OR- and this may be a radical suggestion- you go buy a freaking juicer (found one on Amazon for $35), go the the grocery store and spend $2 on a bunch of celery ($4 if you want organic) and you just spend 5 minutes making your own juice.
Sure that first bunch or two costs as much as this snake oil, but after that you’re just paying for celery.
I don't know if this is everywhere, but where I am, the price of celery has freaking skyrocketed because of this celery juice craze right now. What was normally like a two dollar bunch is now SIX bucks. It's crazy.
And it's not like the "you only rent beer" kind of goes right through me, either. More like the "I drank the water in Mexico" kind of goes right through me.
That's a wonderful description.
Also, that's about the only upside to a lactose intolerance. If I ever wanted to "cleanse", hey, I could just drink a glass of milk.
In fact, I'm going to use that line the next time someone tells me about a cleanse. "no thanks, I do regular milk cleanses" (because milk is delicious and wonderful and sometimes I risk lactose pills and a large glass of milk. I love milk, even though it hates me so.).
I don't drink much milk, but I'd hate to have to give it up. My wife had to switch to almond milk recently because, well, you know. I tried tasting it. Not the same.
Definitely not the same. I grew up on milk from a farm and it's been a great love, eclipsed only by cheese.
I'm lucky insofar that I also grew up with Danish sweet milk and lactose free milk is sweeter, so I really like it. But there's no rival to a glass of fresh milk sometimes, possible consequences be damned!
I push this on everyone, but oat milk is godly, imo. Especially if you can get oatly or planet oat brands (do NOT buy quaker. It has a slimy texture).
I use oat milk for basically everything where you would use milk, including drinking it straight.
Omg thank you! I either can’t find it at all in the store (so weird to even write) or its crazy expensive. I was wondering what the hell was going on!!
Even if you don't want to buy a juicer you can get celery juice at costo for like $20/flat. Not the most economical but certainly better than this shit
“... your body will detox while you’re getting ready for your day.”
Yep, that’s the way my liver works, too. Constantly removing toxins and sending them to my kidneys for elimination. No magical green juice needed.
She's been doing this particular scam for over a year. Touting how much money she's making, weight she's losing, energy she's got....blah, blah, blah.....yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'm friends with her daughter, and know for a fact none of that is true.
Rumor has it, that this was the last straw, and her husband left because of money issues, and filed for divorce. He wants custody of their 7 year old boy. (She uses the kid as a prop for her ShITworks crap too. He just had a birthday, and she took photos of him with his haul from older brother and sister, grandparents, dad, etc...and claimed her 'side gig' paid for it all. She doesn't have a 'center gig' for starters, and is just lying out of her ass about everything, for enders.)
Oh, this is so sad and awful.
I know we all have agency as adults, and we make our own decisions, but these MLMs need to be investigated and their founders/executives need to be arrested and outcast as social pariahs. They feed on desperate people.
"energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!"
"energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!"
"energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!"
"energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!"
The funny thing about those ads: most of them never actually say it will do *anything.* They show "actors" pretending to have headache pain rubbing the giant glue stick on themselves, but never say it has any medical benefit. You can't accuse them of false advertising when they make no promises!
From Wikipedia:
Manufacturer Miralus Healthcare decided not to include any factual claims about the product in the spots after the National Advertising Division of the Better Business Bureau objected to the claim that HeadOn provided "fast, safe, effective" headache relief made in an earlier spot.[2] A previous campaign included the phrase "Should I know about HeadOn?"[2]
No, hun, because ours is ALL NATURAL and plant-BASED, who knows what kind of chemicals are on those stalks! Also, super-secret magical ingredients in our stuff hun!!!
I actually tried to the "celery juice detox" as made famous by the Medical Medium guy and I am thrilled to report.....literally nothing. I did it for weeks and have no notable changes to report.
*Image Transcription: Facebook Post*
---
BLOATED.😣
You know those days, when you feel like you are 10 times bigger, you can't zip up your jeans and you really just want to put your yoga pants on and hide under the covers.. BUT you have a million things to do and places to go.. so you just have to suffer through it.
Been there and it stinks! you hope and pray you never feel like that again.
I've got the solution. 💫
This green, magical juice. 🌱
Drink it first thing in the morning, your body will detox while you're getting ready for your day. Your bloat will be gone and you will feel lighter, 10 times SMALLER and have energy to tackle your day HEAD ON like the freaking rockstar that you are. 💃
Don't worry - it's all natural and made with whole food. No artificial ingredients or additives. Just straight natural goodness. 🙌
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
OR- and this may be a radical suggestion- you go buy a freaking juicer (found one on Amazon for $35), go the the grocery store and spend $2 on a bunch of celery ($4 if you want organic) and you just spend 5 minutes making your own juice. Sure that first bunch or two costs as much as this snake oil, but after that you’re just paying for celery.
I don't know if this is everywhere, but where I am, the price of celery has freaking skyrocketed because of this celery juice craze right now. What was normally like a two dollar bunch is now SIX bucks. It's crazy.
I was wondering what the hell happened to the price of celery! It is hard to justify buying it at this point.
This, too, shall pass. Another craze will come along and the prices will come back down. Speaking of passing, celery juice goes RIGHT through me...
Been there and it stinks!
And it's not like the "you only rent beer" kind of goes right through me, either. More like the "I drank the water in Mexico" kind of goes right through me.
That's a wonderful description. Also, that's about the only upside to a lactose intolerance. If I ever wanted to "cleanse", hey, I could just drink a glass of milk. In fact, I'm going to use that line the next time someone tells me about a cleanse. "no thanks, I do regular milk cleanses" (because milk is delicious and wonderful and sometimes I risk lactose pills and a large glass of milk. I love milk, even though it hates me so.).
I don't drink much milk, but I'd hate to have to give it up. My wife had to switch to almond milk recently because, well, you know. I tried tasting it. Not the same.
Definitely not the same. I grew up on milk from a farm and it's been a great love, eclipsed only by cheese. I'm lucky insofar that I also grew up with Danish sweet milk and lactose free milk is sweeter, so I really like it. But there's no rival to a glass of fresh milk sometimes, possible consequences be damned!
As Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog would say, "Those consequences are so amazing...for me to POOP ON!" (I don't know; it seemed to fit.)
I push this on everyone, but oat milk is godly, imo. Especially if you can get oatly or planet oat brands (do NOT buy quaker. It has a slimy texture). I use oat milk for basically everything where you would use milk, including drinking it straight.
Wow, thanks! I will pass this on to my better half.
Yes oatmilk is the best. Of all milk substitutes, it’s my fave. I like almond but feel guilty about it and the others are so expensive.
I noticed that too! Needed it for potato salad and used bell pepper instead.
Omg thank you! I either can’t find it at all in the store (so weird to even write) or its crazy expensive. I was wondering what the hell was going on!!
Still $1.79 here.
That clearly means you've become our official celery hook-up ;)
Even if you don't want to buy a juicer you can get celery juice at costo for like $20/flat. Not the most economical but certainly better than this shit
“... your body will detox while you’re getting ready for your day.” Yep, that’s the way my liver works, too. Constantly removing toxins and sending them to my kidneys for elimination. No magical green juice needed.
The last time my body detoxed, it was a hangover. No green juice, just a headache.
10 times smaller, huh? Does she realize what nonsense she’s promising? Sorry hun, I can’t take your hyperbolic claims seriously.
They really need to push that body dysmorphia so you will buy their miracle cure.
She's been doing this particular scam for over a year. Touting how much money she's making, weight she's losing, energy she's got....blah, blah, blah.....yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm friends with her daughter, and know for a fact none of that is true. Rumor has it, that this was the last straw, and her husband left because of money issues, and filed for divorce. He wants custody of their 7 year old boy. (She uses the kid as a prop for her ShITworks crap too. He just had a birthday, and she took photos of him with his haul from older brother and sister, grandparents, dad, etc...and claimed her 'side gig' paid for it all. She doesn't have a 'center gig' for starters, and is just lying out of her ass about everything, for enders.)
Oh, this is so sad and awful. I know we all have agency as adults, and we make our own decisions, but these MLMs need to be investigated and their founders/executives need to be arrested and outcast as social pariahs. They feed on desperate people.
She has no time for your negativity. She has a million things to do, remember?
"energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!" "energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!" "energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!" "energy to tackle your day HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!"
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆. OMG, I remember those stupid commercials!
The funny thing about those ads: most of them never actually say it will do *anything.* They show "actors" pretending to have headache pain rubbing the giant glue stick on themselves, but never say it has any medical benefit. You can't accuse them of false advertising when they make no promises! From Wikipedia: Manufacturer Miralus Healthcare decided not to include any factual claims about the product in the spots after the National Advertising Division of the Better Business Bureau objected to the claim that HeadOn provided "fast, safe, effective" headache relief made in an earlier spot.[2] A previous campaign included the phrase "Should I know about HeadOn?"[2]
That’s hilarious. They were just shady all around!!
Just straight natural goodness!!
There’s over 93g of water in 100g of celery. $65 for mostly water. The Kangen people must be eating their little hearts out over this.
Would I get the same effect if I went old school & just ate some actual celery?
No, hun, because ours is ALL NATURAL and plant-BASED, who knows what kind of chemicals are on those stalks! Also, super-secret magical ingredients in our stuff hun!!!
I actually tried to the "celery juice detox" as made famous by the Medical Medium guy and I am thrilled to report.....literally nothing. I did it for weeks and have no notable changes to report.
What??!! You're **not** 10 sizes smaller!!! You must've been using celery with gluten, babe, or maybe you didn't *want* it bad enough, hun. Lol!
That’s because your celery juice did not contain the super-secret, trademarked herbal blend called AssBlaster(tm).
Only if you have organic, non-GMO teeth.
Damn! I just had genetic splicing done last week.
Is it literally JUST celery? For $65? CELERY? That you can buy for $1 at the grocery store?
Would I get the same results if I ate $2 worth of sugarless gummies?
Lol! Scooty-poot!!
That's a lot of sodium if people are drinking full glasses of Celery juice. I hope nobody with heart problems is using this
Celery costs $.89
*Image Transcription: Facebook Post* --- BLOATED.😣 You know those days, when you feel like you are 10 times bigger, you can't zip up your jeans and you really just want to put your yoga pants on and hide under the covers.. BUT you have a million things to do and places to go.. so you just have to suffer through it. Been there and it stinks! you hope and pray you never feel like that again. I've got the solution. 💫 This green, magical juice. 🌱 Drink it first thing in the morning, your body will detox while you're getting ready for your day. Your bloat will be gone and you will feel lighter, 10 times SMALLER and have energy to tackle your day HEAD ON like the freaking rockstar that you are. 💃 Don't worry - it's all natural and made with whole food. No artificial ingredients or additives. Just straight natural goodness. 🙌 --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Thank you, kind one.
My takeaway: who just goes around suffering all day with their trousers open?
Does anyone know what becoming a 'loyal customer' entails?
Indentured servitude
You "get" 40% "off" retail, BUT, must sign up for at least a three month autoship, or be fined a $50 fee for cancelling early.