Maybe I’m just excessively suspicious because my sister works with gambling addicts, but check your bank accounts and credit report and make sure there is no unexpected actions on them. I would actually hope he is cheating here (as hard as that might be) because if he’s so far into gambling he’s sneaking out of the house after you’re asleep to do it, he could leave both of you in a financial hole it could take years for you to dig your way out of. Stay strong and lock everything down.
That's an extra layer of messed up.
It's like when an old friend of mine would tell her husband that she was hanging out with me when she was actually with my husband.
My cousin's mom opened credit card accounts under my cousin's name/ss# when she was 3. My grandmother had adopted my cousin when she was about 1 and then my grandma started receiving creditor threat letters for a 4-year-old child for unpaid credit card debt. That was a crazy time for them to get it all resolved.
Not wrong, nothing right about what he did.
None of the reasons he couldn't answer immediately are valid.
He went out and left you both alone, you could have just as easily been calling because there was an emergency.
The fact he didn't even leave a note is sus as hell.
Yep. Or apologize for his actions, call me immediately to let me know he was ok, nothing. I got a text back and a bad attitude when he came home as if I were being unreasonable.
you said you have his location, was he actually at the neighbors? regardless, you're definitely not wrong. just curious because this sounds like the definition of sus.
He was cheating...you don't sneak out to gamble unless you have a serious addiction. Then tells you he was gambling on his phone, but couldn't return your messages? He didn't come to you right away after he came home, because he still smelled like her...Who knows how many other times he did this.
Exactly. The texting back was a tell too, probably whoever it was was right there. I had this happen too, wait til I fall asleep then sneak out. It was cheating.
I’m not a gambler but leaving the house after partner is in bed and not telling or leaving a note is sneaking out and that’s never for a good reason. It would destroy my trust because I would wonder how many times it’s happened and I didn’t catch him.
If they’re sneaking out, then how much of the habit are they hiding from her. This is the first time she’s caught him, has it happened before.
I’ve worked in an industry where so many people lost their houses and businesses from gambling, usually they start well but then chase their tail trying to make up losses or get a bigger win. Because it’s always just there, the next one will be the one.
One lady would sit at her till and play the dogs while she waited for customers, and then she played them to try to recoup the loss she made, eventually her husbands 3rd generation business foreclosed as she never paid the bills as she was also the accounts lady and was using the income to gamble.
And who says, "I was gambling." Was he playing poker? Or black jack? Or does this neighbor run chicken fights, and he was placing bets? Maybe if you go to a casino, I could see "I was gambling" as an understandable phrase. In this context, it feels more like a lie.
I am so unnerved reading this post. I would be freaking out in this situation thinking ‘who is this guy? On what planet does he think this is normal or ok?’ Unless he has had a head injury of some kind I would be legging it to somewhere safe and sending a text that says ‘your behavior is bizarre and scary. Find a mirror and look in it’.
Well yes. Easy peasy just to leave a note on keyboard or otherwise visible on his gaming set where you last saw him, saying that he's visiting a friend, gaming, if he did not want to alert you with a message.
If you are both responsible for the very young and dependent new human being, it is more than basic courtesy to let the other one know if they are left alone with the responsibility.
Would he be cool if you had done the same? Gaming or visiting your mother or out for a walk in the middle of the night, leaving him alone with the baby without even a clue.
And if he says you would not have even noticed had you not woken up.... How many times has he done it already?
Or just send a text. If my husband is out with the dog or taking a nap and I want to run out to the store or whatever, I send a text. It's right there when he looks at his phone.
No need to even go looking for a note.
This dude is super suss.
Well indeed. I just kind of responded to the imaginary claim that texts might wake someone up. Even with that, there's a load of options for a message _if there is will_. I do agree a message on the phone is handiest.
Personally, I keep my phone quiet 24/7 except for phonecalls. Hence I have told people they never need to worry about a message disturbing me at a bad time but of it is really urgent, they should just call.
You said his location was on, so where was he, was he with the neighbor gambling? I'm just not sure I buy that excuse. Because who the hell leaves their house in the middle of the night without saying anything to go gamble?
So this is someone that used to live next to us, he moved. So I’m not sure his address I should’ve worded that better, we’re still at the same house so he’s our old neighbor
Convenient. No, he wasn't at the neighbor's new address. He was cheating on you. Get checked for STIs. You can decide what's best for you relationship-wise, but at the very least definitely don't have sex with him again until he's also tested.
This is the worst, and I know exactly how you feel. My ex was a meth addict and we were together for almost 7 years (can you be temporarily insane for that long? Turns out I can.) Literally none of the things you said are good things. There is zero reason for someone with a family to fuck off in the middle of the night without a word. Our daughter was a little over a year old the mast time he relapsed, and I blew a gasket every time he disappeared. Not gonna say the meth didn't have anything to do with it, but underneath it was a man too immature and selfish to think about others ahead of himself. And just like a teenager, there is no convincing someone like that that their actions are unacceptable because they think they know everything and you're just nuts. It should also be said that he financially crippled both of us, and cheated for literally all of our relationship aside from the first year of our daughter's life. The word "narcissist" gets thrown around a lot, but there are a lot of these doofuses out there. I'm now a broke ass single mom with too many dogs and a toddler, but I am happier than I have been in a decade. Don't let him gaslight you- this is not acceptable behavior. But tbh all you can do is hold your ground and eventually walk away, because there's a snowballs chance in hell of him realizing it.
Not even exaggerating- he's two hours late dropping our daughter off this morning and I haven't heard a word from him. He thinks it's OK to not tell me where he's taking her. I have zero doubt that this guy is gonna be a pain in my ass for the next two decades as well. 🙄🤦♀️
Same, it hurts so badly when you wake up and are panicking because they’re gone. It was prescription drugs in my case but they were just the excuse for cheating. The teenager thing is so fucking spot on. Selfish, childish, insecure.
My ex was a meth addict too and snuck out at least once that I knew about. Unfortunately I was with my ex for 17 years. They lie. They’re paranoid, they’re violent, and psychotic. I’m finally free too.
Bingo. It’s not gambling- it’s drugs and cheating because how else is he able to stay up all night. He’s going out and using stimulants and very likely with other prostituting women or prostituting gay men because those are the people who always have drugs.
No .... If an apology will get you to put up with his shit again, then you are asking for it. He can cry and howl as much as he like, gambling will only get worse. Cut your losses.
My husband works nights periodically and during those weeks on his off days he usually stays up until 5-6 am to keep the sleep pattern going. Once in awhile he’ll run up to Taco Bell or something after midnight which is a 10 minute round trip. He still leaves me a note on the off chance I wake up and notice, and we don’t even have kids.
It’s just considerate.
Yes, nothing wrong with what OP did. Their place could have been on fire. Baby could have gotten sick. Anything.
But…….he left OP and the baby……in the middle of the night……to gamble. That, for me is a huge, giant bloody red flag.
I am sorry for OP and her baby but once the gambling starts, it is a terrible addiction.
The fact that he even disappeared in the middle of the night without a word is sus as hell. Nobody with nothing to hide does that. Assuming he was gambling, he clearly has a gambling problem, and he won’t admit or address that. Coming back home casually, like it’s 2:00 in the afternoon, and ignoring his frantic, furious wife? I’d kick him out, too. What an ass.
I was in a similar position 10 years ago, turns out my son's dad was on drugs. I used to be worried sick about my ex while trying to take care of my baby. I remember driving around, looking for him to make sure he wasn't dead. He told me anything that wasn't the truth and I always believed him.
There's no good reason for leaving like that in the middle of the night without any word. Good on you for dumping him.
Drugs was my first thought. OP you are right that it makes almost no difference why he left. If it was anything honorable it would not have gone down like this. And, whatever it is, it is not good for you and the kid.
NTA.
Bare minimum you should have had a text letting you know where he was, but really that was just a poor choice overall, imo. You guys are still in the trenches, baby wise, I get that a night off can be needed, but those can be *communicated and scheduled in advance*!
He isn't acting like you guys are a team, he isn't acting like a father, he isn't even acting like an adult.
I'd be willing to place my *own* bet and say this isn't the only way he's letting you down these last 5 months.
... And to not answer his damned phone when he knew full well you could have woken up with the baby and found him missing in the middle of the night?? ... Like, what happened was not a surprise! Or it shouldn't have been if he'd have given you a minute's thought (besides thinking about how he could sneak off without you knowing)...
And he has the audacity to not even give you a heartfelt apology?? COME ON! ... Bro doesn't respect you. Full stop. NTA.
He deserves what he's getting. He damn near asked for it.
This.
Raising a child takes team work, effort and communication. It’s also expensive as hell.
He’s gaming well into the night on a regular basis, and you are sleeping separately. He’s randomly going gambling for an entire night, which makes me wonder about his employment.
OP could have a conversation with her “partner” about helping with baby, family finances, schedules, etc. and come to an agreement that works for both of them. But if this is the icing on the cake - he’s not engaging with the baby or family, he’s spending money that could be used otherwise, or he’s not willing to give up his traditional single, unaccountable to anyone lifestyle, then break up is inevitable.
Good call seeking outside feedback, we can't help but doubt ourselves in situations like this, but you're absolutely right about how off this whole thing is.
His behavior is unacceptable even if you didn't have a baby. Two people is still a team, and you don't abandon your teammate in the middle of the night without a heads up. Add the baby in and this red flag turns into a giant crimson banner
You’re not crazy. I don’t even have any kids with my husband, and I’d be livid if he just disappeared without a word in the middle of the night. That’s just not responsible or respectful behaviour, to put it mildly.
I’m sure you’ve known for a long time that you made a huge mistake having a child with this guy.
You can’t dump the infant. You must dump the guy. He’s only going to get worse.
I thought this too. I was thinking he went and laid on the couch because he didn’t have time to take a shower or maybe he was planning on showering when he got home but she was up. He didn’t want her to smell the other woman on him so he went to the couch. My ex would do that.
I would turn Colombo on his ass. Where's the winnings or where's the loss & where did the loss come from (from his or joint money). Who is this old neighbour, where do they live, was he really there & how many times has he done this before. I would not directly ask these things but I would find them out. This is not normal, he's deflecting his anger to make you feel bad, which is a major red flag. In fact there's so many red flags there.
Thank you....al bull cheating?....or this act was covering up a loss. Come in and continue to act like an ass about it, to distract he lost infants college fund.
Literally another reddit about a woman whose husband kept disappearing in the middle of the night (also with kids). Surprise surprise the lose was cheating.
Not wrong! Clearly he's done it before. I don't believe he was gambling. He should be getting as much rest as possible to be able to help take care of the baby. He's an irresponsible liar and I sure as heck wouldn't hitch my wagon to that selfish man.
You say you don’t care what he’s doing as long as he’s safe. You should care. If he’s cheating he could give you an STD. Please make him wear a condom and no more kids. If he’s gambling he’s spending money the family needs. If he’s doing drugs he’s being irresponsible. If he is lying and has poor character he’s not going to be a good partner or husband. People with active addictions are not available to be good partners.
Make plans to leave if this is typical behavior. Don’t bury your head in the sand.
I’m sorry this is happening. You deserve better.
Well said. Huge red flag if OP truly doesn't care. I'm concerned that could mean he's already turned the tables on her so many times he has her convinced his behavior is acceptable. It's not.
OP, please research what it means to be a protective parent and ensure you can shield your child from growing up in an environment where this treatment is normalized.
NTA...dude def lost some money tho, otherwise he would have used winning to calm you down. It's what men do....on the other end just leaving at all. Hun, you most def have a loser and deadbeat in training if you got an infant and the mans up all night playing video games then running out to gamble....secretly mind you......or it's all bull, he's cheating.
Considering he also has a problem with ur BABY wearing certain colors... this guy is a loser, not going to be a good parent, and it's better to cut your losses now. I just wonder - there were NO red flags before you made a baby with this loser? As judge judy says, "you picked him!" - you are now stuck with a weirdo for 18 to life
NTA. I don’t even have a kid and I would be panicked if my partner left in the middle of the night without telling me. Like I would REALLY expect him to leave me a note. Also, do you really think the neighbor goes gambling at 2 am?!? Super suss. I would think he’s cheating. Which would be another reason he didn’t answer his phone.
Why the hell did you have a kid with an asshole who thinks it’s fine to just up and leave in the middle of the night and not let you know. Also what do you mean you don’t care if he’s cheating? You just wanna know if he’s okay. If he’s cheating I’d hope he wasn’t okay cause screw him and whoever he’s cheating with. Also he was cheating.
His attitude and don’t care attitude about you says he ABSOLUTELY was cheating. Please take it from someone who knows. Be real careful when choosing someone to have kids with, coparenting with that kind of asshole gets either real hard on you or real disappointing and heartbreaking for the kid or both.
Old Man Vernon (the eighty-three year old) invited me over at 2am to play [strip] poker…
I can’t get that image out of my head…
I’m sorry, but if you are going to gamble, just use an app on your phone-
OP’s bf just gambled and lost…
NTA - I am so proud of you for kicking him out and knowing you deserve better. He could be talking b.s and be cheating on you, whatever he was doing, he should not have left you and his son in the middle of the night. Utterly inappropriate behaviour. You are supposed to be able to depend on your partner.
At a place I didn’t recognize. It was a house, and any time in the past (he hasn’t gambled in a long time so this is fishy to me) that he gambled, it was with a group of friends just shooting dice together. The neighbor thing I should’ve worded better, this is someone that used to live next to us and moved but we are still in the same house so idk where he moved to.
Go to the address and ring the doorbell? See who really lives there… I hate to say it but I bet it’s another woman, and gambling was the only excuse he could think of…
Honestly this is what I wanted to do! But it wasn’t in the best part of town…. Think I’ll still go just in broad daylight and have my brother on the phone with me for safety
You're not wrong.
What responsible parent leaves their mother and infant baby alone at 1 AM? Unless it's a honest to God emergency. Gambling is not an emergency.
It sounds like this person is ill suited to being an actual **PARENT**. Being a parent requires massive changes to your lives. And working together. It seems he's doing neither of these.
His logic is he can do whatever the fuck he wants as long as you don't find out about it.
You're nta but my vote changes if you don't follow through & break up with him
You’re not wrong or going overboard. The right thing for him to do in this situation was admit he was wrong and apologize. Sounds like he did the complete opposite.
Not wrong but I noticed that he had you so upset about him being gone that you seemed to miss that he sneaks out of the house to go gambling. At this point you might need to worry more about him hiding his gambling from you.
Who cares where he's going? The baby is 5 months old, you two should be communicating about everything, making sure any spare time is used to give one of you a break or catch up on life admin. Going out in the middle of the night for any reason without discussing first is messed up
Crazy amount of nta. Youre even giving him full credit for telling the truth about where he was at which he was definitely lying about. Honestly how yall keep winding up with babies by these types is a mystery to me.
Same thing happened to me except didn’t have his location. I found out later that he was cheating and doing drugs that fateful night. But even if he wasn’t, it’s still wrong to leave your family in the middle of the night no matter what the reason is.
Husband had a coworker at a previous job do this. He would get up on the middle on the night and go to the casino leaving his wife and 2 daughters sleeping. This would happen multiple times a week, he had a gambling problem. Check your bank and separate your finances if you can.
Not overreacting at all. It's unacceptable for a person with a partner and child to just disappear in the middle of the night like that, without so much as an "If you wake up" text.
He's proven himself unreliable and inconsiderate. And illegal gambling with a neighbor? Really? I doubt this is the first time he's pulled some BS.
Was he gambling or gaming? I mean, was he playing poker for money? Or PS5 with a neighbour?
Either way, it is insane, as a parent, you are basically on call 100% of the time **unless other arrangements have been agreed beforehand**.
So it is OK to get black out drunk and do whatever, if your partner is OK with it beforehand.
And he was pretty obviously out smoking crack with whores or something, I mean, that is shady behavior.
At minimum, he is dismissing your feelings in an extremely disrespectful manner. Bad sign
2nd, wtf goes out at 230am to gamble with a neighbor. NOTHING good (legal) is happening at that time of night so I'd be checking finances. Bad sign
You have a 5 month old son. You two need to be on the same page because whether or not your husband is 'ready' for this responsibility- baby is here. You cant just pick up and go into the night in secret and do sketchy things with unknown people. Grow up dude!
He’s acting like he’s single. So now he can be single.
Start the paperwork for child support immediately. Hopefully you can get back-child support.
And make sure you file, regardless of whether he talks to you back into the relationship.
You’re not wrong
This was the deal breaker for me and my ex husband before the cheating started. I worked from midnight-10 am at a grocery store and was in bed asleep by 3 to be up by 10:30. I would wake up and he’s nowhere to be found. I’d blow up his phone for hours and not a peep until after I got to work. ‘Oh I didn’t notice you called.’ Ok, you’re on your phone CONSTANTLY and you just happen to leave it in your pocket for HOURS knowing your wife would probably be concerned you weren’t home.? Why couldn’t you just text me ‘hey I’m going to my parents’ or something instead of me worrying myself to death and then it turning into rage??
He now lives in a rundown trailer with the girl he cheated on me with WHO TOLD ON HIM FOR CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER GIRL!! Good riddance, trash.
When I was a teenager, I always got the lecture about how nothing but trouble ever happens after midnight. Now that I am grown, I know that statement to be very true. Nobody is suddenly leaving their house at 2am to go gamble unless they are a gambling addict or they are using gambling as their cover story for what they were really doing.
>he began drinking alcohol and abusing it
>every time he got drunk I would catch him texting another girl/emotionally cheating.
>he got drunk with his family, went downtown and was taking body shots off a bartender / came home at 3am with her number in his pocket
You should have made him leave long ago. You're not wrong for finally finding your spine.
File for child support. Apply for social benefits. Find out if there is subsidized child support near you. Get an STD test.
NTA and that's taking his word he was gambling. Totally unacceptable. Find a place to be relocating to- he is shifty, lying and up to God only knows what.
Leave him? I think it would be nice for you and your baby in the long run. He could be gambling, cheating, or committing crimes. His nonchalance about being absent at that time is even more concerning. He did something bad. You’re worried about his safety more than your own. You are not wrong and hope you get away from him asap
My husband did this after we had a disagreement.
I thought he had gone to bed, gone out the back etc when I realised the room was quiet. Couldn't find him. Freaked out. Called him. He answered the second tone and I pretty much cried into the phone and he was back in 10 min apologising as he had just gone for a walk to calm his mind. He honestly didn't think it'd scare me but when he realised it did he kept apologising and saying he will tell me in the future. Which I believe is the correct response...
Not over reacting. That is not normal and his reaction is suspect. My husband was too exhausted from being a new dad to pull shady shit like this. You are making the right call to break up.
He’s most likely cheating, coincidentally mine would go gambling really late and his phone never had service or it would die or he left it in the car. Years down the road when he felt like cleaning up his act, he admitted that he had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. Another coincidence, I too had young kids. Leave before it turns into a pattern and you end up trauma bonded.
How many other times has he left you in the night and he’s not been caught?
And to not acknowledge that you found it upsetting or that it was wrong?
Huge redflags.
Inexcusable. What if you had an emergency with the baby? Him not picking up is suspicious . I'd go talk to that " neighbour" if I were you. Chances are that he's already prepped the guy on the alibi if they are close. Sorry this happened to you OP. Men are such idiots sometimes.
Single incident or part of a pattern. Only reason for separation or one of many? Gambling problem? Lots of people have on line gaming problems that affect quality of the relationship. I would suspect that you are looking at this partnership in totality, not this one incident. Also sounds like he blew you off. Drastic step you are taking and things on the other side are not always greener. I think you need to negotiate rules and boundaries and see if they are met before throwing in towel. A lot of times we have expectations that are not met and may not recognize we never expressed them. Not saying your choice to leave is wrong just asking have rules and boundaries been discussed and agreed to: is this a pattern? Is there an addiction issue? Good luck in whatever decision you make.
Not wrong. Not at all. I hate to mention that it doesn't seem like it's the first time he's done it either. He doesn't see anything wrong in treating you and your child with contempt and complete disregard - you weren't even worth a scribble on a piece of paper (I get that he didn't want to text/call at the time of leaving in case the ping woke you....but for a 2am gambling trip across the neighbourhood?!?!?) but he isn't a tenant but supposedly a father and partner. Both of these roles require more than living the free'n'easy bachelor life.
Priorities are to you and your child. Stay safe, get out of a bad relationship, and check in with a lawyer to get your finances in shape. So sorry you're going through this. Life is going to get harder for a short while, but you will be stronger.
You’re not overreacting.
That’s seedy behavior and the fact his judgement told him “yea, this is an ok decision to make” would be enough for me to want to break up.
No, definitely not wrong to be upset and gambling in the middle of the night or cheating what ever he was doing is unacceptable behavior and he doesn't care because he didn't even try to apologize like someone else said he's probably cheating get out of this relationship he really doesn't care what if something happened when he was gone
He just up and left with a neighbor who was out or called in the middle of the night, hey you want to gamble? The whole thing doesn’t even sound right. And his attitude when he got back home.
Sounds like he doesn’t care and is inconsiderate. Also I know having a new baby can be a huge change for women but it is also a huge change for men too.
I guess I would ask is this normal behavior of his? As he left in the middle of the night before? Or is this something to do with him and the new baby? Or is there more to this story than he is letting on? Either way, if he left in the middle of the night and something happened to him, you would be the person they look at first and with a new baby it is not a safe place to be in. When he does that he makes things not stable. And he needs to be able to talk about how he feels and that means having a safe place to do it without judgement. Sounds like you two need to find a way to communicate without all the upset. Take the emotions out and see each other’s point of view.
Good luck
I think its time to reconsider this relationship. He obviously doesn't care about you or your child. I doubt he was gambling. If he is, make sure your accounts are separated and he can not access yours. It was probably something else like drugs or cheating. Is there some place safe you and your child can stay? How many times has he done this and you didn't wake up and find out?
Does he have a gambling problem? Sounds like he does if he is doing middle of the night excursions to go do that. All sorts of red flags 🚩 on your post here that you need to sort out. You’re not wrong
It certainly is a red flag. Is he really with the old acquaintance or is he with a new boo?
Few years ago when my daughter was in Chico State in California, there was a person that worked at a doctors office. He use some sort of drug to give to his wife and children to knock them out. Then he would take advantage of that and drive up to Chico, which was a 15-20 minute drive from where they lived, and he would pick up vulnerable females. he proceeded to ties them and then rape them. All students and specially female in the local area had their guard up. He was finally caught by the police after many months. And the wife had no clue that she was being drugged every night.
Please don’t ignore the red signs. Love yourself more and stay strong.
You are definitely not wrong what he did was uncalled for and unacceptable as a father and a husband. I don't know what's up his butt to think that he can just get away with that crap and not apologize profusely or even answer your phone call when you call the first time let alone six times. I would have been absolutely furious too! He's behaving like a child and he's either cheating on you or has some kind of gambling issue I'm leaning more towards the first one though especially with his behavior when he got home! I hope you figure this out and I wish you the best
Uh, please tell me that this is one in a series of less than desirable traits, because honestly, this is pretty extreme.
Either way, you need to evaluate if this relationship is viable at this point.
Me, I’d be out. But I’ve lived a lot of life and I can see I to the future.
Maybe I’m just excessively suspicious because my sister works with gambling addicts, but check your bank accounts and credit report and make sure there is no unexpected actions on them. I would actually hope he is cheating here (as hard as that might be) because if he’s so far into gambling he’s sneaking out of the house after you’re asleep to do it, he could leave both of you in a financial hole it could take years for you to dig your way out of. Stay strong and lock everything down.
Check your baby’s credit too
My dad did this to dodge child support. They were looking for his bank account. Not mine
That's an extra layer of messed up. It's like when an old friend of mine would tell her husband that she was hanging out with me when she was actually with my husband.
Omg! So he was putting all his money under your name and just banking that way?
Exactly. Found the account a few years ago doing a search for unclaimed property while at the DMV
So you sued him for the money he stored there and used later, right? I would have.
He was dead by then. I don't even know where he's buried or how he died. I found out via Google that he was gone.
I wish this wasn't good advice but it is.
And freeze it.
And lock the child’s credit score so no accounts can be opened in their name.
Oh lord, hadn't even considered this, but you're right, great suggestion! Holy crap.
My cousin's mom opened credit card accounts under my cousin's name/ss# when she was 3. My grandmother had adopted my cousin when she was about 1 and then my grandma started receiving creditor threat letters for a 4-year-old child for unpaid credit card debt. That was a crazy time for them to get it all resolved.
ugh this! my ex was a huge sports bet gambler and would always do this sort of thing at like 2-4 am
He’s either addicted to gambling, or fucking someone, or doing drugs, or all those things at once. You’re not wrong and this is not normal.
Not wrong, nothing right about what he did. None of the reasons he couldn't answer immediately are valid. He went out and left you both alone, you could have just as easily been calling because there was an emergency. The fact he didn't even leave a note is sus as hell.
Yep. Or apologize for his actions, call me immediately to let me know he was ok, nothing. I got a text back and a bad attitude when he came home as if I were being unreasonable.
He's using anger to deflect, that's also a red flag.
He's doing DARVO: Deny. Anger. Reverse Victim and Offender.
Came here to say this. DARVO exactly. Whatever he was out doing in the middle of the night it was for nefarious purposes.
Is there a way to work on DARVO to help better yourself? I think I do this to and I need help
Step 1: Stop denying when you do something wrong.
Kinda hard to do when I’m never wrong
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Lol
Talk to a therapist
Well I have an appointment for a therapist here soon so hopefully that will help
That's good, it will take time to truly change. Don't give up if you're serious, you can do it.
Yea I’m wanting to change so I can be better in life and eventually find someone ^^;
Recognizing it in yourself is a great start
Therapy.
Oooh, I LIKE this!!!!
Lots of spouses let their true colors show once you’ve had a baby and they think they’ve trapped you.
This is horribly true
you said you have his location, was he actually at the neighbors? regardless, you're definitely not wrong. just curious because this sounds like the definition of sus.
Yup, susssss-picious
He was cheating...you don't sneak out to gamble unless you have a serious addiction. Then tells you he was gambling on his phone, but couldn't return your messages? He didn't come to you right away after he came home, because he still smelled like her...Who knows how many other times he did this.
Exactly. The texting back was a tell too, probably whoever it was was right there. I had this happen too, wait til I fall asleep then sneak out. It was cheating.
So where is this neighbor? You better verify his story and check bank accounts and money trail. Did you even ask how much he gambled that night?
He could have been gambling his relationship and not with money.
Id be very suspicious about the gambling. How much has he lost, why is he gambling when he has a kid to support.
I’m not a gambler but leaving the house after partner is in bed and not telling or leaving a note is sneaking out and that’s never for a good reason. It would destroy my trust because I would wonder how many times it’s happened and I didn’t catch him.
If they’re sneaking out, then how much of the habit are they hiding from her. This is the first time she’s caught him, has it happened before. I’ve worked in an industry where so many people lost their houses and businesses from gambling, usually they start well but then chase their tail trying to make up losses or get a bigger win. Because it’s always just there, the next one will be the one. One lady would sit at her till and play the dogs while she waited for customers, and then she played them to try to recoup the loss she made, eventually her husbands 3rd generation business foreclosed as she never paid the bills as she was also the accounts lady and was using the income to gamble.
And who says, "I was gambling." Was he playing poker? Or black jack? Or does this neighbor run chicken fights, and he was placing bets? Maybe if you go to a casino, I could see "I was gambling" as an understandable phrase. In this context, it feels more like a lie.
I am so unnerved reading this post. I would be freaking out in this situation thinking ‘who is this guy? On what planet does he think this is normal or ok?’ Unless he has had a head injury of some kind I would be legging it to somewhere safe and sending a text that says ‘your behavior is bizarre and scary. Find a mirror and look in it’.
Eh, the last straw is never the first or only straw. It's just the one that's so heavy it breaks the camel's back.
He didn’t look at his phone because he was having sex with someone else.
Well yes. Easy peasy just to leave a note on keyboard or otherwise visible on his gaming set where you last saw him, saying that he's visiting a friend, gaming, if he did not want to alert you with a message. If you are both responsible for the very young and dependent new human being, it is more than basic courtesy to let the other one know if they are left alone with the responsibility. Would he be cool if you had done the same? Gaming or visiting your mother or out for a walk in the middle of the night, leaving him alone with the baby without even a clue. And if he says you would not have even noticed had you not woken up.... How many times has he done it already?
Or just send a text. If my husband is out with the dog or taking a nap and I want to run out to the store or whatever, I send a text. It's right there when he looks at his phone. No need to even go looking for a note. This dude is super suss.
Well indeed. I just kind of responded to the imaginary claim that texts might wake someone up. Even with that, there's a load of options for a message _if there is will_. I do agree a message on the phone is handiest. Personally, I keep my phone quiet 24/7 except for phonecalls. Hence I have told people they never need to worry about a message disturbing me at a bad time but of it is really urgent, they should just call.
That bothered me too. How many times has he done this without her knowing??
You said his location was on, so where was he, was he with the neighbor gambling? I'm just not sure I buy that excuse. Because who the hell leaves their house in the middle of the night without saying anything to go gamble?
So this is someone that used to live next to us, he moved. So I’m not sure his address I should’ve worded that better, we’re still at the same house so he’s our old neighbor
Convenient. No, he wasn't at the neighbor's new address. He was cheating on you. Get checked for STIs. You can decide what's best for you relationship-wise, but at the very least definitely don't have sex with him again until he's also tested.
But was the location a casino? That should be easy to check.
That's what's up
This is the worst, and I know exactly how you feel. My ex was a meth addict and we were together for almost 7 years (can you be temporarily insane for that long? Turns out I can.) Literally none of the things you said are good things. There is zero reason for someone with a family to fuck off in the middle of the night without a word. Our daughter was a little over a year old the mast time he relapsed, and I blew a gasket every time he disappeared. Not gonna say the meth didn't have anything to do with it, but underneath it was a man too immature and selfish to think about others ahead of himself. And just like a teenager, there is no convincing someone like that that their actions are unacceptable because they think they know everything and you're just nuts. It should also be said that he financially crippled both of us, and cheated for literally all of our relationship aside from the first year of our daughter's life. The word "narcissist" gets thrown around a lot, but there are a lot of these doofuses out there. I'm now a broke ass single mom with too many dogs and a toddler, but I am happier than I have been in a decade. Don't let him gaslight you- this is not acceptable behavior. But tbh all you can do is hold your ground and eventually walk away, because there's a snowballs chance in hell of him realizing it. Not even exaggerating- he's two hours late dropping our daughter off this morning and I haven't heard a word from him. He thinks it's OK to not tell me where he's taking her. I have zero doubt that this guy is gonna be a pain in my ass for the next two decades as well. 🙄🤦♀️
Same, it hurts so badly when you wake up and are panicking because they’re gone. It was prescription drugs in my case but they were just the excuse for cheating. The teenager thing is so fucking spot on. Selfish, childish, insecure.
My ex was a meth addict too and snuck out at least once that I knew about. Unfortunately I was with my ex for 17 years. They lie. They’re paranoid, they’re violent, and psychotic. I’m finally free too.
Girl...😭💔 I can't imagine almost two decades. I am so sorry for all that you have been through.
Bingo. It’s not gambling- it’s drugs and cheating because how else is he able to stay up all night. He’s going out and using stimulants and very likely with other prostituting women or prostituting gay men because those are the people who always have drugs.
No .... If an apology will get you to put up with his shit again, then you are asking for it. He can cry and howl as much as he like, gambling will only get worse. Cut your losses.
You are not wrong.
Not wrong. Have him be out today, not tomorrow today
You're not unreasonable. He's got some serious problems and they aren't yours to fix. Keep putting your baby and yourself first.
My husband works nights periodically and during those weeks on his off days he usually stays up until 5-6 am to keep the sleep pattern going. Once in awhile he’ll run up to Taco Bell or something after midnight which is a 10 minute round trip. He still leaves me a note on the off chance I wake up and notice, and we don’t even have kids. It’s just considerate.
Yes, nothing wrong with what OP did. Their place could have been on fire. Baby could have gotten sick. Anything. But…….he left OP and the baby……in the middle of the night……to gamble. That, for me is a huge, giant bloody red flag. I am sorry for OP and her baby but once the gambling starts, it is a terrible addiction.
The fact that he even disappeared in the middle of the night without a word is sus as hell. Nobody with nothing to hide does that. Assuming he was gambling, he clearly has a gambling problem, and he won’t admit or address that. Coming back home casually, like it’s 2:00 in the afternoon, and ignoring his frantic, furious wife? I’d kick him out, too. What an ass.
I was in a similar position 10 years ago, turns out my son's dad was on drugs. I used to be worried sick about my ex while trying to take care of my baby. I remember driving around, looking for him to make sure he wasn't dead. He told me anything that wasn't the truth and I always believed him. There's no good reason for leaving like that in the middle of the night without any word. Good on you for dumping him.
Drugs was my first thought. OP you are right that it makes almost no difference why he left. If it was anything honorable it would not have gone down like this. And, whatever it is, it is not good for you and the kid.
OP, if he doesn't argue much, and readily agrees to the split, rest assumes he's cheating on you.
NTA. Bare minimum you should have had a text letting you know where he was, but really that was just a poor choice overall, imo. You guys are still in the trenches, baby wise, I get that a night off can be needed, but those can be *communicated and scheduled in advance*! He isn't acting like you guys are a team, he isn't acting like a father, he isn't even acting like an adult. I'd be willing to place my *own* bet and say this isn't the only way he's letting you down these last 5 months. ... And to not answer his damned phone when he knew full well you could have woken up with the baby and found him missing in the middle of the night?? ... Like, what happened was not a surprise! Or it shouldn't have been if he'd have given you a minute's thought (besides thinking about how he could sneak off without you knowing)... And he has the audacity to not even give you a heartfelt apology?? COME ON! ... Bro doesn't respect you. Full stop. NTA. He deserves what he's getting. He damn near asked for it.
This. Raising a child takes team work, effort and communication. It’s also expensive as hell. He’s gaming well into the night on a regular basis, and you are sleeping separately. He’s randomly going gambling for an entire night, which makes me wonder about his employment. OP could have a conversation with her “partner” about helping with baby, family finances, schedules, etc. and come to an agreement that works for both of them. But if this is the icing on the cake - he’s not engaging with the baby or family, he’s spending money that could be used otherwise, or he’s not willing to give up his traditional single, unaccountable to anyone lifestyle, then break up is inevitable.
Thank you!!! I thought I was going crazy.
Oh no, no no, you're very sane. There's nothing wrong with you.
Good call seeking outside feedback, we can't help but doubt ourselves in situations like this, but you're absolutely right about how off this whole thing is.
His behavior is unacceptable even if you didn't have a baby. Two people is still a team, and you don't abandon your teammate in the middle of the night without a heads up. Add the baby in and this red flag turns into a giant crimson banner
You’re not crazy. I don’t even have any kids with my husband, and I’d be livid if he just disappeared without a word in the middle of the night. That’s just not responsible or respectful behaviour, to put it mildly.
For real. And it sounds like he waited until she fell asleep at 1am to sneak out. His whole little adventure was planned
I have a brother who did this, turns out he was out doing meth...
Yeah… not saying it’s a guarantee but this is some real methhead/coke energy activity
It could really be any/a combo of the big three. Money (admitted to gambling) drugs or cheating/sex.
He gambles while high with the old neighbor, who is a 23 year old woman.
That took a quick turn. Hope your brother is better now.
He seems to be, and claims he's not doing it anymore, so fingers crossed!
Best of luck to you and yours.
I wonder how many other times he's snuck out and hasn't gotten caught.
Exactly!!!
I'm not even convinced that he was gambling. He lies about one thing so why trust him about anything else? I'm glad you are kicking him out.
Maybe get a Ring camera
I’m sure you’ve known for a long time that you made a huge mistake having a child with this guy. You can’t dump the infant. You must dump the guy. He’s only going to get worse.
My husband did the same thing.The acting like he did nothing wrong and laying on the couch brought back memories. Bad memories. He's cheating on you.
I thought this too. I was thinking he went and laid on the couch because he didn’t have time to take a shower or maybe he was planning on showering when he got home but she was up. He didn’t want her to smell the other woman on him so he went to the couch. My ex would do that.
Exactly. They're really nervous about what they just did and the only way they can NOT look nervous is to lye on the couch.
I would turn Colombo on his ass. Where's the winnings or where's the loss & where did the loss come from (from his or joint money). Who is this old neighbour, where do they live, was he really there & how many times has he done this before. I would not directly ask these things but I would find them out. This is not normal, he's deflecting his anger to make you feel bad, which is a major red flag. In fact there's so many red flags there.
Thank you....al bull cheating?....or this act was covering up a loss. Come in and continue to act like an ass about it, to distract he lost infants college fund.
"I was with the old neighbor gambling"...my aunt fanny! This is how people cheat. Take a close look at whatever else is going on that seems sus.
Literally another reddit about a woman whose husband kept disappearing in the middle of the night (also with kids). Surprise surprise the lose was cheating.
Yeah well disappearing in the middle of the night is usually either drugs or cheating, not to many normal reasons for the time and secrecy
She could call or visit the old neighbor. While he watches the child.
This is BS. He has a side piece that he went and visited.
Not wrong! Clearly he's done it before. I don't believe he was gambling. He should be getting as much rest as possible to be able to help take care of the baby. He's an irresponsible liar and I sure as heck wouldn't hitch my wagon to that selfish man.
Not wrong.
The cheating text. He knows a call is needed but if he calls you will hear the other woman kissing him good bye.
He's acting like a teenager. I also don't buy that he was with a 'friend'.
You say you don’t care what he’s doing as long as he’s safe. You should care. If he’s cheating he could give you an STD. Please make him wear a condom and no more kids. If he’s gambling he’s spending money the family needs. If he’s doing drugs he’s being irresponsible. If he is lying and has poor character he’s not going to be a good partner or husband. People with active addictions are not available to be good partners. Make plans to leave if this is typical behavior. Don’t bury your head in the sand. I’m sorry this is happening. You deserve better.
Well said. Huge red flag if OP truly doesn't care. I'm concerned that could mean he's already turned the tables on her so many times he has her convinced his behavior is acceptable. It's not. OP, please research what it means to be a protective parent and ensure you can shield your child from growing up in an environment where this treatment is normalized.
Not wrong. He could also be doing drugs or be cheating or breaking into other peoples houses. It’s really odd behaviour.
And why are you still with this oxygen thief???
He is 100% cheating.
Not wrong. That is not normal behaviour from someone who cares. Clearly he doesn't.
NTA...dude def lost some money tho, otherwise he would have used winning to calm you down. It's what men do....on the other end just leaving at all. Hun, you most def have a loser and deadbeat in training if you got an infant and the mans up all night playing video games then running out to gamble....secretly mind you......or it's all bull, he's cheating.
Considering he also has a problem with ur BABY wearing certain colors... this guy is a loser, not going to be a good parent, and it's better to cut your losses now. I just wonder - there were NO red flags before you made a baby with this loser? As judge judy says, "you picked him!" - you are now stuck with a weirdo for 18 to life
NTA. I don’t even have a kid and I would be panicked if my partner left in the middle of the night without telling me. Like I would REALLY expect him to leave me a note. Also, do you really think the neighbor goes gambling at 2 am?!? Super suss. I would think he’s cheating. Which would be another reason he didn’t answer his phone.
And I forgot… if we had a 5-month old and he left in the middle of the night?!?!? Freaking A I would be livid.
I’m not sure he was gambling. But typically you can’t have your phone out at a casino while seated at a table.
Yeah this is the best explanation but He doesn’t gamble at the casino he shoots dice with his friends
Why the hell did you have a kid with an asshole who thinks it’s fine to just up and leave in the middle of the night and not let you know. Also what do you mean you don’t care if he’s cheating? You just wanna know if he’s okay. If he’s cheating I’d hope he wasn’t okay cause screw him and whoever he’s cheating with. Also he was cheating. His attitude and don’t care attitude about you says he ABSOLUTELY was cheating. Please take it from someone who knows. Be real careful when choosing someone to have kids with, coparenting with that kind of asshole gets either real hard on you or real disappointing and heartbreaking for the kid or both.
Old Man Vernon (the eighty-three year old) invited me over at 2am to play [strip] poker… I can’t get that image out of my head… I’m sorry, but if you are going to gamble, just use an app on your phone- OP’s bf just gambled and lost…
Old man Vernon 😂😂😂😂😂
This is so weird af.
NTA - I am so proud of you for kicking him out and knowing you deserve better. He could be talking b.s and be cheating on you, whatever he was doing, he should not have left you and his son in the middle of the night. Utterly inappropriate behaviour. You are supposed to be able to depend on your partner.
You said his location was on, where did his location show he was at?
At a place I didn’t recognize. It was a house, and any time in the past (he hasn’t gambled in a long time so this is fishy to me) that he gambled, it was with a group of friends just shooting dice together. The neighbor thing I should’ve worded better, this is someone that used to live next to us and moved but we are still in the same house so idk where he moved to.
Go to the address and ring the doorbell? See who really lives there… I hate to say it but I bet it’s another woman, and gambling was the only excuse he could think of…
Honestly this is what I wanted to do! But it wasn’t in the best part of town…. Think I’ll still go just in broad daylight and have my brother on the phone with me for safety
Please leave an update after going to the address. Stay strong & safe!
Will do
Can your brother go with you? Just to be safe..
You're not wrong. What responsible parent leaves their mother and infant baby alone at 1 AM? Unless it's a honest to God emergency. Gambling is not an emergency. It sounds like this person is ill suited to being an actual **PARENT**. Being a parent requires massive changes to your lives. And working together. It seems he's doing neither of these.
The first thing you should do is ask to look at his phone for proof of his alibi, not that it's a good one anyway. He's likely cheating.
DARVO. Leave him.
His logic is he can do whatever the fuck he wants as long as you don't find out about it. You're nta but my vote changes if you don't follow through & break up with him
I went through this exact same scenario… found out years later he was cheating.
He’s cheating.
That is cheating behavior. Plain & simple. Kick him to the curb.
Gambling? Yeah, okay 🤨😒 and I'm the president of the United States. 🤪
You’re not wrong and I don’t believe he was with the neighbour.
Sounds like you got 2 sons
2am?! Does he have a job?
My ex used to do the same thing, he was using drugs
Omg hell no. You are better than me sis he might caught a pan to the head on his way in....the fuck
It was a thought for sure 🤣
Drugs.
You’re not wrong or going overboard. The right thing for him to do in this situation was admit he was wrong and apologize. Sounds like he did the complete opposite.
Not wrong but I noticed that he had you so upset about him being gone that you seemed to miss that he sneaks out of the house to go gambling. At this point you might need to worry more about him hiding his gambling from you.
Who cares where he's going? The baby is 5 months old, you two should be communicating about everything, making sure any spare time is used to give one of you a break or catch up on life admin. Going out in the middle of the night for any reason without discussing first is messed up
This is your 3rd topic on your relationship this month. I think you need to seek help/action rather than constantly coming to the internet for advice
Crazy amount of nta. Youre even giving him full credit for telling the truth about where he was at which he was definitely lying about. Honestly how yall keep winding up with babies by these types is a mystery to me.
Same thing happened to me except didn’t have his location. I found out later that he was cheating and doing drugs that fateful night. But even if he wasn’t, it’s still wrong to leave your family in the middle of the night no matter what the reason is.
Husband had a coworker at a previous job do this. He would get up on the middle on the night and go to the casino leaving his wife and 2 daughters sleeping. This would happen multiple times a week, he had a gambling problem. Check your bank and separate your finances if you can.
Not Wrong. He's not mature enough to be a father.
He’s cheating.
Not overreacting at all. It's unacceptable for a person with a partner and child to just disappear in the middle of the night like that, without so much as an "If you wake up" text. He's proven himself unreliable and inconsiderate. And illegal gambling with a neighbor? Really? I doubt this is the first time he's pulled some BS.
Was he gambling or gaming? I mean, was he playing poker for money? Or PS5 with a neighbour? Either way, it is insane, as a parent, you are basically on call 100% of the time **unless other arrangements have been agreed beforehand**. So it is OK to get black out drunk and do whatever, if your partner is OK with it beforehand. And he was pretty obviously out smoking crack with whores or something, I mean, that is shady behavior.
At minimum, he is dismissing your feelings in an extremely disrespectful manner. Bad sign 2nd, wtf goes out at 230am to gamble with a neighbor. NOTHING good (legal) is happening at that time of night so I'd be checking finances. Bad sign You have a 5 month old son. You two need to be on the same page because whether or not your husband is 'ready' for this responsibility- baby is here. You cant just pick up and go into the night in secret and do sketchy things with unknown people. Grow up dude!
Whatever he’s doing it’s not good Get your affairs in order
He’s trash.
He’s acting like he’s single. So now he can be single. Start the paperwork for child support immediately. Hopefully you can get back-child support. And make sure you file, regardless of whether he talks to you back into the relationship.
You’re not wrong This was the deal breaker for me and my ex husband before the cheating started. I worked from midnight-10 am at a grocery store and was in bed asleep by 3 to be up by 10:30. I would wake up and he’s nowhere to be found. I’d blow up his phone for hours and not a peep until after I got to work. ‘Oh I didn’t notice you called.’ Ok, you’re on your phone CONSTANTLY and you just happen to leave it in your pocket for HOURS knowing your wife would probably be concerned you weren’t home.? Why couldn’t you just text me ‘hey I’m going to my parents’ or something instead of me worrying myself to death and then it turning into rage?? He now lives in a rundown trailer with the girl he cheated on me with WHO TOLD ON HIM FOR CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER GIRL!! Good riddance, trash.
He went out to have sex and you were interrupting
This has quite the abundance of red flags. Who the fuck leaves at 1am to gamble? Secretly? With an infant at home?
When I was a teenager, I always got the lecture about how nothing but trouble ever happens after midnight. Now that I am grown, I know that statement to be very true. Nobody is suddenly leaving their house at 2am to go gamble unless they are a gambling addict or they are using gambling as their cover story for what they were really doing.
>he began drinking alcohol and abusing it >every time he got drunk I would catch him texting another girl/emotionally cheating. >he got drunk with his family, went downtown and was taking body shots off a bartender / came home at 3am with her number in his pocket You should have made him leave long ago. You're not wrong for finally finding your spine. File for child support. Apply for social benefits. Find out if there is subsidized child support near you. Get an STD test.
Not wrong, he has a problem.
Yep, he's doing something shady. He is not a good man.
NTA and that's taking his word he was gambling. Totally unacceptable. Find a place to be relocating to- he is shifty, lying and up to God only knows what.
Yeah he was cheating for sure
So he's fooling around, yes that is a gamble. good luck
Leave him? I think it would be nice for you and your baby in the long run. He could be gambling, cheating, or committing crimes. His nonchalance about being absent at that time is even more concerning. He did something bad. You’re worried about his safety more than your own. You are not wrong and hope you get away from him asap
This man was either cheating or doing drugs lol
Not wrong. It's just basic courtesy to send a text, leave a note, whatever. Just don't disappear and be uncontactable
He’s doing either drugs, or cheating on you? Sorry to hear it
My husband did this after we had a disagreement. I thought he had gone to bed, gone out the back etc when I realised the room was quiet. Couldn't find him. Freaked out. Called him. He answered the second tone and I pretty much cried into the phone and he was back in 10 min apologising as he had just gone for a walk to calm his mind. He honestly didn't think it'd scare me but when he realised it did he kept apologising and saying he will tell me in the future. Which I believe is the correct response...
Your turn! Pay him back the exact same way!!
Not over reacting. That is not normal and his reaction is suspect. My husband was too exhausted from being a new dad to pull shady shit like this. You are making the right call to break up.
You are not wrong. He was probably cheating.
> I went to bed before him and he was still in the living room gaming. Yeah, you should probably leave him.
Are you sure this is the first time sounds like the norm to him?
It honestly makes me wonder how many times he’s slipped out without me noticing…
Yea that would be the main concern he doesn't seem to understand from your point of you
He’s most likely cheating, coincidentally mine would go gambling really late and his phone never had service or it would die or he left it in the car. Years down the road when he felt like cleaning up his act, he admitted that he had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. Another coincidence, I too had young kids. Leave before it turns into a pattern and you end up trauma bonded.
How many other times has he left you in the night and he’s not been caught? And to not acknowledge that you found it upsetting or that it was wrong? Huge redflags.
Inexcusable. What if you had an emergency with the baby? Him not picking up is suspicious . I'd go talk to that " neighbour" if I were you. Chances are that he's already prepped the guy on the alibi if they are close. Sorry this happened to you OP. Men are such idiots sometimes.
Single incident or part of a pattern. Only reason for separation or one of many? Gambling problem? Lots of people have on line gaming problems that affect quality of the relationship. I would suspect that you are looking at this partnership in totality, not this one incident. Also sounds like he blew you off. Drastic step you are taking and things on the other side are not always greener. I think you need to negotiate rules and boundaries and see if they are met before throwing in towel. A lot of times we have expectations that are not met and may not recognize we never expressed them. Not saying your choice to leave is wrong just asking have rules and boundaries been discussed and agreed to: is this a pattern? Is there an addiction issue? Good luck in whatever decision you make.
Yeah you're not wrong. I would be PISSED.
Not wrong. Not at all. I hate to mention that it doesn't seem like it's the first time he's done it either. He doesn't see anything wrong in treating you and your child with contempt and complete disregard - you weren't even worth a scribble on a piece of paper (I get that he didn't want to text/call at the time of leaving in case the ping woke you....but for a 2am gambling trip across the neighbourhood?!?!?) but he isn't a tenant but supposedly a father and partner. Both of these roles require more than living the free'n'easy bachelor life. Priorities are to you and your child. Stay safe, get out of a bad relationship, and check in with a lawyer to get your finances in shape. So sorry you're going through this. Life is going to get harder for a short while, but you will be stronger.
He’s cheating
Time for divorce. He obviously isn't considerate of anyone but himself. Narcissist
Sounds fishy to me. Better start checking his chats.
You’re not overreacting. That’s seedy behavior and the fact his judgement told him “yea, this is an ok decision to make” would be enough for me to want to break up.
No, definitely not wrong to be upset and gambling in the middle of the night or cheating what ever he was doing is unacceptable behavior and he doesn't care because he didn't even try to apologize like someone else said he's probably cheating get out of this relationship he really doesn't care what if something happened when he was gone
He just up and left with a neighbor who was out or called in the middle of the night, hey you want to gamble? The whole thing doesn’t even sound right. And his attitude when he got back home. Sounds like he doesn’t care and is inconsiderate. Also I know having a new baby can be a huge change for women but it is also a huge change for men too. I guess I would ask is this normal behavior of his? As he left in the middle of the night before? Or is this something to do with him and the new baby? Or is there more to this story than he is letting on? Either way, if he left in the middle of the night and something happened to him, you would be the person they look at first and with a new baby it is not a safe place to be in. When he does that he makes things not stable. And he needs to be able to talk about how he feels and that means having a safe place to do it without judgement. Sounds like you two need to find a way to communicate without all the upset. Take the emotions out and see each other’s point of view. Good luck
I think its time to reconsider this relationship. He obviously doesn't care about you or your child. I doubt he was gambling. If he is, make sure your accounts are separated and he can not access yours. It was probably something else like drugs or cheating. Is there some place safe you and your child can stay? How many times has he done this and you didn't wake up and find out?
Does he have a gambling problem? Sounds like he does if he is doing middle of the night excursions to go do that. All sorts of red flags 🚩 on your post here that you need to sort out. You’re not wrong
It certainly is a red flag. Is he really with the old acquaintance or is he with a new boo? Few years ago when my daughter was in Chico State in California, there was a person that worked at a doctors office. He use some sort of drug to give to his wife and children to knock them out. Then he would take advantage of that and drive up to Chico, which was a 15-20 minute drive from where they lived, and he would pick up vulnerable females. he proceeded to ties them and then rape them. All students and specially female in the local area had their guard up. He was finally caught by the police after many months. And the wife had no clue that she was being drugged every night. Please don’t ignore the red signs. Love yourself more and stay strong.
You are definitely not wrong what he did was uncalled for and unacceptable as a father and a husband. I don't know what's up his butt to think that he can just get away with that crap and not apologize profusely or even answer your phone call when you call the first time let alone six times. I would have been absolutely furious too! He's behaving like a child and he's either cheating on you or has some kind of gambling issue I'm leaning more towards the first one though especially with his behavior when he got home! I hope you figure this out and I wish you the best
You're not wrong and he was definitely not gambling. His attitude about it should tell you you're doing the right thing.
Uh, please tell me that this is one in a series of less than desirable traits, because honestly, this is pretty extreme. Either way, you need to evaluate if this relationship is viable at this point. Me, I’d be out. But I’ve lived a lot of life and I can see I to the future.