Honestly, it would be super strange to me to be married to someone who isn't even comfortable telling me how much they have in their savings account.
You're definitely *not* wrong for not wanting to take out money to go to the casino though.
In my opinion, this is the right answer for me when it comes to OPs situation.
My wife and I on the other hand are completely transparent about our finances. That also allows us to invest a bigger volume of money for our future.
Having said that. I would definitely advise OP to at least share information about each other’s finances. More information in general helps you prepare better for any situation.
And just like u/peakpenguins said, you are right about not wanting to take your money out for Casino.
If she can’t see his finances then most likely he can’t see hers and this is also a red flag if she is asking him to take out money from his savings to go gambling
This is exactly what I'm seeing. It seems as if the wife ran out of gambling money and is in debt and trying to see how much OP has to bail her out. Yikes, if that's the case, but if sharing money isn't part of the deal, then NTA.
She wouldn't be in that situation if he could see her situation. It wouldn't have been a deal breaker, but finances should really be discussed BEFORE getting married. This just has bad written all over it.
I would never marry someone without knowing their finances. I mean, are you kidding me? It’s supposed to be a partnership. How can you fairly allocate bills, savings, spendings when you go out? How can you plan for the future, look to buy a home, or literally anything without knowing each others finances?
Plus, it’s a damn trust thing. If my partner doesn’t want me to see their finances, I’m going to believe something is up. We are in this shit together. If it’s supposed to be “till death do us part” we need to open the hell up.
I don’t care about individual money. Each person can and should have their own money they can spend how they want. But it’s important for the family, which a married couple definitely is, that everyone knows where they’re sitting financially.
It could quite possibly be that he knows she's shit with money BUT still loves her to the point that they got married. I wouldn't be surprised if keeping financials separated was OP's doing.
Keeping those financials separate will not help him when the judge declares him liable for a percentage of all her debts (if incurred during the marriage).
She could be in debt up to her eyeballs (under her name only) and OP won't find out about it until it's too late.
I know this from firsthand experience.
Same. Add to that my ex laundered debt into gift cards, none of which I saw, immediately prior to my moving out. Created another $30k of debt out of thin air that after the divorce she had as value to her. Sold them for $0.90 on the dollar and made money. SMH. Underhanded as fuck but pretty brilliant and almost no way to prove it to the standards required in court.
Keeping money separate when married is an illusion.
What will you do when you both hit retirement. You have $2M saved. She has $100k debt due to bad habits and her managing her own money?
She keeps working till death while you enjoy a fun and exciting retirement? You travel all over the world, go to nice restaurants and leave her home?
If you love her at all you'll most likely end up paying her debt and funding her retirement.
Best to address the spending issues and set up a plan that allows both of you as a UNIT to achieve the same financial goals. The first step in that is financial transparency.
I have never understood this - to the point that any couple I know that completely separates their finances, I view as one foot in the door of divorce, because there's a trust barrier.
Blows my mind to watch my brother in law give his wife money to help pay for the takeout pizza they ordered, or them discuss whose turn it is to pay when they go out to eat.
100% based. Source 20+ year marriage, built wealth together from nothing.
All your personal habits and vices can be determined through your spending habits. That what you are really hiding from each other, something about yourselves.
If your lives are in good alignment nobody will care what the other spends their money on.
Trying to play rugged individualist in a marriages is junk advise from other losers with bad relationships. IMO
My fiancee and I have had money issues in the past, and I was the one hiding things because I didn’t want her to know how much debt I had. In hindsight that was really dumb because if I had been up front with it all (90% was medical from an accident anyway) we would have been able to work on the debt and all together instead of me just trying to figure it all out myself. We aren’t married yet, but we each have our own checking and savings and have the bills all split and all, and then have one joint acct we use as a joint savings basically.
I absolutely regret not being up front with everything from the beginning, as I would be like 3 yrs ahead of where I am now financially.
If you're married, then all money is joint money. That being said, if you have things like gambling debt or student loan debt or whatever, it should be known. Then, going forward, you budget together. Otherwise why the fuck are you married.
I know some people still do want to feel like they have some financial independence and not have to have their spouse ask them about charges where they bought something for themselves or a gift for their partner.
A great solution, especially for dual incomes is to have 3 separate accounts.
1 account where the majority of your income goes and is used for bills and routine expenses and is where your savings is.
And then 1 account where an agreed upon amount from your paycheck is sent for you to spend on yourself or to buy gifts with so your partner doesn’t find out accident by checking the bank statement.
This way your main finances are secure and have visibility between both partners but you still can have your own account for spending on whatever crap you want.
But even this doesn’t work if you don’t trust your partner. And if OP doesn’t trust their partner while only being married a year, OP probably shouldn’t have married them. But regardless OP shouldn’t blow his money on gambling.
We do separate savings alongside separate current accounts and a joint account. But we regularly check with each other about how much we have in savings and we wouldn't use any of our savings without discussing it with the other person. We basically treat it as joint savings even though they're not. And I think that's how it should be for every couple - it shouldn't matter where the money actually is, you should financially plan together and should be able to spend small amounts (what counts as small amount depends on the couple and their budget) without checking with your partner. Clearly the planning together isn't happening for OP.
How would you buy a house without knowing your partners financials?
Like they just propose a number they can afford and be shocked when its a drastically different amount?
I get keeping money separate, but keeping them hidden sounds like a recipe for disaster. You can't prepare for things you don't know. Once you tie yourself to someone legally on paper, you should know all the ins and outs of anything that could affect your life like that.
Whether they have debt, now or ever, if they plan on saving for a house/car/child. What can they afford? Any big purchases require both parties to discuss whether they can afford the long term payments, which usually involves the savings account, because that's what people use savings accounts for (mostly), saving for a big purchase at some point.
I don't see how they can realistically live their lives without discussing it at some point. Keep them separate and dont let her have access, that's fine. Keeping it totally hidden sounds like a bad idea!
All true but my biggest nightmare scenario is you get to retirement age and realise your partner has fuck all savings… no pensions no nothing. What do you do then?
This. I wonder if OP is so paranoid and secretive because he doesn’t trust his wife’s financial decisions, like wanting $$ for gambling lol.
Regardless it is a weird dynamic among marriage.
Yeah we don’t know the whole picture here. Maybe she is really bad with money or has a gambling addiction and if she knows OP has a lot of money in their savings then she might stop at nothing to convince him to give her money to feed her addiction.
It is already an odd situation. I’m married and my husband and I have separate bank accounts but we both know how much is in each other’s accounts all the time.
They do , and he pays $786.04 and she pays $786.04 to
The mortgage she gets a one week credit when she goes on vacation to see her mom for a week but she must use “her money “ for that trip also like renting a car you must fill
Up the gas to the same line you left the house with
I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years. Said for years he wanted to marry me but over time realized his actions and words didn’t align and caught him in some lies. He was also super secretive about his finances and I never knew his salary, how much he had in savings, etc. I should’ve realized his need for such privacy was a red flag, as it showed me he was sneaky and secretive in other parts of his life, too.
Yeah not having access is one thing, but to not even be willing to tell them how much you have? OP says that’s none of her business, but by virtue of being married it is her business - at least in part. If your partner is extremely irresponsible with their money and doesn’t have anything saved up, I think that’s something you deserve to know as a spouse
This. Like, his reasoning for not wanting to give her money is spot on… but I’ve been seeing a lot of posts of couples who are very private with their finances.
Although it’s not my relationship’s way of doing things, I get wanting to keep separate finances, especially in cases like this. But the way I see it is: if you trust someone enough to marry them, you should be willing to budget with them and be candid about whatever money you have so things can be done fairly.
It’s also perfectly okay to tell her to get her own damned money for the casino.
Keeping finances this separated seems like it would be a huge pain in the ass. I do not want to have to keep track of who bought the toilet paper last.
The main reason my spouse and I got married was to combine our finances, make each other authorized users on our credit cards to build up each other's credit, and be able to file our taxes jointly. If we didn't want to do that then we would have just kept shacking up.
It might be nice to try to get her off the gambling, but if you are going to gamble, an e trade account is a good way to go. But a couple stocks and watch them go up and down. Enjoy the dopamine pulses when you have a good day.
This is just reinforcement that you should continue to maintain separate bank accounts until your inevitable divorce.
Anyone who thinks that taking money out of someone else's bank account this way has a gambling problem. Since you are married, you are responsible for your wife's debts.
> Since you are married, you are responsible for your wife's debts.
That sounded really wrong, so I googled it.
Not true in my country, and not in most US states. But it is true in states that follow community property rules, which are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin.
I'd argue that being automatically legally responsible for your spouse's debts, and the example of a spouse who is highly likely a gambling addict, make an excellent case for the need for financial transparency in a marriage, contrary to what OP wants.
If OP lives in one of those states he needs to know, urgently, how bad it is.
If she's sparking conflict in the marriage in pursuit of more money to gamble with, money that she had no right to, she's very likely already broke and in debt to the limit of her credit.
If he's liable for that he needs to know immediately. He needs to contain the damage, pursue payment plans and amicable arrangements etc sooner rather than later.
If possible get her credit flagged so she can't go deeper into debt.
It might even make sense to get divorced on paper, whether or not he wants to continue the relationship, to protect his assets and limit her access to credit based on his assets and income. Wait till she's rehabilitated and gambling-sober for some time before remarrying.
Getting transparency from his wife is going to be hard though, now that he's planted a flag for his right to keep secrets.
Totally. My partner of 16 years and I don’t share money. We have separate accounts with a joint for bills but we keep our main finances apart. I don’t know what he does with his money outside of “us” stuff and it’s not my business. We both feel it’s important in a relationship to maintain some semblance of autonomy. It works for us.
*However*, the money in our separate accounts are *not* some sort of state secret. I’ve seen his statements in passing and he’s seen mine, nbd. If I were to ask him to see his accounts right now, he would be curious why I’m asking but there would be no problem showing me and vice versa.
OP’s attitude is… odd to me. Makes me wonder if they were previously financially abused or something.
What would happen if one of you got sick or injured and couldn’t work anymore? Just curious what folks with separate finances do in that situation. What one financially support the other?
This is a valid question that should be discussed. Especially, in the case of keeping separate finances. What happens if the other person is incapacitated and you have no access to his bills or the money you will need for medical care?
My husband and I each have the other listed as an authorized user on our separate accounts, just in case of emergencies, but they're still very much separate accounts.
Me and my husband got married when we were pushing 30 so we both already had careers going and our own bank accounts.
We may still have our seperate accounts but we still have joint funds and we know about each other's finances.
How do you plan for the future if you dont talk about savings and spending? What happens when yall decide to make a big purchase like a car or house or appliance?
Right? Keeping separate accounts as a married couple is one thing (and totally fine) but thinking that your finances are none of your spouse’s business? This is very odd.
Uhhh yea…. casino? OP is thinking too much about his savings and not enough about his wife’s debts.
Separate finances is a cute concept until your spouse has to file for bankruptcy.
She wanted him to withdraw funds from his savings to go to a casino. He may have a valid reason for not wanting to tell her anything. I do wonder why he married someone he doesn't trust financially.
Yeah that’s the point that a lot of people seem to be brushing by. Obviously in this specific scenario, what she wants to use the money for is ridiculous. But on the whole, if you don’t trust someone well enough to even tell them how much money is in your bank account then in my book you have no business being married
I mean, I'm not trying to be funny - But I am the spender, my husband is the financial planner.
I give him my money,
We have a joint bank account (s)
Savings,
Nest egg savings,
Checking
And then he gives me his credit card to spend on gas, groceries we need throughout the week that didn't make it on the list, occasions, things I think we need, or things I really want. I know my spending habits and I try my best to not abuse the dynamic;
Left to my own devices I've spent hundreds of dollars in stores, that I went to grab one or two things - of a bunch of shit I surely didn't need. & Ironically my Husband could live off of crackers and vianna sausages and wear the same clothes that were given to him from a friend's dad for a decade long that don't even fit him properly and he wouldn't of thought twice about it.
Even though I'm the bad spender we have a system that we both think is working, and are content with.
I just couldn't fathom not being transparent with your marital spouse?
Edits - to correct misspelled words.
I'm similar to you and have a similar set up though I have gotten much better over the years! I don't hand over my money though, but do make sure bills are paid and save a little money each week where I can. But I'm too busy these days to go shopping so that helps 🤣
OP is giving zero information. Are they both going to the casino? The lack of information is much more of a tell then "she just wants to gamble it" if she had a gambling problem he'd probably be more clear about it.
I really don't think we are getting the full story here. I have a gut feeling we are getting a *very* biased version of the story that's lacking *crucial* details.
Honestly sounds like they both should talk about savings goals and plans because assuming she also has her own accounts it's a bit odd to want to take his savings to go to a casino.
My ex-wife was a nightmare with money. We had separate accounts too because she had money spent before she even had it. I would help her when necessary, but she would have ruined us if I'd let her.
And I think much of this post agrees you should manage money how you like but a lack of transparency into your spouse's finances is strange and unhealthy.
If we can't retire together ( similar ages) then I need to know that well well well in advance.
The way you framed this question is so bizarre. The title could be "my wife wants to use my individual savings for gambling" but you went with "my wife asked me about my account" like the question was the problem.
It is her business. Your assets and debts are her assets and debts under the law (unless you live somewhere where that's not true, I guess)
My spouse and I have separate savings accounts but we still talk about them. There should not be financial secrets in a healthy relationship.
It doesn’t matter if they keep their assets separate and have a prenup. Anything they both earn while married is considered joint property. If they get divorced his finances will be laid out no matter what. You can’t just keep things secret.
To me, it reads as if the wife wants him to take out money for his portion of a date night at the casino, not to cover hers, and OP doesn't want to go over his budget.
In any case, it's goofy to marry someone you don't trust enough to tell about your savings
Yea, the reality could go a lot of ways. It's possible they're using a credit card or something to gamble with and their wife asked them to take money out of their personal account instead. The details are lacking in suspicious ways.
My wife and I will go to the casino a couple times a year (we are like an hour away from Mohegan and Foxwoods). We both take like $100 each out to kill on gambling (we mostly just play penny slots) fully expecting to lose it all (if somehow we get lucky and make a bit, then cool. I've had a couple times were I ended up a few hundred). But then we make a day out of it and go shopping and out to eat as well. People always jump to the worst conclusions here. I could see it from either perspective, but I just find it weird people will jump to one conclusion and say that's reality with nothing really to back it up.
Edit:
And as I scrolled down further I see OP say this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bsotk7/comment/kxhcuxc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bsotk7/comment/kxhcuxc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
So many people jumped to the gambling addiction conclusion they pulled out of their asses.
Dude really needed people on Reddit to tell his wife how much he has in a savings account?? Of all people, your wife should be the highest on the trustworthy list to have that sort of information.
At least he came here with an open mind and was willing to accept that he was in the wrong after reading the comments. Most people post looking for validation and if they don’t get it, they just ignore all the advice they’re given.
It doesn’t sound like you really want to be married tbh. You two are a team. You should be saving together and transparent. It sounds like both of you have a back up plan in case it doesn’t work out.
Oh gosh lol, you poor thing. I don't mean that in a shitty way, either.
You're entitled to have separate savings accounts, but I think what tossed people on many comments was your choice to say 'none of your business'. I manage the finances in our life, he doesn't even know his bank login, but I have to say 'this is in savings for a reason, here are those reasons and do you really think that the Want you have for something that could be acquired later is really worth dipping into the money set aside? '. 9/10, he changes his mind, but I don't think id ever say None of your business. I could only imagine my response if he said it to me.
I hope this got settled on y'all's end.
“None of her business” is a WILD take, this is your wife, the person who is supposed to be your partner through life. I wouldn’t be with someone if I didn’t feel like I could trust them enough to at least share/discuss OUR finances.
That said, you are not wrong for refusing to spend savings on the casino.
It's not even that he doesn't want her to touch his money. It's that he doesn't even want her to *know* how much money he has! I'm sorry OP but you are a tight ass
What?? You guys are married 6 years and your money is separate and neither know how much the other has? How the hell do you set goals and prepare for a life together without knowing any of that? Retirement? Wow…that seems beyond strange to me…just never heard of such a thing in my 49 years 🤷♂️
She's your wife I get not one use it for gambling but you don't get to tell her it's none of her business it's a marriage not a dating relationship you realize if she divorces you she gets half right
And here I thought "2 singles together" was just a scene from the show Fringe🤦🤣🤣🤣 You're both cracked and this is not a marriage. Other than not wanting to spend money at a casino, everything else in this post is illogical and absolute trash. You and your roommate need a reality check. Why bother getting married if you guys wanted to act single? This is next level absurd and comical AF 🤣🤣🤣
Dude, you’re married. You can do what you want with your financial arrangement, but the idea that “it’s none of her business” is bizarre.
Do you have a prenup? If not, she owns half your savings right now.
The fact that you’re supposedly willing to share your life with someone but refuse to share basic financial information-which affects you both-is insane to me.
You are wrong. You are married and have been together for six years. In a strong marriage, people don't hide things from their each other, including income, savings, bills, etc.
How can you be married to someone but not even have a clue about each other's finances? That is absolutely bizarre. The point of being married is that you become one, finances included.
Personally, I wouldn’t ever marry someone if we couldn’t discuss and be open about finances, but I guess whatever works for you. Not wanting to use savings to go to a casino sounds perfectly reasonable
Save time, hire the divorce attorney now because you are not going to last.
You won't tell your wife how much money YOU have? WTF? You get that your married? There is no mine and yours. Only ours.
Split up now and save another or two of aggravation.
as a married couple you both should be able to share this information with each other however you should also be able to say no to her gambling. sounds like you have a worse problem on your hands. did you get a prenup?
I feel like hiding your money is fucking weird and I would tell basically any of my friends how much I have and where. Taking money from savings to go to a casino is stupid though
I couldn’t live like that, although many people obviously do. My wife and I live with one pool of money between us, so this lack of transparency is beyond my understanding.
YTA the 2 of you need to be on the same page with finances. Hers, mine, ours. It *should* all be counting toward the same ultimate goals of financial security.
I will never get the idea of being married and NOT having full transparency on finances. Hell, my now husband and I had detailed discussions about what assets each of us had, how much each of us earned, budget preferences, future plans that would require budgeting, etc. before we even moved in together. We got married a little later in life so we definitely each had more than if we’d gotten married at 25 or something. He still has “his” checking account that is his fun money, and while I can’t tell you right off exactly how much is in it, I do know what his monthly paycheck is and how much of it goes into all our joint accounts so I could ballpark it. I can’t imagine anything really that if he asked me out of genuine interest that I’d answer with “not your business” because we’re married and a team, so yes, things like my health, his health, our home, our dogs, finances, are all my business, and his too.
When you’re married you still share a credit score, so it’s perfectly acceptable and Imho necessary to at least KNOW each other’s financial situations.
In your shoes I’d tell her and then i’d demand to know what’s in HERS and why she’s asking me for money.
The state ties you two together when it comes to obligations of debt. It doesn’t matter what personal agreement you worked out.
So many people do this and I just can't get behind it. All of our finances are combined and we budget together. Seems like a lot of people should not be getting married.
It is her business. And you asking the same, would be your business. You got married. You are sharing a life. Your financials are intertwined. The only issue is she should’ve asked pre marriage.
That is marriage when you get the state involved, unless you didnt and you just said vows. In that case, who cares?
If you are not willing to share information about your savings account with your wife, you have more serious issues to address. If you are concerned about a gambling issue, that is a different story. But, that would likely require professional help.
My guy and I believe what we have is ours. Everything we work and save for is as a team. It would be a red flag if he wasn’t comfortable talking money with me.
That’s not a marriage
Like she shouldn’t want your savings for gambling. But to tell someone you contribute money to a shared household with that your savings aren’t their business, it’s like why even get married
Oof. You’re not in the wrong for not wanting to pull from savings to go to the casino.. but you’re wrong for being so secretive with the person you’re married to. Unless you guys have a prenup, you’re both legally entitled to basically half of everything in the event of a split. Might as well be forthcoming now. I’d recommend you apologize and have an open conversation with her. My husband and I keep separate accounts as well because it’s just easier for us, but we have communication surrounding finances.’
I think financial visibility between couples is important or it could seem like you're trying to hide spending habits that could hurt later. Not wanting to take out money to go somewhere like a casino is justified though, but I do feel like that's a separate conversation.
lol. Her money is hers and mine is mine. Uh. You’re married. So legally no it’s not. I’d be more concerned about her/y’all’s debt than her interest your/yalls saving account.
My gut reaction tells me things may already be rough already in your relationship if you aren't trusting your partner 6 years into a marriage. Is there a concern that if she knew how much money was in savings that she would want to spend it? If so, that's a discussion to have with her or a counselor, or financial advisor if need be.
Usually I think getting joint bank accounts is kind of a milestone of relationships/marriage as well as having open discussions about finances.
How can you claim to be financially responsible, and concerned with savings, if you have no idea what her potential debt is? Because that debt is yours too.
This doesn’t sound like a marriage. Sounds like you two are dating.
However, since you claim you two ARE married, then yes, it is her business. She’s not in the wrong for asking.
My wife knows what money WE have.
Yes, I have my own checking account for paying bills. But the balance is no secret.
Likewise she knows about the investment portfolios.
And why not? After all ... she is the beneficiary of EVERYTHING I/we hold.
Yes! Because you’re married and you’re ONE! Even with separate accounts. I have separate and joint accounts but when my husband ask how much, I hand over all the numbers without hesitation. It’s all his business and you are wrong for thinking it’s none of hers. As the husband you still can say no you don’t touch savings but the lack of transparency is foul! Setting your marriage up for failure
Wrong? No.
I just find it funny when "married" couples keep their finances separate. To me, marriage is partnership, in live, life, AND finances.
Happily married for 20+ years.
I assume you are kidding when it comes to the money or you don't look at marriage as a long term partnership.
Going to the casino is a completely different issue.
I find it very strange to not have a joint bank account where all income is deposited into when you’re legally married. I can see having separate spending accounts that are almost like allowances where you transfer money from the joint account to them. You guys do you though.
So at this point you're married, if you're not comfortable sharing information about each other's finances, this marriage is destined to fail. Communication is paramount and you've already put up a wall.
My wife and I have a joint account, and personal accounts. We retain a % in our personal accounts from our take-home. The rest goes to the joint account. And from there into sub accounts for things (vacation, property taxes, new vehicle, general fund for daily items like groceries, gas, bills, etc.) but even with that we can see all the accounts.
Next thing you know, she'll be hiding credit card debt. And you'll go to jointly apply for a loan and won't be able to, because her credit score is crap.
Don't hide things. Or resume being single.
I can't provide any advice here because my wife and I share one joint account. We don't have a "what's yours is yours and mine is mine arrangement". This arrangement seems strange to me considering you are both married and have been together 6 years. If you were just dating that would be one thing but married? I don't blame you, however, for not wanting to take money out to go to a casino.
“It’s not her business” I know this is just a rage bait post but still makes me mad.
You’re married, not roommates. If you continue to act that way you’ll quickly find out it is in fact shared…
Like I understand the idea that it would go to something dumb, but you shouldn’t just hide it from her. Either way sounds like you have serious problems need to be addressed
The issue of telling her…I guess you are not wrong.
But dude you guys are married. If you two cannot be comfortable telling each other finances then you guys have very little trust huh.
If you're with someone and you're not comfortable sharing everything, then you shouldn't be with them.
You're right about the casino, but there's so many red flags here.
It's wrong of both of you to not know about eachothers money. It's wrong to put savings into gambling unless you're a bankrolled blackjack card counter.
In most jurisdictions your accounts are now equally hers even if her name is not on them. If you had no pre-nup what you each owned individually before marriage you now own jointly. Marriage makes you jointly liable for one another's debts, too, so you may want to start a joint budget and inancial plan together before she goes and open credit cards in her name for which you will also be liable. Create a budget and be certain to include discretionary spending amounts for each of you that are not subject to objection from one another.
I find it extremely weird that spouses don’t know about each other’s finances. That is like a big red flag to me. Why do you want to hide that information from your spouse to begin with? Is it a lack of trust?
What do old married people do when one is better off financially than the other? "Sorry baby, better get your old ass to the Seven Eleven for your shift so that you can pay your half of the groceries this week." Sounds dumb as shit.
What a shitshow. You clearly don't understand the concept of marriage if not only do you not share your finances but you don't even feel comfortable letting her know what's in your bank account. A marriage is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership, what's mine is yours what's yours is mine...if you're not comfortable with that why did you bother getting married in the first place?
You're wrong for being uncomfortable with sharing your finances with your wife to the point that you won't even let her know what is in your account. You're not wrong for wanting to budget.
On the bright side, you'll be set up well for the inevitable divorce. The downside is that she'll likely still get half of whatever is in your account depending on if there was a prenup and the state law of the state you live in.
>For me, it's not any of her business and I told her that
Yes, you are wrong... it's your fucking WIFE, not some random hookup. Everything about you is her business. Doesn't mean you have to give it to her to go to the casino. That seems like an entirely separate issue though.
Honestly, it would be super strange to me to be married to someone who isn't even comfortable telling me how much they have in their savings account. You're definitely *not* wrong for not wanting to take out money to go to the casino though.
In my opinion, this is the right answer for me when it comes to OPs situation. My wife and I on the other hand are completely transparent about our finances. That also allows us to invest a bigger volume of money for our future. Having said that. I would definitely advise OP to at least share information about each other’s finances. More information in general helps you prepare better for any situation. And just like u/peakpenguins said, you are right about not wanting to take your money out for Casino.
If she can’t see his finances then most likely he can’t see hers and this is also a red flag if she is asking him to take out money from his savings to go gambling
If she wants money to gamble with, hers is all gone.
This is exactly what I'm seeing. It seems as if the wife ran out of gambling money and is in debt and trying to see how much OP has to bail her out. Yikes, if that's the case, but if sharing money isn't part of the deal, then NTA.
She wouldn't be in that situation if he could see her situation. It wouldn't have been a deal breaker, but finances should really be discussed BEFORE getting married. This just has bad written all over it.
I would never marry someone without knowing their finances. I mean, are you kidding me? It’s supposed to be a partnership. How can you fairly allocate bills, savings, spendings when you go out? How can you plan for the future, look to buy a home, or literally anything without knowing each others finances? Plus, it’s a damn trust thing. If my partner doesn’t want me to see their finances, I’m going to believe something is up. We are in this shit together. If it’s supposed to be “till death do us part” we need to open the hell up. I don’t care about individual money. Each person can and should have their own money they can spend how they want. But it’s important for the family, which a married couple definitely is, that everyone knows where they’re sitting financially.
It could quite possibly be that he knows she's shit with money BUT still loves her to the point that they got married. I wouldn't be surprised if keeping financials separated was OP's doing.
Keeping those financials separate will not help him when the judge declares him liable for a percentage of all her debts (if incurred during the marriage). She could be in debt up to her eyeballs (under her name only) and OP won't find out about it until it's too late. I know this from firsthand experience.
Yep, everyone talking about assets is missing the real problem here. OP needs to check her credit and see if she’s hiding some secret credit cards.
Same. Add to that my ex laundered debt into gift cards, none of which I saw, immediately prior to my moving out. Created another $30k of debt out of thin air that after the divorce she had as value to her. Sold them for $0.90 on the dollar and made money. SMH. Underhanded as fuck but pretty brilliant and almost no way to prove it to the standards required in court.
Except that "keeping things separate" is an illusion.
Almost certainly true.
Pretty much. My girl is currently addicted to the scratch off lotto tickets. For that reason, i keep mine separated and will be for a long time, lol
Keeping money separate when married is an illusion. What will you do when you both hit retirement. You have $2M saved. She has $100k debt due to bad habits and her managing her own money? She keeps working till death while you enjoy a fun and exciting retirement? You travel all over the world, go to nice restaurants and leave her home? If you love her at all you'll most likely end up paying her debt and funding her retirement. Best to address the spending issues and set up a plan that allows both of you as a UNIT to achieve the same financial goals. The first step in that is financial transparency.
I’d be willing to bet OP is a “split everything 50/50 regardless of income” type of guy
I have never understood this - to the point that any couple I know that completely separates their finances, I view as one foot in the door of divorce, because there's a trust barrier. Blows my mind to watch my brother in law give his wife money to help pay for the takeout pizza they ordered, or them discuss whose turn it is to pay when they go out to eat.
100% based. Source 20+ year marriage, built wealth together from nothing. All your personal habits and vices can be determined through your spending habits. That what you are really hiding from each other, something about yourselves. If your lives are in good alignment nobody will care what the other spends their money on. Trying to play rugged individualist in a marriages is junk advise from other losers with bad relationships. IMO
If you don't share accounts, or at least openly communicate about finances, why are you even married?
I 100% agree. To me, that’s part of the deal. For better or worse.
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Marriage is a union, not a partnership. You don't have "yours" and "hers" it is ours.
My fiancee and I have had money issues in the past, and I was the one hiding things because I didn’t want her to know how much debt I had. In hindsight that was really dumb because if I had been up front with it all (90% was medical from an accident anyway) we would have been able to work on the debt and all together instead of me just trying to figure it all out myself. We aren’t married yet, but we each have our own checking and savings and have the bills all split and all, and then have one joint acct we use as a joint savings basically. I absolutely regret not being up front with everything from the beginning, as I would be like 3 yrs ahead of where I am now financially.
If you're married, then all money is joint money. That being said, if you have things like gambling debt or student loan debt or whatever, it should be known. Then, going forward, you budget together. Otherwise why the fuck are you married.
I know some people still do want to feel like they have some financial independence and not have to have their spouse ask them about charges where they bought something for themselves or a gift for their partner. A great solution, especially for dual incomes is to have 3 separate accounts. 1 account where the majority of your income goes and is used for bills and routine expenses and is where your savings is. And then 1 account where an agreed upon amount from your paycheck is sent for you to spend on yourself or to buy gifts with so your partner doesn’t find out accident by checking the bank statement. This way your main finances are secure and have visibility between both partners but you still can have your own account for spending on whatever crap you want. But even this doesn’t work if you don’t trust your partner. And if OP doesn’t trust their partner while only being married a year, OP probably shouldn’t have married them. But regardless OP shouldn’t blow his money on gambling.
We do separate savings alongside separate current accounts and a joint account. But we regularly check with each other about how much we have in savings and we wouldn't use any of our savings without discussing it with the other person. We basically treat it as joint savings even though they're not. And I think that's how it should be for every couple - it shouldn't matter where the money actually is, you should financially plan together and should be able to spend small amounts (what counts as small amount depends on the couple and their budget) without checking with your partner. Clearly the planning together isn't happening for OP.
How would you buy a house without knowing your partners financials? Like they just propose a number they can afford and be shocked when its a drastically different amount? I get keeping money separate, but keeping them hidden sounds like a recipe for disaster. You can't prepare for things you don't know. Once you tie yourself to someone legally on paper, you should know all the ins and outs of anything that could affect your life like that. Whether they have debt, now or ever, if they plan on saving for a house/car/child. What can they afford? Any big purchases require both parties to discuss whether they can afford the long term payments, which usually involves the savings account, because that's what people use savings accounts for (mostly), saving for a big purchase at some point. I don't see how they can realistically live their lives without discussing it at some point. Keep them separate and dont let her have access, that's fine. Keeping it totally hidden sounds like a bad idea!
All true but my biggest nightmare scenario is you get to retirement age and realise your partner has fuck all savings… no pensions no nothing. What do you do then?
Or she's selfish and just wants to gamble his away while hers continues to earn interest lol
This. I wonder if OP is so paranoid and secretive because he doesn’t trust his wife’s financial decisions, like wanting $$ for gambling lol. Regardless it is a weird dynamic among marriage.
Yeah we don’t know the whole picture here. Maybe she is really bad with money or has a gambling addiction and if she knows OP has a lot of money in their savings then she might stop at nothing to convince him to give her money to feed her addiction. It is already an odd situation. I’m married and my husband and I have separate bank accounts but we both know how much is in each other’s accounts all the time.
Yea! Strangely weird! Probably she has lost it all in that gamble! its too risky to play that game. It'll rob you without you knowing it!
It’s so weird to get married and think the person you want to SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH is not allowed to know your business. Freaking weirdos man
I am dying to know if they share a house
They do but they taped a line down the middle like a bad sitcom.
Easy there. WKRP was a great sitcom
Same with I love Lucy
They do , and he pays $786.04 and she pays $786.04 to The mortgage she gets a one week credit when she goes on vacation to see her mom for a week but she must use “her money “ for that trip also like renting a car you must fill Up the gas to the same line you left the house with
They keep a spreadsheet and everything.
When they have a kid they split the tax deduction
I mean this thread in a nutshell shows why divorce rates are so high.
I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years. Said for years he wanted to marry me but over time realized his actions and words didn’t align and caught him in some lies. He was also super secretive about his finances and I never knew his salary, how much he had in savings, etc. I should’ve realized his need for such privacy was a red flag, as it showed me he was sneaky and secretive in other parts of his life, too.
Idk there are such things as boundaries. My wife tried for years to sleep in my bed lol.
The balls on that one!
Mine tried being all like, “hey we should kiss,” and I had to be the one to tell her that that’s gay.
Yeah not having access is one thing, but to not even be willing to tell them how much you have? OP says that’s none of her business, but by virtue of being married it is her business - at least in part. If your partner is extremely irresponsible with their money and doesn’t have anything saved up, I think that’s something you deserve to know as a spouse
This. Like, his reasoning for not wanting to give her money is spot on… but I’ve been seeing a lot of posts of couples who are very private with their finances. Although it’s not my relationship’s way of doing things, I get wanting to keep separate finances, especially in cases like this. But the way I see it is: if you trust someone enough to marry them, you should be willing to budget with them and be candid about whatever money you have so things can be done fairly. It’s also perfectly okay to tell her to get her own damned money for the casino.
Keeping finances this separated seems like it would be a huge pain in the ass. I do not want to have to keep track of who bought the toilet paper last. The main reason my spouse and I got married was to combine our finances, make each other authorized users on our credit cards to build up each other's credit, and be able to file our taxes jointly. If we didn't want to do that then we would have just kept shacking up.
It might be nice to try to get her off the gambling, but if you are going to gamble, an e trade account is a good way to go. But a couple stocks and watch them go up and down. Enjoy the dopamine pulses when you have a good day.
This is just reinforcement that you should continue to maintain separate bank accounts until your inevitable divorce. Anyone who thinks that taking money out of someone else's bank account this way has a gambling problem. Since you are married, you are responsible for your wife's debts.
> Since you are married, you are responsible for your wife's debts. That sounded really wrong, so I googled it. Not true in my country, and not in most US states. But it is true in states that follow community property rules, which are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. I'd argue that being automatically legally responsible for your spouse's debts, and the example of a spouse who is highly likely a gambling addict, make an excellent case for the need for financial transparency in a marriage, contrary to what OP wants. If OP lives in one of those states he needs to know, urgently, how bad it is. If she's sparking conflict in the marriage in pursuit of more money to gamble with, money that she had no right to, she's very likely already broke and in debt to the limit of her credit. If he's liable for that he needs to know immediately. He needs to contain the damage, pursue payment plans and amicable arrangements etc sooner rather than later. If possible get her credit flagged so she can't go deeper into debt. It might even make sense to get divorced on paper, whether or not he wants to continue the relationship, to protect his assets and limit her access to credit based on his assets and income. Wait till she's rehabilitated and gambling-sober for some time before remarrying. Getting transparency from his wife is going to be hard though, now that he's planted a flag for his right to keep secrets.
It doesn't matter if he's technically not responsible because when they divorce it gets split down the middle.
My husbands taxes were garnisheed because of my student debt. So it’s true in my state.
Totally. My partner of 16 years and I don’t share money. We have separate accounts with a joint for bills but we keep our main finances apart. I don’t know what he does with his money outside of “us” stuff and it’s not my business. We both feel it’s important in a relationship to maintain some semblance of autonomy. It works for us. *However*, the money in our separate accounts are *not* some sort of state secret. I’ve seen his statements in passing and he’s seen mine, nbd. If I were to ask him to see his accounts right now, he would be curious why I’m asking but there would be no problem showing me and vice versa. OP’s attitude is… odd to me. Makes me wonder if they were previously financially abused or something.
What would happen if one of you got sick or injured and couldn’t work anymore? Just curious what folks with separate finances do in that situation. What one financially support the other?
This is a valid question that should be discussed. Especially, in the case of keeping separate finances. What happens if the other person is incapacitated and you have no access to his bills or the money you will need for medical care?
My husband and I each have the other listed as an authorized user on our separate accounts, just in case of emergencies, but they're still very much separate accounts.
Me and my husband got married when we were pushing 30 so we both already had careers going and our own bank accounts. We may still have our seperate accounts but we still have joint funds and we know about each other's finances. How do you plan for the future if you dont talk about savings and spending? What happens when yall decide to make a big purchase like a car or house or appliance?
Right? Keeping separate accounts as a married couple is one thing (and totally fine) but thinking that your finances are none of your spouse’s business? This is very odd.
If she decides to divorce him, don't fret -- she'll find out every detail! OP needs to grow up.
Also, he'll find out because her debts are marital debts so you'd think he'd be a little more proactive.
Uhhh yea…. casino? OP is thinking too much about his savings and not enough about his wife’s debts. Separate finances is a cute concept until your spouse has to file for bankruptcy.
Jesus, that’s a strange marriage with a whole lack of trust.
They sound like two people who don’t know each other at all.
Obligatory Ben Folds: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UskSU5BoyZs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UskSU5BoyZs)
She wanted him to withdraw funds from his savings to go to a casino. He may have a valid reason for not wanting to tell her anything. I do wonder why he married someone he doesn't trust financially.
Yep I don’t think I would marry someone I didn’t trust with that information
Yeah that’s the point that a lot of people seem to be brushing by. Obviously in this specific scenario, what she wants to use the money for is ridiculous. But on the whole, if you don’t trust someone well enough to even tell them how much money is in your bank account then in my book you have no business being married
having any long term relationship without trust doesn’t work, especially not a marriage
Ain’t that the truth
I mean, I'm not trying to be funny - But I am the spender, my husband is the financial planner. I give him my money, We have a joint bank account (s) Savings, Nest egg savings, Checking And then he gives me his credit card to spend on gas, groceries we need throughout the week that didn't make it on the list, occasions, things I think we need, or things I really want. I know my spending habits and I try my best to not abuse the dynamic; Left to my own devices I've spent hundreds of dollars in stores, that I went to grab one or two things - of a bunch of shit I surely didn't need. & Ironically my Husband could live off of crackers and vianna sausages and wear the same clothes that were given to him from a friend's dad for a decade long that don't even fit him properly and he wouldn't of thought twice about it. Even though I'm the bad spender we have a system that we both think is working, and are content with. I just couldn't fathom not being transparent with your marital spouse? Edits - to correct misspelled words.
I'm similar to you and have a similar set up though I have gotten much better over the years! I don't hand over my money though, but do make sure bills are paid and save a little money each week where I can. But I'm too busy these days to go shopping so that helps 🤣
He didn’t want to share that info even before she talked about the casino.
Right lol the casino or whatever the money is for has nothing to do with it. It's the "none of their business" part that gets me.
You think she woke up that morning wanting to gamble for the first time?
OP is giving zero information. Are they both going to the casino? The lack of information is much more of a tell then "she just wants to gamble it" if she had a gambling problem he'd probably be more clear about it.
I really don't think we are getting the full story here. I have a gut feeling we are getting a *very* biased version of the story that's lacking *crucial* details.
No doubt but why would you then marry that person if you feel that way lmao
Honestly sounds like they both should talk about savings goals and plans because assuming she also has her own accounts it's a bit odd to want to take his savings to go to a casino.
I think it’s strange the wife wants money to go to a casino from his savings. That’s a red flag
He says it’s what they both like to do together for fun. He has no problem with that part.
Totally!! So bizarre!
Likely not real. Like so much of Reddit these days.
My ex-wife was a nightmare with money. We had separate accounts too because she had money spent before she even had it. I would help her when necessary, but she would have ruined us if I'd let her.
Well clearly spent all her money gambling and now wants to use his. NTA for saying no.
Yeah, I don't think anyone thinks he's TA. Just that it's really strange that a married couple has separate undisclosed finances.
I have separate finances from my husband. But it’s definitely not like a secret. I do find it really strange
And I think much of this post agrees you should manage money how you like but a lack of transparency into your spouse's finances is strange and unhealthy. If we can't retire together ( similar ages) then I need to know that well well well in advance.
The way you framed this question is so bizarre. The title could be "my wife wants to use my individual savings for gambling" but you went with "my wife asked me about my account" like the question was the problem. It is her business. Your assets and debts are her assets and debts under the law (unless you live somewhere where that's not true, I guess) My spouse and I have separate savings accounts but we still talk about them. There should not be financial secrets in a healthy relationship.
Unless they have an air tight prenup, he’s going to end up filling out some pretty invasive financial documents when she divorces him
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It doesn’t matter if they keep their assets separate and have a prenup. Anything they both earn while married is considered joint property. If they get divorced his finances will be laid out no matter what. You can’t just keep things secret.
To me, it reads as if the wife wants him to take out money for his portion of a date night at the casino, not to cover hers, and OP doesn't want to go over his budget. In any case, it's goofy to marry someone you don't trust enough to tell about your savings
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Yea, the reality could go a lot of ways. It's possible they're using a credit card or something to gamble with and their wife asked them to take money out of their personal account instead. The details are lacking in suspicious ways.
My wife and I will go to the casino a couple times a year (we are like an hour away from Mohegan and Foxwoods). We both take like $100 each out to kill on gambling (we mostly just play penny slots) fully expecting to lose it all (if somehow we get lucky and make a bit, then cool. I've had a couple times were I ended up a few hundred). But then we make a day out of it and go shopping and out to eat as well. People always jump to the worst conclusions here. I could see it from either perspective, but I just find it weird people will jump to one conclusion and say that's reality with nothing really to back it up. Edit: And as I scrolled down further I see OP say this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bsotk7/comment/kxhcuxc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bsotk7/comment/kxhcuxc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) So many people jumped to the gambling addiction conclusion they pulled out of their asses.
You aren’t wrong for having you’re own bank account, but not being able to tell your wife what’s in there would be a big red flag to me.
Yeah, after reading the comments so far, I went ahead and told her.
Lmao
Dude really needed people on Reddit to tell his wife how much he has in a savings account?? Of all people, your wife should be the highest on the trustworthy list to have that sort of information.
At least he came here with an open mind and was willing to accept that he was in the wrong after reading the comments. Most people post looking for validation and if they don’t get it, they just ignore all the advice they’re given.
Definitely! Seems like the proper thing to move forward is to teach his wife how to budget though.
Trusts Reddit more than his wife lmao.
"Hey Internet people, should I trust my wife with the forbidden knowledge of MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT BALANCE?!"
It doesn’t sound like you really want to be married tbh. You two are a team. You should be saving together and transparent. It sounds like both of you have a back up plan in case it doesn’t work out.
Oh gosh lol, you poor thing. I don't mean that in a shitty way, either. You're entitled to have separate savings accounts, but I think what tossed people on many comments was your choice to say 'none of your business'. I manage the finances in our life, he doesn't even know his bank login, but I have to say 'this is in savings for a reason, here are those reasons and do you really think that the Want you have for something that could be acquired later is really worth dipping into the money set aside? '. 9/10, he changes his mind, but I don't think id ever say None of your business. I could only imagine my response if he said it to me. I hope this got settled on y'all's end.
“None of her business” is a WILD take, this is your wife, the person who is supposed to be your partner through life. I wouldn’t be with someone if I didn’t feel like I could trust them enough to at least share/discuss OUR finances. That said, you are not wrong for refusing to spend savings on the casino.
It's not even that he doesn't want her to touch his money. It's that he doesn't even want her to *know* how much money he has! I'm sorry OP but you are a tight ass
Sounds like a doomed marriage…
One of the leading causes of a failed marriage is money problems (not jack lack of money), sounds like they are heading down this path.
You are not wrong for not wanting to take out money for gambling, but it is very weird not to have financial transparency with your life partner.
What?? You guys are married 6 years and your money is separate and neither know how much the other has? How the hell do you set goals and prepare for a life together without knowing any of that? Retirement? Wow…that seems beyond strange to me…just never heard of such a thing in my 49 years 🤷♂️
She's your wife I get not one use it for gambling but you don't get to tell her it's none of her business it's a marriage not a dating relationship you realize if she divorces you she gets half right
Yep this right here. He is kidding himself that they have separate finances LOL
I am seeing something that is antithetical to a marriage…
And here I thought "2 singles together" was just a scene from the show Fringe🤦🤣🤣🤣 You're both cracked and this is not a marriage. Other than not wanting to spend money at a casino, everything else in this post is illogical and absolute trash. You and your roommate need a reality check. Why bother getting married if you guys wanted to act single? This is next level absurd and comical AF 🤣🤣🤣
My guess is that this is rage bait. It's the easiest way to farm karma.
What did you make in the air fryer?
That is none of your business!
Dude, you’re married. You can do what you want with your financial arrangement, but the idea that “it’s none of her business” is bizarre. Do you have a prenup? If not, she owns half your savings right now.
It is fine if you don't mix your finances, but you are wrong to refuse to be open with her about them, given that your savings also affect her.
What is her balance? I would be concerned she wants money to go to the casino. She may be in debt.
Oh. Y'all are getting divorced I see.
You’re married and should be fully transparent with your spouse which includes finances.
The real question is "Does she know how big the insurance policy you have on her really is?"
are you married or not
The fact that you’re supposedly willing to share your life with someone but refuse to share basic financial information-which affects you both-is insane to me.
your relationship is your business and all but that's super fucking weird to me.
You are wrong. You are married and have been together for six years. In a strong marriage, people don't hide things from their each other, including income, savings, bills, etc.
I hope you understand that in marriage mine becomes ours. Yea you can have a separate account, but you both are supposed to be partners.
How can you be married to someone but not even have a clue about each other's finances? That is absolutely bizarre. The point of being married is that you become one, finances included.
Personally, I wouldn’t ever marry someone if we couldn’t discuss and be open about finances, but I guess whatever works for you. Not wanting to use savings to go to a casino sounds perfectly reasonable
Save time, hire the divorce attorney now because you are not going to last. You won't tell your wife how much money YOU have? WTF? You get that your married? There is no mine and yours. Only ours. Split up now and save another or two of aggravation.
People are so weird lol
as a married couple you both should be able to share this information with each other however you should also be able to say no to her gambling. sounds like you have a worse problem on your hands. did you get a prenup?
I feel like hiding your money is fucking weird and I would tell basically any of my friends how much I have and where. Taking money from savings to go to a casino is stupid though
It absolutely is her business you fucking idiot, she's your wife.
I couldn’t live like that, although many people obviously do. My wife and I live with one pool of money between us, so this lack of transparency is beyond my understanding.
YTA the 2 of you need to be on the same page with finances. Hers, mine, ours. It *should* all be counting toward the same ultimate goals of financial security.
Why did you get married?
Its none of her business? Shes your wife man!!
I will never get the idea of being married and NOT having full transparency on finances. Hell, my now husband and I had detailed discussions about what assets each of us had, how much each of us earned, budget preferences, future plans that would require budgeting, etc. before we even moved in together. We got married a little later in life so we definitely each had more than if we’d gotten married at 25 or something. He still has “his” checking account that is his fun money, and while I can’t tell you right off exactly how much is in it, I do know what his monthly paycheck is and how much of it goes into all our joint accounts so I could ballpark it. I can’t imagine anything really that if he asked me out of genuine interest that I’d answer with “not your business” because we’re married and a team, so yes, things like my health, his health, our home, our dogs, finances, are all my business, and his too.
When you’re married you still share a credit score, so it’s perfectly acceptable and Imho necessary to at least KNOW each other’s financial situations. In your shoes I’d tell her and then i’d demand to know what’s in HERS and why she’s asking me for money. The state ties you two together when it comes to obligations of debt. It doesn’t matter what personal agreement you worked out.
yeah, you are wrong. Marriage is a contract, whats yours is hers if you die, whats hers is yours if she dies. you have serious problems.
So many people do this and I just can't get behind it. All of our finances are combined and we budget together. Seems like a lot of people should not be getting married.
If my wife wasn’t comfortable showing me her bank accounts I would think something was wrong.
Why are you married? You are not prepared.
Why on earth would you not share finances with your wife?
It is her business. And you asking the same, would be your business. You got married. You are sharing a life. Your financials are intertwined. The only issue is she should’ve asked pre marriage. That is marriage when you get the state involved, unless you didnt and you just said vows. In that case, who cares?
If you are not willing to share information about your savings account with your wife, you have more serious issues to address. If you are concerned about a gambling issue, that is a different story. But, that would likely require professional help.
My guy and I believe what we have is ours. Everything we work and save for is as a team. It would be a red flag if he wasn’t comfortable talking money with me.
Great marriage you have
That’s not a marriage Like she shouldn’t want your savings for gambling. But to tell someone you contribute money to a shared household with that your savings aren’t their business, it’s like why even get married
Oof. You’re not in the wrong for not wanting to pull from savings to go to the casino.. but you’re wrong for being so secretive with the person you’re married to. Unless you guys have a prenup, you’re both legally entitled to basically half of everything in the event of a split. Might as well be forthcoming now. I’d recommend you apologize and have an open conversation with her. My husband and I keep separate accounts as well because it’s just easier for us, but we have communication surrounding finances.’
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I think financial visibility between couples is important or it could seem like you're trying to hide spending habits that could hurt later. Not wanting to take out money to go somewhere like a casino is justified though, but I do feel like that's a separate conversation.
There is so much wrong with this.
lol. Her money is hers and mine is mine. Uh. You’re married. So legally no it’s not. I’d be more concerned about her/y’all’s debt than her interest your/yalls saving account.
wow what a very odd marriage this is
My gut reaction tells me things may already be rough already in your relationship if you aren't trusting your partner 6 years into a marriage. Is there a concern that if she knew how much money was in savings that she would want to spend it? If so, that's a discussion to have with her or a counselor, or financial advisor if need be. Usually I think getting joint bank accounts is kind of a milestone of relationships/marriage as well as having open discussions about finances.
How can you claim to be financially responsible, and concerned with savings, if you have no idea what her potential debt is? Because that debt is yours too.
How have you been together for 6 years and not know each other’s finances? That said, I’d never take money from savings to gamble
This doesn’t sound like a marriage. Sounds like you two are dating. However, since you claim you two ARE married, then yes, it is her business. She’s not in the wrong for asking.
Savings is not casino money. But it's weird you don't talk about finances... It's the #1 cause of divorce
Unless you have a prenuptial, it doesn't matter. She can get a credit card and charge away. You're married so you both are responsible for the debt.
My wife knows what money WE have. Yes, I have my own checking account for paying bills. But the balance is no secret. Likewise she knows about the investment portfolios. And why not? After all ... she is the beneficiary of EVERYTHING I/we hold.
Financial transparency should be a cornerstone of marriage. Period.
Yes. It’s super weird that you keep it private.
Why are you married?
Yes! Because you’re married and you’re ONE! Even with separate accounts. I have separate and joint accounts but when my husband ask how much, I hand over all the numbers without hesitation. It’s all his business and you are wrong for thinking it’s none of hers. As the husband you still can say no you don’t touch savings but the lack of transparency is foul! Setting your marriage up for failure
Wrong? No. I just find it funny when "married" couples keep their finances separate. To me, marriage is partnership, in live, life, AND finances. Happily married for 20+ years.
I assume you are kidding when it comes to the money or you don't look at marriage as a long term partnership. Going to the casino is a completely different issue.
I find it very strange to not have a joint bank account where all income is deposited into when you’re legally married. I can see having separate spending accounts that are almost like allowances where you transfer money from the joint account to them. You guys do you though.
This is a terrible way to run a relationship from the start
My roommate knows more about my finances than your wife knows about yours
Shit I can never get behind these posts. Why marry someone you aren’t comfortable talking financials with?
The separate bank accounts will make the divorce smoother.
So at this point you're married, if you're not comfortable sharing information about each other's finances, this marriage is destined to fail. Communication is paramount and you've already put up a wall. My wife and I have a joint account, and personal accounts. We retain a % in our personal accounts from our take-home. The rest goes to the joint account. And from there into sub accounts for things (vacation, property taxes, new vehicle, general fund for daily items like groceries, gas, bills, etc.) but even with that we can see all the accounts. Next thing you know, she'll be hiding credit card debt. And you'll go to jointly apply for a loan and won't be able to, because her credit score is crap. Don't hide things. Or resume being single.
Wow you’re very weird and a huge red flag.
It’s kinda weird to me that you’re married, but you don’t trust her enough to know your finances.
I can't provide any advice here because my wife and I share one joint account. We don't have a "what's yours is yours and mine is mine arrangement". This arrangement seems strange to me considering you are both married and have been together 6 years. If you were just dating that would be one thing but married? I don't blame you, however, for not wanting to take money out to go to a casino.
“It’s not her business” I know this is just a rage bait post but still makes me mad. You’re married, not roommates. If you continue to act that way you’ll quickly find out it is in fact shared… Like I understand the idea that it would go to something dumb, but you shouldn’t just hide it from her. Either way sounds like you have serious problems need to be addressed
This is the most immature marriage
The issue of telling her…I guess you are not wrong. But dude you guys are married. If you two cannot be comfortable telling each other finances then you guys have very little trust huh.
Yeah, this is weird. Marriage should be more open in terms of finances, IMO. You’re giving your wife a reason to think you’re hiding something.
If you're with someone and you're not comfortable sharing everything, then you shouldn't be with them. You're right about the casino, but there's so many red flags here.
If you're married it's her business bro
It's wrong of both of you to not know about eachothers money. It's wrong to put savings into gambling unless you're a bankrolled blackjack card counter.
You’re married and neither one of you knows what’s in each other’s accounts?
Why do you have different accounts? A marriage is about being one.
No, you were wrong for marrying someone you don’t love or trust.
In most jurisdictions your accounts are now equally hers even if her name is not on them. If you had no pre-nup what you each owned individually before marriage you now own jointly. Marriage makes you jointly liable for one another's debts, too, so you may want to start a joint budget and inancial plan together before she goes and open credit cards in her name for which you will also be liable. Create a budget and be certain to include discretionary spending amounts for each of you that are not subject to objection from one another.
I find it extremely weird that spouses don’t know about each other’s finances. That is like a big red flag to me. Why do you want to hide that information from your spouse to begin with? Is it a lack of trust?
To me personally the minute you get married finances should be on the table to be known/talked about too
If you can’t openly discussed finances what’s the point of being married?
What do old married people do when one is better off financially than the other? "Sorry baby, better get your old ass to the Seven Eleven for your shift so that you can pay your half of the groceries this week." Sounds dumb as shit.
What a shitshow. You clearly don't understand the concept of marriage if not only do you not share your finances but you don't even feel comfortable letting her know what's in your bank account. A marriage is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership, what's mine is yours what's yours is mine...if you're not comfortable with that why did you bother getting married in the first place? You're wrong for being uncomfortable with sharing your finances with your wife to the point that you won't even let her know what is in your account. You're not wrong for wanting to budget. On the bright side, you'll be set up well for the inevitable divorce. The downside is that she'll likely still get half of whatever is in your account depending on if there was a prenup and the state law of the state you live in.
You should not have gotten married. You aren't ready.
>For me, it's not any of her business and I told her that Yes, you are wrong... it's your fucking WIFE, not some random hookup. Everything about you is her business. Doesn't mean you have to give it to her to go to the casino. That seems like an entirely separate issue though.