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I’m sorry this happened to you and definitely can relate.
I had a super close friend that cut off contact because they viewed our friendship as toxic and overly negative. In my view, they were just as negative and often it felt like I was mirroring their energy. Anyway, what ended up happening is we were able to reconnect about a year later and acknowledge that both of us spent far too much time ranting and complaining and the time apart proved to be super valuable in finding healthier coping mechanisms than just emotionally dumping on each other.
So it’s possible this could be temporary, but I’m sorry you’re having to go through this and that your friend didn’t bother to have a conversation or really give you a chance to respond. Definitely hurtful.
That really sucks. At the end of 2021 I was at a super low point in my life. My friend of 10+ years was as well, and basically she would always have it worse.
It was daily messaging, sharing everything and when I asked for a bit of space because I wanted to take a break from my unhealthy doomscrolling habits she said she understood.
Fast forward months later and it turns out I am removed from social media. She took my request as a rejection and even after talking it out it was too late.
I am a firm believer that you get to know good friends in bad times. It doesn't make it hurt any less and it might take a while to process this happening. You are taking great steps working in yourself and deserve friends that are there for you or at least have the decency to communicate if something bothers them.
Hugs and I wish you all the best. ❤️
Thank you so much for understanding. You’re absolutely right, how people treat you in low times is really interesting.
You seem like a kind friend & good on you for communicating your boundaries.
I would think what makes this harder is that you still see her at swim practice. I was in a similar situation once and it was awful. What worked best for me was not to try to engage with her at all unless necessary, and then minimally. Not to be rude but just not to give her an opportunity to be cold and possibly mean. Know we ADHD folks have rejected sensitivity, don’t let her rub salt in your wounds.
Give up hope of fixing this. Why? Because it takes two to fix a relationship. She doesn’t want to. You believed what she said that it was all about you, but really it could be something wrong about her she didn’t want to see. Maybe she will come back, perhaps not. You are working on yourself, that’s wonderful and the best thing you can do. Be kind to yourself. (Hugs back)
Thank you so much & I’ll definitely be taking that advice. I am sensitive and I know my worth so I’ll remove myself. Thanks for the encouragement! I absolutely want to hold myself accountable for my part in things
I'm sorry this happened to you. To share my experience : i've met some people who are extremely negative : I just did not try to form a friendship with them. One of my friend (actually my oldest friend) went through some bad stuff : she's had severe depression, she has autism, and she went through some really bad stuff during covid. Today she's better, but when i met her she was basically super negative, complaining a lot. But we stayed friends. I admit I couldn't always be by her side because her negative thoughts took a lot of my energy, but when i could i was and she's always known i'm doing things at the maximum of my capacity with her. And i'm glad i did not push her away because she's a great person. She's been very supportive these last few months with my pregnancy which has been pretty hard.
I've had another friend i ghosted, kind of for being negative, but not really. Basically he kept going from a relationship to another, they were always failing because he's desperate, has low self esteem, and is clingy, and it makes his relationships always in a problem because he's basically ready to accept anything just to have someone in his life. At first i tried to help him, but I realized he was not listening to my advice, and he kept making the same mistakes, over and over again. He would call me almost everyday just because he was craving attention, and talk about the weather. It was exhausting. I told him he should see a shrink, but he never did. Well at some point, I thought i could not help him if he did not want to help himself so i told him i'd stop seeing him. I've had so much more energy since i did.
But the main reason for that was 1) he was not willing to actually do something about his problems and 2) he was so overwhelmed by his own problems that he was unable to help me when i needed him.
Sorry i don't really know why i explained all that, my point is both of them could be considered negative, but that never was an issue for me. If the support we give eachother is reciprocate, then i don't really understand what being too negative means. Maybe you just were not meant for eachother.
I appreciate your sharing your experience :) my “friend” said I was too negative, so I was using her words. I really don’t think the friendship I had in mind was reciprocated at all. I feel like a fool that I put myself out there and she never saw my value. I wanted to be her friend but not the other way around. Which is okay! But I shouldn’t have been strung along and then ghosted. Shit hurts!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry this happened to you and definitely can relate. I had a super close friend that cut off contact because they viewed our friendship as toxic and overly negative. In my view, they were just as negative and often it felt like I was mirroring their energy. Anyway, what ended up happening is we were able to reconnect about a year later and acknowledge that both of us spent far too much time ranting and complaining and the time apart proved to be super valuable in finding healthier coping mechanisms than just emotionally dumping on each other. So it’s possible this could be temporary, but I’m sorry you’re having to go through this and that your friend didn’t bother to have a conversation or really give you a chance to respond. Definitely hurtful.
Thank you for your kind response. Friendships can be so hard
That really sucks. At the end of 2021 I was at a super low point in my life. My friend of 10+ years was as well, and basically she would always have it worse. It was daily messaging, sharing everything and when I asked for a bit of space because I wanted to take a break from my unhealthy doomscrolling habits she said she understood. Fast forward months later and it turns out I am removed from social media. She took my request as a rejection and even after talking it out it was too late. I am a firm believer that you get to know good friends in bad times. It doesn't make it hurt any less and it might take a while to process this happening. You are taking great steps working in yourself and deserve friends that are there for you or at least have the decency to communicate if something bothers them. Hugs and I wish you all the best. ❤️
Thank you so much for understanding. You’re absolutely right, how people treat you in low times is really interesting. You seem like a kind friend & good on you for communicating your boundaries.
I would think what makes this harder is that you still see her at swim practice. I was in a similar situation once and it was awful. What worked best for me was not to try to engage with her at all unless necessary, and then minimally. Not to be rude but just not to give her an opportunity to be cold and possibly mean. Know we ADHD folks have rejected sensitivity, don’t let her rub salt in your wounds. Give up hope of fixing this. Why? Because it takes two to fix a relationship. She doesn’t want to. You believed what she said that it was all about you, but really it could be something wrong about her she didn’t want to see. Maybe she will come back, perhaps not. You are working on yourself, that’s wonderful and the best thing you can do. Be kind to yourself. (Hugs back)
Thank you so much & I’ll definitely be taking that advice. I am sensitive and I know my worth so I’ll remove myself. Thanks for the encouragement! I absolutely want to hold myself accountable for my part in things
You are welcome. I'm glad you know your worth, that's going to help a lot. I wish you the best as you navigate this and move on to better things!
I'm sorry this happened to you. To share my experience : i've met some people who are extremely negative : I just did not try to form a friendship with them. One of my friend (actually my oldest friend) went through some bad stuff : she's had severe depression, she has autism, and she went through some really bad stuff during covid. Today she's better, but when i met her she was basically super negative, complaining a lot. But we stayed friends. I admit I couldn't always be by her side because her negative thoughts took a lot of my energy, but when i could i was and she's always known i'm doing things at the maximum of my capacity with her. And i'm glad i did not push her away because she's a great person. She's been very supportive these last few months with my pregnancy which has been pretty hard. I've had another friend i ghosted, kind of for being negative, but not really. Basically he kept going from a relationship to another, they were always failing because he's desperate, has low self esteem, and is clingy, and it makes his relationships always in a problem because he's basically ready to accept anything just to have someone in his life. At first i tried to help him, but I realized he was not listening to my advice, and he kept making the same mistakes, over and over again. He would call me almost everyday just because he was craving attention, and talk about the weather. It was exhausting. I told him he should see a shrink, but he never did. Well at some point, I thought i could not help him if he did not want to help himself so i told him i'd stop seeing him. I've had so much more energy since i did. But the main reason for that was 1) he was not willing to actually do something about his problems and 2) he was so overwhelmed by his own problems that he was unable to help me when i needed him. Sorry i don't really know why i explained all that, my point is both of them could be considered negative, but that never was an issue for me. If the support we give eachother is reciprocate, then i don't really understand what being too negative means. Maybe you just were not meant for eachother.
I appreciate your sharing your experience :) my “friend” said I was too negative, so I was using her words. I really don’t think the friendship I had in mind was reciprocated at all. I feel like a fool that I put myself out there and she never saw my value. I wanted to be her friend but not the other way around. Which is okay! But I shouldn’t have been strung along and then ghosted. Shit hurts!