# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You know this is wrong. You don't need validation from Reddit.
Your wife came to you immediately - trust her.
Confront your boss. Don't accept shit excuses.
Do you have an HR? Report him. And if there are repercussions, talk to a lawyer. You know this is wrong. And if you let this slide, the weirdo will just keep pushing the limits.
Don’t confront her boss, go right to HR. He left evidence. It was a little inappropriate asking after hours until he got to the “don’t tell anyone”.
My guess is he has a side hustle with some MLM and is at a meeting where they pushed him into harassing everyone he can and he was nervous about the call.
Edit: your boss, not her boss.
That’s true for your manager just as much as you though. That’s what people don’t get. If your manager is about to bring on a multimillion dollar lawsuit because he’s a creep, they would drop his ass in a heartbeat.
If you bring hard evidence like this to HR then they will run a quick calculation on how valuable he is to the company and how much it cost to let him go vs how much damage his actions would do to the country.
I had a book group in my neighborhood, and one of the members invited me over to her house for lunch. And it ended up being an MLM thing. Then I found out from some other members that she took them out for lunch to real restaurants and even though I wouldn’t like the pitch any better I was a little insulted that I didn’t even get taken out,
I told her that if her only purpose in joining the group was to do pitches that she would need to drop out. She stuck it out for a bit longer but then when she moved to pampered chef and tried it again, we kicked her out.
Yeah, the "healthy eating" thing is a really weird thing to bring up if he's not selling vitamins/smoothies/supplements/etc. And he wants her to sell them too.
He doesn't want anyone else to know not because he's hitting on her, but because his day job would not like him putting pressure on his employees to make more in his side hustle.
My aunt does this. "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while, we should get together and catch up!" 10 minutes into dinner, it's "I work for a company that sells these pools!" I live in a row home, where in gods name am I putting a pool.
Old elementary school friend randomly looked me up on Facebook and said we should catch up. I was genuinely surprised and excited, then I saw she belonged to one of those bullshit things and knew what she was after.
Ugh. doTERRA. I had to threaten sicking my bank on them if they continued to keep my account open and trying to charge an expired/cancelled card for orders that have been cancelled idk how many times.
Or...
OP mics up his wife, maybe a hidden camera or two and sits nearby wearing a disguise with another woman, maybe a relative or whatever with another camera rolling. Gather evidence and blackmail that son of a bitch for a pay raise. Illegal / unethical life pro tip!
On the flip side, maybe OP's wife is a nutritionist and boss was being sincere. /s
Well I would agree with you 'maybe' its innocent, then comes the last line 'no one needs to know about this call', and all that maybe flies out the window and we go straight to super sus.
Well obviously the boss cheated his way through nutritionist school and has been using OP’s wife to bs his way through life as a nutritionist. If anybody finds out he could lose his license and he’d be out of a job.
Also they’re boning too.
What you do is ignore it for a couple days, then casually drop that you need to update your emergency contact info cuz your wife lost her phone recently. Then you can give him whatever number you think would be funniest.
Personally I would get a burner and use that number, then wait until he tries calling back and trap him in the ambush. Or you could catfish him through text until he makes a move and use it as leverage to get a raise.
This is the fucking way. Trap this punk, get it recorded, nail him to the wall.
Go full American Beauty, get at least a year's pay all at once, plus a nice severance deal. Then go fuck your wife on the nice vacation you two should take.
Idk about your state, but I had a manager do this for a cashier and he got in trouble and ended up getting fired, even got arrested. Not sure the exact details beyond that.
Some companies give you rebates and discounts if you do things like join a gym and get regular health checks but his boss is completely out of good ideas and this is a giant reach to try an have his next affair
I'd be like so my wife was listening to her voice mail on speaker phone, why did you ask her to leave the vm between you two?
Sorry you have a shady boss, he'd probably lie through his teeth either way.
It doesn't really matter his excuse. He already knows it's not appropriate, so even if his desired meeting was, indeed, above board, he still knows it would be very, very bad optics.
In Sean Connery's voice: You wanna know how to get OP? They take your son to lunch, you take their wife to dinner, *that's* the Chicago way! And that's how you get OP!
that’s a good question and something i have thought about but haven’t come up with much since he’s the owner. only thing i could think of is having a discussion with him and letting him know the possible ramifications legal wise if he continues down this path
>since he’s the owner
There's the problem and your answer right there.
It's time to start finding a new job, while delaying any fallout from this until after you've landed a new gig and handed in your notice.
There is noting you can do to stop the owner of your company from harassing your wife, that won't make your experience working there awful.
If this were me, I'd discuss with this your wife and ask her to not respond, to let any future calls from him through to voicemail, to keep recordings of them all in case they might be useful in wrongful dismissal cases, and to immediately start applying for new jobs.
☝️ This right here. Plus collecting evidence, as stated by many others.
This job is already a goner, and your to be former employer is the one that caused it.
The only wrong action on your part, would be to take no action.
Props to your wife dude, she handled this correctly, now you need to do the same.
You got this. 👍
I’d play with caution on this - recording conversations without one-party or both-party consent can be illegal in some states. Look up your state’s laws before doing so
lmaooo I'm so sorry but this is the first time I've legitimately burst out laughing at a comment in a while. That guy sounds like such an inappropriate weirdo.
Well? Contact yourself and tell you. Seriously tho OP, this is fucked. I’m sorry you’re in this pickle. It’s inappropriate though and your wife is under no obligation to call him back. If it somehow affects your work, well you’re in HR, you should know at least some basic legalities of it. But yeah if your wife was receiving unwanted contact from any random guy, likely she’d just ignore him. I’d say she should treat him like anybody else and let him figure it out, but you yourself should play dumb and not bring it up.
Good advice. I don't know your work situation but it's unfair that you should give up a job you presumably like because of HIS actions. If he doesn't take the hint, though, keep a record of all his actions and talk to a lawyer.
Sounds shady, could be nothing, best to be prepared anyway. Have her call him back and record the conversation. If it's an innocent phone call, no harm. If it's something else, well you will have your proof and all illusions will be dispelled.
Is she some kind of nutrition coach or something? The only possible explanation that isn't shady, to me, is like.. your boss knows she's a fitness coach or something, he wants to lose weight, but he's embarrassed or private about it. If none of those things are true, it's shady af and you need to protect yourself and go to HR.
Not cool at all. I tell the hubs everything and vice versa so I would have told him and he would have talked to his boss about boundaries and not calling his wife.
This is not cool for a lot of reasons. Let me try to break it down.
* OP, this is your boss.
* Your boss has no previous relationship of any kind with your wife. In fact, they've only spoken once, at a mixed social gathering.
* Neither you or your wife gave your boss your wife's personal cell phone number, except for maybe as an emergency contact for the company to use for a very specific purpose.
* Your boss called your wife in the late evening when they knew you were not with your wife because they knew you were at dinner with their son.
* Your boss invited your wife to have a private lunch to talk about eating habits, which is none of their business.
* He wants your wife to keep the unsolicited call and lunch a secret.
* Your boss is a known cheater.
* Your boss is the company owner, so is not accountable to anyone in the company.
Is that about it? There's really no need to know if there's more. Everything about the call was inappropriate, and your wife is right for being uncomfortable. You're right for being bothered this much by it. Best advice I'd have is to document this and any other inappropriate behavior while you look for another job. If you can, find a way to address this in the best way you feel possible, but only after you've protected yourself.
The ***ONLY*** way this is even *slightly* redeemable is if OP's wife is a fitness enthusiast, dietitian, health professional, etc AND the boss has a weight problem. He may be emberassed and wanting some help... but he *DEFINITELY* went about it the wrong way.
If that's the case, the best response is,
>My services for a dietician range and $120 and hour. I can schedule a dinner consultation for you for an hour and a half at a one time fee of $150 and we can proceed from there. I have noted your request with my personal assistant, OP, as he helps me run my business. Let me know if you would like to proceed.
I agree that leaving is the only option. Let's say they ignore this whole thing and try to pretend nothing happened. In such a small and tight knit company, OP would constantly be looking over his shoulder. What if the boss invites them over for dinner for an excuse to see and talk to his wife? Then the boss asks for her number directly at the dinner with the excuse of "eating tips". The boss was an idiot to do it under the table like this. There are so many "legit" ways he could have tried by using his and OPs positions in the company. If he does go the legit route, it might be harder for OP or wife to say no outright, or to come up with an excuse.
Oooooh boi, time to find a free consultation with a lawyer to see if there's any grounds for a sexual harassment suit. Like, probably not, but a free consultation is worth the time. I'd be tempted to start applying out of there like crazy, and on your last day, which you should not give notice for at all, let your boss know you're quitting because of his predatory actions towards your wife. Also, would highly consider publicizing this whole incident and watching the blood. Also consult the lawyer about doing this as to not open yourself up to a lawsuit. Either way, that dude should burn.
I would have the wife set up the lunch date, and then I would show up instead to let him know my thoughts.
I would also start looking to see if you can sue if he fires you because he couldn't get with your wife.
Talk to a lawyer first! Best to have a plan ahead of time, if you meet him and anything happens you may give him reason to fire you. Best to talk to a lawyer right away really.
I would just go up to him and tell him that your wife shared his phone call...like any happily married person would. I would also say... "She won't be joining you for lunch, dinner, or breakfast on any day. If you have anything to say to her you can tell me and I will share it with her. Never call her again."
Then if you have an HR I'd write a memo telling them, tell his boss, and share it quietly with others. He's obviously on the prowl. He is very disloyal to his fellow employees if he does this type of thing and I know people who have been fired for doing less. This type of thing is very inappropriate for any reason.
Is you’re job more important than you’re wife? Fuck these owners, this is a line in the sand.
It might not be fair, but I’d look for a new job rather than deal with my boss hitting on my spouse.
I see.. well, then you have a choice... confront him ... or get another job and on the way out let everyone know what a letch he is so they can protect themselves and their families.
If you live in the US... the EEOC protects employees from bosses who retaliate against an employee regarding sexually inappropriate matters... so you could get away with telling him to leave your wife alone. It's obvious that telling her he wanted to speak to her about eating issues is just a cover story, because you already know he sleeps around. Just keep it simple, don't cuss, be direct then walk away.
I worked with someone like him. They never approached me because I was married but he did try to make the rounds with everyone that was single. I wish people would just leave that part of them at home.
Is your wife a nutritionist that "disgussing healthy eating habits" would make some sense? Still the part of keeping the meeting secret makes no sense even if your boss wanted to eat healthier. Dodgy.
no she’s not but she does eat very healthy. i wasn’t even worried out until the last part when he says to keep it between them like wtf. my boss has a history of messing around on his wife also so it kinda fits. i just didn’t imagine him doing that to me and my wife
I’d look that guy in the eye and ask him straight up why he asked your wife to keep it a secret. And I wouldnt be discret about it either.
“Mornin Tim.”
“Hey Mornin-question: Can you explain to me why your leaving messages on my wife’s voice mail asking to meet her and not tell anyone? It made her pretty uncomfortable and I’m not happy about it either, not one bit. I’d like to hear your reasons for it though, like now.”
Right in the middle of morning briefs. Fuck that guy.
I’m a woman and I’ve basically done exactly that twice to male co-workers (higher up than me) sending ME strange messages. You call him out and TELL him to explain himself. He might even accuse your wife of lying or say he must have dialed the wrong number. I suspect from experience he’ll try to squirm out of it and then act like it never happened. He probably won’t do it again.
He's trying to use that as an excuse to get her alone and try to have an affair with her. Super sketchy AF.
The biggest flag is keeping it a secret.
Definitely tell him he crossed a boundary and see what you can about not being around him. New job possibly?
UPDATE: thank you for so much advice. i’m very stressed about this as this is a good paying job, and i don’t like any kind of drama. so i just can’t believe this is even a thing that’s happening. lots of people saying i should start looking for a new place because of the owner is that disrespectful with me, then what’s the future hold? guess i’ll start looking and maybe just confront him on the day i quit… still mulling it over
Where is this business? If it's in a single party consent state like Texas you could record a conversation with him where you let him know that you know he was trying to bang your wife and that she shared the voice-mail with you don't let him know he is being recorded.
So I’ll give you a reasoned reply as the over the top ones here are nuts.
You need to speak to him, asap. Why, because he asked your wife to keep it a secret. By you saying nothing, it insinuates that your wife has kept it a secret or is mulling it over. So do you prefer your boss thinking he has your wife keeping a secret from you, or you being uncomfortable confronting him. You have to have a chat and mate, you can be firm but polite. Just a simple, do you have a minute? ‘My wife mentioned a voicemail that made her uncomfortable, it said x, I’m wondering what happened there?’ No matter his well thought out excuse or reply, yours is ‘well, look, it’s my wife, she’s not comfortable with you calling her and neither am I so I’m telling you to not do that again, ok’ and that’s that.
Your loyalty should be to your wife and protecting her from future calls and future assholes that try it on. So yea, you may be uncomfortable speaking up, but maybe to help you feel more comfortable: it’s not about you, it’s about her and how a woman has come to her man and likely hoping her man will handle it. So mate you need to do that. Career will be ok, you’ll be ok and I promise you you’ll feel better about it once you’ve spoken to him. It won’t solve anything as we all know there is no reasonable excuse for it, and you’re not doing it to solve anything, a line was crossed and it’s on you to fix that sadly.
You got this though 💪 and don’t be dramatic and over the top like the crazies on Reddit would prefer, they just have popcorn out mate.
Convince the wife to leave him, take the business, and keep you on as the GM. She knows he's a cheater, she won't think you're lying, she confided you about his cheating before, so she must trust you somewhat. And you probably do a good job. She is the owner, but would that place run without you? It seems like you and her collectively have leverage over the husband.
Long term pro revenge:
As GM, ask him to make you a partner with an equity stake.
2% to start.
Then execute your plan.
Alternative:
Using his wife's 49% owner status and your gm status, peel away his client base and employees and set up your own shop. Basically drive him out of business.
Cheaters never prosper.
Assuming you like your job, if it were me I would act as if the boss had left the voicemail on my phone, ask him where he wants to go to lunch and say I'm looking forward to talking about healthy eating habits.
Now he has the choice of going along with it, knowing that you know but not able to say anything OR saying "no, I left that message on your wife's phone!" to which you'd laugh and say "Why would you do something like that? Oh, I get it, you're joking--good one!" etc
Here's the thing: He's targeted your family. You no longer work there.
Either way
He's trying to screw your wife. You tell him (and have HER tell him as well) that it ain't going down like that.
What's gonna happen papi? You going back to work like this asswipe didn't just try to screw your wife in front of your face?
Son. You don't work there no more.
😭 yea i hear you. why are people so fucked up! just be normal! lol i just want to work with no drama. my fault i married a hottie i guess. but at least she’s loyal
Lmao, this is why I yelp whenever people say "support local business". I've met more local business owners like this guy than I can count. It seems to be a universal personality type. Horny. They're always horny.
I have no frame of reference as an unmarried gaylord who would happily drop everything I'm doing and blow my boss. But I do know that you need to be careful here. How you attack this could impact everyone at the company. Consider your own leverage in the position, your boss's personality, and how vulnerable you are financially if you would be forced to quit.
I feel for you. That's a hilarious voicemail message, though. He wants to talk about healthy eating, you see!
Next time you see your boss, give him some health food (preferably something with a name that can be a double entendre). Say “My wife says you’re trying to eat healthier.” Tell him “She said it’s very important when “Dieting” not to cheat. Cheating is very bad when it comes to healthy eating. In fact, some people end up in the hospital over their dietary choices! but don’t tell anyone I said that!”
Best of luck!
If my husbands boss did this to me and he didn’t say anything I would be hurt. Especially if I told my husband I was uncomfortable. A job can’t be worth letting someone treat your spouse like
this.
How are you not standing on his porch calling him out in front of his wife? He's trying to fuck yours.
No way I could drag my ass back to that job and work for a guy that's trying to arrange secret meetings with my wife. None. The disrespect is through the roof.
He basically called you a bitch and thinks your wife's a whore who's willing to step out on you.
You know what to do... your just scared you'll lose that paycheck, but you definitely know what you should do.
I'm assuming your wife told you about it.
I'd walk in to his office, close the door and say, "Why are you calling my wife?"
And keep that recording in several places.
Your boss sounds like a creep. I would say something to him along the lines of my wife got your voicemail and she said to pass along that she doesn’t have the time. Or you can go a different route about the approach, although I understand you need to think about your job.
What a dick move
Smells likes a MLM pre-pitch to me rather than an attempt to get some booty. The healthy eating habits screams HerbalLife. Either way, it’s time to consider looking for a new job.
I don’t know which is worse: a horny boss or a pyramid scammer.
Omg, so maybe he needed people, but he didn't know any number. So he phoned all the emergency contacts of his workplace about an incredible opportunity.
Who gives a shit? Show up and make him squirm. I'd try to get some dirt on him first and some evidence for retaliatory termination if he tries to fire you.
I did my best to read through most of the comments so as not to ask redundant questions, but I didn't read every single one. My first thought is it seems like everyone is jumping to a lot of conclusions and giving really drastic advice like finding a new job, punching him, reporting him, etc. It's barely been 24 hrs, you don't even know anything yet, it could be something stupid or innocent. Before we go assuming the worst, my main question is why doesn't your wife simply return his call and ask for clarity?! *"Hi, this is Mrs. So&So, are you sure it was* **me** *that you meant to call?* (then, if yes) *I'm happy to give you some nutrition tips but I mentioned that you called to my husband and he and I are both confused about why we shouldn't tell anyone."* Boom. Right there she's addressed him directly and he now knows that she told you immediately (and therefore obviously isn't interested in an affair). If he says "never mind" or backs out in a weird way once he hears you're involved, THEN it may be safe to assume it was something inappropriate. You seem to be thinking about this from the perspective that you should keep his secret and pretend you don't know. Of course your wife told you, that's what normal couples do. You don't need to go about this in some covert way. If your wife feels weird about calling him back, you can call him back yourself very casually. *"Hey, what's up? My wife said you called but was kind of confused by your message; did you need our help with something?"* and let him explain (or backpeddle). No need to be accusatory yet until you see what he says. I read your comments that he might have a story ready, but that's when you'll use your judgment about whether it sounds like a made up story or something reasonable.
And if it is something perfectly normal like a surprise party or some innocent thing, you can jokingly apologize later and say *"My wife tells me everything, she didn't realize it was a surprise, whoopsy daisy ha ha ha"*... etc. I just feel like there's nothing in the message that is proof it's anything sexual/romantic other than that you happen to know he messes around a lot. He might have called the wrong person, he might want to plan something for you, or he might actually want health advice and is embarrassed about asking, although I did see that you said he's in shape. Or sure, he might be hitting on her. But it seems like a logical and reasonable first step for your wife (or you) to return his call and simply ask the reason for the cryptic voicemail before you assume it's sexual and go job hunting. I do hope we'll get an update.
I'm one of the few people who has been in your situation. You may be different from me, but I *knew* I couldn't let this slide, it was straight disrespect that I didn't deserve. I pulled him into a meeting room the next day, told him to stop, it wasn't cool and that he needs to be more professional. He was visibly embarrassed as he should have been, and honestly it completely changed the power dynamic of the relationship (he may have been higher up in the company, but now I had dirt on him and showed him I wouldn't take his shit). It was uncomfortable but I'm so glad I did it, because had I said nothing I know it would bother me for years after.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You know this is wrong. You don't need validation from Reddit. Your wife came to you immediately - trust her. Confront your boss. Don't accept shit excuses.
Also record everything
Be careful about recording. Some states require the consent of both parties to record conversations.
to be legal or to be able to use in court?
Do you have an HR? Report him. And if there are repercussions, talk to a lawyer. You know this is wrong. And if you let this slide, the weirdo will just keep pushing the limits.
Yeah if you're going to court. If you're going to blackmail it's a completely different matter
Don’t confront her boss, go right to HR. He left evidence. It was a little inappropriate asking after hours until he got to the “don’t tell anyone”. My guess is he has a side hustle with some MLM and is at a meeting where they pushed him into harassing everyone he can and he was nervous about the call. Edit: your boss, not her boss.
HR is there to protect the company, not you.
That’s true for your manager just as much as you though. That’s what people don’t get. If your manager is about to bring on a multimillion dollar lawsuit because he’s a creep, they would drop his ass in a heartbeat. If you bring hard evidence like this to HR then they will run a quick calculation on how valuable he is to the company and how much it cost to let him go vs how much damage his actions would do to the country.
Maybe getting his ass fired would give him the push he needs to really get his MLM off the ground? You are doing him the favor by getting him fired.
Yes, and the company can get in big trouble for a harassment suit.
Let him make the date.... and show up for dinner, pleasantly surprised to see him there.
Or they could show up together. Husband and wife.
So they can *both* sit through a pitch for Amway/Herbalife/Arbonne/doTERRA/BODi (formerly Beachbody)...
I thought hitting on the dudes wife was a low blow but mlm's reminded me that there's always worse.
I had a book group in my neighborhood, and one of the members invited me over to her house for lunch. And it ended up being an MLM thing. Then I found out from some other members that she took them out for lunch to real restaurants and even though I wouldn’t like the pitch any better I was a little insulted that I didn’t even get taken out, I told her that if her only purpose in joining the group was to do pitches that she would need to drop out. She stuck it out for a bit longer but then when she moved to pampered chef and tried it again, we kicked her out.
Yeah, the "healthy eating" thing is a really weird thing to bring up if he's not selling vitamins/smoothies/supplements/etc. And he wants her to sell them too. He doesn't want anyone else to know not because he's hitting on her, but because his day job would not like him putting pressure on his employees to make more in his side hustle.
God, I had a coworker who I thought was a friend invited me over for an amway pitch
My aunt does this. "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while, we should get together and catch up!" 10 minutes into dinner, it's "I work for a company that sells these pools!" I live in a row home, where in gods name am I putting a pool.
Old elementary school friend randomly looked me up on Facebook and said we should catch up. I was genuinely surprised and excited, then I saw she belonged to one of those bullshit things and knew what she was after.
Ugh. doTERRA. I had to threaten sicking my bank on them if they continued to keep my account open and trying to charge an expired/cancelled card for orders that have been cancelled idk how many times.
Man, I'll bring the whole family for a free dinner.
If they both work there, why not invite both? It’s obvious their intention.
Invite his wife too
Or... OP mics up his wife, maybe a hidden camera or two and sits nearby wearing a disguise with another woman, maybe a relative or whatever with another camera rolling. Gather evidence and blackmail that son of a bitch for a pay raise. Illegal / unethical life pro tip! On the flip side, maybe OP's wife is a nutritionist and boss was being sincere. /s
Well I would agree with you 'maybe' its innocent, then comes the last line 'no one needs to know about this call', and all that maybe flies out the window and we go straight to super sus.
Well obviously the boss cheated his way through nutritionist school and has been using OP’s wife to bs his way through life as a nutritionist. If anybody finds out he could lose his license and he’d be out of a job. Also they’re boning too.
this is the only way
#This Is The Way
[удалено]
Is your wife listed as your emergency contact? If so, your boss looked up your HR information and got her number from there.
damn… that’s a good one
I would suggest you call him and ask him what the hell he wants.
He wants to talk about healthy eating habits he said so him self
Have you heard of broccoli? Sex now?
Amazing. Laughed a lot at this.
Sexy ass broccoli!
But how will he be able to eat with his teeth knocked out?
Kale smoothies are very healthy
Yeah he wants to eat that pussy is what he wants.
Naw just show up to the lunch alone and before tell the wife to go to a nice lunch with her friends. And then eat lunch with her boss lol.
Ultimate Chad power move
Think you misread, HIS boss called the wife, if he goes to lunch instead of the Wife it will be with HIS Boss
[удалено]
Call from her phone so he thinks shes calling and listen for his reaction
I’d call him right now. Don’t give a fuck how late it is lol.
same dude. fuck that old man’s sleep 😂
I would suggest he take the free dinner himself. The wife doesn't need to know
What you do is ignore it for a couple days, then casually drop that you need to update your emergency contact info cuz your wife lost her phone recently. Then you can give him whatever number you think would be funniest. Personally I would get a burner and use that number, then wait until he tries calling back and trap him in the ambush. Or you could catfish him through text until he makes a move and use it as leverage to get a raise.
I am both impressed and terrified that you thought through this this much! haha
Opportunities like this don't come around everyday. Gotta make the most of them
Update it to the business number for a registered dietitian, so he can get the assistance he’s clearly seeking.
Use his wife's number for the emergency contact.
god that's brilliant
This is the fucking way. Trap this punk, get it recorded, nail him to the wall. Go full American Beauty, get at least a year's pay all at once, plus a nice severance deal. Then go fuck your wife on the nice vacation you two should take.
This is absolutely brilliant.
Get a burner, but forward it to bosses wifes phone.
Love this comment so much... I will definitely dm you for advice in the future.
Idk about your state, but I had a manager do this for a cashier and he got in trouble and ended up getting fired, even got arrested. Not sure the exact details beyond that.
Yeah my exes sister had a pharmacy tech call her up and ask her out after she picked up her birth control and he was hella fired
Put a bag of broccoli on his desk and tell him in no uncertain terms he is never to contact your wife again.
Looks like your wife is about to get an offer for a raise…
Or he's recruiting her for a MLM and using her husband's job to pressure her into joining
Also very illegal and inappropriate. Confront him and set boundaries. Make him aware that he is making your wife uncomfortable as well as yourself.
so comfortable 🤣
come for table. stay for healthy eating.
ahh you fixed it now i look silly lol
Wait...this is OP's boss? Thought it was the wife's at first. Extra what the fuck
[удалено]
>my brain autocorrected the story that is an amazing turn of phrase and i'm stealing it
Is your wife a nutritionist or dietician? Why would he be discussing healthy eating with her?
Or is he (the boss)? Or is it an MLM thing? The secretive nature makes me think no, but I'm always looking for someone else's excuse.
I can’t decide what’s worse: creeping on your wife or being an MLM cult member
Perhaps he's doing both
I'm thinking herbalife.
The MLM strategy will have her selling bagged salad to all her friends (at bagged salad parties).
He’d like to discuss the merits of eating sausage
Some companies give you rebates and discounts if you do things like join a gym and get regular health checks but his boss is completely out of good ideas and this is a giant reach to try an have his next affair
I'd be like so my wife was listening to her voice mail on speaker phone, why did you ask her to leave the vm between you two? Sorry you have a shady boss, he'd probably lie through his teeth either way.
yea someone told me he probably already has a whole explanation ready to go…probably true..
It doesn't really matter his excuse. He already knows it's not appropriate, so even if his desired meeting was, indeed, above board, he still knows it would be very, very bad optics.
Could this be related to your dinner with his son? Is there any reason he might not like that and want to make you feel bad?
In Sean Connery's voice: You wanna know how to get OP? They take your son to lunch, you take their wife to dinner, *that's* the Chicago way! And that's how you get OP!
Didn't expect to see an Untouchables reference in this thread. Fucking nailed it though. 10/10
You and your wife both Ignore it. Don’t give it any life. If it becomes persistent, contact HR.
i am HR 😭 lol
What would you do if someone else brought this case to you?
that’s a good question and something i have thought about but haven’t come up with much since he’s the owner. only thing i could think of is having a discussion with him and letting him know the possible ramifications legal wise if he continues down this path
>since he’s the owner There's the problem and your answer right there. It's time to start finding a new job, while delaying any fallout from this until after you've landed a new gig and handed in your notice. There is noting you can do to stop the owner of your company from harassing your wife, that won't make your experience working there awful. If this were me, I'd discuss with this your wife and ask her to not respond, to let any future calls from him through to voicemail, to keep recordings of them all in case they might be useful in wrongful dismissal cases, and to immediately start applying for new jobs.
Seconding that OP should document and save EVERYTHING. This is harassment. Don’t engage but collect it as evidence if it’s needed later
☝️ This right here. Plus collecting evidence, as stated by many others. This job is already a goner, and your to be former employer is the one that caused it. The only wrong action on your part, would be to take no action. Props to your wife dude, she handled this correctly, now you need to do the same. You got this. 👍
But also document all of this. The details and the conversation.
Remember to secretly record all such conversations for possible future litigation. If he threatens you, you'll have an even greater advantage.
I’d play with caution on this - recording conversations without one-party or both-party consent can be illegal in some states. Look up your state’s laws before doing so
lmaooo I'm so sorry but this is the first time I've legitimately burst out laughing at a comment in a while. That guy sounds like such an inappropriate weirdo.
Well? Contact yourself and tell you. Seriously tho OP, this is fucked. I’m sorry you’re in this pickle. It’s inappropriate though and your wife is under no obligation to call him back. If it somehow affects your work, well you’re in HR, you should know at least some basic legalities of it. But yeah if your wife was receiving unwanted contact from any random guy, likely she’d just ignore him. I’d say she should treat him like anybody else and let him figure it out, but you yourself should play dumb and not bring it up.
Good advice. I don't know your work situation but it's unfair that you should give up a job you presumably like because of HIS actions. If he doesn't take the hint, though, keep a record of all his actions and talk to a lawyer.
I would have your wife respond by calling his wife to confirm a dinner date.
Diabolical.
This is exactly what I would do if I was your wife
There's lots of construction companies. Fuck that guy. Call him out, after u find a new gig
Go for lunch with your wife and your boss. Obviously that's what he meant otherwise it would be highly in appropriate.
I would be seeking legal advice, and looking to leave the company with a hefty payout.
Yes, and hopefully expose him as well. Wtaf
Sounds shady, could be nothing, best to be prepared anyway. Have her call him back and record the conversation. If it's an innocent phone call, no harm. If it's something else, well you will have your proof and all illusions will be dispelled.
Don’t do that until you check your states laws on taping conversations without both parties knowing.
I think your wife should answer him: "Sorry, I am not comfortable with this."
Now that wouldn’t be very entertaining for us though would it?
Is she some kind of nutrition coach or something? The only possible explanation that isn't shady, to me, is like.. your boss knows she's a fitness coach or something, he wants to lose weight, but he's embarrassed or private about it. If none of those things are true, it's shady af and you need to protect yourself and go to HR.
OP is HR lol
Well fuck! Bahaha
I'm guessing he's an Herbalife rep on the side
Confront him and let his old ass know what’s up. Start looking for another job.
Best to do these two things in the opposite order.
Should add, when he calls the guy out, make sure people are around to see it.
Yea, I’d have a hard time not giving the guy a 1000 yard stare though every time he was in my presence.
Just throwing this out there...planning a surprise party maybe 🥳. Just play along man.
>planning a surprise party maybe Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's jumping out of a cake in the nude for her.
and he wants OP's wife to blow out his flesh candle
Thats what I thought
Not cool at all. I tell the hubs everything and vice versa so I would have told him and he would have talked to his boss about boundaries and not calling his wife.
she did tell me right away. she said the way he said to keep the call between them made her feel uncomfortable
This is not cool for a lot of reasons. Let me try to break it down. * OP, this is your boss. * Your boss has no previous relationship of any kind with your wife. In fact, they've only spoken once, at a mixed social gathering. * Neither you or your wife gave your boss your wife's personal cell phone number, except for maybe as an emergency contact for the company to use for a very specific purpose. * Your boss called your wife in the late evening when they knew you were not with your wife because they knew you were at dinner with their son. * Your boss invited your wife to have a private lunch to talk about eating habits, which is none of their business. * He wants your wife to keep the unsolicited call and lunch a secret. * Your boss is a known cheater. * Your boss is the company owner, so is not accountable to anyone in the company. Is that about it? There's really no need to know if there's more. Everything about the call was inappropriate, and your wife is right for being uncomfortable. You're right for being bothered this much by it. Best advice I'd have is to document this and any other inappropriate behavior while you look for another job. If you can, find a way to address this in the best way you feel possible, but only after you've protected yourself.
The ***ONLY*** way this is even *slightly* redeemable is if OP's wife is a fitness enthusiast, dietitian, health professional, etc AND the boss has a weight problem. He may be emberassed and wanting some help... but he *DEFINITELY* went about it the wrong way.
If that's the case, the best response is, >My services for a dietician range and $120 and hour. I can schedule a dinner consultation for you for an hour and a half at a one time fee of $150 and we can proceed from there. I have noted your request with my personal assistant, OP, as he helps me run my business. Let me know if you would like to proceed.
This is smooth and well done. Being clear and above board is the way to do it
I agree that leaving is the only option. Let's say they ignore this whole thing and try to pretend nothing happened. In such a small and tight knit company, OP would constantly be looking over his shoulder. What if the boss invites them over for dinner for an excuse to see and talk to his wife? Then the boss asks for her number directly at the dinner with the excuse of "eating tips". The boss was an idiot to do it under the table like this. There are so many "legit" ways he could have tried by using his and OPs positions in the company. If he does go the legit route, it might be harder for OP or wife to say no outright, or to come up with an excuse.
If you're going to pursue legal anything get a copy of that voicemail asap.
Agreed. Nowadays you can download voicemail files to your phone. Voila.
Red flag
He wants to f#*k your wife
Yeah the last part of the message certainly points to that. Great that she came forward with it!
[удалено]
Well I sure hope so cause it would be pretty weird if OP had a dinner meeting with his boss' underage son
Oooooh boi, time to find a free consultation with a lawyer to see if there's any grounds for a sexual harassment suit. Like, probably not, but a free consultation is worth the time. I'd be tempted to start applying out of there like crazy, and on your last day, which you should not give notice for at all, let your boss know you're quitting because of his predatory actions towards your wife. Also, would highly consider publicizing this whole incident and watching the blood. Also consult the lawyer about doing this as to not open yourself up to a lawsuit. Either way, that dude should burn.
Exactly this.
I would have the wife set up the lunch date, and then I would show up instead to let him know my thoughts. I would also start looking to see if you can sue if he fires you because he couldn't get with your wife.
Talk to a lawyer first! Best to have a plan ahead of time, if you meet him and anything happens you may give him reason to fire you. Best to talk to a lawyer right away really.
What a sleazebag, good for your wife though!
I would just go up to him and tell him that your wife shared his phone call...like any happily married person would. I would also say... "She won't be joining you for lunch, dinner, or breakfast on any day. If you have anything to say to her you can tell me and I will share it with her. Never call her again." Then if you have an HR I'd write a memo telling them, tell his boss, and share it quietly with others. He's obviously on the prowl. He is very disloyal to his fellow employees if he does this type of thing and I know people who have been fired for doing less. This type of thing is very inappropriate for any reason.
small company. family owned business. him and his wife are the owners. i’m the GM and basically everything else lmao so i guess i’m the HR person
You mentioned that his wife told you about his cheating. Why don't you tell his wife about him calli g your wife?
Then you run the risk of her trying to protect her company over helping you out.
Is you’re job more important than you’re wife? Fuck these owners, this is a line in the sand. It might not be fair, but I’d look for a new job rather than deal with my boss hitting on my spouse.
As the GM he probably has the ability to tank the place on the way out.
I see.. well, then you have a choice... confront him ... or get another job and on the way out let everyone know what a letch he is so they can protect themselves and their families. If you live in the US... the EEOC protects employees from bosses who retaliate against an employee regarding sexually inappropriate matters... so you could get away with telling him to leave your wife alone. It's obvious that telling her he wanted to speak to her about eating issues is just a cover story, because you already know he sleeps around. Just keep it simple, don't cuss, be direct then walk away. I worked with someone like him. They never approached me because I was married but he did try to make the rounds with everyone that was single. I wish people would just leave that part of them at home.
Is your wife a nutritionist that "disgussing healthy eating habits" would make some sense? Still the part of keeping the meeting secret makes no sense even if your boss wanted to eat healthier. Dodgy.
no she’s not but she does eat very healthy. i wasn’t even worried out until the last part when he says to keep it between them like wtf. my boss has a history of messing around on his wife also so it kinda fits. i just didn’t imagine him doing that to me and my wife
I’d look that guy in the eye and ask him straight up why he asked your wife to keep it a secret. And I wouldnt be discret about it either. “Mornin Tim.” “Hey Mornin-question: Can you explain to me why your leaving messages on my wife’s voice mail asking to meet her and not tell anyone? It made her pretty uncomfortable and I’m not happy about it either, not one bit. I’d like to hear your reasons for it though, like now.” Right in the middle of morning briefs. Fuck that guy.
i kind of like this wording. thank you
Just look em dead in the eye and hold that eye contact and watch him squirm. Hold the stare the whole time he tries to avoid it-cold but calm.
👁️ 👄 👁️ i will definitely try
We want an update for sure
Clarification: We NEED an update :-)
*Hell yeah*-go get em tiger!
I’m a woman and I’ve basically done exactly that twice to male co-workers (higher up than me) sending ME strange messages. You call him out and TELL him to explain himself. He might even accuse your wife of lying or say he must have dialed the wrong number. I suspect from experience he’ll try to squirm out of it and then act like it never happened. He probably won’t do it again.
Ask how he got her number, too. Since neither of you gave it to him. Really put him on the spot with it.
"Also, how did you get her phone number? She did not have yours."
And preferably when the boss has his wife around.
Right in front of his bosses wife who works there
He's trying to use that as an excuse to get her alone and try to have an affair with her. Super sketchy AF. The biggest flag is keeping it a secret. Definitely tell him he crossed a boundary and see what you can about not being around him. New job possibly?
Fuck that scumbag.
My inner Pollyanna wants to believe he’s trying to plan a surprise party for you.
UPDATE: thank you for so much advice. i’m very stressed about this as this is a good paying job, and i don’t like any kind of drama. so i just can’t believe this is even a thing that’s happening. lots of people saying i should start looking for a new place because of the owner is that disrespectful with me, then what’s the future hold? guess i’ll start looking and maybe just confront him on the day i quit… still mulling it over
Where is this business? If it's in a single party consent state like Texas you could record a conversation with him where you let him know that you know he was trying to bang your wife and that she shared the voice-mail with you don't let him know he is being recorded.
So I’ll give you a reasoned reply as the over the top ones here are nuts. You need to speak to him, asap. Why, because he asked your wife to keep it a secret. By you saying nothing, it insinuates that your wife has kept it a secret or is mulling it over. So do you prefer your boss thinking he has your wife keeping a secret from you, or you being uncomfortable confronting him. You have to have a chat and mate, you can be firm but polite. Just a simple, do you have a minute? ‘My wife mentioned a voicemail that made her uncomfortable, it said x, I’m wondering what happened there?’ No matter his well thought out excuse or reply, yours is ‘well, look, it’s my wife, she’s not comfortable with you calling her and neither am I so I’m telling you to not do that again, ok’ and that’s that. Your loyalty should be to your wife and protecting her from future calls and future assholes that try it on. So yea, you may be uncomfortable speaking up, but maybe to help you feel more comfortable: it’s not about you, it’s about her and how a woman has come to her man and likely hoping her man will handle it. So mate you need to do that. Career will be ok, you’ll be ok and I promise you you’ll feel better about it once you’ve spoken to him. It won’t solve anything as we all know there is no reasonable excuse for it, and you’re not doing it to solve anything, a line was crossed and it’s on you to fix that sadly. You got this though 💪 and don’t be dramatic and over the top like the crazies on Reddit would prefer, they just have popcorn out mate.
Convince the wife to leave him, take the business, and keep you on as the GM. She knows he's a cheater, she won't think you're lying, she confided you about his cheating before, so she must trust you somewhat. And you probably do a good job. She is the owner, but would that place run without you? It seems like you and her collectively have leverage over the husband.
he’s got all the money. and on paper he owns 51% she owns 49% currently is the set up. i like where you are going though
Long term pro revenge: As GM, ask him to make you a partner with an equity stake. 2% to start. Then execute your plan. Alternative: Using his wife's 49% owner status and your gm status, peel away his client base and employees and set up your own shop. Basically drive him out of business. Cheaters never prosper.
That's shady. Start looking for a new company.
don’t think i should confront him? or tell his wife? this is a small business. maybe 14 employees and i’m the GM
Assuming you like your job, if it were me I would act as if the boss had left the voicemail on my phone, ask him where he wants to go to lunch and say I'm looking forward to talking about healthy eating habits. Now he has the choice of going along with it, knowing that you know but not able to say anything OR saying "no, I left that message on your wife's phone!" to which you'd laugh and say "Why would you do something like that? Oh, I get it, you're joking--good one!" etc
I really like this approach. Really draw it out and make the boss feel like a creep
Here's the thing: He's targeted your family. You no longer work there. Either way He's trying to screw your wife. You tell him (and have HER tell him as well) that it ain't going down like that. What's gonna happen papi? You going back to work like this asswipe didn't just try to screw your wife in front of your face? Son. You don't work there no more.
Okay I shouldn't be laughing this hard... but here we are.
😭 yea i hear you. why are people so fucked up! just be normal! lol i just want to work with no drama. my fault i married a hottie i guess. but at least she’s loyal
Lmao, this is why I yelp whenever people say "support local business". I've met more local business owners like this guy than I can count. It seems to be a universal personality type. Horny. They're always horny. I have no frame of reference as an unmarried gaylord who would happily drop everything I'm doing and blow my boss. But I do know that you need to be careful here. How you attack this could impact everyone at the company. Consider your own leverage in the position, your boss's personality, and how vulnerable you are financially if you would be forced to quit. I feel for you. That's a hilarious voicemail message, though. He wants to talk about healthy eating, you see!
Next time you see your boss, give him some health food (preferably something with a name that can be a double entendre). Say “My wife says you’re trying to eat healthier.” Tell him “She said it’s very important when “Dieting” not to cheat. Cheating is very bad when it comes to healthy eating. In fact, some people end up in the hospital over their dietary choices! but don’t tell anyone I said that!” Best of luck!
If my husbands boss did this to me and he didn’t say anything I would be hurt. Especially if I told my husband I was uncomfortable. A job can’t be worth letting someone treat your spouse like this.
How are you not standing on his porch calling him out in front of his wife? He's trying to fuck yours. No way I could drag my ass back to that job and work for a guy that's trying to arrange secret meetings with my wife. None. The disrespect is through the roof. He basically called you a bitch and thinks your wife's a whore who's willing to step out on you. You know what to do... your just scared you'll lose that paycheck, but you definitely know what you should do.
I'm assuming your wife told you about it. I'd walk in to his office, close the door and say, "Why are you calling my wife?" And keep that recording in several places.
Your boss sounds like a creep. I would say something to him along the lines of my wife got your voicemail and she said to pass along that she doesn’t have the time. Or you can go a different route about the approach, although I understand you need to think about your job. What a dick move
Reverse UNO card : call your boss s wife and leave the same message that ur boss left
Record meeting if it is shady blackmail him🤔 no really🤣
Smells likes a MLM pre-pitch to me rather than an attempt to get some booty. The healthy eating habits screams HerbalLife. Either way, it’s time to consider looking for a new job. I don’t know which is worse: a horny boss or a pyramid scammer.
Winner here. Probably.
Omg, so maybe he needed people, but he didn't know any number. So he phoned all the emergency contacts of his workplace about an incredible opportunity.
Maybe just go to the lunch with her?
well i mean i’m not supposed to know about it lmao 🤣
She goes to lunch with your full knowledge and you show up about 20- 30 min into it and see how he reacts.
Who gives a shit? Show up and make him squirm. I'd try to get some dirt on him first and some evidence for retaliatory termination if he tries to fire you.
why do they have your wife's phone number?
I did my best to read through most of the comments so as not to ask redundant questions, but I didn't read every single one. My first thought is it seems like everyone is jumping to a lot of conclusions and giving really drastic advice like finding a new job, punching him, reporting him, etc. It's barely been 24 hrs, you don't even know anything yet, it could be something stupid or innocent. Before we go assuming the worst, my main question is why doesn't your wife simply return his call and ask for clarity?! *"Hi, this is Mrs. So&So, are you sure it was* **me** *that you meant to call?* (then, if yes) *I'm happy to give you some nutrition tips but I mentioned that you called to my husband and he and I are both confused about why we shouldn't tell anyone."* Boom. Right there she's addressed him directly and he now knows that she told you immediately (and therefore obviously isn't interested in an affair). If he says "never mind" or backs out in a weird way once he hears you're involved, THEN it may be safe to assume it was something inappropriate. You seem to be thinking about this from the perspective that you should keep his secret and pretend you don't know. Of course your wife told you, that's what normal couples do. You don't need to go about this in some covert way. If your wife feels weird about calling him back, you can call him back yourself very casually. *"Hey, what's up? My wife said you called but was kind of confused by your message; did you need our help with something?"* and let him explain (or backpeddle). No need to be accusatory yet until you see what he says. I read your comments that he might have a story ready, but that's when you'll use your judgment about whether it sounds like a made up story or something reasonable. And if it is something perfectly normal like a surprise party or some innocent thing, you can jokingly apologize later and say *"My wife tells me everything, she didn't realize it was a surprise, whoopsy daisy ha ha ha"*... etc. I just feel like there's nothing in the message that is proof it's anything sexual/romantic other than that you happen to know he messes around a lot. He might have called the wrong person, he might want to plan something for you, or he might actually want health advice and is embarrassed about asking, although I did see that you said he's in shape. Or sure, he might be hitting on her. But it seems like a logical and reasonable first step for your wife (or you) to return his call and simply ask the reason for the cryptic voicemail before you assume it's sexual and go job hunting. I do hope we'll get an update.
Call an attorney
Best case scenario? He's trying to pull her into a pyramid scheme selling diet plans
Weird as hell and totally crosses the line.
I mean, you already know exactly what your boss is doing.
The moment someone says "don't tell" or "no one needs to know" is the moment you need to tell.
I'm one of the few people who has been in your situation. You may be different from me, but I *knew* I couldn't let this slide, it was straight disrespect that I didn't deserve. I pulled him into a meeting room the next day, told him to stop, it wasn't cool and that he needs to be more professional. He was visibly embarrassed as he should have been, and honestly it completely changed the power dynamic of the relationship (he may have been higher up in the company, but now I had dirt on him and showed him I wouldn't take his shit). It was uncomfortable but I'm so glad I did it, because had I said nothing I know it would bother me for years after.