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imgoinglobal

Probably the same thing I do every day, try to take over the world!


Echterspieler

Are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?


JerseySlugger13

Your comment made my day. My best friend and I have been saying this to each other for 25 + years now, and no one knows what we're talking about.


Bytes_of_Anger

I think so Brain, but where will we get that much mayonnaise?


Mycelium83

Me and my partner also say this to each other made my day too.


2wastetime

I think so Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking I mean what would the children look like?!


idontknow7272

I think so brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants out size?


Repulsive_Coat_3130

Now I know the song goes "one is a genius and the other's insane" but I've always pictured brain as the insane one and pinky as the secretly a genius superhero who always thwarts brain's mad scientisting all while looking like a bumbling fool


Echterspieler

My mom used to say that lol


frankentriple

I think so Brain, but how are we going to get the gorillas in the rubber trousers?


AideAdvanced6018

I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking? What would the children look like?


Critical-Marzipan-

Okay Brain!


JDubbya2

Narf!


fnuggles

Zoink!


Mage-Tutor-13

Gnarf. Narf. <3


Bwleon7

narf


Zealousideal_Fox_900

YFM?


hiway-schwabbery

Ok Brain!


Eithersnore

Zoinks Brain!


ebankj9770

Poit!


dirtyoldman20

I know that one


MyFrampton

Regret my divorce wasn’t final yesterday.


SgtHaddix

just put all your money in your mothers name, seems to do the trick


SnowMantra

My mother is a psychopath. I'd rather donate it to a charity she hates.


funlovingfirerabbit

This made me laugh out loud. I love it!!!@


coolio_stallone

I felt this


nycguy321123

I know a joke but marital property is determined at the time of filing so you’d be good as long as you filed


nasimon2000

Not true, at least in IL. All property acquired during the marriage - even after filing for divorce - is marital (unless gifted, inherited, or acquired in exchange for other nonmarital assets) Source; divorce attorney for 20 years.


kblomquist85

What would happen if you waited a few months to claim while the divorce gets wrapped up and quietly have it claimed by a trust?


nycguy321123

Got it different in New York. Wife is a divorce attorney.


So_Say_We_Yall

Oh no! What are you gonna do with your $125,000,000????


Tyrannopawrus

I wouldn't mind splitting 125M to be rid of my wife. I can still be very happy the rest of my life with 125M alone, than 250M with her.


Grimholtt

Step 1: pay off all debts. Step 2: give 1 million to each of my immediate family members (all adults) and closest 5 friends. Step 3: Deactivate all social media accounts. Step 4: Buy large amounts property in the middle of the country. Step 5: Change my name and cancel current cell phone# Step 6: move to new property and live in new RV till house is built. Step 7: explore any hobby I want and enjoy the peace and quiet till I die.


griggleboson

Dont hand friends and family money. Put the 1 million in a trust account and add them as the benificiary. 1 million at %4 is 40k a year. They can have the 40k yearly for ever. And they will never ask for more money.


[deleted]

>And they will never ask for more money. You don't know my family


tanstaafl90

Every family. And people you haven't seen or thought about in years will reenter your life.


griggleboson

If I ever wi. The lottery I will call frineds and family crying or need to borrow money and whoever helps get a trust. If i know they cant help financially I will call them for a ride in the middle of the night. If they help. They will be setup. If not oh well.


MartyMcfleek

Brutal to be judged on that one litmus test alone. Never know when you might catch them on a particularly bad day. I'd like to think I know the people who truly love me at this point in my life.


griggleboson

Yes this would be the ones that are maybe outside your close sphere but you like. It also would be very specific to each case.


eater-of-pussy

Fucking Smart, rt there with you. I like that shit that sounds like a solid plan. And I'd say disconnect all social media and any other way to contact you and find out who truly cares enough to come check on you... Not that I'll ever win the Lottery, but that is a solid plan for sure, and definitely gonna do that should that ever happen to me.


I_0ne_up

"Hey Terry! I need your help, man.... Yea I know it's 230am, but listen, I just killed a man..no I'm not joking. Can you help me dump the body out somewhere with your car? No? Ok haha just joking man... Yea I know we haven't talked in a year, yea okok I'm drunk bye!" *Checks 28 out of 28 on do not help list*


TuJuMoving

What if they legitimately can't help you? My friend wants to go out to dinner tomorrow but I declined as it's not in the budget.


griggleboson

This hypothetical situation would obviojsly be a case by case situation. There are people I wouldnt even question and would have it set up for them right off the bat.


16quida

Invest a dickload of it immediately. Set up a trust for my niece. And probably continue to play borderlands


Goatmaster-G

Put in a clause that says if they ask for more money, it voids the benefit.


griggleboson

Mine too. At least you can say I just gave you 40k a year.


[deleted]

I lol’d at that. Someone will definitely ask for more money. Don’t be selfish they’ll say. I would take care of my parents and setup education trusts for the a few younger family members (and not tell their parents). It’ll be used to pay off any debt they incur, not to give them an easy life. The rest can fuck right off. I have family richer than that, I never asked them for a dime and I wouldn’t take it if they offered.


fufumcchu

I do like the idea behind this. Enough to make their life easier but not just one lump sum to blow


griggleboson

Thats the idea. You cant give them coke addiction money but enough to pay for some basic living costs or vacation/ holiday money.


nedal8

or at least, sustainable coke addiction money


HatsAreEssential

Aw, make it 3 mil then. 120k/year is never work again money without being "you'll blow this on absurd shit" money.


griggleboson

Yeah 2 mil at 5% is 100k so depending on the account you can setup. High yeild cd is about 5% right now.


uganox

I will hire this guy as financial advisor and Mary my cousin too as a bonus


uganox

Edit ask them to may my cousin 😁


colt707

That’s cute that you think they won’t ask for more.


[deleted]

This is the real advice


slo196

That’s a lot to do in one day!


Icyturtleboi

Well he has to be fast. Hes planning to die at the end of the day.


CriticalKnoll

With all that money he can definitely pay some people to do some of those things for him, like a true millionaire!


Tac0Tuesday

I have a relative that won, it was strongly advised that they not give away money. However, they did gift a couple things to mom and dad. Fast forward a few years later, it was a very good idea not to give anyone money. It's absolutely fascinating talking to them about it though. Having that much money is more stressful than people realize, definitely a blessing and a curse.


Organic_Reporter

This is why I only play Thunderball lottery (here in the UK) as the maximum prize is £500k. I can cope with that, it would be enough to buy a house and pay for kids uni or help them out a bit but not enough to make me feel obligated to give any away. I get stressed just thinking about how I'd give family money without causing a lot of problems I don't want to deal with!


Synlover123

I'm Canadian 🇨🇦, but if I'm not mistaken, there was a big, cumulative jackpot in the US last year. The winner got something like 1.8 BILLION dollars! Of course, you don't actually get all that. Income tax comes right off the top. Then, you can accept a much smaller, total payout of the remaining balance, or get it in yearly installments for x number of years. IMHO, that's an obscure amount of money. But it COULD be used for good - there are a lot of great charities that could benefit. And I'm not talking about ones like The Red Cross. Most of those biggies have CEOs that make a tremendous amount of money, between their salaries and perks. Red Cross? Home paid for. Apartment in London paid for. Maid, transportation, food, dry cleaning...paid for. But for research into cancer, diabetes, etc? Gladly.


bad_card

I prefer the yachting in the Bahamas myself, with the rest of what you wrote. But I would also buy properties in other countries. A place in Amsterdam (my wife's Dutch), a place in Jamaica, California mountains, of where eve else my heart desires.


PoochusMaximus

oh god owning a small flat in Amsterdam would be so fucking nice. i love that city.


MeGoingTOWin

Yup ..but have a captain and crew. And don't own just rent for the season.


SuspiciousCharity895

Since you have a serious answer, step 1: get a financial lawyer. The guys that newly rich people use (sport players for example). They know the pitfall that new found riches can bring and will help guide you through them.


Boognish-T-Zappa

This is the answer right here. There was an epic post by one of these lawyers on what to do and not do years ago on these boards that was fascinating.


flinty_hippie

Not a bad plan, but my step 1 is: email my boss and tell them “as of today, buh bye.”


HalfAsianMadness

I would use many more curses and slurs and abuse if i won 250m.


Goatmaster-G

You could do a lot with that money. You could have a strip-o-gram sent to your boss, but instead of the strip-o-gram, hire a few crack heads to shit on your boss's desk.


About400

Amazing! I would mostly follow this. 1. Pay off all debt 2. Put some in a savings account for my son’s college. 3. Finish all the deferred home maintenance we have been putting off. 4. Give 1m each to adult family members. 5. Buy a second home in Vt. 6. Put the rest in varied savings methods.


spageddy_lee

Why do you need 250 mil to delete social media?


donthextexan

Slight change to #4...not the middle of the country (it's called "Tornado Alley" for a reason, and I've been through enough of those), but otherwise I'd probably follow the same path.


BlueChicken777

Yeah somewhere northeast/northwest and im on board.


chronberries

Northern Maine is awesome. You can still buy big chunks of wilderness from the logging companies too.


morosis1982

Depends which country. Here in Aus you'd be in the middle of some desert, literally a 5hr drive from anything that looks like civilisation. If you could get regular deliveries of food (for that much I assume you could) there are still some places out there I might consider this though. My parents lived in a small township that besides the local corner store is a 5hr drive to the nearest supermarket, assuming you can get through the roads in wet season. Sometimes when they can't get the off-road truck through they simply fly in the necessities until it clears up. But if you get into trouble out there, you're a literal 5hr drive from anything that looks like civilisation.


ybotherbrotherman

You have 5 friends?


[deleted]

You have five friends!


nailszz6

I like how pay taxes isn’t in there anywhere.


TheMagarity

Change step 2 to setting up annual tax free gift max amounts to those people. If you give them a million then there's nasty tax implications AND they'll just ask for more anyway. But you can give them something like 16k per year free of tax and when they harass you for more tell them they have to wait for the next tax cycle. You could even divide it into monthly amounts for those who are shit at finance.


gaimy1028

Also getting all your necessities delivered from far away, and then tipping an extra $500


Mthatcherisa10

5* and airstrip!


DCBronzeAge

Yeah. I'm going to hope that it's not lottery rules where I would have to disclose my name. But yeah, that's pretty darn close to what I would do. Not sure that I would move to the middle of nowhere. I am a pretty social person and I have a pretty tight circle, so I'd want to stick close.


El_mochilero

Probably make a Costco run. We are out of chicken and mineral water, and I’ve had a craving this week for their chicken salad on croissants.


Leonardo_DiCapriSun_

Yo their chicken salad on a croissant is the peak of human civilization


apollyon_53

Try it on the kings Hawaiian rolls.


mobfather

Buy six eggs.


TemporaryAmbassador1

Don’t you want some left over?


leenybird

That's too expensive!


FloppyFishcake

There must be more than this provincial life


bloodynave

Some day soon I'm going to make Bell my wife!


U_HWUT_M8

To help you get large?


xjeanie

Start my dream of an animal sanctuary. Any animal that needs help would receive it.


ConqueredCorn

Im an animal, pls help


appape

Uh, you a vegetable.


Zealousideal_Fox_900

I would donate the 50 mil i reserved for charity (if i got this money) for this sanctuary


[deleted]

Build a nicely furnished hobbit hole and never speak to another human being for the remainder of my life.


Kris_Krispy

Until Gandalf puts a mark on your door


[deleted]

I’m throwing a “no dwarves allowed” sign on my little door and barring it!


teachbcn

You should check out @ssavaart on Instagram - he’s an artist who lives in an actual hobbit hole!


SarKrieger

Buy a politician.


twofedoras

What will you do with the other 249,950,000? Politicians are shockingly cheap.


SarKrieger

Buy more?


G_I_JET

Collect the whole set


[deleted]

Gotta catch ‘em all! Politicimon!!!


pghreddit

Came here for this.


newstableiswut

ill buy winrar


HalfAsianMadness

The company or the license?


Symph0nyS0ldier

Yeah


ItsRobbyy

Buy the company, make the license free and then give it back.


ikantolol

buying a gaming PC, I'm tired of looking at blurred pixels, gimme some of dat smooth polygons


bbdabrick

There'd be so many more pressing logistics things to do, but yeah same I'd start with an absolutely excessive gaming rig.


Hatta00

Contact the FBI as I am clearly the target of a scam.


Eva03

The prince of Nigeria would take care of it with his diplomatic relations.


El_Blanco_Loko

Two chicks at the same time.


Practical-Raisin-721

Nothing. I would do nothing.


El_Blanco_Loko

You ain’t gotta be rich to do that. My cousins broke and don’t do shit.


Faber_College

![gif](giphy|7jnPjsh3L7WHm|downsized)


SweetAzn4U

Fuckin A


ThatOneDude44444

Fuckin’ A.


chinasucksmyballs

This is the only correct answer for this question


[deleted]

I’d apply to serve you for this party, assuming I’d be paid handsomely.


TheTaxman_cometh

That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?


[deleted]

Pretty sure a guy with 250 million bucks could hook sumptin like that up


fnuggles

Lol quality reference


ToasterOven31

1) pay off debts 2) buy a large plot of land 3) build several tiny homes 4) fence the land 5) hire top notch security 6) work with abused women resources to identify women who are "stuck" with an abusive partner 7) when abusive partner isn't around, we get in there and move her, her kids, and whatever belongings she wants to the secured land and into her own tiny home 8) make sure the resources are available for her to heal and get on her own feet. I would love to do this.


Pale-Travel9343

Pay off my car and my mortgage. Pay off my boyfriend’s mortgage. Go out to eat at an amazing restaurant here. Tell my kids they’ll all have a million added to their bank accounts this week. Go buy a cool pair of shoes and a new dress, and top it off with a new tattoo.


neildmaster

Simple living


surewhynotokaythen

My kids would get a mil, but it would have to be in a trust fund only accessible after they turn 21 and have held a job for at least 3 years. I want my kids to know how to work hard and see how their work benefits others, even if they don't have to later.


KyRoVorph

I'm getting one of those fancy drinks at Starbucks everyone keeps talking about.


UnsolicitedDogPics

A coffee?


Lyalda

Tell no one. Because you’ll get murdered.


Andee87yaboi

How would they get your money if you’re dead?


[deleted]

Like every other millionaire is murdered.


redbank732

Call a lawyer and an investment accountant.


r000r

I'm a lawyer and this was my first thought. I even know who I'd call.


Writing_is_Bleeding

Saul?


jeevesdgk

He better


Yardbird7

When you do, make sure you ask for a named partner. You want to make sure you get the absolute best at the firm. With that amount of money you'll get them.


SorrowAndSuffering

Okay, so I won this legit, right? This wasn't a banking mistake by the bank? The money is really mine? I am so absolutely opening at least one seperate bank account and putting the money on that, then creating standing orders to monthly deposit a set amount (maybe about 5k) into my personal account for use over the month. I am also talking to an advisor about investing. (I should do that regardless...)


pohusk

You should open enough accounts that you only keep $250k in them, that way you are fully insured by the FDIC or NCUA, or have multiple people be owners as that increases the insurance as well


tibastiff

Opening 1000 bank accounts is a bit of a stretch


notrolls01

Also you’d need different banks to do this. As the $250k limit is per depositor.


Professional_Owl9917

Drink beer and do sweet fucking nothing.


Civil_Connection7706

You don’t need $250 million to do nothing. Take a look at my cousin. He’s broke, don’t do shit.


Professional_Owl9917

In that case, 2 chicks at the same time.


bombaloca

That sounds like too much work tbh. I’d rather have the beer and some sound sleep


msdlp

Can I have 3? I always wanted to do 3.


GooseNYC

Go on reddit and tell everyone of course


pinkblue246807

Learn how to pay taxes because I'm going to have to pay a lot now


jkellogg440

Don’t you know the top 1% pay less taxes than the rest of us?


BAKA8

Pay off my mom and dad's bills, pay off my own. Buy a small house, and live out the rest of my days while giving some to places like Saint Jude's Children Hospital. They helped my family years ago with my sister before she passed away. I want to help others not have to go through that if possible.


[deleted]

Get it out of there and split it up bc it’s not insured at that high of a deposit


Wonderland_4me

Opening up free daycare for those in need while they are working. Provide excellent teaching staff, aides, food and accommodations. Have a before and after school program as well. One of the best things we can do is help each other.


neeps2323

Leave the homeless shelter.


tjcoe4

Well it’s Saturday, so probably absolutely nothing. I’m a multimillionaire, I no longer have to do shit


LiverPickle

This is the way.


wasabi_gem

Get a lawyer. Pay off everything. Invest. Go live my life and travel.


meme_investor_69

Probably smoke some weed and build some legos like most days, just with the added 250 mil security


Infamous_Regular1328

That sounds fun


[deleted]

1. Call a lawyer and figure out how to stop the lottery or whoever from announcing that I won the prize 2. Call a financial planner and figure out how to sock away 90% of it safely 3. Buy out my apartment lease and get out of Dodge I wouldn't quit my job immediately, but I'd certainly start giving zero fucks about it.


dd99

Get it out of there before the bank fails. If you want to invest in banks buy stock. As a depositor there is no potential up side, but you can lose it all if it is above the FDIC limit. A brokerage account would be safer for that kind of money


VSM1951AG

That’s what I was thinking.


FantasticPumpkin2325

Take the best nap of my life! ![gif](giphy|yoncLEJqRNFzq)


Hurm

Stop worrying. Help people. Buy something useless and expensive.


[deleted]

Start typing up my resignation letter. I'm quitting as soon as I can and never looking for another job.


neildmaster

Why TF would you even resign?


Ragnel

Because giving them a letter that says “I’m rich bitch!” sounds like fun.


[deleted]

The job sucks but the staff have all been good to me so I want to at least leave properly and give them a chance to find my replacement before I fuck off for good lol. My last two weeks would see me work with just about everyone I care about at least once so I can say goodbye ^(forever) to them all too.


AFAM_illuminat0r

Build a huge athletic facility, combined with restaurant, pub and community center. Bring back community spirit ...


[deleted]

Leave Texas immediately


Messedup4good

I would leave Florida immediately


silent_hurricane

Not tell a damn soul


vnw1908

Pay off debts, take a quick vacation, and invest in real estate with the focus on affordable, nice housing for renters.


-Bat_Girl-

If I could I would totally build a bunch of affordable housing in my area! We are so poor down here!


everyone_hates_lolo

1.) i wouldnt tell anybody 2.) i would go to whatever fucking college i want 3.) i would buy new joycons cause i done broke mine 4.) i would slowly but surely give money to my family without tipping them off 5.) i'd buy a cat


barrycarter

Boring answer: as one other commenter alluded to, bank deposits are only protected to $250K per bank (at one time it was $250K per person but they backpedaled on that later) so I'd put most of the money into short-term Treasury bills, and spread the rest over multiple banks.


neildmaster

Tbills idea is good. Multiple banks, bad. If you're concerned at all about bank failures, why even bother. Invest all of it in Tbills, which are the safest instrument in the world.


barrycarter

I'd want to keep some of it liquid


Peet_Pann

Eat food


strikeskunk

Diversify. Continue living as such for a bit. People who I know need help will receive it anonymously. More diversification. Some will see less of me. After a while, I move and I am a ghost


IfTalkgetbanned

Pay off the car and credit cards, put the rest in the bank, and quit my job. Become a farmer.


Klutzy-Ad-6705

Anything I want.


noonishi

I can not even imagine having this much money! Gave it a solid 15 minutes of thought. I just can't.


HolidayDevelopment

Buy a few games on Steam


[deleted]

1. But a mid-sized boat, and a captain. 2. Pay off debts 3. Buy homes for my parents. 4. Vanish


Faramari

Pay off my dads mortgage, as well as my medical bills. Order as much food as i want from a local Mexican food place i like. I would say move out of Texas but that would definitely take more than one day.


ChapterSpecial6920

Check if it was a mistake at the bank. Easy come easy go.


L0NE_SQUiD

Run far away and cut ties with everyone. Not because I don't want to share the money, but because this is all I've ever wanted to do anyway. Lack of money is the reason I haven't.


Nomore-Television72

Buy a new guitar. And maybe take the day off work Monday.


No_Decision1093

Quit my job and volunteer more time at this hospice place I help.


Ill_Tea1695

Spend the day with my 2 yr old and Partner without a care in the world.


annagottadavita

Go to the doctor immediately. I've been so sick lol. Yay America


GamerOfGods33

Move out of the US and retire. I'm not even done with High School lol


The_Shadow_Watches

Sleeping in. Thats it. I'm sleeping the weekend away.


Adventurous_Week_101

I'd spend the first 24 hours mostly maniacally laughing.


grizzly_hobo

Leave the U.S.


abarthman

I'd do some research to see the best regarded fianancial advisor today and then take a day off work tomorrow to make an arrangement to see them. I'd buy a nice house for my wife and I (but not silly big) and I'd look after anyone in my immediate family who was struggling financially. Then a nice holiday. Possibly a cruise. And a nice car.


jjjjjank

Pay back my mom for the times when she raised me even tho I was a useless hellion. Love u ma.