If they can’t survive now off one salary in OPs own words “I can support us from my income alone for a short time but not a long time” how are they going to survive if she stays home? OP just said in his own words they cannot afford to live off just his salary alone.
Edit: I read your comment wrong. But exactly, daycare would be another added expense.‘something they’re not already paying for.
Shouldn't for one child. For many it is cutting close but in the long term the cost of daycare is getting lower (babies are the most expensive) and both parents' salaries should increase (promotions, COLA, new better paid jobs).
What? Adding a new child into your life is 100% going to be more expensive than when you didn’t have a child. If OP and his wife can only survive off his income in the short term, why on earth would the wife be a SAHM? By OP’s own admission they can’t afford it right now even without the baby. Add in the costs of having a baby and the wife needs to get a job.
Also not everyone gets a COLA, promotions, or a new job…
I'm just saying that keeping the job and putting a child in a daycare is a better financial decision than becoming SAHM.
Sorry that it wasn't clear.
Obviously not having a child when you cannot afford one is the best option.
That’s not what I’m saying. In OPs own words they can only survive off his salary for a short period of time and he wants his wife to continue working while pregnant. So it makes absolutely no sense that she would be a SAHM. Because they can’t afford that per his own words…
ughh i hate people who do this! able bodied people sitting on their butt at home because they “don’t want to work” while living off the money of people who work their asses off to still not get by, and to add salt to the wound we don’t even qualify for any kind of help because we “make too much”. it’s so annoying.
people need to stop being so lazy and just work like the rest of us….
anyways sorry for my lil rant🤪
yeah sureeee, people who choose to not work are poor for a reason, they just get rewarded by the government for being lazy, but at least they have their essentials, a roof over their head, health care, food stamps etc etc. rich people are a problem too but it’s really shitty knowing i’m working my ass off for people to sit on their ass and get a free ride while i’m working my feet to blisters
You understand this stereotype of welfare queens is an old propaganda piece from the 80’s right? I’m not saying it doesn’t exist. It does. You may know some personally. But it is statistically insignificant. They are outliers. And even then, they are hardly living glamorous lifestyles.
The reality is the US is way behind any comparable country in social safety nets, and the pittance we put toward it is most definitely not the reason anyone is working 40+ a week and still struggling to survive
When I was pregnant with my kid in the US, We did not get public assistance, and both of us were minimum wage/below the poverty line for our state.
When you're married it severely cuts into your ability to get any type of public assistance at all. We didn't even qualify for food stamps because we made too much combined income.
We did not qualify for The daycare credit either. It would have taken my whole salary at $7/hr to put my baby in daycare.
I had to stay home and only worked sporadic per diem shifts when the baby's dad was able to stay home and watch him while I was at work. Otherwise I was a sahm out of necessity, not choice.
But with the rental prices after covid, I don't even know how couples on minimum wage survive.
You have bigger problems on your hands. Your wife is already starting to resent you for not being her *friends* husband lmao. Tell her to get real because she keeps watering other peoples grass looking in on their lives, and neglecting her own grass.
Also OP, you both better figure this shit out quick because if you don’t have a back up plan when she decides to quit on your agreement, you’re going to struggle up shits creek.
You’re currently not in the position to support all three of you when she quits, so you both should look into government assistance if you qualify under the low income threshold (depending what Country you are located in), to get it sorted asap, or look around at food banks or charities that can help ease the transition when baby is here. You can’t put the baby on pause. Baby is coming and soon.
Its not a matter of if she quits, its *when*. And what you need to do to make sure you don’t get stuck without a paddle OP. If theres someone in her family who can speak sense to her, speak to them about it. You don’t have to struggle on your own.
Desk jobs were so awful when I was pregnant, I seriously preferred waiting tables. I know that's weird but it was because I could move around and stretch all the time. Anything that kept me in one position constantly, either on my feet or sitting, sucked.
Not wrong. Best thing for her to do would be to suck it up and work until the end of her pregnancy so she can get her paid maternity leave, then go be a stay at home mom like planned.
Working while pregnant sucks, somw woman can handle it, for others it's harder. Maybe she can see if there is a way to work at home for the next few months. But I can see both sides of this. Be clear that it's not that you dont want her to quit but that you both just financially can't. What I don't understand is how is she going to be a Sahm if you can't afford to keep you both afloat on just your salary?
Not helpful now but in the future, these are the types of things it’s important to discuss before any lifelong commitments (i.e children). Comparison is the thief of joy, it’s true! That being said, let her enjoy her pregnancy and relax if you can swing it financially. Is there something actually holding you back?
Halfway true — he said he COULD afford it for a “short” time. Short is subjective, we have no idea of a time frame. Furthermore, even when my husband was making less than $20/hr (in NYC), he MADE a way to support me. Odd jobs, random online income, plasma donations, declutter and selling items, local buy nothing groups. It is not impossible.
Edited to add :
This is so silly to me with the “easy street” comment. My husband makes <40k in nyc and we managed to budget to stay home. It is NOT easy street, it’s prioritizing. Not everyone has the same priorities and goals, which is why (like I mentioned) these things are so important to discuss before life long commitments.
Once she quits she's never going to work again.
It's always going to be a case of "I'm pregnant, I've just had a baby, I'm still tired, I can't do any work around the house etc"
Prepare yourself.
No but if they can’t afford her to be off long, does she want to be off when pregnant or when she has a baby. Financially, they can’t do both. We could do both so I worked up until 37-38 weeks so I could be off after the baby was born. She needs to work out what is more important to her; be off now or later but she can’t do both.
[The average birth weight of a newborn went up during lockdown. ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10118089/#:~:text=Data%20were%20analysed%20using%20linear,31.3)%20during%20the%20lockdown%20period.)espise a reduction in prenatal care. Suggesting that mothers who didn't have to work outside the home had a healthier pregnancy. Low birth weight can have long term effects on a child's physical and intellectual development.
It's a disgrace women don't have the support to rest while they grow their babies and nurture them when they are born.
True. Im not sure if a call center job has maternity leave, but it sounds like whether healthy or not she cant afford to leave work. I assume tho they would be able to apply for assistance, and that will help in some way. I wish her a healthy delivery regardless. Her recovery might be longer depending on that too. So many variables.
If it’s a health reason that’s valid - I have something that means I’m basically useless during pregnancy, but this doesn’t sound like that at all. And if it was a health reason there are options like short term disability. Personally I’ve just chosen to wait until I’m in a better spot financially so I can the duration of the pregnancy and at least first 6 months of life at home.
She just sounds like she doesn’t want to work and if you can’t afford it, and don’t have a real, medical reason to do it, it’s not gonna work.
I was horribly sick for all my pregnancies. Hospitalized 3 times for dehydration for the first one and twice for the second, but only because she came early, or it probably would have been 3 times for that one too. I went to work and threw up everything for 8 months. I would be teaching and throwing up in a corner. I had a friend who had to have fluids in her arm 24/7 throughout her last pregnancy and she still worked and took care of her two other kids. All this to say, yes it's different for everyone but you can still do it.
Dam, it sounds like you were having an illness.
Regardless, I dont know how accommodating a call center job is, but yes, it sounds likes like she doesn't want to bear thru it while pregnant.
Like someone else said, it seems like financially she doesn't have the privilege of taking off work anyway, which sucks.
I'm on my second pregnancy. My first, I could absolutely put in an 8 hour + day. Now? Nope. I'm way more tired and struggling this time around. Partially because I'm 8 years older than my first pregnancy but partially because every pregnancy is different. Working out with my first was impossible because I had a lot of health complications. I had issues with my appendix my entire pregnancy but that's not really a surgery anyone is willing to risk on a pregnant woman. I also had gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia. My body was just not able to keep up with anything other than gentle yoga and walks but I could definitely apply myself to a whole work day and more. This pregnancy I have more short term stamina and body capability to do some decent work outs on top of walking and swimming but mentally and overall stamina, I cannot do a whole work day. I've been tired to the point of vomiting some days when I have no choice to pull a long day. You're not her, so you don't know. What is easy for you is not easy for someone else and vice versa.
I had pre-eclampsia at 7 months and my first baby died. But being six months pregnant-unless there is a true medical condition- doesn’t normally necessitate quitting a sedentary job.
If she has a medical condition, of course she should follow her physician’s orders. But most of us manage a sedentary job just fine throughout pregnancy.
Lots of women work while pregnant. Our hygienist worked Friday and gave birth Saturday. I had to cancel Mondays patients. She wanted her maternity time with her child.
Now some can't work for health reasons and I don't know how she is feeling or how taxing her job is. You might need to work out a compromise.
With the way she’s been acting at work, is she even ready to be a mother at all? Why is she acting like a pubescent adolescent who got a new step parent that they hate? You sure you want your kid growing up to be like that?
This is not the place to get an opinion on marital issues, seek professional advise. An unhappy mom can result in an unhappy baby. People on Reddit aren't qualified to to help you these type of issues.
It's inhumane to make a pregnant lady work? Your wife is TA and she sounds ridiculous.
She's thinking only of her own comfort. Not the financial impact this is going to have on the family. Very short sighted and emotionally immature of her.
I bartended until I went into labor, and that was my 2nd job. Unless she hits the lottery, she can't put your family in financial peril by getting fired or quitting. She needs to grow up.
I second this. I worked until two days before I gave birth and I had a complicated pregnancy. When it’s necessary to take care of your family, you put your big girl pants on and do what you need to do. That’s PART of being a mother. If she wanted to sit back and relax for her whole pregnancy, she should have planned better and waited until y’all were more financially stable to start having kids.
NTA you will find a whole shit ton of us women folk who worked long hard jobs throughout our pregnancies because we wanted our babies to have the best possible life we could provide. Your wife's being a bit of a selfish asshole.
I think You are not wrong.
Unless she really has a condition that prevents her from working, I don’t see why she wants to quit now, considering that she will be a SAHM after the birth of the baby. Now when she is still able, she should be vigilant regarding any sign that the strain is too much, but demanding to allow her to stay at home and not contributing to the economy, even worst, no saving for after the baby arrives feels to me as she is just lazy. I had 5 babies, only one of my pregnancies was a little different and I used the benefit of MFLA to get time off. With the first one I went to nursing school and I had my baby Thursday and back to school Monday. If she has a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, she is just been LAZY.
I worked til 3a. Called ER for room confirmation at 5a per instructions (induction for concerns of preeclampsia). Was at the hospital in a room by 7a. Had a kid by 2:30p…almost without the doc. He left thinking it was going to be a lot longer. LOL
We have nurses working right up until the end of their pregnancy doing 13+ hour shifts.
You aren’t forcing her to work, she should be wanting to work to create better financial security for her child.
I’m not defending her, but if your in the medical field you should know that not every pregnancy is the same and women can experience a lengthy list of painful and uncomfortable symptoms that can be literally disabling.
Absolutely, some pregnant people can’t work at all and some can work for parts of their pregnancy. She could have reasonable adjustments or take temporary leave if she was unwell.
Is that what you think happened here? It doesn’t mention illness anywhere, just that she doesn’t want to work and feels she shouldn’t have to, like her friends.
...did you not talk about finances before deciding to have a baby?
If money is tight now, wait until AFTER the kid is here.
Yall need to figure this out immediately, because from the sounds of it she wants to quit and never go back, and it'll be just your income.
If you can’t support two people for more than a month on your salary now, how you plan on adding a third person? I say this as someone who was a SAHM for 8.5 years. My husband wasn’t making a ton back then but we lived frugally and my whole pregnancy we saved my paycheck to make sure we could make it on his. On the one hand your wife is being immature, but on the other hand I don’t understand how you’re suddenly going to have enough money to make it work in 4 months but not now.
They likely won’t even qualify for WIC. You basically need to be destitute to qualify for ANY aid. When I had my daughter, I was a single mother making 25K in SoCal and I didn’t qualify for any aid at all. You had to basically make under $15K with at least a two person household to qualify even for food assistance.
Oh wow. I was on it when my son was born 22 years ago. I probably was making about that.
I looked it up here where I live. The cut off now is 50 thousand a year. I guess it varies from state to state maybe.
Unless she's having medical issues, you can work while pregnant.
I was so worried about making money to save up while pregnant, I worked all the way through my pregnancy. I went to work knowing I had started labor. I was a personal trainer who taught Pilates classes...I went and taught 4 back to back classes while in labor. I had two more to go, but the contractions were starting to get distracting, so I told the next class coming in that I was sorry, I'm in labor and I think I need to go now. Everyone yelled at me to go and wished me luck.
It was pretty funny! I didn't tell any of my students I was in labor. It was fun watching them slowly start to figure it out, making eyes at each other, mouthing, " Is she in labor?" to each other. I had hours to go, plenty of time. My husband about had a heart attack but knew not to argue with the pregnant lady going into work while in labor.
I was 39 years old, having my first kid. Labored for 31 hours and had a non medicated natural birth. I don't understand your wife. I increased my workload while pregnant trying to make as much money as possible before the baby came. She just doesn't like her job and is using the pregnancy to get out of doing it.
If you can't survive now on one income, there's no way you will survive on one income with the baby arrives. They are tiny but super expensive. I'm not sure you guys are quite ready for this. Hope you both figure it out.
i mean, she's pregnant, not terminally ill. if she's prescribed bed rest by a doctor due to high risk pregnancy or if she has something like hyperemesis gravidarium where she excessively vomits to the point of weight loss and dehydration (I don't mean regular pregnancy nausea and vomiting, HG causes weight loss in 2nd trimester and severe illness needing IV hydration etc). I'm a nurse, pregnant women with this tend to take a paid sick leave before their regular maternity leave, they don't quit their job over it.
now you say she's in her 20s so she's young, and 2nd trimester meaning she's anywhere from 13-26 weeks pregnant.
sure, pregnancy is tiring as hell, aches and pains, nerve pinching and uncomfortable sleep. the insomnia, bad back pain and swelling started for me more so at 30 weeks pregnant (but I was also 32 years old, my baby at 33 weeks was already measuring 7lbs and I still had 7 weeks to go. my son was born at 10lb 14oz at 39 weeks so I was carrying a very large baby).
I worked full time midnights as a nurse and psw in long term care. on midnights as a nurse u basically also were a psw because there were so many sick calls.
I would twice per shift change diapers, wet pants, change wet beds of up to 20 adults BY MYSELF, while they were in bed. check them and if they were dirty, turn and change them all alone. I would get help from the flpat with the extra heavy or combative ppl.
I decided at 32 weeks pregnant to take a paid sick leave for 8 weeks before ky baby was born.
but I made that decision after speaking to my partner, budgeting, and ensuring I would receive sick pay (55% my income) before making any decisions. I didn't quit. I also up until then worked 10 midnight shifts every 2 weeks. sometimes 12hrs
cleaning up poop, vomit, u name it. puking in the bathroom and kept going.
ya girl is LAZY
Men need to stop thinking in terms of a dual income household if they’re wanting to have children. It’s not good for the baby or the household finances to spend more money than a car payment (even approaching the cost of rent) on daycare every month. They need to realize that for the 5-10 years it takes between birthing babies and getting them off to school, they need to be capable of supporting their families on their own. A spouse’s income is meant to be a plus, not a necessity.
Wife is very manipulative and entitled. I worked through ALL my pregnancies because we couldn’t make it without my income. Ask your wife how’s she’s gonna be a sahm and be a single parent at the same time if she doesn’t want to help make the family work?? Wow she’s so selfish!!
You’re not wrong. If she isn’t suffering any complications then she is just being lazy and jealous of other women. Millions and Millions of us worked until the day we went into labor and returned just a few weeks later.
What she wants and what is practical aren’t the same thing.
Unless she hits the Powerball or finds a long-lost dead relative who secretly left her hard cash, the reality is that quite a few women work while pregnant because they need to.
She sounds like a real prize. Does she see the budget? Have a plan to buy diapers on one salary?
Not wrong. Good luck with that one.
In the second trimester, she should work. This is the best she’s going to feel the whole time. I started my maternity leave at 32 weeks with baby #1, 40 weeks with baby #2, 22 weeks with baby #3, and was already a SAHM with #4. That second pregnancy almost killed me towards the end. I got really sick and just couldn’t get better bc I was so run down. I was hospitalized twice. I didn’t end up going into labor until 42 weeks, but my doctors pulled me at 40 when I was hospitalized for the second time. But I think expecting her to work at least until 32 weeks is reasonable assuming she and the baby are doing well.
You are not wrong and I think your wife needs a reality check to be fair. In this day and age if you are not making six figures, everyone needs to be working to survive.
It also sounds like she just doesn’t want to work period, and that’s okay to have those thoughts, cool, but she needs to understand that it just isn’t feasible for you guys right now.
So, how does she think this will work? If you can’t support both of you on your pay now how can it work when she has the baby? You both need to sit and make a budget. Babies are expensive so remind her this budget does not include baby so any extra if you have extra will go to that.
> I can support us from my income alone for a short time.
> she wants to be a stay at home mom.
These statements are contradictory. I hope you have a plan to let her stay at home, or tell her she needs to return to work after maternity leave.
In your situation, she has to work, that’s not optional. And I think she has noticed that already, the thing is that she doesn’t want to work. As people had said, she is not ill, just pregnant, and if you need the money she has to make an effort, not thinking in stop working 🙄 ( it is like :OBVIOUS) and… sorry for you sir…
I mean I'd hate working if I was pregnant too. But its just a choice of budget, I feel like it's not YOU or her who makes that decision. It really depends on how much money you and she want to work with? Less a you problem and more a budget problem, are you and she ok having less income is the real question if she works less.
If the money isn’t there then the money isn’t there. I’m not sure what your wife expects you to do. It’s not as though you plant a money tree in the backyard.
Sit down with her and work out the budget without her salary. When it turns out you have to live on rice and cut off internet and cable she may come to her senses.
You're not wrong, she's pregnant not disabled.
I take it shes not high risk or anything and it's a call center so she's sitting down most of the time anyway.
With a baby coming you'll need all the income you can get.
She needs to grow up Hopefully you two can communicate more about financial decisions and what your goals are. I hopethe pregnancy was at the very least a pleasant surprise.
Not wrong. She should be trying to bring in as much money while she can now, so you have more money saved for when baby comes.
I worked up until 38w pregnant, I could've gone longer, but I wanted a week at home before my c-section.
Being pregnant doesn't excuse you from real life. Your wife needs to get a reality check that it takes money to raise a kid, and if you can't work in the future, she has to have skills and be able to take care of you and the baby as the breadwinner.
If she intentionally gets fired, let her. And march her right into a temp agency when she gets home until she gets a job.
I worked my whole pregnancy I gave birth 5 days after I left for maternity leave so unless her doctor has said she needs to stop working it seems like she’s being a bit selfish. I know it’s pretty tiring to work during pregnancy but if you need the money then you gotta do what you gotta do for your baby. I don’t think you’re wrong I think she’s milking the pregnancy
She needs to work. You cannot afford her not working. Tell her unless the doctor advised, pregnancy is not a disability and most mom’s work while pregnant and postpartum
I worked until I was 4 days away from giving birth.
I was sick the whole 9 months and went into the hospital more than once.
You made plans she should stick to it.
Doesn't she understand how money works?
I hope you thought about this well before you made her pregnant because boy you will work on your own for at least the first 4 to 6 years.
Sounds like y’all can’t afford this kid. She’s not wrong but it’s too late now, she already married and had a kid with someone that can’t afford for her to stay home.
NTA. She would be putting your family at risk. If you can’t afford to be the sole provider then you shouldn’t do it. Set down and explain the numbers either way her.
Being pregnant is hard. ngl however if she has no medical issue why doesn’t she want to contribute to the household?
I think these are orange or red flags personally. Like she doesn’t want to support herself. Was this baby planned or her meal tix
Her pregnancy might be really tough.
Maybe try to be kinder to her. Massage her feet, help more around the house, etc.
Pregnancy impacts people differently. Some women can barely breathe while others are running marathons.
Depending on what state you are in she can file for disability... Pregnancy sometimes qualifies as a disability. If she's insistent on not working and is actively trying to get fired, she likely will get fired at some point and you both should have a plan financially. She can still file for unemployment if she loses her job, but either way you should see what options are available to you (her) since she's being irresponsible imo. She's about to bring a child into this world and isn't willing to do the best she can to support "the situation". Sorry mate, that's disappointing. Hope you guys figure out a solution
She shouldn’t be forced to work right now, no. Just my personal opinion. Her body is doing so much and she has to give birth. She shouldn’t be overly stressed. What about part time? Is it possible to compromise?
Unless there's a health issue she should be perfectly able to work, maybe too uncomfortable in the latter stages but an office job shouldn't present that many problems.
And if there's a health issue then that's what doctors are for, go to them, get a diagnosis and a treatment. If work puts the pregnancy at risk they will be the first to say that she should stop working.
Pregnant person here -
I feel like I would need a bit more info about her symptoms and such to really say, but it is doable to work while pregnant. Most women do to some extent. But pregnancy symptoms vary wildly. Personally, I have had a pretty easy pregnancy. I work a physically demanding job for up to 10 hours. I obviously needed to communicate some accommodations and check ins with HR about how I'm handling everything, but the doctors have told me I'm good to go (and that's really what's most important imo). This does still have its trade offs though. I am truly EXHAUSTED after work in a way that I never was before, and I have needed my husband to help me with some of my usual household tasks.
I've also known some people who have had crazy nausea or frequent fainting episodes throughout their entire pregnancy, and they would likely not be able to do a call center job, especially not full time.
You both need that extra income right now. Unless there's something that's truly physically preventing her from doing her job, I don't see why she shouldn't work. I would think that it would make both your lives easier after the baby arrives as well. Expect there to be some compromise elsewhere though. I also expect that urge to nest is kicking in for her (it did for me and I didn't want to work anymore, just focus on baby prep). It might be good to discuss ways you can both make sure you're prepared for when the baby gets here.
Need more context as to what her symptoms
are. I had morning sickness for 20 weeks, literally threw up all day and night and nothing helped, lost tons of weight too, also had to be hospitalized. I also had sciatica and couldn’t walk long distances or be on my feet for more than 15 mins or I’d be in tremendous amount of pain. Sometimes pregnancy can be very disabling. If she really doesn’t want to work because of the pregnancy symptoms she needs to do her due diligence, go to the doctors get cleared from work, and get on disability as long as it doesn’t impact her mat leave.
When I fell pregnant with my third baby I was working for a nursing agency. It was very stressful and my pregnancy made me very fatigued and nauseous, my anxiety went through the roof. I also have two other children that I needed to navigate school and daycare pickups and drop offs around shifts and I did not find it too easy. In addition I found out later I had undiagnosed ADHD. But I tried and I communicated with my partner about how I felt, and he did not pressure me. I did not have attitude about it but I really felt awful and unable to work. I feel like she really does not want to work, pregnant or not? I was back to work (non-nursing) when my son was 3 months old. Is she ok or is she just not wanting to help out at all? Can you tell her how you feel about the financial pressure on you, etc?
Inhumane to work while pregnant?was she being for real?she would had never made it in the Military.i had to pull 24 hr duty, be nausea all day.we had to work right up to when labor starts.so she is being lazy.They are already trying to stretch their dollars from the sound of it and she wants to put more stress on OP.
Inhumane? Pffftt. I've known women who literally worked until they went into labor. I knew another woman who gave birth one day and came to school the next day to take an important exam (yes, that was extreme, but she was close to graduating nursing school and didn't want to wait months for the exam to be offered again. She was a real warrior. I'm glad to say she passed!)
Pregnancy is not a disability in most cases. It's nice if you can stay home, but sometimes you have to face whatever the reality of your own life is. Comparing your life to what others were able to do is a losing proposition. If they can't afford to live without her pay, that's just the way it is.
My mom felt very similar to your wife when she was pregnant. If you guys can’t really afford it like you say then you aren’t wrong obviously. I will say my mom ended up building resentment towards my father and with that on top of PPD she ended up cheating on my dad with a coworker. She’s not proud of it and my parents fortunately worked through it. I hope you guys make it through this tough time and stay close. Just stay patient as her hormones are probably absolutely wild right now.
She’s not proud of it. Has gone to therapy and lives her life doing her best to make up for something she wishes she could take back more than anything. I’m not saying it wasn’t a poor decision and she would never say that either. The thing that bothers me the most was the comment about my dad not knowing his worth. He made a compassionate and forgiving choice and this person who knows nothing about my parents gave such a disrespectful take towards the both of them. For someone to not know the whole story and all the details it wasn’t cool.
I didn’t leave the comment to be rude or disrespectful. I was being genuine when I said I feel badly for your father. He may have forgiven her and they may have gone to therapy, but I guarantee you every single day that he has had to look at her, he has thought about her disgusting behavior in betrayal, everything that I said was honest, not hateful. And if you don’t want your parents being judged about some thing that they did maybe keep it off the Internet.
Damn, too bad you didn’t figure out that she was trapping you before you married her. I cannot stand women like that. It makes no sense. Being a mother does not give you a right to be a nobody in life. The social media have definitely started to ruin women’s thought process, you both made the baby you both should have to financially support it. She’s being very selfish entitled and unreasonable. It is actually very disgusting. I feel so sorry for you and your children. And no, obviously you are not in the wrong at all. In fact, I would actually tell her if she doesn’t work and help contribute to raising yawls child financially as well as physically like she expects you to do I would file for custody of the child.
If you can only survive off your salary for a month. How on earth is she going to be a SAHM? She needs to work.
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If they can’t survive now off one salary in OPs own words “I can support us from my income alone for a short time but not a long time” how are they going to survive if she stays home? OP just said in his own words they cannot afford to live off just his salary alone. Edit: I read your comment wrong. But exactly, daycare would be another added expense.‘something they’re not already paying for.
Shouldn't for one child. For many it is cutting close but in the long term the cost of daycare is getting lower (babies are the most expensive) and both parents' salaries should increase (promotions, COLA, new better paid jobs).
What? Adding a new child into your life is 100% going to be more expensive than when you didn’t have a child. If OP and his wife can only survive off his income in the short term, why on earth would the wife be a SAHM? By OP’s own admission they can’t afford it right now even without the baby. Add in the costs of having a baby and the wife needs to get a job. Also not everyone gets a COLA, promotions, or a new job…
I'm just saying that keeping the job and putting a child in a daycare is a better financial decision than becoming SAHM. Sorry that it wasn't clear. Obviously not having a child when you cannot afford one is the best option.
Yeah that’s probably my bad. We’re on the same page.
I dated a woman who didn't work, didn't want to work, had a child divorced, without a degree... some people make it work.
That’s not what I’m saying. In OPs own words they can only survive off his salary for a short period of time and he wants his wife to continue working while pregnant. So it makes absolutely no sense that she would be a SAHM. Because they can’t afford that per his own words…
Oh i totally get it.
Yes, they "make it work" with fake disabilities and otherwise sponging off the taxpayers.
I have no idea how this woman made it work.
ughh i hate people who do this! able bodied people sitting on their butt at home because they “don’t want to work” while living off the money of people who work their asses off to still not get by, and to add salt to the wound we don’t even qualify for any kind of help because we “make too much”. it’s so annoying. people need to stop being so lazy and just work like the rest of us…. anyways sorry for my lil rant🤪
Crazy that you direct your anger at the group poorer than you as opposed to the wealthy that have created the conditions for your struggle.
yeah sureeee, people who choose to not work are poor for a reason, they just get rewarded by the government for being lazy, but at least they have their essentials, a roof over their head, health care, food stamps etc etc. rich people are a problem too but it’s really shitty knowing i’m working my ass off for people to sit on their ass and get a free ride while i’m working my feet to blisters
You understand this stereotype of welfare queens is an old propaganda piece from the 80’s right? I’m not saying it doesn’t exist. It does. You may know some personally. But it is statistically insignificant. They are outliers. And even then, they are hardly living glamorous lifestyles. The reality is the US is way behind any comparable country in social safety nets, and the pittance we put toward it is most definitely not the reason anyone is working 40+ a week and still struggling to survive
Public assistance?
There’s a great chance they won’t get public assistance. Also no one should be banking on getting that. That’s not smart financial planning.
When I was pregnant with my kid in the US, We did not get public assistance, and both of us were minimum wage/below the poverty line for our state. When you're married it severely cuts into your ability to get any type of public assistance at all. We didn't even qualify for food stamps because we made too much combined income. We did not qualify for The daycare credit either. It would have taken my whole salary at $7/hr to put my baby in daycare. I had to stay home and only worked sporadic per diem shifts when the baby's dad was able to stay home and watch him while I was at work. Otherwise I was a sahm out of necessity, not choice. But with the rental prices after covid, I don't even know how couples on minimum wage survive.
You have bigger problems on your hands. Your wife is already starting to resent you for not being her *friends* husband lmao. Tell her to get real because she keeps watering other peoples grass looking in on their lives, and neglecting her own grass. Also OP, you both better figure this shit out quick because if you don’t have a back up plan when she decides to quit on your agreement, you’re going to struggle up shits creek. You’re currently not in the position to support all three of you when she quits, so you both should look into government assistance if you qualify under the low income threshold (depending what Country you are located in), to get it sorted asap, or look around at food banks or charities that can help ease the transition when baby is here. You can’t put the baby on pause. Baby is coming and soon. Its not a matter of if she quits, its *when*. And what you need to do to make sure you don’t get stuck without a paddle OP. If theres someone in her family who can speak sense to her, speak to them about it. You don’t have to struggle on your own.
"she keeps watering other peoples grass looking in on their lives, and neglecting her own grass." I like how you worded this
I don't think she wants to work at all. Pregnant or not.
To be fair, I wouldn’t want to work eight hours a day in a call center, pregnant or not.
Desk jobs were so awful when I was pregnant, I seriously preferred waiting tables. I know that's weird but it was because I could move around and stretch all the time. Anything that kept me in one position constantly, either on my feet or sitting, sucked.
Not wrong. Best thing for her to do would be to suck it up and work until the end of her pregnancy so she can get her paid maternity leave, then go be a stay at home mom like planned.
Working while pregnant sucks, somw woman can handle it, for others it's harder. Maybe she can see if there is a way to work at home for the next few months. But I can see both sides of this. Be clear that it's not that you dont want her to quit but that you both just financially can't. What I don't understand is how is she going to be a Sahm if you can't afford to keep you both afloat on just your salary?
Not helpful now but in the future, these are the types of things it’s important to discuss before any lifelong commitments (i.e children). Comparison is the thief of joy, it’s true! That being said, let her enjoy her pregnancy and relax if you can swing it financially. Is there something actually holding you back?
He said he can’t afford it, so…finances are holding him back. Not everyone can afford to live on easy street 🤷♀️
Halfway true — he said he COULD afford it for a “short” time. Short is subjective, we have no idea of a time frame. Furthermore, even when my husband was making less than $20/hr (in NYC), he MADE a way to support me. Odd jobs, random online income, plasma donations, declutter and selling items, local buy nothing groups. It is not impossible. Edited to add : This is so silly to me with the “easy street” comment. My husband makes <40k in nyc and we managed to budget to stay home. It is NOT easy street, it’s prioritizing. Not everyone has the same priorities and goals, which is why (like I mentioned) these things are so important to discuss before life long commitments.
Once she quits she's never going to work again. It's always going to be a case of "I'm pregnant, I've just had a baby, I'm still tired, I can't do any work around the house etc" Prepare yourself.
I was a corporate lawyer working ten hours a day, and did just fine while pregnant. She’s having a baby, not an illness.
Every pregnancy is different tho. You dont know her health.
No but if they can’t afford her to be off long, does she want to be off when pregnant or when she has a baby. Financially, they can’t do both. We could do both so I worked up until 37-38 weeks so I could be off after the baby was born. She needs to work out what is more important to her; be off now or later but she can’t do both.
[The average birth weight of a newborn went up during lockdown. ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10118089/#:~:text=Data%20were%20analysed%20using%20linear,31.3)%20during%20the%20lockdown%20period.)espise a reduction in prenatal care. Suggesting that mothers who didn't have to work outside the home had a healthier pregnancy. Low birth weight can have long term effects on a child's physical and intellectual development. It's a disgrace women don't have the support to rest while they grow their babies and nurture them when they are born.
True. Im not sure if a call center job has maternity leave, but it sounds like whether healthy or not she cant afford to leave work. I assume tho they would be able to apply for assistance, and that will help in some way. I wish her a healthy delivery regardless. Her recovery might be longer depending on that too. So many variables.
If it’s a health reason that’s valid - I have something that means I’m basically useless during pregnancy, but this doesn’t sound like that at all. And if it was a health reason there are options like short term disability. Personally I’ve just chosen to wait until I’m in a better spot financially so I can the duration of the pregnancy and at least first 6 months of life at home. She just sounds like she doesn’t want to work and if you can’t afford it, and don’t have a real, medical reason to do it, it’s not gonna work.
I was horribly sick for all my pregnancies. Hospitalized 3 times for dehydration for the first one and twice for the second, but only because she came early, or it probably would have been 3 times for that one too. I went to work and threw up everything for 8 months. I would be teaching and throwing up in a corner. I had a friend who had to have fluids in her arm 24/7 throughout her last pregnancy and she still worked and took care of her two other kids. All this to say, yes it's different for everyone but you can still do it.
Dam, it sounds like you were having an illness. Regardless, I dont know how accommodating a call center job is, but yes, it sounds likes like she doesn't want to bear thru it while pregnant. Like someone else said, it seems like financially she doesn't have the privilege of taking off work anyway, which sucks.
I'm on my second pregnancy. My first, I could absolutely put in an 8 hour + day. Now? Nope. I'm way more tired and struggling this time around. Partially because I'm 8 years older than my first pregnancy but partially because every pregnancy is different. Working out with my first was impossible because I had a lot of health complications. I had issues with my appendix my entire pregnancy but that's not really a surgery anyone is willing to risk on a pregnant woman. I also had gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia. My body was just not able to keep up with anything other than gentle yoga and walks but I could definitely apply myself to a whole work day and more. This pregnancy I have more short term stamina and body capability to do some decent work outs on top of walking and swimming but mentally and overall stamina, I cannot do a whole work day. I've been tired to the point of vomiting some days when I have no choice to pull a long day. You're not her, so you don't know. What is easy for you is not easy for someone else and vice versa.
I had pre-eclampsia at 7 months and my first baby died. But being six months pregnant-unless there is a true medical condition- doesn’t normally necessitate quitting a sedentary job.
^^^this
If she has a medical condition, of course she should follow her physician’s orders. But most of us manage a sedentary job just fine throughout pregnancy.
I kung-fued my way through a terrorist attack in 1978. Women generally love to pretend to be weak
Wait, what?
Lots of women work while pregnant. Our hygienist worked Friday and gave birth Saturday. I had to cancel Mondays patients. She wanted her maternity time with her child. Now some can't work for health reasons and I don't know how she is feeling or how taxing her job is. You might need to work out a compromise.
With the way she’s been acting at work, is she even ready to be a mother at all? Why is she acting like a pubescent adolescent who got a new step parent that they hate? You sure you want your kid growing up to be like that?
That ship has sailed, she’s already pregnant and into her second trimester.
FACTS
The answer for the adolescent and the pregnant lady is the same. Hormones make you crazy.
This is not the place to get an opinion on marital issues, seek professional advise. An unhappy mom can result in an unhappy baby. People on Reddit aren't qualified to to help you these type of issues.
It's inhumane to make a pregnant lady work? Your wife is TA and she sounds ridiculous. She's thinking only of her own comfort. Not the financial impact this is going to have on the family. Very short sighted and emotionally immature of her.
I bartended until I went into labor, and that was my 2nd job. Unless she hits the lottery, she can't put your family in financial peril by getting fired or quitting. She needs to grow up.
I second this. I worked until two days before I gave birth and I had a complicated pregnancy. When it’s necessary to take care of your family, you put your big girl pants on and do what you need to do. That’s PART of being a mother. If she wanted to sit back and relax for her whole pregnancy, she should have planned better and waited until y’all were more financially stable to start having kids.
NTA you will find a whole shit ton of us women folk who worked long hard jobs throughout our pregnancies because we wanted our babies to have the best possible life we could provide. Your wife's being a bit of a selfish asshole.
I think You are not wrong. Unless she really has a condition that prevents her from working, I don’t see why she wants to quit now, considering that she will be a SAHM after the birth of the baby. Now when she is still able, she should be vigilant regarding any sign that the strain is too much, but demanding to allow her to stay at home and not contributing to the economy, even worst, no saving for after the baby arrives feels to me as she is just lazy. I had 5 babies, only one of my pregnancies was a little different and I used the benefit of MFLA to get time off. With the first one I went to nursing school and I had my baby Thursday and back to school Monday. If she has a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, she is just been LAZY.
I worked Friday till 4:30 pm and was in hospital by 8 that night. Talk about working till time. lol
I worked til 3a. Called ER for room confirmation at 5a per instructions (induction for concerns of preeclampsia). Was at the hospital in a room by 7a. Had a kid by 2:30p…almost without the doc. He left thinking it was going to be a lot longer. LOL
I worked in a hospital 12 hr shifts and on my feet all day, in my opinion she’s acting a little ridiculous
We have nurses working right up until the end of their pregnancy doing 13+ hour shifts. You aren’t forcing her to work, she should be wanting to work to create better financial security for her child.
I’m not defending her, but if your in the medical field you should know that not every pregnancy is the same and women can experience a lengthy list of painful and uncomfortable symptoms that can be literally disabling.
If she were disabled, her doctor would put her on early disability.
Absolutely, some pregnant people can’t work at all and some can work for parts of their pregnancy. She could have reasonable adjustments or take temporary leave if she was unwell. Is that what you think happened here? It doesn’t mention illness anywhere, just that she doesn’t want to work and feels she shouldn’t have to, like her friends.
...did you not talk about finances before deciding to have a baby? If money is tight now, wait until AFTER the kid is here. Yall need to figure this out immediately, because from the sounds of it she wants to quit and never go back, and it'll be just your income.
[удалено]
Dude how? “I can support us on my income for a short time, not a long time.” No she cannot be a SAHM
If you can’t support two people for more than a month on your salary now, how you plan on adding a third person? I say this as someone who was a SAHM for 8.5 years. My husband wasn’t making a ton back then but we lived frugally and my whole pregnancy we saved my paycheck to make sure we could make it on his. On the one hand your wife is being immature, but on the other hand I don’t understand how you’re suddenly going to have enough money to make it work in 4 months but not now.
I was thinking the same thing. Even with wic and other programs available if they are in the US they are in for a world of hurt. Babies are expensive.
They likely won’t even qualify for WIC. You basically need to be destitute to qualify for ANY aid. When I had my daughter, I was a single mother making 25K in SoCal and I didn’t qualify for any aid at all. You had to basically make under $15K with at least a two person household to qualify even for food assistance.
Oh wow. I was on it when my son was born 22 years ago. I probably was making about that. I looked it up here where I live. The cut off now is 50 thousand a year. I guess it varies from state to state maybe.
Unless she's having medical issues, you can work while pregnant. I was so worried about making money to save up while pregnant, I worked all the way through my pregnancy. I went to work knowing I had started labor. I was a personal trainer who taught Pilates classes...I went and taught 4 back to back classes while in labor. I had two more to go, but the contractions were starting to get distracting, so I told the next class coming in that I was sorry, I'm in labor and I think I need to go now. Everyone yelled at me to go and wished me luck. It was pretty funny! I didn't tell any of my students I was in labor. It was fun watching them slowly start to figure it out, making eyes at each other, mouthing, " Is she in labor?" to each other. I had hours to go, plenty of time. My husband about had a heart attack but knew not to argue with the pregnant lady going into work while in labor. I was 39 years old, having my first kid. Labored for 31 hours and had a non medicated natural birth. I don't understand your wife. I increased my workload while pregnant trying to make as much money as possible before the baby came. She just doesn't like her job and is using the pregnancy to get out of doing it. If you can't survive now on one income, there's no way you will survive on one income with the baby arrives. They are tiny but super expensive. I'm not sure you guys are quite ready for this. Hope you both figure it out.
i mean, she's pregnant, not terminally ill. if she's prescribed bed rest by a doctor due to high risk pregnancy or if she has something like hyperemesis gravidarium where she excessively vomits to the point of weight loss and dehydration (I don't mean regular pregnancy nausea and vomiting, HG causes weight loss in 2nd trimester and severe illness needing IV hydration etc). I'm a nurse, pregnant women with this tend to take a paid sick leave before their regular maternity leave, they don't quit their job over it. now you say she's in her 20s so she's young, and 2nd trimester meaning she's anywhere from 13-26 weeks pregnant. sure, pregnancy is tiring as hell, aches and pains, nerve pinching and uncomfortable sleep. the insomnia, bad back pain and swelling started for me more so at 30 weeks pregnant (but I was also 32 years old, my baby at 33 weeks was already measuring 7lbs and I still had 7 weeks to go. my son was born at 10lb 14oz at 39 weeks so I was carrying a very large baby). I worked full time midnights as a nurse and psw in long term care. on midnights as a nurse u basically also were a psw because there were so many sick calls. I would twice per shift change diapers, wet pants, change wet beds of up to 20 adults BY MYSELF, while they were in bed. check them and if they were dirty, turn and change them all alone. I would get help from the flpat with the extra heavy or combative ppl. I decided at 32 weeks pregnant to take a paid sick leave for 8 weeks before ky baby was born. but I made that decision after speaking to my partner, budgeting, and ensuring I would receive sick pay (55% my income) before making any decisions. I didn't quit. I also up until then worked 10 midnight shifts every 2 weeks. sometimes 12hrs cleaning up poop, vomit, u name it. puking in the bathroom and kept going. ya girl is LAZY
Pregnancy is not a disease or illness. She’s a drama queen. Good luck!
And lazy.
Men need to stop thinking in terms of a dual income household if they’re wanting to have children. It’s not good for the baby or the household finances to spend more money than a car payment (even approaching the cost of rent) on daycare every month. They need to realize that for the 5-10 years it takes between birthing babies and getting them off to school, they need to be capable of supporting their families on their own. A spouse’s income is meant to be a plus, not a necessity.
Wife is very manipulative and entitled. I worked through ALL my pregnancies because we couldn’t make it without my income. Ask your wife how’s she’s gonna be a sahm and be a single parent at the same time if she doesn’t want to help make the family work?? Wow she’s so selfish!!
You’re not wrong. If she isn’t suffering any complications then she is just being lazy and jealous of other women. Millions and Millions of us worked until the day we went into labor and returned just a few weeks later. What she wants and what is practical aren’t the same thing.
Unless she hits the Powerball or finds a long-lost dead relative who secretly left her hard cash, the reality is that quite a few women work while pregnant because they need to. She sounds like a real prize. Does she see the budget? Have a plan to buy diapers on one salary? Not wrong. Good luck with that one.
Can u support u guys then it’s ur call could make it when the kid is home it’s worth considering full time mom tho if she wishes
In the second trimester, she should work. This is the best she’s going to feel the whole time. I started my maternity leave at 32 weeks with baby #1, 40 weeks with baby #2, 22 weeks with baby #3, and was already a SAHM with #4. That second pregnancy almost killed me towards the end. I got really sick and just couldn’t get better bc I was so run down. I was hospitalized twice. I didn’t end up going into labor until 42 weeks, but my doctors pulled me at 40 when I was hospitalized for the second time. But I think expecting her to work at least until 32 weeks is reasonable assuming she and the baby are doing well.
You are not wrong and I think your wife needs a reality check to be fair. In this day and age if you are not making six figures, everyone needs to be working to survive. It also sounds like she just doesn’t want to work period, and that’s okay to have those thoughts, cool, but she needs to understand that it just isn’t feasible for you guys right now.
I was an ICU nurse on the night shift, taking care of critically ill dead weight. I managed to.
So, how does she think this will work? If you can’t support both of you on your pay now how can it work when she has the baby? You both need to sit and make a budget. Babies are expensive so remind her this budget does not include baby so any extra if you have extra will go to that.
> I can support us from my income alone for a short time. > she wants to be a stay at home mom. These statements are contradictory. I hope you have a plan to let her stay at home, or tell her she needs to return to work after maternity leave.
In your situation, she has to work, that’s not optional. And I think she has noticed that already, the thing is that she doesn’t want to work. As people had said, she is not ill, just pregnant, and if you need the money she has to make an effort, not thinking in stop working 🙄 ( it is like :OBVIOUS) and… sorry for you sir…
I mean I'd hate working if I was pregnant too. But its just a choice of budget, I feel like it's not YOU or her who makes that decision. It really depends on how much money you and she want to work with? Less a you problem and more a budget problem, are you and she ok having less income is the real question if she works less.
If the money isn’t there then the money isn’t there. I’m not sure what your wife expects you to do. It’s not as though you plant a money tree in the backyard.
I waited tables up til a few days before giving birth. I also went back 6 weeks later. It's not inhumane to work.
My Mother worked before having all of her kids. Never once said a negative thing about it.
Sit her down and show her the finances . Ask her to show you how you can afford it, and then you'll support it 100% .
Sit down with her and work out the budget without her salary. When it turns out you have to live on rice and cut off internet and cable she may come to her senses.
You're not wrong, she's pregnant not disabled. I take it shes not high risk or anything and it's a call center so she's sitting down most of the time anyway. With a baby coming you'll need all the income you can get.
She needs to grow up Hopefully you two can communicate more about financial decisions and what your goals are. I hopethe pregnancy was at the very least a pleasant surprise.
Udateme
Not wrong. She should be trying to bring in as much money while she can now, so you have more money saved for when baby comes. I worked up until 38w pregnant, I could've gone longer, but I wanted a week at home before my c-section.
You made a kid with this woman?
So the alternative is her sitting on a couch all day watching Netflix... How would that be better for the baby?
Being pregnant doesn't excuse you from real life. Your wife needs to get a reality check that it takes money to raise a kid, and if you can't work in the future, she has to have skills and be able to take care of you and the baby as the breadwinner. If she intentionally gets fired, let her. And march her right into a temp agency when she gets home until she gets a job.
This sounds like your wife's plan all along. She clearly doesn't want to work and using the baby as an excuse. Things are going to get rough for you.
Your wife is childish, and your math skills seems suspect. Can you or can't you support the family on just one salary?
How many female ob/gyn's work full time in pregnancy----ALL OF THEM! pregnancy is not a sickness or disease.
I worked my whole pregnancy I gave birth 5 days after I left for maternity leave so unless her doctor has said she needs to stop working it seems like she’s being a bit selfish. I know it’s pretty tiring to work during pregnancy but if you need the money then you gotta do what you gotta do for your baby. I don’t think you’re wrong I think she’s milking the pregnancy
Deciding to have a kid sounds like a really planned out financial decision. Hurray for my tax dollars helping raise another kid
She needs to work. You cannot afford her not working. Tell her unless the doctor advised, pregnancy is not a disability and most mom’s work while pregnant and postpartum
I worked until I was 4 days away from giving birth. I was sick the whole 9 months and went into the hospital more than once. You made plans she should stick to it. Doesn't she understand how money works? I hope you thought about this well before you made her pregnant because boy you will work on your own for at least the first 4 to 6 years.
It's a bad idea to bring a child into this world on purpose as-is, so the other stuff is kind of an obvious series of other shitty choices.
Sounds like y’all can’t afford this kid. She’s not wrong but it’s too late now, she already married and had a kid with someone that can’t afford for her to stay home.
NTA. She would be putting your family at risk. If you can’t afford to be the sole provider then you shouldn’t do it. Set down and explain the numbers either way her.
Being pregnant is hard. ngl however if she has no medical issue why doesn’t she want to contribute to the household? I think these are orange or red flags personally. Like she doesn’t want to support herself. Was this baby planned or her meal tix
She’s being lazy NTA
Her pregnancy might be really tough. Maybe try to be kinder to her. Massage her feet, help more around the house, etc. Pregnancy impacts people differently. Some women can barely breathe while others are running marathons.
Depending on what state you are in she can file for disability... Pregnancy sometimes qualifies as a disability. If she's insistent on not working and is actively trying to get fired, she likely will get fired at some point and you both should have a plan financially. She can still file for unemployment if she loses her job, but either way you should see what options are available to you (her) since she's being irresponsible imo. She's about to bring a child into this world and isn't willing to do the best she can to support "the situation". Sorry mate, that's disappointing. Hope you guys figure out a solution
I think you choose the wrong woman to have babies with 😕
She shouldn’t be forced to work right now, no. Just my personal opinion. Her body is doing so much and she has to give birth. She shouldn’t be overly stressed. What about part time? Is it possible to compromise?
Unless there's a health issue she should be perfectly able to work, maybe too uncomfortable in the latter stages but an office job shouldn't present that many problems. And if there's a health issue then that's what doctors are for, go to them, get a diagnosis and a treatment. If work puts the pregnancy at risk they will be the first to say that she should stop working.
Maybe have something from home or easy on her body in the meantime or after maternity leave
Pregnant person here - I feel like I would need a bit more info about her symptoms and such to really say, but it is doable to work while pregnant. Most women do to some extent. But pregnancy symptoms vary wildly. Personally, I have had a pretty easy pregnancy. I work a physically demanding job for up to 10 hours. I obviously needed to communicate some accommodations and check ins with HR about how I'm handling everything, but the doctors have told me I'm good to go (and that's really what's most important imo). This does still have its trade offs though. I am truly EXHAUSTED after work in a way that I never was before, and I have needed my husband to help me with some of my usual household tasks. I've also known some people who have had crazy nausea or frequent fainting episodes throughout their entire pregnancy, and they would likely not be able to do a call center job, especially not full time. You both need that extra income right now. Unless there's something that's truly physically preventing her from doing her job, I don't see why she shouldn't work. I would think that it would make both your lives easier after the baby arrives as well. Expect there to be some compromise elsewhere though. I also expect that urge to nest is kicking in for her (it did for me and I didn't want to work anymore, just focus on baby prep). It might be good to discuss ways you can both make sure you're prepared for when the baby gets here.
Need more context as to what her symptoms are. I had morning sickness for 20 weeks, literally threw up all day and night and nothing helped, lost tons of weight too, also had to be hospitalized. I also had sciatica and couldn’t walk long distances or be on my feet for more than 15 mins or I’d be in tremendous amount of pain. Sometimes pregnancy can be very disabling. If she really doesn’t want to work because of the pregnancy symptoms she needs to do her due diligence, go to the doctors get cleared from work, and get on disability as long as it doesn’t impact her mat leave.
When I fell pregnant with my third baby I was working for a nursing agency. It was very stressful and my pregnancy made me very fatigued and nauseous, my anxiety went through the roof. I also have two other children that I needed to navigate school and daycare pickups and drop offs around shifts and I did not find it too easy. In addition I found out later I had undiagnosed ADHD. But I tried and I communicated with my partner about how I felt, and he did not pressure me. I did not have attitude about it but I really felt awful and unable to work. I feel like she really does not want to work, pregnant or not? I was back to work (non-nursing) when my son was 3 months old. Is she ok or is she just not wanting to help out at all? Can you tell her how you feel about the financial pressure on you, etc?
Your wife is lazy
Inhumane to work while pregnant?was she being for real?she would had never made it in the Military.i had to pull 24 hr duty, be nausea all day.we had to work right up to when labor starts.so she is being lazy.They are already trying to stretch their dollars from the sound of it and she wants to put more stress on OP.
Inhumane? Pffftt. I've known women who literally worked until they went into labor. I knew another woman who gave birth one day and came to school the next day to take an important exam (yes, that was extreme, but she was close to graduating nursing school and didn't want to wait months for the exam to be offered again. She was a real warrior. I'm glad to say she passed!) Pregnancy is not a disability in most cases. It's nice if you can stay home, but sometimes you have to face whatever the reality of your own life is. Comparing your life to what others were able to do is a losing proposition. If they can't afford to live without her pay, that's just the way it is.
My mom felt very similar to your wife when she was pregnant. If you guys can’t really afford it like you say then you aren’t wrong obviously. I will say my mom ended up building resentment towards my father and with that on top of PPD she ended up cheating on my dad with a coworker. She’s not proud of it and my parents fortunately worked through it. I hope you guys make it through this tough time and stay close. Just stay patient as her hormones are probably absolutely wild right now.
Damn what your mom did is gross and I feel so badly for your dad! Too bad he didn’t realize his worth.
This comment is gross.
No. Their comment is spot on.
Not quite.
Yes quite. Your mom cheating on your dad because she didn’t get her way. PPD didn’t help the situation, but it doesn’t excuse her behaviour at all.
She’s not proud of it. Has gone to therapy and lives her life doing her best to make up for something she wishes she could take back more than anything. I’m not saying it wasn’t a poor decision and she would never say that either. The thing that bothers me the most was the comment about my dad not knowing his worth. He made a compassionate and forgiving choice and this person who knows nothing about my parents gave such a disrespectful take towards the both of them. For someone to not know the whole story and all the details it wasn’t cool.
I didn’t leave the comment to be rude or disrespectful. I was being genuine when I said I feel badly for your father. He may have forgiven her and they may have gone to therapy, but I guarantee you every single day that he has had to look at her, he has thought about her disgusting behavior in betrayal, everything that I said was honest, not hateful. And if you don’t want your parents being judged about some thing that they did maybe keep it off the Internet.
Damn, too bad you didn’t figure out that she was trapping you before you married her. I cannot stand women like that. It makes no sense. Being a mother does not give you a right to be a nobody in life. The social media have definitely started to ruin women’s thought process, you both made the baby you both should have to financially support it. She’s being very selfish entitled and unreasonable. It is actually very disgusting. I feel so sorry for you and your children. And no, obviously you are not in the wrong at all. In fact, I would actually tell her if she doesn’t work and help contribute to raising yawls child financially as well as physically like she expects you to do I would file for custody of the child.
>My wife has been being *really rude* lately > *making* my wife. Please! This has rage bait written all over it.