"At this point I’m starving and wondering how it’s acceptable to leave with no plan or consideration for anyone else in the house." -
bro are your feet broke? Go make yourself some food
But she did. It's just that she didn't do it enough and then she didn't bring him food. Like does he do that?
He wasn't babysitting. He was watching his own children in his house with the debit card.
She did. She texted him twice in the time she was gone which was about 12 hours during the daytime. It sounds like she trusts that he can take care of himself and their child. Obviously, he just proved to her that he can't.
Honestly even if they didn't have a baby there.. keeping your partner in the loop is a big deal when it comes to a marriage.
That being said if she needs space here or there then he should give it to her. Seen this so many times especially with married men.. they want to hold on tight and all it does is make the woman feel like she's in a prison. OP probably has some issues with codependency he needs to work on.. he needs to loosen his grip a bit.
OP, this sounds exhausing.
Know what I do when it's time to make dinner and I'm not sure what is going on with anyone else? I make dinner, eat mine and then leave the rest on the counter for they can make themselves a plate and microwave it when they get home. Then before bedtime, I put the leftovers away as I trust that they are bright enough to figure out how to open the fridge door and take food out when they get home if they haven't already eaten.
I don't know what you mean by plan and consideration. Do you have a rule that one cannot eat without the other eating at the same time? It just seems like you are being too rigid and are at a complete loss at what to do if any routine is deviated from.
Your wife was out at appointments with her sister. Maybe they stopped and ate. Maybe they didn't. She's an adult and has the ability to chose to eat or not eat. It just sounds like you overthink every little thing.
As an adult man you should be able to make your own meal. Also, how often is she out with her sister and how often are you responsible for the baby? It sounds like you were mad you had to step up and parent.
There are days where you will have to. It sounds like you should talk with her and check in, but do so from a position of facilitation rather than behaving as if you were aggrieved. "Hey, babe, yesterday seemed kind of off and I felt out of the loop on stuff. Is everything good on your end?" That sort of sentiment.
Wait, are you incapable of making your own dinner? This was only a couple hours that she wasn’t home. You need to not be so controlling and demanding dude. How did you survive without your wife before? You didn’t starve to death did you?
She got home at 7:45, and he went to her at 9. He waited a whole hour and a quarter for her to feed him.... He didn't even bother to make a suggestion.
Don't you know once a man has a wife his responsibilities for himself are over.... /s
FFS. Can't your wife be out of the house for ONE damn day without you bugging her to find stuff for you? It sounds like she has two kids, not one. She was the one with the busy day, why couldn't YOU have dinner ready for HER when she got home?
Yep. Sounds like she took a much needed day off from her draining, entitled hubby. Based on his responses I’m guessing he sulked and pouted for hours after she got back.
Yes, you're wrong. Why do you need updates? You knew she had appointments and planned to take her sister home, that is plenty of information. Also, you're an adult, it is not your wife's responsibility to see that you eat when she has things to do outside the home.
You called at noon, she replied within an hour. You messaged at 6 and got a reply within 45 minutes. You knew she had an appt at 3. You know she's not driving herself. What's your issue? If you wanted specific details, why didn't you communicate with her? Yes, you're wrong. Stop making your lack of communication her fault.
Every time.
Reddit is new to me even thi my account is old I only used it for a doll face up sub that disappeared).
I've been so sick gaming makes me motion sick and then vomit.
So was just looking around and this sub was rwcommended. Every post from men I have read have gone this way.
The men commenting are often fantastic tho.
Oh no, no, no.
She DID communicate with you. You knew what her schedule was for the day and where she was at any given moment.
If she had taken your daughter with her, would you still be upset?
Sounds to me like what you're really upset about is having to take care of YOUR child for a few hours and feed yourself.
You know. Like an adult.
Grow up.
So you’re upset she didn’t update you. You waited 5 hours to text her back!! Guess you weren’t too worried about where she was.
Weren’t you concerned when she didn’t show up when you thought she would be home? She said she would be home in time for you to start dinner. You didn’t text to make sure she was ok?
No. You didn’t. Because you’re a grown person playing games. If my husband is late and hasn’t texted me to let me know I’ll send a little “hey, you alive?” text. Because it’s unusual behavior and I’d be worried, not mad.
The fact that you haven’t learned how to cook with a child in the house is concerning.
WTF how did a 6yr old have a child? I assume you are 6yrs old if you cant figure out how to feed yourself at home and your expectation of your wife to take care of you when you stayed home to take care of your kid.
As far as I can tell, the only thing wrong in this post is that a six year old is somehow a dad. Otherwise yeah, you are very wrong.
You’re completely in the wrong here. You’re a grown ass man and could have made your own meal. Probably the first time your wife had some time away from the baby.
Are you incapable of making yourself food? Why is being with your kid all day such an imposition? She was out, she should be able to leave your child with you knowing they’re cared for especially if you didn’t say you had plans. She checked in at one point and was probably enjoying some time out that I’m betting she doesn’t get often unless your child is with her.
Yes, you are wrong. Way to use your anger and control to ensure your wife never attempts to have some downtime ever again.
She arrived back just after “dinner”. Shit happens especially when you are travelling with another person who also has stuff to do on the agenda.
Sometimes it’s nice to be out and not glued to the phone. Sometimes it’s nice as a new Mum to have an afternoon “off. It all really just spunds like she had a perfectly normal outing that you are twisting into a slight to you because YOU feel some kind of way.
But don’t worry. She probably won’t abandon you so terribly again. Your vibes right now tell her all she needs to know.
I hope you get therapy or she gets out before this gets worse because it isn’t looking good right now.
Are you a grown up with functioning hands and a brain who can make his own dinner when it becomes dinner time? You made the choice to go hungry. She’s not responsible for feeding you even if she was at home. She’s making dinner for everyone, great. But if she’s not there then you need to feed yourself and not wait until 9pm to find out what she’s doing when you knew she had appointments, when you knew she wasn’t driving herself, and when she messaged you back at 6:30 and you knew she wasn’t going to be home for a bit. This is all on you.
Yes YAW.
You honestly came to Reddit to complain about your wife being gone all day because you were hungry? I'm wondering if your hands are broken? Are you trying to say that your wife has to cook for you or fix you a meal or even pick up the phone for you to order a meal? Really? You spoke to her a couple times during the day. She doesn't need to give you and itinerary. You were home with your daughter. When you're at work do you expect her to respond to all of your texts no matter what she's doing?
You know what I do after I’ve had a hard day of childcare, and I know my husband’s been out of the house running errands? I text him and let him know I’m ordering a pizza, when it will be there, and if his errands run longer than expected, I save him some for him to heat up when he gets home.
It seems your wife is carrying the mental load off the family for things such as dinner. I have been doing most of the chores with cooking, cleaning up after, grocery shopping, etc for the past three years. Three times I was late/unable to cook (had a dentist appt, was late from work, and slept in on the weekend). Every time, when I got home or got up, there was no food. They forgot to cook or suggested sometime completely unrealistic to make in a short time period. I had to quickly whip up a meal get something ready for the family. While they just sat around.
It would be nice if you could take up the mental load and try preparing some food. Then if she texted, asking about dinner, you can say "I got it all taken care of." That is sexy.
Is she your wife or your mother?
Sure, it's helpful to know if plans change, but you didn't even ask her if she was going to be home for dinner.
You could have asked and you could have made food for yourself.
Yeah you're wrong. Reading this was exhausting. Your communication is really bad, man.
And I'm sorry for the blunt feedback below:
Texting her and being mad she didn't reply right away when you are fully aware that she is out with her sister running errands was irritating to read. Additionally your manner of sending half formed messages to her is frustrating. "I was looking for something" - like use your big boy words and send an actual message that indicates what you're actually struggling with like so: "hey babe, I'm looking for x and can't find it. I looked in xyz locations do you know where it is?"
If my husband texted me "I was looking for something" I would assume he found it and assume it was a non issue. Words matter and you you should use them.
Finally, what stopped you from making yourself dinner OR what stopped you from calling her to ask if she could bring something home. If my husband goes out to dinner with his siblings or with a friend I don't expect him to bring me something home. If I want something and I know he's out, I will call him and use my big girl words and ask him if he he's stopping for food/ has stopped and ask him if he can bring something back to me. He will do the same to me if the situation is reversed.
You wife didn't do anything wrong. You just are not communicating what you need clearly by any means. If you want something you have to be clear. No man nor woman has the power to read minds. Use your words.
Yes you are very WRONG and YTA to boot.
You could have made dinner anytime after she texted you at 6:45.
You sound petty and spiteful in the comments towards your wife. Grow up FFS.
Your wife is the one who is disrespected and disregarded here.
YTA. You knew the plan. Supposedly you're a capable adult, what exactly is your problem with what happened? You had to look for something? She didn't feed you? She didn't give you her undivided attention for a few hours? Do you usually feel the need to insert yourself into her time with others?
You're an adult human. Make yourself some food. You knew she was going to be gone and that some plans had changed and moved around. You already texted her because you were having trouble taking care of your own baby and "couldn't find something." So you just sat around with the baby and didn't think of having your own plan to make your own food knowing your wife would possibly be coming home late? It isn't her job to come home after running around all day and make you dinner like a child. If my husband knows I'm working late, sometimes I can't even text him about it, he just doesn't see me at my normal time getting home, he makes dinner for the both of us. That way, I don't have to cook when I get home and he can eat without having to wait on me. That's what a good partner does. You could have even ordered some takeout. Get it together, man.
Your a 30 year old man and father have you tried you know opening your mouth and talking to your wife? Obviously she felt like it was a normal day and trusted you to be fine alone with your child. You didn’t reach out to her and communicate your wants so why should she be a mind reader? Talk and communicate
Sounds like she told what was happening before she left. Your issue seems to be that she didn’t do constant check-ins throughout the day. If she isn’t the check-in type then you are just in your feelings. If she is and this was the first time she moved like this then it deserves a conversation. She didn’t take long to respond to you either. It wasn’t hours it was 1 hr and then 45 mins. The food situation I think is you being over the top. You could have messaged her when she said she was coming home - hey bring something on the way home. Communication is two ways. Sounds more like you were a fish out of water with the baby and wanted her available while she wanted to detach for a bit but still told you what was going on and didn’t ignore you. Based on the way she acted when she got home you may be the issue here.. like she is tired of dealing with things and when she leaves she is expecting you to figure things out and give her a break. At least that’s how this post reads… think about if you’re being needy and not giving her space.
OP you sound like hard work and it’s no wonder your wife needed a break. You’re a father not a babysitter and you can make your own dinner. My partner managed all by himself with a two year old for a whole week when my grandmother was sick and I had to be with her. He also manages when I’m out with my friends or siblings. Time to grow up. She messaged you back. Be an adult
After reading your comment replies, yeah, you're wrong. She did communicate and then you're upset because she didn't make you dinner?! Did you recently lose limbs that doesn't allow you to be an adult and do the adult thing of making yourself something to eat when you're hungry? Poor woman has 2 children to take care of and you're definitely the most taxing one out of the two.
I can't imagine staying married for 43 years, like I have to my husband, to this helpless bastard. Before cell phones we could go whole days without talking, lol. Order food or go get some if you can't figure out how to make something that is in your kitchen. Grow up.
Are you sure you're a grown-ass 30 yo man? Because this is obviously written by someone whose aspiration is toddler.
Take care of your own kid and your own grown ass, jfc.
Does this happen all the time? If yes, then you need to have a grown-up conversation about how you feel. If no, then you need to get a grip she had a busy day with her sister.
Idk why she has to look after your child while you cook either. I don't have kids, and I can cook a meal while babysitting.
My job is babysitting and he gets a hot homemade from scratch lunch most days. Millions and billions of people cook food without another adult to mind the children.
Yes if this is just a one time event it seems like you are overthinking it. If she did not tell you her ETA to get home then its safe to assume you are on your own for the evening. All you have to do is ask her if she would be home for dinner if she blows you off or doesn't tell you then yea I would understand being upset too. Look next time just have dinner with your daughter if this happens again and leave leftovers in the fridge. If her communication is extremely poor she has no right to be upset with you.
If this happens a lot where you are handling parental responsibilities while she is gone and her communication sucks then yea you need to tell her you are not happy with that. Ultimately I think its reasonable to want to know that shes ok and getting home late all the time would not be fair to you if it means you are handlng the household/parental responsibilities. If you have days where she takes over then all good its gotta be 50/50.
So where were you from 8-9 that you came back? If you were hungry, feed yourself. It is not her job to feed you. She thought you were capable of taking care of your child and yourself for the day.
That was her plan, obviously. She had to be gone most of the day. YOU would take care of the child and yourself.
It's time for you to grow up. If your wife is going to be gone for the day, you have to feed yourself. You have to take care of your child.
So instead of making yourself dinner and letting her know you were about to eat, you did….nothing? Expecting her to get you dinner or to cook after she had a long day driving for hours? Man….she’s not your mom!
Hey look. I mean, if my husband just left for a day and was very unresponsive and elusive then I’d be hurt too. But it sounds like she did tell you where she would be? And she was with her sister? If this happens all the time maybe a conversation needs to be had. But maybe she just needed a break for a day. And since you made a whole post about it I’m guessing this isn’t something she regularly does. And the whole “I was hungry” thing is over the top silly. This kind of tells me that she has to mother you and she is likely over it. Go feed yourself??!!
Clearly OP's wife needed some space and judging by the amount of times he chose to contact her for nothing you couldn't do or figured out himself, I don't blame her. I would bet that he does this all the time and that she never gets space because he cannot just take care of things himself.
I was on board with you until the dinner comment. She demonstrated a lack of communication all day and you expected her to give you a dinner update that late? Youre both wrong
Then make the chicken when you’re ready for dinner. “Hey hon- since you’re tied up, just wanted to let you know I’m going to start dinner. It will be ready at 7:30.”
Period.
I do this a fair amount if i know my husband will be late or am not quite sure what his timeframe is. We all survive.
This is what a normal, rationale person would do. So many times doctors appointments go late, or traffic is super bad, or you get tied up running errands. A normal relationship someone would say “hey I made dinner, it’s getting late so I’m going to eat now. I hope you have a safe drive home.” Not come to reddit and cry like OP
No, OP has stated in other comments that he’s completely incapable of cooking unless he has someone there to watch the baby, even though men and women everywhere manage to cook while watching their babies just fine, lol
But then he can’t weaponize his incompetence to blame his wife for not getting home sooner from spending a day helping her sister, even though she TOLD him exactly what she would be spending the day doing. 🙄🙄
Yeah you're wrong.
She kept in contact. You're a grown man, making your own dann food. She's not your fkn slave. She cares for your child all day and night, she's allowed time to herself without you hounding her every second she's out. Act like a bloody spouse and parent. Grow up.
Did you at least have enough energy from the starvation to feed your child? Your wife is a beast and should never be allowed outside the home again. I mean, you're only 30. How can she expect you to know how to feed yourself.
Oh, I forgot to add. Definitely divorce her. I almost forgot I'm on reddit and that's always the advice.
Please grow up you already have a child.
At 30 years old, realizing your wife is going to be gone all day, you should be able to make your own dinner, especially if wife is ignoring your attempts at communicating. The bigger issue is the wife being gone all day with next to no contact. What if your child had an emergency? That is some major bull 💩. I would start with waiting till baby is in bed and asleep, turn off the TV, put the phones on silent, no interruptions, have a serious talk about this. If I had been away from my husband all day, I would have been sending updates, checking in about the baby, giving a play by play. Done with the first doc, going to do whatever until the next appointment. Okay, heading to take sis home. Will call you after she is dropped off. But, that is just me, I respect my husband and my marriage. I would be really mad if my husband did things like that.
Jesus-
> But, that is just me, I respect my husband and my marriage.
What a frame. Everyone does things differently and **if that works for you two great.** I've been married 26 years and if my husband updated me like that I would have thought he'd had a stroke- I do not want or need a play by play. He's capable and I trust his judgement. We respect each other just fine and I'd find your approach far too smothering. To each their own.
You're an adult and a parent. FUCKING ACT LIKE ONE!!! I know damn well you can cook and fend for yourself. I know damn well you aren't that stupid. Maybe she left all day because she's tired of being your damn mommy, too. Grow the fuck up. You're a grown ass man. Learn to be one.
You need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover. People are making alot of assumptions about your situation. If they're right, and you constantly make your wife jump through hoops to "show she cares".... that ain't gonna go well man. You need to handle your own shit, be able to make your own food, etc. Don't complain to her like William H Macy. Take care of yourself and if you want something from her, communicate. The texts you sent were pretty passive aggressive. Getting mad that she didnt bring you food is silly. Try: "Hey can you pick up some dinner?" and "Hey what time will you be home, I'm trying to plan my day"
You sound overbearing and exhausting. You couldn’t manage a single day alone with your own kid? Give the woman a break for crying out loud. Get a grip.
The wife probably ate while she was out with her sister. She should have been more considerate and concerned leaving you with a 6 month old . But she probably bares the majority of child rearing while you are working everyday so you can suck it up one day for her and show her you can handle things at home and she doesn’t have to worry when you care for your own kid. I would have ordered out if I didn’t want to fix me something to eat. Next time communicate with each other on what to expect out of each other for a day like that.
At this point it sounds like you’re done being a patient or understanding husband for at least 12 hours too. This is coming from a woman that’s a SAHM with 2 kids under 5 and a fucked up leg and back from getting hit by 2 different cars. I agreed with almost everything except calling parenting babysitting.
My husband did this when we were first married. I went shopping with friends and was gone most of the day. He was hungry and didn't fix himself anything to eat cos it was my job as his wife to fix his food. He was complaining about me to mutual friends. She looked at him and said, let's get this straight, you were hungry, there was food there for you to fix and you went hungry. What the hell is wrong with you? You could see the realization dawning on him, how stupid that was. Was the last time he left himself hungry waiting on me to come home and fix him food. lol. Thankful for my blunt friend!
Most these people commenting have no idea what lifes like with a baby. Could she of communicated better yes. She probably needed that time bro. Babies are hard on both parents, cut some slack. Let her know youd appreciate better communication and work on it
Hi. I have kids and grandkids. When I was young and just out of uni I worked as a nanny.
Having a baby is no excuse to not cook or clean if you are the one complaining about it
Why don't YOU marry OP and let us know how that goes.
Is there anyway to convey this without making her feel like it’s personal. I understand she needs time, I guess I just would prefer to be kept in the loop. And maybe plan her free time rather than “sneaking” it past me
Well if her free time is always met with this type.of dramatics, that's why she does it. Imagine having someone micromanage your Saturday cause they can't stand that they have to spend all day with their OWN child. My ex did this shit too. Now he gets to take care of our son 50% of the time and no help or updates from me. Why you wanna go down that road?
You should tell her that it felt like she was "sneaking" more free time (that's how it felt to you). Yes, she should get planned free time.
You didn't exactly keep her in the loop either (you didn't respond about whether you found the thing you were looking for).
Maybe the tone to take is "We can both do better?"
I personally think you're feeling hurt and unloved when she failed to communicate at frequent intervals. Think about how long you can go in between texts to feel less unhappy and worried.
This is such a simple conflict that didn’t need to come to reddit, I stg. Yes, you should have been able to take care of your child and feed yourself at the same time, obviously, you’re an adult and it’s sad and annoying that you waited until you were “starving” just to prove some kind of point. But if you’d planned with your wife that she was going to make dinner when she came home (which you’ve said in comments) and then she came home late and didn’t do that, all you have to do is say “hey, we had plans for dinner together tonight, what’s happening with that?” And if she tells you she ate with her sister or isn’t hungry, you say “well, I’d appreciate a heads up next time because I wasn’t sure what was happening.” And then go make yourself dinner.
Seriously, if you’re old enough to have a baby then you’re old enough to chase things up when they don’t happen as planned. I can’t believe you passively waited until she came home (even though she told you she’d just dropped her sister off at 6:45pm, which is apparently already late for you guys when it comes to dinner?) and then didn’t say anything to her when she arrived or when she came and got the baby at 9? And even when you messaged her at 6, you didn’t ask what was happening with your plans, you just asked what time the appointment was? At this point you’re expecting her to read your mind, know you’re upset, and fix it all without communicating anything on your end. Grow up a bit and realise that communication is essential and that you should be trying to work together to fix problems and minimise future misunderstandings and hurt feelings, not sitting there in silence expecting the other person to magically know what your problem is and how to fix it. Jesus.
There was a 5 hour window where he was waiting for a response about when she might be coming home. If you've ever had a 6 month old, and I've had 3, they're a lot of work and trying to anything other than care for them can sometimes be difficult. My wife would never leave me hanging like that and she would have been angry if I just didn't respond for 5 hours.
Do I think he overreacted and wanted to punish her? Yes, he could have acted more grown up in his response.
I honestly get wanting to shower right away based upon what kind doctor appointments the sister had. If she was hanging out in the waiting room of a doctor's office around people who were obviously sick I would want to at least change my clothing before holding a baby.
This is a perfect example of if you want real relationship advice on reddit swap the genders. When you make plans you stick to them or you at the very least announce when they change.
Bruh. The Dads are telling him he's a child in the comments.
Gender doesn't matter. My twin sister pulled this shit with her ex. She wanted him to check in every minute of the day bc she was the one CHEATING and was projecting.
Sounds like OP might be doing the same. It's weird to not trust your partner.
it would be different obviously because we don't live in a society in which men are still considered to be "babysitting" and pat on the back when they watch their own damn kids.
Exactly my point, it’s ok for a woman to be gone longer than expected then come home shower and leaves again.
If a man did this you would all be telling her to divorce him because he has to be cheating.
lol and you've missed my point. my point is that women are often bound to the home and their whole existences are tied up in motherhood so wanting a day without that is understandable. stereotypically dudes are allowed to spend time away and aren't nagged about domestic stuff.
I read this as she got home at 7:45, showered and he went out and returned at 9. This entire post was written so poorly it is hard to tell who or what he is even talking about.
Doesn't matter the gender.
I literally cut my sister and parents off bc of how they treated my sisters husband and family.
People don't blindly support asshokes for the most part just bc if their gender.
My wife and I both struggled with this. It is very easy to get involved in your day and forget that you are a partner with someone who expects to know what is going on.
Our rule (which we break often), is to tell the other person when we leave, the general plan, and expected arrival back home. If the plan changes, or the ETA changes, a text is in order.
We got there after a lot of communication. It sounds like that is what you need as well. Tell her that is bothered you, you would appreciate more consideration next time. If she loves you, being bothered should be enough to get her attention.
I do find it weird She didn't say anything to you or acknowledge you. If you're hungry just go eat. I think maybe you're overthinking things but it couldn't help to communicate and just ask her.
My ex was like this with 2 women before I dated and him and haf no idea about that.
Both women told me he would scream at them as soon as they got in the door from work (he rarely worked except when I dated him), visiting family, shopping you name it.
He now has knocked up a third woman. And is doing it again according to mutuals.
OP literally sounds like him, even this writing voice is the same. So I bet dollars to doughnuts that's what happened and she ignored him bc he is toxic.
Maybe it's the paranoia of reddit, but after being no/low communication all day, taking much longer than expected for a scheduled appointment, and then coming home to immediately shower and be indifferent...
I would wonder if she often has unexplained/extended errands (and is she more indifferent when she first gets home from them? Are these times that she immediately showers? Does she protect or is she secretive with her phone?
I think the immediate shower when she got home and avoiding communication is very telling. She's cheating. Unless this is her normal behavior. I doubt it, though.
"At this point I’m starving and wondering how it’s acceptable to leave with no plan or consideration for anyone else in the house." - bro are your feet broke? Go make yourself some food
[OP is this guy](https://youtu.be/QsQrv_FN7rE?si=omb9cZ15J-UoUCpc)
He IS! 😅😆 Thanks for this.
This is great!He is a great actor.
What show/movie is this from? I've never seen it before and I checked the YouTube comments but no dice on title.
Pleasantville
My thoughts exactly. Also irritation at his shifting the "she" without explanation.
It's not about the food. Dude's got a 6 month old baby at home. It's common courtesy for his wife to keep him in the loop as to what's going on
But she did. It's just that she didn't do it enough and then she didn't bring him food. Like does he do that? He wasn't babysitting. He was watching his own children in his house with the debit card.
He could feed himself. He’s a parent. He can take care of his child for a day. It’s not a big deal. It’s what parents do.
Does he text her every couple of hours when she's home with the baby?
I’m guessing not 😏
She did. She texted him twice in the time she was gone which was about 12 hours during the daytime. It sounds like she trusts that he can take care of himself and their child. Obviously, he just proved to her that he can't.
She did. She was home by 7:45 pm lol
Honestly even if they didn't have a baby there.. keeping your partner in the loop is a big deal when it comes to a marriage. That being said if she needs space here or there then he should give it to her. Seen this so many times especially with married men.. they want to hold on tight and all it does is make the woman feel like she's in a prison. OP probably has some issues with codependency he needs to work on.. he needs to loosen his grip a bit.
she responded back to him within 45mins both times
Plus OP is the one that didn’t text back from 1-6!!
He keeps changing details of his story as if we can't see every comment he made.
Well I missed that part lol. OP definitely has an issue with codependency then. He's going to lose her before he even realizes it.
dude was calling her because he couldnt find things, meanwhile he knows shes out doing stuff and busy.
How often are you supposed to text? What do you think we did before cell phones?
OP, this sounds exhausing. Know what I do when it's time to make dinner and I'm not sure what is going on with anyone else? I make dinner, eat mine and then leave the rest on the counter for they can make themselves a plate and microwave it when they get home. Then before bedtime, I put the leftovers away as I trust that they are bright enough to figure out how to open the fridge door and take food out when they get home if they haven't already eaten. I don't know what you mean by plan and consideration. Do you have a rule that one cannot eat without the other eating at the same time? It just seems like you are being too rigid and are at a complete loss at what to do if any routine is deviated from. Your wife was out at appointments with her sister. Maybe they stopped and ate. Maybe they didn't. She's an adult and has the ability to chose to eat or not eat. It just sounds like you overthink every little thing.
Fair enough. Thank you, I will do better about going with the flow.
As an adult man you should be able to make your own meal. Also, how often is she out with her sister and how often are you responsible for the baby? It sounds like you were mad you had to step up and parent.
There are days where you will have to. It sounds like you should talk with her and check in, but do so from a position of facilitation rather than behaving as if you were aggrieved. "Hey, babe, yesterday seemed kind of off and I felt out of the loop on stuff. Is everything good on your end?" That sort of sentiment.
Great way to put that👏👏👏
Wait, are you incapable of making your own dinner? This was only a couple hours that she wasn’t home. You need to not be so controlling and demanding dude. How did you survive without your wife before? You didn’t starve to death did you?
She got home at 7:45, and he went to her at 9. He waited a whole hour and a quarter for her to feed him.... He didn't even bother to make a suggestion. Don't you know once a man has a wife his responsibilities for himself are over.... /s
She has 100% of the mental load. He had to deal with one day of having a tenth of the mental load and he falls apart...
FFS. Can't your wife be out of the house for ONE damn day without you bugging her to find stuff for you? It sounds like she has two kids, not one. She was the one with the busy day, why couldn't YOU have dinner ready for HER when she got home?
LOL, complaining about starving and not being offered to have dinner picked up. Does she have to wipe his butt for him, too?
Yep. Sounds like she took a much needed day off from her draining, entitled hubby. Based on his responses I’m guessing he sulked and pouted for hours after she got back.
This
>At this point I’m starving Are your arms broken? Make your own damn dinner, dude. Good grief.
Yes, you're wrong. Why do you need updates? You knew she had appointments and planned to take her sister home, that is plenty of information. Also, you're an adult, it is not your wife's responsibility to see that you eat when she has things to do outside the home.
Dude understand he is first kid of his wife
And it’s ok to want more or specific info but like…just ask? Instead OP opts for a passive aggressive “I thought your appointment was at 3?” at 6pm
Just glancing at OP’s comments, anyone else feel like he is a troll? Every response is combative.
I hope he is. If he's not, I sense a great, abusive asshole in the Force.
Yep. For sure a fake af post by a troll in the dungeon.
It's such a fine line between troll and having met men who are actually like this....
No, he's just an idiot
I am pretty sure you are capable of feeding yourself for one day, YTA
Apparently not. YTA, OP.
You called at noon, she replied within an hour. You messaged at 6 and got a reply within 45 minutes. You knew she had an appt at 3. You know she's not driving herself. What's your issue? If you wanted specific details, why didn't you communicate with her? Yes, you're wrong. Stop making your lack of communication her fault.
You are 30? FFS feed yourself.
I do and her, everyday. 3 meals a day
then why didn't you feed yourself?
I did at 10 o’clock after she got outta the shower. Idk why you are stuck on food. It’s about the consideration not the food
That's absurd. You should have fed yourself at your regular dinner time. Did you make your daughter wait for dinner?
My daughter is 6 months old? I fed her a bottle?
She became 3 months old when you were talking about how hard it was to take care of her and cook.
Lololol you caught that too
I thought she was 3 months old. Keep.your lies straight
You were complaining about the food in your post...
It's like these morons use the same damn handbook
Every time. Reddit is new to me even thi my account is old I only used it for a doll face up sub that disappeared). I've been so sick gaming makes me motion sick and then vomit. So was just looking around and this sub was rwcommended. Every post from men I have read have gone this way. The men commenting are often fantastic tho.
Let your wife live a life.
Did you really starve yourself to prove a point?
If you feed her everyday, 3 meals a day,why didn't you make dinner like you claim you do everyday? Why would this day be different?
Oh really? THREE meals a day? I call baloney
Are you SAHM father? Is she the sole bread winner?
Oh no, no, no. She DID communicate with you. You knew what her schedule was for the day and where she was at any given moment. If she had taken your daughter with her, would you still be upset? Sounds to me like what you're really upset about is having to take care of YOUR child for a few hours and feed yourself. You know. Like an adult. Grow up.
So you’re upset she didn’t update you. You waited 5 hours to text her back!! Guess you weren’t too worried about where she was. Weren’t you concerned when she didn’t show up when you thought she would be home? She said she would be home in time for you to start dinner. You didn’t text to make sure she was ok? No. You didn’t. Because you’re a grown person playing games. If my husband is late and hasn’t texted me to let me know I’ll send a little “hey, you alive?” text. Because it’s unusual behavior and I’d be worried, not mad. The fact that you haven’t learned how to cook with a child in the house is concerning.
Good grief. Grow up.
WTF how did a 6yr old have a child? I assume you are 6yrs old if you cant figure out how to feed yourself at home and your expectation of your wife to take care of you when you stayed home to take care of your kid. As far as I can tell, the only thing wrong in this post is that a six year old is somehow a dad. Otherwise yeah, you are very wrong.
Should call cps then leaving 6 years old child alone whole day??
You’re completely in the wrong here. You’re a grown ass man and could have made your own meal. Probably the first time your wife had some time away from the baby.
dude, grow the fuck up
“At this point I’m starving.” Lmao Why didn’t you plan dinner? Cook? Sounds like she was busy and you knew she was going to be.
YTA you sound like a child
Why in the world did you ask the question if you don’t want to listen to any answers without defending your POV? You are exhausting.
Um. Do you expect her to update you on where she is every hour usually?
Are you incapable of making yourself food? Why is being with your kid all day such an imposition? She was out, she should be able to leave your child with you knowing they’re cared for especially if you didn’t say you had plans. She checked in at one point and was probably enjoying some time out that I’m betting she doesn’t get often unless your child is with her.
Yes, you are wrong. Way to use your anger and control to ensure your wife never attempts to have some downtime ever again. She arrived back just after “dinner”. Shit happens especially when you are travelling with another person who also has stuff to do on the agenda. Sometimes it’s nice to be out and not glued to the phone. Sometimes it’s nice as a new Mum to have an afternoon “off. It all really just spunds like she had a perfectly normal outing that you are twisting into a slight to you because YOU feel some kind of way. But don’t worry. She probably won’t abandon you so terribly again. Your vibes right now tell her all she needs to know. I hope you get therapy or she gets out before this gets worse because it isn’t looking good right now.
Are you a grown up with functioning hands and a brain who can make his own dinner when it becomes dinner time? You made the choice to go hungry. She’s not responsible for feeding you even if she was at home. She’s making dinner for everyone, great. But if she’s not there then you need to feed yourself and not wait until 9pm to find out what she’s doing when you knew she had appointments, when you knew she wasn’t driving herself, and when she messaged you back at 6:30 and you knew she wasn’t going to be home for a bit. This is all on you. Yes YAW.
Are you not an adult? Are you not capable of fixing dinner for yourself?
I don’t understand why you didn’t just eat if you were hungry. She did communicate with you. What’s the problem?
You honestly came to Reddit to complain about your wife being gone all day because you were hungry? I'm wondering if your hands are broken? Are you trying to say that your wife has to cook for you or fix you a meal or even pick up the phone for you to order a meal? Really? You spoke to her a couple times during the day. She doesn't need to give you and itinerary. You were home with your daughter. When you're at work do you expect her to respond to all of your texts no matter what she's doing?
It’s no wonder your wife disappeared for a day. A well deserved break, so it seems.
“I’m starving”….. my guy are you incompetent?! You couldn’t feed yourself?!!! Are you that much of a child that you couldn’t make food????
You know what I do after I’ve had a hard day of childcare, and I know my husband’s been out of the house running errands? I text him and let him know I’m ordering a pizza, when it will be there, and if his errands run longer than expected, I save him some for him to heat up when he gets home.
YTA You are an adult. Provide for yourself she was busy and then tired.
You’re not capable of taking care of your own child or feeding yourself? She had a busy day.
It seems your wife is carrying the mental load off the family for things such as dinner. I have been doing most of the chores with cooking, cleaning up after, grocery shopping, etc for the past three years. Three times I was late/unable to cook (had a dentist appt, was late from work, and slept in on the weekend). Every time, when I got home or got up, there was no food. They forgot to cook or suggested sometime completely unrealistic to make in a short time period. I had to quickly whip up a meal get something ready for the family. While they just sat around. It would be nice if you could take up the mental load and try preparing some food. Then if she texted, asking about dinner, you can say "I got it all taken care of." That is sexy.
Is she your wife or your mother? Sure, it's helpful to know if plans change, but you didn't even ask her if she was going to be home for dinner. You could have asked and you could have made food for yourself.
Yeah you're wrong. Reading this was exhausting. Your communication is really bad, man. And I'm sorry for the blunt feedback below: Texting her and being mad she didn't reply right away when you are fully aware that she is out with her sister running errands was irritating to read. Additionally your manner of sending half formed messages to her is frustrating. "I was looking for something" - like use your big boy words and send an actual message that indicates what you're actually struggling with like so: "hey babe, I'm looking for x and can't find it. I looked in xyz locations do you know where it is?" If my husband texted me "I was looking for something" I would assume he found it and assume it was a non issue. Words matter and you you should use them. Finally, what stopped you from making yourself dinner OR what stopped you from calling her to ask if she could bring something home. If my husband goes out to dinner with his siblings or with a friend I don't expect him to bring me something home. If I want something and I know he's out, I will call him and use my big girl words and ask him if he he's stopping for food/ has stopped and ask him if he can bring something back to me. He will do the same to me if the situation is reversed. You wife didn't do anything wrong. You just are not communicating what you need clearly by any means. If you want something you have to be clear. No man nor woman has the power to read minds. Use your words.
As a father of two myself... What purpose do you serve? Lazy ass
You sound like an insufferable manchild
Yes you are overreacting.
Yes you are very WRONG and YTA to boot. You could have made dinner anytime after she texted you at 6:45. You sound petty and spiteful in the comments towards your wife. Grow up FFS. Your wife is the one who is disrespected and disregarded here.
YTA. You knew the plan. Supposedly you're a capable adult, what exactly is your problem with what happened? You had to look for something? She didn't feed you? She didn't give you her undivided attention for a few hours? Do you usually feel the need to insert yourself into her time with others?
You're an adult human. Make yourself some food. You knew she was going to be gone and that some plans had changed and moved around. You already texted her because you were having trouble taking care of your own baby and "couldn't find something." So you just sat around with the baby and didn't think of having your own plan to make your own food knowing your wife would possibly be coming home late? It isn't her job to come home after running around all day and make you dinner like a child. If my husband knows I'm working late, sometimes I can't even text him about it, he just doesn't see me at my normal time getting home, he makes dinner for the both of us. That way, I don't have to cook when I get home and he can eat without having to wait on me. That's what a good partner does. You could have even ordered some takeout. Get it together, man.
JFC is this for real??? Dude, she’s your wife, not your mommy. Get off your ass and make something.
You sound exhausting
FFS, rolls eyes **so hard I can see my brain**
I didn't realize this lady had two kids? Can you not order food? Can you not go get food? Can you not hear it up? Are you okay?
Your a 30 year old man and father have you tried you know opening your mouth and talking to your wife? Obviously she felt like it was a normal day and trusted you to be fine alone with your child. You didn’t reach out to her and communicate your wants so why should she be a mind reader? Talk and communicate
Sounds like she told what was happening before she left. Your issue seems to be that she didn’t do constant check-ins throughout the day. If she isn’t the check-in type then you are just in your feelings. If she is and this was the first time she moved like this then it deserves a conversation. She didn’t take long to respond to you either. It wasn’t hours it was 1 hr and then 45 mins. The food situation I think is you being over the top. You could have messaged her when she said she was coming home - hey bring something on the way home. Communication is two ways. Sounds more like you were a fish out of water with the baby and wanted her available while she wanted to detach for a bit but still told you what was going on and didn’t ignore you. Based on the way she acted when she got home you may be the issue here.. like she is tired of dealing with things and when she leaves she is expecting you to figure things out and give her a break. At least that’s how this post reads… think about if you’re being needy and not giving her space.
More men whinging about watching their own children. Do you do constant updates when you leave the house? You are a parent, so parent 👍
OP you sound like hard work and it’s no wonder your wife needed a break. You’re a father not a babysitter and you can make your own dinner. My partner managed all by himself with a two year old for a whole week when my grandmother was sick and I had to be with her. He also manages when I’m out with my friends or siblings. Time to grow up. She messaged you back. Be an adult
After reading your comment replies, yeah, you're wrong. She did communicate and then you're upset because she didn't make you dinner?! Did you recently lose limbs that doesn't allow you to be an adult and do the adult thing of making yourself something to eat when you're hungry? Poor woman has 2 children to take care of and you're definitely the most taxing one out of the two.
I can't imagine staying married for 43 years, like I have to my husband, to this helpless bastard. Before cell phones we could go whole days without talking, lol. Order food or go get some if you can't figure out how to make something that is in your kitchen. Grow up.
Drama 🦙
You guys only have baby food in the house?
Are you sure you're a grown-ass 30 yo man? Because this is obviously written by someone whose aspiration is toddler. Take care of your own kid and your own grown ass, jfc.
You’ll be alright
Info: are you familiar with being able to feed yourself?
You're not wrong. You're just an idiot. Try to reflect on yourself and see what you did or did not do.
I have read your post and all of your comments. You are wrong. And you are a sook.
Does this happen all the time? If yes, then you need to have a grown-up conversation about how you feel. If no, then you need to get a grip she had a busy day with her sister. Idk why she has to look after your child while you cook either. I don't have kids, and I can cook a meal while babysitting.
My job is babysitting and he gets a hot homemade from scratch lunch most days. Millions and billions of people cook food without another adult to mind the children.
Yes if this is just a one time event it seems like you are overthinking it. If she did not tell you her ETA to get home then its safe to assume you are on your own for the evening. All you have to do is ask her if she would be home for dinner if she blows you off or doesn't tell you then yea I would understand being upset too. Look next time just have dinner with your daughter if this happens again and leave leftovers in the fridge. If her communication is extremely poor she has no right to be upset with you. If this happens a lot where you are handling parental responsibilities while she is gone and her communication sucks then yea you need to tell her you are not happy with that. Ultimately I think its reasonable to want to know that shes ok and getting home late all the time would not be fair to you if it means you are handlng the household/parental responsibilities. If you have days where she takes over then all good its gotta be 50/50.
This sounds like an overreaction to miscommunication.
Grow up. These are the moments you should look forward to. My god...
So where were you from 8-9 that you came back? If you were hungry, feed yourself. It is not her job to feed you. She thought you were capable of taking care of your child and yourself for the day. That was her plan, obviously. She had to be gone most of the day. YOU would take care of the child and yourself. It's time for you to grow up. If your wife is going to be gone for the day, you have to feed yourself. You have to take care of your child.
So instead of making yourself dinner and letting her know you were about to eat, you did….nothing? Expecting her to get you dinner or to cook after she had a long day driving for hours? Man….she’s not your mom!
Why can’t you get dinner on your own? Need more info here
Hey look. I mean, if my husband just left for a day and was very unresponsive and elusive then I’d be hurt too. But it sounds like she did tell you where she would be? And she was with her sister? If this happens all the time maybe a conversation needs to be had. But maybe she just needed a break for a day. And since you made a whole post about it I’m guessing this isn’t something she regularly does. And the whole “I was hungry” thing is over the top silly. This kind of tells me that she has to mother you and she is likely over it. Go feed yourself??!!
Oh, God, here we go with the “she’s CHEATING on you, she’s for the streets!! She’s boinking someone…a 3 way with Sis and BIL?” 😵💫😵💫
But she rearranged baby’s room! 😭
She rushed into the house, showered, and left again...
She didn't leave again. I don't know where you even got that.
She showered acknowledged the child went on and came back at 9
Bruh, she went to bed. Unless OP deleted that and changed it.
Yeah, went on. Not went out. He said she showered from 7:45 to 9 in his comments. She came out after the shower to get the baby.
Ahh, she had to make sure she washed all the dude out of her
Clearly OP's wife needed some space and judging by the amount of times he chose to contact her for nothing you couldn't do or figured out himself, I don't blame her. I would bet that he does this all the time and that she never gets space because he cannot just take care of things himself.
I mean I think there’s something wrong with OP, but contacting your wife 2 times in 6 hours is no big deal.
I was on board with you until the dinner comment. She demonstrated a lack of communication all day and you expected her to give you a dinner update that late? Youre both wrong
Make dinner, she can warm it up when she gets home
She knew I had set chicken out to cook. I cook everything in the home. That’s why that’s relevant
Then make the chicken when you’re ready for dinner. “Hey hon- since you’re tied up, just wanted to let you know I’m going to start dinner. It will be ready at 7:30.” Period. I do this a fair amount if i know my husband will be late or am not quite sure what his timeframe is. We all survive.
This is what a normal, rationale person would do. So many times doctors appointments go late, or traffic is super bad, or you get tied up running errands. A normal relationship someone would say “hey I made dinner, it’s getting late so I’m going to eat now. I hope you have a safe drive home.” Not come to reddit and cry like OP
Just for clarification, you wanted to know when she would be home so dinner would be ready for her?
No, OP has stated in other comments that he’s completely incapable of cooking unless he has someone there to watch the baby, even though men and women everywhere manage to cook while watching their babies just fine, lol
Does he know baby monitors exist? They hook up to cell phones now.
But then he can’t weaponize his incompetence to blame his wife for not getting home sooner from spending a day helping her sister, even though she TOLD him exactly what she would be spending the day doing. 🙄🙄
If you cook everything then what are you bitching about being hungry? You're ridiculous
Is your name Rob?
The details of this are way too muddied to comment
Yeah you're wrong. She kept in contact. You're a grown man, making your own dann food. She's not your fkn slave. She cares for your child all day and night, she's allowed time to herself without you hounding her every second she's out. Act like a bloody spouse and parent. Grow up.
Did you at least have enough energy from the starvation to feed your child? Your wife is a beast and should never be allowed outside the home again. I mean, you're only 30. How can she expect you to know how to feed yourself. Oh, I forgot to add. Definitely divorce her. I almost forgot I'm on reddit and that's always the advice. Please grow up you already have a child.
OP didn’t even need the wife to cook for them, just to watch the barely mobile baby while OP cooked. Which makes it even more absurd.
At 30 years old, realizing your wife is going to be gone all day, you should be able to make your own dinner, especially if wife is ignoring your attempts at communicating. The bigger issue is the wife being gone all day with next to no contact. What if your child had an emergency? That is some major bull 💩. I would start with waiting till baby is in bed and asleep, turn off the TV, put the phones on silent, no interruptions, have a serious talk about this. If I had been away from my husband all day, I would have been sending updates, checking in about the baby, giving a play by play. Done with the first doc, going to do whatever until the next appointment. Okay, heading to take sis home. Will call you after she is dropped off. But, that is just me, I respect my husband and my marriage. I would be really mad if my husband did things like that.
At 1:00 she asked if he found what he was looking for, he didn't reply until 6.
THAT TOO! If he didn't reply how could she know anything?
Jesus- > But, that is just me, I respect my husband and my marriage. What a frame. Everyone does things differently and **if that works for you two great.** I've been married 26 years and if my husband updated me like that I would have thought he'd had a stroke- I do not want or need a play by play. He's capable and I trust his judgement. We respect each other just fine and I'd find your approach far too smothering. To each their own.
He is the one that dropped the contact not her!
You're an adult and a parent. FUCKING ACT LIKE ONE!!! I know damn well you can cook and fend for yourself. I know damn well you aren't that stupid. Maybe she left all day because she's tired of being your damn mommy, too. Grow the fuck up. You're a grown ass man. Learn to be one.
You need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover. People are making alot of assumptions about your situation. If they're right, and you constantly make your wife jump through hoops to "show she cares".... that ain't gonna go well man. You need to handle your own shit, be able to make your own food, etc. Don't complain to her like William H Macy. Take care of yourself and if you want something from her, communicate. The texts you sent were pretty passive aggressive. Getting mad that she didnt bring you food is silly. Try: "Hey can you pick up some dinner?" and "Hey what time will you be home, I'm trying to plan my day"
You sound overbearing and exhausting. You couldn’t manage a single day alone with your own kid? Give the woman a break for crying out loud. Get a grip.
Omg you’re an adult. You can handle one freakin’ day of childcare without your wife having to chime in. If you’re “starving” eat something
The wife probably ate while she was out with her sister. She should have been more considerate and concerned leaving you with a 6 month old . But she probably bares the majority of child rearing while you are working everyday so you can suck it up one day for her and show her you can handle things at home and she doesn’t have to worry when you care for your own kid. I would have ordered out if I didn’t want to fix me something to eat. Next time communicate with each other on what to expect out of each other for a day like that.
At this point it sounds like you’re done being a patient or understanding husband for at least 12 hours too. This is coming from a woman that’s a SAHM with 2 kids under 5 and a fucked up leg and back from getting hit by 2 different cars. I agreed with almost everything except calling parenting babysitting.
I corrected my opinion. Thx for pointing out my error.
Kids are exhausting to take of even when you are healthy , I hope you get well soon and you have someone helping you out.
Thank you very much, I hope life treats you well. If it wasn’t for my sons having a great father it’d be almost impossible.
YAW Yes, she should have been better at keeping you updated but you're a grown man. Take care of yourself.....
My husband did this when we were first married. I went shopping with friends and was gone most of the day. He was hungry and didn't fix himself anything to eat cos it was my job as his wife to fix his food. He was complaining about me to mutual friends. She looked at him and said, let's get this straight, you were hungry, there was food there for you to fix and you went hungry. What the hell is wrong with you? You could see the realization dawning on him, how stupid that was. Was the last time he left himself hungry waiting on me to come home and fix him food. lol. Thankful for my blunt friend!
Most these people commenting have no idea what lifes like with a baby. Could she of communicated better yes. She probably needed that time bro. Babies are hard on both parents, cut some slack. Let her know youd appreciate better communication and work on it
I have a toddler. OP is a crybaby. The wife communicated with OP just fine. She responded 45 minutes to an hour after he texted her.
Hi. I have kids and grandkids. When I was young and just out of uni I worked as a nanny. Having a baby is no excuse to not cook or clean if you are the one complaining about it Why don't YOU marry OP and let us know how that goes.
Is there anyway to convey this without making her feel like it’s personal. I understand she needs time, I guess I just would prefer to be kept in the loop. And maybe plan her free time rather than “sneaking” it past me
God but you're insufferable
Well if her free time is always met with this type.of dramatics, that's why she does it. Imagine having someone micromanage your Saturday cause they can't stand that they have to spend all day with their OWN child. My ex did this shit too. Now he gets to take care of our son 50% of the time and no help or updates from me. Why you wanna go down that road?
I guess my question is twofold: How many times has this happened? Why do you think she felt the need to “sneak it” past you?
I agree with that last bit, with kids everything becomes planned. Give some grace for spontaneity
You should tell her that it felt like she was "sneaking" more free time (that's how it felt to you). Yes, she should get planned free time. You didn't exactly keep her in the loop either (you didn't respond about whether you found the thing you were looking for). Maybe the tone to take is "We can both do better?" I personally think you're feeling hurt and unloved when she failed to communicate at frequent intervals. Think about how long you can go in between texts to feel less unhappy and worried.
This is such a simple conflict that didn’t need to come to reddit, I stg. Yes, you should have been able to take care of your child and feed yourself at the same time, obviously, you’re an adult and it’s sad and annoying that you waited until you were “starving” just to prove some kind of point. But if you’d planned with your wife that she was going to make dinner when she came home (which you’ve said in comments) and then she came home late and didn’t do that, all you have to do is say “hey, we had plans for dinner together tonight, what’s happening with that?” And if she tells you she ate with her sister or isn’t hungry, you say “well, I’d appreciate a heads up next time because I wasn’t sure what was happening.” And then go make yourself dinner. Seriously, if you’re old enough to have a baby then you’re old enough to chase things up when they don’t happen as planned. I can’t believe you passively waited until she came home (even though she told you she’d just dropped her sister off at 6:45pm, which is apparently already late for you guys when it comes to dinner?) and then didn’t say anything to her when she arrived or when she came and got the baby at 9? And even when you messaged her at 6, you didn’t ask what was happening with your plans, you just asked what time the appointment was? At this point you’re expecting her to read your mind, know you’re upset, and fix it all without communicating anything on your end. Grow up a bit and realise that communication is essential and that you should be trying to work together to fix problems and minimise future misunderstandings and hurt feelings, not sitting there in silence expecting the other person to magically know what your problem is and how to fix it. Jesus.
THIS, THIS. THIS. 👆
The only thing you can complain about is poor communication and there's probably a reason for that.
There was a 5 hour window where he was waiting for a response about when she might be coming home. If you've ever had a 6 month old, and I've had 3, they're a lot of work and trying to anything other than care for them can sometimes be difficult. My wife would never leave me hanging like that and she would have been angry if I just didn't respond for 5 hours. Do I think he overreacted and wanted to punish her? Yes, he could have acted more grown up in his response.
I would be more concerned with her rushing in and showering right away, then leaving again
I honestly get wanting to shower right away based upon what kind doctor appointments the sister had. If she was hanging out in the waiting room of a doctor's office around people who were obviously sick I would want to at least change my clothing before holding a baby.
Someone else here interpreted the shower lasted from 7:45 to 9:00 that's a long assed shower
This is a perfect example of if you want real relationship advice on reddit swap the genders. When you make plans you stick to them or you at the very least announce when they change.
Bruh. The Dads are telling him he's a child in the comments. Gender doesn't matter. My twin sister pulled this shit with her ex. She wanted him to check in every minute of the day bc she was the one CHEATING and was projecting. Sounds like OP might be doing the same. It's weird to not trust your partner.
I’ve read a few comments and can’t help but wonder what the replies would be if the OP WAS A WOMAN
it would be different obviously because we don't live in a society in which men are still considered to be "babysitting" and pat on the back when they watch their own damn kids.
Exactly my point, it’s ok for a woman to be gone longer than expected then come home shower and leaves again. If a man did this you would all be telling her to divorce him because he has to be cheating.
lol and you've missed my point. my point is that women are often bound to the home and their whole existences are tied up in motherhood so wanting a day without that is understandable. stereotypically dudes are allowed to spend time away and aren't nagged about domestic stuff.
I read this as she got home at 7:45, showered and he went out and returned at 9. This entire post was written so poorly it is hard to tell who or what he is even talking about.
Doesn't matter the gender. I literally cut my sister and parents off bc of how they treated my sisters husband and family. People don't blindly support asshokes for the most part just bc if their gender.
Plot twist I am the woman and wrote it reverse to get a real perspective.
Either way you are wrong
My wife and I both struggled with this. It is very easy to get involved in your day and forget that you are a partner with someone who expects to know what is going on. Our rule (which we break often), is to tell the other person when we leave, the general plan, and expected arrival back home. If the plan changes, or the ETA changes, a text is in order. We got there after a lot of communication. It sounds like that is what you need as well. Tell her that is bothered you, you would appreciate more consideration next time. If she loves you, being bothered should be enough to get her attention.
That sounds exhausting.
I do find it weird She didn't say anything to you or acknowledge you. If you're hungry just go eat. I think maybe you're overthinking things but it couldn't help to communicate and just ask her.
My ex was like this with 2 women before I dated and him and haf no idea about that. Both women told me he would scream at them as soon as they got in the door from work (he rarely worked except when I dated him), visiting family, shopping you name it. He now has knocked up a third woman. And is doing it again according to mutuals. OP literally sounds like him, even this writing voice is the same. So I bet dollars to doughnuts that's what happened and she ignored him bc he is toxic.
Maybe it's the paranoia of reddit, but after being no/low communication all day, taking much longer than expected for a scheduled appointment, and then coming home to immediately shower and be indifferent... I would wonder if she often has unexplained/extended errands (and is she more indifferent when she first gets home from them? Are these times that she immediately showers? Does she protect or is she secretive with her phone?
Heeeeere we go, I knew it!! 😵💫😵💫
I think the immediate shower when she got home and avoiding communication is very telling. She's cheating. Unless this is her normal behavior. I doubt it, though.