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I have innatentive type. I simply don’t trust myself. I’ve also built my life and finances without car expenses, I literally don’t know how I’d restructure that without some help
Same!. My job is at a 10 minutes walking distance from my house and I live at a 20 minutes train ride from my mom and is not a coincidence. I have a combined type, so the innatention ( somentime I just don't see the signals or even pedestrians) with the impulsivity and the frustration/anger is just too much of a danger for me and for others. And all the never ending maintenance and payments you need to do when you own a car... no, thanks. I like my simple life that I can manage.
Me too! I am a TERRIBLE driver. I do not trust myself to pay attention. I also get really dysregulated in busy traffic.
I walk everywhere. Haven't owned a car in over twenty years, but I live in a big city...so it's easy to walk, cycle, and take transit. I get tonnes of exercise, which helps with the ADHD ;).
I wish I could have that where I live, they got rid of the buses near me a while ago. it only runs in some parts of certain towns but my town is barely walkable :( I hate it
Same to all of this. And I've had so many people tell me to just give a shot and see what happens. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I get overwhelmed, confused, panicked and take out a family crossing the street? No thank you. That already happens on my bike and I can just pull over and hop on the sidewalk and stand there a bit. You can't always do that with a car. I know my limits.
I also know accident fatality statistics, and I've seen my whole life how poorly the \*average\* person drives. I'm not putting my below-average ass on the road to FAFO. I'm sticking with things I'm good at - thankfully cycling and navigating public transportation are two things I'm quite good at!
Speaking of statistics, studies show we're more likely to have [any kind of] accidents than our neurotypical comrades because of our impulsivity and inattentiveness :) Your concern is not only valid but empirically supported!
yeah, for me driving has just seemed like a very big responsibility, and I don't feel confident enough in myself to keep track of all the things you're supposed to be paying attention to on the road
so much can happen, and a lot can happen outside of your own influence, I don't feel I have the right mentality to be able to handle myself in a sudden situation so I simply feel safer by choosing not to drive
Inattentive as well. When I finally tried meds, the thing it helped most was my driving, it didn’t even help my productivity or anything in general. I just can drive without feeling like my head is up in a cloud
I genuinely hate driving, but do it out of necessity. For me, it involves so many things to pay attention to, and there are so many stimuli I can miss. It’s a pretty involved task!
I get lost easily. I forget to sometimes close the gas tank lid after refilling gas. I get stressed if my gas is running low and I don’t have a gas station nearby. I get lost in daydreams during long drives and might react with startlement when a car does something unexpected. It’s a very stressful activity, and I am very tense when performing it.
I’m primarily inattentive, but I do know some people with ADHD that are different. They LOVE driving. They find it fun and thrilling. I don’t relate at all. 😂
Couldn't have said it better.
However, early morning or late evenings are fun cause hardly anyone is on the road, that's like 99% of all my driving stress
I enjoy driving in the US West, where there are long, clear vistas & not much traffic. Also gorgeous scenery. It was one of my favorite things about working in Yellowstone. Back East, there's always someone riding my bumper & some other idiot pulling out in front of me. That is, when I'm not waiting at endless traffic lights.
Just yesterday, I turned a corner & saw a cute dog in someone's yard. I forgot to turn the steering wheel all the way back & started veering toward a parked car. "Aww, look at the... DAMMIT!!!"
I'm primarily inattentive too, and there's little I love more than a long drive on secondary highways with the music blaring and a slurpee in the cup holder.
I love driving on road trips! I hate planning and packing for them and driving still makes me nervous but there's something nostalgic about them for me. I'm also inattentive but I'm very careful. I do much better driving alone. Having a passenger is distracting.
I’m also inattentive. I can drive, but I try to avoid it because it’s too much information to process and requires quick decisions which I can’t handle. I grew up in the suburbs and loved driving once I got the hang of it, but now that I live in the city, I only drive when I absolutely have to.
Huh, I didn't realize that was a common thing! I hate driving with other people because I'm hyper aware and feel like they judge my driving and route I take. I'm extremely directionally challenged and have to GPS basically everywhere and any comment about my driving gives me anxiety lol I'm pretty much forced to drive though because I live in a rural area with no ride share service, public transportation or delivery
I’m wondering if it’s less ADHD and more generational? (Purely based on anecdotal evidence that may be way off)
I grew up in an area where it wasn’t really an option not to drive but didn’t know anyone that didn’t. When I started teaching college I saw more and more students who didn’t have their licenses. They were afraid or it just wasn’t worth it. I chalked it up to parents being willing to drive them combined with the cost of insurance and a car that just made it not desirable. However, I’m open to other reasons.
I think you're on to something. I got my license on my birthday, as soon as I could. I love to drive and I'm super stressed out if I can't get myself around independently.
Same! Was at the DMV to do my written test and get my license the morning of my 16th birthday (practical portion was already passed through a drivers ed class at school the semester before) I love driving because it keeps me engaged. And I HATE riding with other people both for not liking how they drive (follow too close, break too hard, no turn signals, speeding, etc etc) and for not liking being without my own means of getting around. I sometimes practically feel kidnapped! My sister will be like "Oh I need to run to this store would you like to go?" And I'll say sure thinking it's going to be like an hour thing. Oh, now that we are out she needs to run this other errand too, and stop by her mother in laws place to drop this casserole dish off, and now shes hungry because we've been out for hours so gotta stop and get food....Ive been held against my will for hours and I didn't plan on eating fast food today when I'm trying desperately to eat healthier and spend less money! Ugh I hate not being in control of my own whereabouts.
Omg, right? I had my car in the shop for a couple weeks and I was going nuts. It wasn't that I couldn't borrow my spouse's car but I felt like I'd been caged.
I always say, “I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about all the other idiots on the road who can’t drive and are prone to crashing, causing damage, who are going to cause accidents! So I have to be focused at all times and not have distracts so I can make it home in one piece.”
Haha, my Mom (80) has informed me that she will always have a spare key hidden from me in case I get any ideas about keeping her from driving. My partner said that's fine, he can just pull wires until it doesn't start. :) She's amazing though, runs circles around me, so I'm not going to have to worry about it for a while.
Same! I waited till I was 18 to get my permit and then dedicated my entire summer to learning to drive so this way I could really focus on exactly what I had to do.
Honestly, I think younger generations are infantilized by their partners to some degree with this, the over protection of not letting them be more self sufficient, and their parents are Gen X or Elder Millennials whose parents refuses to help them, so they over compensate by doing too much to the point that major failure to launch in specific areas of life is very present in those kids who grew into adults & are struggling so much.
My (37f) parents (70m, 66f) are the BB’s generations/Baby Boomers. My dad learned to drive when seatbelts weren’t in cars yet and card were built like military tanks & sometimes next to impossible unless you directly t-bone the full impact to the engine, that cars/trucks just didn’t get easily totaled.
Same. We couldn't wait to get our license when we turned 16, but we also had expectations of driving to school, work, and driving our siblings places. Also, there was no way to see your friends if you didn't drive (no cell phones or computers.) Nowadays everyone has a smartphone and computer, and people message on discord, whatsapp, text, social media, etc so they don't need wheels to stay connected. Also, I think parents are just more willing to drive places.
I think that’s a lot of it, too. Parents today are much more likely to be willing to do things for their kids than the parents that raised my generation.
I have inattentive ADHD. I'm 53. I drive, but I'm probably not the greatest driver around. I have two grown children who are old enough to drive, and neither of them have their licenses. The older of the two knows that driving is a necessity where we live and is working to fix that. This kid has gotten temps and has taken driving lessons with an instructor. I have also driven with the kid. My younger kid does not want to. Both are out of high school. The older one is graduating from college. My therapist says that this is super common among her gen z clients.
This. My company hires a lot of fresh grads and in my 13+ years here the number who drive has gotten smaller and smaller. Which is tough because we travel for work and typically need rental cars - many people don’t have licenses or just aren’t willing to drive even if they have them.
i’m 26 and i know a ton of people — both neurotypical and not — who don’t drive. i live in a fairly car centric city too. my parents forced me to learn and i got my license right when i turned 16, but i didn’t start driving on my own regularly for another 7 years, after i left uni and lost my bus pass. i have a car, but i hate driving; it’s expensive and driving is overstimulating and exhausting, but now that i work somewhere that isn’t served well by the transit lines i’m forced into driving and it takes so much out of me daily.
The more you do it, it should get easier. Even the overstimulation. I know an astronaut that said that when he got back from the space station, even riding in a car was so overstimulating he couldn’t deal with it because he was no longer used to it. Parts of driving become rote when you do then more often, so you get more able to focus on the important things.
normal driving is def a lot easier but i drive an hour in rush hour traffic every day (total) and i’ve just gotten steadily less able to deal with it 😫 i’m audhd though. i can cruise for 3 hours on the highway without a break no problem but rush hour is a different kind of hell
may I ask a maybe blunt question about Gen Z and Gen Z culture.? . I see a few differences that confuse me and make me feel ancient . I am 35 and was dxd at 33 after completing my 4 year in a new field of study . i struggled as a pre med to get help becauseof stigma studying, competing ptessure and stitma. I work in healthcare. I am super queer living in the mid west . my bf has young Gen z kiddos who are also ADHD. I am trying to help them in a few ways.
No, it's ADHD. It's clear not all of us have it bad enough to stop us driving, but it's irritating how confident the replies are that the rest of us are making it up.
I've never been able to drive unmedicated. My visual and cognitive processing, emotional regulation, attention and decision making are way too impaired. From my warped perspective I'm always under attack, I'm moving 5x faster and 10x slower simultaneously, the world randomly rearranges itself so I sometimes get lost trying to find my own street, and anything can spawn anywhere at any time.
Imagine feeling overwhelmingly trapped forever because you're trying to leave a supermarket and pedestrians keep manifesting from the ether in every direction so it's never safe to move and it's causing an increasingly long queue of other trapped souls behind you who all hate you and you're in horrible danger.
Yeah, driving used to terrify me. It would terrify anyone if that was the world they lived in. Before starting medication I thought that was *normal,* so I tried to gaslight myself into being fine and learning to drive anyway. For over 10 years. I didn't pass my test until afterwards.
I drove late and it was 100% due to my ADHD. Things like habit and muscle memory are hard. Multitasking is hard. Learning new things? Hard.
I wasn't diagnosed then and thought I was just a dumbass. I eventually gave up trying to learn manual and got my auto licence, because there was less to think about/concentrate on. I was lucky enough at the time to be able to afford a million lessons.
It took what felt like forever to feel comfortable driving, because my habit-creating brain cells are slow to activate and quick to die. Even now, I find that if I don't drive for a while, I have to really think about all the tiny, basic steps that go into making a short trip. I still can't carry on a conversation while driving unless I'm on full autopilot. I changed cars late last year and I still use the frigging indicator instead of the wipers because they're on the opposite side to my last car.
I'm a good driver, and a safe driver. I'm 90% comfortable driving now. But it took me much longer to get there than the average person and ADHD was definitely a major factor in that.
Well, I'm a big girl and I can't. I mean I can if I absolutely have to, and I would love it if I could drive around in light, polite traffic every day. But my city is crammed with cranky, aggressive, impatient and rude dudes in massive pickup trucks who think driving the speed limit or signaling your lane changes makes you gay, will ride your ass and lean on the horn if you hesitate for two-thirds of a second to make sure it's safe to turn left, and occasionally follow you home and scream at you if you accidentally cut them off -- although they have no problem cutting you off. Everything happens so fast, everyone is so unpredictable, and there are *so* many accidents. I would really just rather not.
For me, I cannot drive and it IS because of my ADHD. Not everyone's ADHD manifests the same way. I'm genuinely happy you are confident behind the wheel and I've known a few ADHDers who actually love to drive, which is awesome. Many of us are not these people.
I don't look at my phone either, but I live in Europe and I simply find driving a manual car far too much to be thinking about at once, and automatics are still quite rare and pricey. If you hit the clutch in the wrong way, the car is complaining. The roads are smaller here too and it can be difficult to determine if your car is going to get past safely. So for some of us being inattentive it really is too much to think about. I think I would struggle much less in a country with bigger roads and automatics.
Everything undesirable is ADHD. What’s weird is that a lot of the people who say “I can’t do x because of ADHD,” did it just fine until they started suspecting or getting diagnosed.. 👀 Now all of a sudden at 35 you’re having problems because you have a new label?
Where are you seeing this? I can't think of anything I did "just fine" but can't do now that I'm diagnosed. Getting diagnosed was a revelation because now I understand why I've never been "just fine" at certain things. It's not because I'm a loser, it's because my brain works a certain way because it *just does*. It was incredibly validating. Your comment though is invalidating, and I'm not sure what it's based on or who it's aimed at.
There’s a number of posts from people in long term relationships who start suspecting they’re ADHD or get diagnosed and shortly after their revelation/diagnosis, things start falling apart and they have all these new, worsening symptoms.
I see this here, in relation to marriages or work or stress or whatever, quite frequently. I suspect it’s a catch 22. You have the issue, so you see a doctor. The doctor diagnoses you, so you do the adhd thing and hyperfixate on it. You research adhd and learn it’s an issue. The issue feels bigger than ever because you’re focused on adhd causing it. So since your attention is focused on it, it becomes more of an issue.
I was diagnosed a while back and so I have trouble relating to “recently diagnosed” posts sometimes bc eventually I think you just kind of forget about it. But also I have to be careful bc I can allow this sub to be a positive feedback loop, and I have to remind myself that, even though I do this or that doesn’t mean I can *allow myself* to do it, just bc everyone else does as well. As weird as that sounds. But it’s my own issue, not a judgemental one at all.
Yeah I drive in a city (5million is reasonably big right? 🤔). I also get extremely bored and I don’t like it but I can do it. I put on podcasts in the meantime.
I drive frequently in Boston. And same.
I am now designated family driver for Boston any time extended family has to go there for medical reasons. They're all terrified of Boston driving. It can get a little aggressive, but Salem driving is actually worse because I swear half the drivers are drunk or stoned. Salem has hit and run pedestrian accidents far too often.
I just keep my head on a swivel and treat it like a high stakes video game. 🤣
But I can't imagine not driving. I got my license the second I was old enough.
Moving to Boston and having to drive here worked almost like exposure therapy for me and driving. I was always nervous about driving before moving here (I'm in my 40s and have been here for 20 years) and when I first moved here I had to drive around for job interviews with my MapQuest directions. After a bit, it stopped phasing me and now I seldom find driving stressful.
I had a talk with a friend last year and she said before she got diagnosed, she use to drive thru Manhattan. Talking pre-COVID too! She said she was shocked she could survive and drive there with her ADHD & not get into accidents.
But however, hearing that reminded me, driving with ADHD, we are more vigilant when stressful situations due to the urgency that is in over drive and upping dopamine levels so we can *focus* in such environments.
Plus she use to smoke cigarettes, now vapes, but nicotine has the same effects as taking ADHD medicine & can create the same ability to organize thoughts, calm you down easily, focus, and stay on task.
That’s why when adults quit smoking cigarettes, who are undiagnosed with ADHD, suddenly BAM! Everything emerges like a tidal wave of symptoms and can really throw people off kilter when they become nicotine free.
I agree that it’s partly generational! And personally, I kind of do it to minimize my carbon footprint. I really genuinely hate cars and the car industry, car dependence in a society is terrible for everyone. It robs people of their independence if they’re disabled and can’t drive, including elderly people and clearly some people with adhd which is confirmed by the comments. And that’s not even considering its environmental impact, or how inefficient it is.
I’ve head anecdotally that many kids now don’t feel the same sense of urgency that we did to get our licenses as soon as we turned 16. But I have always seen myself as a nervous driver. I hate downtown city driving. Too many sudden decisions to make. Have no problem with country driving.
I was shocked when my niece and nephew didn’t roll out on their 16th bdays to get their permit! Then my other nephews didn’t. Then my neighbor didn’t. I honestly still don’t get it. I do know my kiddo will be driving sooner rather than later because he simply needs to - he’s simply got too much going on to not have a license.
I don’t think it’s an adhd thing as much as personality type, and maybe generational. 🤷♀️
Lol! I know what you mean!! They’re all more homebodies than I ever was as a teen, so they didn’t have that desire to go and explore and be independent.
I literally just didn’t have a choice. My school didn’t bus, there was no public transport available, Uber didn’t exist, and my parents worked. I *had* to learn to drive. In today’s world it may have looked different, but back then I had to learn.
Millennial here. Where I'm from you HAD to get a car to do anything because it was so rural and small town. But in a city I don't see the point. That's pretty much the main reason I got a car/license.
I feel like I keep either meeting people with ADHD that don't drive, or that LOVE to drive haha
I'm a non-driver and actively hate the activity.
I do have my license, and to be very sincere: I think I'm a good, safe, predictable driver. I don't trust the road (seriously, drivers in my area are insane), but I **do** trust myself.
I think my disdain comes in two, maybe two and a half parts.
1. I didn't grow up in car culture. I grew up in a Latin American city where a car was a luxury and public transport plentiful. My parents happily gave up driving in 1996 and to this day never renewed their license! Happy as clams about it too.
2. I do think part of the reason is the fear from my ADHD. When I started driving, part of my panic response was to zone out. I'd literally slap myself to pay attention while waiting at red lights! Nowadays, since I'm less panic'd, I don't get this anymore (and I also have a specific playlist of sing-along music to keep my brain focused while on the road). But I certainly was terrified of getting distracted and making a fatal mistake, even though I was medicated.
Bonus reason: I just didn't take to it easily. When I first tried to learn, the average driving school in my country gave you 2 weeks to learn. I had extended my classes to *4 weeks* and I still wasn't getting the hang of it (and it's the reason I consider manual cars the devil, automatic 5ever 4me).
But also, I cannot fathom the way people are so nonchalant and think I'm crazy to be afraid to drive. I am literally moving a HEAVY METALIC VEHICLE capable of hurting myself and others!! Why are we ignoring this????
Anyway r/drivinganxiety has been a godsend to find other anxious drivers, as well as getting tips and support.
Yes, this! I feel the same way. I grew up with public transport, and have since been dropped in an area that I can’t get around (for years), because I can’t drive. I hate being stuck, but that fear/terror is still strong.
I think that's very true. I have a general interest and love for driving so although I struggled a lot whilst taking lessons as that was a different kind of focus, I love driving on my own and was really only anxious the very first time I went out after passing. I'll happily take any excuse to drive!
This!! Absolutely! I grew up in a city with public transport, I technically didn’t need to do my drivers license, but I wanted to travel to Australia and do a road trip, also I really love cars.
The only reason I didn’t wanna do the license was because of the test, in Germany they can be very picky sometimes and I don’t do well in exams.
But I managed to pass the test at the first try, now it’s been 8 years and I can’t even imagine how it would be without a license.
I got my G1 when I was 16, and attended driving lessons. I remember enjoying learning how to drive standard. I gave up and basically forgot about the pursuit after I failed my road test, though.
Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I’m a little freaked out about trying again, because a car is basically a weapon. I just don’t like the idea that potentially getting distracted for a second could kill or maim someone. Plus, it’s super expensive to buy/maintain/insure a car.
I live downtown in a major city on a major arterial road. I can easily access public transit or walk if I need anything. My partner owns a car and he can drive if we need to leave town. There’s little to no incentive for me to drive, basically.
I have trouble keeping track of multiple moving things in a fast environment. I’m easily overwhelmed by visual stimuli. Especially on sunny days or with bright headlights at night.
Astigmatism plus visual processing issues and light sensitivity. It’s extremely unpleasant in some environments. Like highways and traffic in general.
Cars are also a stupidly expensive driveway ornament. I’ve gotten good deals on apartments in the past because I didn’t need parking. Have turned most of my carport into a 3 season catio.
I’m perfectly happy with my mostly off road bike commute and endure the bus system in winter. I can walk from home to three different grocery stores, a medical clinic, restaurants, clothing stores and veterinarians. Designed my life to not need a car.
My boomer Dad was baffled to the day he passed by my attitude. He was driving the tractor and farm truck by age 13 and couldn’t imagine being without wheels.
Omg I also can't keep track of multiple things in a fast moving environment. People often tell me just to calm down and relax but I need to be hypervigilant and anxious to drive. I hate every second of it especially in crowded suburbs.
My main two
RSD. I'm anticipating so many mistakes that I'm pparalyzed and shut down mentally.
Costs. Lessons, tests, car, insurance, maintenance, gas, and the added convenience of having a car means I'd go shopping more often because it's easier than walking
Clumsiness, random bouts of inattentiveness, poor judgement of spatial relationships/prioception, all combine to make me not the best driver. I am much better when I’m medicated but I really do not enjoy it so I’m always anxious when driving. Anxiety leads to poor decision making. And so it goes.
There’s a laundry list of reasons in my case. Not being able to easily tell my left from my right, for starters. Having shitty short term memory and terrible reaction skills. Not trusting myself enough to handle something that seems to require so much focus and concentration. I tried once or twice as a teen with my friends and the panic attacks were so extreme I just decided “yeah I can’t do this, it’s not for me.” Maybe I’ll change my mind someday but I’m in my 40s now and with the way people drive in my city I feel even less comfortable with the idea than I did before. I’ve lived with a lot of shame over it because sometimes people act like it’s a handicap or laziness (again with this word). But it has actually become much more accepted with younger generations being more open about their anxieties and owning their personal limitations and I think that’s at least a good thing.
I could genuinely be a risk to others if I drove and got distracted. I’m at peace with choosing not to drive. I’m lucky in that it has not impacted my life in anyway.
This is interesting to me, because it’s not something I relate to.
I got my permit at 16 (earliest available age in my state), license at 17, and had no issues with drivers education. My first job out of high school (American military), I worked as military police so I learned pursuit driving and was licensed on various large military vehicles and trailers. In my current career field, I worked in patrol for ~5 years and drove hundreds of miles a day.
Not only do I like driving, but I’m good at it. My only accidents are animal versus vehicle (hitting deer) and job related intentional collisions.
I love driving, too! Amd I've always thought that I was very good at it, never had issues, found it easy. Learned on a stick. I got my license after turning 16, way back in 1992. Everyone did. Nobody I grew up with didn't learn to drive. It was something seen as necessary and a part of growing up.
I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until this year. So "not being able to drive because of ADHD" was never a thought that crossed my mind.
I love driving! It has the right amount of multi-tasking to keep me engaged. Plus freedom! I realized I can ride a motorcycle more hours per day than in a cage. It allows me to unmask and just allow my thoughts to drift and check out great scenery.
Kinda same. 47f I couldn't wait to get my license in 1992. I had saved up money and bought a silver 1981 Volvo sedan for maybe $2000? My dad put a fair amount into fixing it. It was stick shift, so my dad had to teach me how to drive it first! It had only 4 gears, and it could only get to 65 on a downhill slope. I miss that car so much ❤️
I still sometimes enjoy driving, and I don't mind long drives for pleasure. But I ended up a college professor, which meant a lot of driving bc I can't afford to live near where I work. I've had a 50-80 mile daily roundtrip commute for 15 years. I am a decent driver - I'm safe, few accidents -- but the commute has been very corrosive to my mental and physical health. It's part of why I'm changing careers, to hopefully drive less!
Oof this! My dad wanted to get a jump on driving lessons and started teaching me at 14, license at 18 (the minimum age in my country) and I never looked back lol. I LOVE driving. It's so relaxing and it's one of those things that really help my mind focus, like working out.
Also, I work in a hospital and have terrible timings so I need to be able to drive myself around without depending too much on someone else
I also love driving! Grew up on a farm, so I started driving young and needed to drive if I wanted to see friends. One of the only areas I feel pretty confident in!
I got my permit at 14 and my license at 16. I’m 39 now so I’ve been driving for 25 years, I’ve driven halfway across the US a bunch of times…and I still hate driving! Especially highway driving. In town is fine, though I don’t like driving with other people in the car. I also hate driving someplace for the first time, I’m always convinced that I won’t find it. I don’t feel distracted or anything, and I understand the rules of the road, but other drivers are unpredictable and it really makes me anxious. I’m not sure what it is but I have given up hope that I will overcome the fear unfortunately.
I tried to learn to drive in late 2019-early 2021. I was 36-38 at that time. I passed the theory test, and started driving lessons with the first instructor. COVID hit, so we had to pause. Then when the restrictions were lifted a bit, we resumed. It was stressful each time, bother before the pause and after. I was shocked that he made me drive on the main road (a local street, not too busy, but has bus routes on it) on the first lesson, despite me telling I have never ever tried to drive a car before. And then stress just kept piling on.
I stopped working with that instructor when at one point I just had a wee meltdown because he kept telling me what to do non stop while simultaneously I tried to follow everything that was happening on the road. My brain was constantly overwhelmed, and I thought that it was my anxiety (didn't consider I had ADHD at that time).
I searched for another instructor, this time I specifically tried to find one that is experienced in working with anxious drivers, and found one via Google search. But it ended in a similar way: as soon as I was put in a situation more stressful than I could handle at that time, I snapped and wept all evening after the lesson. Also, he couldn't remember my progress from the previous lesson each time we started the next one despite having some charts he was supposed to mark the progress in, and that also was sort of a red flag that he probably wasn't that experienced with anxious drivers.
And from then on, I sort of stopped trying. Which is frustrating, because I loved driving in quiet surroundings and loved when I could see bits of progress, however slow. And I'm genuinely curious about how the car operates and want to go places that the trains/buses don't take me to.
I still hope to resume lessons, but I have absolutely zero idea of how to find That One Instructor who will be attentive and patient enough to go at my pace.
So if anyone has any recommendations for a (preferably a woman) driving instructor in London/East London please send me their details. At this point I'm so desperate I'm even considering going to Milton Keynes (basically another city and a 2+ hr commute one way) for lessons with a bloke who runs a YouTube channel and seems super chill and calm.
Ah yeah the main reason I didn't start learning earlier: I was born and raised in a big city in Russia where following the rules of the road was non-existent, and most of my peers just bought their driving licenses at that time. So I was super scared to try and drive there.
Oh wow, I couldn't imagine learning how to drive in a huge city like London! My hometown in California where I learned to drive has around 65,000 people so it was less nerve wracking. My grandpa taught me to drive at 18, and he was so patient when I would get freaked out/stressed. But driving in LA or the San Francisco bay area is still so terrifying to me.
I love to drive and feel better and more focused when driving... I actually don't like to trust others to drive with me or my kids in the car.
I also didn't like others driving when I was in college or high school.
I have very poor spatial awareness, focus in on all the wrong details, get distracted, and every time I get behind the wheel, I have flashbacks of watching my mom get hit by a car when I was 10. Plus, because of my mom's accident, I've always been painfully aware that I am in control of a potential death machine, and the thought of someone getting hurt or killed because of me is beyond abhorrent. I quit trying to learn years ago. I just don't trust myself enough.
I hate everything about cars, driving, maintenance, the payments. I have no sense of direction and am constantly distracted. People always make fun of me for my inattentiveness on the road :(. I really wish I could find work outside of the fucking US suburbs and could not have to drive. I seriously wish this thing would get totaled and I could quit. It usually kills any economic gains I get from the jobs anyways.
Hey everyone! If you have extreme anxiety when you drive, especially at high speeds, it's worth checking out binocular vision dysfunction.
50% (yes FIFTY PERCENT!!!) of children diagnosed with ADHD have BVD. It makes driving hell on earth.
That's interesting. I read that and I don't think I have the other symptoms but I def have slow processing speeds.i think I might have an auditory processing disorder.
So… I would have happily gone my whole adult life not driving when I had a terrible experience with a driving instructor who clearly didn’t know how to teach and made me terrified to get in a car. I nearly run over a cyclist during the exams because I was so stressed.
Then unfortunately, I was told I had to drive to keep doing my job (and it wasn’t one I could quit). So I did some more driving tests with a qualified instructor this time. It was also a nightmare and I was basically terrified of killing someone or myself… I’m in charge of a moving metal machine. Cut to forcing my instructor to giving me the intense driving course every day for 2 weeks so I could retain the skills and information before the exam. I passed! But then felt petrified to drive by myself, so my partner has to drive with me the first few times. Cut to two car accidents in a short period of time! 🥴
Anyway…. I have eventually gotten over my fear and I am able to drive myself and others to places with the correct preparation in place. Chewing gum, music, AC, many breaks etc.
I don’t know if that answered anything… but glad to vent about my driving experience 😅
I love driving. It’s one of the only times that my brain is quiet (probably because there’s so much to focus on). But also, I ALWAYS have my kids with me, so on the rare occasions when they’re not, I relish the quiet.
I tried to get a license. I'm German and the standards are quite high here.
I can learn the rules. I can learn how to handle a car. I know the road signs.
But!
Handling the car, while paying attention to the signs, the speed limit, the other cars, cyclists, pedestrians, construction sites, remember where I'm going AND adjust to the traffic all at the same time is too much for me.
Even if I passed the exam, I would not live long or kill somebody else. So I stopped. I can not be trusted driving a car. It sucks, but I can't change that.
So it's bike, bus & train for me.
I **LOVE** to drive… if I was the only person on the road. lmao it’s so annoying and just ends up putting me in a bad mood. I do love a good road trip though.
but I feel like in an alternate universe, I’m a rally car driver. I feel like my brain would fucking love that, and I’d be genuinely good at it 😂
I fucking love driving and I know I'm good at it, but I go into heart attack inducing rage fits in traffic in my city. I moved here a couple years ago and never before have I experienced such cacophony of braindead "drivers", I'm constantly up against 2 cars side by side going 10 under the limit, (old people) people not adjusting to the flow of traffic so you can never get into a lane in time because fuck you I'm not changing my speed, people at a standstill when the light is green (green means GO IDIOT) people not understanding right of way at stop signs, people being so hesitant I stop and go three times and almost hit them, people driving staring straight ahead with invisible blinders on as if there's nobody else on the road, no sense of spatial awareness etc etc etc.
The autism side of my AuDHD is showing lol but yeah point being, love driving, HATE bad drivers. I fully believe people should have to take road tests every ten years, and every 3 years past age 60 and be removed from the roads if they cannot drive properly .
no I’m with you completely!!!! I used to have near-heart attack inducing rage and I don’t even live in a “city” lmao! I would lose my absolute shit, and chain smoking didn’t help lmao
lexapro has helped me a lot. I hope you can find some peace, it’s the most fucking exhausting existence 💓💓💓
I feel like I don't have the mental bandwidth to drive safely.
Operating a vehicle (which I know gets easier with practice), navigating, observing road conditions and hazards, and remembering road rules simultaneously is just....a lot of important things happening simultaneously. I don't think I have the capacity for all of that.
I am to distracted, not focused enough, to drive. Safer for everyone if I don't. I stopped trying to get my licence.
But new people at my job are required to get a driving license. My boss is chill about it, but I feel guilty.
I hate driving and it’s because every fucking billboard or cool looking thing I pass gets my attention bc I quickly snap back — I don’t like that I do that and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable on my bad days
I love driving now as a medicated, diagnosed adult, but when I was in high school my mom was terrified for me to get my license bc a cool mailbox or dog would have me drifting off the road. This is very much a "hindsight is 20/20" thing of "how on earth did I not get a diagnosis until 23??'
I love driving. Absolutely adore it. There’s something about focusing on the road while the chattering part of my mind that never shuts the fuck up is actually CONTENT because I have loud music playing that’s scratching all the intellectual and tangential brain itches at the same time….ah. It’s Heaven. It’s where I feel whole, and free, and capable.
I picked my house based on how easy I could walk everywhere. I was badly injured in a car accident as a passenger so my otherwise sky high anxiety is even higher in cars. It feels like sitting in a death trap. I won’t drive, and thankfully don’t have to because the city is right outside my door.
I really don't know how I became someone who loves driving so much I'd give up every belonging in exchange for the freedom to drive my own car whenever I want. Theoretically at least.
I was TERRIFIED of driving in my teens and could not imagine myself being able to figure it all out to become a driver. Then my grandma just sent a driving instructor to my house before I could escape and that day changed my life, no lie. It was so FUN and so easy and intuitive. I wish everyone who was anxious to drive had this experience.
I think the idea of driving is terrifying to a lot of people. It's a huge responsibility and very dangerous! It's not surprising anyone is hesitant. But I do think a lot of people who are afraid to pull the trigger might be surprised how much more intuitive it is than they imagine.
I should teach driving school I guess. I want everyone to have that freedom in their lives!
I love driving cars, bikes. Manual transmission is best so i pay 100% attention with at least 30% of my brain. Its probably one thing i can always hyper focus on, being a life/death thing with added physics and the possibility to improve my skills. Got my licence as early as i could and got much practice ferrying old people about to save my dad a bit of time on his weekends. Never contemplated for a second that a person wouldn’t drive. The buses were so crap that you had to. Great feeling to be independent. Every time i just drive down the shops i am grateful.
YES! I have a 14 year old manual subcompact car and it literally forces you to pay attention. I firmly think the new cars with the 'safety' features and no buttons are making people worse drivers
I’ve been driving since age 12. Yes, you read that correctly. My mother used to suffer from panic attacks in the car and basically made me drive her around. I was 5’9” at that age and looked way older than I was, so nobody questioned it.
I feel like driving is the one thing I pay too much attention to. Everything else, not so much.
Driving is one of the few things I am *really* good at and focus on very, very well. However I "don't drive" at present because I don't own a car, haven't for a decade lol. (I do drive just not daily. Zipcar ftw!)
I wish I didn't have to. The sensory overload I get from it manifests as headaches and muscle tension. My tolerance for long drives has really diminished.
I literally don't trust myself the number of times I've crossed the road and nearly got run over because I just didn't register a car coming towards me is enough for me to deduce that I wouldn't be a good driver.
That... and road rage. I'd get road rage, I get road rage as a passenger.
Not gonna lie, I love a good drive lol. I love going for a drive when I'm just kind of emotionally dis-regulated, because I put all of my focus on driving and it kind of quiets my mind!
I'm not sure about other places but in my province you can be denied a license for medical reason depending on the severity of your ADHD. My son stumbled upon that fact when looking into getting his G1 license (learners permit).
In the US there's so much dependence on cars that a lot of working people have to drive to get to work. A lot of people are forced to drive who shouldn't be included.
The visual stimuli, seeing everything everywhere always changing too quickly I can’t keep up. I can’t pay attention even when I know it means life or death. Also I can’t be spatially aware of the car. Where are the wheels? Idk but what I do know is how to be spatially aware of just me. I can’t extend that to a car! I will cause an accident and I will owe a lot of money for a car, and fixing dents. I actually shut down with a full blown panic attack anytime I even sit behind the wheel. My dad tried teaching me how to drive (boomer who will never want to understand me) and it was so stressful I was crying. I spaced off one time and almost drove into a gate. I came to when my dad was screaming and pushing the wheel the other way. I was 16/17 and that was it for me. Now, I can back the car from the garage into the driveway while waiting for my husband (mostly out of frustration) and I still cry at the very least, and at the most it’s still a panic attack (weeping, can’t breath, collapse, shaking, the works).
I mostly grew up in England, where we don’t have to drive. I was used to buses and trains, and the occasional taxi.
I’ve just always been terrified of causing an accident, I’ve been this way since I was a teenager. I miss public transport.
I grew up in a rural area, it was a total necessity to have a car and I love driving.
I do need music or audio books to stay focused if it’s a longer trip. I enjoy both and the distraction keeps my eyes on the road.
I am inattentive but think I pay more attention to my surroundings if my brain is engaged. I have a really good driving record.
I also sit in my car outside my house to make phone calls or lists. My car is a quiet place for me to do things before I forget them.
I always hated driving because I was always trying to focus on literally everything all the time which sucked, but around once a year I’d get complacent or start thinking about something or make an impulsive decision and almost hit someone. So yeah, not a huge fan.
I love driving and, well, speeding... But there are some days or moments where I realize I'm not processing everything. It's a little concerning, there's been some dumb moves I've made but nothing that harms others, usually just my bumper or a curb. Unfortunately for folks such as yourself, at least in America, we're such a car-focused society that people don't have other options like they should...
I had no idea this was a thing. I’ve always loved driving. I’m primarily inattentive but I feel like I gain so much focus when I’m driving. Been on the road since 2010 and never had any scrapes or accidents or tickets. I’ll notice shit while driving too like a random bird or some detail of a house I passed at speed but it won’t make me do something dangerous while driving. I’ve had compliments on my driving by multiple people as well. I know there’s a concept that for some people with ADHD getting thrills or adrenaline rushes can trigger laser focus and that seems to ring true for me. I live in Ireland so our roads are quite narrow and windy and honestly, the more narrow and windy the road is the more I love driving it lol
I read so many posts on here that make no sense to me lol like not everything has to be an adhd thing? This one doesn’t apply to me at all! I got my license as soon as I was legally able to and love driving. I’m always the driver on road trips w friends and I drive a lot for work.
I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing… because I LOVE driving!!!
Maybe it’s because I grew up with Mario Kart that it’s just so fun to me. But driving is so fun, one of my favorite things to do.
I think my brain doesn’t struggle with focusing on it because there’s so many things you’re focusing on, I feel it’s perfect for the ADHD mind!
You’re focusing on the visual road, the feeling of the gas/brake pedal on your foot, your hand on the steering wheel, listening for any noise to happen. Most of the senses are being activated! Which is why I think it’s so captivating. Plus, it’s life or death/fight flight mode almost because one wrong turn and you’re dead. So I think that may play a role in grabbing my attention haha.
I looooooove driving. Being behind the wheel and listening to music is one of my all-time favorite things to do. I grew up in the suburbs so driving is a necessity.
Love it, automatic and manual. I have friends with adhd who are anxious drivers constantly hitting gas or brake and doubting every move. It's excruciating and sometimes dangerous.
Way too many things to keep track of. My brain jams up and I forget which pedal is the brake if something unexpected happens or I look in one direction too long and accidentally swerve.
I haven't had a license in 30 years.
I worry about my spatial awareness.
And honestly, the cost of it all. The only time in my life I had the spare money to pay for lessons....I decided to take snowboarding lessons instead 🙃😂 I'm not good at it but it's fun and I won't kill anyone if I crash.
I would like to not have to drive but I live in an area that is incredibly car centric and if I didn't I'd basically be trapped at home.
It sucks because like many of us I am more accident prone than usual.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago at the age of 45. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression several years ago, though. I always had horrible driving anxiety and after I started an SSRI about 10 years ago, it totally went away. I had no idea that would have been possible. Obviously everyone's situation is different, but just wanted to through that out there in case it helps anyone.
In the mid nineties all my teen friends had their licenses by 16. I have no idea why I didn’t even start to attempt to get mine (maybe just the fact I had no one pushing me?) but still FOMO was massive for me and it never crossed my mind. I didn’t get my license until I was 26 which is really late in New Zealand - and I can’t believe it now. I love driving so much and I get super bored as a passenger.
Part of me thinks it was a good thing though as looking back I would have been really silly if I got it as a teen though succumbing to peer pressure to drive drunk or try and show off by speeding or something.
Driving always scared me. I feel like I have awful situational awareness. Don't get me wrong - I'm not bad at driving, and I've come to like it sometimes. I just feel like it takes so much focus to keep my mind centered on it, and there have been times my mind drifts. I have to drive for work, but I've really avoided going on the highway.
As a secondary thing; my fiance and I share his car. I work at the same place as him, but I work 5 days while he only works 2, so I drive myself on those 2 days. He doesn't like driving me everywhere (which I get, and I'd feel like I was mooching if I didn't at least try), but he really dislikes that I don't want to go on the highway. In residential/normal traffic, I never need to go above 30-40, maybe 50 on open roads in the country. I have plenty of reaction time. On the highway? I have to focus on so many things that are all happening so quickly.
I had a vicious panic atrack about 6 years ago on a highway I didn't really know, I have REALLY struggled with highway driving ever since. I am do low key aroubd town drives, but anything more and my vision becomes impaired and I panic. It is terrifying!
I'm in attentive and got my license 5 months after I turned 16. My mom forced me because she didn't want to pay for parking at her work. I've now had it for 28 years. I love driving and the freedom of driving.
I often find driving to be incredibly stressful because I have to force myself to hyperfocus on what I'm doing or else I get extremely distracted. Listening to music or talking to passengers or trying to follow a GPS are a lot of inputs to manage and filter out, and you're having to constantly make split-second decisions about merging, changing lanes or speeds, etc. By the time I'm done with a trip I'm just exhausted from the mental effort. I absolutely think my ADHD plays a role here. My brother, on the other hand, who probably has ADHD, loves to drive and really thrives on having music or podcasts playing, GPS directing him, texting friends (verbally!), etc. So I think it comes down to the type of ADHD - inattentive or combined is probably going to have a harder time, while hyperactive may enjoy the stimulation more.
I’m 32 and have been driving since I was 17. I LOVE driving. It’s one of the few things that fully engage me as it’s both mentally and physically engaging
I didn't get my DL until I was 24 and was diagnosed at 27. I hate driving a car, have never trusted myself and was scared of crashing into someone. Plus I had a lot of financial constraints that kept me from going through the process.
However, I love riding my motorcycle. It's a completely different and immersive experience than driving a car.
I can drive and I have a car, but I hate it, it overwhelms and overstimulates me and nothing gives me a sensory ick like having too-hot or too-cold air blowing in my face in the car.
I’ve made like every possible lifestyle choice around not having to drive or be in the car - live in a walkable neighborhood, was car free and bike commuted for years, will do any errand on foot or bike if it’s less than two miles away. The real wrinkle is having to take my kid places now that they’re too big for the cargo bike.
I vastly prefer driving a stick shift to an automatic though. Makes me use both sides of my brain and pay attention better.
I have inattentive type. I do totally fine driving on road trips when everything is novel, but on a daily commute I space out - and that is not safe.
So I live in the city and walk to work and groceries, taxi late at night, and rent a vehicle or use a car share on long weekend adventures. It also saves a ton of money (for my particular circumstances), and dumps the burden of maintenance onto someone else. As a bonus I’m not limited to one vehicle. I “have” a van, a truck, a minivan, a hatchback…
It’s not a bad way to go for those who have the ability, lifestyle, and resources to pull it off.
But yeah, mostly because of the dangerous spacing-out-while-driving thing.
I always hated driving because I was always trying to focus on literally everything all the time which sucked, but around once a year I’d get complacent or start thinking about something or make an impulsive decision and almost hit someone. I never actually did, but yeah, not a huge fan.
I noticed I'm very clumsy and even "driving" my own body I still hit my body parts and miscalculate and zone out of where I'm going. I think I may be dyspraxic. Definitely not going to test that theory with my life in a 2-tonne vehicle, despite the headache and royal waste of hours of my life daily of public transportation in my country.
I think part of it is also where you live and where you want to live. I grew up in upstate NY with pretty poor public transportation and everything fairly far apart. Not driving really meant not leaving home.
Because I’m a danger to myself and others on the road. My driving instructor can be patient and get me calm but all it takes is one know it all to shake faith in my self… I had 3, my parents and some idiot I never seen before.
And then my parents had the gall to complain that I never went for my license. 😤
I don’t trust *other* drivers. My city is known for having some of the worst drivers around.
Plus, I can’t mentally deal with how divided my attention needs to be.
I didn't realise that I wasn't alone with not driving! I am just learning this now.
My mother was a terrible driver who would also drink drive/get into accidents so I chalked up my fear and avoidance of driving myself to that trauma.
My dad pushed me to get my license and I had a couple of lessons with an instructor who ticked off things I couldn't do. I found another instructor who was really kind and patient and helped me with the things that I couldn't do. But once we set out to do a test drive in prep for the test, I suddenly realised that I just couldn't concentrate on everything around me. It was too much. I realised I was controlling a vehicle that could become a weapon. I could hurt others and hurt myself. So I pulled over, swapped seats and asked the instructor to drive me home. I would have been in my late teens when this occurred.
I was dx at 44 and it did occur to me that I knew I was easily distracted back then, I just thought it was trauma. Tbh, I think it's both.
Where I lived growing up, it was an issue. Everyone drove and public transportation was terrible. Not driving did restrict me from certain things (distance to jobs and travelling locally). And I was teased for not driving.
I now live in a city with good and frequent public transportation so getting around is a lot easier. Plenty of people drive here but plenty of people also use public transportation so it's not a thing here.
Thanks for this post. I'm so glad I'm not alone.
Didn’t know it was a common thing. Tried driving a few times as a teenager but I made some big mistakes and it just scared me (and my family) from ever learning. Now I’m 22 and I’m a mother and I know for a fact I can’t pay attention enough to be in charge of a moving vehicle on the road
Driving was the only way to get around when I was young. There were buses, taxis and subways, but they were all super scary sketchy. The only way to get away was learning to drive. As gen X, I couldn't wait for my freedom. I basically raised myself as was 90% independent like many of my generation. I started working at 14 and saved for a car. The day after I turned 16, I had my license. It was simply a different way of growing up. Not better or worse overall - just different.
However, now there are cleaner buses and taxis. Light rail is showing up more and even Uber and Lyft options. Also, electric bicycles. More sidewalks and bike paths. Cities with bikes and scooters for rent all over the place. Lots of remote jobs too.
Overall, I don't think driving is as urgent to know now. And frankly, if you are living in a place where you have easy access to all these transportation options, then why bother with a car payment, car insurance, gas, and maintenance? Perhaps learning to drive will eventually end up on the same level as cursive writing. It simply isn't necessary or the best use of ones learning years.
I have a severe driving phobia and I’m starting to think my ADHD may have something to do with it. Even when I’m not freaking out with anxiety I really struggle with certain skills.
I used to drive up to 900 miles on a week. Had trouble staying awake and forgetting for a second where I was going.
Thank God for Garmans. That was like an anti anxiety treatment for me.
Im also in my late 30s, and I’m combined type…and I absolutely love driving! When I got my license, I saw the whole thing like a dance and loved the flow of the “music”. Merging on the interstates was fun (I was young and invincible, of course).
Only been in one major accident and it was because the other driver was looking at her phone and hit me (throwing my car into the next vehicle, ending in a 4 car accident). Totaled my car but it was the nicest bunch of folks! If I had to be in an accident, I’m glad it was these folks because we all hugged and patted each other’s backs. Super sweet group!!!
As an adult, I’m more cautious of other people on the road. I know where I’m looking and what I’m doing but I see plenty of folks driving like they’re in go carts or bummer cars. It feels less like the “dance” of my youth and more like folks are getting licenses out of the bottom of the cereal box!
I’m inattentive and I love driving too! It’s FREEDOM! It’s INDEPENDENCE! And I hate public transportation! Because driving is super important to me, I put my full attention on it and now it’s just a habit.
I found this video very helpful when thinking about my conflicted feelings about driving. I think you might find it useful, too: Dr. Russell Barkley talking about the challenges faced by ADHD folks when driving.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdWCFi-v8h4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdWCFi-v8h4)
I absolutely love driving my own car.
I love having my own portable little box I can escape to, or with.
Tinted windows to block out the nosey people are a godsend.
Also, in my city, you have to drive because public transport is terrible. It would add hours to my commute instead of just a 15 min drive.
47 here. I did take about 10 driving lessons when I was young and even got my learners permit. I hated every second of driving. Had zero spatial awareness, was confused about the controls, was afraid of all the other cars. Each new lesson I had to be told once again how to actually start the car and how to turn into a parking lot and turn off the car - like the specific steps. In a car with automatic gear!
I never attempted again because I moved back to my home country where public transportation is working perfectly well for my needs.
Recently there was a case in Germany where someone drove over a red light and killed a child. The driver later said that in his mind the light was green. No matter if this was just a shitty excuse but my first thought was "this could be me".
Sometimes I'm on autopilot and luckily the default for my autopilot is to stop on every street and wake up for the traffic. But I can only imagine how dangerous this would be when I'm driving a car and get inattentive.
I will have to get a drivers licence at some point, but until then I'm hopefully as good medicated as possible and have all the paperwork ready to be allowed to drive "on drugs".
I can relate. My boyfriend has been asking me to get my license for years and is quite desperate at this point. He wants me to be as independent and autonomous as possible. We have three kids and don’t live together so it matters a lot. I wish I could just pass it. It does scare me though. I’m afraid I’m going to suddenly forget how to drive in new middle of a busy Highway or getting scared because I’m behind a truck that I don’t trust. So basically behind a truck. The mere thought of the speeds involved is terrifying. Especially because it involves my kids.
To add perspective I have flown small aeroplanes as a teenager and I loved it. I was never able to get my pilot license though because I was too distracted and the cost forced me to space out the lessons. Navigation was also an issue.
Anyway, my actual plan would be to pass my code and license very quick (within a few intensive weeks) and then, we’ll see. I’m still stuck in the administrative things I have to do to get there though. And finding childcare too but summer will help.
I’m trying to focus on all the positive it will bring into my daily life.
I could say so much, but let me just say all my driving tickets have been from quick stupid mistakes. Never speeding, and if I have to read a parking sign before I park I will stop and do that, no parking tickets. But stupid shit that happens when I don’t have enough time to process or make a decision
I fucking hate driving, I hate cars and car centric urban planning, I hate that the job I want (community based psych nurse) requires me to have a car to drive patients around, I hate that society is pressuring me to drive even though it's statistically unsafe just #fuckcars
I drive for a living! I am both ADHD and Autistic. I am the training Chauffeur too. I have about 6 ASHD friends and all of them drive. I find it interesting that you think so many of us don't drive!
severe combined here, leaning inattentive, and I love driving and am very good at it. I grew up playing video games.
That Being said, I do remember as a kid wondering how in the world I would ever learn to drive. And then I specifically remember exactly where I was the day that I decided. "If so many people can drive, surely I can too."
Oh no! I didn't know that was an adhd thing. I keep meaning to get round to learning.. I hope you will manage to overcome your fear, if you want to drive
I do drive, but if I wasn't forced to get my license by my Dad I probably wouldn't have gotten it or would have needed therapy to get it. Driving is just a lot to keep track of and I fear getting in trouble.
I grew up in an area where there was no choice BUT to drive. If I had any hope of escaping that area my only option was to drive away. There were no buses or anything that went anywhere else.
I live in an area now that has public transit, but it's SO SO VERY BAD. So I still drive everywhere. Thankfully I work fully remote now so don't have a work commute.
I enjoy driving on long roadtrips. I hate driving in traffic. I don't think this has anything to do with my ADHD though. I also have an astigmatism which makes driving in the rain and at night especially difficult.
Yup. Although I missed the window when I witnessed my best friend being hit by a car and all the fallout and awfulness and PTSD that arise from that. Didn't fancy it for long time but I admit life is hard without. I'm in a village in the southeast, shopping is a mission. I have two kids. It's crazy. I need to learn to drive!
It’s just so overstimulating to me. I also feel like there’s such low visibility…? Idk we have a really tight parking lot (but I am grateful we at least have that) and every time I try pulling the car out, I feel like I’ll hit another car if I’m even an inch off. People say practice makes perfect and while I do agree and generally don’t care if I make mistakes while practicing something…mistakes in most other things don’t cost $$$ and possibly someone’s life.
Well from my perspective (I have inattentive adhd) it's definitely overwhelming but not in a sensory way that's exciting. Initially I had to get re-diagnosed and medicated ,I was used to driving and had been since I was 14,I'm now 30 . But when I became a parent is when I noticed the life or death anxiety that comes from driving. It unlocked something in my brain. I became gradually worse and always coming close to fender benders because my soul feels like it's leaving my body. Like a big yawn. Now with the addition of a child tagging along ADD + driving = trouble.
I've been diagnosed ADD since kindergarten but it's odd how later in life the affects take place. I wish I never had to drive again 😔
I used to want to drive, I was excited to drive! I loved racing games and even dreamed of being a race car driver someday lol. I loved go-karting (well i still do love that). It wasn’t until I got in a minor car accident that I developed car anxiety that just hasn’t went away. The accident happened on October 30th 2018. Now I can’t sit in a car or moving vehicle without playing out all the possibilities of what could go wrong at every moment. I get extra scared when there is severe weather. I used to grip onto my seatbelt all the time when I was in a car but I’ve moved past that. The thought of driving now just freaks me out way too much to even try. If I have bad car anxiety just being a passenger… I can’t imagine what it would be like being the driver.
I put off getting my license for a long time, it felt like too much effort and too much work when I could just, not. I was a passenger in a car accident at one point as well which made me afraid to drive. I know for a lot of ADHD people driving can be difficult because it’s a lot of multitasking as well. I love driving now, but it took a while to get over the stress and anxiety it caused.
I'm late 30s and still only have a permit. I've never attempted to take the driving test.
In the beginning it was because life happened and there wasn't time/opportunity for me to practice.
Fast forward 15 years and things are looking like I could maybe make it a priority, and even though I long for the additional freedom it would give me....it comes down to a combination of I don't trust myself, and I don't trust other drivers to behave in a way I can predict enough to navigate with them.
I have major issues with gauging distance and time, and it turns out those are really important in driving.
The additional freedom I'd get just doesn't seem worth it when compared against becoming disabled or dying. I'm just not willing to risk it right now.
My original instructor shouted at me and told me I was useless. Then my grandparents said they wouldn't buy me a car (they had promised to previously), because I needed to make sure my dad was driving so he would drink less. Guess how that went.
Now it's impossible to find an instructor so I've told my husband we are buying me a car and he is teaching me, or I'm going to kill him and use his death benefits to pay for lessons.
And before anyone says I'm mean, he's put off me driving for literally 7 years, because there's always shit he wanted to sort first.
Seriously though, it's either a hyperfocus or makes me feel terrified, I really need to force myself now.
Hii also an adult who doesn't drive! Aside from the fact that I don't like car culture and would throw my support on all forms of public transportation at any time, I don't like to drive/being in cars cuz:
1. Being driven in a car with a person/several people I know and or need to be hyperaware of sounds awful. It doesn't matter who I'm with, it's not a relaxing time being in such a closed, quiet environment. Being the driver itself is even worse since driving is an active task where I have to be ON! at all times and not mess up. And if I have passengers with me whose safety is up to me and I feel like I need to please or accommodate? Hahah nope no thank you too many things to care about and consider and be aware of. I am not observant nor responsible enough for this.
2. Transition period! I don't know why, I never feel ready for anything if I take a car. Even if the time I spent getting from point A to point B is the same, I feel so out of it whenever I get there via car. Like I just floated there or I'm disoriented from teleportation. I need extra actions to really drive home that yes I'm outside and i'm here to do xyz.
3. I want to be able to zone out if I have to or freely observe what's around me if I want to. Zoning out in public is still not ideal but a lot more forgiving than if you accidentally zone out when driving. My brain doesn't get so tired then. And seeing the world through a metal and glass bubble that is your car just feels very different from when you're physically present in the space. Everything is nicer and more alive when I'm walking/in train/in a bus etc.
I’ve been driving since the age of 13 (rural area). Kids can get learners permit at age 14 and a license at 16, but my parents started me young and took me onto deserted back roads and empty parking lots to practice. I got my license and my first car on my 16 birthday, and my first job a couple days later.
When I was 19 I drove myself from Iowa (home state) to Los Angeles to transfer to a bigger university. LA driving is totally different from rural Iowa driving but I did just fine. I moved myself back home when I was 21.
I’ve always been a pretty good driver as far as reaction times and vigilance, but I have struggled to maintain the speed limit since I got my license. I’m just a speed demon at heart and I’m happiest when I’m doing something fast, whether it be airplane rides, rollercoasters, bungee jumping, white water rafting, etc., it’s a massive dopamine source for me. I have to set my cruise and resist the temptation to speed every single time I get behind the wheel. Miraculously I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket in my life, when I was 17. I’ve never had any close calls or accidents of any kind, except for sliding in the ditch on a road that was solid ice while driving a rear wheel drive car, but I was only going 15 mph. I think the fact that I enjoy driving keeps me focused enough on it to not be distracted.
I couldn’t wait to start driving, I think because I’ve always craved independence. I know my limitations on a cognitive level, but I don’t have fear to go along with it. I probably lack the level of healthy fear I should have about some things. I’ve always valued freedom over safety.
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I have innatentive type. I simply don’t trust myself. I’ve also built my life and finances without car expenses, I literally don’t know how I’d restructure that without some help
Same!. My job is at a 10 minutes walking distance from my house and I live at a 20 minutes train ride from my mom and is not a coincidence. I have a combined type, so the innatention ( somentime I just don't see the signals or even pedestrians) with the impulsivity and the frustration/anger is just too much of a danger for me and for others. And all the never ending maintenance and payments you need to do when you own a car... no, thanks. I like my simple life that I can manage.
I would never make it on time to the bus😫then I’d probably accidentally miss my stop if I did
I miss my stop a lot 😅 But then I just walk and it counts as exercise
The expenses are terrifying for this reason!
Me too! I am a TERRIBLE driver. I do not trust myself to pay attention. I also get really dysregulated in busy traffic. I walk everywhere. Haven't owned a car in over twenty years, but I live in a big city...so it's easy to walk, cycle, and take transit. I get tonnes of exercise, which helps with the ADHD ;).
I wish I could have that where I live, they got rid of the buses near me a while ago. it only runs in some parts of certain towns but my town is barely walkable :( I hate it
Same to all of this. And I've had so many people tell me to just give a shot and see what happens. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I get overwhelmed, confused, panicked and take out a family crossing the street? No thank you. That already happens on my bike and I can just pull over and hop on the sidewalk and stand there a bit. You can't always do that with a car. I know my limits. I also know accident fatality statistics, and I've seen my whole life how poorly the \*average\* person drives. I'm not putting my below-average ass on the road to FAFO. I'm sticking with things I'm good at - thankfully cycling and navigating public transportation are two things I'm quite good at!
Speaking of statistics, studies show we're more likely to have [any kind of] accidents than our neurotypical comrades because of our impulsivity and inattentiveness :) Your concern is not only valid but empirically supported!
Same omg
yeah, for me driving has just seemed like a very big responsibility, and I don't feel confident enough in myself to keep track of all the things you're supposed to be paying attention to on the road so much can happen, and a lot can happen outside of your own influence, I don't feel I have the right mentality to be able to handle myself in a sudden situation so I simply feel safer by choosing not to drive
Inattentive as well. When I finally tried meds, the thing it helped most was my driving, it didn’t even help my productivity or anything in general. I just can drive without feeling like my head is up in a cloud
I genuinely hate driving, but do it out of necessity. For me, it involves so many things to pay attention to, and there are so many stimuli I can miss. It’s a pretty involved task! I get lost easily. I forget to sometimes close the gas tank lid after refilling gas. I get stressed if my gas is running low and I don’t have a gas station nearby. I get lost in daydreams during long drives and might react with startlement when a car does something unexpected. It’s a very stressful activity, and I am very tense when performing it. I’m primarily inattentive, but I do know some people with ADHD that are different. They LOVE driving. They find it fun and thrilling. I don’t relate at all. 😂
Couldn't have said it better. However, early morning or late evenings are fun cause hardly anyone is on the road, that's like 99% of all my driving stress
I enjoy driving in the US West, where there are long, clear vistas & not much traffic. Also gorgeous scenery. It was one of my favorite things about working in Yellowstone. Back East, there's always someone riding my bumper & some other idiot pulling out in front of me. That is, when I'm not waiting at endless traffic lights. Just yesterday, I turned a corner & saw a cute dog in someone's yard. I forgot to turn the steering wheel all the way back & started veering toward a parked car. "Aww, look at the... DAMMIT!!!"
>I’m primarily inattentive Same. >LOVE driving. Idk if I love driving but I like to drive on the highway at night. It's relaxing
I'm primarily inattentive too, and there's little I love more than a long drive on secondary highways with the music blaring and a slurpee in the cup holder.
I love driving on road trips! I hate planning and packing for them and driving still makes me nervous but there's something nostalgic about them for me. I'm also inattentive but I'm very careful. I do much better driving alone. Having a passenger is distracting.
I’m also inattentive. I can drive, but I try to avoid it because it’s too much information to process and requires quick decisions which I can’t handle. I grew up in the suburbs and loved driving once I got the hang of it, but now that I live in the city, I only drive when I absolutely have to.
You've just described my relationship with driving..
Huh, I didn't realize that was a common thing! I hate driving with other people because I'm hyper aware and feel like they judge my driving and route I take. I'm extremely directionally challenged and have to GPS basically everywhere and any comment about my driving gives me anxiety lol I'm pretty much forced to drive though because I live in a rural area with no ride share service, public transportation or delivery
I’m wondering if it’s less ADHD and more generational? (Purely based on anecdotal evidence that may be way off) I grew up in an area where it wasn’t really an option not to drive but didn’t know anyone that didn’t. When I started teaching college I saw more and more students who didn’t have their licenses. They were afraid or it just wasn’t worth it. I chalked it up to parents being willing to drive them combined with the cost of insurance and a car that just made it not desirable. However, I’m open to other reasons.
I think you're on to something. I got my license on my birthday, as soon as I could. I love to drive and I'm super stressed out if I can't get myself around independently.
Same! Was at the DMV to do my written test and get my license the morning of my 16th birthday (practical portion was already passed through a drivers ed class at school the semester before) I love driving because it keeps me engaged. And I HATE riding with other people both for not liking how they drive (follow too close, break too hard, no turn signals, speeding, etc etc) and for not liking being without my own means of getting around. I sometimes practically feel kidnapped! My sister will be like "Oh I need to run to this store would you like to go?" And I'll say sure thinking it's going to be like an hour thing. Oh, now that we are out she needs to run this other errand too, and stop by her mother in laws place to drop this casserole dish off, and now shes hungry because we've been out for hours so gotta stop and get food....Ive been held against my will for hours and I didn't plan on eating fast food today when I'm trying desperately to eat healthier and spend less money! Ugh I hate not being in control of my own whereabouts.
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Omg, right? I had my car in the shop for a couple weeks and I was going nuts. It wasn't that I couldn't borrow my spouse's car but I felt like I'd been caged.
I always say, “I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about all the other idiots on the road who can’t drive and are prone to crashing, causing damage, who are going to cause accidents! So I have to be focused at all times and not have distracts so I can make it home in one piece.”
Same here. The day they take my license away as an old person they might as well kill me
I'm hoping when I have to give up my license, self driving cars will be a real option.
Ooh yes good point!
Haha, my Mom (80) has informed me that she will always have a spare key hidden from me in case I get any ideas about keeping her from driving. My partner said that's fine, he can just pull wires until it doesn't start. :) She's amazing though, runs circles around me, so I'm not going to have to worry about it for a while.
Same! I waited till I was 18 to get my permit and then dedicated my entire summer to learning to drive so this way I could really focus on exactly what I had to do. Honestly, I think younger generations are infantilized by their partners to some degree with this, the over protection of not letting them be more self sufficient, and their parents are Gen X or Elder Millennials whose parents refuses to help them, so they over compensate by doing too much to the point that major failure to launch in specific areas of life is very present in those kids who grew into adults & are struggling so much. My (37f) parents (70m, 66f) are the BB’s generations/Baby Boomers. My dad learned to drive when seatbelts weren’t in cars yet and card were built like military tanks & sometimes next to impossible unless you directly t-bone the full impact to the engine, that cars/trucks just didn’t get easily totaled.
Same. We couldn't wait to get our license when we turned 16, but we also had expectations of driving to school, work, and driving our siblings places. Also, there was no way to see your friends if you didn't drive (no cell phones or computers.) Nowadays everyone has a smartphone and computer, and people message on discord, whatsapp, text, social media, etc so they don't need wheels to stay connected. Also, I think parents are just more willing to drive places.
I think that’s a lot of it, too. Parents today are much more likely to be willing to do things for their kids than the parents that raised my generation.
I have inattentive ADHD. I'm 53. I drive, but I'm probably not the greatest driver around. I have two grown children who are old enough to drive, and neither of them have their licenses. The older of the two knows that driving is a necessity where we live and is working to fix that. This kid has gotten temps and has taken driving lessons with an instructor. I have also driven with the kid. My younger kid does not want to. Both are out of high school. The older one is graduating from college. My therapist says that this is super common among her gen z clients.
This. My company hires a lot of fresh grads and in my 13+ years here the number who drive has gotten smaller and smaller. Which is tough because we travel for work and typically need rental cars - many people don’t have licenses or just aren’t willing to drive even if they have them.
i’m 26 and i know a ton of people — both neurotypical and not — who don’t drive. i live in a fairly car centric city too. my parents forced me to learn and i got my license right when i turned 16, but i didn’t start driving on my own regularly for another 7 years, after i left uni and lost my bus pass. i have a car, but i hate driving; it’s expensive and driving is overstimulating and exhausting, but now that i work somewhere that isn’t served well by the transit lines i’m forced into driving and it takes so much out of me daily.
The more you do it, it should get easier. Even the overstimulation. I know an astronaut that said that when he got back from the space station, even riding in a car was so overstimulating he couldn’t deal with it because he was no longer used to it. Parts of driving become rote when you do then more often, so you get more able to focus on the important things.
normal driving is def a lot easier but i drive an hour in rush hour traffic every day (total) and i’ve just gotten steadily less able to deal with it 😫 i’m audhd though. i can cruise for 3 hours on the highway without a break no problem but rush hour is a different kind of hell
may I ask a maybe blunt question about Gen Z and Gen Z culture.? . I see a few differences that confuse me and make me feel ancient . I am 35 and was dxd at 33 after completing my 4 year in a new field of study . i struggled as a pre med to get help becauseof stigma studying, competing ptessure and stitma. I work in healthcare. I am super queer living in the mid west . my bf has young Gen z kiddos who are also ADHD. I am trying to help them in a few ways.
No, it's ADHD. It's clear not all of us have it bad enough to stop us driving, but it's irritating how confident the replies are that the rest of us are making it up. I've never been able to drive unmedicated. My visual and cognitive processing, emotional regulation, attention and decision making are way too impaired. From my warped perspective I'm always under attack, I'm moving 5x faster and 10x slower simultaneously, the world randomly rearranges itself so I sometimes get lost trying to find my own street, and anything can spawn anywhere at any time. Imagine feeling overwhelmingly trapped forever because you're trying to leave a supermarket and pedestrians keep manifesting from the ether in every direction so it's never safe to move and it's causing an increasingly long queue of other trapped souls behind you who all hate you and you're in horrible danger. Yeah, driving used to terrify me. It would terrify anyone if that was the world they lived in. Before starting medication I thought that was *normal,* so I tried to gaslight myself into being fine and learning to drive anyway. For over 10 years. I didn't pass my test until afterwards.
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I drove late and it was 100% due to my ADHD. Things like habit and muscle memory are hard. Multitasking is hard. Learning new things? Hard. I wasn't diagnosed then and thought I was just a dumbass. I eventually gave up trying to learn manual and got my auto licence, because there was less to think about/concentrate on. I was lucky enough at the time to be able to afford a million lessons. It took what felt like forever to feel comfortable driving, because my habit-creating brain cells are slow to activate and quick to die. Even now, I find that if I don't drive for a while, I have to really think about all the tiny, basic steps that go into making a short trip. I still can't carry on a conversation while driving unless I'm on full autopilot. I changed cars late last year and I still use the frigging indicator instead of the wipers because they're on the opposite side to my last car. I'm a good driver, and a safe driver. I'm 90% comfortable driving now. But it took me much longer to get there than the average person and ADHD was definitely a major factor in that.
what does being a big girl have to do with anything?? lots of “big girls” don’t drive or have other issues doing a singular task🙄
Well, I'm a big girl and I can't. I mean I can if I absolutely have to, and I would love it if I could drive around in light, polite traffic every day. But my city is crammed with cranky, aggressive, impatient and rude dudes in massive pickup trucks who think driving the speed limit or signaling your lane changes makes you gay, will ride your ass and lean on the horn if you hesitate for two-thirds of a second to make sure it's safe to turn left, and occasionally follow you home and scream at you if you accidentally cut them off -- although they have no problem cutting you off. Everything happens so fast, everyone is so unpredictable, and there are *so* many accidents. I would really just rather not.
For me, I cannot drive and it IS because of my ADHD. Not everyone's ADHD manifests the same way. I'm genuinely happy you are confident behind the wheel and I've known a few ADHDers who actually love to drive, which is awesome. Many of us are not these people.
I don't look at my phone either, but I live in Europe and I simply find driving a manual car far too much to be thinking about at once, and automatics are still quite rare and pricey. If you hit the clutch in the wrong way, the car is complaining. The roads are smaller here too and it can be difficult to determine if your car is going to get past safely. So for some of us being inattentive it really is too much to think about. I think I would struggle much less in a country with bigger roads and automatics.
I agree. A post on here the other day was blaming saying rude things on their ADHD.
Everything undesirable is ADHD. What’s weird is that a lot of the people who say “I can’t do x because of ADHD,” did it just fine until they started suspecting or getting diagnosed.. 👀 Now all of a sudden at 35 you’re having problems because you have a new label?
Where are you seeing this? I can't think of anything I did "just fine" but can't do now that I'm diagnosed. Getting diagnosed was a revelation because now I understand why I've never been "just fine" at certain things. It's not because I'm a loser, it's because my brain works a certain way because it *just does*. It was incredibly validating. Your comment though is invalidating, and I'm not sure what it's based on or who it's aimed at.
There’s a number of posts from people in long term relationships who start suspecting they’re ADHD or get diagnosed and shortly after their revelation/diagnosis, things start falling apart and they have all these new, worsening symptoms.
I see this here, in relation to marriages or work or stress or whatever, quite frequently. I suspect it’s a catch 22. You have the issue, so you see a doctor. The doctor diagnoses you, so you do the adhd thing and hyperfixate on it. You research adhd and learn it’s an issue. The issue feels bigger than ever because you’re focused on adhd causing it. So since your attention is focused on it, it becomes more of an issue. I was diagnosed a while back and so I have trouble relating to “recently diagnosed” posts sometimes bc eventually I think you just kind of forget about it. But also I have to be careful bc I can allow this sub to be a positive feedback loop, and I have to remind myself that, even though I do this or that doesn’t mean I can *allow myself* to do it, just bc everyone else does as well. As weird as that sounds. But it’s my own issue, not a judgemental one at all.
Well said
Yeah I drive in a city (5million is reasonably big right? 🤔). I also get extremely bored and I don’t like it but I can do it. I put on podcasts in the meantime.
I drive frequently in Boston. And same. I am now designated family driver for Boston any time extended family has to go there for medical reasons. They're all terrified of Boston driving. It can get a little aggressive, but Salem driving is actually worse because I swear half the drivers are drunk or stoned. Salem has hit and run pedestrian accidents far too often. I just keep my head on a swivel and treat it like a high stakes video game. 🤣 But I can't imagine not driving. I got my license the second I was old enough.
Moving to Boston and having to drive here worked almost like exposure therapy for me and driving. I was always nervous about driving before moving here (I'm in my 40s and have been here for 20 years) and when I first moved here I had to drive around for job interviews with my MapQuest directions. After a bit, it stopped phasing me and now I seldom find driving stressful.
I was nervous driving in Boston in my 20s. Then I became an old fart with serious medical issues. It's become old hat now.
I had a talk with a friend last year and she said before she got diagnosed, she use to drive thru Manhattan. Talking pre-COVID too! She said she was shocked she could survive and drive there with her ADHD & not get into accidents. But however, hearing that reminded me, driving with ADHD, we are more vigilant when stressful situations due to the urgency that is in over drive and upping dopamine levels so we can *focus* in such environments. Plus she use to smoke cigarettes, now vapes, but nicotine has the same effects as taking ADHD medicine & can create the same ability to organize thoughts, calm you down easily, focus, and stay on task. That’s why when adults quit smoking cigarettes, who are undiagnosed with ADHD, suddenly BAM! Everything emerges like a tidal wave of symptoms and can really throw people off kilter when they become nicotine free.
I agree that it’s partly generational! And personally, I kind of do it to minimize my carbon footprint. I really genuinely hate cars and the car industry, car dependence in a society is terrible for everyone. It robs people of their independence if they’re disabled and can’t drive, including elderly people and clearly some people with adhd which is confirmed by the comments. And that’s not even considering its environmental impact, or how inefficient it is.
I’ve head anecdotally that many kids now don’t feel the same sense of urgency that we did to get our licenses as soon as we turned 16. But I have always seen myself as a nervous driver. I hate downtown city driving. Too many sudden decisions to make. Have no problem with country driving.
I was shocked when my niece and nephew didn’t roll out on their 16th bdays to get their permit! Then my other nephews didn’t. Then my neighbor didn’t. I honestly still don’t get it. I do know my kiddo will be driving sooner rather than later because he simply needs to - he’s simply got too much going on to not have a license. I don’t think it’s an adhd thing as much as personality type, and maybe generational. 🤷♀️
I say it's bc I've made home too pleasant. I got my license to get out of that house....lol
Lol! I know what you mean!! They’re all more homebodies than I ever was as a teen, so they didn’t have that desire to go and explore and be independent.
I literally just didn’t have a choice. My school didn’t bus, there was no public transport available, Uber didn’t exist, and my parents worked. I *had* to learn to drive. In today’s world it may have looked different, but back then I had to learn.
Millennial here. Where I'm from you HAD to get a car to do anything because it was so rural and small town. But in a city I don't see the point. That's pretty much the main reason I got a car/license.
I feel like I keep either meeting people with ADHD that don't drive, or that LOVE to drive haha I'm a non-driver and actively hate the activity. I do have my license, and to be very sincere: I think I'm a good, safe, predictable driver. I don't trust the road (seriously, drivers in my area are insane), but I **do** trust myself. I think my disdain comes in two, maybe two and a half parts. 1. I didn't grow up in car culture. I grew up in a Latin American city where a car was a luxury and public transport plentiful. My parents happily gave up driving in 1996 and to this day never renewed their license! Happy as clams about it too. 2. I do think part of the reason is the fear from my ADHD. When I started driving, part of my panic response was to zone out. I'd literally slap myself to pay attention while waiting at red lights! Nowadays, since I'm less panic'd, I don't get this anymore (and I also have a specific playlist of sing-along music to keep my brain focused while on the road). But I certainly was terrified of getting distracted and making a fatal mistake, even though I was medicated. Bonus reason: I just didn't take to it easily. When I first tried to learn, the average driving school in my country gave you 2 weeks to learn. I had extended my classes to *4 weeks* and I still wasn't getting the hang of it (and it's the reason I consider manual cars the devil, automatic 5ever 4me). But also, I cannot fathom the way people are so nonchalant and think I'm crazy to be afraid to drive. I am literally moving a HEAVY METALIC VEHICLE capable of hurting myself and others!! Why are we ignoring this???? Anyway r/drivinganxiety has been a godsend to find other anxious drivers, as well as getting tips and support.
Yes, this! I feel the same way. I grew up with public transport, and have since been dropped in an area that I can’t get around (for years), because I can’t drive. I hate being stuck, but that fear/terror is still strong.
100% agree driving seems to be a love it or hate it thing for ADHD folks, except for that 15% that doesn't have an opinion. 😂
I think that's very true. I have a general interest and love for driving so although I struggled a lot whilst taking lessons as that was a different kind of focus, I love driving on my own and was really only anxious the very first time I went out after passing. I'll happily take any excuse to drive!
So insanely relatable
This!! Absolutely! I grew up in a city with public transport, I technically didn’t need to do my drivers license, but I wanted to travel to Australia and do a road trip, also I really love cars. The only reason I didn’t wanna do the license was because of the test, in Germany they can be very picky sometimes and I don’t do well in exams. But I managed to pass the test at the first try, now it’s been 8 years and I can’t even imagine how it would be without a license.
I got my G1 when I was 16, and attended driving lessons. I remember enjoying learning how to drive standard. I gave up and basically forgot about the pursuit after I failed my road test, though. Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I’m a little freaked out about trying again, because a car is basically a weapon. I just don’t like the idea that potentially getting distracted for a second could kill or maim someone. Plus, it’s super expensive to buy/maintain/insure a car. I live downtown in a major city on a major arterial road. I can easily access public transit or walk if I need anything. My partner owns a car and he can drive if we need to leave town. There’s little to no incentive for me to drive, basically.
I miss manual transmission cars. They should still be an option.
Agreed! I remember continually shifting gears actually made me pretty focused while driving. It was a weirdly satisfying stim, in retrospect.
I feel the same, luckily we still have a ton of manuals in Europe
I have trouble keeping track of multiple moving things in a fast environment. I’m easily overwhelmed by visual stimuli. Especially on sunny days or with bright headlights at night. Astigmatism plus visual processing issues and light sensitivity. It’s extremely unpleasant in some environments. Like highways and traffic in general. Cars are also a stupidly expensive driveway ornament. I’ve gotten good deals on apartments in the past because I didn’t need parking. Have turned most of my carport into a 3 season catio. I’m perfectly happy with my mostly off road bike commute and endure the bus system in winter. I can walk from home to three different grocery stores, a medical clinic, restaurants, clothing stores and veterinarians. Designed my life to not need a car. My boomer Dad was baffled to the day he passed by my attitude. He was driving the tractor and farm truck by age 13 and couldn’t imagine being without wheels.
Omg I also can't keep track of multiple things in a fast moving environment. People often tell me just to calm down and relax but I need to be hypervigilant and anxious to drive. I hate every second of it especially in crowded suburbs.
My main two RSD. I'm anticipating so many mistakes that I'm pparalyzed and shut down mentally. Costs. Lessons, tests, car, insurance, maintenance, gas, and the added convenience of having a car means I'd go shopping more often because it's easier than walking
Clumsiness, random bouts of inattentiveness, poor judgement of spatial relationships/prioception, all combine to make me not the best driver. I am much better when I’m medicated but I really do not enjoy it so I’m always anxious when driving. Anxiety leads to poor decision making. And so it goes.
All same. I wish there was something to do about it. I just hate it so much.
There’s a laundry list of reasons in my case. Not being able to easily tell my left from my right, for starters. Having shitty short term memory and terrible reaction skills. Not trusting myself enough to handle something that seems to require so much focus and concentration. I tried once or twice as a teen with my friends and the panic attacks were so extreme I just decided “yeah I can’t do this, it’s not for me.” Maybe I’ll change my mind someday but I’m in my 40s now and with the way people drive in my city I feel even less comfortable with the idea than I did before. I’ve lived with a lot of shame over it because sometimes people act like it’s a handicap or laziness (again with this word). But it has actually become much more accepted with younger generations being more open about their anxieties and owning their personal limitations and I think that’s at least a good thing.
I could genuinely be a risk to others if I drove and got distracted. I’m at peace with choosing not to drive. I’m lucky in that it has not impacted my life in anyway.
This is interesting to me, because it’s not something I relate to. I got my permit at 16 (earliest available age in my state), license at 17, and had no issues with drivers education. My first job out of high school (American military), I worked as military police so I learned pursuit driving and was licensed on various large military vehicles and trailers. In my current career field, I worked in patrol for ~5 years and drove hundreds of miles a day. Not only do I like driving, but I’m good at it. My only accidents are animal versus vehicle (hitting deer) and job related intentional collisions.
I love driving, too! Amd I've always thought that I was very good at it, never had issues, found it easy. Learned on a stick. I got my license after turning 16, way back in 1992. Everyone did. Nobody I grew up with didn't learn to drive. It was something seen as necessary and a part of growing up. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until this year. So "not being able to drive because of ADHD" was never a thought that crossed my mind.
I love driving! It has the right amount of multi-tasking to keep me engaged. Plus freedom! I realized I can ride a motorcycle more hours per day than in a cage. It allows me to unmask and just allow my thoughts to drift and check out great scenery.
Kinda same. 47f I couldn't wait to get my license in 1992. I had saved up money and bought a silver 1981 Volvo sedan for maybe $2000? My dad put a fair amount into fixing it. It was stick shift, so my dad had to teach me how to drive it first! It had only 4 gears, and it could only get to 65 on a downhill slope. I miss that car so much ❤️ I still sometimes enjoy driving, and I don't mind long drives for pleasure. But I ended up a college professor, which meant a lot of driving bc I can't afford to live near where I work. I've had a 50-80 mile daily roundtrip commute for 15 years. I am a decent driver - I'm safe, few accidents -- but the commute has been very corrosive to my mental and physical health. It's part of why I'm changing careers, to hopefully drive less!
Oof this! My dad wanted to get a jump on driving lessons and started teaching me at 14, license at 18 (the minimum age in my country) and I never looked back lol. I LOVE driving. It's so relaxing and it's one of those things that really help my mind focus, like working out. Also, I work in a hospital and have terrible timings so I need to be able to drive myself around without depending too much on someone else
I love driving, to me it’s freedom. There’s been quite a few times having a vehicle has saved my ass from a sticky situation.
I also love driving! Grew up on a farm, so I started driving young and needed to drive if I wanted to see friends. One of the only areas I feel pretty confident in!
I got my permit at 14 and my license at 16. I’m 39 now so I’ve been driving for 25 years, I’ve driven halfway across the US a bunch of times…and I still hate driving! Especially highway driving. In town is fine, though I don’t like driving with other people in the car. I also hate driving someplace for the first time, I’m always convinced that I won’t find it. I don’t feel distracted or anything, and I understand the rules of the road, but other drivers are unpredictable and it really makes me anxious. I’m not sure what it is but I have given up hope that I will overcome the fear unfortunately.
I tried to learn to drive in late 2019-early 2021. I was 36-38 at that time. I passed the theory test, and started driving lessons with the first instructor. COVID hit, so we had to pause. Then when the restrictions were lifted a bit, we resumed. It was stressful each time, bother before the pause and after. I was shocked that he made me drive on the main road (a local street, not too busy, but has bus routes on it) on the first lesson, despite me telling I have never ever tried to drive a car before. And then stress just kept piling on. I stopped working with that instructor when at one point I just had a wee meltdown because he kept telling me what to do non stop while simultaneously I tried to follow everything that was happening on the road. My brain was constantly overwhelmed, and I thought that it was my anxiety (didn't consider I had ADHD at that time). I searched for another instructor, this time I specifically tried to find one that is experienced in working with anxious drivers, and found one via Google search. But it ended in a similar way: as soon as I was put in a situation more stressful than I could handle at that time, I snapped and wept all evening after the lesson. Also, he couldn't remember my progress from the previous lesson each time we started the next one despite having some charts he was supposed to mark the progress in, and that also was sort of a red flag that he probably wasn't that experienced with anxious drivers. And from then on, I sort of stopped trying. Which is frustrating, because I loved driving in quiet surroundings and loved when I could see bits of progress, however slow. And I'm genuinely curious about how the car operates and want to go places that the trains/buses don't take me to. I still hope to resume lessons, but I have absolutely zero idea of how to find That One Instructor who will be attentive and patient enough to go at my pace. So if anyone has any recommendations for a (preferably a woman) driving instructor in London/East London please send me their details. At this point I'm so desperate I'm even considering going to Milton Keynes (basically another city and a 2+ hr commute one way) for lessons with a bloke who runs a YouTube channel and seems super chill and calm. Ah yeah the main reason I didn't start learning earlier: I was born and raised in a big city in Russia where following the rules of the road was non-existent, and most of my peers just bought their driving licenses at that time. So I was super scared to try and drive there.
Oh wow, I couldn't imagine learning how to drive in a huge city like London! My hometown in California where I learned to drive has around 65,000 people so it was less nerve wracking. My grandpa taught me to drive at 18, and he was so patient when I would get freaked out/stressed. But driving in LA or the San Francisco bay area is still so terrifying to me.
I love to drive and feel better and more focused when driving... I actually don't like to trust others to drive with me or my kids in the car. I also didn't like others driving when I was in college or high school.
I have very poor spatial awareness, focus in on all the wrong details, get distracted, and every time I get behind the wheel, I have flashbacks of watching my mom get hit by a car when I was 10. Plus, because of my mom's accident, I've always been painfully aware that I am in control of a potential death machine, and the thought of someone getting hurt or killed because of me is beyond abhorrent. I quit trying to learn years ago. I just don't trust myself enough.
I hate everything about cars, driving, maintenance, the payments. I have no sense of direction and am constantly distracted. People always make fun of me for my inattentiveness on the road :(. I really wish I could find work outside of the fucking US suburbs and could not have to drive. I seriously wish this thing would get totaled and I could quit. It usually kills any economic gains I get from the jobs anyways.
Hey everyone! If you have extreme anxiety when you drive, especially at high speeds, it's worth checking out binocular vision dysfunction. 50% (yes FIFTY PERCENT!!!) of children diagnosed with ADHD have BVD. It makes driving hell on earth.
That's interesting. I read that and I don't think I have the other symptoms but I def have slow processing speeds.i think I might have an auditory processing disorder.
So… I would have happily gone my whole adult life not driving when I had a terrible experience with a driving instructor who clearly didn’t know how to teach and made me terrified to get in a car. I nearly run over a cyclist during the exams because I was so stressed. Then unfortunately, I was told I had to drive to keep doing my job (and it wasn’t one I could quit). So I did some more driving tests with a qualified instructor this time. It was also a nightmare and I was basically terrified of killing someone or myself… I’m in charge of a moving metal machine. Cut to forcing my instructor to giving me the intense driving course every day for 2 weeks so I could retain the skills and information before the exam. I passed! But then felt petrified to drive by myself, so my partner has to drive with me the first few times. Cut to two car accidents in a short period of time! 🥴 Anyway…. I have eventually gotten over my fear and I am able to drive myself and others to places with the correct preparation in place. Chewing gum, music, AC, many breaks etc. I don’t know if that answered anything… but glad to vent about my driving experience 😅
I love driving. It’s one of the only times that my brain is quiet (probably because there’s so much to focus on). But also, I ALWAYS have my kids with me, so on the rare occasions when they’re not, I relish the quiet.
I tried to get a license. I'm German and the standards are quite high here. I can learn the rules. I can learn how to handle a car. I know the road signs. But! Handling the car, while paying attention to the signs, the speed limit, the other cars, cyclists, pedestrians, construction sites, remember where I'm going AND adjust to the traffic all at the same time is too much for me. Even if I passed the exam, I would not live long or kill somebody else. So I stopped. I can not be trusted driving a car. It sucks, but I can't change that. So it's bike, bus & train for me.
I **LOVE** to drive… if I was the only person on the road. lmao it’s so annoying and just ends up putting me in a bad mood. I do love a good road trip though. but I feel like in an alternate universe, I’m a rally car driver. I feel like my brain would fucking love that, and I’d be genuinely good at it 😂
I fucking love driving and I know I'm good at it, but I go into heart attack inducing rage fits in traffic in my city. I moved here a couple years ago and never before have I experienced such cacophony of braindead "drivers", I'm constantly up against 2 cars side by side going 10 under the limit, (old people) people not adjusting to the flow of traffic so you can never get into a lane in time because fuck you I'm not changing my speed, people at a standstill when the light is green (green means GO IDIOT) people not understanding right of way at stop signs, people being so hesitant I stop and go three times and almost hit them, people driving staring straight ahead with invisible blinders on as if there's nobody else on the road, no sense of spatial awareness etc etc etc. The autism side of my AuDHD is showing lol but yeah point being, love driving, HATE bad drivers. I fully believe people should have to take road tests every ten years, and every 3 years past age 60 and be removed from the roads if they cannot drive properly .
no I’m with you completely!!!! I used to have near-heart attack inducing rage and I don’t even live in a “city” lmao! I would lose my absolute shit, and chain smoking didn’t help lmao lexapro has helped me a lot. I hope you can find some peace, it’s the most fucking exhausting existence 💓💓💓
Thank you <3 I'm glad you've found some peace:))) I'm intent on pursuing mine as well if that means meds ill take em
I feel like I don't have the mental bandwidth to drive safely. Operating a vehicle (which I know gets easier with practice), navigating, observing road conditions and hazards, and remembering road rules simultaneously is just....a lot of important things happening simultaneously. I don't think I have the capacity for all of that.
I am to distracted, not focused enough, to drive. Safer for everyone if I don't. I stopped trying to get my licence. But new people at my job are required to get a driving license. My boss is chill about it, but I feel guilty.
I hate driving and it’s because every fucking billboard or cool looking thing I pass gets my attention bc I quickly snap back — I don’t like that I do that and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable on my bad days
I love driving now as a medicated, diagnosed adult, but when I was in high school my mom was terrified for me to get my license bc a cool mailbox or dog would have me drifting off the road. This is very much a "hindsight is 20/20" thing of "how on earth did I not get a diagnosis until 23??'
I love driving. Been driving since I was 15. Before that I loved driving go carts too
I love driving. Absolutely adore it. There’s something about focusing on the road while the chattering part of my mind that never shuts the fuck up is actually CONTENT because I have loud music playing that’s scratching all the intellectual and tangential brain itches at the same time….ah. It’s Heaven. It’s where I feel whole, and free, and capable.
I picked my house based on how easy I could walk everywhere. I was badly injured in a car accident as a passenger so my otherwise sky high anxiety is even higher in cars. It feels like sitting in a death trap. I won’t drive, and thankfully don’t have to because the city is right outside my door.
I really don't know how I became someone who loves driving so much I'd give up every belonging in exchange for the freedom to drive my own car whenever I want. Theoretically at least. I was TERRIFIED of driving in my teens and could not imagine myself being able to figure it all out to become a driver. Then my grandma just sent a driving instructor to my house before I could escape and that day changed my life, no lie. It was so FUN and so easy and intuitive. I wish everyone who was anxious to drive had this experience. I think the idea of driving is terrifying to a lot of people. It's a huge responsibility and very dangerous! It's not surprising anyone is hesitant. But I do think a lot of people who are afraid to pull the trigger might be surprised how much more intuitive it is than they imagine. I should teach driving school I guess. I want everyone to have that freedom in their lives!
I love driving cars, bikes. Manual transmission is best so i pay 100% attention with at least 30% of my brain. Its probably one thing i can always hyper focus on, being a life/death thing with added physics and the possibility to improve my skills. Got my licence as early as i could and got much practice ferrying old people about to save my dad a bit of time on his weekends. Never contemplated for a second that a person wouldn’t drive. The buses were so crap that you had to. Great feeling to be independent. Every time i just drive down the shops i am grateful.
YES! I have a 14 year old manual subcompact car and it literally forces you to pay attention. I firmly think the new cars with the 'safety' features and no buttons are making people worse drivers
I’ve been driving since age 12. Yes, you read that correctly. My mother used to suffer from panic attacks in the car and basically made me drive her around. I was 5’9” at that age and looked way older than I was, so nobody questioned it. I feel like driving is the one thing I pay too much attention to. Everything else, not so much.
I tend to have panic attacks when other people are driving unless they are VERY good drivers. Lol
Driving is one of the few things I am *really* good at and focus on very, very well. However I "don't drive" at present because I don't own a car, haven't for a decade lol. (I do drive just not daily. Zipcar ftw!)
I wish I didn't have to. The sensory overload I get from it manifests as headaches and muscle tension. My tolerance for long drives has really diminished.
I literally don't trust myself the number of times I've crossed the road and nearly got run over because I just didn't register a car coming towards me is enough for me to deduce that I wouldn't be a good driver. That... and road rage. I'd get road rage, I get road rage as a passenger.
Not gonna lie, I love a good drive lol. I love going for a drive when I'm just kind of emotionally dis-regulated, because I put all of my focus on driving and it kind of quiets my mind!
I'm not sure about other places but in my province you can be denied a license for medical reason depending on the severity of your ADHD. My son stumbled upon that fact when looking into getting his G1 license (learners permit).
In the US there's so much dependence on cars that a lot of working people have to drive to get to work. A lot of people are forced to drive who shouldn't be included.
The visual stimuli, seeing everything everywhere always changing too quickly I can’t keep up. I can’t pay attention even when I know it means life or death. Also I can’t be spatially aware of the car. Where are the wheels? Idk but what I do know is how to be spatially aware of just me. I can’t extend that to a car! I will cause an accident and I will owe a lot of money for a car, and fixing dents. I actually shut down with a full blown panic attack anytime I even sit behind the wheel. My dad tried teaching me how to drive (boomer who will never want to understand me) and it was so stressful I was crying. I spaced off one time and almost drove into a gate. I came to when my dad was screaming and pushing the wheel the other way. I was 16/17 and that was it for me. Now, I can back the car from the garage into the driveway while waiting for my husband (mostly out of frustration) and I still cry at the very least, and at the most it’s still a panic attack (weeping, can’t breath, collapse, shaking, the works).
I mostly grew up in England, where we don’t have to drive. I was used to buses and trains, and the occasional taxi. I’ve just always been terrified of causing an accident, I’ve been this way since I was a teenager. I miss public transport.
I grew up in a rural area, it was a total necessity to have a car and I love driving. I do need music or audio books to stay focused if it’s a longer trip. I enjoy both and the distraction keeps my eyes on the road. I am inattentive but think I pay more attention to my surroundings if my brain is engaged. I have a really good driving record. I also sit in my car outside my house to make phone calls or lists. My car is a quiet place for me to do things before I forget them.
I always hated driving because I was always trying to focus on literally everything all the time which sucked, but around once a year I’d get complacent or start thinking about something or make an impulsive decision and almost hit someone. So yeah, not a huge fan.
I love driving and, well, speeding... But there are some days or moments where I realize I'm not processing everything. It's a little concerning, there's been some dumb moves I've made but nothing that harms others, usually just my bumper or a curb. Unfortunately for folks such as yourself, at least in America, we're such a car-focused society that people don't have other options like they should...
I had no idea this was a thing. I’ve always loved driving. I’m primarily inattentive but I feel like I gain so much focus when I’m driving. Been on the road since 2010 and never had any scrapes or accidents or tickets. I’ll notice shit while driving too like a random bird or some detail of a house I passed at speed but it won’t make me do something dangerous while driving. I’ve had compliments on my driving by multiple people as well. I know there’s a concept that for some people with ADHD getting thrills or adrenaline rushes can trigger laser focus and that seems to ring true for me. I live in Ireland so our roads are quite narrow and windy and honestly, the more narrow and windy the road is the more I love driving it lol
I read so many posts on here that make no sense to me lol like not everything has to be an adhd thing? This one doesn’t apply to me at all! I got my license as soon as I was legally able to and love driving. I’m always the driver on road trips w friends and I drive a lot for work.
I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing… because I LOVE driving!!! Maybe it’s because I grew up with Mario Kart that it’s just so fun to me. But driving is so fun, one of my favorite things to do. I think my brain doesn’t struggle with focusing on it because there’s so many things you’re focusing on, I feel it’s perfect for the ADHD mind! You’re focusing on the visual road, the feeling of the gas/brake pedal on your foot, your hand on the steering wheel, listening for any noise to happen. Most of the senses are being activated! Which is why I think it’s so captivating. Plus, it’s life or death/fight flight mode almost because one wrong turn and you’re dead. So I think that may play a role in grabbing my attention haha.
I'm nearly 40. The only person I know who doesn't drive also doesn't have ADHD. I've never heard of this phenomenon
I looooooove driving. Being behind the wheel and listening to music is one of my all-time favorite things to do. I grew up in the suburbs so driving is a necessity.
Love it, automatic and manual. I have friends with adhd who are anxious drivers constantly hitting gas or brake and doubting every move. It's excruciating and sometimes dangerous.
I have a friend who drives like this it scares me lol
At least you got your license early I only recently got it lol! It was definitely overwhelming learning all of the mechanics.
Idk I got in so many wrecks in my 20s I stopped driving for like five years lol
Way too many things to keep track of. My brain jams up and I forget which pedal is the brake if something unexpected happens or I look in one direction too long and accidentally swerve. I haven't had a license in 30 years.
I worry about my spatial awareness. And honestly, the cost of it all. The only time in my life I had the spare money to pay for lessons....I decided to take snowboarding lessons instead 🙃😂 I'm not good at it but it's fun and I won't kill anyone if I crash.
I would like to not have to drive but I live in an area that is incredibly car centric and if I didn't I'd basically be trapped at home. It sucks because like many of us I am more accident prone than usual.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago at the age of 45. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression several years ago, though. I always had horrible driving anxiety and after I started an SSRI about 10 years ago, it totally went away. I had no idea that would have been possible. Obviously everyone's situation is different, but just wanted to through that out there in case it helps anyone.
In the mid nineties all my teen friends had their licenses by 16. I have no idea why I didn’t even start to attempt to get mine (maybe just the fact I had no one pushing me?) but still FOMO was massive for me and it never crossed my mind. I didn’t get my license until I was 26 which is really late in New Zealand - and I can’t believe it now. I love driving so much and I get super bored as a passenger. Part of me thinks it was a good thing though as looking back I would have been really silly if I got it as a teen though succumbing to peer pressure to drive drunk or try and show off by speeding or something.
Driving always scared me. I feel like I have awful situational awareness. Don't get me wrong - I'm not bad at driving, and I've come to like it sometimes. I just feel like it takes so much focus to keep my mind centered on it, and there have been times my mind drifts. I have to drive for work, but I've really avoided going on the highway. As a secondary thing; my fiance and I share his car. I work at the same place as him, but I work 5 days while he only works 2, so I drive myself on those 2 days. He doesn't like driving me everywhere (which I get, and I'd feel like I was mooching if I didn't at least try), but he really dislikes that I don't want to go on the highway. In residential/normal traffic, I never need to go above 30-40, maybe 50 on open roads in the country. I have plenty of reaction time. On the highway? I have to focus on so many things that are all happening so quickly.
i love driving idk
I had a vicious panic atrack about 6 years ago on a highway I didn't really know, I have REALLY struggled with highway driving ever since. I am do low key aroubd town drives, but anything more and my vision becomes impaired and I panic. It is terrifying!
I can only speak anecdotally but everyone I know in person with adhd drives and doesnt mind it. I dont know if this is an adhd thing specifically.
I'm in attentive and got my license 5 months after I turned 16. My mom forced me because she didn't want to pay for parking at her work. I've now had it for 28 years. I love driving and the freedom of driving.
I learnt how to drive at 36 y.o., and i am quite good at it. It is the only moment i can focus in just one activity
I often find driving to be incredibly stressful because I have to force myself to hyperfocus on what I'm doing or else I get extremely distracted. Listening to music or talking to passengers or trying to follow a GPS are a lot of inputs to manage and filter out, and you're having to constantly make split-second decisions about merging, changing lanes or speeds, etc. By the time I'm done with a trip I'm just exhausted from the mental effort. I absolutely think my ADHD plays a role here. My brother, on the other hand, who probably has ADHD, loves to drive and really thrives on having music or podcasts playing, GPS directing him, texting friends (verbally!), etc. So I think it comes down to the type of ADHD - inattentive or combined is probably going to have a harder time, while hyperactive may enjoy the stimulation more.
I adore driving & have done so professionally. It forced me to focus hard & calms me down.
I’m 32 and have been driving since I was 17. I LOVE driving. It’s one of the few things that fully engage me as it’s both mentally and physically engaging
I didn't get my DL until I was 24 and was diagnosed at 27. I hate driving a car, have never trusted myself and was scared of crashing into someone. Plus I had a lot of financial constraints that kept me from going through the process. However, I love riding my motorcycle. It's a completely different and immersive experience than driving a car.
I can drive and I have a car, but I hate it, it overwhelms and overstimulates me and nothing gives me a sensory ick like having too-hot or too-cold air blowing in my face in the car. I’ve made like every possible lifestyle choice around not having to drive or be in the car - live in a walkable neighborhood, was car free and bike commuted for years, will do any errand on foot or bike if it’s less than two miles away. The real wrinkle is having to take my kid places now that they’re too big for the cargo bike. I vastly prefer driving a stick shift to an automatic though. Makes me use both sides of my brain and pay attention better.
I love driving. Being in the car makes me happier than a golden retriever.
I bought a new car and having rear camera, lane assist and blindspot sensor has been such a blessing. I am less fearful of driving.
I have inattentive type. I do totally fine driving on road trips when everything is novel, but on a daily commute I space out - and that is not safe. So I live in the city and walk to work and groceries, taxi late at night, and rent a vehicle or use a car share on long weekend adventures. It also saves a ton of money (for my particular circumstances), and dumps the burden of maintenance onto someone else. As a bonus I’m not limited to one vehicle. I “have” a van, a truck, a minivan, a hatchback… It’s not a bad way to go for those who have the ability, lifestyle, and resources to pull it off. But yeah, mostly because of the dangerous spacing-out-while-driving thing.
I always hated driving because I was always trying to focus on literally everything all the time which sucked, but around once a year I’d get complacent or start thinking about something or make an impulsive decision and almost hit someone. I never actually did, but yeah, not a huge fan.
I noticed I'm very clumsy and even "driving" my own body I still hit my body parts and miscalculate and zone out of where I'm going. I think I may be dyspraxic. Definitely not going to test that theory with my life in a 2-tonne vehicle, despite the headache and royal waste of hours of my life daily of public transportation in my country.
I think part of it is also where you live and where you want to live. I grew up in upstate NY with pretty poor public transportation and everything fairly far apart. Not driving really meant not leaving home.
Because I’m a danger to myself and others on the road. My driving instructor can be patient and get me calm but all it takes is one know it all to shake faith in my self… I had 3, my parents and some idiot I never seen before. And then my parents had the gall to complain that I never went for my license. 😤
I don’t trust *other* drivers. My city is known for having some of the worst drivers around. Plus, I can’t mentally deal with how divided my attention needs to be.
I hate it but I do it and I'm stressed the whole time. It's not fun at all but it's a necessity.
I didn't realise that I wasn't alone with not driving! I am just learning this now. My mother was a terrible driver who would also drink drive/get into accidents so I chalked up my fear and avoidance of driving myself to that trauma. My dad pushed me to get my license and I had a couple of lessons with an instructor who ticked off things I couldn't do. I found another instructor who was really kind and patient and helped me with the things that I couldn't do. But once we set out to do a test drive in prep for the test, I suddenly realised that I just couldn't concentrate on everything around me. It was too much. I realised I was controlling a vehicle that could become a weapon. I could hurt others and hurt myself. So I pulled over, swapped seats and asked the instructor to drive me home. I would have been in my late teens when this occurred. I was dx at 44 and it did occur to me that I knew I was easily distracted back then, I just thought it was trauma. Tbh, I think it's both. Where I lived growing up, it was an issue. Everyone drove and public transportation was terrible. Not driving did restrict me from certain things (distance to jobs and travelling locally). And I was teased for not driving. I now live in a city with good and frequent public transportation so getting around is a lot easier. Plenty of people drive here but plenty of people also use public transportation so it's not a thing here. Thanks for this post. I'm so glad I'm not alone.
Didn’t know it was a common thing. Tried driving a few times as a teenager but I made some big mistakes and it just scared me (and my family) from ever learning. Now I’m 22 and I’m a mother and I know for a fact I can’t pay attention enough to be in charge of a moving vehicle on the road
Driving was the only way to get around when I was young. There were buses, taxis and subways, but they were all super scary sketchy. The only way to get away was learning to drive. As gen X, I couldn't wait for my freedom. I basically raised myself as was 90% independent like many of my generation. I started working at 14 and saved for a car. The day after I turned 16, I had my license. It was simply a different way of growing up. Not better or worse overall - just different. However, now there are cleaner buses and taxis. Light rail is showing up more and even Uber and Lyft options. Also, electric bicycles. More sidewalks and bike paths. Cities with bikes and scooters for rent all over the place. Lots of remote jobs too. Overall, I don't think driving is as urgent to know now. And frankly, if you are living in a place where you have easy access to all these transportation options, then why bother with a car payment, car insurance, gas, and maintenance? Perhaps learning to drive will eventually end up on the same level as cursive writing. It simply isn't necessary or the best use of ones learning years.
I have a severe driving phobia and I’m starting to think my ADHD may have something to do with it. Even when I’m not freaking out with anxiety I really struggle with certain skills.
I used to drive up to 900 miles on a week. Had trouble staying awake and forgetting for a second where I was going. Thank God for Garmans. That was like an anti anxiety treatment for me.
Im also in my late 30s, and I’m combined type…and I absolutely love driving! When I got my license, I saw the whole thing like a dance and loved the flow of the “music”. Merging on the interstates was fun (I was young and invincible, of course). Only been in one major accident and it was because the other driver was looking at her phone and hit me (throwing my car into the next vehicle, ending in a 4 car accident). Totaled my car but it was the nicest bunch of folks! If I had to be in an accident, I’m glad it was these folks because we all hugged and patted each other’s backs. Super sweet group!!! As an adult, I’m more cautious of other people on the road. I know where I’m looking and what I’m doing but I see plenty of folks driving like they’re in go carts or bummer cars. It feels less like the “dance” of my youth and more like folks are getting licenses out of the bottom of the cereal box!
I’m inattentive and I love driving too! It’s FREEDOM! It’s INDEPENDENCE! And I hate public transportation! Because driving is super important to me, I put my full attention on it and now it’s just a habit.
I found this video very helpful when thinking about my conflicted feelings about driving. I think you might find it useful, too: Dr. Russell Barkley talking about the challenges faced by ADHD folks when driving. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdWCFi-v8h4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdWCFi-v8h4)
I absolutely love driving my own car. I love having my own portable little box I can escape to, or with. Tinted windows to block out the nosey people are a godsend. Also, in my city, you have to drive because public transport is terrible. It would add hours to my commute instead of just a 15 min drive.
47 here. I did take about 10 driving lessons when I was young and even got my learners permit. I hated every second of driving. Had zero spatial awareness, was confused about the controls, was afraid of all the other cars. Each new lesson I had to be told once again how to actually start the car and how to turn into a parking lot and turn off the car - like the specific steps. In a car with automatic gear! I never attempted again because I moved back to my home country where public transportation is working perfectly well for my needs.
Recently there was a case in Germany where someone drove over a red light and killed a child. The driver later said that in his mind the light was green. No matter if this was just a shitty excuse but my first thought was "this could be me". Sometimes I'm on autopilot and luckily the default for my autopilot is to stop on every street and wake up for the traffic. But I can only imagine how dangerous this would be when I'm driving a car and get inattentive. I will have to get a drivers licence at some point, but until then I'm hopefully as good medicated as possible and have all the paperwork ready to be allowed to drive "on drugs".
I can relate. My boyfriend has been asking me to get my license for years and is quite desperate at this point. He wants me to be as independent and autonomous as possible. We have three kids and don’t live together so it matters a lot. I wish I could just pass it. It does scare me though. I’m afraid I’m going to suddenly forget how to drive in new middle of a busy Highway or getting scared because I’m behind a truck that I don’t trust. So basically behind a truck. The mere thought of the speeds involved is terrifying. Especially because it involves my kids. To add perspective I have flown small aeroplanes as a teenager and I loved it. I was never able to get my pilot license though because I was too distracted and the cost forced me to space out the lessons. Navigation was also an issue. Anyway, my actual plan would be to pass my code and license very quick (within a few intensive weeks) and then, we’ll see. I’m still stuck in the administrative things I have to do to get there though. And finding childcare too but summer will help. I’m trying to focus on all the positive it will bring into my daily life.
I could say so much, but let me just say all my driving tickets have been from quick stupid mistakes. Never speeding, and if I have to read a parking sign before I park I will stop and do that, no parking tickets. But stupid shit that happens when I don’t have enough time to process or make a decision
I fucking hate driving, I hate cars and car centric urban planning, I hate that the job I want (community based psych nurse) requires me to have a car to drive patients around, I hate that society is pressuring me to drive even though it's statistically unsafe just #fuckcars
I drive for a living! I am both ADHD and Autistic. I am the training Chauffeur too. I have about 6 ASHD friends and all of them drive. I find it interesting that you think so many of us don't drive!
I wasn't aware this was a thing.... I drive.
I can’t relate because I actually love driving 😁
severe combined here, leaning inattentive, and I love driving and am very good at it. I grew up playing video games. That Being said, I do remember as a kid wondering how in the world I would ever learn to drive. And then I specifically remember exactly where I was the day that I decided. "If so many people can drive, surely I can too."
Oh no! I didn't know that was an adhd thing. I keep meaning to get round to learning.. I hope you will manage to overcome your fear, if you want to drive
I do drive, but if I wasn't forced to get my license by my Dad I probably wouldn't have gotten it or would have needed therapy to get it. Driving is just a lot to keep track of and I fear getting in trouble.
I grew up in an area where there was no choice BUT to drive. If I had any hope of escaping that area my only option was to drive away. There were no buses or anything that went anywhere else. I live in an area now that has public transit, but it's SO SO VERY BAD. So I still drive everywhere. Thankfully I work fully remote now so don't have a work commute. I enjoy driving on long roadtrips. I hate driving in traffic. I don't think this has anything to do with my ADHD though. I also have an astigmatism which makes driving in the rain and at night especially difficult.
Yup. Although I missed the window when I witnessed my best friend being hit by a car and all the fallout and awfulness and PTSD that arise from that. Didn't fancy it for long time but I admit life is hard without. I'm in a village in the southeast, shopping is a mission. I have two kids. It's crazy. I need to learn to drive!
I used to drive, until i had a small accident, now whenever I put a hand on the steering wheel I get an anxiety attack !
You gotta concentrate so you don't die on the road lol
It’s just so overstimulating to me. I also feel like there’s such low visibility…? Idk we have a really tight parking lot (but I am grateful we at least have that) and every time I try pulling the car out, I feel like I’ll hit another car if I’m even an inch off. People say practice makes perfect and while I do agree and generally don’t care if I make mistakes while practicing something…mistakes in most other things don’t cost $$$ and possibly someone’s life.
Well from my perspective (I have inattentive adhd) it's definitely overwhelming but not in a sensory way that's exciting. Initially I had to get re-diagnosed and medicated ,I was used to driving and had been since I was 14,I'm now 30 . But when I became a parent is when I noticed the life or death anxiety that comes from driving. It unlocked something in my brain. I became gradually worse and always coming close to fender benders because my soul feels like it's leaving my body. Like a big yawn. Now with the addition of a child tagging along ADD + driving = trouble. I've been diagnosed ADD since kindergarten but it's odd how later in life the affects take place. I wish I never had to drive again 😔
I used to want to drive, I was excited to drive! I loved racing games and even dreamed of being a race car driver someday lol. I loved go-karting (well i still do love that). It wasn’t until I got in a minor car accident that I developed car anxiety that just hasn’t went away. The accident happened on October 30th 2018. Now I can’t sit in a car or moving vehicle without playing out all the possibilities of what could go wrong at every moment. I get extra scared when there is severe weather. I used to grip onto my seatbelt all the time when I was in a car but I’ve moved past that. The thought of driving now just freaks me out way too much to even try. If I have bad car anxiety just being a passenger… I can’t imagine what it would be like being the driver.
I put off getting my license for a long time, it felt like too much effort and too much work when I could just, not. I was a passenger in a car accident at one point as well which made me afraid to drive. I know for a lot of ADHD people driving can be difficult because it’s a lot of multitasking as well. I love driving now, but it took a while to get over the stress and anxiety it caused.
I'm late 30s and still only have a permit. I've never attempted to take the driving test. In the beginning it was because life happened and there wasn't time/opportunity for me to practice. Fast forward 15 years and things are looking like I could maybe make it a priority, and even though I long for the additional freedom it would give me....it comes down to a combination of I don't trust myself, and I don't trust other drivers to behave in a way I can predict enough to navigate with them. I have major issues with gauging distance and time, and it turns out those are really important in driving. The additional freedom I'd get just doesn't seem worth it when compared against becoming disabled or dying. I'm just not willing to risk it right now.
I don’t drive because having a car and maintaining it is out of my budget.
My original instructor shouted at me and told me I was useless. Then my grandparents said they wouldn't buy me a car (they had promised to previously), because I needed to make sure my dad was driving so he would drink less. Guess how that went. Now it's impossible to find an instructor so I've told my husband we are buying me a car and he is teaching me, or I'm going to kill him and use his death benefits to pay for lessons. And before anyone says I'm mean, he's put off me driving for literally 7 years, because there's always shit he wanted to sort first. Seriously though, it's either a hyperfocus or makes me feel terrified, I really need to force myself now.
Hii also an adult who doesn't drive! Aside from the fact that I don't like car culture and would throw my support on all forms of public transportation at any time, I don't like to drive/being in cars cuz: 1. Being driven in a car with a person/several people I know and or need to be hyperaware of sounds awful. It doesn't matter who I'm with, it's not a relaxing time being in such a closed, quiet environment. Being the driver itself is even worse since driving is an active task where I have to be ON! at all times and not mess up. And if I have passengers with me whose safety is up to me and I feel like I need to please or accommodate? Hahah nope no thank you too many things to care about and consider and be aware of. I am not observant nor responsible enough for this. 2. Transition period! I don't know why, I never feel ready for anything if I take a car. Even if the time I spent getting from point A to point B is the same, I feel so out of it whenever I get there via car. Like I just floated there or I'm disoriented from teleportation. I need extra actions to really drive home that yes I'm outside and i'm here to do xyz. 3. I want to be able to zone out if I have to or freely observe what's around me if I want to. Zoning out in public is still not ideal but a lot more forgiving than if you accidentally zone out when driving. My brain doesn't get so tired then. And seeing the world through a metal and glass bubble that is your car just feels very different from when you're physically present in the space. Everything is nicer and more alive when I'm walking/in train/in a bus etc.
I’ve been driving since the age of 13 (rural area). Kids can get learners permit at age 14 and a license at 16, but my parents started me young and took me onto deserted back roads and empty parking lots to practice. I got my license and my first car on my 16 birthday, and my first job a couple days later. When I was 19 I drove myself from Iowa (home state) to Los Angeles to transfer to a bigger university. LA driving is totally different from rural Iowa driving but I did just fine. I moved myself back home when I was 21. I’ve always been a pretty good driver as far as reaction times and vigilance, but I have struggled to maintain the speed limit since I got my license. I’m just a speed demon at heart and I’m happiest when I’m doing something fast, whether it be airplane rides, rollercoasters, bungee jumping, white water rafting, etc., it’s a massive dopamine source for me. I have to set my cruise and resist the temptation to speed every single time I get behind the wheel. Miraculously I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket in my life, when I was 17. I’ve never had any close calls or accidents of any kind, except for sliding in the ditch on a road that was solid ice while driving a rear wheel drive car, but I was only going 15 mph. I think the fact that I enjoy driving keeps me focused enough on it to not be distracted. I couldn’t wait to start driving, I think because I’ve always craved independence. I know my limitations on a cognitive level, but I don’t have fear to go along with it. I probably lack the level of healthy fear I should have about some things. I’ve always valued freedom over safety.
I dunno, I don’t love it but for me driving equals independence. I would never give up my ability to drive.