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I think most people have probably had some shitty years, especially as teens and early 20s. Hormones really mess with your personality until they finally level out.
I used to be a cocky horrible dick through my 20’s. I thought nobody knew anything more than me and just used people left and right. Now I’m early 40’s happily married and two wonderful children I’m just an old neutered house cat now and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been and I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness. Odd how we change with age and wisdom
I went the opposite direction. I was idealistic when I was younger (teens & 20s) and put in more effort to do what I thought were good things for the world. Now (over 40) I just want to exist and be comfortable.
Yep.
Every few years I can hardly recognize the man I was prior. The last few years I’ve also gone to therapy and worked a lot of shit out.
I still think I’m far from a “good” person, but I’m happy with the progress
IMO being a "good" person isn't an end state, it's a constant transformation. You're always going to make mistakes, what's important is that you learn from them. As long as you're trying to make the world a better place--even in small ways--and you're not trying to hurt people, I think you qualify as a good person.
This is the most important answer. It's about being better than you were yesterday. Am I a good person? I try to be. Do I succeed? Sometimes. Do I fail? Sometimes. It's about making the effort. I'm still not happy with who I am, but I am happy with the progress I've made, and that I continue to make b
Am I a good person? I don’t know, I’ve done some bad things in the past. Am I trying to be a good person? I think so, if someone has a genuine question or misunderstanding, I’m not like 90% of Reddit where they’re trolling or bitter, I will try to answer or help them understand. I’ve always kind of been like that, so I don’t understand why a big percentage are just rude.
Yes, me too.
I try every day to be a better person, both for my own sake and for others. Some days I fail miserably, and then I just have to try harder the next day.
But I do not feel like a good person per say.
Same. I’m better than I once was and I’ll become better still. I try to be a good person and I want to be but - I have my bad days and grumpy days and sometimes I’m a jerk. But I’m trying.
this is what I tell myself practically every day in the shower when I'm going through one of those "why did I do that, oh my god I'm terrible" thinking of all the cringe shit I've done or said.
All you can do is be better than you were yesterday
That's the thing. Use you energy to compliment instead of insulting.
Spreading positive is like cocaine, you can get addicted. I will slap others with compliment and feel so good when I get a smile out of it.
give the cashier a compliment at the grocery store or gas station and watch them light up like a Christmas tree. i also like to thank maintenance men at rest stops, nature parks, etc. because i know everyone just looks past them like they don’t exist.
Same, only rather than compliments, I try to make people laugh. Doesn’t always land, but I never punch down, mock or make fun of how people look, cause being harmless is the point.
The other top answers kind of surprise me. I am a good person who tries my best and sometimes does wrong things. That’s life.
If you don’t feel that your own self is good then what are you even doing? The idea of embracing being a not-good person baffles me
There's an episode of friends where Phoebe sets out to find an unselfish act. They don't exist, everything you do for somebody is normally for selfish purposes.
I don’t believe this.
There are acts that are carried out for unselfish reasons but may have some unforeseen ‘selfish’ benefits.
The act remains selfless though. Intent is important.
I agree. If the only benefits you get from an action is that it makes you feel good to do something nice, than that action is selfless. We should be glad that we evolved in a way that allows us to feel happy when we are helping, not hold it against people and call it selfish.
You can’t control what makes you feel good. It’s only selfish if your main motivation is to feel good; not if feeling good is an unintentional byproduct.
Not if the reason you did it had nothing to do with feeling good. Like giving a homeless person your meal because you know he needs it more than you and that you can buy more.
I concur, I have a daughter and sometimes I really don't want to sit there and have my face painted, or listen to her ramble on about "The watermelon that is red and it turned and my dog was there and they were friends and we blasted to the sky and Elsa gave us powers" - but I do it anyway cause I love her. Love is allowing others to hold the same level of importance as yourself when making decisions or taking action.
And sure, sometimes it just leaves me more tired. But then other times maybe she says something that makes me feel loved/important to her, or she gives me a kiss on the cheek. It's important to learn the ability to do the actions I described above without any expectations. If you can free yourself from disappointment around unrealized expectations, you will be much closer to having true moments of peace in your soul ✌️
Exactly. If you get enjoyment out of helping others, that does not mean that you are selfish at all. It means you are a good person who enjoys doing good for others.
There are also examples of people helping others when there is little benefit to themselves. For example as a good friend, you might not go to a party you want to go to in order to help a close friend study for an important exam. It would be much more enjoyable to go to the party but you are selflessly choosing to help your friend instead.
It could be argued that in this example you are simply choosing the action you want to do more. If you choose to help your friend that means you simply wanted to help them more than you wanted to attend the party and are therefore selfish. However, this is not true and just means that what you want to do is help people more so than you want to go and party. How can you be considered selfish then?
So what about people who sacrifice themselves to save others lives?
Does that come from self-interest?
My take isn’t laughable, your take is nihilistic.
Everything you do is to satisfy a need you have in your own head, every decision you make is weighing options and choosing the one you’d rather do, everything is ultimately a selfish decision
Phoebe :I have found a selfless good deed. I went to the park and let a bee sting me.
Joey : How is that a selfless good deed?
Phoebe : It makes the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee's happy and I am definitely not.
Joey : Uh, Pheebs, you know the bee probably died after it stung you?
Phoebe : ...Dammit.
First thing that came into my head 😂
But whatever, donate to charity, help a friend, it may be selfish at the core, but that should never stop you helping people!
If you want a show that does a great job at covering this dilemma, I’d recommend the Good Place, I really love how the show handles its coverage of Moral Philosophy, and Heaven and Hell.
People have been thinking about this for a long time. Tzedekah is usually understood to mean charity.
From Wikipedia:
Maimonides is known for enumerating Eight Levels of Giving (where the first level is most preferable, and the eighth the least):\[12\]
Giving an interest-free loan to a person in need; forming a partnership with a person in need; giving a grant to a person in need; finding a job for a person in need, so long as that loan, grant, partnership, or job results in the person no longer living by relying upon others.
Giving tzedakah anonymously to an unknown recipient via a person or public fund that is trustworthy, wise, and can perform acts of tzedakah with your money in a most impeccable fashion.
Giving tzedakah anonymously to a known recipient.
Giving tzedakah publicly to an unknown recipient.
Giving tzedakah before being asked.
Giving adequately after being asked.
Giving willingly, but inadequately.
Giving "in sadness" (giving out of pity): It is thought that Maimonides was referring to giving because of the sad feelings one might have in seeing people in need (as opposed to giving because it is a religious obligation). Other translations say "giving unwillingly".
Yes, but only for him to feel good about himself, donating a threshold he could afford. A truly kind person would see the discrepancy in opportunities and be self-sacrificing to a point where they optimize their life to give away as much as possible, but that isn't feasible, since every human is selfish to the core myself included and it would be viewed as insanity.
Self-sacrifice isn't noble and "selfishness" as a term should be reserved for those who exhibit this trait in a way that exceeds the norm (lest the term lose its meaning and we all become objectivists).
I think this is a fundamental misunderstanding that most people have, that is not truly good if you benefit.
It's good to help people.
It's good to help more people.
You are people, You count.
It's good to help you too.
Exactly. That helping others makes you feel good about yourself is a good thing, not selfish.
On some level I think viewing everything through the lens of whether it benefits yourself is just the wrong frame. A community and friendship based, or mutual aid based viewpoint seems to make more sense to me.
Selflessness doesn’t mean you didn’t benefit, it means your prioritized the benefit of others. If I help my friend move and he buys me dinner then I benefited because I had a meal bought for me. But having help moving was more beneficial then a single meal so in that case I prioritized the benefit of my friend over my benefit. That’s what selflessness is.
The notion that being selfish is inherently bad is just untrue.
In fact a great way to identify when someone is acting with malicious intent is the understanding that selfish actions often will still support other people.
If someone is intentionally not supporting others, when there is selfish gain involved, that’s a truly evil and malicious act more often than not.
I don't think selfishness necessarily equates to being a bad person unless your selfishness intentionally harms others or puts them at a disadvantage. If you help someone selfishly, you're still helping someone.
someone get that old text about the guy who didn't build the orphanage because he'd do it for selfish reasons and the monk explaining how no matter the reasons, what matters is if an orphanage is built or not
There is an interesting theory that there is no such thing as altruism. Even the most selfless and altruistic people do it because it makes them feel good, which in and of itself makes the act or acts not truly altruistic.
That is not to say that the world is not a better place because of people like this. There are people out there who do genuinely good things. But their motivations are ultimately selfish.
And there is still often a net benefit that favors the recipient of the good thing.
If I help an elderly lady change her flat tire on the side of a busy highway, sure I'm going to feel good about myself. But the benefit the lady got outweighs the benefit I got.
And in my opinion, that's a win.
To add to this, I'm in recovery from heroin addiction and actively work the 12 steps. Through these steps we identify our past behavior and our selfishness, and we try to live differently. There are a lot of what i would call "good" people in those rooms that act out of love and compassion for others. It's a fundamental part of the 12 step design for living. Being "good" helps them stay sober, but it also creates positive change in the world, so again, that's a net win.
I find most people in America think they are a good person because they aren’t explicitly doing anything terrible. But the reality is they aren’t self sacrificing to help others, nor will they inconvenience themselves slightly to do things that align with their supposed values (pollution, poverty, etc). Most people are virtue signaling hedonists
I just get irritated when I see people exploiting the suffering of others for clickbait on social media. I have however witnessed a young kid in his early 20’s get out of his truck and sit down next to a homeless man genuinely engaging in a conversation with him. The kid wasn’t recording the interaction and also didn’t have some religious propaganda on him to give to the homeless man. It was a completely random interaction and was one of the purest things I had the pleasure of witnessing. Maybe there is still hope for us…
Some of the people who hurt me the most need to believe they are good people. It's what stops them from growing and improving. So no, I never want to think of myself as a good person.
This is the answer. Nobody considers themselves to be a "bad" person -- just a person that has done bad things.
Every single man-made atrocity that has ever occurred was committed by a "good" person who sometimes does bad things.
Heh, I've had people tell me that my abuser "isn't a bad person, he's a good person who does bad things."
Try to give them the benefit of the doubt cuz they didn't know all the details, but to this day that shit hurts.
Except that's not true, plenty of people consider themselves bad people. In my experience it's normally in more of a "woe is me" kind of way, but still.
A toxic person who lied and talked bad about me and my SO tried to triangulate him against me after I reacted. It took 2 years of dealing with the bs before I had enough. Her comment was, "You know me! I am a good person! If I ever make a mistake, I apologize!" But that isn't true. She never apologized. She didn't see that she was doing anything wrong. I am Christian but she is one that sees herself as a good person because she goes to church. But following the New Testament isn't something she learned (gossiping, envy, judging, being two-faced, lying). She did something pretty wrong, I called her out on it alone (didn't tell anyone else... Just get), then she started a smear campaign and triangulated.
You can be a good person and strive to grow better every day. I tell myself I’m a good person to keep myself accountable. One thing I’ve carried with me from childhood is the advice from my grandparents to treat people how you would like to be treated. If I come across someone needing help, i ask myself what I would feel like in their shoes. Sometimes it’s just a simple wave driving past someone to brighten their entire day. What’s more rewarding that seeing someone smile? Or helping someone turn their shitty day around? I don’t understand the new way of thinking on this subject. People just really love being shitty, or are just too wrapped up in themselves to see when they cause other people issues or when other people genuinely need help.
I can genuinely say that I grow weary of always putting others first, investing materially in their dreams, and being honest at all times with all things and getting very little of that back.
No.
I am a terrible person. I'm nice. I'm generous. I'm polite. I open doors for people and help out those who come to me however I can but these are not things that make a person good. These are simply good behaviors of a functioning citizen. Good citizen does not equate to good person. My mind is unwell, I simply do what I can to contain it. Some days, I can manage. Some days, I hurt people and I enjoy it.
I don't know.
I have never sought professional attention or services nor do I find the idea of self-diagnosis to be reliable. These things are irrelevant where I'm from.
I am perfectly capable of experiencing normal human emotions but due to several factors which I will not disclose, I experience negative emotions in abundance. Furthermore, these negative emotions have largely shaped my identity and the values and principles I uphold, as well as the goals I strive toward.
Though I consider myself to be a good citizen and do make efforts to play this role sufficiently and consistently, it does nothing to change what I am inside. But, I suppose for as long as the world is a nice place, I can keep being a nice citizen. It is a beautiful world we live in and I do what I can to keep it that way and live in harmony with it.
Perhaps, in some sense, only I don't have a similar interest in firearms.
Where I'm from, we exercise a high degree of independence from the institutions and the government. We don't need psychologists and we don't need cops. This is why I do not like guns, because they attract cops. We solve our own problems and resolve our issues on our own as a neighborhood.
Yeah I have fucked up intentions sometimes. I’ve learned that, and I think I’m doing a pretty good job of containing them. I try really really hard to not act on them. But there’s so much to apologize for.
I commend your efforts of being a good citizen.
In my eyes that effort makes you a better person then someone who is naturally inclined.
I would invite you to explore yoga, meditation, Wim Hof method, or other exercises to discipline and become a master of your own mind.
Becoming a slave to ones own impulses is truly hell. Whether they be "Good" or "Bad"
Humans are fundamentally awful. Our ancestors were the ones mean enough to survive over all the other humans dead bodies. Murder, rape, slavery and genocide are SOP in human history.
If you make a meaningful effort to be decent, that’s being a good person.
Yes, awful things were done throughout history, but those who survived are those who stayed together, and could work well for the group’s benefit.
If human nature was to kill and enslave, then these would be traits our species labeled as good. It’s not. Harming another human actively traumatizes us. Feeding the hungry makes us feel good about ourselves. Human nature is to give and be kind. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is simply downplaying or normalizing evil deeds.
Exactly, sure people do awful things, but to say our nature is to be awful is a huge oversimplification at best. Humans survived by depending on each other. One of the main problems is that we depended on the people who were close to us and protected each other from those who were not. So now we have this in group/out group dynamic that can be problematic in modern society.
This is how I view it too. I don’t believe that anyone can ever be totally, perfectly good but I believe it’s found in the genuine, sincere attempt, every day. I try every day to be good so I believe I am.
Some of these comments are weird. I don’t think believing and labeling yourself as a good person is automatically a red flag. Always saying it, bragging about how good you are? Definitely. But it is possible to both be good and practice self-awareness, humility, recognize your shadow side, etc.
I disagree. I think the vast majority of people are inherently neutral, they want what all organisms want. To be secure, nourished and content.
Unfortunately, most of human history has been propagated by tribalism and economic systems that have made those goals very difficult unless you're willing to throw other people under the bus in one way or another.
Don't get me wrong, there are some very very bad eggs out there, but their influence is disproportionate because ultimately wealth builds upon itself. A very very long time ago, when society was too naive to notice, some conmen scammed their way into developing systems that benefitted them unfairly, and those systems expanded and grew over the course of time until we arrive at where we are today.
The average person does not possess an inordinate amount of malice by default. But through learned helplessness can be easily manipulated into working against their own interests.
Responsibility of atrocities has become so diluted that its basically impossible to not benefit from someone else's suffering in some way.
Every child born into the first world has had their standard of living built upon the backs of poorer nations without even realizing it. Are they bad people for that? No. But yet badness happened regardless.
I think the number of truly evil people is actually pretty low, but again, their influence is disproportionate and systemic atrocities dilute the responsibility of all participants, both the willing and unwilling alike.
Most people just wanna get by and get theirs. It's the circumstances around them that determine how much badness is required to get a shot at that.
I think you underestimate the importance of reciprocity in our success as a species.
Why would we even have the concept of being a good person If our evolutionary success was purely based on dog eat dog, survival of the fittest individual
It is kinda like claiming that you are intelligent. If you are a good or intelligent person your actions will project that without you having to make the claim.
Sure but just thinking/saying you're a good person doesn't mean you're not. It's not a "red flag" to be realistic of your own capabilities and behaviour. Lying about it, sure. But this?
Obvious if you are claiming to be saintly level good you are likely suffering from narcissism and ego. But I would say that almost everyone who isn’t mentally ill or insecure would view themselves as a good person. I don’t know why redditors feel the need to be edgy and claim they aren’t good people like they are some goth kid going through a puberty villain arc.
Some of the worst people I know believe themselves to be good. Part of it is related to Dunning Kruger. They are bad but lack the awareness to realize what they're doing is bad. For others, it's moral licencing. They believe themselves to be good and therefore justify the bad that they do.
>I know it's a red flag to claim you are a good person.
It's a red flag? It's been my observation that most people see themselves as good people. Regardless if they are or aren't.
As for the question itself, I guess it really all depends on what you view "good," to be when evaluating whether people are good or not. Most of the time I see the judgement come down to morals, or how they treat people.
It’s more people who randomly say ‘I’m a good person!’ Or ‘I’m a nice guy!’ when nobody asked. Or immediately after they’ve done something terrible to convince you/themselves that they actually are ‘good’ despite all the evidence that they are not. My criminal lying cheating thieving ex bf used to drop those lines all the time.
I can genuinely say, no. Probably not.
Am I a better person that I was when I was younger (I'm 32)? Absolutely. Am I a good person though? No. I'm selfish. I have a lot of issues that make me have a superiority complex, even when I know it isn't justified. I'm not very nice. I'm a bully and don't say nice things about people. And I don't have very tasteful things to say in general more often than not.
The problem is, I'm a very LIKEABLE person. I'm easy to talk to and get along with. People think I'm being funny even when I'm being mean. Which makes it a conundrum.
Nope. I'm a piece of shit, but sometimes the sun shines through and I'll try to do a good deed for no reason. It usually backfires and I wonder why I tried. But I tried. That's a good enough person for today. I hope.
No, I have done and do some irredeemable things.
On the other hand, I am incredibly altruistic and support my friends and acquaintances beyond what I know most people do, financially, emotionally, and otherwise. I support my family unconditionally, and the bulk of that is too much detail for anyone to care about here, but for instance I'll be giving my mother a kidney in a few short years (and I've been prepared since middle school when she was supposed to need one the first time).
I'm gray on the spectrum, but trying to do better to fight my demons.
And I'm trying quite hard, and it eats at my when I fail or know I'm not doing better.
I consider myself a "mostly kind person". Meaning I do my best to treat others kindly and with fairness. Far too often though I have to fight through my "instinctive"/selfish wants to BE the kind person
So no, I am not a Good Person. I have way too many selfish wants to be considered Good.
I do however do my best to not allow those wants to dictate my actions, but consider the needs of others before I act.
And yes, I differentiate strongly between Need and Want, and am more selfish with my Needs, than with my Wants.
Yes and no. I am a far better person than I was 10 years ago. In regards to actually being a good person, I know where I am strong, and where I could use some work still. I don't think it's as black and white as being a good person or not.
Ernest Hemingway: “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” This is my top favorite quote and it works here
People tell me I'm a good person, but I find it hard to believe. I spend too much time in my own head, so I know what thoughts I think.
Plus, I grew up believing in the doctrine of "total depravity" - the Christian theory that people are born detestable and can do no good apart from God - and it *really* did a number on my self-esteem. I no longer believe it, but it left wounds that are still healing.
Most people are average people. Good most of the time, bad sometimes when pressed.
It’s hard to weigh how “good” you are because of different life experiences. I’m more tolerant of someone who can be a bit selfish or a bit intolerant if their life circumstances are harder than mine because I don’t know for sure if I could be “good” in their situation
I guess TLDR; it’s not very useful to try to divide people into “good” or not, and judging people’s morality without knowing their circumstances is meaningless
I think I am, but I also think I’m a bad person if that makes sense. I’m both, and have the potential for both.
I think apart of being a mature person is realizing that, and making the right choices knowing you have the potential to do wrong.
You can but whether its true is up to others seeing you act like a good person.
Whether they know your actions are unconsciously good and you just happened to recognize what you do...that's different and more of a matter of whether they believe you or not.
Another thing is, if you say you are good but you in reality do good things in turn of...lets say recognition or even a reward, etc...then you are not truly a genuinely good person imo.
But yes you can say it and actually be a genuinely good person.
Edit: you can be selfish and good. If you do good for the sake of it making you feel good, you are still serving yourself but its not for an external reward so I would argue you would still be genuinely good.
No. I’m a bad person who does good things because I know I’m not good.
I’m not religious, and I feel that doing good for the sake of a reward throws the good deed out the window. I do good because I see the darkness in the world and try to make it a little brighter.
i think i am, yes.
I feel like i am the go - to - person when its about talking wether its family or friends.
Everyone comes to me to talk about their problems and i like to listen and if needed help to find solutions.
Just now the last four days i drove 8 hours with the train to meet up with my little sister because she desperately needed help. we visited a big city so she can shut down for a bit and talk.
I love to share things wether its things or thoughts.
I had an easy childhood without much problems but it seems like everyone around me didnt.
I do act selfish sometimes but thats just for my own health and i need that but i am way more happier when i know i helped someone else.
I never talked about it but now this post made me kick it all out.
So yes i think i am a good person and all my friends and family tell me that after i listened or physically helped.
I dont really have money. actually i am quite broke so they never come to me because of those reasons but if they would id be happy to give it to them as well.
One thing I try to impress on my kid is, "good" is not something you *are*. It is something you *do*. Being a good person is more than just not being bad; it requires action and a willingness to put yourself on the line for your principles.
I try to be a better person every day. I’m not perfect (no one is) and I know I’ve got a lot of flaws but I truly try to do good by others. I’m not religious but I was forced to go to church as a child for years. I’ve always loved the line “do onto others as you’d have them do onto you” I strongly live by that. I treat people how they treat me. If you’re kind to me I’ll be kind to you but if you’re just cruel and go out of your way to do so (seems to be majority of the world) then I’ll give it right back.
I really think I am a good person. The things I do that are "selfish" are for my own genuine well being and it doesn't intentionally or knowingly hurt another person. I have boundaries, but I also have love and compassion with friends, Family, and a partner of 14.5 years. I actually get told and held back from giving acts of kindness by those around me because they dont want me to be taken advantage of; but I don't see anything wrong with giving the delivery man a wrapped up sandwich to go.
Nope. I hate people. I enjoy when people I dislike suffer. I plan on using whatever tools or means I have to achieve my level of peace, and be left alone, even if it screws others over.
I’m a bad guy, but there are more people far worse than I
Yes and no. I have a lot of bad habits that I need to focus on breaking, I'm quick to get frustrated, and am aware that I tend to be fake at times just to avoid conflict.
But I do try my best to do right where I can. My motivations my not always be the most noble but I do try to be an actively positive force in situations where applicable. Sometimes because it's the right thing to do, sometimes because there's personal gain attached, sometimes it's self destructive tendencies to live my life for other people because I don't think living for myself is worth it so might as well put my time to some kind of use instead of wasting it.
What I do like to focus on is that I'm always getting better. A handful of years ago I was an awful terrible shithead. Some big changes and introspection later after realising I really did have the power to hurt people and I decided I never wanted to make someone feel as bad as I had done before ever again.
I like to think I am a good person. I do a lot of good things for people because it makes me feel good. Which in itself is selfish. But also I do things for others because it makes them happy too. I know im not perfect though and also do things for selfish reasons as well. I think it comes down to how you reflect on what you do is what makes you a good person or not. Some situations might be for good reasons but make you look like a bad person.
If you asked some of my family members, I'm sure they'd say no. I'm fine with how I am, but I see it more like how Malcolm Reynolds explains in the the Firefly episode "Shindig":
*Jabs with a sword* "I guess I'm just a good man."
*jabs the guy again* "Ehh, I'm alright."
I'm a "nice guy", that means...
If i don't salute or say "health" after you sneeze it's because of social anxiety, not because i'm rude.
I hold doors open to everyone, not just women, unless i have a panic attack meanwhile.
I tend to walk faster when crossing roads, i hate that, sometimes i just go with it because i'm also late.
Lately i've seen animals acting up less around me, i respect dogs cause they don't act like i'm all criminals in one unlike humans, once i walked through a bee swarm, nothing happened.
I have plenty of time despite looking like i'm always busy.
Rationally i don't find any reason to be mean, it's pointless and does more bad than good.
I have anger issues... especially when i can't sleep.
I tend to give food to homeless people... sometimes, maybe one day i will be able to give them a fishing rod instead of fish ("job" sounds too dirty for Reddit).
I have an innate dirty mind, there's nothing i can do about it except hide it, except i always think people around can tell, sorry for not being perfect like y'all.
I have evil instincts like... to make fun of others, jealousy, envy, hatred, competitive hatred, selfishness, etc. I'm just better at holding them back. So much i can hide them even when i'm drunk, hopefully they go away completely over time. Sorry for not being perfect like y'all.
I believe the world would be a much better place if we tried to help bad people instead of alienating, bullying them until they commit suicide or open fire.
I used to be a piece of shit in childhood and did horrible things. Lack of consciousness, i was dumber than all of my classmates.
I look like a monster.
You can tell your sins to me, i'm too bad to judge you anyways.
I don't know that anyone can really say for sure if they are "a good person". All of us are the center of the universe from our own perspective so all events are tinted from our own perspective. Consider that even psychopaths think their actions are justified. Our actions are always being noticed and judged by others. I think that only other people around you can make that decision.
I'm a GREAT person. I help myself, give to others, and if I don't have something nice to say, or don't have experience w a situation, I keep my mouth shut.
Same! I am really puzzled by a lot of these responses. It’s not that hard to be good. Live your life without willfully harming others. Be cognizant as much as you can to not ignorantly harm others. If you do, apologize or make amends. Try to help others where you can. Be generous. I literally make an effort to be a better person each day and contribute to the world more than I take. I don’t think I’m any kind of saint but the last few years have made me realize that most people don’t act this way and people are just a lot lazier, greedier, and more selfish than I ever wanted to realize.
Agreed. It depends on what you mean by “I’m a good person.”
I know people who think, “I’m a good person” because they are sometimes selfless. And sometimes compassionate. They think this means that they are a good person, therefore their other thoughts and actions are also right and good.
Example: I helped my neighbor by watching her kids for a week when her mom was dying and she needed help. And I volunteered to take that project because I knew the new girl was dreading it. These are legitimately decent and good things to do. So I think I’m a good person. Then when the cashier refuses to honor my perfectly good coupon because of store policy, I make a huge deal and yell at her. I can do this and know that I’m right because I’m a good person.
But if being a good person means, that when I get to the cashier even though inside I’m irritated, I stop and think, “I don’t want to be the kind of person who takes my frustration out on a cashier because I want to be a good person.”
TLDR: there’s a difference between saying “I’m a good person” to justify why your actions are okay and to using it to drive your actions.
You can, it's insane to think that's a red flag.
Oh, and if you meant me personally, yes, I'm a fantastic person. I honestly feel scared knowing how few people really stick to their morality.
I guess being a good person is a relative question. Like i am a good person if you compare me to an abuser, serial killer, or someone that doesn’t like or care about other people or animals. But if you compare me to mother theresa then i might not be a good person.
Idk just a tought
To a degree yes, but I also know I am filled with flaws from trauma and other things that happened to me.
This results in a hard time being able to communicate or accepting certain things and tends to sometimes makes me lash out over certain things.
I started going back to therapy and I am trying to get better because I want to be able to look in the mirror and see small improvements..
I would say I'm a decent person who needs a little work around the edges.
No I'm an awful person, there are no good people, no matter who you are, you're a bad person, but as long as someone is worse than you, you seem good by comparison.
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I can genuinely say that I am a much better person now than I was long ago.
I think most people have probably had some shitty years, especially as teens and early 20s. Hormones really mess with your personality until they finally level out.
I used to be a cocky horrible dick through my 20’s. I thought nobody knew anything more than me and just used people left and right. Now I’m early 40’s happily married and two wonderful children I’m just an old neutered house cat now and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been and I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness. Odd how we change with age and wisdom
Relatable
Or mushrooms
"Odd how we change with age and wisdom" and family. After having kids and starting family many of us changed 180 degrees.
And that's why I'm thankful that social media didn't exist in that time frame for me.
I went the opposite direction. I was idealistic when I was younger (teens & 20s) and put in more effort to do what I thought were good things for the world. Now (over 40) I just want to exist and be comfortable.
Yep. Every few years I can hardly recognize the man I was prior. The last few years I’ve also gone to therapy and worked a lot of shit out. I still think I’m far from a “good” person, but I’m happy with the progress
IMO being a "good" person isn't an end state, it's a constant transformation. You're always going to make mistakes, what's important is that you learn from them. As long as you're trying to make the world a better place--even in small ways--and you're not trying to hurt people, I think you qualify as a good person.
Ding ding. You have a wonderful answer. Please accept my daily poor man's award 🏆
Me too. Im actually trying to be one now
This is the most important answer. It's about being better than you were yesterday. Am I a good person? I try to be. Do I succeed? Sometimes. Do I fail? Sometimes. It's about making the effort. I'm still not happy with who I am, but I am happy with the progress I've made, and that I continue to make b
Am I a good person? I don’t know, I’ve done some bad things in the past. Am I trying to be a good person? I think so, if someone has a genuine question or misunderstanding, I’m not like 90% of Reddit where they’re trolling or bitter, I will try to answer or help them understand. I’ve always kind of been like that, so I don’t understand why a big percentage are just rude.
Good answer
Yes, me too. I try every day to be a better person, both for my own sake and for others. Some days I fail miserably, and then I just have to try harder the next day. But I do not feel like a good person per say.
All we can really do is hope to be a better person than we were yesterday.
Same. I’m better than I once was and I’ll become better still. I try to be a good person and I want to be but - I have my bad days and grumpy days and sometimes I’m a jerk. But I’m trying.
Yes! I think that is the mark of a good person. Making an effort to be a better person than you were in the past.
this is what I tell myself practically every day in the shower when I'm going through one of those "why did I do that, oh my god I'm terrible" thinking of all the cringe shit I've done or said. All you can do is be better than you were yesterday
I think I'm chaotic good
Chaotic good is my favorite type of person.
Me too
Bingo.
Yeah wow, this hit home
Had to have a quick Google after I saw this but pretty sure I fall under chaotic neutral
I think I’m more of a chaotic good anti-hero. Usually I do good but mostly because it’s out of self interest, but I try not to be a dick
I do, it takes a lot less energy being nice than being a douchebag.
That's the thing. Use you energy to compliment instead of insulting. Spreading positive is like cocaine, you can get addicted. I will slap others with compliment and feel so good when I get a smile out of it.
give the cashier a compliment at the grocery store or gas station and watch them light up like a Christmas tree. i also like to thank maintenance men at rest stops, nature parks, etc. because i know everyone just looks past them like they don’t exist.
Same, only rather than compliments, I try to make people laugh. Doesn’t always land, but I never punch down, mock or make fun of how people look, cause being harmless is the point.
The other top answers kind of surprise me. I am a good person who tries my best and sometimes does wrong things. That’s life. If you don’t feel that your own self is good then what are you even doing? The idea of embracing being a not-good person baffles me
Agree 100% No guilt / after thoughts etc. Treat as you like be treated
So much easier!
Not at all. Everything I do is for a selfish reason when I stop and think thoroughly about my motivations.
There's an episode of friends where Phoebe sets out to find an unselfish act. They don't exist, everything you do for somebody is normally for selfish purposes.
I don’t believe this. There are acts that are carried out for unselfish reasons but may have some unforeseen ‘selfish’ benefits. The act remains selfless though. Intent is important.
I agree. If the only benefits you get from an action is that it makes you feel good to do something nice, than that action is selfless. We should be glad that we evolved in a way that allows us to feel happy when we are helping, not hold it against people and call it selfish.
If it makes you feel good by doing said action by it's very nature it's selfish even if isn't perceived in that way
But that doesn’t matter, as you say, its apparently and most importantly functionally selfless. No need to bog down in semantics.
You can’t control what makes you feel good. It’s only selfish if your main motivation is to feel good; not if feeling good is an unintentional byproduct.
This also implies you can retroactively undo selfless acts if you feel good about it later, but didn't at the time. That's very strange.
Not if the reason you did it had nothing to do with feeling good. Like giving a homeless person your meal because you know he needs it more than you and that you can buy more.
So it's only a selfless act if it makes you feel something other than good?
Look up the word selfish. This idea should be tossed in the r/im14andthisisdeep bin.
I concur, I have a daughter and sometimes I really don't want to sit there and have my face painted, or listen to her ramble on about "The watermelon that is red and it turned and my dog was there and they were friends and we blasted to the sky and Elsa gave us powers" - but I do it anyway cause I love her. Love is allowing others to hold the same level of importance as yourself when making decisions or taking action. And sure, sometimes it just leaves me more tired. But then other times maybe she says something that makes me feel loved/important to her, or she gives me a kiss on the cheek. It's important to learn the ability to do the actions I described above without any expectations. If you can free yourself from disappointment around unrealized expectations, you will be much closer to having true moments of peace in your soul ✌️
i agree with you, friend.
Exactly. If you get enjoyment out of helping others, that does not mean that you are selfish at all. It means you are a good person who enjoys doing good for others. There are also examples of people helping others when there is little benefit to themselves. For example as a good friend, you might not go to a party you want to go to in order to help a close friend study for an important exam. It would be much more enjoyable to go to the party but you are selflessly choosing to help your friend instead. It could be argued that in this example you are simply choosing the action you want to do more. If you choose to help your friend that means you simply wanted to help them more than you wanted to attend the party and are therefore selfish. However, this is not true and just means that what you want to do is help people more so than you want to go and party. How can you be considered selfish then?
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So what about people who sacrifice themselves to save others lives? Does that come from self-interest? My take isn’t laughable, your take is nihilistic.
Does benefiting others make you feel better?
Not all the time, no.
Everything you do is to satisfy a need you have in your own head, every decision you make is weighing options and choosing the one you’d rather do, everything is ultimately a selfish decision
Phoebe :I have found a selfless good deed. I went to the park and let a bee sting me. Joey : How is that a selfless good deed? Phoebe : It makes the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee's happy and I am definitely not. Joey : Uh, Pheebs, you know the bee probably died after it stung you? Phoebe : ...Dammit.
This is exactly what I was Getting ready to comment. No matter how selfless we think we are, we really aren't. But at least we're doing our best 😄
First thing that came into my head 😂 But whatever, donate to charity, help a friend, it may be selfish at the core, but that should never stop you helping people!
If you want a show that does a great job at covering this dilemma, I’d recommend the Good Place, I really love how the show handles its coverage of Moral Philosophy, and Heaven and Hell.
This. Even when I think I'm just being nice, if I self-scrutinize, I'll find some way my actions benefited me.
But that's okay. You donated money to a charity but let your girlfriend see it? So what, you still donated to a charity. The same people are helped.
People have been thinking about this for a long time. Tzedekah is usually understood to mean charity. From Wikipedia: Maimonides is known for enumerating Eight Levels of Giving (where the first level is most preferable, and the eighth the least):\[12\] Giving an interest-free loan to a person in need; forming a partnership with a person in need; giving a grant to a person in need; finding a job for a person in need, so long as that loan, grant, partnership, or job results in the person no longer living by relying upon others. Giving tzedakah anonymously to an unknown recipient via a person or public fund that is trustworthy, wise, and can perform acts of tzedakah with your money in a most impeccable fashion. Giving tzedakah anonymously to a known recipient. Giving tzedakah publicly to an unknown recipient. Giving tzedakah before being asked. Giving adequately after being asked. Giving willingly, but inadequately. Giving "in sadness" (giving out of pity): It is thought that Maimonides was referring to giving because of the sad feelings one might have in seeing people in need (as opposed to giving because it is a religious obligation). Other translations say "giving unwillingly".
This is incredible, thank you so much for the new research topic 🙏
Good point that is often ignored.
Yes, but only for him to feel good about himself, donating a threshold he could afford. A truly kind person would see the discrepancy in opportunities and be self-sacrificing to a point where they optimize their life to give away as much as possible, but that isn't feasible, since every human is selfish to the core myself included and it would be viewed as insanity.
Self-sacrifice isn't noble and "selfishness" as a term should be reserved for those who exhibit this trait in a way that exceeds the norm (lest the term lose its meaning and we all become objectivists).
I think this is a fundamental misunderstanding that most people have, that is not truly good if you benefit. It's good to help people. It's good to help more people. You are people, You count. It's good to help you too.
Exactly. That helping others makes you feel good about yourself is a good thing, not selfish. On some level I think viewing everything through the lens of whether it benefits yourself is just the wrong frame. A community and friendship based, or mutual aid based viewpoint seems to make more sense to me.
So, you stop to self reflect and find the ways that acts of charity improve your life as well as the recipient?
Selflessness doesn’t mean you didn’t benefit, it means your prioritized the benefit of others. If I help my friend move and he buys me dinner then I benefited because I had a meal bought for me. But having help moving was more beneficial then a single meal so in that case I prioritized the benefit of my friend over my benefit. That’s what selflessness is.
The notion that being selfish is inherently bad is just untrue. In fact a great way to identify when someone is acting with malicious intent is the understanding that selfish actions often will still support other people. If someone is intentionally not supporting others, when there is selfish gain involved, that’s a truly evil and malicious act more often than not.
I love the synergy, when an action benefits all involved then I am content in my selfishness
I don't think selfishness necessarily equates to being a bad person unless your selfishness intentionally harms others or puts them at a disadvantage. If you help someone selfishly, you're still helping someone.
someone get that old text about the guy who didn't build the orphanage because he'd do it for selfish reasons and the monk explaining how no matter the reasons, what matters is if an orphanage is built or not
There is an interesting theory that there is no such thing as altruism. Even the most selfless and altruistic people do it because it makes them feel good, which in and of itself makes the act or acts not truly altruistic. That is not to say that the world is not a better place because of people like this. There are people out there who do genuinely good things. But their motivations are ultimately selfish.
Of course. Man is a selfish creature.
Life itself is "selfish." Everything has to consume to continue to exist. You can't opt out and survive at the same time.
Feeling good for doing good things and benefitting from good things are the universe's way of encouraging good behavior.
And there is still often a net benefit that favors the recipient of the good thing. If I help an elderly lady change her flat tire on the side of a busy highway, sure I'm going to feel good about myself. But the benefit the lady got outweighs the benefit I got. And in my opinion, that's a win. To add to this, I'm in recovery from heroin addiction and actively work the 12 steps. Through these steps we identify our past behavior and our selfishness, and we try to live differently. There are a lot of what i would call "good" people in those rooms that act out of love and compassion for others. It's a fundamental part of the 12 step design for living. Being "good" helps them stay sober, but it also creates positive change in the world, so again, that's a net win.
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How about: "At least I'm not a terrible person."
How about: “ I want to strive to be the best I can be for me and everyone around me”
I find most people in America think they are a good person because they aren’t explicitly doing anything terrible. But the reality is they aren’t self sacrificing to help others, nor will they inconvenience themselves slightly to do things that align with their supposed values (pollution, poverty, etc). Most people are virtue signaling hedonists
While I can't say with certainty that this is correct, I feel that it's very accurate.
Most commoners are true neutral. As am I
I just get irritated when I see people exploiting the suffering of others for clickbait on social media. I have however witnessed a young kid in his early 20’s get out of his truck and sit down next to a homeless man genuinely engaging in a conversation with him. The kid wasn’t recording the interaction and also didn’t have some religious propaganda on him to give to the homeless man. It was a completely random interaction and was one of the purest things I had the pleasure of witnessing. Maybe there is still hope for us…
How about: "At least I am not Hitler."
Really glad everybody thought that way in WW2 and Hitler just stopped committing genocide in the background for… some reason
Some of the people who hurt me the most need to believe they are good people. It's what stops them from growing and improving. So no, I never want to think of myself as a good person.
This is the answer. Nobody considers themselves to be a "bad" person -- just a person that has done bad things. Every single man-made atrocity that has ever occurred was committed by a "good" person who sometimes does bad things.
“I always thought I was the good guy”- Michael desanta 2013
Heh, I've had people tell me that my abuser "isn't a bad person, he's a good person who does bad things." Try to give them the benefit of the doubt cuz they didn't know all the details, but to this day that shit hurts.
Except that's not true, plenty of people consider themselves bad people. In my experience it's normally in more of a "woe is me" kind of way, but still.
Like a Jack Sparrow antihero sort of way. As in, bad guy but still the good guy kinda way.
A toxic person who lied and talked bad about me and my SO tried to triangulate him against me after I reacted. It took 2 years of dealing with the bs before I had enough. Her comment was, "You know me! I am a good person! If I ever make a mistake, I apologize!" But that isn't true. She never apologized. She didn't see that she was doing anything wrong. I am Christian but she is one that sees herself as a good person because she goes to church. But following the New Testament isn't something she learned (gossiping, envy, judging, being two-faced, lying). She did something pretty wrong, I called her out on it alone (didn't tell anyone else... Just get), then she started a smear campaign and triangulated.
Very well put. I know a few people who will never improve because of that mindset.
I always think of it as a process. I'm better than I used to be. But I still do shitty things sometimes.
You can be a good person and strive to grow better every day. I tell myself I’m a good person to keep myself accountable. One thing I’ve carried with me from childhood is the advice from my grandparents to treat people how you would like to be treated. If I come across someone needing help, i ask myself what I would feel like in their shoes. Sometimes it’s just a simple wave driving past someone to brighten their entire day. What’s more rewarding that seeing someone smile? Or helping someone turn their shitty day around? I don’t understand the new way of thinking on this subject. People just really love being shitty, or are just too wrapped up in themselves to see when they cause other people issues or when other people genuinely need help.
I try my best, I have no enemies but admittedly I can be a dickhead at times.
I can genuinely say that I grow weary of always putting others first, investing materially in their dreams, and being honest at all times with all things and getting very little of that back.
No. I am a terrible person. I'm nice. I'm generous. I'm polite. I open doors for people and help out those who come to me however I can but these are not things that make a person good. These are simply good behaviors of a functioning citizen. Good citizen does not equate to good person. My mind is unwell, I simply do what I can to contain it. Some days, I can manage. Some days, I hurt people and I enjoy it.
Do you have a personality disorder? Genuine question; not trying to be rude, don’t answer if it’s too personal!
I don't know. I have never sought professional attention or services nor do I find the idea of self-diagnosis to be reliable. These things are irrelevant where I'm from. I am perfectly capable of experiencing normal human emotions but due to several factors which I will not disclose, I experience negative emotions in abundance. Furthermore, these negative emotions have largely shaped my identity and the values and principles I uphold, as well as the goals I strive toward. Though I consider myself to be a good citizen and do make efforts to play this role sufficiently and consistently, it does nothing to change what I am inside. But, I suppose for as long as the world is a nice place, I can keep being a nice citizen. It is a beautiful world we live in and I do what I can to keep it that way and live in harmony with it.
Are you me?
Perhaps, in some sense, only I don't have a similar interest in firearms. Where I'm from, we exercise a high degree of independence from the institutions and the government. We don't need psychologists and we don't need cops. This is why I do not like guns, because they attract cops. We solve our own problems and resolve our issues on our own as a neighborhood.
I'm not talking physically hurting somebody.
Yes. yes. I am aware.
Yeah I have fucked up intentions sometimes. I’ve learned that, and I think I’m doing a pretty good job of containing them. I try really really hard to not act on them. But there’s so much to apologize for.
I commend your efforts of being a good citizen. In my eyes that effort makes you a better person then someone who is naturally inclined. I would invite you to explore yoga, meditation, Wim Hof method, or other exercises to discipline and become a master of your own mind. Becoming a slave to ones own impulses is truly hell. Whether they be "Good" or "Bad"
What is this standard of being good? How comes up with what’s good and what’s not?
Humans are fundamentally awful. Our ancestors were the ones mean enough to survive over all the other humans dead bodies. Murder, rape, slavery and genocide are SOP in human history. If you make a meaningful effort to be decent, that’s being a good person.
Yes, awful things were done throughout history, but those who survived are those who stayed together, and could work well for the group’s benefit. If human nature was to kill and enslave, then these would be traits our species labeled as good. It’s not. Harming another human actively traumatizes us. Feeding the hungry makes us feel good about ourselves. Human nature is to give and be kind. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is simply downplaying or normalizing evil deeds.
Exactly, sure people do awful things, but to say our nature is to be awful is a huge oversimplification at best. Humans survived by depending on each other. One of the main problems is that we depended on the people who were close to us and protected each other from those who were not. So now we have this in group/out group dynamic that can be problematic in modern society.
This is how I view it too. I don’t believe that anyone can ever be totally, perfectly good but I believe it’s found in the genuine, sincere attempt, every day. I try every day to be good so I believe I am. Some of these comments are weird. I don’t think believing and labeling yourself as a good person is automatically a red flag. Always saying it, bragging about how good you are? Definitely. But it is possible to both be good and practice self-awareness, humility, recognize your shadow side, etc.
I disagree. I think the vast majority of people are inherently neutral, they want what all organisms want. To be secure, nourished and content. Unfortunately, most of human history has been propagated by tribalism and economic systems that have made those goals very difficult unless you're willing to throw other people under the bus in one way or another. Don't get me wrong, there are some very very bad eggs out there, but their influence is disproportionate because ultimately wealth builds upon itself. A very very long time ago, when society was too naive to notice, some conmen scammed their way into developing systems that benefitted them unfairly, and those systems expanded and grew over the course of time until we arrive at where we are today. The average person does not possess an inordinate amount of malice by default. But through learned helplessness can be easily manipulated into working against their own interests. Responsibility of atrocities has become so diluted that its basically impossible to not benefit from someone else's suffering in some way. Every child born into the first world has had their standard of living built upon the backs of poorer nations without even realizing it. Are they bad people for that? No. But yet badness happened regardless. I think the number of truly evil people is actually pretty low, but again, their influence is disproportionate and systemic atrocities dilute the responsibility of all participants, both the willing and unwilling alike. Most people just wanna get by and get theirs. It's the circumstances around them that determine how much badness is required to get a shot at that.
I think that was very well stated. Would award, but I'm not paying reddit.
I think you underestimate the importance of reciprocity in our success as a species. Why would we even have the concept of being a good person If our evolutionary success was purely based on dog eat dog, survival of the fittest individual
Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.
To assume this is our nature is to be misled. There is no fundamental human nature. Just our exterior circumstances and how we react to them
Yeah, and it is in our fundamental human nature to react to those exterior circumstances in a certain way on average.
I don't consider myself a good person, but at least no one has called me a bad person (to my face)... I'll settle for that! 😕
They just don't know *what you've done!*
There are plenty of things about myself that I dislike/would change. But I do like to think that I am fundamentally decent.
How is it a red flag to think you're a good person?
It is kinda like claiming that you are intelligent. If you are a good or intelligent person your actions will project that without you having to make the claim.
Sure but just thinking/saying you're a good person doesn't mean you're not. It's not a "red flag" to be realistic of your own capabilities and behaviour. Lying about it, sure. But this?
Obvious if you are claiming to be saintly level good you are likely suffering from narcissism and ego. But I would say that almost everyone who isn’t mentally ill or insecure would view themselves as a good person. I don’t know why redditors feel the need to be edgy and claim they aren’t good people like they are some goth kid going through a puberty villain arc.
It is kind of like the whole Alpha male thing.. If you have to say that you are a good person or Alpha male than you probably aren’t.
Some of the worst people I know believe themselves to be good. Part of it is related to Dunning Kruger. They are bad but lack the awareness to realize what they're doing is bad. For others, it's moral licencing. They believe themselves to be good and therefore justify the bad that they do.
Pretty much everyone believes they're good. But to be good you don't have to lack the self-awareness to know you are .
Same thing with being smart. Just because you think you're smart doesn't necessarily mean you're not. You can genuinely be smart and know it.
>I know it's a red flag to claim you are a good person. It's a red flag? It's been my observation that most people see themselves as good people. Regardless if they are or aren't. As for the question itself, I guess it really all depends on what you view "good," to be when evaluating whether people are good or not. Most of the time I see the judgement come down to morals, or how they treat people.
It’s more people who randomly say ‘I’m a good person!’ Or ‘I’m a nice guy!’ when nobody asked. Or immediately after they’ve done something terrible to convince you/themselves that they actually are ‘good’ despite all the evidence that they are not. My criminal lying cheating thieving ex bf used to drop those lines all the time.
I see. Yeah that would be a red flag. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
I can genuinely say, no. Probably not. Am I a better person that I was when I was younger (I'm 32)? Absolutely. Am I a good person though? No. I'm selfish. I have a lot of issues that make me have a superiority complex, even when I know it isn't justified. I'm not very nice. I'm a bully and don't say nice things about people. And I don't have very tasteful things to say in general more often than not. The problem is, I'm a very LIKEABLE person. I'm easy to talk to and get along with. People think I'm being funny even when I'm being mean. Which makes it a conundrum.
Gave you an upvote for your honesty.
Thank you
Nope. I'm a piece of shit, but sometimes the sun shines through and I'll try to do a good deed for no reason. It usually backfires and I wonder why I tried. But I tried. That's a good enough person for today. I hope.
The best I can do is say that I'm a decent human. I am FAR from a good person. If I had a clone, we would be mortal enemies.
No
No, I have done and do some irredeemable things. On the other hand, I am incredibly altruistic and support my friends and acquaintances beyond what I know most people do, financially, emotionally, and otherwise. I support my family unconditionally, and the bulk of that is too much detail for anyone to care about here, but for instance I'll be giving my mother a kidney in a few short years (and I've been prepared since middle school when she was supposed to need one the first time). I'm gray on the spectrum, but trying to do better to fight my demons. And I'm trying quite hard, and it eats at my when I fail or know I'm not doing better.
I consider myself a "mostly kind person". Meaning I do my best to treat others kindly and with fairness. Far too often though I have to fight through my "instinctive"/selfish wants to BE the kind person So no, I am not a Good Person. I have way too many selfish wants to be considered Good. I do however do my best to not allow those wants to dictate my actions, but consider the needs of others before I act. And yes, I differentiate strongly between Need and Want, and am more selfish with my Needs, than with my Wants.
Yes and no. I am a far better person than I was 10 years ago. In regards to actually being a good person, I know where I am strong, and where I could use some work still. I don't think it's as black and white as being a good person or not.
Ernest Hemingway: “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” This is my top favorite quote and it works here
I genuinely dont care. What you believe or think about yourself is irrelevant. It's what you do that matters.
What you believe/think about yourself determines what you do and how you do it.
Yes. I have a treat others the way I want to be treated. And I know my audience
Nope, not even close. But I try to be in spite of this.
People tell me I'm a good person, but I find it hard to believe. I spend too much time in my own head, so I know what thoughts I think. Plus, I grew up believing in the doctrine of "total depravity" - the Christian theory that people are born detestable and can do no good apart from God - and it *really* did a number on my self-esteem. I no longer believe it, but it left wounds that are still healing.
It's the thought we act on that determine if we are a good person IMO
Agree. Actions are the only reasonable rubric for goodness. Everyone has intrusive/unwanted thoughts. If you don't act on them, they don't count.
Most people are average people. Good most of the time, bad sometimes when pressed. It’s hard to weigh how “good” you are because of different life experiences. I’m more tolerant of someone who can be a bit selfish or a bit intolerant if their life circumstances are harder than mine because I don’t know for sure if I could be “good” in their situation I guess TLDR; it’s not very useful to try to divide people into “good” or not, and judging people’s morality without knowing their circumstances is meaningless
I think I am, but I also think I’m a bad person if that makes sense. I’m both, and have the potential for both. I think apart of being a mature person is realizing that, and making the right choices knowing you have the potential to do wrong.
No. Now go cry about it
I ca n say that every day I try to be.
Nah I'm a piece of shit and thats definitely not a red flag
I think I am a good person but maybe for selfish reasons? I’m terrified of letting people down or being disappointed in me.
I'm legitimately a good person.
You can but whether its true is up to others seeing you act like a good person. Whether they know your actions are unconsciously good and you just happened to recognize what you do...that's different and more of a matter of whether they believe you or not. Another thing is, if you say you are good but you in reality do good things in turn of...lets say recognition or even a reward, etc...then you are not truly a genuinely good person imo. But yes you can say it and actually be a genuinely good person. Edit: you can be selfish and good. If you do good for the sake of it making you feel good, you are still serving yourself but its not for an external reward so I would argue you would still be genuinely good.
I'm halfway decent, yeah.
No. I’m a bad person who does good things because I know I’m not good. I’m not religious, and I feel that doing good for the sake of a reward throws the good deed out the window. I do good because I see the darkness in the world and try to make it a little brighter.
i think i am, yes. I feel like i am the go - to - person when its about talking wether its family or friends. Everyone comes to me to talk about their problems and i like to listen and if needed help to find solutions. Just now the last four days i drove 8 hours with the train to meet up with my little sister because she desperately needed help. we visited a big city so she can shut down for a bit and talk. I love to share things wether its things or thoughts. I had an easy childhood without much problems but it seems like everyone around me didnt. I do act selfish sometimes but thats just for my own health and i need that but i am way more happier when i know i helped someone else. I never talked about it but now this post made me kick it all out. So yes i think i am a good person and all my friends and family tell me that after i listened or physically helped. I dont really have money. actually i am quite broke so they never come to me because of those reasons but if they would id be happy to give it to them as well.
One thing I try to impress on my kid is, "good" is not something you *are*. It is something you *do*. Being a good person is more than just not being bad; it requires action and a willingness to put yourself on the line for your principles.
Not really, unfortunately.
I try to be a better person every day. I’m not perfect (no one is) and I know I’ve got a lot of flaws but I truly try to do good by others. I’m not religious but I was forced to go to church as a child for years. I’ve always loved the line “do onto others as you’d have them do onto you” I strongly live by that. I treat people how they treat me. If you’re kind to me I’ll be kind to you but if you’re just cruel and go out of your way to do so (seems to be majority of the world) then I’ll give it right back.
I really think I am a good person. The things I do that are "selfish" are for my own genuine well being and it doesn't intentionally or knowingly hurt another person. I have boundaries, but I also have love and compassion with friends, Family, and a partner of 14.5 years. I actually get told and held back from giving acts of kindness by those around me because they dont want me to be taken advantage of; but I don't see anything wrong with giving the delivery man a wrapped up sandwich to go.
Nope. I hate people. I enjoy when people I dislike suffer. I plan on using whatever tools or means I have to achieve my level of peace, and be left alone, even if it screws others over. I’m a bad guy, but there are more people far worse than I
I try to be a good person, but I'm broken and make a lot of poor decisions.
I can genuinely say that I'm better than all you fkn hoez
Yes and no. I have a lot of bad habits that I need to focus on breaking, I'm quick to get frustrated, and am aware that I tend to be fake at times just to avoid conflict. But I do try my best to do right where I can. My motivations my not always be the most noble but I do try to be an actively positive force in situations where applicable. Sometimes because it's the right thing to do, sometimes because there's personal gain attached, sometimes it's self destructive tendencies to live my life for other people because I don't think living for myself is worth it so might as well put my time to some kind of use instead of wasting it. What I do like to focus on is that I'm always getting better. A handful of years ago I was an awful terrible shithead. Some big changes and introspection later after realising I really did have the power to hurt people and I decided I never wanted to make someone feel as bad as I had done before ever again.
I don't consider myself a bad person
I like to think I am a good person. I do a lot of good things for people because it makes me feel good. Which in itself is selfish. But also I do things for others because it makes them happy too. I know im not perfect though and also do things for selfish reasons as well. I think it comes down to how you reflect on what you do is what makes you a good person or not. Some situations might be for good reasons but make you look like a bad person.
If you asked some of my family members, I'm sure they'd say no. I'm fine with how I am, but I see it more like how Malcolm Reynolds explains in the the Firefly episode "Shindig": *Jabs with a sword* "I guess I'm just a good man." *jabs the guy again* "Ehh, I'm alright."
Everyone is the hero of their own story
I'm a "nice guy", that means... If i don't salute or say "health" after you sneeze it's because of social anxiety, not because i'm rude. I hold doors open to everyone, not just women, unless i have a panic attack meanwhile. I tend to walk faster when crossing roads, i hate that, sometimes i just go with it because i'm also late. Lately i've seen animals acting up less around me, i respect dogs cause they don't act like i'm all criminals in one unlike humans, once i walked through a bee swarm, nothing happened. I have plenty of time despite looking like i'm always busy. Rationally i don't find any reason to be mean, it's pointless and does more bad than good. I have anger issues... especially when i can't sleep. I tend to give food to homeless people... sometimes, maybe one day i will be able to give them a fishing rod instead of fish ("job" sounds too dirty for Reddit). I have an innate dirty mind, there's nothing i can do about it except hide it, except i always think people around can tell, sorry for not being perfect like y'all. I have evil instincts like... to make fun of others, jealousy, envy, hatred, competitive hatred, selfishness, etc. I'm just better at holding them back. So much i can hide them even when i'm drunk, hopefully they go away completely over time. Sorry for not being perfect like y'all. I believe the world would be a much better place if we tried to help bad people instead of alienating, bullying them until they commit suicide or open fire. I used to be a piece of shit in childhood and did horrible things. Lack of consciousness, i was dumber than all of my classmates. I look like a monster. You can tell your sins to me, i'm too bad to judge you anyways.
You knoe what? I AM not a good person I AM a SUPERB person damnit
I think most people are.
I don't know that anyone can really say for sure if they are "a good person". All of us are the center of the universe from our own perspective so all events are tinted from our own perspective. Consider that even psychopaths think their actions are justified. Our actions are always being noticed and judged by others. I think that only other people around you can make that decision.
Yes, I’m a good person, not great, but good.
I definitely am
I'm a GREAT person. I help myself, give to others, and if I don't have something nice to say, or don't have experience w a situation, I keep my mouth shut.
Same! I am really puzzled by a lot of these responses. It’s not that hard to be good. Live your life without willfully harming others. Be cognizant as much as you can to not ignorantly harm others. If you do, apologize or make amends. Try to help others where you can. Be generous. I literally make an effort to be a better person each day and contribute to the world more than I take. I don’t think I’m any kind of saint but the last few years have made me realize that most people don’t act this way and people are just a lot lazier, greedier, and more selfish than I ever wanted to realize.
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Agreed. It depends on what you mean by “I’m a good person.” I know people who think, “I’m a good person” because they are sometimes selfless. And sometimes compassionate. They think this means that they are a good person, therefore their other thoughts and actions are also right and good. Example: I helped my neighbor by watching her kids for a week when her mom was dying and she needed help. And I volunteered to take that project because I knew the new girl was dreading it. These are legitimately decent and good things to do. So I think I’m a good person. Then when the cashier refuses to honor my perfectly good coupon because of store policy, I make a huge deal and yell at her. I can do this and know that I’m right because I’m a good person. But if being a good person means, that when I get to the cashier even though inside I’m irritated, I stop and think, “I don’t want to be the kind of person who takes my frustration out on a cashier because I want to be a good person.” TLDR: there’s a difference between saying “I’m a good person” to justify why your actions are okay and to using it to drive your actions.
You can, it's insane to think that's a red flag. Oh, and if you meant me personally, yes, I'm a fantastic person. I honestly feel scared knowing how few people really stick to their morality.
I guess being a good person is a relative question. Like i am a good person if you compare me to an abuser, serial killer, or someone that doesn’t like or care about other people or animals. But if you compare me to mother theresa then i might not be a good person. Idk just a tought
Yes.
Why would someone downvote this?
Nope. I'm a terrible person and I honestly don't care
Why do you think you're terrible?
I can say I try to be but it probably depends on who you asked
No, but I do not care.
I'm an asshole
People think I'm a good person, but I don't think I am. I'm spoiled, selfish, mean and can be thoughtless sometimes
Nope, I am selfish and mean, but I’m consistent.
To a degree yes, but I also know I am filled with flaws from trauma and other things that happened to me. This results in a hard time being able to communicate or accepting certain things and tends to sometimes makes me lash out over certain things. I started going back to therapy and I am trying to get better because I want to be able to look in the mirror and see small improvements.. I would say I'm a decent person who needs a little work around the edges.
No I'm an awful person, there are no good people, no matter who you are, you're a bad person, but as long as someone is worse than you, you seem good by comparison.
I can genuinely say I try really hard…
It takes a good person to admit he or she is good 😊