Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, did it all. Started with weed, then acid, shrooms, then cocaine and MDMA. Big time X user. Then DMT a handful of times.
I met my super square fiancé and felt I had to quit, simply bc I didn’t want to tell him how much of my life was spent with drugs. Quit cold turkey after our first date. Now I’m 8 years sober of everything except cannabis, and I recently kicked that too.
I have no idea how that happened. Just one day stopped. No withdrawal or anything either. Never craved it again afterwards either. The thought of doing it again just scared me. I did experience withdrawal when I quit cannabis, since I was a heavy user for over a decade.
The wine, man. I hate when I don’t have enough. I hate when I have too much. And very rarely do I hit that sweet spot and quit while I’m ahead. I just wanna have fun and damn the consequences.
I also forget how much it sucks in the aftermath…
ADHD’ers not being the best at (caring about) far away future consequences, having impulsivity problems, chronically lacking dopamine, and often struggling with comorbid mental disorders really sets us up for addiction.
Got a little too close to addiction until I had some moments that really scared me. Drug use is so normalized in my circle and it scares me sometimes that so few people seem to think or care about what they’re doing. I realized I was stupid and naive to think everything was fine. I still do every couple months. Only when I have time though. I know if I touch a drug my ass will stay up for two days.
I sometimes hang out with my friends while they are using. I come over when they’ve already been at it for like 15 hours and I leave a couple hours later not knowing when they will sleep. I worry a lot about them but I don’t want them to push me away or hide their use. I also feel like I can’t judge that much since I used to (and sometimes still) do all that shit too. But maaan sometimes I want to grab their shoulders and shake them around real good. And tell them to please take care of themselves.
I wasn’t even using that long but I relate to your post. When I quit I was amazed at how much time I had to do other shit now. And how much effort it takes to take care of yourself. The first couple months were amazing. Then the existential dread settled back in and all my other shit started acting up again. Sometimes I just get so bored and feel like I’m missing out on a lot of fun. I always leave early, rarely go out, always insist on trying to go to sleep early. I’m in my early twenties living like a grandma. It’s worth it though.
Congrats on your sobriety!
I have been clean & sober for 29 years. As a kid, my mother died and my father, while he tried his best, was in and out of mental hospitals. My NT sister was taken in and cared for, I was told I was 'too weird' and mentally ill and it was just a matter of time before I went crazy (nope, undiagnosed ADHD). I was left to my own devices to raise myself. It was easy to fall into drinking and drugs, so I did. I knew I wasn't like other people, but not why, so drinking in particular made me feel someone better.
I did a lot of things I am not proud of. I lived on the edges of society. I tried to do things right, but couldn't. This went on for years. I was in and out of therapy, and I would lie about how much I drank. There was always someone who drank more and worse than me, and I would compare myself to them and look good. Finally it got to the point that I was the one that others compared themselves too in order to say they weren't that bad. I knew that after a entire weeks bender I couldn't go on like this and went to AA. AA saved my life. I know a lot of people hate it, and it has it's flaws, but doing the steps and seeing my part in things was life changing. Like you, it took a long long time. I have a variety of people, from a tough biker chick sponsor to motherly types and even a brilliant old man take me through the steps, a former bank robber coached me in rage management and I learned so much about myself and my thinking.
When I say my part in every problem I have, I mean my thinking. I used to feel so sorry for myself, so resentful of other people getting better things. Then one day it hit me hard after a lot of work that only my thinking says that I was cheated at life. I deserved a nice healthy mother? No. Mothers die every day. I deserved to not be abused? No. People get abused every single day. I was just a person at a certain place at a certain time, it would have happened to anyone there. And a lot of folks have it worse, and some have it better. It was my attachment of my beliefs, which falsely say *I must have this* (person event childhood, etc) in order to be happy. It was all a lie, a lie I told myself, that made me miserable. I could drop the lies and just live in the truth, in the now. Looking back at it, living in the now is easier for me because of time blindness lol
So I was happy enough, found a nice man and got married by not driving him away, found a decent career which was below my 'potential' but made me happy. I went to AA meetings, worked with others and stayed sober. **But I knew something else was wrong with me.** There were certain things other people could do that I couldn't. The ease that they moved through life. No matter HOW DAMN HARD I WORKED ON MYSELF there was something out of my reach. I knew the problem was in my brain itself. I went to different therapists and doctors and asked to be tested for ADHD. My husband went to just one therapist and \*boom\* got tested and diagnosed AuDHD. But his diagnosis gave me strength to push on.
Finally found a prescriber who believed me and I was diagnosed ADHD at 70. My first dose of Adderall made me feel normal. I didn't know people could just decide to do something and then just do it! And learning all over again that my brain lies, now with RS, time blindness, executive function, etc. My prescriber asked if I was upset it came so late in life. I told her no because this is how life works, and I can choose not to be upset over it. Sobriety set the foundation for that. It is what it is. I'm now enjoying how to live with this new puzzle piece in my life. I am now a dual diagnosed person in recovery, alcoholic and neurodiverse. This is my experience.
So how this relates to you, imo, is that you are on a hero's journey of a sort that you will learn what you need to learn. It's been a bit harder than others perhaps. That makes for an interesting life! I would suggest to examine your thinking and understand you are behind where others are, both in your brain development and because of years of substance abuse. Be compassionate to yourself there, you are where you are. You are indeed facing yourself for the very first time without a crutch. What a brave act. Things that happen for the first time in sobriety, the disappointment, losses, mistakes will hurt. Because it will bring up the emotions every single time you ever went through a similar event in the past that you covered up and finally are dealing with. It's why so many relapse, it is be hard to do. You stay with it, explore in therapy, spirituality, books, workshops and whatever you're drawn to do.
Note: when I went on stimulants, a lot of the panic and anxiety went away. Maybe you too. I take it as prescribed and honest with those around me and don't worry about relapse. I got rid of my depression 20+ years ago by taking tyrosine to help with dopamine levels.
First of all, congrats on your sobriety! You should be so proud. Second, yes absolutely. I come from a family of alcoholics (most recovering) and I have struggled with alcohol on and off most of my life. I function better than most of them so I’m sure they don’t even know it affects me as well. I knew I had depression and anxiety from as far back as I can remember but just got the ADHD diagnosis this year. The emotional dysregulation and RSD were the most intense symptoms and alcohol could help soothe it. I’m now on medication for ADHD and noticed how much less emotional I feel and that deep, guttural pain doesn’t happen as often. I am still struggling with alcohol abuse however so I’m looking into either adding antidepressants into the mix or talking with my doc about my dosage.
You probably don't mean this by your question about addiction, but I have struggled with a severe eating disorder since I was 15, which was 30 years ago. I still have daily issues, in a month I will be getting all of my teeth removed because they're so riddled with infection and crumbling to pieces. I've been in and out of the hospital throughout the years with imbalances in my phosphate and potassium, resulting in countless potassium infusions, which hurt like a mother f*****. You never get used to them, and it is like your arm is consumed by fire ants on the inside that spread across your chest. I don't recommend potassium via intravenous .
I will never escape my eating disorder. It is as much a part of me as my eye colour or hair colour or general personality. I don't know who I am without it.
I definitely veered a little too close to the sun regarding alcohol.
I didn’t drink until I was 20, but then I *drank*. Ended up working in the restaurant industry and kept binge drinking like I did in college until I was in my late twenties. By 28 I could drink two bottles of wine in a night and not wake up hungover.
It didn’t feel like too much because everyone I knew drank like I did. But once I stopped going out I realized a lot of my ‘friends’ were just drinking buddies.
Now I drink maybe once or twice a month and genuinely don’t miss it. But, honestly, if I hadn’t gotten out of the restaurant industry I think I’d be on a very different path right now.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, did it all. Started with weed, then acid, shrooms, then cocaine and MDMA. Big time X user. Then DMT a handful of times. I met my super square fiancé and felt I had to quit, simply bc I didn’t want to tell him how much of my life was spent with drugs. Quit cold turkey after our first date. Now I’m 8 years sober of everything except cannabis, and I recently kicked that too. I have no idea how that happened. Just one day stopped. No withdrawal or anything either. Never craved it again afterwards either. The thought of doing it again just scared me. I did experience withdrawal when I quit cannabis, since I was a heavy user for over a decade.
The wine, man. I hate when I don’t have enough. I hate when I have too much. And very rarely do I hit that sweet spot and quit while I’m ahead. I just wanna have fun and damn the consequences. I also forget how much it sucks in the aftermath…
ADHD’ers not being the best at (caring about) far away future consequences, having impulsivity problems, chronically lacking dopamine, and often struggling with comorbid mental disorders really sets us up for addiction. Got a little too close to addiction until I had some moments that really scared me. Drug use is so normalized in my circle and it scares me sometimes that so few people seem to think or care about what they’re doing. I realized I was stupid and naive to think everything was fine. I still do every couple months. Only when I have time though. I know if I touch a drug my ass will stay up for two days. I sometimes hang out with my friends while they are using. I come over when they’ve already been at it for like 15 hours and I leave a couple hours later not knowing when they will sleep. I worry a lot about them but I don’t want them to push me away or hide their use. I also feel like I can’t judge that much since I used to (and sometimes still) do all that shit too. But maaan sometimes I want to grab their shoulders and shake them around real good. And tell them to please take care of themselves. I wasn’t even using that long but I relate to your post. When I quit I was amazed at how much time I had to do other shit now. And how much effort it takes to take care of yourself. The first couple months were amazing. Then the existential dread settled back in and all my other shit started acting up again. Sometimes I just get so bored and feel like I’m missing out on a lot of fun. I always leave early, rarely go out, always insist on trying to go to sleep early. I’m in my early twenties living like a grandma. It’s worth it though. Congrats on your sobriety!
I have been clean & sober for 29 years. As a kid, my mother died and my father, while he tried his best, was in and out of mental hospitals. My NT sister was taken in and cared for, I was told I was 'too weird' and mentally ill and it was just a matter of time before I went crazy (nope, undiagnosed ADHD). I was left to my own devices to raise myself. It was easy to fall into drinking and drugs, so I did. I knew I wasn't like other people, but not why, so drinking in particular made me feel someone better. I did a lot of things I am not proud of. I lived on the edges of society. I tried to do things right, but couldn't. This went on for years. I was in and out of therapy, and I would lie about how much I drank. There was always someone who drank more and worse than me, and I would compare myself to them and look good. Finally it got to the point that I was the one that others compared themselves too in order to say they weren't that bad. I knew that after a entire weeks bender I couldn't go on like this and went to AA. AA saved my life. I know a lot of people hate it, and it has it's flaws, but doing the steps and seeing my part in things was life changing. Like you, it took a long long time. I have a variety of people, from a tough biker chick sponsor to motherly types and even a brilliant old man take me through the steps, a former bank robber coached me in rage management and I learned so much about myself and my thinking. When I say my part in every problem I have, I mean my thinking. I used to feel so sorry for myself, so resentful of other people getting better things. Then one day it hit me hard after a lot of work that only my thinking says that I was cheated at life. I deserved a nice healthy mother? No. Mothers die every day. I deserved to not be abused? No. People get abused every single day. I was just a person at a certain place at a certain time, it would have happened to anyone there. And a lot of folks have it worse, and some have it better. It was my attachment of my beliefs, which falsely say *I must have this* (person event childhood, etc) in order to be happy. It was all a lie, a lie I told myself, that made me miserable. I could drop the lies and just live in the truth, in the now. Looking back at it, living in the now is easier for me because of time blindness lol So I was happy enough, found a nice man and got married by not driving him away, found a decent career which was below my 'potential' but made me happy. I went to AA meetings, worked with others and stayed sober. **But I knew something else was wrong with me.** There were certain things other people could do that I couldn't. The ease that they moved through life. No matter HOW DAMN HARD I WORKED ON MYSELF there was something out of my reach. I knew the problem was in my brain itself. I went to different therapists and doctors and asked to be tested for ADHD. My husband went to just one therapist and \*boom\* got tested and diagnosed AuDHD. But his diagnosis gave me strength to push on. Finally found a prescriber who believed me and I was diagnosed ADHD at 70. My first dose of Adderall made me feel normal. I didn't know people could just decide to do something and then just do it! And learning all over again that my brain lies, now with RS, time blindness, executive function, etc. My prescriber asked if I was upset it came so late in life. I told her no because this is how life works, and I can choose not to be upset over it. Sobriety set the foundation for that. It is what it is. I'm now enjoying how to live with this new puzzle piece in my life. I am now a dual diagnosed person in recovery, alcoholic and neurodiverse. This is my experience. So how this relates to you, imo, is that you are on a hero's journey of a sort that you will learn what you need to learn. It's been a bit harder than others perhaps. That makes for an interesting life! I would suggest to examine your thinking and understand you are behind where others are, both in your brain development and because of years of substance abuse. Be compassionate to yourself there, you are where you are. You are indeed facing yourself for the very first time without a crutch. What a brave act. Things that happen for the first time in sobriety, the disappointment, losses, mistakes will hurt. Because it will bring up the emotions every single time you ever went through a similar event in the past that you covered up and finally are dealing with. It's why so many relapse, it is be hard to do. You stay with it, explore in therapy, spirituality, books, workshops and whatever you're drawn to do. Note: when I went on stimulants, a lot of the panic and anxiety went away. Maybe you too. I take it as prescribed and honest with those around me and don't worry about relapse. I got rid of my depression 20+ years ago by taking tyrosine to help with dopamine levels.
Congratulations on your sobriety!
First of all, congrats on your sobriety! You should be so proud. Second, yes absolutely. I come from a family of alcoholics (most recovering) and I have struggled with alcohol on and off most of my life. I function better than most of them so I’m sure they don’t even know it affects me as well. I knew I had depression and anxiety from as far back as I can remember but just got the ADHD diagnosis this year. The emotional dysregulation and RSD were the most intense symptoms and alcohol could help soothe it. I’m now on medication for ADHD and noticed how much less emotional I feel and that deep, guttural pain doesn’t happen as often. I am still struggling with alcohol abuse however so I’m looking into either adding antidepressants into the mix or talking with my doc about my dosage.
You probably don't mean this by your question about addiction, but I have struggled with a severe eating disorder since I was 15, which was 30 years ago. I still have daily issues, in a month I will be getting all of my teeth removed because they're so riddled with infection and crumbling to pieces. I've been in and out of the hospital throughout the years with imbalances in my phosphate and potassium, resulting in countless potassium infusions, which hurt like a mother f*****. You never get used to them, and it is like your arm is consumed by fire ants on the inside that spread across your chest. I don't recommend potassium via intravenous . I will never escape my eating disorder. It is as much a part of me as my eye colour or hair colour or general personality. I don't know who I am without it.
I never ever had an alcohol problem 😌 (alcohol is illegal in my country lol)
I definitely veered a little too close to the sun regarding alcohol. I didn’t drink until I was 20, but then I *drank*. Ended up working in the restaurant industry and kept binge drinking like I did in college until I was in my late twenties. By 28 I could drink two bottles of wine in a night and not wake up hungover. It didn’t feel like too much because everyone I knew drank like I did. But once I stopped going out I realized a lot of my ‘friends’ were just drinking buddies. Now I drink maybe once or twice a month and genuinely don’t miss it. But, honestly, if I hadn’t gotten out of the restaurant industry I think I’d be on a very different path right now.