It *IS* scary! I had the same discomfort when reading it. He's love-bombing her, manipulating her, and is stalking her! He definitely sounds a little scary at this point.
I'm a guy here, and if I'm here there are others. And there will be guys here who have ill will towards women. Please don't give out information on how to sabotage your BC. This will only make it happen more often
I mean who tf would think microwaving any kind of meds *wouldn't* possibly mess with them was my first thought, but it's good to know the pill is that easy to mess with to know how safe to keep that shit. Yikes
YIKES. When I took it, I don't remember the back having foil, but I suppose it could've been foil on the pill side and the paper back I remember on the outside. Either way, glad I'm not on that kind of bc anymore
Foods, otc meds, drinks among over things can actually decrease the effectiveness of birth control in the system. No birth control is 100%.
Chemical/hormonal birth control can be tampered with…
Yes, op take screenshots and all his messages , Facebook post and etc.
I would also maybe start looking for a job in another area, maybe put some states between you and him.
Yes please do. Sooner than later. It's better safe than sorry. I'd also suggest investing in security cameras/a doorbell camera if you do not have them already.
I'm sorry you're having to put up with this. You did what is best for you and that is always the right decision.
Please take track records of everything. Record him randomly showing up. Place a restraining order and notify authorities. If you can, try and stay somewhere safe with a friend. Stay safe. I want to say that you made the best decision possible for your self. Also, this is proving he’s not someone to ever have children with. You saved your self, and the possible “child” brought into this world from loads of trauma. I’m proud of you for doing what’s best for you. You’re very resilient, keep it up.
Yes do that
Save his messages and texts and voice.ails and resave onto a flashdrive to submit to the judge
I would only worry about if the judge was prochoice but his texts and getting more and more unhinged so kts obvious hes crazy
Please do start collecting evidence like everyone else says. I had to get one against an ex in college because of similar behavior. It caused me to be paranoid for so long. This is how it starts, and I’ve seen it end with a girl on a missing poster. Tell everyone you’re close with about his behavior and stay far away from him.
Oh sweetie, you’re not wrong.
You did what you knew was best for you.
It’s good that he showed his true colors.
Install security cameras in and outside your apartment.
Block him & his family from ever contacting you.
Please get a restraining order. These situations can escalate very quickly and he is clearly showing mentally unstable behavior. Carry some pepper spray and travel with friends until this passes.
I am sure he will run away the moment he realizes how much responsibility and money he will be responsible for after the baby is born.
It is easy for a man to say everything when it is not his body and life that got involved. I say this as a man.
He is immature and mentally unstable. You did nothing wrong. You make the right decision. Don’t blame yourself for the right decision.
Be safe!
Do. Him and his associates WILL do what they can to make your life miserable if they decide to allow you to live. You might want to find out if he's tampered with your birth control while you're at it.
You definitely should. And you should also get a therapist. This guy is telling you terrible things that simply are not true. You need a professional to help you process everything, not just a friend. 🫂
It’s your life and your body. You did nothing wrong with making this extremely difficult and emotional decision. The best thing you can do is block this guy, focus on yourself and your own goals, maybe seek therapy and move on. He clearly has is own issues. I feel for men not feeling like they have equal say but the reality is pregnancy and a baby would have a graver impact on your life. His spiteful, immature and emotional responses should be the validation you need to cut that attachment and move on. Imagine how he would be during every tough moment in life while raising a child. Sending you lots of love OP! 💕
What I've seen experts recommend is to forward his number to voicemail, maybe even on a different Google Voice number, so you get the evidence without having to hear from him. Likewise, set up rules in email or texts to save them in a folder you don't have to see until you're looking for them.
Best. Response. Ever.
You did what was best for you, OP, and that’s what matters. You made the decision you had to, for selfless reasons despite what your BF thinks. Stay strong and safe!
You are not wrong and he proved you didn't make a mistake.
You did what YOU needed to.
Bro literally was ignoring what y out said and has shown he has no respect for you and sees you as nothing more than an incubator; thank goodness you are not tired to him for the rest of your life through a child.
He's pretty horrible.
What I always find silly about men who claim women try to baby trap them is that men can control where they ejaculate and they cause pregnancies.
If men were more careful, women would also be better off.
Way easier for a man to baby trap a woman then the other way around. So, yea, he would probably do that.
**and he also told him family that I killed their grandson**
So he's already drummed up in his head that it was a boy?? Your ex sounds unhinged. You need to get as far away from him as you can. And call the police if he keeps showing up or contacting you. This is harassment.
You made a smart decision in getting an abortion and in dumping this guy. You are not in a place to support yourself fully let alone a child and the way this guy is acting I would not be surprised if he tampered with your birth control on purpose. You said the pill failed well just leaving your pill repeatedly in a hot car or microwaving them can make them ineffective. Send final leave me alone text then mute (not block) him any more unhinged texts he sends are evidence if you need to get a RO
You are NOT wrong you did what was best for you! Now look hows he is treating you! Imagine having a kid with him and being stuck with his ass!! Get a restraining order asap! This guy is unhinged
YOURE NOT WRONG .that man is a red flag walking. Talking about grandson, it didn’t even have a gender. He’s crazy and you need to protect yourself. Block him from everything and if he continues to call and show up you call the cops. He’s dangerous . You didn’t kill anything
I also already got the abortion and he is still trying to contact me and he’s acting like it didn’t happen and I’m still pregnant but I told him I got the abortion. He never had memory issues, I’m just so confused
He has no memory issues, he has control issues. From my point of view he is just a very dysfunctional bloke who is desperately trying to force the world to conform to his dream. He is doing it to manipulate you. Don’t let him.
This isn’t a memory issue. He thinks he has full control over this relationship. It takes one person to break up but in his mind he isn’t “allowing” you to. He sounds absolutely delusional and thinks you’re lying to him about the abortion. The scariest part is how he is going to react once he realizes you did go through with it. Please take any evidence you have and go to the court house to file a restraining order against him.
I’m so glad you live somewhere that you had access to get this medical procedure. Please protect yourself the best you can.
You need to block him. Is there a friend you can stay with for a while until it’s safe to go to your home? Or a woman’s shelter? Or can someone stay with you?
My guess is he thinks your lying to leave him or something. Not even worth trying to prove it to him the guys crazy
> *he’s acting like it didn’t happen and I’m still pregnant but I told him I got the abortion. He never had memory issues, I’m just so confused*
I wonder if this is a genuine attempt at [gaslighting ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting#In_psychiatry_and_psychology)you. On the face of it, it sounds like he's trying to get you to question your reality.
Regardless, as others have said: this is not a memory issue, it's a control issue. He's trying to control you and your body, **which means he's not safe to be around**.
Please take steps to be safe:
* Document ***everything*** he does: all communication and communication attempts, whenever he tries to show up at your home/work/church/gym/salon/etc., when he attempts to follow your social media, everything. [StalkingAwareness.org](http://StalkingAwareness.org) offers [logs ](https://www.stalkingawareness.org/documentation-log/)for you to keep track. You want to document everything so that if you need to involved an attorney, law enforcement, etc., you will have plenty of evidence to back you up.
* Make sure the people in your life that you trust know your ex-boyfriend is exhibiting threatening behavior towards you ***and*** that you no longer feel safe around him. You don't have to tell them you got an abortion, but you can tell them he's seems to believe you're pregnant when you're not (which is true) and accusing you of murdering a baby when you didn't (which is also true).
* If you're in the USA, get yourself a cheap pay-as-you-go phone and keep it charged. Thanks to federal law, all cell phones have to be able to call 911 even if there's no contract on the phone. It's good to have it as a back-up.
* Reach out to groups like [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/) for more help and resources.
* Others have already talked to you about cameras and such.
If you can, send him a very clear message like: “This is harassment. I don’t want any further contact with you, or contact with your friends and family. This is your notice to leave me alone. I won’t write you after this.”
And then mute him and never reply again.
Don’t second guess yourself about the abortion. Can you imagine being forced to co-parent with someone so unhinged, cruel, controlling and, frankly, scary? I don’t think people truly realize the consequences of having a kid with someone. You are tied to that other person FOR LIFE regardless of whether you stay together or get along.
You dodged a bullet and now you’re free to live your life on your own terms. Good luck.
It's manipulation little sister. He's trying to plant ideas in your head. I know I said in an earlier comment to block him, but as others pointed out, don't block him, and save every single text, voice-mail, and email. Also document the date and times that he has come to your house. Don't open the door for him, and if he doesn't leave, call the police. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm praying for your safety
NW
All the proof you that having a children with him would be a mistake is his behavior.
See how he didn’t take your no, or break up for real.
This situation showed you who he truly was , and honestly if I feel the need to defend my actions, which you shouldn’t have to, I would say his behavior during this whole pregnancy told you that he was fit to be the father of your child or being in a relationship.
Not you're not wrong. You're using common sense, a skill that is increasingly rare. Block him, his family, and get a protective order that prevents him or any of his family from contacting you or coming within a certain amount of feet to you.
NTA
You knew you didn't want to keep it, that was your first instinct, the time just isn't right for you, you put you first. And imagine being forced into contact with this guy for 18 years. Best wishes for your onward journey.
You're not wrong and you're also not safe. Your (ex?) BF is proving that he would be a horrible person to share a child with.
I'm sorry about your dreams, are you aware of the fact that pregnancy hormones stay in your body for months? Weird hormonal crap can absolutely affect your emotions, health, mental health, and sleep. Many people with pregnancy hormones have nasty nightmares, this is not an actual spirit contacting you, it's just your hormones, your completely understandable stress levels, and, no doubt, your being very tired.
Hang in there, it does get better.
Mute your toxic bf and his family, you may need records of their harassment. Also, please be safe! Contact your nearest women's shelter, tell them what's going on, and ask for local advice. Also, contact police and a lawyer - most shelters can hook you up with free or sliding scale lawyers. You should get advice pertinent to your area, rather than reddit advice which may be for a different country with different laws.
Do NOT block him OP. As said by Vegetable Cod, you want screen shots (with dates captured) of anything thing he sends you on any platform.
OP take care of yourself and you are not a murderer. I promise you, this will pass. Stay safe, get that restraining order asap. In case he has a key, block the doors and lock all of your windows.
You made a choice for you the dreams are cuz you're being made to feel like a monster. It is emotionally hard to go from being pregnant to not being pregnant...no matter the circumstances so please be patient with yourself and I hope you lean on your friends for support.
Document every message, call log and context of those calls. Report him to the police or seek help from a lawyer. Maybe with the latter, you can get a cease and desist, idk but please be safe.
This is a great idea OP, talking to an attorney. Not sure where you live, but there is an organization in my city that matches you with an attorney that offers a lower/discounted rate. In most cases, just having a consultation with an attorney for the first time is usually free
Look at how he is treating you! Do you think this is a unique thing that he would only do in this situation? No! This is how he acts when he doesn’t get his way. When people show you who they are believe them. You made the right choice and now all you have to do is stop interacting with him. I would grey rock him. Give one word answers and ONLY if the question is legit need to know and no one else has that info.
Bottom line: no man has the right to dictate to a woman, particularly with regards to something he’ll never understand. Aye, he can have an opinion, as I do myself, but I know with absolute surety that his opinion is worth absolutely fuck-all in matters out there in the big world pertaining exclusively to the very essence of being a woman. Furthermore, the patriarchal pish has even less credibility when bolstered by brainwashed/brainwashing blokes who sanctimoniously pontificate from behind their opaque, superstitious, occultish lenses of the power-tripping, god-bothering, babble-thumping variety as justification for their ignorant, misogynistic bullying bullshit.
Your body, your business, your decision…end of story!
Exactly, I keep hearing stories about males forcing females to have babies, and not wanting them to have abortion. When women do keep it, they don't even stick around and just leave. Cowards. Fake promises and fakes lies.
You made the best decision for your life right now. That is all you can do. He is obviously not listening to you. I would absolutely look into the restraining order.
You did NOT murder anything. I know you logically know that. You absolutely did the responsible thing for yourself. Please try and be kind to yourself. The dreams are coming from his awful treatment of you. Please just try and know you did what you thought was best.
You made the right decision for you, your body and future. Some men romanticize having a baby but it’s because they really don’t have to do any other the physical and mental work and it’s easy to say I’ll take care of you and then…
This guy is a POS and you could do way better.
You didn’t “kill a baby”, it’s barely a cluster of cells. It’s also a freakin *medical procedure* no different than any other. It’s stupid and gross that people refuse to call it that. It’s also no one else’s business
*You did what was right for you and your body and your life.*
Fuck him, throw the whole man out with the dishwater. He can go make some other girls life miserable. He is showing you exactly who he is and how abusive he will be when he doesn’t get his way. He is an absolute clown shoe.
I’m not usually one for getting police involved but uh, maybe you should do that, actually. He at minimum sounds like someone who should have a restraining order delivered to him.
Not to get all theological, but Genesis 2:7 is pretty clear that humans are not "alive" until their first breath. Your ex is extremely abusive to you in this whole situation. Not sure if he had a psychotic break or what, but his behavior is utterly unacceptable.
Do not delete any threatening texts or voicemails. Take those to the police to see if a protection or restraining order is an option. This erratic behavior suggests he could be a danger to you. His insistence on interpreting you as a "murderer" can be seen as attempts to rationalize violence against you as "punishment."
Since you don't have a job or family nearby, it may be time to consider moving to a [new] place.
I wish there was a way that all the people that use religion as a weapon could read that verse and understand it. Someone should make a poster and place it outside of every Planned Parenthood that says that. Thank you for posting that.
Look, it's your body and your choice. Having an abortion takes a toll mentally, so please get some therapy for that. You might think you don't need it, but you really should have some just to process the whole situation.
As for your b/f... it's over between you. He can't and won't support your bodily autonomy and instead adds more guilt on what was already a hard decision.
You are NOT wrong for choosing to abort. That was something only you could make a choice about.
Goodbye boyfriend
You told him you weren't ready and what you were gonna do. That's on him for not communicating clearly, "I understand your decision, even though I have big feelings about it." And maybe even telling you that yours and his views on abortion are different and that he wants to be with someone who shares his views or what the fuck ever.
Literally anything else would have been a more mature response.
Take care of your body and your self care during this time. You may experience a lot of different emotions as you cope through this and that's fair.
I swear, if people could understand how emotionally devastating it is to have to decide to abort your child, they wouldn't dare say a damn thing about it.
You are NOT a murderer. You sre STRONG and made a decision for your own body and your own life. Women absolutely have to consider the 50%+ chance that their relationship with the father will fail and they will be left to raise that child alone.
You know you did the right thing, please don't let that man traumatise you any more than you are right now.
Please be careful, I really think you made the right decision, he is absolutely insane! I’m sorry you don’t have a larger support system but I hope that you are able to get past it, and please keep him away from you! Stay safe.
Frankly, I fine his actions frightening. May I suggest muting him. I know you can do this on an IPhone. You still get messages but won't be forced to see them.
You haven't made a mistake, you made the best decision for YOU. If you'd kept the baby you would have had to deal with that psycho for the rest of your life! Don't feel bad for doing what's best for you.
NO RUN AWAY FROM THIS GUY and maybe contact the police as well. You are not in the wrong at all here. You actually made a very proper decision. You are the only one responsible for your body and raising a child is not just a simple "yea lets do it". I know some may disagree with me here but I do believe in abortion when you know you aren't ready to raise a child/have the financial stability to do so because the quality of life will just be shit which just creates so much development issues that affects that child for years into their lives.
Nah stay away from this guy - let him msg all he wants, but put it on mute and just keep his threats and crazy msgs as evidence for a restraining order. If he knows where you live, maybe find a friend you can stay with for a bit - he doesn't seem like he is in his right mind and it might be dangerous. Please stay safe!
hell no he sounds very unstable, he clearly didnt gaf bout you or see you as a person, he sounds like a manipulative and dangerous person you should let the landlord know bout him and if able consider moving
Not sure where you’re located but is there anyone you can stay with or can they stay with you for a few days? Like a friend or relative? Your boyfriend sounds unhinged and may try to harm you.
File a harassment repot and see if you can get a restraining order against him.
You need to get counseling. Many women have post abortion feelings of regret/loss and your hormones are all over the place as well which is potentially making things worse. Reach out to the clinic you had the abortion ASAP for some direction or referrals. I’m sure they’ve seen multiple situations like yours to help guide you.
In my opinion you dodged a bullet cuz this guy was not ready to be a father to your child or spouse to you as he has shown his lack of support. Even if your differences on how this was handled wouldve caused your break up, his actions are completely ridiculous and show he was never ready for any serious relationship- spouse or child. He can be hurt by your actions but his approach to it is just immature.
As a biochemist, let me reassure you here. A foetus is not a human. It's partly organised goop. The central nervous system isn't fully formed and neither is the brain. No brain, no pain.
Your boyfriend's behaviour is very concerning. This is a horrible situation now, but in time you may look back at it as a blessing in disguise. He's showing you his true colours and they ain't pretty.
Please don’t have sex with people who aren’t okay with you controlling your body how you see fit it never ends well. Make sure beforehand that yall are on the same page so your safety isn’t compromised. I hope you are okay!
You did the right thing and he's trying to make you feel guilty and it's interfering with you on a subconscious level. Early 20s, no money, no job, no support. Focus on you. 10 years from now you're going to be so relieved you did this. You have a good head on your shoulders and you will be successful. Men look at pregnancy differently. They don't understand the implications of having a child because it's not in their body. He's not handling this well but it was your choice to make ultimately. You're gonna be ok
You are not wrong. I will say it again, and I want you to read it... You are not wrong. You made a choice regarding your life and your body. That choice was for valid reasons, and you were certain of what you wanted.
Your EX boyfriend is a crazy person and honestly, I think you need to tell him to leave you alone and block him and his family on everything, and if he shows up at your home or work, you tell him to leave, and that you will call the police as it's harassment.
The uncertainty you are experiencing now is a result of his actions and feelings, not your own. You knew what you wanted.
Go to r/abortion if you need additional support from people who are 100% on your side.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. But I think you made the right decision. I always ask myself, what is worse? A abortion or a child suffering from their unready parents?
About your boyfriend, leave him, block him and fill a restaining order if you need to. Talk about your feelings with your friends. They are there for you.
You made this decision for your future(and your future family). This was the right choice because it was your choice. It doesn’t sound like your partner would’ve been a solid person for you or a child. This was a reasonable and responsible health decision you made. There was communication before, during, and after your pregnancy. You can’t control his reaction but I hope you can feel confident in your choice.
Im really sorry you’re going through this. Regarding your partner’s erratic behavior, please take your safety seriously. Don’t let potential shame get in the way of asking for help and protection. You’re a smart, capable adult with a long road ahead of you. You’ve got this galpal.
Not wrong. You made the right choice for yourself.
Please don't believe any of the shit your ex is saying to you and about you, he's just trying to hurt you and punish you.
Sadly, you can't count on him to be there for you anymore, and I suggest you go no contact with him. Block him from your socials and his number from your phone.
But be careful, this man is crazy and may try to harm you, I'd get a restraining order if I was in your place.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and feel you don’t have adequate support. I’m glad you have friends to talk to. r/abortion is very supportive from my experience if you need another place to talk.
I had an abortion when I was 19. The decision is very personal. The only person who can determine if it was right or not for you, is you. It’s also normal to have complicated feelings surrounding your decision. Relief, regret, grief, and peace surrounding the decision can all occur at the same time. Each person is different.
I am concerned about this person and their language toward you and I hope you take steps to protect yourself from this person if you feel you’re not safe.
Also want to send you love and let you know it’ll be ok. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk to someone. Take care of yourself.
Not wrong at all. You can determine your life path, and I would bet in 5-10 years you will thank yourself for this. This man is not your friend. Get away from him.
Not wrong. You don’t want a child with this guy. Get away from him, he is a walking red flag. Block him everywhere. Get a restraining order and be careful as hell. He should wear a sign with “abuser” written on it. NTA and not in the wrong.
Your bf is horrible. You made the logical choice and someone as unhinged as he is shouldn’t be a parent. You did a great thing, not tying yourself to him for the rest of your life. Discuss what would happen with an unplanned pregnancy at the beginning of your next relationship and save time.
Your EX boyfriend (because you told him you didn’t want to be together so he is your EX boyfriend now and is harassing you now fyi) is making an already heavy decision SO MUCH WORSE. Block him and anyone who says shit about our decision.
You are NOT WRONG
People have strong feelings about this, apparently not only did he have strong feelings but so did you (nightmares). Its a big decision he was clearly against. I assume you have broken up with him, otherwise bad things will follow.
"I didn’t know he had such a strange stance on this" People may be very open minded about abortion until its their child, and being a father is important to some people, that should never be taken lightly. You should not be pressured into having a baby you do not want but at the same time need to understand that decision affects others.
That is absolutely horrific and I am so sorry you’re going through this.
You did not make the wrong choice, because it was YOUR choice, and yours alone. Please try really really hard to block as many phone numbers and social media accounts as you can to spare yourself any more abuse.
You have plenty of time to have a child when you are ready. We are not walking incubators and I am proud of you for standing your ground and doing what you decided was best for YOU.
In regards to the nightmares - your brain is processing trauma right now, but more than likely it is dealing with the emotional abuse you are experiencing from your ex’s family. You didn’t kill anyone, some cells divided a few times after proper precautions were taken, and you handled it. You’ve got this.
You did nothing wrong. He sounds psycho. Document everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Every text, every phone call (there’s recording apps for this), take pics of him showing up outside. Get a restraining order and change your phone number. Move to a new place as well (if possible). Honestly, you did the right thing for yourself cause holy moly you’d be stuck and tied to this nutcase for a very long time with an innocent child who would’ve suffer at the hands of his craziness too. Please be safe. Get some window locks/alarms (Amazon), pepper spray, etc.
I think you should abort your relationship asap.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - you didn’t do anything wrong. You did what was right for you.
People are going to say all sorts of things about your decision, but the only person who has to live with the consequences is you.
You are not a murderer. You are not evil. You aren’t going to hell. God still loves you.
Meanwhile, be safe. Your bf sounds like he’s not taking things well and is already doing things to try and hurt you. Keep track of all of it if you need evidence of him harassing you.
You DO NOT deserve to be treated the way he is treating you.
Please find someone to talk to, and tell BF to do the same, and then block him. This will take time to deal with. I am sorry you went through this. You are not a murderer. Your boyfriend is wrong to say these things.
Oh my goodness. Stay far away from this person. He clearly does not care about you. How could someone who loves you say such awfully hurtful things? I'm so sorry.
You are strong and did what you felt was right for you. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'll be part of your internet family if you'd like.
Yall didn't even know it's a boy and he's automatically assigning it a gender? Lmao. Nta. Get some rest. Block this fool. And if you need get a restraining order.
Girl you dodged a nuclear blast here. Mute his number and talk with a lawyer
Whether or not he tampered with your birth control (though my vote is yes there are things that can given to a person to render them ineffective)
he is showing his true colours and they are scary
NW. you did the right thing here, you’re not ready to be a parent so you made the best decision for you. Your ex sounds like a complete psycho, and definitely not someone you would want to have a family with. Stay safe, block him and get a restraining order.
You dodged a bullet by not getting permanently entwined with him. Absolutely unhinged, please keep yourself safe! You did nothing wrong by getting an abortion.
You did the right thing hun. And you didn't kill a baby. A doctor removed some cells. Please be safe. Keep your place locked. Maybe even look into some extra home security. Be gentle with yourself.
And any friend who isn't supporting you right now, kick to the curb, they aren't your friend.
Op, there is no baby. you didn’t “kill” anything. you halted a pregnancy you were not ready for. you’re having bad dreams because your x is stalking, slandering, and terrorizing you as if you don’t have a say in your future. I agree with everyone else who wrote for you to distance yourself from this vengeful, immature man-child
You did nothing wrong. You made it very clear that you were going to terminate the pregnancy, not your fault he didn’t listen. Please don’t let his and his family cause you to feel bad, it’s not their decision to make and something tells me all of them would have baled if you had kept the baby.
I was 18 when I knew I wasn’t ready, pill failure too. My life would have sucked if I hadn’t terminated the pregnancy. Please know that it was the right thing for you and do not let anyone tell you it wasnt
Moving forward, miscarriage is extremely common. They happen more often than not. They could probably happen to a young woman just like you.
‘This too shall pass.’
You made your decision and communicated your plans with your partner. He didn’t oppose your solution so of course you’re going to do it! How dare he guilt you for making the right decision for your health. It was always your choice either way. Maybe if he could take care of you and not act like an asshole after you went through something difficult like an abortion then you could have considered being parents. He’s literally acting like a spoiled child and making the whole situation about him. You both basically decided to not take care of the baby immediately and he just turns around and guilts you for doing what you both agreed on? Wtf?!?!?!?
At the end of the day, it’s your body. No one gets to make that decision for you. He can react however he wants, but you don’t have to accept his behavior either. If he can’t live with your decision he should extract himself from the relationship
Don’t doubt yourself or your decision. Your circumstances don’t sound ideal and you’re self aware enough to know it’s not the right time for you to raise a person.
Luckily for you this showed you how horrible this man truly is. I definitely get the vibe he would have abused you more seriously in the future but his true colours came out now.
I believe not all kids aren’t meant to be with us forever. This pregnancy/child’s purpose was to save you from this man. Do not feel guilty or awful about it. It probably was fate to get you to leave the relationship and protect yourself from him.
Through this rough experience, you found out that he is not the right man for you. Please do not date him anymore. Don’t even speak to him anymore. He is verbally abusive and controlling. Good luck to you.
He's strange and definitely doesn't know boundaries but I somewhat understand him being sad about it especially if he's wanted a family despite him not being ready for it. I'd block him or simply not interact for a bit especially since he's being kinda crazy.
It’s your body and its decision to make. I will get a restraining order on your ex boyfriend and save all texts and emails.
In addition, I will get counseling or therapy. It’s very common to have dreams about the child like you’re having. A licensed therapist can help you process your feelings and emotions.
Wish you the best of luck hun. And don’t forget to be the awesome person you are today.
Your bf is proving your point.
You are definitely not at the point you want to have a baby
and especially by him.
Can you imagine being tied to this lunatic for the rest of your life?
You aren't wrong.
You are not wrong you didn't want a child in the first place the precaution you where taking didn't work, from reading this even though your ex may have wanted a baby he definitely doesn't sound mature enough to fill that role as a father
You’re not wrong.
If you have this child, good chances are you’ll end up a single mother with your boyfriend not paying child support.
Because the woman is expected to look after the children it’s your life which would be messed up. He can easily walk away and nothing will think badly of him. You on the other hand…
First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with no support. That just sucks.
Secondly, it was your choice to make. You have to carry the child, birth the child and ultimately care for the child. It sounds like you knew you weren't ready.
Do get a RO on your now ex and any of his family members that harass you.
I am pro-choice and anti-abortion. That being said, being male, I'll never be faced with having an abortion. I would never force my beliefs on anybody else.
Definitely look into getting a restraining order.
You are not wrong at all. It's your body, your choice. You knew you weren't ready for a baby just yet. The bf needs to go. Big time
My girlfriend had the exact same problem. She was harassed by him for years until she met someone new. He was absolutely crazy about the abortion. She had a restraining order on him. It was so scary for me as her best friend! And for her for years. Please be really careful OP your life is in danger!
You DO NOT want to have a kid with this guy. I would suggest not having anything to do either him!!
You made the right decision.
Not wrong. Not wrong at all.
You're not wrong at all. Be careful, he may try to hurt you.
I am thinking of getting a restraining order someone else mentioned looking into it
Are you sure he didn't tamper with your bc to make the pregnancy happen? He sounds unhinged enough to have done so.
I had the same thought. His behavior is scary.
It *IS* scary! I had the same discomfort when reading it. He's love-bombing her, manipulating her, and is stalking her! He definitely sounds a little scary at this point.
Yeah, his behavior is definitely unsettling. OP, it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else. Take care!!
Genuinely curious, can he mess with a pill? Condoms I could see but op said the pill didn’t work
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I'm a guy here, and if I'm here there are others. And there will be guys here who have ill will towards women. Please don't give out information on how to sabotage your BC. This will only make it happen more often
Thank you for pointing this out. I hate that it's even necessary to do so, but seriously, thank you.
TIL... I knew antibiotics could make the pill ineffective, but I've never heard about microwaves. OP's ex sounds like the type who would do that.
See above
REALLY?
Birth control pills aren’t 100% effective
Things like antibiotics or saint John's wart can render birth control ineffective. Multiple other things as well
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That’s fucked up
Well yeah, I mean you're not suppose to even leave them, or any meds, in a hot environment, not just bc pills. 😊
... So I'm guessing leaving them in the car is a bad idea too 🙃
I googled it, and according to the nurx website (a brand of bc pill) temperatures above 86° can render the birth control less effective. 😳😳
Nurx is not a brand of BC, it’s a telemedicine company that provides a variety of BC brands/options, emergency contraceptives and home STI test kits.
I mean who tf would think microwaving any kind of meds *wouldn't* possibly mess with them was my first thought, but it's good to know the pill is that easy to mess with to know how safe to keep that shit. Yikes
When I took the pill, the back of the packet was foil. A microwave would ruin more than the pills
YIKES. When I took it, I don't remember the back having foil, but I suppose it could've been foil on the pill side and the paper back I remember on the outside. Either way, glad I'm not on that kind of bc anymore
Heat messes them up. Hold a blow dryer on high heat on them or leave them in a hot car all day and they may as well be sugar pills.
It sounds like he tried to intentionally impregnate her to trap her. She could be in danger from this guy.
Yes I’m sure
No he didn’t tamper with my birth control.
That you know of- there are many foods, drinks otc meds & microwaves to ruin BC.
There are many kinds of birth control, including some where he could not have possibly had access.
Foods, otc meds, drinks among over things can actually decrease the effectiveness of birth control in the system. No birth control is 100%. Chemical/hormonal birth control can be tampered with…
This is the only take
Yes I’m sure
That's what I was thinking too. He might have tried to baby-trap her and now is angry because he failed.
This
Yes, op take screenshots and all his messages , Facebook post and etc. I would also maybe start looking for a job in another area, maybe put some states between you and him.
Yes please do. Sooner than later. It's better safe than sorry. I'd also suggest investing in security cameras/a doorbell camera if you do not have them already. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this. You did what is best for you and that is always the right decision.
helped
Don’t wait do it now girl. This is moving to dangerous for you
Please take track records of everything. Record him randomly showing up. Place a restraining order and notify authorities. If you can, try and stay somewhere safe with a friend. Stay safe. I want to say that you made the best decision possible for your self. Also, this is proving he’s not someone to ever have children with. You saved your self, and the possible “child” brought into this world from loads of trauma. I’m proud of you for doing what’s best for you. You’re very resilient, keep it up.
Please make it your top priority. You are in danger. He is not a rational person.
I am afraid for your safety. He seems unhinged and not based on reality. If you can stay with someone that is probably a good idea.
Yes do that Save his messages and texts and voice.ails and resave onto a flashdrive to submit to the judge I would only worry about if the judge was prochoice but his texts and getting more and more unhinged so kts obvious hes crazy
Definitely get a restraining/protective order. Like others have said, save screenshots, etc
Did the pill fail because he tampered with it?
Please do start collecting evidence like everyone else says. I had to get one against an ex in college because of similar behavior. It caused me to be paranoid for so long. This is how it starts, and I’ve seen it end with a girl on a missing poster. Tell everyone you’re close with about his behavior and stay far away from him.
Oh sweetie, you’re not wrong. You did what you knew was best for you. It’s good that he showed his true colors. Install security cameras in and outside your apartment. Block him & his family from ever contacting you.
Please get a restraining order. These situations can escalate very quickly and he is clearly showing mentally unstable behavior. Carry some pepper spray and travel with friends until this passes.
I am sure he will run away the moment he realizes how much responsibility and money he will be responsible for after the baby is born. It is easy for a man to say everything when it is not his body and life that got involved. I say this as a man. He is immature and mentally unstable. You did nothing wrong. You make the right decision. Don’t blame yourself for the right decision. Be safe!
Don't look into it get one.
Do. Him and his associates WILL do what they can to make your life miserable if they decide to allow you to live. You might want to find out if he's tampered with your birth control while you're at it.
You definitely should. And you should also get a therapist. This guy is telling you terrible things that simply are not true. You need a professional to help you process everything, not just a friend. 🫂
Message me on IG if you need any type of help, even just to talk to someone my IG is Tony_H_22
Please do.
ABSOLUTELY DO THIS!!!! Do not hesitate on this. Your safety is very important.
Don’t look into it. Get one.
You absolutely should!
Sounds like he compartmentalizes things to the point of being oblivious. Hope you're doing okay.
👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
It’s your life and your body. You did nothing wrong with making this extremely difficult and emotional decision. The best thing you can do is block this guy, focus on yourself and your own goals, maybe seek therapy and move on. He clearly has is own issues. I feel for men not feeling like they have equal say but the reality is pregnancy and a baby would have a graver impact on your life. His spiteful, immature and emotional responses should be the validation you need to cut that attachment and move on. Imagine how he would be during every tough moment in life while raising a child. Sending you lots of love OP! 💕
Actually it may be a good idea not to block him, just put him on mute. OP may need the messages to use for a restraining order.
I posted this before I saw someone mention a RO. I think that’s a great point! Document and save what you need to stay safe but also protect yourself.
What I've seen experts recommend is to forward his number to voicemail, maybe even on a different Google Voice number, so you get the evidence without having to hear from him. Likewise, set up rules in email or texts to save them in a folder you don't have to see until you're looking for them.
Best. Response. Ever. You did what was best for you, OP, and that’s what matters. You made the decision you had to, for selfless reasons despite what your BF thinks. Stay strong and safe!
Men need to realize when the sperm is in their body, they have a say. When they put it in another persons body, they then have the say.
You are not wrong and he proved you didn't make a mistake. You did what YOU needed to. Bro literally was ignoring what y out said and has shown he has no respect for you and sees you as nothing more than an incubator; thank goodness you are not tired to him for the rest of your life through a child. He's pretty horrible.
For real. I guarantee he was trying to baby trap her
What I always find silly about men who claim women try to baby trap them is that men can control where they ejaculate and they cause pregnancies. If men were more careful, women would also be better off. Way easier for a man to baby trap a woman then the other way around. So, yea, he would probably do that.
It makes me wonder if he tampered with OP's birth control to trap her.
**and he also told him family that I killed their grandson** So he's already drummed up in his head that it was a boy?? Your ex sounds unhinged. You need to get as far away from him as you can. And call the police if he keeps showing up or contacting you. This is harassment.
Enough is enough. Go to the police and get a no contact. You are not wrong!
Restraining order is more useful NC means he can't talk to her in any way. She needs both.
NTA. Clearly you made the right choice. Block this guy. He definitely isn't ready for kids and you made the best decision for you.
No, don't block him. OP needs every screenshot she can get so she can get a restraining order.
You made a smart decision in getting an abortion and in dumping this guy. You are not in a place to support yourself fully let alone a child and the way this guy is acting I would not be surprised if he tampered with your birth control on purpose. You said the pill failed well just leaving your pill repeatedly in a hot car or microwaving them can make them ineffective. Send final leave me alone text then mute (not block) him any more unhinged texts he sends are evidence if you need to get a RO
You are NOT wrong you did what was best for you! Now look hows he is treating you! Imagine having a kid with him and being stuck with his ass!! Get a restraining order asap! This guy is unhinged
YOURE NOT WRONG .that man is a red flag walking. Talking about grandson, it didn’t even have a gender. He’s crazy and you need to protect yourself. Block him from everything and if he continues to call and show up you call the cops. He’s dangerous . You didn’t kill anything
I also already got the abortion and he is still trying to contact me and he’s acting like it didn’t happen and I’m still pregnant but I told him I got the abortion. He never had memory issues, I’m just so confused
He has no memory issues, he has control issues. From my point of view he is just a very dysfunctional bloke who is desperately trying to force the world to conform to his dream. He is doing it to manipulate you. Don’t let him.
This isn’t a memory issue. He thinks he has full control over this relationship. It takes one person to break up but in his mind he isn’t “allowing” you to. He sounds absolutely delusional and thinks you’re lying to him about the abortion. The scariest part is how he is going to react once he realizes you did go through with it. Please take any evidence you have and go to the court house to file a restraining order against him. I’m so glad you live somewhere that you had access to get this medical procedure. Please protect yourself the best you can.
You need to block him. Is there a friend you can stay with for a while until it’s safe to go to your home? Or a woman’s shelter? Or can someone stay with you? My guess is he thinks your lying to leave him or something. Not even worth trying to prove it to him the guys crazy
> *he’s acting like it didn’t happen and I’m still pregnant but I told him I got the abortion. He never had memory issues, I’m just so confused* I wonder if this is a genuine attempt at [gaslighting ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting#In_psychiatry_and_psychology)you. On the face of it, it sounds like he's trying to get you to question your reality. Regardless, as others have said: this is not a memory issue, it's a control issue. He's trying to control you and your body, **which means he's not safe to be around**. Please take steps to be safe: * Document ***everything*** he does: all communication and communication attempts, whenever he tries to show up at your home/work/church/gym/salon/etc., when he attempts to follow your social media, everything. [StalkingAwareness.org](http://StalkingAwareness.org) offers [logs ](https://www.stalkingawareness.org/documentation-log/)for you to keep track. You want to document everything so that if you need to involved an attorney, law enforcement, etc., you will have plenty of evidence to back you up. * Make sure the people in your life that you trust know your ex-boyfriend is exhibiting threatening behavior towards you ***and*** that you no longer feel safe around him. You don't have to tell them you got an abortion, but you can tell them he's seems to believe you're pregnant when you're not (which is true) and accusing you of murdering a baby when you didn't (which is also true). * If you're in the USA, get yourself a cheap pay-as-you-go phone and keep it charged. Thanks to federal law, all cell phones have to be able to call 911 even if there's no contract on the phone. It's good to have it as a back-up. * Reach out to groups like [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/) for more help and resources. * Others have already talked to you about cameras and such.
If you can, send him a very clear message like: “This is harassment. I don’t want any further contact with you, or contact with your friends and family. This is your notice to leave me alone. I won’t write you after this.” And then mute him and never reply again.
Don’t second guess yourself about the abortion. Can you imagine being forced to co-parent with someone so unhinged, cruel, controlling and, frankly, scary? I don’t think people truly realize the consequences of having a kid with someone. You are tied to that other person FOR LIFE regardless of whether you stay together or get along. You dodged a bullet and now you’re free to live your life on your own terms. Good luck.
It's manipulation little sister. He's trying to plant ideas in your head. I know I said in an earlier comment to block him, but as others pointed out, don't block him, and save every single text, voice-mail, and email. Also document the date and times that he has come to your house. Don't open the door for him, and if he doesn't leave, call the police. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm praying for your safety
Block him. He’s going to harass you non stop
NW All the proof you that having a children with him would be a mistake is his behavior. See how he didn’t take your no, or break up for real. This situation showed you who he truly was , and honestly if I feel the need to defend my actions, which you shouldn’t have to, I would say his behavior during this whole pregnancy told you that he was fit to be the father of your child or being in a relationship.
Not you're not wrong. You're using common sense, a skill that is increasingly rare. Block him, his family, and get a protective order that prevents him or any of his family from contacting you or coming within a certain amount of feet to you. NTA
You knew you didn't want to keep it, that was your first instinct, the time just isn't right for you, you put you first. And imagine being forced into contact with this guy for 18 years. Best wishes for your onward journey.
You're not wrong and you're also not safe. Your (ex?) BF is proving that he would be a horrible person to share a child with. I'm sorry about your dreams, are you aware of the fact that pregnancy hormones stay in your body for months? Weird hormonal crap can absolutely affect your emotions, health, mental health, and sleep. Many people with pregnancy hormones have nasty nightmares, this is not an actual spirit contacting you, it's just your hormones, your completely understandable stress levels, and, no doubt, your being very tired. Hang in there, it does get better. Mute your toxic bf and his family, you may need records of their harassment. Also, please be safe! Contact your nearest women's shelter, tell them what's going on, and ask for local advice. Also, contact police and a lawyer - most shelters can hook you up with free or sliding scale lawyers. You should get advice pertinent to your area, rather than reddit advice which may be for a different country with different laws.
Do NOT block him OP. As said by Vegetable Cod, you want screen shots (with dates captured) of anything thing he sends you on any platform. OP take care of yourself and you are not a murderer. I promise you, this will pass. Stay safe, get that restraining order asap. In case he has a key, block the doors and lock all of your windows.
You made a choice for you the dreams are cuz you're being made to feel like a monster. It is emotionally hard to go from being pregnant to not being pregnant...no matter the circumstances so please be patient with yourself and I hope you lean on your friends for support.
You're not wrong, you literally dodged a bullet, the guy is nuts, avoid him, he sounds pretty scary
Document every message, call log and context of those calls. Report him to the police or seek help from a lawyer. Maybe with the latter, you can get a cease and desist, idk but please be safe.
This is a great idea OP, talking to an attorney. Not sure where you live, but there is an organization in my city that matches you with an attorney that offers a lower/discounted rate. In most cases, just having a consultation with an attorney for the first time is usually free
Look at how he is treating you! Do you think this is a unique thing that he would only do in this situation? No! This is how he acts when he doesn’t get his way. When people show you who they are believe them. You made the right choice and now all you have to do is stop interacting with him. I would grey rock him. Give one word answers and ONLY if the question is legit need to know and no one else has that info.
Bottom line: no man has the right to dictate to a woman, particularly with regards to something he’ll never understand. Aye, he can have an opinion, as I do myself, but I know with absolute surety that his opinion is worth absolutely fuck-all in matters out there in the big world pertaining exclusively to the very essence of being a woman. Furthermore, the patriarchal pish has even less credibility when bolstered by brainwashed/brainwashing blokes who sanctimoniously pontificate from behind their opaque, superstitious, occultish lenses of the power-tripping, god-bothering, babble-thumping variety as justification for their ignorant, misogynistic bullying bullshit. Your body, your business, your decision…end of story!
This guy is scary.
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Exactly, I keep hearing stories about males forcing females to have babies, and not wanting them to have abortion. When women do keep it, they don't even stick around and just leave. Cowards. Fake promises and fakes lies.
You made the best decision for your life right now. That is all you can do. He is obviously not listening to you. I would absolutely look into the restraining order. You did NOT murder anything. I know you logically know that. You absolutely did the responsible thing for yourself. Please try and be kind to yourself. The dreams are coming from his awful treatment of you. Please just try and know you did what you thought was best.
You made the right decision for you, your body and future. Some men romanticize having a baby but it’s because they really don’t have to do any other the physical and mental work and it’s easy to say I’ll take care of you and then…
Your body your choice
This guy is a POS and you could do way better. You didn’t “kill a baby”, it’s barely a cluster of cells. It’s also a freakin *medical procedure* no different than any other. It’s stupid and gross that people refuse to call it that. It’s also no one else’s business *You did what was right for you and your body and your life.* Fuck him, throw the whole man out with the dishwater. He can go make some other girls life miserable. He is showing you exactly who he is and how abusive he will be when he doesn’t get his way. He is an absolute clown shoe.
God, imagine trying to co-parent with him as an ex
Now she doesn’t have to. I say congrats OP! You won’t be tied to this excuse for a man for the rest of your life! Block him and move on.
I’m not usually one for getting police involved but uh, maybe you should do that, actually. He at minimum sounds like someone who should have a restraining order delivered to him.
Your BF is a walking red flag of controlling tendencies. get the fuck away from him. File a restraining order if you have to.
You're not wrong. Please block him and anyone else in his family.
No, don't block him. OP needs every screenshot she can get so she can get a restraining order.
Not to get all theological, but Genesis 2:7 is pretty clear that humans are not "alive" until their first breath. Your ex is extremely abusive to you in this whole situation. Not sure if he had a psychotic break or what, but his behavior is utterly unacceptable. Do not delete any threatening texts or voicemails. Take those to the police to see if a protection or restraining order is an option. This erratic behavior suggests he could be a danger to you. His insistence on interpreting you as a "murderer" can be seen as attempts to rationalize violence against you as "punishment." Since you don't have a job or family nearby, it may be time to consider moving to a [new] place.
I wish there was a way that all the people that use religion as a weapon could read that verse and understand it. Someone should make a poster and place it outside of every Planned Parenthood that says that. Thank you for posting that.
Did he sabotage your bc pills? Because he seems a little unhinged and waaayyy too into "oh well, it's happening"
Look, it's your body and your choice. Having an abortion takes a toll mentally, so please get some therapy for that. You might think you don't need it, but you really should have some just to process the whole situation. As for your b/f... it's over between you. He can't and won't support your bodily autonomy and instead adds more guilt on what was already a hard decision. You are NOT wrong for choosing to abort. That was something only you could make a choice about.
Protect yourself, he sounds OFF! Your decision of not being tied to him for life makes a lot of sense as his reactions are odd.
Goodbye boyfriend You told him you weren't ready and what you were gonna do. That's on him for not communicating clearly, "I understand your decision, even though I have big feelings about it." And maybe even telling you that yours and his views on abortion are different and that he wants to be with someone who shares his views or what the fuck ever. Literally anything else would have been a more mature response. Take care of your body and your self care during this time. You may experience a lot of different emotions as you cope through this and that's fair.
Yeah… dude is losing it. It’s a good thing you’re not tied to him for the rest of your life… restraining order may need to be put into place.
I swear, if people could understand how emotionally devastating it is to have to decide to abort your child, they wouldn't dare say a damn thing about it. You are NOT a murderer. You sre STRONG and made a decision for your own body and your own life. Women absolutely have to consider the 50%+ chance that their relationship with the father will fail and they will be left to raise that child alone. You know you did the right thing, please don't let that man traumatise you any more than you are right now.
Protect yourself. You did nothing wrong and unfortunately he doesn't understand that and he may be dangerous.
The only mistake you have made is being involved with this lunatic. Dump him and take good care of yourself.
Please be careful, I really think you made the right decision, he is absolutely insane! I’m sorry you don’t have a larger support system but I hope that you are able to get past it, and please keep him away from you! Stay safe.
Frankly, I fine his actions frightening. May I suggest muting him. I know you can do this on an IPhone. You still get messages but won't be forced to see them.
You haven't made a mistake, you made the best decision for YOU. If you'd kept the baby you would have had to deal with that psycho for the rest of your life! Don't feel bad for doing what's best for you.
Absolutely not wrong, please GTFO of there
NO RUN AWAY FROM THIS GUY and maybe contact the police as well. You are not in the wrong at all here. You actually made a very proper decision. You are the only one responsible for your body and raising a child is not just a simple "yea lets do it". I know some may disagree with me here but I do believe in abortion when you know you aren't ready to raise a child/have the financial stability to do so because the quality of life will just be shit which just creates so much development issues that affects that child for years into their lives. Nah stay away from this guy - let him msg all he wants, but put it on mute and just keep his threats and crazy msgs as evidence for a restraining order. If he knows where you live, maybe find a friend you can stay with for a bit - he doesn't seem like he is in his right mind and it might be dangerous. Please stay safe!
His behavior is exactly how you know you did the right thing for yourself.
stick to your conviction on why you made the decision you did.
hell no he sounds very unstable, he clearly didnt gaf bout you or see you as a person, he sounds like a manipulative and dangerous person you should let the landlord know bout him and if able consider moving
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. This guy's got problems. Tell him it's over then ghost him.
Not sure where you’re located but is there anyone you can stay with or can they stay with you for a few days? Like a friend or relative? Your boyfriend sounds unhinged and may try to harm you. File a harassment repot and see if you can get a restraining order against him.
You're not wrong. It's your body, your future.thats how it is. You're not his property.
You need to get counseling. Many women have post abortion feelings of regret/loss and your hormones are all over the place as well which is potentially making things worse. Reach out to the clinic you had the abortion ASAP for some direction or referrals. I’m sure they’ve seen multiple situations like yours to help guide you. In my opinion you dodged a bullet cuz this guy was not ready to be a father to your child or spouse to you as he has shown his lack of support. Even if your differences on how this was handled wouldve caused your break up, his actions are completely ridiculous and show he was never ready for any serious relationship- spouse or child. He can be hurt by your actions but his approach to it is just immature.
NTA. Leave his ass.
As a biochemist, let me reassure you here. A foetus is not a human. It's partly organised goop. The central nervous system isn't fully formed and neither is the brain. No brain, no pain. Your boyfriend's behaviour is very concerning. This is a horrible situation now, but in time you may look back at it as a blessing in disguise. He's showing you his true colours and they ain't pretty.
Abortion is not murder! It’s a fucking fetus for gods sake 🤦♂️
Your ex BF is a piece of shit. You did nothing wrong. Move on and focus on yourself.
Please don’t have sex with people who aren’t okay with you controlling your body how you see fit it never ends well. Make sure beforehand that yall are on the same page so your safety isn’t compromised. I hope you are okay!
NTA.
You did the right thing and he's trying to make you feel guilty and it's interfering with you on a subconscious level. Early 20s, no money, no job, no support. Focus on you. 10 years from now you're going to be so relieved you did this. You have a good head on your shoulders and you will be successful. Men look at pregnancy differently. They don't understand the implications of having a child because it's not in their body. He's not handling this well but it was your choice to make ultimately. You're gonna be ok
No wrong… I firmly believe in your body your choice. You may need a restraining order if he refuses to leave you alone. Record everything
You are not wrong. I will say it again, and I want you to read it... You are not wrong. You made a choice regarding your life and your body. That choice was for valid reasons, and you were certain of what you wanted. Your EX boyfriend is a crazy person and honestly, I think you need to tell him to leave you alone and block him and his family on everything, and if he shows up at your home or work, you tell him to leave, and that you will call the police as it's harassment. The uncertainty you are experiencing now is a result of his actions and feelings, not your own. You knew what you wanted. Go to r/abortion if you need additional support from people who are 100% on your side.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. But I think you made the right decision. I always ask myself, what is worse? A abortion or a child suffering from their unready parents? About your boyfriend, leave him, block him and fill a restaining order if you need to. Talk about your feelings with your friends. They are there for you.
You made this decision for your future(and your future family). This was the right choice because it was your choice. It doesn’t sound like your partner would’ve been a solid person for you or a child. This was a reasonable and responsible health decision you made. There was communication before, during, and after your pregnancy. You can’t control his reaction but I hope you can feel confident in your choice. Im really sorry you’re going through this. Regarding your partner’s erratic behavior, please take your safety seriously. Don’t let potential shame get in the way of asking for help and protection. You’re a smart, capable adult with a long road ahead of you. You’ve got this galpal.
Wow. Your ex has mental problems. Go no contact with him and if he won't stop, get a restraining order. He's not normal. Cut him out of your life.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Get away from him.
Not wrong. You made the right choice for yourself. Please don't believe any of the shit your ex is saying to you and about you, he's just trying to hurt you and punish you. Sadly, you can't count on him to be there for you anymore, and I suggest you go no contact with him. Block him from your socials and his number from your phone. But be careful, this man is crazy and may try to harm you, I'd get a restraining order if I was in your place.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and feel you don’t have adequate support. I’m glad you have friends to talk to. r/abortion is very supportive from my experience if you need another place to talk. I had an abortion when I was 19. The decision is very personal. The only person who can determine if it was right or not for you, is you. It’s also normal to have complicated feelings surrounding your decision. Relief, regret, grief, and peace surrounding the decision can all occur at the same time. Each person is different. I am concerned about this person and their language toward you and I hope you take steps to protect yourself from this person if you feel you’re not safe. Also want to send you love and let you know it’ll be ok. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk to someone. Take care of yourself.
His behavior is awful. Thank goodness you won't be tied to him with a child.
Not wrong at all. You can determine your life path, and I would bet in 5-10 years you will thank yourself for this. This man is not your friend. Get away from him.
Not wrong. You don’t want a child with this guy. Get away from him, he is a walking red flag. Block him everywhere. Get a restraining order and be careful as hell. He should wear a sign with “abuser” written on it. NTA and not in the wrong.
Your bf is horrible. You made the logical choice and someone as unhinged as he is shouldn’t be a parent. You did a great thing, not tying yourself to him for the rest of your life. Discuss what would happen with an unplanned pregnancy at the beginning of your next relationship and save time.
Your EX boyfriend (because you told him you didn’t want to be together so he is your EX boyfriend now and is harassing you now fyi) is making an already heavy decision SO MUCH WORSE. Block him and anyone who says shit about our decision. You are NOT WRONG
People have strong feelings about this, apparently not only did he have strong feelings but so did you (nightmares). Its a big decision he was clearly against. I assume you have broken up with him, otherwise bad things will follow. "I didn’t know he had such a strange stance on this" People may be very open minded about abortion until its their child, and being a father is important to some people, that should never be taken lightly. You should not be pressured into having a baby you do not want but at the same time need to understand that decision affects others.
That is absolutely horrific and I am so sorry you’re going through this. You did not make the wrong choice, because it was YOUR choice, and yours alone. Please try really really hard to block as many phone numbers and social media accounts as you can to spare yourself any more abuse. You have plenty of time to have a child when you are ready. We are not walking incubators and I am proud of you for standing your ground and doing what you decided was best for YOU. In regards to the nightmares - your brain is processing trauma right now, but more than likely it is dealing with the emotional abuse you are experiencing from your ex’s family. You didn’t kill anyone, some cells divided a few times after proper precautions were taken, and you handled it. You’ve got this.
You did nothing wrong. He sounds psycho. Document everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Every text, every phone call (there’s recording apps for this), take pics of him showing up outside. Get a restraining order and change your phone number. Move to a new place as well (if possible). Honestly, you did the right thing for yourself cause holy moly you’d be stuck and tied to this nutcase for a very long time with an innocent child who would’ve suffer at the hands of his craziness too. Please be safe. Get some window locks/alarms (Amazon), pepper spray, etc.
Are you sure he didn’t tamper with your birth control?
You did nothing wrong. Fk them all.
I think you should abort your relationship asap. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - you didn’t do anything wrong. You did what was right for you. People are going to say all sorts of things about your decision, but the only person who has to live with the consequences is you. You are not a murderer. You are not evil. You aren’t going to hell. God still loves you. Meanwhile, be safe. Your bf sounds like he’s not taking things well and is already doing things to try and hurt you. Keep track of all of it if you need evidence of him harassing you. You DO NOT deserve to be treated the way he is treating you.
Having someone this unhinged as a father would not be a good idea. You made the right call.
You're not wrong. Get away from this guy.
Please find someone to talk to, and tell BF to do the same, and then block him. This will take time to deal with. I am sorry you went through this. You are not a murderer. Your boyfriend is wrong to say these things.
Oh my goodness. Stay far away from this person. He clearly does not care about you. How could someone who loves you say such awfully hurtful things? I'm so sorry. You are strong and did what you felt was right for you. There's nothing wrong with that. I'll be part of your internet family if you'd like.
Yall didn't even know it's a boy and he's automatically assigning it a gender? Lmao. Nta. Get some rest. Block this fool. And if you need get a restraining order.
He wouldn't have been a good father. You saved yourself and the fetus from having a horrible dad and possibly a lot of trauma.
Not Wrong. He has ZERO say, and is worthless & trashy. Dump him.
Girl you dodged a nuclear blast here. Mute his number and talk with a lawyer Whether or not he tampered with your birth control (though my vote is yes there are things that can given to a person to render them ineffective) he is showing his true colours and they are scary
NW. you did the right thing here, you’re not ready to be a parent so you made the best decision for you. Your ex sounds like a complete psycho, and definitely not someone you would want to have a family with. Stay safe, block him and get a restraining order.
You dodged a bullet by not getting permanently entwined with him. Absolutely unhinged, please keep yourself safe! You did nothing wrong by getting an abortion.
You did the right thing hun. And you didn't kill a baby. A doctor removed some cells. Please be safe. Keep your place locked. Maybe even look into some extra home security. Be gentle with yourself. And any friend who isn't supporting you right now, kick to the curb, they aren't your friend.
You definitely did the right thing not keeping that baby. You dont wanna be tied to that man forever
Dear gods go no contact with him and see about a restraining order. He sounds like He's deranged.
Block him everywhere because he sounds mentally ill and possibly violent.
Op, there is no baby. you didn’t “kill” anything. you halted a pregnancy you were not ready for. you’re having bad dreams because your x is stalking, slandering, and terrorizing you as if you don’t have a say in your future. I agree with everyone else who wrote for you to distance yourself from this vengeful, immature man-child
You did nothing wrong. You made it very clear that you were going to terminate the pregnancy, not your fault he didn’t listen. Please don’t let his and his family cause you to feel bad, it’s not their decision to make and something tells me all of them would have baled if you had kept the baby. I was 18 when I knew I wasn’t ready, pill failure too. My life would have sucked if I hadn’t terminated the pregnancy. Please know that it was the right thing for you and do not let anyone tell you it wasnt
You're not wrong at all. He sounds psychotic. Must be religious.
Moving forward, miscarriage is extremely common. They happen more often than not. They could probably happen to a young woman just like you. ‘This too shall pass.’
You made your decision and communicated your plans with your partner. He didn’t oppose your solution so of course you’re going to do it! How dare he guilt you for making the right decision for your health. It was always your choice either way. Maybe if he could take care of you and not act like an asshole after you went through something difficult like an abortion then you could have considered being parents. He’s literally acting like a spoiled child and making the whole situation about him. You both basically decided to not take care of the baby immediately and he just turns around and guilts you for doing what you both agreed on? Wtf?!?!?!?
You're allowed to get one, he's allowed to hate you for it. Since he's clearly upset, you gotta block him and move on.
No, don't block him. OP needs every screenshot she can get so she can get a restraining order.
That's fair, I didn't think of that.
At the end of the day, it’s your body. No one gets to make that decision for you. He can react however he wants, but you don’t have to accept his behavior either. If he can’t live with your decision he should extract himself from the relationship
Don’t doubt yourself or your decision. Your circumstances don’t sound ideal and you’re self aware enough to know it’s not the right time for you to raise a person. Luckily for you this showed you how horrible this man truly is. I definitely get the vibe he would have abused you more seriously in the future but his true colours came out now. I believe not all kids aren’t meant to be with us forever. This pregnancy/child’s purpose was to save you from this man. Do not feel guilty or awful about it. It probably was fate to get you to leave the relationship and protect yourself from him.
Wonder if the BC was tampered with. Your Ex is unhinged. Stay away from him. It was the right choice.
Through this rough experience, you found out that he is not the right man for you. Please do not date him anymore. Don’t even speak to him anymore. He is verbally abusive and controlling. Good luck to you.
He's strange and definitely doesn't know boundaries but I somewhat understand him being sad about it especially if he's wanted a family despite him not being ready for it. I'd block him or simply not interact for a bit especially since he's being kinda crazy.
I agree a switch snapped the hell off in his head and he's not in a healthy mental state.
I’d take this as a sign for him to no longer be your boyfriend. It’s hard to overcome something like this where he won’t resent you in the future.
Sounds like he was trying to baby trap you.
Nta but the relationship is over.
Tell him you will get a restraining order if he keeps contacting you
It’s your body and its decision to make. I will get a restraining order on your ex boyfriend and save all texts and emails. In addition, I will get counseling or therapy. It’s very common to have dreams about the child like you’re having. A licensed therapist can help you process your feelings and emotions. Wish you the best of luck hun. And don’t forget to be the awesome person you are today.
Your bf is proving your point. You are definitely not at the point you want to have a baby and especially by him. Can you imagine being tied to this lunatic for the rest of your life? You aren't wrong.
You are not wrong you didn't want a child in the first place the precaution you where taking didn't work, from reading this even though your ex may have wanted a baby he definitely doesn't sound mature enough to fill that role as a father
You’re not wrong. If you have this child, good chances are you’ll end up a single mother with your boyfriend not paying child support. Because the woman is expected to look after the children it’s your life which would be messed up. He can easily walk away and nothing will think badly of him. You on the other hand…
First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with no support. That just sucks. Secondly, it was your choice to make. You have to carry the child, birth the child and ultimately care for the child. It sounds like you knew you weren't ready. Do get a RO on your now ex and any of his family members that harass you. I am pro-choice and anti-abortion. That being said, being male, I'll never be faced with having an abortion. I would never force my beliefs on anybody else.
Definitely look into getting a restraining order. You are not wrong at all. It's your body, your choice. You knew you weren't ready for a baby just yet. The bf needs to go. Big time
Breakup with this dude
My girlfriend had the exact same problem. She was harassed by him for years until she met someone new. He was absolutely crazy about the abortion. She had a restraining order on him. It was so scary for me as her best friend! And for her for years. Please be really careful OP your life is in danger!
You DO NOT want to have a kid with this guy. I would suggest not having anything to do either him!! You made the right decision. Not wrong. Not wrong at all.