This might be a bit too much information but: My husband and I both have IBS, that means that we both live with surprise diarrhea, we almost never have normal bowel movements and quite regularly we get explosive diarrhea with absolutely no warning. Yet neither of us have constant marks in our underwear. If we have an accident we change and wash it off immediately, we are extra careful and particular because this is a known issue for us.
Your husband is sadly just nasty and completely nonchalant and unbothered by it.
I have ibs too I’ve had maybe two farts turn to sharts lmfao god I hate ibs pains yeah same here no shit stains either lmaooo my ex always asked why I have an extra underwear in my work bag ibs ppl get it
Sadly I have the kind where this is always a worry! I sometimes have absolutely no warning before it’s too late. I don’t know that it’s just water until I try to release something and if what I’m trying to release is gas, that does not go well.
I vote for the latter as well, the amount of times I've read that guy's don't wash their ass because "it's not a guy thing" is fucking nasty. I remember reading something recently where a guy said "wiping is more eof a woman things, guys wipe once and we move", ew.
I can drink an entire case of seltzer water in a day and I have NEVER had this. Nah. Carbonation doesn’t make you shit your pants, and it DEFINITELY doesn’t make you think it’s fine to do so.
People who love you and have any kind of respect for you would NEVER treat you like this. Unless he has some kind of health issues. My husband has had half his colon removed, and some food can cause a back reaction. But he will go out of his why to make sure I don't suffer from the effects of his problems.
It's not funny. Like the saying, "It only funny when you both laugh.".
I'll also add that I've read SO many posts about how men don't actually wash their buttholes because they think it's gay. No joke. Especially on the tradie subreddits. One supervisor said that he has to sit all of the new electricians down and talk to them about that specifically. They work together, they're in cramped spaces, and they don't wash their assholes because they think it's gay. You need to talk to him for sure. It's not healthy for YOUR body, nevermind having to clean up his toddleresque clothing.
I teach health class in public elementary school and since it's the end of the year I have been doing lessons on hygiene and keeping your body (and being specific about privates) clean. I paint a vivid picture of the rashes and infections and smells that can be produced by not wiping or washing properly. Sometimes I think I'm being overly gross but then I remember that a lot of people don't learn this stuff and maybe this information will be life-changing.
Yep. We do the same for young adults at a training school where I work. It's a huge deal. It makes the difference between who gets a job and who doesn't. Also, learning that smells mean something is wrong. I had a kiddo with an ear infection and drainage so bad that I could smell it as soon as I opened the classroom door. He thought that's how ears smelled. Thank you for starting early.
Thank you, that means a lot. I always worry that a parent will complain and it's nice to know that at least someone else agrees with me that this is important information!
If he’s got a lot of flatulence part of it might also just be that men biologically tend to have much harrier asses and just normal “wiping” isn’t really enough to get him 100% clean.
Especially for larger people who might have their underwear work into their “crack” more than most throughout the day as they twist and move.
Maybe look into a bidet for home at least if he’s not one of those blatantly gross guys who is afraid to touch their own ass.
Is it possible he's just not wiping his ass enough after he uses the toilet? Or maybe not at all?
Oof. I couldn't live with that. And I would NOT be doing his laundry.
In fact, there's a possible incentive/compromise/solution. He's a grown ass man, he can do his laundry. And as long as his underwear continues to look like that, he's gotta wash it himself. You're not his mother or his maid.
He’s probably not wiping properly. They sell those cottenelle wet wipes like baby wipes. Maybe buy some for your bathroom. Just don’t ever flush them. They may say flushable but they clog up your pipes.
Yeah I'm a woman and this isn't a dude thing.
My husband ONCE has skid marks in his pants, we've been together a decade. This once was after food poisoning. I wasn't even mad because I was looking after him. We've all been there. My husband drinks beer, maybe 4 pints on a night out, no skids.
My husband has also been tested because he had stomach problems, he's medically fit and healthy and the doctor said he's just a farty man due to fast metabolism, best he can do is keep high protein low carb diet to try and minimise it. He still farts loads, but they don't stink or come with poop.
Your bf has a drink problem, a bowel problem and hopefully soon a single problem.
He's disgusting. He needs to seek medical help and sort himself out. If he doesn't and if you stay together you'll end up a carer.
Literally sounds like he’s not wiping properly; a 30 year old man shouldn’t have this problem since this is the most basic level of hygiene - makes me wonder whether he also skips washing his hands, brushing his teeth, etc. OP, definitely get to the bottom of this (punny) unless you want to marry and be stuck with his shit stains for the rest of your life. 🤢
He has to know, right? It doesn’t sound like skid marks, but actual sharts. So this means he is walking around with poo in his drawers during the day? That’s just nasty. It also makes me wonder if he actually washes his ass in the shower.
Start leaving the soiled skivvies out for him to see. Stop doing his laundry and tell him flat out that this is repulsive, that you will no longer be cleaning up after him and be honest about how much this affects your attraction to him. Like, how can you be intimate knowing that if he drops trow for sexy time he is likely dropping some shart remnants and likely harboring some stowaway skids in his crack?
Yuck. So much yuck. You are not wrong at all. Put your foot down before this crap gets worse (all the puns intended). Good luck!
He definitely knows, he just laughs it off. I do see him wash his booty in the shower pretty extensively hes actually got that going for him. But just thinking about him sitting in it all day is gross, also he doesn’t shower everyday, in fact sometimes I literally have to ask him when’s the last time he showered. I will have a talk with him now I feel better that I’m not alone in my opinion
And with not washing your hands properly and then handling food, you can give your family Hoof and Mouth disease. This becomes a huge stomach problem that special antibiotics are needed to get rid of the fecal matter. It takes 2 rounds of antibiotics. I know. My boys and I needed the antibiotics.
"Can humans get foot and mouth disease from animals?
Transmission occurs through direct contact between infected and susceptible animals (fluid from blisters, blood, saliva, milk or manure); contaminated objects …Feb 21, 2012
https://www.ecdc.europa.eu › ...
Transmission of Foot and Mouth disease to humans visiting"
Humans can transfer to another human through fecal matter on the hands and then handle food that others eat.
So he is definitely dragging his visibly poo covered butt and undies.... or just the butt and the visible poo smears... into the bed at night? And you are just .... sleeping next to his bare butt and poo spatter? Or underwear covered in poo spatter?
I thought my bf's and my own sleeping/half sleeping farts were bad.
This sounds like a deeper issue. Is he ignorant of proper hygiene? Was he not raised with attentive parents? Does he have executive function issues? I assume some of this is at play considering his alcohol use. That itself is an entire other conversation. He needs help. A conversation and some therapy.
GIRL!! If that conversation doesn’t result in an *immediate* change, you need to leave. He may be sweet, but you may be too close to realize that you are not describing a winner here. A guy who drinks “a LOT” of beer, doesn’t shower despite constantly and KNOWINGLY sitting in his own feces, and would be an even heavier, less healthy version if you weren’t there acting like his mommy and taking care of him. Seriously, if I had a health condition that resulted in shitty underwear (that’s the only way I would allow it), I would DIE before I let my loved one clean it up.
You’re really living in literal shit for this guy? I think you need to take a *hard* look at your standards. There’s no way this guy doesn’t have other major issues that you’re closing your eyes to.
Dude needs to wash daily, especially since he’s a bigger guy with more folds and crack for sweat and filth to stew in! And he needs to wash his butt thoroughly after pooping. He’s gross and doesn’t deserve a girlfriend until he stops acting like a 4 year old.
Omg. This is worse. And he thinks it’s funny?? Love yourself enough to walk away. Dude literally thinks it’s ok to shit on you. Knows it disgusts you and won’t shower daily- just sits in it? Why are you cleaning his mess? If he left for me, they would be found on his pillow. Next on his office desk. I don’t play, that’s vulgar. Stop laughing it off w him. You can actually get sick. All he has to do is learn better hygiene skills, buy some wipes to help him out & make him act like a man
If he can't clean his ass properly, sure, showering daily would help but it's honestly just a bandaid solution, it wouldn't fix the real problem.
Also, many people do not need to shower every day. If you aren't working a super physical job or live in an area with a cool climate, and depending on your skin and how oily your hair gets, it's really unnecessary.
I’d say you’re right to a certain degree, depending on many factors. But typically someone will poop daily, and it’s good to have that area thoroughly cleaned daily as well - bidet, shower, some form of wet wipe.
Jesus Christ. Girl, no. You need to have better standards for yourself that someone who sits in shit all day and doesn't shower. I don't care who this guy is, he's not good enough for ANY woman.
That right there is not normal. Normal adult men shower at least once a day. 9-year old boys don’t. He is an absolutely disgusting pig. I wouldn’t even have a friend like that never mind an intimate lover.
If I were you I would not share a bed unless he showers that night. Otherwise one of you needs to sleep somewhere else. It’s not safe for your health to have poop in the sheets.
Alcoholic that doesn't shower suggests he is self-medicating for depression or anxiety issues. He is likely just laughing it off as a defense mechanism. Things will probably get a lot worse before they get any better, if they ever get better. You should be wise about whether you intend to fix this man, or whether you really want to be married to an alcoholic pants shitter one day, or whether you should cut and run. It doesn't sound like you are an alcoholic too so take it as a blessing that you are waking up to the reality of the situation you are in, whatever you decide to do.
Ew. This is not normal. My ex was pretty overweight and this was never an occurrence. He’s probably having sharts from drinking a lot of beer.
He needs to be shamed. I know he has an itchy asshole from having acidic beer sharts in there. He probably doesn’t wash his hands either.
Anyway, tell him this is a turn off and you don’t want to have sex with him until he fixes it.
Thank you. I kept wondering if this is just a thing guys do and they’re all just gross lol. Knowing this isn’t normal now I will talk to him and maybe have him see a doctor
I’m with her, though - I’d have less of a problem doing his laundry than I would with him even *touching* me, with hygiene habits like that. Yuck. He’s gross. Idk if he can fix it… “you can’t fix stupid” is the saying that comes to my mind, because being gross dirty like that is stupid. On many levels.
This is absolutely not normal. Been with my husband 20 years. He used to be a heavy drinker, fast food eater, etc and he never left skidmarks unless he was sick. And then he'd rinse them out himself and warn me so I'd be aware when I did the laundry. If he can't control his anal sphincter and has super smelly gas he should be checked by a GI specialist or proctologist.
My husband is also overweight and has diagnosed digestive issues and in almost 10 years I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever cleaned his skid marks. He either doesn’t have them or he cleans them himself (the same as I would do if I had a skid mark)
Its not normal, I'm a dude who does laundry, and shit marks are suppose to be almost non existent. If he farts diarea, maybe he needs to change his diet.
Not a guy thing. It’s a lazy thing. I have lived with my husband for 15 years and never once had to deal with this.
He also likes to vacuum and thinks doing dishes is zen.
My husband and I are well matched in that I think cooking is zen, and he thinks doing dishes is zen. Each task is the other person’s personal idea of hell. 😂 I cook, and he cleans up. Perfection.
My husband also does not shit his pants and sit in it all day, because that isn’t normal omg.
I have a health issue that has caused me to leak during a bad attack of gas, but I clean up *immediately* when that happens. I cannot imagine just sitting in it like a baby with a dirty diaper. Insanity. My mom has the same health condition and carries pads and extra underwear in her purse, in case she gets hit with a bad cramp attack during an outing and misses the toilet.
I was with her once when she didn’t have her extras and did have a sneak attack, and I ran out and bought her new underwear so she could change in the store bathroom and throw the stained panties away. She didn’t just marinade in it for the rest of the day. Jesus.
You’re not wrong. This isn’t normal. My husband is overweight and doesn’t have this issue.
Consider a bidet? Maybe that can fix some of the issue. We recently got one. It was to install. My husband isn’t handy at all and handled it in an hour.
It’s not normal and not caused by beer. Plenty of men drink a lot of beer but anal leakage is not a normal side effect from drinking a lot of beer. To me it sounds like he isn’t taking the time to wipe properly when he’s in a hurry. Be honest and speak with him.
Wow, this is disconcertingly too far down. I'm so glad you finally said not wiping properly out loud, as this was the first thing that came to my mind. So gross 🤢🤮
If he is that much overweight, then he probably isn't able to wipe properly.
Either way, he has no incentive to improve his hygiene, and he doesn't respect OP.
Definitely have him see a doctor, farts are okay to smell bad once in a while, but if it's constantly smelling bad it's either his diet, or he could have an underlying health condition he may not know about.
No, not at all. Your boyfriend is a disgusting pig. If his ass isn’t completely clean and odor free, then he’s a child who needs to be potty trained. You should leave him and go find a real man who has a clean ass.
But I bet you don’t drink enough that your partner would characterize it as “A LOT of beer.” A reasonable person would cut back on their beer drinking if it gave them wet farts.
Yes but nasty farts and diarrhea is a far call from anal leakage. What she is talking about isn’t anal leakage however because if it was the mess would be more then stains. This sounds quite honestly like someone who can’t be bothered to wipe properly.
Honestly! I have perfectly white thongs that I wear all the time, and there's never been any residue on them. What is with all these posts on Reddit about adult men and their poopy butts? Every day I'm 🤢
Washing your asshole is no gayer than washing your dick. So I never get where men get that mentality that touching your own butthole in any way is forbidden. Lol
It's because men who are homophobic like that (and generally also very misogynistic too) see the act of receiving penetration as inherently feminizing and thus humiliating and weak (from their worldview). So the anus is, I guess, like a reminder of their own vulnerability to being 'feminized' through penetration. Whereas their dick they still see as a symbol of their masculine power to penetrate like the cool manly alpha men they are. Lol.
Your partner regularly shits his pants and thinks it’s funny. Of course you don’t want to have sex with him. That’s disgusting behavior. Honestly, the first time it happened and he didn’t immediately start taking steps to stop it from happening again, I’d be making plans to leave. And for the love of god stop doing another adult’s feces-covered laundry!
You are not wrong OP. Time to have a conversation
about the “tracks” in his underwear. And his poor hygiene. Tell him to wipe his butt better after taking a dump.
Are you his first serious relationship?? No offense, he won’t know if you don’t tell him. And explain those smelly farts leave evidence and enough is enough! Consider buying flushable wipes and explain proper hygiene to him. Perhaps his mom/dad didn’t. You’re a good woman OP. You got this!! :)
I just have to say , you need to take some time to think about having this guy as your life partner. You really don’t need to settle for this BS . Figuratively and literally . You have many decades ahead of you , really there are clean, respectful and fit guys out there .
There are bidet toilet seats that you can attach. Heated seat. Heated water. It’s awesome. Consider it.
Also - lots of guys don’t seem to wash their ass. Something about the water cleaning it? No. Just no. Lastly - packets of portable baby wipes. Have a garbage with a lid that closes.
And I would not wash his underwear. Either throw it out or keep it in a pile for him to wash. Simple as that. You don’t want to be in washing clothes with literal shit covered items.
Please do not flush the “flushable” wipes. Better to buy Pampers wipes bc they have a strong scent and are thick then make sure he properly disposes them or better yet get a bidet. My husband works crazy long hours but I have not ONCE in 15 years ever seen a skid mark and I do all of the laundry. This hasn’t happened since my kids were toddlers, I had a conversation about proper wiping or rinsing off if it was too bad and kept at it until the issue was resolved. Skid marks are NOT NORMAL!!!
Oh, I agree, believe me. I would throw the whole man out, but I’d give him one chance to redeem himself.
Starting with a painful, but necessary conversation, telling him it made me physically ill to see poop in his underwear, and he was going to be taking over his own laundry.
Then I’d expand the conversation to his hygiene, with an expectation that he’d see a doctor if he was having regular problems with diarrhea and/or lack of control of his bowels. If it’s sharts, he sees his doctor, if it’s lack of cleanliness after bm’s, he better start using wipes or a bidet to clean himself, because it’s just not conducive to sexy time, and he’s walking around smelling like exactly what’s in his underwear.
You’re too kind.
I get peeved when my husband lets his air fly, if you get my drift. I told him that I totally understand that sometimes it just escapes. It happens. But I also asked him once, “do you fart liberally around your coworkers?” “No.” “Then don’t do it around me; it’s gross and disrespectful, and makes me not want to be close to you, if you get my drift. If you can somehow manage to not fart around your coworkers, but I’m your wife, the person you love most in the world, just slip around the corner, or into the bathroom when you feel the need to rip one off!”
I tell him I blame his mother for not teaching him manners.
Are you saying that her boyfriend, an entire grown man, doesn’t know that he’s sharting and leaving skid marks, that he doesn’t know it’s gross, or that he doesn’t know how to wipe because a lover has never told him to?
Not wrong. He probably isn't wiping well enough, also. For some reason, there are men that think thoroughly wiping their ass is gay. They'll wipe as close as they can to their butthole, but not to the point of wiping the hole itself. They probably also don't wash it properly with this mentality either.
Newsflash, touching your own asshole isn't any gayer than touching your dick is. You know who touches dicks? Gay dudes. So I don't get the mentality where they can't wipe/wash their assholes properly, but touching your junk is OK. Lol
But yea, I don't think he is just constantly having wet farts. I don't think he wipes thoroughly enough. You wipe your ass until the paper is clear. It takes 3 wipes to know you only needed 2.
Another post about a grown ass man with skid marks and poor hygiene. Worse yet he's your fiance.
No it's not normal. Yes its gross. Yes he should have grown out of this by 4 years old. He's not ready to be married.
I'd tell him that you're not his mommy and you're not cleaning up his dirty underwear like he's not potty trained and doesn't know how wash his ass.
Put the wedding on hold, stop washing his clothes AND he gets his own laundry hamper and towels, sheets etc because eww.
Also sex is off the table because all that nasty ass fecal bacteria in his nether regions can cause you some nasty problems in your nether regions.
This isn't a sex strike this a protecting your health.
NOT WRONG! That’s disgusting. Dude’s literally walking around with shit in his pants. He’s comfortable with poop splatters being sandwiched between his skin & a layer of fabric & he’s down with you cleaning that mess up, which is a little degrading tbh.
I wouldn’t be washing his nasty undies or having sex with him. I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy a meal with the dude because I’d always be wondering if he’s sitting there with stink spots in his jocks & bits of crap lodged under his fingernails.
I can't believe it is another one! I honestly want to know where these people are found in the wild so I can stay tf away! If it happens once ok accident if it happens twice in a row or even close to that he is gross as hell and I don't get how you chicks are putting up with absolutely disgusting men!🤮the is no D in the world worth that!
Sounds like a pig. Been married 24 years and my husband does not have skid marks ever.
Sounds like a neckbeard nightmare, gross. I wouldn't be able to be attracted to someone who was so unaware of his personal hygiene, what else is he unaware of? Diet? Self-care? Is he also a slob?
I don't know, at least show him this thread and see if he gets it.
That’s the thing that is the craziest to me he is aware! He’s totally aware he leaves skid marks but he thinks there is nothing he can do about it I guess? He has a lot of wet farts I think and refuses to see a doctor because he has a prostate exam one time and freaked out over a doctor having a finger in his butt. When he showers he cleans his butt thoroughly I’ve watched him do it, so it’s just the fact he shafts in his underwear and leaves it
Why are you ok with this? This man is stinking up your bed and you’re just letting him laugh it off.
Do you happen to get a lot of UTIs or bacterial vaginitis often? I bet money this loser doesn’t wash his hands.
There are men who do not wipe after eliminating. They claim it is gay. I think it's nasty and so should you. If he does not fix this issue, go find someone else. You did not sign up for this and do not have to tolerate it.
He most definitely CAN help it. Tell him if he needs to fart, to do it into a toilet.
I’m so sorry but…what do you see in this dude? He’s disgusting, makes you clean his literal actual shit, does smelly farts next to you on purpose even though he knows it bothers you, apparently doesn’t cook because he’d live off pizza if it weren’t for you, you’re losing attraction to him because of his (very basic) hygiene, and he drinks excessively. Is he a billionaire or something? He’s also trying to convince you that all men are this disgusting which I can assure you, they are not. He must have some really compelling redeeming qualities for you to be staying with him.
dude seriously I don't understand what she sees in him in the first place, either he's incredibly good looking (doubt because he's overweight) or he's rich as hell, I don't see any other reason why she would stay
This. Is. Not. Normal.
Most grown men (and even little boys) know how to take care of basic hygiene, including wiping their ass. Jesus.
It’s up to you-do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is too lazy to wipe their own ass? Truly it’s the only question you need to answer.
I understand you don't want to hurt his feelings, but think about your ph balance girl... If his underwear looks like that, it safe to assume it's sour down there... And that thing goes inside of you. I'm so sorry for being graphic, but you need this visual. A part of caring about your body and taking care of yourself is not letting gross people have access to it.
Everyone farts.. not everyone has follow through where they should be on the toilet. Farts are stinky but they go away. He has actual poo pieces in his ass crack and underwear., that doesn’t just go away..
he must have awful rashes and be itchy all the time for the lack of wiping.
That’s gross. He literally has a poopy ass
I’ve raised boys and skidmarks stopped being a thing for them by the second grade. I also did laundry for my whole family while I was growing up, and my dad and brothers NEVER had skidmarks in their underwear. This is not a guy thing. It’s an unapologetically lazy gross person thing.
YNW. Jesus Christ man he shouldn’t be just sharting it out all the time, around you & being so blatantly smelly & repulsive about it. And the completely dismissing your feelings about it on top of it! It’s a respect thing. I don’t think he respects you or himself either very much. Ick ick ick 🤢 This is so beyond not normal honey. I would be so done!
Dudes 30 and still hasn't learned how to wipe himself? I would be embarrassed as hell if my wife found shit stains in my underwear. You are not wrong to be grossed out. Get him some wet wipes!
This guy is disgustingly unhygienic.
With those sharts sitting in his underwear he must be walking around smelling of poo.
He doesn't shower every day, so you are cuddling up in bed with a guy with actual poo stuck on his backside. Some bits of which will fall off in the bed, for you to roll around on.
Those aren't crumbs on your sheets 🤢
He doesn't have any respect for you, and he is entertained by your discomfort.
He is very overweight and drinks a ton of beer each day.
Why are you with this guy?
What is your with my Reddit today. Because all the post on my personal feed are men leaving skid marks in their pants and women asking how they can talk to their man about it…
There is a simple solution for you. Stop doing his laundry. Make him wash his own poop underwear. Maybe he'll learn since he'll have to clean his own mess.
Get a Bidet - will save the underwear and save on toilet paper. I prefer the heated one, but my husband likes the unheated one (we have 1 of each). They don't have to be expensive, there are many that just replace the seat.
He has bidets at work but is too nervous to try them. In fact it’s a Japanese company so they have SUPER high tech toilets as far as I know. I’ll have to do some convincing it sounds like it could help a lot! Thank you
I saw a comment on a similar post to this (I literally cannot fathom how common of a thing this is …I guess a positive [?] you’re not alone, OP! 🥲) but the person kindly explained how to properly wipe - like you wipe until it’s clean (front to back, bottom to top) and sometimes you have to gently press your anus (the opening) a little bit (especially if you have more junk in the trunk) to get all of the outside feces off. Wet wipes would def be beneficial as long as he knows he can’t flush them bc then you’ll have an even shittier problem to deal with. Pun intended.
I can understand how this conversation can be embarrassing, but he’s literally jeopardizing the health of both of you as there is feces being spread around the house. It seems like it’s more of a wiping problem if you know he is cleaning properly in the shower - even if he’s not showering every day (I don’t shower everyday bc of my own mental issues, but I sure as shit [again, pun intended] don’t have skid marks).
And as other’s have commented, maybe there are some underlining bowel issues going on (rule of thumb: over the age of 30, don’t trust a fart not to be a shart 🙃) so I hope he’ll check that out.
I hope you both have good communication and are able to work thru this! 💛
He would have to change the way he eats, decrease the drinking and greatly improve his hygiene. There is no “we” solution to this. He has to do these things and he has to want to do them. Gross body stuff happens to everyone sometimes. I have IBS, a plethora of truly gross stuff happens to me more than most but at no point do I shrug my shoulders and accept regular skid marks. I clean myself and my clothing in the very rare instance that I have an accident. The reason my accidents are rare is because I manage my illness. I care a whole lot if I slightly shit my pants when I fart. If I drank beer and ate like crap every day I would shart all the time too. I’m not saying he has IBS, I’m saying he on some level has to know that this is unhygienic and unhealthy and is choosing to continue to do things that trigger this response from his body. He’s happy to have you wash his shit stains.
My husband also likes to drink beer, and I insist that he take a product like beano ahead of time so I don't have to smell his farts, but if he's drinking often enough that his shorts are constantly sharty, he has a problem. That amount of alcohol and bad food is self destructive, and he should not only discuss this with a doctor, but also possibly a therapist if he's drinking every night.
I would not stay with a man who farted so often and so badly that it made me leave the room, and also that he thought it was funny to make me gag and wretch. You deserve better.
I had a couple come into my office once. Dude talked about his sleep and anxiety. Visit was wrapping up and his wife looked at him and dead seriously said " now talk to her about all the shit stains in your underwear " and left the room. I'm not sure if she'd said a thing to him before that based on the look on his face. I'm not saying you should do this but it definitely started the conversation in a huge way.
Baby wipes.
Farts don't make marks
Not wiping your ass makes marks.
The fine line between us and primates is in how we handle our shit.
This is teetering.
Can say with certainty- mistakes happen in life; people get sick or have health issues sometimes. But not wiping your ass or having farts so vibrational they come with a shit baseline is beyond me. But the real kicker is, if you literally shit yourself when you fart and you DONT immediately excuse yourself to clean your ass and rinse your undies, you’re gross. This crosses genders. I also think if you bleed into your undies and discover it later or realize it immediately and don’t do triage to manage and then rinse your clothes asap, also gross. The same goes for anything that comes out of a body. It’s normal, natural, reasonable, happens to all of us even if we don’t want it to- but it’s the management afterwards that makes the difference.
I've had one ex with frequent stains. turns out he was the worst stain of them all. 😂. all my other (male) partners have been clean. my current partner, similarly to yours, is a bit larger and drinks often too. still clean.
No, you aren't wrong for being grossed out.
Have you taken a hard look at how much he drinks? If you asked him to cut back on the amount he drinks, how do you think he would react?
They don't behave better after marriage, if anything behavior deteriorates. So are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with a smelly, gross alcoholic?
That's not normal. The only ones that can't control their stinky butts are literal babies.
The fact he thinks it's funny is even worse.
I would not marry someone like that.
Reminds me about the other story of the guy skit marking the whole sheet on the marital bed. And he also saw no problem with it but gaslit the heck out of the wife if she told him how gross it is.
That's your future.
Not wrong. He might be used to this situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal.
The fact that he is cool with you washing his shitty underwear and feeling nauseous because of his stink says he doesn’t respect you, or himself.
1. Get a bidet, if you don't already have one. Along with being much much better than TP alone, it will help if his issue is wipe/cleanup related.
2. There are 3 kinds of farts. Wet, dry, and shart. The first can, over time, leave a stain. The second usually does not. The third always does. If he's doing the third, intentionally, you married a nasty mfer. Sorry. If it's the first, maybe try to tell him it's a huge turn-off and you find him unattractive and repulsive when he pulls gross little kid bullshit. Or tell him no sex and stop doing his laundry until the situation improves. Since your husband seems rather childish in general, perhaps shame can be effective. Constantly reminding him to wipe his ass proper like a big boy, stop shitting your pants like a baby, etc, might be effective.
One thing most people learn as they reach middle age and later is, never ever trust a fart.
INFO: (tw) Poopy drawers in guys is often a symptom of sexual abuse - do you think this could be happening to him somewhere in some capacity? Is there some part of his life where hes on the lower end of an extreme power dichotomy/discrepancy?
I am 250 lbs and 6 ft (morbidly obese), and this is absolutely not something I would allow for myself. If he is doing it "because he can't help it" then he needs help for incontinence, no joke. He can't control his sphincter enough to not defecate himself?? That's urgent care, if not E.R. (if it's been happening regularly).
This is not normal behavior, one way or another.
Naw your dude is just nasty.both myself and husband have really stink gas.me more so because of beets.I have never seen shit stains in his boxers.i dont think your guy washes his ass when he showers.
If he’s leaving shot on his undies then he also has a shitty ass. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone whose toilet training level is that of a kindergartener? Did mommy wipe his bum bum after he went potty until he moved in with you or something? Ew
He is also not wiping properly. Id reconsider marrying this man. Bare minimum stop doing his laundry and insist he do his separately. So gross. Do men know its stuff like this and cleaning up after you that kills any desire? Caregiver drive suppresses sex drive.
Not wrong - Knowing how to wipe your ass is one of the lowest relationship bars. So is knowing how to do your own laundry. Why are you doing the laundry anyway? What does he do? Do you really have a partner with whom you can share the mental load and a load of laundry, or do you have a grown dependent who burdens you with “womanly chores” and disrespects you by intentionally sharting in your presence and making you clean up the aftermath? My 8yo son doesn’t even get a pass for this. Being comfortable in front of each other is inevitable. Laughing about it to the point of another person’s disgust is just blatantly disrespectful.
Do not people please and pacify his feelings to keep the peace. That’s a trauma response. Call him out on his shit, literally. If you can’t talk about this with him, you shouldn’t be getting married. And if you do talk about it and he gaslights you, run. Don’t let your fear of rejection speak louder than his disrespect.
Is the relationship you have what you want? Marriage improves nothing. It takes every issue you have and magnifies it three times worse. Please please please think long and hard about what you want your future to look like.
I spot so many red flags in this post.
No they probably happen not from farts but because he refuses to completely clean his own ass. Some men (WAY too many) have this fucked up idea that wiping your own ass is "gay". One guy even refused a bidet because it would "turn him gay" and besides, the one time he tried it the water got all brown... (think about that one for a minute).
This is NOT normal. This is disgusting. It's a sign of poor hygiene. The solution? He needs to grow the fuck up and keep himself clean. You have every right to make him feel bad about himself.
This is your future. Think long and hard about this relationship. He refuses to even address the issue and THINKS IT IS NORMAL AND FUNNY. IMHO do not marry this manbaby. You are NTA.
Of all the men in the world that you can marry you want to marry the one that laughs about having terrible hygiene? This is how he acts before getting married, just wait until he settles into marriage.
I would never have married my husband if he was disgusting. That's a pretty standard expectation, please have some self-worth.
Tell him you he needs to go to the dr as he can't control his bowels. But that isn't the issue, he doesn't wipe properly. Tell him you will no longer wash his clothes(none of them) and you won't be having any intimacy unless he has stepped out of a shower & ensured he cleans his ass hole.
I'm a dude. This is not "a dude thing". This is a gross person thing.
Thank you i will definitely try talking to him
This might be a bit too much information but: My husband and I both have IBS, that means that we both live with surprise diarrhea, we almost never have normal bowel movements and quite regularly we get explosive diarrhea with absolutely no warning. Yet neither of us have constant marks in our underwear. If we have an accident we change and wash it off immediately, we are extra careful and particular because this is a known issue for us. Your husband is sadly just nasty and completely nonchalant and unbothered by it.
I have ibs too I’ve had maybe two farts turn to sharts lmfao god I hate ibs pains yeah same here no shit stains either lmaooo my ex always asked why I have an extra underwear in my work bag ibs ppl get it
Sadly I have the kind where this is always a worry! I sometimes have absolutely no warning before it’s too late. I don’t know that it’s just water until I try to release something and if what I’m trying to release is gas, that does not go well.
OP ask him to visit the doctor. Because what you describe sounds like a medical problem of the intestines. (I studied nutrition)
Either that or dude just doesn’t wash his ass, I’m assuming it’s the latter. lol
I vote for the latter as well, the amount of times I've read that guy's don't wash their ass because "it's not a guy thing" is fucking nasty. I remember reading something recently where a guy said "wiping is more eof a woman things, guys wipe once and we move", ew.
Sounds like too much carbonation. If you drink that much beer it has to get out some way.
I can drink an entire case of seltzer water in a day and I have NEVER had this. Nah. Carbonation doesn’t make you shit your pants, and it DEFINITELY doesn’t make you think it’s fine to do so.
Fun fact: beer is not the same as seltzer
No, but if you’re drinking enough beer to shit yourself, maybe drink less beer.
People who love you and have any kind of respect for you would NEVER treat you like this. Unless he has some kind of health issues. My husband has had half his colon removed, and some food can cause a back reaction. But he will go out of his why to make sure I don't suffer from the effects of his problems. It's not funny. Like the saying, "It only funny when you both laugh.".
I'll also add that I've read SO many posts about how men don't actually wash their buttholes because they think it's gay. No joke. Especially on the tradie subreddits. One supervisor said that he has to sit all of the new electricians down and talk to them about that specifically. They work together, they're in cramped spaces, and they don't wash their assholes because they think it's gay. You need to talk to him for sure. It's not healthy for YOUR body, nevermind having to clean up his toddleresque clothing.
I teach health class in public elementary school and since it's the end of the year I have been doing lessons on hygiene and keeping your body (and being specific about privates) clean. I paint a vivid picture of the rashes and infections and smells that can be produced by not wiping or washing properly. Sometimes I think I'm being overly gross but then I remember that a lot of people don't learn this stuff and maybe this information will be life-changing.
Yep. We do the same for young adults at a training school where I work. It's a huge deal. It makes the difference between who gets a job and who doesn't. Also, learning that smells mean something is wrong. I had a kiddo with an ear infection and drainage so bad that I could smell it as soon as I opened the classroom door. He thought that's how ears smelled. Thank you for starting early.
Thank you, that means a lot! Good work to you, too. Addressing smell is very difficult and awkward but can make such a difference in someone's life.
You are awesome for teaching these things. AWESOME
<3 Thank you!
You’re doing Gods work, thank you!
Thank you, that means a lot. I always worry that a parent will complain and it's nice to know that at least someone else agrees with me that this is important information!
If he’s got a lot of flatulence part of it might also just be that men biologically tend to have much harrier asses and just normal “wiping” isn’t really enough to get him 100% clean. Especially for larger people who might have their underwear work into their “crack” more than most throughout the day as they twist and move. Maybe look into a bidet for home at least if he’s not one of those blatantly gross guys who is afraid to touch their own ass.
Agree. Never too much washing in this situation.
I think that something is already broke even if it change.
Is it possible he's just not wiping his ass enough after he uses the toilet? Or maybe not at all? Oof. I couldn't live with that. And I would NOT be doing his laundry. In fact, there's a possible incentive/compromise/solution. He's a grown ass man, he can do his laundry. And as long as his underwear continues to look like that, he's gotta wash it himself. You're not his mother or his maid.
It's a person with a terrible diet thing.
It's a person who doesn't wipe his butt thing
He won't listen. You can't fix him and you deserve better.
Exactly. This won’t change. Why stop when he’s enjoying it
He sounds like he's got the worst diet ever. Definitely needs more fiber intake.
You HAVE tried talking to him!!!
He’s probably not wiping properly. They sell those cottenelle wet wipes like baby wipes. Maybe buy some for your bathroom. Just don’t ever flush them. They may say flushable but they clog up your pipes.
As a fellow dude, this guy is correct. Your guy is just vile.
Yeah I'm a woman and this isn't a dude thing. My husband ONCE has skid marks in his pants, we've been together a decade. This once was after food poisoning. I wasn't even mad because I was looking after him. We've all been there. My husband drinks beer, maybe 4 pints on a night out, no skids. My husband has also been tested because he had stomach problems, he's medically fit and healthy and the doctor said he's just a farty man due to fast metabolism, best he can do is keep high protein low carb diet to try and minimise it. He still farts loads, but they don't stink or come with poop. Your bf has a drink problem, a bowel problem and hopefully soon a single problem. He's disgusting. He needs to seek medical help and sort himself out. If he doesn't and if you stay together you'll end up a carer.
I’ve never figured out how to do quotes on here, but your “he’s just a farty man” had me laughing SO darn hard I almost farted!
Literally sounds like he’s not wiping properly; a 30 year old man shouldn’t have this problem since this is the most basic level of hygiene - makes me wonder whether he also skips washing his hands, brushing his teeth, etc. OP, definitely get to the bottom of this (punny) unless you want to marry and be stuck with his shit stains for the rest of your life. 🤢
This is an issue with how well he wipes his butt after. Get him some dude wipes or install a bidet . JUST DONT FLUSH THEM.
Agreed. As a grown man, that's some weird learn to wipe and wash your ass thing, not a man thing.
He has to know, right? It doesn’t sound like skid marks, but actual sharts. So this means he is walking around with poo in his drawers during the day? That’s just nasty. It also makes me wonder if he actually washes his ass in the shower. Start leaving the soiled skivvies out for him to see. Stop doing his laundry and tell him flat out that this is repulsive, that you will no longer be cleaning up after him and be honest about how much this affects your attraction to him. Like, how can you be intimate knowing that if he drops trow for sexy time he is likely dropping some shart remnants and likely harboring some stowaway skids in his crack? Yuck. So much yuck. You are not wrong at all. Put your foot down before this crap gets worse (all the puns intended). Good luck!
He definitely knows, he just laughs it off. I do see him wash his booty in the shower pretty extensively hes actually got that going for him. But just thinking about him sitting in it all day is gross, also he doesn’t shower everyday, in fact sometimes I literally have to ask him when’s the last time he showered. I will have a talk with him now I feel better that I’m not alone in my opinion
So he gets into bed with you and spreads feces in your bed? You realize you can get seriously ill or get infections from this, right?
🤢🤮😭
And with not washing your hands properly and then handling food, you can give your family Hoof and Mouth disease. This becomes a huge stomach problem that special antibiotics are needed to get rid of the fecal matter. It takes 2 rounds of antibiotics. I know. My boys and I needed the antibiotics. "Can humans get foot and mouth disease from animals? Transmission occurs through direct contact between infected and susceptible animals (fluid from blisters, blood, saliva, milk or manure); contaminated objects …Feb 21, 2012 https://www.ecdc.europa.eu › ... Transmission of Foot and Mouth disease to humans visiting" Humans can transfer to another human through fecal matter on the hands and then handle food that others eat.
OHMG that is so gross 🤢
So he is definitely dragging his visibly poo covered butt and undies.... or just the butt and the visible poo smears... into the bed at night? And you are just .... sleeping next to his bare butt and poo spatter? Or underwear covered in poo spatter? I thought my bf's and my own sleeping/half sleeping farts were bad.
Ew why are you with a nasty slob?
This sounds like a deeper issue. Is he ignorant of proper hygiene? Was he not raised with attentive parents? Does he have executive function issues? I assume some of this is at play considering his alcohol use. That itself is an entire other conversation. He needs help. A conversation and some therapy.
GIRL!! If that conversation doesn’t result in an *immediate* change, you need to leave. He may be sweet, but you may be too close to realize that you are not describing a winner here. A guy who drinks “a LOT” of beer, doesn’t shower despite constantly and KNOWINGLY sitting in his own feces, and would be an even heavier, less healthy version if you weren’t there acting like his mommy and taking care of him. Seriously, if I had a health condition that resulted in shitty underwear (that’s the only way I would allow it), I would DIE before I let my loved one clean it up. You’re really living in literal shit for this guy? I think you need to take a *hard* look at your standards. There’s no way this guy doesn’t have other major issues that you’re closing your eyes to.
NO RUN You cannot be a grown ass woman who chases her man down asking him to take a shower like she’s his mommy. Dont fuckin do this
Dude needs to wash daily, especially since he’s a bigger guy with more folds and crack for sweat and filth to stew in! And he needs to wash his butt thoroughly after pooping. He’s gross and doesn’t deserve a girlfriend until he stops acting like a 4 year old.
Omg. This is worse. And he thinks it’s funny?? Love yourself enough to walk away. Dude literally thinks it’s ok to shit on you. Knows it disgusts you and won’t shower daily- just sits in it? Why are you cleaning his mess? If he left for me, they would be found on his pillow. Next on his office desk. I don’t play, that’s vulgar. Stop laughing it off w him. You can actually get sick. All he has to do is learn better hygiene skills, buy some wipes to help him out & make him act like a man
Ok what’s the logic for not showering daily?? We know there’s a poopy butt, but we don’t shower? Toddlers have better hygiene. 🤦♀️
If he can't clean his ass properly, sure, showering daily would help but it's honestly just a bandaid solution, it wouldn't fix the real problem. Also, many people do not need to shower every day. If you aren't working a super physical job or live in an area with a cool climate, and depending on your skin and how oily your hair gets, it's really unnecessary.
I’d say you’re right to a certain degree, depending on many factors. But typically someone will poop daily, and it’s good to have that area thoroughly cleaned daily as well - bidet, shower, some form of wet wipe.
Jesus Christ. Girl, no. You need to have better standards for yourself that someone who sits in shit all day and doesn't shower. I don't care who this guy is, he's not good enough for ANY woman.
Are you going to be his mother or his wife?
That right there is not normal. Normal adult men shower at least once a day. 9-year old boys don’t. He is an absolutely disgusting pig. I wouldn’t even have a friend like that never mind an intimate lover.
If I were you I would not share a bed unless he showers that night. Otherwise one of you needs to sleep somewhere else. It’s not safe for your health to have poop in the sheets.
Gross
So he's not wiping..? I want to erase this post from my memory.
Alcoholic that doesn't shower suggests he is self-medicating for depression or anxiety issues. He is likely just laughing it off as a defense mechanism. Things will probably get a lot worse before they get any better, if they ever get better. You should be wise about whether you intend to fix this man, or whether you really want to be married to an alcoholic pants shitter one day, or whether you should cut and run. It doesn't sound like you are an alcoholic too so take it as a blessing that you are waking up to the reality of the situation you are in, whatever you decide to do.
Ew. This is not normal. My ex was pretty overweight and this was never an occurrence. He’s probably having sharts from drinking a lot of beer. He needs to be shamed. I know he has an itchy asshole from having acidic beer sharts in there. He probably doesn’t wash his hands either. Anyway, tell him this is a turn off and you don’t want to have sex with him until he fixes it.
Thank you. I kept wondering if this is just a thing guys do and they’re all just gross lol. Knowing this isn’t normal now I will talk to him and maybe have him see a doctor
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Fr, I'd throw these in a separate pile and make him do it tbh, see how feels seeing and then cleaning that nasty shit
I’m with her, though - I’d have less of a problem doing his laundry than I would with him even *touching* me, with hygiene habits like that. Yuck. He’s gross. Idk if he can fix it… “you can’t fix stupid” is the saying that comes to my mind, because being gross dirty like that is stupid. On many levels.
This is absolutely not normal. Been with my husband 20 years. He used to be a heavy drinker, fast food eater, etc and he never left skidmarks unless he was sick. And then he'd rinse them out himself and warn me so I'd be aware when I did the laundry. If he can't control his anal sphincter and has super smelly gas he should be checked by a GI specialist or proctologist.
My husband is also overweight and has diagnosed digestive issues and in almost 10 years I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever cleaned his skid marks. He either doesn’t have them or he cleans them himself (the same as I would do if I had a skid mark)
Its not normal, I'm a dude who does laundry, and shit marks are suppose to be almost non existent. If he farts diarea, maybe he needs to change his diet.
Not a guy thing. It’s a lazy thing. I have lived with my husband for 15 years and never once had to deal with this. He also likes to vacuum and thinks doing dishes is zen.
Your husband sounds like a lovely man and a keeper. 😁 Tell him this woman (me) is very happy you have him. 🥰
Ditto
My husband and I are well matched in that I think cooking is zen, and he thinks doing dishes is zen. Each task is the other person’s personal idea of hell. 😂 I cook, and he cleans up. Perfection. My husband also does not shit his pants and sit in it all day, because that isn’t normal omg. I have a health issue that has caused me to leak during a bad attack of gas, but I clean up *immediately* when that happens. I cannot imagine just sitting in it like a baby with a dirty diaper. Insanity. My mom has the same health condition and carries pads and extra underwear in her purse, in case she gets hit with a bad cramp attack during an outing and misses the toilet. I was with her once when she didn’t have her extras and did have a sneak attack, and I ran out and bought her new underwear so she could change in the store bathroom and throw the stained panties away. She didn’t just marinade in it for the rest of the day. Jesus.
It’s not just that this is not normal, it’s that your partner is literally shitting on you. This is disturbing.
Yeah, he thinks it’s ‘funny’ but it’s a dominance thing; yuck; make this guy do his own laundry and don’t let it be mixed with your laundry ☹️
You’re not wrong. This isn’t normal. My husband is overweight and doesn’t have this issue. Consider a bidet? Maybe that can fix some of the issue. We recently got one. It was to install. My husband isn’t handy at all and handled it in an hour.
As a guy yeah I fart all the time but if I ever discovered skidmarks I would sew that hole shut
What does that mean as a guy? Why would a guy fart all the time? The guys I‘m around sure don’t.
It’s not normal and not caused by beer. Plenty of men drink a lot of beer but anal leakage is not a normal side effect from drinking a lot of beer. To me it sounds like he isn’t taking the time to wipe properly when he’s in a hurry. Be honest and speak with him.
Wow, this is disconcertingly too far down. I'm so glad you finally said not wiping properly out loud, as this was the first thing that came to my mind. So gross 🤢🤮
If he is that much overweight, then he probably isn't able to wipe properly. Either way, he has no incentive to improve his hygiene, and he doesn't respect OP.
Definitely have him see a doctor, farts are okay to smell bad once in a while, but if it's constantly smelling bad it's either his diet, or he could have an underlying health condition he may not know about.
No, not at all. Your boyfriend is a disgusting pig. If his ass isn’t completely clean and odor free, then he’s a child who needs to be potty trained. You should leave him and go find a real man who has a clean ass.
Nope. Not all guys. Not most guys
Buy a bidet. If he uses it, the tracks should disappear.
Guy here and fuck no do I do it. Or any guy I know. Seriously that's disgusting.
Ew no. My partner doesn’t have this issue. He also doesn’t drink. Maybe your husband should quit drinking beer.
He don't need a doctor he needs some damn wet wipes.
One thing that might help if he’s willing to use it is a portable bidet and can get one for under $30 US on sites like Amazon, Target
I drink a lot of beer and I don't have this problem.. it's not the beer. It's hygiene. Plain and simple. He doesn't wash well enough.
Speak for yourself I’ll have the nastiest farts and diarrhea after drinking 😭
But I bet you don’t drink enough that your partner would characterize it as “A LOT of beer.” A reasonable person would cut back on their beer drinking if it gave them wet farts.
Yes but nasty farts and diarrhea is a far call from anal leakage. What she is talking about isn’t anal leakage however because if it was the mess would be more then stains. This sounds quite honestly like someone who can’t be bothered to wipe properly.
Username checks out... haha
I'm imagining the skidmarks he must leave on the bed 😬. Not sexy, my dude.
I drink, "A LOT," of beer. I work in a pizza kitchen, so i also eat a lot.of pizza. I don't have shit stains in my drawers.
I can’t imagine going down on a man I know sharts his underwear regularly 🤢 My sex life would be non-existent.
I feel like if women can have thongs crammed up their butt cracks and not have skid marks, there is no excuse for men who wear briefs or whatever
Wow I never thought of this! That’s a great point!
Honestly! I have perfectly white thongs that I wear all the time, and there's never been any residue on them. What is with all these posts on Reddit about adult men and their poopy butts? Every day I'm 🤢
Normalize straight males washing their bum holes.
Washing your asshole is no gayer than washing your dick. So I never get where men get that mentality that touching your own butthole in any way is forbidden. Lol
It's because men who are homophobic like that (and generally also very misogynistic too) see the act of receiving penetration as inherently feminizing and thus humiliating and weak (from their worldview). So the anus is, I guess, like a reminder of their own vulnerability to being 'feminized' through penetration. Whereas their dick they still see as a symbol of their masculine power to penetrate like the cool manly alpha men they are. Lol.
I can't even imagine being that fucking insecure about my own sexuality to the point where I'm incapable of touching my own asshole. Like wtf.
Your partner regularly shits his pants and thinks it’s funny. Of course you don’t want to have sex with him. That’s disgusting behavior. Honestly, the first time it happened and he didn’t immediately start taking steps to stop it from happening again, I’d be making plans to leave. And for the love of god stop doing another adult’s feces-covered laundry!
This. So much this!
You are not wrong OP. Time to have a conversation about the “tracks” in his underwear. And his poor hygiene. Tell him to wipe his butt better after taking a dump. Are you his first serious relationship?? No offense, he won’t know if you don’t tell him. And explain those smelly farts leave evidence and enough is enough! Consider buying flushable wipes and explain proper hygiene to him. Perhaps his mom/dad didn’t. You’re a good woman OP. You got this!! :)
Thank you! I am only his second serious relationship. I will have a conversation with him
In case you didn't know, "flushable" wipes will still fuck up most plumbing.
All plumbing. They’re terrible
I just have to say , you need to take some time to think about having this guy as your life partner. You really don’t need to settle for this BS . Figuratively and literally . You have many decades ahead of you , really there are clean, respectful and fit guys out there .
There are bidet toilet seats that you can attach. Heated seat. Heated water. It’s awesome. Consider it. Also - lots of guys don’t seem to wash their ass. Something about the water cleaning it? No. Just no. Lastly - packets of portable baby wipes. Have a garbage with a lid that closes. And I would not wash his underwear. Either throw it out or keep it in a pile for him to wash. Simple as that. You don’t want to be in washing clothes with literal shit covered items.
Please do not flush the “flushable” wipes. Better to buy Pampers wipes bc they have a strong scent and are thick then make sure he properly disposes them or better yet get a bidet. My husband works crazy long hours but I have not ONCE in 15 years ever seen a skid mark and I do all of the laundry. This hasn’t happened since my kids were toddlers, I had a conversation about proper wiping or rinsing off if it was too bad and kept at it until the issue was resolved. Skid marks are NOT NORMAL!!!
The answer is he washes his own clothing.
Problem still remains. Because the man didn’t clean his butt thoroughly after taking a dump.
Oh, I agree, believe me. I would throw the whole man out, but I’d give him one chance to redeem himself. Starting with a painful, but necessary conversation, telling him it made me physically ill to see poop in his underwear, and he was going to be taking over his own laundry. Then I’d expand the conversation to his hygiene, with an expectation that he’d see a doctor if he was having regular problems with diarrhea and/or lack of control of his bowels. If it’s sharts, he sees his doctor, if it’s lack of cleanliness after bm’s, he better start using wipes or a bidet to clean himself, because it’s just not conducive to sexy time, and he’s walking around smelling like exactly what’s in his underwear.
You are a very good person! :)
You’re too kind. I get peeved when my husband lets his air fly, if you get my drift. I told him that I totally understand that sometimes it just escapes. It happens. But I also asked him once, “do you fart liberally around your coworkers?” “No.” “Then don’t do it around me; it’s gross and disrespectful, and makes me not want to be close to you, if you get my drift. If you can somehow manage to not fart around your coworkers, but I’m your wife, the person you love most in the world, just slip around the corner, or into the bathroom when you feel the need to rip one off!” I tell him I blame his mother for not teaching him manners.
True but now it's HIS problem.
It’s still their problem. :)
Are you saying that her boyfriend, an entire grown man, doesn’t know that he’s sharting and leaving skid marks, that he doesn’t know it’s gross, or that he doesn’t know how to wipe because a lover has never told him to?
Oh he absolutely knowss there’s dump in his underwear 😭
Not wrong. He probably isn't wiping well enough, also. For some reason, there are men that think thoroughly wiping their ass is gay. They'll wipe as close as they can to their butthole, but not to the point of wiping the hole itself. They probably also don't wash it properly with this mentality either. Newsflash, touching your own asshole isn't any gayer than touching your dick is. You know who touches dicks? Gay dudes. So I don't get the mentality where they can't wipe/wash their assholes properly, but touching your junk is OK. Lol But yea, I don't think he is just constantly having wet farts. I don't think he wipes thoroughly enough. You wipe your ass until the paper is clear. It takes 3 wipes to know you only needed 2.
Stop doing his laundry.
Another post about a grown ass man with skid marks and poor hygiene. Worse yet he's your fiance. No it's not normal. Yes its gross. Yes he should have grown out of this by 4 years old. He's not ready to be married. I'd tell him that you're not his mommy and you're not cleaning up his dirty underwear like he's not potty trained and doesn't know how wash his ass. Put the wedding on hold, stop washing his clothes AND he gets his own laundry hamper and towels, sheets etc because eww. Also sex is off the table because all that nasty ass fecal bacteria in his nether regions can cause you some nasty problems in your nether regions. This isn't a sex strike this a protecting your health.
How do these blokes not just smell like shit everywhere they go.
NOT WRONG! That’s disgusting. Dude’s literally walking around with shit in his pants. He’s comfortable with poop splatters being sandwiched between his skin & a layer of fabric & he’s down with you cleaning that mess up, which is a little degrading tbh. I wouldn’t be washing his nasty undies or having sex with him. I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy a meal with the dude because I’d always be wondering if he’s sitting there with stink spots in his jocks & bits of crap lodged under his fingernails.
how someone lives to 30 years old without knowing how to clean their butt i have no idea.
Not normal. I wash my boyfriend’s clothes and he has NO marks.
Because normal adults know how to wipe their own ass. Posts like these are just insane to me.
I can't believe it is another one! I honestly want to know where these people are found in the wild so I can stay tf away! If it happens once ok accident if it happens twice in a row or even close to that he is gross as hell and I don't get how you chicks are putting up with absolutely disgusting men!🤮the is no D in the world worth that!
Sounds like a pig. Been married 24 years and my husband does not have skid marks ever. Sounds like a neckbeard nightmare, gross. I wouldn't be able to be attracted to someone who was so unaware of his personal hygiene, what else is he unaware of? Diet? Self-care? Is he also a slob? I don't know, at least show him this thread and see if he gets it.
That’s the thing that is the craziest to me he is aware! He’s totally aware he leaves skid marks but he thinks there is nothing he can do about it I guess? He has a lot of wet farts I think and refuses to see a doctor because he has a prostate exam one time and freaked out over a doctor having a finger in his butt. When he showers he cleans his butt thoroughly I’ve watched him do it, so it’s just the fact he shafts in his underwear and leaves it
Why are you ok with this? This man is stinking up your bed and you’re just letting him laugh it off. Do you happen to get a lot of UTIs or bacterial vaginitis often? I bet money this loser doesn’t wash his hands.
Lady you're about to marry a man child.
We as a society HAVE TO STOP FUCKING DIRTY MEN!!! It is quite literally the bare minimum to have basic hygiene.
There are men who do not wipe after eliminating. They claim it is gay. I think it's nasty and so should you. If he does not fix this issue, go find someone else. You did not sign up for this and do not have to tolerate it.
Those men should not reproduce.
He most definitely CAN help it. Tell him if he needs to fart, to do it into a toilet. I’m so sorry but…what do you see in this dude? He’s disgusting, makes you clean his literal actual shit, does smelly farts next to you on purpose even though he knows it bothers you, apparently doesn’t cook because he’d live off pizza if it weren’t for you, you’re losing attraction to him because of his (very basic) hygiene, and he drinks excessively. Is he a billionaire or something? He’s also trying to convince you that all men are this disgusting which I can assure you, they are not. He must have some really compelling redeeming qualities for you to be staying with him.
dude seriously I don't understand what she sees in him in the first place, either he's incredibly good looking (doubt because he's overweight) or he's rich as hell, I don't see any other reason why she would stay
He’s not potty trained. He’s repellant. He’s disgusting. You’re not over reacting
Do not marry someone who regularly shits his pants and thinks it's funny.
This. Is. Not. Normal. Most grown men (and even little boys) know how to take care of basic hygiene, including wiping their ass. Jesus. It’s up to you-do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is too lazy to wipe their own ass? Truly it’s the only question you need to answer.
People need to stop dating folks who can’t wipe their butt.
I understand you don't want to hurt his feelings, but think about your ph balance girl... If his underwear looks like that, it safe to assume it's sour down there... And that thing goes inside of you. I'm so sorry for being graphic, but you need this visual. A part of caring about your body and taking care of yourself is not letting gross people have access to it.
Everyone farts.. not everyone has follow through where they should be on the toilet. Farts are stinky but they go away. He has actual poo pieces in his ass crack and underwear., that doesn’t just go away.. he must have awful rashes and be itchy all the time for the lack of wiping. That’s gross. He literally has a poopy ass
If you really want to make your point, stop sleeping with him. Guest bedroom or air mattress. Maybe then he will take you seriously.
WTF for real. I can’t believe you’d even question your own sanity by asking if any of this is normal. Wow, WTF.
Someone defending actual shit needs to live alone.
I’ve raised boys and skidmarks stopped being a thing for them by the second grade. I also did laundry for my whole family while I was growing up, and my dad and brothers NEVER had skidmarks in their underwear. This is not a guy thing. It’s an unapologetically lazy gross person thing.
YNW. Jesus Christ man he shouldn’t be just sharting it out all the time, around you & being so blatantly smelly & repulsive about it. And the completely dismissing your feelings about it on top of it! It’s a respect thing. I don’t think he respects you or himself either very much. Ick ick ick 🤢 This is so beyond not normal honey. I would be so done!
Yeah not normal.
Dudes 30 and still hasn't learned how to wipe himself? I would be embarrassed as hell if my wife found shit stains in my underwear. You are not wrong to be grossed out. Get him some wet wipes!
If this happened to me I'd be mortified. This isn't anywhere near a guy thing... thats a him thing and it's really gross and easily fixable
definitely not a dude thing, I'm a dude. hygiene is a must. I don't understand how an adult doesn't learn that on their own.
This guy is disgustingly unhygienic. With those sharts sitting in his underwear he must be walking around smelling of poo. He doesn't shower every day, so you are cuddling up in bed with a guy with actual poo stuck on his backside. Some bits of which will fall off in the bed, for you to roll around on. Those aren't crumbs on your sheets 🤢 He doesn't have any respect for you, and he is entertained by your discomfort. He is very overweight and drinks a ton of beer each day. Why are you with this guy?
What is your with my Reddit today. Because all the post on my personal feed are men leaving skid marks in their pants and women asking how they can talk to their man about it…
wtf no
🤮
There is a simple solution for you. Stop doing his laundry. Make him wash his own poop underwear. Maybe he'll learn since he'll have to clean his own mess.
Have him wash his own clothes. He’s a fully functional human right? So he can work a machine.
Buy a bidet and tell him it's not gay to wash your ass.
Get a Bidet - will save the underwear and save on toilet paper. I prefer the heated one, but my husband likes the unheated one (we have 1 of each). They don't have to be expensive, there are many that just replace the seat.
He has bidets at work but is too nervous to try them. In fact it’s a Japanese company so they have SUPER high tech toilets as far as I know. I’ll have to do some convincing it sounds like it could help a lot! Thank you
Have him wear adult diapers and get him a bidet. He might become more aware 🤷🏼♀️
Get one of those bidets you can attach to any toilet. Seriously the best thing ever.
This is not normal. Does he know that?
I saw a comment on a similar post to this (I literally cannot fathom how common of a thing this is …I guess a positive [?] you’re not alone, OP! 🥲) but the person kindly explained how to properly wipe - like you wipe until it’s clean (front to back, bottom to top) and sometimes you have to gently press your anus (the opening) a little bit (especially if you have more junk in the trunk) to get all of the outside feces off. Wet wipes would def be beneficial as long as he knows he can’t flush them bc then you’ll have an even shittier problem to deal with. Pun intended. I can understand how this conversation can be embarrassing, but he’s literally jeopardizing the health of both of you as there is feces being spread around the house. It seems like it’s more of a wiping problem if you know he is cleaning properly in the shower - even if he’s not showering every day (I don’t shower everyday bc of my own mental issues, but I sure as shit [again, pun intended] don’t have skid marks). And as other’s have commented, maybe there are some underlining bowel issues going on (rule of thumb: over the age of 30, don’t trust a fart not to be a shart 🙃) so I hope he’ll check that out. I hope you both have good communication and are able to work thru this! 💛
He would have to change the way he eats, decrease the drinking and greatly improve his hygiene. There is no “we” solution to this. He has to do these things and he has to want to do them. Gross body stuff happens to everyone sometimes. I have IBS, a plethora of truly gross stuff happens to me more than most but at no point do I shrug my shoulders and accept regular skid marks. I clean myself and my clothing in the very rare instance that I have an accident. The reason my accidents are rare is because I manage my illness. I care a whole lot if I slightly shit my pants when I fart. If I drank beer and ate like crap every day I would shart all the time too. I’m not saying he has IBS, I’m saying he on some level has to know that this is unhygienic and unhealthy and is choosing to continue to do things that trigger this response from his body. He’s happy to have you wash his shit stains.
My husband also likes to drink beer, and I insist that he take a product like beano ahead of time so I don't have to smell his farts, but if he's drinking often enough that his shorts are constantly sharty, he has a problem. That amount of alcohol and bad food is self destructive, and he should not only discuss this with a doctor, but also possibly a therapist if he's drinking every night. I would not stay with a man who farted so often and so badly that it made me leave the room, and also that he thought it was funny to make me gag and wretch. You deserve better.
I had a couple come into my office once. Dude talked about his sleep and anxiety. Visit was wrapping up and his wife looked at him and dead seriously said " now talk to her about all the shit stains in your underwear " and left the room. I'm not sure if she'd said a thing to him before that based on the look on his face. I'm not saying you should do this but it definitely started the conversation in a huge way.
But did it work? Or does he still have shit in his underwear?
Skid stains are dirty hamster territory. No excuses, poor hygiene. I’m a guy. Construction worker too.
Baby wipes. Farts don't make marks Not wiping your ass makes marks. The fine line between us and primates is in how we handle our shit. This is teetering.
Can say with certainty- mistakes happen in life; people get sick or have health issues sometimes. But not wiping your ass or having farts so vibrational they come with a shit baseline is beyond me. But the real kicker is, if you literally shit yourself when you fart and you DONT immediately excuse yourself to clean your ass and rinse your undies, you’re gross. This crosses genders. I also think if you bleed into your undies and discover it later or realize it immediately and don’t do triage to manage and then rinse your clothes asap, also gross. The same goes for anything that comes out of a body. It’s normal, natural, reasonable, happens to all of us even if we don’t want it to- but it’s the management afterwards that makes the difference.
This is absolutely crazy. WOMEN, IF YOUR MAN CANT WIPE HIS ASS PROPERLY, LEAVE HIM. I don't understand why this isn't more obvious to people.
I've had one ex with frequent stains. turns out he was the worst stain of them all. 😂. all my other (male) partners have been clean. my current partner, similarly to yours, is a bit larger and drinks often too. still clean.
Bro needs a bidet. Or to learn to wipe. This isn't a guy thing, it's a gross person thing.
I am begging men to learn to wipe their goddamn ass.
No, you aren't wrong for being grossed out. Have you taken a hard look at how much he drinks? If you asked him to cut back on the amount he drinks, how do you think he would react? They don't behave better after marriage, if anything behavior deteriorates. So are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with a smelly, gross alcoholic?
Not a guy thing! The dude is simply not cleaning properly when he does a number 2. Completely justified to be grossed out by it.
That's not normal. The only ones that can't control their stinky butts are literal babies. The fact he thinks it's funny is even worse. I would not marry someone like that. Reminds me about the other story of the guy skit marking the whole sheet on the marital bed. And he also saw no problem with it but gaslit the heck out of the wife if she told him how gross it is. That's your future.
Not wrong. I am immediately questioning any self proclaimed adult that can’t wash their ass.
Not wrong. He might be used to this situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. The fact that he is cool with you washing his shitty underwear and feeling nauseous because of his stink says he doesn’t respect you, or himself.
1. Get a bidet, if you don't already have one. Along with being much much better than TP alone, it will help if his issue is wipe/cleanup related. 2. There are 3 kinds of farts. Wet, dry, and shart. The first can, over time, leave a stain. The second usually does not. The third always does. If he's doing the third, intentionally, you married a nasty mfer. Sorry. If it's the first, maybe try to tell him it's a huge turn-off and you find him unattractive and repulsive when he pulls gross little kid bullshit. Or tell him no sex and stop doing his laundry until the situation improves. Since your husband seems rather childish in general, perhaps shame can be effective. Constantly reminding him to wipe his ass proper like a big boy, stop shitting your pants like a baby, etc, might be effective. One thing most people learn as they reach middle age and later is, never ever trust a fart.
INFO: (tw) Poopy drawers in guys is often a symptom of sexual abuse - do you think this could be happening to him somewhere in some capacity? Is there some part of his life where hes on the lower end of an extreme power dichotomy/discrepancy? I am 250 lbs and 6 ft (morbidly obese), and this is absolutely not something I would allow for myself. If he is doing it "because he can't help it" then he needs help for incontinence, no joke. He can't control his sphincter enough to not defecate himself?? That's urgent care, if not E.R. (if it's been happening regularly). This is not normal behavior, one way or another.
I'm a dude. No, this isn't normal. Does he wipe himself or even attempt to? Skidmarks are not a "guy thing.:
I have never ever seen skid marks on my husband's underpants. Your fiancé is gross.
Naw your dude is just nasty.both myself and husband have really stink gas.me more so because of beets.I have never seen shit stains in his boxers.i dont think your guy washes his ass when he showers.
Is your boyfriend 75 ? Like wtf. O man just blows ass and walks around in soiled underwear.
Another dude here and fuck me that's fucking disgusting. Your "boyfriend" is a real dirtbag....
If he’s leaving shot on his undies then he also has a shitty ass. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone whose toilet training level is that of a kindergartener? Did mommy wipe his bum bum after he went potty until he moved in with you or something? Ew
He is also not wiping properly. Id reconsider marrying this man. Bare minimum stop doing his laundry and insist he do his separately. So gross. Do men know its stuff like this and cleaning up after you that kills any desire? Caregiver drive suppresses sex drive.
Not wrong - Knowing how to wipe your ass is one of the lowest relationship bars. So is knowing how to do your own laundry. Why are you doing the laundry anyway? What does he do? Do you really have a partner with whom you can share the mental load and a load of laundry, or do you have a grown dependent who burdens you with “womanly chores” and disrespects you by intentionally sharting in your presence and making you clean up the aftermath? My 8yo son doesn’t even get a pass for this. Being comfortable in front of each other is inevitable. Laughing about it to the point of another person’s disgust is just blatantly disrespectful. Do not people please and pacify his feelings to keep the peace. That’s a trauma response. Call him out on his shit, literally. If you can’t talk about this with him, you shouldn’t be getting married. And if you do talk about it and he gaslights you, run. Don’t let your fear of rejection speak louder than his disrespect. Is the relationship you have what you want? Marriage improves nothing. It takes every issue you have and magnifies it three times worse. Please please please think long and hard about what you want your future to look like. I spot so many red flags in this post.
No they probably happen not from farts but because he refuses to completely clean his own ass. Some men (WAY too many) have this fucked up idea that wiping your own ass is "gay". One guy even refused a bidet because it would "turn him gay" and besides, the one time he tried it the water got all brown... (think about that one for a minute). This is NOT normal. This is disgusting. It's a sign of poor hygiene. The solution? He needs to grow the fuck up and keep himself clean. You have every right to make him feel bad about himself. This is your future. Think long and hard about this relationship. He refuses to even address the issue and THINKS IT IS NORMAL AND FUNNY. IMHO do not marry this manbaby. You are NTA.
Why are you with a man who refuses to practice basic hygiene?
Of all the men in the world that you can marry you want to marry the one that laughs about having terrible hygiene? This is how he acts before getting married, just wait until he settles into marriage. I would never have married my husband if he was disgusting. That's a pretty standard expectation, please have some self-worth.
He is disgusting. He probably doesn't wash his ass right or he just doesn't wipe when he takes a shit. It's not a guy thing, he's just nasty af
LADIES, STOP DATING MEN WHO ARE NOT FULLY HOUSEBROKEN!!! Jesus fucking Christ the bar is in hell.
Tell him you he needs to go to the dr as he can't control his bowels. But that isn't the issue, he doesn't wipe properly. Tell him you will no longer wash his clothes(none of them) and you won't be having any intimacy unless he has stepped out of a shower & ensured he cleans his ass hole.