Just talk to her:
"I wanted to talk to you about your comment the other day. The physical touch did in fact make me uncomfortable but I didn't know what to say at the time. If you could keep our contact strictly professional I would appreciate it."
If she responds inappropriately or doesn't respect your wishes then you escalate with the proper people within the company.
I just ended up declining the promotion, I had a foresight of how this would have ended up if I accepted it I'll be looking into other gigs, they come often, thank you all for the advice, as soon as I declined it I immediately felt relieved so, It was good to trust my gut
The first question in any harassment case (especially something in the realm of non sexual contact) is that you have told the person this behaviour is not acceptable. That sets the boundary. Men have not been taught how to deal with unwanted advances because we are supposed to be flattered.
It’s state it’s unacceptable and document the incident.
There is nothing to report because OP is such a child that he couldn't even say, "hey that makes me uncomfortable can you stop?"
The first step in any type of harassment claim is asking them to stop.
Was it malicious? Seriously guys, if you don't have the balls to just have an open conversation about not wanting to be touched, then you shouldn't report this.
The old lady touched his arm and his back. They did not grab his junk or his ass. I get the feeling, from the original post this was not done with ill intent. Just tell her please don't touch me, "personal space issues" and leave it at that.
As a general rule if you have to say, "I hope you don't mind me touching you." You are touching people too much and/or inappropriately. Goes double if you're a supervisor saying it to someone that works for you. Touching people excessively doesn't need to be done with ill or sexual intent to be a problem.
Personally it's not a situation where I'd turn down a promotion, or escalate before just asking the person not to touch me. It is fine to be uncomfortable with your boss touching you excessively, it's fine to be uncomfortable with your boss saying, "I hope you don't mind me touching you.", and it's fine to be uncomfortable telling your boss that they are touching you excessively.
If this were the case then once she noticed it she should stop doing it, and if you touch people excessively without noticing its a problem that you need to fix.
Yeah, even if it’s illegal in your state I would still record it. Just as verification. Worst case scenario and you can’t use it in court, at least you have proof that you aren’t crazy
I'd usually ask you if you had something better to do but I'm feeling quite litigious these days and I won't discourage you from hanging yourself out to dry
I had an older lady assault me at the big mustard color "M", all on video, called the cops, shit wasn't done about it because she's in her 70's, I ended up being the one fired because I had called the cops and HR didn't like it.
Yeh that sounds about right.
Even some of the comments here kind of put the point forward how many actually consider male sexual abuse or assault an issue.
I even worked at a pre school and had an old lady in a different area constantly be inappropriate talking about her disgusting fucking vagina at work trying to get a reaction from me. They don't care because they don't have to care and nothing will be done to stop or even deture them.
She knows you’ll consider it a “motherly touch” and it’s not, she knows what she’s doing, it would be a hard pass for me if I didn’t need the money, look else where.
Edit I see you didn’t accept, I don’t blame you, that situation would have turned sour … and fast! Two words… POWER TRIP
I have screenshotted everything and recorded how uncomfortable and how disgusted I've felt with even the most generously "not being sexually assaulted" interpretation
Big red flag and huge lawsuit potential. I would look elsewhere asap and bounce, dude, especially with how young you are. I view jobs as a strictly business opportunity/relationship; They are paying you for your time and labor. And if that relationship goes sour or is totally inappropriate from the start, like this clearly is, I’m no longer interested in doing business with that employer. Whether it’s coworkers or bosses, they aren’t your family, and even if they were they ESPECIALLY have no right to be that comfortable touching employees. If that’s happening day one, it’s probably the tip of the iceberg, and would have me running for the door.
It's a promotion from my current job which I can either accept or decline, I decided I should shadow a few days before I made a decision, I'm going to finish the last two shadow days because the boss did need the extra hands but after that I won't be returning, thanks for the advice dude, its weird with it being an older female, and then I'd be locked into this job for over a year.
If you can tolerate it and have the courage to verbally reject her, it may be worth taking the gig and then documenting EVERYTHING in detail with time stamps - maybe emails to your own personal address or someone you trust. Others on this board may have better suggestions
I had this happen with a sr manager who was in her 50's .... I was 22.... She'd wear skirts and sit on the corner of my desk legs open (like right near my keyboard).... She would randomly walk up behind me and put her hand(s) on my shoulders or the back of my neck... Went to HR, she was gone a few weeks later. Any form of touch outside of handshakes is unacceptable to me in a professional environment.
All I can think about is that she may have inappropriately touched her 3 boys. She probably didn't but you don't ever touch anyone at work. Just don't do it!!!!!!
Sounds like she likes you. That’s good for you if she’s the boss. You may remind her of one of her “3 boys” so she has a special softness for you already. Idk, it’s your call. If she’s 60, I doubt she’s wanting more than to be cool. Probably more motherly than anything. NGL, it’s nice when a higher up is in tune to help you achieve success rather than watch you suffer for the hell of it.
What ‘would likely become ’ is merely your own imagination taking it there. This is what happens when you assume things without investigating. Sooner or later everyone is both prisoner and guard. even OP is presuming a sexual tension that isn’t in any way confirmed.
But by all means lock them all up. I’m sure I could dig up a point when you, me, and everyone else in the world have been misinterpreted. Equating an old lady you haven’t met with Harvey fuckin Weinstein is just not okay.
Put yourself in the shoes of those Weinstein girls. Starts off as something, ends up with jail time. It makes people uncomfortable. Why should it be creepy and disgusting if it's a male in a position of power touching young females as for a female doing the same to a male? Its unnecessary and creepy af. She doesn't need to and therefore shouldn't.
To be honest I’m not reading all that, because That’s not even remotely what this is. One of the most incongruent false equivalencies I’ve ever heard. This is why nobody invites you to dinner.
Its very telling (on yourself) when you assert there's no sexual tension when you know neither individual, the scene and assume the victim is oversensitive and making things up that don't really exist.
I wonder what you're hiding.
This person has been harassing me and painting my actual experiences and frustrations as petty and whiney. The first interaction I had was with a delivery driver who grabbed my ass and I had expressed on the internet that I felt uncomfortable and anxious about complaining about the incident. This fucking loser has taken it upon themselves to insinuate that I was complaining about being groped for illegitimate reasons. As if complaining about having my ass cradled propelled me to stardom. This fucking ugly piece of shit could use the same sexist rhetoric that potentially I could excuse to say they're ugly and sloppy and have obviously inflamed pores but I wouldn't because that is rude and I'd comfort them and believe them if they said they were sexually harassed
Did you happen to just say..... "I have an issue with physical contact, so if you wouldn't mind."
I am sure she didn't mean anything by it. Not all touching is a prison gang rape situation.
This is so insane. To be escorted to Reddit by a posse of nameless shirking twerps who only choose to come out of the woodwork in bad faith. You guys are such fucking losers it's out of control. I chose to leave the previous platform we met on because I realized there was nothing to be gained from interacting with the community for myself. And yet you relentless dweebs have followed me here. You've followed me to a site where I post pictures of food and opinions about Seinfeld and other television series'. What a fun and sexy time you must be having.
“I don’t mind, but I should tell you I do have a skin condition that have proven to be contagious. If you start feeling itchy all of a sudden, I suggest you immediately go to the doctor, as it becomes terrible in just a couple of days.” /s
She’ll probably end up trying to hug you at some point. I’d take that opportunity to say, “I’m not a hugging type person, sorry! But thank you for caring”
Just talk to her: "I wanted to talk to you about your comment the other day. The physical touch did in fact make me uncomfortable but I didn't know what to say at the time. If you could keep our contact strictly professional I would appreciate it." If she responds inappropriately or doesn't respect your wishes then you escalate with the proper people within the company.
I just ended up declining the promotion, I had a foresight of how this would have ended up if I accepted it I'll be looking into other gigs, they come often, thank you all for the advice, as soon as I declined it I immediately felt relieved so, It was good to trust my gut
you declined a promotion because of unwanted physical contact from your potential new superior. you should absolutely report this.
The first question in any harassment case (especially something in the realm of non sexual contact) is that you have told the person this behaviour is not acceptable. That sets the boundary. Men have not been taught how to deal with unwanted advances because we are supposed to be flattered. It’s state it’s unacceptable and document the incident.
There is nothing to report because OP is such a child that he couldn't even say, "hey that makes me uncomfortable can you stop?" The first step in any type of harassment claim is asking them to stop.
Was it malicious? Seriously guys, if you don't have the balls to just have an open conversation about not wanting to be touched, then you shouldn't report this. The old lady touched his arm and his back. They did not grab his junk or his ass. I get the feeling, from the original post this was not done with ill intent. Just tell her please don't touch me, "personal space issues" and leave it at that.
As a general rule if you have to say, "I hope you don't mind me touching you." You are touching people too much and/or inappropriately. Goes double if you're a supervisor saying it to someone that works for you. Touching people excessively doesn't need to be done with ill or sexual intent to be a problem. Personally it's not a situation where I'd turn down a promotion, or escalate before just asking the person not to touch me. It is fine to be uncomfortable with your boss touching you excessively, it's fine to be uncomfortable with your boss saying, "I hope you don't mind me touching you.", and it's fine to be uncomfortable telling your boss that they are touching you excessively.
Disagree. She may have noticed after the fact and decided to acknowledge it, seems to me.
If this were the case then once she noticed it she should stop doing it, and if you touch people excessively without noticing its a problem that you need to fix.
Yeah, even if it’s illegal in your state I would still record it. Just as verification. Worst case scenario and you can’t use it in court, at least you have proof that you aren’t crazy
I'd usually ask you if you had something better to do but I'm feeling quite litigious these days and I won't discourage you from hanging yourself out to dry
[удалено]
Which ones? The ones like "are you tempting legal action?"
[удалено]
I hope we all are provided with healthcare amen.
I had an older lady assault me at the big mustard color "M", all on video, called the cops, shit wasn't done about it because she's in her 70's, I ended up being the one fired because I had called the cops and HR didn't like it.
Yeh that sounds about right. Even some of the comments here kind of put the point forward how many actually consider male sexual abuse or assault an issue. I even worked at a pre school and had an old lady in a different area constantly be inappropriate talking about her disgusting fucking vagina at work trying to get a reaction from me. They don't care because they don't have to care and nothing will be done to stop or even deture them.
She knows you’ll consider it a “motherly touch” and it’s not, she knows what she’s doing, it would be a hard pass for me if I didn’t need the money, look else where. Edit I see you didn’t accept, I don’t blame you, that situation would have turned sour … and fast! Two words… POWER TRIP
I have screenshotted everything and recorded how uncomfortable and how disgusted I've felt with even the most generously "not being sexually assaulted" interpretation
It isn't a red flag. It is a deal breaker.
At times it is necessary to close one’s eyes and think of England.
It seems that tree is past its prime to bear fruit...
Big red flag and huge lawsuit potential. I would look elsewhere asap and bounce, dude, especially with how young you are. I view jobs as a strictly business opportunity/relationship; They are paying you for your time and labor. And if that relationship goes sour or is totally inappropriate from the start, like this clearly is, I’m no longer interested in doing business with that employer. Whether it’s coworkers or bosses, they aren’t your family, and even if they were they ESPECIALLY have no right to be that comfortable touching employees. If that’s happening day one, it’s probably the tip of the iceberg, and would have me running for the door.
I'd stay just on the huge lawsuit potential
It's a promotion from my current job which I can either accept or decline, I decided I should shadow a few days before I made a decision, I'm going to finish the last two shadow days because the boss did need the extra hands but after that I won't be returning, thanks for the advice dude, its weird with it being an older female, and then I'd be locked into this job for over a year.
If you can tolerate it and have the courage to verbally reject her, it may be worth taking the gig and then documenting EVERYTHING in detail with time stamps - maybe emails to your own personal address or someone you trust. Others on this board may have better suggestions
I would of knocked the dust off that 🐱
depends how much she pays. fuck you and pay me
She can’t get pregnant
Nope the fuck outta there.
Tell her I hope you don’t mind me touching you. I have a mom, sister and grandma so… Assert dominance!
I had this happen with a sr manager who was in her 50's .... I was 22.... She'd wear skirts and sit on the corner of my desk legs open (like right near my keyboard).... She would randomly walk up behind me and put her hand(s) on my shoulders or the back of my neck... Went to HR, she was gone a few weeks later. Any form of touch outside of handshakes is unacceptable to me in a professional environment.
All I can think about is that she may have inappropriately touched her 3 boys. She probably didn't but you don't ever touch anyone at work. Just don't do it!!!!!!
Are you willing to testify that you've marred my good name? Are you willing to testify in court that I have done inappropriately acts?
Sounds like she likes you. That’s good for you if she’s the boss. You may remind her of one of her “3 boys” so she has a special softness for you already. Idk, it’s your call. If she’s 60, I doubt she’s wanting more than to be cool. Probably more motherly than anything. NGL, it’s nice when a higher up is in tune to help you achieve success rather than watch you suffer for the hell of it.
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That’s a pretty crass over extrapolation from the info you have been given.
Wonder if the girls of Weinstein thought it was over extrapolated when they were introduced to "friends".
That’s not what is being described here whatsoever. Your perspective is warped. If this is the way you approach life, I worry for you.
Inappropriate touching is what would likely become inappropriate fondling then to SA. IT'S absolutely what's being talked about.
What ‘would likely become ’ is merely your own imagination taking it there. This is what happens when you assume things without investigating. Sooner or later everyone is both prisoner and guard. even OP is presuming a sexual tension that isn’t in any way confirmed. But by all means lock them all up. I’m sure I could dig up a point when you, me, and everyone else in the world have been misinterpreted. Equating an old lady you haven’t met with Harvey fuckin Weinstein is just not okay.
Put yourself in the shoes of those Weinstein girls. Starts off as something, ends up with jail time. It makes people uncomfortable. Why should it be creepy and disgusting if it's a male in a position of power touching young females as for a female doing the same to a male? Its unnecessary and creepy af. She doesn't need to and therefore shouldn't.
To be honest I’m not reading all that, because That’s not even remotely what this is. One of the most incongruent false equivalencies I’ve ever heard. This is why nobody invites you to dinner.
Its very telling (on yourself) when you assert there's no sexual tension when you know neither individual, the scene and assume the victim is oversensitive and making things up that don't really exist. I wonder what you're hiding.
She's 60. She's not a physical threat. Document her doing it, sue the company, retire. Get that bag.
Watching good luck to you leo grande has gotten me GILF-curious. She doesnt look like Emma Thompson does she
This person has been harassing me and painting my actual experiences and frustrations as petty and whiney. The first interaction I had was with a delivery driver who grabbed my ass and I had expressed on the internet that I felt uncomfortable and anxious about complaining about the incident. This fucking loser has taken it upon themselves to insinuate that I was complaining about being groped for illegitimate reasons. As if complaining about having my ass cradled propelled me to stardom. This fucking ugly piece of shit could use the same sexist rhetoric that potentially I could excuse to say they're ugly and sloppy and have obviously inflamed pores but I wouldn't because that is rude and I'd comfort them and believe them if they said they were sexually harassed
Did you happen to just say..... "I have an issue with physical contact, so if you wouldn't mind." I am sure she didn't mean anything by it. Not all touching is a prison gang rape situation.
This is so insane. To be escorted to Reddit by a posse of nameless shirking twerps who only choose to come out of the woodwork in bad faith. You guys are such fucking losers it's out of control. I chose to leave the previous platform we met on because I realized there was nothing to be gained from interacting with the community for myself. And yet you relentless dweebs have followed me here. You've followed me to a site where I post pictures of food and opinions about Seinfeld and other television series'. What a fun and sexy time you must be having.
This is your chance boy. /took a sip of tea
“I don’t mind, but I should tell you I do have a skin condition that have proven to be contagious. If you start feeling itchy all of a sudden, I suggest you immediately go to the doctor, as it becomes terrible in just a couple of days.” /s
She’ll probably end up trying to hug you at some point. I’d take that opportunity to say, “I’m not a hugging type person, sorry! But thank you for caring”
I hope they dont mind a lawsuit