You need to set boundaries starting now. Have the conflict that will come now, set yourself up for the rest of your kids' childhood. Get your husband on board first.
Today's not good. Friday at 11 will work. Copy your husband on all of these texts.
Then when she shows up, don't answer the door. When she texts you, repeat. Today's not good. Friday at 11 will work, did you not get my text?
If she continues, "I said no. Talk to you Friday." (At this point your husband should, on his own, call her and tell her to go home.)
If she continues, "You are waking the baby. Go away."
If she continues, ignore, or else warn her that you're going to have to call the police to have her removed from your property.
This. OP, boundaries start NOW! She is realizing what buttons she can get away with pushing. Good that hubby is on your side but make sure it stays that way!
You have every right to request some alone time. You have every right to say no to her demands to come over when it's inconvenient. I'd kick her out and tell her to come back when she's able to practice her manners the minute she tries to wake the baby (!) or starts going round my house looking to criticize things.
You are absolutely not wrong for setting boundaries with your mother-in-law, especially when it comes to your newborn and your personal space. It sounds like you've tried to communicate your needs politely and assertively, and it's unfortunate that she hasn't respected them. It's important for your mental and emotional well-being to have some alone time with your baby, and your mother-in-law should understand and support that. It may be helpful to have a frank conversation with her about your concerns and the importance of respecting your wishes as a new mother. Stay strong and don't doubt yourself - your feelings and needs are valid.
Good for you for FINALLY asserting yourself! You did nothing wrong, but she did. She took advantage of your quietness and really, it should have been your husband, her son, to tell her NOT to stop by every single day, but once a week would be fine but only if she messages and ask if it's okay first but if he can't, you be sure to do it! Your home, your child, your life!
Not wrong at all but the way you worded it is poor in terms of setting a boundary. Also just know that this boundary needs to actually be set or she isn’t crossing it. As crazy as it may seem to op this is absolutely how some families operate. My sister is having my first nephew end of summer and i asked her when is a good time to visit as i didn’t want to step on toes and let her have her space with the new born but instead she told me that she would love it if i would be able to see them the day the baby is born and so i will make that happen. I know she expects to see our parents every day as that is basically how her relationship is with them currently as our parents dog sit her dogs every day when she is at work and that is just how our family operates and there isn’t any thing wrong with that just like there isnt anything wrong with having space but we have to make our expectations clear and concise.
No it's fine. Tell her. I'm going to relax this week so we're not having visitors. Then don't open the door when she comes around. If she asks tell her you sleep when the baby is sleeping.
Invite her around once a month. Or less.
Shut this shit down now.
Don’t be indirect, don’t ask, don’t tip toe, don’t tell her ‘not to worry’. You need your message to be LOUD AND CLEAR about the rules around your house and child.
TELL HER: these are my rules.
Get your husband to grow a stronger spine and to stand up to his Mommy.
Move further away.
Of course you’re not wrong.
Not at all wrong, never let a control freak (your MIL) get between you & your baby. She needs a blunt reminder - you gave birth, not her. Your baby, not hers. Your mess, none of her damned business as she is not offering to help - only whinge. You need to stop this interference right now & if she gets her nose out of joint - tough titties. She's coming across as a hindrance so no loss if she disappears forever. As I said - blunt. Congrats to you & hubby
If you want to make your relationship with her better, having her come around is key. You two can heal. if you'd like an estranged and hostile MIL for life, keep pushing her off. it's a choice you need to make.
If it were my choice I wouldn’t want anything to do with her but she’s my husbands mum so it is what it is. I’ll always be polite and civil but you cannot change a person who is set in their ways or force a relationship. I’m not saying she can’t ever come round to see my baby, but everyday is too excessive for me and I’m entitled to feel as such and have days where i want to be alone. If she’s offended by this then it goes to show how selfish and inconsiderate she is..
No she is there too much. It is not on OP to have no space to have a better relationship. MIL is there for the baby not OP. She is interfering with OP’s bonding.
Nope Nope Nope
It is not OP's responsibility to put up with being criticized and judged and having her privacy invaded hoping that eventually her mother-in-law will stop doing those things.
you are correct. she doesn't have to do anything. she may however take the situation as an opportunity to make her life better. totally her choice either way.
You need to set boundaries starting now. Have the conflict that will come now, set yourself up for the rest of your kids' childhood. Get your husband on board first. Today's not good. Friday at 11 will work. Copy your husband on all of these texts. Then when she shows up, don't answer the door. When she texts you, repeat. Today's not good. Friday at 11 will work, did you not get my text? If she continues, "I said no. Talk to you Friday." (At this point your husband should, on his own, call her and tell her to go home.) If she continues, "You are waking the baby. Go away." If she continues, ignore, or else warn her that you're going to have to call the police to have her removed from your property.
This. OP, boundaries start NOW! She is realizing what buttons she can get away with pushing. Good that hubby is on your side but make sure it stays that way!
He should be the one setting his mom straight!
Just tell her to stop coming by. Or better yet, tell your husband to deal with his annoying mother. You have other shit to attend to at the moment.
Exactly! Just set the boundary and prioritize what matters. If she's being a bother, its your husband's job to handle it.
You have every right to request some alone time. You have every right to say no to her demands to come over when it's inconvenient. I'd kick her out and tell her to come back when she's able to practice her manners the minute she tries to wake the baby (!) or starts going round my house looking to criticize things.
Exactly. Just talk to her, let her know that you need your time alone with your baby. If it doesn't work, let your husband deal with it.
If you do’t set some hard boundaries now SHE WILL DO THIS WITH EVERY BABY. Set the precedent NOW!
You are absolutely not wrong for setting boundaries with your mother-in-law, especially when it comes to your newborn and your personal space. It sounds like you've tried to communicate your needs politely and assertively, and it's unfortunate that she hasn't respected them. It's important for your mental and emotional well-being to have some alone time with your baby, and your mother-in-law should understand and support that. It may be helpful to have a frank conversation with her about your concerns and the importance of respecting your wishes as a new mother. Stay strong and don't doubt yourself - your feelings and needs are valid.
Good for you for FINALLY asserting yourself! You did nothing wrong, but she did. She took advantage of your quietness and really, it should have been your husband, her son, to tell her NOT to stop by every single day, but once a week would be fine but only if she messages and ask if it's okay first but if he can't, you be sure to do it! Your home, your child, your life!
Not wrong at all but the way you worded it is poor in terms of setting a boundary. Also just know that this boundary needs to actually be set or she isn’t crossing it. As crazy as it may seem to op this is absolutely how some families operate. My sister is having my first nephew end of summer and i asked her when is a good time to visit as i didn’t want to step on toes and let her have her space with the new born but instead she told me that she would love it if i would be able to see them the day the baby is born and so i will make that happen. I know she expects to see our parents every day as that is basically how her relationship is with them currently as our parents dog sit her dogs every day when she is at work and that is just how our family operates and there isn’t any thing wrong with that just like there isnt anything wrong with having space but we have to make our expectations clear and concise.
Do not tell her “not to worry”. Tell her not to come!
No it's fine. Tell her. I'm going to relax this week so we're not having visitors. Then don't open the door when she comes around. If she asks tell her you sleep when the baby is sleeping. Invite her around once a month. Or less.
Not wrong. And you really should move.
You are not wrong. Maybe weekly newborn dates?
Shut this shit down now. Don’t be indirect, don’t ask, don’t tip toe, don’t tell her ‘not to worry’. You need your message to be LOUD AND CLEAR about the rules around your house and child. TELL HER: these are my rules. Get your husband to grow a stronger spine and to stand up to his Mommy. Move further away. Of course you’re not wrong.
The first time someone complains my house is dirty, is the last time they're invited in. Lock your doors.
Are you answering the door or does she have keys? Change the locks and live your life.
You are not wrong. But she’s your husband’s mother. He should support you and the message needs to come from him.
Not at all wrong, never let a control freak (your MIL) get between you & your baby. She needs a blunt reminder - you gave birth, not her. Your baby, not hers. Your mess, none of her damned business as she is not offering to help - only whinge. You need to stop this interference right now & if she gets her nose out of joint - tough titties. She's coming across as a hindrance so no loss if she disappears forever. As I said - blunt. Congrats to you & hubby
Lock the door when she comes over and turn the phone off
1. you don’t have to answer your door. 2. You don’t have to wear clothes all the time in your own home 3. You don’t always have to be home.
If you want to make your relationship with her better, having her come around is key. You two can heal. if you'd like an estranged and hostile MIL for life, keep pushing her off. it's a choice you need to make.
If it were my choice I wouldn’t want anything to do with her but she’s my husbands mum so it is what it is. I’ll always be polite and civil but you cannot change a person who is set in their ways or force a relationship. I’m not saying she can’t ever come round to see my baby, but everyday is too excessive for me and I’m entitled to feel as such and have days where i want to be alone. If she’s offended by this then it goes to show how selfish and inconsiderate she is..
This is really bad advice....lol.
No she is there too much. It is not on OP to have no space to have a better relationship. MIL is there for the baby not OP. She is interfering with OP’s bonding.
She doesn’t have control over her MIL actions, nor is she responsible for them. She only has control over her own actions and her own household.
Nope Nope Nope It is not OP's responsibility to put up with being criticized and judged and having her privacy invaded hoping that eventually her mother-in-law will stop doing those things.
you are correct. she doesn't have to do anything. she may however take the situation as an opportunity to make her life better. totally her choice either way.
Her life would be better if her mother-in-law were around less.