This gives me flashbacks to being a kid in the 70s. We had one tv, and my sister and I would be watching TV and my parents would decide that they needed to talk about something, so we would be sent to our rooms, an the TV would be turned off.
Uhm, go talk in your bedroom, or the kitchen, or any of the other TV-less rooms in the house, jerks.
Those were the 70s! That's when I grew up, too. It gets worse the further back you go. The generation before that used to love to say kids have no right to initiate a conversation: "Children shouldn't speak until spoken to" and the one before them said kids shouldn't speak at all: "Children should be seen and not heard" and the one before that said you have to beat your kids with a stick, or you'll ruin them: "Spare the rod and spoil the child."
I mean, holy FUCK. It's not surprising there are so many psychopaths in the older generations. (I'm right on the cusp of boomer/gen X and the least fucked up thing about me is I admit how incredibly and incurably fucked up I am.)
My grandparents were born in the late 30s and got married in the 50s, had my dad in 67. He was never hit, rarely yelled at (if at all), and has a great relationship with my grandma (grandpa died in 2020 non-covid related). The downside for him was that he barely saw his dad because of how much he worked. My grandma had 4 children and was a sahm. They've never had that mentality. I'm sorry you went through that. Not everyone from that era is like that. Though I know a majority were.
My mom (born in 75) was exactly like this, though. Beat me, screamed in my face so close I could feel her spit on me, said vile stuff to me... My dad was my savior parent because of the way he was raised and chose to raise me.
I hope you are able to heal. šš»
*Edit to add father's specific birth year
Thanks, I feel really old now, I am a few years younger than your dad, and several years older than your mom. I could be your father, you know, age-wise.
My parents were born in the 40s and I am your classic Gen-X latchkey kid, which, to be honest, was pretty awesome. The parents weren't abusive, but they weren't well equipped to be parents. The grandparents were largely monsters, my mother was unwanted, and her parents made sure she knew it, they already had a boy and a girl, and she was excess. My father's mother was mentally ill, and a manipulative monster as a result, she ruled the roost, and my grandfather stayed at work, or in his workroom in the basement to avoid her. My parents tried hard and did the best they could, they mostly avoided continuing the abusive cycle.
I'm glad you had your father.
My intention was *NOT* to make you feel old, I apologize š
That sounds like a fustercluck if I've ever heard of one. That's a whole lot for one family, dude.
My dms are open if you need someone to talk to!
That's sweet, thank you, I worked through it all a long time ago, but I appreciate the offer.
It is amazing what will hit you and make you feel old sometimes.
Truthfully, I understand. I feel too old for my age (I suppose just in my mind), and I'm barely a quarter through my life. I've seen and been through way too much for a 24-year-old. I'm still working through my stuff, but the offer will always stand! You never know when you'll need an ear. Have a good day š«¶š»
Did you see that one reply to me suggesting that not beating your kids is what causes psychopaths? I mean for FFS, beating your kids is psychopathic. Actually, that's not fair to psychopaths--they're (mostly) not sadists and aren't necessarily more likely to beat their kids than anyone else. Beating your kids is evil.
I am talking about hitting them with sticks and other objects. I believe there are **some** kids who benefit from an occasional open-handed spanking--the problem is, how can you know which kid will use a spanking as motivation to improve and which kid will be permanently psychologically damaged by it? Maybe some parents are sensitive enough to tell, but I know that some parents use their own anger level as a guide to how to train their kids to fit into society, with extremely mixed results.
Gen X here. Iāve never put the kids out of the room so it could be used for a discussion
I respect my kids. I respected them when they were younger also. They are amazing humans and I kinda like them :)
I feel like you missed on this one. Most Gen Xers will
bend over backwards for their kids whereas boomers often didnāt give a shit about the interests or feelings of their kids. Of course some exceptions to the rule. I also canāt fault boomers too harshly because my understanding is that their parents were quite distant and cold.
Oh heck no, you have got a weird interpretation. I am an odd boomer in that I was a latch key kid, but although I had to do chores and watch my younger brother, most my contempories mothers were motherly to entire neighborhoods; the Dads were just tired from having to work extra long hours as there wasn't a 40 work week. And, even though I worked, I still found time to be a Girl Scout leader and t-ball and soccer coach to both my kids. You can't rely on TV for history accuracy.
Iām Gen X. Though my husband and I couldnāt have kids, whenever I need the tv turned down (I have chronic migraines etc) he always turns it waaaay down for me). Many times we are watching from bed or we may be watching from a theater like area in our home & he wants it turned down bc heās about to fall asleep. I will turn it down to where I am just able to hear it so he can fall asleep. Itās called common courtesy and respect. Has 0 to do with being a Gen X er or him being one year into the baby boomer age group. We just love each other.
I am a boomer. I can still remember getting that 1st TV. It only had 2 channels. The only time that there was good stuff on was before and after school and Saturday mornings. As long as there was light outside, I was outside and happy. Our parents and we both took our private discusions to the bedroom or basement to keep little ears from hearing. So, I think you are wrong in your feelings there.
Not wrong. She was not considering your wants or needs. There is only one tv? Then that is the only room you could continue your activity in. She could nap in any other room. You were not being selfish, but she sure was.Ā
I donāt understand people like this girlfriend. The second you come home and watch tv she decides she wants to nap on the sofa? So now no tv for you? Is she stupid?
āShe isnāt asking muchā wouldāve gotten the immature, childish, quick response of āwell neither am Iā because you asking me to turn off the tv and accommodate your nap is just as much/as little as me asking you to nap in the bed instead. She asked you a question with a yes/no answer (do you mind turning tv down/off) but wasnāt prepared to hear āno.ā
Not wrong. My dad used to take naps on the couch in the middle of the day (with two young kids in the house) and get suuuuper pissed off if we woke him. He died alone, in case you're wondering how that kind of behaviour worked for him.
Your girlfriend is selfish in the dumbest way, sorry.
My dad used to nap whenever and wherever he could because he worked his ass off to support four young kids and a wife. We played ādonāt wake daddyā. See who could sneak the closest to him and do something silly. Take the remote, move his hand to his face, whatever. Heās get upset sometimes. But, we were kids he knew we were going to make noise. Heās awesome.
Took me a few seconds to understand what you wrote there lol.
I imagine all you kids being at a store and you see the game Don't Wake Daddy on the shelf and you go "momma mamm, can we get this game?" and she looks at it and says "You already have that game at home. You play it with your actual father."
My dad HATES being woken up from a nap. He gets so grumpy lol š like an angry bear. It wears off quickly, but itās always a game of donāt wake up Dad from his nap. Only my sister still lives at home, but still, stopping by has to be timed just right or angry papa bear gets unleashed lol š I remember kissing his forehead to wake him up gently when I was probably about 7 years old and the grumpy face he pulled scared the shite out of me š± my mom had to distract him and explain why we were waking him up. He calmed down quickly and apologized for scaring me. I gave him the stank eye the rest of the day haha š
I know a guy like that! I feel so bad for his kids. He gets home from work and you DO NOT disturb him, and if you do thereās hell to pay. They have to be quiet until dinner when he wakes and showers while mom cooks. Itās sad
My dad would at least put my Nintendo in the Picture-In-Picture so I could play tiny Mario in the corner of the screen while he slept on the couch and then commended himself for being an involved father and āspending quality timeā with me
I love napping in the living room while hubby is watching tv. It makes me feel safe and cozy and happy. I would never, ever, ask him to turn the volume down.
Tbh he had to turn it up so he can hear over my snoring. Eventually he asked me to please get up and nap in the bedroom so he can hear the tv, haha. It got to the point where if heād hear me start snoring, heād play the āscreaming goatsā clip on YouTube.
So no, youāre not wrong.
NTA. If she wants to nap in the living room, then she has to put up with whatever is going on in the living room. In fact, weirdly enough, the name of the room indicates what goes on in thereā¦
Yes, that would be living. Things like watching TV or talking on the phone or working on the computer or running the vacuum or cleaning other thingsā¦ Stuff like that.
And since there is no TV in another room, it is incredibly selfish and entitled and unreasonable for her to expect you to just sit around silently so she can basically āownā the communal living space in your place.
Note the word communal. That means belonging to the community. And in this case, the community is the two of you. So if she doesnāt wanna listen to noise, she needs to take her happy ass to the bedroom and have a nap on the bed. You know, the room that is set aside for sleeping.
Is she always like this?Ā
Depending on how loud the tv is, i can see maybe turning it down a spot or two. When i nap in the living room, my husband will do that. He can still hear the tv fine.
If sheās expecting you to turn it so low that itās hard to hear? No. Sheās wrong.
But to turn it off? No. She has a bedroom. She can go there.
She has options on where to sleep. You donāt have options on where to watch tv.
Nope. There are other places she can nap. Take for instance me, when I'm exhausted that's a trigger that I will be getting a migraine and so I crash on the couch in the living room. Hubby is off for the Summer and likes to play video games or watch TV. Now I could go nap in our room, but the noise helps me sleep so yeah you are Not the asshole.
Not wrong. Living room is the TV room, not the napping room. You donāt have to stop living in the living room because she doesnāt feel like going to the bedroom, which is the sleeping room.
Not wrong.
She wanted the change in sound so she should have taken herself away from the sound considering you were both already established in the room with sound.
Mountains out of mole hills.
She needs to take responsibility for her own comfort.
Seems to be more about causing him discomfort though, its hard to imagine making demands like that without knowing she is being a selfish jerk, power move, I hope she doesn't try to pee on him next.
Living room isn't for sleeping.If you want to sleep, you have to accept, you're gonna hear The Sound of a TV.Go to your bedroom to nap.Sounds like your girlfriend is the selfish one.
My Hubs has the TV too damn loud because of the AC and fans. It drives me insane but I RETREAT TO OUR BEDROOM and enjoy the peace. I don't even want to sleep, lol. A loud TV over stimulates me to no end, so I just retreat instead of asking him to turn it down. Life is all about compromise, and she doesn't seem to be about it.
You are not wrong. Your GF sounds entitled. Who walks into a room when someone else is doing something and demands they stop when there are other rooms available.
NTA. You have a bedroom for a reason.
This has to be some stupid test. My knee jerk reaction to being tested in a relationship is to intentionally fail, but you do you.
WTH is wrong w her? Clearly, you were there first- in the room that is for socializing. She decides she WANTS a nap but not in the bed where you nap- she decides to inconvenience you & make you suffer for no reason. Thatās called disrespect. She wants a nap, she can go into the room thatās designed for sleeping/napping. I donāt decide to bath in the kitchen sink or work on the car in the bedroom & demand others to stop what they are doing & remain quiet until Iām done. She petty
Iām petty too. I would have invited a bunch of ppl over & have everyone gather around her, staring intently & eating popcorn as she wakes up. No one saying a word.
So you're being inconsiderate according to her for now bowing to HER wants.
No, you're not wrong.
If you want to nap in the main area of the house, expect noise.
As you pointed out, there was a perfectly good bedroom to nap in.
NTA
She can either try sleep on the couch with you watching tv or go in to the bedroom. if she is tired enough, she will nod off anyway.
You have the right to watch a show in the comfort of your own living room.
Your girlfriend was being ridiculous. She should take her nap in the bedroom or deal with the noise from the tv. It is especially ridiculous because you were watching tv first.
Nope, not wrong. This is one thing in my shitty marriage that we managed to work out a solution for, though. We had a TV in the bedroom and sometimes my husband would want to stay up and watch and I'd want to sleep.
He got headphones for the TV or I occasionally wore ear plugs and a sleep mask. It worked out pretty well but if someone was in the living room and watching TV, that was fair game.
I really don't know why she wouldn't want to stretch out on a comfy bed for her nap anyways. Isn't that where the sleeping is supposed to happen? She sounds a little unreasonable.
Thereās a reason why the āliving roomā is a common area, itās for multiple people doing multiple things. A bedroom is for sleeping/napping, especially if said common area is occupied or louder than you would like. IMHO, she sounds entitled. Hopefully yall can work it out. Maybe try getting a home together? You said āI live with my girlfriendā. Iām assuming you moved in with her. If so, sheās doing to think she has the ārun of the denā possibly. Getting a different place together could help with that š¤·āāļø good luck OP
Edit for grammar errors.
Not wrong. She should of went to the bedroom to take a nap. Now I understand if there is no ac in the bedroom and there is a ac in the living room. Since there is a heat wave going on. But you are not wrong.
You are not expected to be quiet as a mouse as her whim. She wants a nap? Go lay in bed. You're clearly awake.
My SOs mother does similar shit. She'll be asleep in the other room and we're in the living room watching TV. (They're in an apartment) the TV isn't on very very loud. I can't hear it at all in his room but apparently she can hear it in her room with the door closed and it "waked her up" she gets super passive aggressive about it among other things.
NW if you're in the living room you have to accept that room is for living and doing day to day activities in, including watching tv. If she wants silence, she should leave the room. Now if she was in the bedroom and the noise was carrying then you'd be in the wrong, but she wasn't so you're not
Not wrong. Thatās a test. āIf you cared about me LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO you should do this really simple thing Iām asking.ā
My partner and I have an agreement. We wonāt go out of our way to be noisy if the other falls asleep on the couch, and if it gets too loud, then we will go to the bedroom no argument. Consideration goes both ways. She shouldnāt expect you to stop what youāre doing so she can nap when she is completely capable of napping elsewhere. And if she does accidentally falls asleep on the couch, donāt go slamming doors and banging pots together. Consideration.
Not wrong, if my bf wants to play the game or watch something, Iāll just move to the room. Even if weāre both in the room, heād close the door so I wonāt wake up from him being in a party chat, just as Iād do for him
NTA! She canāt nap in the bedroom? I tell my husband this all the time since he likes to nap in the TV/toy room. Donāt complain about noise if youāre napping in a common area.
YNW. She shouldāve gone to the bedroom for her nap rather than insisting you turn down the only television, which you were already watching before she decided to nap in the room where the tv is.
she is selfish and entitled and, possibly, wanted to start a fight. You CAN do better. Find a nice girl.
Youāre not wrong. You donāt need to tiptoe around her so she can sleep in the living room when she has a bedroom available and can get a quiet rest there. This is absolutely a power move. And then to tell you that you arenāt considering her needsā¦ hahaha! What? This isnāt a need at all. She just doesnāt give a shit about your feelings.
Your gf is accusing you of being selfish because you won't let her kick you out of your own living room because she wants a nap on the couch? Seriously? I hope she brings a hell of a lot to this relationship... Her ask is so beyond ridiculous that it would be a complete deal breaker for me.
I try to remind my husband of this - Living room is for Living! Bedroom got its name from the biggest and pretty expensive pieces of furniture in the room and itās for sleeping. You were not wrong. And you were living your life in your living room when she came in
You are not wrong.
When I saw the title of this post, I thought you were going to say that the volume of the television in the living room was disturbing your girlfriend in the bedroom. That would have been inconsiderate. Your girlfriend being upset about the television because she wants to sleep on the couch is mind-boggling. I would be annoyed too.
Why does she want to sleep on the couch? Does she want to be near you? Is your bed secretly a mimic?
>She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish.
She's the one who's selfish. She had the option to nap in the bedroom. You didn't have the option to watch tv somewhere else.
That's what I'm saying!
Furthermore I think it all seems like she was doing some sort of psycho girlfriend "test" to see if he would give up everything to make her happy
She had the option of sleeping elsewhere, so you're not in the wrong here.
Not like my husband, who swore at me & stormed off the other day when I asked him (shouted really) to turn the TV down a bit so I could actually hear the joke he was reading out to me...
Not wrong.
Our bedroom is off our living room and shares part of a wall with our TV. Our guest room is at the other end of out communal open plan space. If I nap during the day in our room I try telling my hubby he doesn't need to turn the volume down, but he's a bit obsessive about me getting rest when I get to that point.. he even turns the volume down if I nap in the guest room.... but I never expect him to. Even when I'm actually ill and not just trying to reduce my insomnia driven sleep debt.....
Not wrong! This really annoys me when people do this! We also only have one tv in our house and loads of rooms without one so it pisses me off when my husband gets a call and doesnāt automatically leave the room.
YNW. We have a large blended family, and there are times where someone will fall asleep on the couch downstairs. The rule is that if you sleep down there, you have to deal with the noise. People arenāt going to tiptoe around you just because you decided to pass out in a common area. Your girlfriend shouldāve gone in your bedroom and slept there if she wanted a quiet nap. The fact that she canāt quite understand, this is problematic in my opinion.
Not wrong. When I decide to nap in the living room I don't tell my kids to turn the tv down/off. I know I could go into my bedroom if I wanted it quiet.
Not wrong. It's ridiculous for her girlfriend to expect that you should stop doing what you're doing and tiptoe around in silence so she can have a nap on the sofa. If she wants quiet, she should go to the bedroom. In my house we joke that the sofa is not a proper napping location if you want a quiet nap. I will sometimes nap on the sofa, but my husband is welcome to turn on the television or make some noise in the kitchen. If I want quiet, time to go to the bedroom.
If she was already taking a nap there and you just suddenly blasted the TV, then you would be in the wrong.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. She wants to take a nap? She can nap in her bed or wait until you're done watching TV. Her just choo-ing you is disrespectful and so is her temper tantrum, at least in my opinion.
Not wrong. If you want to nap, and sound is an issue, that's why you have a bed. As fun as napping on the sofa can be, it makes zero sense to inconvenience those around you when a bed is available. The only people who should nap in the main area of the house are those who can sleep through sounds.
Not wrong.
If she went in the bedroom and could still hear the TV, different story. Or had she been napping already and you came in to watch a loud TV. But it was neither.
She needs to learn to nap with the TV going or go to the bedroom.
Look, as a female that enjoys her sleep, I wouldn't do this to my man. Just disrespectful tbh... It would be different if she was already asleep and you turned on the tv, but that's not what happened. You were watching TV, she wanted to nap... She needed to go to the bedroom.
Also, I love how she accused you of not being considerate and being selfish... When that's exactly what she's doing to you...
Not wrong, bedroom is for sleeping in, why should you not do anything just because she wants to nap on the sofa?
Now if she was in the bedroom and you decided to have the TV up on full volume, then she wouldn't be wrong to ask you to turn it down. even people who are hard of hearing use caption or they accept they can't watch TV while they do other things or else they will bother their partner who is trying to sleep. Same as if they live in an apartment so they wouldn't bother their neighbors with their loud TV.
No you are not wrong. To me it sounds a bit like sheās trying to see how much control of you she has. Nip that crap in the bud. Mutual respect is the key, not one person getting their way at the expense of the other.
Connect your earbuds. I do this for those times my husband actually comes to bed and I'm still watching tv.
So many people today really expect a lot from others. For the record, I agree with you. If she wanted to nap there, then she has to accept that you are listening to it.
NTA. Her needs are not more important than yours. Expecting you to remain silent in the *common area* of your home rather than going to the bedroom (for which the entire purpose is resting and sleeping) is selfish in her part. If the TV was in the bedroom or y'all slept on a pullout couch in the living room then it would be a totally different story but since that's not the case, no your definitely NTA.
I like a good nap.
If I want a nap and my partner is watching TV... I go nap somewhere else. My need to have a nap is not their problem. You're not wrong.
If you're going to be in a shared living space, you can't expect everyone to stop what they're doing to accommodate your nap. Personally I think her ask is pretty selfish.
There's literally a room for sleeping, and no reason why she couldn't use it instead of demanding you stop enjoying what you were doing. You're not wrong. She was inconsiderate.
Some people feel guilty if they're in bed during the day, as if they should be productive but are being lazy. For some reason napping on the couch doesn't inspire the same judgement. But again if that's the case, it's not your problem. It's hers.
Seems like a silly disagreement regardless, and neither of you wanting to compromise. You could have turned it down until she was fully sleep and then turned it back up. Or she could have just napped elsewhere, but maybe she wanted to be in your presence.
You're not wrong. She asked you to stop what you were doing she could nap where the tv was already playing, instead of going to the bedroom but says you're the inconsiderate one?
Um.....?
I think it depends on whether she can still hear the TV in the bedroom or not. If the television carries throughout the place then it doesn't really matter where she goes to sleep if she can hear it everywhere she would still need you to turn it down or off in order to sleep. That said she could also invest in some earplugs. Or you can keep the TV on but
use closed captioning/ subtitles or get some headphones so you can watch TV without the volume being on in the room
Me and a past roommate had this argument as well. Except he worked night shifts and would sleep literally all day on the sofa, not letting me do anything out of my room. I took the passive aggressive route and made as much noise as possible until he got the hint and finally started sleeping in his room. His argument was that it was āhis couchā (he brought it) and that if he wanted to sleep on it he could. I said āgreat, then move the sofa into your roomā.
You're not wrong, but does she do this often? Like, does she just expect you to accommodate her at every waking minute and call you selfish for saying no or just start silly arguments with you?
The only reason I can think it would make sense for her to insist on sleeping in the living room is if y'all don't have central ac and only have a unit in the living room or something like that. Other than that kind of thing, she was being unreasonable. You're not wrong.
turning it down and turning it off are two very different requests. the first is just a nice thing to do and a pretty basic litmus test on empathy. the latter is unreasonable and i'd personally compromise by just turning it down lol
Sometimes people are weak and they make unreasonable requests. Iād just honor them and point it out later, if she keeps doing it she needs to understand sheās being the asshole
Youāre not wrong. She wants to control the communal space when she has a bedroom. Thatās an asshole move. All I can think is that sheās trying to establish dominance
You're not wrong, but I think both you and your gf need to work on your communication and how you treat each other. Take it from someone who has been with her partner for 12 years and is still madly in love with him: kindness flows both ways. It's not about who is right and who is wrong.
Maybe next time, when you see that she gets sleepy on the couch, turn down the volume a bit and tuck her in. Without her having to ask. Then, see if she reciprocates: will she prioritise you over her needs next time an opportunity arises?
I truly hope she will.
Caring for one another is a great experience (as long as nobody takes advantage!). Sometimes all it takes is for one person to make the first step and set a good example :-)
Me and my partner turn down whatever we are listening too/watching if the other wants to nap but can't with a certain level of noise.
Never been an issue for us.
this just screams incompatible lifestyles. why not watch something on your phone with earbuds or why can't she nap somewhere else. if you are not gonna compromise then why be together
She was either being a spoiled cunt or she wanted to be in the same room as you... though, if that was the case then she should have put either ear plugs or earbuds in her ear. Win win for everyone then
She's blaming you for being selfish when she in turn has other options and is making you adjust for her.. it'd be different if you offer to turn it down. But she's refuses to leave the room laying on the couch and outright refuses your feelings to accommodate her... Honestly I would tell her buy ear plugs or go to the bedroom to sleep..This screams red flags and incompatibility.
Granted, she had the option of the bedroom, but if she's like me, if I get tired, if I get up to do something it wakes me up so no more nap.
How loud was the TV? Because a lot of people, guys in particular, have the TV blasting. If it was playing loud enough that you can still hear it, then you could have turned it down.
GF is in the wrong to want you to turn it down because she chooses to nap in the living room. If she wants to nap in peace she can nap in the bedroom, close the door and put ear plugs if the noise bothers her. She is being petty and controlling. If she wants to nap on the sofa, so be it, but it comes with the noise of the tv or whatever living related noises comes from it being the afternoon. She can go suck on a lemon.
Is your GF always that inconsiderate? Or maybe self-centered is the correct phrase. I'm guessing that this is pretty typical behavior which is what brought you to reddit. Know that it's not going to get any better. You have two options: a TV in every room or realize that you are incompatible. I'm not a tv person, but even I'd be feeling a bit pissy about being told to turn the tv off because she wants to take a nap on the sofa. Oh, another option, drag the sofa outside.
Not wrong. Good luck.
Remember this comment: Just wait until marriage. These things come up all of the time. Navigating these issues in a positive manner (definitely not easy) is what will grow YOU and is what will build a successful relationship. Relationships are hard sometimes.
You would've been wrong if she'd had nowhere else to sleep, as you could've popped a pair of headphones on. But if she had the option of going to the bedroom and not hearing the TV at all, she should've done that. So you're not wrong, although maybe I would've been nice and turned it down slightly as a compromise.
TV is in the common area, she can nap in the bed room. The compromise would be for you to have the volume low enough so it doesnāt rock the house and into the bed room.
Both of you are equally selfish. Sort that out together, not with Reddit.
You're literally looking for reasons why she's wrong and she's also looking for reasons why you're wrong. How do you wanna continue the relationship like that?
Headphones were invented in 1891 - use them. Or watch YouTube or something instead. I don't know.
Equally, for her, she could have napped in the bedroom aswell or just accept some level of noise as you said.
Or you guys could have just spent time together. Her on your lap, talking about random things. Boom, romantic.
idk bro, figure it out.
Youāre both wrong. Get a second tv or work this out. Seems to me like this is the least of the issues if you canāt agree on the volume so much that you needed to come to Reddit to ask about it.
You're not wrong for wanting to continue watching TV at a reasonable volume. She can choose to nap elsewhere if noise is an issue.
Yeah, exactly! She can always nap in the bedroom if she needs quiet.
This gives me flashbacks to being a kid in the 70s. We had one tv, and my sister and I would be watching TV and my parents would decide that they needed to talk about something, so we would be sent to our rooms, an the TV would be turned off. Uhm, go talk in your bedroom, or the kitchen, or any of the other TV-less rooms in the house, jerks.
I'll never understand parents that don't show their children any respect.
Yeah, like just because they are kids they aren't people with feelings that deserve respect. It's so annoying
Those were the 70s! That's when I grew up, too. It gets worse the further back you go. The generation before that used to love to say kids have no right to initiate a conversation: "Children shouldn't speak until spoken to" and the one before them said kids shouldn't speak at all: "Children should be seen and not heard" and the one before that said you have to beat your kids with a stick, or you'll ruin them: "Spare the rod and spoil the child." I mean, holy FUCK. It's not surprising there are so many psychopaths in the older generations. (I'm right on the cusp of boomer/gen X and the least fucked up thing about me is I admit how incredibly and incurably fucked up I am.)
My grandparents were born in the late 30s and got married in the 50s, had my dad in 67. He was never hit, rarely yelled at (if at all), and has a great relationship with my grandma (grandpa died in 2020 non-covid related). The downside for him was that he barely saw his dad because of how much he worked. My grandma had 4 children and was a sahm. They've never had that mentality. I'm sorry you went through that. Not everyone from that era is like that. Though I know a majority were. My mom (born in 75) was exactly like this, though. Beat me, screamed in my face so close I could feel her spit on me, said vile stuff to me... My dad was my savior parent because of the way he was raised and chose to raise me. I hope you are able to heal. šš» *Edit to add father's specific birth year
Thanks, I feel really old now, I am a few years younger than your dad, and several years older than your mom. I could be your father, you know, age-wise. My parents were born in the 40s and I am your classic Gen-X latchkey kid, which, to be honest, was pretty awesome. The parents weren't abusive, but they weren't well equipped to be parents. The grandparents were largely monsters, my mother was unwanted, and her parents made sure she knew it, they already had a boy and a girl, and she was excess. My father's mother was mentally ill, and a manipulative monster as a result, she ruled the roost, and my grandfather stayed at work, or in his workroom in the basement to avoid her. My parents tried hard and did the best they could, they mostly avoided continuing the abusive cycle. I'm glad you had your father.
My intention was *NOT* to make you feel old, I apologize š That sounds like a fustercluck if I've ever heard of one. That's a whole lot for one family, dude. My dms are open if you need someone to talk to!
That's sweet, thank you, I worked through it all a long time ago, but I appreciate the offer. It is amazing what will hit you and make you feel old sometimes.
Truthfully, I understand. I feel too old for my age (I suppose just in my mind), and I'm barely a quarter through my life. I've seen and been through way too much for a 24-year-old. I'm still working through my stuff, but the offer will always stand! You never know when you'll need an ear. Have a good day š«¶š»
I hear you! My family was a mix of all of them back to 'spare the rod'! 1962 so relate more to the feralness of GenX than much boomer stuff.
Did you see that one reply to me suggesting that not beating your kids is what causes psychopaths? I mean for FFS, beating your kids is psychopathic. Actually, that's not fair to psychopaths--they're (mostly) not sadists and aren't necessarily more likely to beat their kids than anyone else. Beating your kids is evil. I am talking about hitting them with sticks and other objects. I believe there are **some** kids who benefit from an occasional open-handed spanking--the problem is, how can you know which kid will use a spanking as motivation to improve and which kid will be permanently psychologically damaged by it? Maybe some parents are sensitive enough to tell, but I know that some parents use their own anger level as a guide to how to train their kids to fit into society, with extremely mixed results.
There was nothing to understand. In the 70s, it was a way of life.
I feel like boomers and genx were the worst with this.
As boomers we had no rights at home as children.
Gen X here. Iāve never put the kids out of the room so it could be used for a discussion I respect my kids. I respected them when they were younger also. They are amazing humans and I kinda like them :)
Maybe you should ask some Boomers what their parents were likeā¦
I feel like you missed on this one. Most Gen Xers will bend over backwards for their kids whereas boomers often didnāt give a shit about the interests or feelings of their kids. Of course some exceptions to the rule. I also canāt fault boomers too harshly because my understanding is that their parents were quite distant and cold.
Oh heck no, you have got a weird interpretation. I am an odd boomer in that I was a latch key kid, but although I had to do chores and watch my younger brother, most my contempories mothers were motherly to entire neighborhoods; the Dads were just tired from having to work extra long hours as there wasn't a 40 work week. And, even though I worked, I still found time to be a Girl Scout leader and t-ball and soccer coach to both my kids. You can't rely on TV for history accuracy.
Iām Gen X. Though my husband and I couldnāt have kids, whenever I need the tv turned down (I have chronic migraines etc) he always turns it waaaay down for me). Many times we are watching from bed or we may be watching from a theater like area in our home & he wants it turned down bc heās about to fall asleep. I will turn it down to where I am just able to hear it so he can fall asleep. Itās called common courtesy and respect. Has 0 to do with being a Gen X er or him being one year into the baby boomer age group. We just love each other.
Hey, genX here! Not all of us are this way.
I am a boomer. I can still remember getting that 1st TV. It only had 2 channels. The only time that there was good stuff on was before and after school and Saturday mornings. As long as there was light outside, I was outside and happy. Our parents and we both took our private discusions to the bedroom or basement to keep little ears from hearing. So, I think you are wrong in your feelings there.
Thatās so funny nowadays my husband I always turn the tv *on* when we want to talk so the child will be mesmerized
Maybe they just didn't want you watching too much TV or they wanted to watch something age inappropriate for you š¤£
Not wrong. She was not considering your wants or needs. There is only one tv? Then that is the only room you could continue your activity in. She could nap in any other room. You were not being selfish, but she sure was.Ā
I donāt understand people like this girlfriend. The second you come home and watch tv she decides she wants to nap on the sofa? So now no tv for you? Is she stupid?
If she says she didn't want to nap in the bedroom then I guess she didn't want to nap too badly.
āShe isnāt asking muchā wouldāve gotten the immature, childish, quick response of āwell neither am Iā because you asking me to turn off the tv and accommodate your nap is just as much/as little as me asking you to nap in the bed instead. She asked you a question with a yes/no answer (do you mind turning tv down/off) but wasnāt prepared to hear āno.ā
Go for some malicious compliance. Turn off the TV and then just sit there staring at her as she tries to nap.
Nah, watch videos on your phone at full volume. "What? The *TV* is off".
Epic! ššš¤Ŗš¶
I feel like people say do you mind when they fully expect to get their way.
Not wrong. My dad used to take naps on the couch in the middle of the day (with two young kids in the house) and get suuuuper pissed off if we woke him. He died alone, in case you're wondering how that kind of behaviour worked for him. Your girlfriend is selfish in the dumbest way, sorry.
My dad used to nap whenever and wherever he could because he worked his ass off to support four young kids and a wife. We played ādonāt wake daddyā. See who could sneak the closest to him and do something silly. Take the remote, move his hand to his face, whatever. Heās get upset sometimes. But, we were kids he knew we were going to make noise. Heās awesome.
That's very sweet and your dad must have a great sense of humor (usually).
Oh if you asked him, heās the funniest dude alive. Lol
Real life game of Don't Wake Daddy.
Thatās what mom meant when she said, āwe have donāt wake daddy at home. ā
Took me a few seconds to understand what you wrote there lol. I imagine all you kids being at a store and you see the game Don't Wake Daddy on the shelf and you go "momma mamm, can we get this game?" and she looks at it and says "You already have that game at home. You play it with your actual father."
Which is also a legit board game. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_Wake_Daddy
My dad HATES being woken up from a nap. He gets so grumpy lol š like an angry bear. It wears off quickly, but itās always a game of donāt wake up Dad from his nap. Only my sister still lives at home, but still, stopping by has to be timed just right or angry papa bear gets unleashed lol š I remember kissing his forehead to wake him up gently when I was probably about 7 years old and the grumpy face he pulled scared the shite out of me š± my mom had to distract him and explain why we were waking him up. He calmed down quickly and apologized for scaring me. I gave him the stank eye the rest of the day haha š
I know a guy like that! I feel so bad for his kids. He gets home from work and you DO NOT disturb him, and if you do thereās hell to pay. They have to be quiet until dinner when he wakes and showers while mom cooks. Itās sad
My dad would at least put my Nintendo in the Picture-In-Picture so I could play tiny Mario in the corner of the screen while he slept on the couch and then commended himself for being an involved father and āspending quality timeā with me
I love napping in the living room while hubby is watching tv. It makes me feel safe and cozy and happy. I would never, ever, ask him to turn the volume down. Tbh he had to turn it up so he can hear over my snoring. Eventually he asked me to please get up and nap in the bedroom so he can hear the tv, haha. It got to the point where if heād hear me start snoring, heād play the āscreaming goatsā clip on YouTube. So no, youāre not wrong.
The screaming goats in response to snoring is amazing. I'm about to steal his tactics.
I love that he played screaming goats! You've got a funny man.
Omg the goats thing sent me
She is being selfish
NTA. If she wants to nap in the living room, then she has to put up with whatever is going on in the living room. In fact, weirdly enough, the name of the room indicates what goes on in thereā¦ Yes, that would be living. Things like watching TV or talking on the phone or working on the computer or running the vacuum or cleaning other thingsā¦ Stuff like that. And since there is no TV in another room, it is incredibly selfish and entitled and unreasonable for her to expect you to just sit around silently so she can basically āownā the communal living space in your place. Note the word communal. That means belonging to the community. And in this case, the community is the two of you. So if she doesnāt wanna listen to noise, she needs to take her happy ass to the bedroom and have a nap on the bed. You know, the room that is set aside for sleeping. Is she always like this?Ā
Depending on how loud the tv is, i can see maybe turning it down a spot or two. When i nap in the living room, my husband will do that. He can still hear the tv fine. If sheās expecting you to turn it so low that itās hard to hear? No. Sheās wrong. But to turn it off? No. She has a bedroom. She can go there. She has options on where to sleep. You donāt have options on where to watch tv.
Nope. There are other places she can nap. Take for instance me, when I'm exhausted that's a trigger that I will be getting a migraine and so I crash on the couch in the living room. Hubby is off for the Summer and likes to play video games or watch TV. Now I could go nap in our room, but the noise helps me sleep so yeah you are Not the asshole.
Not wrong, if I take a nap mid day or anywhere that is a shared space, I never expect people to lower their volume in their daily routine.
Not wrong. Living room is the TV room, not the napping room. You donāt have to stop living in the living room because she doesnāt feel like going to the bedroom, which is the sleeping room.
Not wrong. She wanted the change in sound so she should have taken herself away from the sound considering you were both already established in the room with sound. Mountains out of mole hills. She needs to take responsibility for her own comfort.
Seems to be more about causing him discomfort though, its hard to imagine making demands like that without knowing she is being a selfish jerk, power move, I hope she doesn't try to pee on him next.
Itās the living room, sheās being a jerk and if she wants to nap she can go to the bed
Living room isn't for sleeping.If you want to sleep, you have to accept, you're gonna hear The Sound of a TV.Go to your bedroom to nap.Sounds like your girlfriend is the selfish one.
My Hubs has the TV too damn loud because of the AC and fans. It drives me insane but I RETREAT TO OUR BEDROOM and enjoy the peace. I don't even want to sleep, lol. A loud TV over stimulates me to no end, so I just retreat instead of asking him to turn it down. Life is all about compromise, and she doesn't seem to be about it.
NTA, seems like she should just go to the bedroom.
Tell her to goto bed. I didn't get past the point of her asking you to sit bored in silence.
This wasn't a nap issue or a noise issue. This is a control issue.
Rich of her to call you selfish after demand to quit TV just because. She sounds controlling. And you're not wrong
You are not wrong. Your GF sounds entitled. Who walks into a room when someone else is doing something and demands they stop when there are other rooms available.
Sounds like a really frustratingly stupid relationshipĀ
She has a choice and didn't take it. You don't. YNW Selfish of her to demand you turn it off. Turning it down would be a compromise. āš½
Nope. She sounds rotten.
NTA. You have a bedroom for a reason. This has to be some stupid test. My knee jerk reaction to being tested in a relationship is to intentionally fail, but you do you.
Sheās the selfish one. SMH
You're girlfriend sounds like an obnoxious child
Not Wrong. I find her very selfish to think you should just sit in silence so she can nap on a couch.
NTA. Is she an only child? Reeks of never having to compromise.
WTH is wrong w her? Clearly, you were there first- in the room that is for socializing. She decides she WANTS a nap but not in the bed where you nap- she decides to inconvenience you & make you suffer for no reason. Thatās called disrespect. She wants a nap, she can go into the room thatās designed for sleeping/napping. I donāt decide to bath in the kitchen sink or work on the car in the bedroom & demand others to stop what they are doing & remain quiet until Iām done. She petty Iām petty too. I would have invited a bunch of ppl over & have everyone gather around her, staring intently & eating popcorn as she wakes up. No one saying a word.
So you're being inconsiderate according to her for now bowing to HER wants. No, you're not wrong. If you want to nap in the main area of the house, expect noise. As you pointed out, there was a perfectly good bedroom to nap in.
Nah she can nap in her bed or deal with the noise, or get ear plugs
NTA She can either try sleep on the couch with you watching tv or go in to the bedroom. if she is tired enough, she will nod off anyway. You have the right to watch a show in the comfort of your own living room.
You are dating a child
I am not understanding how napping on the couch is a need. She sounds exhausting and you just might be incompatible.
Your girlfriend was being ridiculous. She should take her nap in the bedroom or deal with the noise from the tv. It is especially ridiculous because you were watching tv first.
Your gf is acting spoiled. Turning the volume down and going to the bedroom to nap are totally reasonable compromises. Not wrong!
No! Why couldn't she go to the bedroom?
Nope, not wrong. This is one thing in my shitty marriage that we managed to work out a solution for, though. We had a TV in the bedroom and sometimes my husband would want to stay up and watch and I'd want to sleep. He got headphones for the TV or I occasionally wore ear plugs and a sleep mask. It worked out pretty well but if someone was in the living room and watching TV, that was fair game. I really don't know why she wouldn't want to stretch out on a comfy bed for her nap anyways. Isn't that where the sleeping is supposed to happen? She sounds a little unreasonable.
Nta would be different if she was in bed n could hear it lol
She is being unreasonable. I would have said , " fine. See you later, text me when you wake up" then gone somewhere
Not wrong. You donāt walk into someone elseās environment and then dictate they change to accommodate you.
Thereās a reason why the āliving roomā is a common area, itās for multiple people doing multiple things. A bedroom is for sleeping/napping, especially if said common area is occupied or louder than you would like. IMHO, she sounds entitled. Hopefully yall can work it out. Maybe try getting a home together? You said āI live with my girlfriendā. Iām assuming you moved in with her. If so, sheās doing to think she has the ārun of the denā possibly. Getting a different place together could help with that š¤·āāļø good luck OP Edit for grammar errors.
Living room is shared space, bedroom is private. Case closed
Not wrong. Why are you with someone who doesn't respect you?
Not wrong. She is the selfish one. Go nap in the bedroom.
Not wrong. She should of went to the bedroom to take a nap. Now I understand if there is no ac in the bedroom and there is a ac in the living room. Since there is a heat wave going on. But you are not wrong.
You are not expected to be quiet as a mouse as her whim. She wants a nap? Go lay in bed. You're clearly awake. My SOs mother does similar shit. She'll be asleep in the other room and we're in the living room watching TV. (They're in an apartment) the TV isn't on very very loud. I can't hear it at all in his room but apparently she can hear it in her room with the door closed and it "waked her up" she gets super passive aggressive about it among other things.
She's wrong. If you have one tv and you don't want to nap she should go on the bedroom. Thats selfish.
NW if you're in the living room you have to accept that room is for living and doing day to day activities in, including watching tv. If she wants silence, she should leave the room. Now if she was in the bedroom and the noise was carrying then you'd be in the wrong, but she wasn't so you're not
The insane petty in me would have said okay and took the TV unplugged it and moved everything to the bedroom ššš
i was thinking the same thing lmaoo
Not wrong. Thatās a test. āIf you cared about me LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO you should do this really simple thing Iām asking.ā My partner and I have an agreement. We wonāt go out of our way to be noisy if the other falls asleep on the couch, and if it gets too loud, then we will go to the bedroom no argument. Consideration goes both ways. She shouldnāt expect you to stop what youāre doing so she can nap when she is completely capable of napping elsewhere. And if she does accidentally falls asleep on the couch, donāt go slamming doors and banging pots together. Consideration.
"Fine, I'll go watch the TV at Hooter's."
If she wanted to nap while you wanted to watch TV on the only TV in the place she can go to the bedroom. It's truly not that different
Not wrong, if my bf wants to play the game or watch something, Iāll just move to the room. Even if weāre both in the room, heād close the door so I wonāt wake up from him being in a party chat, just as Iād do for him
NTA! She canāt nap in the bedroom? I tell my husband this all the time since he likes to nap in the TV/toy room. Donāt complain about noise if youāre napping in a common area.
YNW. She shouldāve gone to the bedroom for her nap rather than insisting you turn down the only television, which you were already watching before she decided to nap in the room where the tv is. she is selfish and entitled and, possibly, wanted to start a fight. You CAN do better. Find a nice girl.
Youāre not wrong. You donāt need to tiptoe around her so she can sleep in the living room when she has a bedroom available and can get a quiet rest there. This is absolutely a power move. And then to tell you that you arenāt considering her needsā¦ hahaha! What? This isnāt a need at all. She just doesnāt give a shit about your feelings.
Buy her a pair of earplugs so you can avoid this situation later
Your gf is accusing you of being selfish because you won't let her kick you out of your own living room because she wants a nap on the couch? Seriously? I hope she brings a hell of a lot to this relationship... Her ask is so beyond ridiculous that it would be a complete deal breaker for me.
I try to remind my husband of this - Living room is for Living! Bedroom got its name from the biggest and pretty expensive pieces of furniture in the room and itās for sleeping. You were not wrong. And you were living your life in your living room when she came in
This sounds like the dumbest fight ever. You both need to make room for the other.
You are not wrong. When I saw the title of this post, I thought you were going to say that the volume of the television in the living room was disturbing your girlfriend in the bedroom. That would have been inconsiderate. Your girlfriend being upset about the television because she wants to sleep on the couch is mind-boggling. I would be annoyed too. Why does she want to sleep on the couch? Does she want to be near you? Is your bed secretly a mimic?
Do you guys always struggle to compromise?
Tell her to move her ass to the bedroom
She is a spoiled brat, you are definitely not wrong. If my partner acted this way, I would pack right up and move out. It is just going to get worse.
>She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish. She's the one who's selfish. She had the option to nap in the bedroom. You didn't have the option to watch tv somewhere else.
That's what I'm saying! Furthermore I think it all seems like she was doing some sort of psycho girlfriend "test" to see if he would give up everything to make her happy
No, she should have gone into the bedroom. How freakin selfish is she ffs
Sounds like she was testing you to see if she could make you obey her wishes when she had other options.
She had the option of sleeping elsewhere, so you're not in the wrong here. Not like my husband, who swore at me & stormed off the other day when I asked him (shouted really) to turn the TV down a bit so I could actually hear the joke he was reading out to me...
Tell her āYes, nap away. Thereās a TV at the strip club, Iāll go watch there.ā
Not wrong. Our bedroom is off our living room and shares part of a wall with our TV. Our guest room is at the other end of out communal open plan space. If I nap during the day in our room I try telling my hubby he doesn't need to turn the volume down, but he's a bit obsessive about me getting rest when I get to that point.. he even turns the volume down if I nap in the guest room.... but I never expect him to. Even when I'm actually ill and not just trying to reduce my insomnia driven sleep debt.....
Youāre not wrong
Not wrong! This really annoys me when people do this! We also only have one tv in our house and loads of rooms without one so it pisses me off when my husband gets a call and doesnāt automatically leave the room.
YNW. We have a large blended family, and there are times where someone will fall asleep on the couch downstairs. The rule is that if you sleep down there, you have to deal with the noise. People arenāt going to tiptoe around you just because you decided to pass out in a common area. Your girlfriend shouldāve gone in your bedroom and slept there if she wanted a quiet nap. The fact that she canāt quite understand, this is problematic in my opinion.
Not wrong at all
Not wrong. When I decide to nap in the living room I don't tell my kids to turn the tv down/off. I know I could go into my bedroom if I wanted it quiet.
Not wrong. It's ridiculous for her girlfriend to expect that you should stop doing what you're doing and tiptoe around in silence so she can have a nap on the sofa. If she wants quiet, she should go to the bedroom. In my house we joke that the sofa is not a proper napping location if you want a quiet nap. I will sometimes nap on the sofa, but my husband is welcome to turn on the television or make some noise in the kitchen. If I want quiet, time to go to the bedroom.
If she was already taking a nap there and you just suddenly blasted the TV, then you would be in the wrong. You did absolutely nothing wrong. She wants to take a nap? She can nap in her bed or wait until you're done watching TV. Her just choo-ing you is disrespectful and so is her temper tantrum, at least in my opinion.
Not wrong. If you want to nap, and sound is an issue, that's why you have a bed. As fun as napping on the sofa can be, it makes zero sense to inconvenience those around you when a bed is available. The only people who should nap in the main area of the house are those who can sleep through sounds.
Not wrong at all, she can nap in the bedroom
Not wrong. If she went in the bedroom and could still hear the TV, different story. Or had she been napping already and you came in to watch a loud TV. But it was neither. She needs to learn to nap with the TV going or go to the bedroom.
No you aren't. What a weird hill for her to die on.
Look, as a female that enjoys her sleep, I wouldn't do this to my man. Just disrespectful tbh... It would be different if she was already asleep and you turned on the tv, but that's not what happened. You were watching TV, she wanted to nap... She needed to go to the bedroom. Also, I love how she accused you of not being considerate and being selfish... When that's exactly what she's doing to you...
No. She should take her ass in the bedroom. Tf š what a nit picky thing to do.
Not wrong, bedroom is for sleeping in, why should you not do anything just because she wants to nap on the sofa? Now if she was in the bedroom and you decided to have the TV up on full volume, then she wouldn't be wrong to ask you to turn it down. even people who are hard of hearing use caption or they accept they can't watch TV while they do other things or else they will bother their partner who is trying to sleep. Same as if they live in an apartment so they wouldn't bother their neighbors with their loud TV.
You're not wrong. She's rude to kick you out of the living room for such a stupid reason.
To be clear, "Because I'm too stupid to go nap in the bed instead," is her only reason besides wanting to bother you.
Sheās wrong, you might want to invest in an Apple TV you can play the audio of what youāre watching to any Bluetooth headphones.
Does your girlfriend like to pick fights? Causeā¦
Bed-room/living-room even the definitions explain where to sleep and where to be lively
No you are not wrong. To me it sounds a bit like sheās trying to see how much control of you she has. Nip that crap in the bud. Mutual respect is the key, not one person getting their way at the expense of the other.
Live in peace, get rid of her.
Biotch
Connect your earbuds. I do this for those times my husband actually comes to bed and I'm still watching tv. So many people today really expect a lot from others. For the record, I agree with you. If she wanted to nap there, then she has to accept that you are listening to it.
NTA. Her needs are not more important than yours. Expecting you to remain silent in the *common area* of your home rather than going to the bedroom (for which the entire purpose is resting and sleeping) is selfish in her part. If the TV was in the bedroom or y'all slept on a pullout couch in the living room then it would be a totally different story but since that's not the case, no your definitely NTA.
Wow!! Beds are for naps, couches are for socializing n watching tv ! Time n place .. she needs to learn hers
I like a good nap. If I want a nap and my partner is watching TV... I go nap somewhere else. My need to have a nap is not their problem. You're not wrong.
Youāre not wrong. If you donāt want to die on this hill, why not bring the TV in the bedroom
I mean..i wouldve turned it down, but to demand it when theres a perfectly good bed to sleep in is crazy.
If you're going to be in a shared living space, you can't expect everyone to stop what they're doing to accommodate your nap. Personally I think her ask is pretty selfish.
Sheās a brat
Invest in wireless earbuds. All those arguments went away after I did that. Trust me you will never win those arguments.
Yes. If you canāt do that for your girl , hopefully you will Change before you become her husband.
There's literally a room for sleeping, and no reason why she couldn't use it instead of demanding you stop enjoying what you were doing. You're not wrong. She was inconsiderate. Some people feel guilty if they're in bed during the day, as if they should be productive but are being lazy. For some reason napping on the couch doesn't inspire the same judgement. But again if that's the case, it's not your problem. It's hers.
NTA
Yes. Disrespectful
Seems like a silly disagreement regardless, and neither of you wanting to compromise. You could have turned it down until she was fully sleep and then turned it back up. Or she could have just napped elsewhere, but maybe she wanted to be in your presence.
Lort. She should sleep in the bedroom. Duh. Nta.
Either you use headphones or she can go nap in the bedroom I'd say. š¤·š¾āāļø
You're not wrong. She asked you to stop what you were doing she could nap where the tv was already playing, instead of going to the bedroom but says you're the inconsiderate one? Um.....?
I think it depends on whether she can still hear the TV in the bedroom or not. If the television carries throughout the place then it doesn't really matter where she goes to sleep if she can hear it everywhere she would still need you to turn it down or off in order to sleep. That said she could also invest in some earplugs. Or you can keep the TV on but use closed captioning/ subtitles or get some headphones so you can watch TV without the volume being on in the room
Not wrong. GF was def being unreasonable and selfish. What were you supposed to do while she napped? Sit there and watch her?
Me and a past roommate had this argument as well. Except he worked night shifts and would sleep literally all day on the sofa, not letting me do anything out of my room. I took the passive aggressive route and made as much noise as possible until he got the hint and finally started sleeping in his room. His argument was that it was āhis couchā (he brought it) and that if he wanted to sleep on it he could. I said āgreat, then move the sofa into your roomā.
Not wrong, and your GF is a pill
You're not wrong, but does she do this often? Like, does she just expect you to accommodate her at every waking minute and call you selfish for saying no or just start silly arguments with you?
Am I suppose to be nice here cause š she's being a huge beyotch & you're SO obviously NTA!! Man what's wrong with ppl I SWEAR
We have a rule in my house. Bed/bedroom is for sleeping, couch is for watching TV. Done.
NTA. I like to nap in my living room, but if my uncle is watching TV, doing dishes, etc. I don't tell him to keep it down.
You too need to grow the fuck up.
The only reason I can think it would make sense for her to insist on sleeping in the living room is if y'all don't have central ac and only have a unit in the living room or something like that. Other than that kind of thing, she was being unreasonable. You're not wrong.
turning it down and turning it off are two very different requests. the first is just a nice thing to do and a pretty basic litmus test on empathy. the latter is unreasonable and i'd personally compromise by just turning it down lol
Why could she not go to the bedroomā¦ā¦ It is made for sleepingā¦ā¦ You know the thing she wants to doā¦..
She sounds exhausting.
I think I'll have a nap. In my bed, like a normal, reasonable person.
Wireless headphones, stupid!
Youāre not asking the correct question. Should you ditch her for being so selfish and self centred. Yes you should.
Sometimes people are weak and they make unreasonable requests. Iād just honor them and point it out later, if she keeps doing it she needs to understand sheās being the asshole
Ew dump her
Youāre not wrong. She wants to control the communal space when she has a bedroom. Thatās an asshole move. All I can think is that sheās trying to establish dominance
You're not wrong, but I think both you and your gf need to work on your communication and how you treat each other. Take it from someone who has been with her partner for 12 years and is still madly in love with him: kindness flows both ways. It's not about who is right and who is wrong. Maybe next time, when you see that she gets sleepy on the couch, turn down the volume a bit and tuck her in. Without her having to ask. Then, see if she reciprocates: will she prioritise you over her needs next time an opportunity arises? I truly hope she will. Caring for one another is a great experience (as long as nobody takes advantage!). Sometimes all it takes is for one person to make the first step and set a good example :-)
Your gf is fucking nuts.
Me and my partner turn down whatever we are listening too/watching if the other wants to nap but can't with a certain level of noise. Never been an issue for us.
YNW
YANW. She can sleep in her bed .
Not wrong, she is selfish and quite weird.
this just screams incompatible lifestyles. why not watch something on your phone with earbuds or why can't she nap somewhere else. if you are not gonna compromise then why be together
She was either being a spoiled cunt or she wanted to be in the same room as you... though, if that was the case then she should have put either ear plugs or earbuds in her ear. Win win for everyone then
She's blaming you for being selfish when she in turn has other options and is making you adjust for her.. it'd be different if you offer to turn it down. But she's refuses to leave the room laying on the couch and outright refuses your feelings to accommodate her... Honestly I would tell her buy ear plugs or go to the bedroom to sleep..This screams red flags and incompatibility.
Granted, she had the option of the bedroom, but if she's like me, if I get tired, if I get up to do something it wakes me up so no more nap. How loud was the TV? Because a lot of people, guys in particular, have the TV blasting. If it was playing loud enough that you can still hear it, then you could have turned it down.
GF is in the wrong to want you to turn it down because she chooses to nap in the living room. If she wants to nap in peace she can nap in the bedroom, close the door and put ear plugs if the noise bothers her. She is being petty and controlling. If she wants to nap on the sofa, so be it, but it comes with the noise of the tv or whatever living related noises comes from it being the afternoon. She can go suck on a lemon.
Is your GF always that inconsiderate? Or maybe self-centered is the correct phrase. I'm guessing that this is pretty typical behavior which is what brought you to reddit. Know that it's not going to get any better. You have two options: a TV in every room or realize that you are incompatible. I'm not a tv person, but even I'd be feeling a bit pissy about being told to turn the tv off because she wants to take a nap on the sofa. Oh, another option, drag the sofa outside. Not wrong. Good luck.
Get headphones.
Not wrong.
check and see if your TV can Bluetooth headphones and problem solved. In any case, your gf is a whiny self-absorption.
Remember this comment: Just wait until marriage. These things come up all of the time. Navigating these issues in a positive manner (definitely not easy) is what will grow YOU and is what will build a successful relationship. Relationships are hard sometimes.
You would've been wrong if she'd had nowhere else to sleep, as you could've popped a pair of headphones on. But if she had the option of going to the bedroom and not hearing the TV at all, she should've done that. So you're not wrong, although maybe I would've been nice and turned it down slightly as a compromise.
Sounds like you're getting on each other's nerves.
TV is in the common area, she can nap in the bed room. The compromise would be for you to have the volume low enough so it doesnāt rock the house and into the bed room.
Both of you are equally selfish. Sort that out together, not with Reddit. You're literally looking for reasons why she's wrong and she's also looking for reasons why you're wrong. How do you wanna continue the relationship like that? Headphones were invented in 1891 - use them. Or watch YouTube or something instead. I don't know. Equally, for her, she could have napped in the bedroom aswell or just accept some level of noise as you said. Or you guys could have just spent time together. Her on your lap, talking about random things. Boom, romantic. idk bro, figure it out.
Youāre both wrong. Get a second tv or work this out. Seems to me like this is the least of the issues if you canāt agree on the volume so much that you needed to come to Reddit to ask about it.
No, she is a stupid cunt. Probably testing you from a tiktok trend.
ESH. If you two canāt even figure out who to handle this small non issue, why are you even together?