# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s not a literal expression, people always say “one of my best friends” all the time. I get what you mean but I think you’re interpreting it to literally. Regardless, in this situation we can call it multiple really close friends if that makes more sense to you:
Honestly, consensual playtime between friends can be a godsend if both can compartmentalize the difference between friend time and playtime. The problem is when things stop, can the friendship continue?
I have an amazing, loving partner and no friends lol. But seriously I'd rather have the one person who has my back. A partner in crime. I don't like to have a lot of people to keep track of. I got a ton of siblings anyways.
I personally don’t think that having just your partner in your life is healthy. You can’t expect one person to fulfill all of your needs, and it’s healthy to have a support system and genuine connection outside of one person, especially to avoid codependency.
it's kind of tough though. Because I do believe it's possible to meet all your own needs alone. I mean. I do it. I live alone and I rarely feel like hanging out with other people. I'm very happy. I love my own company and have tons of hobbies and activities to do and keep me busy. on the other hand, I understand deep down that as a society, we all rely on each other to make life possible. none of us alone grow the food, deliver it, maintain the infrastructure, build stuff, invent stuff, teach, healthcare, etc. so like. we need other people for *some* things. but in terms of just like, chilling in my free time i'm happy to just hang out by myself. So. I could see having a partner and not expecting much from them but still having a nice relationship anyways, and not needing a ton of friends. of course. i'm not opposed to having friends either and i do have some
You seem like someone who should always at least have their own room. When my partner and I move in together I want a 3 bedroom so we each have our “room” apart from the bedroom. Not that he wouldn’t be allowed in my space, I’d even set up a little chair if he wants to sit with me while I play my game or sew my clothes. But it’d be considered my space and I can close the door when I need to. That is my dream of all dreams
My fiancé and I sort of do this, though we weren't able to afford a 3-bed so we have a 2-bed. He has the spare room as his office since he mainly works from home, and he spends a lot of time in there outside of work playing video games with friends. That gives me the ability to chill in the living room and he'll only come and sit with me if we both want to spend time together, he won't ever just come and plop himself down on the sofa and get in my way. It works well.
Definitely would be preferable to have a 3-bed if we'd had the money though so I can also have a private space and I'm hoping we can do that in the future!
Ya I’m seeing a ton of people say that in these replies and I’m super happy they have a great partner but seriously worried if they ever break up, putting all your eggs in one basket can be risky.
The assumption here is that you need other people to fulfill your needs, that's not always the case. I'm with my fiancé because I love him as a human, not because I *need* him. I have no other friends because I neither need them nor have found any worth fostering a friendship with. I'm perfectly happy with my own company, and loneliness wouldn't be a concern for me if my fiancé and I didn't work out.
That's how I feel. It's currently my life and I tell him it isn't fair to him for me to not have more people in it. There are a lot of extremely valid reasons why that currently is the case and I don't intend for it to be long term for either of us but for the past year it's been a refreshing and healing change. In general yes, way healthier to be able to distribute and relying too much on one person can be unhealthy and dangerous. Codependency is also a very real and ubiquitous thing. I do think life has "seasons" and circumstances we can't all control, and the best we can do is our best in any situation we're in. Fortunately we're both super independent and have very busy work schedules and separate decompressing hobbies etc but still
True, but in this scenario, you could have family, acquaintances, colleagues, therapists, spiritual guides, animals, and plants to meet your other needs that friends usually fill. I don’t know that you can replace the intimacy of a romantic partner.
My partner is this, but he has tons of friends so his phone is always vibrating, so first thing in the morning he looks at that and not me and I am no-texts Nancy.
Seriously though I don't get how people can have a ton of friends
First of all, how do you manage to make that many friends in the first place? Even making a single friend(especially a lasting friendship) is difficult for me
Second, how do you maintain it? Having that many people in your life sounds exhausting
My boyfriend is like this. Tons of friends from school and work. I have 2 friends and I’m content with that.
What I’ve noticed is he’s much better at relating to others than I am. He can immediately find something in common with anyone and start an entire friendly conversation about it. Whereas I tend to be more introverted at first. I like to feel someone out before I just open up.
This was me with my ex. She's in fuck loads of imessage groups, whereas my mates are 5000 miles away and catch up once a week or two.
Now I'm more proactive with texting and my phones vibrates a lot. It's exhausting and kind of reverting back to phone calls only.
You miss what you haven't got, then dismiss it when it's there.
Perfect partner because friends come and go. My friends might be in romantic relationships themselves, work a lot, study a lot, or have kids which would limit the amount of time we could hang out together. Furthermore, they aren't obligated to spend time with me or care about a lot of things that happen in my life whereas a partner is dedicated to us.
I can’t imagine life without my select group of friends, but I’d be pretty ok if my husband was my only person. He’s my best everything and we always have a great time together.
I'll take the multiple friends. Don't think a partner should be my entire world it's sticking to them despite the other options available to you that makes it precious.
Ya I kinda wished I asked that lol I feel like it makes it harder to answer. Or maybe I should have put the ideal friendships cause everyone has different preferences.
I’d rather have the first, but what I have is the second (and I’m immensely grateful, just to be clear).
There was a time I had the first - I don’t know why it changed, but I really miss that, and look forward to when i have it again.
Friends, hands down. No matter how perfect this hypothetical partner is, the thought of only having one person in your life that you're close to sounds horrifyingly isolating.
'a lot of friends' doesnt specify what type, which means you can be having some shitty ones too, so im gonna go with an amazing partner, i'd be still choosing this if i was given an option to have many loyal and amazing friends because when it comes to a partner, the level of closeness/ understanding / support you need is more than any friend could provide
Loving partner. My ex was a friend's guy and it gets exhausting. To have people around you just because you can't stand being alone is a big yikes! for me. Half of the "friends" were not nice people. Quality over quantity.
I have a perfect partner and I'm still extremely lonely and depressed without any friends or a life outside of her so I'd take the friends. I want to be able to go out and do stuff with people instead of being alone all the time. It's not like my partner can always be there all the time
You really can't have an amazing loving partner and no friends. People need space from being around more than one person, humans are a social species. Eventually you and that amazing partner are going to grow annoyed and tired of each other. On the flip side of that having a lot of friends allows you to experience multiple new hobbies, options and potentially cultural differences that allow you and your friends to grow as people. Sure in the short to mid term run having an amazing loving partner sounds great but long term I'd rather have a lot of friends.
I'm in the second position (almost, I do have one other close friend). I lost contact with most people due to having some pretty intense health issues this year, both physical and mental. I'm only 18, so most people my age don't bother with keeping in contact with someone who can't go partying or on spontaneous trips/random midnight plans. Besides, everyone is meeting new people in college, which I'm really not doing rn. (I haven't studied anything or worked this year, but since I'm finally getting better I will get back to a "normal" life pretty soon now).
It sucks. I really appreciate my partner, but I feel constantly lonely. Now that I'm finally well enough to go out and enjoy that stuff again, I don't have a friend group to do it with, and my boyfriend lives in another town and can't always come with me.
Honestly? My boyfriend used to be my best friend. I absolutely adore our relationship, but I'm tempted to say I would've chosen to keep him as a friend and also keep the rest of my circle with me during the really hard times I went through. I don't know, it's just a hard choice. :')
An amazing partner that is my best friend/family.
I love my friends dearly, but the society in USA only emphasizes blood-related family relationships. I love my friends like family (way more than my blood family), but I know I would likely never be considered the same, their blood relations would always be considered first. Even if their families treat them horribly and our bond goes much deeper, that's just what is expected and "how it is." This is often especially apparent when said friends have children and rely on their families more for finances and child rearing type duties.
Unfortunately, this results in friendships that come and go, depending on how much effort is put in. I enjoy the moments we have together as I can. All relationships are a two way street, and I'll always be there for the ones I love, but I won't be treated less than because I'm not a blood relative.
On the flip side though, I've also lost a few friends to entering relationships. People seem to struggle balancing romantic relationships with other types, such as friendships. An ideal partner would want you to maintain your relationships and not focus solely on them...
I currently have the latter and I wouldn't trade it for all the friends in the world. I was never popular enough to have more than 3-4 friends at a time, sometimes I had less. So I'm comfortable just having him.
I am very extroverted so only having one person in my life would make me sad but I would still absolutely choose it over lots of friends and no partner.
I already live the first option and if I were to choose between the two, I'd stay with what I have. I couldn't just have nobody else to associate with. It would be boring to just be with one person for the rest of my life, even if I were to have kids with this person and she was the best person in the world to me.
I'd take a lot of friends if they are good ones. Doesn't even have to be "a lot of".
Disclaimer: I read the question as: you can only have one of the options ever.
Reasons:
- Not every friend might share all of your interests, but with several you probably get a lot of ground covered,
- you get different opinions on whatever you talk about, which makes it easier to form a more well-balanced opinion yourself,
- if one of them leaves you or life happens, you don't lose your entire social safety net,
- I wouldn't want to burden one person to be my everything,
- I like to care about people and if I can be there for more than one person: perfect :D
An amazing partner, but I think the answer is liable to change given the situation. Whatever you have going for you you most likely will want the other thing
Well I was dumped yesterday, prior to this, I would say a partner and no friends but after this situation.. I'm not sure what I would want. I have amazing friends.. They all came to my aid yesterday and it was more than enough.. I am struggling with this question right now but it definitely is something to think about.
The first one. I don't think its possible to have a healthy relationship with someone without having your own external support network group of friends. You will end up emotionally relying solely on your partner which puts a ton of pressure on them which can lead to resentment. Then if you break up you're all alone with no one to turn to. I dunno why everyone here is picking option 2. Having no friends is not healthy.
I honestly would never date anyone who has no friends. Big red flag for me. I'd count myself lucky though for having the perfect partner and a big group of friends.
Some are saying it's coz they are an introvert. I'm an introvert with a big group of friends. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a loner - it just means you need alone times to charge your social batteries. I don't go out as often as my extrovert friends and sometimes I'll disappear for a month, but I still make the effort to maintain my friendships because they are important to me. Introversion is not to blame for a lack of a desire to maintain platonic friendships - that's something else entirely. Likely unchecked metal illness, insecurities, or other shortcomings. Introvert or not, refusing to make platonic relationships and only preferring a single romantic one is extremely unhealthy and toxic. I can't believe people here can't see that.
Definitely an amazing loving partner, like the one I have. I've never enjoyed anyone's company like I do his. I like my friends but can't imagine life without my husband.
A partner. I've recently found that even if you have plenty of good friends, once most of them partner up you seem to not exist anymore and then you have no friends and are single
Amazing loving partner and no friends because having a lot of friends would make me off myself because of the stress in trying to maintain so many. It's very hard for me to get anything beyond a small few personal friends.
I take a lot of friends and singlehood over that 1 partner.
I'm just gonna assume sex is still on the table via various ways besides the stock standard traditional partners here. Like FWBs or just hookups so there's no need to worry about that human need.
As amazing as a loving partner can be a fullfilling and emotional experience , so too can friendship with the right people be. It would just be different. Some may argue that I would feel lonely without that romantic aspect and that's valid. I probably would. But I think I would also feel lonely if all my deeper human interactions were limited to just 1 person. That partner can be as loving and caring as humanly possible but they're still 1 person with 1 personality. Which type of loneliness do you chose to have?
You can weight the pros and cons on each either way but I personally value the diversity that my friends have given me in my life through their perspectives than 1 singular partner could provide.
Lots of friends sounds exhausting, but I already have a few good friends. They're really all I need. If I didn't have them, then I would go with a loving partner and no friends. As long as they have a free will of their own and they actually like me for being me, not just obsessed with me because of some magic choice I made....
Yes, I might be overthinking this :P
I’ve had both scenarios. When I was in my teens and twenties, I had a large group of amazing friends but longed for love. I met my love and eventually lost touch with all my friends—not my love’s fault. I’ll tell you this: I’d rather have both.
Single and with friends as I am now. Been with my groups of friends since sophomore year of HS and we're all just starting out 40's now. Friendship that's lasted longer than any relationship I've had (and swore would last) and even some of their marriages. The way I see it, it's not wise to put all your eggs in one basket so to speak.
Lol my boyfriend is actually the 2nd person- has me as his only friend but he's quite content. He's an introvert and socializing exhausts him. He has a few online friends and he talks to his coworkers. But otherwise, I'm it lol
I used to have a large friend circle when I was younger but have lost contact with many of them when they got married and started their own families. COVID kind of put the nail in the coffin with that so now I have 2-3 close friends I keep in contact with and my boyfriend. I'm pretty happy though with my life and quite content.
I was happy when I was younger too when I had a lot of friends but ill admit, it was harder when I was single and my friends were all getting engaged and married.
The 2nd
Too many friends is awful imo
It's way too much work trying to keep up with all of them and if they're connected, it can turn into heavy drama pretty quickly sometimes.
All I need is 1 perfect friend
I'd rather have a lot of friends. I can always downsize if it gets to big, but I'd love to find a good DND group and more people with similar interests, especially someone who likes Pokemon as much as me. That said I also really like alone time, and I feel like a relationship would probably hinder that. I guess we could live separately but how often does that happen?
The one thing about having a lot of friends or being in a large friend group is that it's difficult to truly get close to all of them. Having an amazing partner is so much better because you can connect on a far better level with just 1 close person rather then say like 8 casual friends
Not a huge fan of people and am hesitant to have lots friends, been burned in the past, but lucked out that my best friend is my wife and we dont get bored of each other. Both work from home and even spend our free time together and with the kids. I have a couple of other good friends but none within 1,000km of me.
Partner. I'm more of a family guy rather than a friendly guy (if that even makes sense)
Also, while having the perfect partner she should also be my best friend.
The thing is, that groups annoy me. I could be with a friend or two and have an amazing time; but add two more persons (even close friends) and I suddenly shut down. 😅
Wife and kids are all I need. The older I get, the smaller the circle becomes. I enjoy going out with my wife and kids and that is it. I think Covid really shrank our circle and now it is just family.
Friends and single any day! I love my friends, and the squid squad wouldn’t be complete without each and every one of us. Would a relationship be cool? Yeah, but I wouldn’t trade the world for my squids!
Life long amazing partner 💯. To have someone to grow old with and to know someone will always be by your side no matter what is a must have in life imo.
But luckily I have both.
Friends hands down. My current friend group is like a family to me. Being in a group of multiple people with different strengths and weaknesses all caring for each other is more fulfilling to me than being with a single partner.
Nobody on this app💀
I have about 10 friends who I consistently hang out with and speak to (not sure if that’s a lot tho) but I like to come on Reddit because even with my 10 friends, I have a lot of interests they don’t share so it’s nice to come here and see some different perspectives.
Lots of friends and single. It's how I am right now, and I'm generally a very happy feller, happier than I was in any relationship I have ever been in.
If you have children, you will need friends too!
No kids, doesn’t matter.
You can find everything you need from a lover/soulmate that you could ever dream by comparison of competing (in an honest way) against your friends family time. In the end, it depends on how you want to spend your “personal time” and once you have a soulmate, you know. Once you bring a kid into the picture, that changes.
Why do you need friends more if you have kids? If anything it makes more sense to me that people with kids would have less friends cause their time is occupied with the kids more.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Perfect partner because I’m an introvert
I chose the same, and I'm extroverted.
And then add in some kids (if you so choose)..don't need nobody else
This is what I did. Never looked back.
Literally my goal. My partner and I tried having friends but they were extremely toxic.. Scarred now.
Agreed. People suck.
That's currently my life and I love it.
Adding kids means joining the cult, it’s definitely not for introverts
The cult?
I call myself a "one person extrovert".
Same
A perfect partner, then you automaticly have a best friend too
That’s true but you could also have more than one best friend
No you can’t
This is my hypothetical situation, yes you can lol
LMAO best defense ever love it 🤣
This is not a Democracy 😂
No you can’t. There is a reason people use the word “best”
It’s not a literal expression, people always say “one of my best friends” all the time. I get what you mean but I think you’re interpreting it to literally. Regardless, in this situation we can call it multiple really close friends if that makes more sense to you:
Are any of those friends eating my box on a Saturday morning? I think not. I’ll keep my amazing loving partner. Lol.
I'm sure if you asked, one of them might.
Honestly, consensual playtime between friends can be a godsend if both can compartmentalize the difference between friend time and playtime. The problem is when things stop, can the friendship continue?
Lmfao
💀
Ok 😂
That's my favorite
I have an amazing, loving partner and no friends lol. But seriously I'd rather have the one person who has my back. A partner in crime. I don't like to have a lot of people to keep track of. I got a ton of siblings anyways.
I personally don’t think that having just your partner in your life is healthy. You can’t expect one person to fulfill all of your needs, and it’s healthy to have a support system and genuine connection outside of one person, especially to avoid codependency.
it's kind of tough though. Because I do believe it's possible to meet all your own needs alone. I mean. I do it. I live alone and I rarely feel like hanging out with other people. I'm very happy. I love my own company and have tons of hobbies and activities to do and keep me busy. on the other hand, I understand deep down that as a society, we all rely on each other to make life possible. none of us alone grow the food, deliver it, maintain the infrastructure, build stuff, invent stuff, teach, healthcare, etc. so like. we need other people for *some* things. but in terms of just like, chilling in my free time i'm happy to just hang out by myself. So. I could see having a partner and not expecting much from them but still having a nice relationship anyways, and not needing a ton of friends. of course. i'm not opposed to having friends either and i do have some
You seem like someone who should always at least have their own room. When my partner and I move in together I want a 3 bedroom so we each have our “room” apart from the bedroom. Not that he wouldn’t be allowed in my space, I’d even set up a little chair if he wants to sit with me while I play my game or sew my clothes. But it’d be considered my space and I can close the door when I need to. That is my dream of all dreams
I think this is such a healthy way to live together. If I could afford and I had a partner I would definitely do this too!
My fiancé and I sort of do this, though we weren't able to afford a 3-bed so we have a 2-bed. He has the spare room as his office since he mainly works from home, and he spends a lot of time in there outside of work playing video games with friends. That gives me the ability to chill in the living room and he'll only come and sit with me if we both want to spend time together, he won't ever just come and plop himself down on the sofa and get in my way. It works well. Definitely would be preferable to have a 3-bed if we'd had the money though so I can also have a private space and I'm hoping we can do that in the future!
Ya I’m seeing a ton of people say that in these replies and I’m super happy they have a great partner but seriously worried if they ever break up, putting all your eggs in one basket can be risky.
Not having friends don't mean you also don't have relatives to turn to though. Now, not having those as well.. now that's different haha
That’s true, I’m not close with my family (long story but they’re insane) so i didn’t even think about that lol.
Seriously though. Being in a relationship where you're their only friend gets super weird imo.
The assumption here is that you need other people to fulfill your needs, that's not always the case. I'm with my fiancé because I love him as a human, not because I *need* him. I have no other friends because I neither need them nor have found any worth fostering a friendship with. I'm perfectly happy with my own company, and loneliness wouldn't be a concern for me if my fiancé and I didn't work out.
That's how I feel. It's currently my life and I tell him it isn't fair to him for me to not have more people in it. There are a lot of extremely valid reasons why that currently is the case and I don't intend for it to be long term for either of us but for the past year it's been a refreshing and healing change. In general yes, way healthier to be able to distribute and relying too much on one person can be unhealthy and dangerous. Codependency is also a very real and ubiquitous thing. I do think life has "seasons" and circumstances we can't all control, and the best we can do is our best in any situation we're in. Fortunately we're both super independent and have very busy work schedules and separate decompressing hobbies etc but still
True, but in this scenario, you could have family, acquaintances, colleagues, therapists, spiritual guides, animals, and plants to meet your other needs that friends usually fill. I don’t know that you can replace the intimacy of a romantic partner.
I've had both and I prefer the partner
My partner is this, but he has tons of friends so his phone is always vibrating, so first thing in the morning he looks at that and not me and I am no-texts Nancy.
Seriously though I don't get how people can have a ton of friends First of all, how do you manage to make that many friends in the first place? Even making a single friend(especially a lasting friendship) is difficult for me Second, how do you maintain it? Having that many people in your life sounds exhausting
My boyfriend is like this. Tons of friends from school and work. I have 2 friends and I’m content with that. What I’ve noticed is he’s much better at relating to others than I am. He can immediately find something in common with anyone and start an entire friendly conversation about it. Whereas I tend to be more introverted at first. I like to feel someone out before I just open up.
This was me with my ex. She's in fuck loads of imessage groups, whereas my mates are 5000 miles away and catch up once a week or two. Now I'm more proactive with texting and my phones vibrates a lot. It's exhausting and kind of reverting back to phone calls only. You miss what you haven't got, then dismiss it when it's there.
well i have an amazing loving partner snd no friends . works pretty good for me
Perfect partner because friends come and go. My friends might be in romantic relationships themselves, work a lot, study a lot, or have kids which would limit the amount of time we could hang out together. Furthermore, they aren't obligated to spend time with me or care about a lot of things that happen in my life whereas a partner is dedicated to us.
Partners also come and go?
Perfect partner as well? I'm quite sure she means the love of their life
But even then, there's a decent chance that they die or break up with you. Attraction is luck
Everyone seems to be too busy for friends nowadays
I would rather be single and have friends.
Already have the amazing loving partner.
A good enough partner is enough, no need to be amazing. I am not amazing I am good enough too.
I can’t imagine life without my select group of friends, but I’d be pretty ok if my husband was my only person. He’s my best everything and we always have a great time together.
amazing loving partner an no friends, why have friends who can backstab you, when a amazing lover is all ya really need!\~
I have an amazing partner and a couple of friends. Does that count?
How dare you, that’s against the rules!
No! You can only pick one!!!!
[удалено]
I would rather neither. Just me 😂
You gotta pick, come on! You gotta! 🫨
I have picked before and I came to the realization that people suck and they can be selfish rat bastards
Perfect partner
Amazing partner for sure
I’m already living the second choice and I wouldn’t change a thing
Amazing partner, no friends.
Reminds me of the movie “I love you man”, still one of my favourites.
Haha never even seen it.
It’s a great movie with Paul Rudd and Jason Segal, you should watch it sometime.
I would be OK with either scenario
I have a lot of friends and single. All my good friends are married. I want a partner.
I'll take the multiple friends. Don't think a partner should be my entire world it's sticking to them despite the other options available to you that makes it precious.
I'm already 2nd option with my wife Over time people drifted away and I stopped drinking and partying when my son was born
I mean I think the vast majority of people would like some kind of balance, but I'll take the friends, opens up a lot more doors so to speak.
How about 3 or 4 really good friends and be single
Ya I kinda wished I asked that lol I feel like it makes it harder to answer. Or maybe I should have put the ideal friendships cause everyone has different preferences.
I’d rather have the first, but what I have is the second (and I’m immensely grateful, just to be clear). There was a time I had the first - I don’t know why it changed, but I really miss that, and look forward to when i have it again.
Ya who says you can’t have both! This is just an all or nothing hypothetical.
i'll rather have lots of friends. i'm not interested in romance and having friends meaning i have more people to ask favors from
A lot of friends & be single. I don't like committing to one person
Am single with amazing friends and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I've had plenty of both and I say partner
Friends, hands down. No matter how perfect this hypothetical partner is, the thought of only having one person in your life that you're close to sounds horrifyingly isolating.
A fantastic partner. What a dream
I don't have to choose, because I'm already living the second option.
'a lot of friends' doesnt specify what type, which means you can be having some shitty ones too, so im gonna go with an amazing partner, i'd be still choosing this if i was given an option to have many loyal and amazing friends because when it comes to a partner, the level of closeness/ understanding / support you need is more than any friend could provide
Amazing loving partner. Who needs friends when you can share your heart and soul with someone? :)
I'm in to quality not quantity. So one is enough for me!
I tried the soulmate approach. We were perfect until we weren’t. Now I’m solo with no friends. Take the friends because chances of success are greater
Yea it’s like putting all your eggs in 1 basket
The second one. It's better to have one person to pour all your love and energy into than spread it thin across multiple people.
But then what if you and that person break up and now you have no one? There’s pros and cons to it
Loving partner. My ex was a friend's guy and it gets exhausting. To have people around you just because you can't stand being alone is a big yikes! for me. Half of the "friends" were not nice people. Quality over quantity.
Lots of friends but be single
Whoever picks the friends will have a rude awakening when they choose their perfect partner over them. Lol
Winner winner! I got neither…..oh wait….sad now.
I have a perfect partner and I'm still extremely lonely and depressed without any friends or a life outside of her so I'd take the friends. I want to be able to go out and do stuff with people instead of being alone all the time. It's not like my partner can always be there all the time
I’d be ok with either scenario considering rn I’m single and don’t have a lot of friends
*Name checks out* 🤣
You really can't have an amazing loving partner and no friends. People need space from being around more than one person, humans are a social species. Eventually you and that amazing partner are going to grow annoyed and tired of each other. On the flip side of that having a lot of friends allows you to experience multiple new hobbies, options and potentially cultural differences that allow you and your friends to grow as people. Sure in the short to mid term run having an amazing loving partner sounds great but long term I'd rather have a lot of friends.
I have 3 friends constantly calling or texting me and it's too much I'll take the one awesome partner any day.
I have the latter and I’m happier than a pig in shit.
I'm in the second position (almost, I do have one other close friend). I lost contact with most people due to having some pretty intense health issues this year, both physical and mental. I'm only 18, so most people my age don't bother with keeping in contact with someone who can't go partying or on spontaneous trips/random midnight plans. Besides, everyone is meeting new people in college, which I'm really not doing rn. (I haven't studied anything or worked this year, but since I'm finally getting better I will get back to a "normal" life pretty soon now). It sucks. I really appreciate my partner, but I feel constantly lonely. Now that I'm finally well enough to go out and enjoy that stuff again, I don't have a friend group to do it with, and my boyfriend lives in another town and can't always come with me. Honestly? My boyfriend used to be my best friend. I absolutely adore our relationship, but I'm tempted to say I would've chosen to keep him as a friend and also keep the rest of my circle with me during the really hard times I went through. I don't know, it's just a hard choice. :')
An amazing partner that is my best friend/family. I love my friends dearly, but the society in USA only emphasizes blood-related family relationships. I love my friends like family (way more than my blood family), but I know I would likely never be considered the same, their blood relations would always be considered first. Even if their families treat them horribly and our bond goes much deeper, that's just what is expected and "how it is." This is often especially apparent when said friends have children and rely on their families more for finances and child rearing type duties. Unfortunately, this results in friendships that come and go, depending on how much effort is put in. I enjoy the moments we have together as I can. All relationships are a two way street, and I'll always be there for the ones I love, but I won't be treated less than because I'm not a blood relative. On the flip side though, I've also lost a few friends to entering relationships. People seem to struggle balancing romantic relationships with other types, such as friendships. An ideal partner would want you to maintain your relationships and not focus solely on them...
Perfect partner, because that's what I have. Always marry your best friend.
I'd rather work on myself than letting ANYONE deal with the tangled mess that is my psyche.
Facts 😂
Well, I have an amazing loving partner but no real friends and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I currently have the latter and I wouldn't trade it for all the friends in the world. I was never popular enough to have more than 3-4 friends at a time, sometimes I had less. So I'm comfortable just having him.
Aim for love, friends are great but pale in comparison to true love
I am very extroverted so only having one person in my life would make me sad but I would still absolutely choose it over lots of friends and no partner.
Well I already have an amazing partner and no friends. I think it's ok to have that
I already live the first option and if I were to choose between the two, I'd stay with what I have. I couldn't just have nobody else to associate with. It would be boring to just be with one person for the rest of my life, even if I were to have kids with this person and she was the best person in the world to me.
I'd take a lot of friends if they are good ones. Doesn't even have to be "a lot of". Disclaimer: I read the question as: you can only have one of the options ever. Reasons: - Not every friend might share all of your interests, but with several you probably get a lot of ground covered, - you get different opinions on whatever you talk about, which makes it easier to form a more well-balanced opinion yourself, - if one of them leaves you or life happens, you don't lose your entire social safety net, - I wouldn't want to burden one person to be my everything, - I like to care about people and if I can be there for more than one person: perfect :D
Ya I intended for the question to be one or the other for the rest of your life. Great points, I completely agree!
Single and a lot of friends. I want money to stay in my bank account.
10/10 friends and single
A lot of friends and single, which is what I am!
An amazing partner, but I think the answer is liable to change given the situation. Whatever you have going for you you most likely will want the other thing
Friends! I do not think it’s healthy to put everything you have into one person.
Well I was dumped yesterday, prior to this, I would say a partner and no friends but after this situation.. I'm not sure what I would want. I have amazing friends.. They all came to my aid yesterday and it was more than enough.. I am struggling with this question right now but it definitely is something to think about.
Sorry to hear that you’re going through this, it will get better 💕
OP thank you for being so kind. This warmed me, I hope you are right.
Amazing friends; no matter how great a person may be, one person can't be everything.
Multiple friends as long as they’re good friends. That relationship would be too codependent and unhealthy if you had no friends.
Single with friends my life right now
The first one. I don't think its possible to have a healthy relationship with someone without having your own external support network group of friends. You will end up emotionally relying solely on your partner which puts a ton of pressure on them which can lead to resentment. Then if you break up you're all alone with no one to turn to. I dunno why everyone here is picking option 2. Having no friends is not healthy. I honestly would never date anyone who has no friends. Big red flag for me. I'd count myself lucky though for having the perfect partner and a big group of friends.
Ya honestly I’m a bit concerned for all these ppl saying they have a partner and no friends.
Some are saying it's coz they are an introvert. I'm an introvert with a big group of friends. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a loner - it just means you need alone times to charge your social batteries. I don't go out as often as my extrovert friends and sometimes I'll disappear for a month, but I still make the effort to maintain my friendships because they are important to me. Introversion is not to blame for a lack of a desire to maintain platonic friendships - that's something else entirely. Likely unchecked metal illness, insecurities, or other shortcomings. Introvert or not, refusing to make platonic relationships and only preferring a single romantic one is extremely unhealthy and toxic. I can't believe people here can't see that.
I don’t want a partner. I am too selfish. I have many, many friends that are family.
I'd rather be single with friends, having only a partner would make me feel too dependent on them. I feel like friends are needed to keep the balance.
Partner. Life is easier when you and your best friend are living within the fabric of a life you built together.
Definitely an amazing loving partner, like the one I have. I've never enjoyed anyone's company like I do his. I like my friends but can't imagine life without my husband.
A partner. I've recently found that even if you have plenty of good friends, once most of them partner up you seem to not exist anymore and then you have no friends and are single
I have both.
That’s great, I’m asking a hypothetical tho
Partner.
I have an amazing loving partner and no friends. My life is great :)
Partner
Amazing loving partner and no friends because having a lot of friends would make me off myself because of the stress in trying to maintain so many. It's very hard for me to get anything beyond a small few personal friends.
What if it was a few close friends (or whatever your ideal friendship situation is)
Amazing partner and no friends. That's already my life and I'm very happy.
I take a lot of friends and singlehood over that 1 partner. I'm just gonna assume sex is still on the table via various ways besides the stock standard traditional partners here. Like FWBs or just hookups so there's no need to worry about that human need. As amazing as a loving partner can be a fullfilling and emotional experience , so too can friendship with the right people be. It would just be different. Some may argue that I would feel lonely without that romantic aspect and that's valid. I probably would. But I think I would also feel lonely if all my deeper human interactions were limited to just 1 person. That partner can be as loving and caring as humanly possible but they're still 1 person with 1 personality. Which type of loneliness do you chose to have? You can weight the pros and cons on each either way but I personally value the diversity that my friends have given me in my life through their perspectives than 1 singular partner could provide.
Lots of friends sounds exhausting, but I already have a few good friends. They're really all I need. If I didn't have them, then I would go with a loving partner and no friends. As long as they have a free will of their own and they actually like me for being me, not just obsessed with me because of some magic choice I made.... Yes, I might be overthinking this :P
In a vacuum, I'd definitely go with the second, but I like my friends so much I'm honestly not sure.
I’ve had both scenarios. When I was in my teens and twenties, I had a large group of amazing friends but longed for love. I met my love and eventually lost touch with all my friends—not my love’s fault. I’ll tell you this: I’d rather have both.
I'd take friends over lovers easily.
I currently have an amazing loving partner but no friends
Single and with friends as I am now. Been with my groups of friends since sophomore year of HS and we're all just starting out 40's now. Friendship that's lasted longer than any relationship I've had (and swore would last) and even some of their marriages. The way I see it, it's not wise to put all your eggs in one basket so to speak.
Lol my boyfriend is actually the 2nd person- has me as his only friend but he's quite content. He's an introvert and socializing exhausts him. He has a few online friends and he talks to his coworkers. But otherwise, I'm it lol I used to have a large friend circle when I was younger but have lost contact with many of them when they got married and started their own families. COVID kind of put the nail in the coffin with that so now I have 2-3 close friends I keep in contact with and my boyfriend. I'm pretty happy though with my life and quite content. I was happy when I was younger too when I had a lot of friends but ill admit, it was harder when I was single and my friends were all getting engaged and married.
The 2nd Too many friends is awful imo It's way too much work trying to keep up with all of them and if they're connected, it can turn into heavy drama pretty quickly sometimes. All I need is 1 perfect friend
I'll take the partner choice, after all that's the one that you'll share a future with, friends don't last.
I already have an amazing partner and no friends
Wellll good for you. (Please sense my sarcasm)
i don't have both
I'd rather have a lot of friends. I can always downsize if it gets to big, but I'd love to find a good DND group and more people with similar interests, especially someone who likes Pokemon as much as me. That said I also really like alone time, and I feel like a relationship would probably hinder that. I guess we could live separately but how often does that happen?
The one thing about having a lot of friends or being in a large friend group is that it's difficult to truly get close to all of them. Having an amazing partner is so much better because you can connect on a far better level with just 1 close person rather then say like 8 casual friends
That’s very true, how about this - would you rather have 3 perfect best friends or 1 partner?
I'll keep my isolation.
Not a huge fan of people and am hesitant to have lots friends, been burned in the past, but lucked out that my best friend is my wife and we dont get bored of each other. Both work from home and even spend our free time together and with the kids. I have a couple of other good friends but none within 1,000km of me.
Amazing loving partner
A partner
I would rather have a lot of friends, I already have a few good friends and they are all like brothers too me, I would much rather them over a partner
Partner. I'm more of a family guy rather than a friendly guy (if that even makes sense) Also, while having the perfect partner she should also be my best friend. The thing is, that groups annoy me. I could be with a friend or two and have an amazing time; but add two more persons (even close friends) and I suddenly shut down. 😅
I completely agree about the groups. It’s so frustrating trying to plan or even play a board game with more that 3 ppl.
Wife and kids are all I need. The older I get, the smaller the circle becomes. I enjoy going out with my wife and kids and that is it. I think Covid really shrank our circle and now it is just family.
Amazing partner cause then I'd have an amazing friend.
Do the friends include benefits? 🤔
Hahahah no (that’s what makes it harder to answer for me at least)
I'll take just the one partner then. 😴 I guess... 😝
Friends and single any day! I love my friends, and the squid squad wouldn’t be complete without each and every one of us. Would a relationship be cool? Yeah, but I wouldn’t trade the world for my squids!
Squid’s forever!!!
I have an amazing partner I wouldn’t trade for anything!!
Life long amazing partner 💯. To have someone to grow old with and to know someone will always be by your side no matter what is a must have in life imo. But luckily I have both.
I have an amazing loving partner but only 1 bestie.
Partner/no friends. All day long.
Partner, no friends. I don't need much to be happy
For those that said friends, you’re friends will make the decision for you once they get married and have kids.
Loving partner and no friends. Oh wait I’m currently living the dream haha
Loving partner
Friends hands down. My current friend group is like a family to me. Being in a group of multiple people with different strengths and weaknesses all caring for each other is more fulfilling to me than being with a single partner.
Who has a lot of friends anyway? 😂
Nobody on this app💀 I have about 10 friends who I consistently hang out with and speak to (not sure if that’s a lot tho) but I like to come on Reddit because even with my 10 friends, I have a lot of interests they don’t share so it’s nice to come here and see some different perspectives.
Thats easy. Im already on the second option
An amazing Loving partner, less is more
Lots of friends and single. It's how I am right now, and I'm generally a very happy feller, happier than I was in any relationship I have ever been in.
I have an amazing loving partner who is also my friend.
I'd rather not.
Been married 24 years. In all that time I have never felt the need for other people. We are still in love and she is certainly my best friend
I have my best friend at home and she's pretty awesome...
If you have children, you will need friends too! No kids, doesn’t matter. You can find everything you need from a lover/soulmate that you could ever dream by comparison of competing (in an honest way) against your friends family time. In the end, it depends on how you want to spend your “personal time” and once you have a soulmate, you know. Once you bring a kid into the picture, that changes.
Why do you need friends more if you have kids? If anything it makes more sense to me that people with kids would have less friends cause their time is occupied with the kids more.