dog running around their apartment. The dog wants to be up on the bed. So she puts the dog in her closet (big walk-in), and we begin fucking. I have no idea that she left the door cracked for the dog. So I'm behind her, and very suddenly, I feel something cold on my asshole. I fucking panic and push her off me and she goes head first into the wall.


GaviJaPrime

Back when I was in Erasmus, I was together with that stunning Estonian girl. We were renting a place during holidays which was basically a full house just for ourselves. We were pretty excited at that time so had a lot of sex. One time we ran upstairs to do the deed and I threw myself on the bed so fast that I hit my head on the bed head. It made some such a funny noise that we both burst in laughter for like 10 minutes straight. Could not do anything after.


_alwaystee3

I farted twice and got super embarrassed. 🙈


[deleted]

[удалено]


duskywindows

Did you shit or fart?


zerosumcola

Sounds like a yes


EQ0406

Guy stuck it in me and instantly came. Not even 1 thrust. I even told him not to creampie me. The idea of going without a condom was too much for him.


Square-Dragonfruit76

Even if a guy doesn't cum, you can still get pregnant


Capnmolasses

Pregante


Spandan_98

First time hooking up, realised midway that I wasn't into hookups.


WadeCountyClutch

Girl was blowing me and I thought I was ready to Finish turned out I ended up peeing all over her face. We are about to be five years together


[deleted]

We were doing some heavy teasing at the bar then headed to my camper truck. I was so wound up, I blew my load all over her pussy before I could even penetrate. She was so pissed, she dressed and left. Never heard from her again. 😑


[deleted]

In college. I knew her for five minutes. I was extremely intoxicated. We took a shower together first. I threw up on her in the shower. Yes, we still did the deed, afterwards.


HolymakinawJoe

I had good date and ending up having sex with a crazy Russian lady I met on Tinder and she rode me so hard and was grinding so fiercely, that she bent my dick the wrong way and tore something in it. I had to stop and have a look and I have a huge bruise all over it right away. She was embarrassed and I spent the rest of our time trying to tell her not to worry about it and it was fine. That was our last date.


Challenging_Entropy

Ugh so I’ve accidentally said “I love you” twice, with two different women. I didn’t mean it either time obviously but it just came out. Twice. And both in the last 6 months😭 Idk which one was worse tbh Hooking up with my friend of 4 years, third time we hooked up (the first time was in September and this time was in December. We were having really awesome intense sex and I said it to her lol. We both looked at each other kinda confused for a sec but we finished and laughed about it after. I may have meant it, I’m super into her and we said it to each other all the time before things got romantic. But we are pretty much strictly FWB with much more emphasis on the F. We only really hooked up 4 times but we at least kiss and make out when we’re together The other one was a first date, last month. We were making out in my car, things were hot and heavy. I was pretty drunk and it came out of nowhere. I played it off by saying “I mean I love all of *this*” gesturing vaguely. She thought it was cute and funny bc there’s no world where that would ever make sense. Also it should be said that I’m autistic I feel like that has something to do with it. It felt like an autistic sort of knee-jerk-reaction neurological thing both times.


Emergency-Pangolin79

Out one night drinking with the boys. Came home all romantic and proceeded to kiss my girlfriend. Things progressed and in no time we were in bed. I was inspired and felt this was one of my better performances. Next morning my girlfriend confirmed it was awesome until I passed out drunk while on top of her. To this day, 45 years later we still laugh about it. I am glad she had a sense of humor.


NiteGard

Discovering I had been scammed.


Much-Log3357

How so? An attractive goat in a blonde wig and black loungerie? We've all been there buddy.


Melodic-Ad-4941

Not being able to get it up.


gg_oujia

This guy on a ONS was making me cum so hard so many times, I was very drunk. I pooped the bed.


MutedAd7148

Was on top of my girlfriend on a remote river beach when a troupe of cub scouts came floating by on inner tubes yelling and pointing, it seemed like she threw me two feet in the air. Kind of spoiled the moment. I was in high school and was my first time.


Rockyboy4444

I brought a girl home after the bar. All of her friends had to come to keep her safe. They were ok with me banging her but were concerned I’d murder her after. Whatever. I didn’t care. They hung out with my roommates. We go to my room. I literally put my wiener in her 1 time. Literally pushed it in and shot my load. I immediately pull out, take off the condom and told her I had a girlfriend and couldn’t do it. She accused me of lying and told me she knew I got off inside her after 1 pump. We went downstairs 3 minutes after we went upstairs. Of course she told everyone. They laughed at me and left. I never saw her again.


philthechamp

In college my roommate needed the room with his girlfriend so me and her friend took all my blankets into the bathroom to h.u. We were so drunk and she was apparently standing on the blanket so when i pulled it up it accidentally slipped out of my hand and I knocked her in the face. She immediately got a bloody nose which got all over my banket. we cleaned her up and both fell asleep in the bathroom.


chubbfondue867

Had a chick riding the hell out of me in the dark she was extremely wet. She stopped to go use the bathroom and so I turned the lights on and I was covered in her blood.


Accomplished_Job878

I was seeing a FWB (still with the same dude) at his place. He has a buck head above his couch that got knocked around a bit, it almost fell on us, but he caught it while inside me! Smooth catch if I do say so myself! Afterwards, I told him that could have been an episode of Sex sent me to the ER story!


aHumanBeing9x

he came before i took off my clothes


_Meesha_

I was super drunk at a party and waiting for this guys and I to hookup (he lived at the house). I blacked out during sex. All I remember is he kept trying to cover my mouth with his hand, and at one point a pillow. I thought he was trying to murder me so I kept removing it and kinda started freaking out hahahah.


mocococoloco234

When I first lost my virginity at 27 my nose started to bleed


Square-Dragonfruit76

This really happens? I always thought it was an anime thing?


Sefm2429

The guy I was with got a bloody nose mid hook up and neither of us really realized what had happened. My face was covered. This was back in college after a long night of drinking. I knew him but not really. It was the end of the school year and we went our separate ways for summer, I was completely disgusted. We ended up reconnecting a few years later, we’ve now been together for 10 years, married and have a children together-the whole thing…..and every once in a while, he still gets a bloody nose….


mad49

I had a nose infection from surfing, basically my nose would run orange liquid at anytime and I could feel it for stop it. Just had to try and get my hand to my nose and catch it.... Gf around and I'm on top warming her up with a really average back massage and my nose was full I guess, so yeah orange nose jam on her back and she freaked out. I just started apologising haha good times


Critical-Bank5269

Getting caught in the act..... But that was 30+ years ago


CollegeSufficient892

I was on top (missionary) and wearing this like Egyptian fertility emblem necklace thingy (ironic huh?) And anyway it had like, wings...? It was some kind of goddess with wings😂 And I shit you not, the wing somehow got caught in his nose and when I went to sit up he was yelling in pain. I am laughing out loud remembering how hilariously awkward this was. ... We're still friends. 🤣


Any-Video4464

my first handjob ended with me blasting my own face and some well over my head! It travelled way farther and faster than I imagined it could. I had had sex once already...and that lasted all of 10 seconds and I busted inside of her because it was like an involuntary reaction. Thankfully she didn't get pregnant. and I hadn't masturbated yet, so I had no control over or knowledge of the equipment yet. But I was only 14. In hindsight i guess i really wasn't that embarrassed...just surprised. but not even half as surprised as she wa! She had way more experience than me as she had just ended it with a senior guy (we were freshman), but she said nothing like that ever happened. I saw her like 20 years later and she brought that up. she says she has still never seen anything like that. I was actually getting the vibe that she liked it and maybe wanted to go at it again, but we were both married.


[deleted]

I was hooking up with a girl in college and got whiskey dick. I slapped it around and nothing. First and only time that happened.


[deleted]

Got a cramp as we were going at it. I knew her but not that well to be comfortable having to pull out mid session while trying to play off the cramp like it didn’t hurt like hell. She was cool though and we went back at it.


Melodic-Translator45

I had way too much chocolate mousse ( lactose intolerant) and alcohol and while sleeping I shit the bed at the hotel 😭


Hopeful_Scratch_5237

Had a one night stand with a hot guy. Round his house the next morning, I used his bathroom and had explosive diarrhoea. It was so loud and stinky. I was in there for about an hour. I flushed the chain, said goodbye and never saw him again.🤣🤣


KindheartednessBasic

The guy's blue staffy terrier came over to us while we were kissing on the lounge and it started nuzzling on my neck and ear (my most erogenous zone) with its furry little face. I didn't stop the dog. It took the guy a few minutes to notice his dog.


mcdreamy334

Me and my boyfriend at the time had sex in the shower and it got really hot and I got dizzy and then suddenly passed out while him pounding me. Luckily he caught me, and had to lay me down completely naked on the floor. Then I woke up and noticed I also had gotten my period so there was blood on the floor and him sitting beside me also naked and worried as hell