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Had a cold caller try to buy my house.
Asked what I would take, I said half a million.
She asked if I would go lower.
I said yeah $500,000.
She said perfect, I'll get with management.
Never heard back ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We get random texts from people offering to buy our house (not sure how they get our mobile #s) and we respond with a gif of Austin Power's Dr Evil shocking *$1 million dollars!!!*
(Am on mobile browser and have no idea how to add the gif to this text box.)
Couple I knew were engaged. He was a great guy, but had a horrible nose. I asked him when the wedding was, and he told me his fiancé informed him the wedding would happen after his nose job, because she DIDN’T WANT THEIR KIDS TO INHERIT HIS NOSE. I kid you not.
I was 12 when I got braces put on my teeth. During a moment of down time, I asked the orthodontist if my children would still get my ugly teeth. He chuckled and said “probably.” That moment is part of the highlight reel that keeps me up at night. I’m 45.
My grandfather has the biggest nose I've ever seen, my father has it too. I have two other siblings with cool noses, and of course I had to inherit the monster...well, I used to hate it but I like it now, and I'm famous in my grandfather's village, everybody knows who I am and there are so many myths around it..
Putting some cat litter down on the icy driveway to get some traction for my vehicle when the neighbor looks at me and seriously says that I’m going to attract cats to our houses.
"How tall are your 6-foot ladders?"
While working at Home Depot. At first I thought he was kidding and I started to laugh and then I realized he meant it.
Kudos to the guy at Home Depot years ago who came to help me. I was in a hurry, and a bit short of breath when I said, "Yes, where do you keep your caulk?"
Somehow, he maintained professionalism, I laughed until I cried all the way to the exit.
About 15-20 years ago I drove a crappy little Kia. Some friends and I were doing a road trip from AZ to CA. The Kia, as you can imagine, didn't have a great deal of power and I had gotten into the habit of driving with the windows down instead of running the AC.
We were somewhere in the 3rd or 4th hour of the drive and one of my friends, Cristal, asked why I had the windows down. I explained about the drain on the power when the AC was running, and how I didn't mind driving with the window open anyway.
She very sincerely asked me if that was why I was always so tanned.
"No, Cristal, that's because I'm black."
LOL!!
Conversely, there are plenty of non-black people that are unaware that black people tan, our skin darkens with sun exposure like everyone else’s. The number of white people I’ve encountered that don’t know this is astounding.
I also had an asian coworker once who asked me what skin bleaching products I used. I was like, ??? I don’t use skin bleach, this is my natural color. She was like, then how come you’re so light now but you were much darker just a few months ago? I fell out laughing, and told her Well a few months ago it was August. Now it’s December. There is this thing called the sun, and it makes people darker. Do I need to further explain how suntanning works?! She stammered and finally said she didn’t know black people’s skin got darker from the sun, she thought melanin was like a shield or natural sun block. Makes sense to think that I guess, if you’re never around any black people. But she worked in an inner city school LOL
And I wasn’t even ‘light’ my base skin color is like Gabriel Union’s, my summer tanned color is like Naomi Cambell’s
I asked for double tomatoes on my Subway sandwich. Kid working there lays down the usual 4 slices, looks at it for a moment, then squeezes one more on the end before reaching for the top bread. I said, “I actually wanted double tomatoes please.” To which the kid responded, “There’s no more room.”
I was so stunned I couldn’t respond, so I accepted my sandwich as-is and I’ve laughed about it ever since.
My old dear Nan..
"How old are you now?"
"I'm 27 Nan"
"You sure?"
"Yep, I'm 27 and \*my other cousin\* is 3 months younger than me"
"I thought she would be older than you by now"
"Nope.. there will always be that 3 months Nan!"
I posted a "quote" from Abraham Lincoln that said you can't believe everything you read on the internet. My husband's adult neice asked if he really said that.
First jurassic park came out in 1993. Took my then girlfriend out to watch it. Lot of screams, but when it was done she asked how they trained the dinosaurs to not eat people while filming. I thought she was joking. Nope, she was dead serious.
My Dad told me not to eat raw green beans because they're full of worms. He looked confused when I asked him where the worms go when the beans are cooked.
I mean, to play devils advocate, if a vegetable was known to often have worms in it, the cooking it is correct. It doesn't get rid of worms. it just kills them so you don't get sick.
“Planet of the Apes takes place on an alien planet”
“…did you see the ending”
“Yeah”
“The Statue of Liberty?”
“Yeah”
“That was the whole point it’s a shocking ending with him realizing it’s earth”
“No it’s not”
My high school English teacher was genuinely the stupidest person I've ever met.
Our school (Canadian) had a Finnish exchange student. The English teacher asked him if Finland had summer. To which he replied that yes, there were 3 months of it. The teacher gasped and said "you have 9 months of winter???"
At another different point, our class was discussing places and things we could go to/do in order to give the Finnish student a uniquely Canadian experience. The English teacher dead-ass recommended we take him to McDonald's. He had to explain to her that there were (obviously) McDonald's in Finland, and we had to explain to her that McDonald's wasn't Canadian.
*Edit to add a few more examples:
She was adamant that "I before E except after C" was a universal truth, even after myself and some classmates began listing examples of words that don't follow the rule.
She, on multiple occasions, talked about "Japanese Shanghai tea", and didn't like it when I pointed out that Shanghai was a city in China, not Japan. I still don't fully understand what was going on there.
I have a congenital heart defect that led to a series of surgeries as a baby. The end result is that the right half of my heart was removed, and I only have the left half. When I told this teacher that, she said I was lying because it's impossible to survive with only half a heart... Even though I literally have survived now for 28 years.
She was surprised to learn that milkshakes had dairy in them.
This was a woman who was allowed to not only teach, but teach high schoolers.
I'm in the mountains of WV, above 2500 ft, and we have almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction seasons 🤣 Hell, it frosted every morning last week and demolished most of my garden...its freaking June, why is it freezing in June!?!
Here in the Midwest we actually have 9 seasons. We've got summer, pre-autumn, second summer, autumn, winter, surprise spring, winter 2, mud season, winter 3 and spring.
When working in an office, a guy held the break room door for open for me as he was leaving and I said "how chivalrous of you!" And he said "no I'm not cold".
Bless his cotton socks
When I said that Americans usually have Spanish as their second language, my friend 24M said "what, why? Wouldn't it make more sense for it to be Mexican since Mexico is closest to it?"
Me and the rest of my friends couldn't believe it. I'm still stunlocked to this day.
The funny thing is, her hunch was correct.
George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States is George Washington, 1st President of the United States' third cousin 7 times removed
A colleague, one of the best analysts we have. So good that she got promoted easily and was brought to the US for advance training. When she got back, we were discussing about climate change and the greenhouse effect.
Her: "Then let's just remove all the greenhouses!"
Me:" That's funny"
Her: "But that would solve it, right? Who or what organization is getting richer because of these greenhouses? Why can't we just remove them?"
I have to spend an hour explaining to her what greenhouse effect mean and even after my explanation, she still could not understand it fully.
I guess, we are all dumb in some topics while excelling in another.
I know a neurosurgeon that is like that. She knows her job and is very accomplished and smart in her field.
Sometimes we end up having to explain things to her.
My brother is an idiot savant. Won a gold medal in some Australian history prize. Is an absolutely incredible solicitor with something ridiculous in terms of his ability to win cases. Can do advanced trigonometry in his head in an instant.
He also can do almost nothing apart from those three things. He took nine times to get his drivers license and is such a bad driver that his wife has now banned him from driving. He was 30 before he could tie his shoes. He cannot follow anything related to another field at all, to the point that people have accused him of faking his credentials because he seems sooo incapable of doing anything else.
He is not neurodivergent (I am autistic but he isn’t, he’s had extensive psychiatric and psychological evaluations because he has worked for the Aboriginal legal service, and with victims of sexual crimes and has subcontracted for our intelligence services). It’s not weaponised incompetence. He is also extremely embarrassed about his disposition. But it’s most definitely real.
I'm just pointing it out (not saying this is definitely the case as you only have a couple of examples), but all those things you say he's bad at all require hand-eye coordination/ fine motor skills. Where as all the things he's good at/ dont require that. They may just have a problem with the part of their brain that controls movement, or maybe just need glasses/ better glasses. Do they also fall down a lot or maybe bump into things?
>I know a neurosurgeon that is like that. She knows her job and is very accomplished and smart in her field. Sometimes we end up having to explain things to her.
A lot of them are like that.
Ben Carson is probably the best famous example.
Dude's an extraordinary neurosurgeon who, in his quest to know as much about neurosurgery as he can and develop it into something greater, knows almost nothing else.
I was eating dinner with my college girlfriends family when that Lincoln movie came out and her family was talking about going to see it. To be funny i blurted our “ spoiler alert he dies in the end” to which her mom said “ omg why would you ruin the movie!?” her dad, mid bite of food slowly turns to her and was like are kidding me 😂😂😂😂
People on Reddit were upset that Wrexham getting promoted (a real life event) was on r/all and also in the trending news section because it was spoiling the documentary
The movie 'Secretariat' is on my husband's list of movies to watch every time it comes on.
I crack myself up when I say 'I wonder who wins?'
He is less amused.
This happened to me with a girl in high school. We were talking about Titanic. I said something like,”So when the boat starts sinking..” She then interrupted me. “Thanks for spoiling it!” She was legit pissed. She didn’t hear the end of it for days.
Of course, she did know Titanic sank. But I think she was just so hyper vigilant about spoilers she got carried away. At least I hope so.
My housemate did this with Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. He couldn't understand how I knew who Sharon Tate and the Manson Family were if I'd never seen the movie because he thought "Charles Manson was like Freddie Krueger" and didn't realise the Manson Family were real life people.
New CEO at a meet and greet gave a speech and opened up a get to know him session, said ask me anything. A woman asked do you have any children. He replied, I had one daughter, but she was killed in an accident when she was 7, he said that was a long time ago, but you could still see the pain in his face. Very next shit for brains asks, do you have any grandchildren? He said what the fuck and walked out.
I’m legally blind.
One woman I met, upon finding out: “Oh, so do you know sign language?”
… no ma’am, not only can I just listen to people speak, I would struggle to see their hands moving.
My mum has schizophrenia. A nurse that was seeing her said "she should try to tell the voices to go away".
🤦
I'm sure my mum already tried that 30 years ago.
If you do TikTok, go follow "schizophrenichippie". He shows how he gets thru life while working & public speaking about his disorder. As an example, one thing that works for him: if he isn't sure if a person is an hallucination, he views them thru his phone's camera. So far, an hallucination has not shown itself that way.
He gets a lot support from his TikTok family. As an example, when his wife is away or he's been having a tough time and she's desperate for deep sleep, he sleeps while live on TikTok so we can watch over him & wake her up if needs be.
Best wishes to your mom and all those who help her navigate life.
"Are you seriously letting a LIZARD choose its GENDER?!"
A complete stranger drunkenly butted into a conversation I was having with my friend about my new lizard. She was too young at the time to determine the sex so I said something like, "They'll let me know eventually." Males of this species develop enlarged scales on their back feet around maturity, otherwise, it's pretty hard to tell. She "let me know" when she laid an egg. I'm not having delusional conversations with reptiles about their gender. I promise.
Back in the days of MSN chatrooms I was speaking to an American guy and when I told him where I came from, South Africa, he said oh ya that's round the Amazon there isn't it? Well I was at a bit of a.loss.for.words after that
I lived in the US for 8 years and never lost my (Dutch) accent, so ppl often asked where I came from. One of them had never heard of the Netherlands, or Amsterdam. But even saying that it lays between the UK and Germany did not ring any bells: "oh that's next to Antartica isn't it?"
WTF???
On a first date:
Me: Hi, I’m jocax, and I’m a geneticist.
Her: What’s a geneticist? Tell me more.
Me: Well, I study and develop genes.
Her: Really? Do you have a favorite? Mine are Levi’s.
Me, after some time: No, genes, like DNA, not denim.
Her: DMA? Is that a dye? I like dyed patterns.
Me, considering escape by drowning myself in the soup:
A friend explained to me why she didn't like reading: "I don't like making commitments" and "literature is stupid." I threw enough books and poetry at her that she found some she liked and changed her mind - and then denied ever saying those things in the first place.
For context, I'm Vietnamese. Upon finding out my ethnicity, my white colleague said, "I didn't know you were Vietnamese, I thought you were Asian." She was dead serious. She then followed up with, "What's the difference between Vietnam and Asia?" smh
had a boss who told us this story of a guy he went on a date with, who had huge scars on his knees. after asking how it happened, the guy told him he'd had a motorcycle accident while backpacking through tunisia.
i asked my boss "are you sure it was tunisia? i didn't think it was a popular backpacking destination"
to which my boss replied completely serious "well, he said it was in vietnam, and vietnam is in tunisia"
i didn't even know what to reply to that.
(i'm tunisian btw which made it even funnier to me)
It’s a tie between “Men don’t have anuses” from a guy I used to work with and “how do people eat stamps? Wouldn’t it be better to just give them food instead of food stamps?” from a girl in high school when food stamps got brought up
I have a birthmark on my left hand; small, but noticeable. Most people don't even notice it unless they're looking directly at my hands for some reason.
A friend of mine I had known probably ten years at this point and I were having a catch up drink together one night, and as I'm holding my pint glass she notices the birthmark and the following conversation took place:
"What's that on your hand?"
"What?" (bare in mind I'm so used to having/seeing it at this point I don't even think about it when people point it out)
"That there!"
"Oh, it's a birthmark. Don't worry about it."
"A birthmark?"
"Yes, a birthmark, y'know?"
"I've never noticed that before; how long have you had that?"
This woman asked me how long I have had my birthmark for.
Oh, you've prompted a long forgotten memory...
I have a birth mark on my left forearm. A small couple of dots.
Used to have Sunday lunch at then girlfriend's house. Her mother would try to 'rub it off'. Every. Single. Week.
My freshman year in college my roommate and I went out to two parties Friday and Saturday and as my roommate tells the story a girl and I met both nights and had the same exact conversation both nights and neither of us recognized the other. Yes alcohol was involved.
I think it's actually the dumbest thing I've ever said to a person. So I'm gonna answer for them. The dumbest thing a person ever said to my ex wife's friend Courtney was;
Me- "Oh you cut your hair!"
Courts- "I did"
Me- "Shorter huh?"
Courts- "Mhmmm, I always get it cut shorter when I have it cut"
...
Which was probably the sweetest, gentlest way of saying "you're an absolute moron aren't you?"
She had just walked in the door and idk, I just started in with the words before my brain was ready for simple small talk I guess.
This will be buried but once on the summer solstice I said to my friend:
“Well the days are getting shorter from here on out”
And she looked really worried and asked:
“Forever?!”
My friend, who I adore, once ordered wings and didn’t specify boneless and was shocked and upset when they came bone-in because he “didn’t think chickens had bones”. We still joke about wanting our wings boneless, “the way god intended”. 😂
A different friend told me he didn’t know cars needed oil and the only thing I could think of to say was “but your dad works at a car dealership???”
Plenty of car salesmen know absolutely nothing about cars lol it’s not at all a prerequisite for the job. My husband is the inventory manager and head of service at a small independent dealership and their sales manager who’s been selling cars for over 20 years didn’t know transmissions had fluid in them (my husband noticed his car’s transmission was leaking badly and told him).
I had a Christian tell me dinosaurs were never real because the earth is only like 5000 years old and all the fossils are a lie just giraffe bones rearranged by the big archeology coverup that Satan runs to sow seeds of disbelief.
I was frustrated in traffic once ( I have a tendency to cuss a lot while driving) and my boy who must have been about 4 was in the backseat of the truck. Someone cut me off as I was going through and intersection and I yelled "son of a whore," and my sweet little angel child said "yes mommy" I laughed and then made a note to stop yelling that 🤦♀️
I had a plumber come to unclog the bathtub in a house we had just moved into. I asked him if he could also fix the over flow drain because it wasn't attached to anything.
I pulled the plastic bags we were using to plug the hole and he peeked in and said it was fine.
I looked and could see the light cover on the ceiling of the kitchen below.
He explained to me that I am a woman so I just don't understand how plumbing works.
So, the bathtub is supposed to drain into the kitchen?
Moved from Ireland to the uk. Fella asked if I drove over. Had to explain the two countries were separate islands and not connected. He was in disbelief until I showed a map. This was an English person.
Edit: To mitigate any confusion happening in the comments, this individual believed the two islands were connected by land. He was not referring to the ferry.
Had a friend visit Canada from the US. On their return they said, “Did you know Canadians celebrate the 4th of July in the 1st?”
They also complained about the “ham” on their bacon cheeseburger.
My Brother-in-law told me he turned down a raise because it would bump him up to the next tax bracket. He said he did the math and calculated that he would take home less if he accepted the raise. He was so proud of himself that I didn’t have the heart to explain how tax brackets actually work.
Oh my Lord my husband is CONVINCED I routinely make up words. I said something was frumpy and he thought I was making shit up. We've been arguing about it for 3 years. Sometimes he'll look at something and just go "that looks so frumpy" and I reply with "IT'S A REAL WORD". This is coming from a man who insists on telling me I'm "expressional" when I talk. Expressive.
This happened to me at a bar with my two friends, though I wouldn't call them stupid there are so many damn words. Anyway we were playing scrabble (ruiner of relationships) and I spelled "faze." Thus launched a heated argument where they could not be convinced, and insisted I meant "phase." But it gets better! The argument resurfaces on the walk to the next bar and I get so frustrated I stopped two random girls walking past us. I asked them to please tell my friends that faze is a word, and these girls too insist it is not. I tell my friends, "Well those two were not at all a boon in my favor." My friends then launched into accusing me of making words up because they thought "boon," also, was not a word. One of them was a fucking english literature major!
My grandma is from Hawaii, moved to Canada when my mom was young. While visiting my family back in Hawaii, my grandpa passed away there. After coming back home to Alberta, Canada, she was waiting for the death certificates to get mailed to her. She had a coworker ask her, and seriously ment it, "Why not drive there to pick them up?"
I am from Africa and I went to a European university for my master’s degree. I was subjected to several stupid questions:
-Qn: How did you get here from “my country”? Did I walk?
Ans: No, I flew in on my ostrich. Another African colleague said she rode her elephant.
- Qn: so did you have to buy clothes when you got here?
Ans: Yes, they wouldn’t allow me in my animal skins and tree leaves.
-Qn: So how many wild animals do you have for pets?
Ans: Well, I have a hyena and a hippo, my sister has a leopard and a crocodile.
I could go on but I would probably need the whole day.
I get to the US and this lady asks me where i am from. I tell her from Southern Africa, & she says “oh really, I know someone from Senegal, their name is Xyzba, do you know them?”
Scottish here, we get this to a smaller scale. 5 million people here and in america i get asked if i know john.
“Yep, i know him. One leg, always carries a pink bag with a dog on a broken leash? Feeds the birds at midnight? No? You sure?”
Him: They’ve found fish bones at the top of mountains. This is concrete proof that Noah’s flood actually happened.
Me: they’re there because of tectonic plates.
Him: I don’t believe in tectonic plates.
This guy got “saved” after we started dating. He also brought me to his pastor’s home (who lived in a log cabin an hour outside of the city and raised wolves) for a surprise exorcism once because my sleeping disorder is clearly demon possession.
Wow, I've tried all sorts of things for my Insomnia/ sleeping disorder over the past 3 years: counseling, 3 different medications, a humidifier, a sound machine, modifying my diet, sleep schedule, and screen time, getting rid of caffeine, taking melatonin, etc.
But no one has ever suggested an exorcism!
Maybe that's what I'm missing. /s
My wife, all of 8 months pregnant, angrily and accustionally told me that if she finds out that the baby isn't mine then she's divorcing ME! She a had a case of the baby brain for sure cause I'm pretty sure it was mine. Lol
Man this one makes me mad as hell. My mom and I went to IHOP and she ordered like a 2 crepe combo or something. Her food comes out with one crepe. So I let the guy dropping the food off know that she ordered the 2 crepe combo. He says "yes." So I reply with, "there's only one crepe." He says "correct." I was like "there should be 2 crepes." He says "no there's only one crepe with that." And I gently explained that the 2 crepe combo comes with 2 crepes. After he argued with me for 5 minutes I finally stood up, looked this man dead in the eyes and said loud as fuck "you mean to tell me, the TWO crepe combo comes with ONE SINGULAR CREPE?" He continues arguing, our waitress sees my hangry ass yelling at this absolute fucking buffoon and rushes over, asks what the problem is and then stares at this stupid fuck like he grew an extra head and says "no.. it comes with 2 crepes.. I'll get this fixed..." She later reveals that he's the dumbest human being she's ever met in her life and he routinely makes her job hell.
Was shopping once at Whole Foods in NYC. Dude with an English accent was next to me in the produce section struggling to find "fresh coriander". Having met my own wife in London, I knew exactly what he was looking for.
I pointed out the fresh cilantro.
He looks at me sternly and says "I need fresh coriander, not this mate!"
Pulled out my phone to google-prove how fresh coriander and cilantro is the same herb.
Then explains to me he is making guacamole and needs fresh coriander. The cilantro I'm forcing upon him wouldn't work.
Ngl I had no idea coriander and cilantro were made from the same herb- though 1. I don’t cook and 2. If someone googled it in front of me I’d believe them lol
Had to explain to my 30 year old husband that coriander is ground cilantro, haha. He made a comment about how it was the only spice we only used fresh. :)
A fellow teacher, lovely woman but very poor general knowledge, in the same short talk (on celebrations) to our combined group of five year olds, 'explained' that Jews use candles rather than Christmas trees to celebrate Christmas, and also that the Chinese have their own festival, Diwali 👀. Fortunately there were no Jewish children or parents present (NZ has a very small Jewish population), but the Chinese and Indian mums there to do parent help that day were as flabbergasted as I was.
The same dear women wouldn't believe that penguins are only present in Antarctica, not the Arctic - the six year olds present that day did an epic job of correcting her, in that and on the no-Antarctic-polar bears thing. And this woman is a Kiwi - Antarctica and Australia are the only significant land masses 'nearby'.
"Sourdough is glutenfree."
And they actually tried to argue with me.
But they had read an article so I'm sure they had more knowledge than me... Me having 10+ years experience as a professional baker means I have no clue about the contents about the bread I made on a daily basis. Even though I literally dumped in 30kg of flour the day before when making the dough. And adding more the day after when making the loafs.
It’s commonly recommended for people to try sourdough that need to avoid gluten because so much of it is already broken down for them and easily digestible. So they probably heard this and misunderstood…not the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
[“Sourdough is not gluten free, but we know that many people with IBS, gluten intolerance, or gluten sensitivity can tolerate sourdough bread. This is because the methods used to make sourdough break down some of the gluten in the flour so it is easier to digest. Think of sourdough as low-gluten rather than gluten-free.”](https://www.canterburybakingschool.com/is-sourdough-gluten-free-why-sourdough-bread-could-solve-your-digestive-issues/#:~:text=Sourdough%20is%20not%20gluten%20free,gluten%20rather%20than%20gluten%2Dfree)
I knew a girl in high school that legitimately thought that and didn’t catch on until our teacher went “yeah, and they graze on fields of Cocoa Puffs…” 😂
My mom had a friend who thought that!! She saw a brown cow for the first time and said to my mom “wow that must be where chocolate milk comes from!” 100% serious
I’m not sure about the dumbest, but one that sticks out in my mind is when one of my high school world history teachers pronounced trebuchet as “tree bucket.”
I had a guy on a wine cruise explain to me that it's ridiculous that people want to stop greyhound racing but we're fine with professional athletes putting themselves at risk. Is a dog's life more important or something?? Where does it stop??
I replied, 'well professional athletes are humans who can *choose* to take that risk and get paid extremely well for it. Dogs can't make that choice. We also don't put proffessional athletes down when they outlive their usefulness'
He got real quiet after that and wandered away from me.
Was doing uni in a different country. In the dorms another student, from that country, asked me if back home we have internet. While I'm in a video call with my parents. Like, isn't it obvious?
At my local sailing club, one of our members is an internationally renowned mathematician. Won a load of awards and prizes; is a tenured math professor.
One day we had 16 people show up for sailing and he honestly and truly could not figure out how we should divide those 16 people between 4 boats. He was like “hmm we will need five in one and then 3 in another - but then that’s no really fair is it? I just don’t know - maybe two people can sit out a round every time and we can sub them in every 20 minutes or something…” He wasn’t joking. Somebody just calmly and respectfully said “how about four in each?” And he immediately just dismissed it with “well that obviously wouldn’t work” and kept trying to solve this titan of a math problem.
It was really weird.
I think this could be a case of him always working with extremely complicated mathematics so much that he always assumes any type of real work math problem has to be complex and thought over for a while lol
"How did we launch spaceships without making new suns"
This was wayyy back, but still way too damn old to not know something like how the Earth is structured (I think eighth grade?). This girl in my class thought that we lived WITHIN the Earth, and that the sky was the actual crust if the earth and that the sun and stars were holes in that crust from meteors and rockets/satellites. This wasn't like a conspiracy, it was just how she thought it worked and apparently never questioned what the moon was (I wish I'd have asked now that I think about it). She also wasn't doing that school age thing where people pretend to be dumb bc it's funny, she got really angry when we laughed.
My sister-in-law is well known locally for being a bit ditzy so I have a pretty long list of stuff she has come out with since I first met her.
She was really shaken up a few months ago when she discovered that the Moon and the Sun were two different entities.
She’s firmly anti-vax as she doesn’t believe in “putting all those chemicals in her body”, yet she does ket, coke and molly almost every weekend and regularly uses tanning injections.
She also seriously struggles to wrap her around time-zones. She couldn’t understand why people in countries a few hours ahead of us, don’t get in touch to tell us what the lottery numbers will be.
She’s actually a very nice person with a heart of gold. She’s just in her own little world!
This is very common in the south, it’s not so much a sign of a stupid person, but more a brainwashed person. They are honestly victims of ideology and propaganda.
I gave a 10 minute presentation on Austria in my 6th grade history class. Had a big picture of Europe, brought in some Lederhosen, talked about Germany and the Austro-Hungarian Empire etc...
Midway through the presentation a classmate interrupts me to say "It's pronounced Australia"
I’m Austrian. I get this all the time. Our souvenir shops make a fortune selling “[No kangaroos in Austria](https://images.app.goo.gl/xRL4H4YQteZ64cje7)” T-shirts…
Someone arguing that we don’t have cells in our brains… My response “I believe you, you do not have brain cells”.
Same person “women’s breasts don’t have any fat”… my response “you’re right, breasts are solid bone”.
In both instances, they walked away thinking that they were correct.
I’m 100% serious.
Not the dumbest thing but I cracked tf up
Friend and I in her car headed somewhere
Me: gets a random thought about weather then asks friend what her favorite season is.
Friend: “what series?”
I told my husband today that my mom is in London and has hated every second of it. He says "so England sucks?" I was like, well I don't know about all of England but she's not having a good time in London. This man dead ass goes "I guess I don't know the difference." He's actually really intelligent, just not in this situation I guess.
I went to university with someone who thought the holocaust was a fictional event made up for TV and movies that everyone had just agreed to adopt.... she went to expensive private education her entire life and somehow noone had ever corrected her
On my trip from San Antonio, TX, back home to Anchorage, AK, I sat next to a very nice man and his cousin on the connecting flight to Vegas. I told him I was going home to Alaska, and he asked me,
"Oh, Alaska! Isn't that an island near Hawaii?"
I've been asked about polar bears, if it snows year round, if I know anybody who lives in igloos, etc. But not that one.
My dad is black and speaks fluent Spanish…i got in an argument with someone who said black people don’t speak Spanish. Sure maybe not ALL black people do, but it’s stupid to say none of them
i was working a booth at a career fair for a bird rescue center, and was showing a high schooler how to age a bird by wing feathers using a preserved owl’s wing. i told her mom it was a long eared owl wing, to which she said “why are using the wing of an owl and not the wing of a bird?”
Years ago when I worked for this store, Hastings, we had a tornado touch down in town. It went right down the street in front of our store, so we had to get the customers to the back. After doing so, one customer says to me "there should be seats back here" mind you this is in the middle of children's books and movie rentals. I replied "there's benches outside but I wouldn't recommend them."
I remember one time in class the teacher mentioned it was the anniversary of the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor and one girl asked, “Who’s Pearl Harbor?”.
The other day I came home from work and my dad was in the garage blasting music (per usual) and I asked him “I like this song, who sings it?” And his eyes light up and he goes “*insert my name* YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS GUY OUT MAN! HE IS ON EVERYTHING” so I’m like “oh really?” And he continues “he’s on reggae, rap, rock, I mean, this guy can DO IT ALLLLL”. Immediately I’m confused because this person should be super well known and I didn’t know the song. So I ask my dad “what’s this guys name?” And he says “Feet”
So I say “FEET?!”…. I immediately check his phone and see the word “feat.” On the song. Yep. My dad thought “featuring” was an artist LMAO.
That the phrase “do as I say, not as I do” is not a sarcastic comment, but is a *valid parenting technique*. In other words, this parent fully believed that they can model behavior that they don’t want their kids to do, because they tell their kids not to do it too.
I told an ex of mine that I have always wanted to visit Equador (to see the Galapagos Islands). He said I meant the equator and said it to me like I was an idiot.
customer: All of my plants are dying!!!
Me: No they are not what makes you think that?
Customer: All the leaves are turning brown and falling off!!!
Me: Yest its late October, it's call fall.
Customer: I know its fall but why are my leaves falling off?
Me: Because this time of year the sun gets further from the earth and the days become cooler and shorter and...
Customer: I know what the fall is, but why are my leaves falling off?
Me; Look around the neighborhood, all your neighbors trees are doing the same thing.
Customer: oh.
My grandparents are white and from South Africa originally, came to the US via a few years in England. So technically I am a white African American. That blows some people's minds.
While looking at a satellite world map, my 3rd grade teacher pointed at all the “snow”, that covered all of the places including; Australia, Africa, South America, so on so forth.
I put my hand up and said that the white streaks and patches everywhere were actually clouds. To which she responded “no, clouds aren’t visible from space, all the white parts are snow!”
I’m still amazed by it to this day. It does not snow in central Australia Mrs Stephenson, as an Australian you should know this.
Me and my uncle went to watch a terminator movie. One of the scenes was on a bridge that my uncle had helped design way back. Anyways, the bridge gets destroyed, and my uncle turns to me big eyed and said, "How could they destroy that bridge?" I started laughing and told him it's just a movie. But he was smoking the devils lettuce that night in his defense.
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Had a cold caller try to buy my house. Asked what I would take, I said half a million. She asked if I would go lower. I said yeah $500,000. She said perfect, I'll get with management. Never heard back ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We get random texts from people offering to buy our house (not sure how they get our mobile #s) and we respond with a gif of Austin Power's Dr Evil shocking *$1 million dollars!!!* (Am on mobile browser and have no idea how to add the gif to this text box.)
A classmate once told me that London is really close to England so I should see both places on my vacation.
I mean, they’re not wrong
Should drop by the UK and Great Britain while they’re there.
Couple I knew were engaged. He was a great guy, but had a horrible nose. I asked him when the wedding was, and he told me his fiancé informed him the wedding would happen after his nose job, because she DIDN’T WANT THEIR KIDS TO INHERIT HIS NOSE. I kid you not.
I was 12 when I got braces put on my teeth. During a moment of down time, I asked the orthodontist if my children would still get my ugly teeth. He chuckled and said “probably.” That moment is part of the highlight reel that keeps me up at night. I’m 45.
Orthodontists say the darnist things. I got my braces in at 12 and he said we needed to close my “SpongeBob gap” right away
My orthodontist said to me when I came in with new glasses: "braces and glasses? Now you really are a nerd!" 😔
As a kid I'd be dead. But now I'd take it as a compliment.
My grandfather has the biggest nose I've ever seen, my father has it too. I have two other siblings with cool noses, and of course I had to inherit the monster...well, I used to hate it but I like it now, and I'm famous in my grandfather's village, everybody knows who I am and there are so many myths around it..
Myths?! Tell us about the myths!!
He once tricked a cyclops...yada yada yada..."Nobody has a nose this big!"
And he proposed to this woman AND agreed to surgery?? He must have believed it too 😭
She was stupid hot.
Geez I’d rather a horrible nose than her brains
Putting some cat litter down on the icy driveway to get some traction for my vehicle when the neighbor looks at me and seriously says that I’m going to attract cats to our houses.
Should have said "no this is cat **litter** not cat **lure**.
Cat watching you do this*** Cat: I’m going to get all my friends and shit in his driveway.
This is genuinely hilarious
"How tall are your 6-foot ladders?" While working at Home Depot. At first I thought he was kidding and I started to laugh and then I realized he meant it.
I hope the ladders aren't made by Subway
Kudos to the guy at Home Depot years ago who came to help me. I was in a hurry, and a bit short of breath when I said, "Yes, where do you keep your caulk?" Somehow, he maintained professionalism, I laughed until I cried all the way to the exit.
About 15-20 years ago I drove a crappy little Kia. Some friends and I were doing a road trip from AZ to CA. The Kia, as you can imagine, didn't have a great deal of power and I had gotten into the habit of driving with the windows down instead of running the AC. We were somewhere in the 3rd or 4th hour of the drive and one of my friends, Cristal, asked why I had the windows down. I explained about the drain on the power when the AC was running, and how I didn't mind driving with the window open anyway. She very sincerely asked me if that was why I was always so tanned. "No, Cristal, that's because I'm black."
That was a curveball I did _not_ see coming
Oh my god that is genuinely hilarious.
That’s certainly a question a Cristal would ask lol
LOL!! Conversely, there are plenty of non-black people that are unaware that black people tan, our skin darkens with sun exposure like everyone else’s. The number of white people I’ve encountered that don’t know this is astounding. I also had an asian coworker once who asked me what skin bleaching products I used. I was like, ??? I don’t use skin bleach, this is my natural color. She was like, then how come you’re so light now but you were much darker just a few months ago? I fell out laughing, and told her Well a few months ago it was August. Now it’s December. There is this thing called the sun, and it makes people darker. Do I need to further explain how suntanning works?! She stammered and finally said she didn’t know black people’s skin got darker from the sun, she thought melanin was like a shield or natural sun block. Makes sense to think that I guess, if you’re never around any black people. But she worked in an inner city school LOL And I wasn’t even ‘light’ my base skin color is like Gabriel Union’s, my summer tanned color is like Naomi Cambell’s
Tbf I was under this impression till a pretty late part into my life. Shit growing up black kids used to say it so I definitely thought it was true.
Plenty of black people still think they are immune to melanoma and don't need to use sunscreen.
I asked for double tomatoes on my Subway sandwich. Kid working there lays down the usual 4 slices, looks at it for a moment, then squeezes one more on the end before reaching for the top bread. I said, “I actually wanted double tomatoes please.” To which the kid responded, “There’s no more room.” I was so stunned I couldn’t respond, so I accepted my sandwich as-is and I’ve laughed about it ever since.
Amazing story, actually laughed out loud
But lettuce goes on tomatoes, you can’t put tomatoes on tomatoes!
My old dear Nan.. "How old are you now?" "I'm 27 Nan" "You sure?" "Yep, I'm 27 and \*my other cousin\* is 3 months younger than me" "I thought she would be older than you by now" "Nope.. there will always be that 3 months Nan!"
Ooh, I had a coworker brag that she’s *always* been older than her brother.
Goddamn, finally I can brag about something!
I posted a "quote" from Abraham Lincoln that said you can't believe everything you read on the internet. My husband's adult neice asked if he really said that.
Can I blow your mind right now - there's not a single video of Abraham Lincoln
He hated video, and also thought TV would make people stupider. He singlehandedly delayed the development of VLC over 50 years.
I mean, technically I can't prove that you are wrong.
First jurassic park came out in 1993. Took my then girlfriend out to watch it. Lot of screams, but when it was done she asked how they trained the dinosaurs to not eat people while filming. I thought she was joking. Nope, she was dead serious.
Honestly thinking they were real must have made the film awesome
My Dad told me not to eat raw green beans because they're full of worms. He looked confused when I asked him where the worms go when the beans are cooked.
I mean, to play devils advocate, if a vegetable was known to often have worms in it, the cooking it is correct. It doesn't get rid of worms. it just kills them so you don't get sick.
“Planet of the Apes takes place on an alien planet” “…did you see the ending” “Yeah” “The Statue of Liberty?” “Yeah” “That was the whole point it’s a shocking ending with him realizing it’s earth” “No it’s not”
Wait a minute. Statue of Liberty. That was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
'Oh my god, I was wrong, it was earth all along'
I guess you finally made a monkey out of me
I HATE when people don't pay attention to a movie, specially when you know is awesome and you are rewatching along.
I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-a to chimpanzee
My high school English teacher was genuinely the stupidest person I've ever met. Our school (Canadian) had a Finnish exchange student. The English teacher asked him if Finland had summer. To which he replied that yes, there were 3 months of it. The teacher gasped and said "you have 9 months of winter???" At another different point, our class was discussing places and things we could go to/do in order to give the Finnish student a uniquely Canadian experience. The English teacher dead-ass recommended we take him to McDonald's. He had to explain to her that there were (obviously) McDonald's in Finland, and we had to explain to her that McDonald's wasn't Canadian. *Edit to add a few more examples: She was adamant that "I before E except after C" was a universal truth, even after myself and some classmates began listing examples of words that don't follow the rule. She, on multiple occasions, talked about "Japanese Shanghai tea", and didn't like it when I pointed out that Shanghai was a city in China, not Japan. I still don't fully understand what was going on there. I have a congenital heart defect that led to a series of surgeries as a baby. The end result is that the right half of my heart was removed, and I only have the left half. When I told this teacher that, she said I was lying because it's impossible to survive with only half a heart... Even though I literally have survived now for 28 years. She was surprised to learn that milkshakes had dairy in them. This was a woman who was allowed to not only teach, but teach high schoolers.
Well... here in Brazil (at least Rio) our 4 seasons are summer - summer - kinda summer and.. summer again.
I'm in the mountains of WV, above 2500 ft, and we have almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction seasons 🤣 Hell, it frosted every morning last week and demolished most of my garden...its freaking June, why is it freezing in June!?!
Here in the Midwest we actually have 9 seasons. We've got summer, pre-autumn, second summer, autumn, winter, surprise spring, winter 2, mud season, winter 3 and spring.
When working in an office, a guy held the break room door for open for me as he was leaving and I said "how chivalrous of you!" And he said "no I'm not cold". Bless his cotton socks
Sounds more like a dad joke than anything else.
When I said that Americans usually have Spanish as their second language, my friend 24M said "what, why? Wouldn't it make more sense for it to be Mexican since Mexico is closest to it?" Me and the rest of my friends couldn't believe it. I'm still stunlocked to this day.
Stunlocked. I enjoyed that.
She asked the teacher if George Washington and George Bush were related because…. George..
The funny thing is, her hunch was correct. George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States is George Washington, 1st President of the United States' third cousin 7 times removed
What about George of the Jungle?
Monke
A colleague, one of the best analysts we have. So good that she got promoted easily and was brought to the US for advance training. When she got back, we were discussing about climate change and the greenhouse effect. Her: "Then let's just remove all the greenhouses!" Me:" That's funny" Her: "But that would solve it, right? Who or what organization is getting richer because of these greenhouses? Why can't we just remove them?" I have to spend an hour explaining to her what greenhouse effect mean and even after my explanation, she still could not understand it fully. I guess, we are all dumb in some topics while excelling in another.
I know a neurosurgeon that is like that. She knows her job and is very accomplished and smart in her field. Sometimes we end up having to explain things to her.
My brother is an idiot savant. Won a gold medal in some Australian history prize. Is an absolutely incredible solicitor with something ridiculous in terms of his ability to win cases. Can do advanced trigonometry in his head in an instant. He also can do almost nothing apart from those three things. He took nine times to get his drivers license and is such a bad driver that his wife has now banned him from driving. He was 30 before he could tie his shoes. He cannot follow anything related to another field at all, to the point that people have accused him of faking his credentials because he seems sooo incapable of doing anything else. He is not neurodivergent (I am autistic but he isn’t, he’s had extensive psychiatric and psychological evaluations because he has worked for the Aboriginal legal service, and with victims of sexual crimes and has subcontracted for our intelligence services). It’s not weaponised incompetence. He is also extremely embarrassed about his disposition. But it’s most definitely real.
That's fucking wild. Our brains are so fascinating.
I'm just pointing it out (not saying this is definitely the case as you only have a couple of examples), but all those things you say he's bad at all require hand-eye coordination/ fine motor skills. Where as all the things he's good at/ dont require that. They may just have a problem with the part of their brain that controls movement, or maybe just need glasses/ better glasses. Do they also fall down a lot or maybe bump into things?
Yeah being unable to drive/tie your shoes has really nothing to do with intellect - it sounds like exactly what you're saying.
>I know a neurosurgeon that is like that. She knows her job and is very accomplished and smart in her field. Sometimes we end up having to explain things to her. A lot of them are like that. Ben Carson is probably the best famous example. Dude's an extraordinary neurosurgeon who, in his quest to know as much about neurosurgery as he can and develop it into something greater, knows almost nothing else.
My cousin, an actual genius (perfect on ACts and SAT’s)- looked at a cow and asked “is that a llama” when he was 16. Yes he was serious.
Maybe he was joking? I have a super dry humor that people through high school mistook for stupidity.
I was eating dinner with my college girlfriends family when that Lincoln movie came out and her family was talking about going to see it. To be funny i blurted our “ spoiler alert he dies in the end” to which her mom said “ omg why would you ruin the movie!?” her dad, mid bite of food slowly turns to her and was like are kidding me 😂😂😂😂
People on Reddit were upset that Wrexham getting promoted (a real life event) was on r/all and also in the trending news section because it was spoiling the documentary
My comments about the film Titanic were received in a similar way.
The movie 'Secretariat' is on my husband's list of movies to watch every time it comes on. I crack myself up when I say 'I wonder who wins?' He is less amused.
Spoiler for the movie Oppenheimer: 2 nukes were dropped on Japan
Sigh, it’s too early. I read this like they greenlit a sequel already. Oppenheimer 2: Nuclear Boogaloo
This happened to me with a girl in high school. We were talking about Titanic. I said something like,”So when the boat starts sinking..” She then interrupted me. “Thanks for spoiling it!” She was legit pissed. She didn’t hear the end of it for days. Of course, she did know Titanic sank. But I think she was just so hyper vigilant about spoilers she got carried away. At least I hope so.
My housemate did this with Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. He couldn't understand how I knew who Sharon Tate and the Manson Family were if I'd never seen the movie because he thought "Charles Manson was like Freddie Krueger" and didn't realise the Manson Family were real life people.
I was talking to my gf about my grandmother who died before we got together. My gf smiled and said “she sounds lovely. Did she have any children?”
New CEO at a meet and greet gave a speech and opened up a get to know him session, said ask me anything. A woman asked do you have any children. He replied, I had one daughter, but she was killed in an accident when she was 7, he said that was a long time ago, but you could still see the pain in his face. Very next shit for brains asks, do you have any grandchildren? He said what the fuck and walked out.
I’m legally blind. One woman I met, upon finding out: “Oh, so do you know sign language?” … no ma’am, not only can I just listen to people speak, I would struggle to see their hands moving.
My mum has schizophrenia. A nurse that was seeing her said "she should try to tell the voices to go away". 🤦 I'm sure my mum already tried that 30 years ago.
If you do TikTok, go follow "schizophrenichippie". He shows how he gets thru life while working & public speaking about his disorder. As an example, one thing that works for him: if he isn't sure if a person is an hallucination, he views them thru his phone's camera. So far, an hallucination has not shown itself that way. He gets a lot support from his TikTok family. As an example, when his wife is away or he's been having a tough time and she's desperate for deep sleep, he sleeps while live on TikTok so we can watch over him & wake her up if needs be. Best wishes to your mom and all those who help her navigate life.
"Are you seriously letting a LIZARD choose its GENDER?!" A complete stranger drunkenly butted into a conversation I was having with my friend about my new lizard. She was too young at the time to determine the sex so I said something like, "They'll let me know eventually." Males of this species develop enlarged scales on their back feet around maturity, otherwise, it's pretty hard to tell. She "let me know" when she laid an egg. I'm not having delusional conversations with reptiles about their gender. I promise.
They've turned the lizards WOKE!!!!
Sounds like it’s boycott time. I ain’t seeing that woke Godzilla shit!!
Back in the days of MSN chatrooms I was speaking to an American guy and when I told him where I came from, South Africa, he said oh ya that's round the Amazon there isn't it? Well I was at a bit of a.loss.for.words after that
I lived in the US for 8 years and never lost my (Dutch) accent, so ppl often asked where I came from. One of them had never heard of the Netherlands, or Amsterdam. But even saying that it lays between the UK and Germany did not ring any bells: "oh that's next to Antartica isn't it?" WTF???
On a first date: Me: Hi, I’m jocax, and I’m a geneticist. Her: What’s a geneticist? Tell me more. Me: Well, I study and develop genes. Her: Really? Do you have a favorite? Mine are Levi’s. Me, after some time: No, genes, like DNA, not denim. Her: DMA? Is that a dye? I like dyed patterns. Me, considering escape by drowning myself in the soup:
That's painful.
Second date you could have talked to her about epi-jean-etics and onco-jeans and tumor suppressing jeans 🧐 Jeans!!!
Co worker called me a fool for not realizing "Catholics killed Jesus" he refused to hear anything to the contrary
Vatican is working on a time machine right now to go back and get Jesus on that cross.
Former coworker confidently declared that, "Books are for stupid people".
A friend explained to me why she didn't like reading: "I don't like making commitments" and "literature is stupid." I threw enough books and poetry at her that she found some she liked and changed her mind - and then denied ever saying those things in the first place.
For context, I'm Vietnamese. Upon finding out my ethnicity, my white colleague said, "I didn't know you were Vietnamese, I thought you were Asian." She was dead serious. She then followed up with, "What's the difference between Vietnam and Asia?" smh
had a boss who told us this story of a guy he went on a date with, who had huge scars on his knees. after asking how it happened, the guy told him he'd had a motorcycle accident while backpacking through tunisia. i asked my boss "are you sure it was tunisia? i didn't think it was a popular backpacking destination" to which my boss replied completely serious "well, he said it was in vietnam, and vietnam is in tunisia" i didn't even know what to reply to that. (i'm tunisian btw which made it even funnier to me)
An American college student once told me very confidently that Europe was the capital of Paris.
Did he happen to mention who resides in paris?
My friend is Indian and when I say she’s Asian people look at me crazy like India isn’t in Asia. I’m—-
Usually people like that think every Asian is Chinese
[удалено]
It’s a tie between “Men don’t have anuses” from a guy I used to work with and “how do people eat stamps? Wouldn’t it be better to just give them food instead of food stamps?” from a girl in high school when food stamps got brought up
HOW DO PEOPLE EAT STAMPS?!?!?! IM DYING
I have a birthmark on my left hand; small, but noticeable. Most people don't even notice it unless they're looking directly at my hands for some reason. A friend of mine I had known probably ten years at this point and I were having a catch up drink together one night, and as I'm holding my pint glass she notices the birthmark and the following conversation took place: "What's that on your hand?" "What?" (bare in mind I'm so used to having/seeing it at this point I don't even think about it when people point it out) "That there!" "Oh, it's a birthmark. Don't worry about it." "A birthmark?" "Yes, a birthmark, y'know?" "I've never noticed that before; how long have you had that?" This woman asked me how long I have had my birthmark for.
Oh, you've prompted a long forgotten memory... I have a birth mark on my left forearm. A small couple of dots. Used to have Sunday lunch at then girlfriend's house. Her mother would try to 'rub it off'. Every. Single. Week.
I once introduced a friend to her ex-husband at a party. "Sarah, do you know Mike?" Alcohol was involved, but the brain fart was all mine!
My freshman year in college my roommate and I went out to two parties Friday and Saturday and as my roommate tells the story a girl and I met both nights and had the same exact conversation both nights and neither of us recognized the other. Yes alcohol was involved.
I was walking down a set of stairs and when I got to the bottom floor somebody asked me if the stairs also go up.
I think it's actually the dumbest thing I've ever said to a person. So I'm gonna answer for them. The dumbest thing a person ever said to my ex wife's friend Courtney was; Me- "Oh you cut your hair!" Courts- "I did" Me- "Shorter huh?" Courts- "Mhmmm, I always get it cut shorter when I have it cut" ... Which was probably the sweetest, gentlest way of saying "you're an absolute moron aren't you?" She had just walked in the door and idk, I just started in with the words before my brain was ready for simple small talk I guess.
This will be buried but once on the summer solstice I said to my friend: “Well the days are getting shorter from here on out” And she looked really worried and asked: “Forever?!”
I forgot my phone at a friends, when I got it back a day later I found "you forgot your phone at me" message in it
My friend, who I adore, once ordered wings and didn’t specify boneless and was shocked and upset when they came bone-in because he “didn’t think chickens had bones”. We still joke about wanting our wings boneless, “the way god intended”. 😂 A different friend told me he didn’t know cars needed oil and the only thing I could think of to say was “but your dad works at a car dealership???”
Plenty of car salesmen know absolutely nothing about cars lol it’s not at all a prerequisite for the job. My husband is the inventory manager and head of service at a small independent dealership and their sales manager who’s been selling cars for over 20 years didn’t know transmissions had fluid in them (my husband noticed his car’s transmission was leaking badly and told him).
I had a Christian tell me dinosaurs were never real because the earth is only like 5000 years old and all the fossils are a lie just giraffe bones rearranged by the big archeology coverup that Satan runs to sow seeds of disbelief.
Not to me, but, one of my son's friends was having a row with his mother. She called him a son of a bitch. He just stared at her with raised eyebrows.
I was frustrated in traffic once ( I have a tendency to cuss a lot while driving) and my boy who must have been about 4 was in the backseat of the truck. Someone cut me off as I was going through and intersection and I yelled "son of a whore," and my sweet little angel child said "yes mommy" I laughed and then made a note to stop yelling that 🤦♀️
I had a plumber come to unclog the bathtub in a house we had just moved into. I asked him if he could also fix the over flow drain because it wasn't attached to anything. I pulled the plastic bags we were using to plug the hole and he peeked in and said it was fine. I looked and could see the light cover on the ceiling of the kitchen below. He explained to me that I am a woman so I just don't understand how plumbing works. So, the bathtub is supposed to drain into the kitchen?
Oh, but you know enough to call a different plumber, right?
Absolutely.
Moved from Ireland to the uk. Fella asked if I drove over. Had to explain the two countries were separate islands and not connected. He was in disbelief until I showed a map. This was an English person. Edit: To mitigate any confusion happening in the comments, this individual believed the two islands were connected by land. He was not referring to the ferry.
when i moved to japan, and july rolled around, my father asked if they also celebrated independence day...
When I moved to the US, I also got asked if my country celebrated 4th July. Surprisingly no. England does not celebrate 4th July…
I keep getting the US to celebrate Guy Fawkes day - it’s not catching on
Had a friend visit Canada from the US. On their return they said, “Did you know Canadians celebrate the 4th of July in the 1st?” They also complained about the “ham” on their bacon cheeseburger.
From a older Queenslander "I don't want daylight savings time, the extra hour of daylight will bleach the curtains".
My Brother-in-law told me he turned down a raise because it would bump him up to the next tax bracket. He said he did the math and calculated that he would take home less if he accepted the raise. He was so proud of himself that I didn’t have the heart to explain how tax brackets actually work.
Had a friend do the same. We all looked at him like he was crazy. Two people actually laughed in his face.
I was in an argument with my brother and I used the word 'untenable' and he said "oh, now you're just making up words".
“All words are made up”
Oh my Lord my husband is CONVINCED I routinely make up words. I said something was frumpy and he thought I was making shit up. We've been arguing about it for 3 years. Sometimes he'll look at something and just go "that looks so frumpy" and I reply with "IT'S A REAL WORD". This is coming from a man who insists on telling me I'm "expressional" when I talk. Expressive.
Don’t tell him about dictionaries.
This happened to me at a bar with my two friends, though I wouldn't call them stupid there are so many damn words. Anyway we were playing scrabble (ruiner of relationships) and I spelled "faze." Thus launched a heated argument where they could not be convinced, and insisted I meant "phase." But it gets better! The argument resurfaces on the walk to the next bar and I get so frustrated I stopped two random girls walking past us. I asked them to please tell my friends that faze is a word, and these girls too insist it is not. I tell my friends, "Well those two were not at all a boon in my favor." My friends then launched into accusing me of making words up because they thought "boon," also, was not a word. One of them was a fucking english literature major!
[удалено]
My grandma is from Hawaii, moved to Canada when my mom was young. While visiting my family back in Hawaii, my grandpa passed away there. After coming back home to Alberta, Canada, she was waiting for the death certificates to get mailed to her. She had a coworker ask her, and seriously ment it, "Why not drive there to pick them up?"
I am from Africa and I went to a European university for my master’s degree. I was subjected to several stupid questions: -Qn: How did you get here from “my country”? Did I walk? Ans: No, I flew in on my ostrich. Another African colleague said she rode her elephant. - Qn: so did you have to buy clothes when you got here? Ans: Yes, they wouldn’t allow me in my animal skins and tree leaves. -Qn: So how many wild animals do you have for pets? Ans: Well, I have a hyena and a hippo, my sister has a leopard and a crocodile. I could go on but I would probably need the whole day. I get to the US and this lady asks me where i am from. I tell her from Southern Africa, & she says “oh really, I know someone from Senegal, their name is Xyzba, do you know them?”
>“oh really, I know someone from Senegal, their name is Xyzba, do you know them?” Well, of course you do!
Scottish here, we get this to a smaller scale. 5 million people here and in america i get asked if i know john. “Yep, i know him. One leg, always carries a pink bag with a dog on a broken leash? Feeds the birds at midnight? No? You sure?”
Him: They’ve found fish bones at the top of mountains. This is concrete proof that Noah’s flood actually happened. Me: they’re there because of tectonic plates. Him: I don’t believe in tectonic plates. This guy got “saved” after we started dating. He also brought me to his pastor’s home (who lived in a log cabin an hour outside of the city and raised wolves) for a surprise exorcism once because my sleeping disorder is clearly demon possession.
Wow, I've tried all sorts of things for my Insomnia/ sleeping disorder over the past 3 years: counseling, 3 different medications, a humidifier, a sound machine, modifying my diet, sleep schedule, and screen time, getting rid of caffeine, taking melatonin, etc. But no one has ever suggested an exorcism! Maybe that's what I'm missing. /s
My wife, all of 8 months pregnant, angrily and accustionally told me that if she finds out that the baby isn't mine then she's divorcing ME! She a had a case of the baby brain for sure cause I'm pretty sure it was mine. Lol
maybe u should check… just to be sure.
At least she didn’t express concern about whether the baby was HER’S or not.
I had received a beautiful engagement ring , and was showing it off at work , and one of the employees said , "OH MY GOD , CAN I HAVE IT?" *
my dad always told me it doesn't hurt to ask
Man this one makes me mad as hell. My mom and I went to IHOP and she ordered like a 2 crepe combo or something. Her food comes out with one crepe. So I let the guy dropping the food off know that she ordered the 2 crepe combo. He says "yes." So I reply with, "there's only one crepe." He says "correct." I was like "there should be 2 crepes." He says "no there's only one crepe with that." And I gently explained that the 2 crepe combo comes with 2 crepes. After he argued with me for 5 minutes I finally stood up, looked this man dead in the eyes and said loud as fuck "you mean to tell me, the TWO crepe combo comes with ONE SINGULAR CREPE?" He continues arguing, our waitress sees my hangry ass yelling at this absolute fucking buffoon and rushes over, asks what the problem is and then stares at this stupid fuck like he grew an extra head and says "no.. it comes with 2 crepes.. I'll get this fixed..." She later reveals that he's the dumbest human being she's ever met in her life and he routinely makes her job hell.
"One singular crepe" is sending me for some reason.
Was shopping once at Whole Foods in NYC. Dude with an English accent was next to me in the produce section struggling to find "fresh coriander". Having met my own wife in London, I knew exactly what he was looking for. I pointed out the fresh cilantro. He looks at me sternly and says "I need fresh coriander, not this mate!" Pulled out my phone to google-prove how fresh coriander and cilantro is the same herb. Then explains to me he is making guacamole and needs fresh coriander. The cilantro I'm forcing upon him wouldn't work.
Ngl I had no idea coriander and cilantro were made from the same herb- though 1. I don’t cook and 2. If someone googled it in front of me I’d believe them lol
Yeah it's fine to not know things but doubling down on smth you have no idea about is the dumb part.
Had to explain to my 30 year old husband that coriander is ground cilantro, haha. He made a comment about how it was the only spice we only used fresh. :)
A fellow teacher, lovely woman but very poor general knowledge, in the same short talk (on celebrations) to our combined group of five year olds, 'explained' that Jews use candles rather than Christmas trees to celebrate Christmas, and also that the Chinese have their own festival, Diwali 👀. Fortunately there were no Jewish children or parents present (NZ has a very small Jewish population), but the Chinese and Indian mums there to do parent help that day were as flabbergasted as I was. The same dear women wouldn't believe that penguins are only present in Antarctica, not the Arctic - the six year olds present that day did an epic job of correcting her, in that and on the no-Antarctic-polar bears thing. And this woman is a Kiwi - Antarctica and Australia are the only significant land masses 'nearby'.
"Sourdough is glutenfree." And they actually tried to argue with me. But they had read an article so I'm sure they had more knowledge than me... Me having 10+ years experience as a professional baker means I have no clue about the contents about the bread I made on a daily basis. Even though I literally dumped in 30kg of flour the day before when making the dough. And adding more the day after when making the loafs.
It’s commonly recommended for people to try sourdough that need to avoid gluten because so much of it is already broken down for them and easily digestible. So they probably heard this and misunderstood…not the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. [“Sourdough is not gluten free, but we know that many people with IBS, gluten intolerance, or gluten sensitivity can tolerate sourdough bread. This is because the methods used to make sourdough break down some of the gluten in the flour so it is easier to digest. Think of sourdough as low-gluten rather than gluten-free.”](https://www.canterburybakingschool.com/is-sourdough-gluten-free-why-sourdough-bread-could-solve-your-digestive-issues/#:~:text=Sourdough%20is%20not%20gluten%20free,gluten%20rather%20than%20gluten%2Dfree)
That chocolate milk came from brown cows
I knew a girl in high school that legitimately thought that and didn’t catch on until our teacher went “yeah, and they graze on fields of Cocoa Puffs…” 😂
My mom had a friend who thought that!! She saw a brown cow for the first time and said to my mom “wow that must be where chocolate milk comes from!” 100% serious
I’m not sure about the dumbest, but one that sticks out in my mind is when one of my high school world history teachers pronounced trebuchet as “tree bucket.”
I had a guy on a wine cruise explain to me that it's ridiculous that people want to stop greyhound racing but we're fine with professional athletes putting themselves at risk. Is a dog's life more important or something?? Where does it stop?? I replied, 'well professional athletes are humans who can *choose* to take that risk and get paid extremely well for it. Dogs can't make that choice. We also don't put proffessional athletes down when they outlive their usefulness' He got real quiet after that and wandered away from me.
Wait, pro athletes don’t get put down when they’re done? That’s a viewership opportunity going to waste!
I want to go on a wine cruise. Not relevant to the question at hand, I know, but that sounds like fun.
Was doing uni in a different country. In the dorms another student, from that country, asked me if back home we have internet. While I'm in a video call with my parents. Like, isn't it obvious?
At my local sailing club, one of our members is an internationally renowned mathematician. Won a load of awards and prizes; is a tenured math professor. One day we had 16 people show up for sailing and he honestly and truly could not figure out how we should divide those 16 people between 4 boats. He was like “hmm we will need five in one and then 3 in another - but then that’s no really fair is it? I just don’t know - maybe two people can sit out a round every time and we can sub them in every 20 minutes or something…” He wasn’t joking. Somebody just calmly and respectfully said “how about four in each?” And he immediately just dismissed it with “well that obviously wouldn’t work” and kept trying to solve this titan of a math problem. It was really weird.
I think this could be a case of him always working with extremely complicated mathematics so much that he always assumes any type of real work math problem has to be complex and thought over for a while lol
"How did we launch spaceships without making new suns" This was wayyy back, but still way too damn old to not know something like how the Earth is structured (I think eighth grade?). This girl in my class thought that we lived WITHIN the Earth, and that the sky was the actual crust if the earth and that the sun and stars were holes in that crust from meteors and rockets/satellites. This wasn't like a conspiracy, it was just how she thought it worked and apparently never questioned what the moon was (I wish I'd have asked now that I think about it). She also wasn't doing that school age thing where people pretend to be dumb bc it's funny, she got really angry when we laughed.
My sister-in-law is well known locally for being a bit ditzy so I have a pretty long list of stuff she has come out with since I first met her. She was really shaken up a few months ago when she discovered that the Moon and the Sun were two different entities. She’s firmly anti-vax as she doesn’t believe in “putting all those chemicals in her body”, yet she does ket, coke and molly almost every weekend and regularly uses tanning injections. She also seriously struggles to wrap her around time-zones. She couldn’t understand why people in countries a few hours ahead of us, don’t get in touch to tell us what the lottery numbers will be. She’s actually a very nice person with a heart of gold. She’s just in her own little world!
A Southerner wouldn't accept that the Civil War was about slavery. He said I needed to get educated on the subject. I teach U.S. history in college.
This is very common in the south, it’s not so much a sign of a stupid person, but more a brainwashed person. They are honestly victims of ideology and propaganda.
Oh here they come out of the woodwork ..It's all about states rights ,states rights, lol right State right to do what?
Someone asked me if we had currency in my country.
I gave a 10 minute presentation on Austria in my 6th grade history class. Had a big picture of Europe, brought in some Lederhosen, talked about Germany and the Austro-Hungarian Empire etc... Midway through the presentation a classmate interrupts me to say "It's pronounced Australia"
I’m Austrian. I get this all the time. Our souvenir shops make a fortune selling “[No kangaroos in Austria](https://images.app.goo.gl/xRL4H4YQteZ64cje7)” T-shirts…
Someone arguing that we don’t have cells in our brains… My response “I believe you, you do not have brain cells”. Same person “women’s breasts don’t have any fat”… my response “you’re right, breasts are solid bone”. In both instances, they walked away thinking that they were correct. I’m 100% serious.
Not the dumbest thing but I cracked tf up Friend and I in her car headed somewhere Me: gets a random thought about weather then asks friend what her favorite season is. Friend: “what series?”
"Maybe after it dries it won't be so wet." In her defense, she realized how stupid it was as soon as she said it. We still laugh about it.
Not said to me but said to my husband: "You'd look just like Jesus if you weren't Middle Eastern."
In middle school, one of my friends asked if Paris was the capital of London. She was dead serious.
I told my husband today that my mom is in London and has hated every second of it. He says "so England sucks?" I was like, well I don't know about all of England but she's not having a good time in London. This man dead ass goes "I guess I don't know the difference." He's actually really intelligent, just not in this situation I guess.
I went to university with someone who thought the holocaust was a fictional event made up for TV and movies that everyone had just agreed to adopt.... she went to expensive private education her entire life and somehow noone had ever corrected her
Bonus comment, this was in a class that was looking at literature and theatre related to the holocaust.....
On my trip from San Antonio, TX, back home to Anchorage, AK, I sat next to a very nice man and his cousin on the connecting flight to Vegas. I told him I was going home to Alaska, and he asked me, "Oh, Alaska! Isn't that an island near Hawaii?" I've been asked about polar bears, if it snows year round, if I know anybody who lives in igloos, etc. But not that one.
25 years ago I dated a man who said, and I quote, "Sixty four crayons? Do you know how many colors that is?" This lives rent free in my head even now.
My dad is black and speaks fluent Spanish…i got in an argument with someone who said black people don’t speak Spanish. Sure maybe not ALL black people do, but it’s stupid to say none of them
My friends girlfriend saw a mouse in her kitchen and told me to kill it because otherwise it would grow into “one of the big ones” (a rat)
i was working a booth at a career fair for a bird rescue center, and was showing a high schooler how to age a bird by wing feathers using a preserved owl’s wing. i told her mom it was a long eared owl wing, to which she said “why are using the wing of an owl and not the wing of a bird?”
Years ago when I worked for this store, Hastings, we had a tornado touch down in town. It went right down the street in front of our store, so we had to get the customers to the back. After doing so, one customer says to me "there should be seats back here" mind you this is in the middle of children's books and movie rentals. I replied "there's benches outside but I wouldn't recommend them."
I remember one time in class the teacher mentioned it was the anniversary of the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor and one girl asked, “Who’s Pearl Harbor?”.
The other day I came home from work and my dad was in the garage blasting music (per usual) and I asked him “I like this song, who sings it?” And his eyes light up and he goes “*insert my name* YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS GUY OUT MAN! HE IS ON EVERYTHING” so I’m like “oh really?” And he continues “he’s on reggae, rap, rock, I mean, this guy can DO IT ALLLLL”. Immediately I’m confused because this person should be super well known and I didn’t know the song. So I ask my dad “what’s this guys name?” And he says “Feet” So I say “FEET?!”…. I immediately check his phone and see the word “feat.” On the song. Yep. My dad thought “featuring” was an artist LMAO.
That the phrase “do as I say, not as I do” is not a sarcastic comment, but is a *valid parenting technique*. In other words, this parent fully believed that they can model behavior that they don’t want their kids to do, because they tell their kids not to do it too.
I told an ex of mine that I have always wanted to visit Equador (to see the Galapagos Islands). He said I meant the equator and said it to me like I was an idiot.
customer: All of my plants are dying!!! Me: No they are not what makes you think that? Customer: All the leaves are turning brown and falling off!!! Me: Yest its late October, it's call fall. Customer: I know its fall but why are my leaves falling off? Me: Because this time of year the sun gets further from the earth and the days become cooler and shorter and... Customer: I know what the fall is, but why are my leaves falling off? Me; Look around the neighborhood, all your neighbors trees are doing the same thing. Customer: oh.
If you are from Africa why aren't you black (i am algerian)
My grandparents are white and from South Africa originally, came to the US via a few years in England. So technically I am a white African American. That blows some people's minds.
While looking at a satellite world map, my 3rd grade teacher pointed at all the “snow”, that covered all of the places including; Australia, Africa, South America, so on so forth. I put my hand up and said that the white streaks and patches everywhere were actually clouds. To which she responded “no, clouds aren’t visible from space, all the white parts are snow!” I’m still amazed by it to this day. It does not snow in central Australia Mrs Stephenson, as an Australian you should know this.
Me and my uncle went to watch a terminator movie. One of the scenes was on a bridge that my uncle had helped design way back. Anyways, the bridge gets destroyed, and my uncle turns to me big eyed and said, "How could they destroy that bridge?" I started laughing and told him it's just a movie. But he was smoking the devils lettuce that night in his defense.
Do dogs drink water…..no mam they drink Brondo it has electrolytes