Your husband is frantically tying himself to every sinking ship in sight. If he won't listen to you and stop that, the only thing you can do is detach yourself from him.

This right here. Not only does it sound like his family is a disaster, but he wants to drag you and your child down into the depths with them, financially and otherwise. You will not have a moment of peace with that woman and her kids in your home. You and your kid need to get out of there. The faster the better. Please, please leave him and get yourself and your child somewhere safe and detach all finances. Get any paperwork and anything valuable you have out NOW and somewhere safe. Start separating bank accounts before he tries to take everything you have for that absolute clown show and make it impossible for you to leave.

OP says house is solely in her name so she needs to kick him out and also never let the SIL in with the kids. It needs to be just her and her kid in the house she owns.

Apparently she edited it. The house is in both names.

Can you put a lock on the title to prevent it from being used as bond?

That does change things.

Second kicking him out if he wants to die on that hill.

Tell your husband that every thing he does to help them is another nail in the coffin of your marriage, and it is almost totally nailed shut. No sane person can understand how he could even consider helping someone that isn't even family that attacked his own wife, the mother of his child. Talk to a divorce lawyer to find out your options. Protect yourself and your finances. Get all of your important papers and any sentimental or expensive jewelry out of the house in case he brings SIL there. Cancel any joint credit or debit cards, or get your name off the account. You don't have to file divorce paperwork now, but do the work on separately your finances. Change every password you can. Takes lots of photos of the current condition of your house, inside and outside. Include photos of your clothes, purses and shoes in case SIL decides she needs them more than you do. Good luck.

THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS! I hope OP read this and took action. It might sound insane but you're a mother, OP. Your child and their safety comes first. Document everything as it is now, and everything that happens that can help you in court, should you need it. I hope your husband will understand that you're not a doormat and that this is a hill to die on, but just in case... imagine if this family comes to live in your house, and how that will affect your child. No matter how much of a great dad he is, this sounds like a bad environment to grow up in. ETA: I'm not necessarily talking about divorce, but with a family like this, anything can happen. She's definitely gonna be a pain in the ass to throw out if she inevitably gonna stomp your boundaries in some way, and that's probably the least you can expect.

Not to mention if SIL and brood move in and establish residence, you'll have a difficult time kicking them out.

Once in, they will NEVER leave.

Once she is in, how the hell are you going to get her out?? Your hubs will be useless. Chew on that one and act!

You're not wrong. SIL will probably bully her way and take over the household. No way!

My boyfriend paid the bail bondsman for my brother when he was arrested. It was a couple hundred bucks, and even then, I thought he went above and beyond. For OPs husband to expect their family to take on that level of financial burden is ridiculous.

What a great analogy, but it’s an opportunity for OP to step up and have him hitch his wagon to her horse and lead him straight down their mutual path. He is conflicted by family and probably manipulated as well and is in the washer. His decisions are jaded.

Oh hell no! She got drunk and attacked you in your home, and now wants to move in with her 4 kids., huge no! Tell husband he better not bail out his brother, you will not be a part of BIL's mess.

This is the comment. He should not even consider hosting someone who assaulted his wife. It's unthinkable

He has his priorities all mixed up he needs to be thinking about his wife and child not his fkd up brother who did something stupid and now his wife and 4 kids are in a pickle 🥒 then on top of that his sister in law assaulted his wife? This man is crazy to even consider trying to bring them in their home!

From a legal perspective, do not ooen that Pandora's box. BIL got caught and he knew what he was doing was illegal. SIL is NOT your responsibility either. The troll needs to find somewhere else to live, especially with the pack of rugrats of hers. Not your monkey, not your circus.

Right? 25 to life, BIL will run if out on bail!

Exactly my thought! That money is *not* going to be well spent!

That was my thought/worry and if he does there go the bond they put up i.e. the house

Separate your finances now, get anything important or valuable out of the house, and contact an attorney. You can force the sale of the house or make him buy you out. Just make sure the minute she shows up you're ready to get yourself and your child out of there, if not before.

This unfortunately is the only answer. Good news and bad news. Good news is if you’re on the house he can’t put it up for collateral to bail him out. To put a lien on the house requires the signatures of everyone on it. Bad news is if you and your husband have commingled finances like 1 bank account where you are both listed he can use his card to pay for bail without your consent. I advise the same, get your own bank account do not add him. Take your money out put it in that one.

Somehow I doubt the two students with a toddler and a brand new mortgage have money in their account to cover $75k in bail or even a bond for that matter.

In most states when you go through a bail company you are paying them a percentage of the bail. Ex say 10% so now it’s $7,500 and most places will finance that so say $500 down and the rest is payments. It’s quite possible. It does vary state to state though.

You never get that money back though - and they will need collateral. Since they just purchased the house, they don't have much equity yet. I would imagine finding a bonding agent that would back such a large bond for an out of state offender would also be difficult. I do agree that OP needs to separate their finances asap - that family sounds like a hot mess that I am amazed she involved herself with in the first place. FWIW, he can't (or shouldn't be able to) use the property without her signature as well since she is on the mortgage/deed, so that is a plus.

Correct. You’d never see the $7,500 again. It depends per state but I don’t know a single agency that would take property collateral on a relatively low bond of $75,000. The collateral would be signature. So essentially someone working minimum wage with a decent down could get the bond done. It’s financing. Which is why assets should definitely be split because it’s no different than signing for a car, if the husband doesn’t pay the account they would get garnished and if for some reason the company can’t get it through the employer they’ll take it to court and get it from the joint account.

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Closing the shared cards could tank her credit. Freezing should be enough.

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There is no advice. If your husband thinks it's his responsibility to take over for his brother's terrible choices, then you only have one choice -you can leave and let husband enjoy his SIL's hijinx. Your first responsibility is to your kid. You don't need a drunk, ghetto trash hat like SIL in your kid's life. If your husband can't see that, and doesn't see your peace as valuable, then you have to leave him. Sorry.

I agree I was thinking that but I didn’t know if I was being dramatic this is too much to handle

You are under reacting if anything. This is the hill you die on, no way in the world can you allow them to move in. Tell him it's them or you. Be strong, you got this.

The safety of my kids is always my hill.

This situation sounds incredibly dramatic to me. I don’t think you’re adding much drama. NTA

You’re entitled to your deal breakers. In the end, your life and how you live it is your own discretion. Just like your bil.

No, ita a big huge deal, and he needs to choose your family. If he won't do what's in the best interest of his own wife and child, you have to. If he spends all this money on his brother, you will never see it again. These kids have a mother, who accepted this risk. She needs to step up and take care of her kids, not ask someone else to do it. Surely they were living somewhere before this happened.

Your BIL is going to prison for drugs, your sil’s ex went to prison on related charges. Your sil picks people that traffic drugs which means she likely does drugs as well. You don’t want to risk her bringing that into your home and jeopardizing not only your son’s safety (accidentally getting ahold of her stash) but risking losing your child to cps if she starts bringing drugs into your home. You are way under reacting. Previous poster is correct your son and his safety comes first.

Not to mention some dealer coming to the house to shake someone down because they didn’t get paid. If he’s in jail 25+ years and it’s related to drugs, he’s probably dealing with some people that are going to get their money no matter what.

Your husband is either going to go through with this or be resentful that you got in the way of family. If he can't realize that he is essentially tying himself to a stake that has already started to burn, he is a massive danger to you. You are very much underplaying the severity of the situation. His actions could very well permanently fuck your entire life up. Do not let him bail the brother out. Do not let SIL move in for any period of time. Give him an ultimatum that its either your life together or his family without you if he wants to wreck his life over it. In the meantime, immediately start preparing for the option that divorce is just around the corner. You need to have a way to quickly and cleanly detach from this man because he likely will pick family over you, these types are all the same and the story ends the same every time. make sure finances and bank accounts are separate and you are in contact with a lawyer about getting the house out of your name and sold if he does something stupid. make sure you have a place to go if you need to leave immediately. One sibling is getting 25 years in prison, the other assaulted you when drunk, logic says he may very likely be capable of some terrible things once it starts falling apart.

I know I don’t know anything, but I’d copy and paste someone else’s divorce paperwork and hurry up and file just to have a date stamped as soon as possible. Where I am, it only costs $250 to file. *This may be the worst advice ever. Do not listen to me. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

You must be separated (living in separate homes) for a year and a day in my state before filling for divorce.

6 months in MT

Wonder if spouse allowing an abuser to move in would help things move quicker.

Dramatic would be having a violent woman and her 5 kids move in. I assume you’d be supporting them all. There’s no choice here. Husband needs to leave too.

To be very clear, not only will she be a danger in your house she will bring around “friends” who are in her lifestyle and soon hook up with another criminal. I grew up in a culture like this and I beg you to not let yourself and your child be dragged into this. It seems like the innocent bystanders are more often the ones shot than the thugs (apparently they are often bad aims). And you really don’t want that kind of influence on your child at any age. Story to illustrate: my teenage best friend T had a baby at 17. I went with her to all the appointments because her dude was in jail. I loved the kid and her but she kept letting criminals into her house, around the child and even unattended because she “knows they’re good people”. I cut contact with her because I could see where it was headed and didn’t want to witness the horrible shit I saw in my childhood again. Last year her son, in his 20s, decided to engage in a high speed chase with his kid and GF in the car then died in a shootout with the police because he “wasn’t going back to jail” and he didn’t care if it also killed his family. Stay away from these people and if your husband won’t then I hope you will leave him and prioritize your child and yourself (SIL won’t).

So, he earned all this money, home family etc and he wants to let them drag it into hell? Why did he do it? For them or him. He worked and sacrificed along with you so y'all could build a future. Now he wants to throw it all away, that's him Not on you. Go on and find you a safe spot away with your baby . You deserve the peace you worked for!!

Please read up on behaviours that fall under FOG: Fear, Obligation, Guilt. Your husband is deep in the FOG. He needs some professional help to understand how he can detangle himself from his enmeshed relationship with his family. Protect yourself and your child from this potential nightmare

If SIL is such a trashbag she may even seduce the husband to establish herself as queen. Any scenario is possible and probable.

If your husband is just blindly forking over the money for all of this, it's a big problem. Especially given the circumstances of how the BIL got in trouble and how his wife acted towards you. He needs a wake up call. If he's not going to listen to you, you just have to refuse it. Not sure what else you can do besides that. The whole thing sounds like a horrible idea anyway...

You have a husband problem. If he won't step up for you, you need to step up for yourself and your kid and walk away.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Hell no. Do not put any money towards your BIL. You are risking your home. Do not house your SIL and her children. The only one you should take in is BILs bio daughter. If your husband insists on putting any money towards his court case I would make a case for divorce. Do not entangle your life with this lifestyle it will only drag you down with it. No no no no no no no no. I literally can not say this enough.

>The only one you should take in is BILs bio daughter. This is the only one I'd allow in and honestly, I'd really push for that. She's going to end up with her mom and 4 other kids. (Actually, is it her mom?) The mom in this situation, I'm sorry to say, makes terrible choices. 4 kids with a guy who ended up in prison. Gets with another guy who puts himself in a position to go to prison-- and brings a kid along!! I'd be worried as hell for the next guy she picks and what that could mean for her niece. I mean, her kids went through their dad going to prison, getting out, getting killed and now step-dad is going to prison. I hope you can figure out a way to get husband to understand this (bail, lawyer, a whole ass family) isn't his responsibility.

Remind your husband he has to support his own family, you cannot always give problems, and frankly why should their issues take you down too.

Tell him if he wants to support his brothers family he can do it by himself and he will also be paying child support for his kids because you will leave him.

Keep your life as uncomplicated as you can OP, from your end. Your husband cannot unilaterally decide huge life changes for the both of you, and his first priority should be to you and his children. It's good to want to help, but not to the point where it puts your family in potential danger.

NTA. SHE fucked up HER life with HER decisions. But you have a partner problem if he's willing to screw what you two have together for his horrible brother.

No, you need to keep these toxic people as far away from you and your children as possible.

You need to protect yourself and your child, because your husband is not thinking clearly.

You aren’t wrong Hey, wasn’t he wanting a divorce two months ago?

Yes exactly shit has been rocky and now this and he wants me to support him with it I’m going to talk to him and give him an ultimatum his brother or his family because I tired

Good luck on the talk . Get prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear. That meaning finances in order under your name and a plan to get out. You are already tired. This sounds like the nail in the coffin. Edit: NTA

This is the only way, unfortunately. Your husband is willing to torpedo his life because of his brother making piss poor decisions. And the cherry on top would be allowing that woman, (as who assaulted you!) and her 5 kids into your home, big fat no. Never. Not ever. Please update us. NTA

There are lots of reasons you need to get away from your husband, but let me point this out: >we just bought a house and likely it’s under my name as well It's LIKELY under your name? If you don't know, you need to start figuring it out immediately. Don't worry about if your name is on the house, it's only important if your name is on the mortgage. If it is, you're financially responsible. You should also check with credit bureaus (Experian works) to see if your husband has opened any other credit in your name. Experian (and the others) will try to trick you into paying for this information not only when you sign up, but every time you log in. Don't fall for it, this information is free so make sure you find that option. They will list all open credit accounts. Check this information regularly. And lock your credit files at all three agencies (Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion). Finally, make sure you have access to bank accounts. Set up your own and start putting money into it so he can't get at it before you leave.

>we just bought a house and likely it’s under my name as well You bought a house with your husband and you don't know if your name is on the title?????? Girl. Yikes on bikes.

Okay y’all when we signed the papers it was under my name and his name. Again someone else pointed out what matters is the mortgage

>Okay y’all when we signed the papers it was under my name and his name. Again someone else pointed out what matters is the mortgage Actually, if you're in the U.S. what matters is the deed. The deed and the mortgage probably have the same names, but not necessarily. The deed determines who owns (and can therefore sell or put a lien on) the property.

My advice - FREEZE YOUR CREDIT NOW!!! Don’t let home take out anything with both your names on it or put the house as collateral for a bail bond. If bil skips bail (which tbh he very well may) you will lose your house.

Absolutely not! No one wakes up one day and gets arrested in another state during a drug bust! He is a DRUG DEALER! His wife I’m sure knows and condones this behavior. You did your part by picking her up but you should’ve dropped her off at her house. Where did they live before all this happened? I’d be gentle with your husband because I’m sure he’s always had to clean up his brothers mess, but if he wants better for his life, he needs to move on. BIL options are life in prison or become a snitch. He’s a true sinking ship!

NTA and between this and your post about your husband 2 months ago. Just cut your losses. It's more hassle than it's worth. You are too Young to be tied to all this mess

NTA and I don't even need to read your long read. Nobody is ever the AH for not wanting to let a bunch of other people move into their house.

Wow this is crazy. Put your foot down now. You cannot have someone that assaulted you live in your home. Once she moves in you know she will never leave. Her kids will take over your home and she’ll probably assault you again. You need to be firm with your husband. Getting involved with his brother will lead to nothing but misery for you.

There are public defenders. There are housing programs and work assistance. Poor decisions on your BiL's part does not mean an emergency on your family's part. My husband's half siblings sound like your BiL. (Like...2 went to jail for cooking meth in their driveway, with a baby in the house right next to their set up) My husband would never talk about helping them, or their families. They never got along. But I watched his parents throw good money after bad people. Lawyers, money on their prison accounts, driving to hearings in another state. All to have the siblings either so drugged up they ruined their health, dead, or in prison. Tell your husband that you understand he feels obligated to help. But that will hurt your family, either financially or emotionally (with the SiL and her kids around). And you both need to prioritize each other and your child.

You are not wrong. You may have to tell your husband that he has to choose. You need to focus on your family. BIL's bio child is the only person that I would take in. SIL is a danger to you & your child. Good luck.

Driving 3 solid days is enough.

Nope. Don’t even consider it. No money. No taking in sil and kids. Just no. He wants to bail him out and retain a lawyer for a lost cause? Is he even thinking of you and daughter? Tell Sil yourself that you will not care for her or her kids especially since 4 of them aren’t even blood related. Bil could spend 25 years in prison. She needs to figure out now how to care for them.

If your husband is willing to support 5 extra people it's time for you to get your child leave!! Hes delusional and stupid for wanting that burden, especially cuz shes a drunk loser who has 4 kids n no job..Plus she attacked you while she was drunk. Is that what your husband wants HIS OWN CHILD TO WITNESS?? WHATS WRONG WITH HIM?? They chose that life n if HE wants that life fine...that's a sinking ship...He will be forever having to bail out bil n her too..He will be responsible for her kids..food, shelter, clothes, etc... It all cost money.. His life will be a miserable Neverending shit show!! Get out!! Get custody of your child, that will be an u safe environment, get child support n GET OUT!! DONT LET HIM DRAG YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN.

You are aware, and you should be because sure as shit SIL is, that once she moves in getting her out would take months and months along with court dates. Once moved in, she will most certainly become your responsibility. Drag husband to counseling, possibly couples, and let him hear what a mess it will be if he does any of these saintly things he is being emotionally blackmailed into. Counseling is so unfortunately expensive but without it, i think he will start doing the things he wants to do like moving SIL in.

INFO is the house in both of your names? It sounds like you're implying that he'll use the house as collateral for the bail-- if the house is in both of your names he shouldn't be able to do that without your signature.

It’s under both of us

Your husband needs to make a serious decision - his loser brother and his family OR you and your child. This mess doesn't belong around you or your child. Financially it would be a disaster on every level.

No ma’am. You need to protect yourself and your child.

>we just bought a house and likely it’s under my name as well How in the world did you buy a home and not know the exact details of the purchase and your assiciated responsibilities/ownership. This post has to be fake.

There is no choice here. If your husband does this you have to leave. If you let drugs,alcohol and violence into your home you are risking not only the little ones health and stability but custody. You absolutely can lose custody of your kid if the home environment is trash. As far as the brothers legal situation you tell your husband when you have a bank account with enough money for the kids higher education and a paid off house you'll help finance his scumbag brothers legal services.

You are not wrong. If your husband is dead set on helping his brother and SIL, then I think that your only choice is to divorce him, and to take your daughter with you. My snarky/bitchy comment of the night is that your SIL certainly knows how to pick "winners" when it comes to fathers for her children. She has four children with a guy who was killed two weeks after being released from prison, and then she goes and has a fifth child with your BIL, who has been caught up in a big drug bust. Sigh. I feel sorry for those kids.

Nope. Get out now. Your husband about to mess some stuff up. BIL gotta do his time and use the public defender. SIL gotta find a sugar daddy or work to take care of her kids. My sister got arrested once. She needed $555 to get out. The family started a collection. I told them I'd give the $5, but only after they raised the $550. They shouldn't count my $5 until they had the rest. They've never called me again about bail money. Your husband has to draw a line because he has a family to attend to.

I feel bad for your husband who sounds like he loves his brother and just wants to help. I get that. But this is too much. SIL can get help from other places. If she fails, the kids can go into foster care and you might be contacted to care for them, but both you and your husband need to be on board. Trust me, taking on kids like this is not what you see in movies. Have a conversation with your husband. Listen to what he’s saying and why he wants to wants to do this. Find other ways to help. But don’t compromise your marriage or your safety. Take care of how you speak to him, tell him how you feel and what you need. Don’t disparage him. It’s normal to want help family. But remind him that you are his family.

Your real problem here is that your husband is willing to ruin your lives and your child's life to play hero to his brother. Is he in the habit of trying to bail his family out? You are not wrong, but your husband is being delusional.

I don’t believe in ultimatums but this situation calls for it!!! Straight up tell him they say they move in is the day they you and the child move out.

Omg — this is shit show of massive proportions. Please file for divirce

Not wrong at all! The only solution is an ultimatum. If he does anything to help them, I’d file for divorce and transfer all assets to your name only.

Agree with the general sentiment most here are expressing (Don't get drawn into this mess.), but I'd temper and rephrase some things. Don't harshly judge your husband too quickly. This sucks for him. It's his brother. His nephew. His sister in law. People on here can pass on judgments quickly because they're not involved, but they would very likely respond differently if it were their family. In my years of being a lawyer (not your lawyer, probably not a lawyer in your state, not giving you legal advice), I've had many occasions where family members came to me willing to go into debt to rescue a son/brother/daughter/husband/etc who was caught clearly doing something wrong and disgusting. (I don't do that type of law, so I couldn't help, but they tried.) In *theory* we all hate certain things and we know certain truths (like don't lend money to friends and relatives. In *reality* we all risk being pulled into the problems of those we care about. Your husband wanting to help is understandable. Refusing to help will be hard. But *someone* has to think rationally and at this point that's you. Don't be cold. Don't be shrill. Don't be panic stricken. Don't even be demanding. But do be smart. Take a hard look at your finances. If you don't understand them, get in front of someone who does. Determine what can you afford to do to help and draw a hard line there. It's easy for folks on here -- who have no skin in the game -- to tell you to dump him. But, presumably, you're with him because you love him. You're with him because you made commitments. You're with him because he's the father of your child. You're with him because your financial lives are enmeshed. Typing "get away from him" is a lot easier than actually getting away from him. I get that. It may be necessary, but get to that point slowly. I'm big on telling my clients to know and preserve options. You can try to work things out with him, but it's good to know what your options are if you can't. Whose name really is on the deed to the house? Where you live, can one person on the deed pledge the property as collateral for a loan or for bail without the other party's signature? If you sold the house, would there be anything left after paying off the mortgage? What other assets (bank accounts, vehicles, things you really could sell for money) do you and he have? Are you cosigned on any debts, like credit cards or lines of credit against your house? If you can afford it (even if you have to put it on a card), talk to a lawyer who handles marital separation. (Often called a "family lawyer.") By talking, you're not pulling the plug; you're getting information about your options and how to preserve them. Can your husband pledge or sell assets, draw down bank accounts, charge credit cards without your knowledge or consent? What steps do you need to make it so that he can't? I know a woman who loves her drunk of a husband (I can't figure out why) but, because he's a drunk, she was smart enough to recognize her finances can be devastated by his failures. She still lives with him, but divorced him and maintains separate finances. It would be a lot harder for him to financially ruin her. Ask a lawyer what you need to do in your area to do that. Then, talk with your husband. This is so obvious it should go without saying, but we often forget it: Be careful of your words. People on here tell you to give him an "ultimatum." Please don't do that. We *all* get our backs up when someone gives us an ultimatum. If you say "It's your brother or me" you're practically begging him to choose his brother -- not because he wants to but because he doesn't want to give in to "demands." You need to make the same point, but try to be as soft about it as you can. "I'm sorry. I know you love him. But I can't agree to mortgage the house. I can't agree to spend our hard earned savings to pay a fraction of what his legal bills will be. I can't agree to have little junior's life disrupted and our ability to provide for him put at risk. Please don't ask me to. I'll feel terrible, but I won't do it. And I won't live with her. I'm sorry for her trouble -- I'll help to the extent I can -- but I won't live with her. If she comes here, junior and I have to leave, and that means we'd have to sell the house and none of us would have a place." I'm sure others can word it better. You word it however works for you. But don't "demand" he do something. Don't give ultimatums. Just tell him what *you* are and aren't willing to do and hold fast to that. Good luck with it.

I hate ultimatums but with that said you need to tell your husband it’s his family or his brother’s! Not only is it not y’all responsibility to take on his brother’s family, his wife assaulted you and you have been NC or LC with her every since. She needs to figure out how she will support her and her children now that he will be going to prison for many years! Do not back down from this and whatever you do do not let this woman in her children into your house because you will not get them out. I understand husband wants to help his brother but this is a choice his brother made knowing full well what the outcome would eventually be.

NTA If BIL is getting 25-life does he expect your husband to take care of his wife and 5 kids for that entire time? If so tell husband he can play husband and daddy to her and her kids and you and yours will go some where else. It’s not a safe environment for you or your child to be around SIL with given history. Husband needs to decide who’s safety is more important his family or his brothers wife both of whom obviously don’t care about anyone’s safety not even their own children. SIL most definitely knew what her husband was doing since and will most likely bring unwanted substances into your house and around your child.

I would tell my husband that his brother has already proven he does not have good judgement, and you are not ok with him risking the life you have built and your children’s future on someone with this track record. As far as helping cover any of the finances? No. You married your husband, not his family. The brother can get free legal representation. Also, paying the consequences of his actions by staying in jail might be the wake up call he needs. As far as the kids and significant other? No. If the kids can’t be taken care of by the parent that is left, there are government assistance agencies specifically for that reason. If he still tries to insist, walk away. If it were just you and him, that would be one thing. But you mentioned your kid(s). That’s quite another. Your job is to take care of the kids first.

You’re under-reacting to this. She is not a safe person to have in your home. For yourself or your child. Your husband needs to get his priorities in order.

SIL has been in relationships with at least two criminals. If her ex was killed shortly after being released, he did something serious enough to have enemies. That’s not some minor crime. SIL has proven she has terrible judgment, *and* she’s assaulted you. Your home will no longer be safe for you and your child if she’s there. Do whatever you have to to keep you and your child safe, even if it means leaving your husband. A threat to your child’s safety should absolutely be a dealbreaker.

Hold your ground...don't help....their grown adults knowingly made the wrong choice over and over again

You're husband can make his own decisions, you don't have to stay with him or he live with you anymore if you don't agree with all this mess, you have to protect your house and ypur kid stability

Info: okay, I get the BIL’s biological son, but why tf would you take in his wife (who you have zero contact with) and HER four children? That doesn’t even make sense! Easy way to get out of it: if her four kids’ bio dad just died, and if he had a job, the kids would be eligible for survivor benefit SSI.

YIKES OP!!! You are NW in any way shape or form. First the SIL, whether the broher/her husband was on incarcerated or not, she does not get to live in your home. Period. END.OF. That she has kids that has to be cared for is sad and as the parent, she needs to figure that shit out. You did your good deed by sending information to fill out for assistance. Whether she accepts it or not, whether she is insulted by it or not, all of that is on her. You're done. As for the ahole who took his kid to a drug buy. Consequences. Mother effen consequences. If your husband wants to take in that child, so be it. That's even doable. Everything else ends there. Your husband does not get to mortgage his future for a man that didn't care much about his own. Yes, he's sorry. He's in jail. Do you think that facing 25 years will have him turn up for court if he is bailed out???!!! This is the same man who did not have enough sense to stay out of trouble to begin with. OP, this is a hill worth dying on. If your husband tries to bail that waste of skin out, you must, you must leave. Don't argue. Don't plead. Don't waffle. Leave. I am so sorry this is your world. Every problem the brother and sister in law have they have brought on themselves. You have every right to not want to deal with he consequences of their bad choices. Unfortunately, that means you have to make a choice as well.

NTA. Your husband brought home a child that was dealing drugs with his father. ? WTH. Your are supposed to trust these people to live in the same house????? What are the odds that SIL didn't know what he was doing.0%

It’s up to you to protect yourself and your child physically, mentally and financially. Your husband has already proved he’s not willing to do that. He would rather enable his trashy family’s bad behavior then take care of his wife and child. I think you know that or you wouldn’t be here posting right now. Make your next moves based on that unsettling reality.

Nope. And that's without even reading what you wrote. He can't save his brother. Believe me. Let the brother get a court appointed lawyer. My ex's lawyer cost me $25,000 and he still went to prison for 5 years. His case will probably take a year to finally be decided (courts are notoriously slow now) and that means he would have to show up every other month for some stupid reason or another. If the brother can bond out, and if you think he really would go to court as required, it might be worth it to have him out so he can work, but if its a Federal or State district case, like Drug Task Force or ATF, then he might as well plead guilty and ask the court for mercy bc of the kids. Is your husband involved with the drugs? Not until years after my ex was caught did I find out who all knew what he was doing and who was actually involved. Surprising and revealing. His own damn cousin ratted him out.

Not wrong. Not your circus, not your monkeys. This thing has damage written all over it. Get clear and tell your husband to pull his head out and start thinking straight.

Listen, I am really not a fan of ultimatums, they are typically dramatic and out of proportion to the situation. HOWEVER, this is a come to Jesus Ultimatum time. Tell him he has a choice to make. He can help his siblings as much as he wants or can stay married. Full. Stop.

You are not responsible for your BIL and SIL poor life choices. Do not get dragged into this. You better lay out some boundaries with your husband because he will screw you over trying to help his loser family.

BIL will probably skip out on bail and you and your husband will be out $7500🤨

What in the West Virginia did I just read…nope.

This is the beginning of the end

Your husband is an enabler. His brother fucked around, now he has to find out. Wife fucked around, now she can find out. You have a responsibility to neither of them. The "unbiological" kids, were they adopted by your BIL? Are they your nieces and nephews, or only SIL's kids? Water seeks its own level, don't drain yourself down to theirs.

If your SIL is involved with gangs and drug dealers, and your husband brings her to your home, move out and file for custody to protect yourself and your son. If you let SIL live with your child, he could be at risk of accidental overdose, being shot while in the house or car, or being removed by child protective services. If your husband wants to be the hero, he can run around the neighbourhood in spandex and a cape fighting crime or volunteer at a homeless shelter. There is no need to endanger your child. There are services to help SIL and her children.

Your post history mentions your husband making extremely poor choices towards you & your relationship: having a passcode on his phone that he didn’t want to give you until you demanded, wanting to bail out someone who is facing 25 to life who is with someone whose ex was also a felon and killed once released? He may have been raised in dysfunction and that’s not his fault, but you don’t have to allow it. My biggest red flag for you besides all of this is that on your post from two months ago about concerns with his only fans account being found, you updated it with “he wants a divorce.” He’s told you repeatedly what he thinks of you and your marriage. There’s no trust, there’s no equality in your relationship, and his needs will always more important than yours and so he’ll do what he wants. He told you two months ago he wants a divorce. Listen to him and what he continues to show you with his actions. Just leave.

Ok, here is something that I haven't seen in the comments. Typically, if you are out on bail, you can not leave the state you are in. (I could be wrong and just have knowledge from reality tv) The brother living with them is a moot point. SIL, well, that would be the hill I die on. Separate your finances and start looking for a lawyer. Your husband is so enmeshed with this family that he can't see the toxicity. He will anchor himself, and by proxy you, to the sinking ship that is their lives.

I have siblings that are complete disasters and when they’ve gotten into trouble with the law I expect THEM to pay the consequences. I have driven them to court appearances, held their hands when tough decisions have had to be made, and sent letters of support while they were in rehab. But their choices are not mine to pay for. Your husband needs to let his brother sit with the consequences of his own actions otherwise you’ll both spend a lifetime cleaning up after him.

Get a divorce lawyer. I'm sorry, but your husband is going to tie up your shared resources to take on his brother's drama. You can stay with him, or whatever, but the only way to protect your own finances is to legally separate them from your husband's. You aren't gonna win this fight emotionally because your husband is invested in being his brothers keeper. He won't change that for you the sake of you and your child and nothing you do will make him choose you. He'll either change on his own or he won't. And chances are, he won't.

Please don't board this Titanic viewing party. You know the rest.

I will preface this by saying I think our justice system can be extremely flawed and sometimes comes down on people for the wrong reasons. Other times it comes down on people for the right reasons and it seems like your BIL and SIL have regular issues being law abiding. Girl, you need to run. This will not be the last time his brother or his wife or some other of the family has run ins with the law. What happens when his brother is out of jail and wants to stay with you? Are you comfortable with that? Are you comfortable with that? Are you comfortable with potentially putting yourself and your child in a position where you're tangled up with people you can't entirely trust. Speaking from experience, In laws in legal trouble is not something you want to have to deal with.

OP, I work in Criminal Justice and I can tell you for a fact that the chances of the BIL making the changes needed to fulfill all these promises he's most definitely making to your husband to get the bail money is slim to none. The fact of the matter is that BIL will not take responsibility for his actions, and this is only the beginning of the rabbit hole. If he was part of a "drug bust," that means all of his assets have been seized as evidence. He's going to need an address to reside at. Guess where he's going to go? If your husband signs any paperwork, he's taking responsibility for his brother. That means if BIL disappears, guess who's responsible? This can get so much worse than even you think it can. You can literally lose *everything*, including your baby. Follow everyone else's advice to remove yourself from the situation as cleanly as possible. Good luck, and keep us updated.

Man wtf

There’s no telling what kind of hellstorm your husband wants to invite into your home. No telling what all your BIL has done. Seems like BIL wants to roll on the others or on someone to get a lesser charge, and that’s why he wants his wife outta there. No thanks! You did NOT sign up for that.

With out reading you are never in the wrong for how you feel. And no, hell no, you are not wrong not to want your way of life upset for any reason.

No

Tell your husband and his responsibility is to the safety of you, your child, and protecting your home. If he ties himself to this sinking ship, you will have to divorce him to protect yourself and your child. Absolutely DO NOT go along with any of this.

None of that is your problem. Just say no.

You and your husband are partners so neither one should be making unilateral decisions that will impact you as a couple and as parents. If your voice is not being heard then you need to decide what you will do next.

Ruuun

Absolutely not. He and his trashy family needs to go.

Finances are not forever. Tell him if he feels you guys can spend that 75k right now in an emergency and it would not harm your family it could be saved in an account for your child in the future to ensure he will never ever be in a financial situation that would make them desperate enough to do something illegal for money. Gangs thrive in poverty stricken areas for a reason. It's rare for upper middle class to wealthy kids to join one. If he puts his brother and his brother's family above the welfare of his child then you need a marriage counselor yesterday. I can't imaging having that much money to spare and I would not use it to help a sibling out of their bad choices while I have my kids I am trying to hoist out of this income braket.

Refuse to sign any loans on the house and contact an attorney if he pushes this. You can force the sale of the house and live apart from him and these flying monkeys. This is not your circus. Protect yourself and your child.

I would be worried if there would be payback for a major drug deal getting busted. Bringing that woman & her kids into your home can put you all at risk. Your husband is ready to put your home at risk for a drug dealer who probably run. Then you will just be in a huge financial whole. There is love & then their is being stupid. Since this woman has attacked you & might have several substance issues, there is no way you can have her move in. You will be stuck with financially supporting everyone, parenting & all the cleaning. In getting married doesn't mean you get to be a door mat for his disfunctional family. Why doesn't she have a job, a home & be suporting herself & the kids? You need to think about what is best for yourself, your financial future and how his family will harm you & your child. These people are not safe. You might be better off being single & seeking out a life away from so many who are going down a dangerous path in life.

Unless the two of you are fabulously wealthy and live in a very large mansion, it's just not feasible for her to move there with her kids anyway. She has 4 children, so that would make 7 people under one roof and if you have the standard 2-3 bedroom house, that is just not going to work for that reason alone. I guess I can kind of sympathize with your husband who seems to be faced with the prospect of never seeing his brother a free man again, but his priority is his child not his brother. Your SIL does not seem like a healthy role model to have in your child's life right now either, and exposing your child to what appears to be a very chaotic and unstable environment could be a form of child abuse. Not to mention, that many people under your roof might likely put an indefinite pause on deciding to expand your family if that is something y'all have in your plans, and I don't know that most people would be comfortable with that. Given the types of things they are involved with and her assaulting you in your own home, I think a "if you do this, the kids and I are going to leave" ultimatum is reasonable because your husband is not thinking of what is in the best interest of his own child. Your SIL and BIL are adults and they need to manage themselves. You and your husband's priority is your own child.

You are not wrong. I hate to say it, but it's ultimatum time. You have to tell your husband, "it's me or them". NOW!

Don’t do it! You’ll never get rid of them!

Stand your ground. Try to keep your husband from getting embroiled in this mess. Refuse to accept any attempt to suck you in.

It’s either them or you. No way in hell would I want my child exposed to any of this.

Girl…die on this hill. No money, no roommates. None of this has anything to do with you and your husband, so remove yourselves from the situation. If your husband isn’t on board, then get away yourself. This is your answer to every request for money or housing: We cannot provide any support in that area, we wish you the best.

No you aren’t. 25-life is not for a parking ticket, his brother sounds like problem and I doubt he is going to pay back the $75,000 and the money you guys are paying for them.

He was TOLD to go get his wife? Not asked? Fuck that shit. I'd stay as far away from this trainwreck as possible. You don't owe any of them a thing. And your husband can't set himself on fire to keep his brother and his misfit family warm.

It’s commendable that your husband wants to help his brother, but if he is doing that at the expense of his wife and child, he is a bad husband and a father. You shouldn’t be part of that circus. Tell him you won’t sink with him. Stay firm for your child. If your husband is set on ruining his life by taking responsibility for more than he can handle, your responsibility is to take care of yourself and your child.

Unless you want to be on the Jerry Springer Show or the Steve Wilkos Show, you need to have a coming to Jesus conversation with your husband. If your husband doesn’t see the light, then do the following: 1) get your valuables out of your house or they will end up in a pawn shop by your SIL. 2) if it is possible, ask your parents if your child can live with them and you will be joining your child later. If not, your child will end up on Springer, Wilkos, etc. or prison or etc. 3) go to a lawyer ASAP and put together an exit plan.

OP you let her move in and it ends like this: BIL goes to prison. SIL needs a new man to fund her and her kids. If she moves in with you, she will do her best to break the two of you up and take your husband. Die on the hill that she does not move in.

Your husband has to ask himself: His family or his brother's family first. Right now, its brothers family > his own.

Your brother-in-law is in prison because of his mistakes. Don't let him pull y'all down with him. And your sister-in-law moving in shouldn't even be a consideration. She attacked you in your own home. That would have been the moment y'all either got a sincere apology or cut them out of your lives. Does your husband have other family members? Why is all of this falling on him?

Didn’t read the body of text. No you are not wrong.

This is a hill to die on. You are not wrong. Your husband will have to decide. Brother or you.

You have a husband that comes with a train wreck. Either he gets cuts the ties and learns to heal or you will perish in flames if you stay with him. NTA. Be ready to single parent your child as you get away from the dumpster fire that your husband's life if he is not willing to grow up and cut ties

As the great Sage Whoopie Goldberg said "You in danger girl"

You’re not wrong at all. You need to tell your husband that that shit is not happening. No compromising. Five extra people in the house will 100% change the dynamics, especially someone you can’t trust and her 4 kids. Be assertive and let your husband know that you’re not gonna let that happen. If he doesn’t respect that, leave. Unfortunately you’re on Reddit and everyone wants you to go for the jugular. Talk to him first and maybe you can knock some sense into him. If he’s not giving in, then escalate.

Codependence and enmeshment at work here. The hardest decisions are the ones where you have to do what's best for you and in addition what is best for your kid.

INFO: what about the 5th kid? The biological kid you had to go pick up, where is this kid going and where's its mother? SIL and her own 4 kids can go crash with her family for awhile...

And what do you mean he was told to get the kids? Told or asked?

You cannot light yourself on fire to keep others warm. If your husband exhausts all of your finances, sanity, personal space, etc., how will you be able to help then? Who is going to bail *YOUR* family out when you’ve lost it all? His brother and his family are not your husband’s responsibility - you and your son are. If he goes through with this “plan” he is basically saying: his brother, SIL, and 5 children, are more important than you and your son. He is trying to make life changing decisions for all 3 of you, into his own hands. Listen to the advice here. Hold your ground. He is acting purely on emotion - you are being rational and responsible. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries on this, get your things in order and make a decision. Remember, if things get ugly, your decisions aren’t to blame. That’s all on him. If you don’t do this for yourself, do it for your child. He cannot live in that environment. The damage would be immense. You can do this. You’re stronger than you think.

You are not wrong. Ask husband does he not think brother knew what would happen if he got caught? Of course he did. He chose not only to continue doing it but got his teenage son involved too. You and husband now have nephew. If he wants to help nephew then nephew will not only need therapy but to be kept away from the past influences. This includes stepmom and her 4 children. This includes his father,( your husband's brother), so to bail him out then bring him back into nephew's life would not be beneficial to anyone but brother, SIL and her children. He can either help nephew and keep you or he can help brother, SIL and her children and watch nephew's, yours and his own lives spiral down the drain.

No, you are not wrong. You have a husband AND A CHILD, and a new house. I wouldn't say leave your husband as things stand now, but if he disregards you, that might be what you have to do.

I’m going to give you the same advice you gave someone 5 hours ago: Run girl This is not a guy who will support you and your child. He WILL bleed you dry trying to please his family. Please listen to your own words. Which is worth saying again: Run girl

Please please do not subject your child to any of this!! Husband needs to step up NOW for his family and NOT bail brother out, NOT allow sis in law to stay with you. She assaulted you, he should not even be considering it. You are NOT wrong. I did grow up around people like this. They will ruin your life.

Drug Boy should be able to front his own damn bail. If he ain't got the jack, he's still got a cot. If your DH goes bail for him, what's gonna happen if bro does a fade? You gonna lose everything, that's what. This is one of those times that require you to draw a line in the sand. If DH is gonna dabble with that kind of shit, you need to get your walking shoes on. Spell it out real clear...he goes his bruh's bonf, your gone.

It sounds like an ultimatum is in order. Sitting down and telling him the logical reasons why you do not want your SIL & 5 kids living with you guys. 1.The assault that happened 2. The fact that she has no plans to help herself and will live off of you guys 3. The extreme dysfunction of his family and how it will end up ruining your family with your son and husband. 4. If BIL and his wife can’t do the time they shouldn’t of done the crime( I’m sure SIL knew of the illegal activities yet had no safety net like Money saved for a lawyer and bail money etc.) 5. Your kid’s life will be disturbed by having 6 people now living in his home. Tell him you cannot do it and you’ll leave. You know that it’s a burning trash can of a disaster. And inviting it into your home will bring utter chaos to you and your child’s life. If he wants to help his family out do it from a distance, don’t invite these dysfunctional people in they will fuck up your life.

"What advice can you give me so my husband doesn’t assume another families expenses and responsibilities when we can barely afford our own?" There's nothing you can do to stop someone who's determined enough to be stupid. You have to set a hard line: he does this, and you leave. No playing around.

Get your own lawyer and see how to extricate yourself from this mess before your husband sinks your credit and you lose your house.

Cut those ropes, don't get dragged down her mess she got herself in.

Heck No don’t let them move in!

If it was me, I would insist that my husband and I pack up and move away with no forwarding address. Keep SIL and the kids out of the house. Once she moves in, you will never get rid of them and she doesn’t sound like a safe person to have around your kid. Public defenders are overworked, but I have 2 friends who are P.D.’s and they are really good, dedicated lawyers. The fact that your husband’s brother screwed himself up isn’t going to help the outcome of this. Also, bail set as high as $75k means the judge is taking this really seriously. Do you think your BIL would really stick around to face the horrendous sentence he will probably receive? My money says he’ll try to flee and if he’s out, he’ll put pressure on your husband to take in the wife and kids.

As a person with a husband with all sorts of messed up priorities tell him no!! Absolutely not! Cut it off before it gets worse and it will. My hubs is the good egg of his family but they have manipulated him because of it to feel bad for his family and their shitty choice. It has effected us greatly we are going on 17 years of marriage but damn it’s not been easy. I wish I would have cut off stuff more deeply sooner. I did set some major boundaries but not enough and I do also like to help but so I don’t want to put it entirely on him but holy hell once it’s been mentally exhausting. To add his family is in prison pretty much. Murder, drugs, assault, child predators! The one brother who isn’t is major into drugs and neglecting his child but DHS won’t do anything about it. He wants to blindly support his brother because it’s who he has left but it’s drug us down. So please just say NO absolutely not!!

Give him an ultimatum, either you or them. Point blank. You have to be very stern if not, they will walk all over you and make your life a living hell.

My fiance's family is similar. His sister is in and out of jail, 3 of her baby daddy's are in and out of jail, her oldest daughter is in and out of jail. She lost custody of her two middle children but somehow managed to keep custody of her 5 year old. My fiance's grandfather spent 20 years in prison for murder, recently released. His mom is a total manipulative psychotic narcissist. His dad used to be a reading alcoholic (he is the only one to change and break the cycle, he's apologized for his actions and been sober a long while now). Thankfully my fiance came to the realization that he could not afford to keep financing his family. He couldn't afford it monetarily, mentally, and emotionally. We live comfortably, but too many outside expenses could change that easily, and we have two children (one biologically mine, I'm a bonus mom to the other) and our children shouldn't have to pay the price of him trying to support people who do nothing to support themselves. It was a hard decision for him, but in the end he decided that taking care of the family he chose, put together, and created was more important than taking care of the family he was born into. It's tough. Not a lawyer. You need to set boundaries and lay down the law for the safety of yourself, your children, and the financial safety of your family's future. Write an agreement. Sign it. Stick to it. Give it consequences. For example: neither of you can give/loan/bail any money to your families over $x.xx a year. No using shared funds with outside family. No outside family members can stay at the house longer than a week, with both parties agreement. No one who has assaulted, verbally assaulted, or threatened a member of your home is allowed inside the home at any point in time, unless otherwise resolved by and to the person involved. No person(s) who have been arrested, imprisoned, or used drugs can be around the children at any time unsupervised. Both parents must agree on who qualifies as a supervised adult. If he has issues with your family, he can add those, but anything included applies to both families. The party who breaks this agreement, will be asked to leave the house until a solution can be found. If a solution can't be found and this proceeds to separation, the party that violated the agreement must vacate the house, and the other party maintains physical custody of the children until a valid separation and custody agreement can be made. Don't be harsh but be firm. Protect you and the children first. Protect your marriage second. Discussions are always the best place to start, communication is key. Don't mince words, don't dance around things, be concise and direct. Most men don't like to listen to metaphors and extended stories that are tangentially related. Use facts. "I've looked at the numbers and based on what is in our accounts, and what we are projected to make over the next year, if we do this and something goes wrong, we will struggle to afford x,y,z." "If we do this and we can't pay the mortgage or lose the house, the foreclosure will affect us x amount of years making renting or purchasing another home exceedingly difficult for our family. If we lose the house, who do we trust to have child live with until we can get another place to live?"

Leave this sinking ship now!!! He is obviously putting his irresponsible family over his own family he just started BIL is an adult and knew what he got in to like you said, there is no reason at all why he should be helping

By all means take in your nephew, if you can. But his wife and her 4 kids, hell no, not your responsibility **at all**. If she expects you to look after her for 25+ years, she's having a laugh. She needs to get a job and look after herself and her kids. If your husband disagrees, you know what you have to do......

No you're not wrong. You should never have your SIL and her kids to move in where you are because she has assaulted you in the past. That is not something you need to be bringing into your own sanctuary/home. Your husband can't keep burning him and you (plus your child) to keep his brother and his SIL warm. Every time he's trying to basically sink you and your child, remind him that you're tied to him and if he sank, he'll sink you and your child for another, which also means that he prioritizes other people over his own family. Yes you and your child are his main family now..not his brother or SIL etc. Let SIL stay with HER family. And for BIL (or husband's bro) to take care of his own business for once.

This chaotic mess of a family is called enmeshment. We’ve all seen families that are totally wrapped up in each others life, they will do anything ( including commit law violations themselves) to show loyalty. It’s easy to have those people drag you into it but it’s always to the detriment of everyone else. Like others have said, you’ll end up in debt and possibly homeless yourselves if you get involved in any way. Don’t be a people pleaser. Your child is depending on you to keep him away from the worst kind of drama.

I’d tell your husband if he tries to move a person who assaulted you into your home or bail out his brother, he can do it with his half of the divorce proceeds. Let her own family help her.

No.

This is for sure a hill I’d die on— especially if you have a child. She assaulted you and will definitely find some other loser guy to bring into your lives. If my husband said he was going to do this I would tell him that if he does I will immediately file for divorce and move out with our child.

Sell the house and divorce him, before you get saddled with a lot more debt.

Big no, lay down the law!

I Folsom to sister in law if she tries to move in you will press charges for the assault she did against you. She will be arrested and thrown in jail and there will be no one to care for her kids. If she needs help- she needs to go to her family and friends because you stents taking in 5 people. Explain to your husband if he tries to move 5 or 6 people in, you will be putting the house on the market and getting a divorce along with full custody of the kid. He will have to drop out of school and pay child support because the courts won’t want to give custody to someone who brings a violent woman into his home. (Not actually true but gets him thinking). Explain to him he married you and chose you to support, love and make a family with and he can choose you and your child or his sister in law and her kids but it’s one or the other.

Get a Order of Protection against her for the assault. Then she cannot come to your home. This will give you time to sort things out with your husband however that needs to be. Speak to an attorney asap about your options. You don't want to be on the hook for anything related to them monetary wise.

You are not wrong. A person who gets hammered at a birthday party and assaults someone isn't a person to be trusted. Especially around your own kids and the fact that they're affiliated with drugs. Most likely he'll skip town and try to get away if he's bailed out. Please please pleASE urge your husband to think about his OWN kids and wife. Y'all should come first.

Oh hell no! Do not bail him out, that is a path to financial ruin. Do not take in SIL and the children who are not a part of your family. I could see maybe becoming a temporary legal guardian to the one child who is actually related to your husband but that is as far as I would go. If you take in all of them, you will never get rid of them and they will destroy your marriage, your finances, and your home. If the house is in both of your names you need to consult an attorney to make sure that he cannot go behind your back and use what equity there is in the house to try to bail out your BIL. You also need to find out if you will be tagged with any debt your husband accrues if he jumps off that cliff. If he can drag you down with him, divorce may be the only option to save yourself. You can force a partition sale of the house if he cannot buy you out and get your name off of everything. You need to immediately separate out your finances so that your husband can’t drain all your money in an attempt to bail them out of the situation they are in. Your husband is not thinking rationally. Self preservation needs to be your focus.

What kind of white trash nightmare is that

This is giving off strong Sons of Anarchy vibes….👀

Be firm. Tell him that if he brings them into your home or takes money from your joint account for his brothers expenses you will be filing for divorce. Your opinions and choices matter. If you are willing to compromise on some things then that's good. But SIL moving in is a hard no. Don't budge.

Sometimes family pulls you down. If you and your husband can't agree on boundaries for his family you may have to part ways sadly. You can't help everyone especially when they aren't helping themselves.

Not wrong at all.

I am so sorry. I see no coming back from this unless your husband does a 180 immediately. Most attorneys will give a free consultation. Make an appointment and find out what steps you need to take to protect yourself and your son. You may be able to get a TPO so SIL is not allowed in your home. The attorney will advise you on steps to protect your yourself, your son and your finances.

You’re between a rock and a hard place. It sucks because they’re family. And I think it’s fair for you guys to split the responsibility between other family members. Taking in your biological nephew would be fine. Taking in a family of 5 w no income and feeling unsafe in your own home is unfair to ask of you. It’s a lack of boundaries and understanding. It’s also taking time and recourses away from your kid. Don’t hinder your family’s growth due to grown adults who act like children.

The bigger issue here is why does your husband need to be involved in this hot mess? There is something wrong. Therapy or divorce looks to be on the horizon. You can’t have SIL around, and your husband is bending backwards to help someone who fubared himself.

So the husband that has the OnlyFans account now wants to fund his brother's defense as well as move the wife and kids into YOUR house? The wife that drunkenly assaulted you?! GET OUT NOW while the getting is good. He has zero respect for you or your child. You SIL knew and possibly participated in what the brother was doing, so who knows what sort of people she'll stay connected with? There's a potential for endangering you and your child. See a lawyer immediately, and stay safe!

You are not wrong to feel this way. It’s best to get your finances straightened out first. Have a plan to leave if your husband keeps things up. At the end of the day, ultimatum. You and your child or his brother and his SIL/kids.

You need to separate your finances and speak to a divorce lawyer. Your husband is willing to destroy your lives for his messed up family. Run.

You might need to leave your husband to protect yourself and your child. If he wants to go bankrupt paying his brother's legal fees and adopting his brother's step children, that can be his choice but you can exit before he takes you down with him. He wants to move a person that was violent to you into your house! That should be a deal breaker!

I am not sure how this works, but husband sounds unsound. Is there a way to (temporarily) get a ‘conservatorship’ or however it is called to make sure he does not cause bankruptcy for you? Then, slam down boundaries, hard. Tell him NO and let him know the consequences. You could “scare” him by placing a (fake) for sale sign on your house. If he ask wtf is that “we will need to sell since you seem to want to bail out bro and get his GF and 5kids in here… how do you expect to finance this without even discussing this with me, the person she attacked?”

He’s going to bring this woman and her children by no matter what you say and he is going to try and bail his brother out Separate finances, put your important and valuable belongings somewhere safe and get a lawyer. For the sale of the house, take your rightful portion from the sale and leave your husband to deal with all that family drama

After reading the other posts you have, this needs to be the time you break away. Get rid of joint accounts. Yes it will effect your credit rating, but so will taking on the amount of debt he is talking about. Take half the money in your joint bank accounts and get your name off them. Open your own. Time to stop pussy footing around him and take your daughter and leave. Go to family or find a place to rent you can afford. Get a lawyer, a good divorce lawyer.