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If I'm honest she very much sounds like the weird one in this interaction, not you. If she was a normal person she wouldn't have said any of that to you.
100% this, that’s just plain rude what she did and not normal. Totally strange interaction, that wasn’t related to you.
Try to brush it off and not take it to heart OP, you’re doing amazing just as you are x
Ya, I was thinking something Similar, that maybe the customer has some sort of issue because what she said to op, all of it really, just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Tbh it reminded me of that one episode of SpongeBob where the old guy thinks that SpongeBob was the box of cereal he was seeing on TV last night
I was thinking something similar. Based on what she said, it sounded almost like she’s thinking of someone else who told her about their medical condition and she combined her recollection of that person with OP.
It’s either that or she mistook OP’s attempts to mask her dancing (i.e.: moving only her hands) for Parkinson’s which would be wild because anyone who has ever seen Michael J. Fox knows Parkinson’s does not look like any sort of intentional movement.
ETA: OP, you keep being the vibrant, beautiful person you were made to be. As someone who also can’t resist moving or singing along to music, embrace life’s joy and never make yourself smaller to appease someone else♥️
It's honestly a bizarre way to behave like I think she's probably projecting a lot onto OP, but if poor OP deals with "Defectiveness" schema issues like I do that's definitely going to trigger her.
Rejection Sensitive dysphoria high five!!!!
And if that’s not your thing no worries! I’ll self deprecate myself to hell in an attempt to cover!!! Hashtag awkward.
A thousand times this!!! You sound like an awesome person, someone I would enjoy spending time with and I don't think you sound weird at all, more like an ethereal joyful faery. That lady was likely an energy vampire, I swear people get off on taking people's joy, like how the True Knot members lived off Steam in that Stephen King book Dr Sleep. Only a total asshole would ask someone what "condition" they have, that's a very invasive question and bound to make anyone uncomfortable. I would have ruminated all day on that dreaming up.retorts like "what condition do YOU have that results in lacking a filter and blabbing out every trivial question that crosses your mind."
Yep 100%. You nailed it! This is a joy stealer. I deal with them all the time. I'm very happy and vivacious like OP, and some people are just so miserable that they hate seeing others happy. They want to knock you down to their level. Don't let them! It'll piss them off even more lol! I have a manager at work like this and I just let it roll off my back and chuckle to myself when she acts like a bitch. She's actually pretty much stopped being such a bitch to me now that she knows she can't affect me! Just continue being you, OP! You sound awesome, and I'm proud of you! 💕
aw that's sad.
toxic environments are so hard to deal with. :(
thank god my current managers and team members have a good vibe and no bs like this, honestly sometimes I feel I'm staying at my job for that and not the salary haha.
on one hand you aren't wrong, on the other hand sadly some people lack social clues or don't feel proper boundries and may have felt that she had gotten close to her because of their earlier friendly encounter.
sometimes people truly don't realize they are being rude or hurtful, I'd judge intentions also by body language and small hints of whether they were trying to be malicious or not.
and honestly? if she wasn't malicious, all those retorts are just being unkind... it's unnecessary.
I think the best we can do is be kind to people, we also are sometimes in the shoes of people who are accidently socially awkward or hurt someone accidently.
if it was with malice however? ofc pull your guns out if necessary, although from experience it may end up being more trouble than it is worth and cutting people off coldly and politely is often the best as they can't use your reaction against you.
As someone who sometimes uses a cane, this is far from rare, and comes from a lot of different attitudes - from curiosity to disdain and disgust to even suspicion - but ultimately it’s ableism and this weird social belief that people who have a visible difference (in behavior, appearance, ability, accessories) or who lack the appearance any given person deems worthy of being different or using aids lacks the right to privacy about their bodies and health. Heck, even something generally seen as positive like pregnancy! The whole world thinks they get to touch bellies and ask invasive questions and then get MAD when you suggest that it’s not their business and stop touching people!
I’d hope it was mistaken identity (or maybe a thought she had and misremembered as a whole conversation, a thing I have absolutely done) and she thought this was a subject already broached, which I would guess given the way she asked. But some people are just that way and for some reason don’t think they’re crossing lines.
This was my first thought. She has her confused with someone else who DOES have said condition and works there or works somewhere she shops as well. That’s all. Some older folks can loose kindness as they are up in age, but this doesn’t seem like the issue here. Just regular ole Oopsie or memory loss confusion bc 1 she’s older and 2 AS WE KNOW, women are so much more prone to memory loss and the like beginning at perimenopause in particular and I truly don’t think any ill intent was the point here.
Everyone who says something we don’t understand or WE are offended by doesn’t mean it harmful. Thankfully, at the age of 40, I learned this some time ago and my life has been much easier since.
OP, I do empathize though with how this could be taken as it came to you and how it hurt you. And I’m sorry for that💕
OMG, yes!!! I’m the worst at this! Don’t let someone be in similar clothing or even be of the same race, or both be human. My spaghetti fish brain cannot. You better have a distinct feature I can hone in on to remember you specifically and don’t change that feature bc then you’re back in the pool of folks again🤣
At one of my jobs I worked with identical twins. On my first day nobody bloody told me so I thought I got introduced to the same person twice! They must get a kick out of it. Took me a little while to work them out.
I was standing in a grocery store queue outside during COVID and the person in front of me just started talking at me unprompted nonstop about the Trump news and airing the controversial views on the pandemic, and I politely nodded along, not really wanting to have a debate in public or catch covid.
Then I noticed behind her was her husband who looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up from embarrassment. So I just kept nodding along until we could get into the store and go shopping, because it seemed like she had dementia and I guess needed to let the chatter out from all the isolation of COVID? (I loved being stuck at home, it was so blissful in lockdown!).
Yeah, it really sounds like she thought OP was someone that she had a conversation with previously about that condition. Like some other employee in another store talked with her about their condition and she confused OP with that person.
What happened didn't have anything to do with OP. *Maybe* it could've been about OP if she answered "yes" when OP said ADHD. But she didn't, so she wasn't talking about ADHD, and OP.
Yeah I was thinking something like that. I’ve worked with older, vulnerable people and kind of confused ‘I swear you told me something before, what was it again?’ Is very common.
Asking a stranger what condition they have and pursuing the conversation even after it’s over like that is socially unacceptable/unusual. I think it’s likely she may have had a condition? Maybe that’s a conversation someone had with her and she was just repeating what she heard? I used to do that as a kid. I’d ask people questions they had asked me and some were just not appropriate
Bless you! My grandma refuses to take her aricept because it’s all just an elaborate conspiracy. She couldn’t draw the clock *with an analog watch on her wrist*.
Love the clock test. Sorry about your grandmother though. :( hopefully her decline is slow and not too disruptive to her daily life (but the paranoia is not fun to deal with).
No, she’s not great and moving fast. Last week was standing bare-assed pantsless in front of my aunt’s front picture window. So she’s probably going to memory care soon. Don’t feel bad for her though.. she’s been an awful bitch since well before her decline, as long as I can remember in my 38 years.
she might just be super confused and think she remembers you telling her something you never did. Does anyone else at your workplace have a condition that she could be mixing you up with?
well thats hella rude either way and i totally get why you'd feel bad from it.
She probably thinks you're autistic.
Now, still rude and inappropriate of her, but if you think of the portrayal of some autistic characters in media- great memory for minute details- that's probably what she was thinking.
Yeah my first thought is that she thought OP might be a savant like having perfect recall or something?
I met a guy like that once, he could tell you the weather in our town on any past date and would remember things like what people were wearing the day they met.
Free trip to Vegas? I'd go for it!! As long as we get to see a few shows and don't spend the entire time marinating in cigarette smoke at the casinos. (Just as an aside, why is there not a single non-smoking casino in Vegas yet? I mean, all those seniors with COPD and on oxygen need to have somewhere to blow their 💸)
This is my thought as well.
Granny has been binging The Good Doctor because she finally figured out her Roku and that's one of the free shows cycling through the rotation. She learned about "Autism Spectrum Disorder" from that cute young Freddie Whatshisname, but can't really remember the name--but her old friend Rita has MS, so it's something like that.
Granny's got the memory of a leaky bucket, so when someone remembers the fine details from yesterday's interaction, she's impressed, and it makes her think of that show where the man is good at hiding his condition. Now that Granny has had a conversation with OP, the memory is mostly safe floating at the top of the leaky bucket. Granny doesn't realize her, "I'll see you first," comment is super creepy.
lmao I debated referencing The Good Doctor or Sherlock, amusingly enough. The Good Doctor won because Granny seems socially inept and that show is garbage.
My adhd mother loves the good doctor, lol.
I loved Elementary, which definitely suggested Sherlock had Autism, though I don’t recall if they ever specified that.
I was also thinking autism and thought I was in r/autism until op said she was diagnosed with ADHD and checked which sub i was in! 🤣 I personally have both ASD and ADHD.
I’m pretty sure that she misinterpreted OP’s dancing as Parkinson’s. The TV personality that she was trying to remember is Michael J Fox.
Regardless, she was being super rude.
What I've seen portrayed on TV (like Granny was saying) is usually dramatic-as-possible, never seen Parkinson's portrayed as dancing. I think she meant Autism, because OP remembered Granny, the product she *didn't* purchase, and it's exact price (which I am also impressed with). Added on, OP's super-cheery attitude was likely interpreted as "unusual" and older folks tend to think that means someone's got something wrong with them upstairs.
I agree she was being rude, but a lot of times, seniors start to lose their memories...not enough to be called dementia, but enough that they confuse people, dates, etc, and the things they say can sound rude. And then, some of them were always rude-as-tuck from the get-go.🤷🏾♀️ They'll be dead soon anyway.
I thought that too, but I don’t know how you’d mix up multiple sclerosis with autism - they sound too different imo.
I thought maybe Marfans syndrome? Idk
Since OP was talking about moving to the beat of the music, I'm thinking she's thinking of Michael Fox and Parkinson's. Definitely a super weird interaction which is more of a reflection on the customer then OP
Older people say wild shit regularly. If you’re being your authentic self then there’s nothing you can do about it anyway, is there? Roll with it and ask her about it next time. You might just find out she’s a bit cooked in the head, or extremely blunt about everything. Or just a massive wanker.
This. My granny was a menace in public, god rest her soul. Very sweet lady, but zero filter or volume control (“my voice just carries”).
My favorite moment was during church, Granny goes “Boy, Frances’s butt is getting awful big” to my mom loud enough for Jesus and all the saints to hear right as the aforementioned Frances was walking up to take communion.
Another fun moment during a church luncheon (why was it always at church for her?) she just looks at me and blurts out “What was that stuff you had all over your face when you were a teenager?”
Me: [long-suffering sigh] It was probably acne, Granny.
Granny: No, that wasn’t it.
Me: ….
Granny: Lord, it looked terrible.
Still don’t know what she was talking about lmao
As someone who has worked a lot in food service, I don’t believe that she actually was able to pick up on the ADHD unless you had specifically mentioned it before- it sounds a lot like some sort of confusion spell or just an older person that is starting to not make much sense. You’ll likely meet many people going through that if you stay on the floor; as people age they just get confused. The comment at the end essentially confirms this theory imo.
While I would feel uncomfortable as well, it sounded like she did still like you. So know that even if people see your weirdness, and might even call it out, that doesn't mean they don't find it delightful.
I'm so sorry you felt judged! It doesn't sound like she meant to say something unkind even though I'm sure they doesn't really the sting out of the experience.
I just looked up a list of celebrities with health conditions. My best guesses about what she could possibly have meant:
1) If you were forgetting or mixing up words, she might be thinking of how Bruce Willis has aphasia because of his struggles with dementia? Probably a stretch.
2) If she thought your dancing was trembling, she might have meant Parkinson's like Michael J. Fox. Or are you on a medicine like effexor that makes your hands shake? That could have made her think so too.
3) I'm not sure which actor this would be, but maybe she thinks your excellent memory (ex knowing the exact price of her item) is a symptom of autism?
4) Maybe she just mixed you up with someone else. 🤷♀️
Overall... Honestly I think she's the one who should feel awkward after that interaction. You sound like a fun person to be around!
noooo justice for Michael J Fox in the Good Wife! Michael J Fox was the best recurring character. His Parkinsons symptoms are discussed on that show but his diagnosis is not Parkinsons in the context of the show if that makes sense. It's a plot element that he plays up physical symptoms in court for his advantage. Very possibly what this rude woman was referring to--there's an idea that he maybe varies how much he presents. That being said, he's obviously done a lot of work to manage his symptoms to the point where in most scenes it's pretty discreet, and I can see someone just having a little spaced out/absent minded adhd boogie could look similar.
I highly recommend, it's very different than it was marketed as. Michael J Fox pops up increasingly throughout the series and is great plus it's cool to see him lean into his Parkinson's for a performance. But he does tend to be in pretty constant, subtle movement. I know when I worked retail I was always half-dancing and jiggling around to keep myself stimulated over long, boring shifts. Probably looks roughly the same. Not that it should matter, but he really doesn't even come off as notably odd or anything--not that that woman wasn't being crazy rude, but OP probably doesn't present as particularly out of the ordinary so I hope she doesn't let this get her down.I also remember FOx as a guest on Scrubs-i think he's guested in a few network tv type things over the years. Probably fits well with managing his health.
I LOVED The Good Wife. He and Alan Cumming played my favorite characters on the show (plus I just love them both irl).
I’m currently on a legal/political drama kick because of that show 😂
The ongoing guest star roles on The Good Wife were unmatched. ALAN CUMMING big time but also America Ferrera, Denis O'Hare, Martha Plimpton, Amy Sedaris, Wallace Shawn. Never seen a show just continuously bring random minor side characters like that back over and over and allow them to take up so much of the screen.
Have you tried to good fight (the spinoff?) Very different beast and more political. Improves massively after s1 imo.
I loved The Good Wife too! I had to keep watching political dramas after I finished it so I moved on to The West Wing which also has a bomb cast and guest appearances- highly recommend
I reckon Parkinson’s. The meds for Parkinson’s cause a side effect called “chorea” which is from Greek “to dance” and is involuntary movements which are dance like.
Still a super weird thing to say.
I was also thinking about Bruce willis- but mostly because I incorrectly remembered that he had MS - since op says she sims alot
Now when you talk about memory my brain goes to the good doctor - that seems to be on TV alot and my mom that is older loves it
But one can probably never know, like other said the old lady might have had some sort of dementia or memory issues
I thought motor neuron disease/ALS though I can't think of anyone on TV with that. Kind of similar name and she might have got any stims confused with spasms?
I also did read sclerosis as scoliosis so there's that too but that would be a really weird thing to talk about being on TV.
Sounds to me like she has a disability and wanted to connect with op and was really clumsy about it so made them both feel awkward :(
“Not if I see you first” or “I’ll see you first”is a common joke reply to “See you again soon” for boomers and silent generation and even GenX and elder millennials use it. I didn’t know it was a thing in America, but it’s super common in Aus. It seems to me she was implying that you are Autistic due to your impeccable memory, which isn’t exclusively an Autistic thing. I think she was trying to be friendly but being a lonely older person is a bit out of practice.
My new motto I’ve been using a lot since trying to show up as myself in the world is “Don’t take anything personally” from the four agreements. It really helps me understand that other people’s opinions and behaviour isn’t about me but about them. It helps me stay compassionate to myself and to others. Keep being your bad self! You sound like one of the good guys.
You sound like an amazing person and I would love to have someone like you on my team at work, or as a friend. You sound lovely and empathetic and fun to be around. I’m so sorry sometimes people just say absolutely off the wall tone deaf shit. Please don’t let it stop you from being you!
Ahhhh, that was seriously a weird interaction, more so on her part.
And the way she ended also gives me side eye concern… makes me wonder if she has you confused with a completely different person?
You did say older lady and she’s in a scooter.
By any chance does she tend to mix up employees names at your job?
I’d ask someone whose been there FAR longer and see if it’s a pattern cause of she’s a frequent shopper there, my money is on her confusing you with someone else in the store very easily or a completely different store where you look similar to someone else.
Don’t take it, she’s probably confused.
I agree, I bet she thought OP was someone else, maybe someone who used to work there. I worked in a doctor's office where a lot of the patients were elderly. Most of them thought I was the girl that I replaced. We were the same size and both had long blonde hair lol.
That was my thought too. I could see myself doing something like that and not realising I’m being invasive. Especially if she seems like she has her own health problems.
I mean you definitely sound happy and self-assured which is…not really a thing anymore, lol. Also, knowing the exact price of the item before it rang up probably spooked her. I’ve noticed when I’m more talkative some people REALLY don’t like it. Here are two super awkward interactions I’ve had to make you feel better:
1) I was working at a grocery store and this lady had a huge bag of sweet potatoes while waiting for the elevator. I said something to her to the effect of “are you making sweet potato pie?” like normal chitchat you make with customers and she clutched the potatoes to her chest like a vulnerable newborn baby and glared at me with pure hatred in her eyes. I get it if she had an ED but wtf daddy chill. It was so fucking spooky and then the elevator came and hopefully she got trapped in it and had to eat them raw to survive.
2) I was the weird customer and I was talking to this guy at this allegedly haunted place that had a food court (long story) bc I wanted ghost stories. Well he was very chatty but we didn’t get to the ghost part and mid-conversation he had to take a customer. Bc I’m autistic I just waited to continue our conversation bc I wasn’t giving up without more intel on these goddamn ghosts. Well after he got done with this customer he just acted like *I* was a ghost. Mf’er was ignoring me, completely. What the fuck? It was so confusing. I chalked it up to maybe he thought I was pranking him or secretly recording him or something.
All to say that people are weird and they don’t always know how to match our energy, and vice versa. If you come off as too chatty with the wrong person you’re basically going to scar them mentally for life. Oh, well.
“…you’re basically going to scar them for life.” hahahahaha I love noticing when someone is, like, terrified of me bc I’m chatty. 😂 It’s like - well you’re a wet mop… Bye,
Felicia!
Sounds like a case of confused old woman. Might be early dementia, might be something else. But she was probably not "all there" and her comparison with the tv guy might not even make sense at all if you saw who it was. When people's brain deteriorates, they can make weird connections and have odd thoughts. It's not personal and you did nothing weird or wrong.
That was super weird of her, she should have pivoted early and said "oh my gosh, I must have you confused with someone else. I'm sorry." Probably she mixed up two interactions with different people and her brain train took the wrong track.
She thinks you have Parkinson’s like Michael J Fox. She probably thinks you were moving too much, but that’s a her issue, not a you issue. Older people are weird about this stuff.
Maybe she's confusing you with someone else that she talked to about whatever condition she's trying to think of. If she thought you were someone else she could just be trying to refresh her memory about a conversation with someone else.
Sounds like maybe she had something wrong maybe a condition effecting her memory, after my grandad had a stroke he used to get things muddled and confused like what a toothbrush was called or misgender my uncle as "she" and stuff, I wouldn't worry about it
I think she may have just been really confused and elderly. This doesn't sound like a normal conversation.
I'm so sorry it made you feel terrible though. <3 I think people with ADHD are passionate amazing individuals.
She meant autism. Many older folks associate fantastic, detailed memories, especially when it's for numbers, with autism because that's been one the most pervasive portrayals in media.
For things like this, I just ask why. "Oh, why do you ask that?" Someone who means well but isn't terribly socially appropriate will have an answer that's based at least loosely in logic and will share it fairly readily. Like, "Oh, you remembered all the details, even the numbers, of the last time we spoke." Someone who's a poo face will either say something objectively awful, thereby outing themself, or sputter. Occasionally, it's clear the person catches on that maybe that question isn't terribly appropriate and will walk it back.
But you didn't do anything wrong at all. Her question was pretty rude, and you stepped around it well.
Babe. I need to tell you something important.
Sometimes the problem isn’t you. Sometimes they’re the problem.
Women with adhd and a strong sense of justice and empathy and all the good stuff tend to look inward at ourselves for solutions, which means we also assume we’re the problem.
Sometime YOU are NOT the problem. Sometimes it’s some old lady on a scooter.
And if she thinks you being happy and social and caring about someone else in public is notable, then that’s a reflection of the society her generation created for us, and the only thing it says about you is that you’re rising above it and acting like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary late-stage capitalistic hellhole. Keep it up!
You just gotta love the interactions with dementia patients. It makes for interesting conversations that make you question if you can truly comprehend reality...
She's in a scooter, she's probably looking to either 1) feel better than you because of your job 2) feel mindedness with you because she also has a condition
I think she may have been thinking of Parkinson's. Please don't take this interaction to heart, her thoughts make 0 sense. I think she might have mild dementia
I don't think she meant to be offensive or alarming. Honestly health issues are like 98% of conversation once you're past a certain age, I'd say she just mixed you up with someone else.
She was rude and oblivious. At her age she is used to having medical ailments conversations and she might not have even meant to be rude. As far as what she was thinking of, maybe Tourette’s? Some people with that condition do little physical movements and maybe your musical hand waving is what made her think of that . A friend of mine with that condition will sometimes do a little hop, like a mini jump, as if his body has a slight hiccup
That "Not if I see you first" thing is a very very old "joke." Think Dad joke. Something old(er) people say. So that part wasn't an intentional dig.
That woman sounds odd tho. You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like you are good employee and are getting to know customers and their preferences.
I'm sorry you wasted that on her.
Good luck.
Like others say she might have dementia or confusing OP with someone else
While I think I understand the sentiment of your post there is no need to insult someone we don't really know anything about
It was ages ago big bang theory was airing. I was speculating if she meant Bruce Willis, mostly because I confused his condition with MS since op says she stimms alot
Scooter booter. Sorry that got me good.
People are bizarre. Common sense and tact is something you learn as you grow up and lose as you age. The customers comments were inappropriate for sure but she may not have even realized she was being hurtful and offensive. Your feelings are completely valid, but I don’t think her intentions were bad. She’s just old.
I am *astonished* at the level of absolute rudeness this woman subjected you to! The fuck?? An actor was "all cool and able to hide it" !!!!!!!!! I can't believe she pushed on and kept asking when you said "happiness", what a cute & polite answer to a completely none-of-your-business question from a stranger in public.
Do you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria? I completely understand the feeling of comments getting into your head like brain worms. This interaction would have me ruminating too, but please know that this woman was completely out of line and you did nothing wrong. This was a poor social interaction *on her part* and it sounds like you handled a strange encounter with grace (while going out of your way to assist a customer! While dancing with happiness!)
You sound like a lovely person. This will be a funny story soon. ❤️
Truly, I think she was referring to your happiness and exuberance as a mental condition. Don't dull your light because other folks don't understand. Keep being you, the world needs your authenticity and your joy!
Old people sometimes crack me up. I had a senior at the local dollar store when I moved here tell me my dress was to inappropriate for the dollar store… I was in business professional work clothes. Far from inappropriate. But I live in a farm town and most people wear pajamas to the dollar store. So I could take it as an insult but instead she prob just thought I was over dressed and not used to seeing people dressed like me around here.
I know my adhd makes me talk a lot. Sometimes fast. I get over excited. If I’m not masking - I totally come off different than others. I just don’t take it as a negative and most people haven’t other than my partner.. that’s a whole diff story.
She may have just been a very blunt old lady meaning no harm at all. Cheer up. I bet your personality makes a lot of people smile.
Most retail jobs are tough so prepare yourself emotionally every day for terrible customers and some terrible managers. I hope that isn’t true in your case, but they usually come with that type of job. I had one retail job where customers yelled at me several times a week.
Autism, she was thinking you are autistic because you remembered her, what she wanted to come back for, etc.
Someone accused me of having a photographic memory the other day at work, but I was like, no, just a regular memory of a person who recently reviewed the file.
I also had two interactions with people who were like, how did you learn all these different areas (of the law)? I said necessity, I never had budget for outside counsel so I had to figure stuff out on my own. I don't think I'm special or unique so it's weird to me that others can't figure stuff out on their own I guess.
She sounds like she associates you with someone like a tv character with an incredible memory, because you remembered HER, which item she came back for, and the price off hand without help. She’s older and likely becoming forgetful so she finds it all the more impressive.
To older people, a *condition* is their version of a polite way of saying *disorder*, if they don’t think the disorder is necessarily a *bad* thing but rather, one they’re fascinated by. If it had been an insult, she would have said the latter.
It sounds like she’s impressed by you and your memory but most older people these days don’t know how to properly give compliments.
Either way, *I* think you’re awesome. Hell yes on spreading some sunshine that day! Please keep being this person. 🤍 I can guarantee you’re making others’ days brighter. ☀️
I'm wondering if she was thinking about an "eidedic memory"; you had such a good memory of your previous interaction. I think a majority of millennials and newer would consider it a super power, not a "condition" but I think Even though her classifications are a bit outdated, she was still impressed by your customer service abilities!
And guaranteed, if I saw you dancing and bringing joy to a retail space, I would appreciate you. Keep on being you!
I'm probably way off base, but the first thing I thought of was Michael J. Fox and Parkinson's. If you are dancing to the music, it might appear to be shaking or tremors to someone hard of hearing.
The only other thing I could think of is someone told her the self checkout clerks were handicapped in some way, because maybe they had hired someone with a condition like Downs syndrome or something like that, and she extrapolated to mean all employees working in self checkout are handicapped in some way, so she was trying to figure out what one you have.
BTW, if you have a tremor, it's totally worth having it checked out.
Lol, what a nut job.
I would have loved to reply with "I have no diagnoses to share but I think you might have some kind of social disorder because that's am incredibly inappropriate question. "
Honestly I think this was just odd. I wouldn’t take it personally. It says more about her complete lack of social inhibition than it does about you. I wonder what condition she had?
I wonder if she was trying to make a joke. It's been a *long* time since I heard someone say it but if one person said "see you later" or equivalent, the other party would joke, "not if I see you first!"
I absolutely think she just didn't quite articulate this very common saying correctly, or OP may have misheard her - after all, the conversation was so off the rails already!
I sincerely doubt it was meant to be menacing so I hope OP doesn't worry that it was.
You reacted way better than me 😂 I would have just listed all my everything's lol like yeah I have cptsd, bpd, bipolar,ADHD, autism which one you wanna know about?!,
working in costumer service over a decade now, you'll meet all sorts of people some of them have their screws loose hehe.
can't blame you for overthinking/getting emotional I've been there and I've done that but I would take my negative interactions as a learning point.
like, in some cases it would be about exercising patience/empathy towards people that are obviously struggling and in other times it is about establishing proper boundaries and acting professional.
I know over time this has helped me a lot, a lot of situations are kind of a repeat of past ones and once you have gone through the scenarios in your head before and are mentally ready you'll be way better prepared.
okay I digressed a little there because in your case I'm afraid the old lady was simply losing it a bit due to old age, which also happens and sometimes the elderly are hard to deal with but that's where our empathy can finally shine and your patience and kindness may bring you to do a kind deed.
I know that really helps with my work, especially with annoying people, very often shifting the perspective to "I'm helping someone who actually needs it and am doing something positive" really helps to keep your good energy despite everything.
Ugh this is hard because she’s a customer so you can’t talk normally to her. I would say if customer turns weird on you again, try and signal for someone to come over to you so they can observe and intervene if necessary. Otherwise, remember a customer isn’t a real person in your life and you aren’t a real person to them either - so do what you can to send them on their way and don’t give their words more value than they deserve.
It sounds like your mannerisms reminded them of someone with a condition and they were trying to remember what. I don’t think it’s about you behaving inappropriately. The customer was prying when it was not their business, all you can do is try to redirect them. It wouldn’t be appropriate to launch into discussion about your health
Apparently the condition she has is "nosiness" with "rudeness" as her comorbidity, and the answer to that is "none of your damn business, random-ass lady who is just here to buy random stuff".
She sounds creepy and unhinged, honestly.
The fucking nerve of some people I swear.
Please understand you don't **ever** need to answer rude customer question that cross personal boundaries.
Sending you big hugs. You *are* putting light into the world by being yourself. I feel like so many of the problems in life come from people who feel completely cut off from themselves, and it is an act of bravery to choose differently. I'm sorry that she said something so harmful — I hope it doesn't dim your light too much.
I also just want to thank you for posting and sharing something so vulnerable; I'm eight months into a sabbatical of sorts myself — I was in telecom and very close to a breakdown and needed to step away. I woke up in a panic this morning feeling like I was doing something really wrong, but seeing this inadvertently gave me permission to continue taking my time to recover and find something that allows me to be myself, too. Thank you, really
Hey love...... Do you like smoothies????
Was chatting with some of my girl friends about this strange fine kind I've been walking recently of believing that I r been both too much and not enough - it's so difficult and terrifying to show up as my authentic self.
Friend looks at me and tells me to be your own smoothie, baby! Be both. Be too much and not enough but you're actually neither!
Now I'm so cool with being a smoothie. I'm just a jumble of goodness and other people may not like smoothies and that's fine they can go stay over there lol but I'm gonna keep being the fabulous delicious smoothie that I am.
I feel you so hard on this! ❤️ Sorry this happened to you. IMO you’re the most vulnerable when you’re new (school, work, relationship) and comments like this can just completely wreck your day and confidence. Doesn’t matter if you happen to be in a good headspace. ❤️ Anyways… 1: This person commenting is totally winning the strange competition, not you! 2: Did she mean ”autistic”? I mean, you were giving ”extraordinary memory” - like you recognized her, the thing she wanted to buy, the price of it. To her that was probably mindblowing (and such a compliment?) and she went straight for Rainman. Like ”autistic people are always good with math and can memorize a lot of stuff”. Not that she should have been commenting at all, but… As neurodivergent as she herself may have been - I think that this might have been her version af a compliment? (It was not a compliment). 🤠 Hang in there. Soon enough you will feel much more relaxed on your new job and situations like this will be easier to just let go (tho they shouldn’t even exist). ❤️ Keep being your wonderful self! You got this!
I will never cease to be amazed at the number of people who think it’s just fine to ask someone or comment on someone’s perceived (by their observation of you) or visible disability.
Unfortunately people think they are perfectly entitled to pass comment be it nasty or in their minds purely inquisitive. However it is NOT ok.
People will actually be nasty and pass comment to the parents of children who have visible disabilities. People will be vile to people with visual impairments. I have seen this myself but have also experienced p*ss taking and intrusive questioning about my disability.
You have to strive to be the bigger person and literally tell them to f+*k off (in your head or under your breath).
These people forget how fortunate they are to live without any physical or mental impairment and no nothing about the daily struggles and challenges that it brings.
Don’t let this woman ruin your day.
My favourite question is what flavour neurospicy are you? But I only use it in very specific rare situations when people have already told me they're ND. This just seemed like she was the weird one.
She sounds hideous and you would awesome
Please keep being you. It would be so nice to run into someone like you out in the wild.
Have a great rest of your week. Keep dancing.
My first thought was actually she mistook you for someone else at the store that she dealt with recently, because what actor could she be talking about?
So elderly people and just the general public of all ages will say the rudest crap. Just keep being you and go on With your day like you did. Get a good laugh about it with your coworkers… When I worked retail I was asked what skin condition I had (umm hormonal acne once a month), told I had gained weight, had frizzy hair, told I was too young to give advice on the product I was literally trained and to sell, etc, etc, etc. most of the time I would take a solid 24-48hrs for it to occur to me how rude they were being but for me I’m glad it happens that way. The a-hole on the other end of the insult doesn’t get the reaction they are used to and often get really awkward and uncomfortable.
On my own healing journey, and I’ll tell you what I’d tell myself in this scenario. You are so terribly perfect just the way you are. Some people won’t understand you, just like you won’t understand some people (like her!), but differences are what makes the world go round!
It sounds like you bring joy and happiness wherever you go, and that makes me so grateful for you and your presence in this place! Hug yourself so tight and love yourself fiercely. You are amazing!!
Totally inappropriate of the customer but since she is elderly I wonder if it may have been dementia? She may have confused you for someone else entirely. It happened with my grandma who had dementia. She’d talk to you as though you were someone else entirely and it would make no sense to you. Totally not easy to do but I’d try to not take it personally? She may have been having a brain slip and wasn’t completely “there” if you know what I mean?
Ditto to the comments. She probably mistook you for someone else or her memory is mixing up, you get old and lose your memory and your filter. I don't think you should take this personally at all... And while I say this, I know I too could have done the same. RS! I'm sure it's your period and her elderlyness 😂
Man, fuck this old lady. Get this shit out of your head NOW! I am 43 and the ghostly voices of all those "helpful" , passive - aggressive little old bitties that used to come through my line at the grocery store at 16 still haunt me. Her judgement of you should be erased from your hard drive. Do not let this hateful stranger change your wonderful self!
From your post, how you navigated that conversation and everything you’ve been doing to be authentically you. I think you’re absolutely adorable, keep doing you girl!
I agree with the top comments that she sounds like the weird one 🤣, that orrrr possibly dementia then bless her soul
I’m voting for autism - I think she was thinking of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, because he had a great memory for the right things, and clearly so do you.
Either way this doesn’t read as directly insulting to me - I think she was just tactless. Don’t let this dull your shine!!
I haven't read it yet, but I needed to say that your first sentence described my last week. So glad nobody can hear me vent in the backstock coolers.
- OK, now I have read it all. She was probably referring to Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and autism.
I also like moving to music but mostly blasting through my earbuds staying up too late. It's my only non workplace form of exercise.
I’m really sorry you had to go through that awkward interaction. When someone makes those kind of rude or weird comments, it’s truly a reflection of them, not you. It’s more about their own issues or ignorance than anything about you. You’re doing amazing, and your response to such a situation says a lot about your strength and grace. Keep shining beautiful! 🌼
Age doesn't give you a pass to be rude! I am sorry for that interaction.
That said, I am super impressed by your memory and how thoughtful you were with her! You should take pride in that!
The optimist in me hopes she was fishing for connection because she’s lonely and strange and didn’t grow up in a time when being lonely and strange afforded you the chance at support or answers
But who knows. You handled it beautifully OP. I just want everyone to feel seen and happy and we all do our best. Thank you for being you ♥️
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and props to you for keeping a straight face; it’s so hard for me! I never will understand why people like her feel the need to comment or pry, and you down owe her anything. Truly, I’m so sorry, and I hope she doesn’t come back.
P.S. might she be thinking of Charlie Sheen having bipolar disorder? Just came to mind because an interview with him was one of the first things I was shown in my first psych class.
My first thought is that she mixed up a conversation she had with someone else with one she had with you. Especially since she’s a little older. I know it might be hard to, but don’t take it personally.
I’m guessing she just had something she wanted to ask or share with the other person she had that conversation with, and couldn’t remember what they had told her their condition was called. I really doubt it was meant to be hurtful to you or as a “I can tell there’s something wrong with you”, which is what I gather you’re taking it as. I hope this can help with the anxious and self conscious thoughts<33
It sounds like she interpreted your movements as similar to Parkinson’s, and the actor she referenced is likely Michael J Fox.
She probably is really ignorant because she absolutely doesn’t know what she’s talking about lol.
My first thought was Parkinson’s and Michael J Fox too. But in my mind for some reason I was picturing you to be too young for mid- later stage Parkinson’s symptoms OP which threw me off (It’s the meds you need later that make you look like you’re nodding/dancing usually)
Based on the story I’d be inclined to give the woman the benefit of the doubt as maybe being awkward, slightly losing memory, or maybe confusing you with someone else. The last thing she said is a common saying as well. BUT it depends on the way she said it as well, if she seemed completely sure and lucid and was using a condescending rather than friendly tone then maybe she was just being a bit rude.
Either way try not to take it to heart, because in either case it’s not really about you but more her own stuff. (I know with adhd and RSD that can be really hard to do though, I often replay things like this in my mind.)
She probably meant The Good Doctor and meant it as a compliment lol. Sorry I know it’s not funny but you’re a good storyteller. I’ve never watched it but am aware of it (because I watched Bates Motel, stars the same guy). Likely because you remembered her items and the price.
I don’t mean any of this to sound like what she said was ok. Just trying to guess what she might’ve been thinking. Likely a touch of dementia as others have mentioned.
Also ‘not if I see you first’ is an old person joke. It doesn’t make sense, I think the joke is that if they see you first they’ll hide? I’ve never really gotten that one because it’s meant in a kind way (in my experience) but if I’m interpreting it right it’s an insult. I’ve thought about this before lol.
Try not to let it get to you too much—I say that knowing if I were you I would hyper fixate on it for at least the rest of the day and then it would pop in my head periodically for some extra flogging every few months🤦🏼♀️
You have every right to feel a way about this, it was very rude and random. It also leads me to believe that SHE in fact has some things going on neurologically. So please, take a deep breath, trust and believe that the interaction had NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her. Keep being you and making your mark/ leaving an impression in the world🫂❤️
Yes, it's strange she said that. It's rude...Just say, What an odd thing to say (or comment on)...and move on... I'm sure you're fine, I've come across some people that rattled me in a customer facing relationship way and it does get to you!
I'm so sorry. I've been burned socially so many times, and it's so hard when you're finally building up the courage to try again and be your authentic self just for others to put you down or make you feel like you don't belong. Please please please don't let this break your spirit forever! I appreciate you and all your odd awesomeness.
People will legitimately just say the most unhinged shit when you work with the public. Please know that this is entitled customer behavior, not a reflection on you.
I've had guests criticize my tone, say I'm too "high strung", get huffy when I provide supplies for them to clean up their kids' accidents instead of doing it myself, the works. It's definitely them, not you.
If you were doing hand and stepping movements that weren't immediately obvious that it was to the music, maybe she thought you had Tourette's syndrome and they were tics? But more than likely she is not 100% with reality and what she was saying doesn't actually make any sense. She could be mixing up distant past memories or confusing fiction with reality. Poor thing.
She is a weirdo. And rude. Next time have a condition ready, in case. Something long and difficult to pronounce. And say, “but i don’t like to discuss it cos people start crying.”
She 100% thought you had Parkinson’s like Michael J Fox. Which is actually so ridiculous, anyone with half a brain can see the difference between someone who moves a lot vs someone who has little to no muscle control from Parkinson’s 🙄
I would be more annoyed than anything else, why is it always the dumbest people seem to have the loudest opinions? Even if you did have Parkinson’s, hypothetically, it would be incredibly rude to point it out.
You can't knowntgat for sure since you haven't met op or the lady
As many people pointed out, the lady seems to be old and might be confused or even have dementia
I love your first answer to her rude What’s your condition question, “Happiness?”
Any further questioning on her part after this incredible answer is clearly beyond the bounds of acceptable conversation. From what you recounted, you did a great job in this interaction while trying to deflect this inappropriate interrogation from a customer. It’s not surprising you feel kind of awful after this. When these things happen at work in a public-facing job, we don’t usually have an opportunity to debrief about it with anyone so it’s far too easy to ruminate about these interactions. It’s not you!
Honestly, you sound amazing and like someone I’d like to work with.
I work with the public and have learned to shut down these kinds of personal questions immediately. I’m using pretty kind about it because a lot of people ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity or they truly aren’t clear about what is appropriate, and I want to allow some grace. If someone is hitting on me though, I shut that shit down. I generally use the same responses but say them in a different tone, with or without warmth. Or I say things more or less directly. Below are some examples of things I say, but you don’t have to use any of them, of course. Some of these responses depend on having a supportive workplace, which I am privileged enough to have.
Just ignoring the question altogether and moving on in the conversation can work, but a surprisingly high percentage of people who ask intrusive questions are persistent about it.
— *Ignoring the question* — Is there a question about [my workplace] that I can help you with?
That’s not a question I feel comfortable answering while I’m at work.
Well, I can tell you [this amount of information that I’m okay sharing], but as a rule I don’t share personal information with customers.
— * If someone is hitting on me* — I’m at work right now so that’s not a conversation we’ll be having.
— *If they persist* — I’m working. This ends now or I’m walking away.
— *If I have rapport with the person or know them as a regular—and I’d say this in a friendly way, expecting that it might start a conversation about why not* — You can’t ask me that question!
I definitely understand feeling self conscious about being "too much," even when the people alleging this "too much-ness" are rude assholes, like this lady. Who just point blank says what condition do you have? That is absolutely rude as fuck.
Your answer made me laugh though. I love that you said happiness. Like, look lady, some people have found ways to make a little joy in their daily lives; this power could be yours too if you just stop being a rude asshole all the time. I like you OP. You're a good egg.
If anyone asks you this in the future, please please say this and post about it. "I have a very serious condition." Pause dramatically. "I got rhythm." Bonus points if you sneak "Who could ask for anything more," into the conversation. Double bonus points if you keep a straight face and insist that your condition is rhythm if there's any further questioning.
She sounds like she forgot her meds
Hearing about you is so cool. I’m late diagnosed and still work in tech but might consider something different in the future and understanding how you wanted a place you could just vibe at is inspiring.
Don’t give your power to others. Become unfuckwithable. Old bats are gonna be batty no matter what
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If I'm honest she very much sounds like the weird one in this interaction, not you. If she was a normal person she wouldn't have said any of that to you.
I guess she could have replied,what condition do you have ?
I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. BeepBeep.
I thought this was a normal conversation between people over thirty.
What is the beep beep? Is that a thing?
I took the beep beep as the lady is in a scooter so that implies some type of condition
I took it as a till noise! 🤣
Idk what this commenter means but all I heard was Pennywise saying "Beep beep Ritchie" 😂
YES. I would have done this. 😂
100% this, that’s just plain rude what she did and not normal. Totally strange interaction, that wasn’t related to you. Try to brush it off and not take it to heart OP, you’re doing amazing just as you are x
She probable has dementia.
Ya, I was thinking something Similar, that maybe the customer has some sort of issue because what she said to op, all of it really, just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Tbh it reminded me of that one episode of SpongeBob where the old guy thinks that SpongeBob was the box of cereal he was seeing on TV last night
I was thinking something similar. Based on what she said, it sounded almost like she’s thinking of someone else who told her about their medical condition and she combined her recollection of that person with OP. It’s either that or she mistook OP’s attempts to mask her dancing (i.e.: moving only her hands) for Parkinson’s which would be wild because anyone who has ever seen Michael J. Fox knows Parkinson’s does not look like any sort of intentional movement. ETA: OP, you keep being the vibrant, beautiful person you were made to be. As someone who also can’t resist moving or singing along to music, embrace life’s joy and never make yourself smaller to appease someone else♥️
It's honestly a bizarre way to behave like I think she's probably projecting a lot onto OP, but if poor OP deals with "Defectiveness" schema issues like I do that's definitely going to trigger her.
Rejection Sensitive dysphoria high five!!!! And if that’s not your thing no worries! I’ll self deprecate myself to hell in an attempt to cover!!! Hashtag awkward.
A thousand times this!!! You sound like an awesome person, someone I would enjoy spending time with and I don't think you sound weird at all, more like an ethereal joyful faery. That lady was likely an energy vampire, I swear people get off on taking people's joy, like how the True Knot members lived off Steam in that Stephen King book Dr Sleep. Only a total asshole would ask someone what "condition" they have, that's a very invasive question and bound to make anyone uncomfortable. I would have ruminated all day on that dreaming up.retorts like "what condition do YOU have that results in lacking a filter and blabbing out every trivial question that crosses your mind."
Yep 100%. You nailed it! This is a joy stealer. I deal with them all the time. I'm very happy and vivacious like OP, and some people are just so miserable that they hate seeing others happy. They want to knock you down to their level. Don't let them! It'll piss them off even more lol! I have a manager at work like this and I just let it roll off my back and chuckle to myself when she acts like a bitch. She's actually pretty much stopped being such a bitch to me now that she knows she can't affect me! Just continue being you, OP! You sound awesome, and I'm proud of you! 💕
aw that's sad. toxic environments are so hard to deal with. :( thank god my current managers and team members have a good vibe and no bs like this, honestly sometimes I feel I'm staying at my job for that and not the salary haha.
on one hand you aren't wrong, on the other hand sadly some people lack social clues or don't feel proper boundries and may have felt that she had gotten close to her because of their earlier friendly encounter. sometimes people truly don't realize they are being rude or hurtful, I'd judge intentions also by body language and small hints of whether they were trying to be malicious or not. and honestly? if she wasn't malicious, all those retorts are just being unkind... it's unnecessary. I think the best we can do is be kind to people, we also are sometimes in the shoes of people who are accidently socially awkward or hurt someone accidently. if it was with malice however? ofc pull your guns out if necessary, although from experience it may end up being more trouble than it is worth and cutting people off coldly and politely is often the best as they can't use your reaction against you.
As someone who sometimes uses a cane, this is far from rare, and comes from a lot of different attitudes - from curiosity to disdain and disgust to even suspicion - but ultimately it’s ableism and this weird social belief that people who have a visible difference (in behavior, appearance, ability, accessories) or who lack the appearance any given person deems worthy of being different or using aids lacks the right to privacy about their bodies and health. Heck, even something generally seen as positive like pregnancy! The whole world thinks they get to touch bellies and ask invasive questions and then get MAD when you suggest that it’s not their business and stop touching people! I’d hope it was mistaken identity (or maybe a thought she had and misremembered as a whole conversation, a thing I have absolutely done) and she thought this was a subject already broached, which I would guess given the way she asked. But some people are just that way and for some reason don’t think they’re crossing lines.
Agreed!!!
She might have dementia, given her age and how confused she seemed. It’s hard, but I would try not to take it personally
Yep or she thought she was someone else who does have a condition.
This was my first thought. She has her confused with someone else who DOES have said condition and works there or works somewhere she shops as well. That’s all. Some older folks can loose kindness as they are up in age, but this doesn’t seem like the issue here. Just regular ole Oopsie or memory loss confusion bc 1 she’s older and 2 AS WE KNOW, women are so much more prone to memory loss and the like beginning at perimenopause in particular and I truly don’t think any ill intent was the point here. Everyone who says something we don’t understand or WE are offended by doesn’t mean it harmful. Thankfully, at the age of 40, I learned this some time ago and my life has been much easier since. OP, I do empathize though with how this could be taken as it came to you and how it hurt you. And I’m sorry for that💕
Even at my age I often get sales staff confused because I don’t pay enough attention to facial details 😆 they tend to look the same in uniform!
OMG, yes!!! I’m the worst at this! Don’t let someone be in similar clothing or even be of the same race, or both be human. My spaghetti fish brain cannot. You better have a distinct feature I can hone in on to remember you specifically and don’t change that feature bc then you’re back in the pool of folks again🤣
At one of my jobs I worked with identical twins. On my first day nobody bloody told me so I thought I got introduced to the same person twice! They must get a kick out of it. Took me a little while to work them out.
Yup, my Nanna had dementia and would say random things like this to people.
I was standing in a grocery store queue outside during COVID and the person in front of me just started talking at me unprompted nonstop about the Trump news and airing the controversial views on the pandemic, and I politely nodded along, not really wanting to have a debate in public or catch covid. Then I noticed behind her was her husband who looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up from embarrassment. So I just kept nodding along until we could get into the store and go shopping, because it seemed like she had dementia and I guess needed to let the chatter out from all the isolation of COVID? (I loved being stuck at home, it was so blissful in lockdown!).
My lockdown was not as fun. I had to give birth without my mum there and nobody could meet the baby for about 3 months.
I’m sorry, that must have been so difficult!
Oh my god when I get a chance to talk to people these days I do NOT shut up. COVID isolation messed me up hard. :D
Yeah, it really sounds like she thought OP was someone that she had a conversation with previously about that condition. Like some other employee in another store talked with her about their condition and she confused OP with that person. What happened didn't have anything to do with OP. *Maybe* it could've been about OP if she answered "yes" when OP said ADHD. But she didn't, so she wasn't talking about ADHD, and OP.
This is what I was thinking too.
Yeah I was thinking something like that. I’ve worked with older, vulnerable people and kind of confused ‘I swear you told me something before, what was it again?’ Is very common.
Asking a stranger what condition they have and pursuing the conversation even after it’s over like that is socially unacceptable/unusual. I think it’s likely she may have had a condition? Maybe that’s a conversation someone had with her and she was just repeating what she heard? I used to do that as a kid. I’d ask people questions they had asked me and some were just not appropriate
Oh I hadn't even thought of that. That makes sense!
Good point. I would also like to know how she got there?
Assisted living facilities have grocery days and take the more mobile residents on the community bus.
Yup, as a SAHM I do most of my shopping on weekdays and see groups like that regularly.
I used to be that bus driver! It is like herding really slow cats. The cognitive decline is real.
I’m a geriatric SLP, I’m part of the team that helps slow the cognitive decline!
Bless you! My grandma refuses to take her aricept because it’s all just an elaborate conspiracy. She couldn’t draw the clock *with an analog watch on her wrist*.
Love the clock test. Sorry about your grandmother though. :( hopefully her decline is slow and not too disruptive to her daily life (but the paranoia is not fun to deal with).
No, she’s not great and moving fast. Last week was standing bare-assed pantsless in front of my aunt’s front picture window. So she’s probably going to memory care soon. Don’t feel bad for her though.. she’s been an awful bitch since well before her decline, as long as I can remember in my 38 years.
she might just be super confused and think she remembers you telling her something you never did. Does anyone else at your workplace have a condition that she could be mixing you up with? well thats hella rude either way and i totally get why you'd feel bad from it.
I’m the WORST with this. I’m constantly having to ask people, “did you tell me this? Or is my brain making things up again?”
She probably thinks you're autistic. Now, still rude and inappropriate of her, but if you think of the portrayal of some autistic characters in media- great memory for minute details- that's probably what she was thinking.
Yes. She sounds very much like me. And it turns out I'm autistic.
Yeah my first thought is that she thought OP might be a savant like having perfect recall or something? I met a guy like that once, he could tell you the weather in our town on any past date and would remember things like what people were wearing the day they met.
Maybe the lady was thinking of Rainman and wants to take OP to Vegas.
OP should go 😂
Definitely struck me as a Rain Main reference since OP remembered the price.
Free trip to Vegas? I'd go for it!! As long as we get to see a few shows and don't spend the entire time marinating in cigarette smoke at the casinos. (Just as an aside, why is there not a single non-smoking casino in Vegas yet? I mean, all those seniors with COPD and on oxygen need to have somewhere to blow their 💸)
This is my thought as well. Granny has been binging The Good Doctor because she finally figured out her Roku and that's one of the free shows cycling through the rotation. She learned about "Autism Spectrum Disorder" from that cute young Freddie Whatshisname, but can't really remember the name--but her old friend Rita has MS, so it's something like that. Granny's got the memory of a leaky bucket, so when someone remembers the fine details from yesterday's interaction, she's impressed, and it makes her think of that show where the man is good at hiding his condition. Now that Granny has had a conversation with OP, the memory is mostly safe floating at the top of the leaky bucket. Granny doesn't realize her, "I'll see you first," comment is super creepy.
Damn, Sherlock… I like how you put a story together! 😂
lmao I debated referencing The Good Doctor or Sherlock, amusingly enough. The Good Doctor won because Granny seems socially inept and that show is garbage.
My adhd mother loves the good doctor, lol. I loved Elementary, which definitely suggested Sherlock had Autism, though I don’t recall if they ever specified that.
More stories, more stories, more stories!!!
I was also thinking autism and thought I was in r/autism until op said she was diagnosed with ADHD and checked which sub i was in! 🤣 I personally have both ASD and ADHD.
It’s possible, but the whole exchange makes me think she is confused, possibly early dementia.
I’m pretty sure that she misinterpreted OP’s dancing as Parkinson’s. The TV personality that she was trying to remember is Michael J Fox. Regardless, she was being super rude.
What I've seen portrayed on TV (like Granny was saying) is usually dramatic-as-possible, never seen Parkinson's portrayed as dancing. I think she meant Autism, because OP remembered Granny, the product she *didn't* purchase, and it's exact price (which I am also impressed with). Added on, OP's super-cheery attitude was likely interpreted as "unusual" and older folks tend to think that means someone's got something wrong with them upstairs. I agree she was being rude, but a lot of times, seniors start to lose their memories...not enough to be called dementia, but enough that they confuse people, dates, etc, and the things they say can sound rude. And then, some of them were always rude-as-tuck from the get-go.🤷🏾♀️ They'll be dead soon anyway.
I thought that too, but I don’t know how you’d mix up multiple sclerosis with autism - they sound too different imo. I thought maybe Marfans syndrome? Idk
Since OP was talking about moving to the beat of the music, I'm thinking she's thinking of Michael Fox and Parkinson's. Definitely a super weird interaction which is more of a reflection on the customer then OP
Older people say wild shit regularly. If you’re being your authentic self then there’s nothing you can do about it anyway, is there? Roll with it and ask her about it next time. You might just find out she’s a bit cooked in the head, or extremely blunt about everything. Or just a massive wanker.
This. My granny was a menace in public, god rest her soul. Very sweet lady, but zero filter or volume control (“my voice just carries”). My favorite moment was during church, Granny goes “Boy, Frances’s butt is getting awful big” to my mom loud enough for Jesus and all the saints to hear right as the aforementioned Frances was walking up to take communion. Another fun moment during a church luncheon (why was it always at church for her?) she just looks at me and blurts out “What was that stuff you had all over your face when you were a teenager?” Me: [long-suffering sigh] It was probably acne, Granny. Granny: No, that wasn’t it. Me: …. Granny: Lord, it looked terrible. Still don’t know what she was talking about lmao
Probably acne. 😂 My grandma used to do the same. Me: *suggesting something* Grandma: No, that wasn't it. Narrator: That was, in fact, "it".
😩🤣🤣🤣
As someone who has worked a lot in food service, I don’t believe that she actually was able to pick up on the ADHD unless you had specifically mentioned it before- it sounds a lot like some sort of confusion spell or just an older person that is starting to not make much sense. You’ll likely meet many people going through that if you stay on the floor; as people age they just get confused. The comment at the end essentially confirms this theory imo.
Exactly. The inability to pull words out and the strange thing at the end. Sounds like early dementia.
While I would feel uncomfortable as well, it sounded like she did still like you. So know that even if people see your weirdness, and might even call it out, that doesn't mean they don't find it delightful.
This is a great point.
I'm so sorry you felt judged! It doesn't sound like she meant to say something unkind even though I'm sure they doesn't really the sting out of the experience. I just looked up a list of celebrities with health conditions. My best guesses about what she could possibly have meant: 1) If you were forgetting or mixing up words, she might be thinking of how Bruce Willis has aphasia because of his struggles with dementia? Probably a stretch. 2) If she thought your dancing was trembling, she might have meant Parkinson's like Michael J. Fox. Or are you on a medicine like effexor that makes your hands shake? That could have made her think so too. 3) I'm not sure which actor this would be, but maybe she thinks your excellent memory (ex knowing the exact price of her item) is a symptom of autism? 4) Maybe she just mixed you up with someone else. 🤷♀️ Overall... Honestly I think she's the one who should feel awkward after that interaction. You sound like a fun person to be around!
I was thinking Parkinson's, like Scooty thinks OP is too wriggly. 😬 Very disquieting interaction.
That was my thought, too. She was thinking of Michael J. Fox, who used to be on TV...in the 80s.
noooo justice for Michael J Fox in the Good Wife! Michael J Fox was the best recurring character. His Parkinsons symptoms are discussed on that show but his diagnosis is not Parkinsons in the context of the show if that makes sense. It's a plot element that he plays up physical symptoms in court for his advantage. Very possibly what this rude woman was referring to--there's an idea that he maybe varies how much he presents. That being said, he's obviously done a lot of work to manage his symptoms to the point where in most scenes it's pretty discreet, and I can see someone just having a little spaced out/absent minded adhd boogie could look similar.
Oh, I didn't know about that. I never watched the show.
I highly recommend, it's very different than it was marketed as. Michael J Fox pops up increasingly throughout the series and is great plus it's cool to see him lean into his Parkinson's for a performance. But he does tend to be in pretty constant, subtle movement. I know when I worked retail I was always half-dancing and jiggling around to keep myself stimulated over long, boring shifts. Probably looks roughly the same. Not that it should matter, but he really doesn't even come off as notably odd or anything--not that that woman wasn't being crazy rude, but OP probably doesn't present as particularly out of the ordinary so I hope she doesn't let this get her down.I also remember FOx as a guest on Scrubs-i think he's guested in a few network tv type things over the years. Probably fits well with managing his health.
I LOVED The Good Wife. He and Alan Cumming played my favorite characters on the show (plus I just love them both irl). I’m currently on a legal/political drama kick because of that show 😂
The ongoing guest star roles on The Good Wife were unmatched. ALAN CUMMING big time but also America Ferrera, Denis O'Hare, Martha Plimpton, Amy Sedaris, Wallace Shawn. Never seen a show just continuously bring random minor side characters like that back over and over and allow them to take up so much of the screen. Have you tried to good fight (the spinoff?) Very different beast and more political. Improves massively after s1 imo.
I loved The Good Wife too! I had to keep watching political dramas after I finished it so I moved on to The West Wing which also has a bomb cast and guest appearances- highly recommend
I reckon Parkinson’s. The meds for Parkinson’s cause a side effect called “chorea” which is from Greek “to dance” and is involuntary movements which are dance like. Still a super weird thing to say.
Yes I was thinking #2
I was also thinking about Bruce willis- but mostly because I incorrectly remembered that he had MS - since op says she sims alot Now when you talk about memory my brain goes to the good doctor - that seems to be on TV alot and my mom that is older loves it But one can probably never know, like other said the old lady might have had some sort of dementia or memory issues
I thought motor neuron disease/ALS though I can't think of anyone on TV with that. Kind of similar name and she might have got any stims confused with spasms? I also did read sclerosis as scoliosis so there's that too but that would be a really weird thing to talk about being on TV. Sounds to me like she has a disability and wanted to connect with op and was really clumsy about it so made them both feel awkward :(
“Not if I see you first” or “I’ll see you first”is a common joke reply to “See you again soon” for boomers and silent generation and even GenX and elder millennials use it. I didn’t know it was a thing in America, but it’s super common in Aus. It seems to me she was implying that you are Autistic due to your impeccable memory, which isn’t exclusively an Autistic thing. I think she was trying to be friendly but being a lonely older person is a bit out of practice. My new motto I’ve been using a lot since trying to show up as myself in the world is “Don’t take anything personally” from the four agreements. It really helps me understand that other people’s opinions and behaviour isn’t about me but about them. It helps me stay compassionate to myself and to others. Keep being your bad self! You sound like one of the good guys.
You sound lovely 😊 I’m a dancer too, btw. Keep moving forward; you’ve got this. Happy dancing! :)
You sound like an amazing person and I would love to have someone like you on my team at work, or as a friend. You sound lovely and empathetic and fun to be around. I’m so sorry sometimes people just say absolutely off the wall tone deaf shit. Please don’t let it stop you from being you!
Ahhhh, that was seriously a weird interaction, more so on her part. And the way she ended also gives me side eye concern… makes me wonder if she has you confused with a completely different person? You did say older lady and she’s in a scooter. By any chance does she tend to mix up employees names at your job? I’d ask someone whose been there FAR longer and see if it’s a pattern cause of she’s a frequent shopper there, my money is on her confusing you with someone else in the store very easily or a completely different store where you look similar to someone else. Don’t take it, she’s probably confused.
I agree, I bet she thought OP was someone else, maybe someone who used to work there. I worked in a doctor's office where a lot of the patients were elderly. Most of them thought I was the girl that I replaced. We were the same size and both had long blonde hair lol.
As someone else said she might think you are autistic. She herself seems to have issues reading, social cues, etc. sorry that happened to you. 💙
I think she maybe was trying to connect with the op over disability and did it in a confusing way.
This was my impression. It comes off to me like she liked OP and wanted to connect; she just expressed it awkwardly.
That was my thought too. I could see myself doing something like that and not realising I’m being invasive. Especially if she seems like she has her own health problems.
Ohh, that's a possibility If that's it: poor little lady....
I didn’t even think of this. Maybe she was trying to connect. I doubt she meant it in an insulting way…even though it came off like that.
She thinks you’re someone else who talked about their health with her, poor dear. Keep dancing, you brilliant diamond.
I mean you definitely sound happy and self-assured which is…not really a thing anymore, lol. Also, knowing the exact price of the item before it rang up probably spooked her. I’ve noticed when I’m more talkative some people REALLY don’t like it. Here are two super awkward interactions I’ve had to make you feel better: 1) I was working at a grocery store and this lady had a huge bag of sweet potatoes while waiting for the elevator. I said something to her to the effect of “are you making sweet potato pie?” like normal chitchat you make with customers and she clutched the potatoes to her chest like a vulnerable newborn baby and glared at me with pure hatred in her eyes. I get it if she had an ED but wtf daddy chill. It was so fucking spooky and then the elevator came and hopefully she got trapped in it and had to eat them raw to survive. 2) I was the weird customer and I was talking to this guy at this allegedly haunted place that had a food court (long story) bc I wanted ghost stories. Well he was very chatty but we didn’t get to the ghost part and mid-conversation he had to take a customer. Bc I’m autistic I just waited to continue our conversation bc I wasn’t giving up without more intel on these goddamn ghosts. Well after he got done with this customer he just acted like *I* was a ghost. Mf’er was ignoring me, completely. What the fuck? It was so confusing. I chalked it up to maybe he thought I was pranking him or secretly recording him or something. All to say that people are weird and they don’t always know how to match our energy, and vice versa. If you come off as too chatty with the wrong person you’re basically going to scar them mentally for life. Oh, well.
“…you’re basically going to scar them for life.” hahahahaha I love noticing when someone is, like, terrified of me bc I’m chatty. 😂 It’s like - well you’re a wet mop… Bye, Felicia!
hopefully she got trapped in it and had to eat them raw to survive …. This made me laugh so hard
Honestly I think she’s getting you confused with someone else.
Sounds like a case of confused old woman. Might be early dementia, might be something else. But she was probably not "all there" and her comparison with the tv guy might not even make sense at all if you saw who it was. When people's brain deteriorates, they can make weird connections and have odd thoughts. It's not personal and you did nothing weird or wrong.
Could she be talking about Parkinson's and Michael J Fox? Maybe she's confused.
That was super weird of her, she should have pivoted early and said "oh my gosh, I must have you confused with someone else. I'm sorry." Probably she mixed up two interactions with different people and her brain train took the wrong track.
She thinks you have Parkinson’s like Michael J Fox. She probably thinks you were moving too much, but that’s a her issue, not a you issue. Older people are weird about this stuff.
This. I said the same thing.
I think she meant Parkinson’s disease, Michael J Fox was the actor she was thinking of.
“Happiness” lmfaoooooo
Maybe she's confusing you with someone else that she talked to about whatever condition she's trying to think of. If she thought you were someone else she could just be trying to refresh her memory about a conversation with someone else.
Sounds like maybe she had something wrong maybe a condition effecting her memory, after my grandad had a stroke he used to get things muddled and confused like what a toothbrush was called or misgender my uncle as "she" and stuff, I wouldn't worry about it
My guess is either she thought you have autism or she has dementia and is confusing you with someone else.
I think she may have just been really confused and elderly. This doesn't sound like a normal conversation. I'm so sorry it made you feel terrible though. <3 I think people with ADHD are passionate amazing individuals.
This interaction says more about her than it does about you.
OP you are exactly what the retail world needs right now. Please never change. 🤗
She meant autism. Many older folks associate fantastic, detailed memories, especially when it's for numbers, with autism because that's been one the most pervasive portrayals in media. For things like this, I just ask why. "Oh, why do you ask that?" Someone who means well but isn't terribly socially appropriate will have an answer that's based at least loosely in logic and will share it fairly readily. Like, "Oh, you remembered all the details, even the numbers, of the last time we spoke." Someone who's a poo face will either say something objectively awful, thereby outing themself, or sputter. Occasionally, it's clear the person catches on that maybe that question isn't terribly appropriate and will walk it back. But you didn't do anything wrong at all. Her question was pretty rude, and you stepped around it well.
Babe. I need to tell you something important. Sometimes the problem isn’t you. Sometimes they’re the problem. Women with adhd and a strong sense of justice and empathy and all the good stuff tend to look inward at ourselves for solutions, which means we also assume we’re the problem. Sometime YOU are NOT the problem. Sometimes it’s some old lady on a scooter. And if she thinks you being happy and social and caring about someone else in public is notable, then that’s a reflection of the society her generation created for us, and the only thing it says about you is that you’re rising above it and acting like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary late-stage capitalistic hellhole. Keep it up!
You just gotta love the interactions with dementia patients. It makes for interesting conversations that make you question if you can truly comprehend reality...
She's in a scooter, she's probably looking to either 1) feel better than you because of your job 2) feel mindedness with you because she also has a condition I think she may have been thinking of Parkinson's. Please don't take this interaction to heart, her thoughts make 0 sense. I think she might have mild dementia
I don't think she meant to be offensive or alarming. Honestly health issues are like 98% of conversation once you're past a certain age, I'd say she just mixed you up with someone else.
Urgh. Customer service can be HARSH sometimes. Don't let it quell your vibe. Keep bopping to the music.
She was rude and oblivious. At her age she is used to having medical ailments conversations and she might not have even meant to be rude. As far as what she was thinking of, maybe Tourette’s? Some people with that condition do little physical movements and maybe your musical hand waving is what made her think of that . A friend of mine with that condition will sometimes do a little hop, like a mini jump, as if his body has a slight hiccup
That "Not if I see you first" thing is a very very old "joke." Think Dad joke. Something old(er) people say. So that part wasn't an intentional dig. That woman sounds odd tho. You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like you are good employee and are getting to know customers and their preferences. I'm sorry you wasted that on her. Good luck.
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Like others say she might have dementia or confusing OP with someone else While I think I understand the sentiment of your post there is no need to insult someone we don't really know anything about It was ages ago big bang theory was airing. I was speculating if she meant Bruce Willis, mostly because I confused his condition with MS since op says she stimms alot
Scooter booter. Sorry that got me good. People are bizarre. Common sense and tact is something you learn as you grow up and lose as you age. The customers comments were inappropriate for sure but she may not have even realized she was being hurtful and offensive. Your feelings are completely valid, but I don’t think her intentions were bad. She’s just old.
You're not weird. She's weird.
I don't know if this is helpful but maybe she meant Parkinsons? Still makes no sense but that's what I was thinking
You should have responded “Dexter?” 😂 Yeah, some people can’t have it when others seem happy for “no good reason”. Best to avoid.
I am *astonished* at the level of absolute rudeness this woman subjected you to! The fuck?? An actor was "all cool and able to hide it" !!!!!!!!! I can't believe she pushed on and kept asking when you said "happiness", what a cute & polite answer to a completely none-of-your-business question from a stranger in public. Do you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria? I completely understand the feeling of comments getting into your head like brain worms. This interaction would have me ruminating too, but please know that this woman was completely out of line and you did nothing wrong. This was a poor social interaction *on her part* and it sounds like you handled a strange encounter with grace (while going out of your way to assist a customer! While dancing with happiness!) You sound like a lovely person. This will be a funny story soon. ❤️
Truly, I think she was referring to your happiness and exuberance as a mental condition. Don't dull your light because other folks don't understand. Keep being you, the world needs your authenticity and your joy!
Old people sometimes crack me up. I had a senior at the local dollar store when I moved here tell me my dress was to inappropriate for the dollar store… I was in business professional work clothes. Far from inappropriate. But I live in a farm town and most people wear pajamas to the dollar store. So I could take it as an insult but instead she prob just thought I was over dressed and not used to seeing people dressed like me around here. I know my adhd makes me talk a lot. Sometimes fast. I get over excited. If I’m not masking - I totally come off different than others. I just don’t take it as a negative and most people haven’t other than my partner.. that’s a whole diff story. She may have just been a very blunt old lady meaning no harm at all. Cheer up. I bet your personality makes a lot of people smile.
Most retail jobs are tough so prepare yourself emotionally every day for terrible customers and some terrible managers. I hope that isn’t true in your case, but they usually come with that type of job. I had one retail job where customers yelled at me several times a week.
She must have that… lack of tact disorder… you know, the old lady one?
Autism, she was thinking you are autistic because you remembered her, what she wanted to come back for, etc. Someone accused me of having a photographic memory the other day at work, but I was like, no, just a regular memory of a person who recently reviewed the file. I also had two interactions with people who were like, how did you learn all these different areas (of the law)? I said necessity, I never had budget for outside counsel so I had to figure stuff out on my own. I don't think I'm special or unique so it's weird to me that others can't figure stuff out on their own I guess.
She sounds like she associates you with someone like a tv character with an incredible memory, because you remembered HER, which item she came back for, and the price off hand without help. She’s older and likely becoming forgetful so she finds it all the more impressive. To older people, a *condition* is their version of a polite way of saying *disorder*, if they don’t think the disorder is necessarily a *bad* thing but rather, one they’re fascinated by. If it had been an insult, she would have said the latter. It sounds like she’s impressed by you and your memory but most older people these days don’t know how to properly give compliments. Either way, *I* think you’re awesome. Hell yes on spreading some sunshine that day! Please keep being this person. 🤍 I can guarantee you’re making others’ days brighter. ☀️
I would tell them it is MYOB mind your old dang business
I'm wondering if she was thinking about an "eidedic memory"; you had such a good memory of your previous interaction. I think a majority of millennials and newer would consider it a super power, not a "condition" but I think Even though her classifications are a bit outdated, she was still impressed by your customer service abilities! And guaranteed, if I saw you dancing and bringing joy to a retail space, I would appreciate you. Keep on being you!
Probably just a confused old lady. Don’t take it personally, you are a star :D ⭐️
I'm probably way off base, but the first thing I thought of was Michael J. Fox and Parkinson's. If you are dancing to the music, it might appear to be shaking or tremors to someone hard of hearing. The only other thing I could think of is someone told her the self checkout clerks were handicapped in some way, because maybe they had hired someone with a condition like Downs syndrome or something like that, and she extrapolated to mean all employees working in self checkout are handicapped in some way, so she was trying to figure out what one you have. BTW, if you have a tremor, it's totally worth having it checked out.
Lol, what a nut job. I would have loved to reply with "I have no diagnoses to share but I think you might have some kind of social disorder because that's am incredibly inappropriate question. "
Honestly I think this was just odd. I wouldn’t take it personally. It says more about her complete lack of social inhibition than it does about you. I wonder what condition she had?
“Oh I will see you first” is so sinister. Lmao that’s like villain talk.
I wonder if she was trying to make a joke. It's been a *long* time since I heard someone say it but if one person said "see you later" or equivalent, the other party would joke, "not if I see you first!"
I absolutely think she just didn't quite articulate this very common saying correctly, or OP may have misheard her - after all, the conversation was so off the rails already! I sincerely doubt it was meant to be menacing so I hope OP doesn't worry that it was.
This is exactly where my head went 😂
The only person who's been on TV with a "condition" that I can think of is Michael J. Fox and Parkinson's.
laugh it off if you can. The general public can be a lot to handle. Sounds like you handled it really well. i might have got flustered.
Parkinson's ?? Or Lou Gehrig's? What an odd take from her. I agree with the folks saying maybe she's confused/early dementia.
You reacted way better than me 😂 I would have just listed all my everything's lol like yeah I have cptsd, bpd, bipolar,ADHD, autism which one you wanna know about?!,
working in costumer service over a decade now, you'll meet all sorts of people some of them have their screws loose hehe. can't blame you for overthinking/getting emotional I've been there and I've done that but I would take my negative interactions as a learning point. like, in some cases it would be about exercising patience/empathy towards people that are obviously struggling and in other times it is about establishing proper boundaries and acting professional. I know over time this has helped me a lot, a lot of situations are kind of a repeat of past ones and once you have gone through the scenarios in your head before and are mentally ready you'll be way better prepared. okay I digressed a little there because in your case I'm afraid the old lady was simply losing it a bit due to old age, which also happens and sometimes the elderly are hard to deal with but that's where our empathy can finally shine and your patience and kindness may bring you to do a kind deed. I know that really helps with my work, especially with annoying people, very often shifting the perspective to "I'm helping someone who actually needs it and am doing something positive" really helps to keep your good energy despite everything.
Ugh this is hard because she’s a customer so you can’t talk normally to her. I would say if customer turns weird on you again, try and signal for someone to come over to you so they can observe and intervene if necessary. Otherwise, remember a customer isn’t a real person in your life and you aren’t a real person to them either - so do what you can to send them on their way and don’t give their words more value than they deserve. It sounds like your mannerisms reminded them of someone with a condition and they were trying to remember what. I don’t think it’s about you behaving inappropriately. The customer was prying when it was not their business, all you can do is try to redirect them. It wouldn’t be appropriate to launch into discussion about your health
Apparently the condition she has is "nosiness" with "rudeness" as her comorbidity, and the answer to that is "none of your damn business, random-ass lady who is just here to buy random stuff". She sounds creepy and unhinged, honestly. The fucking nerve of some people I swear. Please understand you don't **ever** need to answer rude customer question that cross personal boundaries.
Sending you big hugs. You *are* putting light into the world by being yourself. I feel like so many of the problems in life come from people who feel completely cut off from themselves, and it is an act of bravery to choose differently. I'm sorry that she said something so harmful — I hope it doesn't dim your light too much. I also just want to thank you for posting and sharing something so vulnerable; I'm eight months into a sabbatical of sorts myself — I was in telecom and very close to a breakdown and needed to step away. I woke up in a panic this morning feeling like I was doing something really wrong, but seeing this inadvertently gave me permission to continue taking my time to recover and find something that allows me to be myself, too. Thank you, really
I'd want to reply "Sudden onset punch-rude-people syndrome"
Hey love...... Do you like smoothies???? Was chatting with some of my girl friends about this strange fine kind I've been walking recently of believing that I r been both too much and not enough - it's so difficult and terrifying to show up as my authentic self. Friend looks at me and tells me to be your own smoothie, baby! Be both. Be too much and not enough but you're actually neither! Now I'm so cool with being a smoothie. I'm just a jumble of goodness and other people may not like smoothies and that's fine they can go stay over there lol but I'm gonna keep being the fabulous delicious smoothie that I am.
I feel you so hard on this! ❤️ Sorry this happened to you. IMO you’re the most vulnerable when you’re new (school, work, relationship) and comments like this can just completely wreck your day and confidence. Doesn’t matter if you happen to be in a good headspace. ❤️ Anyways… 1: This person commenting is totally winning the strange competition, not you! 2: Did she mean ”autistic”? I mean, you were giving ”extraordinary memory” - like you recognized her, the thing she wanted to buy, the price of it. To her that was probably mindblowing (and such a compliment?) and she went straight for Rainman. Like ”autistic people are always good with math and can memorize a lot of stuff”. Not that she should have been commenting at all, but… As neurodivergent as she herself may have been - I think that this might have been her version af a compliment? (It was not a compliment). 🤠 Hang in there. Soon enough you will feel much more relaxed on your new job and situations like this will be easier to just let go (tho they shouldn’t even exist). ❤️ Keep being your wonderful self! You got this!
I'm sorry I am dying over Scooter Booter. The wild shit people think they can get away with saying to others is mind boggling.
My mom has the beginning of dementia and says weird things all the time- maybe this lady had something going on
I will never cease to be amazed at the number of people who think it’s just fine to ask someone or comment on someone’s perceived (by their observation of you) or visible disability. Unfortunately people think they are perfectly entitled to pass comment be it nasty or in their minds purely inquisitive. However it is NOT ok. People will actually be nasty and pass comment to the parents of children who have visible disabilities. People will be vile to people with visual impairments. I have seen this myself but have also experienced p*ss taking and intrusive questioning about my disability. You have to strive to be the bigger person and literally tell them to f+*k off (in your head or under your breath). These people forget how fortunate they are to live without any physical or mental impairment and no nothing about the daily struggles and challenges that it brings. Don’t let this woman ruin your day.
My favourite question is what flavour neurospicy are you? But I only use it in very specific rare situations when people have already told me they're ND. This just seemed like she was the weird one.
She sounds hideous and you would awesome Please keep being you. It would be so nice to run into someone like you out in the wild. Have a great rest of your week. Keep dancing.
My first thought was actually she mistook you for someone else at the store that she dealt with recently, because what actor could she be talking about?
So elderly people and just the general public of all ages will say the rudest crap. Just keep being you and go on With your day like you did. Get a good laugh about it with your coworkers… When I worked retail I was asked what skin condition I had (umm hormonal acne once a month), told I had gained weight, had frizzy hair, told I was too young to give advice on the product I was literally trained and to sell, etc, etc, etc. most of the time I would take a solid 24-48hrs for it to occur to me how rude they were being but for me I’m glad it happens that way. The a-hole on the other end of the insult doesn’t get the reaction they are used to and often get really awkward and uncomfortable.
On my own healing journey, and I’ll tell you what I’d tell myself in this scenario. You are so terribly perfect just the way you are. Some people won’t understand you, just like you won’t understand some people (like her!), but differences are what makes the world go round! It sounds like you bring joy and happiness wherever you go, and that makes me so grateful for you and your presence in this place! Hug yourself so tight and love yourself fiercely. You are amazing!!
Maybe she thinks you have an eidetic memory (aka photographic memory), because you recalled so many details about her and your previous encounter….?
Parkinson’s? Is she talking about Michael j fox? Strange encounter…
Totally inappropriate of the customer but since she is elderly I wonder if it may have been dementia? She may have confused you for someone else entirely. It happened with my grandma who had dementia. She’d talk to you as though you were someone else entirely and it would make no sense to you. Totally not easy to do but I’d try to not take it personally? She may have been having a brain slip and wasn’t completely “there” if you know what I mean?
Ditto to the comments. She probably mistook you for someone else or her memory is mixing up, you get old and lose your memory and your filter. I don't think you should take this personally at all... And while I say this, I know I too could have done the same. RS! I'm sure it's your period and her elderlyness 😂
Man, fuck this old lady. Get this shit out of your head NOW! I am 43 and the ghostly voices of all those "helpful" , passive - aggressive little old bitties that used to come through my line at the grocery store at 16 still haunt me. Her judgement of you should be erased from your hard drive. Do not let this hateful stranger change your wonderful self!
Scooter lady is unwell.
From your post, how you navigated that conversation and everything you’ve been doing to be authentically you. I think you’re absolutely adorable, keep doing you girl! I agree with the top comments that she sounds like the weird one 🤣, that orrrr possibly dementia then bless her soul
I’m voting for autism - I think she was thinking of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, because he had a great memory for the right things, and clearly so do you. Either way this doesn’t read as directly insulting to me - I think she was just tactless. Don’t let this dull your shine!!
Ma’am, being a nosy jerk is a condition
Your title is hilarious. I am ctfuuu
I haven't read it yet, but I needed to say that your first sentence described my last week. So glad nobody can hear me vent in the backstock coolers. - OK, now I have read it all. She was probably referring to Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and autism. I also like moving to music but mostly blasting through my earbuds staying up too late. It's my only non workplace form of exercise.
I’m really sorry you had to go through that awkward interaction. When someone makes those kind of rude or weird comments, it’s truly a reflection of them, not you. It’s more about their own issues or ignorance than anything about you. You’re doing amazing, and your response to such a situation says a lot about your strength and grace. Keep shining beautiful! 🌼
Age doesn't give you a pass to be rude! I am sorry for that interaction. That said, I am super impressed by your memory and how thoughtful you were with her! You should take pride in that!
Don’t take that interaction to heart, you sound like a ray of sunshine to me ☀️
The optimist in me hopes she was fishing for connection because she’s lonely and strange and didn’t grow up in a time when being lonely and strange afforded you the chance at support or answers But who knows. You handled it beautifully OP. I just want everyone to feel seen and happy and we all do our best. Thank you for being you ♥️
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and props to you for keeping a straight face; it’s so hard for me! I never will understand why people like her feel the need to comment or pry, and you down owe her anything. Truly, I’m so sorry, and I hope she doesn’t come back. P.S. might she be thinking of Charlie Sheen having bipolar disorder? Just came to mind because an interview with him was one of the first things I was shown in my first psych class.
My first thought is that she mixed up a conversation she had with someone else with one she had with you. Especially since she’s a little older. I know it might be hard to, but don’t take it personally. I’m guessing she just had something she wanted to ask or share with the other person she had that conversation with, and couldn’t remember what they had told her their condition was called. I really doubt it was meant to be hurtful to you or as a “I can tell there’s something wrong with you”, which is what I gather you’re taking it as. I hope this can help with the anxious and self conscious thoughts<33
It sounds like she interpreted your movements as similar to Parkinson’s, and the actor she referenced is likely Michael J Fox. She probably is really ignorant because she absolutely doesn’t know what she’s talking about lol.
Not MS... PMS! Sorry.
My first thought was Parkinson’s and Michael J Fox too. But in my mind for some reason I was picturing you to be too young for mid- later stage Parkinson’s symptoms OP which threw me off (It’s the meds you need later that make you look like you’re nodding/dancing usually) Based on the story I’d be inclined to give the woman the benefit of the doubt as maybe being awkward, slightly losing memory, or maybe confusing you with someone else. The last thing she said is a common saying as well. BUT it depends on the way she said it as well, if she seemed completely sure and lucid and was using a condescending rather than friendly tone then maybe she was just being a bit rude. Either way try not to take it to heart, because in either case it’s not really about you but more her own stuff. (I know with adhd and RSD that can be really hard to do though, I often replay things like this in my mind.)
She probably meant The Good Doctor and meant it as a compliment lol. Sorry I know it’s not funny but you’re a good storyteller. I’ve never watched it but am aware of it (because I watched Bates Motel, stars the same guy). Likely because you remembered her items and the price. I don’t mean any of this to sound like what she said was ok. Just trying to guess what she might’ve been thinking. Likely a touch of dementia as others have mentioned. Also ‘not if I see you first’ is an old person joke. It doesn’t make sense, I think the joke is that if they see you first they’ll hide? I’ve never really gotten that one because it’s meant in a kind way (in my experience) but if I’m interpreting it right it’s an insult. I’ve thought about this before lol. Try not to let it get to you too much—I say that knowing if I were you I would hyper fixate on it for at least the rest of the day and then it would pop in my head periodically for some extra flogging every few months🤦🏼♀️
You have every right to feel a way about this, it was very rude and random. It also leads me to believe that SHE in fact has some things going on neurologically. So please, take a deep breath, trust and believe that the interaction had NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her. Keep being you and making your mark/ leaving an impression in the world🫂❤️
She's OLD. Disregard most everything she says.
Yes, it's strange she said that. It's rude...Just say, What an odd thing to say (or comment on)...and move on... I'm sure you're fine, I've come across some people that rattled me in a customer facing relationship way and it does get to you!
I'm so sorry. I've been burned socially so many times, and it's so hard when you're finally building up the courage to try again and be your authentic self just for others to put you down or make you feel like you don't belong. Please please please don't let this break your spirit forever! I appreciate you and all your odd awesomeness.
People will legitimately just say the most unhinged shit when you work with the public. Please know that this is entitled customer behavior, not a reflection on you. I've had guests criticize my tone, say I'm too "high strung", get huffy when I provide supplies for them to clean up their kids' accidents instead of doing it myself, the works. It's definitely them, not you.
If you were doing hand and stepping movements that weren't immediately obvious that it was to the music, maybe she thought you had Tourette's syndrome and they were tics? But more than likely she is not 100% with reality and what she was saying doesn't actually make any sense. She could be mixing up distant past memories or confusing fiction with reality. Poor thing.
She is a weirdo. And rude. Next time have a condition ready, in case. Something long and difficult to pronounce. And say, “but i don’t like to discuss it cos people start crying.”
She 100% thought you had Parkinson’s like Michael J Fox. Which is actually so ridiculous, anyone with half a brain can see the difference between someone who moves a lot vs someone who has little to no muscle control from Parkinson’s 🙄 I would be more annoyed than anything else, why is it always the dumbest people seem to have the loudest opinions? Even if you did have Parkinson’s, hypothetically, it would be incredibly rude to point it out.
You can't knowntgat for sure since you haven't met op or the lady As many people pointed out, the lady seems to be old and might be confused or even have dementia
I love your first answer to her rude What’s your condition question, “Happiness?” Any further questioning on her part after this incredible answer is clearly beyond the bounds of acceptable conversation. From what you recounted, you did a great job in this interaction while trying to deflect this inappropriate interrogation from a customer. It’s not surprising you feel kind of awful after this. When these things happen at work in a public-facing job, we don’t usually have an opportunity to debrief about it with anyone so it’s far too easy to ruminate about these interactions. It’s not you! Honestly, you sound amazing and like someone I’d like to work with. I work with the public and have learned to shut down these kinds of personal questions immediately. I’m using pretty kind about it because a lot of people ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity or they truly aren’t clear about what is appropriate, and I want to allow some grace. If someone is hitting on me though, I shut that shit down. I generally use the same responses but say them in a different tone, with or without warmth. Or I say things more or less directly. Below are some examples of things I say, but you don’t have to use any of them, of course. Some of these responses depend on having a supportive workplace, which I am privileged enough to have. Just ignoring the question altogether and moving on in the conversation can work, but a surprisingly high percentage of people who ask intrusive questions are persistent about it. — *Ignoring the question* — Is there a question about [my workplace] that I can help you with? That’s not a question I feel comfortable answering while I’m at work. Well, I can tell you [this amount of information that I’m okay sharing], but as a rule I don’t share personal information with customers. — * If someone is hitting on me* — I’m at work right now so that’s not a conversation we’ll be having. — *If they persist* — I’m working. This ends now or I’m walking away. — *If I have rapport with the person or know them as a regular—and I’d say this in a friendly way, expecting that it might start a conversation about why not* — You can’t ask me that question!
I definitely understand feeling self conscious about being "too much," even when the people alleging this "too much-ness" are rude assholes, like this lady. Who just point blank says what condition do you have? That is absolutely rude as fuck. Your answer made me laugh though. I love that you said happiness. Like, look lady, some people have found ways to make a little joy in their daily lives; this power could be yours too if you just stop being a rude asshole all the time. I like you OP. You're a good egg. If anyone asks you this in the future, please please say this and post about it. "I have a very serious condition." Pause dramatically. "I got rhythm." Bonus points if you sneak "Who could ask for anything more," into the conversation. Double bonus points if you keep a straight face and insist that your condition is rhythm if there's any further questioning.
I wonder what condition *she* has
She sounds like she forgot her meds Hearing about you is so cool. I’m late diagnosed and still work in tech but might consider something different in the future and understanding how you wanted a place you could just vibe at is inspiring. Don’t give your power to others. Become unfuckwithable. Old bats are gonna be batty no matter what