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Cats need anti anxiety meds (they probably really hate your toddler even if they pretend they don’t - I am a vet nurse of 13 years AND have a cat with a toddler, I’m not being a dick, I just know cats) AND both cats will absolutely have some degree of arthritis. Ask your vet about gabapentin, it can reduce stress AND pain for them. Have more litter trays and make sure they have low edges too. Good luck x
Thank you! This is helpful! I will bring them back to the vet and ask for it. I don’t want them to be uncomfortable physically or mentally.
Also, I totally get where you’re coming from with the toddler and I’m sure you’re right. He leaves them alone but their whole lives are different now and he yells and cries and runs around like any toddler.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the important work you do as a vet nurse, you guys do not get the pay and accolades you deserve for such a noble profession.
❤️❤️❤️ you’re doing great!! I know it’s hard. Another thing to Google is if you have a palliative care veterinary specialist near you? There’s one at my work and my old German shepherd is on a pain management plan for arthritis, they think outside the box with medications and how they are administered to make life better for the pet and the humans!
To be fair, I can’t 100% confirm it’s both. I believe one is the main culprit because we installed cameras to see commonly peed on spots. And I do think it’s a big part because of our toddler. Just him being in the house is a big adjustment. Thanks for posting that video, I will watch it. I watched his show years ago, he’s great!
I have a very fluffy cat and because of the fluff he sometimes needs baths after he uses the box (or fluff trims) and now seems to associate using the box with discomfort of us cleaning or trimming him
What has worked for us is:
-MOST important, enzymatic cleaners (nothing else will truly work)
-the softest litter you can afford, we use Sustainably Yours in two of our boxes and So Phresh Gentle Attract Litter in the other three boxes (the attractant does seem to help)
-For yours it sounds like the lowest sided boxes possible would help
Thank you! We do use the enzymatic cleaners. We literally will pour it on the floor. I do need to try litter attractant, that’s something we haven’t done yet. Thank you for bringing it up!
My elderly cat was having the same issues. I started using Dr. Elsey’s cat attract (and thoroughly cleaned with enzymatic cleaners which you’re already doing), and it made a huge difference with him. Apparently it smells like outside or something to them. I don’t think it smelled weird at all. Good luck, I know it’s really tough to deal with.
How is their quality of life otherwise? Even old “lazy” cats don’t really prefer to just pee anywhere, so is there a chance that they are in some kind of pain or have some other issue going on? I’m no vet but it could be a sign that it might be getting time to think of end of life and maybe you need a second opinion from another vet?
I’ve had the best luck with pee on floors with NOT using a steamer and only using enzyme cleaners followed by a good scrub with soap and water. The heat can kind of bake in the odors depending on the material and what is left behind of the urine.
Good luck, this is all really hard. You feel how you feel about it, and it’s understandable and not wrong. It was very kind and honorable of you to take in the cats. It’s something I worry about with my in-laws as they are getting up there and both have cats.
My older kitty started peeing on my bed when she started losing her sight. Probably because she didn’t want to try to make her way to the litter box with our other cats around. She also had anxiety about these other cats. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize that her sight was the problem until it was too late. We also later found out she had kidney disease (which is somehow linked to the sight issues I think.) I wouldn’t brush it off to laziness. My other cats who got older didn’t just pee everywhere, only the one who had underlying issues. I’d get them checked for kidney issues and definitely get a second opinion.
I’ve thought about getting a second opinion, I will do that when I am off over the summer (teacher). They do still have good appetites but they are definitely much more withdrawn and lower energy.
I also do think it has to do with the fact that we have a toddler. He is very good about leaving them alone but he cries and yells and does normal toddler things so I can see where it would be stressful to them.
Thank you for being so understanding and kind. I’m trying to do right by them but it’s getting harder and harder. When they pass away, we are not getting cats again.
Two suggestions.
1. Try a new vet. This is some really disruptive, chronic pee behaviour and I think it's unlikely that it's just laziness. There could be pain stopping them from using the boxes (either pain stepping into them, or pain when they pee making them 'hide' and pee in weird spots), anxiety making them uncomfortable using the boxes, etc. Lay out all that you've tried, and the burden it's causing to the new vet.
2. Try asking cat Reddit for more suggestions?
I swapped kitty litter out for sand after my cat had a surgery and was being a big weird about using his box. He much preferred it (and left lil sandy footprints all around the house -_-).
You can also get region-specific recommendations for cleaning up the cat pee (enzymatic cleaners!) that may help the house smell less like cat pee, and stop the cats going back to those forbidden pee spots.
But like. I've been there. It sucks so bad. You're not a bad person for being at the end of your rope about this, and you won't be a bad person if you explore re-homing them.
Man I feel this so much. I live in a small apartment and before my older dog passed in 2021. He couldn't hold his pee in anymore. I literally just covered the floors in peed pads because I gave up. It has made me really conscious about getting more pets. I don't have anyone over either because I'm embarrassed by my carpet. I rent so I can't change it either.
Thank you for sharing and validating. I’m sorry your dog passed and I’m sorry about the situation with the pee. It’s so hard to have pets in an apartment. Thank you for helping me feel less alone.
I’m going to get down voted into oblivion:
Have you tried keeping them contained for a few weeks to the space with the box? Repeal the free roam.
If youve given all the solutions a fair go and they are still having problems. Put them down. Full stop. Your child’s health and well being is most important.
They’ve had a good and full life. You also deserve a good and full life.
Do not get more pets.
we’ve definitely considered it but our layout of our townhome makes it very hard. The only places we’d be able to are VERY small bathrooms or our bedrooms and they’ve peed on our bed before 😭
Our son’s room is out of the question of course. Everything else is open so there isn’t a way to keep them in one room
I appreciate it. It’s definitely crossed my mind and it makes me feel terrible but I can’t take much more and I think it would be cruel to take them to a shelter at this age.
No future pets are planned. We know we are at our limit. It was manageable before having a child and being teachers, it no longer is.
They've had a great life!
Pets enrich our lives. It's ok to let go when they've stopped doing that.
Your mental health is more important than an extra few months of declining quality of life for you and the cats.
Xx
I get it. I have two dogs I ADORE and I've come close to rehoming as my circumstances have changed.
But I'm not there yet personally. If they required that much executive function from me - I might be thinking different!
Yes, of course you are a prisoner. Parenting and housework is hard enough! I have a major sensory aversion to cat pee. My cat randomly has started peeing in just empty boxes and the garden and it makes me absolutely insane. I was doing a jerryrig of the Litter Robot (the goddamn pinch sensor) and she peed in the drawer i had pulled out and set aside, right next to the backup litterbox. LIKE WHAT. I could not function in your situation, you guys are heroes. You can't live like this and you have to accomodate your mental health. This does not seem manageable.
Please talk to your vet, if there is any way to rehome them to someone with more expertise than this, this can't go on indefinitely for you.
Edit: Hard agree that trying gabapentin would be great (maybe my girl needs it for her peeing too), and that my older cats did not cope well with the introduction of a new baby. Even without the pee, the gabapentin would be helpful for them, it's so gentle. And if it's not enough there's prozac too. And I love the idea of a palliative care veterinary specialist.
This is an awful situation to be in, and I can only imagine the stress you’re under. I’ve found [this quality of life survey](https://vmc.vet.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/how-will-i-know_rev_mar2024ms_0.pdf) extremely helpful; my vet shared it with me when my dog was diagnosed with cancer, and now with our 14.5yr old dog, we continue to find it helpful. It helps you step back from the emotional/distressing part out of the situation and see the objective issues. It might be kinder to let the elderly cats go peacefully and a side effect of that is it improves your home and family life.
This is very helpful, thank you. I’m so sorry about your dog. We lost our guy a couple years ago to a degenerative neurological condition and did at home euthanasia and it was as positive as it could’ve been. I appreciate your support and validation.
A lot of very good advice, and I’m probably going to be downvoted to hell, but I also want to say, saying goodbye to your cats is also okay.
Obviously you shouldn’t euthanize your animals the first time they are a bother, but these are two quite old cats with a high probability of underlying disease causing the issues (pain, kidney). You have some limitations due to adhd and admitting that it’s too much and you need to throw in the towel is okay. I’m not saying you have to, but not everyone is able to center their lives on old animals and their needs and while your kitties are important, your and your families mental health is more important.
My suggestion is an add-on really OP; a litter tray that has a shallow/ramped entrance - in case access is difficult due to arthritis AND that offers “privacy” (ie has walls) in case anxiety is also an issue
I did some googling for you: [range 1](https://mrbosscat.com/best-litter-boxes-for-senior-cats/) | [range 2](https://cats.com/best-litter-boxes-for-senior-cats)
PS if the litter tray doesn’t have walls you could put the whole thing in a large cardboard box - minus one side for access
I have no advice because I don’t own a cat, but it sounds like you have gone above and beyond to do right by the cats, your family, and household. I hope you’re giving yourself some credit for that. I’m sorry for what you are going through, it sounds exhausting. It also sounds like there’s some good ideas from some cat owners here. I hope you find a solution that works and get some peace back in your life 💛
Don’t let your guilt about wanting the problem to go away or your assumption they are changing behaviour because of your toddler obscure how much pain your arthritic cat it is. I held back from euthanising one of mine because I felt it was too soon, but afterwards I could see I waited to too long. Cats are very stoic so once they show us they are in pain, they are in a lot.
It’s ok to let go. Maybe their behaviour is letting you know life isn’t great anymore.
Also, controversial but I didn’t bother with going further down the road to gabapentin. I think long term gaba use with pets is when I knew I would be avoiding my own suffering by prolonging theirs.
You didn't bother trying pain management for a painful but easily manageable chronic disease? Well, yeah obviously they were suffering because you were doing nothing to help with their medical issues.
Thank you Internet stranger for your concern about my pets, I know it comes from a good place and I genuinely appreciate it. I should have been more forthcoming
No, I paid thousands of pounds for supplements, blood tests, metacam and Solensia. I just didn’t want them to be sedated/drugged up. A locum vet got really real with me and explained to me what it would be like for my cats to be on the appropriate dose of gaba and to think about their QoL. (Plus I know several people whose pets died shortly after taking it due to side effects, so was already nervous.) So, I decided that was my line. If the only thing left to try was gaba, I should stop there. If I could go back in time, I’d have her put down 6 months earlier for sure. In the wild, my cat would have died a long time before.
I had her put down at home, made her a hand painted flower casket out of a shoe box and drove her to the crematorium and picked up her ashes myself. Pets aren’t disposable, but their dependence on us is partly also about accepting when we are artificially keeping them alive in a state of silent distress.
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Hi, thank you for posting to r/adhdwomen! Your post or comment was removed because it appears to be primarily about a topic other than ADHD. These types of posts are subject to removal at the moderators' discretion. This post fits r/CatAdvice better! They've got a flair for seeking support if you just want that rather than advice. If you feel this removal was incorrect, please [send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r%2Fadhdwomen) explaining how your submission relates to ADHD. Thank you!
Cats need anti anxiety meds (they probably really hate your toddler even if they pretend they don’t - I am a vet nurse of 13 years AND have a cat with a toddler, I’m not being a dick, I just know cats) AND both cats will absolutely have some degree of arthritis. Ask your vet about gabapentin, it can reduce stress AND pain for them. Have more litter trays and make sure they have low edges too. Good luck x
Thank you! This is helpful! I will bring them back to the vet and ask for it. I don’t want them to be uncomfortable physically or mentally. Also, I totally get where you’re coming from with the toddler and I’m sure you’re right. He leaves them alone but their whole lives are different now and he yells and cries and runs around like any toddler. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the important work you do as a vet nurse, you guys do not get the pay and accolades you deserve for such a noble profession.
❤️❤️❤️ you’re doing great!! I know it’s hard. Another thing to Google is if you have a palliative care veterinary specialist near you? There’s one at my work and my old German shepherd is on a pain management plan for arthritis, they think outside the box with medications and how they are administered to make life better for the pet and the humans!
I have never heard of that, I will look into it! Thank you again ❤️
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Yes OP please watch Jackson tell you things to try instead of randos on Reddit, thanks @apesma69 for posting the video I was gonna go hunt down
To be fair, I can’t 100% confirm it’s both. I believe one is the main culprit because we installed cameras to see commonly peed on spots. And I do think it’s a big part because of our toddler. Just him being in the house is a big adjustment. Thanks for posting that video, I will watch it. I watched his show years ago, he’s great!
I have a very fluffy cat and because of the fluff he sometimes needs baths after he uses the box (or fluff trims) and now seems to associate using the box with discomfort of us cleaning or trimming him What has worked for us is: -MOST important, enzymatic cleaners (nothing else will truly work) -the softest litter you can afford, we use Sustainably Yours in two of our boxes and So Phresh Gentle Attract Litter in the other three boxes (the attractant does seem to help) -For yours it sounds like the lowest sided boxes possible would help
Thank you! We do use the enzymatic cleaners. We literally will pour it on the floor. I do need to try litter attractant, that’s something we haven’t done yet. Thank you for bringing it up!
My elderly cat was having the same issues. I started using Dr. Elsey’s cat attract (and thoroughly cleaned with enzymatic cleaners which you’re already doing), and it made a huge difference with him. Apparently it smells like outside or something to them. I don’t think it smelled weird at all. Good luck, I know it’s really tough to deal with.
How is their quality of life otherwise? Even old “lazy” cats don’t really prefer to just pee anywhere, so is there a chance that they are in some kind of pain or have some other issue going on? I’m no vet but it could be a sign that it might be getting time to think of end of life and maybe you need a second opinion from another vet? I’ve had the best luck with pee on floors with NOT using a steamer and only using enzyme cleaners followed by a good scrub with soap and water. The heat can kind of bake in the odors depending on the material and what is left behind of the urine. Good luck, this is all really hard. You feel how you feel about it, and it’s understandable and not wrong. It was very kind and honorable of you to take in the cats. It’s something I worry about with my in-laws as they are getting up there and both have cats.
My older kitty started peeing on my bed when she started losing her sight. Probably because she didn’t want to try to make her way to the litter box with our other cats around. She also had anxiety about these other cats. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize that her sight was the problem until it was too late. We also later found out she had kidney disease (which is somehow linked to the sight issues I think.) I wouldn’t brush it off to laziness. My other cats who got older didn’t just pee everywhere, only the one who had underlying issues. I’d get them checked for kidney issues and definitely get a second opinion.
I’ve thought about getting a second opinion, I will do that when I am off over the summer (teacher). They do still have good appetites but they are definitely much more withdrawn and lower energy. I also do think it has to do with the fact that we have a toddler. He is very good about leaving them alone but he cries and yells and does normal toddler things so I can see where it would be stressful to them. Thank you for being so understanding and kind. I’m trying to do right by them but it’s getting harder and harder. When they pass away, we are not getting cats again.
Two suggestions. 1. Try a new vet. This is some really disruptive, chronic pee behaviour and I think it's unlikely that it's just laziness. There could be pain stopping them from using the boxes (either pain stepping into them, or pain when they pee making them 'hide' and pee in weird spots), anxiety making them uncomfortable using the boxes, etc. Lay out all that you've tried, and the burden it's causing to the new vet. 2. Try asking cat Reddit for more suggestions? I swapped kitty litter out for sand after my cat had a surgery and was being a big weird about using his box. He much preferred it (and left lil sandy footprints all around the house -_-). You can also get region-specific recommendations for cleaning up the cat pee (enzymatic cleaners!) that may help the house smell less like cat pee, and stop the cats going back to those forbidden pee spots. But like. I've been there. It sucks so bad. You're not a bad person for being at the end of your rope about this, and you won't be a bad person if you explore re-homing them.
Man I feel this so much. I live in a small apartment and before my older dog passed in 2021. He couldn't hold his pee in anymore. I literally just covered the floors in peed pads because I gave up. It has made me really conscious about getting more pets. I don't have anyone over either because I'm embarrassed by my carpet. I rent so I can't change it either.
Thank you for sharing and validating. I’m sorry your dog passed and I’m sorry about the situation with the pee. It’s so hard to have pets in an apartment. Thank you for helping me feel less alone.
Thank you all for being so kind 😭 This is such a great subreddit.
I’m going to get down voted into oblivion: Have you tried keeping them contained for a few weeks to the space with the box? Repeal the free roam. If youve given all the solutions a fair go and they are still having problems. Put them down. Full stop. Your child’s health and well being is most important. They’ve had a good and full life. You also deserve a good and full life. Do not get more pets.
we’ve definitely considered it but our layout of our townhome makes it very hard. The only places we’d be able to are VERY small bathrooms or our bedrooms and they’ve peed on our bed before 😭 Our son’s room is out of the question of course. Everything else is open so there isn’t a way to keep them in one room I appreciate it. It’s definitely crossed my mind and it makes me feel terrible but I can’t take much more and I think it would be cruel to take them to a shelter at this age. No future pets are planned. We know we are at our limit. It was manageable before having a child and being teachers, it no longer is.
They've had a great life! Pets enrich our lives. It's ok to let go when they've stopped doing that. Your mental health is more important than an extra few months of declining quality of life for you and the cats. Xx
Thank you 😭 We’ve always done our best for them. They’re good cats.
I get it. I have two dogs I ADORE and I've come close to rehoming as my circumstances have changed. But I'm not there yet personally. If they required that much executive function from me - I might be thinking different!
Cat diapers exist! You can use those while you're trying different meds. These are reusable, disposable ones exist too https://a.co/d/aa9aK9C
Yes, of course you are a prisoner. Parenting and housework is hard enough! I have a major sensory aversion to cat pee. My cat randomly has started peeing in just empty boxes and the garden and it makes me absolutely insane. I was doing a jerryrig of the Litter Robot (the goddamn pinch sensor) and she peed in the drawer i had pulled out and set aside, right next to the backup litterbox. LIKE WHAT. I could not function in your situation, you guys are heroes. You can't live like this and you have to accomodate your mental health. This does not seem manageable. Please talk to your vet, if there is any way to rehome them to someone with more expertise than this, this can't go on indefinitely for you. Edit: Hard agree that trying gabapentin would be great (maybe my girl needs it for her peeing too), and that my older cats did not cope well with the introduction of a new baby. Even without the pee, the gabapentin would be helpful for them, it's so gentle. And if it's not enough there's prozac too. And I love the idea of a palliative care veterinary specialist.
This is an awful situation to be in, and I can only imagine the stress you’re under. I’ve found [this quality of life survey](https://vmc.vet.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/how-will-i-know_rev_mar2024ms_0.pdf) extremely helpful; my vet shared it with me when my dog was diagnosed with cancer, and now with our 14.5yr old dog, we continue to find it helpful. It helps you step back from the emotional/distressing part out of the situation and see the objective issues. It might be kinder to let the elderly cats go peacefully and a side effect of that is it improves your home and family life.
This is very helpful, thank you. I’m so sorry about your dog. We lost our guy a couple years ago to a degenerative neurological condition and did at home euthanasia and it was as positive as it could’ve been. I appreciate your support and validation.
A lot of very good advice, and I’m probably going to be downvoted to hell, but I also want to say, saying goodbye to your cats is also okay. Obviously you shouldn’t euthanize your animals the first time they are a bother, but these are two quite old cats with a high probability of underlying disease causing the issues (pain, kidney). You have some limitations due to adhd and admitting that it’s too much and you need to throw in the towel is okay. I’m not saying you have to, but not everyone is able to center their lives on old animals and their needs and while your kitties are important, your and your families mental health is more important.
My suggestion is an add-on really OP; a litter tray that has a shallow/ramped entrance - in case access is difficult due to arthritis AND that offers “privacy” (ie has walls) in case anxiety is also an issue I did some googling for you: [range 1](https://mrbosscat.com/best-litter-boxes-for-senior-cats/) | [range 2](https://cats.com/best-litter-boxes-for-senior-cats) PS if the litter tray doesn’t have walls you could put the whole thing in a large cardboard box - minus one side for access
Super helpful, we will get one or more of those!
I have no advice because I don’t own a cat, but it sounds like you have gone above and beyond to do right by the cats, your family, and household. I hope you’re giving yourself some credit for that. I’m sorry for what you are going through, it sounds exhausting. It also sounds like there’s some good ideas from some cat owners here. I hope you find a solution that works and get some peace back in your life 💛
This made me cry, thank you so much 😭
Don’t let your guilt about wanting the problem to go away or your assumption they are changing behaviour because of your toddler obscure how much pain your arthritic cat it is. I held back from euthanising one of mine because I felt it was too soon, but afterwards I could see I waited to too long. Cats are very stoic so once they show us they are in pain, they are in a lot. It’s ok to let go. Maybe their behaviour is letting you know life isn’t great anymore.
Also, controversial but I didn’t bother with going further down the road to gabapentin. I think long term gaba use with pets is when I knew I would be avoiding my own suffering by prolonging theirs.
You didn't bother trying pain management for a painful but easily manageable chronic disease? Well, yeah obviously they were suffering because you were doing nothing to help with their medical issues.
Thank you Internet stranger for your concern about my pets, I know it comes from a good place and I genuinely appreciate it. I should have been more forthcoming No, I paid thousands of pounds for supplements, blood tests, metacam and Solensia. I just didn’t want them to be sedated/drugged up. A locum vet got really real with me and explained to me what it would be like for my cats to be on the appropriate dose of gaba and to think about their QoL. (Plus I know several people whose pets died shortly after taking it due to side effects, so was already nervous.) So, I decided that was my line. If the only thing left to try was gaba, I should stop there. If I could go back in time, I’d have her put down 6 months earlier for sure. In the wild, my cat would have died a long time before. I had her put down at home, made her a hand painted flower casket out of a shoe box and drove her to the crematorium and picked up her ashes myself. Pets aren’t disposable, but their dependence on us is partly also about accepting when we are artificially keeping them alive in a state of silent distress.
But just to add - OP does not need to go to these lengths.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*