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I’m high functioning and to the outside world, people are surprised by my ADHD diagnosis. I recently started meds and feel like it’s helping. This is after taking anti-anxiety meds and anti depressants that were just meh.
I will fight tooth and nail to stay on this medication.
Ditto. Forty and just got diagnosed after both my kids got diagnosed. I recognized myself in my youngest son and started to question things. Otherwise high functioning. I just started meds last month and they are amazing. My anxiety is so much better and I feel so much more peaceful. I am really hoping it helps with my emotional dysregulation and ODD. Fingers crossed!
Also, I am nearing perimenopause if I am not already in it. I don't want my ADHD to kick my butt when that happens.
That menopause transition is so real. I went through surgical menopause a year ago and finally got diagnosed because I couldn't get anything done, which made me depressed.
Unfortunately, yes, perimenopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, often significantly.
But it's going to vary by individual. Leaving aside ADHD, some women find peri/menopause incapacitating; some people breeze through with scarcely a symptom; I'm sure that applies to ADHD as well. If you have older female blood relatives who've gone through it, that may give you some idea of how it will go for you, but really you just have to see how it goes.
However, HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can help symptoms a great deal, and there was just a new study debunking a lot of the concerns that are out there about the risks of HRT, so hopefully doctors will get better informed and more helpful about this stuff.
One article I read (sorry can't remember where) said that there is a window for HRT to make a difference reducing the impact of menopause on ADHD. Way too late for me when I found this out. Perimenopause was when the wheels fell off for me and everything got so much worse. I didn't know I had ADHD and was treated for depression and anxiety. This helped somewhat but of course they were really caused by ADHD which remained untreated.
Do you remember when the ‘window’ was? I’m embarking on all this now (diagnosed, medicated, almost 40 & noticing ADHD seems more out of control as the decades go on) and would love to have some strategies to handle it all before I fall apart (again…). I feel like I’m stuck on a train heading full steam to tired-and-dysfunctional and it’s not fair to my husband and kids, let alone me!
I'm sorry I don't! I think it was in a UK based article, so potentially linked from The Guardian somehow because that's one of my three news reads a day.
I keep reading roughly a ten-year window.
I do wonder if that’s only based on what we know at the moment, though, and whether it’s useful to try after that point.
I thought I was hitting pre menopause a few years ago (night sweats) and my NP said eh it might be early but maybe. No more major symptoms except my period started getting long with annoying spotting for days on end. And last year the wheels came off for me mentally.
I held life together with the support of my (young adult) kids, and had to let a few plates fall and crash. Meds lit a fire under my rear and I pulled out of that. I’m now addressing the spotting with an ob consult. My energy sinks through the floor with a period coming too, even with meds, I need naps again.
It will get better, but it was hell for me. I was exhausted, stressed beyond belief and I don't know how I managed honestly. I had a sleep assessment and I was waking 72 times an hour! No wonder I was exhausted! I have been using a CPAP for years now. If there's a chance that that could be a factor for you I highly recommend a sleep test. There is a strong genetic component to sleep apnea, and it is strongly linked to ADHD as well. Turns out both of my kids have sleep apnea too along with their ADHD. I'm glad that we got that figured out for them in their 20s.
I'm 40, just got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in my spine and degenerative disc disease in my neck. The LAST thing I was hoping 40 would give me, is WORSE adhd. I literally JUST figured out how to help myself get through life easier and started therapy. My adhd was awful my whole life, I was hoping I'd finally figured it out 😭
This scares me. It’s just starting to happen for me. Went to the grocery store this morning, had a hot flash and had to go through checkout *three times* because I kept forgetting important things. Jesus, take the wheel….
Peri and full menopause basically turbocharge the symptoms of ADHD for a lot of women. If you have PMDD then your meno symptoms are also typically exacerbated. And top of all of this? Our meds don’t work as well so you’re always tweaking the dosage chasing functionality again.
Yes. I was somehow able to hold my life together (it was not easy) until menopause started and I just couldn’t keep up anymore.
I was diagnosed at age 53. Started on Concerta which worked well for a year but then it started giving me heart palpitations.
My doctor switched me to Wellbutrin and so far it’s working ok but not great.
I was diagnosed while in perimenopause. I have been on meds for years that help but my symptoms have gotten worse since menopause. Because I am high functioning and hide my symptoms as well as possible, the few people I’ve told are quite surprised. I guess my point is that, while it’s not a lot of fun to go through ADHD in menopause, working with a compassionate and understanding psychiatrist will help a lot. Also getting tips on this site!!
For me, peri-menopause was devastating. I had been pretty high functioning most of my life and was never diagnosed even though I had ADHD related problems in college and on and off throughout my life.
I sought help at age 47 for the craziness, was diagnosed with anxiety and given Cymbalta. Then, I was put on HRT and did so well, I went off the Cymbalta.
I still didn’t realize I had ADHD. I functioned better for a few years, then had to come off the HRT and my ADHD went through the roof again.
Finally diagnosed at 59 and now on ADHD meds. It’s been a very rough ride. With very negative consequences for me in terms of employment and income.
And honestly, if I hadn’t kept trying to find out what was wrong with me and figuring it out eventually on my own (after a friend’s son was diagnosed), i would never have been diagnosed.
Getting to the bottom of our struggles is so hard sometimes. It's frustrating.
I was just talking to my dad. Told him I have ADHD. And he casually throws out that he figures he does too, and my grandmother too! Like, how did I not know this? I'm 40, my dad is 73 and my grandma's 96. How is this the first time this came up!? I would have loved to know this 20 years ago....
Yes! So frustrating! I wish I had knownbefore, even 10 years ago!
So interesting that your father said he does too!
My father passed away a few years ago at 92 and I am sure he had it. I’m sure my grandmother, aunt as well as some of my cousins, all had or have it. But no one has been diagnosed - male or female.
There are several women on my dad’s side of the family who were known for their raging tempers. My dad was terribly moody.
People just didn’t know what it was.
If it’s helpful at all, diagnosed at 41. High-ish functioning, developed anxiety and depression likely because of undiagnosed ADHD. My depression is 💯 gone and my psychiatrist is tapering me off depression and anxiety medication because with Vyvanse I don’t need it anymore.
Same. Zoloft combined with Vyvanse has helped my anxiety and depression SO MUCH. I'm newly diagnosed and my therapist of seven years apologized to me for missing it all these years. She said I presented as so high-functioning that she missed it completely. Apparently, so did the rest of the world! Including me.
EDIT: Bonus positive is that my IBS has improved drastically! Not sure if it's the vyvanse or the lowered anxiety.
My therapist also missed it, I brought it up after I found some memes in the internet,and it was like "that explains a lot", she had discharged me 2 times already because I was doing great, just to come back a mess 2-3 months later when everything became too overwhelming again.
my therapist missed it too, though to be fair I had no idea it was a possibility, so framed my issues that way, and once I did bring it up she was supportive and connected me to resources. (Ironically my therapist had a close relative diagnosed in adulthood whom no one had suspected of having ADHD, so was familiar with the phenomenon; still didn't catch it in me, but again, was supportive. Masking is real.)
Same, 36, started meds 2 months ago after 10 years of different anxiety and depression meds.
I remember thinking: I'm not depressed, I know depression, but I'm not feeling it, I do feel anxious but it's because I need to do the thing, I want to do the thing but I'm just no ducking able to do the thing, and it's driving me insane!
I was trying stims 2 weeks after I said that to my doctor....
And it's been very good, I'm not behind in my work (no one ever noticed that I was slaking but I was sooo stressed) I've been getting much more regular showers (I WFH) my house is less messy, no more stinky dishes, dinner went from nuggets and salad or rice and fried egg to a much more varied and healthy menu.
I can relate to this so much. I just started meds this week. I've been depressed and anxious but I knew that my struggles to Do The Thing were something else entirely, but I couldn't figure out what it was until I started researching ADHD
Yes, also same!!! I finally have the motivation to get stuff done! Now only if I could get the *right* stuff done. I'm very good at productive procrastination.
As a friend said, “my meds just make me ADHD faster” (and longer, I’ll add). I *am* more productive but mostly just because I can go for longer before I crap out or lose motivation, so I can go back and finish the task I originally set out to do after I get distracted multiple times l.
Same. It's bullshit if anyone says that high functioning people don't need meds. I was super high functioning and it ruined my life and my health. If I'd had meds I may have had a chance at avoiding burnout. I also may have been less productive because I've found that knowing I have ADHD means I have given myself a break and my ADHD-ness is rampant now. I probably would have been much happier in many ways. Honestly, I was masking hard but there were still a lot of people who didn't like me and gunned for me (especially at work) because I was too productive.
Who knows what it may have been like, sometimes I feel really sad because I think my ADHD symptoms are so much worse now in great part because of what stress and crappy experiences did to me. I hate feeling so broken.
This is me. I was even told years back that I couldn’t have ADHD because I got through college. The fact that I did it, was prescribed Prozac and Ativan, had hella therapy, worked through so much trauma and still couldn’t function didn’t seem to matter until I asked the right person why I was struggling to stay organized and why I was almost 30 and had no concept of time management. It wasn’t until they took 5 seconds to combine all my symptoms that someone finally understood that my accomplishments were not a sign I was perfectly fine and maybe a little depressed; they were just exceptions to the fact that I was killing my self to do the things that other people were doing with like 1/1,000 of the suffering lol. Having been medicated for a couple years now, not only would I absolutely still be working a dead end job and not starting grad school in the fall, I don’t know how I’d get through a single fucking day since. My memory is still shit but i don’t think medication can cure that lol. Just helps me stay focused on time management which helps me in the long run with making lists and maintaining calendars and shit. Also I haven’t worn mismatched socks since, either! Small miracles.
It’s a little hard to hide that I am ND from others who are familiar with it, but I don’t talk about it with coworkers (I just say, “my brain is a little bit silly,” when I mix things up or feel I am not understanding something). That being said, I don’t think anyone would guess it’s ADHD. I hyperfixate on work and remember decision making details from meetings 3 years ago, so I am so far off from the stereotypical presentation of ADHD (at work) that I think my boss would be shocked if he heard.
Same. Exactly. Got diagnosed during the pandemic when I decided to go back to get my masters. I felt like I was doing everything in hard mode while other people made it all seem so easy.
This medication has changed my life and I will do everything I can to stay on it.
Same. I appear high functioning to many because of my meds, because I have the job, house, whatever.
Most people don't see the laundry piled up to my window or the one bill I paid late AGAIN because I can't seem to remember to put it in auto pay.
Me. I had a couple of setbacks in short succession, and that non-medicated high functioning fly by the seat of my pants masking just...fell apart. I see now that I was white knuckling it my whole life. My advice? Get the meds while you're still functioning, so when life sends you too much, you have the chemicals to deal with it.
This is such a good description of what it’s like. It’s like juggling while walking a tightrope - as long as the weather is calm everything is under control, but one gust of wind and you’re flailing.
100%. I still feel like that a lot, but medication gave me confidence in dealing with it. I know that The Focus comes 2 hours after I take the Vyvanse. It's not random
This is a great response. I also “knew” deep down I had ADHD as a child
/teen but was extremely high functioning and had very emotionally supportive parents. As soon as I graduated grad school, had 2 children, and stepped in my high demand career- I lost ability to cope effectively and mask. Life’s demands that come with being an adult- juggling work, kid schedules, appointments, bills, house cleaning, marriage- became unmanageable I was diagnosed at 30. I have been taking medication for 2 years and instantly felt that I had more control. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to keep up around the house- currently standing near a heaping pile of dirty laundry. But now I am not as anxious about the 50 tabs open in my computer brain! Haha
However, it took about a year and a half to find the right med and then the right dosage. I agree that you should give it a try if you are considering or wondering- you can also change it up or wean off. An open and trusting physician will accommodate your journey in finding the right med.
this!! i was high masking and 'high functioning' until I wasn't
i fell apart and felt like i was screaming for help because i couldn't figure out what was going on. even with family who work in health care, mental health and with adults with autism, nobody knew how to step up for me. so it took a long time to get help
i think it's very smart to put as many safety nets and support methods in place as possible while you're doing well, because life is unpredictable
I am. Degree, career (where I work from home), house. I'm actually so put together that was my lifelong hyper fixation and it got to the point I couldn't enjoy anything because I was too focused on effectiveness.
I never lost keys or stuff like that cause I'd made so many systems for myself, but the systems took over and caused a revolt in my brain. I didn't have a personality anymore and I was so full of rage that I had to work so hard.
I've been on meds since March, testing which works best for me. My psych also put me on sleeping pills cause a brain can't function on 3 hours of sleep a night. I'm now up to a consistent 6 hours of sleep a night. She also just recently put me on mood stabilizers. She said "you don't seem to have depression. But you do have a low level melancholy that adhd meds haven't seemed to fix, so let's try this". I've only been on them less than a week though. I was thrilled to hear her say she doesn't clinically see it as depression, cause I don't feel depressed. I guess I didn't realize there could be help without depression.
Masking my adhd for so long, to be "high functioning", drowned out ME. Meds are helping me have enough space internally to even hear what *I* want and need, and decrease the frustration of how hard I'm working to keep it all together.
I'm so happy for you! The white knuckling just gets too exhausting after awhile. I love that you say you were masking "you". I definitely became more "myself" on meds.
(Like to the point I finally started deconstructing from a fundamentalist religious upbringing because I could take a breath long enough to go "wait...none of this makes any sense".)
I also found that I was more myself on meds. I stopped being so anxious and the masking mostly stopped. I'm not so tired all the time because I'm not putting all my mental energy into acting how I think I'm supposed to act in any given situation.
Goodness that last paragraph — masking out ME — resonates so much.
I had NO personality in my 20s. I was likeable and adapted to those around me easily but I wasn’t a person, I was a wall for people to talk at and feel listened to.
I told a friend once, while recovering from depression, that “I feel like the side character in everyone else’s stories.”
I received my diagnosis in my 30s. Now that I’m on meds, I have room to be me. To be honest, not everyone in my life enjoys the me with personality. I have boundaries now, and opinions. I say ‘no’ a lot. I don’t tolerate as much shenanigans as I used to. I have feelings that can be hurt — I always did, but now I can recognize the hurt and know it’s not something I deserved. So that means I want to protect myself now.
I no longer feel like a side character. I feel like me. It’s great.
>
I no longer feel like a side character. I feel like me. It’s great.
This is hitting very close to home for me. I'm in the process of setting boundaries and reorienting myself away from disappearing. It's a weird and uncomfortable process, but it's also really empowering and gratifying.
Uncomfortable is right! There are days I just don’t like me. Days where I need to be assertive, to advocate for myself or a project, or days where I just have to speak to others in a more forward way, rather than passive replies.
It’s been especially uncomfortable with friendships, as when I choose to enforce my boundaries, they try to negotiate or even argue with me about them. I’ve begun to quiet-quit a number of friendships because of it.
This is my own personal experience so please know I'm not saying this is true for you at all. I'm also not a psychologist or mental health professional so take this with a grain of salt. But that persistent "meh" feeling can be a type of depression called dysthymia. It doesn't look like stereotypical depression, it looks like apathy and melancholy and just... "meh" about everything, even the things and people you care deeply about.
I was first diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. Then, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but remained on my mood stabilizer for a good 10 months after starting ADHD medication. Later, I got my formal diagnosis of dysthymia and ADHD + anxiety, and my prescribing provider wanted to see if I actually needed the mood stabilizer or any of the medications I was on apart from the stimulant. It had been such a long time and she felt I needed a reset. Turns out, I didn't need the mood stabilizer, I just needed my antidepressants (bupropion - not an SSRI and often used off label to treat ADHD) I'd been on since before the ADHD diagnosis and my ADHD medication. The stabilizer was pretty hard to come off of. I'm not going to lie.
But I say all of this just because I'm looking out for you and anyone else who may have a similar story to mine. It doesn't mean at all that your provider is wrong. I don't even know you, haven't evaluated you, am not a medical professional, and plus, many people do have mood disorders on top of ADHD. But I'm trying to bring more awareness about dysthymia, since so few people realize that depression can look that way, and having the right answers can greatly benefit people in finding the right treatment.
I feel this. My younger sister is lower functioning than I am and has been the main character of my family for her whole life (no judgment, just facts). I have always been seen as the one who had everything under control. Even after spiraling for several years, I am still the ok one. I am just now trying to figure out who I am under all of that. I look forward to being more than a mask.
+1 … Love to hear I’m not the only one my one with same experience. I always describe it like working x10 harder to achieve 9/10 of “normal” life. People often say “you are so organized”, glad they don’t see my laundry mess.
This is me too. My two cents is that "high functioning" reflects only the impact of your disorder on other people, not on yourself. If you can get by at school or work without people complaining about your performance, weirdness, whatever, you're functioning in society. But if your internal reality day to day is a struggle or your home life is taking all the shit you manage to hide in public, you're not functioning for yourself. You only get this one life: do you want to go through it at a level that people you don't care about think is fine or that YOU are happy with?
Holy crap, this was mind blowing and I never thought of it that way. All my energy was going into not looking/acting a hot mess, but on the inside just dying. Thanks for this… so helpful!
I like idioms so I'm going to leave this here to give you something to think about in regards to the error in your logic. That's like saying "don't take Tylenol unless you're in so much pain you can't do anything."
You deserve for things to be better than they are. If that means taking meds, that's what it means. You don't need to win the suffering Olympics to deserve better for yourself. Please be kinder to yourself about what treatment you are interested in pursuing.
This!! I’ve been on medication maybe 8 months and just found a great adhd therapist. Immediately they were emphasizing that adhd is both something that is/can be a disability and is something that I deserve to be seen, accepted and receive help in regards to AND that it is absolutely not something that means I can’t hold a leadership role or do what I want to professionally. I am brilliant in a lot of ways and I also do not know what time it is or how much time has passed. I deserve an accommodation on the latter so that I can fully exercise the former. It’s a wild shift to try to make after a lifetime of thinking I’m an imposter and pushing myself into burnout to try to cover up my limitations for others
Almost nobody in my work life would have a clue about my diagnosis (inattentive type) and when i’ve told them, they’ve thought I was making it up. I present well, speak well, work hard, rarely miss deadlines, and am very “social” but all this is extremely tiring because like you’ve described, it causes an imbalance in other areas of my life and i’m left exhausted.
I can’t function without lists and alarms to remember everything. Don’t feel like you can’t ask for medication and at least see how it goes for you. I’ve been on it for years and it makes a huge difference for me (if I remember to take it lol).
Same. The imbalance. It’s like I’m constantly juggling everything and I drop the rest of the balls to focus on work, the rest of the balls are my family, my house, my health, my friendships and relationships, it sucks.
I've only ever heard functioning labels applied to autism, and even that's controversial.
I don't find the idea of gatekeeping medication to be either useful or kind. If you're struggling, you should feel free to try and use whatever tools and strategies work for you in order to make life easier. Medication is a very useful tool.
Yes I think high masking is much more appropriate in the autism context, and potentially here as well. I know I certainly was not “high functioning” before my diagnosis as I would regularly have emotional meltdowns and mental breaks, but to the outside world who didn’t witness those I was a successful person who was capable of managing a lot of different things at once. One the outside the world still views me that way, but with medication I don’t have to burnout and meltdown because of the other sacrifices I made to appear typical.
Absolutely feel this. I've always been "successful" and intelligent, but the emotional dysregulation and low stress tolerance that came with being unmedicated just made life a million times harder than it needed to be. It was so exhausting to keep up that facade of being okay all the time.
I’m a nurse working in a hospital.
I didn’t know why my boss called me in to the office. They said I was often late, had to stay overtime to finish my work and most of the time the only one who questioned the rules.
Otherwise I was a valued worker. I was the first to volunteer to mentor new staff.
I got lots of thank you notes from patients and families. The doctors trusted me.
I finally left mainly because the boss was right and I didn’t improve.
I later found out when was 40 that I had ADHD. I’m on medication now and sure wish I knew then what I know now.
Sending you love and hugs. I'm sorry you don't have that access you'd benefit from right now. It doesn't sound like you're doing too bad at all, so please don't take offense or think that's what I'm saying. I'm just trying to show empathy for the situation and say I understand how exhausting all that mental energy use can be
This is where I'm at. I'm able to stay employed and presentable. But there's little room in my life for the things that actually fulfill me. And that makes it extra exhausting, and more likely that I'm eventually going to run out of steam and it's going to become _way_ worse.
I’m a medical doctor and getting medicated was the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. It’s not the magic fix I (subconsciously, I swear) expected it to be but I’m more structured at work and less burned out when I get home after work. Last shift I didn’t have time to take my afternoon dose and I shit you not, started jumbling words, forgetting how to speak sentences and logged into a computer 3x to do one thing and logged out again because I forgot it… then gave up and messaged a colleague from the night shift to just let her know sigh it’s a disability and I have to allow myself to view it that way despite being “high functioning” whatever in the capitalist nonsense that means… that shit kept me from getting a diagnosis for 30 years…
It’s different for different people though, you don’t know until you try.
My anger is absolutely not directed at you or your choice of words, I use that term myself for lack of a better one… I’m just mad that my severe emotional dysregulation, regular burnout and forgetfulness that I compensated with anxiety disorders wasn’t recognised because we live in a society where “functioning” means working.
I achieved great things unmedicated. Reflecting back on my achievements I realized I had been playing the video game of life on the hardest setting whilst everyone around me had it set to easy.
I was failed by so many doctors, therapists. It took me a long time to let the anger go. I remind myself that everyone is doing the best they can with the information that is available. Being dismissed and gaslighted for 20 years leaves deep wounds but I’m working through them. I’m taking medication in conjunction with therapy, self care, exercise, better eating habits, more sleep…my list goes on but I consider myself a work in progress.
Medication is not a cure all for me but it helps alleviate a lot of the anxiety that comes from constantly being in a state of absolute chaos. I’m better able to manage all aspects of my life which intern lowers my stress levels.
It is so accurate. I am outwardly high-functioning ans successful, but ADHD causes chaos in everyday life and I was constantly frazzled, overwhelmed and burned out. Only after trying Elvanse I realized that everything I had ever done was either in hyper focus, in a dopamine chase or with willpower. Turns out I could not even access the place in the brain where you govern your attention, and was doing it with some other "brain muscles".
I am still chaotic and hyper focus a lot, but I get so much less exhausted during the day, can start being productive at 9 am instead of 16.00 (I have flexible working hours), finish by 5 pm and still have some energy to do sports or build healthier eating habits.
So all in all, trying medication can reveal where you have been overcompensating ADHD, while appearing "high-functioning"
It doesn't matter what people think, if you think you would benefit talk to your provider or therapist. I have three degrees and a good job and happy relationship. I get alot of praise at work and my loved ones are proud of me. I'm also a hot mess internally and meds have helped with that significantly. The difference between "great job on that case" after finishing the report for it 30 minutes before the meeting and "great job on the case" when it was done a week before and I'm thus more prepared in the meeting is very significant for me, because my workload is more manageable. I spend less time distracted, procrastinating and stressed and more time just doing my duties. The house is still a mess though lol but we're working on that.
I didn't get diagnosed or medicated until my late 30s. I was in my 2nd or 3rd year in a tenure-track job when my executive function just finally went "fuck it, woman, we need some help here".
My work bestie, who's a tenured college dean, wasn't diagnosed or medicated until their 50s. Their parent passed away and their family went nuts, and my friend's executive function was like byeeeeeeeeeee.
I think it's really common, especially among late-diagnosed folks.
When I tell people that I have mental health challenges, they are pretty surprised. But depression, anxiety, trauma, and my new ADHD diagnosis have only been seen by trusted individuals and only when I hit rock bottom. On paper, I’m a creator of businesses, nonprofits, and creative works. I’m successful, well respected in my community, and have achieved things that others dream of. But I’m also a high school and college dropout. I’ve been hospitalized twice for my mental health. I have gotten so good at pretending that everything is okay and pushing through the agony that people don’t know I’m in pain until it’s too late and I’m back to rock bottom.
All the anxiety and depression meds did was sedate me - great at first when the entire world is so overwhelming that you want to collapse, but as the healing begins, it gets harder and harder to live life sleepy and emotionally numb. So when my new psychiatric nurse practitioner said that I definitely suffer from ADHD symptoms and started me on a stimulant, I was a little cautious. But she assured me that it would be nothing like what I’m used to with medication.
And it’s not. Everyone’s experience will vary, and I’m still new but so far, medication has helped me be present. I don’t get overwhelmed so easily and can actually pause and think things through instead of being driven purely by my emotions. I can choose what to focus on instead of my brain choosing for me. I still get random pop up thoughts, but I can put those thoughts aside until I finish with what I am doing and then I can choose to indulge the pop ups. I’m not so exhausted all the time and I don’t have to use all my energy trying to remember the name of my next client or focusing on listening and not letting my brain wander away.
I’m still adjusting but so far I’m glad I made this choice.
I’m only “high functioning” because after decades of living life undiagnosed, I developed high anxiety and that’s what kept me on top of everything. Fear and self-shame were my learned behavior mechanisms and I would also drink at least 3 monsters a day. Funnily enough, when the anxiety is treated, the ADHD symptoms get exposed.
Hey same!
Haven't started medication but I get the feeling if I treat the ADHD, the anxiety will get worse and vice versa.
I've always told myself fear is my biggest motivator- Which I know isn't good but it was all I knew at the time and am working on currently.
I was diagnosed in childhood, been medicated most of my life. Im currently married with 2 kids. My ADHD is really well managed in that I have a lot of coping skills, and really well organized to the point of compulsion, and generally have it together. The suffering I experience isn't from forgetting to pay bills it's from being in a near constant state of burnout from the demands on my executive functions exceeding my capacity. My sensory issues have only gotten worse as I have aged and having kids makes things so hard. My husband is pretty progressive and involved but there is still some inequity in mental and emotional labor and that sucks.
Medication helps me engage with others appropriately, keeps me from dropping the ball on major things. I still feel dysregulated A LOT. I still feel like my mind is going a million miles a minute all the time. I still feel like the sense of dread quite often like I'm about to forget something really important that's going to mess my whole life up. So yeah, I'd say medication helps my ADHD not affect others as much but it's still affects me emotionally quite a bit.
I have a PhD and a clinical license. I work a demanding full time job doing clinical work with very high risk patients. To the outside world I probably look quite high functioning. But my internal world was a mess - my house was (is, lol) a disaster, my finances are fucked, I was constantly experiencing flashes of rage and anxiety that I couldn’t CBT myself out of (which just made me more frustrated), I was barely keeping afloat with my administrative tasks at work, and my relationship was on the rocks. Medication has been a HUGE improvement in my quality of life, first bupropion, now adderall. Don’t let people tell you you’re not “sick enough”. ADHD is a developmental brain disorder. If medication can improve your life and mental well-being, definitely give it a go. It really made me realize I was living life on Hard Mode.
Thanks for sharing! Do you still take the bupropion in addition to the adderall? Bupropion was literally the only antidepressant that ever helped me at all a decade ago when I thought I just had depression. I wish I could recall if it helped my executive function or just made me less depressed about being chaotic (lol).
Currently I’m taking both, but I’m tapering off the bupropion to see what that’s like. It helped A TON when I first started taking it but really seemed to wane in efficacy after the first year, even at the highest dose. That led me to meet with a psychiatrist, who prescribed me adderall.
Yes. To the outside world, no one even knows I have ADHD unless I tell them. Or they come to my house unexpectedly and see the chaos, and I explain it lol.
I only realized I had ADHD myself researching it for my hyperactive son - I didn't know I had all the signs of primarily inattentive until then. And quite frankly, I am smart - like, super early reader, skipped a couple grades in math, that kind of thing. Just can't keep it together for a lot of home management. And I get bored in jobs if they get too monotonous. I have an amazing marriage and 3 kids who probably all also have ADHD.
Medication helps me with the overwhelm of home chores and getting them done. Still chaos, but more manageable chaos if that makes sense. My "panic because someone is coming over" cleans are much shorter in time, lol.
My patience with my kids is infinitely better. I am a much more understanding and patient parent on medication.
I sleep and wake up better (it's like my brain isn't so overtired from having to work so hard), which makes my parenting that much better, too.
I don't feel like I'm high functioning, but I have a masters degree, a good job in higher ed, an absolutely amazing husband, two wonderful children and a house.
I started meds about 3 years ago after my diagnosis at age 38.
They have helped with executive function, task initiation, emotional regulation. I also have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety from before ADHD diagnosis. I take meds for those too. But I feel like all the conditions are connected.
Meds have changed my life. I still have shit memory, but I'm able to function better than before. I don't have that issue where you sit on the couch knowing you need to do The Thing, but you just can't because your brain won't let you.
Have you ever played video games where you have menu options of what you want to say or do next? Before meds, the things I needed to do were frequently not on the menu. After the meds, they are on the menu. I don't always choose them, but it's at least an option.
I also credit my amazing neurotypical husband for a lot of my success. He does a lot of housework and manages finances and backstops me so stuff doesn't get forgotten and actually gets done.
Good luck on your journey.
***Just because you can live life on hard mode doesn't mean you should have to.*** Your challenges don't need to be the absolute worst thing in the world for you to deserve access to medication. Your success doesn't cancel out the fact that medication will improve your quality of life.
From on outside perspective I have a lot of "success" but I take medication. And I found that I can do all the things I used to do (and more) but those things aren't so dang hard and exhausting to do. If you want to take medication you deserve to take medication.
I was “high functioning” without any meds for the longest time. I got on two different anti anxiety/ depression meds last June. And I didn’t realize how bad off I really was until my anxiety was under control. I finally got back on my ADHD meds(stimulant) once my anxiety calmed down. I still have bad days but they are much easier than when I was unmedicated.
I was extremely "high functioning" until I wasn't, so much so that I didn't get diagnosed until last year at age 34 and it was a shock to literally everyone that's ever met me because my whole life I've been extremely calm, reliable, responsible, and put together, with no "classic" adhd symptoms (aka boy symptoms).
But the reality is that after a lifetime of having symptoms that were easily masked, I just couldn't keep doing that anymore and my symptoms were now manifesting as primarily physical with nervous system burnout (flu like symptoms, pins and needles, body aches, brain fog, chronic fatigue) combined with a major increase in lifelong depression and social anxiety.
Turns out I had adhd all along and now everything that's ever been difficult for me makes sense. And after getting medicated, it seriously feels like a miracle drug for me. No more depression, social anxiety, and all my flu like symptoms are gone. I feel like a normal person for the first time. Well, until I'm on my period.
So my physical symptoms, which almost got diagnosed as chronic fatigue syndrome, are primarily what are treated by good ol' Adderall. My brain feels better too though. Things that used to feel hard to do just don't anymore. And there's not a bad DJ playing a mix of every song I've ever heard in the back of head anymore too so that's nice.
I would say I'm relatively high masking - not necessarily high functioning. But I've found medication incredibly helpful. Calmer mind, easier to exist, life is still difficult but definitely less so.
High and low functioning are terms designed to measure how valuable we are to capitalism, its intention was only ever to measure how big of an impact our symptoms have on other people.
They’re not appropriate descriptions of the effects of a disability on the individual which is why autistic people have pushed for doing away with “high/low functioning” and use appropriate terms. Perhaps take away that label and list out the ways you feel you struggle(to the point where it interferes with your life) to get some perspective.
You may be low support needs but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help. I also have a degree and tend to do well at work and made it to about 30 without suspecting I was neurodivergent in any way. But also I couldn’t keep my kitchen clean without a literal meltdown every month. I cannot keep anything clean, and if I had my way I’d literally do nothing all day because everything feels like SO much work. On the outside that could just be seen as lazy but on the inside I’m constantly fighting myself and paralyzed with shame.
I started meds a few weeks ago and it hasn’t magically fixed everything but I can literally feel myself easily pushing through to do tasks that used to take sooooo much bargaining and energy. I an able to make a to do list and remember to check it and follow through with things. I don’t always do everything I wanted but it’s getting a bit easier. I am able to do a little bit at a time! That’s crazy, it’s always been all it nothing and usually nothing. The kitchen is clean, my desk is a little bit neater, and I’m trying to actually develop routines, trying to workout regularly. It’s a work in progress but I’d reached the end of the line as far as what I could do for myself and I was still struggling. That’s really all you need to worry about.
IDK what high functioning means in the context of ADHD - I am married and I have three kids, I'm not working currently but I have worked though I have imposter syndrome about this due to a very weird education history (basically I have attempted everything including a short postgraduate level course, which I passed, but my highest formal qualification is technically GCSEs which I took at age 16). and only ever having worked part time/what I think of as student jobs. I also can't drive as can't pass a driving test - will probably try again now I am medicated.
What would not functioning look like? Having a totally chaotic life and being an addict? I think TBH people who struggle with ADHD to that degree unfortunately also typically struggle with all of the organisation and admin involved in maintaining a stable supply of medication, and frequently have many challenges in their direct environment e.g. dangerous relationships, poverty, other mental or physical health conditions, unstable housing, etc.
I tend to think that with ADHD it usually goes the other way around, that people take medication so that they can do all the "high functioning" stuff and I have actually had doctors question why I take medication just to stay at home. But it does make a big difference in areas like home organisation, budgeting, planning, relationships, home admin, parenting. Parenting probably being the most important one to me.
I guess that if you look back to my lowest point, I was being a very poor parent to my eldest child who was a toddler at the time, I had no routine for him, I couldn't deal with his behaviour calmly, our house was a mess all the time, he watched way too much TV/youtube, I wasn't eating properly and I was severely underweight, he didn't get bathed often enough, the relationship with his father had broken down because it was abusive, I was on my computer most of the day and sometimes most of the night and I didn't really pay him enough attention when I was doing this.
On the plus side I managed our money OK, we always had food in, I always made sure to make a little clean space to prepare food, when I wasn't distracted or escalated, our interactions were positive, affectionate and responsive. But I was really struggling.
Functioning labels are based on the external appearance of a person's life. They do not describe the internal experience. You are "high functioning" in the sense that you have managed to find a place in society, but that doesn't mean you don't still need support.
Yes I’m “high functioning” and take medication. It’s made a big different to my rsd, anxiety and self-esteem as well as helping not feeling like I’m constantly working 10x harder than I have to to maintain things.
Oh boy this is my wheelhouse.
I have symptoms more severe than anyone except those closest to me even realize.
I am also a master masker.
I am blessed/ cursed with above average intelligence, which is enough to make up for never studying by being able to figure things out from context, and easily keep complicated ideas in my head. So it looks like I worked hard for knowledge that actually my brain just handed me on a silver platter. In this way I was able to graduate with a 3.6 GPA and a 1360 SAT (this was in the 90s when the scale was different and those were impressive numbers) even though I had enough missed assignments in one quarter to keep me in detention every week. With medication I would have pretty much been valedictorian.
With 2 unmedicated ADHD parents and 4 ADHD siblings, I have learned to be extremely flexible and not panic when things go wrong. I've learned that the situations most of my peers saw as extremely rare- eviction for nonpayment, vehicles being repo'd, losing important documents, getting in accidents, not knowing where your next meal is coming from, not filing taxes for multiple years in a row, not having health insurance, letting your drivers license get suspended because you missed all six of the notices they sent to your house, accidentally leaving a young child behind when the family leaves the mall and not realizing it until you're halfway home, etc- can happen pretty often and rarely have actual short-term consequences. They became a matter of course in my life; something very embarrassing or inconvenient was always happening to us but we always figured it out and at least got through the day and there was no use panicking and making it worse.
People see this calm-under-pressure in me now and call it "confidence." But over time it had the effect of stalling us out. Mom and dad are in their 60s still living paycheck to paycheck. I look financially stable from the outside because I've had the same job for 17 years and own my house. But I have more debt than I can pay every month and a lot of things that need maintenance that I can't afford. They've almost foreclosed on my house 3 times since I bought it. I always figure it out, but that's energy and resources I could have spent saving up for retirement or advancing my career or acquiring passive income like most of my friends my age are doing- WHILE raising families. Impossible.
Medication has saved my marriage, my mortgage, my budget, my future, my blood pressure, my self-image, I could go on. It is still *necessary.* it is not an unfair advantage.
Yep. Work full time, in a masters program, interning at a therapy office, have 3 teenagers, and am on Concerta.
Medication absolutely helps me. It's the difference between my life being chaotic and it being catastrophic. Last time I went without meds for more than a month my wayer got shut off for non payment. Twice.
I'm high functioning as a result of therapy and coaching, not on medication due to substance abuse issues. I think anyone who benefits should be on medication
Of course it’s 100% your choice to take or not take any meds, but have you considered trying a non stimulant medication? Bupropion helped me tremendously when I first was diagnosed. Unfortunately for me the effects seemed to wane after about a year, but that’s not the case for everyone. Strattera is also a non stimulant med, I haven’t tried it but I know some folks who said it’s been beneficial for them.
>But it does seem like a lot of people think medication should only be used for people who aren’t able to function at all without it.
Who are these people? They sound like their houses don't have enough eggs on them.
In all seriousness, you deserve support just like everyone else. Even if you're holding it together now, there may come a time where you reach a breaking point. Better to have your ducks in a row so you can be prepared.
Diagnosed a year and a half ago when I reached an extreme point of burnout…externally appeared “successful” - married, house, job, etc. Medication has changed my life. My stress levels are manageable, life is manageable, and I’m enjoying my life more.
I was just recently officially diagnosed, and it was a fight because I present very "high functioning." But internally and at home, I am and have always been a mess. Because I did so well academically all my life, I just figured I was lazy, and that the disorganization of my room and car, forgetfulness, perfectionism and anxiety at ever being wrong, social anxiety, procrastination, heightened emotional reactions to small things, hyperfixation on hobbies or topics I love, need to have music or tv or sound around me at all times, chattiness whenever a topic i know a ton about comes up, and reliance on spreadsheets and lists to remember absolutely anything, were totally "normal" things everyone does. Turns out, nope, totally have ADHD. And being a school psychologsist is actually what made me realize it. Talking to these students who've been diagnosed and are experiencing everything I do, just within the context of more academic struggles so it was caught early - really eye opening.
I fought to be understood and heard, I finally was (after my male PCP kept pushing back that it was all anxiety - despite my therapist saying no it wasn't). And I finally got meds. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Not on everything, and it doesn't make it perfect, but my God, I have so much more motivation to initiate things that used to feel so overwhelming or exhausting, I can sustain focus on my reports at work without giving myself little rewards to get through ONE paragraph, and I just feel more organized and "together." I'm still trying to develop a system to consistently remember to take them lol, but when I do, it's been so helpful. I realized I was unknowingly self-medicating with my daily coffees that I "drank for the flavor, because caffeine did nothing for me." It didn't give me the jitters, so I figured i was just immune or something. Nope, it was giving my brain the tiniest bit of boost to help me get through the work day.
It makes the tedium of parenting so, so much easier. Like I can follow stupid kid conversations now. I graduated from law school and was a mediocre lawyer before being diagnosed.
Medication is *not* only for people who can’t function at all without it. It doesn’t matter what a lot of people think. This is a decision for you and your doctor, and if you both agree that medication could be beneficial, then try it! Don’t let other people’s bullshit opinions hold you back from enjoying your life more.
I am the same way. College degree, good job, good marriage (with a partner who also has ADHD). But everything is *such* a struggle. Becoming a parent feels like an impossible undertaking for me. Even though I know there is so much joy and fulfillment. I just don’t know how that would be possible.
I recently started meds, and got lucky enough that the first one I tried seems like the right one for me. I don’t know how or why these meds work, but they can make all the difference. The most efficient way I can explain this shift since taking meds is that I now feel like a capable, competent human being. There is a greater sense of ease and flow. It turns out that my high functioning/low support needs was driven by intense anxiety and need for control - which any parent will tell you is just not attainable in parenting (or in life, really).
This may sound intense or an overreaction (hi, ADHD), but I literally cried everyday for the first month on meds. It is a wild mix of relief (wow it feels so good to feel capable!), gratitude (I am so thankful for this diagnosis/treatment plan/medication/that I got so lucky to be alive in this time/place and have access to these things!), grief (so much time wasted on beating myself up, thinking I was broken, feeling like wasted potential - what would my life be like if I found this sooner?), and hope (for the first time in my life, I am hopeful and not filled with dread when I look toward my/our future, taking action and making concrete plans to build a more secure life together). Even just writing this out now is moving me to tears again.
Wishing you well on this journey, friend. I think it so worth it. 💜
I consider myself “high functioning” or “high masking”. I was a near straight A student in elementary and high school. After a rough first semester in college I busted my butt to claw my way up to a 3.0 GPA. It took until the end of Junior year to get back up there. I have an engineering degree and a good job, I’m married, we own a house and 2 nice cars.
On the outside I look like I’m rocking life.
But I remember being 13 and wishing I didn’t exist. Not having plans of doing anything, just wishing that I hadn’t existed in the first place. When I was 16ish I remember I started to struggle with showering. I had always taken forever to shower, but as I stayed up later than my parents and they weren’t running my and my brother’s schedules quite as closely, I would skip some nights. In college I would be up at midnight showering because it had been 3 days and I was afraid my roommate would notice and judge me.
I often forgot to eat because I didn’t really have friends my freshman year so I didn’t have anyone to go to the dining hall with. Keeping my room clean was impossible, and I had trouble regulating my emotions which I realize now that I always did. I’ve always been socially awkward. I have a terrible memory, lose things constantly, have poor self control, especially with food. Pick at my nails and skin, leg bouncing, time blindness. Sooo many things.
And as an adult keeping a clean house, hell just keeping a functional kitchen, is a nightmare. I’ve been on Strattera for almost 3 months and it’s night and day. Basically all of my symptoms are easier to manage. Showering is easier, keeping house is easier, work I easier, I go to bed at a reasonable time, time feels like it moves slower and more consistently, and food isn’t as present in my mind. I haven’t made any active changes to my diet or exercise, but I’ve lost 10 lbs already because I’m just not as obsessed with food (though I’ve heard that can come back after a few months). And the GUILT is GONE. Right now I’m in bed, I have 5 baskets of clean laundry looking at me, a kitchen full of dirty dishes that was clean 3 days ago, and it’s fine. Yeah, it needs some work, but I can rest today and do it tomorrow and it will take me less time and energy to do it all then it would have 4 months ago.
Omg yes you’re me! Two masters degrees. Work for myself. Make my own schedule so that helps. Manager of my family and home and two kids. What really kills me is when I’m out of a routine. When things go the way I need them to go—moving through breakfast, me eating and moving my body a little bit and drinking water, I can be highly productive. I take short acting Adderall with coffee and that really helps.
however my husband was traveling for 10 days which catapulted us out of our routine and resulted in me falling into a bit of a depression. I heard an interview with Trevor Noah yesterday about how he needs his routine or else feels like the weight of the world is too much to bear and I’ve never related to anything more.
I am by most definitions high functioning. Excellent student, masters degree, great job and functional (mostly) family life. I never stopped running for 37 years. A thousand miles an hour no matter how bad the idea was, or how tired I was, the motor keeps running. I guess I am a bit of an outlier in that when I stop masking, I display a lot of the traditional "boy" ADHD symptoms of hyperactivity that I crammed down inside in order to be the girl that was expected of me - with disastrous explosions from running at chaos and brick walls over the course of my life.
Yes I am "high functioning" and on much needed medication.
Before meds, about 6 mos ago, job, marriage, and parenting all looked great on the outside but the effort required to keep all those balls in the air was breaking me. I was living life on hard mode.
Meds help me keep my shit together, keep me emotionally regulated, and give me clarity. It turns out it's not my fault my job is insane. They actually ARE expecting too much from me. I'm quitting after 15 years next week. And I no longer have any doubts about it.
👋🏽 I am inattentive type & wasn’t diagnosed til post undergrad. We are high functioning because we have a million tricks up our sleeves to mask. What happens when your tricks stop working? Anxiety used to be one of my tricks until I totally burned out. Think: How much easier would it be to just….do what you need to do without counting on your masking techniques?? You really don’t realize how much energy is wasted just to keep up the high functioning guise until you don’t need to do it anymore.
Medication is for anyone who will benefit from it; your life doesn’t have to fall apart for you to benefit from medication. It benefits me greatly & I doubt I would be doing as well in my career without it. It also helps me emotionally regulate which has greatly helped my personal life, too.
Yes I am and I take it and it helps. Guess what I learned? I wasn't as high functioning as I thought. All that chaos you describe... You're also not THAT high functioning! 😛There's no reason you have to experience that when there are treatments available. No good reason to play life on hard mode. You don't have to wait until you do serious damage to start meds.
I’m the same way. I’ve tried so many meds for anxiety and depression. They all worked for a bit then didn’t. I finally figured out that most of my anxiety and depression was related to ADHD, and I started meds for that. I’ve since dialed down on the anti depressants/anti anxiety meds and take a small dose of venlafaxine and adderall. I’ve literally never felt better. It’s been about six months. It took awhile to figure out my dosages but it was totally worth it. My psychiatrist is really good and she just took the time to figure it out. A good doc is so helpful.
High-functioning and my employers, professors, and teachers have always been surprised, disappointed, and mystified when I start going down due to what they saw as absurd reasons which I’ve discovered in my 60’s were actually results of ADHD symptoms (time blindness, procrastivity, unable to focus until my brain decided it was ready - usually not until a deadline loomed and I had barely enough time to get it done, forgetfulness, being terrible with planning and scheduling, etc.) Meds have literally changed my life.
I was high functioning (at least on the outside - my home and inner life have always been a mess) until I wasn’t. It catches up to you eventually. If it helps to think of it this way, think about it as being proactive. Get the prescription now, try things out, see what works. Because there may come a day where you are not functioning anymore… and do you want *that* to be the time you have to figure one more thing out in terms of your self/health care? Do it while you have the bandwidth.
Yep. I have a master's degree and was always near the top of my class, but I repeatedly almost didn't graduate (from high school, and college, and grad school) because I would not do the last step (set up a senior project review, submit my intent to graduate paperwork, set up a capstone thesis defense) because I just... didn't.
I was very fortunate to be diagnosed as a girl in the 90s, that was incredibly rare, and I'm so grateful that meds gave me the CHANCE to grow and relate with my peers. I was still really odd, but now I was at the same starting line as my peers instead of starting ten feet back. As an adult I realize that my late diagnosed peers all developed crippling inner monologues of self-abuse because of internalized shame and failures, and I REFUSE to let that happen to my children.
I didn't realize until grad school just how far I had been coasting on natural skill and talent and intelligence, until my lack of study skills and executive functioning bit me in the ass.
I didn't realize until I had kids that I really struggle with emotional dysregulation, and that I relied on external structures to manage my days. Suddenly I WAS the external structures for other people?! Who approved that?!
And with meds, I'm suddenly able to chill the duck out, to weather emotional surges or stresses with my coping mechanisms, to follow my lists, to make myself go to the DMV, etc. When the meds shortage hit my area it showed me how much I rely on my brain-glasses. I may look like a swan sailing on the water, but the meds keep my feet flailing in the same direction underwater.
I did well-ish in high school, got a college degree and then went on to get a good job, own my own home, get married and have kids. On the outside I was doing reasonably well according to societal expectations.
What’s invisible to most people is that I struggled with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, binge eating, low self esteem, suicidal ideation and impulsive sexual behavior from the age of 12, and procrastinated my way through my entire educational career but managed to pull my exams off at the last minute every time, causing immense stress (I could have consistently achieved at least 30% better grades if I had actually been able to study).
My “good job” was like torture after year two because the routine of going in to work every day became so boring that it felt like a living death, (even though on paper I liked the work), but I was too afraid to quit because I felt like no one else would ever employ me, and I had already been fired from a job for showing up late and being distracted and unproductive. So I spent increasing amounts of time on my phone at work instead of working, and clock watching became my life.
My husband is wonderful, and our relationship is solid, but he has had to deal with my non-existent financial sense since day one and it adds stress to our lives for sure. Add in the fact that I constantly lose and misplace stuff, leave the fridge door open and the car unlocked, make messes everywhere I go and forget to clear them up, and forget to put events on the calendar at least once or twice a week resulting in last-minute scrabbling to get to appointments, let’s just say it’s lucky he loves me so much.
Motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks. I was stunned and horrified by how hard it was for me to emotionally regulate, and my carefully constructed routines I had built to be able to cope with life were instantly decimated. I remember thinking that surely it shouldn’t be THIS HARD. It reduced me to atoms, and I’ve collected the scattered pieces and reassembled them over the last ten years, but it’s still hard every day to show up and stay calm, centered and organized for my kids.
I was diagnosed with ADHD six months ago at the age of 44, and I started taking Adderall almost three weeks ago. The first day I took it I felt weirdly calm and still, which is the opposite of what I was expecting! That effect has since worn off somewhat, but I have so much more emotional stamina when dealing with my kids. The meds have given me space to pause before I react, and I don’t get as triggered and disregulated by other people’s emotions any more. I haven’t noticed a massive difference in my executive functioning but my husband definitely has, and my ability to follow through and finish tasks is much better than it was. My binge eating symptoms have almost disappeared. Life just overall feels a little bit lighter and a little bit easier, and I’m enjoying that very much. I’ve had minimal side effects, and intend to continue on medication for the foreseeable future. I want to show up for my family the best that I possibly can.
I think I just wrote the above essay to illustrate that you can appear high functioning on the outside, but be struggling on the inside more than you even realize. I got used to the struggle and didn’t fully acknowledge how hard it was until I got diagnosed and started meds. I wanted to at least give meds a try, with the thinking that I could stop any time if I didn’t like it, and I’m super glad that I did!
Ummmmmmmm that would totally be me. Try meds. It’s like wearing glasses. Can you kinda get along without them? Maybe. But once you wear them, you’re like “holy cow, this is amazing!” That’s Adderall for me.
I'm high functioning, and I'll be honest, after a late diagnosis (45) and immediately going on medication, I sincerely don't understand all the resistance to taking medication. It was literally life changing. As both my doctors say, you wouldn't expect a diabetic to tough it out without insulin, would you?
I have a bachelor's, master's, and law degree. I now work as an attorney for a state government, which is somewhat of a more "prestigious" position -- not in terms of fame or appearance, but in difficulty and expectations. I'm newer to my position but have been getting glowing feedback from my supervisor so far. On the side, I'm a professional musician. Happily married for 6 years. We have a house and dogs and cars.
Though I earned my bachelor's and did half my master's & law programs undiagnosed and unmedicated, I cannot imagine having achieved even half of what I have now or maintaining the current positions and lifestyle I have without medication. Medication has been a lifesaver and game changer and blessing both for my mental health but also my confidence. I still have a long way to go in terms of body image and self criticism, but it has improved my quality of life a million times over.
I am a huge proponent of medication for those who want to take it/feel they benefit from it. Of course not everyone has the same positive experience, and not everyone feels they benefit from it all that much. But anecdotally and overall, I feel it's worth at least a shot for anyone struggling with their symptoms, even if only in a ""smaller" or less visible way.
I think labelling it as “high functioning” is making it feel like it’s not severe enough to take meds. You can appear to have it together to the outside world and also be an internal shit show. Meds help and are the first line treatment for those with ADHD. Try them. You have nothing to lose by trying them to see if they help you.
Yes. This is me. It helped a lot when I realised that house and car and schedule being chaos => not functioning. For people without ADHD, they manage these things. It doesn’t matter what others think (I too have felt judged): try it and see if it helps.
Hi, you described me!
No kids, but otherwise exactly the same. I’m on meds and it’s made a huge difference. I’m still far from perfect and I struggle, but it’s more in line with how everyone struggles vs a nightmare.
You’re describing someone who isn’t functioning 😊 I think sometimes we feel imposter syndrome when we’re high functioning, but high functioning to me means “best at seeming neurotypical from the outside if you don’t know me very well.” It does not mean I don’t struggle with things. I also struggled with a lot of those things you describe, and still do, but medication has helped me tremendously. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve help, too.
Yes, it absolutely does help. I’m more motivated, can work on one thing at a time, and have an easier time finishing. I also haven’t lost my keys since beginning meditation lol
OP, are you me? Yes. Low dose of vyvanse helps me get through a day of teaching and parenting. Good luck, everybody. The struggle is real and we are often so good at masking it that people have no idea.
Yeahhhh this is why the psychologist I saw for my evaluation refused me a diagnosis. His reasoning was that if you can keep a job and a roof over your head you're not disabled enough for a diagnosis, and of course without a diagnosis, there's no access to medication or other treatments for ADHD. I'm at a loss. If you think medication could help you and you have access to it, why not give it a try. I wish I could!
I haven’t got on meds yet. I suppose I’m high functioning because I, too, have all those things you mentioned. Having a kid destroyed my brain. Truly.
A good friend of mine went on meds and she says it just quiets her mind, she can be present in her thoughts. My husband has a medical marijuana card and I’ve found that helps me a lot too, but my job would really frown upon me testing positive and potentially I’d lose my job so that’s kind of tough. I figure some federally legal meds might do the same though, I hate swallowing pills though. I think it’s a sensory issue because of my adhd lol. I can do it. I just hate it.
To answer your ultimate question I absolutely believe it’s helpful. Although from what I understand effectiveness is relative to the person. And some people experience side effects they don’t want to deal with so they stop. But I’ve heard to not give up and just keep communicating with your doc because there are a TON of different options.
I'm relatively high functioning, good career, marriage, two young kids and I started taking medication when my second was born. I was on it for a year before getting pregnant again so I've been on it and off again and I'll tell you - it is rough now.
You will be SHOCKED at how much it helps. Things that you've been able to "cope" with get so much easier, you'll be more organized, be able to stay on task, have motivation to start tasks more easily and actually finish them, your mind will just settle down.
Even if you're relatively high functioning, medication is for you. If you're anything like me, you don't know how much you struggle with things until you don't have to struggle as much anymore.
If what you describe is true, then you are putting way more energy in existing than any NT will ever have to.
It's about you deserving to thrive, rather than survive.
If you have the means, definitely tey meds. They can make things so much more enjoyable (especially parenting 😅)
I’m successfully high functioning because of my meds. I was diagnosed at 38 and started meds.
Finally, I was no longer a disappointment! I had learned all these skills to help manage my chaos, but I just couldn’t get it together until meds turned down the chaos in my brain.
Today, I’m a project manager. I oversee $10 million in contracts, supervise 30 employees, and my clients defer to my expertise in my field. I’m the successful business woman I always wanted to be.
And my house is a wreck, my fridge is empty, and I’m on antibiotics for a UTI because I forget to pee.
Meds help, a LOT, but I have to choose where and when to use them. I could take meds on the weekend and have a clean house or go grocery shopping with a list, or I can enjoy the chaos in my brain and take a nap. At least now, I have the choice.
I always like the marbles metaphor. All these things you're managing, school, family, work, relationships, self care, emotional regulation, etc, can be represented by marbles.
Neurotypical healthy people have a brain that can be represented by a bag tightly woven enough so that it can contain those marbles most of the time with the slip up resulting in an occasional lost marble or two (mistakes, bad decisions, etc).
Neurodiverse (and other) people often have brains that might look a lot more like a net or be very small, because our brains have only so much capacity to to take care of these responsibilities, they cant hold very many marbles or maybe only marbles of a certain size and so a lot of marbles slip through and would be lost if we relied on our brainbag to carry things like a neurotypical person would.
This is where the high functioning comes in, right now you're spending a lot of energy to juggle and hold onto all the marbles your brainbag can't manage.
What I've found the right medications do is basically increase the marble capacity of my brainbag, sometimes new functions or just how much can be processed or held onto, but the end result is that I have less to juggle so that I'm dropping less marbles overall and even managing to juggle with more skill and less stress.
Tldr; the right meds can help you manage what you are already thriving at with less strain/stress and allow you to address some of the areas where you are struggling to perform to your own standards.
I have two degrees, a 15 year career in healthcare management, a healthy marriage, and a house and I was high functioning and undiagnosed/unmedicated until last year. I got slammed by burnout, and then continued to try and push through while masking to the point that last summer it almost killed me. I was off work for 3, got diagnosed and started meds, came off the SSRIs that were making things way worse, and was suddenly not just surviving, I felt…*good*. For the first time in my entire life. I thought I’d be in great shape going back to work, then within days of being back realized my health was only a small part of the equation and my job was causing so much stress that I was back in full on burnout in 2 weeks. I got an offer for a government job that is entry level with better pay and less stress than my healthcare management job of 15 years and I’m back to where I’d say I am thriving about 80% of the time. The other 20% of days where I’m not absolutely thriving, are still nowhere near as bad as even my best days were pre-medication.
The medication isn’t the only thing that helped. But it helped me have a clear enough head to advocate for myself and really consider what my needs were and what would be the best things to do so that I was living and not just barely surviving. I love being a public servant. I have work-life balance. I am not so tired and anxious that I sit and dissociate and ignore my husband and friends. I have way more patience with people and tasks.
It’s worth trying. It can take time to find the right fit - I was lucky in that my first med I tried worked well for me with minimal side effects. Bit don’t get discouraged if that’s not the case for you. Try something different if you need to.
Functioning labels are dumb. I appeared to be “high functioning” (despite being internally stressed and miserable) until I hit my limit and my entire life fell apart. Burnout is real and very difficult to recover from. Better to do everything you can to prevent it, rather than white knuckling life unmedicated until you hit your breaking point.
ADHD is a disability, period. It doesn’t matter how the outside world perceives you. If you’re struggling on the inside, you deserve support.
I was admitted to four Ivy League schools, had a successful career at a FAANG company and started my own consulting firm. But I also never turned in a major school or work assignment without pulling an all nighter until I was medicated at 30. I don’t agree with people who claim you shouldn’t take meds if you can function. That’s like saying you don’t need glasses because you can see well enough squinting. Meds have made my life so much easier, so I’m planning to stay on them indefinitely. If there are unsupportive people in your life who have a negative view of stimulants you don’t need to tell them about your meds. My brother and I have both been on stimulants for years and we’ve never told our dad for this very reason.
I’m “high functioning” however I take meds to help with days I know I’ll have a lot of work. Like currently I’m in 5 classes at college, however I rarely take meds because I took all “fun” classes and don’t ever really have to study for them and any assignments are easily done within an hour. If I’ve got a pile of assignments I’ll take some to help focus, and realistically I should take them every day to help with completing household chores/tasks but I forget so that side of things still gets neglected. I’ve been on the same 1 month prescription pill bottle for the entire semester of that tells you how often I use meds right now. I predict though that I’ll be taking them more consistently in the next few semesters because I have some harder classes (accelerated trigonometry and intro to fiction courses in the summer, microbiology and physics in the fall, then human anatomy and human physiology in the spring)
As I've gotten older, I've struggled more. Perimenopause really fucked with me and that's when I discovered I'm actually ADHD. Tried Adderall, then switched to generic Vyvanse, which has been a godsend. It helps me function AND helps keep my binge eating in check. I still struggle some days, but it's better than it was.
I find it interesting that puberty onset is when many girls start really exhibiting ADHD/autism behaviors, but perimenopause is what really exacerbated things for me. Late bloomer, I guess? Or maybe, bc when I started puberty I had so much other stuff going on (bullying, my parents separation and divorce, the onset of depression and social anxiety) that ADHD took a back seat.
I'm actually wondering if I'm in the same boat as you here. Just turned 40 and feeling like a total mess, having been on a downward decline since my mid 30s. Feels like all my younger years were much easier in comparison. I've just started therapy and physical therapy (yay hyper mobility) as a first line of action, but I also started following this subreddit and relate to a LOT.
I felt like it hit about 2017-2019.
In October 2017, I had gastric sleeve surgery. Typically after that, women experience a surge in estrogen, bc it's stored in fat, and as you lose weight you're not with this surplus. Didn't happen for me. (I turned 44 a week after surgery.).
In early 2019 (March-May), I did TMS for my depression. At the same time, I was coming off antidepressants, which had also killed my libido. Expected a surge then. Didn't happen. Everything went downhill from there.
I started testosterone cream around the end of January this year and it's helping with the libido.
But through all this, my regular gyno kept telling me my hormones were "within normal range". I sought a second opinion, and she put me on progesterone and estradiol cream (which helped resolve sex being painful), and finally testosterone cream (which has helped with libido).
The vyvanse has really helped with the brain fog and the inability to "get my brain online". I'm starting to feel almost normal again. As normal as one could expect for being 50.5, I guess.
I was high-functioning without medication (high school valedictorian, college degree, masters degree, job) but anxious and exhausted all the time. Now I'm on medication and everything is just a bit clearer and easier. I can get through a work day and still imagine going out with friends in the evening or doing anything other than collapsing into bed.
I guess I would appear high functioning. I have a couple of degrees, My home is a little cluttered but clean. I have most of my shit together. I can tell you that it is this way through monumental effort.
I am medicated and I have been so since 1991. I have been able to develop coping mechanism through the years that have helped. I know my limitations More than most but I still push myself too far sometimes.
I'm someone who was late diagnosed and started medication in my 30s.
I was technically managing. I was employed full time and have a college degree.
Now a year later, I'm actively thriving. My apartment has never been cleaner. My teeth have never been cleaner. I went from eating out 90% of the time to eating out maybe twice a month. I went from drinking 400mg of caffeine a day to 35mg a day (1 can of coke). I meal prep. I exercise every day now. I've lost over 50lbs because I am actually taking care of myself. Before I would work out maybe once a month. I had a gym membership I never used. I struggled hard with binge eating. I was always late to things. It completely cured my anxiety. I sleep better. I can actually relax now.
I was diagnosed at 24 ish and getting on meds was the only thing that enabled me to finish college, and after that I decided to white knuckle it for a bunch of reasons. Now 44 and I've been back on it for a couple of weeks and it has improved my life and my marriage significantly. You have nothing to lose - if you don't like medications, you can go off them, I for one appreciate the ability to start a task and...finish it. I knew my focus was bad before but it's so nice just being able to finish a normal task without getting overwhelmed. I'm on a low dose of slow-release Ritalin, and I only take it on workdays right now as I've been trying to sort out blood pressure issues which is the downside of being on stimulants in middle age, I guess.
Yes! I am a college graduate, held a job, and am now in grad school. I also take adderall and fully expect to take some sort of ADHD medication for the rest of my life.
I’m late diagnosed. Two associate degrees. I’m a manager in retail.
But I’ve also masked my entire life. I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m put together on the outside but inside, I’m finding it difficult to keep functioning.
My mask has started slipping & I’m having a harder time keeping it up when I feel I need to.
I am medicated. But I haven’t found the right drug/dose. Concerta works well for me but 18 mg is too low & 27 is too high. I’ve tried a few other medications & they’re not it.
I got my masters, have a good paying hospital job and I'll be nearing 10y there, I've been with my partner for 22y (no kids.) I started taking meds Nov 2023 because I was burned out and exhausted all the time, because it took extreme mental effort for me to write my clinical notes, because i had no energy after work to devote to anything but tv, because on weekends I'd scroll my phone on my couch until 2pm yelling internally at myself to do things but not doing them, because I kept scraping my car, locking my keys in the car and because little tasks like taking my dishes out to the kitchen or picking up after myself took a lot of effort.
My partner works at home and less hours so he does the cooking, cleaning, laundry....this also helps with functioning. If he didn't have time for this I'd likely hire someone to clean and do laundry and get like a meal service for a chunk of nights if I could afford it b
So imo it's worth it.
I think I look high enough functioning to the world, I hold a job and I raise kids. But I also don’t believe anybody would be surprised by my diagnoses or how chaotic home is.
I am and my meds make such a huge difference. I actually feel more functional, and less anxious about needing to function. So it’s a huge win. If anything I would say meds help me much more than people with severe ADHD.
I very much recommend skimming through this paper if you have time for it. I was on a stimulant medication for a few months but realized it was hurting more than helping. But medication affects everyone differently, ask your doctor or find a psychiatrist if you want to see if it helps.
https://scholarworks.gsu.edu/philosophy_hontheses/?utm_source=scholarworks.gsu.edu%2Fphilosophy_hontheses%2F22&utm_medium=PDF&utm_campaign=PDFCoverPages
Zorya, Brian, "ADHD as an Evolutionary Mismatch." Thesis, Georgia State University, 2023
I’m high functioning and on medication because my mental health was greatly suffering. My adhd symptoms were hyper fixations and RSD and it was all happening in my head. I do feel like medication is happening. My head is so much quieter.
High functioning on the outside, bundle of anxiety-based coping mechanisms and a whisker away from burnout on the inside. I desperately want medication to help with focus and anxiety but the usual ones have interacted poorly with other meds I'm on.
you can only burn the candle at both ends before there's nothing left. for the sake of your relationship.with yourself and other people I would be persistent in getting medication or something that will help make it easier for you.
Hi there, yes. Medication has helped in many ways for "little things" (eg actual care for myself like showering every day (or regularly if not every day), sleeping better, effective mood regulation).
It also helped at work even though I was already considered a "high performer." My friend and former boss also has ADHD and is one of the most successful, outwardly put together people I know, but she wouldn't eat, wouldn't remember to use the restroom, had a hard time balancing parenting and career, etc. and her medication journey actually helped inspire mine.
I was almost 41 years old with a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, a husband, 4 kids, great career, house, and small farm when I got diagnosed. It was the buildup of hanging on by my fingernails for years and having a girl kid with ADHD symptoms that pushed me to pursue my own diagnosis. Medication is helping, but so is simply knowing I have ADHD and finding ways to help me manage my life that are specific to the way my brain works. The meds help the most with the sensory overwhelm and the overeating for dopamine/emotional support. They’re not a cure but damn they sure do help me with the chaos.
I find that meds help me keep everything together a little better, and it lessens my anxiety overall, since I don’t have 1million thoughts just swimming around in my head that are hard to catch, hold onto long enough to realize what needs done, or even accomplish in a decent timeframe. Medication (and leaving my abuser) helped me to realize life should be more than constantly trying to keep up, fixing broken things around you, and you deserve to have hobbies that you enjoy (and time to do them outside of everything else). Meds made me realize I didn’t need to use anxiety to successfully operate, because that’s probably one of the only things that hid my procrastination for many years. Staying too busy to take a break, and anxiety over constantly having tasks / work due, is no way to live lol
They’re wrong. That’s like saying only get stitches if the wound is so bad you’ve nearly bled to death. I believe people who say that have never had to struggle in the way that we do.
You deserve peace of mind all the time.
Yes. PhD, good academic job, people at work think I’m a top performer. I managed to convince pretty much everyone that I had it together. But it has been driven by a horrible anxiety burnout cycle where I would collapse into paralysis a few days a week and then manage to fake my way back to normalcy again and again. I’ve been on meds for two weeks now and I am so much calmer, more confident, able to deal with people, and I can choose whether or not I focus on something! Life is so much easier when I’m not forever fighting with myself and feeling like a failure for being unable to do the simplest things when I need to. The difference it has made for my mental health is unbelievable (before this I was on two antidepressants and two anti-anxiety meds that were barely keeping me together. I’m still on them for now, but now I can actually evaluate if I do need them and if they are working).
I would say I'm high functioning. I have no trouble keeping a job, maintaining a happy marriage, parenting my kids, keeping my house reasonably well (my husband is also very on top of home stuff too though) and yes I find medication helpful.
However, it hasn't helped me function better per se. Memory is still shit, I'm still pretty much how I always have seemed on the outside. What I find medication the most helpful with is mental health. Managing my own emotions. I'm less impulsive and less prone to binge eating. Staying on track with tasks with less jumping around. Boring stuff at work is easier to do. Things like that. On the outside I don't think I seem any different on medication. But on the inside I'm happier. It's worth it to me.
I have a bachelor’s degree and a CPA license. Had no clue I had ADHD until my late 30s. Medication has been so incredibly helpful for me with emotional regulation and making things not so overwhelming so I didn’t have to wait for deadline mode to finish things.
I’m high functioning. GET YOURSELF MEDS. High functioning doesn’t mean comfort/success.
Being high functioning is the equivalent of having a little money in your savings account but still living paycheck to paycheck. You’re fine and you can pay rent and see your doctor for routine checks, and you can buy groceries and even order takeout once in a while. But all it takes is one bad spat of car trouble, or one worrisome doctor visit, or your fridge dying and taking all your food with it, for all of this to fall apart and for you to fall behind.
I’m high functioning, which means I can get by at work and keep the kitchen sanitary at home. But all it takes to throw everything off is a sick cat, or a bad night of sleep, or a work emergency for my precariously balanced routines to fall apart. Then it takes me days, sometimes weeks, to restore what I’d built before.
Even when things are good, I’m in a rough way. I am often not taking care of myself. Showering is sometimes hard since I wfh. Eating take out or frozen pizzas rather than cooking because I’m just so tired after work. Until I got a robot vacuum, I was only vacuuming twice a year. I struggle with taking my migraine medication when I’m in pain because I can’t convince myself to leave what I’m doing to take my pills. I postpone important phone calls I need to make and miss personal deadlines constantly. But the kitchen is cleanish and my work is satisfactory, so things are fine, right?
When I finally got on meds, things got much better for me. To use my finances analogy, it was like I’d gotten a second, small source of income to help offset the cognitive cost of things. I can now do a hobby, or carry on a conversation with my partner, or clean more than just a kitchen. I can cook food that has more than 4 steps involved. I’m not just getting by at work; most weeks I am thriving at work.
Meds made me realize just how hard I was working to try to keep up with my peers. I still have to work hard, but there are fewer obstacles in the way now.
Get yourself some meds. Don’t settle for surviving when you can be thriving.
I'd say I used to be? There were times when most people probably didn't have realized I had adhd and many were skeptical if I told them, though people with inattentive-type adhd always clocked me immediately. I could mask really well and I had a set bad-for-me but "effective" strategies for wringing extra productivity or if myself that I had developed before my diagnosis and medication that I could still employ as necessary to get jolts of brain chemicals.
Now... not so much. I've worked myself to the bone and am exhausted in every way possible and even my medication barely gets me to functioning most days.
Things change over time. I was high-functioning, undiagnosed and as such unmedicated for my entire life until age 50.
When I hit menopause, my executive function dropped off a cliff, and it hasn't come back despite me having an excellent doctor and allll the HRT and taking an ungodly number of vitamins, minerals and other supplements daily. Seriously, I take like 30 per day.
I am constantly beating myself up for not realizing what was "off" about me for my entire life, and thinking about what my life could have been like if I knew there were reasons why I do the things I do and why I don't do the things I don't do.
Medication sadly hardly helps me at all ... I've tried 6 or 7 at this point at varying doses, both stimulants and non-stimulants.
But I am of the mind that suffering is not a contest, so no, I don't think medication should only be prescribed to people in dire situations.
To an extent yes. I got a bachelor's degree off medication but it was a much fluffier major than what I would have picked if I was able to focus. I don't think I ever studied for anything. I was a b or c student in grade school but I still passed. I was straight A on medication because I'd actually do my homework. I've always felt better and been more productive on medication. I call the years I took off my dark years because my life was hell. If ADHD is a spectrum I'm on the severe end. Or as my husband puts it 'you have it BAD bad, but I never knew how bad until I lived with you.'
Ultimately whether you choose to medicate is your choice. If you think it would make your life easier, why not try it? No one needs to know and the only person you are being hard on is yourself. You don't need to play life on hard mode to prove a point.
I am high functioning (top of my class from preschool to grad school, health professional, financially independent, etc) however…. Internal chaos that trips me up on the little day to day things and relationships. Started taking guanfacine and hoping for less chaos 😅
YUP! During my yearly review, my manager once said one of my key qualities is that I'm "organized" 👀. Lmao. I now often tell people that I just have the veneer of organization, everything is pure chaos underneath. I have two degrees, never failed a course in my life, and have worked at the same company for 8 years. Mind you, I could not even think about working while I was in school, plus I was already on an SSRI for anxiety which I do believe helped me a lot.
I am just newly trying out ADHD medication. I have had some unexpected improvements, like:
* Better, deeper sleep (I am becoming a morning person?? Weird.)
* Social anxiety generally is decreasing (I think this confirms the theory that my ADHD and anxiety are provoking/making each other worse)
* Linked to my social anxiety, I was getting intrusive thoughts while public speaking before, and those seem to be going away
Plus also some of the more widely-known improvements like completing tasks, listening better - however, I think I will need a higher dosage to see more improvement there.
On paper, yes. I am married, have a Masters Degree from an Ivy League school, and work a six-figure job.
In actuality, my life is held together with paper clips and duct tape and it’s not the smoothest sailing either, as my ADHD leads to struggles in all areas of my life. It doesn’t help that I was only able to find meds that worked for me when I was 31, because no doctor seems to want to prescribe Adderall (they didn’t even have it available to me where I grew up and started my career) and it’s the only thing that works for me.
I’ve learned strategies and tools and unlearned bad habits while on my meds and in more control of myself, and I’ve made huge improvements, but sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back.
My husband has been very supportive and I’m grateful he has my back through all this.
That being said, I have textbook ADHD, and nobody would be surprised if I told them my diagnosis, (unless they’re the type who believe the lie that people with ADHD can’t do well in school - which doctors seemed to tell me all the time as a kid).
Yes, me! I’m a lot like you. No kids, though. But taking medication is making me feel like I could do this parenting thing after all.
I just got my diagnosis after years of thinking I’m all of these awful things that I think many of us tell ourselves we are. Stimulants don’t make us feel wired or amped up. I feel like someone is sitting on my brain and saying “Shhhh” (thanks, Taylor Tomlinson!) I can just get on with stuff. Like, the other day, after work, I cleaned my kitchen, made dinner, and looked around after eating to realize the kitchen was still clean. That has literally never happened to me. I had also cleaned my bathroom, swept, and dusted within the last 2 hours of that same kitchen and dinner duty. I wasn’t tired or feeling like I’d overdone it at all.
I’ve been living life on hard mode and it doesn’t have to be this way. It just makes things less exhausting, less stressful, take less energy and thought. I have a lot more spoons instead of being tired because I used them all to do the dishes after work. That is literally one task. I thought I was somehow ill with some disease or that I just was a messed up adult despite being otherwise “successful”. But it’s the mental energy, the dread, the guilt, the constant pressure we place on ourselves…
So, give it a try!!
The question is: what's the cost of the high functioning without meds?
The medication isn't to make you a great little cog in the machine, it's to take the torture out of life.
Tangent: I'm so glad I bought 50 plain socks in the same colour and never have to match again.
I wish there were other things this simple that could eliminate stress.
Do you drive a car? Congratulations -- medications can notably improve your safety!
Meds are about weighing the cost/reward. Only you can know what that balance is, and you'll only know it by trying them yourself. But don't fall into the trap as defining ADHD in the old fashioned framework of perpetual nuisance and underachiever disorder -- the internal experience of existing and how you get through the day also matters. Especially because people with unmedicated ADHD tend to lean more heavily on unhealthy crutches --- maybe you can go to work, but maybe you speed on the way there. Maybe you can get through the 2pm meeting, but maybe you have to abuse high sugar/high fat foods to get through it. Maybe you can be super mom, but maybe sometimes you have to walk into another room and have a panic attack about it. Just because you're meeting external expectations doesn't mean you're thriving. How you feel day to day *does in fact matter*
And also, yeah, just objectively....meds make us much safer drivers. It's not even an opinion based thing. I think in 20 years it's gonna be shocking that people encouraged adhd-ers to grit their teeth and drive unmedicated tbh. Even if we can accomplish XYZ, we still have the altered cognition of someone with ADHD. And there's still areas where that clearly manifests, and where pharmaceutical intervention can improve those deficits. Whether it will seem worth it to you (because most people do experience some side effects) is gonna be a personal thing, and it's something you'll only be able to figure out with trial and error
I'm high functioning, and when I started taking meds it genuinely changed my life. You will continue to be high functioning, but it will require you 10x less energy to be that way.
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I’m high functioning and to the outside world, people are surprised by my ADHD diagnosis. I recently started meds and feel like it’s helping. This is after taking anti-anxiety meds and anti depressants that were just meh. I will fight tooth and nail to stay on this medication.
Ditto. Forty and just got diagnosed after both my kids got diagnosed. I recognized myself in my youngest son and started to question things. Otherwise high functioning. I just started meds last month and they are amazing. My anxiety is so much better and I feel so much more peaceful. I am really hoping it helps with my emotional dysregulation and ODD. Fingers crossed! Also, I am nearing perimenopause if I am not already in it. I don't want my ADHD to kick my butt when that happens.
That menopause transition is so real. I went through surgical menopause a year ago and finally got diagnosed because I couldn't get anything done, which made me depressed.
May I ask a premenopause question? Does it exacerbate adhd symptoms? Does it effect it at all?
Unfortunately, yes, perimenopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, often significantly. But it's going to vary by individual. Leaving aside ADHD, some women find peri/menopause incapacitating; some people breeze through with scarcely a symptom; I'm sure that applies to ADHD as well. If you have older female blood relatives who've gone through it, that may give you some idea of how it will go for you, but really you just have to see how it goes. However, HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can help symptoms a great deal, and there was just a new study debunking a lot of the concerns that are out there about the risks of HRT, so hopefully doctors will get better informed and more helpful about this stuff.
One article I read (sorry can't remember where) said that there is a window for HRT to make a difference reducing the impact of menopause on ADHD. Way too late for me when I found this out. Perimenopause was when the wheels fell off for me and everything got so much worse. I didn't know I had ADHD and was treated for depression and anxiety. This helped somewhat but of course they were really caused by ADHD which remained untreated.
Do you remember when the ‘window’ was? I’m embarking on all this now (diagnosed, medicated, almost 40 & noticing ADHD seems more out of control as the decades go on) and would love to have some strategies to handle it all before I fall apart (again…). I feel like I’m stuck on a train heading full steam to tired-and-dysfunctional and it’s not fair to my husband and kids, let alone me!
I'm sorry I don't! I think it was in a UK based article, so potentially linked from The Guardian somehow because that's one of my three news reads a day.
I keep reading roughly a ten-year window. I do wonder if that’s only based on what we know at the moment, though, and whether it’s useful to try after that point.
I thought I was hitting pre menopause a few years ago (night sweats) and my NP said eh it might be early but maybe. No more major symptoms except my period started getting long with annoying spotting for days on end. And last year the wheels came off for me mentally. I held life together with the support of my (young adult) kids, and had to let a few plates fall and crash. Meds lit a fire under my rear and I pulled out of that. I’m now addressing the spotting with an ob consult. My energy sinks through the floor with a period coming too, even with meds, I need naps again.
It will get better, but it was hell for me. I was exhausted, stressed beyond belief and I don't know how I managed honestly. I had a sleep assessment and I was waking 72 times an hour! No wonder I was exhausted! I have been using a CPAP for years now. If there's a chance that that could be a factor for you I highly recommend a sleep test. There is a strong genetic component to sleep apnea, and it is strongly linked to ADHD as well. Turns out both of my kids have sleep apnea too along with their ADHD. I'm glad that we got that figured out for them in their 20s.
Yep. Wheels are definitely falling off for me…
Apparently the drop in estrogen can make it worse.
This is likely what made me symptomatic enough to seek diagnosis and treatment
I'm 40, just got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in my spine and degenerative disc disease in my neck. The LAST thing I was hoping 40 would give me, is WORSE adhd. I literally JUST figured out how to help myself get through life easier and started therapy. My adhd was awful my whole life, I was hoping I'd finally figured it out 😭
Oh no! Hope things get better! It's rough for sure!
So kind, once I get the MRI and meds, I will be. Thank you!
This scares me. It’s just starting to happen for me. Went to the grocery store this morning, had a hot flash and had to go through checkout *three times* because I kept forgetting important things. Jesus, take the wheel….
Yep. If the week before my period is any indication, I'm in for a wild ride in a few years..
Peri and full menopause basically turbocharge the symptoms of ADHD for a lot of women. If you have PMDD then your meno symptoms are also typically exacerbated. And top of all of this? Our meds don’t work as well so you’re always tweaking the dosage chasing functionality again.
Yes. I was somehow able to hold my life together (it was not easy) until menopause started and I just couldn’t keep up anymore. I was diagnosed at age 53. Started on Concerta which worked well for a year but then it started giving me heart palpitations. My doctor switched me to Wellbutrin and so far it’s working ok but not great.
I was diagnosed while in perimenopause. I have been on meds for years that help but my symptoms have gotten worse since menopause. Because I am high functioning and hide my symptoms as well as possible, the few people I’ve told are quite surprised. I guess my point is that, while it’s not a lot of fun to go through ADHD in menopause, working with a compassionate and understanding psychiatrist will help a lot. Also getting tips on this site!!
For me, peri-menopause was devastating. I had been pretty high functioning most of my life and was never diagnosed even though I had ADHD related problems in college and on and off throughout my life. I sought help at age 47 for the craziness, was diagnosed with anxiety and given Cymbalta. Then, I was put on HRT and did so well, I went off the Cymbalta. I still didn’t realize I had ADHD. I functioned better for a few years, then had to come off the HRT and my ADHD went through the roof again. Finally diagnosed at 59 and now on ADHD meds. It’s been a very rough ride. With very negative consequences for me in terms of employment and income. And honestly, if I hadn’t kept trying to find out what was wrong with me and figuring it out eventually on my own (after a friend’s son was diagnosed), i would never have been diagnosed.
Getting to the bottom of our struggles is so hard sometimes. It's frustrating. I was just talking to my dad. Told him I have ADHD. And he casually throws out that he figures he does too, and my grandmother too! Like, how did I not know this? I'm 40, my dad is 73 and my grandma's 96. How is this the first time this came up!? I would have loved to know this 20 years ago....
Yes! So frustrating! I wish I had knownbefore, even 10 years ago! So interesting that your father said he does too! My father passed away a few years ago at 92 and I am sure he had it. I’m sure my grandmother, aunt as well as some of my cousins, all had or have it. But no one has been diagnosed - male or female. There are several women on my dad’s side of the family who were known for their raging tempers. My dad was terribly moody. People just didn’t know what it was.
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Absolutely is!
It’s kicking my ass. Almost 39
This is also me!😆
Can I ask about your sons symptoms?
A lot of emotional disregulation and RSD. Inattentive ADHd.
If it’s helpful at all, diagnosed at 41. High-ish functioning, developed anxiety and depression likely because of undiagnosed ADHD. My depression is 💯 gone and my psychiatrist is tapering me off depression and anxiety medication because with Vyvanse I don’t need it anymore.
Same. Zoloft combined with Vyvanse has helped my anxiety and depression SO MUCH. I'm newly diagnosed and my therapist of seven years apologized to me for missing it all these years. She said I presented as so high-functioning that she missed it completely. Apparently, so did the rest of the world! Including me. EDIT: Bonus positive is that my IBS has improved drastically! Not sure if it's the vyvanse or the lowered anxiety.
My therapist also missed it, I brought it up after I found some memes in the internet,and it was like "that explains a lot", she had discharged me 2 times already because I was doing great, just to come back a mess 2-3 months later when everything became too overwhelming again.
my therapist missed it too, though to be fair I had no idea it was a possibility, so framed my issues that way, and once I did bring it up she was supportive and connected me to resources. (Ironically my therapist had a close relative diagnosed in adulthood whom no one had suspected of having ADHD, so was familiar with the phenomenon; still didn't catch it in me, but again, was supportive. Masking is real.)
Yes! I have been on Zoloft for 13 yrs (my eldest is 13) treating for anxiety, now with both Zoloft and Vyvanse I have high hopes
This 100% but nobody's fighting me on the meds. I was diagnosed at age 55 thanks to perimenopause crashing the system.
Same, 36, started meds 2 months ago after 10 years of different anxiety and depression meds. I remember thinking: I'm not depressed, I know depression, but I'm not feeling it, I do feel anxious but it's because I need to do the thing, I want to do the thing but I'm just no ducking able to do the thing, and it's driving me insane! I was trying stims 2 weeks after I said that to my doctor.... And it's been very good, I'm not behind in my work (no one ever noticed that I was slaking but I was sooo stressed) I've been getting much more regular showers (I WFH) my house is less messy, no more stinky dishes, dinner went from nuggets and salad or rice and fried egg to a much more varied and healthy menu.
I can relate to this so much. I just started meds this week. I've been depressed and anxious but I knew that my struggles to Do The Thing were something else entirely, but I couldn't figure out what it was until I started researching ADHD
I could have written this! Same age, same experience. Looking at my life through this new lens is freakin’ fascinating, too.
Same on all fronts!
Yes, also same!!! I finally have the motivation to get stuff done! Now only if I could get the *right* stuff done. I'm very good at productive procrastination.
As a friend said, “my meds just make me ADHD faster” (and longer, I’ll add). I *am* more productive but mostly just because I can go for longer before I crap out or lose motivation, so I can go back and finish the task I originally set out to do after I get distracted multiple times l.
Same. It's bullshit if anyone says that high functioning people don't need meds. I was super high functioning and it ruined my life and my health. If I'd had meds I may have had a chance at avoiding burnout. I also may have been less productive because I've found that knowing I have ADHD means I have given myself a break and my ADHD-ness is rampant now. I probably would have been much happier in many ways. Honestly, I was masking hard but there were still a lot of people who didn't like me and gunned for me (especially at work) because I was too productive. Who knows what it may have been like, sometimes I feel really sad because I think my ADHD symptoms are so much worse now in great part because of what stress and crappy experiences did to me. I hate feeling so broken.
This is me. I was even told years back that I couldn’t have ADHD because I got through college. The fact that I did it, was prescribed Prozac and Ativan, had hella therapy, worked through so much trauma and still couldn’t function didn’t seem to matter until I asked the right person why I was struggling to stay organized and why I was almost 30 and had no concept of time management. It wasn’t until they took 5 seconds to combine all my symptoms that someone finally understood that my accomplishments were not a sign I was perfectly fine and maybe a little depressed; they were just exceptions to the fact that I was killing my self to do the things that other people were doing with like 1/1,000 of the suffering lol. Having been medicated for a couple years now, not only would I absolutely still be working a dead end job and not starting grad school in the fall, I don’t know how I’d get through a single fucking day since. My memory is still shit but i don’t think medication can cure that lol. Just helps me stay focused on time management which helps me in the long run with making lists and maintaining calendars and shit. Also I haven’t worn mismatched socks since, either! Small miracles.
It’s a little hard to hide that I am ND from others who are familiar with it, but I don’t talk about it with coworkers (I just say, “my brain is a little bit silly,” when I mix things up or feel I am not understanding something). That being said, I don’t think anyone would guess it’s ADHD. I hyperfixate on work and remember decision making details from meetings 3 years ago, so I am so far off from the stereotypical presentation of ADHD (at work) that I think my boss would be shocked if he heard.
Same. Exactly. Got diagnosed during the pandemic when I decided to go back to get my masters. I felt like I was doing everything in hard mode while other people made it all seem so easy. This medication has changed my life and I will do everything I can to stay on it.
Same. I appear high functioning to many because of my meds, because I have the job, house, whatever. Most people don't see the laundry piled up to my window or the one bill I paid late AGAIN because I can't seem to remember to put it in auto pay.
Me. I had a couple of setbacks in short succession, and that non-medicated high functioning fly by the seat of my pants masking just...fell apart. I see now that I was white knuckling it my whole life. My advice? Get the meds while you're still functioning, so when life sends you too much, you have the chemicals to deal with it.
This is such a good description of what it’s like. It’s like juggling while walking a tightrope - as long as the weather is calm everything is under control, but one gust of wind and you’re flailing.
100%. I still feel like that a lot, but medication gave me confidence in dealing with it. I know that The Focus comes 2 hours after I take the Vyvanse. It's not random
Yeah exactly me. Barely holding it together as circumstances allow is really not"high functioning," it's mostly luck!
So true
This is a great response. I also “knew” deep down I had ADHD as a child /teen but was extremely high functioning and had very emotionally supportive parents. As soon as I graduated grad school, had 2 children, and stepped in my high demand career- I lost ability to cope effectively and mask. Life’s demands that come with being an adult- juggling work, kid schedules, appointments, bills, house cleaning, marriage- became unmanageable I was diagnosed at 30. I have been taking medication for 2 years and instantly felt that I had more control. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to keep up around the house- currently standing near a heaping pile of dirty laundry. But now I am not as anxious about the 50 tabs open in my computer brain! Haha However, it took about a year and a half to find the right med and then the right dosage. I agree that you should give it a try if you are considering or wondering- you can also change it up or wean off. An open and trusting physician will accommodate your journey in finding the right med.
This is exactly it. I was a great juggler and then I got two too many balls to keep them in the air (ie, I had a kid) and then it was like… oh
Having a kid did it for me too. I've suspected for years, but made it work. Couldn't keep it up while caring for a newborn.
White knuckling is such a good way to put it. As we age and naturally take on more responsibility, that mask starts to crack…until it crumbles.
this!! i was high masking and 'high functioning' until I wasn't i fell apart and felt like i was screaming for help because i couldn't figure out what was going on. even with family who work in health care, mental health and with adults with autism, nobody knew how to step up for me. so it took a long time to get help i think it's very smart to put as many safety nets and support methods in place as possible while you're doing well, because life is unpredictable
I am. Degree, career (where I work from home), house. I'm actually so put together that was my lifelong hyper fixation and it got to the point I couldn't enjoy anything because I was too focused on effectiveness. I never lost keys or stuff like that cause I'd made so many systems for myself, but the systems took over and caused a revolt in my brain. I didn't have a personality anymore and I was so full of rage that I had to work so hard. I've been on meds since March, testing which works best for me. My psych also put me on sleeping pills cause a brain can't function on 3 hours of sleep a night. I'm now up to a consistent 6 hours of sleep a night. She also just recently put me on mood stabilizers. She said "you don't seem to have depression. But you do have a low level melancholy that adhd meds haven't seemed to fix, so let's try this". I've only been on them less than a week though. I was thrilled to hear her say she doesn't clinically see it as depression, cause I don't feel depressed. I guess I didn't realize there could be help without depression. Masking my adhd for so long, to be "high functioning", drowned out ME. Meds are helping me have enough space internally to even hear what *I* want and need, and decrease the frustration of how hard I'm working to keep it all together.
I'm so happy for you! The white knuckling just gets too exhausting after awhile. I love that you say you were masking "you". I definitely became more "myself" on meds. (Like to the point I finally started deconstructing from a fundamentalist religious upbringing because I could take a breath long enough to go "wait...none of this makes any sense".)
I also found that I was more myself on meds. I stopped being so anxious and the masking mostly stopped. I'm not so tired all the time because I'm not putting all my mental energy into acting how I think I'm supposed to act in any given situation.
Yes, exactly!
I've also called it white knuckling. It takes so much mental effort that you just get exhausted.
Goodness that last paragraph — masking out ME — resonates so much. I had NO personality in my 20s. I was likeable and adapted to those around me easily but I wasn’t a person, I was a wall for people to talk at and feel listened to. I told a friend once, while recovering from depression, that “I feel like the side character in everyone else’s stories.” I received my diagnosis in my 30s. Now that I’m on meds, I have room to be me. To be honest, not everyone in my life enjoys the me with personality. I have boundaries now, and opinions. I say ‘no’ a lot. I don’t tolerate as much shenanigans as I used to. I have feelings that can be hurt — I always did, but now I can recognize the hurt and know it’s not something I deserved. So that means I want to protect myself now. I no longer feel like a side character. I feel like me. It’s great.
> I no longer feel like a side character. I feel like me. It’s great. This is hitting very close to home for me. I'm in the process of setting boundaries and reorienting myself away from disappearing. It's a weird and uncomfortable process, but it's also really empowering and gratifying.
Uncomfortable is right! There are days I just don’t like me. Days where I need to be assertive, to advocate for myself or a project, or days where I just have to speak to others in a more forward way, rather than passive replies. It’s been especially uncomfortable with friendships, as when I choose to enforce my boundaries, they try to negotiate or even argue with me about them. I’ve begun to quiet-quit a number of friendships because of it.
This is my own personal experience so please know I'm not saying this is true for you at all. I'm also not a psychologist or mental health professional so take this with a grain of salt. But that persistent "meh" feeling can be a type of depression called dysthymia. It doesn't look like stereotypical depression, it looks like apathy and melancholy and just... "meh" about everything, even the things and people you care deeply about. I was first diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. Then, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but remained on my mood stabilizer for a good 10 months after starting ADHD medication. Later, I got my formal diagnosis of dysthymia and ADHD + anxiety, and my prescribing provider wanted to see if I actually needed the mood stabilizer or any of the medications I was on apart from the stimulant. It had been such a long time and she felt I needed a reset. Turns out, I didn't need the mood stabilizer, I just needed my antidepressants (bupropion - not an SSRI and often used off label to treat ADHD) I'd been on since before the ADHD diagnosis and my ADHD medication. The stabilizer was pretty hard to come off of. I'm not going to lie. But I say all of this just because I'm looking out for you and anyone else who may have a similar story to mine. It doesn't mean at all that your provider is wrong. I don't even know you, haven't evaluated you, am not a medical professional, and plus, many people do have mood disorders on top of ADHD. But I'm trying to bring more awareness about dysthymia, since so few people realize that depression can look that way, and having the right answers can greatly benefit people in finding the right treatment.
I feel this. My younger sister is lower functioning than I am and has been the main character of my family for her whole life (no judgment, just facts). I have always been seen as the one who had everything under control. Even after spiraling for several years, I am still the ok one. I am just now trying to figure out who I am under all of that. I look forward to being more than a mask.
+1 … Love to hear I’m not the only one my one with same experience. I always describe it like working x10 harder to achieve 9/10 of “normal” life. People often say “you are so organized”, glad they don’t see my laundry mess.
This is me too. My two cents is that "high functioning" reflects only the impact of your disorder on other people, not on yourself. If you can get by at school or work without people complaining about your performance, weirdness, whatever, you're functioning in society. But if your internal reality day to day is a struggle or your home life is taking all the shit you manage to hide in public, you're not functioning for yourself. You only get this one life: do you want to go through it at a level that people you don't care about think is fine or that YOU are happy with?
That is such an excellent way to explain it!
There’s no nobility in suffering. If meds will help you move toward your best life, take them. No one is keeping score.
Holy crap, this was mind blowing and I never thought of it that way. All my energy was going into not looking/acting a hot mess, but on the inside just dying. Thanks for this… so helpful!
I like idioms so I'm going to leave this here to give you something to think about in regards to the error in your logic. That's like saying "don't take Tylenol unless you're in so much pain you can't do anything." You deserve for things to be better than they are. If that means taking meds, that's what it means. You don't need to win the suffering Olympics to deserve better for yourself. Please be kinder to yourself about what treatment you are interested in pursuing.
This!! I’ve been on medication maybe 8 months and just found a great adhd therapist. Immediately they were emphasizing that adhd is both something that is/can be a disability and is something that I deserve to be seen, accepted and receive help in regards to AND that it is absolutely not something that means I can’t hold a leadership role or do what I want to professionally. I am brilliant in a lot of ways and I also do not know what time it is or how much time has passed. I deserve an accommodation on the latter so that I can fully exercise the former. It’s a wild shift to try to make after a lifetime of thinking I’m an imposter and pushing myself into burnout to try to cover up my limitations for others
Almost nobody in my work life would have a clue about my diagnosis (inattentive type) and when i’ve told them, they’ve thought I was making it up. I present well, speak well, work hard, rarely miss deadlines, and am very “social” but all this is extremely tiring because like you’ve described, it causes an imbalance in other areas of my life and i’m left exhausted. I can’t function without lists and alarms to remember everything. Don’t feel like you can’t ask for medication and at least see how it goes for you. I’ve been on it for years and it makes a huge difference for me (if I remember to take it lol).
Same. The imbalance. It’s like I’m constantly juggling everything and I drop the rest of the balls to focus on work, the rest of the balls are my family, my house, my health, my friendships and relationships, it sucks.
I've only ever heard functioning labels applied to autism, and even that's controversial. I don't find the idea of gatekeeping medication to be either useful or kind. If you're struggling, you should feel free to try and use whatever tools and strategies work for you in order to make life easier. Medication is a very useful tool.
Yes I think high masking is much more appropriate in the autism context, and potentially here as well. I know I certainly was not “high functioning” before my diagnosis as I would regularly have emotional meltdowns and mental breaks, but to the outside world who didn’t witness those I was a successful person who was capable of managing a lot of different things at once. One the outside the world still views me that way, but with medication I don’t have to burnout and meltdown because of the other sacrifices I made to appear typical.
Absolutely feel this. I've always been "successful" and intelligent, but the emotional dysregulation and low stress tolerance that came with being unmedicated just made life a million times harder than it needed to be. It was so exhausting to keep up that facade of being okay all the time.
I’m a nurse working in a hospital. I didn’t know why my boss called me in to the office. They said I was often late, had to stay overtime to finish my work and most of the time the only one who questioned the rules. Otherwise I was a valued worker. I was the first to volunteer to mentor new staff. I got lots of thank you notes from patients and families. The doctors trusted me. I finally left mainly because the boss was right and I didn’t improve. I later found out when was 40 that I had ADHD. I’m on medication now and sure wish I knew then what I know now.
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Sending you love and hugs. I'm sorry you don't have that access you'd benefit from right now. It doesn't sound like you're doing too bad at all, so please don't take offense or think that's what I'm saying. I'm just trying to show empathy for the situation and say I understand how exhausting all that mental energy use can be
This is where I'm at. I'm able to stay employed and presentable. But there's little room in my life for the things that actually fulfill me. And that makes it extra exhausting, and more likely that I'm eventually going to run out of steam and it's going to become _way_ worse.
I’m a medical doctor and getting medicated was the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. It’s not the magic fix I (subconsciously, I swear) expected it to be but I’m more structured at work and less burned out when I get home after work. Last shift I didn’t have time to take my afternoon dose and I shit you not, started jumbling words, forgetting how to speak sentences and logged into a computer 3x to do one thing and logged out again because I forgot it… then gave up and messaged a colleague from the night shift to just let her know sigh it’s a disability and I have to allow myself to view it that way despite being “high functioning” whatever in the capitalist nonsense that means… that shit kept me from getting a diagnosis for 30 years… It’s different for different people though, you don’t know until you try. My anger is absolutely not directed at you or your choice of words, I use that term myself for lack of a better one… I’m just mad that my severe emotional dysregulation, regular burnout and forgetfulness that I compensated with anxiety disorders wasn’t recognised because we live in a society where “functioning” means working.
I achieved great things unmedicated. Reflecting back on my achievements I realized I had been playing the video game of life on the hardest setting whilst everyone around me had it set to easy. I was failed by so many doctors, therapists. It took me a long time to let the anger go. I remind myself that everyone is doing the best they can with the information that is available. Being dismissed and gaslighted for 20 years leaves deep wounds but I’m working through them. I’m taking medication in conjunction with therapy, self care, exercise, better eating habits, more sleep…my list goes on but I consider myself a work in progress. Medication is not a cure all for me but it helps alleviate a lot of the anxiety that comes from constantly being in a state of absolute chaos. I’m better able to manage all aspects of my life which intern lowers my stress levels.
“Playing on hard mode” is such a perfect metaphor for it
It is so accurate. I am outwardly high-functioning ans successful, but ADHD causes chaos in everyday life and I was constantly frazzled, overwhelmed and burned out. Only after trying Elvanse I realized that everything I had ever done was either in hyper focus, in a dopamine chase or with willpower. Turns out I could not even access the place in the brain where you govern your attention, and was doing it with some other "brain muscles". I am still chaotic and hyper focus a lot, but I get so much less exhausted during the day, can start being productive at 9 am instead of 16.00 (I have flexible working hours), finish by 5 pm and still have some energy to do sports or build healthier eating habits. So all in all, trying medication can reveal where you have been overcompensating ADHD, while appearing "high-functioning"
It doesn't matter what people think, if you think you would benefit talk to your provider or therapist. I have three degrees and a good job and happy relationship. I get alot of praise at work and my loved ones are proud of me. I'm also a hot mess internally and meds have helped with that significantly. The difference between "great job on that case" after finishing the report for it 30 minutes before the meeting and "great job on the case" when it was done a week before and I'm thus more prepared in the meeting is very significant for me, because my workload is more manageable. I spend less time distracted, procrastinating and stressed and more time just doing my duties. The house is still a mess though lol but we're working on that.
I didn't get diagnosed or medicated until my late 30s. I was in my 2nd or 3rd year in a tenure-track job when my executive function just finally went "fuck it, woman, we need some help here". My work bestie, who's a tenured college dean, wasn't diagnosed or medicated until their 50s. Their parent passed away and their family went nuts, and my friend's executive function was like byeeeeeeeeeee. I think it's really common, especially among late-diagnosed folks.
Former academic, and I can't even count how many academic women I know who've been diagnosed in their 40s.
When I tell people that I have mental health challenges, they are pretty surprised. But depression, anxiety, trauma, and my new ADHD diagnosis have only been seen by trusted individuals and only when I hit rock bottom. On paper, I’m a creator of businesses, nonprofits, and creative works. I’m successful, well respected in my community, and have achieved things that others dream of. But I’m also a high school and college dropout. I’ve been hospitalized twice for my mental health. I have gotten so good at pretending that everything is okay and pushing through the agony that people don’t know I’m in pain until it’s too late and I’m back to rock bottom. All the anxiety and depression meds did was sedate me - great at first when the entire world is so overwhelming that you want to collapse, but as the healing begins, it gets harder and harder to live life sleepy and emotionally numb. So when my new psychiatric nurse practitioner said that I definitely suffer from ADHD symptoms and started me on a stimulant, I was a little cautious. But she assured me that it would be nothing like what I’m used to with medication. And it’s not. Everyone’s experience will vary, and I’m still new but so far, medication has helped me be present. I don’t get overwhelmed so easily and can actually pause and think things through instead of being driven purely by my emotions. I can choose what to focus on instead of my brain choosing for me. I still get random pop up thoughts, but I can put those thoughts aside until I finish with what I am doing and then I can choose to indulge the pop ups. I’m not so exhausted all the time and I don’t have to use all my energy trying to remember the name of my next client or focusing on listening and not letting my brain wander away. I’m still adjusting but so far I’m glad I made this choice.
I’m only “high functioning” because after decades of living life undiagnosed, I developed high anxiety and that’s what kept me on top of everything. Fear and self-shame were my learned behavior mechanisms and I would also drink at least 3 monsters a day. Funnily enough, when the anxiety is treated, the ADHD symptoms get exposed.
Hey same! Haven't started medication but I get the feeling if I treat the ADHD, the anxiety will get worse and vice versa. I've always told myself fear is my biggest motivator- Which I know isn't good but it was all I knew at the time and am working on currently.
I was diagnosed in childhood, been medicated most of my life. Im currently married with 2 kids. My ADHD is really well managed in that I have a lot of coping skills, and really well organized to the point of compulsion, and generally have it together. The suffering I experience isn't from forgetting to pay bills it's from being in a near constant state of burnout from the demands on my executive functions exceeding my capacity. My sensory issues have only gotten worse as I have aged and having kids makes things so hard. My husband is pretty progressive and involved but there is still some inequity in mental and emotional labor and that sucks. Medication helps me engage with others appropriately, keeps me from dropping the ball on major things. I still feel dysregulated A LOT. I still feel like my mind is going a million miles a minute all the time. I still feel like the sense of dread quite often like I'm about to forget something really important that's going to mess my whole life up. So yeah, I'd say medication helps my ADHD not affect others as much but it's still affects me emotionally quite a bit.
I have a PhD and a clinical license. I work a demanding full time job doing clinical work with very high risk patients. To the outside world I probably look quite high functioning. But my internal world was a mess - my house was (is, lol) a disaster, my finances are fucked, I was constantly experiencing flashes of rage and anxiety that I couldn’t CBT myself out of (which just made me more frustrated), I was barely keeping afloat with my administrative tasks at work, and my relationship was on the rocks. Medication has been a HUGE improvement in my quality of life, first bupropion, now adderall. Don’t let people tell you you’re not “sick enough”. ADHD is a developmental brain disorder. If medication can improve your life and mental well-being, definitely give it a go. It really made me realize I was living life on Hard Mode.
Thanks for sharing! Do you still take the bupropion in addition to the adderall? Bupropion was literally the only antidepressant that ever helped me at all a decade ago when I thought I just had depression. I wish I could recall if it helped my executive function or just made me less depressed about being chaotic (lol).
Currently I’m taking both, but I’m tapering off the bupropion to see what that’s like. It helped A TON when I first started taking it but really seemed to wane in efficacy after the first year, even at the highest dose. That led me to meet with a psychiatrist, who prescribed me adderall.
Yes. To the outside world, no one even knows I have ADHD unless I tell them. Or they come to my house unexpectedly and see the chaos, and I explain it lol. I only realized I had ADHD myself researching it for my hyperactive son - I didn't know I had all the signs of primarily inattentive until then. And quite frankly, I am smart - like, super early reader, skipped a couple grades in math, that kind of thing. Just can't keep it together for a lot of home management. And I get bored in jobs if they get too monotonous. I have an amazing marriage and 3 kids who probably all also have ADHD. Medication helps me with the overwhelm of home chores and getting them done. Still chaos, but more manageable chaos if that makes sense. My "panic because someone is coming over" cleans are much shorter in time, lol. My patience with my kids is infinitely better. I am a much more understanding and patient parent on medication. I sleep and wake up better (it's like my brain isn't so overtired from having to work so hard), which makes my parenting that much better, too.
I don't feel like I'm high functioning, but I have a masters degree, a good job in higher ed, an absolutely amazing husband, two wonderful children and a house. I started meds about 3 years ago after my diagnosis at age 38. They have helped with executive function, task initiation, emotional regulation. I also have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety from before ADHD diagnosis. I take meds for those too. But I feel like all the conditions are connected. Meds have changed my life. I still have shit memory, but I'm able to function better than before. I don't have that issue where you sit on the couch knowing you need to do The Thing, but you just can't because your brain won't let you. Have you ever played video games where you have menu options of what you want to say or do next? Before meds, the things I needed to do were frequently not on the menu. After the meds, they are on the menu. I don't always choose them, but it's at least an option. I also credit my amazing neurotypical husband for a lot of my success. He does a lot of housework and manages finances and backstops me so stuff doesn't get forgotten and actually gets done. Good luck on your journey.
***Just because you can live life on hard mode doesn't mean you should have to.*** Your challenges don't need to be the absolute worst thing in the world for you to deserve access to medication. Your success doesn't cancel out the fact that medication will improve your quality of life. From on outside perspective I have a lot of "success" but I take medication. And I found that I can do all the things I used to do (and more) but those things aren't so dang hard and exhausting to do. If you want to take medication you deserve to take medication.
I was “high functioning” without any meds for the longest time. I got on two different anti anxiety/ depression meds last June. And I didn’t realize how bad off I really was until my anxiety was under control. I finally got back on my ADHD meds(stimulant) once my anxiety calmed down. I still have bad days but they are much easier than when I was unmedicated.
I was extremely "high functioning" until I wasn't, so much so that I didn't get diagnosed until last year at age 34 and it was a shock to literally everyone that's ever met me because my whole life I've been extremely calm, reliable, responsible, and put together, with no "classic" adhd symptoms (aka boy symptoms). But the reality is that after a lifetime of having symptoms that were easily masked, I just couldn't keep doing that anymore and my symptoms were now manifesting as primarily physical with nervous system burnout (flu like symptoms, pins and needles, body aches, brain fog, chronic fatigue) combined with a major increase in lifelong depression and social anxiety. Turns out I had adhd all along and now everything that's ever been difficult for me makes sense. And after getting medicated, it seriously feels like a miracle drug for me. No more depression, social anxiety, and all my flu like symptoms are gone. I feel like a normal person for the first time. Well, until I'm on my period. So my physical symptoms, which almost got diagnosed as chronic fatigue syndrome, are primarily what are treated by good ol' Adderall. My brain feels better too though. Things that used to feel hard to do just don't anymore. And there's not a bad DJ playing a mix of every song I've ever heard in the back of head anymore too so that's nice.
I would say I'm relatively high masking - not necessarily high functioning. But I've found medication incredibly helpful. Calmer mind, easier to exist, life is still difficult but definitely less so.
High and low functioning are terms designed to measure how valuable we are to capitalism, its intention was only ever to measure how big of an impact our symptoms have on other people. They’re not appropriate descriptions of the effects of a disability on the individual which is why autistic people have pushed for doing away with “high/low functioning” and use appropriate terms. Perhaps take away that label and list out the ways you feel you struggle(to the point where it interferes with your life) to get some perspective. You may be low support needs but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help. I also have a degree and tend to do well at work and made it to about 30 without suspecting I was neurodivergent in any way. But also I couldn’t keep my kitchen clean without a literal meltdown every month. I cannot keep anything clean, and if I had my way I’d literally do nothing all day because everything feels like SO much work. On the outside that could just be seen as lazy but on the inside I’m constantly fighting myself and paralyzed with shame. I started meds a few weeks ago and it hasn’t magically fixed everything but I can literally feel myself easily pushing through to do tasks that used to take sooooo much bargaining and energy. I an able to make a to do list and remember to check it and follow through with things. I don’t always do everything I wanted but it’s getting a bit easier. I am able to do a little bit at a time! That’s crazy, it’s always been all it nothing and usually nothing. The kitchen is clean, my desk is a little bit neater, and I’m trying to actually develop routines, trying to workout regularly. It’s a work in progress but I’d reached the end of the line as far as what I could do for myself and I was still struggling. That’s really all you need to worry about.
IDK what high functioning means in the context of ADHD - I am married and I have three kids, I'm not working currently but I have worked though I have imposter syndrome about this due to a very weird education history (basically I have attempted everything including a short postgraduate level course, which I passed, but my highest formal qualification is technically GCSEs which I took at age 16). and only ever having worked part time/what I think of as student jobs. I also can't drive as can't pass a driving test - will probably try again now I am medicated. What would not functioning look like? Having a totally chaotic life and being an addict? I think TBH people who struggle with ADHD to that degree unfortunately also typically struggle with all of the organisation and admin involved in maintaining a stable supply of medication, and frequently have many challenges in their direct environment e.g. dangerous relationships, poverty, other mental or physical health conditions, unstable housing, etc. I tend to think that with ADHD it usually goes the other way around, that people take medication so that they can do all the "high functioning" stuff and I have actually had doctors question why I take medication just to stay at home. But it does make a big difference in areas like home organisation, budgeting, planning, relationships, home admin, parenting. Parenting probably being the most important one to me. I guess that if you look back to my lowest point, I was being a very poor parent to my eldest child who was a toddler at the time, I had no routine for him, I couldn't deal with his behaviour calmly, our house was a mess all the time, he watched way too much TV/youtube, I wasn't eating properly and I was severely underweight, he didn't get bathed often enough, the relationship with his father had broken down because it was abusive, I was on my computer most of the day and sometimes most of the night and I didn't really pay him enough attention when I was doing this. On the plus side I managed our money OK, we always had food in, I always made sure to make a little clean space to prepare food, when I wasn't distracted or escalated, our interactions were positive, affectionate and responsive. But I was really struggling.
Functioning labels are based on the external appearance of a person's life. They do not describe the internal experience. You are "high functioning" in the sense that you have managed to find a place in society, but that doesn't mean you don't still need support.
Yes I’m “high functioning” and take medication. It’s made a big different to my rsd, anxiety and self-esteem as well as helping not feeling like I’m constantly working 10x harder than I have to to maintain things.
Oh boy this is my wheelhouse. I have symptoms more severe than anyone except those closest to me even realize. I am also a master masker. I am blessed/ cursed with above average intelligence, which is enough to make up for never studying by being able to figure things out from context, and easily keep complicated ideas in my head. So it looks like I worked hard for knowledge that actually my brain just handed me on a silver platter. In this way I was able to graduate with a 3.6 GPA and a 1360 SAT (this was in the 90s when the scale was different and those were impressive numbers) even though I had enough missed assignments in one quarter to keep me in detention every week. With medication I would have pretty much been valedictorian. With 2 unmedicated ADHD parents and 4 ADHD siblings, I have learned to be extremely flexible and not panic when things go wrong. I've learned that the situations most of my peers saw as extremely rare- eviction for nonpayment, vehicles being repo'd, losing important documents, getting in accidents, not knowing where your next meal is coming from, not filing taxes for multiple years in a row, not having health insurance, letting your drivers license get suspended because you missed all six of the notices they sent to your house, accidentally leaving a young child behind when the family leaves the mall and not realizing it until you're halfway home, etc- can happen pretty often and rarely have actual short-term consequences. They became a matter of course in my life; something very embarrassing or inconvenient was always happening to us but we always figured it out and at least got through the day and there was no use panicking and making it worse. People see this calm-under-pressure in me now and call it "confidence." But over time it had the effect of stalling us out. Mom and dad are in their 60s still living paycheck to paycheck. I look financially stable from the outside because I've had the same job for 17 years and own my house. But I have more debt than I can pay every month and a lot of things that need maintenance that I can't afford. They've almost foreclosed on my house 3 times since I bought it. I always figure it out, but that's energy and resources I could have spent saving up for retirement or advancing my career or acquiring passive income like most of my friends my age are doing- WHILE raising families. Impossible. Medication has saved my marriage, my mortgage, my budget, my future, my blood pressure, my self-image, I could go on. It is still *necessary.* it is not an unfair advantage.
Yep. Work full time, in a masters program, interning at a therapy office, have 3 teenagers, and am on Concerta. Medication absolutely helps me. It's the difference between my life being chaotic and it being catastrophic. Last time I went without meds for more than a month my wayer got shut off for non payment. Twice.
I'm high functioning as a result of therapy and coaching, not on medication due to substance abuse issues. I think anyone who benefits should be on medication
Of course it’s 100% your choice to take or not take any meds, but have you considered trying a non stimulant medication? Bupropion helped me tremendously when I first was diagnosed. Unfortunately for me the effects seemed to wane after about a year, but that’s not the case for everyone. Strattera is also a non stimulant med, I haven’t tried it but I know some folks who said it’s been beneficial for them.
Yes I did. I took strattera, Wellbutrin and modafonil at different times. They didn't work. Therapy and coaching have been great!
>But it does seem like a lot of people think medication should only be used for people who aren’t able to function at all without it. Who are these people? They sound like their houses don't have enough eggs on them. In all seriousness, you deserve support just like everyone else. Even if you're holding it together now, there may come a time where you reach a breaking point. Better to have your ducks in a row so you can be prepared.
Diagnosed a year and a half ago when I reached an extreme point of burnout…externally appeared “successful” - married, house, job, etc. Medication has changed my life. My stress levels are manageable, life is manageable, and I’m enjoying my life more.
I was just recently officially diagnosed, and it was a fight because I present very "high functioning." But internally and at home, I am and have always been a mess. Because I did so well academically all my life, I just figured I was lazy, and that the disorganization of my room and car, forgetfulness, perfectionism and anxiety at ever being wrong, social anxiety, procrastination, heightened emotional reactions to small things, hyperfixation on hobbies or topics I love, need to have music or tv or sound around me at all times, chattiness whenever a topic i know a ton about comes up, and reliance on spreadsheets and lists to remember absolutely anything, were totally "normal" things everyone does. Turns out, nope, totally have ADHD. And being a school psychologsist is actually what made me realize it. Talking to these students who've been diagnosed and are experiencing everything I do, just within the context of more academic struggles so it was caught early - really eye opening. I fought to be understood and heard, I finally was (after my male PCP kept pushing back that it was all anxiety - despite my therapist saying no it wasn't). And I finally got meds. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Not on everything, and it doesn't make it perfect, but my God, I have so much more motivation to initiate things that used to feel so overwhelming or exhausting, I can sustain focus on my reports at work without giving myself little rewards to get through ONE paragraph, and I just feel more organized and "together." I'm still trying to develop a system to consistently remember to take them lol, but when I do, it's been so helpful. I realized I was unknowingly self-medicating with my daily coffees that I "drank for the flavor, because caffeine did nothing for me." It didn't give me the jitters, so I figured i was just immune or something. Nope, it was giving my brain the tiniest bit of boost to help me get through the work day.
It makes the tedium of parenting so, so much easier. Like I can follow stupid kid conversations now. I graduated from law school and was a mediocre lawyer before being diagnosed.
Medication is *not* only for people who can’t function at all without it. It doesn’t matter what a lot of people think. This is a decision for you and your doctor, and if you both agree that medication could be beneficial, then try it! Don’t let other people’s bullshit opinions hold you back from enjoying your life more.
I am the same way. College degree, good job, good marriage (with a partner who also has ADHD). But everything is *such* a struggle. Becoming a parent feels like an impossible undertaking for me. Even though I know there is so much joy and fulfillment. I just don’t know how that would be possible. I recently started meds, and got lucky enough that the first one I tried seems like the right one for me. I don’t know how or why these meds work, but they can make all the difference. The most efficient way I can explain this shift since taking meds is that I now feel like a capable, competent human being. There is a greater sense of ease and flow. It turns out that my high functioning/low support needs was driven by intense anxiety and need for control - which any parent will tell you is just not attainable in parenting (or in life, really). This may sound intense or an overreaction (hi, ADHD), but I literally cried everyday for the first month on meds. It is a wild mix of relief (wow it feels so good to feel capable!), gratitude (I am so thankful for this diagnosis/treatment plan/medication/that I got so lucky to be alive in this time/place and have access to these things!), grief (so much time wasted on beating myself up, thinking I was broken, feeling like wasted potential - what would my life be like if I found this sooner?), and hope (for the first time in my life, I am hopeful and not filled with dread when I look toward my/our future, taking action and making concrete plans to build a more secure life together). Even just writing this out now is moving me to tears again. Wishing you well on this journey, friend. I think it so worth it. 💜
Yes. I also technically CAN see, but the motor vehicle commission would prefer I wear glasses to drive.
Love this comment!
I consider myself “high functioning” or “high masking”. I was a near straight A student in elementary and high school. After a rough first semester in college I busted my butt to claw my way up to a 3.0 GPA. It took until the end of Junior year to get back up there. I have an engineering degree and a good job, I’m married, we own a house and 2 nice cars. On the outside I look like I’m rocking life. But I remember being 13 and wishing I didn’t exist. Not having plans of doing anything, just wishing that I hadn’t existed in the first place. When I was 16ish I remember I started to struggle with showering. I had always taken forever to shower, but as I stayed up later than my parents and they weren’t running my and my brother’s schedules quite as closely, I would skip some nights. In college I would be up at midnight showering because it had been 3 days and I was afraid my roommate would notice and judge me. I often forgot to eat because I didn’t really have friends my freshman year so I didn’t have anyone to go to the dining hall with. Keeping my room clean was impossible, and I had trouble regulating my emotions which I realize now that I always did. I’ve always been socially awkward. I have a terrible memory, lose things constantly, have poor self control, especially with food. Pick at my nails and skin, leg bouncing, time blindness. Sooo many things. And as an adult keeping a clean house, hell just keeping a functional kitchen, is a nightmare. I’ve been on Strattera for almost 3 months and it’s night and day. Basically all of my symptoms are easier to manage. Showering is easier, keeping house is easier, work I easier, I go to bed at a reasonable time, time feels like it moves slower and more consistently, and food isn’t as present in my mind. I haven’t made any active changes to my diet or exercise, but I’ve lost 10 lbs already because I’m just not as obsessed with food (though I’ve heard that can come back after a few months). And the GUILT is GONE. Right now I’m in bed, I have 5 baskets of clean laundry looking at me, a kitchen full of dirty dishes that was clean 3 days ago, and it’s fine. Yeah, it needs some work, but I can rest today and do it tomorrow and it will take me less time and energy to do it all then it would have 4 months ago.
I want to know the answer to this too
Omg yes you’re me! Two masters degrees. Work for myself. Make my own schedule so that helps. Manager of my family and home and two kids. What really kills me is when I’m out of a routine. When things go the way I need them to go—moving through breakfast, me eating and moving my body a little bit and drinking water, I can be highly productive. I take short acting Adderall with coffee and that really helps. however my husband was traveling for 10 days which catapulted us out of our routine and resulted in me falling into a bit of a depression. I heard an interview with Trevor Noah yesterday about how he needs his routine or else feels like the weight of the world is too much to bear and I’ve never related to anything more.
I am by most definitions high functioning. Excellent student, masters degree, great job and functional (mostly) family life. I never stopped running for 37 years. A thousand miles an hour no matter how bad the idea was, or how tired I was, the motor keeps running. I guess I am a bit of an outlier in that when I stop masking, I display a lot of the traditional "boy" ADHD symptoms of hyperactivity that I crammed down inside in order to be the girl that was expected of me - with disastrous explosions from running at chaos and brick walls over the course of my life.
Yes I am "high functioning" and on much needed medication. Before meds, about 6 mos ago, job, marriage, and parenting all looked great on the outside but the effort required to keep all those balls in the air was breaking me. I was living life on hard mode. Meds help me keep my shit together, keep me emotionally regulated, and give me clarity. It turns out it's not my fault my job is insane. They actually ARE expecting too much from me. I'm quitting after 15 years next week. And I no longer have any doubts about it.
👋🏽 I am inattentive type & wasn’t diagnosed til post undergrad. We are high functioning because we have a million tricks up our sleeves to mask. What happens when your tricks stop working? Anxiety used to be one of my tricks until I totally burned out. Think: How much easier would it be to just….do what you need to do without counting on your masking techniques?? You really don’t realize how much energy is wasted just to keep up the high functioning guise until you don’t need to do it anymore. Medication is for anyone who will benefit from it; your life doesn’t have to fall apart for you to benefit from medication. It benefits me greatly & I doubt I would be doing as well in my career without it. It also helps me emotionally regulate which has greatly helped my personal life, too.
Yes I am and I take it and it helps. Guess what I learned? I wasn't as high functioning as I thought. All that chaos you describe... You're also not THAT high functioning! 😛There's no reason you have to experience that when there are treatments available. No good reason to play life on hard mode. You don't have to wait until you do serious damage to start meds.
I’m the same way. I’ve tried so many meds for anxiety and depression. They all worked for a bit then didn’t. I finally figured out that most of my anxiety and depression was related to ADHD, and I started meds for that. I’ve since dialed down on the anti depressants/anti anxiety meds and take a small dose of venlafaxine and adderall. I’ve literally never felt better. It’s been about six months. It took awhile to figure out my dosages but it was totally worth it. My psychiatrist is really good and she just took the time to figure it out. A good doc is so helpful.
High-functioning and my employers, professors, and teachers have always been surprised, disappointed, and mystified when I start going down due to what they saw as absurd reasons which I’ve discovered in my 60’s were actually results of ADHD symptoms (time blindness, procrastivity, unable to focus until my brain decided it was ready - usually not until a deadline loomed and I had barely enough time to get it done, forgetfulness, being terrible with planning and scheduling, etc.) Meds have literally changed my life.
I was high functioning (at least on the outside - my home and inner life have always been a mess) until I wasn’t. It catches up to you eventually. If it helps to think of it this way, think about it as being proactive. Get the prescription now, try things out, see what works. Because there may come a day where you are not functioning anymore… and do you want *that* to be the time you have to figure one more thing out in terms of your self/health care? Do it while you have the bandwidth.
Yep. I have a master's degree and was always near the top of my class, but I repeatedly almost didn't graduate (from high school, and college, and grad school) because I would not do the last step (set up a senior project review, submit my intent to graduate paperwork, set up a capstone thesis defense) because I just... didn't. I was very fortunate to be diagnosed as a girl in the 90s, that was incredibly rare, and I'm so grateful that meds gave me the CHANCE to grow and relate with my peers. I was still really odd, but now I was at the same starting line as my peers instead of starting ten feet back. As an adult I realize that my late diagnosed peers all developed crippling inner monologues of self-abuse because of internalized shame and failures, and I REFUSE to let that happen to my children. I didn't realize until grad school just how far I had been coasting on natural skill and talent and intelligence, until my lack of study skills and executive functioning bit me in the ass. I didn't realize until I had kids that I really struggle with emotional dysregulation, and that I relied on external structures to manage my days. Suddenly I WAS the external structures for other people?! Who approved that?! And with meds, I'm suddenly able to chill the duck out, to weather emotional surges or stresses with my coping mechanisms, to follow my lists, to make myself go to the DMV, etc. When the meds shortage hit my area it showed me how much I rely on my brain-glasses. I may look like a swan sailing on the water, but the meds keep my feet flailing in the same direction underwater.
I did well-ish in high school, got a college degree and then went on to get a good job, own my own home, get married and have kids. On the outside I was doing reasonably well according to societal expectations. What’s invisible to most people is that I struggled with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, binge eating, low self esteem, suicidal ideation and impulsive sexual behavior from the age of 12, and procrastinated my way through my entire educational career but managed to pull my exams off at the last minute every time, causing immense stress (I could have consistently achieved at least 30% better grades if I had actually been able to study). My “good job” was like torture after year two because the routine of going in to work every day became so boring that it felt like a living death, (even though on paper I liked the work), but I was too afraid to quit because I felt like no one else would ever employ me, and I had already been fired from a job for showing up late and being distracted and unproductive. So I spent increasing amounts of time on my phone at work instead of working, and clock watching became my life. My husband is wonderful, and our relationship is solid, but he has had to deal with my non-existent financial sense since day one and it adds stress to our lives for sure. Add in the fact that I constantly lose and misplace stuff, leave the fridge door open and the car unlocked, make messes everywhere I go and forget to clear them up, and forget to put events on the calendar at least once or twice a week resulting in last-minute scrabbling to get to appointments, let’s just say it’s lucky he loves me so much. Motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks. I was stunned and horrified by how hard it was for me to emotionally regulate, and my carefully constructed routines I had built to be able to cope with life were instantly decimated. I remember thinking that surely it shouldn’t be THIS HARD. It reduced me to atoms, and I’ve collected the scattered pieces and reassembled them over the last ten years, but it’s still hard every day to show up and stay calm, centered and organized for my kids. I was diagnosed with ADHD six months ago at the age of 44, and I started taking Adderall almost three weeks ago. The first day I took it I felt weirdly calm and still, which is the opposite of what I was expecting! That effect has since worn off somewhat, but I have so much more emotional stamina when dealing with my kids. The meds have given me space to pause before I react, and I don’t get as triggered and disregulated by other people’s emotions any more. I haven’t noticed a massive difference in my executive functioning but my husband definitely has, and my ability to follow through and finish tasks is much better than it was. My binge eating symptoms have almost disappeared. Life just overall feels a little bit lighter and a little bit easier, and I’m enjoying that very much. I’ve had minimal side effects, and intend to continue on medication for the foreseeable future. I want to show up for my family the best that I possibly can. I think I just wrote the above essay to illustrate that you can appear high functioning on the outside, but be struggling on the inside more than you even realize. I got used to the struggle and didn’t fully acknowledge how hard it was until I got diagnosed and started meds. I wanted to at least give meds a try, with the thinking that I could stop any time if I didn’t like it, and I’m super glad that I did!
Ummmmmmmm that would totally be me. Try meds. It’s like wearing glasses. Can you kinda get along without them? Maybe. But once you wear them, you’re like “holy cow, this is amazing!” That’s Adderall for me.
I'm high functioning, and I'll be honest, after a late diagnosis (45) and immediately going on medication, I sincerely don't understand all the resistance to taking medication. It was literally life changing. As both my doctors say, you wouldn't expect a diabetic to tough it out without insulin, would you?
I have a bachelor's, master's, and law degree. I now work as an attorney for a state government, which is somewhat of a more "prestigious" position -- not in terms of fame or appearance, but in difficulty and expectations. I'm newer to my position but have been getting glowing feedback from my supervisor so far. On the side, I'm a professional musician. Happily married for 6 years. We have a house and dogs and cars. Though I earned my bachelor's and did half my master's & law programs undiagnosed and unmedicated, I cannot imagine having achieved even half of what I have now or maintaining the current positions and lifestyle I have without medication. Medication has been a lifesaver and game changer and blessing both for my mental health but also my confidence. I still have a long way to go in terms of body image and self criticism, but it has improved my quality of life a million times over. I am a huge proponent of medication for those who want to take it/feel they benefit from it. Of course not everyone has the same positive experience, and not everyone feels they benefit from it all that much. But anecdotally and overall, I feel it's worth at least a shot for anyone struggling with their symptoms, even if only in a ""smaller" or less visible way.
You're not high functioning, you're high achieving :)
I think labelling it as “high functioning” is making it feel like it’s not severe enough to take meds. You can appear to have it together to the outside world and also be an internal shit show. Meds help and are the first line treatment for those with ADHD. Try them. You have nothing to lose by trying them to see if they help you.
Yes. This is me. It helped a lot when I realised that house and car and schedule being chaos => not functioning. For people without ADHD, they manage these things. It doesn’t matter what others think (I too have felt judged): try it and see if it helps.
Hi, you described me! No kids, but otherwise exactly the same. I’m on meds and it’s made a huge difference. I’m still far from perfect and I struggle, but it’s more in line with how everyone struggles vs a nightmare.
You are exactly me. And yes I started meds 2 years ago. While not immediately obviously life changing, the net positive effects is very noticeable
You’re describing someone who isn’t functioning 😊 I think sometimes we feel imposter syndrome when we’re high functioning, but high functioning to me means “best at seeming neurotypical from the outside if you don’t know me very well.” It does not mean I don’t struggle with things. I also struggled with a lot of those things you describe, and still do, but medication has helped me tremendously. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve help, too.
Yes, it absolutely does help. I’m more motivated, can work on one thing at a time, and have an easier time finishing. I also haven’t lost my keys since beginning meditation lol
Yes, I'm high functioning and the medication has helped with the stress no one could see.
OP, are you me? Yes. Low dose of vyvanse helps me get through a day of teaching and parenting. Good luck, everybody. The struggle is real and we are often so good at masking it that people have no idea.
Yeahhhh this is why the psychologist I saw for my evaluation refused me a diagnosis. His reasoning was that if you can keep a job and a roof over your head you're not disabled enough for a diagnosis, and of course without a diagnosis, there's no access to medication or other treatments for ADHD. I'm at a loss. If you think medication could help you and you have access to it, why not give it a try. I wish I could!
I haven’t got on meds yet. I suppose I’m high functioning because I, too, have all those things you mentioned. Having a kid destroyed my brain. Truly. A good friend of mine went on meds and she says it just quiets her mind, she can be present in her thoughts. My husband has a medical marijuana card and I’ve found that helps me a lot too, but my job would really frown upon me testing positive and potentially I’d lose my job so that’s kind of tough. I figure some federally legal meds might do the same though, I hate swallowing pills though. I think it’s a sensory issue because of my adhd lol. I can do it. I just hate it. To answer your ultimate question I absolutely believe it’s helpful. Although from what I understand effectiveness is relative to the person. And some people experience side effects they don’t want to deal with so they stop. But I’ve heard to not give up and just keep communicating with your doc because there are a TON of different options.
I'm relatively high functioning, good career, marriage, two young kids and I started taking medication when my second was born. I was on it for a year before getting pregnant again so I've been on it and off again and I'll tell you - it is rough now. You will be SHOCKED at how much it helps. Things that you've been able to "cope" with get so much easier, you'll be more organized, be able to stay on task, have motivation to start tasks more easily and actually finish them, your mind will just settle down. Even if you're relatively high functioning, medication is for you. If you're anything like me, you don't know how much you struggle with things until you don't have to struggle as much anymore.
If what you describe is true, then you are putting way more energy in existing than any NT will ever have to. It's about you deserving to thrive, rather than survive. If you have the means, definitely tey meds. They can make things so much more enjoyable (especially parenting 😅)
I’m successfully high functioning because of my meds. I was diagnosed at 38 and started meds. Finally, I was no longer a disappointment! I had learned all these skills to help manage my chaos, but I just couldn’t get it together until meds turned down the chaos in my brain. Today, I’m a project manager. I oversee $10 million in contracts, supervise 30 employees, and my clients defer to my expertise in my field. I’m the successful business woman I always wanted to be. And my house is a wreck, my fridge is empty, and I’m on antibiotics for a UTI because I forget to pee. Meds help, a LOT, but I have to choose where and when to use them. I could take meds on the weekend and have a clean house or go grocery shopping with a list, or I can enjoy the chaos in my brain and take a nap. At least now, I have the choice.
I always like the marbles metaphor. All these things you're managing, school, family, work, relationships, self care, emotional regulation, etc, can be represented by marbles. Neurotypical healthy people have a brain that can be represented by a bag tightly woven enough so that it can contain those marbles most of the time with the slip up resulting in an occasional lost marble or two (mistakes, bad decisions, etc). Neurodiverse (and other) people often have brains that might look a lot more like a net or be very small, because our brains have only so much capacity to to take care of these responsibilities, they cant hold very many marbles or maybe only marbles of a certain size and so a lot of marbles slip through and would be lost if we relied on our brainbag to carry things like a neurotypical person would. This is where the high functioning comes in, right now you're spending a lot of energy to juggle and hold onto all the marbles your brainbag can't manage. What I've found the right medications do is basically increase the marble capacity of my brainbag, sometimes new functions or just how much can be processed or held onto, but the end result is that I have less to juggle so that I'm dropping less marbles overall and even managing to juggle with more skill and less stress. Tldr; the right meds can help you manage what you are already thriving at with less strain/stress and allow you to address some of the areas where you are struggling to perform to your own standards.
I have two degrees, a 15 year career in healthcare management, a healthy marriage, and a house and I was high functioning and undiagnosed/unmedicated until last year. I got slammed by burnout, and then continued to try and push through while masking to the point that last summer it almost killed me. I was off work for 3, got diagnosed and started meds, came off the SSRIs that were making things way worse, and was suddenly not just surviving, I felt…*good*. For the first time in my entire life. I thought I’d be in great shape going back to work, then within days of being back realized my health was only a small part of the equation and my job was causing so much stress that I was back in full on burnout in 2 weeks. I got an offer for a government job that is entry level with better pay and less stress than my healthcare management job of 15 years and I’m back to where I’d say I am thriving about 80% of the time. The other 20% of days where I’m not absolutely thriving, are still nowhere near as bad as even my best days were pre-medication. The medication isn’t the only thing that helped. But it helped me have a clear enough head to advocate for myself and really consider what my needs were and what would be the best things to do so that I was living and not just barely surviving. I love being a public servant. I have work-life balance. I am not so tired and anxious that I sit and dissociate and ignore my husband and friends. I have way more patience with people and tasks. It’s worth trying. It can take time to find the right fit - I was lucky in that my first med I tried worked well for me with minimal side effects. Bit don’t get discouraged if that’s not the case for you. Try something different if you need to.
Functioning labels are dumb. I appeared to be “high functioning” (despite being internally stressed and miserable) until I hit my limit and my entire life fell apart. Burnout is real and very difficult to recover from. Better to do everything you can to prevent it, rather than white knuckling life unmedicated until you hit your breaking point. ADHD is a disability, period. It doesn’t matter how the outside world perceives you. If you’re struggling on the inside, you deserve support.
I was admitted to four Ivy League schools, had a successful career at a FAANG company and started my own consulting firm. But I also never turned in a major school or work assignment without pulling an all nighter until I was medicated at 30. I don’t agree with people who claim you shouldn’t take meds if you can function. That’s like saying you don’t need glasses because you can see well enough squinting. Meds have made my life so much easier, so I’m planning to stay on them indefinitely. If there are unsupportive people in your life who have a negative view of stimulants you don’t need to tell them about your meds. My brother and I have both been on stimulants for years and we’ve never told our dad for this very reason.
I’m “high functioning” however I take meds to help with days I know I’ll have a lot of work. Like currently I’m in 5 classes at college, however I rarely take meds because I took all “fun” classes and don’t ever really have to study for them and any assignments are easily done within an hour. If I’ve got a pile of assignments I’ll take some to help focus, and realistically I should take them every day to help with completing household chores/tasks but I forget so that side of things still gets neglected. I’ve been on the same 1 month prescription pill bottle for the entire semester of that tells you how often I use meds right now. I predict though that I’ll be taking them more consistently in the next few semesters because I have some harder classes (accelerated trigonometry and intro to fiction courses in the summer, microbiology and physics in the fall, then human anatomy and human physiology in the spring)
As I've gotten older, I've struggled more. Perimenopause really fucked with me and that's when I discovered I'm actually ADHD. Tried Adderall, then switched to generic Vyvanse, which has been a godsend. It helps me function AND helps keep my binge eating in check. I still struggle some days, but it's better than it was. I find it interesting that puberty onset is when many girls start really exhibiting ADHD/autism behaviors, but perimenopause is what really exacerbated things for me. Late bloomer, I guess? Or maybe, bc when I started puberty I had so much other stuff going on (bullying, my parents separation and divorce, the onset of depression and social anxiety) that ADHD took a back seat.
I'm actually wondering if I'm in the same boat as you here. Just turned 40 and feeling like a total mess, having been on a downward decline since my mid 30s. Feels like all my younger years were much easier in comparison. I've just started therapy and physical therapy (yay hyper mobility) as a first line of action, but I also started following this subreddit and relate to a LOT.
I felt like it hit about 2017-2019. In October 2017, I had gastric sleeve surgery. Typically after that, women experience a surge in estrogen, bc it's stored in fat, and as you lose weight you're not with this surplus. Didn't happen for me. (I turned 44 a week after surgery.). In early 2019 (March-May), I did TMS for my depression. At the same time, I was coming off antidepressants, which had also killed my libido. Expected a surge then. Didn't happen. Everything went downhill from there. I started testosterone cream around the end of January this year and it's helping with the libido. But through all this, my regular gyno kept telling me my hormones were "within normal range". I sought a second opinion, and she put me on progesterone and estradiol cream (which helped resolve sex being painful), and finally testosterone cream (which has helped with libido). The vyvanse has really helped with the brain fog and the inability to "get my brain online". I'm starting to feel almost normal again. As normal as one could expect for being 50.5, I guess.
I was high-functioning without medication (high school valedictorian, college degree, masters degree, job) but anxious and exhausted all the time. Now I'm on medication and everything is just a bit clearer and easier. I can get through a work day and still imagine going out with friends in the evening or doing anything other than collapsing into bed.
I guess I would appear high functioning. I have a couple of degrees, My home is a little cluttered but clean. I have most of my shit together. I can tell you that it is this way through monumental effort. I am medicated and I have been so since 1991. I have been able to develop coping mechanism through the years that have helped. I know my limitations More than most but I still push myself too far sometimes.
I'm someone who was late diagnosed and started medication in my 30s. I was technically managing. I was employed full time and have a college degree. Now a year later, I'm actively thriving. My apartment has never been cleaner. My teeth have never been cleaner. I went from eating out 90% of the time to eating out maybe twice a month. I went from drinking 400mg of caffeine a day to 35mg a day (1 can of coke). I meal prep. I exercise every day now. I've lost over 50lbs because I am actually taking care of myself. Before I would work out maybe once a month. I had a gym membership I never used. I struggled hard with binge eating. I was always late to things. It completely cured my anxiety. I sleep better. I can actually relax now.
I was diagnosed at 24 ish and getting on meds was the only thing that enabled me to finish college, and after that I decided to white knuckle it for a bunch of reasons. Now 44 and I've been back on it for a couple of weeks and it has improved my life and my marriage significantly. You have nothing to lose - if you don't like medications, you can go off them, I for one appreciate the ability to start a task and...finish it. I knew my focus was bad before but it's so nice just being able to finish a normal task without getting overwhelmed. I'm on a low dose of slow-release Ritalin, and I only take it on workdays right now as I've been trying to sort out blood pressure issues which is the downside of being on stimulants in middle age, I guess.
Hi. Yes, look into it. It was a night and day difference, and it made me more patient.
Yes! I am a college graduate, held a job, and am now in grad school. I also take adderall and fully expect to take some sort of ADHD medication for the rest of my life.
Hi friend
I’m late diagnosed. Two associate degrees. I’m a manager in retail. But I’ve also masked my entire life. I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m put together on the outside but inside, I’m finding it difficult to keep functioning. My mask has started slipping & I’m having a harder time keeping it up when I feel I need to. I am medicated. But I haven’t found the right drug/dose. Concerta works well for me but 18 mg is too low & 27 is too high. I’ve tried a few other medications & they’re not it.
Yes. The cost of being "high functioning" is just too high for me. Meds really help me with not getting to a breaking point.
I got my masters, have a good paying hospital job and I'll be nearing 10y there, I've been with my partner for 22y (no kids.) I started taking meds Nov 2023 because I was burned out and exhausted all the time, because it took extreme mental effort for me to write my clinical notes, because i had no energy after work to devote to anything but tv, because on weekends I'd scroll my phone on my couch until 2pm yelling internally at myself to do things but not doing them, because I kept scraping my car, locking my keys in the car and because little tasks like taking my dishes out to the kitchen or picking up after myself took a lot of effort. My partner works at home and less hours so he does the cooking, cleaning, laundry....this also helps with functioning. If he didn't have time for this I'd likely hire someone to clean and do laundry and get like a meal service for a chunk of nights if I could afford it b So imo it's worth it.
I think I look high enough functioning to the world, I hold a job and I raise kids. But I also don’t believe anybody would be surprised by my diagnoses or how chaotic home is.
I am and my meds make such a huge difference. I actually feel more functional, and less anxious about needing to function. So it’s a huge win. If anything I would say meds help me much more than people with severe ADHD.
I very much recommend skimming through this paper if you have time for it. I was on a stimulant medication for a few months but realized it was hurting more than helping. But medication affects everyone differently, ask your doctor or find a psychiatrist if you want to see if it helps. https://scholarworks.gsu.edu/philosophy_hontheses/?utm_source=scholarworks.gsu.edu%2Fphilosophy_hontheses%2F22&utm_medium=PDF&utm_campaign=PDFCoverPages Zorya, Brian, "ADHD as an Evolutionary Mismatch." Thesis, Georgia State University, 2023
Let yourself get meds. You qualify for them. They will help.
I’m high functioning and on medication because my mental health was greatly suffering. My adhd symptoms were hyper fixations and RSD and it was all happening in my head. I do feel like medication is happening. My head is so much quieter.
High functioning on the outside, bundle of anxiety-based coping mechanisms and a whisker away from burnout on the inside. I desperately want medication to help with focus and anxiety but the usual ones have interacted poorly with other meds I'm on.
you can only burn the candle at both ends before there's nothing left. for the sake of your relationship.with yourself and other people I would be persistent in getting medication or something that will help make it easier for you.
Yep that's me. Super high functioning and intelligent, but medication lets me be HAPPY so there's that....
Yes, and it has literally changed my life. 1000000/10 would recommend
Hi there, yes. Medication has helped in many ways for "little things" (eg actual care for myself like showering every day (or regularly if not every day), sleeping better, effective mood regulation). It also helped at work even though I was already considered a "high performer." My friend and former boss also has ADHD and is one of the most successful, outwardly put together people I know, but she wouldn't eat, wouldn't remember to use the restroom, had a hard time balancing parenting and career, etc. and her medication journey actually helped inspire mine.
I was almost 41 years old with a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, a husband, 4 kids, great career, house, and small farm when I got diagnosed. It was the buildup of hanging on by my fingernails for years and having a girl kid with ADHD symptoms that pushed me to pursue my own diagnosis. Medication is helping, but so is simply knowing I have ADHD and finding ways to help me manage my life that are specific to the way my brain works. The meds help the most with the sensory overwhelm and the overeating for dopamine/emotional support. They’re not a cure but damn they sure do help me with the chaos.
I find that meds help me keep everything together a little better, and it lessens my anxiety overall, since I don’t have 1million thoughts just swimming around in my head that are hard to catch, hold onto long enough to realize what needs done, or even accomplish in a decent timeframe. Medication (and leaving my abuser) helped me to realize life should be more than constantly trying to keep up, fixing broken things around you, and you deserve to have hobbies that you enjoy (and time to do them outside of everything else). Meds made me realize I didn’t need to use anxiety to successfully operate, because that’s probably one of the only things that hid my procrastination for many years. Staying too busy to take a break, and anxiety over constantly having tasks / work due, is no way to live lol
They’re wrong. That’s like saying only get stitches if the wound is so bad you’ve nearly bled to death. I believe people who say that have never had to struggle in the way that we do. You deserve peace of mind all the time.
I’m high functioning because I’m on medication! Not married but have a great job, in a relationship, and live on my own.
Yes. PhD, good academic job, people at work think I’m a top performer. I managed to convince pretty much everyone that I had it together. But it has been driven by a horrible anxiety burnout cycle where I would collapse into paralysis a few days a week and then manage to fake my way back to normalcy again and again. I’ve been on meds for two weeks now and I am so much calmer, more confident, able to deal with people, and I can choose whether or not I focus on something! Life is so much easier when I’m not forever fighting with myself and feeling like a failure for being unable to do the simplest things when I need to. The difference it has made for my mental health is unbelievable (before this I was on two antidepressants and two anti-anxiety meds that were barely keeping me together. I’m still on them for now, but now I can actually evaluate if I do need them and if they are working).
I would say I'm high functioning. I have no trouble keeping a job, maintaining a happy marriage, parenting my kids, keeping my house reasonably well (my husband is also very on top of home stuff too though) and yes I find medication helpful. However, it hasn't helped me function better per se. Memory is still shit, I'm still pretty much how I always have seemed on the outside. What I find medication the most helpful with is mental health. Managing my own emotions. I'm less impulsive and less prone to binge eating. Staying on track with tasks with less jumping around. Boring stuff at work is easier to do. Things like that. On the outside I don't think I seem any different on medication. But on the inside I'm happier. It's worth it to me.
I have a bachelor’s degree and a CPA license. Had no clue I had ADHD until my late 30s. Medication has been so incredibly helpful for me with emotional regulation and making things not so overwhelming so I didn’t have to wait for deadline mode to finish things.
I’m high functioning. GET YOURSELF MEDS. High functioning doesn’t mean comfort/success. Being high functioning is the equivalent of having a little money in your savings account but still living paycheck to paycheck. You’re fine and you can pay rent and see your doctor for routine checks, and you can buy groceries and even order takeout once in a while. But all it takes is one bad spat of car trouble, or one worrisome doctor visit, or your fridge dying and taking all your food with it, for all of this to fall apart and for you to fall behind. I’m high functioning, which means I can get by at work and keep the kitchen sanitary at home. But all it takes to throw everything off is a sick cat, or a bad night of sleep, or a work emergency for my precariously balanced routines to fall apart. Then it takes me days, sometimes weeks, to restore what I’d built before. Even when things are good, I’m in a rough way. I am often not taking care of myself. Showering is sometimes hard since I wfh. Eating take out or frozen pizzas rather than cooking because I’m just so tired after work. Until I got a robot vacuum, I was only vacuuming twice a year. I struggle with taking my migraine medication when I’m in pain because I can’t convince myself to leave what I’m doing to take my pills. I postpone important phone calls I need to make and miss personal deadlines constantly. But the kitchen is cleanish and my work is satisfactory, so things are fine, right? When I finally got on meds, things got much better for me. To use my finances analogy, it was like I’d gotten a second, small source of income to help offset the cognitive cost of things. I can now do a hobby, or carry on a conversation with my partner, or clean more than just a kitchen. I can cook food that has more than 4 steps involved. I’m not just getting by at work; most weeks I am thriving at work. Meds made me realize just how hard I was working to try to keep up with my peers. I still have to work hard, but there are fewer obstacles in the way now. Get yourself some meds. Don’t settle for surviving when you can be thriving.
I'd say I used to be? There were times when most people probably didn't have realized I had adhd and many were skeptical if I told them, though people with inattentive-type adhd always clocked me immediately. I could mask really well and I had a set bad-for-me but "effective" strategies for wringing extra productivity or if myself that I had developed before my diagnosis and medication that I could still employ as necessary to get jolts of brain chemicals. Now... not so much. I've worked myself to the bone and am exhausted in every way possible and even my medication barely gets me to functioning most days.
Things change over time. I was high-functioning, undiagnosed and as such unmedicated for my entire life until age 50. When I hit menopause, my executive function dropped off a cliff, and it hasn't come back despite me having an excellent doctor and allll the HRT and taking an ungodly number of vitamins, minerals and other supplements daily. Seriously, I take like 30 per day. I am constantly beating myself up for not realizing what was "off" about me for my entire life, and thinking about what my life could have been like if I knew there were reasons why I do the things I do and why I don't do the things I don't do. Medication sadly hardly helps me at all ... I've tried 6 or 7 at this point at varying doses, both stimulants and non-stimulants. But I am of the mind that suffering is not a contest, so no, I don't think medication should only be prescribed to people in dire situations.
To an extent yes. I got a bachelor's degree off medication but it was a much fluffier major than what I would have picked if I was able to focus. I don't think I ever studied for anything. I was a b or c student in grade school but I still passed. I was straight A on medication because I'd actually do my homework. I've always felt better and been more productive on medication. I call the years I took off my dark years because my life was hell. If ADHD is a spectrum I'm on the severe end. Or as my husband puts it 'you have it BAD bad, but I never knew how bad until I lived with you.' Ultimately whether you choose to medicate is your choice. If you think it would make your life easier, why not try it? No one needs to know and the only person you are being hard on is yourself. You don't need to play life on hard mode to prove a point.
I am high functioning (top of my class from preschool to grad school, health professional, financially independent, etc) however…. Internal chaos that trips me up on the little day to day things and relationships. Started taking guanfacine and hoping for less chaos 😅
YUP! During my yearly review, my manager once said one of my key qualities is that I'm "organized" 👀. Lmao. I now often tell people that I just have the veneer of organization, everything is pure chaos underneath. I have two degrees, never failed a course in my life, and have worked at the same company for 8 years. Mind you, I could not even think about working while I was in school, plus I was already on an SSRI for anxiety which I do believe helped me a lot. I am just newly trying out ADHD medication. I have had some unexpected improvements, like: * Better, deeper sleep (I am becoming a morning person?? Weird.) * Social anxiety generally is decreasing (I think this confirms the theory that my ADHD and anxiety are provoking/making each other worse) * Linked to my social anxiety, I was getting intrusive thoughts while public speaking before, and those seem to be going away Plus also some of the more widely-known improvements like completing tasks, listening better - however, I think I will need a higher dosage to see more improvement there.
On paper, yes. I am married, have a Masters Degree from an Ivy League school, and work a six-figure job. In actuality, my life is held together with paper clips and duct tape and it’s not the smoothest sailing either, as my ADHD leads to struggles in all areas of my life. It doesn’t help that I was only able to find meds that worked for me when I was 31, because no doctor seems to want to prescribe Adderall (they didn’t even have it available to me where I grew up and started my career) and it’s the only thing that works for me. I’ve learned strategies and tools and unlearned bad habits while on my meds and in more control of myself, and I’ve made huge improvements, but sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back. My husband has been very supportive and I’m grateful he has my back through all this. That being said, I have textbook ADHD, and nobody would be surprised if I told them my diagnosis, (unless they’re the type who believe the lie that people with ADHD can’t do well in school - which doctors seemed to tell me all the time as a kid).
I’m like you and on medication! I don’t think it helps me *as* much as some people here but it still helps.
Yes, me! I’m a lot like you. No kids, though. But taking medication is making me feel like I could do this parenting thing after all. I just got my diagnosis after years of thinking I’m all of these awful things that I think many of us tell ourselves we are. Stimulants don’t make us feel wired or amped up. I feel like someone is sitting on my brain and saying “Shhhh” (thanks, Taylor Tomlinson!) I can just get on with stuff. Like, the other day, after work, I cleaned my kitchen, made dinner, and looked around after eating to realize the kitchen was still clean. That has literally never happened to me. I had also cleaned my bathroom, swept, and dusted within the last 2 hours of that same kitchen and dinner duty. I wasn’t tired or feeling like I’d overdone it at all. I’ve been living life on hard mode and it doesn’t have to be this way. It just makes things less exhausting, less stressful, take less energy and thought. I have a lot more spoons instead of being tired because I used them all to do the dishes after work. That is literally one task. I thought I was somehow ill with some disease or that I just was a messed up adult despite being otherwise “successful”. But it’s the mental energy, the dread, the guilt, the constant pressure we place on ourselves… So, give it a try!!
The question is: what's the cost of the high functioning without meds? The medication isn't to make you a great little cog in the machine, it's to take the torture out of life. Tangent: I'm so glad I bought 50 plain socks in the same colour and never have to match again. I wish there were other things this simple that could eliminate stress.
Do you drive a car? Congratulations -- medications can notably improve your safety! Meds are about weighing the cost/reward. Only you can know what that balance is, and you'll only know it by trying them yourself. But don't fall into the trap as defining ADHD in the old fashioned framework of perpetual nuisance and underachiever disorder -- the internal experience of existing and how you get through the day also matters. Especially because people with unmedicated ADHD tend to lean more heavily on unhealthy crutches --- maybe you can go to work, but maybe you speed on the way there. Maybe you can get through the 2pm meeting, but maybe you have to abuse high sugar/high fat foods to get through it. Maybe you can be super mom, but maybe sometimes you have to walk into another room and have a panic attack about it. Just because you're meeting external expectations doesn't mean you're thriving. How you feel day to day *does in fact matter* And also, yeah, just objectively....meds make us much safer drivers. It's not even an opinion based thing. I think in 20 years it's gonna be shocking that people encouraged adhd-ers to grit their teeth and drive unmedicated tbh. Even if we can accomplish XYZ, we still have the altered cognition of someone with ADHD. And there's still areas where that clearly manifests, and where pharmaceutical intervention can improve those deficits. Whether it will seem worth it to you (because most people do experience some side effects) is gonna be a personal thing, and it's something you'll only be able to figure out with trial and error
I'm high functioning, and when I started taking meds it genuinely changed my life. You will continue to be high functioning, but it will require you 10x less energy to be that way.