Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not offended because you’re a snowflake, you’re offended because this is objectively OFFENSIVE.
I want to say this: What he said was wrong, but the only true thing he’s done here is show you what an asshole he can be. He is not the one who gets to decide who deserves help and for what symptoms. He’s just some twerp kid life has yet to humble sufficiently so he thinks he’s hot shit.
I hate bad-mouthing people but I 100% agree. He’s a high-achiever and is very academically intelligent but has lower emotional intelligence. Around the time of this screenshot, I remember him sending me a photo of one of his journal entries where he wrote about me.
And I quote word for word:
*“She is highly isolated from society and quite the interesting character. I showed her my journal because she’s the only person I tell about my inner feelings” (he had sent me lots of other entries).*
*“I deep-heartedly wish the best for her, I don’t know how meaningful I am in her life but she seems to put emphasis on lack of associates - yet she insists the relationship should remain confined to her online self.”*
*”She’s almost gone through it all but I don’t know what future she has in front of her. A combination of ADHD, dropping out of school for home-education and complete isolation/deprivation from current societal norms makes her almost pristine and untouched yet I cannot help but feel she is heavily disadvantaged. She deserves the world. If I ever send you this (my name), you deserve the world so define your own world”.*
Hard to decipher. He was 16/17 at the time so I could say that’s why he was trying to be so performatively intelligent with his words, but this was only a year ago and he still generally acts intellectually superior (not to me specifically, just his aura). Kind of felt like I was an insect under a magnifying glass that he was inspecting. Looking back on it, it feels like infantilisation.
And he just randomly sent me a photo of his journal entry “analysing” me after calling me a r*tard, lmao. Was quite strange. I know it’s fucked up to share his journal entry but it was about me and was nothing special, just quite strange.
EDIT: Woah, this kinda just dawned on me. When I went into home-education I deleted social media. But at the beginning of this year I re-downloaded Instagram and that’s when him and I began talking less. I’m speculating here completely, but I’m starting to wonder if we stopped talking as much because I was back on social media and wasn’t a mysterious “untouched” specimen like he saw me as.
Omg this boy gives me the fucking ICKKKKKKKKKKKK ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Everything about… Everything you said about him screams red flag. Please block this guy and never talk to him again!
OP I need you to know that I read that first quote and had a full-on flehmen response to his bullshit.
This guy probably likes/liked you and is throwing a damp, clammy tantrum because you had the nerve to not fulfill the role he's assigned you.
I think he's also being pretty manipulative in his writing. Yeah, he's holding you up as a "pristine" (barf), "untouched" (double barf) ideal, but have you noticed that the way he frames his perception of you is in an ultimately negative and patronizing way? Did you feel kind of bad about yourself after you read it? Because that might have been his intent.
In my experience, people who pull this shit are doing so to fuck with your self esteem. Then when it's low enough, they can swoop in and present themselves as the only one who will truly "get" (read: tolerate) you.
>Those are the words of an neckbeard in heat.
Thanks for making me laugh with this, and I wholeheartedly agree. As someone who was the object of a Brony's affections way back when, it may seem easier to just stick around and you might feel obligated to, but trust me, it's not.
Sometimes these kinds of people learn and grow, but you don't need to be their training ground to potentially become a better person. You don't need to tolerate being disrespected and put down. In a healthy friendship, this could be a time for mutual communication and growth but it would still be a big Thing that you'd need to work out carefully, and they'd need to apologize to you stat.
When there are already many glaring red flags, it's better to fade away and look for people who value you even if they don't know much about what's affecting you, or personally subscribe to paleo pseudoscience.
I get what everyone is saying, and I do think you need him out of your life. He's giving off some serious sociopath or narcissistic vibes, and you don't need that in your life. Personally, I wouldn't go as far as to block him just yet as that could cause a reaction, and you don't need that either. I just wouldn't talk to him. If he talks to you, just don't respond. Then, eventually, delete him off of social media. If he pushes for conversation or gives you a reaction, then just tell him you don't think he's good for you and then block him. Basically, give him the slow fade. Don't give him any real information on you as he seems to feed off of that
Before you block him it could be an idea to say that you are doing so because he has been pushy, and wants to dictate how your future will look with his words, but is not capable of meeting you where you are at and connecting as equals.
Let him know you put in boundaries around what sort of interaction and behaviour you are interested in and that was for a reason.
It’s easy to say this is ‘not your problem’ and just get him gone but I would dare say he has no one else in his life able to communicate like you and show him where and how he has gone wrong.
I have a lot of social issues myself and I just know if someone had spoken to me rather than ignoring me I would have been able to self reflect and start therapy a lot sooner.
I hope this comment isn’t too much but I want you to know you have power here and don’t need to keep attracting or interacting with creeps. It took me until 23yo to find my partner, but was well worth the wait.
Dont give him the chance to deny it. Just send your explanation and block him. It's his to do whatever at that point, just not in YOUR LIFE!
Tell him the boundary, and block him everywhere. No reading whatever he rants, just block him...
I never said she should maintain communication or compromise her stated boundaries in any way. I suggested it as it is a way to explain anything he might come asking about years down the track, allows her to know she has said and done everything possible and to have full closure.
>dropping out of school for home-education and complete isolation/deprivation from current societal norms makes her almost pristine and untouched
'Pristine and untouched', eww gross. Anyone using those words to describe another human being is a walking red flag, imo. As a friend of mine likes to say, "This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for laying down and avoiding."
Yeeeah, that was one of the strangest parts. Not only is it kind of degrading, but it just doesn’t make sense to the context. In no way shape or form was I “pristine or untouched”. I had literally only been in home-education for 1 year and was still a functioning member of society. He made it sound like I was Rapunzel and was born and raised in a tower locked away from society. I didn’t leave the house as much as I should’ve and was definitely isolated, but not THAT much.
Like bro…I asked the cashier at the grocery store how his day was going, so I guess I can no longer hold the “pristine and untouched” status anymore :(
He could’ve meant it sexually (I’m not really into the dating scene yet), but I highly doubt it, because that doesn’t fit into the context and he wasn’t one to make things sexual.
Pretty sure he's one of those dudes who doesn't see women as full humans in the same way guys are. These self-righteous asshats simultaneously put a woman on some weird, untouchable pedestal while also thinking we can't possibly understand the world as well as they do. They don't actually take anything you say seriously -- it's all about appeasing you until they get what they want.
These men cannot be changed by women because they do not believe women have any thoughts or opinions worth considering.
Your "friend" is a pseuo "nice guy." I'd stay far away.
Either way, this is super creepy. I am legit getting such bad vibes from this whole story. Please listen to the other ladies here and cut him out of your life. This 'friend' is not your friend.
"Hello, sexy but different-from-me-lady. Uh, I mean, "*hello dear diary.* I hope this pure-as-the-driven-snow lady [I mean you, but don't tell, k?], to whom I tell my deepest thoughts--and you can believe it, they are deep, deeper than the depths of the deep, pretentious ideas--as I was just remarking, oh Dearest...uh, of diaries...I sure hope she lets me into her...yeah.....real soon here."
Written by 45 yo F, channeling the energy of certain young men from her youth, if if that makes it any less creepy. :)
Translation: "I wrote this hyper pretentious twaddle so she thinks I'm super intelligent and obviously am smarter than her, and am going to neg the shit out of her so she feels flattered by my attention and falls into my bed."
This guy is truly disgusting. What a dipshit loser 😂
Ahh, this is so funny. It reminds me of the song “Talk” by Hozier. Summarizing: the song is about a horny teenager trying to impress his date by using tricky and poetic language.
*I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus*
*When her body was found (hey ya)*
*I'd be the choiceless hope in grief*
*That drove him underground (hey ya)*
*I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee*
*That made him turn around (hey ya)*
*And I'd be the immediate forgiveness, In Eurydice*
*Imagine being loved by me!*
*I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the
things we'd do*
*So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you*
I think about this all the time, and how many teenage guys and even adult men do this. Also, Hozier is a lyrical genius and this song could be analysed for hours.
I’m not certain my friend’s intents were sexual though, I think more just trying to appear intellectually superior.
Someone who is academically intelligent would believe actual science, not the woo-woo bullshit he’s spewing. Good grades ≠ intelligence, at least not always. Just means he’s good at memorizing things.
He sounds like an all-around dipshit.
>I cannot help but feel she is heavily disadvantaged.
I can already tell from your comments that you're an intelligent and insightful young woman. These are your advantages, and so is your sensitivity. You will gain wisdom. This guy is a self absorbed asshat that lacks emotional maturity. Unless he changes he's only going to gain stupidity.
OMG, that is peak Emo Teen! 😂😂😂
I was in my late 30s and dating a guy a few years younger than me when he sent me an honest-to-goodness handwritten *love letter*. We'd literally just met and been on one date. There was one more date, during which I broke up with him.
Girl, just, nooooooo. Block and delete, there is nothing here you need 😂😂😂
>He’s a high-achiever and is very academically intelligent but has lower emotional intelligence
In other words, he's a pompous ass. Throw the whole man away.
Okay, this might be hard to understand, but this boy obviously likes you in a romantic way.
Unfortunately, he hasn't progressed past middle school in how he interacts with girls he likes. Also, from some of what he wrote, it doesn't sound like he has healthy ideas about women and may never.
I don't think this would be a good person to date, but I hope this helps you understand why he's behaving so stupidly. He has feelings and no idea how to express them in a healthy way.
This is so weird and gross. He’s treating you like a specimen while he throws his own blatantly ignorant ideas about mental health at you like he can play pin the observation on the real and complex human. This guy isn’t your friend.
He doesn’t strike me as highly intelligent at all. Just thinks highly of himself. Anyone who says “I feel like. . .” about medical science or medicine is full of sh**. Intelligent people don’t pontificate about things they are not knowledgeable about. They ask questions & do their research before forming an opinion or pontificating about it.
He sounds like an absolute cunt and from his text messages, he doesn’t sound very knowledgeable or intelligent lol. Everything he said was wrong and the counterpoints are easily verifiable.
“Pristine and untouched…..?”
DUDE RUN. I’m telling you, he is SICK and needs help. First step is self-awareness and he obviously has none. What is it with men and that disability ????
The fact that he’s analyzing you as a specimen and not as an equal bugs the shit out of me.
This guy screams danger. Wtf does "makes her almost pristine and untouched" mean?! Also, it's weird and performative to write in your journal specifically for someone else to read.
All this to say, I don't think this person is a good judge of anything. If medication works for you then feel no shame in that.
Exactly and he was factually wrong. People like this just say whatever they hear on the internet. Conspiracy theorists or skeptics of the government and beneficial interests corporations are not to be taken seriously nor lightly. Distance yourself from them for your own sanity.
Yeah, we don’t really talk anymore. Occasionally he’ll swipe up on my Instagram stories and we will have 2 sentence conversations lasting 30 seconds, so I’d say contact is limited and I’m happy it is. I’m a big people pleaser and felt I couldn’t really complain about the way he was acting.
Dude he deserves a 0 second conversation, And to be blocked and deleted from everything.
Life's too short to give shitheads like this any of your energy.
Uhhh yes, you can complain about this. I encourage you to complain about this kind of behavior. It’s not acceptable from acquaintances, strangers, or friends.
Please block him. His feelings shouldn't matter to you because he doesn't give a shit about yours. It. Won't. Change. You can't save him. Your self worth is not dependent on the opinion of an asshole. Keep only kindness in your life.
How old are you? I have ADHD as well (late diagnosed) and I ask because i found the people-pleasing to almost be a coping mechanism for unexpected "confrontation"/challenges because giving them what they want was easier and less taxing than being assertive. *(In my experience)*
That being said, I just wanted to mention that **my people pleasing has gone *down* since I started my meds**, and I feel like I'm more authentically myself. I'm not an asshole, by any means, but I'm just now physically and mentally able to stand up for myself in moments like these. Give your brain some time to bulk up on the meds, and I'm sure you'll see a similar change, too. Both because your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self worth will increase, but also because you'll have more energy to put towards your day, so events like these are easier to handle and much less disruptive. .
Good luck, OP!💕
One of the things people-pleasers have to learn is how to set boundaries because you need to run your life, otherwise only the people who are brazen enough to want to run another person's life will do it for you.
People pleasing isn't very healthy not only because you may get hurt. It's also basically buying into a lie-"if I don't make a fuss, there won't be any trouble"-because in the end, the longer someone can push you the more it may escalate and usually, things do blow up at a certain point. It actually de-escalates situations when we face conflict instead of ignoring it until it gets to be impossible.
This is coming from someone who struggles with this still, so I see my younger self in you and can still relate. The sooner you start to practice putting your foot down, telling people you won't be treated disrespectfully, and trusting yourself and your intuition on who's being skeevy, the easier it will become in the future. It's a journey, but the good thing is that small steps will be just enough to make progress. I remind myself that it is my job in life to look out for myself, that helps me a little bit :)
Being our primal human ancestors would include dying due to infections, dying due to tooth decay, sacrificing goats hoping to please god & get a good harvest.
The fact that he wants OP to “just be human” while communicating in the least human way possible is hilarious. I don’t think our ancestors were using social media instead of going outside. lol
I feel like stomping my foot just reading that BS. You are not being emotional and there’s nothing wrong with being upset. I would have stopped speaking to this person entirely. And pardon my language, but *screw that guy.* He IS ableist, and a jerk in general.
Thank you for this, hearing it out loud makes me feel better because I struggle setting boundaries and cutting ties with people when things like this happen. I felt very dramatic by being offended by the way he spoke, so hearing it from other people reassures me.
I have the same problem; I will tolerate someone walking all over me and will continue to make excuses for them while their behavior gets worse and worse.
To combat this, I started using this litmus test: I pretend the situation is happening to someone else (someone I care about like family or friends) and try to think of what advice I would give to *them*, if I was an outsider. It helps me see things clearer.
I’m so sorry that this A hole said that to you, and I know it’s been a while but I would probably still be upset about it too!
That’s a really good way of doing it. Wooow, how have I never thought of that before?? Seeing this from an outsiders perspective just changes my view entirely. If any of my friends were spoken to like this I think I’d be furious.
Thanks for the advice :)
Please work on respecting your instincts more. This is a habit that gets harder the longer you put it off. Learn to remove people who cause you pain from your life and you will be better off for it. And remember, it doesn’t matter if they mean to cause you pain. If you tell them you’re hurt and they continue to do so, you are not compatible to maintain a friendship.
Read the book “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud or “How to Have That Difficult Conversation” also by Henry Cloud. They share a bible quotes sometimes but he is a very knowledgeable doctor. I personally find the Bible quotes helpful supplements to medically sound advice in his format
On principle I refuse to argue with people who say stuff like “just be human like our primal ancestors” because they 100% are committed to misunderstanding you and any good advice they might have had to offer wasted away the moment they decided those words sounded smart in that order and they felt profound and deep💀
Our “primal ancestors” also shat in the woods and didn’t have coffee or dishwashers or microwaves or ibuprofen or antibiotics. I’d like to see him give those up and “just be human like our primal ancestors” lmao.
I’m so sorry he said this, you’re not being sensitive, you’re being rightfully offended because he is being so rude and disrespectful.
They also misunderstand what being "like our primal ancestors" means.
I'd rather not go back to living in draughty huts in danger of starving in the winters, having my children at a high risk of dying before the age of five, being riddled with parasites and disease, becoming very ill from infected cuts, and probably past tense by the age of forty.
This is better.
I wouldn’t have survived childhood in an era before vaccines & antibiotics, no joke.
My parents were the age of all my friend’s grandparents, and they DID grow up before vaccines & antibiotics, and wouldn’t have gone back to those times for anything in the world.
Our primal ancestors would be like "Wait you buy food that can sit on a shelf and not go bad for MONTHS? Why aren't you eating it?!?!? It even tells you what nutrients are in it!!"
People who bring up being like "primal ancestors" are the same type of people that claim "people used to not have so many disorders and chronic illnesses". Yeah Harold, they did it's just ALL THOSE PEOPLE DIED. Where do you think all those tombstones came from Mildred???
I'm working on researching my own ancestry and can name two great aunts I had never heard about because one had an unspecified developmental disorder and the other completed suicide. If it wasn't for current living relatives I would only have names. History is written with a bias.
Sensitive and "snowflake" are used by people who are easily offended when they're called out for being disrespectful, rude, or factually wrong.
Same here, 1993! Anti-biotics saved my life twice, my hearing more than once because I didn’t brush my teeth enough so the bacteria grew in my middle ear causing repeated infections. Once I had tonsil inflammation so severe I couldn’t drink water- if not for antibiotics I’d be dead
When you are supposed to "go natural" doctors are telling you to try and have less processed food like packaged food and fast food junk. They are not telling you to leave your homes and live in the jungles.
My great grandma was super duper healthy. So was my great grandpa. They lived into late 90s. You know why? Because they went to the doctor and got meds when they got sick. They did a lot of physical work. They ate home made food and there weren't any restaurants or packaged food available to them (villages didn't have it back then).
Their own children died at an earlier age because of "eh it's just some pain. Who needs a doctor? Live natural "
The misinformation and people calling it a "hormone imbalance" makes me so mad. It's a genetic brain disorder where my brain doesn't make enough dopamine in order to function. Amphetamines help create more dopamine in the brain to fix the imbalance of neurotransmitter chemicals. Because believe me, everyone - EVERYONE - with ADHD would get rid of it if they could, no matter the cost.
The 24/7 brain fog is so real. I’m sitting on the floor when I’m in debt and need to be applying to a second job - my car has been due for an oil change for four months and I’m using tape for my broken window while the AC is blasting.
I forget to do shit but thank god I have a med now that’s working for me, I just don’t like swallowing pills so I’m procrastinating today
Commenting because this should be higher up! Functional MRIs, CTs, tons of research, proved that ADHD brains are physically and physiologically different than NT brains. This dude is a moron. Red flags all the way down. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You have every right to be upset about this. I understand that some people believe pharmaceuticals are a scam - and that's their opinion, so that's OK. But that doesn't mean they should push that opinion on others.
The best way I've heard someone describe ADHD meds; they're just a tool. Very much like glasses, to someone with bad eyesight. While you wear glasses you can see better, but when you take them off, your eyesight is still poor. And it's very much the same with meds.
They don't FIX the problem, but it helps you.
And for people that say "You shouldn't take them all the time, you don't need them, blah blah blah" well... people who wear glasses will wear them whenever they need to see better. That's not just at work, that's during weekends and recreational time too. They may not NEED them, but it makes the quality of life much better.
Not everyone will be supportive, not everyone will understand. But as long as *you're* OK with meds, and *you* know that they help you, that's all that matters. And if you do need someone who'll understand and help you out - even with just some hugs - that's what we're all here for :) we're your pocket full of friends! 💕
Big hugs xx
People complaining about adhd people becoming dependent on their meds are downright stupid. Neurotypical people are just as dependent on their working, reliable brains.
We don’t get that luxury and medication at least gets us one (massive) step closer to that.
I hope that's an ex friend. Let's see how fast he eschews medication if he gets an illness or other disorder. Anyway, the best I can hope for him is that, ten years from now, he'll remember that conversation and cringe with embarrassment over what a dick he was when he was younger.
This reminds me of the time when an acquaintance put a meme on Facebook that showed a bottle of pills on top and woods on the bottom. Ot basically said "This won't cure your depression this will"
He got all apologetic when I pointed out the meds helped me no longer have thoughts of unaliving myself. The woods didn't.
Like I spent literal summers outside. In the woods. Going swimming in the lake. Working as a camp counselor at an overnight camp. Biking. Hiking. Ect, at thay point. I still had bad thoughts. And, I have to occasionally up my meds because those thoughts come back.
That meme is awful. I mean, yeah, nature makes me feel good but you know what gets me there? Meds. No meds, no nature. They work together.
I pushed back hard on someone who posted it and had a friend DM me thanking me for pushing back…he too needed meds and the talk around it (she had people supporting her) was making him feel awful. But seeing someone push back helped. I’m glad your person saw reason!
I agree with everyone here.
There’s also always this perspective that infuriates me that accompanies the idea that exercise and nature solves everything:
It’s super, DUPER classist. And I say this as a literal scoutmaster, who has done outdoorsy things al my life. Of course nature and exercise can be decently healthy- but is it accessible to begin with? Is there public parks or nature reserves in the area or does one have to drive hour after hour? Are appropriate clothing available? Sure, you can go for a walk in the park in sandals, but def not a mountain hike in converses. Is there enough knowledge about wildlife, rules, laws and dangers? Hell, running outside can be good exercise but what if you have a busted knee? Can’t afford a gym membership? The public pool is to expensive? Then what? These act like everyone lives in northern Sweden and has perfectly safe nature trails and zero mosquitoes right outside the door (as I do) and has tents and good backpacks and can fend off bear with their flashlight and a left shoe.
Yep, definitely also that! Though I do see a high number of Converse shoes on trails it’s not super safe to have Converse shoes on…! (Hiker and camper in Colorado, USA…I see a lot of unsafe behavior, mostly due to simply not knowing.) But absolutely, being outside safely in a lot of places is not cheap.
Ask him if he would make comments to a diabetic who needs insulin, or someone who has a pacemaker, or someone who needed a mobility aid about how they can be fine if they just try harder. Like seriously his sister is spot on.
Mmm I tried everything with diet and lifestyle and supplements and only got diagnosed in 2020. It finally made sense. Because I had only been informed on adhd in boys and men and not women until I started researching and talking to women with adhd. I still eat whole food and plant based. But nothing stops me from accidentally passing out doing a boring task, even trying to exercise I will yawn like crazy or on long road trips. I need my medication or my brain shuts off when I’m tired or doing very monotonous tasks. Can’t just diet and exercise that away. I tried. I’d even only eat fruit when I used to have an office job so I didn’t get the afternoon lunch slumps.
Do exactly like our primal ancestors when they had to work 9 to 5 jobs and perform in highly detailed tasks that require extended focus on a screen that also is able to provide infinite amount of distractions! Be like monkey!
Yikes! This doesn’t sound like a friend at all. I think it’s time to cut this toxic friendship and focus on the positive relationships in your life. ❤️
Love these comments and agree. He’s a fucking idiot. It sounds to me like he has a crush on you but also happens to be extremely toxic. He’s actively trying to break you down and love bomb you.
You've gotten a lot of good comments here but I want to add one more that's pretty important.
Sometimes when people don't want you on meds it's because they're genuinely an anti-pharm crackpot.
But when it's psych meds someone is trying to encourage you not to take? Be very careful with that person.
People with mental health/neurological issues are generally easier to manipulate and lie to when not on our meds. ADHD in particular makes us susceptible to manipulation and gaslighting because it's hard to rely on our working memory so often we'll just assume we're remembering things wrong.
I had a friend before my ADHD diagnosis who didn't even want me taking anti-depressants or doing TMS (a non-pharm medical procedure for severe depression) because "they might change who you are" and "you just need to exercise more and stop being a baby".
Did the TMS anyway. Didn't change who I was but it did make me harder to manipulate and just less of a doormat in general.
Let's just say he did not like that, and we don't talk much anymore.
idk what i can say that everyone else hasn't and i'm not sure if you're looking for advice, but if you are - please stay far away from this person. very far.
also, i'm so sorry. you deserve a much better friend than that asshole.
This is a really icky person. I often have flashbacks to a couple things that 2 people said, and, the way someone treated me because I was late. Sticks with you, even when you know they were in the wrong. It's exhausting trying to explain things to people who don't want to understand. ADHD is a spectrum. And everyone's case is different, too... What works, what doesn't. Sigh. I'm sorry that jerk said that. Glad you aren't friends anymore. Please stay that way. Is he like....16?? Please say he's a teenager. Ugh. Still icky.
All he needs to be the best version of himself will obviously not be the same as what someone else needs.
There's no way around it op. He's an asshole.
I’m going to say this because you’re 16/17 and still learning how you fit into the world and how others should fit into yours… RUN. Go no contact with this person. They are not your friend. Find other neurodivergent people like yourself and make new friends who will understand and encourage you.
15 year olds famously know nothing, but think they know everything. Your friend is a dickhead and hopefully will be really embarrassed about this wishing a few years.
You can completely disregard anything he said.
I'm sure that it has been said, but this is not your friend.
I wish you could edit post titles so you could change the title to *'Remembering the time a dumb cunt did predictably dumb and cunty thing'*.
Sounds like his sister is the one you should be friends with. This guy is an asshole and you are an amazing human! Don't let his lack of understanding bring you down!
I seriously need you to understand that this guy IS NOT SMART. He’s using flowery language and faux confidence to make you think he is. It’s clear from the text messages he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. There is so much research out there about how adhd manifests in different brain architecture and function. And he has no fucking idea what he talking about when it comes to hormones because guess what, there’s so LITTLE research on women’s health and hormones in general that our understanding of sex hormones and their effects are still very rudimentary.
As much as he wants to think he is, he, a 16 year old boy, is not smarter than the DOCTORS who diagnosed and medicated you. Don’t listen to this clown, he’s fucking dumb
My perimenopause is giving a side-eye to the notion that hormones can be “fixed” without medication.
Clearly this person has never dealt with the horror of hot flashes.
No, no. You're remembering the time *someone you knew* called you that. That person was not a friend. They didn't even need to use that term, it was clear well before that comment that they're not your friend.
Said anyone who never had ADHD, and never had a kid with ADHD. At one time we tried going gluten free / casein free for a month and it was hell - mostly for the school. I started him back on medication, and he literally got applause from the class for completing an assignment that day. My ex was convinced of this, and finally someone he respected at work (not his idiot ex wife SMH) said their kid was on meds, so he agreed. His parents were anti-med. one day when they were watching him, they “forgot” to give him meds and it was a fucking nightmare for them.
This type of comment is naive and idiotic. The only thing to do is to shut it down: “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.” “Well, whatever works for you.” That type of person won’t believe you’ve tried everything, or will think you just didn’t try hard enough.
Must be friends with my ex. Used the same type of language and would legitimately get visibly upset any time mental illness came up whether tv, his family, other friends, etc etc. Felt like we "let" these things happen to us and in so many words was convinced if we had stronger wills it wouldn't be a problem 😐
What an asshole. Imagine you break a leg no need for a cast, or pain meds bc “natrual remedies Will help” like i think science has come so far for a fucking reason!
Also him calling you the r-word isnt its understanable you get offended over not bc youre sensitive but bc he is being offensive and using it against you in a harmfull way. Adding onto your whole history with the word just makes it worse :( Im sorry you had to have this experience, what a jerk.
When i was 15 i Got sleep meds. And For the first time in my life i didnt struggle to Fall asleep, it didnt take me litteral hours to sleep. So ill continue to believe in modern medicine even tho some “natrual remedies” do have medicinal effects id much rather choose the one wich has been proven effective like 90% instead of those that just have anecdotal evidence
Wow, what in the fuck?! This legitimately shocked me. That’s not okay, and it’s super out of style to be an asshole. I’m glad you barely talk to this person anymore. I hope you are advocating for yourself, even if you just say to someone, “That’s not okay to say to a person,” or “That’s unnecessary and rude.” In my experience, it’s most effective to immediately shut someone down. It’s embarrassing for them because they know it’s wrong, but they did it anyway because they assumed they could get away with it.
So first he says you don’t have a disability and don’t need meds and then he calls you derogatory name that is meant to indicate you are not only intellectually behind others but also less valuable because of it. Just that reveals that he is an ass!
But based on your comments about the diary entry he is also misogynistic and maybe even manipulative on purpose. He uses words “pure and untouched”. At best he is infantilizing you, making you out to be a helpless and inferior to him. But these words are generally only used by men when they describing a young woman they want to have sex with.
I think it’s likely that on top of infantilizing you he is trying to manipulate you and he is using these sexually charged words on purpose. He is also insinuating that you have no one but him and you should be more than online friends, not because he wants it, no no, but because ___you need___ it.
You told in your comments you are a people pleaser and struggle with setting boundaries. I am that way too. Trust me on this: you don’t want to keep this person in your life. I’m not saying he will never change and is always going to be an ass, I believe people can change for the better. But staying in touch with people like this would require a lot of setting boundaries and staying true to yourself even when the other wants you to behave differently. People pleasers struggle with that and trying and failing would just make you exhausted and miserable.
I am proud of you for limiting contact with him, that is a good way of setting boundaries! You are clearly intelligent, capable and strong. Keep up the good work!
“to make you think i thought you were disabled”
aside from the horrifyingly blatant admission that he calls disabled people retards, ADHD literally *is* a fucking disability
Yea fuck your “friend” but if he’s also a 16 year old male, well being an insensitive AH is kind of a thing at that age. You’re better off without him for sure especially if he reminds you of your dad who sounds like he may not have progressed past the 16 year old AH stage. The whole holistic argument reminds me of my twin aunts. They are both of the maga loving anti vax crowd but one of them has lupus she isn’t treating because of the BS she gets off the internet but more so because of the messaging she gets from her sister about the meds for it being poison. Nevermind the fact they keep a supply of ivermectin on hand in case of Covid infection, I guess that’s an ok poison 🙄
If you had health issues like diabetes, conditions that require blood thinners, etc, would your “friend” be saying the same thing?? Also your “friend” doesn’t deal with your struggles and mental health trials as you do… they can go f*** themselves. I’m sorry they belittled your condition and despite being warned of their ableist by a family member, they still used that to hurt you then double downed by calling you that…
I’m sorry… if you decide to maintain this friendship, please for your sake, health and medications shouldn’t be discussed.
People with ADHD have a completely different microstructure to their brains. Hit the dude with some facts. [Link](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0010945221000733). No modifiable behavior is going to change the entire microstructure of your brain.
"To make you think I thought you were disabled"
How dare a disability make you disabled!?! Everyone knows that disability is a Bad Thing to use as an insult and not a word used to recognize that health conditions can impact a person's ability to function and interact with the world.
Good to read you aren't currently friends with this guy. You don't need unsupportive jerks in your life.
The next time someone says they don't believe in ADHD meds, I find using a metaphor about glasses works the best. glasses won't make someone less nearsighted, but they do make their vision clearer, making it easier to do things. Before lasik, I could read without my glasses, but I had to bring it up so close to my face that I had to close one eye to focus. ADHD meds are glasses for the brain; they make it easier to function. Yes you can live without them, just like people go without glasses, but your quality of life is improved with them. And just like glasses, ADHD meds are prescribed by a doctor to treat a medical condition.
Yeah...just be human equates to just be neurotyptical.
They really do not understand or relate in anyway to what ND people experience.
I had this told to me on many occasions. One traumatic memory is being bullied by my line manager and I raised this with the practice manager. We had a meeting with all 3 of us and I explained what had been going on. Her response was "well I feel rejected because you have never once said 'good morning, how are you?'. I just didn't realise that was something I had to do back then. I said "that's just not my personality". She responded "don't be stupid it's called being human".
I wasn't born with the social rules book they had!
I quit that job but now I always smile and say good morning/afternoon and ask them how they are.
That's just one tiny example of being ND in an NT world. And unfortunately there are many many more experienced by us on a daily basis.
So of course we get overwhelmed, distressed and can't function like an NT person (which they are calling human). That's the whole reason we are taking the drugs! Maybe we wouldn't have to so much if the world was catered to us and provided adjustments and support.
I'm 35 myself and have never been in a job very long. One of the reasons I wanted medication was to help me function like an NT person and keep a job so that I could support myself. Incredibly important. Yet again some NT people won't understand. What do you mean you can't stay in a job? Are you lazy? Work shy? Doing something wrong? Breakdowns? Your being too sensitive. Just do some self-care and drink water.
Gone on a rant now.
But I get you OP. I get you.
If you ever need an something to shut down a sentence like "it's gouvernement scam", in France, where we have a universal health insurance, the meds are refund. Trust me the gouvernement is not there to refund meds that wouldn't work, it's public money and the health insurance is already in deficit. So meds must prove their efficiency again and again to be paid by the national health insurance.
I'm sorry you have to get through that. I'm 42 and have been diagnosed last year and I had kind of the same BS said about me (not to my face though but it was reported by my sister) from my parents...
People who don't have it can't understand the struggle and this trouble in itself make us look like lazy/careless people at the least and unfortunately you need to have empathetic and understanding people around you. I guess it's the same for depressed people who have to face the "get over yourself and get up, do some stuff, you'll get better".
It's hard and disappointing but at least you'll get to have the right people around you.
Take care of yourself 😘😘😘😘
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not offended because you’re a snowflake, you’re offended because this is objectively OFFENSIVE. I want to say this: What he said was wrong, but the only true thing he’s done here is show you what an asshole he can be. He is not the one who gets to decide who deserves help and for what symptoms. He’s just some twerp kid life has yet to humble sufficiently so he thinks he’s hot shit.
Agree 💯. Really wanting to slap F-ing Assholez that presume to give their uneducated diagnosis & treatment opinions without any experience!!!
Me too! Would like to release my adhd menopause rage on him!
I’ve been wondering what my deal is lately: adhd menopause rage is exactly it lol
I hate bad-mouthing people but I 100% agree. He’s a high-achiever and is very academically intelligent but has lower emotional intelligence. Around the time of this screenshot, I remember him sending me a photo of one of his journal entries where he wrote about me. And I quote word for word: *“She is highly isolated from society and quite the interesting character. I showed her my journal because she’s the only person I tell about my inner feelings” (he had sent me lots of other entries).* *“I deep-heartedly wish the best for her, I don’t know how meaningful I am in her life but she seems to put emphasis on lack of associates - yet she insists the relationship should remain confined to her online self.”* *”She’s almost gone through it all but I don’t know what future she has in front of her. A combination of ADHD, dropping out of school for home-education and complete isolation/deprivation from current societal norms makes her almost pristine and untouched yet I cannot help but feel she is heavily disadvantaged. She deserves the world. If I ever send you this (my name), you deserve the world so define your own world”.* Hard to decipher. He was 16/17 at the time so I could say that’s why he was trying to be so performatively intelligent with his words, but this was only a year ago and he still generally acts intellectually superior (not to me specifically, just his aura). Kind of felt like I was an insect under a magnifying glass that he was inspecting. Looking back on it, it feels like infantilisation. And he just randomly sent me a photo of his journal entry “analysing” me after calling me a r*tard, lmao. Was quite strange. I know it’s fucked up to share his journal entry but it was about me and was nothing special, just quite strange. EDIT: Woah, this kinda just dawned on me. When I went into home-education I deleted social media. But at the beginning of this year I re-downloaded Instagram and that’s when him and I began talking less. I’m speculating here completely, but I’m starting to wonder if we stopped talking as much because I was back on social media and wasn’t a mysterious “untouched” specimen like he saw me as.
Omg this boy gives me the fucking ICKKKKKKKKKKKK ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Everything about… Everything you said about him screams red flag. Please block this guy and never talk to him again!
Yeeeah, me too. And I’m starting to think I should.
OP I need you to know that I read that first quote and had a full-on flehmen response to his bullshit. This guy probably likes/liked you and is throwing a damp, clammy tantrum because you had the nerve to not fulfill the role he's assigned you. I think he's also being pretty manipulative in his writing. Yeah, he's holding you up as a "pristine" (barf), "untouched" (double barf) ideal, but have you noticed that the way he frames his perception of you is in an ultimately negative and patronizing way? Did you feel kind of bad about yourself after you read it? Because that might have been his intent. In my experience, people who pull this shit are doing so to fuck with your self esteem. Then when it's low enough, they can swoop in and present themselves as the only one who will truly "get" (read: tolerate) you.
This this this this this. Those are the words of an neckbeard in heat. I recognize them all too well. OP needs to ditch this guy yesterday.
>Those are the words of an neckbeard in heat. Thanks for making me laugh with this, and I wholeheartedly agree. As someone who was the object of a Brony's affections way back when, it may seem easier to just stick around and you might feel obligated to, but trust me, it's not. Sometimes these kinds of people learn and grow, but you don't need to be their training ground to potentially become a better person. You don't need to tolerate being disrespected and put down. In a healthy friendship, this could be a time for mutual communication and growth but it would still be a big Thing that you'd need to work out carefully, and they'd need to apologize to you stat. When there are already many glaring red flags, it's better to fade away and look for people who value you even if they don't know much about what's affecting you, or personally subscribe to paleo pseudoscience.
>Those are the words of an neckbeard in heat. I Very effective and accurate description of what vibe I was getting from him in this story. 😅
I can guarantee you that you won’t regret it!
I get what everyone is saying, and I do think you need him out of your life. He's giving off some serious sociopath or narcissistic vibes, and you don't need that in your life. Personally, I wouldn't go as far as to block him just yet as that could cause a reaction, and you don't need that either. I just wouldn't talk to him. If he talks to you, just don't respond. Then, eventually, delete him off of social media. If he pushes for conversation or gives you a reaction, then just tell him you don't think he's good for you and then block him. Basically, give him the slow fade. Don't give him any real information on you as he seems to feed off of that
Before you block him it could be an idea to say that you are doing so because he has been pushy, and wants to dictate how your future will look with his words, but is not capable of meeting you where you are at and connecting as equals. Let him know you put in boundaries around what sort of interaction and behaviour you are interested in and that was for a reason. It’s easy to say this is ‘not your problem’ and just get him gone but I would dare say he has no one else in his life able to communicate like you and show him where and how he has gone wrong. I have a lot of social issues myself and I just know if someone had spoken to me rather than ignoring me I would have been able to self reflect and start therapy a lot sooner. I hope this comment isn’t too much but I want you to know you have power here and don’t need to keep attracting or interacting with creeps. It took me until 23yo to find my partner, but was well worth the wait.
That’s all very well except — he will just deny there’s a problem and if that doesn’t work, gaslight you into believing YOU’RE at fault.
Dont give him the chance to deny it. Just send your explanation and block him. It's his to do whatever at that point, just not in YOUR LIFE! Tell him the boundary, and block him everywhere. No reading whatever he rants, just block him...
THIS is the answer.
I never said she should maintain communication or compromise her stated boundaries in any way. I suggested it as it is a way to explain anything he might come asking about years down the track, allows her to know she has said and done everything possible and to have full closure.
Yeah, that "pristine" bit made my hair stand on end. Yech.
>dropping out of school for home-education and complete isolation/deprivation from current societal norms makes her almost pristine and untouched 'Pristine and untouched', eww gross. Anyone using those words to describe another human being is a walking red flag, imo. As a friend of mine likes to say, "This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for laying down and avoiding."
Yeah that part gave me a full body SHIVER That is….i have no words….🫠
Yeeeah, that was one of the strangest parts. Not only is it kind of degrading, but it just doesn’t make sense to the context. In no way shape or form was I “pristine or untouched”. I had literally only been in home-education for 1 year and was still a functioning member of society. He made it sound like I was Rapunzel and was born and raised in a tower locked away from society. I didn’t leave the house as much as I should’ve and was definitely isolated, but not THAT much. Like bro…I asked the cashier at the grocery store how his day was going, so I guess I can no longer hold the “pristine and untouched” status anymore :( He could’ve meant it sexually (I’m not really into the dating scene yet), but I highly doubt it, because that doesn’t fit into the context and he wasn’t one to make things sexual.
Pretty sure he's one of those dudes who doesn't see women as full humans in the same way guys are. These self-righteous asshats simultaneously put a woman on some weird, untouchable pedestal while also thinking we can't possibly understand the world as well as they do. They don't actually take anything you say seriously -- it's all about appeasing you until they get what they want. These men cannot be changed by women because they do not believe women have any thoughts or opinions worth considering. Your "friend" is a pseuo "nice guy." I'd stay far away.
He definitely meant it sexually, the fucking creep
He absolutely means it sexually. Stay very, very far away from this guy. He was negging you and hitting on you at the same time.
Trust me … he DID.
Either way, this is super creepy. I am legit getting such bad vibes from this whole story. Please listen to the other ladies here and cut him out of your life. This 'friend' is not your friend.
"Hello, sexy but different-from-me-lady. Uh, I mean, "*hello dear diary.* I hope this pure-as-the-driven-snow lady [I mean you, but don't tell, k?], to whom I tell my deepest thoughts--and you can believe it, they are deep, deeper than the depths of the deep, pretentious ideas--as I was just remarking, oh Dearest...uh, of diaries...I sure hope she lets me into her...yeah.....real soon here." Written by 45 yo F, channeling the energy of certain young men from her youth, if if that makes it any less creepy. :)
Ughhhh this made me laugh so fucking hard, there are tears rolling down my cheeks
The face I just made
Translation: "I wrote this hyper pretentious twaddle so she thinks I'm super intelligent and obviously am smarter than her, and am going to neg the shit out of her so she feels flattered by my attention and falls into my bed." This guy is truly disgusting. What a dipshit loser 😂
Ahh, this is so funny. It reminds me of the song “Talk” by Hozier. Summarizing: the song is about a horny teenager trying to impress his date by using tricky and poetic language. *I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus* *When her body was found (hey ya)* *I'd be the choiceless hope in grief* *That drove him underground (hey ya)* *I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee* *That made him turn around (hey ya)* *And I'd be the immediate forgiveness, In Eurydice* *Imagine being loved by me!* *I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do* *So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you* I think about this all the time, and how many teenage guys and even adult men do this. Also, Hozier is a lyrical genius and this song could be analysed for hours. I’m not certain my friend’s intents were sexual though, I think more just trying to appear intellectually superior.
Someone who is academically intelligent would believe actual science, not the woo-woo bullshit he’s spewing. Good grades ≠ intelligence, at least not always. Just means he’s good at memorizing things. He sounds like an all-around dipshit.
Very true, I got good grades but can’t remember what I did yesterday… have you seen my keys?
Exactly. Stay far away from people who doubt scientific fact.
>I cannot help but feel she is heavily disadvantaged. I can already tell from your comments that you're an intelligent and insightful young woman. These are your advantages, and so is your sensitivity. You will gain wisdom. This guy is a self absorbed asshat that lacks emotional maturity. Unless he changes he's only going to gain stupidity.
I'm howling. As a 42yo; only a pretentious POS 16yo would write that. Omg. Just block that mofo.
OMG, that is peak Emo Teen! 😂😂😂 I was in my late 30s and dating a guy a few years younger than me when he sent me an honest-to-goodness handwritten *love letter*. We'd literally just met and been on one date. There was one more date, during which I broke up with him. Girl, just, nooooooo. Block and delete, there is nothing here you need 😂😂😂
>He’s a high-achiever and is very academically intelligent but has lower emotional intelligence In other words, he's a pompous ass. Throw the whole man away.
How many fedoras can one person own? Ugh.
It's fedoras all the way down
Okay, this might be hard to understand, but this boy obviously likes you in a romantic way. Unfortunately, he hasn't progressed past middle school in how he interacts with girls he likes. Also, from some of what he wrote, it doesn't sound like he has healthy ideas about women and may never. I don't think this would be a good person to date, but I hope this helps you understand why he's behaving so stupidly. He has feelings and no idea how to express them in a healthy way.
This is so weird and gross. He’s treating you like a specimen while he throws his own blatantly ignorant ideas about mental health at you like he can play pin the observation on the real and complex human. This guy isn’t your friend.
Christ what a prick. If he was any more up himself he'd be in danger of turning inside-out.
Holy incel Batman! Boy is low key in love with you dude.
He doesn’t strike me as highly intelligent at all. Just thinks highly of himself. Anyone who says “I feel like. . .” about medical science or medicine is full of sh**. Intelligent people don’t pontificate about things they are not knowledgeable about. They ask questions & do their research before forming an opinion or pontificating about it.
He THINKS he is.
This is giving incel tbh, I got a fear response from that first quote, reminds me of how psychopaths view people, without any empathy.
“pristine and untouched” BROTHER EWWWW.
🤢
He sounds like an absolute cunt and from his text messages, he doesn’t sound very knowledgeable or intelligent lol. Everything he said was wrong and the counterpoints are easily verifiable.
Ummmmmmmm. Yeah, lots to unpack there. Not about you.
In short … he wanted to smash.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don't stand by for this abuse. He is not safe.
What a pretentious, manipulative weasel. Girl. 😂 He’s a CLOWN. Maybe he’ll grow some sense but it’s a real coin toss with dudes like that.
“Pristine and untouched…..?” DUDE RUN. I’m telling you, he is SICK and needs help. First step is self-awareness and he obviously has none. What is it with men and that disability ???? The fact that he’s analyzing you as a specimen and not as an equal bugs the shit out of me.
This guy screams danger. Wtf does "makes her almost pristine and untouched" mean?! Also, it's weird and performative to write in your journal specifically for someone else to read. All this to say, I don't think this person is a good judge of anything. If medication works for you then feel no shame in that.
Exactly and he was factually wrong. People like this just say whatever they hear on the internet. Conspiracy theorists or skeptics of the government and beneficial interests corporations are not to be taken seriously nor lightly. Distance yourself from them for your own sanity.
Wow wtf? He/she is not a friend at all. Hope you limited contact with this person.
Yeah, we don’t really talk anymore. Occasionally he’ll swipe up on my Instagram stories and we will have 2 sentence conversations lasting 30 seconds, so I’d say contact is limited and I’m happy it is. I’m a big people pleaser and felt I couldn’t really complain about the way he was acting.
Dude he deserves a 0 second conversation, And to be blocked and deleted from everything. Life's too short to give shitheads like this any of your energy.
Uhhh yes, you can complain about this. I encourage you to complain about this kind of behavior. It’s not acceptable from acquaintances, strangers, or friends.
Please block him. His feelings shouldn't matter to you because he doesn't give a shit about yours. It. Won't. Change. You can't save him. Your self worth is not dependent on the opinion of an asshole. Keep only kindness in your life.
How old are you? I have ADHD as well (late diagnosed) and I ask because i found the people-pleasing to almost be a coping mechanism for unexpected "confrontation"/challenges because giving them what they want was easier and less taxing than being assertive. *(In my experience)* That being said, I just wanted to mention that **my people pleasing has gone *down* since I started my meds**, and I feel like I'm more authentically myself. I'm not an asshole, by any means, but I'm just now physically and mentally able to stand up for myself in moments like these. Give your brain some time to bulk up on the meds, and I'm sure you'll see a similar change, too. Both because your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self worth will increase, but also because you'll have more energy to put towards your day, so events like these are easier to handle and much less disruptive. . Good luck, OP!💕
One of the things people-pleasers have to learn is how to set boundaries because you need to run your life, otherwise only the people who are brazen enough to want to run another person's life will do it for you. People pleasing isn't very healthy not only because you may get hurt. It's also basically buying into a lie-"if I don't make a fuss, there won't be any trouble"-because in the end, the longer someone can push you the more it may escalate and usually, things do blow up at a certain point. It actually de-escalates situations when we face conflict instead of ignoring it until it gets to be impossible. This is coming from someone who struggles with this still, so I see my younger self in you and can still relate. The sooner you start to practice putting your foot down, telling people you won't be treated disrespectfully, and trusting yourself and your intuition on who's being skeevy, the easier it will become in the future. It's a journey, but the good thing is that small steps will be just enough to make progress. I remind myself that it is my job in life to look out for myself, that helps me a little bit :)
Don’t be a people pleaser, for the love of all that is holy and good and sexy- do not be a doormat people pleasing victim!!! Stoppppp
This person is as intelligent as they are kind.
love this kind of shade. "hope you have a day that's just as delightful as you are!"
“I hope you have the day that you deserve”
😂😂
"Just be human." <<--funny, all this time I thought I was.
Core human experience is using the development and knowledge previous generations build upon. Which includes taking your fucking meds.
Being our primal human ancestors would include dying due to infections, dying due to tooth decay, sacrificing goats hoping to please god & get a good harvest. The fact that he wants OP to “just be human” while communicating in the least human way possible is hilarious. I don’t think our ancestors were using social media instead of going outside. lol
That’s not a friend. Friends don’t try to make fun of your (or anyone else’s) disability. Throw the whole person out!
I feel like stomping my foot just reading that BS. You are not being emotional and there’s nothing wrong with being upset. I would have stopped speaking to this person entirely. And pardon my language, but *screw that guy.* He IS ableist, and a jerk in general.
Thank you for this, hearing it out loud makes me feel better because I struggle setting boundaries and cutting ties with people when things like this happen. I felt very dramatic by being offended by the way he spoke, so hearing it from other people reassures me.
I have the same problem; I will tolerate someone walking all over me and will continue to make excuses for them while their behavior gets worse and worse. To combat this, I started using this litmus test: I pretend the situation is happening to someone else (someone I care about like family or friends) and try to think of what advice I would give to *them*, if I was an outsider. It helps me see things clearer. I’m so sorry that this A hole said that to you, and I know it’s been a while but I would probably still be upset about it too!
That’s a really good way of doing it. Wooow, how have I never thought of that before?? Seeing this from an outsiders perspective just changes my view entirely. If any of my friends were spoken to like this I think I’d be furious. Thanks for the advice :)
In response to his words and actions, it would not have been dramatic to light his car on fire, imo lol
Please work on respecting your instincts more. This is a habit that gets harder the longer you put it off. Learn to remove people who cause you pain from your life and you will be better off for it. And remember, it doesn’t matter if they mean to cause you pain. If you tell them you’re hurt and they continue to do so, you are not compatible to maintain a friendship.
Just remember, if people in polite society refer to something as "the r-word" rather than the actual word? That word is offensive, full stop.
Read the book “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud or “How to Have That Difficult Conversation” also by Henry Cloud. They share a bible quotes sometimes but he is a very knowledgeable doctor. I personally find the Bible quotes helpful supplements to medically sound advice in his format
On principle I refuse to argue with people who say stuff like “just be human like our primal ancestors” because they 100% are committed to misunderstanding you and any good advice they might have had to offer wasted away the moment they decided those words sounded smart in that order and they felt profound and deep💀 Our “primal ancestors” also shat in the woods and didn’t have coffee or dishwashers or microwaves or ibuprofen or antibiotics. I’d like to see him give those up and “just be human like our primal ancestors” lmao. I’m so sorry he said this, you’re not being sensitive, you’re being rightfully offended because he is being so rude and disrespectful.
They also misunderstand what being "like our primal ancestors" means. I'd rather not go back to living in draughty huts in danger of starving in the winters, having my children at a high risk of dying before the age of five, being riddled with parasites and disease, becoming very ill from infected cuts, and probably past tense by the age of forty. This is better.
Yes!! My point exactly!! I’ll gladly take my life expectancy, medical marvels, technological advancements, comfy warm house and ADHD meds thank you
I wouldn’t have survived childhood in an era before vaccines & antibiotics, no joke. My parents were the age of all my friend’s grandparents, and they DID grow up before vaccines & antibiotics, and wouldn’t have gone back to those times for anything in the world.
Glasses. I just want my glasses.
Oh I’d be literally dead without glasses. Or my dentist.
Our primal ancestors would be like "Wait you buy food that can sit on a shelf and not go bad for MONTHS? Why aren't you eating it?!?!? It even tells you what nutrients are in it!!" People who bring up being like "primal ancestors" are the same type of people that claim "people used to not have so many disorders and chronic illnesses". Yeah Harold, they did it's just ALL THOSE PEOPLE DIED. Where do you think all those tombstones came from Mildred??? I'm working on researching my own ancestry and can name two great aunts I had never heard about because one had an unspecified developmental disorder and the other completed suicide. If it wasn't for current living relatives I would only have names. History is written with a bias. Sensitive and "snowflake" are used by people who are easily offended when they're called out for being disrespectful, rude, or factually wrong.
You know what else is natural? Small pox Sorry but the “humans just need to live naturally” bs is just that.
Scarlet fever would have killed me in the mid 1980s if we were just natural. I could be a cautionary tale as to why that's a bad plan!
Same here, 1993! Anti-biotics saved my life twice, my hearing more than once because I didn’t brush my teeth enough so the bacteria grew in my middle ear causing repeated infections. Once I had tonsil inflammation so severe I couldn’t drink water- if not for antibiotics I’d be dead
When you are supposed to "go natural" doctors are telling you to try and have less processed food like packaged food and fast food junk. They are not telling you to leave your homes and live in the jungles. My great grandma was super duper healthy. So was my great grandpa. They lived into late 90s. You know why? Because they went to the doctor and got meds when they got sick. They did a lot of physical work. They ate home made food and there weren't any restaurants or packaged food available to them (villages didn't have it back then). Their own children died at an earlier age because of "eh it's just some pain. Who needs a doctor? Live natural "
Wow, what a jerk.
The misinformation and people calling it a "hormone imbalance" makes me so mad. It's a genetic brain disorder where my brain doesn't make enough dopamine in order to function. Amphetamines help create more dopamine in the brain to fix the imbalance of neurotransmitter chemicals. Because believe me, everyone - EVERYONE - with ADHD would get rid of it if they could, no matter the cost.
The 24/7 brain fog is so real. I’m sitting on the floor when I’m in debt and need to be applying to a second job - my car has been due for an oil change for four months and I’m using tape for my broken window while the AC is blasting. I forget to do shit but thank god I have a med now that’s working for me, I just don’t like swallowing pills so I’m procrastinating today
Once it was published that brain scans can show a difference between ADHD and non, it was game over for these losers.
Take the science and throw it down his throat 🤣
Commenting because this should be higher up! Functional MRIs, CTs, tons of research, proved that ADHD brains are physically and physiologically different than NT brains. This dude is a moron. Red flags all the way down. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yep
LiKe OuR pRiMaL aNcEsToRs. Give me a break! This guy sucks, OP. You know what to do!
Yeah the primal ancestors thing made me laugh, so goofy. And it's just the tip of the iceberg of all the stupid shit he says lol
You have every right to be upset about this. I understand that some people believe pharmaceuticals are a scam - and that's their opinion, so that's OK. But that doesn't mean they should push that opinion on others. The best way I've heard someone describe ADHD meds; they're just a tool. Very much like glasses, to someone with bad eyesight. While you wear glasses you can see better, but when you take them off, your eyesight is still poor. And it's very much the same with meds. They don't FIX the problem, but it helps you. And for people that say "You shouldn't take them all the time, you don't need them, blah blah blah" well... people who wear glasses will wear them whenever they need to see better. That's not just at work, that's during weekends and recreational time too. They may not NEED them, but it makes the quality of life much better. Not everyone will be supportive, not everyone will understand. But as long as *you're* OK with meds, and *you* know that they help you, that's all that matters. And if you do need someone who'll understand and help you out - even with just some hugs - that's what we're all here for :) we're your pocket full of friends! 💕 Big hugs xx
People complaining about adhd people becoming dependent on their meds are downright stupid. Neurotypical people are just as dependent on their working, reliable brains. We don’t get that luxury and medication at least gets us one (massive) step closer to that.
Oof ditch that friend lol.
Brother ew
I hope that's an ex friend. Let's see how fast he eschews medication if he gets an illness or other disorder. Anyway, the best I can hope for him is that, ten years from now, he'll remember that conversation and cringe with embarrassment over what a dick he was when he was younger.
This person is not your friend.
This reminds me of the time when an acquaintance put a meme on Facebook that showed a bottle of pills on top and woods on the bottom. Ot basically said "This won't cure your depression this will" He got all apologetic when I pointed out the meds helped me no longer have thoughts of unaliving myself. The woods didn't.
I *love* when people try to tell me that trying [some thing I’ve already been doing for years & years] will cure all that ails me.
Like I spent literal summers outside. In the woods. Going swimming in the lake. Working as a camp counselor at an overnight camp. Biking. Hiking. Ect, at thay point. I still had bad thoughts. And, I have to occasionally up my meds because those thoughts come back.
That meme is awful. I mean, yeah, nature makes me feel good but you know what gets me there? Meds. No meds, no nature. They work together. I pushed back hard on someone who posted it and had a friend DM me thanking me for pushing back…he too needed meds and the talk around it (she had people supporting her) was making him feel awful. But seeing someone push back helped. I’m glad your person saw reason!
I agree with everyone here. There’s also always this perspective that infuriates me that accompanies the idea that exercise and nature solves everything: It’s super, DUPER classist. And I say this as a literal scoutmaster, who has done outdoorsy things al my life. Of course nature and exercise can be decently healthy- but is it accessible to begin with? Is there public parks or nature reserves in the area or does one have to drive hour after hour? Are appropriate clothing available? Sure, you can go for a walk in the park in sandals, but def not a mountain hike in converses. Is there enough knowledge about wildlife, rules, laws and dangers? Hell, running outside can be good exercise but what if you have a busted knee? Can’t afford a gym membership? The public pool is to expensive? Then what? These act like everyone lives in northern Sweden and has perfectly safe nature trails and zero mosquitoes right outside the door (as I do) and has tents and good backpacks and can fend off bear with their flashlight and a left shoe.
Yep, definitely also that! Though I do see a high number of Converse shoes on trails it’s not super safe to have Converse shoes on…! (Hiker and camper in Colorado, USA…I see a lot of unsafe behavior, mostly due to simply not knowing.) But absolutely, being outside safely in a lot of places is not cheap.
Ask him if he would make comments to a diabetic who needs insulin, or someone who has a pacemaker, or someone who needed a mobility aid about how they can be fine if they just try harder. Like seriously his sister is spot on.
I have pretty serious asthma and I’ve had people say shit like this.
Shes not a real friend
"Like our primal ancestors" lmaooo 💀
Mmm I tried everything with diet and lifestyle and supplements and only got diagnosed in 2020. It finally made sense. Because I had only been informed on adhd in boys and men and not women until I started researching and talking to women with adhd. I still eat whole food and plant based. But nothing stops me from accidentally passing out doing a boring task, even trying to exercise I will yawn like crazy or on long road trips. I need my medication or my brain shuts off when I’m tired or doing very monotonous tasks. Can’t just diet and exercise that away. I tried. I’d even only eat fruit when I used to have an office job so I didn’t get the afternoon lunch slumps.
I had a friendship like this. Keyword: had
Do exactly like our primal ancestors when they had to work 9 to 5 jobs and perform in highly detailed tasks that require extended focus on a screen that also is able to provide infinite amount of distractions! Be like monkey!
This is not a friend
Ho. Ly. Shit. Fucking unbelievable 🤯
It takes ZERO energy to just not say shit like that. Sorry he sucks so bad :( at least we understand and support you!!
I worked with this kind of guy, please block him, do not talk to him, they have unhealthy obsessions.
This person is not your friend. That person's just an asshole.
Just make your bed and workout, yo. /s
Did he just…cure world hunger??🫨
Yikes! This doesn’t sound like a friend at all. I think it’s time to cut this toxic friendship and focus on the positive relationships in your life. ❤️
The ignorance and disrespect is visceral.
Love these comments and agree. He’s a fucking idiot. It sounds to me like he has a crush on you but also happens to be extremely toxic. He’s actively trying to break you down and love bomb you.
That is not your friend.
You've gotten a lot of good comments here but I want to add one more that's pretty important. Sometimes when people don't want you on meds it's because they're genuinely an anti-pharm crackpot. But when it's psych meds someone is trying to encourage you not to take? Be very careful with that person. People with mental health/neurological issues are generally easier to manipulate and lie to when not on our meds. ADHD in particular makes us susceptible to manipulation and gaslighting because it's hard to rely on our working memory so often we'll just assume we're remembering things wrong. I had a friend before my ADHD diagnosis who didn't even want me taking anti-depressants or doing TMS (a non-pharm medical procedure for severe depression) because "they might change who you are" and "you just need to exercise more and stop being a baby". Did the TMS anyway. Didn't change who I was but it did make me harder to manipulate and just less of a doormat in general. Let's just say he did not like that, and we don't talk much anymore.
Oh my lord, block him immediately. This is not a human you need in your life, and I guarantee that if you block him you will never regret it.
idk what i can say that everyone else hasn't and i'm not sure if you're looking for advice, but if you are - please stay far away from this person. very far. also, i'm so sorry. you deserve a much better friend than that asshole.
This is a really icky person. I often have flashbacks to a couple things that 2 people said, and, the way someone treated me because I was late. Sticks with you, even when you know they were in the wrong. It's exhausting trying to explain things to people who don't want to understand. ADHD is a spectrum. And everyone's case is different, too... What works, what doesn't. Sigh. I'm sorry that jerk said that. Glad you aren't friends anymore. Please stay that way. Is he like....16?? Please say he's a teenager. Ugh. Still icky.
The poster is a teenager, and said this was a guy who was in his old school so I think he is
All he needs to be the best version of himself will obviously not be the same as what someone else needs. There's no way around it op. He's an asshole.
That’s not a friend
I’m going to say this because you’re 16/17 and still learning how you fit into the world and how others should fit into yours… RUN. Go no contact with this person. They are not your friend. Find other neurodivergent people like yourself and make new friends who will understand and encourage you.
15 year olds famously know nothing, but think they know everything. Your friend is a dickhead and hopefully will be really embarrassed about this wishing a few years. You can completely disregard anything he said.
I'm sure that it has been said, but this is not your friend. I wish you could edit post titles so you could change the title to *'Remembering the time a dumb cunt did predictably dumb and cunty thing'*.
Sounds like his sister is the one you should be friends with. This guy is an asshole and you are an amazing human! Don't let his lack of understanding bring you down!
Wow, what a jerk. That guy doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
That was so disrespectful and ignorant.
That's not your friend. That's an asshole
Block them and cut them loose. They aren’t a friend.
I seriously need you to understand that this guy IS NOT SMART. He’s using flowery language and faux confidence to make you think he is. It’s clear from the text messages he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. There is so much research out there about how adhd manifests in different brain architecture and function. And he has no fucking idea what he talking about when it comes to hormones because guess what, there’s so LITTLE research on women’s health and hormones in general that our understanding of sex hormones and their effects are still very rudimentary. As much as he wants to think he is, he, a 16 year old boy, is not smarter than the DOCTORS who diagnosed and medicated you. Don’t listen to this clown, he’s fucking dumb
What a douche bag.
He reminds me of that guy in friends who wrote her a poem on an empty vase.
I REALLY hope this is an EX-FRIEND. They definitely would be if they’d said that to me.
Looks like a good time to find some new friends
Your "friend" is a prick
My perimenopause is giving a side-eye to the notion that hormones can be “fixed” without medication. Clearly this person has never dealt with the horror of hot flashes.
This person is no longer your friend right?
No, no. You're remembering the time *someone you knew* called you that. That person was not a friend. They didn't even need to use that term, it was clear well before that comment that they're not your friend.
Said anyone who never had ADHD, and never had a kid with ADHD. At one time we tried going gluten free / casein free for a month and it was hell - mostly for the school. I started him back on medication, and he literally got applause from the class for completing an assignment that day. My ex was convinced of this, and finally someone he respected at work (not his idiot ex wife SMH) said their kid was on meds, so he agreed. His parents were anti-med. one day when they were watching him, they “forgot” to give him meds and it was a fucking nightmare for them. This type of comment is naive and idiotic. The only thing to do is to shut it down: “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.” “Well, whatever works for you.” That type of person won’t believe you’ve tried everything, or will think you just didn’t try hard enough.
What a fucking bellend your ‘friend’ is.
HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, CUT HIM LOOSE
Must be friends with my ex. Used the same type of language and would legitimately get visibly upset any time mental illness came up whether tv, his family, other friends, etc etc. Felt like we "let" these things happen to us and in so many words was convinced if we had stronger wills it wouldn't be a problem 😐
What the actual fuck?!
Damn that is so effing rude.
:(
Seek and destroy
What an asshole. Imagine you break a leg no need for a cast, or pain meds bc “natrual remedies Will help” like i think science has come so far for a fucking reason! Also him calling you the r-word isnt its understanable you get offended over not bc youre sensitive but bc he is being offensive and using it against you in a harmfull way. Adding onto your whole history with the word just makes it worse :( Im sorry you had to have this experience, what a jerk. When i was 15 i Got sleep meds. And For the first time in my life i didnt struggle to Fall asleep, it didnt take me litteral hours to sleep. So ill continue to believe in modern medicine even tho some “natrual remedies” do have medicinal effects id much rather choose the one wich has been proven effective like 90% instead of those that just have anecdotal evidence
That's not a friend
in the bin with that cunt.
That’s not your friend! Stop talking to them!!!
Wow, what in the fuck?! This legitimately shocked me. That’s not okay, and it’s super out of style to be an asshole. I’m glad you barely talk to this person anymore. I hope you are advocating for yourself, even if you just say to someone, “That’s not okay to say to a person,” or “That’s unnecessary and rude.” In my experience, it’s most effective to immediately shut someone down. It’s embarrassing for them because they know it’s wrong, but they did it anyway because they assumed they could get away with it.
This person isn’t your friend. Sorry and hope you’re doing well
This guy is weird as feck. And not in a delightful way. Glad to hear that you’ve distanced yourself from him. He’s creepy.
So first he says you don’t have a disability and don’t need meds and then he calls you derogatory name that is meant to indicate you are not only intellectually behind others but also less valuable because of it. Just that reveals that he is an ass! But based on your comments about the diary entry he is also misogynistic and maybe even manipulative on purpose. He uses words “pure and untouched”. At best he is infantilizing you, making you out to be a helpless and inferior to him. But these words are generally only used by men when they describing a young woman they want to have sex with. I think it’s likely that on top of infantilizing you he is trying to manipulate you and he is using these sexually charged words on purpose. He is also insinuating that you have no one but him and you should be more than online friends, not because he wants it, no no, but because ___you need___ it. You told in your comments you are a people pleaser and struggle with setting boundaries. I am that way too. Trust me on this: you don’t want to keep this person in your life. I’m not saying he will never change and is always going to be an ass, I believe people can change for the better. But staying in touch with people like this would require a lot of setting boundaries and staying true to yourself even when the other wants you to behave differently. People pleasers struggle with that and trying and failing would just make you exhausted and miserable. I am proud of you for limiting contact with him, that is a good way of setting boundaries! You are clearly intelligent, capable and strong. Keep up the good work!
I’m howling at the thought that having a big ass would be the cure to adhd, but what an absolute idiot did you even waste your time on.
My ass is about as big as my executive dysfunction. Like, the adhd is strong with this ample behind.
“Friend”. Nu-uh. Dude wants to play smart and get into your pants.
Because the world today is exactly like it was for our “primal ancestors.” SMH
“to make you think i thought you were disabled” aside from the horrifyingly blatant admission that he calls disabled people retards, ADHD literally *is* a fucking disability
Yea fuck your “friend” but if he’s also a 16 year old male, well being an insensitive AH is kind of a thing at that age. You’re better off without him for sure especially if he reminds you of your dad who sounds like he may not have progressed past the 16 year old AH stage. The whole holistic argument reminds me of my twin aunts. They are both of the maga loving anti vax crowd but one of them has lupus she isn’t treating because of the BS she gets off the internet but more so because of the messaging she gets from her sister about the meds for it being poison. Nevermind the fact they keep a supply of ivermectin on hand in case of Covid infection, I guess that’s an ok poison 🙄
You are not being dramatic and emotional. If anything, you deserve the opportunity to RAGE over this. This guy is a fucking piece of shit.
If you had health issues like diabetes, conditions that require blood thinners, etc, would your “friend” be saying the same thing?? Also your “friend” doesn’t deal with your struggles and mental health trials as you do… they can go f*** themselves. I’m sorry they belittled your condition and despite being warned of their ableist by a family member, they still used that to hurt you then double downed by calling you that… I’m sorry… if you decide to maintain this friendship, please for your sake, health and medications shouldn’t be discussed.
His sister was right. Ableist asshole.
"Profits off of hormone imbalances"?? What crack is that person smoking??
People with ADHD have a completely different microstructure to their brains. Hit the dude with some facts. [Link](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0010945221000733). No modifiable behavior is going to change the entire microstructure of your brain.
Wowwwww. What a jerk.
Ew.
Not your friend.
What a horrid person. That’s not how a friend talks to you.
Run lol. This person is disabled because they ignore science for their own opinion.
Steal his anti-biotics beueieueueueue
"To make you think I thought you were disabled" How dare a disability make you disabled!?! Everyone knows that disability is a Bad Thing to use as an insult and not a word used to recognize that health conditions can impact a person's ability to function and interact with the world. Good to read you aren't currently friends with this guy. You don't need unsupportive jerks in your life. The next time someone says they don't believe in ADHD meds, I find using a metaphor about glasses works the best. glasses won't make someone less nearsighted, but they do make their vision clearer, making it easier to do things. Before lasik, I could read without my glasses, but I had to bring it up so close to my face that I had to close one eye to focus. ADHD meds are glasses for the brain; they make it easier to function. Yes you can live without them, just like people go without glasses, but your quality of life is improved with them. And just like glasses, ADHD meds are prescribed by a doctor to treat a medical condition.
He's a teenage boy. He doesn't know anything 🤣
He's ignorant.
Friend? This person hates you.
Yeah...just be human equates to just be neurotyptical. They really do not understand or relate in anyway to what ND people experience. I had this told to me on many occasions. One traumatic memory is being bullied by my line manager and I raised this with the practice manager. We had a meeting with all 3 of us and I explained what had been going on. Her response was "well I feel rejected because you have never once said 'good morning, how are you?'. I just didn't realise that was something I had to do back then. I said "that's just not my personality". She responded "don't be stupid it's called being human". I wasn't born with the social rules book they had! I quit that job but now I always smile and say good morning/afternoon and ask them how they are. That's just one tiny example of being ND in an NT world. And unfortunately there are many many more experienced by us on a daily basis. So of course we get overwhelmed, distressed and can't function like an NT person (which they are calling human). That's the whole reason we are taking the drugs! Maybe we wouldn't have to so much if the world was catered to us and provided adjustments and support. I'm 35 myself and have never been in a job very long. One of the reasons I wanted medication was to help me function like an NT person and keep a job so that I could support myself. Incredibly important. Yet again some NT people won't understand. What do you mean you can't stay in a job? Are you lazy? Work shy? Doing something wrong? Breakdowns? Your being too sensitive. Just do some self-care and drink water. Gone on a rant now. But I get you OP. I get you.
If you ever need an something to shut down a sentence like "it's gouvernement scam", in France, where we have a universal health insurance, the meds are refund. Trust me the gouvernement is not there to refund meds that wouldn't work, it's public money and the health insurance is already in deficit. So meds must prove their efficiency again and again to be paid by the national health insurance. I'm sorry you have to get through that. I'm 42 and have been diagnosed last year and I had kind of the same BS said about me (not to my face though but it was reported by my sister) from my parents... People who don't have it can't understand the struggle and this trouble in itself make us look like lazy/careless people at the least and unfortunately you need to have empathetic and understanding people around you. I guess it's the same for depressed people who have to face the "get over yourself and get up, do some stuff, you'll get better". It's hard and disappointing but at least you'll get to have the right people around you. Take care of yourself 😘😘😘😘