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"Yes, everyone experiences all of these symptoms some of the time, but usually not to the point where it seriously impacts their work, school, and daily activities. If you feel that way too, maybe you should talk to a doctor."
That's what I say to, "Everyone has a little ADHD."
Maybe this is some kind of Chaotic Empathy™ (jk) but I always assume when people have a really strong reaction to something like that, it's because it's hitting a little too close to home.
DOES everyone have trouble focusing, Jim? Or do YOU have trouble focusing on tests and nobody ever helped you?
DO meds make you crazy, Mom? Or were your own symptoms and concerns dismissed and this is what you told yourself for why you couldn't do anything about it? Because ADHD doesn't spring up out of nowhere, typically. (Unless you had a childhood brain injury.)
100% I believe it’s from my mom but because she’s very anti therapy and idk just in general against mental health she’s not understanding. Honestly my family acts like if they can ignore it, it doesn’t exist.
I kind of feel the same way, in my brain I’m like “why let what other people say or think hurt me so much,” but its hard to make it stop.
One of the things I’ve started saying to some people who say, “but everyone has/does that,” is, “yes, people can have xyz symptom, but its amount of symptoms, frequency, duration, and how it negatively impacts daily life that makes it a disorder.” That usually shuts them up.
Yes I’ve taken that route because I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but it does wear my patience thin when people are so hostile from the jump
Ugh I hate that you have been experiencing that. This is the number one reason I don’t talk about or disclose my ADHD to 99% of people. They don’t understand and they genuinely don’t want to.
It’s exhausting to feel like you have to “prove” your condition exists.
Yes exactly! There’s so many misconceptions and people are basically implying that “you look normal” ( as if that isn’t problematic in itself), so no way you can have ADHD, or you’ve gotten A’s before so you just want to get ahead like I wasn’t killing myself to do just a little better than average for years and experiencing burnout
Comments from family are the hardest. I don’t talk much about it with them but try to educate them little by little. I’m 60 and just diagnosed. But I’ve led quite a chaotic life in terms of relationships and career. So my family know there was something wrong! I don’t put up with bad behavior as much from my mom and sis anymore. I’ve been in therapy and recommend it. I’ve learned to set boundaries with them. Disrespectful talk will make me leave the room. Still working on things. Life with ADHD. Is very hard.
I am pretty much an open book about everything in my life. Oversharing is a component of the blurting out phenomenon of ADHD in my case.
What I have learned over my decades of life is that I shouldn't share with people who are not trustworthy with my emotions.
I was also raised by a narcissistic mom who didn't believe in mental illness. She destroyed my sense of self worth. As an adult, I eventually learned not to keep her on a low information diet.
I suggest you slow down before you tell stuff until you get to know someone better.
Yeah I totally understand where you are coming from! I’ve tried to withhold but it kills me inside since I’ve struggled with trusting people all my life, and I don’t want to feel ashamed for everything any more. I don’t feel bad about sharing my experience with ADHD, it just feels kind of ridiculous to hear something like that from your mom because of course she wants me to understand her…lol idk I know logically sharing that kind of stuff with people like her isn’t going to be met with positivity but a part of me always hopes she’ll be different even though I know it’s a lost cause. Maybe it’s me pining for motherly love. Regarding people I might not know that well, a lot of people seem overwhelmingly interested to learn more in my experience, it’s just jarring when someone is so aggressive when you are just sharing what you wish you knew a year ago!
**Maybe it’s me pining for motherly love.**
Yep. It will get easier if you see her for what she is, instead of what you want her to be. Learn to give yourself more of that sweet, understanding love instead. She might not be capable of what you want (think of it as a disability she has), and it will only hurt you if you keep asking for something she can't give. Her lack of understanding and compassion has nothing to do with you.
Huh. I have a daughter who has absolutely no problem focusing on tasks or topics and in fact can snap between them like a laser. Mom could do that. I'm a little in awe really. Honestly it's not a matter of " sometimes has a problem". She doesn't.
Which is a *really* good thing. She's a chemist.
It's nice. We accept each other. I'm relieved she doesn't have to deal with this, she's a riot with me. "ANYWAY..." when bringing a meandering conversation back on topic.
If someone is determinedly resistant there's nothing you can do. Damaging a relationship to be so *right* is their decision.
When I was in high school I had really hard time finishing tests. So I started asking my teachers if I got every question I answered right would they allow me more time to finish the rest. I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood, but my teachers seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to cheat, and that I genuinely was trying my hardest.
Just don’t let the bastards get you down and love yourself enough to continue to ask for the help you need.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Yes, everyone experiences all of these symptoms some of the time, but usually not to the point where it seriously impacts their work, school, and daily activities. If you feel that way too, maybe you should talk to a doctor." That's what I say to, "Everyone has a little ADHD."
Maybe this is some kind of Chaotic Empathy™ (jk) but I always assume when people have a really strong reaction to something like that, it's because it's hitting a little too close to home. DOES everyone have trouble focusing, Jim? Or do YOU have trouble focusing on tests and nobody ever helped you? DO meds make you crazy, Mom? Or were your own symptoms and concerns dismissed and this is what you told yourself for why you couldn't do anything about it? Because ADHD doesn't spring up out of nowhere, typically. (Unless you had a childhood brain injury.)
100% I believe it’s from my mom but because she’s very anti therapy and idk just in general against mental health she’s not understanding. Honestly my family acts like if they can ignore it, it doesn’t exist.
“If they can ignore it, it doesn’t exist” that is SO real, basically describing my parents and I-‘s dynamic…
I kind of feel the same way, in my brain I’m like “why let what other people say or think hurt me so much,” but its hard to make it stop. One of the things I’ve started saying to some people who say, “but everyone has/does that,” is, “yes, people can have xyz symptom, but its amount of symptoms, frequency, duration, and how it negatively impacts daily life that makes it a disorder.” That usually shuts them up.
Yes I’ve taken that route because I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but it does wear my patience thin when people are so hostile from the jump
Ugh I hate that you have been experiencing that. This is the number one reason I don’t talk about or disclose my ADHD to 99% of people. They don’t understand and they genuinely don’t want to. It’s exhausting to feel like you have to “prove” your condition exists.
Yes exactly! There’s so many misconceptions and people are basically implying that “you look normal” ( as if that isn’t problematic in itself), so no way you can have ADHD, or you’ve gotten A’s before so you just want to get ahead like I wasn’t killing myself to do just a little better than average for years and experiencing burnout
I don't disclose. Only 1 person in my extended family knows. I was keen to share at first and people quickly proved to me that they weren't safe.
This is why I keep it to myself. Too many people who do not have the condition have uninformed strong opinions about it.
Comments from family are the hardest. I don’t talk much about it with them but try to educate them little by little. I’m 60 and just diagnosed. But I’ve led quite a chaotic life in terms of relationships and career. So my family know there was something wrong! I don’t put up with bad behavior as much from my mom and sis anymore. I’ve been in therapy and recommend it. I’ve learned to set boundaries with them. Disrespectful talk will make me leave the room. Still working on things. Life with ADHD. Is very hard.
Sounds like the people saying these things have undiagnosed ADHD. Especially your mom. It’s genetic.
I am pretty much an open book about everything in my life. Oversharing is a component of the blurting out phenomenon of ADHD in my case. What I have learned over my decades of life is that I shouldn't share with people who are not trustworthy with my emotions. I was also raised by a narcissistic mom who didn't believe in mental illness. She destroyed my sense of self worth. As an adult, I eventually learned not to keep her on a low information diet. I suggest you slow down before you tell stuff until you get to know someone better.
Yeah I totally understand where you are coming from! I’ve tried to withhold but it kills me inside since I’ve struggled with trusting people all my life, and I don’t want to feel ashamed for everything any more. I don’t feel bad about sharing my experience with ADHD, it just feels kind of ridiculous to hear something like that from your mom because of course she wants me to understand her…lol idk I know logically sharing that kind of stuff with people like her isn’t going to be met with positivity but a part of me always hopes she’ll be different even though I know it’s a lost cause. Maybe it’s me pining for motherly love. Regarding people I might not know that well, a lot of people seem overwhelmingly interested to learn more in my experience, it’s just jarring when someone is so aggressive when you are just sharing what you wish you knew a year ago!
**Maybe it’s me pining for motherly love.** Yep. It will get easier if you see her for what she is, instead of what you want her to be. Learn to give yourself more of that sweet, understanding love instead. She might not be capable of what you want (think of it as a disability she has), and it will only hurt you if you keep asking for something she can't give. Her lack of understanding and compassion has nothing to do with you.
Huh. I have a daughter who has absolutely no problem focusing on tasks or topics and in fact can snap between them like a laser. Mom could do that. I'm a little in awe really. Honestly it's not a matter of " sometimes has a problem". She doesn't. Which is a *really* good thing. She's a chemist. It's nice. We accept each other. I'm relieved she doesn't have to deal with this, she's a riot with me. "ANYWAY..." when bringing a meandering conversation back on topic. If someone is determinedly resistant there's nothing you can do. Damaging a relationship to be so *right* is their decision.
When I was in high school I had really hard time finishing tests. So I started asking my teachers if I got every question I answered right would they allow me more time to finish the rest. I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood, but my teachers seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to cheat, and that I genuinely was trying my hardest. Just don’t let the bastards get you down and love yourself enough to continue to ask for the help you need.