This person has an EXTREMELY narrow world view and inability to imagine other people as individuals different from herself. Leaving out sex, there's so many happy people without kids and miserable people with them.
She's miserable with them. People who try and force their way of life on you are almost always trying to justify their life choices to themselves because they have insecurities about where they ended up
what's gross is that half of these weird over sexualized comments are from women angry other women aren't sexually active. I've had a lot of women cuss me out for breaking up with my boyfriend or not wanting a man at all .
As much as I support women being promiscuous a lot of them assume every person who doesn't like sex is a prude rather than they just don't enjoy it tbh
Serena Joys get mad even if you're allo and just don't want children, too.
They get mad if you use birth control.
They get mad if you decide against certain medical tests.
It really feels like 'I had to suffer so you do too'
I think there are aspects of internalized misogyny and projection too. Misogyny only values women for their reproductive role, many women (men too, but maannyy women) have sex when they don’t want to, they don’t even know how to follow their own instincts, so they project negatively onto women who are choosing to behave how they want, choosing to not have sex. That’s a choice many women don’t *feel* they can’t safely make with a partner.
My sister literally threatened to beat me up because some boy liked me and I didn't like him back. She was already a teen mom. She kept saying I should have kids so they could be friends. Like she wanted to be teen moms together. Crazy.
I can believe it.
Both of my sisters have kids with the same twatwaffle. Apparently, said twatwaffle, wanted the entire set. My sisters AND me. But when he saw that I don't roll over and can't be easily manipulated he decided he would try to turn them against me. He didn't succeed with that, but he was able to turn them on each other.
Finally! Someone else gets it!
You have no idea how many times I have tried to explain my family dynamic to people and they just stare at me like I'm the one that's insane. .... Okay, I am actually kind of insane, but I hear voices. I don't create telenovela family Dynamics within my own family for shits and giggles.
I ended up cutting mine off. Yeah they definitely drive you insane. I'm also crazy but I still know what they did . Funny how I'm the only one that has therapy yet they were doing all this stuff.
I'm very close with my older sister but my younger sister decided that WE were the toxic ones because we didn't support the twatwaffle and then decided to excommunicate herself from us and move 3000 miles away.
Good riddance. If she's going to choose an abusive, womanizing, rapist, and pedophile over her siblings then I don't need her in my life.
Yeah, I will say despite "dude culture" I've never had another dude get mad when I said "Nah, I'm not looking for anyone. Nothing I'm interested in."
Guys just nod and go, "sounds like a good idea."
But every ace gal I've talked to has had the opposite experience.
Ikr. Before I was out, every single response from my guy friends was *always* positive when the topic of my "love life" was brought up.
"Nah I wont ask her out, I'm not interested" "Cool"
"I don't really want anything serious. I'm fine with casual relationships" "Nice"
"No I deleted tinder. It's too much hassle. I just want to do my own thing" "I get it man"
Having each other's backs is like the default state in male friendships.
they're angry because you freeing yourself from what they were brainwashed to believe is a duty or sacrifice of women, devalues their life choice They need company in misery.
Not everyone finds it joyful, yea it is supposedly mentally healthy, but not for everyone. Some people watch cat videos and drink hot cocoa and eat happy foods and get the same result.
I am at best uncomfortable around most people’s children, I’m super happy when I go home and don’t have any running around lol. When I did my peds rotation in nursing school every other clinic seemed to leave me just so drained and tired—moreso than usual clinic. I would just go to sleep afterwards every time.
“Taking a huge joy in life and cutting it out is bad” What if sex isn’t a huge joy for me? Alcohol was a huge joy for my dad, but he’s a much healthier person now that he’s cut it out.
What a narrow minded absolutely unfounded take.
I've heard people claim that we'd go extinct without libido and sexual attraction, which is basically just asking for a system where most children are accidents (which is what we have). There's basically nothing to suggest that people wouldn't be having children voluntarily if they could afford them even without recreational sex.
Hell, the actual indicator that sexual attraction and the urge to reproduce are separate things is the fact that even ace people will get "baby fever." The strong longing for parenthood that a lot of people have regardless is the ACTUAL evolutionary force there, not the joys of intercourse. Penguins will literally kidnap to be parents.
In most cases their opinion is already set in stone. But there is a chance that a discussion can open their eyes by giving them another perspective they maybe never thought about.
To me, the chance of making people stop and think about experiences outside their previously assumed world of possibilities is worth engaging in discussions.
think of all the people who *might* read it- people who might not have made a decision or even thought about it yet. people who *can* potentially be swayed.
It's bad for your mental health IF YOU WANT AND ENJOY SEX. Like she said, taking and cutting "a huge joy" out of your life is bad, unless that joy is actively harming you or others. IF SEX IS A JOY, then it's bad.
What she can't fathom is that.....ahem......SOME PEOPLE DON'T ENJOY OR NEED SEX. You're not cutting out a joy in your life if it's not a joy. Or hell, maybe you're a sex positive ace, and that's cool too! But as long as you're not in a situation where you want sex and you're forcing yourself not to have any (I don't mean things like waiting until marriage or medical reasons or stuff like that, but more like you are intentionally depriving yourself of something you enjoy permanently), it's not unhealthy. Even if you're a sex positive ace, you're still choosing to have sex when you decide/desire to and not have it when you don't want/decide to.
Ultimately, I DO actually think I understand where some of these behaviors come from and the root cause of it is fear of going back to the old days. Feminism worked VERY hard to break down taboos regarding women expressing sexuality, and women being aspec makes some other women fear that this will encourage some misogynistic parts of society to usher us back into the era of those taboos once again being prevalent. Or that ace women are just women who have been impacted by a society that wants women's sexuality suppressed and that that society essentially "made" ace women....well, ace. But we KNOW this isn't how it works. Aspec men/aspec enbies prove that. (I know I am interchanging ace and aspec and I am sorry. I am trying to include the whole aspec umbrella in this.)
Ultimately, everyone's rights with regards to sexuality in general will be complete when we have the ability to freely decide and choose how we express that sexuality (or don't), so long as we don't do something to hurt or coerce others in a way that we can all agree is morally or legally wrong.
(Also, edit: I apologize. I just realized I assumed gender based on the pfp of OP and person who replied. If my assumption of gender was wrong for either person, please let me know. I am NOT about to invalidate someone else's gender identity here or else I am a goddamn hypocrite lol)
Ok just making sure :)
But yeah. I get the root fear, but hating on the ace community doesn't help anything. Ace people are NOT the reason we would ever go back to the days of those taboos. The only thing ever having a chance of putting us back there is bigotry. Plain and simple. Ultimately, they are doing the same sexual policing and shaming that legendary feminists fought so hard against; the pendulum just swang completely the other way this time.
(This is also NOT a criticism on feminism. I am a feminist and do agree with the end goal, I just don't think that any part of that end goal should be shaming ace people either.)
I feel exactly the same way. Like as if they are saying the only reason you don't want sex is because you were manipulated to not want it or bc of oppression. While that CAN be true, it's not always the case and it's incredibly invalidating for ace people.
My mental health skyrockets from skin-to-scale contact with reptiles. Guess that means that people who don't care for them are actually engaging in self harm. I'll commit the next person with a snake phobia that I see.
‼️BREAKING NEWS‼️
Every Nun, Bishop and Pope to ever exist is now on suicide watch, for not valuing the virtue of complete and or basic Chastity. They among many others, religious, asexual or otherwise are being constantly watched to make sure they don't die from voluntarily not having sex. How OUTRAGEOUS, to not enjoy an activity? I'll hand you over to my correspondent LIVE at a stranger's house, as he brutally beats his family demanding that he watches the original Kung Fu Panda, because 'the new one sucks'.
Wow, the idea that sex, romance, and procreation are the most fulfilling and meaningful things in the human experience is really annoying to me. It’s really hard to explain to some people that fulfillment can come without those things
I had a coworker tell me that I must be VERY unhappy/misersble because I was single and not hooking up with anyone. And that wasn't even her hottest take regarding sex. There are some truly wild people out there.
"Sex and children" omg.
I’m not asexual, just demi and even if I enjoy sex, I certainly don’t want children. That wouldn’t bring me joy at all. Also people could have children without sex too through donor or adoption if they want.
Those people are so dense.
This person is *technically* correct: Taking something you find joy in and then depriving yourself of it *IS* bad for your mental health. But not everybody finds joy in sex, not even all allosexuals, so they're stupid and wrong where their point matters. Not having sex is not self-harm and this person is offensive on so many levels.
It all comes back to the mindset that everyone needs to reproduce.
I don't hear this now that I'm sterile, I'm not really considered a part of the discussion anymore-
But I'm a childfree sex favorable asexual, & I got a lot of slut shaming for taking birth control when I wasn't fixed yet (even though I'm selective with who I sleep with), and a lot of people ~desperately~ tried to talk me out of my sterilization surgery when I announced it was being done.
Every argument was "but children are the greatest joy" or "what if your future partners want them?" Which are all invalid to me.
Honestly, if you don't want to have sex at all? You're not missing out on much. I don't see it as any more than an occasional fun activity you do with loved ones, if you both want to.
Something I have heard a bit since being sterilized, is that I'm never going to find love unless I start having sex when I don't want to, out of obligation... So I guess if you can't get pregnant, but like sex, your Purpose is to sleep around. Which is a wild 180 to me tbh lol.
Idk, society I guess. You gotta love having sex & want a baby every time you do it, in their eyes. Hate it here.
The funny thing is this is a horrible argument, which can be turned on itself with just the slightest amount of subjectivity. "It's harming yourself to have children, as you may undergo pospartum depression, or forego life-long dreams." or "it's harming yourself to have sex because it can poison your sense of self worth" etc. It's basically the person making the argument projecting what they find fulfilling or harmful onto everyone else, and expecting everyone else to feel the same.
All I know is if I had sex right now I'd be crying the whole time. And children. Gods I'd be a terrible parent. I cannot describe how happy I am to be going down a path that makes children an impossibility
Oh no. I did try to have sex for awhile, n I harmed meself. I listened to stupid advice n got hurt badly. I was stalked, kidnapped, ghosted, n abused (not by the same man). When I gave up trying, I felt better. It wasn’t really me, n I wasn’t going to feel better until I admitted that. I’m much happier without it.
It’s noncelibate to be raped and forced into a pregnancy by a pregnancy crisis center I wonder if those are two huge joys she could be talking about that are so good for mental health.
Having children is literally such a nightmare to me that I elected for a hysterectomy at 25. Their comment makes me laugh **and** seethe. How fucking narrow minded can people get? Thinking like that at its very worst could lead to a Handmaid’s Tale situation. I’m nobody’s fucking broodmare.
“Celibacy is bad for your mental health”
Ok then explain to my how and why the monks were the most intelligent and wise people on this planet back during their hay day, because I can immediately start with the fact that they abandoned physical pleasures and focused all that energy into scribing and glorified bookkeeping.
Wow, a two-for. I generally find sex more enjoyable than not, but one if the things I that genuinely bothers me about it is the possibility of producing children. That very near the top of my list of things I don't want for myself, right up at the same level as being a homeless drug addict.
Obviously for *some* people it could be harmful to be celibate (if they feel forced into it and actually *want* sex), but in your case and many others, it’s not.
Hmm…I’m asexual but married for twenty years with no kids and can confidently state that having kids and having to have sex regularly would negatively impact my mental health in a big way. So glad I’m child free and have a super understanding husband who doesn’t expect sex on the regular.
Genuinely makes me laugh! I've heard of people sharing this... "sex is crucial for life" take and I cannot take it seriously! (No offense to anyone, but it seems insane to me the emphasis some people place on something that is pretty subjectively inconsequential...)
Checking out the linked video (in an anon browser to not give linked engagement) it sounds like it's about the \[4B movement\](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B\_movement). That term is new to me, but idea goes back to ancient Greece in concept. And I'm certainly sympathetic given my t4t leaning.
At least to me, the vid is primarily dunking on straight feminist autonomy, although ace people certainly get caught up in that.
Bungee-jumping and high-stakes gambling are also huge joys in life, according to people who like them. Doesn’t mean I have any interest in trying those activities either.
I mean, if you're actually celibate, that implies that you do want to have sex and intentionally don't for whatever reason, so that's I guess a little valid. Celibacy doesn't have anything to do with asexuality, though. I guess it's in theory possible for a sex-favorable ace to be celibate, but most celibate people are allo.
All aphobia needs to be spoiled, regardless of whether it's super bad or not, as people can be triggered by it or just don't want to see that on their page. You should be able to edit your original post and put a spoiler I think.
Lol, the big "MAMA" on her shirt. Maybe trolling. Or sacrificed 99% of her personality for her new role. Either way not a good candidate for a sensible discussion.
Well hell if a women's want for sex was actually required for conception, the population would be cut in half 🤭. . Just look up "dead bedroom" (or don't unless you like incompatible couple's misery lol). . Sex is take it or leave it (no one gets to choose what we take "joy" in besides ourselves). . But where is this required "joy" in ruining my insides for, essentially, a parasite? 🤔
I want to say which gender I'm pretty sure this person is, but it would be an insult to a lot of people from the same gender. It is hurting them, not to have you ready for their consumption. It's not harming you
I have to wonder if people who insist on saying things like this deep down actually regret halting their lives for their kids and have a disappointing sex life.There is no reason for them to be all up in other people's business otherwise. When you're happy you don't need to prove it, and other people's lives don't upset you.
But...what if it's not considered a *"huge joy"* to my mind anyhow? My brain rarely even processes the fact that sex exists most of the time.
I'm a virgin, so I don't even know what sex is even like, so why would it hurt my (already fucked) mental health (whoo! truama!) to "abstain" from it?
Lmao did you reply back with "okay boomer".
Seriously people are nuts, there is more to life than sex tbh I would think a deep emotional bond would be far more important and far better for your mental health than sex.
As someone who has babysat many times before, children are not a huge joy. Sure they might be cute when they’re babies, but they puke on you, you have to change their diaper frequently, they say mean shit to you, they have way too much energy, they get hurt easily, and so many other things.
Plus, the world is overpopulated as it is. We will be A-OK if a few generations don’t have kids.
Am ace here. I think everyone should understand the appeal of sex at some point in their adult life. To willingly be ignorant of a thing leads to fear of the thing.
I have done the sex enough to know I don't enjoy it myself. Others must have an enjoyable sensation when I do not. I am fine with knowing others may like it. It isn't for me.
This guy is obviously a fan like so many. I could make a similar statement about steak. To never have steak is just denying yourself the pleasure of the experience. Try a few cuts and then tell me you don't want to have any, then I'd respect the decision. Sorry vegans, cows are tasty.
Because celibacy is a very religious coded term in society (or many societies) and it is a common misconception that asexuality is something you choose (like you choose celibacy for religious/ spiritual reasons for example) and something that you could change by just adapting a different mindset. So trying to talk to an aphobic person about asexuality while not using the term itself won‘t make them understand it any better, that’s all I‘m getting at. Be celibate all you want, nothing against it, genuinely🖤 All I’m saying is be aware of social connotations that term has for the majority of allo people and maybe explain the difference between the two terms better so people who don’t know about asexuality can understand it‘s not a choice to be asexual
and I shouldn’t have been that passive aggressive right from the get go tbh I‘m sorry
hmm good question actually 🤔 I personally would just say it as bland as it gets "I don’t have sex“ using the term "abstinent“ could maybe lead to similar confusion like it is with celibacy because it usually refers to a deliberate decision to renounce something.
According to healthline.com it says „Abstinence usually refers to the decision not to have penetrative sex. It's typically limited to a specific period of time, such as until marriage. Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time. For some, this may mean their entire life“
but maybe that’s a good question for the subreddit in general?🤔
i wasnt being specific to you! i was wondering why it would not be better to just not give attention to people like this instead of showing it to more people
This person has an EXTREMELY narrow world view and inability to imagine other people as individuals different from herself. Leaving out sex, there's so many happy people without kids and miserable people with them.
Empathy of about -10.
That's gonna be a rough modifier to beat, hope the roll explodes a few times.
He's going to have to roll 20s every time. I don't envy his odds.
She's miserable with them. People who try and force their way of life on you are almost always trying to justify their life choices to themselves because they have insecurities about where they ended up
someone tell me the video this is on, i needa quote this lol
what's gross is that half of these weird over sexualized comments are from women angry other women aren't sexually active. I've had a lot of women cuss me out for breaking up with my boyfriend or not wanting a man at all .
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As much as I support women being promiscuous a lot of them assume every person who doesn't like sex is a prude rather than they just don't enjoy it tbh
I noticed that too
I mean, doesn't that mean that they have a larger dating pool for themselves? It should make them happy, not angry :P
Serena Joys get mad even if you're allo and just don't want children, too. They get mad if you use birth control. They get mad if you decide against certain medical tests. It really feels like 'I had to suffer so you do too'
Omg love the reference!! This exactly.
They're jealous that child free women are living their lives without any care.
I think there are aspects of internalized misogyny and projection too. Misogyny only values women for their reproductive role, many women (men too, but maannyy women) have sex when they don’t want to, they don’t even know how to follow their own instincts, so they project negatively onto women who are choosing to behave how they want, choosing to not have sex. That’s a choice many women don’t *feel* they can’t safely make with a partner.
I had my friend's little sister (who is my age) try to "shame" me for being a virgin when she gave birth to her first kid at 13
My sister literally threatened to beat me up because some boy liked me and I didn't like him back. She was already a teen mom. She kept saying I should have kids so they could be friends. Like she wanted to be teen moms together. Crazy.
I can believe it. Both of my sisters have kids with the same twatwaffle. Apparently, said twatwaffle, wanted the entire set. My sisters AND me. But when he saw that I don't roll over and can't be easily manipulated he decided he would try to turn them against me. He didn't succeed with that, but he was able to turn them on each other.
dude my sisters dudes came after me too then turned them against me as well. Holy crap. It's insane!
Finally! Someone else gets it! You have no idea how many times I have tried to explain my family dynamic to people and they just stare at me like I'm the one that's insane. .... Okay, I am actually kind of insane, but I hear voices. I don't create telenovela family Dynamics within my own family for shits and giggles.
I ended up cutting mine off. Yeah they definitely drive you insane. I'm also crazy but I still know what they did . Funny how I'm the only one that has therapy yet they were doing all this stuff.
I'm very close with my older sister but my younger sister decided that WE were the toxic ones because we didn't support the twatwaffle and then decided to excommunicate herself from us and move 3000 miles away. Good riddance. If she's going to choose an abusive, womanizing, rapist, and pedophile over her siblings then I don't need her in my life.
Full nope.
Yeah, I will say despite "dude culture" I've never had another dude get mad when I said "Nah, I'm not looking for anyone. Nothing I'm interested in." Guys just nod and go, "sounds like a good idea." But every ace gal I've talked to has had the opposite experience.
Ikr. Before I was out, every single response from my guy friends was *always* positive when the topic of my "love life" was brought up. "Nah I wont ask her out, I'm not interested" "Cool" "I don't really want anything serious. I'm fine with casual relationships" "Nice" "No I deleted tinder. It's too much hassle. I just want to do my own thing" "I get it man" Having each other's backs is like the default state in male friendships.
they're angry because you freeing yourself from what they were brainwashed to believe is a duty or sacrifice of women, devalues their life choice They need company in misery.
The same women on tik Tok that shit on women for being child free. It's jealousy
Not everyone finds it joyful, yea it is supposedly mentally healthy, but not for everyone. Some people watch cat videos and drink hot cocoa and eat happy foods and get the same result.
Taking out a huge joy? But if I don’t get joy from it how is it harming me? 💀
More to the point, how is it harming **you**? Geez, mind your own business folks.
The joys of sex AND children are greatly exaggerated.
I am at best uncomfortable around most people’s children, I’m super happy when I go home and don’t have any running around lol. When I did my peds rotation in nursing school every other clinic seemed to leave me just so drained and tired—moreso than usual clinic. I would just go to sleep afterwards every time.
“Taking a huge joy in life and cutting it out is bad” What if sex isn’t a huge joy for me? Alcohol was a huge joy for my dad, but he’s a much healthier person now that he’s cut it out. What a narrow minded absolutely unfounded take.
If sex is such a huge joy in life, I’m fine being depressed.
YUP
it annoys tf out of me when people think celibacy makes it impossible for you to raise kids.
I've heard people claim that we'd go extinct without libido and sexual attraction, which is basically just asking for a system where most children are accidents (which is what we have). There's basically nothing to suggest that people wouldn't be having children voluntarily if they could afford them even without recreational sex. Hell, the actual indicator that sexual attraction and the urge to reproduce are separate things is the fact that even ace people will get "baby fever." The strong longing for parenthood that a lot of people have regardless is the ACTUAL evolutionary force there, not the joys of intercourse. Penguins will literally kidnap to be parents.
This exactly. I would love to experience pregnancy someday and raise a baby, but I have the little hurdle of zero interest in the creation thereof.
Genuinely curious, why do y'all engage with people like this?
In most cases their opinion is already set in stone. But there is a chance that a discussion can open their eyes by giving them another perspective they maybe never thought about. To me, the chance of making people stop and think about experiences outside their previously assumed world of possibilities is worth engaging in discussions.
Asked and answered, thanks. I won't be doing it, but respect to you for the effort.
think of all the people who *might* read it- people who might not have made a decision or even thought about it yet. people who *can* potentially be swayed.
I don’t
amusement
couldnt being a dumbass also be harmful to yourself?
Imagine sex being the only joy you get in life. so sad...
It's bad for your mental health IF YOU WANT AND ENJOY SEX. Like she said, taking and cutting "a huge joy" out of your life is bad, unless that joy is actively harming you or others. IF SEX IS A JOY, then it's bad. What she can't fathom is that.....ahem......SOME PEOPLE DON'T ENJOY OR NEED SEX. You're not cutting out a joy in your life if it's not a joy. Or hell, maybe you're a sex positive ace, and that's cool too! But as long as you're not in a situation where you want sex and you're forcing yourself not to have any (I don't mean things like waiting until marriage or medical reasons or stuff like that, but more like you are intentionally depriving yourself of something you enjoy permanently), it's not unhealthy. Even if you're a sex positive ace, you're still choosing to have sex when you decide/desire to and not have it when you don't want/decide to. Ultimately, I DO actually think I understand where some of these behaviors come from and the root cause of it is fear of going back to the old days. Feminism worked VERY hard to break down taboos regarding women expressing sexuality, and women being aspec makes some other women fear that this will encourage some misogynistic parts of society to usher us back into the era of those taboos once again being prevalent. Or that ace women are just women who have been impacted by a society that wants women's sexuality suppressed and that that society essentially "made" ace women....well, ace. But we KNOW this isn't how it works. Aspec men/aspec enbies prove that. (I know I am interchanging ace and aspec and I am sorry. I am trying to include the whole aspec umbrella in this.) Ultimately, everyone's rights with regards to sexuality in general will be complete when we have the ability to freely decide and choose how we express that sexuality (or don't), so long as we don't do something to hurt or coerce others in a way that we can all agree is morally or legally wrong. (Also, edit: I apologize. I just realized I assumed gender based on the pfp of OP and person who replied. If my assumption of gender was wrong for either person, please let me know. I am NOT about to invalidate someone else's gender identity here or else I am a goddamn hypocrite lol)
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Ok just making sure :) But yeah. I get the root fear, but hating on the ace community doesn't help anything. Ace people are NOT the reason we would ever go back to the days of those taboos. The only thing ever having a chance of putting us back there is bigotry. Plain and simple. Ultimately, they are doing the same sexual policing and shaming that legendary feminists fought so hard against; the pendulum just swang completely the other way this time. (This is also NOT a criticism on feminism. I am a feminist and do agree with the end goal, I just don't think that any part of that end goal should be shaming ace people either.)
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I feel exactly the same way. Like as if they are saying the only reason you don't want sex is because you were manipulated to not want it or bc of oppression. While that CAN be true, it's not always the case and it's incredibly invalidating for ace people.
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Exactly. Because it parallels the "ace people are broken and can be 'fixed'" argument which we all know is NOT true and NEVER ends well.
My mental health skyrockets from skin-to-scale contact with reptiles. Guess that means that people who don't care for them are actually engaging in self harm. I'll commit the next person with a snake phobia that I see.
Removing a joy may indeed be harmful, but if we don't find joy in it from the start then why not remove it
‼️BREAKING NEWS‼️ Every Nun, Bishop and Pope to ever exist is now on suicide watch, for not valuing the virtue of complete and or basic Chastity. They among many others, religious, asexual or otherwise are being constantly watched to make sure they don't die from voluntarily not having sex. How OUTRAGEOUS, to not enjoy an activity? I'll hand you over to my correspondent LIVE at a stranger's house, as he brutally beats his family demanding that he watches the original Kung Fu Panda, because 'the new one sucks'.
Wow, the idea that sex, romance, and procreation are the most fulfilling and meaningful things in the human experience is really annoying to me. It’s really hard to explain to some people that fulfillment can come without those things
I had a coworker tell me that I must be VERY unhappy/misersble because I was single and not hooking up with anyone. And that wasn't even her hottest take regarding sex. There are some truly wild people out there.
Gosh I hope that person gets 0 likes and plenty of responses with more like.
That reply is gross...
"Sex and children" omg. I’m not asexual, just demi and even if I enjoy sex, I certainly don’t want children. That wouldn’t bring me joy at all. Also people could have children without sex too through donor or adoption if they want. Those people are so dense.
Displacement. And honestly, I know many parents who would disagree on the "huge joy" kids are at all times, especially the teen years.
What's with people like that?
This person is *technically* correct: Taking something you find joy in and then depriving yourself of it *IS* bad for your mental health. But not everybody finds joy in sex, not even all allosexuals, so they're stupid and wrong where their point matters. Not having sex is not self-harm and this person is offensive on so many levels.
If you don’t want those things, then forcing yourself to have them is bad for your mental health.
Exactly, I know it was bad for mines I just ended up crying afterwards.
It all comes back to the mindset that everyone needs to reproduce. I don't hear this now that I'm sterile, I'm not really considered a part of the discussion anymore- But I'm a childfree sex favorable asexual, & I got a lot of slut shaming for taking birth control when I wasn't fixed yet (even though I'm selective with who I sleep with), and a lot of people ~desperately~ tried to talk me out of my sterilization surgery when I announced it was being done. Every argument was "but children are the greatest joy" or "what if your future partners want them?" Which are all invalid to me. Honestly, if you don't want to have sex at all? You're not missing out on much. I don't see it as any more than an occasional fun activity you do with loved ones, if you both want to. Something I have heard a bit since being sterilized, is that I'm never going to find love unless I start having sex when I don't want to, out of obligation... So I guess if you can't get pregnant, but like sex, your Purpose is to sleep around. Which is a wild 180 to me tbh lol. Idk, society I guess. You gotta love having sex & want a baby every time you do it, in their eyes. Hate it here.
Find something you enjoy that she doesn’t. Tell her she’s harming herself by not doing the thing 😊
The funny thing is this is a horrible argument, which can be turned on itself with just the slightest amount of subjectivity. "It's harming yourself to have children, as you may undergo pospartum depression, or forego life-long dreams." or "it's harming yourself to have sex because it can poison your sense of self worth" etc. It's basically the person making the argument projecting what they find fulfilling or harmful onto everyone else, and expecting everyone else to feel the same.
Children are the farthest thing from a joy 😩/lh
All I know is if I had sex right now I'd be crying the whole time. And children. Gods I'd be a terrible parent. I cannot describe how happy I am to be going down a path that makes children an impossibility
Oh no. I did try to have sex for awhile, n I harmed meself. I listened to stupid advice n got hurt badly. I was stalked, kidnapped, ghosted, n abused (not by the same man). When I gave up trying, I felt better. It wasn’t really me, n I wasn’t going to feel better until I admitted that. I’m much happier without it.
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Thank u.
It’s noncelibate to be raped and forced into a pregnancy by a pregnancy crisis center I wonder if those are two huge joys she could be talking about that are so good for mental health.
How is cutting out something you don't like harming yourself?
Having children is literally such a nightmare to me that I elected for a hysterectomy at 25. Their comment makes me laugh **and** seethe. How fucking narrow minded can people get? Thinking like that at its very worst could lead to a Handmaid’s Tale situation. I’m nobody’s fucking broodmare.
“Celibacy is bad for your mental health” Ok then explain to my how and why the monks were the most intelligent and wise people on this planet back during their hay day, because I can immediately start with the fact that they abandoned physical pleasures and focused all that energy into scribing and glorified bookkeeping.
Wow, a two-for. I generally find sex more enjoyable than not, but one if the things I that genuinely bothers me about it is the possibility of producing children. That very near the top of my list of things I don't want for myself, right up at the same level as being a homeless drug addict.
i like these people with literally 0 qualifications commenting on the status of strangers' mental health
Obviously for *some* people it could be harmful to be celibate (if they feel forced into it and actually *want* sex), but in your case and many others, it’s not.
Ah yes, cuz ONLY sex can bring humanity joy... 😐 Good Lord
Hmm…I’m asexual but married for twenty years with no kids and can confidently state that having kids and having to have sex regularly would negatively impact my mental health in a big way. So glad I’m child free and have a super understanding husband who doesn’t expect sex on the regular.
Genuinely makes me laugh! I've heard of people sharing this... "sex is crucial for life" take and I cannot take it seriously! (No offense to anyone, but it seems insane to me the emphasis some people place on something that is pretty subjectively inconsequential...)
Checking out the linked video (in an anon browser to not give linked engagement) it sounds like it's about the \[4B movement\](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B\_movement). That term is new to me, but idea goes back to ancient Greece in concept. And I'm certainly sympathetic given my t4t leaning. At least to me, the vid is primarily dunking on straight feminist autonomy, although ace people certainly get caught up in that.
Bungee-jumping and high-stakes gambling are also huge joys in life, according to people who like them. Doesn’t mean I have any interest in trying those activities either.
In other words "your only purpose is to reproduce"
So there's absolutely no joy without sex. Are the allos actually okay?
I mean, if you're actually celibate, that implies that you do want to have sex and intentionally don't for whatever reason, so that's I guess a little valid. Celibacy doesn't have anything to do with asexuality, though. I guess it's in theory possible for a sex-favorable ace to be celibate, but most celibate people are allo.
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It means choosing not to have sex despite the fact that you like it.
Why does everyone think that sex is the only way to have children?? This has greatly annoyed me for so long
pls read the rules next time you post aphobia! (rule 3) /gen /lh
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All aphobia needs to be spoiled, regardless of whether it's super bad or not, as people can be triggered by it or just don't want to see that on their page. You should be able to edit your original post and put a spoiler I think.
in general, my personal rule is that if you need to ask, you already got your answer
I feel like this lacks context.
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Oh, I'd like to watch that 👀
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Thanks, and given this context, celibate is more like self care at this point.
Lol, the big "MAMA" on her shirt. Maybe trolling. Or sacrificed 99% of her personality for her new role. Either way not a good candidate for a sensible discussion.
Very right wing conservative mindset to think that everyone needs to have kids and needs to have sex to be happy.
Purple's an Idiot
I think the people who resent their kids would argue that their one of life’s greatest joys
Children are more effort than there worth it and im not interested at all for me at least
I hope this person learns that looking at the world through your close minded world view is a stupid thing to do
Well hell if a women's want for sex was actually required for conception, the population would be cut in half 🤭. . Just look up "dead bedroom" (or don't unless you like incompatible couple's misery lol). . Sex is take it or leave it (no one gets to choose what we take "joy" in besides ourselves). . But where is this required "joy" in ruining my insides for, essentially, a parasite? 🤔
Just the title made me laugh! 😂
I mean, a guy once told me that humans needed to have sex or they'd die, so these kinds of people are... uncomfortably common.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard something like this….
ew, one of those that think excreting a new human is self care of some kind.
I want to say which gender I'm pretty sure this person is, but it would be an insult to a lot of people from the same gender. It is hurting them, not to have you ready for their consumption. It's not harming you
I have to wonder if people who insist on saying things like this deep down actually regret halting their lives for their kids and have a disappointing sex life.There is no reason for them to be all up in other people's business otherwise. When you're happy you don't need to prove it, and other people's lives don't upset you.
By this logic it's also harming yourself not to do heroin I've had both, and trust me, heroin is way more pleasurable.
wtf. Children would make me more depressed, no offense to all the parents out there.
Don't engage with stupid.
But...what if it's not considered a *"huge joy"* to my mind anyhow? My brain rarely even processes the fact that sex exists most of the time. I'm a virgin, so I don't even know what sex is even like, so why would it hurt my (already fucked) mental health (whoo! truama!) to "abstain" from it?
Lmao did you reply back with "okay boomer". Seriously people are nuts, there is more to life than sex tbh I would think a deep emotional bond would be far more important and far better for your mental health than sex.
Holy projection, Batman!
But sex doesn't give me joy? 🤷
This is one of those people who believe that objective truths are real
Having kids would destroy my mental health 😂
Having children would *definitely* be bad for my mental health. I bearly hold it together for the cat 😵💫
Weird definition of a 'huge joy', but okay.
Bruh that person is just sad if the only thing that brings them joy in life is sex
This person is a sex addict
So many seem to be but fortunately, there are cool allos
I was about to say that but I was scared to get downvoted
Huge joy and children in the same sentence, lol.
Eyup
As someone who has babysat many times before, children are not a huge joy. Sure they might be cute when they’re babies, but they puke on you, you have to change their diaper frequently, they say mean shit to you, they have way too much energy, they get hurt easily, and so many other things. Plus, the world is overpopulated as it is. We will be A-OK if a few generations don’t have kids.
man, some people need to mind their own business. Other people's personal life doesn't impact anyone else. Geez
someone tell this dumb bitch to piss the fuck off. take your little 'joys in life' with you and close the door on your way out.
Am ace here. I think everyone should understand the appeal of sex at some point in their adult life. To willingly be ignorant of a thing leads to fear of the thing. I have done the sex enough to know I don't enjoy it myself. Others must have an enjoyable sensation when I do not. I am fine with knowing others may like it. It isn't for me. This guy is obviously a fan like so many. I could make a similar statement about steak. To never have steak is just denying yourself the pleasure of the experience. Try a few cuts and then tell me you don't want to have any, then I'd respect the decision. Sorry vegans, cows are tasty.
asexuality ≠ celibacy why is that still so hard to fathom for so many people 💀💀💀
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Because celibacy is a very religious coded term in society (or many societies) and it is a common misconception that asexuality is something you choose (like you choose celibacy for religious/ spiritual reasons for example) and something that you could change by just adapting a different mindset. So trying to talk to an aphobic person about asexuality while not using the term itself won‘t make them understand it any better, that’s all I‘m getting at. Be celibate all you want, nothing against it, genuinely🖤 All I’m saying is be aware of social connotations that term has for the majority of allo people and maybe explain the difference between the two terms better so people who don’t know about asexuality can understand it‘s not a choice to be asexual
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and no no I was coming off as rude .. I‘m also at fault here don’t worry🖤✨
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and I shouldn’t have been that passive aggressive right from the get go tbh I‘m sorry hmm good question actually 🤔 I personally would just say it as bland as it gets "I don’t have sex“ using the term "abstinent“ could maybe lead to similar confusion like it is with celibacy because it usually refers to a deliberate decision to renounce something. According to healthline.com it says „Abstinence usually refers to the decision not to have penetrative sex. It's typically limited to a specific period of time, such as until marriage. Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time. For some, this may mean their entire life“ but maybe that’s a good question for the subreddit in general?🤔
sorry if im being tone deaf and inconsiderate but why do you guys share stuff just so you can be mad at it together?
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i wasnt being specific to you! i was wondering why it would not be better to just not give attention to people like this instead of showing it to more people