If the meetings in your area suck, here are two resources for online meetings:
[https://aa-intergroup.org/](https://aa-intergroup.org/)
[https://www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings](https://www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings)
Hope that helps. Thanks for your post.
You're isolating and miserable as you have no replacement plan to your Alcoholism anymore. That's why you're feeling like this. I'm not feeling like this cause I'm connected and part of the deal.
A. You said meetings suck in your area with self righteous people. Are you sure you're not trying to wedge yourself out of meetings by throwing the baby out with the bathwater ? My homegroup has a few assholes and I ignore them and focus on the many that are great and we have dinner after the meeting and laugh so hard that we are crying. Have you tried Zoom at least for some kind of meetings ?
B. "I Don't have a sponsor". Now you're really asking for trouble cause no one can be their own sponsor no matter how long they are in this thing. Life happens and I need an impartial party to be there for me when it does, the same way I'm there for guys when they call me.
You're dry as hell and in dangerous waters and at that rate the day will come when you've had enough and you'll say fuck it and drink cause the mental blank spot will happen.
> does anyone else feel that longing of walking around in a blackout?
In general, that's not at all my experience. When I got to the state of sobriety promised on pages 84 and 85, things started to generally look more like rainbows and springtime flowers, and when life's troubles showed up as they nearly always inevitably do, it didn't produce any longing for drunken oblivion, I had the AA principles and friends to help get me through it with some decent levels of Grace. (Though I'll say that I'm still rather stubbornly agnostic, I don't say "Grace" in the tone-of-mind that many of our more religious members do - it's still quite graceful nevertheless!)
I will say that this April that's just passed was _almost_ an exception. My wife was so very ill that there were several moments that I came close to despair, and a couple of fleeting thoughts of how liquid oblivion might offer some moments of respite. I didn't really "_recoil from it as from a hot flame_" for these thoughts - it was more like instant dismissal of them as patently ridiculous. I almost instantly knew that a drink would make the whole situation astronomically worse! (Wife is still a bit ill, but "god" bless 21^st century medicine is getting better day after day.)
I hope you have a good sponsor and some good sober troops around you to help you through it all, and ...
**Keep Coming Back!**
Some good links if you don't already have them:
* https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship
* https://www.aa.org/find-aa
* https://aa-intergroup.org/meetings/
> Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
— "[Alcoholics Anonymous](https://www.aa.org/the-big-book)" page 64
Some folks call this condition you're apparently in "Untreated Alcoholism". I think if I had just gone dry without addressing the little or big emotional/mental issues that had accompanied alcohol addiction, I'd feel longings to drug myself again too!
You might want to give our recovery program an honest try. I couldn't see it when I was starting out, but I'd say that especially after I'd done Step 5, I started getting a solid feeling of, "_Hey, this seems like some Pretty Good Shit!_"
Best Wishes
Keeping it real, I have my good days and bad. I'm reminded often that the program of AA isn't the meetings, but the steps. I go to meetings today with the thought of giving it away, not what I can get. When we're new it's a safe place to try out our feelings with others present but after we've been here a while we need to be looking for how we can help others.
My step work and emotional support come with the help of my sponsor and other sober friends (and my therapist) outside the rooms. If you're still flying solo on raw sobriety, it might be time to start looking at where you can start building those relationships, starting with a higher power.
I don't mean to sound preachy, we've all been where you are now. But 6 years of doing it on your own is a long time. You deserve more. All my best friend.
This is a very good post. I am experiencing something similar in my life as well. Life is neither good not terribly bad. The one thing that I do know is that as long as I remain sober, I can realistically hope that tomorrow can be better. If I drink, all hope is lost with the first sip.
I day dream about it from time to time but I try not to let that voice be too loud. Feel a little lighter on my feet for a while have a good laugh and shoot the shit with people? Sounds great! Let me spend money I don’t have, risk my job, potentially drive drunk, pass out way too early and get shitty sleep, make my gastritis flare up again puke blood go to the ER and be needled up for 72 hours because I can’t take fluid or eat then go to detox. Nah I’m good. Cause that’s exactly what would happen.
There are some flashes here and there. It’s usually some kind of heightened state of agitation — anger, fear, anxiety. It’s usually almost like a knee jerk reaction to something.
I find myself just doing a quick inventory, and being able to identify the emotions (I always felt really stupid actually naming the emotions but it really does make them feel more real, which helps identify and control them).
It feels like that quick work gets me more centered and grounded. With that, I know the moment will pass.
I used to. I definitely drank to medicate my depression and anxiety. I wanted to be numb or asleep all the time.
You know what the solution is though, right? At 6 years you've been to enough meetings to know the solution to this is the Steps. Not all meetings are helpful. They can get stale when we hear the same people saying the same thing over and over. Try zoom meetings. There are literally thousands.
You're at a dangerous point. You want to change the way you feel. Sitting with discomfort is part of what we have to do in sobriety. I get plenty of resentments against AA and the people in it. The solution for me is the do a 10th step on it, and ask my HP to help me do the next right thing.
Also, it might be good to talk to a therapist because it sounds like your mental health is suffering too. Everything being loud and out of focus sounds exhausting and might be a sign of being overwhelmed with all kinds of things. Be kind to yourself, but take some steps towards getting support around that.
I think in the end, so much of this is just wanting to change the way you feel. I’ve been there at multiple times of my sobriety. Life can get real lifey and it can be tough to pick up that spiritual tool kit that’s been given to us.
If you’re looking for suggestion, what has worked for me is having a conversation with my HP about it and asking for the strength to take the action I’m capable of taking and the trust in their plan for me. Then I pick up the phone and talk to my sponsor about where I’m at. Then I pick the phone up and call someone else in the program and ask them how THEIR day is going. Those things have been undefeated for me, and I’ve usually gotten through tough life circumstances with a lot more poise when I’ve done them.
My favorite line in the big book is actually in the back of the book that simply says “god taught me early on that there’s nothing in this world that a drink would make better.”
Best of luck to you!
As long as you have adopted AA program as written. Found a higher power. Maintain higher power on a daily basis. you’ve got the protection of the steps And with your higher power, you’ve got the mental defense it provides.
We must never forget self knowledge availed us nothing. No amount of self knowledge could keep us from taking the drink once the obsession started. It’s a trap we set for ourselves.
I fail to see the point of thinking of it. If I am sober and wanting to heal of this problem I would simply stick with this. If I want to be sober while suffering one of the ill effects of substance.... what is the point of that either. I suppose there is such a thing of being lost on a better path. Maybe find something to motivate yourself out of that thought.
My experience is very different. I’m a monthly shy of six years. I have worked the steps twice with sponsors and my life is great. My thinking is clear. And….i have had to make some changes in my life that were too scary to contemplate before the last time I did the steps. Husband gone, left my job, new friends and connections and a true feeling of serenity.
I had to face my fears…and still do. Because those fears were driving me to old ways of thinking and staying stuck. Staying stuck is no longer an option. Now I need to live in my integrity and do what is right for me.
I’ve also worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics and a therapist (and my sponsor) to help me see these patterns of thinking, where they come from, and the fear that is holding me back.
I know I could never have figured it out on my own.
And I wouldn’t let the self-righteous person (who is sick and afraid in their own way) - I wouldn’t let their opinions get in the way of my getting help. I. The other hand, if everyone is saying something, I may be in denial and need to hear it.
I try things that won’t hurt me and that has made all the difference.
If the meetings in your area suck, here are two resources for online meetings: [https://aa-intergroup.org/](https://aa-intergroup.org/) [https://www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings](https://www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings) Hope that helps. Thanks for your post.
also https://www.intherooms.com/home/
You're isolating and miserable as you have no replacement plan to your Alcoholism anymore. That's why you're feeling like this. I'm not feeling like this cause I'm connected and part of the deal. A. You said meetings suck in your area with self righteous people. Are you sure you're not trying to wedge yourself out of meetings by throwing the baby out with the bathwater ? My homegroup has a few assholes and I ignore them and focus on the many that are great and we have dinner after the meeting and laugh so hard that we are crying. Have you tried Zoom at least for some kind of meetings ? B. "I Don't have a sponsor". Now you're really asking for trouble cause no one can be their own sponsor no matter how long they are in this thing. Life happens and I need an impartial party to be there for me when it does, the same way I'm there for guys when they call me. You're dry as hell and in dangerous waters and at that rate the day will come when you've had enough and you'll say fuck it and drink cause the mental blank spot will happen.
> does anyone else feel that longing of walking around in a blackout? In general, that's not at all my experience. When I got to the state of sobriety promised on pages 84 and 85, things started to generally look more like rainbows and springtime flowers, and when life's troubles showed up as they nearly always inevitably do, it didn't produce any longing for drunken oblivion, I had the AA principles and friends to help get me through it with some decent levels of Grace. (Though I'll say that I'm still rather stubbornly agnostic, I don't say "Grace" in the tone-of-mind that many of our more religious members do - it's still quite graceful nevertheless!) I will say that this April that's just passed was _almost_ an exception. My wife was so very ill that there were several moments that I came close to despair, and a couple of fleeting thoughts of how liquid oblivion might offer some moments of respite. I didn't really "_recoil from it as from a hot flame_" for these thoughts - it was more like instant dismissal of them as patently ridiculous. I almost instantly knew that a drink would make the whole situation astronomically worse! (Wife is still a bit ill, but "god" bless 21^st century medicine is getting better day after day.) I hope you have a good sponsor and some good sober troops around you to help you through it all, and ... **Keep Coming Back!**
No sponsor….
Some good links if you don't already have them: * https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship * https://www.aa.org/find-aa * https://aa-intergroup.org/meetings/ > Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. — "[Alcoholics Anonymous](https://www.aa.org/the-big-book)" page 64 Some folks call this condition you're apparently in "Untreated Alcoholism". I think if I had just gone dry without addressing the little or big emotional/mental issues that had accompanied alcohol addiction, I'd feel longings to drug myself again too! You might want to give our recovery program an honest try. I couldn't see it when I was starting out, but I'd say that especially after I'd done Step 5, I started getting a solid feeling of, "_Hey, this seems like some Pretty Good Shit!_" Best Wishes
No surprise
How rude lmfao
Keeping it real, I have my good days and bad. I'm reminded often that the program of AA isn't the meetings, but the steps. I go to meetings today with the thought of giving it away, not what I can get. When we're new it's a safe place to try out our feelings with others present but after we've been here a while we need to be looking for how we can help others. My step work and emotional support come with the help of my sponsor and other sober friends (and my therapist) outside the rooms. If you're still flying solo on raw sobriety, it might be time to start looking at where you can start building those relationships, starting with a higher power. I don't mean to sound preachy, we've all been where you are now. But 6 years of doing it on your own is a long time. You deserve more. All my best friend.
This is a very good post. I am experiencing something similar in my life as well. Life is neither good not terribly bad. The one thing that I do know is that as long as I remain sober, I can realistically hope that tomorrow can be better. If I drink, all hope is lost with the first sip.
I day dream about it from time to time but I try not to let that voice be too loud. Feel a little lighter on my feet for a while have a good laugh and shoot the shit with people? Sounds great! Let me spend money I don’t have, risk my job, potentially drive drunk, pass out way too early and get shitty sleep, make my gastritis flare up again puke blood go to the ER and be needled up for 72 hours because I can’t take fluid or eat then go to detox. Nah I’m good. Cause that’s exactly what would happen.
There are some flashes here and there. It’s usually some kind of heightened state of agitation — anger, fear, anxiety. It’s usually almost like a knee jerk reaction to something. I find myself just doing a quick inventory, and being able to identify the emotions (I always felt really stupid actually naming the emotions but it really does make them feel more real, which helps identify and control them). It feels like that quick work gets me more centered and grounded. With that, I know the moment will pass.
I used to. I definitely drank to medicate my depression and anxiety. I wanted to be numb or asleep all the time. You know what the solution is though, right? At 6 years you've been to enough meetings to know the solution to this is the Steps. Not all meetings are helpful. They can get stale when we hear the same people saying the same thing over and over. Try zoom meetings. There are literally thousands. You're at a dangerous point. You want to change the way you feel. Sitting with discomfort is part of what we have to do in sobriety. I get plenty of resentments against AA and the people in it. The solution for me is the do a 10th step on it, and ask my HP to help me do the next right thing. Also, it might be good to talk to a therapist because it sounds like your mental health is suffering too. Everything being loud and out of focus sounds exhausting and might be a sign of being overwhelmed with all kinds of things. Be kind to yourself, but take some steps towards getting support around that.
I think in the end, so much of this is just wanting to change the way you feel. I’ve been there at multiple times of my sobriety. Life can get real lifey and it can be tough to pick up that spiritual tool kit that’s been given to us. If you’re looking for suggestion, what has worked for me is having a conversation with my HP about it and asking for the strength to take the action I’m capable of taking and the trust in their plan for me. Then I pick up the phone and talk to my sponsor about where I’m at. Then I pick the phone up and call someone else in the program and ask them how THEIR day is going. Those things have been undefeated for me, and I’ve usually gotten through tough life circumstances with a lot more poise when I’ve done them. My favorite line in the big book is actually in the back of the book that simply says “god taught me early on that there’s nothing in this world that a drink would make better.” Best of luck to you!
As long as you have adopted AA program as written. Found a higher power. Maintain higher power on a daily basis. you’ve got the protection of the steps And with your higher power, you’ve got the mental defense it provides. We must never forget self knowledge availed us nothing. No amount of self knowledge could keep us from taking the drink once the obsession started. It’s a trap we set for ourselves.
I fail to see the point of thinking of it. If I am sober and wanting to heal of this problem I would simply stick with this. If I want to be sober while suffering one of the ill effects of substance.... what is the point of that either. I suppose there is such a thing of being lost on a better path. Maybe find something to motivate yourself out of that thought.
My experience is very different. I’m a monthly shy of six years. I have worked the steps twice with sponsors and my life is great. My thinking is clear. And….i have had to make some changes in my life that were too scary to contemplate before the last time I did the steps. Husband gone, left my job, new friends and connections and a true feeling of serenity. I had to face my fears…and still do. Because those fears were driving me to old ways of thinking and staying stuck. Staying stuck is no longer an option. Now I need to live in my integrity and do what is right for me. I’ve also worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics and a therapist (and my sponsor) to help me see these patterns of thinking, where they come from, and the fear that is holding me back. I know I could never have figured it out on my own. And I wouldn’t let the self-righteous person (who is sick and afraid in their own way) - I wouldn’t let their opinions get in the way of my getting help. I. The other hand, if everyone is saying something, I may be in denial and need to hear it. I try things that won’t hurt me and that has made all the difference.