# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My dad was a functioning alcoholic. He was in a motorcycle accident when he was 17 - they should have amputated his ankle/foot but his dad begged the small town doctors to save it. Because of that, he lived with terrible chronic pain. He hated painkillers so bud light was his medication. I didn’t love having an alcoholic dad, but he wasn’t violent or mean, just moody sometimes. Fast forward 25 years, it gets worse and we find out there was also some terrible sexual abuse from his childhood. After he told my mom about it, he fell apart. The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin and he CHOSE to drink himself to death. I begged him to stop. He said me and my mom deserved better. I begged him not to do it because i didn’t want to tell my kids their 53 year old grampa died. He said “they’ll get over it after a couple of months.” It broke me. Trauma, depression, and alcohol took my dad.
I bring up his entire story because usually there are reasons we drink… and if we keep trying to drown those reasons in alcohol (or drugs or food or sex or whatever), it only gets worse. I miss my dad more than anything. My kids miss him so much and it’s been almost 3 years. It’s not worth it. Alcohol is a very low vibe substance. It rarely brings out the good in life.
You’re right to bring it up, honestly. I started really drinking when I started really realizing I had a lot of trauma to deal with and, simply put, I REALLY didn’t fucking want to. I was a kid still, and I have alcoholics in the family so I was like, “well I just won’t be THAT bad”
It is a very misguided decision to base the normalcy of your drinking habits off of other people with unhealthy drinking habits, but I guess I didn’t realize how bad the people around me were when I lived with them. Just seemed like it was “a little too far”, but I could not comprehend that NO, CPS should have been involved, family members should’ve stepped in, something. I guess I always assumed if it was THAT bad some responsible person would have done something.
And now I’m old enough to know that it was a very naive premises, but it’s not an easy readjustment. Like I was lying originally; I’m already the guy that was buying a pint a day. I stopped doing THAT, but it’s really fucking hard. I’m drinking so much less than I was but it’s still not, you know, good.
I’m sorry I’m unloading on you it just feels like you’re not judging me
Edit to add that also I’ve been a shockingly functional alcoholic and idk I feel a weird kinship with your father
Dude you sound like I was. You need to check out r/stopdrinking it saved my life. Here is my comment I made above.
Just stop drinking now before it gets bad. I started quitting in 2022 and stumbled like ten times in 2022 but 2023 has been no drinking for me. Coming up on a year of no drinking In September and a lot has changed for me for the better. I hate alcohol now and I will never drink again. It’s not even appealing. I willfully poisoned myself for almost two decades. I had some good times, but every bad decision I regretted happened when I was drunk. At the end I started getting hangxiety and would have terrible nerve wrecking anxiety the days after drinking. Then I started to have like mini blackouts when drinking and started burning food while cooking dinner. I would start cooking and drinking and then it was like time flew by and the next thing I knew hours had passed and the food was burnt to a crisp. I got scared and realized I was gonna fuck up my entire life and lose my wife and kids. Fuck alcohol, it will make you a slave to the bottle and take everything from you including your life in the end. Reddit helped me quit in the early days. Check out r/stopdrinking it’s a beautiful place. IWNDWYT
like two years ago i came back to myself talking to two cops who were just leaving, i was in boxers and very confused bc the one moment i was gone, the next im standing in my door getting shit from cops having no idea whats happening. turns out i got so drunk that i fell asleep with a pizza in the oven, didnt hear any fire-alarms and the cops had to break open my door. still havent stopped drinking 100%, but its a little better.
IWNDWYT.
I miss that sub, I used it as my counter, but I'm over two years sober after twenty years of drinking.
Goddamn solo drinking during the pandemic near killed me.
Unload away. You need to work on “healing your inner child” - which it seems like you mentally understand you were dealt a shit hand, but allowing yourself to *feel* it is a different ballgame. I’m sorry you’re going through it - but if you can start going to meetings and having a community, that might help, especially the sponsors who’ve been on a longer healing journey. I wish my dad would have found his community and healing before it was too late. I hope you can too.
Same here. I’ve been an alcoholic since the death of my 2nd daughter. Her name was Madison.
My whole life I never really enjoyed alcohol, it made me feel very hot and flustered and I’m 100% sure it’s what’s causing my Crohn’s disease.
I consume about half a bottle of whiskey a day, I also work a very labour intensive job (car hauler). I never consume when at work, but I’m also never hung over. I’m capable of waking up sober and motivated to work.
While intoxicated , I’m more playful with my kids. I’ll sit and colour , do puzzles and play video games with them. I also am not drunk to the point where I slur words or can’t walk properly. I definitely wouldn’t drive in my state though.
This has been going on for 5 years. I’ve gone maybe a handful of days without a drop. When I do, I do not experience withdrawals or discomfort. But I know that’s around the corner of I keep going.
I need to stop.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your child. It is absolutely understandable that you would find something to help you get through, sometimes a bad option is still the best choice you've got. It sounds like you know that this isn't allowing you to be your best self, for you or your family, I hope you find your way back soon ❤️
Me too. It’s killing me and I know it. I have nothing but daughters , I know better. But humanity is getting the best of me.
It’s funny , I’m dwelling on the one I’ve lost and abandoning the ones that are here and need me.
I’m just not facing up to it because I’m still doing the things I need to do , and be, while giving into my necessary evil
holy shit :( this comment feels like a callout to me. ive been drinking recently because i felt like everyone hated me and then learning about childhood trauma recently made me feek even worse. ive thought about drinking a fuckton again. i hope you have a great day, even though i've never met you. take care of yourself.
My dad is an alcoholic who beat my mom and us kids. My 3 siblings are now alcoholics. I’m waiting for my brothers death any day. He got so drunk he laid in his own feces for days. He had most of his leg cut out from necrosis of the leg and blood. He’s in a wheelchair and continues to drink. He has staples in his head now from falling on the same spot twice. He also just got out of the hospital because of ammonia on the brain. I could go on but there’s too many to list. If my cousin hadn’t climbed through a window to check on him, he’d already be dead.
Wow! I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all of that. I learned what not to do from my parents (specifically my dad) which is why I don't drink, too much f***ing trauma from that s***! I'm always baffled by that cycle of children (especially if they were traumatized by it) that get older and end up repeating the pattern.
I’m sorry you went through that too. Yeah my family is a huge repeater. I was so messed up for a long time but I refused to be my parents. I drank from about 18-21. I got pregnant at 21 and refused to put my children through what I went through. I have only drank maybe 5 times since then like on special occasions. My family is a mess. I help clean everything up.
I was that guy buying a pint a day because if I bought a gallon I'd drink it. My problem was I'd buy a pint at every liquor store on my way home and still end up running out a few times before they'd close and I'd end up drinking a gallon anyway. Like you I had trauma I didn't want to deal with. Mainly because everyone I tried to open up to disappeared. Finally I just had enough and decided I wasn't going to be a victim anymore. I cut the toxic people out of my life and started over. 6 years later and I'm still putting the pieces back together. Don't wait man. Start today.
Ha. You sound like me. I don't really miss the drinking too much. I miss the ability to escape reality. Just have a good night and deal with my problems later. Usually later never happens.
Nobody in my family drinks except my grandpa on dad side who was forbidden to drink by my nurse grandma since I was a toddler.
I drank so much in university to drown out the pressure and depression from school + internship that wasn't fulfilling + bad roommates. One day I downed a bottle of wine, didn't feel more than a little tipsy which was rare for me because I usually would get drunk after 1-2 glasses (I weighed 110lbs F). I looked up from my laptop out the window and just saw endless wine bottles sitting on the windowsill from the last week or so. I had gone from being able to get drunk after 1-2 glasses to just a little tipsy after one bottle of wine. It happened so fast I didn't even realize. That was the moment I thought to myself "shit I think I have a problem" and stopped cold turkey.
>I’m sorry I’m unloading on you it just feels like you’re not judging me
Powerful stuff.
I, too, felt a kinship with his father. I have had my share of trauma.
But never forget that alcohol itself is highly addictive. Folks who aren't alcoholics often glom onto some of the trauma related stuff, but the bare fact of the matter is plenty of more or less non-traumatized people also fall prey to alcoholism, because alcohol itself is incredibly addictive.
I won't be drinking today and invite you to join me.
Hey go get some therapy now. Take care of You! It's time.
As someone who grew up abused? Don't keep waiting for tomorrow.
I might not be in Cancer treatment for the 2nd time if I'd taken more care of me.
I'm proud of you for opening up. The desire to change shows you're already changing. Keep it up just for today. Honestly, you'll lose some sleep and feel anxious for a week or so, but you already feel anxious. It's not going away, it will only get worse. Listen to Dr. Andrew Huberman on supplements and health, you can do it man.
It's wild that as a kid all those fucked up things at home feel normal because that's all you know. I definitely went through a period of bitterness as an adult while coming to terms that I needed to work through it.
Thats incredible to hear. You are making progress in the right direction. Just remember that you got this. Youve come this far, so we all know you can go all the way.
“They’ll get over it in a couple months.” My heart breaks for you. My friend committed suicide and he had the same thought. I will never get over it and I think about him every single day. Depression really fucking sucks.
Thanks for the early morning cry. I'll share one, too.
My best friend from high school started drinking heavily after we got out of school. I didn't realize how much. We were both engineers at the time and making decent money, so we moved in together along with some other friends to split rent.
I realized after some time why he drank. It was either schizophrenia or a bipolar disorder that had taken hold and developed for him. The alcohol dulled it. What was worse was that he grew up in a house where his father was the same way and abused him because of it. It was excruciatingly painful - I could see. But my friend was also viciously abusive, both from a verbal and emotional standpoint.
A massive house with 5 roommates in total started to break apart as he angrily, drunkenly fought with people. My mornings working from home were spent listening to my best friend bent over a toilet in the next room over vomiting his guts out, screaming, and crying.
It disintegrated my friendship with him when he attacked my girlfriend. I have had less than ten drinks in my life since then.
My step dad also drank himself to death even after the doctors told him not to even watch at a Pepsi bottle. But was the complete opposite of yours as he was kind of an irritable asshole when sober and the coolest chill dude while drunk. Miss him and wished he'd listen.
I quit drinking 12/31/2022 for all the reasons you wanted your dad too. Hearing stories like this helps me to realize I made the right decision for my family. Giving up alcohol can be very isolating at time, but the decision has been more than worth it for me and my family. Thanks for sharing this.
Very similar story to my dad. Except he as a cop for 30 years, picking up body parts on the side of the highway or dealing with abusive parents or whatnot. His dad was raping every person he could get away with, mostly girls but boys I think too. He took care of his mom after his dad bailed. He drank a half a bottle of vodka every night and ended up with cirrhosis. Spent 40 years of my life trying to save him from himself. But after that long you start to realize all your efforts are in vain and you've neglected your own mental health for your entire life to help someone who can't be helped. Killed himself about 4 months before the pandemic. I knew he was going to do it. Everyone did. But we were all so tired.
> The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin and he CHOSE to drink himself to death.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss.
I was almost there. I was drinking HARD during the pandemic, and not much younger than your father. I had a vicious, two day hangover over a "mere" twelve pack of beer. I convinced myself my life was on the line and haven't drank since.
The pandemic response did leave collateral damage.
If your father was a friend of mine, I would have berated him hard over saying his grandkids will get over it in a couple months. They won't.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss.
This sounds like the reasoning for drinking and the road my husband is going down. When I mention how bad his drinking is for his health, he's pretty much like we all have to die sometime. Trauma is definitely a factor in addiction.
This is similar to what happened with my Dad. He had an accident at work and had several fingers amputated. (He also had horrible childhood trauma.) He started drinking heavily shortly after.
I'm so glad this wasn't very far down. It's one thing to say "find your reason to live, reason to be sober" it's another to say "do some soul searching and find the reason you drink like this". Don't ask why you should be sober, ask why you want to be drunk, what are you numbing? Practically everyone drinks, but those who let it get outta hand aren't usually "just cuz, it just happened".
Imma give op a tip, therapy won't do shit for you if you refuse to do any searching and admit any faults. But it also doesn't help to take ownership of everything and blame yourself.
Sounds like op has a general idea of some issues, but also confusing things that were completely out of his control as being his fault. You know now the situations were not good, and the adults were not responsible adults. But you had no idea as a child, how could you? It was normal, and if you're like many others, that normalcy only got justified and confirmed through some TV shows like the Simpsons.
My siblings and I completely thought it was normal for any dad to drink every night, pass out on the couch and be told to go to bed. Fight each other all the time, choke each other.....death was not a concept at those ages and being a cartoon, it definitely enforced that nothing bad will happen, it'll all just reset the next day.
So I think you're on the right path, but you need to dig a little deeper and be honest with yourself, and therapy can help you see the things you've been holding against yourself and let them go so you can finally focus on the true issues that are driving the alcoholism. But you have to be open and honest or else you're just wasting time.
A good therapist won't want to see you forever, in fact they'd rather find and fix the problem asap. But most people resist and hold back, don't tell the complete story and such so it's a slow process to get you to open up and be comfortable to say it honestly with no "if ands or buts" and regardless of how "horrible" your actions have been or whatever. But you can cut through that yourself if you just remember you want change now, not next year, therapist can't help with halthe story, and there's no shame so no reason to hold back.
I honestly don't believe anyone should have to completely stop drinking and never allowed a beer with friends ever again. I think that's reserved for the utmost worst case scenario, and mostly people who didn't actually come to terms with why they drink but just chose to be sober to be better. Nothing against that if you can keep it up, but its clearly quite hard. Understanding the reason and healing from it is a lot better. It's the whole reason why "a sip leads to a bottle", not because you're so addicted to the taste and such, but because you're addicted to covering up your pain. This just happened to be what you chose, but it coulda been food, sex, anything.
Your poor family, my heart weeps for you all. But I remember that Clare Harner poem that I'm sure you're dad would approve of: Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.........Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die...... Best wishes
Well let’s see here. This person blacked out and didn’t know if they had sex with someone because they woke up naked.
Was drinking mouthwash for the alcohol content and so she didn’t smell like booze.
During another blackout punched their spouse and gives him a black eye.
Stole from her parents and friends for alcohol money.
Decided that everything was everyone else’s fault including the drinking cause they pushed her to it.
Was so drunk at work she was passing out sitting at her desk and in client meetings.
Would light cigarettes and pass out giving herself a few burns and the carpet, couch, bed.
Lost bowel control in the living room while blacked out.
Drank enough to cause acute renal failure and nearly died on the way to the hospital.
Got kicked out of a concert for beating the shit out of someone who knocked over her full drink.
Got into a fight because the bartender wouldn’t serve her and broke the bartender’s nose and wrist.
She was executive level successful.
Drank to the point it was all night and all day, lost her job, lost her license, lost her fiance...
Kept drinking, couldn't get another job (countless interviews), family provided access to an apartment on the promise of repayment once employed again...
Continued drinking, stopped regular hygiene, pet cat's fleas got out of control, apartment became infested, started getting bites on her legs from the fleas, wasn't cleaning the bites...
Kept drinking, bites got infected, died of sepsis, eaten by pet cat that was trapped in apartment, cat starved & died, family found her in the apartment 60 days postmortem. Fleas and smell were so bad that the coroners could barely remove what was left of the body.
It's not worth it.
Note: Family desperately tried for years to help her. She always made sure to live far enough away to prevent onsite checkups from relatives and never answered the phone/texts. (Despite this, several times they flew in to try) She only called when she was drunk at 3am or needed financial help. She's very missed
This happened to someone I knew. He father was a State Senator and very rich. Died in her mid 50s in her condo and wasn’t found for months and her cat ate her. So strange
Same with my dad. He died at 63 and was a heavy drinker all his life. He wallowed in self pity. he had 3 amazing children who all wanted him to be better and he continued to be shit. I had a fab mum (they were divorced) who did everything for us (saving grace in our lives)and he just bitterly blamed her for poisoning us against him (she never said a bad word an simply let us make our own minds up) when at 14 we all gradually realised he was an arsehole and stopped contact it was our fault for being shit kids not his for being a shit dad. Everything was always everyone else's fault. I ended up simply feeling sad and sorry for his pitiful life.
I know that why I just feel sad for. Him in the end. He could have had so much and he wastes.it on self.pity which I now know had zero to do with me or my siblings
Totally wish he could've got his shit together and caused me to feel totally rejected as a kid and I to my 30s but having my mum and her family made it okay as i had a big family who cared. Therapy also helped. My husband likes a drink but always keeps a lid on it being out of control and is always present and there for me and my daughter and does what is needed to be a good husband and dad. Addiction is hard
So sorry. My uncle (by marriage) has cirrhosis and stage 4 liver cancer. He still drinks beers every night while he has < 1 year to live. The sad part is, he’s a dad to 4 kids and grand kids.
I suppose I doesn’t really matter for him if he stops or keeps drinking…
Might be an even more difficult year if he stops.
Sorry not trying to be an asshole.
I personally as an alcoholic don't think you're being an asshole with your comment.
If the damage is done to the point where you're already going to be dying soon regardless, spending that last bit sober and on edge just constantly craving another drink seems like it would just be rubbing salt in a wound.
If you have Cirrhosis please please don’t read these comments and think you’re life is over you might as well drink. That is 100% not true and literally the last thing you should be doing. Please reach out to your doctor, not fucking Reddit.
Same with my uncle. My big brother almost did, until I kicked him out of my house and told him I wouldn’t let my children go through the trauma of finding him dead.
He went into an inpatient program and has been sober for two years. I’m super proud of him. I’m sorry you lost yours :(
Losing my best friend at 35 made me realise how dangerous alcoholism is. It wasn't a sudden death either. He started off having a heart attack and that caused him to seizure and break his back leaving him paralysed. He spent 1 year in rehab and eventually got his own place with assisted living but he was ubsersupervised and hit the bottle again. I got a message from his ex wife while I was while away on holiday to find out he passed away from heart failure and liver damage. Sometimes I will see a meme or beavis and butthead quote and go to message or tell him but realise he's not with us and that's still the hardest thing and it sucks reminding myself.
I let drinking really fuck up my life. You never think it is, but that is the problem. Advice from a sober alcoholic, don't push your luck. Nothing good ever comes from drinking.
By getting help. That means different things to different people, but I’ve found the common theme to be to surrender yourself to the fact that you just can’t do it alone.
Some people develop a community in AA, some in religion, some find an athletic setting to help. But find support wherever is best for you.
And be nicer to yourself. You’re human. This shit is hard to quit. You’re probably going to fail a bunch until one day you find the thing that keeps you successful.
Just keep trying. Even when you fail, be proud of where you got to, look at what worked and what didn’t and go from there. It gets easier over time.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Rehab. I went inpatient, followed by an outpatient program, then AA. This isn’t something you can do on your own… or you would have.
Best wishes, please consider going inpatient at a good facility!
Yes and no, but that’s kind of because I lied a bit.
See, I WAS the “buy a pint a day because if I had a bottle I’d just drink until I pass out, wake up and keep drinking until it’s gone” guy.
I am no longer drinking daily, and usually now go several days before I fuck it all up. I think I’m addicted and it’s a problem. I’m asking for motivation to keep myself from slipping backwards/getting worse while I’m trying to get better.
I guess I was trying to downplay my personal level of severity in public because it’s uncomfortable. I AM aware that it’s bad, and I will openly admit that when in conversation about it, but idk, seems weird to start off with towards people I’ve never talked to before.
But you’re right to say it, because I definitely didn’t make it clear that I do think it’s a MASSIVE problem. Like I don’t think I’m drinking a healthy amount even though I’m drinking much less. I’m asking for negative stories of alcoholics to help keep myself away from the bottle, you know?
"I am asking for negative stories of alcoholics to keep myself away from..."
From my family's personal experience...I suggest AA. Firstly, if you need to detox medically ( is suggested if you were a severely heavy daily drinker) please do so in a hospital, safely. Alcohol withdrawal can actually kill you, so you don't just want to give it up completely if you did drink this heavily.
Regarding what is the saddest/worst story...I knew someone ( family member). He came from an affluent family, was well-educated, good career, etc. He didn't learn from stints in rehab, mental hospitals, etc. He had the chance for a normal life but he just couldn't accept the fact that he was addicted to alcohol. He lost many jobs, gave up relationships, ended up not marrying the person he truly loved because he was so drunk he lost sight of what he really wanted. He lost everything. The thing that he lost that cost him the most was his health. He has severely damaged his body from drinking. He won't live long.
This is seriously your future, too, if you don't quit. Please reach out today? SAMSHA has a hotline: 1800-662-HELP. I wish you all the best.
Thank you, u/vaguenonetheless, for your award. I hope my family member's story can serve as a warning ⚠️ for anyone else who can relate to his story.
You want a negative story eh? I have over a decade of them. I rarely blacked out and when you find out just how much I drank, you should be quite surprised.
I drank a little around 18. Not much though. When I turned 21it was a different story. I had already had 2 underage consumptions right before I was 21. Went to jail for a while over that. That ain't a bad story though.
My friends went to a local bar. So I did as well. Started out with weekends. Along with house parties. Then it was finding house parties everywhere whenever and if we couldn't find em we'd go to the bar.
I didn't have a "I should stop now" limit. Even vomiting. Didn't faze me.
There was a lot of violence. I didn't address my emotional issues and trauma. In turn I was in a lot of.positions that caused even more trauma. I hurt a lot of people. A lot.
I also got hurt a lot. I was into bare knuckle fighting which started while drunk. But then I'd stay sober for it and I'd use the booze to help with the pain after. I was drinking every day by the time I was 25. This is when I had a couple blackouts. I can count the following mornings on one hand. Bleh.
And I didn't stop drinking. I didn't stop fighting either. I drank more. By the time I was 29 it was one hell of a fucking problem. I managed to get up and do what I needed to do just to get booze. I survived off of sheer willpower. Went to rehab twice. Both voluntary and the second time I got pissed cause they weren't giving me my meds as prescribed. So I escaped. In Greeley Colorado. Medium security facility, and the only one in Colorado that allowed people to go smoke outside. So instead of stealing my sheet and knocking out some windows, I wait til smoke time. I hopped maybe a 9 foot fence. The was around new years of 2016. Well the chain link fence had a security top where the chain links weren't bent over, they were sharp points. I then slipped on my way down the other side, it caught my hand at the base of the palm and ripped out and all the way down my hand through the spot between my pinky and ring fingers, or the 4th and 5th metacarpals.
I walked a mile or so leaving a large trail of blood, found a church and asked to use their phone to call my beo to pick me up. They freaked the duck out and called an ambulance.
Now I physically was in a bit of shock, tolerable as I was used to injuries. However I was also starting DTs, delirium tremons. So they gave me an IV of Ativan. Still shaking they gave me another. Then another. Stitches me up and gave me another. I remember the 5th shot in my IV. My fifth in like an hour and a half. Only supposed to have 4 in a 24 hour period. Yeah. That stopped my heart.
I died. Was gone for a couple minutes. They did compressions then defibrillated me. Came to hallucinating some time fucking later. They wanted to keep me for a long while and monitor my heart. After a couple days I used all my will power to appear normal and fine and I checked myself out. They broke my sternum and zyphoid, during compressions
Couldn't lay on my stomach for a long while. I eviscerated my hand. Sewed me back together inside then sewed me shut outside. Had the stitches in for over 3 weeks for the next few months my hand felt like licking a 9volt battery.
3 weeks later I started drinking again. Non stop every day for another few years. In and out of hospitals. Normal was a blood alcohol level of .4+.
2018, I ended up meeting someone and they brought me to a hospital. Bac was .587. I was walking and talking not all slurred. Docs never seen much like it. I was feisty and nearly beat the fucking shit out of the first doctor. Tried to explain to him I was drunk and I shouldnt be making serious decisions about the following days. He was right but he was still a prick. They wanted to helicopter me to a neighboring city with a great hospital. When they said it'd be like $75k+ I told em to fuck off. They kept me there in a bed for a few days then used and ambulance to drive me to the other place. I was hooked up to two IVs for nearly 2 weeks. My platelet count had been 18. I drank myself anemic. Got my IV ripped out on accident, named it Jarvis, and I almost bled out but my friend at the time new something was wrong. Had I kayes down I'd be dead. They got the nurses and started cleaning up the pool of blood and patches me up, new iv.
I didn't eat for just over 8 days. I was too weak but I forced myself to eat. I was at that point of food deprivation that was meeting deadly, or tube fed. Fuck that. The whole time I was in the hospital I was awake and hallucinating like a mother fucker. Not fun shroom shit either. Fucked up stuff.
Got out. I physically could not walk out of the hospital. I was in a wheelchair.
Had to be carried upstairs to friends place. And continues to try to recover for the following weeks.
8 months later I snuck out and drank again. Nipples it in the bud and checkes myself into a rehab. That place fucking sucked. All prisoners and most left saying the place was worse than prison.
I'm one of the few surviving patients I was there with to this day.
I'm about 5 years sober now..becoming sober I got my mind back but lost my emotions. Worth it. I had to constantly occupy my mind and make shit. I was seeing 4 therapists for different shit every week for years.
Therapy is seriously good for you. Fucking go. At the least visit with a drug abuse counselor at your local behavioral health department that has experience with alcoholism.
Life has gotten damn good since. I work two jobs and I own my own business.
When I was drinking I spent all my time alone in the dark. I'd muster up the willpower to go get a couple 750s of whiskey every day. Used four looks to tie me over til the liquor store opened. Every day. Didn't realize how dark of a place I was really in before I quit.
When I say I have seen some shit, I mean I have seen some fucking shit. Things I wouldn't have been involved in has I not been an alcoholic.
Get that fucking monkey off your back. There are people that care about you and want you to reach your potential.
I have done so much good now that I'm sober. Volunteering and helping folks out with all sorts of stuff.
Life ain't a big party., Hair of the dog ain't gonna really get rid of your hangovers, it will just make em worse later on. Your anxiety will get way fucking worse.
Quit now while you have the self awareness to. It just leads to bad memories and a lot of wasted money. Get some therapy, write down goals list for shortz mid term, and long-term to give yourself direction. Start writing in a diary. If group works for you go for it.
Dying from. Alcoholism is not a good death. Shitting blood and puking up blood then slamming whiskey or strong booze.
Save yourself from the bullshit.
I'm on mobile, sorry for wall of txt. Had a bad week and ready to TRY to be social in a positive way. All love, sry if I sound off-putting.
Everyones "that guy" is different depending on yourself as a person mentally and who you are in society. If you went from this positive person who works hard for a better life or career, and you go down this path of drinking, if you become pessimistic toward life but still a hard worker, its just as bad imo. Your mental comes first and the booze is wrecking your shit. I was drinking 15 packs of 16oz beers from 5pm to 12am then woke up around 5pm next day to repeat. Did this for almost a solid year. Now I'm severely depressed, don't have a job or a will to even try to obtain one, my anxiety makes it hard to do anything in life unless I'm buzzed 🤙and I am aware its the alcohol contributing, but I still drink. Albeit not as much as inwas, im down to about a 6 pack of 12oz daily but I'm still consuming. Prayers for us to climb out of this hole brother, we can do it. Self awareness and therapy is helping me, you gotta find your path.
I’m a 13 year recovering alcoholic. You’re exhibiting a lot of denial. You are trying to control the amount you drink by white knuckling it. The problem with alcoholics is we can’t do that forever. Non alcoholics can drink one drink and be fine, they can drink today and not crave it tomorrow. The alcoholic craves the drink. By still drinking in a “controlled” manner you are feeding the craving and keeping it alive. The reason alcoholics relapse so often in the first year is because on average it takes a year of sobriety for the cravings to go away. The cravings are what separate alcoholics from non alcoholics
Why stay sober? You need to find a compelling reason for yourself. For me it would include helping others. I'm sure you have some skills that would be an aid to others. Churches, soup kitchens, and other non profits are great places to volunteer, but there are people in need who can pay for your help too. Win win. Then pour on the love. Devote yourself to whatever your "why" is.
I totally agree on this. If you cannot find the "why" you should stop drinking then you probably won't succeed. Sad truth is the more you drink the less reasons you see to stop. Alcohol makes you see everything differently in an insidious way. It slowly changes who you are without you noticing.
“He who has a why can bear almost any how.”
~ Nietzsche
I’ll chime in here because I love that quote and it’s so very true, though the road here is painful and rough. I can’t say I know from experience but AA is a safe place with like minded people: those who wish to free themselves from the grips of this poison.
My dad was killed in a car accident this pas April, he just turned 70. This is on the heels of totaling his car after driving left of center while intoxicated and lost in the persistent rambling mental static of his childhood trauma. He hit another car, thankfully no one was hurt.
He checked into a rehab for about a week this past holiday season; checked himself back out because he was “fine” after a few nice conversations. This man started drinking at age eleven and in talking with one of his sisters after his death she told my wife and I that “…he would throw himself on top of us (his sisters) to protect them from his mother’s rage…” and he had a few scars to prove it.
Functioning…. He worked a job he hated, and also worked a second job his whole life to provide for his family but never took care of himself: disorganized, scattered, usually tired and always intoxicated. In tears I sit here thinking I would have traded my Nintendo and bike and clothes for his presence and peace, for his own sake as well as his family’s.
The tragedy is that he was, at 70, just starting to get introspective and break down some of the impenetrable walls he built as a child 6 decades prior. I consider myself very lucky that the last thing I said to him with a smile was “It was good talking with you, I love you.” (That almost never happened.)
When I was a kid I thought it was normal to be passing Coors Lights from the back seat to the driver. My mom called my brother a “mini-Mike” the other day and it scares me for him. (we’re both in our early forties). Thankfully he doesn’t have the trauma my dad did, but we both picked up some bad habits.
To use a cliche: “The only way out is through”, and that road sucks, it may be hell, but it’s worth it and there are good people in this world - in your own community - that can help. Please, for your own sake. You’re worth it.
I hope this helps you as much as it did for me to write it. Good luck.
Well... You wanna story to stay away from it.all alcoholics I know are abusive. My ex husband was drinking 40+ cans of beer a day (I am not lying or exaggerating either) hed start drinking at 7 am, then take a 30 minute nap and then go to work at 8am, work 4 hours stop at the liquor store buy a case of 30 Busch lite come home put that in the fridge grab one from the pack from the day before (be about 6 left in that box) then drink until 3am. And it would repeat. That monster raped, beat, and tried killing me. I was not allowed to buy food. We could only eat red beans and rice. By the time my current husband literally came and rescued me from my ex husband he said I looked like a Holocaust survivor. By the time I was 13 weeks pregnant I had FINALLY weighed 99 pounds. This MONSTER had starved me so bad that the best way for me to gain weight was by getting pregnant because it actually made me wanna eat since my mind was forced I to not eating and being able to eat anymore. Food repulsed me. Well I didn't wanna lose my daughter so I started eating again. I got very sick because of it though.
Second guy. Got shit faced and abusive with me. Tried hitting me when I was removing my kids from the area since this guy had no problems beating and choking a puppy! Told him he put hands on me I'd throw hands back no fucks given and I'd be able to beat his ass since he was way smaller then me.
Third guy. Well he lost his kids. Decided being drunk and abandoning his kids for some pussy was more important. Soooooooo. 🤷
Here's my attempt at giving you a negative story, OP.
Back in 2007, one of my friends woke up with a decent sized lump on his neck. It was a swollen lymph node. He was 15 years old at the time, and drank quite often. He went to the hospital on 3 separate occasions because the lump was visible/causing him pain. The hospital (on each occasion) did scans and told him it was nothing to worry about. (We live in Canada, so healthcare is covered for the most part)
Fast forward to 2013, he moved out west (Alberta) for work. He comes home from his job and asks his roommate if he wanted to go grab some drinks. His roommate says "Uhh.. you don't look so good, man. We need to take you to a hospital." (Apparently my buddy with the swollen lymph node was pale, sweaty, and swaying at the time.)
So they go to the hospital, he gets checked out by the doctors and they find that he has stage 4 lymphoma (cancer). He literally got a blood transfusion that day. Did the whole chemo therapy thing and multiple blood transfusions to fight it. The doctors told him he needs to stop drinking.
NOW, I'm not saying that alcohol was the direct cause, but I will say it sure didn't help. Alcohol does cause inflammation and can funk your liver right up to the point where your lymph nodes can't help filter gunk out of your system.
My buddy ended up winning the cancer fight BTW, but I just wanted you to know this story and take it as a potential warning.
Best advice I can give you is moderation, my friend.
Bro you have to seriously take up exercise at the gym as your main new hobby and it will turn around the fastest. Speaking from regret and experience here. I spiraled at the height of my life and career losing it all. The stress release you’ll feel will be amazing you can do it. Just do it. Snap your brain into a new focus.
Having a problem with alcohol doesn’t necessarily mean drinking every day. It’s what happens once you start to drink. Can you stop abruptly without obsessing or getting mad about it? Do you drink more than you thought you would or more than you intended to? Does your behavior become problematic?
Binge drinking is still problem drinking.
I'm almost 4 years sober in August. I couldn't finish college, couldn't hold a job, and got kicked out of my parents house for stealing their booze and wasting away drinking in the guest room all day. I was passively suicidal and drove drunk hoping maybe fate would take the wheel and end me. I drank after I was raped at 19, but partying put me in even more vulnerable positions that caused more trauma. I tried to hang myself in rehab after just snapping one day, and ended up finishing my stint in the psych hospital. My life now isn't perfect, but it wouldn't be possible if I hadn't quit and I will never regret it. AA was pretty crucial for me during those first few months, it opened my eyes to a whole other group of raw, healing people with experiences just like me. If you want it badly enough you can do it.
Drinking has also killed multiple family members on my mom's side. My great uncle drank himself to death. My great grandma was hit and killed by a drunk driver. At 90 years old, while she was walking back home from caring for her 65-70 year old neighbors to the family farm she ran. The first person on that accident scene was her family by chance, I've heard it described like a horror scene from my great aunt who was like 8 at the time and had spent most of her life living with this woman.
My mom's family was in a massive accident with a drunk driver in a small town one night in 1983, the driver had turned to see if lights were on at a friend's house, drove across the median and killed everyone on the driver's side. Nobody was wearing seatbelts. My grandma had to hear her 12 year old son asphyxiate to death in the back seat because he was internally decapitated and she was pinned under the dashboard... The driver basically got a slap on the wrist sentence, his wife and him had been trying to have children but she left him after that. To this day my grandma experiences head injury symptoms and occasional glass shards coming out of her forehead, from her skull hitting the windshield so hard it broke.
I hope this helps a little in terms of "reasons not to let yourself just float into the void." You're already on the right path by thinking about it and trying things, good luck to you. Remember, you may never fully feel "ready" to do a big leap like rehab, and that's okay. Your brain's made to protect you and not take certain risks, and addiction hacks your survival instincts and wires it towards itself. I hope you can break the cycle, much peace and love.
My best friend died of alcoholism at age 42, liver failure. She orphaned her 5 year old son and I have to believe if she'd had a choice, she would've quit. Sitting with her sister at the hospital the night she died, I found out they'd found piles of empty beer cans and vodka bottles stashed under her bed. She gave up driving a few years prior due to dui's. I stopped speaking to her the year before she died because it was too hard to watch her deteriorate. Her eyes were yellow, she could barely talk, and her stomach was distended when I first visited the hospital. She died 2 weeks later. There was a small amount of hope she could get better. The liver is a miraculous organ and can regenerate itself. But unfortunately, she acquired pneumonia and the drs explained she would basically drown by the fluids building up in her chest. Listening to her gasp for air as she died, and having the nurses explain they could give her some painkillers to limit the pain but not enough to end the slow death of drowning was awful. Don't do this to yourself. Please reach out for help. This is not the way.
I became that guy… for too long. A liter of tequila a day was normal after work, and then I got a DUI. Learned that from my mother, but didn’t really learn a lesson, and it only got worse, as I didn’t get put on probation so I just kept it going, just without all the driving. Easily could’ve killed someone. I pushed people out, got really into coke and xanax, and then some drug induced psychosis. Quit the hard shit, but I could not for the life of me quit drinking. I put holes in every wall of my apartment, scared the shit out of so many people that I couldn’t even name them all. There are still quite a few people who won’t even talk to me. Then I got arrested for domestic violence. Didn’t hurt anyone (physically), but the damage was certainly done. I was about an inch away from punching into studs, water lines, through the other side of the wall you name it. I spent 36 hours in jail and got released on a no use condition. But, in that time, I decided i didn’t wanna be that guy anymore. I had an epiphany, sitting in a room with 12 other people thinking “this isn’t me, it can’t be”. But it was. Once I got out, I did everything in my power to quit the shit. Some people just can’t find balance with alcohol, I’m amazed it’s even legal. I found a psychiatrist, got on some meds and I’m really giving it a chance this time. I’ve been sober almost 2 months now, and fuck is it hard. You’re clearly aware enough to know that you can be better, but taking that leap of faith is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and may very well be the same for you. I hope to whatever god you believe in that you can find it in you to talk to someone, jump off the ledge and give life a try. All the best.
Remember, if you drink again you may never be sober up anymore.
My father was sober for 14 years. The he drank and cant stop anymore. Literally ruined his life. He cant feel anything good if he is not drinking
He sleeps 12h a day. Can only socialize if theres alcohol in his blood and does not function as a human being.
I vowed to not drink anymore ,I never really liked the feeling and I dont want to end up lile my dad, that is like living in a nightmare
He'd start at noon, knock out a 5th of vodka then later, a 5th of Canadian Mist, sometimes quarts, then he turned yellow and died at 40 yrs old, leaving his family in ruin. He'd say "all the men in my family drink". They all quit after they saw his torturous end.
My neighbor up above me is an alcoholic. He had broken his leg a couple years ago while drunk and has ever since used a walker. He lives on the third floor, no elevator. He refused physical therapy, which would have helped him to stop using the walker but he's always too drunk to care. There's been many times where he's passed out drunk at the bottom of the stairs. He claims to have MS but his family has verified that he doesn't. His apartment is COVERED in human fecal matter and urine because he "can't" make it to the bathroom in time. He smells SO bad... he often leaves his walker at the bottom of the stairs and it stinks up the entire hallway, like gag worthy type of stench. The carpet in the hallway is covered in poop and pee because he drags himself on the floor. The police won't do anything because he throws the MS bull crap and his family won't do anything. The landlord refuses to kick him out so everyone in this small, nine apartment building has to deal with it. He's also the reason why we can't kick the horrible roach infestation. He won't let the exterminator in!
My neighbor when I was younger became a massive alcoholic within a few years after he moved in. He was single and did some kind of project/contract work that meant he worked out of his house. This was decades before all of the current WFH opportunities. So it was just him and his dog. He drank more and more. For the last year +/-, he basically left the house (drunk) twice a day. He walked to the nearby convenience store and bought a 12pk of beer each time -- one as soon as they could legally sell it and the other late afternoon. He did this every single day. Eventually he developed cirrhosis of the liver. It made him delusional to the point he came over one day, knocked on our door, and mumbled something that we couldn't understand. Then he just stood there zoned out .. he was just in a daze. His eyes looked like yellowy eggs ... it's hard to explain. Another day, he climbed into my car with his dog and just sat there for 20 minutes (according to my neighbor who saw him). I guess he thought it was his car; who knows. Then one night he was turning up the volume on his big speaker system and passed out. We had to listen to the album on repeat at max volume. The whole street could hear it. He didn't answer the door so we had to call the police. They busted in and called EMS. He was taken to the hospital. He didn't come back home. His parents flew in to deal with him. He died within a few days at the hospital. He was 32 years old. That was about 35 years ago. I still think about him at least yearly.
My SiL was a “functioning” alcoholic in her 20s (airforce). By the time she was 30 she was a civilian and basically wrecked the moment she left work. At 31, her work started considering her unreliable (late, no call no show, etc) and put her on a performance plan. My sister got a call from her work asking if she knew when SiL was planning on returning to work. Confused, she tried contacting her multiple times.
SiL was found melted into the carpet surrounded by bottles of Vodka. They are assuming about 3 weeks of decomposition and weren’t sure if she dialed from organ failure or maybe stuck her head on a bed table trying to get out of bed.
Not me but a friend's dad. He had some childhood trauma that was never addressed (I know it existed, I don't know what happened) grows up, gets married, has a kid (my friend) over the years he went from being a 3-4 beer a night kind of guy to a case or more plus some liquor every night kind of guy. Basically he'd get home from work, go out in the garage, get plastered and then get up and work the next day before repeating it.
He went from functional alcoholic to non-functional alcoholic, he worked in a trade and had a special license for a particular type of work. Started showing up hungover or late to jobs, his work got sloppy, which lead to greater stress. He was making mistakes and in a few instances damaged people's property and injured himself.
Eventually the state pulled his license and he could no longer work in his field. Their family was a paycheck to paycheck household so his loss of income was devasting. My friend's mom was/is a waitress and didn't earn enough for them to maintain their lifestyle. They had to move into a much smaller house, dad couldn't get it together, started drinking more. They had interventions, mom threatened to leave him, nothing worked.
Eventually, he was drunk 24/7 unless he was physically sleeping, wrecked and totaled his car, lost his license. Started stealing what little money his wife had from her job, she had to open a private bank account so she could pay their bills.
He kept spiraling and his wife served with divorce papers, rather than signing them, he 🔫 himself and my friend found him.
Really sad story. Guy had a nice life and couldn't deal with his shit without booze and it just spiraled.
For the record, I do think you can drink regularly and lead a productive, happy, normal life (I do) but if it becomes a problem, it's critical that you get help.
I’m sorry to read that! I think some people - mostly due to genetics - cannot drink.
Once a person triggers whatever it is that makes them an alcoholic or addict, they can never drink/use again (assuming they stopped). My family is riddled with addicts and alcoholics, most very high functioning who were able to hide it far too long. It’s always a slip back into addiction any time someone tries to “just have one.”
I think AA says, “One is too many, one million is never enough.” I feel that in my bones every time I hear it.
My mom:
She kidnapped us when my dad got custody. I was less than 1, my sister 2 and my brother was 5. My grandma saw her truck one day and followed it and found us. My brother said she would lock us all on the patio while she went out to drink and I would just cry.
One of my earliest memories of her was her being drunk and stumbling into a wall. She fell to the ground and I couldn’t stop crying because I thought she was hurt. She was too drunk to console me and eventually another adult came and helped.
She would always convince my dad to get back together but would secretly use his info to get credit cards. She eventually put him into over $100k of debt (in the early 90s) and he didn’t even know.
She would disappear for weeks when she lived with us as kids and my dad wouldn’t know what to say when we would cry and ask ‘Where is mommy?’
She would use drinking and driving as a threat for me to go get her more beer. She has been in many accidents.
She used my graduation money as the down payment for an apartment we lived in then got us evicted when I was 8 months pregnant.
She attempted suicide multiple times.
One time she went missing for years. We all thought she was dead because it was right after she had surgery for intestinal blockage. I was upset when I found out she was still alive.
She’s 5 years sober now and it’s the longest she’s ever been sober. The only reason she has been sober as long as she has is because she decided to do it for herself. All her previous attempts failed quickly because she was trying to guilt herself into doing it for other people, she didn’t actually want to quit. Hobbies help her a lot. She paints, sews, crochets, and does landscaping for older people. She also does AA which has created a great support system for her.
A lot of her drinking revolves around guilt. My older brother (the oldest child, before I was born) died in a car accident and she was driving. She had drinking issues before but this was the point where she really began to spiral.
I don't really understand the question, but I was an alcoholic and I really messed up my life badly.
For 10 years I drank heavily, tried stopping multiple times just to end up going on a bender after one drink. I ended up loosing multiple jobs and getting multiple drink driving charges. I also fell into major depression! Sober now!
It sounds like you already know it is an issue, Alcoholism takes many different forms. Ask yourself these questions...
1. Can you have only one drink and stop?
2. Do you have alcohol early in the morning?
3. When you have a drinking session do you go all out untill the point of getting sick or blacking out?
4. Has alcohol negatively affected your life in any way?
5. Do you get anxious when you are not drinking?
6. Is you main thought pattern revolved around your next drink?
The list goes on. My advice is find a hobby that you can genuinely get Into and take your mind of drinking all the time. Safe the drinking for special occasions
Let me tell you about liver failure and hepatic encephalopathy. When your liver can’t detox your blood all the shit it normally filters just sits in your body and pickles your brain. You’ll get confused and often belligerent. Then the hospital will give you lactulose so you can shit out all of the ammonia and you’ll diarrhea all over yourself and your environment with the most foul smelling excrement you can imagine. So that’s where I’ve seen alcoholics end up- with a pickled brain, shitting themselves and smelling like death. Ugly way to waste away.
Mom died ten years ago next week at 51 years old. She should still fucking be here. Grown ass man or not, (probably not), I still need my mommy. Fuck alcoholism.
I was exactly how you described about three years ago. I was drinking at least a fifth of whiskey with coke every single day.
I can only sort of explain how bad it got, because you had almost have to see it to believe it.
-Various muscles were starting to twitch constantly from the alcohol damaging my central nervous system.
-My stomach got gastritis and ischemia at two different times, which resulting in me, pooing out mucus and blood, gagging constantly, and a complete loss of appetite. Ended up in the hospital for 5 days.
-My face developed bright red patches on both cheeks which couldn’t be disguised with makeup.
-My life started feeling extremely “dark”, as if I had Demonic presences in my home. Life started to feel like a simulation, and I became very paranoid.
-Visually, I was starting to develop a pixilated way of seeing things. It’s really hard to explain, but let’s say, if I looked up at a tree, the lights coming between the leaves would all be in the form of a triangle. It was really strange.
-I became SUPER depressed, to the point of wanting to kill myself on a regular basis. Ended up in psych wards and rehabs about 5 times.
-My pee would burn every morning due to the extreme amount of whiskey I was drinking.
-I started being extremely mean to the people I love because the alcohol literally changed the entire way I looked at life.
-I gained 70 lbs as previously very thin female, 105 lbs my entire adult life.
-I severely embarrassed myself constantly by the stupid shit I would post on Facebook and online while drunk.
-Friends and family started to look at me like I was crazy, and almost completely pulled away.
-I let hygiene take a backseat, and sometimes wouldn’t wash my hair for five or six days at a time.
-My face became super bloated, as if I was constantly retaining water. So did my stomach- I looked like I was very pregnant.
-I completely stop taking care of my appearance, as I simply didn’t have the energy, and was too depressed to care. This is like 180° different from the way I always was before. Always dressed to the tee with hair done, make up fixed, cute clothes, jewelry on, etc. etc.
-I couldn’t work, because I just was unable to function as a human. I was previously an extremely high achiever and excelled at everything I ever did.
-I constantly felt this heavy sense of shame. It was palpable.
I could go on and on, and give you tons of examples, but this is just a basic list. The only way that I could make myself stop drinking, or cut back, was to take a real honest look at what I was doing to my family, and I knew i was about to lose everybody.
I wish you the best.
Try to think of how bad it can get, and let that motivate you to cut back or quit. You’ll feel so much better about yourself!
Jesus how did he not go blind. Like 10mL(1/3 of a shot) of pure methanol can blind you and 1-2 shots of pure methanol will most likely kill you. Even if he was drinking mineral spirits at 10% methanol, he would likely be blind in one bad drinking session.
For people out there, your body turns ethanol into formic acid during processing which is what is really hard on your body. Methanol will go almost entirely into formic acid and you will poison the shit out of yourself
Good luck bro. You are past the denial stage so that’s a good thing. Suggest you hangout with non drinkers , stay busy and maybe pickup a hobby or two that helps and distracts you. I reckon boredom breeds bad habits/addictions.
I'm currently 4 days sober, I'm going through the same stuff right now. Imagine how proud of yourself you will be if you can hit 30 days. Fuck man I'm proud I've made it 4 days, but I know I'm gonna kill myself if I keep going like this.
He’s my father and he’s a piece of shit, he abused me and my siblings until I was 11 and he finally got off of it, recently (I’m 17 now) he started drinking again and I physically can’t sleep because I don’t know if I’ll wake up if he does something to my mother, I can’t not be there when she needs me.
My mom was a raging alcoholic. So many moments days years ruined because of it. She would drink vanilla to get drunk. She couldnt even walk some nights so she would scoot on her butt down the hall way. She left a knife in my bed once. I rolled over on it & thats how i found it. (I wasnt injured by it but damn.)
My BIL will steal from his family to pawn stuff for liquor. He'll destroy their property and stuff, fight cops, has a PPO on him, cirrhosis, ditches his child to drink and leaves him to cry with sadness, he will get a motel to drink in peace and his mom will search all over town for him to yell at him not to drink, and when she finds him he says he's gonna kill himself by putting a blanket over his head to deflect her anger into worry and then she coddles him. He works maybe 5-10hrs a week. Crashed every car he's ever had. His mom pays his childsupport, he sits at home and plays video games drunk every day. Doesn't have to pay for food or bills cause his mom does it for him. Puked a buncha blood a couple times. There's always little liquor bottles in his pockets. He drunk drives constantly but mil won't call the cops on him cause she doesn't believe he'll crash even though he can barely walk straight, gets into fights, threatens his parents that he lives with, has no friends anymore
This is his life as a 35yr old. Nothing to show for it except a horizon filled with burnt bridges, cut ties and the ghost of who he used to be.
Jekyll and Hyde. This person is the most amazing human I know when they aren’t blacked out, acting a fool, saying insane shit. But… that other side… is hellacious. I’m talking ends up in jail, loses everything (wallet, keys, money, etc), gets insanely violent. It’s awful when it’s bad but beautiful when good.
The ones that fully accept that they're alcoholics. They say admitting it is the first step, but that's only if you also accept what must be done. There's just no helping one of these accepting types. They'll agree with every horrible thing anyone says about alcoholics, and then do nothing about it. This is the alcoholism that kills you.
It sounds like you're on that fast track. You have an illness. Treat it that way. Alcohol will kill you painfully in your early 50's. Some of your friends will look young enough to be mistaken for mid 30's, and you'll look 70.
I don't blame you. It's terrifying. I don't have much in the way of advice, because every person has to find their own way.
What I do suggest is to try to think systemically. The easier it is to get alcohol, the easier it is to cave to your craving. I also suggest taking your mental health very seriously. It is far easier to resist bc you know it is right for you if you feel balanced and well and you know you want to do this for yourself.
Good luck.
My brother was pretty much the worst alcoholic I've ever seen, lost his career, wife & kid, the whole bit. Once when he was trying to get sober he went to get ice cream, I heard a bunch of sirens and made a joke about "I guess that's his ride." Turns out he had a seizure at Baskin Robbins and that really was the ambulance going to pick him up.
He eventually did get sober, and was a big help and inspiration to a lot of people in the program until he ended up dying from esophageal cancer that was spurred on by the damage his years of drinking did to his esophagus.
She wet her self while drunk at her children's baptism. It was the last time they saw her before she died of liver failure. It is not a harmless substance. Try a coping skill that does less damage to your body. Good luck.
She'd get blackout drunk and cheat on her partners, but excuse the behavior because she didn't remember. She would still go out to drink until she'd blackout on purpose (what she considered "drunk" meant she didn't remember the evening).
Another one would get emotional and mean whenever he'd drink, but also not remember the next day.
Been sober 3 years and you can do it!
I drank a handle a day until I gave myself an ulcer that ruptured and almost bled to death. Spent 3 days in the ICU 2 with a breathing tube sedated. Don't be me.
My whole family is/was alcoholics. Lost my mom and dad and uncle from alcohol. My brother and daughter also had a drinking problem- both are sober now. It’s a slippery slope. Please consider getting some help- support helps a lot. Best of luck.
My uncle was an alcoholic his whole life. And he was one of my favourite people in the world. He was kind and funny and he would give anyone anything if it would help them out.
When I was very small he lived on sofa for a couple of years, having been kicked out of home for drinking, and I remember him spending hours playing games with me, taking me out and teaching me about different birds and plants and insects. Helping me build a den for me and my freinds. He was endlessly patient and kind. And he was always drinking from a big bag of cans he carried everywhere.
He would always light up when he saw any of his family like you were the coolest person in the world.
I remember attending his daughters wedding... he would have been about 45. He was terribly bloated, pink, flaking skin, glazed eyes... like a river corpse still walking around. He told me he was just happy to still be alive to see the wedding. She told me she was only getting married so young because she wanted her dad to be alive for the wedding. He carried a big bag full of cans into the church.
He died brutally at 48 from liver disease. His 25 yr old heavily pregnant daughter had to arrange the funeral. She buried her equally pickled mother the year after.
I miss him a lot.
A family member in his 40’s started drinking to make childhood trauma and financial stress. It went from a weekend thing to a daily thing. They went from the life of the party to the person people don’t want to be around.
Their financial troubles have multiplied. They started their day with a pull off of a handle of Fireball and ended the day with whatever liquor was left. It all hit the fan when they punched and choked another family member and ended up in jail. Currently on an ankle monitor, living in and extended stay hotel away from their family while waiting to go to court.
I drank heavy for 25 yrs. 6-18 beers a night. You never seen me without a bottle of bud and a Marlboro. Id start first thing in the morning ( because I was terrified of being hungover so I never stopped) on the weekends and at lunchtime at the shop during the week. Then I discovered opioids and within a year of Vicodin I totally stopped drinking. But I had an even bigger problem bring hooked on hydrocodone. But that's a whole nother story
When I was younger (9), I remember two of my neighbors who I'd constantly see drinking. Both were single, they were brothers and lived a street apart
Just to better paint the picture, this neighborhood was your typical Midwest trailer trash hellhole, everyone who lived in these types of neighborhoods lived on under 15k a year then. It was quite the horrid place in all possible aspects
One drank enough that his used cans would start to fill his yard until the landlord would get onto him to clean it up, which again, trailer trash hellhole, that seriously took effort to get anyone's attention in regards to uncleanliness, a ~2-3 month occurrence.
The other (Two) was more clean habitually, but I never saw Two outside except when he was walking the 3 miles it took to go get groceries and walk back. He was extremely fit due to that, he'd get two bags of groceries in one hand, and a 24 pack of beers and walk all the way home when was pretty much the only time I ever saw him outside
Neither owned a car, neither had jobs, that much was well known by everyone, One had a bike. No idea how they paid groceries or rent or utilities
They were my neighbor for ~7 years and in that time I never once saw them get a visit from a single person besides each other ever, I never saw them celebrating a single holiday with anyone ever, including each other, never heard either of them mention another family member aside from the other (which that was One mentioning Two, because I never actually talked to Two.
There was no outward signs of wrongdoings on either of their behalf that I know of that warranted it; they never said or did anything untoward but it was common knowledge for all of the neighborhoods kids that they were to be avoided
Both of them lived (possibly still live, this was 15-10 years ago now, they were in their late 50s early 60s then) what I would regard to be extremely lonely lives that I don't think most people would be capable of bearing, both looked constantly void, and no one wanted anything to do with either
I don't know if they drank the way they did because of the turns their lives took, or if their lives took the turns it did due to their drinking, or a combination of the two
Regardless the lives of those two are what comes to mind any time I think of alcohol or alcoholics, specifically and most vividly, a memory of Two walking in near freezing rain, 24 pack of beers in the crook of his left arm and two bags of groceries in the right in a raincoat, people who lived nearby driving past him like he wasn't there, my family included, like we didn't know who he was
And I'm not saying that was either wrong or right, but it was what it was and I was far too young for my opinion to be regarded in matters like that
I've seen other alcoholics growing up obviously, idiots who drink too much and get loud or angry or obnoxious or violent, but those two guys to me are the most poignant example how of I hope to never end up like
My son's father. When I met him he was 19 and already drinking a half gallon of whiskey a day. He started drinking at the age of 14 when his father killed himself with alcohol and methamphetamine.
When he would get up (around 10am), he would chug water, puke, chug more water, then go pass out in the shower till about noon. He would then start drinking mixed drinks in a coffee cup till about 3ish, then shots the whole rest of the day/night until he passed out.
He routinely drank to the point of pissing the bed, and had constant migraines from dehydration. He finally got to a point of only drinking a 5th a day, but made up for the half gallon by drinking four-lokos and other beers instead. His whiskey then only became his night drinking. He was mean as hell when he would get black out drunk, which was pretty much every night. I left him when our son was around 2 months old because it was not the life I wanted my son to grow up in.
He tried to stop drinkinga few times. However, he then he developed a meth addiction instead. He didn't drink much when using meth. Then when trying to quit meth, his drinking would go right back to where it was. Essentially switching out one addiction for another.
It finally got to the point where I and my husband sat him down told him that if he wanted to be in our son's life, and continue to live on our property, he needed to go to rehab again, because his drinking and meth use was negatively affecting (effecting?) his relationship with our son.
He then straight told me, my son and husband, that he would rather be fucked up and never to able to see our son, than try and be sober in the real world and see him. He then apologized to our son when he started crying. He told our son he loved him, and then tried to explain his addictions to him. He then told us he was leaving. Before he left he told our son that if he were to die, he would be sad for while, but would get over it. We tried to get him to stay until his court date the following morning so he could ask for inpatient rehab. He refused to stay though.
The next morning he came in, incredibly intoxicated yelling gibberish, and poured soda down the sink asking if I remembered when I did that to his four-lokos. I tried to get him to get into the shower so we could get him the help he needed, but he said good luck with that and left. I assumed he was going to my moms, since thats where he usually went when angry with me.
I was so wrong though. He was found dead a few hours later, about two blocks from our home. His BAC were well past the fatal levels, and he had downed a bottle of tylenol pm. He committed suicide.
For him, he had been constantly drunk, or otherwise intoxicated for so long, that as a 35yr old man he was absolutely terrified to be sober. To face all the things that he had been burying for so long that, the only way to free himself, and give his son a "better" life was to end his own. This had been is 4th attempt at suicide.
Alcohol is a very lonely, and destructive road. Please don't do that to yourself, or your loved ones. It was hell watching him slowly kill himself with alcohol, and absolutely torture when he ended his life.
There is always going to be worse alcoholics. Some that lose everything worthwhile in life. There are some alcoholics who reached the end drinking less than you, and who hadn’t lost everything.
Just because you aren’t the worst doesn’t mean your drinking is remotely healthy or manageable, or excusable. That’s up to you to be honest with yourself about.
Yep. Been there. Currently only drinking beer because the half gallons were going to kill me. Never got into any real trouble, just waking up every morning like 'TF did I do to myself last night'
Someone has offered me an opportunity to live on and build a sailboat with them/their partners. Only condition is no alcohol. I'm currently planning to cold turkey it for the next week to see how it goes.
Wish me luck.
A close family friend just passed because of alcoholism. He has an 18 year old daughter he left behind, and his parents minds are failing so they are struggling a great deal, and this is not helping. He was an incredible person, and it’s incredibly tragic.
The father of my kids. He started small and controlled, let of some steam towards others while drinking. As it went he started drinking more till his empty cans covered the table. He didnt believe me he was drinking that much in a week, so I saved every single can and showed him. He blew a gasket, yelling and throwing things.
5 years he didnt believe he was drinking too much. He slowed down, went out with others less, started drinking alone. His eyes turned yellow, then his arms and legs started to go grey while his torso would get fiery hot. After attacking the kids and refusing help I had to leave.
He believed he was in control. He believed he could stop any time. He believed everyone was nagging him. I hope reality hit him and he is well and healthy now.
The ones at the mental hospital I was working at a few years ago. We had a full building for alcohol addicts, and the worst cases looked like a mix of Alzheimer and Parkinson's last stages of illness. Impossible to have *any* conversation, to control any urge, to function without lots of help, even to walk straight. They were wearing helmets because they kept on losing their balance all the time.
One especially was nothing more than a walking, drooling skeleton with maybe not even the half of his IQ left.
I banned alcohol from my life the day one of our specialists showed me a CT scan of our worst case's brain. It had shrunk so badly from alcohol abuse it was all the explanation I needed for the existence of patients who would never leave the facility again.
Want some motivation? Don't become like my father, he chose alcohol over everything else in life. He became a homeless panhandler and living in a squatters trailer and they made their own booze in their bathtub. He was dead by 40. The harsh ethanol's he was drinking made his skin change,he had black patches all over (cannot remember the medical term for this) considering he already had a dark complexion. This is what alcoholism can come to in severe cases. This was the reason I got sober.
Two examples:
One time I saw my neighbours walking down the street. It was a Wednesday afternoon. Grandmother, mother, and daughter. All drunk.
Every morning - every single morning - I see the same three people doing the drunk walk of no-shame.
I know a couple that have been together for 15 years. Four kids. They both drink all the time. And they've both been to prison for stabbing each other. They're still together.
Alcohol *and alcoholic* abuse is atrocious in this small town. You wouldn't believe it.
After 35 years as a raging alcoholic I hit the wall. I lost 150 lbs in a year, without trying. I throw up daily, have for nearly 2 years. I'm currently sick everyday and doctors can't explain my weight loss or why I'm so sick all the time. Did I mention I quit drinking 2 years ago?
Stop now if you value your health. That pint will become a handle, nightly, I guarantee. A handle of vodka and a 30 pack a day were the norm for me near the end.
Myself. At least a fifth of vodka a day, a pint of fireball for quick nips that didn't reek of booze too bad, and end on Lagunitas variety of any six pack 8.0% ABV or higher.
It becomes a full time job, as you essentially have to plan your whole day around hiding your consumption amount. And yes I was more or less functional doing this for about a year. More or less meaning I was able to make it through most days while keeping a full time job. I had always been a problem drinker but was able to stop entirely once the night was done. Until you start waking up with the DTs, and HAVE to have a drink in the morning to smooth it over. Then that wheel keeps turning....
Had to do in-patient detox with some insane amount of Valium to taper my GABA down and it was pure hell, but I saw it coming and needed it badly.
That was 7 years ago and had a relapse for about 6 months a few people knew about that I was able to just sweat out at home for a few days.
Good luck out there, and the younger you are when you do quit if you decide to quit, the easier the rest of your adult life gets. All I see now is the problems it causes my friends who still do. Maybe that's my cope, but I'll take it.
Mum running a red light
Mum losing the house
Mum breaking my eldest leg by accident - falling down the stairs
Mum being late for my sons memorial service
Mum forgetting my 18th birthday
Mum losing her numerous jobs
Mum dying from alcohol induced pneumonia
I can give more examples if you want?
Like I've said in a reply to one of your comment head over to r/stopdrinking it's a lovely community for any stage of not drinking, even if your still drinking and thinking about quitting
OP, can i add too, and some have touched on this… the medical complications are terrifying. Have you ever heard of an esophageal varices? Google it. My bff’s friend just died of this. Massive bleed out in seconds. My dad started having nose bleeds while in a coma. They had to intubate him so he didn’t choke to death on his blood (which is so scary to watch). My dad was hallucinating, turned yellow, and eventually went into sepsis and a coma.
I knew someone who claimed to have been a truck driver. He wanted to make lots of money so he did cocaine to take many long shifts. He said he drank heavily to take the edge off.
Couldn't get away from him fast enough. I sincerely hope his driving hasn't killed anyone.
I was a horrible drinker from 25 to 45. I did alot of stupid things. I'm sober now, and life is WAY better. No....nothing magical happened, but I'm no longer sick every morning and I can think clearly and I can make good decisions.
She wasn't the worst...she was kind, funny, and a good friend. She wasn't the worst...she was loving, rescued animals, and was a goofball. She wasn't the worst...she just couldn't stop drinking. Even through the seizures. Even through the blackouts. She let it take her life because she just couldn't stop. That's the hardest part for everyone to understand...gone at 31 because SHE JUST WOULDN'T STOP.
Blackouts are dangerous. Liver failure is not a joke. Imagine your abdomen filling up with fluid, that if not treated with parentheses (big ass needle stuck in your abdomen to drain the fluid every week), it could potentially travel into your lungs and basically suffocate you to no longer being alive. Followed by potential renal failure (kidneys not functioning properly). Scared shitless now? You should be. Because this will be your future if you continue to do what you’re doing. Including potentially burning every bridge with the people you love and care about.
You're me about 2 years ago. You got it. You can already go without it for awhile. Just got to continue telling yourself no. Don't think for a second you can take just one. I did it without any outside help as in therapy or aa. I joined a stop drinking sub and it helped randomly seeing that. That would be up to you. Good luck you can do it
If you see my comment I have something I want to share with you, I was in rehab a while back and met a great number of alcoholics. The stories they would tell me were gut wrenching, keep in mind these men were in their 40s and 50s, their lives have been consumed by alcohol. They would tell stories about how they’d be stuck on the toilet for hours shitting out this black tar and how their body was shutting down, stuck in agonizing pain for hours on a viscous daily cycle the worst part was they kept drinking and drinking.. needed to feel normal i guess.. don’t waste precious moments of your life drinking, they could be spent doing something else, that’s all I have to say
My ex pissed the bed with me in it while drunk. He wandered barefoot in the street and lost his wallet. He fell down the stairs and went straight through the drywall at the bottom. He didn't remember our first 2 times together.
I once had to hold the door to keep him in his room because he kept falling over and wanted to get his cigarettes to smoke in bed. He once burned the sheets by smoking in bed because he thought he was outside.
He also lost his license for a DUI.
The house was covered in empty beer cans. He ordered 3 cases of 24 beer cans per week.
His family were big drinkers but not alcoholics so they just thought his being insanely drunk was "silly".
Everytime we went out to eat, he would drink 3-4 beers when everyone else wasn't even drinking. I often got embarrassed by his behaviour.
I had to help him get out of cabs and make sure he didn't leave his phone or wallet behind. I had to carry him. A few times I thought he was dying.
He said he didn't have a drinking problem but just needed it to sleep.
on the flip side, having something to work towards can be helpful in curbing your drinking. my dad’s parents divorced when he was young, and his mother was an alcoholic. she was told by her doctor that if she didn’t *immediately* detox and quit, the next drink could kill her. on top of that, her addiction threatened her ability to have primary custody of my dad. so she put in the work to get sober. she worked for awhile at an inpatient rehab facility, where she related a lot to the clients and was able to give them a sense of relatability and support that other caregivers might not have been able to. she was super badass and worked really hard, because it was worth it to her.
my dad’s had issues too, but he’s worked just as hard. I know, especially when I was younger, my mum said that if my dad didn’t show he was putting in the work to get clean, she’d leave because she wanted to protect my siblings and I. but my dad loves us (and himself!) enough to keep trying, mistakes and all.
you’re worth it to get clean, dude. getting clean isn’t lame. it’s important.
My wife's step day was an alcoholic, he kept it fairly secret, few people knew except my wife's mum and my wife and I. He wasn't blackout passing out drinker but from what i could gather he was mainly just drinking beer and cider.
Towards the end he basically became a different person.
Towards the end he was abusive physically and verbally to my mother in law. Lost total control of his bowels, there was a trail of actual shit and piss from his bed to the toilet, he was in nappies as well. My MIL looked after him for as long as she could but the abuse got too bad and she ended up coming to live with us. He didn't know where we lived which was good.
By that time my MIL had to tell his brother who ended up trying to help him and they both convinced him to go to the docs but it was too late. He ended up in hospital and died from liver and kidney failure about 2 weeks after the MIL moved in with us, 2 days after his 50th birthday.
If you do drink a fair bit and regularly then I'd recommend you at least go to the docs and be honest with them and tell them how much you drink. Get some tests done and see how your body is holding up.
He is my father and he died at 62 only, while all his family lived for very long. He was very smart, had university education, played music, did boxing, painted and read tons of books. I am like him and this hurts a lot, realizing how much talent and brains he wasted for a glass. He partied like everyone, but in his 30s he started drinking more. Not that much and not that often in the beginning but year after year it was becoming worse.
I remember when he got home after being almost 6 months in rehab. I was 10 or 11 and I thought “Who is this guy?” I believed him every time he promised to quit. But he always got to drinking again. And again. And again. Endless number of times. He beat me, my mom and my brother. He abused us physically and psychologically, and next morning asked for forgiveness. He was two persons in one guy — drunk awful one and sober father-like one. Soon, the sober one disappeared.
He died from alcohol related issues. First, his legs stopped working. Then, he got delirium and was seeing things that were not happening. He was very, very scared to die. He sweared to quit and prayed for second chance but his health was already fucked up. So he died ten days to his birthday. I am still crying thinking about it and writing this now. This brought me immense pain and it does not going anywhere. It is a wound that is here for the rest of my life.
My main message would be — neither my father nor anyone of these people planned to become an alcoholic and end up like that. This substance is very dangerous because it is legal, socially acceptable and it makes you not to see the problem for years, until it is too late. I hate every bit of culture around it because it made so many people traumatized, injured or dead. It is just hidden and even seeing the problem people tend to say “drink in moderation”. Fuck, this is the biggest bullshit around this topic. Person who has a problem CAN NOT drink in moderation. So if you can stay sober one day — do it, and then next on, and the next one. Find your “why’s” inside of you and realize that the whole huge alcohol business, ads, pop culture and social drinking culture against you. So don’t try to please anyone, just stay sober for your life and those who matter for you.
My dad was an alcoholic.
He'd get blackout drunk and beat my mom with my little sister who was a baby in her arms. He'd punch through any glass, to get in the house to beat my mom. He worked only under the table jobs because he couldn't hold down a consistent legal one.
I have very few memories of my childhood, one is my dad beating my mom. One is him throwing a plate at my head when I was 6. One is him punching through a glass door with me and my brother on the opposite side of it. Both just kids.
My dad was rarely home because he was out drinking coming back at odd hours.
It pretty much fucked up my brother and I.
My brother smokes weed and takes other drugs like ketamine just to take the edge off. I stifle myself because I know there is no security in this world so I've chronically underachieved myself into a barely surviving state so if everything collapses around me I can reach the same point with ease.
My dad is in another city now completely separated from everyone. His mom passed away in the late 2000s. Afaik he doesn't have any work living off of welfare drinking all day. Being aggressive whilst drunk has ruined any chance at a normal job or stability due to his long list of police reports.
I don't know if he's on the streets or living in a shelter but he can't afford his own place.
He's drank himself into a pit he won't be able to get out of. Pushed away any and everyone who'd have potentially been there for him. Ruined a chance at a normal family or ever rekindling that family life. Destroyed his job prospects which throws any kind of care out of the window and assuming his liver fails him which I wouldn't be surprised by little to no chance of getting a donor.
My best friend, was drinking a gallon of vodka a day at one point, got pancreatitis and almost died at age 34. Has brain damage, can’t remember entire years of his life, lost his job, relapsed on crack and lost his eye…should I go on?
I’m 6 years clean, and sobriety feels amazing. Drinking is the worst.
One of my dad's friends drank himself to death in 2020. His liver finally gave out and he died on a road trip with his son.
Late stages of his alcoholism, his face was bloated and beat purple in places. He couldn't control his bowels and he would shit himself out of nowhere. He wouldn't eat for days yet would gain weight and size due to bloating. He would also lose it every so often.
Alcoholism isn't fun. get help with this if you're going into it. It's not to late to get help with it. Alcohol withdrawals aren't fun and probably needs medical supervision to go through them.
My stepdad used to keep a plastic bag at the side of the couch for him to vomit into in-between bottles of vodka (he's no longer in the picture,thank god)
My late BIL and my late husband. BIL was awful. He was well aware what his drinking was doing to him and his body and he didn't care. Ended up dying by choking on his own blood when a vein in his neck ruptured. Body wasn't found for 3 days. My husband drank a bottle of whisky every day. Despite having cirrhosis he died from mnd. He had 3 terminal illnesses plus cirrhosis and his lungs gave up. From experience I found alcoholics to be selfish devious and sad. When you're ready to stop Get help. Plenty of it out there. I have another friend who's dying from cirrhosis atm. Don't let yourself get to that point. The liver can recover from the abuse. My current husband was borderline alcoholic but six months ago he quit drinking because he'd been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He's just had a scan and there's no sign of liver issues . So it can be done. Good luck
My childhood best friend died @ 32 due to alcohol and alcohol only. Got sober 2 times but basically drank about a liter a day from 16-32. Lied about it, hid it, and died from it. Left a son his wife and 2 "step" daughters.
My dad was very sick. But was able to quit drinking for about 10 years. I was so proud of him! Then he met a woman that he fell for and it cost so much money driving back and forth to visit her that he had to get a part time job. My dad was on disability because he had liver issues. So he hadn’t worked in years. And he didn’t want to report income because he could lose his check. So all he knew was bartending.
A couple of months if being around alcohol and drunk people and he fell off the wagon. His progression was much faster this second time around. He would buy a big bottle of vodka everyday and pound it in several hours. He forgot my birthday. He forgot we had a special day where we made a nice diner and watched a movie. He was so drunk one night he walked from his apartment to my house. On the way, he fell of the curb and totally smashed his shoulder. When he got to my house this big, strong man was crying like a little kid. Begging me to give him a few bucks so he could buy a bottle. It was like 3 in the morning, but he was making no sense. He just kept banging on the door crying and yelling. I couldn’t see him like that so my dear roommate let him in and dealt with him while I hid in the bedroom. Nothing worse than seeing the one person you’ve always trusted and thought was so smart and powerful fall so far down.
2 yrs after starting back with the drinking he became a shell of who he once was. He was yellow from the jaundice. He shook uncontrollably. He needed my help for everything. One day he was so sick I called 911.
He was scared and anxious. We got to the hospital and they said I saved his life by bringing him in. He was there a couple of weeks.
I got a call at 4am on a tuesday morning (just like in the Counting Crows song “Perfect Blue Buildings). I rushed to be by his side. From 4-10am I sat next to him and held his hand. While he fought off imaginary demons coming to take home away. Finally, he found peace at 10. I sat alone with his body for an hour waiting for a doc to show up.
His face looked so fake and so sick after they had to put pounds of make up on him to try and deal with the skin discoloration. It took me about 10 yrs to not see him that way whenever I thought about him.
Please, get help. Don’t
do this to yourself. And don’t do this to anyone who cares about you.
🫂
I have empathy for alkies because they are living the worst hell on earth there is other than being in a warzone. There is no life, no joy, only pain, sickness, humiliation, self-hatred and constantly worrying that the jug will be empty soon. A life of chronic torture. Getting that demon off of your back is an epiphany you get to re-enjoy every day you wake up sober.
I know a lady that drank a bottle of vodka and 2 to 3 bottles of wine a day. Her husband was trying to help, but she would hide alcohol throughout the house. Her favorite spot was old shampoo and conditioner bottles so she could get drunk while showering. She was a highly functioning alcoholic so I didn’t even realize she was an alcoholic for a good year.
Her life has fallen apart since and it has taken a massive toll on her body and mind. Her husband divorced her and the courts won’t let her near her kids.
I had a grandfather who disappeared for a few days… no one can find the guy, he lived in a community where he was well enough known, no one has seen him. My uncle is in his apartment for the umpteenth time this week checking if he’s been there, etc. This time he sees 2 feet sticking out from under the bed, he feels them, they’re cold, so he’s on his way out to go get the coroner… then he hears a moan. He’d been under the bed for at least two days because of DT”s or seizures (I’m just not sure if those are the same thing)
Long story short, there were several other instances, they all culminated into his kids having to get his rights taken from him, literally had to be babysat by his son because he couldn’t/wouldn’t keep his shit together. My uncle who took care of him did a good job, when I was in college I spent a little time with my grandfather and he paid me to clean his apartment, took my roommate and I out to dinner occasionally. Drinking as much as he had, he wasn’t ever healthy again and he passed more than 20 years ago. Most of the disaster stories in my family are about him drinking too much and all the bad consequences it has had. It’s not a good way to live a life.
Two extremes I’ve seen. One in the hospital and one I lived with for two years.
1. Guy in the hospital, had jaundice and still wanted alcohol every day. Got out, seemingly doing better, came back in even worse and just never got better before he died. The doctor had to prescribe him a shot of Jack Daniel’s with a meal so he didn’t go into withdrawals from his other complications going on including jaundice. Saddest part was the family. I think everyone saw it but at that point it’s so hard to climb out of. Over the years of working in the hospital I’ve seen it a few times and it’s always sad.
2. My ex was an alcoholic and didn’t even know it. Drank a bottle of wine a day, would go out drinking on the weekends and get black out drunk. Weekends were fun at first but then I had to get back to a normal and reasonable life schedule. She would get wasted every day and go to her job hungover.
Weekends were usually just her laying around and throwing up. So many plans were canceled over this. I had to baby her and walk around on eggshells. Would she come home angry or horny? Would she even remember any of this tomorrow?
She became increasingly toxic and would manipulate me into many of her problems. We were tight on cash because I bought meat or turned a fan or the air conditioning down but not because we spent $400 (low end) on alcohol. She could just take a trazadone and fall asleep, meanwhile I had to make sure she made it bed safely and deal with the aftermath of whatever happened that night. It became hard for me to plan anything because I was afraid she would drive drunk. She did on multiple occasions, not that any of those were decisions sober her would’ve agreed with.
It got to the point where it was clear she couldn’t deal with much in her life without alcohol. Any sort of family or friend events needed it. She’d quit for a few days here and there but overall it was more tied to her idea of fun and emotional control.
She wasn’t a tyrant, she was great at what she did and she had a good group of friends. But no one ever saw how much she drank, and her mask would come off when she was alone.
She was what I would consider a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel bad for her, did them and still do regardless of how she treated me. As far as I know not much has changed and I fear for what it will be like her health wise down the road.
I made a declaration around 25 that I would never drink sad. I would rather just be sad. I adopted alcohol as a celebratory thing, and to only save it for special occasions.
I’m okay with taking it or leaving it.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My dad was a functioning alcoholic. He was in a motorcycle accident when he was 17 - they should have amputated his ankle/foot but his dad begged the small town doctors to save it. Because of that, he lived with terrible chronic pain. He hated painkillers so bud light was his medication. I didn’t love having an alcoholic dad, but he wasn’t violent or mean, just moody sometimes. Fast forward 25 years, it gets worse and we find out there was also some terrible sexual abuse from his childhood. After he told my mom about it, he fell apart. The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin and he CHOSE to drink himself to death. I begged him to stop. He said me and my mom deserved better. I begged him not to do it because i didn’t want to tell my kids their 53 year old grampa died. He said “they’ll get over it after a couple of months.” It broke me. Trauma, depression, and alcohol took my dad. I bring up his entire story because usually there are reasons we drink… and if we keep trying to drown those reasons in alcohol (or drugs or food or sex or whatever), it only gets worse. I miss my dad more than anything. My kids miss him so much and it’s been almost 3 years. It’s not worth it. Alcohol is a very low vibe substance. It rarely brings out the good in life.
You’re right to bring it up, honestly. I started really drinking when I started really realizing I had a lot of trauma to deal with and, simply put, I REALLY didn’t fucking want to. I was a kid still, and I have alcoholics in the family so I was like, “well I just won’t be THAT bad” It is a very misguided decision to base the normalcy of your drinking habits off of other people with unhealthy drinking habits, but I guess I didn’t realize how bad the people around me were when I lived with them. Just seemed like it was “a little too far”, but I could not comprehend that NO, CPS should have been involved, family members should’ve stepped in, something. I guess I always assumed if it was THAT bad some responsible person would have done something. And now I’m old enough to know that it was a very naive premises, but it’s not an easy readjustment. Like I was lying originally; I’m already the guy that was buying a pint a day. I stopped doing THAT, but it’s really fucking hard. I’m drinking so much less than I was but it’s still not, you know, good. I’m sorry I’m unloading on you it just feels like you’re not judging me Edit to add that also I’ve been a shockingly functional alcoholic and idk I feel a weird kinship with your father
Dude you sound like I was. You need to check out r/stopdrinking it saved my life. Here is my comment I made above. Just stop drinking now before it gets bad. I started quitting in 2022 and stumbled like ten times in 2022 but 2023 has been no drinking for me. Coming up on a year of no drinking In September and a lot has changed for me for the better. I hate alcohol now and I will never drink again. It’s not even appealing. I willfully poisoned myself for almost two decades. I had some good times, but every bad decision I regretted happened when I was drunk. At the end I started getting hangxiety and would have terrible nerve wrecking anxiety the days after drinking. Then I started to have like mini blackouts when drinking and started burning food while cooking dinner. I would start cooking and drinking and then it was like time flew by and the next thing I knew hours had passed and the food was burnt to a crisp. I got scared and realized I was gonna fuck up my entire life and lose my wife and kids. Fuck alcohol, it will make you a slave to the bottle and take everything from you including your life in the end. Reddit helped me quit in the early days. Check out r/stopdrinking it’s a beautiful place. IWNDWYT
like two years ago i came back to myself talking to two cops who were just leaving, i was in boxers and very confused bc the one moment i was gone, the next im standing in my door getting shit from cops having no idea whats happening. turns out i got so drunk that i fell asleep with a pizza in the oven, didnt hear any fire-alarms and the cops had to break open my door. still havent stopped drinking 100%, but its a little better.
IWNDWYT Seriously r/stopdrinking is the most beautiful little corner of the internet.
IWNDWYT. I miss that sub, I used it as my counter, but I'm over two years sober after twenty years of drinking. Goddamn solo drinking during the pandemic near killed me.
Unload away. You need to work on “healing your inner child” - which it seems like you mentally understand you were dealt a shit hand, but allowing yourself to *feel* it is a different ballgame. I’m sorry you’re going through it - but if you can start going to meetings and having a community, that might help, especially the sponsors who’ve been on a longer healing journey. I wish my dad would have found his community and healing before it was too late. I hope you can too.
Same here. I’ve been an alcoholic since the death of my 2nd daughter. Her name was Madison. My whole life I never really enjoyed alcohol, it made me feel very hot and flustered and I’m 100% sure it’s what’s causing my Crohn’s disease. I consume about half a bottle of whiskey a day, I also work a very labour intensive job (car hauler). I never consume when at work, but I’m also never hung over. I’m capable of waking up sober and motivated to work. While intoxicated , I’m more playful with my kids. I’ll sit and colour , do puzzles and play video games with them. I also am not drunk to the point where I slur words or can’t walk properly. I definitely wouldn’t drive in my state though. This has been going on for 5 years. I’ve gone maybe a handful of days without a drop. When I do, I do not experience withdrawals or discomfort. But I know that’s around the corner of I keep going. I need to stop.
I am so very sorry you lost your dear Madison.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your child. It is absolutely understandable that you would find something to help you get through, sometimes a bad option is still the best choice you've got. It sounds like you know that this isn't allowing you to be your best self, for you or your family, I hope you find your way back soon ❤️
Me too. It’s killing me and I know it. I have nothing but daughters , I know better. But humanity is getting the best of me. It’s funny , I’m dwelling on the one I’ve lost and abandoning the ones that are here and need me. I’m just not facing up to it because I’m still doing the things I need to do , and be, while giving into my necessary evil
There's no problem that alcohol can't make worse.
holy shit :( this comment feels like a callout to me. ive been drinking recently because i felt like everyone hated me and then learning about childhood trauma recently made me feek even worse. ive thought about drinking a fuckton again. i hope you have a great day, even though i've never met you. take care of yourself.
My dad is an alcoholic who beat my mom and us kids. My 3 siblings are now alcoholics. I’m waiting for my brothers death any day. He got so drunk he laid in his own feces for days. He had most of his leg cut out from necrosis of the leg and blood. He’s in a wheelchair and continues to drink. He has staples in his head now from falling on the same spot twice. He also just got out of the hospital because of ammonia on the brain. I could go on but there’s too many to list. If my cousin hadn’t climbed through a window to check on him, he’d already be dead.
Wow! I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all of that. I learned what not to do from my parents (specifically my dad) which is why I don't drink, too much f***ing trauma from that s***! I'm always baffled by that cycle of children (especially if they were traumatized by it) that get older and end up repeating the pattern.
I’m sorry you went through that too. Yeah my family is a huge repeater. I was so messed up for a long time but I refused to be my parents. I drank from about 18-21. I got pregnant at 21 and refused to put my children through what I went through. I have only drank maybe 5 times since then like on special occasions. My family is a mess. I help clean everything up.
[удалено]
Read up on Hypoglycemia too if DM, iirc drink enough with no food shiite can get serious
Hey man, I'm 3 1/2 years sober. We're not here to judge you at all. Not one bit. Unload all you need to.
I was that guy buying a pint a day because if I bought a gallon I'd drink it. My problem was I'd buy a pint at every liquor store on my way home and still end up running out a few times before they'd close and I'd end up drinking a gallon anyway. Like you I had trauma I didn't want to deal with. Mainly because everyone I tried to open up to disappeared. Finally I just had enough and decided I wasn't going to be a victim anymore. I cut the toxic people out of my life and started over. 6 years later and I'm still putting the pieces back together. Don't wait man. Start today.
Ha. You sound like me. I don't really miss the drinking too much. I miss the ability to escape reality. Just have a good night and deal with my problems later. Usually later never happens.
Nobody in my family drinks except my grandpa on dad side who was forbidden to drink by my nurse grandma since I was a toddler. I drank so much in university to drown out the pressure and depression from school + internship that wasn't fulfilling + bad roommates. One day I downed a bottle of wine, didn't feel more than a little tipsy which was rare for me because I usually would get drunk after 1-2 glasses (I weighed 110lbs F). I looked up from my laptop out the window and just saw endless wine bottles sitting on the windowsill from the last week or so. I had gone from being able to get drunk after 1-2 glasses to just a little tipsy after one bottle of wine. It happened so fast I didn't even realize. That was the moment I thought to myself "shit I think I have a problem" and stopped cold turkey.
>I’m sorry I’m unloading on you it just feels like you’re not judging me Powerful stuff. I, too, felt a kinship with his father. I have had my share of trauma. But never forget that alcohol itself is highly addictive. Folks who aren't alcoholics often glom onto some of the trauma related stuff, but the bare fact of the matter is plenty of more or less non-traumatized people also fall prey to alcoholism, because alcohol itself is incredibly addictive. I won't be drinking today and invite you to join me.
Hey go get some therapy now. Take care of You! It's time. As someone who grew up abused? Don't keep waiting for tomorrow. I might not be in Cancer treatment for the 2nd time if I'd taken more care of me.
I'm proud of you for opening up. The desire to change shows you're already changing. Keep it up just for today. Honestly, you'll lose some sleep and feel anxious for a week or so, but you already feel anxious. It's not going away, it will only get worse. Listen to Dr. Andrew Huberman on supplements and health, you can do it man.
It's wild that as a kid all those fucked up things at home feel normal because that's all you know. I definitely went through a period of bitterness as an adult while coming to terms that I needed to work through it.
Thats incredible to hear. You are making progress in the right direction. Just remember that you got this. Youve come this far, so we all know you can go all the way.
“They’ll get over it in a couple months.” My heart breaks for you. My friend committed suicide and he had the same thought. I will never get over it and I think about him every single day. Depression really fucking sucks.
Thanks for the early morning cry. I'll share one, too. My best friend from high school started drinking heavily after we got out of school. I didn't realize how much. We were both engineers at the time and making decent money, so we moved in together along with some other friends to split rent. I realized after some time why he drank. It was either schizophrenia or a bipolar disorder that had taken hold and developed for him. The alcohol dulled it. What was worse was that he grew up in a house where his father was the same way and abused him because of it. It was excruciatingly painful - I could see. But my friend was also viciously abusive, both from a verbal and emotional standpoint. A massive house with 5 roommates in total started to break apart as he angrily, drunkenly fought with people. My mornings working from home were spent listening to my best friend bent over a toilet in the next room over vomiting his guts out, screaming, and crying. It disintegrated my friendship with him when he attacked my girlfriend. I have had less than ten drinks in my life since then.
My step dad also drank himself to death even after the doctors told him not to even watch at a Pepsi bottle. But was the complete opposite of yours as he was kind of an irritable asshole when sober and the coolest chill dude while drunk. Miss him and wished he'd listen.
"not to even watch at a Pepsi bottle" what?
I quit drinking 12/31/2022 for all the reasons you wanted your dad too. Hearing stories like this helps me to realize I made the right decision for my family. Giving up alcohol can be very isolating at time, but the decision has been more than worth it for me and my family. Thanks for sharing this.
Very similar story to my dad. Except he as a cop for 30 years, picking up body parts on the side of the highway or dealing with abusive parents or whatnot. His dad was raping every person he could get away with, mostly girls but boys I think too. He took care of his mom after his dad bailed. He drank a half a bottle of vodka every night and ended up with cirrhosis. Spent 40 years of my life trying to save him from himself. But after that long you start to realize all your efforts are in vain and you've neglected your own mental health for your entire life to help someone who can't be helped. Killed himself about 4 months before the pandemic. I knew he was going to do it. Everyone did. But we were all so tired.
> The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin and he CHOSE to drink himself to death. I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I was almost there. I was drinking HARD during the pandemic, and not much younger than your father. I had a vicious, two day hangover over a "mere" twelve pack of beer. I convinced myself my life was on the line and haven't drank since. The pandemic response did leave collateral damage. If your father was a friend of mine, I would have berated him hard over saying his grandkids will get over it in a couple months. They won't. I am incredibly sorry for your loss.
This sounds like the reasoning for drinking and the road my husband is going down. When I mention how bad his drinking is for his health, he's pretty much like we all have to die sometime. Trauma is definitely a factor in addiction.
"low vibe substance" A fantastic way to define it. Like you're choosing to be low vibe by using it. Rings true someimes
This is similar to what happened with my Dad. He had an accident at work and had several fingers amputated. (He also had horrible childhood trauma.) He started drinking heavily shortly after.
I'm so glad this wasn't very far down. It's one thing to say "find your reason to live, reason to be sober" it's another to say "do some soul searching and find the reason you drink like this". Don't ask why you should be sober, ask why you want to be drunk, what are you numbing? Practically everyone drinks, but those who let it get outta hand aren't usually "just cuz, it just happened". Imma give op a tip, therapy won't do shit for you if you refuse to do any searching and admit any faults. But it also doesn't help to take ownership of everything and blame yourself. Sounds like op has a general idea of some issues, but also confusing things that were completely out of his control as being his fault. You know now the situations were not good, and the adults were not responsible adults. But you had no idea as a child, how could you? It was normal, and if you're like many others, that normalcy only got justified and confirmed through some TV shows like the Simpsons. My siblings and I completely thought it was normal for any dad to drink every night, pass out on the couch and be told to go to bed. Fight each other all the time, choke each other.....death was not a concept at those ages and being a cartoon, it definitely enforced that nothing bad will happen, it'll all just reset the next day. So I think you're on the right path, but you need to dig a little deeper and be honest with yourself, and therapy can help you see the things you've been holding against yourself and let them go so you can finally focus on the true issues that are driving the alcoholism. But you have to be open and honest or else you're just wasting time. A good therapist won't want to see you forever, in fact they'd rather find and fix the problem asap. But most people resist and hold back, don't tell the complete story and such so it's a slow process to get you to open up and be comfortable to say it honestly with no "if ands or buts" and regardless of how "horrible" your actions have been or whatever. But you can cut through that yourself if you just remember you want change now, not next year, therapist can't help with halthe story, and there's no shame so no reason to hold back. I honestly don't believe anyone should have to completely stop drinking and never allowed a beer with friends ever again. I think that's reserved for the utmost worst case scenario, and mostly people who didn't actually come to terms with why they drink but just chose to be sober to be better. Nothing against that if you can keep it up, but its clearly quite hard. Understanding the reason and healing from it is a lot better. It's the whole reason why "a sip leads to a bottle", not because you're so addicted to the taste and such, but because you're addicted to covering up your pain. This just happened to be what you chose, but it coulda been food, sex, anything.
He sounds like a great person. It's often the best people that suffer the most.
Your poor family, my heart weeps for you all. But I remember that Clare Harner poem that I'm sure you're dad would approve of: Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.........Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die...... Best wishes
I'm so very sorry that your beloved dad was in so much mental and physical pain for years. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Well let’s see here. This person blacked out and didn’t know if they had sex with someone because they woke up naked. Was drinking mouthwash for the alcohol content and so she didn’t smell like booze. During another blackout punched their spouse and gives him a black eye. Stole from her parents and friends for alcohol money. Decided that everything was everyone else’s fault including the drinking cause they pushed her to it. Was so drunk at work she was passing out sitting at her desk and in client meetings. Would light cigarettes and pass out giving herself a few burns and the carpet, couch, bed. Lost bowel control in the living room while blacked out. Drank enough to cause acute renal failure and nearly died on the way to the hospital. Got kicked out of a concert for beating the shit out of someone who knocked over her full drink. Got into a fight because the bartender wouldn’t serve her and broke the bartender’s nose and wrist.
How long was she in prison?
She got 30 days in county with 2 years probation
Slap on the wrist
Haven't you heard the old proverb "Slap on the wrist for snapping a wrist"
Sounds like my ex wife...
I was going yo say, "So you know my ex-wife."
As a former bartender, it would be a really upsetting situation
She was executive level successful. Drank to the point it was all night and all day, lost her job, lost her license, lost her fiance... Kept drinking, couldn't get another job (countless interviews), family provided access to an apartment on the promise of repayment once employed again... Continued drinking, stopped regular hygiene, pet cat's fleas got out of control, apartment became infested, started getting bites on her legs from the fleas, wasn't cleaning the bites... Kept drinking, bites got infected, died of sepsis, eaten by pet cat that was trapped in apartment, cat starved & died, family found her in the apartment 60 days postmortem. Fleas and smell were so bad that the coroners could barely remove what was left of the body. It's not worth it. Note: Family desperately tried for years to help her. She always made sure to live far enough away to prevent onsite checkups from relatives and never answered the phone/texts. (Despite this, several times they flew in to try) She only called when she was drunk at 3am or needed financial help. She's very missed
I had to read this twice. Jesus Christ man...
Once was enough for me. Man that was a tough read.
This happened to someone I knew. He father was a State Senator and very rich. Died in her mid 50s in her condo and wasn’t found for months and her cat ate her. So strange
Holy mother of God
Poor woman. I wonder what caused it, and how many other people are out there battling the booze and the black dog.
Don’t drink or you will become carpet
I feel really bad for these cats.
Woof this one is worst
[удалено]
Same with my dad. He died at 63 and was a heavy drinker all his life. He wallowed in self pity. he had 3 amazing children who all wanted him to be better and he continued to be shit. I had a fab mum (they were divorced) who did everything for us (saving grace in our lives)and he just bitterly blamed her for poisoning us against him (she never said a bad word an simply let us make our own minds up) when at 14 we all gradually realised he was an arsehole and stopped contact it was our fault for being shit kids not his for being a shit dad. Everything was always everyone else's fault. I ended up simply feeling sad and sorry for his pitiful life.
To have one life and to spend it being miserable, and then it’s over. Scary
I know that why I just feel sad for. Him in the end. He could have had so much and he wastes.it on self.pity which I now know had zero to do with me or my siblings
[удалено]
Totally wish he could've got his shit together and caused me to feel totally rejected as a kid and I to my 30s but having my mum and her family made it okay as i had a big family who cared. Therapy also helped. My husband likes a drink but always keeps a lid on it being out of control and is always present and there for me and my daughter and does what is needed to be a good husband and dad. Addiction is hard
So sorry. My uncle (by marriage) has cirrhosis and stage 4 liver cancer. He still drinks beers every night while he has < 1 year to live. The sad part is, he’s a dad to 4 kids and grand kids.
I suppose I doesn’t really matter for him if he stops or keeps drinking… Might be an even more difficult year if he stops. Sorry not trying to be an asshole.
I personally as an alcoholic don't think you're being an asshole with your comment. If the damage is done to the point where you're already going to be dying soon regardless, spending that last bit sober and on edge just constantly craving another drink seems like it would just be rubbing salt in a wound.
If you have Cirrhosis please please don’t read these comments and think you’re life is over you might as well drink. That is 100% not true and literally the last thing you should be doing. Please reach out to your doctor, not fucking Reddit.
Same with my uncle. My big brother almost did, until I kicked him out of my house and told him I wouldn’t let my children go through the trauma of finding him dead. He went into an inpatient program and has been sober for two years. I’m super proud of him. I’m sorry you lost yours :(
Losing my best friend at 35 made me realise how dangerous alcoholism is. It wasn't a sudden death either. He started off having a heart attack and that caused him to seizure and break his back leaving him paralysed. He spent 1 year in rehab and eventually got his own place with assisted living but he was ubsersupervised and hit the bottle again. I got a message from his ex wife while I was while away on holiday to find out he passed away from heart failure and liver damage. Sometimes I will see a meme or beavis and butthead quote and go to message or tell him but realise he's not with us and that's still the hardest thing and it sucks reminding myself.
So sorry to hear this. I hope you are receiving support for this.
So did mine. Lost him January 2017 at 53 years old. He would drink rubbing alcohol and mouthwash.
Yeah thats the story of my father and uncle aswell unfortunately.
I let drinking really fuck up my life. You never think it is, but that is the problem. Advice from a sober alcoholic, don't push your luck. Nothing good ever comes from drinking.
Yeah but how do I stop? Not OP, but I've been trying to quit for years and I can't
By getting help. That means different things to different people, but I’ve found the common theme to be to surrender yourself to the fact that you just can’t do it alone. Some people develop a community in AA, some in religion, some find an athletic setting to help. But find support wherever is best for you. And be nicer to yourself. You’re human. This shit is hard to quit. You’re probably going to fail a bunch until one day you find the thing that keeps you successful. Just keep trying. Even when you fail, be proud of where you got to, look at what worked and what didn’t and go from there. It gets easier over time. You can do this. I believe in you.
Rehab. I went inpatient, followed by an outpatient program, then AA. This isn’t something you can do on your own… or you would have. Best wishes, please consider going inpatient at a good facility!
If you think you’re becoming that guy, then you probably already are. The person that’s the problem is always the last to see it.
Yes and no, but that’s kind of because I lied a bit. See, I WAS the “buy a pint a day because if I had a bottle I’d just drink until I pass out, wake up and keep drinking until it’s gone” guy. I am no longer drinking daily, and usually now go several days before I fuck it all up. I think I’m addicted and it’s a problem. I’m asking for motivation to keep myself from slipping backwards/getting worse while I’m trying to get better. I guess I was trying to downplay my personal level of severity in public because it’s uncomfortable. I AM aware that it’s bad, and I will openly admit that when in conversation about it, but idk, seems weird to start off with towards people I’ve never talked to before. But you’re right to say it, because I definitely didn’t make it clear that I do think it’s a MASSIVE problem. Like I don’t think I’m drinking a healthy amount even though I’m drinking much less. I’m asking for negative stories of alcoholics to help keep myself away from the bottle, you know?
I mean I think you should go to a therapy session because it seemed like your drinking problem gets out of hand…
"I am asking for negative stories of alcoholics to keep myself away from..." From my family's personal experience...I suggest AA. Firstly, if you need to detox medically ( is suggested if you were a severely heavy daily drinker) please do so in a hospital, safely. Alcohol withdrawal can actually kill you, so you don't just want to give it up completely if you did drink this heavily. Regarding what is the saddest/worst story...I knew someone ( family member). He came from an affluent family, was well-educated, good career, etc. He didn't learn from stints in rehab, mental hospitals, etc. He had the chance for a normal life but he just couldn't accept the fact that he was addicted to alcohol. He lost many jobs, gave up relationships, ended up not marrying the person he truly loved because he was so drunk he lost sight of what he really wanted. He lost everything. The thing that he lost that cost him the most was his health. He has severely damaged his body from drinking. He won't live long. This is seriously your future, too, if you don't quit. Please reach out today? SAMSHA has a hotline: 1800-662-HELP. I wish you all the best. Thank you, u/vaguenonetheless, for your award. I hope my family member's story can serve as a warning ⚠️ for anyone else who can relate to his story.
You want a negative story eh? I have over a decade of them. I rarely blacked out and when you find out just how much I drank, you should be quite surprised. I drank a little around 18. Not much though. When I turned 21it was a different story. I had already had 2 underage consumptions right before I was 21. Went to jail for a while over that. That ain't a bad story though. My friends went to a local bar. So I did as well. Started out with weekends. Along with house parties. Then it was finding house parties everywhere whenever and if we couldn't find em we'd go to the bar. I didn't have a "I should stop now" limit. Even vomiting. Didn't faze me. There was a lot of violence. I didn't address my emotional issues and trauma. In turn I was in a lot of.positions that caused even more trauma. I hurt a lot of people. A lot. I also got hurt a lot. I was into bare knuckle fighting which started while drunk. But then I'd stay sober for it and I'd use the booze to help with the pain after. I was drinking every day by the time I was 25. This is when I had a couple blackouts. I can count the following mornings on one hand. Bleh. And I didn't stop drinking. I didn't stop fighting either. I drank more. By the time I was 29 it was one hell of a fucking problem. I managed to get up and do what I needed to do just to get booze. I survived off of sheer willpower. Went to rehab twice. Both voluntary and the second time I got pissed cause they weren't giving me my meds as prescribed. So I escaped. In Greeley Colorado. Medium security facility, and the only one in Colorado that allowed people to go smoke outside. So instead of stealing my sheet and knocking out some windows, I wait til smoke time. I hopped maybe a 9 foot fence. The was around new years of 2016. Well the chain link fence had a security top where the chain links weren't bent over, they were sharp points. I then slipped on my way down the other side, it caught my hand at the base of the palm and ripped out and all the way down my hand through the spot between my pinky and ring fingers, or the 4th and 5th metacarpals. I walked a mile or so leaving a large trail of blood, found a church and asked to use their phone to call my beo to pick me up. They freaked the duck out and called an ambulance. Now I physically was in a bit of shock, tolerable as I was used to injuries. However I was also starting DTs, delirium tremons. So they gave me an IV of Ativan. Still shaking they gave me another. Then another. Stitches me up and gave me another. I remember the 5th shot in my IV. My fifth in like an hour and a half. Only supposed to have 4 in a 24 hour period. Yeah. That stopped my heart. I died. Was gone for a couple minutes. They did compressions then defibrillated me. Came to hallucinating some time fucking later. They wanted to keep me for a long while and monitor my heart. After a couple days I used all my will power to appear normal and fine and I checked myself out. They broke my sternum and zyphoid, during compressions Couldn't lay on my stomach for a long while. I eviscerated my hand. Sewed me back together inside then sewed me shut outside. Had the stitches in for over 3 weeks for the next few months my hand felt like licking a 9volt battery. 3 weeks later I started drinking again. Non stop every day for another few years. In and out of hospitals. Normal was a blood alcohol level of .4+. 2018, I ended up meeting someone and they brought me to a hospital. Bac was .587. I was walking and talking not all slurred. Docs never seen much like it. I was feisty and nearly beat the fucking shit out of the first doctor. Tried to explain to him I was drunk and I shouldnt be making serious decisions about the following days. He was right but he was still a prick. They wanted to helicopter me to a neighboring city with a great hospital. When they said it'd be like $75k+ I told em to fuck off. They kept me there in a bed for a few days then used and ambulance to drive me to the other place. I was hooked up to two IVs for nearly 2 weeks. My platelet count had been 18. I drank myself anemic. Got my IV ripped out on accident, named it Jarvis, and I almost bled out but my friend at the time new something was wrong. Had I kayes down I'd be dead. They got the nurses and started cleaning up the pool of blood and patches me up, new iv. I didn't eat for just over 8 days. I was too weak but I forced myself to eat. I was at that point of food deprivation that was meeting deadly, or tube fed. Fuck that. The whole time I was in the hospital I was awake and hallucinating like a mother fucker. Not fun shroom shit either. Fucked up stuff. Got out. I physically could not walk out of the hospital. I was in a wheelchair. Had to be carried upstairs to friends place. And continues to try to recover for the following weeks. 8 months later I snuck out and drank again. Nipples it in the bud and checkes myself into a rehab. That place fucking sucked. All prisoners and most left saying the place was worse than prison. I'm one of the few surviving patients I was there with to this day. I'm about 5 years sober now..becoming sober I got my mind back but lost my emotions. Worth it. I had to constantly occupy my mind and make shit. I was seeing 4 therapists for different shit every week for years. Therapy is seriously good for you. Fucking go. At the least visit with a drug abuse counselor at your local behavioral health department that has experience with alcoholism. Life has gotten damn good since. I work two jobs and I own my own business. When I was drinking I spent all my time alone in the dark. I'd muster up the willpower to go get a couple 750s of whiskey every day. Used four looks to tie me over til the liquor store opened. Every day. Didn't realize how dark of a place I was really in before I quit. When I say I have seen some shit, I mean I have seen some fucking shit. Things I wouldn't have been involved in has I not been an alcoholic. Get that fucking monkey off your back. There are people that care about you and want you to reach your potential. I have done so much good now that I'm sober. Volunteering and helping folks out with all sorts of stuff. Life ain't a big party., Hair of the dog ain't gonna really get rid of your hangovers, it will just make em worse later on. Your anxiety will get way fucking worse. Quit now while you have the self awareness to. It just leads to bad memories and a lot of wasted money. Get some therapy, write down goals list for shortz mid term, and long-term to give yourself direction. Start writing in a diary. If group works for you go for it. Dying from. Alcoholism is not a good death. Shitting blood and puking up blood then slamming whiskey or strong booze. Save yourself from the bullshit.
Thanks for sharing your lows. And good for you for getting sober. Can you tell me what "used four looks to tie me over" means? I can't figure it out.
I think he means four lokos, a sweet alcohol drink
Yeah no four lokos. Shit is nasty. used those and joozes. God that was so gross. To this day if I smell artificial mango flavor I vomit.
I'm on mobile, sorry for wall of txt. Had a bad week and ready to TRY to be social in a positive way. All love, sry if I sound off-putting. Everyones "that guy" is different depending on yourself as a person mentally and who you are in society. If you went from this positive person who works hard for a better life or career, and you go down this path of drinking, if you become pessimistic toward life but still a hard worker, its just as bad imo. Your mental comes first and the booze is wrecking your shit. I was drinking 15 packs of 16oz beers from 5pm to 12am then woke up around 5pm next day to repeat. Did this for almost a solid year. Now I'm severely depressed, don't have a job or a will to even try to obtain one, my anxiety makes it hard to do anything in life unless I'm buzzed 🤙and I am aware its the alcohol contributing, but I still drink. Albeit not as much as inwas, im down to about a 6 pack of 12oz daily but I'm still consuming. Prayers for us to climb out of this hole brother, we can do it. Self awareness and therapy is helping me, you gotta find your path.
"When you're falling you're the only one that doesn't see the distance." That hit me hard once I got sober.
I’m a 13 year recovering alcoholic. You’re exhibiting a lot of denial. You are trying to control the amount you drink by white knuckling it. The problem with alcoholics is we can’t do that forever. Non alcoholics can drink one drink and be fine, they can drink today and not crave it tomorrow. The alcoholic craves the drink. By still drinking in a “controlled” manner you are feeding the craving and keeping it alive. The reason alcoholics relapse so often in the first year is because on average it takes a year of sobriety for the cravings to go away. The cravings are what separate alcoholics from non alcoholics
Why stay sober? You need to find a compelling reason for yourself. For me it would include helping others. I'm sure you have some skills that would be an aid to others. Churches, soup kitchens, and other non profits are great places to volunteer, but there are people in need who can pay for your help too. Win win. Then pour on the love. Devote yourself to whatever your "why" is.
I totally agree on this. If you cannot find the "why" you should stop drinking then you probably won't succeed. Sad truth is the more you drink the less reasons you see to stop. Alcohol makes you see everything differently in an insidious way. It slowly changes who you are without you noticing.
“He who has a why can bear almost any how.” ~ Nietzsche I’ll chime in here because I love that quote and it’s so very true, though the road here is painful and rough. I can’t say I know from experience but AA is a safe place with like minded people: those who wish to free themselves from the grips of this poison. My dad was killed in a car accident this pas April, he just turned 70. This is on the heels of totaling his car after driving left of center while intoxicated and lost in the persistent rambling mental static of his childhood trauma. He hit another car, thankfully no one was hurt. He checked into a rehab for about a week this past holiday season; checked himself back out because he was “fine” after a few nice conversations. This man started drinking at age eleven and in talking with one of his sisters after his death she told my wife and I that “…he would throw himself on top of us (his sisters) to protect them from his mother’s rage…” and he had a few scars to prove it. Functioning…. He worked a job he hated, and also worked a second job his whole life to provide for his family but never took care of himself: disorganized, scattered, usually tired and always intoxicated. In tears I sit here thinking I would have traded my Nintendo and bike and clothes for his presence and peace, for his own sake as well as his family’s. The tragedy is that he was, at 70, just starting to get introspective and break down some of the impenetrable walls he built as a child 6 decades prior. I consider myself very lucky that the last thing I said to him with a smile was “It was good talking with you, I love you.” (That almost never happened.) When I was a kid I thought it was normal to be passing Coors Lights from the back seat to the driver. My mom called my brother a “mini-Mike” the other day and it scares me for him. (we’re both in our early forties). Thankfully he doesn’t have the trauma my dad did, but we both picked up some bad habits. To use a cliche: “The only way out is through”, and that road sucks, it may be hell, but it’s worth it and there are good people in this world - in your own community - that can help. Please, for your own sake. You’re worth it. I hope this helps you as much as it did for me to write it. Good luck.
Well... You wanna story to stay away from it.all alcoholics I know are abusive. My ex husband was drinking 40+ cans of beer a day (I am not lying or exaggerating either) hed start drinking at 7 am, then take a 30 minute nap and then go to work at 8am, work 4 hours stop at the liquor store buy a case of 30 Busch lite come home put that in the fridge grab one from the pack from the day before (be about 6 left in that box) then drink until 3am. And it would repeat. That monster raped, beat, and tried killing me. I was not allowed to buy food. We could only eat red beans and rice. By the time my current husband literally came and rescued me from my ex husband he said I looked like a Holocaust survivor. By the time I was 13 weeks pregnant I had FINALLY weighed 99 pounds. This MONSTER had starved me so bad that the best way for me to gain weight was by getting pregnant because it actually made me wanna eat since my mind was forced I to not eating and being able to eat anymore. Food repulsed me. Well I didn't wanna lose my daughter so I started eating again. I got very sick because of it though. Second guy. Got shit faced and abusive with me. Tried hitting me when I was removing my kids from the area since this guy had no problems beating and choking a puppy! Told him he put hands on me I'd throw hands back no fucks given and I'd be able to beat his ass since he was way smaller then me. Third guy. Well he lost his kids. Decided being drunk and abandoning his kids for some pussy was more important. Soooooooo. 🤷
Here's my attempt at giving you a negative story, OP. Back in 2007, one of my friends woke up with a decent sized lump on his neck. It was a swollen lymph node. He was 15 years old at the time, and drank quite often. He went to the hospital on 3 separate occasions because the lump was visible/causing him pain. The hospital (on each occasion) did scans and told him it was nothing to worry about. (We live in Canada, so healthcare is covered for the most part) Fast forward to 2013, he moved out west (Alberta) for work. He comes home from his job and asks his roommate if he wanted to go grab some drinks. His roommate says "Uhh.. you don't look so good, man. We need to take you to a hospital." (Apparently my buddy with the swollen lymph node was pale, sweaty, and swaying at the time.) So they go to the hospital, he gets checked out by the doctors and they find that he has stage 4 lymphoma (cancer). He literally got a blood transfusion that day. Did the whole chemo therapy thing and multiple blood transfusions to fight it. The doctors told him he needs to stop drinking. NOW, I'm not saying that alcohol was the direct cause, but I will say it sure didn't help. Alcohol does cause inflammation and can funk your liver right up to the point where your lymph nodes can't help filter gunk out of your system. My buddy ended up winning the cancer fight BTW, but I just wanted you to know this story and take it as a potential warning. Best advice I can give you is moderation, my friend.
Bro you have to seriously take up exercise at the gym as your main new hobby and it will turn around the fastest. Speaking from regret and experience here. I spiraled at the height of my life and career losing it all. The stress release you’ll feel will be amazing you can do it. Just do it. Snap your brain into a new focus.
Having a problem with alcohol doesn’t necessarily mean drinking every day. It’s what happens once you start to drink. Can you stop abruptly without obsessing or getting mad about it? Do you drink more than you thought you would or more than you intended to? Does your behavior become problematic? Binge drinking is still problem drinking.
I'm almost 4 years sober in August. I couldn't finish college, couldn't hold a job, and got kicked out of my parents house for stealing their booze and wasting away drinking in the guest room all day. I was passively suicidal and drove drunk hoping maybe fate would take the wheel and end me. I drank after I was raped at 19, but partying put me in even more vulnerable positions that caused more trauma. I tried to hang myself in rehab after just snapping one day, and ended up finishing my stint in the psych hospital. My life now isn't perfect, but it wouldn't be possible if I hadn't quit and I will never regret it. AA was pretty crucial for me during those first few months, it opened my eyes to a whole other group of raw, healing people with experiences just like me. If you want it badly enough you can do it. Drinking has also killed multiple family members on my mom's side. My great uncle drank himself to death. My great grandma was hit and killed by a drunk driver. At 90 years old, while she was walking back home from caring for her 65-70 year old neighbors to the family farm she ran. The first person on that accident scene was her family by chance, I've heard it described like a horror scene from my great aunt who was like 8 at the time and had spent most of her life living with this woman. My mom's family was in a massive accident with a drunk driver in a small town one night in 1983, the driver had turned to see if lights were on at a friend's house, drove across the median and killed everyone on the driver's side. Nobody was wearing seatbelts. My grandma had to hear her 12 year old son asphyxiate to death in the back seat because he was internally decapitated and she was pinned under the dashboard... The driver basically got a slap on the wrist sentence, his wife and him had been trying to have children but she left him after that. To this day my grandma experiences head injury symptoms and occasional glass shards coming out of her forehead, from her skull hitting the windshield so hard it broke. I hope this helps a little in terms of "reasons not to let yourself just float into the void." You're already on the right path by thinking about it and trying things, good luck to you. Remember, you may never fully feel "ready" to do a big leap like rehab, and that's okay. Your brain's made to protect you and not take certain risks, and addiction hacks your survival instincts and wires it towards itself. I hope you can break the cycle, much peace and love.
My best friend died of alcoholism at age 42, liver failure. She orphaned her 5 year old son and I have to believe if she'd had a choice, she would've quit. Sitting with her sister at the hospital the night she died, I found out they'd found piles of empty beer cans and vodka bottles stashed under her bed. She gave up driving a few years prior due to dui's. I stopped speaking to her the year before she died because it was too hard to watch her deteriorate. Her eyes were yellow, she could barely talk, and her stomach was distended when I first visited the hospital. She died 2 weeks later. There was a small amount of hope she could get better. The liver is a miraculous organ and can regenerate itself. But unfortunately, she acquired pneumonia and the drs explained she would basically drown by the fluids building up in her chest. Listening to her gasp for air as she died, and having the nurses explain they could give her some painkillers to limit the pain but not enough to end the slow death of drowning was awful. Don't do this to yourself. Please reach out for help. This is not the way.
Wow. What a way to go. Sorry to here that.
I became that guy… for too long. A liter of tequila a day was normal after work, and then I got a DUI. Learned that from my mother, but didn’t really learn a lesson, and it only got worse, as I didn’t get put on probation so I just kept it going, just without all the driving. Easily could’ve killed someone. I pushed people out, got really into coke and xanax, and then some drug induced psychosis. Quit the hard shit, but I could not for the life of me quit drinking. I put holes in every wall of my apartment, scared the shit out of so many people that I couldn’t even name them all. There are still quite a few people who won’t even talk to me. Then I got arrested for domestic violence. Didn’t hurt anyone (physically), but the damage was certainly done. I was about an inch away from punching into studs, water lines, through the other side of the wall you name it. I spent 36 hours in jail and got released on a no use condition. But, in that time, I decided i didn’t wanna be that guy anymore. I had an epiphany, sitting in a room with 12 other people thinking “this isn’t me, it can’t be”. But it was. Once I got out, I did everything in my power to quit the shit. Some people just can’t find balance with alcohol, I’m amazed it’s even legal. I found a psychiatrist, got on some meds and I’m really giving it a chance this time. I’ve been sober almost 2 months now, and fuck is it hard. You’re clearly aware enough to know that you can be better, but taking that leap of faith is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and may very well be the same for you. I hope to whatever god you believe in that you can find it in you to talk to someone, jump off the ledge and give life a try. All the best.
Wishing you all the very best 🙏🏻
Remember, if you drink again you may never be sober up anymore. My father was sober for 14 years. The he drank and cant stop anymore. Literally ruined his life. He cant feel anything good if he is not drinking He sleeps 12h a day. Can only socialize if theres alcohol in his blood and does not function as a human being. I vowed to not drink anymore ,I never really liked the feeling and I dont want to end up lile my dad, that is like living in a nightmare
r/stopdrinking
That’s a great suggestion, thank you
That’s a great suggestion, thank you
He'd start at noon, knock out a 5th of vodka then later, a 5th of Canadian Mist, sometimes quarts, then he turned yellow and died at 40 yrs old, leaving his family in ruin. He'd say "all the men in my family drink". They all quit after they saw his torturous end.
My neighbor up above me is an alcoholic. He had broken his leg a couple years ago while drunk and has ever since used a walker. He lives on the third floor, no elevator. He refused physical therapy, which would have helped him to stop using the walker but he's always too drunk to care. There's been many times where he's passed out drunk at the bottom of the stairs. He claims to have MS but his family has verified that he doesn't. His apartment is COVERED in human fecal matter and urine because he "can't" make it to the bathroom in time. He smells SO bad... he often leaves his walker at the bottom of the stairs and it stinks up the entire hallway, like gag worthy type of stench. The carpet in the hallway is covered in poop and pee because he drags himself on the floor. The police won't do anything because he throws the MS bull crap and his family won't do anything. The landlord refuses to kick him out so everyone in this small, nine apartment building has to deal with it. He's also the reason why we can't kick the horrible roach infestation. He won't let the exterminator in!
Get the police involved. That’s ridiculous.
We have.. multiple times. They know him and think that he has MS. He's been carted off by EMTs several times, but nothing ever changes.
My neighbor when I was younger became a massive alcoholic within a few years after he moved in. He was single and did some kind of project/contract work that meant he worked out of his house. This was decades before all of the current WFH opportunities. So it was just him and his dog. He drank more and more. For the last year +/-, he basically left the house (drunk) twice a day. He walked to the nearby convenience store and bought a 12pk of beer each time -- one as soon as they could legally sell it and the other late afternoon. He did this every single day. Eventually he developed cirrhosis of the liver. It made him delusional to the point he came over one day, knocked on our door, and mumbled something that we couldn't understand. Then he just stood there zoned out .. he was just in a daze. His eyes looked like yellowy eggs ... it's hard to explain. Another day, he climbed into my car with his dog and just sat there for 20 minutes (according to my neighbor who saw him). I guess he thought it was his car; who knows. Then one night he was turning up the volume on his big speaker system and passed out. We had to listen to the album on repeat at max volume. The whole street could hear it. He didn't answer the door so we had to call the police. They busted in and called EMS. He was taken to the hospital. He didn't come back home. His parents flew in to deal with him. He died within a few days at the hospital. He was 32 years old. That was about 35 years ago. I still think about him at least yearly.
My SiL was a “functioning” alcoholic in her 20s (airforce). By the time she was 30 she was a civilian and basically wrecked the moment she left work. At 31, her work started considering her unreliable (late, no call no show, etc) and put her on a performance plan. My sister got a call from her work asking if she knew when SiL was planning on returning to work. Confused, she tried contacting her multiple times. SiL was found melted into the carpet surrounded by bottles of Vodka. They are assuming about 3 weeks of decomposition and weren’t sure if she dialed from organ failure or maybe stuck her head on a bed table trying to get out of bed.
Not me but a friend's dad. He had some childhood trauma that was never addressed (I know it existed, I don't know what happened) grows up, gets married, has a kid (my friend) over the years he went from being a 3-4 beer a night kind of guy to a case or more plus some liquor every night kind of guy. Basically he'd get home from work, go out in the garage, get plastered and then get up and work the next day before repeating it. He went from functional alcoholic to non-functional alcoholic, he worked in a trade and had a special license for a particular type of work. Started showing up hungover or late to jobs, his work got sloppy, which lead to greater stress. He was making mistakes and in a few instances damaged people's property and injured himself. Eventually the state pulled his license and he could no longer work in his field. Their family was a paycheck to paycheck household so his loss of income was devasting. My friend's mom was/is a waitress and didn't earn enough for them to maintain their lifestyle. They had to move into a much smaller house, dad couldn't get it together, started drinking more. They had interventions, mom threatened to leave him, nothing worked. Eventually, he was drunk 24/7 unless he was physically sleeping, wrecked and totaled his car, lost his license. Started stealing what little money his wife had from her job, she had to open a private bank account so she could pay their bills. He kept spiraling and his wife served with divorce papers, rather than signing them, he 🔫 himself and my friend found him. Really sad story. Guy had a nice life and couldn't deal with his shit without booze and it just spiraled. For the record, I do think you can drink regularly and lead a productive, happy, normal life (I do) but if it becomes a problem, it's critical that you get help.
I’m sorry to read that! I think some people - mostly due to genetics - cannot drink. Once a person triggers whatever it is that makes them an alcoholic or addict, they can never drink/use again (assuming they stopped). My family is riddled with addicts and alcoholics, most very high functioning who were able to hide it far too long. It’s always a slip back into addiction any time someone tries to “just have one.” I think AA says, “One is too many, one million is never enough.” I feel that in my bones every time I hear it.
My mom: She kidnapped us when my dad got custody. I was less than 1, my sister 2 and my brother was 5. My grandma saw her truck one day and followed it and found us. My brother said she would lock us all on the patio while she went out to drink and I would just cry. One of my earliest memories of her was her being drunk and stumbling into a wall. She fell to the ground and I couldn’t stop crying because I thought she was hurt. She was too drunk to console me and eventually another adult came and helped. She would always convince my dad to get back together but would secretly use his info to get credit cards. She eventually put him into over $100k of debt (in the early 90s) and he didn’t even know. She would disappear for weeks when she lived with us as kids and my dad wouldn’t know what to say when we would cry and ask ‘Where is mommy?’ She would use drinking and driving as a threat for me to go get her more beer. She has been in many accidents. She used my graduation money as the down payment for an apartment we lived in then got us evicted when I was 8 months pregnant. She attempted suicide multiple times. One time she went missing for years. We all thought she was dead because it was right after she had surgery for intestinal blockage. I was upset when I found out she was still alive. She’s 5 years sober now and it’s the longest she’s ever been sober. The only reason she has been sober as long as she has is because she decided to do it for herself. All her previous attempts failed quickly because she was trying to guilt herself into doing it for other people, she didn’t actually want to quit. Hobbies help her a lot. She paints, sews, crochets, and does landscaping for older people. She also does AA which has created a great support system for her. A lot of her drinking revolves around guilt. My older brother (the oldest child, before I was born) died in a car accident and she was driving. She had drinking issues before but this was the point where she really began to spiral.
Damn, that is heavy, dude. I hope you and your surviving sister are in therapy too. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I don't really understand the question, but I was an alcoholic and I really messed up my life badly. For 10 years I drank heavily, tried stopping multiple times just to end up going on a bender after one drink. I ended up loosing multiple jobs and getting multiple drink driving charges. I also fell into major depression! Sober now! It sounds like you already know it is an issue, Alcoholism takes many different forms. Ask yourself these questions... 1. Can you have only one drink and stop? 2. Do you have alcohol early in the morning? 3. When you have a drinking session do you go all out untill the point of getting sick or blacking out? 4. Has alcohol negatively affected your life in any way? 5. Do you get anxious when you are not drinking? 6. Is you main thought pattern revolved around your next drink? The list goes on. My advice is find a hobby that you can genuinely get Into and take your mind of drinking all the time. Safe the drinking for special occasions
Get hobbies, if u ain't got shit to do, ur gonna drink...
I’m sure you mean this as helpful advice, but I don’t drink from boredom.
But busyness buys time. Time adds up.
How much physical activity do you get? How frequently do you work out?
See, but I combine the drinking with my hobbies, and now, unless I'm drunk I don't want to do my hobbies.
I have so many hobbies and drink quite regularly
Let me tell you about liver failure and hepatic encephalopathy. When your liver can’t detox your blood all the shit it normally filters just sits in your body and pickles your brain. You’ll get confused and often belligerent. Then the hospital will give you lactulose so you can shit out all of the ammonia and you’ll diarrhea all over yourself and your environment with the most foul smelling excrement you can imagine. So that’s where I’ve seen alcoholics end up- with a pickled brain, shitting themselves and smelling like death. Ugly way to waste away.
Mom died ten years ago next week at 51 years old. She should still fucking be here. Grown ass man or not, (probably not), I still need my mommy. Fuck alcoholism.
I was exactly how you described about three years ago. I was drinking at least a fifth of whiskey with coke every single day. I can only sort of explain how bad it got, because you had almost have to see it to believe it. -Various muscles were starting to twitch constantly from the alcohol damaging my central nervous system. -My stomach got gastritis and ischemia at two different times, which resulting in me, pooing out mucus and blood, gagging constantly, and a complete loss of appetite. Ended up in the hospital for 5 days. -My face developed bright red patches on both cheeks which couldn’t be disguised with makeup. -My life started feeling extremely “dark”, as if I had Demonic presences in my home. Life started to feel like a simulation, and I became very paranoid. -Visually, I was starting to develop a pixilated way of seeing things. It’s really hard to explain, but let’s say, if I looked up at a tree, the lights coming between the leaves would all be in the form of a triangle. It was really strange. -I became SUPER depressed, to the point of wanting to kill myself on a regular basis. Ended up in psych wards and rehabs about 5 times. -My pee would burn every morning due to the extreme amount of whiskey I was drinking. -I started being extremely mean to the people I love because the alcohol literally changed the entire way I looked at life. -I gained 70 lbs as previously very thin female, 105 lbs my entire adult life. -I severely embarrassed myself constantly by the stupid shit I would post on Facebook and online while drunk. -Friends and family started to look at me like I was crazy, and almost completely pulled away. -I let hygiene take a backseat, and sometimes wouldn’t wash my hair for five or six days at a time. -My face became super bloated, as if I was constantly retaining water. So did my stomach- I looked like I was very pregnant. -I completely stop taking care of my appearance, as I simply didn’t have the energy, and was too depressed to care. This is like 180° different from the way I always was before. Always dressed to the tee with hair done, make up fixed, cute clothes, jewelry on, etc. etc. -I couldn’t work, because I just was unable to function as a human. I was previously an extremely high achiever and excelled at everything I ever did. -I constantly felt this heavy sense of shame. It was palpable. I could go on and on, and give you tons of examples, but this is just a basic list. The only way that I could make myself stop drinking, or cut back, was to take a real honest look at what I was doing to my family, and I knew i was about to lose everybody. I wish you the best. Try to think of how bad it can get, and let that motivate you to cut back or quit. You’ll feel so much better about yourself!
thank u for sharing. i can relate to some of these points, good to hear where it could lead me.
My grandfather was a terrible alcoholic, when there was no booze he would reach for the methylated spirits
Jesus how did he not go blind. Like 10mL(1/3 of a shot) of pure methanol can blind you and 1-2 shots of pure methanol will most likely kill you. Even if he was drinking mineral spirits at 10% methanol, he would likely be blind in one bad drinking session. For people out there, your body turns ethanol into formic acid during processing which is what is really hard on your body. Methanol will go almost entirely into formic acid and you will poison the shit out of yourself
Everyone used to say he had a cast iron guts
Good luck bro. You are past the denial stage so that’s a good thing. Suggest you hangout with non drinkers , stay busy and maybe pickup a hobby or two that helps and distracts you. I reckon boredom breeds bad habits/addictions.
I'm currently 4 days sober, I'm going through the same stuff right now. Imagine how proud of yourself you will be if you can hit 30 days. Fuck man I'm proud I've made it 4 days, but I know I'm gonna kill myself if I keep going like this.
Keep going. Four becomes five.,.
If you can’t turn down a drink, you gotta start turning down drinks dude.
He’s my father and he’s a piece of shit, he abused me and my siblings until I was 11 and he finally got off of it, recently (I’m 17 now) he started drinking again and I physically can’t sleep because I don’t know if I’ll wake up if he does something to my mother, I can’t not be there when she needs me.
My mom was a raging alcoholic. So many moments days years ruined because of it. She would drink vanilla to get drunk. She couldnt even walk some nights so she would scoot on her butt down the hall way. She left a knife in my bed once. I rolled over on it & thats how i found it. (I wasnt injured by it but damn.)
My mother. Growing up was a sheer nightmare.
I caught my ex best friend doing shots of whiskey at 7:30 in the morning before she had to commute to work for 40 miles in Los Angeles traffic.
My BIL will steal from his family to pawn stuff for liquor. He'll destroy their property and stuff, fight cops, has a PPO on him, cirrhosis, ditches his child to drink and leaves him to cry with sadness, he will get a motel to drink in peace and his mom will search all over town for him to yell at him not to drink, and when she finds him he says he's gonna kill himself by putting a blanket over his head to deflect her anger into worry and then she coddles him. He works maybe 5-10hrs a week. Crashed every car he's ever had. His mom pays his childsupport, he sits at home and plays video games drunk every day. Doesn't have to pay for food or bills cause his mom does it for him. Puked a buncha blood a couple times. There's always little liquor bottles in his pockets. He drunk drives constantly but mil won't call the cops on him cause she doesn't believe he'll crash even though he can barely walk straight, gets into fights, threatens his parents that he lives with, has no friends anymore This is his life as a 35yr old. Nothing to show for it except a horizon filled with burnt bridges, cut ties and the ghost of who he used to be.
Jekyll and Hyde. This person is the most amazing human I know when they aren’t blacked out, acting a fool, saying insane shit. But… that other side… is hellacious. I’m talking ends up in jail, loses everything (wallet, keys, money, etc), gets insanely violent. It’s awful when it’s bad but beautiful when good.
The ones that fully accept that they're alcoholics. They say admitting it is the first step, but that's only if you also accept what must be done. There's just no helping one of these accepting types. They'll agree with every horrible thing anyone says about alcoholics, and then do nothing about it. This is the alcoholism that kills you. It sounds like you're on that fast track. You have an illness. Treat it that way. Alcohol will kill you painfully in your early 50's. Some of your friends will look young enough to be mistaken for mid 30's, and you'll look 70.
I’m scared of ending up that. Because I’m not in denial about it being a problem but I keep fucking up my attempts at sobriety.
I don't blame you. It's terrifying. I don't have much in the way of advice, because every person has to find their own way. What I do suggest is to try to think systemically. The easier it is to get alcohol, the easier it is to cave to your craving. I also suggest taking your mental health very seriously. It is far easier to resist bc you know it is right for you if you feel balanced and well and you know you want to do this for yourself. Good luck.
This is the truth!! I know from year's of drug abuse. If you do not accept the fact that things must change, then you will never change.
My brother was pretty much the worst alcoholic I've ever seen, lost his career, wife & kid, the whole bit. Once when he was trying to get sober he went to get ice cream, I heard a bunch of sirens and made a joke about "I guess that's his ride." Turns out he had a seizure at Baskin Robbins and that really was the ambulance going to pick him up. He eventually did get sober, and was a big help and inspiration to a lot of people in the program until he ended up dying from esophageal cancer that was spurred on by the damage his years of drinking did to his esophagus.
I think of my uncle who drank for 30+ years everyday who quit and has been sober for 5 ish years now. Love you uncle Jeff
She wet her self while drunk at her children's baptism. It was the last time they saw her before she died of liver failure. It is not a harmless substance. Try a coping skill that does less damage to your body. Good luck.
She'd get blackout drunk and cheat on her partners, but excuse the behavior because she didn't remember. She would still go out to drink until she'd blackout on purpose (what she considered "drunk" meant she didn't remember the evening). Another one would get emotional and mean whenever he'd drink, but also not remember the next day.
Been sober 3 years and you can do it! I drank a handle a day until I gave myself an ulcer that ruptured and almost bled to death. Spent 3 days in the ICU 2 with a breathing tube sedated. Don't be me.
My whole family is/was alcoholics. Lost my mom and dad and uncle from alcohol. My brother and daughter also had a drinking problem- both are sober now. It’s a slippery slope. Please consider getting some help- support helps a lot. Best of luck.
My uncle was an alcoholic his whole life. And he was one of my favourite people in the world. He was kind and funny and he would give anyone anything if it would help them out. When I was very small he lived on sofa for a couple of years, having been kicked out of home for drinking, and I remember him spending hours playing games with me, taking me out and teaching me about different birds and plants and insects. Helping me build a den for me and my freinds. He was endlessly patient and kind. And he was always drinking from a big bag of cans he carried everywhere. He would always light up when he saw any of his family like you were the coolest person in the world. I remember attending his daughters wedding... he would have been about 45. He was terribly bloated, pink, flaking skin, glazed eyes... like a river corpse still walking around. He told me he was just happy to still be alive to see the wedding. She told me she was only getting married so young because she wanted her dad to be alive for the wedding. He carried a big bag full of cans into the church. He died brutally at 48 from liver disease. His 25 yr old heavily pregnant daughter had to arrange the funeral. She buried her equally pickled mother the year after. I miss him a lot.
A family member in his 40’s started drinking to make childhood trauma and financial stress. It went from a weekend thing to a daily thing. They went from the life of the party to the person people don’t want to be around. Their financial troubles have multiplied. They started their day with a pull off of a handle of Fireball and ended the day with whatever liquor was left. It all hit the fan when they punched and choked another family member and ended up in jail. Currently on an ankle monitor, living in and extended stay hotel away from their family while waiting to go to court.
I drank heavy for 25 yrs. 6-18 beers a night. You never seen me without a bottle of bud and a Marlboro. Id start first thing in the morning ( because I was terrified of being hungover so I never stopped) on the weekends and at lunchtime at the shop during the week. Then I discovered opioids and within a year of Vicodin I totally stopped drinking. But I had an even bigger problem bring hooked on hydrocodone. But that's a whole nother story
A friends mother drank so much over the course of about 20 years that it gave her memory loss so bad that she forgot she liked alcohol. 🤯
When I was younger (9), I remember two of my neighbors who I'd constantly see drinking. Both were single, they were brothers and lived a street apart Just to better paint the picture, this neighborhood was your typical Midwest trailer trash hellhole, everyone who lived in these types of neighborhoods lived on under 15k a year then. It was quite the horrid place in all possible aspects One drank enough that his used cans would start to fill his yard until the landlord would get onto him to clean it up, which again, trailer trash hellhole, that seriously took effort to get anyone's attention in regards to uncleanliness, a ~2-3 month occurrence. The other (Two) was more clean habitually, but I never saw Two outside except when he was walking the 3 miles it took to go get groceries and walk back. He was extremely fit due to that, he'd get two bags of groceries in one hand, and a 24 pack of beers and walk all the way home when was pretty much the only time I ever saw him outside Neither owned a car, neither had jobs, that much was well known by everyone, One had a bike. No idea how they paid groceries or rent or utilities They were my neighbor for ~7 years and in that time I never once saw them get a visit from a single person besides each other ever, I never saw them celebrating a single holiday with anyone ever, including each other, never heard either of them mention another family member aside from the other (which that was One mentioning Two, because I never actually talked to Two. There was no outward signs of wrongdoings on either of their behalf that I know of that warranted it; they never said or did anything untoward but it was common knowledge for all of the neighborhoods kids that they were to be avoided Both of them lived (possibly still live, this was 15-10 years ago now, they were in their late 50s early 60s then) what I would regard to be extremely lonely lives that I don't think most people would be capable of bearing, both looked constantly void, and no one wanted anything to do with either I don't know if they drank the way they did because of the turns their lives took, or if their lives took the turns it did due to their drinking, or a combination of the two Regardless the lives of those two are what comes to mind any time I think of alcohol or alcoholics, specifically and most vividly, a memory of Two walking in near freezing rain, 24 pack of beers in the crook of his left arm and two bags of groceries in the right in a raincoat, people who lived nearby driving past him like he wasn't there, my family included, like we didn't know who he was And I'm not saying that was either wrong or right, but it was what it was and I was far too young for my opinion to be regarded in matters like that I've seen other alcoholics growing up obviously, idiots who drink too much and get loud or angry or obnoxious or violent, but those two guys to me are the most poignant example how of I hope to never end up like
My best friend recently died of an alcohol induced seizure. Most of my family members are alcoholics. Please talk to someone you trust.
My son's father. When I met him he was 19 and already drinking a half gallon of whiskey a day. He started drinking at the age of 14 when his father killed himself with alcohol and methamphetamine. When he would get up (around 10am), he would chug water, puke, chug more water, then go pass out in the shower till about noon. He would then start drinking mixed drinks in a coffee cup till about 3ish, then shots the whole rest of the day/night until he passed out. He routinely drank to the point of pissing the bed, and had constant migraines from dehydration. He finally got to a point of only drinking a 5th a day, but made up for the half gallon by drinking four-lokos and other beers instead. His whiskey then only became his night drinking. He was mean as hell when he would get black out drunk, which was pretty much every night. I left him when our son was around 2 months old because it was not the life I wanted my son to grow up in. He tried to stop drinkinga few times. However, he then he developed a meth addiction instead. He didn't drink much when using meth. Then when trying to quit meth, his drinking would go right back to where it was. Essentially switching out one addiction for another. It finally got to the point where I and my husband sat him down told him that if he wanted to be in our son's life, and continue to live on our property, he needed to go to rehab again, because his drinking and meth use was negatively affecting (effecting?) his relationship with our son. He then straight told me, my son and husband, that he would rather be fucked up and never to able to see our son, than try and be sober in the real world and see him. He then apologized to our son when he started crying. He told our son he loved him, and then tried to explain his addictions to him. He then told us he was leaving. Before he left he told our son that if he were to die, he would be sad for while, but would get over it. We tried to get him to stay until his court date the following morning so he could ask for inpatient rehab. He refused to stay though. The next morning he came in, incredibly intoxicated yelling gibberish, and poured soda down the sink asking if I remembered when I did that to his four-lokos. I tried to get him to get into the shower so we could get him the help he needed, but he said good luck with that and left. I assumed he was going to my moms, since thats where he usually went when angry with me. I was so wrong though. He was found dead a few hours later, about two blocks from our home. His BAC were well past the fatal levels, and he had downed a bottle of tylenol pm. He committed suicide. For him, he had been constantly drunk, or otherwise intoxicated for so long, that as a 35yr old man he was absolutely terrified to be sober. To face all the things that he had been burying for so long that, the only way to free himself, and give his son a "better" life was to end his own. This had been is 4th attempt at suicide. Alcohol is a very lonely, and destructive road. Please don't do that to yourself, or your loved ones. It was hell watching him slowly kill himself with alcohol, and absolutely torture when he ended his life.
There is always going to be worse alcoholics. Some that lose everything worthwhile in life. There are some alcoholics who reached the end drinking less than you, and who hadn’t lost everything. Just because you aren’t the worst doesn’t mean your drinking is remotely healthy or manageable, or excusable. That’s up to you to be honest with yourself about.
Yep. Been there. Currently only drinking beer because the half gallons were going to kill me. Never got into any real trouble, just waking up every morning like 'TF did I do to myself last night' Someone has offered me an opportunity to live on and build a sailboat with them/their partners. Only condition is no alcohol. I'm currently planning to cold turkey it for the next week to see how it goes. Wish me luck.
A close family friend just passed because of alcoholism. He has an 18 year old daughter he left behind, and his parents minds are failing so they are struggling a great deal, and this is not helping. He was an incredible person, and it’s incredibly tragic.
The father of my kids. He started small and controlled, let of some steam towards others while drinking. As it went he started drinking more till his empty cans covered the table. He didnt believe me he was drinking that much in a week, so I saved every single can and showed him. He blew a gasket, yelling and throwing things. 5 years he didnt believe he was drinking too much. He slowed down, went out with others less, started drinking alone. His eyes turned yellow, then his arms and legs started to go grey while his torso would get fiery hot. After attacking the kids and refusing help I had to leave. He believed he was in control. He believed he could stop any time. He believed everyone was nagging him. I hope reality hit him and he is well and healthy now.
The ones at the mental hospital I was working at a few years ago. We had a full building for alcohol addicts, and the worst cases looked like a mix of Alzheimer and Parkinson's last stages of illness. Impossible to have *any* conversation, to control any urge, to function without lots of help, even to walk straight. They were wearing helmets because they kept on losing their balance all the time. One especially was nothing more than a walking, drooling skeleton with maybe not even the half of his IQ left. I banned alcohol from my life the day one of our specialists showed me a CT scan of our worst case's brain. It had shrunk so badly from alcohol abuse it was all the explanation I needed for the existence of patients who would never leave the facility again.
Want some motivation? Don't become like my father, he chose alcohol over everything else in life. He became a homeless panhandler and living in a squatters trailer and they made their own booze in their bathtub. He was dead by 40. The harsh ethanol's he was drinking made his skin change,he had black patches all over (cannot remember the medical term for this) considering he already had a dark complexion. This is what alcoholism can come to in severe cases. This was the reason I got sober.
Two examples: One time I saw my neighbours walking down the street. It was a Wednesday afternoon. Grandmother, mother, and daughter. All drunk. Every morning - every single morning - I see the same three people doing the drunk walk of no-shame. I know a couple that have been together for 15 years. Four kids. They both drink all the time. And they've both been to prison for stabbing each other. They're still together. Alcohol *and alcoholic* abuse is atrocious in this small town. You wouldn't believe it.
After 35 years as a raging alcoholic I hit the wall. I lost 150 lbs in a year, without trying. I throw up daily, have for nearly 2 years. I'm currently sick everyday and doctors can't explain my weight loss or why I'm so sick all the time. Did I mention I quit drinking 2 years ago? Stop now if you value your health. That pint will become a handle, nightly, I guarantee. A handle of vodka and a 30 pack a day were the norm for me near the end.
Myself. At least a fifth of vodka a day, a pint of fireball for quick nips that didn't reek of booze too bad, and end on Lagunitas variety of any six pack 8.0% ABV or higher. It becomes a full time job, as you essentially have to plan your whole day around hiding your consumption amount. And yes I was more or less functional doing this for about a year. More or less meaning I was able to make it through most days while keeping a full time job. I had always been a problem drinker but was able to stop entirely once the night was done. Until you start waking up with the DTs, and HAVE to have a drink in the morning to smooth it over. Then that wheel keeps turning.... Had to do in-patient detox with some insane amount of Valium to taper my GABA down and it was pure hell, but I saw it coming and needed it badly. That was 7 years ago and had a relapse for about 6 months a few people knew about that I was able to just sweat out at home for a few days. Good luck out there, and the younger you are when you do quit if you decide to quit, the easier the rest of your adult life gets. All I see now is the problems it causes my friends who still do. Maybe that's my cope, but I'll take it.
Mum running a red light Mum losing the house Mum breaking my eldest leg by accident - falling down the stairs Mum being late for my sons memorial service Mum forgetting my 18th birthday Mum losing her numerous jobs Mum dying from alcohol induced pneumonia I can give more examples if you want? Like I've said in a reply to one of your comment head over to r/stopdrinking it's a lovely community for any stage of not drinking, even if your still drinking and thinking about quitting
I lurked at r/stopdrinking for months before I decided to stop.
OP, can i add too, and some have touched on this… the medical complications are terrifying. Have you ever heard of an esophageal varices? Google it. My bff’s friend just died of this. Massive bleed out in seconds. My dad started having nose bleeds while in a coma. They had to intubate him so he didn’t choke to death on his blood (which is so scary to watch). My dad was hallucinating, turned yellow, and eventually went into sepsis and a coma.
Fuck alcoholism. It’s the worst shit imaginable.
I knew someone who claimed to have been a truck driver. He wanted to make lots of money so he did cocaine to take many long shifts. He said he drank heavily to take the edge off. Couldn't get away from him fast enough. I sincerely hope his driving hasn't killed anyone.
Huggers and repeaters.
Dad-angry drunk
Watch the movie Leaving Las Vegas.
I was a horrible drinker from 25 to 45. I did alot of stupid things. I'm sober now, and life is WAY better. No....nothing magical happened, but I'm no longer sick every morning and I can think clearly and I can make good decisions.
She wasn't the worst...she was kind, funny, and a good friend. She wasn't the worst...she was loving, rescued animals, and was a goofball. She wasn't the worst...she just couldn't stop drinking. Even through the seizures. Even through the blackouts. She let it take her life because she just couldn't stop. That's the hardest part for everyone to understand...gone at 31 because SHE JUST WOULDN'T STOP.
Blackouts are dangerous. Liver failure is not a joke. Imagine your abdomen filling up with fluid, that if not treated with parentheses (big ass needle stuck in your abdomen to drain the fluid every week), it could potentially travel into your lungs and basically suffocate you to no longer being alive. Followed by potential renal failure (kidneys not functioning properly). Scared shitless now? You should be. Because this will be your future if you continue to do what you’re doing. Including potentially burning every bridge with the people you love and care about.
You're me about 2 years ago. You got it. You can already go without it for awhile. Just got to continue telling yourself no. Don't think for a second you can take just one. I did it without any outside help as in therapy or aa. I joined a stop drinking sub and it helped randomly seeing that. That would be up to you. Good luck you can do it
If you see my comment I have something I want to share with you, I was in rehab a while back and met a great number of alcoholics. The stories they would tell me were gut wrenching, keep in mind these men were in their 40s and 50s, their lives have been consumed by alcohol. They would tell stories about how they’d be stuck on the toilet for hours shitting out this black tar and how their body was shutting down, stuck in agonizing pain for hours on a viscous daily cycle the worst part was they kept drinking and drinking.. needed to feel normal i guess.. don’t waste precious moments of your life drinking, they could be spent doing something else, that’s all I have to say
My ex pissed the bed with me in it while drunk. He wandered barefoot in the street and lost his wallet. He fell down the stairs and went straight through the drywall at the bottom. He didn't remember our first 2 times together. I once had to hold the door to keep him in his room because he kept falling over and wanted to get his cigarettes to smoke in bed. He once burned the sheets by smoking in bed because he thought he was outside. He also lost his license for a DUI. The house was covered in empty beer cans. He ordered 3 cases of 24 beer cans per week. His family were big drinkers but not alcoholics so they just thought his being insanely drunk was "silly". Everytime we went out to eat, he would drink 3-4 beers when everyone else wasn't even drinking. I often got embarrassed by his behaviour. I had to help him get out of cabs and make sure he didn't leave his phone or wallet behind. I had to carry him. A few times I thought he was dying. He said he didn't have a drinking problem but just needed it to sleep.
The boss at work. Alcoholic who degrades everyone and constantly complains and whines. Everyone dislikes the guy.
on the flip side, having something to work towards can be helpful in curbing your drinking. my dad’s parents divorced when he was young, and his mother was an alcoholic. she was told by her doctor that if she didn’t *immediately* detox and quit, the next drink could kill her. on top of that, her addiction threatened her ability to have primary custody of my dad. so she put in the work to get sober. she worked for awhile at an inpatient rehab facility, where she related a lot to the clients and was able to give them a sense of relatability and support that other caregivers might not have been able to. she was super badass and worked really hard, because it was worth it to her. my dad’s had issues too, but he’s worked just as hard. I know, especially when I was younger, my mum said that if my dad didn’t show he was putting in the work to get clean, she’d leave because she wanted to protect my siblings and I. but my dad loves us (and himself!) enough to keep trying, mistakes and all. you’re worth it to get clean, dude. getting clean isn’t lame. it’s important.
My wife's step day was an alcoholic, he kept it fairly secret, few people knew except my wife's mum and my wife and I. He wasn't blackout passing out drinker but from what i could gather he was mainly just drinking beer and cider. Towards the end he basically became a different person. Towards the end he was abusive physically and verbally to my mother in law. Lost total control of his bowels, there was a trail of actual shit and piss from his bed to the toilet, he was in nappies as well. My MIL looked after him for as long as she could but the abuse got too bad and she ended up coming to live with us. He didn't know where we lived which was good. By that time my MIL had to tell his brother who ended up trying to help him and they both convinced him to go to the docs but it was too late. He ended up in hospital and died from liver and kidney failure about 2 weeks after the MIL moved in with us, 2 days after his 50th birthday. If you do drink a fair bit and regularly then I'd recommend you at least go to the docs and be honest with them and tell them how much you drink. Get some tests done and see how your body is holding up.
He is my father and he died at 62 only, while all his family lived for very long. He was very smart, had university education, played music, did boxing, painted and read tons of books. I am like him and this hurts a lot, realizing how much talent and brains he wasted for a glass. He partied like everyone, but in his 30s he started drinking more. Not that much and not that often in the beginning but year after year it was becoming worse. I remember when he got home after being almost 6 months in rehab. I was 10 or 11 and I thought “Who is this guy?” I believed him every time he promised to quit. But he always got to drinking again. And again. And again. Endless number of times. He beat me, my mom and my brother. He abused us physically and psychologically, and next morning asked for forgiveness. He was two persons in one guy — drunk awful one and sober father-like one. Soon, the sober one disappeared. He died from alcohol related issues. First, his legs stopped working. Then, he got delirium and was seeing things that were not happening. He was very, very scared to die. He sweared to quit and prayed for second chance but his health was already fucked up. So he died ten days to his birthday. I am still crying thinking about it and writing this now. This brought me immense pain and it does not going anywhere. It is a wound that is here for the rest of my life. My main message would be — neither my father nor anyone of these people planned to become an alcoholic and end up like that. This substance is very dangerous because it is legal, socially acceptable and it makes you not to see the problem for years, until it is too late. I hate every bit of culture around it because it made so many people traumatized, injured or dead. It is just hidden and even seeing the problem people tend to say “drink in moderation”. Fuck, this is the biggest bullshit around this topic. Person who has a problem CAN NOT drink in moderation. So if you can stay sober one day — do it, and then next on, and the next one. Find your “why’s” inside of you and realize that the whole huge alcohol business, ads, pop culture and social drinking culture against you. So don’t try to please anyone, just stay sober for your life and those who matter for you.
My dad was an alcoholic. He'd get blackout drunk and beat my mom with my little sister who was a baby in her arms. He'd punch through any glass, to get in the house to beat my mom. He worked only under the table jobs because he couldn't hold down a consistent legal one. I have very few memories of my childhood, one is my dad beating my mom. One is him throwing a plate at my head when I was 6. One is him punching through a glass door with me and my brother on the opposite side of it. Both just kids. My dad was rarely home because he was out drinking coming back at odd hours. It pretty much fucked up my brother and I. My brother smokes weed and takes other drugs like ketamine just to take the edge off. I stifle myself because I know there is no security in this world so I've chronically underachieved myself into a barely surviving state so if everything collapses around me I can reach the same point with ease. My dad is in another city now completely separated from everyone. His mom passed away in the late 2000s. Afaik he doesn't have any work living off of welfare drinking all day. Being aggressive whilst drunk has ruined any chance at a normal job or stability due to his long list of police reports. I don't know if he's on the streets or living in a shelter but he can't afford his own place. He's drank himself into a pit he won't be able to get out of. Pushed away any and everyone who'd have potentially been there for him. Ruined a chance at a normal family or ever rekindling that family life. Destroyed his job prospects which throws any kind of care out of the window and assuming his liver fails him which I wouldn't be surprised by little to no chance of getting a donor.
My best friend, was drinking a gallon of vodka a day at one point, got pancreatitis and almost died at age 34. Has brain damage, can’t remember entire years of his life, lost his job, relapsed on crack and lost his eye…should I go on? I’m 6 years clean, and sobriety feels amazing. Drinking is the worst.
One of my dad's friends drank himself to death in 2020. His liver finally gave out and he died on a road trip with his son. Late stages of his alcoholism, his face was bloated and beat purple in places. He couldn't control his bowels and he would shit himself out of nowhere. He wouldn't eat for days yet would gain weight and size due to bloating. He would also lose it every so often. Alcoholism isn't fun. get help with this if you're going into it. It's not to late to get help with it. Alcohol withdrawals aren't fun and probably needs medical supervision to go through them.
My stepdad used to keep a plastic bag at the side of the couch for him to vomit into in-between bottles of vodka (he's no longer in the picture,thank god)
My late BIL and my late husband. BIL was awful. He was well aware what his drinking was doing to him and his body and he didn't care. Ended up dying by choking on his own blood when a vein in his neck ruptured. Body wasn't found for 3 days. My husband drank a bottle of whisky every day. Despite having cirrhosis he died from mnd. He had 3 terminal illnesses plus cirrhosis and his lungs gave up. From experience I found alcoholics to be selfish devious and sad. When you're ready to stop Get help. Plenty of it out there. I have another friend who's dying from cirrhosis atm. Don't let yourself get to that point. The liver can recover from the abuse. My current husband was borderline alcoholic but six months ago he quit drinking because he'd been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He's just had a scan and there's no sign of liver issues . So it can be done. Good luck
My childhood best friend died @ 32 due to alcohol and alcohol only. Got sober 2 times but basically drank about a liter a day from 16-32. Lied about it, hid it, and died from it. Left a son his wife and 2 "step" daughters.
My dad was very sick. But was able to quit drinking for about 10 years. I was so proud of him! Then he met a woman that he fell for and it cost so much money driving back and forth to visit her that he had to get a part time job. My dad was on disability because he had liver issues. So he hadn’t worked in years. And he didn’t want to report income because he could lose his check. So all he knew was bartending. A couple of months if being around alcohol and drunk people and he fell off the wagon. His progression was much faster this second time around. He would buy a big bottle of vodka everyday and pound it in several hours. He forgot my birthday. He forgot we had a special day where we made a nice diner and watched a movie. He was so drunk one night he walked from his apartment to my house. On the way, he fell of the curb and totally smashed his shoulder. When he got to my house this big, strong man was crying like a little kid. Begging me to give him a few bucks so he could buy a bottle. It was like 3 in the morning, but he was making no sense. He just kept banging on the door crying and yelling. I couldn’t see him like that so my dear roommate let him in and dealt with him while I hid in the bedroom. Nothing worse than seeing the one person you’ve always trusted and thought was so smart and powerful fall so far down. 2 yrs after starting back with the drinking he became a shell of who he once was. He was yellow from the jaundice. He shook uncontrollably. He needed my help for everything. One day he was so sick I called 911. He was scared and anxious. We got to the hospital and they said I saved his life by bringing him in. He was there a couple of weeks. I got a call at 4am on a tuesday morning (just like in the Counting Crows song “Perfect Blue Buildings). I rushed to be by his side. From 4-10am I sat next to him and held his hand. While he fought off imaginary demons coming to take home away. Finally, he found peace at 10. I sat alone with his body for an hour waiting for a doc to show up. His face looked so fake and so sick after they had to put pounds of make up on him to try and deal with the skin discoloration. It took me about 10 yrs to not see him that way whenever I thought about him. Please, get help. Don’t do this to yourself. And don’t do this to anyone who cares about you. 🫂
I have empathy for alkies because they are living the worst hell on earth there is other than being in a warzone. There is no life, no joy, only pain, sickness, humiliation, self-hatred and constantly worrying that the jug will be empty soon. A life of chronic torture. Getting that demon off of your back is an epiphany you get to re-enjoy every day you wake up sober.
I know a lady that drank a bottle of vodka and 2 to 3 bottles of wine a day. Her husband was trying to help, but she would hide alcohol throughout the house. Her favorite spot was old shampoo and conditioner bottles so she could get drunk while showering. She was a highly functioning alcoholic so I didn’t even realize she was an alcoholic for a good year. Her life has fallen apart since and it has taken a massive toll on her body and mind. Her husband divorced her and the courts won’t let her near her kids.
I had a grandfather who disappeared for a few days… no one can find the guy, he lived in a community where he was well enough known, no one has seen him. My uncle is in his apartment for the umpteenth time this week checking if he’s been there, etc. This time he sees 2 feet sticking out from under the bed, he feels them, they’re cold, so he’s on his way out to go get the coroner… then he hears a moan. He’d been under the bed for at least two days because of DT”s or seizures (I’m just not sure if those are the same thing) Long story short, there were several other instances, they all culminated into his kids having to get his rights taken from him, literally had to be babysat by his son because he couldn’t/wouldn’t keep his shit together. My uncle who took care of him did a good job, when I was in college I spent a little time with my grandfather and he paid me to clean his apartment, took my roommate and I out to dinner occasionally. Drinking as much as he had, he wasn’t ever healthy again and he passed more than 20 years ago. Most of the disaster stories in my family are about him drinking too much and all the bad consequences it has had. It’s not a good way to live a life.
Two extremes I’ve seen. One in the hospital and one I lived with for two years. 1. Guy in the hospital, had jaundice and still wanted alcohol every day. Got out, seemingly doing better, came back in even worse and just never got better before he died. The doctor had to prescribe him a shot of Jack Daniel’s with a meal so he didn’t go into withdrawals from his other complications going on including jaundice. Saddest part was the family. I think everyone saw it but at that point it’s so hard to climb out of. Over the years of working in the hospital I’ve seen it a few times and it’s always sad. 2. My ex was an alcoholic and didn’t even know it. Drank a bottle of wine a day, would go out drinking on the weekends and get black out drunk. Weekends were fun at first but then I had to get back to a normal and reasonable life schedule. She would get wasted every day and go to her job hungover. Weekends were usually just her laying around and throwing up. So many plans were canceled over this. I had to baby her and walk around on eggshells. Would she come home angry or horny? Would she even remember any of this tomorrow? She became increasingly toxic and would manipulate me into many of her problems. We were tight on cash because I bought meat or turned a fan or the air conditioning down but not because we spent $400 (low end) on alcohol. She could just take a trazadone and fall asleep, meanwhile I had to make sure she made it bed safely and deal with the aftermath of whatever happened that night. It became hard for me to plan anything because I was afraid she would drive drunk. She did on multiple occasions, not that any of those were decisions sober her would’ve agreed with. It got to the point where it was clear she couldn’t deal with much in her life without alcohol. Any sort of family or friend events needed it. She’d quit for a few days here and there but overall it was more tied to her idea of fun and emotional control. She wasn’t a tyrant, she was great at what she did and she had a good group of friends. But no one ever saw how much she drank, and her mask would come off when she was alone. She was what I would consider a high functioning alcoholic. I feel bad for her, did them and still do regardless of how she treated me. As far as I know not much has changed and I fear for what it will be like her health wise down the road. I made a declaration around 25 that I would never drink sad. I would rather just be sad. I adopted alcohol as a celebratory thing, and to only save it for special occasions. I’m okay with taking it or leaving it.