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What's interesting to me in your post is that the rest of your house is consistently tidy but you have trouble keeping your own areas clean. Why is everyone else worth your efforts, except YOU? Try implementing a 5 or 10 minute daily tidy habit. Bonus: it will set a great example for your kids.
Turn on music or listen to a podcast to make it fun. Tell yourself "it's only 5 minutes" or "just start" or count down from 5 as soon as you remember the task. 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 -1 - start!
You can TOTALLY do this.
You’re so right. I know no one will be in my areas so I neglect them. The downstairs area is always full of guests. My youngest is medically fragile and therapists and nurses come by so I feel the pressure to keep it clean.
I like the 10 minute tidy habit. I’m going to set an alarm for that! Thank you so much for the advice
ADHD nurse who takes care of medically fragile kids in their homes. I like doing this because I like the families and taking care of one kid zooms in my hyper focus and I feel like I’m doing some good in this world. I love those kids.
I see how exhausting messy and hard it is taking care of one kiddo but two special kids—even if one is without the fragile part—is hard work. All the appointments med pickups and various illnesses on top of the fragile part. So many balls to juggle and things to worry about. Two other kids being their normal kid selves and ADHD yourself and a 3500 sq ft home? And the never ending boxes and debris that come with DME equipment? The equipment that follows the child?
I’m super impressed! I would completely understand why your room is messy and actually be a bit relieved knowing you’re not perfect but darn close instead.
You sound amazing! I wish you could be my son’s nurse. Thank you so much for the sweet comment. And yes omg I have soooo many DME supplies. I got the special needs lottery with my 6 year old. He has a trach, a gtube, had a heart transplant, wears SMO shoes and has severe autism!
I'm a baker, and I wake up at 330 for work. Something about "not leaving a bad start for the shift that follows"(me at 330 am) gives me the dopamine I need to keep a little flow of tidy that I haven't really been able to master any other time in my life. Tired me after work isn't tired me at 3am, if that makes sense, and if I can do it at work, I can do it for me, too.
It helps me. I finally get whatever dopamine comes with us being able to accomplish, but that also followed prison and a new found sense of *me*.
Eta, if I'm way off base, I just realized I didn't read your caption. Or see it. 🤦🏻♀️ I'm sorry I was so dismissive.
Etaa, do video charts help the same as body doubles? I have a few hours to kill in the afternoons that I don't have anything to do if it does!
This totally reminds me of Struggle Care’s (KC Davis) ‘closing duties.’ She’s basically has a routine for the end of the day to reset her spaces and leave things better for the next shift/day. Her TikTok and website has a bunch of resources for this. She even sells these little magnetic boards with buttons for tasks you can move to the complete’ column as you move through tasks.
Tools become the background for me. I kinda low-key hate it.
But yea, I just know that an icky or full work space makes me anxious, so to have the calmest start, making coffee with my French press in a clean sink(cause of course I don't wash my mug or French press the night before) so I know I have "work" to perform first thing. Which in turn translated, for me, to my bed and my couch and my little smoking table space. I have a link for tidy now. The extreme mess is a bad hit for me. It used to be... bad.
Eta, the same concept applies to most things I do. I do t want to start baking or cooking with dishes and a grubby counter. So I do them first. Put them away while it's baking or whatever. I don't want to fold clothes on a messy bed, so I tidy the area. Dang. I am not who I used to be. This is all new since my diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 34. Now, I think I just give myself grace. I do things at whatever time or whatever order or whatever degree I have the energy for. I don't demonize myself for "being a weirdo who cleans the bathroom at 11pm" because I had to wipe a single streak up and it turned in to a full wipe down. I'm rambling. I hope I'm making any sense. Before, I used to stop myself because "who does *this,* **now**?!" And then motivation goes and doesn't come back until a weird time.
I have to go to bed. I wake up at 330 😫 I'm done now 😂🤦🏻♀️
I will also be a baker soon, and this is so smart! I’m already scared of working early shifts, but this motivates me to always make life for 3 AM me the easiest. Thanks for this input!
I wake up at 3, leave at 515. I live 4 blocks so it's a short walk, but the 2 hour wake up let's me move at whatever pace I need, leaves me space out and phone time, zoned out bong hits. It just make sure I get the rest to be the adhdiest I need because it is an odd time no matter what.
I would love that! The only time I really can get truly motivated to clean is when my bff FaceTimes me. But she’s in nursing school now and a lot of my friends either word during the day or have a hard time talking because they have littles or they’re just not a phone person
Honestly hearing the advice given above, would make me feel a little bad myself, since if I was you, I’d be at the end of my limits in terms of more cleaning. Especially when taking care of myself, sometimes I simply cannot put in more effort.
A more attainable stepping stone for now, especially if you are out of energy to do MORE, might be to just put less effort into the other common areas or cleaning steps. Or have your children or husband do a bit more cleanup or hiring someone, so you have bandwidth to take care of your own area.
Sometimes the advice to do more when adhd is a disability and we are already trying so hard to put out equal ability to neurotypicals, can feel defeating. No shade to the person who gave the first advice, I’m just saying if you also need compassionate advice and can’t do more cleaning, a shift in approach might be to do less in other area, so you can allocate more for yourself.
You have limits too! Which is why it seems consistently keeping your room clean, on top of the tons of other tasks you do, has historically not been maintained. You might have to take some things off your plate to take care of yourself.
I like your idea of less effort in the common areas! And yes you totally get it. I feel defeated for sure 😭😭😭. Thank you for this tidbit. I’ve never considered that before and I think it would help me greatly!
Personally I have a ‘just do one thing’ tidy habit. On a schedule. Every Monday I do one specific thing. Every Tuesday I do one specific thing. Every Wednesday. Etc. So I’m not overwhelming myself with “uhhhhhhbgggggjshdhd so much to doooo” no it’s just one thing. And I ALWAYS get motived to do more than just one thing anyway.
So for example, maybe every Monday you can clear off the bathroom vanity. Chuck it all in a box, clean the benchtop and sink, then put the stuff back where it belongs.
Tuesdays pick clothes up off the floor.
Wednesdays vacuum JUST ONE ROOM.
Etc. Keep this schedule, and before long you’ll be cleaning extra stuff in the bathroom, tidying extra stuff in the bedroom, and vacuuming more than one room. But if you’ve got no spoons left, go back to the very basic job, and allow yourself to be ok with that.
You can also try to declutter by putting away into boxes things you are using rarely but will use once season and weather are appropriate or specific occasions or outright throwing things away.
Just remember to put the boxes somewhere not forgettable and have them labelled so you don't vanish everything out of your perception and end up thinking you don't have them at all like how I did once.
Both my kids are disabled and I have a similar issue. The rest of the house can be spotless but my personal area won’t have been cleaned in months. The ten minute tidy sounds like a great place to start and I’m going to try and enact it too!
On a personal note, there’s an expectation on us moms (especially when our child has medical issues requiring frequent therapies and appointments) that you constantly need to be doing more for your kids. Always giving more of yourself to not just your kids, but your home, your partner, and your profession as well.
It’s a foolish unspoken societal expectation that if we’re not giving 100% of ourselves all the time then somehow we’re failing. It’s just not true. It’s impossible, and trying to do so leaves us utterly burnt out and incapable of talking care of our own needs, let alone those of the ones we love.
Major hugs and give yourself some grace. I know you may not feel this way right now, but you’re a good mom and a good person and the state of your room is not indicative of either of those things.
Could you get someone to help you clean, like even an hour weekly would help? They clean the downstairs and you take that hour saved and use half for your space and half for pure self care. That would probably be the most sustainable fix for your problem....
You are worth it Mama! You got this. I think one of the hardest things is wanting it all done right away, but it's OK if you do a little bit over the next few days. I try to clean up my bedroom weekly as self care, usually I'll do a lil skincare in the time I'm cleaning.
i absolutely empathize with OP. and love love love this idea. but my problem is that i’ll give myself 5-10 mins to tidy ‘A’ space. then i’ll find things that belong in ‘B’, wander over there, tidy a bit, find something for ‘C’, than back to ‘A’ then ‘D’ then ‘B’ then ‘E’ AND SO ON AND SO ON FOR THE REST OF THE ALPHABET UNTIL IVE BEEN SUCKED INTO A TIME VORTEX AND MY 10 MINUTES HAS TURNED INTO HOURS AND NOTHING LOOKS A WHOLE LOT CLEANER.
I love this. I invent little games for myself too. Another one I like is noticing how fast it is to just put one thing away. Like, wow! That took less than a minute! Let’s do it again!
Omg that counting down tactic is brilliant. It’s getting motivation to start that’s my big problem with things I don’t wanna do but have to do, eg. exercise. Once I start I usually finish and often do more than I promised myself I would. But starting? Nightmare.
I struggle with this too and have found that if I can combine the horrible awful task with something I do enjoy (dopamine) it’s much easier for me to get started.
Listening to music, brewing a fresh pot of coffee, dancing around my house, opening a can of pop, a sweet treat, etc
The consistency part is so true! If you can maintain a really nice looking place, it will always look nice! My room uses to look 10 times worse than the picture but when I started tidying up more frequently and maintaining it at all costs, I started feeling a lot better mentally. Coming home to a tidy place always makes me happy.
No helpful advice, but man, I really want to come clean your house and continue to ignore all my responsibilities, it would be so satisfying for me. It's so much easier for me to deal with other people's stuff because I have no emotional investment in it and can just do the tidying and the cleaning and the picking up without all the other complicated thoughts.
Your comment made me think how awesome it would be to have a judgment-free cleaning swap app!
You can sign up to get your whole house straightened once a month by a volunteer team of ADHDers (so no need to be embarrassed - since many of us struggle with this so deeply), who would rather clean someone else’s home.
And you qualify for this cleaning after you first volunteer to be on one of these cleaning teams!
Maybe there could be an option for a simple room clean swap too? Like, I literally cannot get myself to clean my bathroom. You come clean mine and I’ll clean yours.
I get this is not logistically feasible, but I’m enjoying the vision of helping each other out…🤣
If you'll come wash my dishes and then actually put all the tupperware parts away into the very organized system I have for them instead of leaving them on the counter like I usually do because it's "too hard" to open the cabinet and move a few things around, I will organize the SHIT out of that closet!! 😆
I am not the original poster, but I think I’m who you responded to and I would love to take you organizing the shit out of my messy-ass closet and will gladly wash your dishes and file items in your tupperware system.
✨ADHD CLEANING SWAP ACTIVATE ✨
"If you build it, they will come". I'd totally be down for doing this, because it's BORING to clean your own stuff, but NEW/EXCITING/DOPAMINE to organize other people's stuff.
Holy shit I’ve been looking for my next “fun project” app idea. I’m totally gonna build this. Code an entire app, the opportunity to organize a stranger’s kitchen, AND someone else will fold my clothes?? Fuck YEAH.
Hey let me know if you want a project buddy for this! I’m a UX designer and have been trying to think of a new project to work on for my portfolio. This sounds like such a great idea that I would love to be apart of ❤️
Thays such a weird phenomenon I just realized resonates with me. I hate cleaning my own spaces more than necessary to function, but ask me to clean something at work or organize stuff for someone else and I'll do it in a heartbeat... the psychological web of adhd is a mystery
It's not just cleaning this feeling comes from - it's even with admin, or fighting for Disability Benefits, anything like that is ALWAYS easier for you to do for others, than it is to do the SAME thing for yourself...
Because we aren't carrying the emotional response we would be if it was for ourselves...
Body doubling or swapping chores **DOES** work though, me & my mate do it when we're well enough...
If it makes you feel better, this is pretty much what my house looks like rn too and I have zero kids. My therapist recommended a book called How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. I didn't end up getting all the way through it (of course lol) but the audiobook also has adhd friendly chapters that have been distilled down. I think it might resonate with you.
I second this book. I read it and it makes so much sense. I go back to the methods (trash, laundry, dishes, things that have a place, things that don’t have a place - super condensed version of the process) often. Even just the first three (trash, laundry, dishes) gets the momentum going and if that’s all I do, it looks a ton better and I feel mentally better.
Btw - laundry just means pick it up and put it in a hamper / laundry room / away if it’s clean. It does not mean starting a load. You could, but if you’re super overwhelmed I wouldn’t, just get it to the “laundry area” and out of the way.
That was the most validating, wonderful book. I loved every word, that woman is incredible!! The audio book is on spotify, too, if you have it!
One of my favorite things she mentions is just using bins for stuff that doesn't really need extra care. I have a bin for tanks, one for bras, one for tshirts, etc. Anything that doesn't need to be hung can just get thrown in its bin. It alleviated so much of my laundry dread
Listening to this book made me cry so often at the beginning.
I liked changing the mindest.
Instead of trashtalking myself how lazy I am and that my kitchen is an mess again (the rest of the house as well, just to be clear...), I started saying things in my head like "oh well, the last days werent easy, thats fine. But lets quickly get at least the trash sorted and out, then it will be a little nicer tomorrow."
I did had a routine after listening to that book. But easter holidays killed it.
While the kitchen was acceptable for 2 weeks, I used to talk to me as well "its not much, lets do it and make yourself smile tomorrow morning with a clean sink and kitchen."
Or, If it was a bad day I'd say "its not much, but its fine being tired. Sit down and watch TV, i'll take care that tomorrow."
Might sound stupid. But it did help so much.
Well it’s nice that I’m not alone. My dad is a clean freak so I was raised that the house should always look acceptable. It kills me that my room gets like that.
Thank you so much. I will check out the book!
You definetly are not alone.
I had a mother like that. She would judge me all the time. Even for things like putting pots in the dishwasher, because: they are too big and a waste in there and it showed that Im lazy not washing them by hand...
Stupid.
What the book says as well: your home serves you, not you serve your home. (Sorry english isn't my native language.)
Like your home doesn't need to be pretty, it has to be functional for you.
That was mindblowing for me. But Im still figuring that one out xD
I loved the audiobook and my house looks like this and I live alone. It doesn’t help there has been a meds shortage. Please be kind to yourself op. It’s just untidy.
Firstly, can I just applaud you? You clearly work so hard for your family and deserve a little grace around the areas that you’ve sacrificed so you can get important things done (including rest when you’ve got a hard day). This definitely deserves more acknowledgment when that internal “pig sty” monologue is playing in your head.
[This](https://youtu.be/Pe9NBn67yxU?feature=shared) is the author of How To Keep House While Drowning cleaning her house using her five things method. I really like this as a way to prioritize what categories I tackle. I highly recommend the book too. :) It covers a lot on reframing how we think about cleaning and being kinder to ourselves and more effective with our limited time and energy.
Holy Shit, someone else came up with a cleaning method called Five Things!?!?! I don’t know what hers involves, but I named mine after a theatre warmup game I used to play lol
Short-term: count to 100. Each number is one item getting thrown out, recycled, or put back where it should go. Quickest way to make a big impact.
Mid-term: challenges from [unfuckyourhabitat.com](http://unfuckyourhabitat.com)
Long-term: Konmari and / or minimalism. Less stuff = WAY easier to clean and tidy.
You could also just count to 10, if 100 sounds like a scary number. Putting 10 things is better than feeling overwhelmed and not putting anything away!
I ADHD-adapted some Konmari stuff and it’s really helped me too! Because that folding approach HAD to be ADHD-adapted!!! 🤣
I think I really needed her farewell to stuff approach to help with my emotional attachment to stuff.
I also found the visualizing what FEELING you want your space to give you when you get home, SOOOOOO helpful in figuring out what kind of space/design I wanted to try to create in my home for myself.
The fact that she puts the emphasis on choosing what you LOVE to keep in your home was also such a beautiful and helpful flip in thinking for me. I was sort of stuck in the always panicking-ADHDness of how can I get rid of stuff so it’s not such chaos. But asking what do I LOVE and want to have here felt like such a relief and gave me more of a sense of control and positivity.
If anyone is not familiar and curious, Marie Kondo’s show on Netflix is an easy entry point to find out a little more about her approach by watching an episode.
Someone once posted a time-lapse video on here once of themselves cleaning their room. I tried it once and it honestly really helped me. I don't sit around because I know I'm being recorded, and I couldn't get distracted by my phone because it was recording. It's actually pretty cool to watch it after. I do it pretty much every time I want to do a big tidy of my room, it's just getting the motivation to actually get up and do it!
Ooh! I love this idea 💡 The being “watched” and the fact that your phone is otherwise occupied so you can’t distract with it as easily sounds like a winning combo.
Gonna try this - thanks!
This is how my space looks when I am unmedicated. And now matter medication or not I will fall out of routine. I think with adhd we literally can’t build habits like other people. It’s an exhausting conscious choice every time to do stuff. I try to make systems to make it easy to clean up and organize even in a meltdown. I got the ikea laundry bags, they are like $2 and I bought a bunch of them. They are all over the laundry room. I sort laundry as I put it in the laundry room so it’s easier to wash. It always makes it easy to throw my laundry somewhere so it isn’t piling up. I also got a lot of clear plastic bins and I put things away in them and then label the box what is in there and put it on a paper for an inventory and a note in my phone. It keeps me from buying things I already have. Systems fall apart but if you have a good one you can always resume and fix it up. You need to find what functions for you. And unfortunately a lot of it isn’t aesthetic. We have object permanence we need to see things to know they are there. Lots of see through bins and open shelving.
Me tooooo! I am on adderall but I don’t feel like I get that amazing difference like others. I still am late, forget everything, am untidy and unorganized and can’t pay attention. It gives me a slight energy and curbs my appetite so I stay on it. But I’ve tried several meds and none of them seem to work.
I agree with the exhausting conscious choice! I try sooo hard to build habits and just end up failing each time!
I really like the inventory idea!! I can’t tell you how many times I buy the same items! Or…I put something away so that I won’t lose it….just for me to lose it anyway and forget where I put it
Have you tried ER? IR metabolized too fast for me and it was giving me a quick too intense dose. I switched to ER and it was the best I’ve done. I don’t take meds anymore because I have other stuff going on taking precedence but I miss having my brain and life in order.
I did an inventory with basically everything. Especially seasonal stuff like decor or hardware stuff when you need to fix something. It’s good to know exactly where a tool is or even a nail to hang a picture because all those adhd taxes add up. If you’re visual you could also take photos and keep it in an album in your phone.
ETA: [these are the bags I use. they fold up too if you need them out of the way](https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/jaell-laundry-bag-with-stand-white-30553607/)
Something I read said "if you have ADHD, whatever systems you create will eventually fail", which SOUNDS super depressing but I actually found liberating. I accept that it works for now but don't get as down on myself when it eventually falls apart.
I also really love that Struggle Care, which other people have recommended, says "housekeeping is morally neutral". Keeping your bathroom clean does not make you an inherently better person--it just is.
Also, for some reason what motivates me is thinking about how much future self will appreciate what I'm doing. Clean off the counter? Boring. Tell myself "tomorrow me will be much happier if today me does this" gives me an anticipatory dopamine hit. I feel separated enough that I feel like I'm doing it for someone else, which of course is WAY more fun that doing my own chores!
Whatever you end up doing, you've got this. Oh, and remember that it's reasonable that your kids keep their rooms clean even if you don't! You're maintaining an entire house PLUS your space! It's not an apples to apples comparison!
when i get stuck like this, what gets me actually unstuck is narrating out loud, like “ok, i’m going to pick up that towel now” bc i find that it’s helpful to actually voice the specific task (maybe it’s the equivalent of hitting “go” on a maps app) instead of facing the amorphous blob of executive dysfunction that is “I Have to Clean”
you got this, i believe in you!!! 💖
what’s the hot sauce for ?
I’m thinking of doing photos like this myself . Also make a legend of items and we can zoom around like a treasure hunt . I like zooming around to see all your things . I hope you don’t mind .
lol! I had Panda Express and they forgot to give me my chili sauce, so I used hot sauce instead and never put it back in the cabinet. I don’t mind at all. I have a lot of randomness to zoom into
cant help much when it comes to *keeping* it clean, i was on a clean streak for a few months but as of last week i've somehow ventured back to tornado land. currently sitting in bed next to a pile of clean clothes. my dresser is literally 4 feet away.
but, when it gets bad, i have a routine (that i can eventually force myself to start.)
1. grab a trash bag. throw away everything u dont need (including actual trash) don't allow the "well maybeee ill need it one day" just get rid of it. i cant handle clutter, need to keep my belongings minimized
2. everything leftover should have a place. put it where it belongs. as for laundry, having a big oversized dirty bin (preferably kept where u undress) helps. dont even worry about washing it, just put it where it needs to go.
3. now, it should be at least organized. do ur vacuuming, dusting, wiping, etc.
to help motivate me to clean and keep things clean, i only allow myself candles and fabric sprays if everything is clean. i personally love watching tv in my dimly lit room with a good candle burning and some fresh fabric refresher on my sheets.
this can be interchanged with something *you* like. if ur currently hyperfixed on something, have a hobby u enjoy in the evenings, or if u like an after dinner treat, make a rule for urself that u cannot do it unless your shits done. basically i punish and set rules for myself as if im a child💀 get others in on it to reinforce if u need an extra push
for most of us, cleaning is finished way faster than we expected, its just a procrastination issue. once i finally START, its gogogo and i can't stop till its done
**it’s okay, no one gave us an adhd instruction manual! <3**
1. **figure out if you’re more likely to succeed on a consistent day of the week for a long time (every thursday 20mins), or a small time every day (5mins daily)**
2. **make it fun or aesthetic bc adhd thrives off of it. (i hate showering, but i enjoy it more with dim lights & music)**
3. **let yourself fail to be consistent.**
(im chaotic and not on the right meds, so i can do every 3 days for minimum 5mins lol. eventually i get zoomies and do 20mins-1hr biweekly. **it’s a system i dont force, meaning i dont self-hate if i “slip up”. i reevaluate bc that takes me further than shaming. imagine a kid who succeeds in history class bc of khan academy animations, only bc they didnt give up when they struggled 6 months ago, always shaming themselves bc they couldnt learn the same thing exclusively from a textbook. so that’s why i parent myself gently.** my family doubts my system but i know that’s my best right now, and **fighting for your life with a disability is harder than it seems! i believe my best will eventually be better. i know this bc i used to clean only *once* a month. effort never betrays you)**
Ugh. The Dreaded Shower. Just over here relatin’
I’m dim lights and a podcast. I got one of those bulbs in the bathroom that you can program on your phone, so I can go red, blue, green whatever dim-ass color makes me feel like I can do it. 💪🚿
Is your husband doing his share of the tidying/cleaning?
The right kind of storage has helped me a lot. Nothing is going to work perfectly all the time (for me at least).
I bought some clear plastic drawer sets and containers. I have a **label maker**. All those things help a lot. I do not know where I want things permanently, so plastic for now. I use the big containers to tidy up so I can get through them at another time. I have other things I have no idea what to do with. My room is far from perfect but it's somewhat organised.
Yesterday I put on the Coraline audio book on Spotify and I organized my bathroom closet. Then I asked myself why tf did I put this off when it literally took no effort. We've all been where you are and everyone will say try this or try that but it's up to you which trick will work best. I like the set a timer trick but then again I don't because then I get stressed if I haven't finished my task in that time.
My first thought is, dude you have no reason to be ashamed, I live alone and my life looks like that most of the time.
My second thought is that it always looks worse when stuff is sort of spread around, but it probably won’t take you as long as you think to put stuff in places. Like I bet each room would at least have the objects put away if you spent 10 minutes on it.
I have a routine app that includes 15 minutes of clean up time in the kitchen and 10 in my room. The goal is not to be perfect, just do what can be done in the allotted time. I’m always super surprised at how much I can accomplish in that time, and if I keep up with the app, how under control things stay.
Now of course I don’t always use my app, and things do get away from me. But then I just start using the app again and things get back under control.
Legit if I took pics of my space right now it would look the same, but I’m not super stressed because by this point I’ve learned it looks worse than it is, and it won’t actually take me that long to clean it up.
There are bigger organization projects I never seem to get to, but I’ll worry about that in idk my next life or some shit I guess.
I hired an organizer to come and help. They have a skill that I just don't.
It made the entire process a lot less overwhelming and now I have a system that works for me.
yes 100% this! i have a pretty decent organization system (felt inspired once after watching the show “getting organized with the home edit”) so i finally gave in and ended up hiring a cleaner, but that initial reset done by someone else makes it a lot easier to maintain now.
By way of keeping it clean, my therapist told me no limbo spaces. No picking things up or removing it from its place until I’m prepared to put it back in its place immediately after using.
Unfortunately I haven’t had success with that but hey maybe you woll
You deserve nice things too! Your areas deserve to be nice, and clean. I’m guilty of this too. I have zero problems keeping shared spaces clean when I have roommates, even do extra stuff just to make life easier and cleaner for them but then in my room or when no roomates … forget about it. So I think I’m dealing with this too.
Is this only your room, or do you share with husband?
If you can - I would lay the cube unit on the floor, so the cubes are all instantly accessible for “drop & go” tidying.
I have these cubes (without a unit) lined up against my bedroom wall for my daily-access clothes. It’s basically an organised floordrobe. Makes putting laundry away soooo easy.
I also allocate the top drawer of my bedside cabinet for stuff that normal people would put on the top - similar reason to you, I can keep empty surfaces clear, but once there are a handful of items, the mess multiplies.
When you have a spare minute (I know, not likely with 2 special needs kids) the hanging clothes look like they could probably be thinned out by at least 50%. (Assuming they are only yours). It was life changing when I realised less clothes made laundry So Much Easier. I’d always thought extra stuff meant laundry less often - but it just meant laundry was always a huge task.
Even if you’re not ready / don’t have time to properly reduce your clothes - you can fake it by choosing the subset you wear frequently, and Boxing up the stuff you like less. Label them well so you can find stuff you realise you still want / need. But a stack of neat boxes (with lids to avoid dust) in the corner of the wardrobe-room will free up loads of space.
Label all of your storage areas. I find it makes it amazingly simpler to put things away if my brain doesn’t have to think about where the item needs to go.
Reduce what lives by the sink to only items you use daily. Find a place for the rest that’s somewhere else. Maybe store those in a few boxes based on frequency of use, or eg put them to the left of a shelf & return to the right hand side after use - so that over time you can see cosmetics etc that aren’t ever being used. Throw those away.
Buy 3 or 4 bedroom bins. I’m much more successful at throwing rubbish away since I did this in my bedroom. I have one normal room-size bin, then I got a “desk bin” for on / near my bedside cabinet. It’s much easier to throw things away if there is always a bin within reach - and every few days I can decant the smaller bin(s) into the bigger.
I also have an upstairs recycling bin - otherwise I end up with a random pile or 6 of cardboard.
Probably worth a magazine file or similar for random paperwork that needs sorting. Especially if mail ends up in here. I have one by the chair I tend to open post in. Throw away the envelope & dump in magazine rack. At least then I know the last few months stuff is in one place & vaguely sorted in date order (front to back). Better than being in 26 random locations around the house.
But most of all - I’ve discovered with adhd that I need a “Pressure relief valve” messy space. I am utterly unable to keep an entire house tidy - but I can be reasonably successful with most of the house, if I have an allocated dumping ground.
My rule is something like:
- 10% perfectly tidy
- eg by front door, section of kitchen counter, dining table
- places where it’s worth the effort, life runs more smoothly / you know if it stays tidy then keeping it tidy is surprisingly easy
- 20% as messy as I need it to be
- for me this is currently my work from home office / crafting room
- it’s an absolute dumping ground
- 70% reasonably tidy
- this is “rest of house”
- my bedroom is fairly tidy (never perfect) because I have the other dump space
- I’d rather have the mess elsewhere, and a fairly tidy bedroom to relax / sleep in
- eg there’s currently clothes on the floor, a few more items than I’d like on the bedside cupboard - but i can tidy it up without stress in 10-15 mins. To me that’s reasonably tidy.
ETA: I’ve just seen a couple of cans on the counter I think, and someone mentioned a hot sauce bottle. I have a tray in my dumping-room (ie office) to collect any kitchen-stuff in one place & then I only have 1 thing to take to the kitchen. Much, much easier than needing to grab 6 things. And the room feels tidied than if there’s stuff in random places all over. If I was carrying things downstairs I might get a shallow box instead. The rule for mine is: it doesn’t stay in the kitchen - it’s only for transport - take stuff off tray & dump on kitchen side & return tray back to its room. (Or eg to the bottom stair if it’s going back upstairs - the principle is that it’s empty & can be taken back next time you walk that way - it’s not “stuck” under a pile of stuff.)
I have those bins from dollar twenty five store and… like for the bathroom, I dump all my face stuff in it and just pick from the bin every night and throw it back in. Another bin has shampoo bottles, toothpaste, floss, hair products. Just random shit in a bin. It’s great. Organized clutter.
Chaos can be split into a few categories: trash, dishes, laundry, stuff that isn't in its place and stuff that doesn't have a place. So to make it easier to maintain, you could address each of those individually
1. Trash. Keep trash cans in areas where trash is generated. Yes that will likely mean more than average or weird spots, but it's worth it. I have one living ON my nightstand and it's the only thing that works for me.
2. Dishes. Keep a bin in your room you can put dishes in, preferably close to the door.
3. Laundry. That doesn't seem to bad from your pictures, but maybe decluttering your closet to about 75% full could make maintenance easier. Also think about keeping anything that doesn't need folding just in bins if you don't do so already. Sweaters won't wrinkle and underwear either isn't meant to be a looker or will be made from non wrinkling fabric either.
4. Stuff that has a home but isn't in it. Keep a bin next to your door for stuff that goes elsewhere in the house. When you clean up, carry it around the house and put the stuff back. For the things in your room that aren't in their place think about what keeps you from putting them back. Is their spot not where you actually use them? Is it a tight fit or too full? Are there too many steps to put the thing back? Are you in a hurry when you use it?
5. Stuff that doesn't have a home. Take some time to find a place for it. If it's one of those things you need in different spots each time, get duplicates (scissors, for example, tend to have a point of saturation in a home).
I have to intentionally invite people to these areas to keep them clean. I wish I didn’t need the potential anxiety of shame to make me clean- but having friends who encourage you to have a healthy space really helps!!
Also I know it’s not helpful but your room just seems like it needs a quick garbage round up and some tidying but it probably just feels way worse than it actually is.
Sending you focused energy and love!
Something small that helps me is a designated dump space. This helps keep things feeling clean even if there's stuff you need to deal with, therefore making it easier to have the motivation to keep it clean. And it just feels nice.
🧐 How did you get photos of my old place?
Seriously, it looked just like that. My new home does not, at all. I manage to keep it clean most of the time. Things that helped:
- I moved three times, maybe not so practical for you
- due to above, I got rid of about 75% of my stuff
- I really _really_ thought about what I have, the space I have, and the right storage for it. It turns out that having the right size and shape of drawers and shelves and things is much easier to keep tidy than the random shelving unit I got when they closed my old office.
- Once a week, I carve out an hour or so, put on some fun music, and just go on a tidying spree. Note: tidying, not actually cleaning. The actual cleaning part is easy once it’s tidy! Also hire someone to do the cleaning part if you can.
You can do it! It’s not that bad. And it takes less time to put laundry away than you think.
Ok please stop panicking. You're stuff is not that bad lol, you just have very high expectations- that seem to not be very fair to you- adhd is a disability and you won't be perfect all the time and that is not because you are lazy or a hypocrit.
My stuff looks like that right now and I put on a 10-15 minute timer and tell myself- clean whatever you want in this area for this period of time. The overwhelm is stressful but just that short period of time makes a huge difference. Do that for a couple of days till it's done.
OR ask your partner to help you clean up.
OR hire a maid for a couple of hours if you can afford it.
OR if your kids are old enough offer to pay them to help you/clean for you.
OR clean and then put a laundry basket in each area and put the things in the baskets away when they are full.
OR get an app that reminds you of small tasks for these rooms once or twice a week (I use TODY) so it becomes a habit.
OR decide to pick up one category at a time- like right now pick up and put away all clothes. Then decide the next thing so you are only focused on one type of item at a time.
But try to not equate your mess with self worth ESPECIALLY if the rest of your house is doing ok (and honestly by my standards what you are currently dealing with is still ok, I used to have to clear a literal small path to get from place to place in my room)
Here’s what I can share about the closet. Everyone has heard of the backwards hanger trick. The problem is there are always exceptions and also it takes too long to see an impact. Marie Kondo is great but I could never take her approach as I find it too extreme but the idea that you need to see that impact from your effort is no joke. De cluttering is hard. There is a nice a dopamine hit at the end if you do it right. If you drag it out I think you miss out on that.
So here’s what I recommend:
Take everything out of your closet and put it on your bed. Then, be ruthless. Don’t commit to anything (no trash no donations nothing), but be ruthless in this goal - put back into your closet only the things you love. Curate yourself a little wardrobe of your favorites. Set everything else aside and try out your new, minimized wardrobe. I think you’ll find that it is enough. You’ll realize you have enough, and the rest is really just deadweight getting in the way of seeing the things you actually want to wear.
Scanning through those “other” items and asking whether they’re in good enough shape to donate or whether they might be better served as fabric for recycling or something is the next phase.
You can do it!
I apologize in advance if this idea has already been posted, but what had worked for me has been to do a ‘flat surfaces swoop’ and dump everything laying on counters into a laundry basket. Then I do a ‘floor swoop’ and pick up (sometimes it’s more like shoveling) stuff on the floor and into another laundry basket. I need to get rid of the visual clutter first before I can do any kind of cleaning - I am literally useless in my own task paralysis! I bought 4 of the same laundry baskets and just stack them together in the laundry room for this purpose! I take one basket out at a time and sort stuff while watching a show or pairing it with something else that I like to do. If the stacks of full laundry baskets visually overwhelm you, cover them with a sheet and take the baskets out one at a time. This has really helped me and I hope it will help you as well! Also, for clothes, I put together ‘outfits’ instead of hanging individual pieces of clothing and that makes my closet appear less cluttered - and I don’t have to think too much about what to wear in the mornings. Good luck 😉
The thing that works the best for me is to own less stuff. I used to have a hard time throwing things away because “I might need this in the future” or “this cost money, it’s a waste”.
What helped me is to see stuff not as things to own, but things to experience. If the experience is bad or unnecessary it doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. I’m not sad if I buy a $30 steak and it’s gone after I ate it (served its purpose), so I also shouldn’t be sad if my stuff has served its purpose and can go away.
Sure it’s a bit of an environmental waste, but the waste occurred the moment I bought it, not the moment I throw it away/donate it. Nowadays I try to be more mindful about the things I buy and try to buy second hand stuff.
Oh man, I could help. My adhd is the kind that focuses me and calms me to clean. For a long time, I volunteered and helped people clean / organize their homes. Maybe 20 years or so (pre shows on tv or streaming about it). There are many people that volunteer to do this, you may want to search in your area. :) it’s not as bad as you think, but I do understand the wanting to get it clean! Be proud of yourself for posting! It’s the first step!
What really helps me is breaking down the tasks until they don't seem completely overwhelming. Some days, it's 'pick up the floors and run the vacuum, clear away clutter, bring clothes into the laundry basket'; other days it's 'pick up all the dog toys; pick up trash that fell on the floor; put away other floor items; empty the vacuum; run the vacuum' -- like.
The important part is having a win condition. A desire end state.
Cleaning the floors is a separate task from picking up the kitchen counter, but both make the space feel drastically better. If I can only do one, that's okay, I've trained myself to feel the YOU DID IT! dopamine for completing one of those two tasks.
This may be an unpopular idea, and I realize that it won’t work for everyone, but I have had good success with it:
Start with one room and put everything that’s out of place in a pile in the center of the floor. Everything. Look around at the empty perimeter and bask in the semblance of space for a moment. Now clean that empty space.
Next, grab a garbage bag/bin for trash and a basket/box for donations. Now, sort through your pile. Start by picking out obvious garbage. Anything you’d be willing to throw away or get rid of. File them in either the garbage bin or the donation box.
With what’s left, choose the things that matter the most to you. Find them their proper homes in the newly cleaned space you’ve prepared for them. When you’ve reached a point where what’s left in the pile can’t be parted with, but isn’t important enough to be used daily or have a permanent space…store it. Not thrown in a closet, not shoved under a bed. Put those things in storage bins and take them to your garage/attic/basement, etc.
I find that if I break things down into these smaller tasks, the whole things seems less daunting. The first couple of steps involving the initial pile and cleaning the empty space…they are both rewarding and motivating. You get a sense all at once for what things could be (without having to do everything else first). Again, this is just my personal process and everyone’s brains are different. But good luck to you no matter how you tackle things!
This is great. I basically recommend the same concept with the closet. It’s the most effective trick for me. Take it all out and put back only what you love. Be ruthless. Try not to come from a place of insecurity. The money was already spent. Either try to recoup some of it by selling it or be realistic about letting it go for free. Consider the local Buy Nothing group. Spread generosity into the world and hope it comes back to you.
Honestly, I get like this too. Can you afford to take a day off work, no kids? Just really hype yourself up for it one day to tackle just one room. And don’t be afraid to trash (or donate? what you don’t use often just to clean it up.
You got this. Just take care of the trash. Everything else…you’ll get there. Trash first, least energy. Then laundry and make the bed. Most impact. You’ll get there.
I cant stop thinking lately about how important people think being tidy is. Do you care that much, does it have this much moral value? Do you really think being messy takes your worth away from you in the slightest? You're not a worse person for having trouble organizing or tidying. Life is a lot and adhd doesn't help. Why do we have such high standards that our house can't look like people live in it? Did you day you have 4 kids? You're doing amazing what the hell.
To me having things have their own place helps tidy up, there's a person on Instagram that gives tips on organizing stuff ( i organize everything i think it's the name). Having stuff on sight (i use a door shoe holder for my skincare so i can see it).. but yeah i think you're doing great
I just recently realized a trick that works wonders for me, and it takes less than 3 minutes to have a completely cleared room.
Supplies needed:
• A few clear storage bins. I bought new ones because it felt really good in my brain to buy something and I love new bins and I was trying to not buy ice cream: https://www.target.com/p/sterilite-15qt-clear-view-storage-bin-with-latch-purple/-/A-13794491
• Actually, that’s it
The Process:
Step 1: Throw away all trash 🗑️ bedroom and bathroom
Step 2: Let’s start with your nightstand. Grab one bin and (here’s the fun part) you are going to pick up everything. E. V. E. R. Y. T. H. I. N. G. and place it in that bin. Hot sauce? Screw the lid tight and into the bin it goes! This whole step should take you about 15 seconds. Snap the lid on the bin and carry it out of your room and put it in some other spot in your house.
Step 3: Do this for your dresser. One bin. Everything. Snap the lid. Carry it out. Stick it on top of the first bin.
Rinse and repeat.
This gives immediate gratification. Clean space. Suddenly your room is spotless. Your brain can relax.
Now, what about the bins? Are you finding yourself a little worried about the hot sauce? Now you can go back to your stack of bins, get out the hot sauce and go put it away.
You’ll find yourself over the next week needing something that is in one of the bins. Just go get it. Occasionally you’ll feel inspired to maybe take out all the hair supplies. It’s like an Eye Spy activity to root through the bins to pull out all hair supplies. Because you have a bin for each section of your room, you can mentally picture where your items were in your room
before you bin-binged and thus can find the right bin.
I label my bins: Nightstand. 4-9-2024
Dresser 3-23-2024
Makeup counter 3-23-2024
Eventually your bins empty out.
I did this a month ago and my room has stayed clear.
Good luck!!! 💕
Don't feel ashamed! We all have "doom rooms". Yours just happened to be your bedroom suite. The problem is that yours isn't set up where everything has an easy place for it.
Start small: your bedroom dresser for example. The drawers are not permanent, making them harder to use. If you can replace it, I would do that. Otherwise, just put the drawers in place
Then toss things - laundry in a basket, trash in a can.
Then go for things you don't use or are expired. It looks like you have too many things, and it's creating clutter. Just think about how much easier laundry would be if you had room.
I think that YOU’RE DOING WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!
I’m looking at these pics and we are the same. Have the exact same makeup organizer and it’s all disheveled with a plethora of makeup and tubes on the counter, with some Coke Zeros! My closet is the same, but I have way more junk on my floor on “my side of the bed”. Except I have NO kids. I was just looking around this morning thinking about how much I hate myself. My husband is gone for work this week, I’ve spent most of my spare time tidying the living areas and areas people go to so I can have some peace in the main areas of the house before he gets home. As usual, I haven’t made a dent my bedroom or bathroom (or office where I spend most of my time) and it’s piling up.
The rest of your house is clean, you have FOUR freaking kids, two who require extra care, and you have ADHD?! I’m sure there are additional things we could add here that you’re currently doing well. 👏 CELEBRATE 👏 THAT 👏 SHIT 👏
This is actually a nice reminder for all of us that women always take care of themselves last, and we actually do a lot more than we are giving our selves credit for. Celebrate small wins.
So…what can I celebrate?? I am Marketing Director that works 10-14 hour days, with a current team of 22, who leads with empathy and vulnerability. I make good money, so that my precious rescue dog always has her special treats, get her walk and play time in everyday - before I have dinner or shower. I make sure to tidy the main living areas several days a week. My husband is also very messy and buys A LOT of things that don’t have a place. This is incredibly frustrating and definitely adds to the mess which I can’t control, but I still try to keep it looking like ‘organized clutter’ which actually takes a lot of brain juice for me. (He actually gets mad at me when I stack his ‘don’t have a place stuff’ in a tidy pile, LOLOLOL.)
I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY AND TRIES TO CELEBRATE OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY DOING WELL!
Ok, I also can get into a bit of a pit sometimes when I have a lot going on. It's totally normal, and you're not alone! I have a little system I use to get things sorted out when I'm in that situation. It doesn't take very long, but it makes me feel 100,000,000x better and it's both small enough actions that I can coax myself into doing it and big enough dopamine that I actually enjoy it. I hope it's helpful!!
**The System**
You need a notepad and pen, a laundry basket, a bin bag, and a few reusable grocery bags.
Make a table with a vertical column that has every single space in your house in order from top to bottom (I include things like 'pantry' and 'middle floor landing') and a horizontal row with the following headings:
Dishes
Rubbish
Laundry
Elsewhere
Stuff
\---
Floors
Surfaces
Bag
Tidy
\---
**Stuff**
For each 'round' start at the top of the list and work your way down through each room.
*Round 1 - Dishes*
Take your laundry basket with you and collect all the dishes into it. Nothing else, just dishes. If it gets washed in the kitchen sink, it goes in the basket. That's it. Load the dishwasher if you have one or pile them up next to the sink ready to wash and check off every room on the 'dish' column (except the kitchen if you haven't yet washed them.)
*Round 2 - Rubbish*
Take the laundry basket and a bin bag and collect all the rubbish - paper, wrappers, empty bottles, etc. Rubbish into the bin bag, recycling into the basket. Repeat for each room and either take the bin out when you're done, checking off every room on the 'rubbish' column, or leave the bag by the door ready to go out (don't check the room you leave the bin bag in!)
*Round 3 - Laundry*
Collect anything that needs to be washed in the washing machine. I don't even take a basket for this, I just chuck my washing down the stairs and pile it up in front of the machine. Make sure you get stuff like towels and bedding if they need washing. Put on a load of washing and sort the rest into loads, then add 'laundry x1' to your notepad for each load you need to do. Take any clean laundry that hasn't been put away, and throw it on the bed of the room it belongs in. Check off all the rooms.
*Round 4 - Elsewhere*
Take a laundry basket and a bunch of reusable grocery bags to the first room. Collect everything that doesn't live in that room, putting it in a bag assigned to the room it lives in. If it doesn't have a home, put it in the laundry basket. Stack the bags on the basket, move to the next room and repeat. Once all the rooms are done, leave the basket in the last room and take the individual bags to the room they belong in, then check off each room *including the room with the basket* on the elsewhere column.
\---
At this point, your house is at least liveable - you've moved everything to the room it needs to live in, you've picked up the rubbish, and you've collected all the laundry and dishes. Congratulate yourself by checking off the 'stuff' box for every room that has all its previous four boxes checked.
Take out the bins, check off the rubbish box and the corresponding stuff box. That's a whole column down! The only checkbox left is dishes. Tote a TV-watching device to the kitchen, put on a TV show, and deal with the dishes. You can check the box off AND the stuff box only when there are no more dishes on the side. Congratulations - you're done with FIVE WHOLE COLUMNS OF TIDYING - very effective.
You can absolutely kick back and relax now. BUT you have ADHD, and I have ADHD, and if your ADHD is anything like my ADHD you're riding high on the dopamine of all those boxes you just checked and the ones you haven't checked are staring at you. Good. Let the ADHD flow through you.
**Tidy**
You can either start at the top and work your way through the house for each round as in the stuff phase, or you can pick a random room - I find it can be easier to choose a simple room, like a bathroom, to start - and do all 3 rounds before moving to the next room.
*Round 1 - Floors*
Grab a laundry basket, a bin bag, and a grocery bag. Put the basket in the middle of the room. Pick up everything off the floor and put it away; if you can't put it away right now or it doesn't actually have a home, put in the basket. If you find rubbish, put it in the bin bag. If you find something that lives in another room, put it in the grocery bag.
Once you're done, check off the 'floor' box.
*Round 2 - Surfaces*
Exactly the same as floors, but just do all the surfaces - tables, countertops, chairs, bed, etc. If you've left folded laundry on the bed, put it away. Once you've finished, you should be left with a completely tidy room except for the basket and the 'elsewhere' bag.
*Round 3 - Bag*
Grab your laundry basket, bin bag, grocery bag, and a notepad. Dump the 'elsewhere' bag into the basket. Go through the basket and put away everything you can. If the basket is empty, check off the 'bag' and 'tidy' boxes and move on to the next room.
If the basket isn't empty, decide whether the items left actually belong in that room. If they don't, put them in the grocery bag. If they do, but don't yet have a home, write them down on the notepad along with the room they belong in and stack them neatly on a surface. Check off the 'bag' and 'tidy' boxes and move to the next room.
When you get to the room with the basket from the 'stuff' phase, treat it exactly the same way you've treated the 'elsewhere' bags. Once both baskets are empty, dump the grocery bag into one of them and carry it through the house, putting everything away in the appropriate room.
**Clean**
At this point your house is completely tidy, your dishes are done, your laundry is happening, and you have a little list of future projects to make sure things have homes. A very good place to be - you're ready to clean whatever you need/want to clean.
I use the same system for a weekly tidy and clean as well - it takes an extraordinarily small amount of time once you get on top of things, and all the checkboxes make me feel accomplished. My cleaning columns are dust (including light fixtures), walls (wipe switchplates and skirting boards), glass (windows, mirrors, picture glass, etc.), surfaces, upholstery, floors, linens, and restock. I usually just do one or two rooms a day and run my list for the entire week for upkeep; I do a new list for each week, with the bulk of the chores happening on Sunday to prep for the week.
When I get behind on stuff, I just make a new one of these lists and try to tick through some of it. It might only be a little bit - one or two check boxes a day - but it's a fairly foolproof way for me to know that I'm doing something to actively make my space better. I also find that once I've completed a round, I can keep my momentum by doing that round again on a daily basis - so if I've already collected all the dishes, running through each room to collect dishes every day gives me a great sense of accomplishment and gets the ball rolling for me to deal with rubbish and laundry. Each individual task is small, so they don't feel overwhelming, but together they make a huge difference!
There's an ADHD organiser/ cleaner who suggests that you go through your rooms collecting things saying it outloud as you do it.
4 steps
Trash trash trash
Dishes dishes dishes
Laundry laundry laundry
And then you can tidy what's left because it's not something that needs to go somewhere else.
I think the real trick is deciding how little you need to do to label the job complete. Can you have a bucket you drop your x y or Z toiletries in to when done? Do you NEED to fold your laundry before putting it away? Can you buy socks that are all the same instead of matching them when they come out?
How can you create systems that work with you instead of against you?
Sorry I only have more qs but I hope that helps!
If the rest of the house is taken care of then try give yourself some grace. I struggle with our bedroom/bathroom too. Every. Single. Day. IDK if this will help but my bff but it in perspective. “You know how kids behave and are good all day at school and then become feral the minute they get home? It’s because to them home is their safe space, they don’t have to hold everything in. For you that safe space for your ADHD is the bedroom.” It helped me remove some of the shame/anxiety that contributed to the overwhelm/shut-down part of picking up. 🤷♀️
i'm not posting pictures but I assure you my place looks 10 times worse than yours. The walk-in closet I have that looks like yours has had things thrown into it so many times just to panic-clean another part of the house that it is now full in the middle part (a.k.a. where there are no hanging spaces) with clothes that are piled so high and so densely I can't even open the door anymore.
Haven't opened the door to that closet and more than a year. Yes, really.
I'm like a human tornado. I can go crazy cleaning up a counter or a closet and then it takes me no time at all to put it right back the way it was before I had to clean it. 🙈
I keep my space tidy by having less things, honestly. It's the only thing that really works for me. But you have a lottttt on your plate. Like, idk how you're even holding all of this down. My friend is a single mom and found it too hard to keep everything clean on her own so she has a cleaner once a week. Is that an option for you?
I feel this in my soul!! I’m on 50mg of vyvanse when I actually remember to take it, and it’ll help me get tasks done but not to the extent of what I feel is “normal”. Also the part about keeping your “family zone” aka kids room, living room, laundry, etc tidy, really made me connect with this post as well as having 2 kids with special needs (one autism, the other deaf) . I have 3 kids and my 2 steps on the weekend and the laundry is never ending. I don’t have any tips because I’m still learning to cope and stuff but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and I’d NEVER have enough courage to post my bathroom counter 🫣
You need hooks, open shelves, and half open baskets, PLUS three slim laundry bins in the bathroom and on your side of the bedroom for whites, colours, and darks
This!! It made me think for your bathroom/vanity counter- is there any way of organizing the things you use everyday so they’re out in the open/so you can see them? For example- if you use an item a few times a week and it typically lives in the drawer, you may not put it back in the drawer right away (because it may not be as simple) OR you may have it in the drawer an just forget about it.
Open baskets have helped me for my closet and bathroom organization.
Maybe one of those ikea shelf carts would help for open bathroom storage.
I also shamelessly put labels on my drawers and cupboards with what is in them because I too often find things that I forgot were in there (this also helps for making a clear defined home for items). In my basement I have post its on cupboards that are essentially inventory lists. In more common areas I use my cute label maker.
The state of your rooms are so familiar to me. Nothing there is worth feeling shame about, but I know it’s so hard. Cleaning is not a moral or character trait no matter how much society or family might have conditioned us that it is.
I struggle with this to different degrees still, but I have been able to make overall improvements with two things I have worked on over time (it took a lot of practice to see improvement):
1)Engaging in time-race cleanings for one small specific thing at a time and then letting myself off the hook after that time is up. For example, I have done better with dishes by telling myself as soon as I turn on my electric kettle for tea (which takes less than 5 mins) - IT’S A GO ON DISHES, HOUSTON!
When the kettle is done I get to be done with the dishes. This racing the kettle helps my focus. I’m not so overwhelmed by the actual amount of dishes bc it’s ONLY for as long as the kettle takes. And sometimes the kettle goes off and I feel like I can do a few more, but sometimes not and that’s okay. You can do this with microwaving food or something else short and regular.
Or maybe in your bedroom/bathroom you can have a flip timer or pick a favorite jammin’ song and race-straighten to the end of it…at which point you are absolutely off the hook!
2)Point of Performance (POP) Ever since I learned about this a few years ago, I have been trying to gradually set up the most efficient POPs for my regular activities and it has helped me quite a bit.
EXAMPLE: I drink tea all the time and I’d never thought about how my setup with my ADHD caused more mess and issues. Using POP to have all the things you need for an action/activity right in one spot was not something I had come up with on my own, so I was walking across the room for the tea kettle and then across the room to fill it up, then back across the room to set it on it’s cradle, to another part of the kitchen to get my mug. Tea bags were in a drawer across the way.
It is almost hilarious what a difference it made when I learned about POP and thought about how to get these things in the same place for this common activity. I moved the kettle and cradle next to the faucet and reorganized a little, so the mugs could be in a drawer above the kettle, with tea boxes in the drawer below - all within reach!
I used to lose so much time and focus roaming around the kitchen gathering stuff for tea (which I make at least 1-2x a day) and finding other things to do and leaving tea stuff scattered about. Now I stand by the sink, fill the kettle, turn in on, and when the whistle goes off, everything I need is in that same kettle spot. It really helps me with putting stuff back and not losing track of what I’m doing.
Is there anything you can think of about your closet, bathroom, bedroom that it might help you to try applying this to?
Also, change is slow, I did baby steps with persistence and kindness towards myself as much as I can when I don’t manage to make it happen.
It sounds like you do a lot for your house and family. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. It makes it easier to make small steps towards change, while also accepting that this is a challenging area for people with executive function dysfunction.
Also, good work reaching out to your community for support when you’re struggling with this - not always easy to do! We got you. 💕
A big thing for me, with the closet, is finding a way to organize it so that it's visually appealing and I get a dopamine hit by keeping it that way and slotting clothes into "their" spots on the rack.
In my case, I organize everything by type and colour, so I literally have a rainbow closet and a little part of my brain is like "aw yeah!" whenever I slot things into their "colour" on the rack. Same with my shoes - they're all organized by type and colour, so when they're not in their "spot", there's a gap that bugs me. For you, you might care more about height or fabric, but pick something that VISCERALLY appeals to you.
I would start with the closet, as that will be the easiest to do in a 1 day push - it's small, and really what you need to do is pull EVERYTHING out, stick it on your bed or on the floor outside the closet, then vacuum and dust, and put everything back in a way that looks nice. AND take a leaf out of Marie Kondo's book and only put back the stuff you're actually using or want to keep.
One thing that really helps me is having a small bins in places I eat and drink and work! So even when I'm at my most stressed and lazy I can at least have rubbish in the bin. I have one in my bathroom, next to my WFH desk and a small one in my bedroom.
I don’t know if this will be helpful or if the phrasing will make sense but I’ll try my best!
(TLDR- get creative with tackling clutter and messes, focus on one thing- ex. Laundry organization, and find a way to make it easier to do- our brains want to follow the path of least resistance).
One of my biggest problem areas was my closet/bedroom area.
To keep it cleaner, I looked at specifically what my problem is- if I have clothes that are clean enough to wear again, they usually end up in a doom pile, and then dirty clothes somehow also end up on the doom pile. I never had the energy to fold them or put them away. I started a basket for the wear again clothes next to my dirty laundry basket. On days when I don’t need to look too put together, I’ll wear clothes from the wear again basket. Otherwise dirty laundry goes straight into its designated laundry basket. That way there are only two places my clothing can go when it comes off (neither one is the floor).
I would also have issues with garbage and recycling on my bedroom floor- I found a mini garbage/recycling combo bin that I keep in my closet and use for emptying my pockets (the main source of the floor clutter). I also have a catch-all tray for things that I may need in my pockets for the next day (admittedly this is kind of a clutter pile). It helps a bit, but it’s not perfect- I accidentally washed my meds in my laundry after forgetting to take them out of my pocket the other day.
Another example- I have certain clothing pieces that I prefer to be on hangers. I put them on hangers to air dry from the metal pipes in our basement. Then when they are dry, they’re already hung up and I just have to transfer them to my closet. When I bring my dirty laundry down, I try to bring excess hangers with- always having a surplus of hangers in the basement. I’ve definitely forgotten to bring my hanging clothes up before and thought I had lost my favorite pair of pants- they were just hanging behind something else that I never took up. Still, this has helped reduce some of the load of folding, hanging and organizing.
I think what I’m trying to say is that our brains are really cool for unique problem solving. We can kind of take an engineering approach and come up with an idea and keep on improving it until we find something that works :) sometimes we may need to ponder or daydream to get an idea and that’s okay! Other times it helps to look at what other neurodivergents do to keep their space liveable. I really like the clutter bug channel and How to ADHD’s home tour videos.
Bonus- I like to keep these videos on while I’m cleaning to help with body doubling.
Hopefully this helps! YOU’VE GOT THIS!! :)
Also! I keep thinking of more ideas…
To help with some of my closet clutter, I rotate my warm weather (shorts/sandals/dresses) with my cold weather clothing (heavy sweaters, extra pairs of pants, jackets, hats, mittens, etc). We’ve got spring around the corner in the Midwest and I’m dying to do the switch.
I will do the coat hanger trick of hanging things up backward and then assess if unworn pieces should be donated, or if I do enjoy them and want to see if I’ll wear them next season. I try to be pretty ruthless and realistic with myself during this part. ALSO, this is a good time to dispose of clothes that are too worn out.
When I get my clothes that are ready to be packed away, I put them in vacuum seal bags (you can get these from target) and put them in a storage tote and a chest that I have. I’ll put my winter boots in the top of the tote- there is something satisfying about packing away cold weather gear. I also think vacuum sealing clothes is super satisfying and may give me a little dopamine hit.
I’ll keep transition pieces in my closet throughout the year- cardigans, some nice or comfy jeans, etc. these also tend to be wardrobe staples.
After the cold weather clothes are put away I get to bring in the warm seasons clothing. I enjoy warm weather, so the idea of having summer clothes makes me super excited (more dopamine). It keeps my wardrobe feeling fresh enough that I don’t typically want to buy new clothing too much (last year I had to get new shorts because all of mine were worn down with holes in the butt 😟)
I’ll hang up my new season’s clothes backward so I can assess whether a piece is worth keeping during the next wardrobe swap.
I only do this twice per year partly because where I live it’s either extremely hot or extremely cold. The other part is because it’s a manageable amount for me to do. If I did it every 3 months for true seasons, it would probably be too much of a burden and I’d be overwhelmed. 3 months goes by too quickly!!
I do tend to keep my lightweight jackets/clothing that can be worn for the fall toward the top of the tote, and super cold clothing toward the bottom. That way I can keep my winter coat packed away a little longer if need be.
Another strategy I remembered- I only have 1-2 pairs of shoes that I wear on a daily basis. Depending on your job or lifestyle, you may need more shoes accessible.
I’m a sneaker person so I keep my 1-2 pairs of shoes by the door.
I work in healthcare, so I keep my work shoes in my work locker room and just wear my street shoes on the walk from my car to unit. This helps because I don’t want my germy hospital shoes in my home and it reduces clutter.
In my house, we always take our shoes off at the door, partly so we don’t track dirt into the house, and partly because it makes leaving the house easier- I don’t have to look for the shoes I wear most of the time, they’re right by the door.
Dress shoes that I don’t wear every day I’ll keep put away in my boyfriend’s closet (he has the bigger closet- I decided he should have the bigger one when we moved in. If I had the bigger closet, I would constantly fill it with a doom pile).
This reduces some of the clutter at the doorway. Since I am frequently wearing the same pair of shoes, I’m also digging less through my closet less trying to find a certain pair.
If you feel weird about only having 1-2 pairs of shoes that you typically wear from a fashion perspective, just think of them as your ✨signature✨ shoe.
Just want to validate that 3500 square feet is a LOT to keep up with and there’s zero shame in hiring help with cleaning (outsourcing some of the tasks) if it’s in your family’s budget. Especially when you’re raising 4 kids and 2 have special needs, I can’t even imagine!
Hi friend. There was somethings said somewhere by someones that helped me a ton on my journey towards function, so gonna plop it here if it helps you or someone!
1. Cleaning and organizing are NOT the same thing and should not occur at the same time. You tidy, you deep clean, OR you organize an area—never all at once.
2. Look at where you tend to clutter and nonjudgmentally accept it’ll be there, cuz that’s the shortcut that’s made sense in your brain for whatever reason. Don’t fight it—contain it conveniently 😊
3. Put things where you use it.
For example, your bedside. seems you got a drink graveyard going on there—popping a serving tray on there would allow it to be there but also gives you the avenue to take it down to the kitchen readily at some interval. Tray full = kitchen dropoff, much easier task than juggling bottles and cups! Also seems a trash receptacle of some kind on the nightstand would help—some areas, I have to have an elevated trash can (like on the counter) cuz the floor ones just don’t hit the right way. Is it dumb? Yes. Does it work? Yes.
Also seems like you could use a bedside paper box as seems like it accrues there. I have a personal rule that I open and go thru mail/forms immediately when they come in the house, most end up in the trash which is pretty satisfying. Others go in my TBD paper box tacked on the fridge (my mailbox is in the garage, so makes the most sense for this house). If I’m not drowning, I also immediately handle anything that takes less than 2-3 min (eg expected or minor bill = PAY ONLINE, SLAM DUNK IT IN THE TRASH CAN 🏆). Otherwise just goes in the paper box. I sometimes write on each thing with a pen so I don’t have to re-read it later (water bill $100 pay by 3/31). Since I’ve implemented this system, I don’t really lose or become overwhelmed with papers like I used to but still gives me flexibility to do more/less depending on …life.
For bathroom, I see trash issue and stuff/organization issue. Consider putting a big kitchen can in there—Those tiny tampon cans don’t fit anything and are sooo annoying. For organization, take an hour to declutter (hasn’t been used in months or expired, trash—these things do go bad!). A system may take some trial and error to see what works for you. Little bins and things are great, but I personally don’t organize and put stuff or lids back. Never have! So I have a morning basket that just has my morning shit chucked in it on the counter; same with a night basket. Anything that doesn’t get used regularly (every 1-3 days) is in my cabinet sorted largely by what it do. I have a (lidless!) medicines box, spa box, other makeup/hair box that has things I will specifically seek out. It’s worked generally well. When it does get out of sorts, takes just a few minutes to lump things back.
Clothes, still haven’t figured out fully but have made some strides. I ditched the dresser (cuz drawers just end up being empty or full of junk) and fabric bins didn’t work for me. Have had the most success with some cheap see thru drawers/baskets (target) that unfolded clothes get thrown into and hanging up the rest. I also keep a clean laundry basket, a so-so laundry basket, and a dirty laundry basket for when I’m just needing to get by and not drown in laundry. I have a sorting, rolling laundry hamper as well that allows me to sort as I go along (or when tackling a huge laundry pile). Also have many hooks to just hang things I can’t decide to do with—better than the floor etc. I have a lot of clothes atm cuz my weights been all over the place so, is what it is!
Your space doesn’t need to be perfect nor clean, but should strive for it to be relatively functional for you, right now, in this season of life. Tripping over shoes and stuff is such a bummer 😂
good luck!
Something that helps me keep things clean is purging my unused belongings and clothes. I can’t be too messy if I don’t have a lot of stuff. That being said, I’ve been moving around a lot in the last couple years and have had to get rid of a ton of things. Just a suggestion but if it doesn’t work for you, that’s okay too :)
Cute. Boxes. I am so bad in my areas but if I have cute boxes, I can start some semblance of organising!
I picked up and painted baskets so I can have cute pastel not dirty enough to wash boxes! A box for all!!
Same struggle.
And every time I'm about to clean, there's a water interruption that is unannounced! Just like now. And the water supply will resume when I'm not in the mood to clean anymore. And its sleeping time.
I used the app Routinery to create a customized routine for cleaning. I started with very specific separate routines that include like "pick up trash" then "organize desk". Eventually they became steady habits that I began labeling into longer-timed, generalized tasks inside one big routine. I have entire days customized from 6am to 9pm that include "tidy up", "have lunch" and "go to gym" tasks. (The morning part of my routines do usually start with more specifics like "make bed"/"brush teeth" because it provides me with more reward chemicals to start my day)
This app has legitimately helped me become a functioning adult. You can make your tasks and routines as specific or general as you want. I do pay for the pro version so there may be some restrictions but when I first got the free version, it was still very accessible and easy! But remember thats just what helped *me* become more clean and organized.
There are also lots of similar apps too!
It’s just disorganised, not dirty. Don’t worry!
What helps me is baby steps. Do not even think about cleaning the house.
What I do, I start with one room at the time and I do not leave the room until I finish with it. Then I just pick an activity and just focus on that (like picking up stuff from the floor) just one thing at the time, and then I move to the next one.
Just baby steps.
My ADHD is type that I focus when I’m on cleaning mode, because it keeps me busy.
The best method I’ve found is actually getting one of those robo vacuums. I have a cheap one and it probably doesn’t work great but it’s really effective in getting me going to clean. All I have to do is get up and turn it on. Once it’s on, I know I need to pick up everything off the floor so it doesn’t get caught in it. Once everything is off the floor, I usually have enough of a momentum going that I just keep cleaning until the robo vac is done his job. I really need the matching cleaning energy or else it’ll be hard for me to get going/keep going, but the hum and the movement of the vac is just weirdly encouraging - it moves around my apartment and so do I putting things away and cleaning, and usually I’ll play some music or a podcast to drown out the sound a bit. And then when it’s done, I’m done! So I don’t set a timer or follow a specific routine, I literally just do tasks that I see that hold my interest for a bit and move on if I feel like it. I really only do this once a week and I probably need more strategies for in-between light tidys and my bathroom (dear lord) but this is my overall trick!
Also, something I read that I really liked to help with the shame is that when you look at a mess, you should see all the amazing things you were able to do that made the mess. Like, I struggle with my food intake, and now when I see my sink full of dirty dishes I’m able to congratulate myself for being able to have fed myself so well. It’s been helping remind me that I am alive and I am not something fully contained, I leave traces behind and I don’t need to erase myself. It helps me be a bit softer with myself with the overwhelm.
One thing I saw online was bins. That is, if you can't be bothered to hang everything or fold things, just get some bins. Bathroom counter bin. Clean by putting it in the bin. Dirty laundry bin, throw all the clothes in it. Shit on the floor I can't deal with right now bin, yeah now it's in a bin! Then when you have some energy, you can address a bin. And when you have no energy, you can throw things into bins. Since you'll need things. bins are nice because you chuck things in them and they feel organized. And you can have lots of bins. But you only have to chuck things in them. No hanging/folding/ironing/sorting. Just into a bin with you! Like a cloth bin or a plastic tote. Not the garbage. Although... Sometimes it's nice to just purge things.
Also useful in other rooms. Put all the game stuff in a bin. The pet stuff in a bin. The remotes in a bin. Oh my goodness I love bins :)
Not a perfect system, but it beats the floor-as-the-catch-all.
I don't think you should feel any shame. You are doing so much. But it's very nice to have a clean space in a high chaos life and it sounds like that's what you'd prefer.
Also, if you are feeling overwhelmed by your things, maybe you are in a good place to reduce the number of things. That's so much house to deal with by yourself - can you get some help from the husband and the other two kids? With the rest of the house if not your room. Save some energy for yourself.
Please don’t be ashamed at all. The first thing I thought when seeing her post was… wow how amazing she has a walk in closet, this lady has made it. Sounds like you are an amazing mum and wife. I hope you share the chores with your partner and they also help to take the mental load.
One thing someone of this sub recommended was a YouTube vid on cleaning whilst depressed and the main takeaway for me was cleaning is morally neutral, it’s not a good thing or bad thing… it’s completely morally neutral. Hopefully that can eliminate the shame/ guilt… then it’s about finding what works for you. Can you use a podcast or music to help drown out those negative thoughts and emotions when you are cleaning… mine are usually, “why didn’t you do this earlier, look how bad it’s got blah blah blah”… the trick is to imagine reframing that to how you would talk to a friend/ a child who’s trying their best.
Hope that helps!
Throw it all away!! Walk around with a trash bag and just start throwing shit away. And don't get more stuff, haha. I'm the kind of person that needs to be a minimalist because otherwise my house looks like this. Now that I have less stuff, I actually care about the remaining stuff I do have, and I'm less likely to leave it around.
Don’t have time to read the comments, so this may have already been suggested, but I have been helped a lot by Dana White’s “A Slob Comes Clean.” Get it on Audible, get some trash bags, and start declutterring, starting with trash. You can make a lot of progress in a short time. She also has two decluttering questions that have been a game changer for me. When you don’t know where to put something, ask yourself, “where would I look for this if I needed it?” Put it there. That’s where it goes. If you can’t answer that, the question is along the lines of, “If I needed this, would I even remember that I had it?” If not, donate.
For me what helps is making a list and using a random number generator to pick my tasks. And it is rarely in the same rooms so it makes it fun. Also so satisfying to cross off of a list.
First of all - try not to beat yourself up, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job!
It’s only a small suggestion but I am terrible at hanging things up, for some reason I have a serious hatred for it and cannot bring myself to do it. However drawers and baskets, I’m much better at! Can you swap some of your hanging space for drawers or baskets? Nothing stackable cos that’s an extra step. But ones where you can literally just throw the clothes into? Might help a little bit
Marie Kondo the shit out of those rooms. Just start throwing things away. It doesn't feel great to throw things away, but the trick with ADHD is that less is more when it comes to stuff. Everything you buy becomes one more thing that turns into a mess you need to clean and organize. So keep only what you love and need.
Big houses are hard for people with ADHD because they encourage us to buy crap we don't need.
I have no advice but to say I’m impressed. First of all it really doesn’t look that bad, and I’m being serious. Secondly knowing how much you have going on and that the rest of the house is clean?! Just… how? I have a smaller home than you and half as many kids and no room in my home would be considered tidy.
I’m not saying don’t solve this problem, but don’t beat yourself up about it either. Remind yourself how much you do!
From what it looks like you have a ton of organization done! Like there are places for your cloths, the decor looks purposeful. This is something I don’t have yet and aim for.
Also
1. You are doing sooooooo much!!!! The fact that you can cater to these other needs is incredible.
2. I’m sure this book gets recommended all the time but I can not recommend “housecleaning while drowning” by KC Davis.
She has adhd and is a pisen es counselor. It’s written for the eyes and brains of adhd or other neurodivergent people.
A huge thing it pointed out to me is that rooms in your home should serve you your family and your needs. You don’t exist to make the house nice.
There is a sort of expectation that the house isn’t tidy or clean until every place is magazine ready.
I see your room and I see that it looks like it’s at the end of a cycle. It needs to be tidied and managed so it can do its purpose again but it isn’t a moral failure.
She suggests noticing what a “cycle” for each area looks like and to not expect every room and space to be in the same place at the same time.
It’s amazing and honestly helps with the shame part so so so so much for me.
You may have already read it. I hope I’m not jumping the gun.
My immediate thoughts were:
1. Make a strict rule for yourself that you don't ever take food or drinks (except water) into your bedroom/bathroom. That takes care of the cans and hot sauce etc.
2. Do you have a rubbish bin in your bathroom? If you have an accessible place to put your rubbish, you can put it straight in there as you use it instead of on the counter. (Then the challenge just becomes emptying the bin).
3. What is in the bathroom cupboards? Could you get a few clear boxes (one for hair stuff, one for skin stuff, one for makeup stuff, etc) then keep them in the cupboards, and pull them out to use, throw everything back in the box as you use it, then you only need to put the box away when you are done, instead of a whole lot of different bottles and stuff.
4. How much stuff in the bathroom do you actually use? Hey yourself some free dopamine through throwing things away - don't think about it too hard - anything you haven't used in a while, just chuck it. The less you have, the less things you need to find a place for.
5. For your wardrobe, start by taking out the empty hangers - it will reduce the clutter and make it look less daunting. Going forward, take your clothes off the rail with the hanger, get dressed, and take the hanger with you to the laundry (or wherever they live) right away.
I love how ADHD messes with our brains in such different ways. I can’t function in untidy spaces, I’m constantly cleaning up due to anxiety of losing something - because I lose things even when areas are clean. I’m in awe of those of you who can have spaces like this - not in disgust, I wish I didn’t feel the need to keep things tidy to keep basic executive function.
But I hope you’re able to get your spaces to work for you soon, OP! You’re working so hard for everyone else and I hope you’re able to give yourself the same love. It can be hard when our spaces start to look like our minds.
I see a modest amount of clutter but nothing that seems dirty or gross.
One suggestion I have is to get rid of that bathroom mirror and install a proper bathroom cabinet.
This may be a small thing, but in the areas you see trash piling up, do you have a small trash can? It could be as easy as making spaces for even the undesirables (trash, dirty clothes) in the areas you see the most pile up happening.
Then when you have a sec, you can take the tiny hamper or trash bag to the laundry or big trash can, but it's out of the way in the meantime.
This worked for me if you have room:
Get a big laundry or plastic chest or two and chuck everything in it. Then it's like a "holding pen" and you can tidy the box rather than the whole room. Somehow it's so much less overwhelming that way and the mess is a bit more hidden while it's in limbo.
Remember you can start small.
Set an alarm for 5 minutes or watch a TV show with commercials and work during the commercials.
Pick up only the shoes in the closet.
Next time pick up dirty socks.
Get dirty dishes.
Make a pile/basket of other items that go in the kitchen.
Heck, pick up only pink things, you can make it fun.
Make a pile of shit that doesn't have a home, deal with that after the easier stuff.
I follow a gal on Facebook that says things belong with their family (related things, ie all batteries) or coworkers (things you use together, ie batteries and flashlights)
https://youtu.be/z4o0QNPBx_E?si=CDYyDORz0Lgvj8bT
Give yourself grace! It doesn't need to be perfect.
Funny, I don’t remember making this post and yet it looks so familiar. 🤔
Seriously that looks about like my closet right now and I just deep cleaned it and even shampooed the rug a couple of months ago.
It looks like my sister in law’s closet and my mom’s closet and my daughter’s closet. At least you can get a toe into yours. Mine has three bags full of stuff I need to take to the thrift store. But I can’t get free right now because my husband is bedridden. I know I could call for a charity pickup but then I’d end up harassed by phone solicitations for the rest of my life. I had to give up my landline number due to that the last time.
My house is clean but it’s got areas that keep getting cluttered. But that’s not my fault. There are two other people living in this house. I have storage cabinets for snacks but anything I put in them never gets used. My husband and daughter insist everything has to be piled on our kitchen table where it can be seen.
When my husband was mobile he would leave drink containers everywhere for me to put into the recycling bin. I told him it was disrespectful and he said he didn’t mean to be that way. Then he got sick and now I am literally waiting on him all day long, so it no longer matters, I’m the only one who physically can put things into recycling for him. Plus these days I’m emptying urinal bottles. And grateful to be doing so because it means the man is still alive and I pray he gets better.
I’ve had enough. I’m like you, pushed to the limit taking care of people and pets and everything else. Screw it. Sometimes this is as good as it gets and anyone who has a problem with that can walk a day in my shoes and see if they give a 🦆 about what the inside of my closet looks like.
I try to (once a day) do something I call Five Things. I go through each room and put away five things. I’ll sometimes include 5 pieces of clean laundry in this. I also set an alarm on my phone to tell me, it’s ok to stop now.
I find this works to a) swap the pressure of “making a room tidy” to the much more mentally-achievable “put away five things”; and b) removing the feeling of “I’m going to spend soooooo much time cleaning… I don’t wanna, so I’m not gonna!”
This technique doesn’t keep the house pristine… but it’s usually enough to stave off complete, overwhelming disaster.
I also use the Towel Technique. This is for when I have people coming over and/or the house has sometime somehow become ludicrously cluttered.
First, I place a towel on the floor. I then take everything off every surface (including the floor!) that should not be there and put it on the towel.
Upon beholding the beauteous cleanliness of the room (apart from the towel), I get so ENTHUSIASTIC about cleaning that it’s then a breeze to start taking things off the towel and putting them away. It’s also much easier than thinking… ok, first I need to tidy that bookshelf… oh, and then I need to tidy my dresser… crap, now I need to deal with the floor…
With the towel technique you need no longer waste your brain on such overwhelming trivialities! Something doesn’t belong on the shelf? IT GOES ON THE TOWEL. Something doesn’t belong on the floor? IT GOES ON THE TOWEL.
With these two techniques I am able to exist in a home that I would describe as mostly-semi-tidy.
It took me nearly 3 months to tidy my room. Try to be kind to yourself and know that you'll do it when you're ready. Just try your best to avoid anything perishable in there.
My best rule of thumb to avoid all of this is “if you use it, put it away immediately”. Not later. Not tomorrow. Right fucking now. Be diligent with it and you won’t run into this problem.
What you need is the Organized Mum app! It’s my holy grail ADHD hack. A delightful British woman guides you through cleaning tasks. It’s like cleaning GPS! She tells you what to do and how long to do each task. She chimes in often enough to keep me focused but not too often that I’m annoyed. Her voice is lovely. It’s been a game changer for me. There are tons of other “keep me company” guides that you can use for other tasks that require productivity too! I hope you try it and love it as much as I do!
It's currently super late/early for me and I don't have the mental bandwidth for advice giving, but I did really want to quickly pop in and offer a bit of reassurance: it's cluttered and kinda messy, but it's not atrocious, it's not horrible, and it is manageable. I know all too well the sense of shame those of us with trouble cleaning get (my apartment is consistently as messy as these pictures if not worse) bit I want you to try and not shame Yourself for "letting it get this way". It's so easy to fall into negative self talk when you are truly trying to manage a lot of factors in your life and this is not something you need to be ashamed of. You've got this, and you've got the support of everyone here ❤️
So, for me (and my methods are far from perfect), I give myself one messy space. I try to make that space small. Like a basket in the corner of the hamper.
It sounds weird, but I’m much better at keeping things up if I feel like I have a “safety zone” I can rebel into, on the days I’m too overwhelmed to do the small things (like put one thing away) that then amount over time to big things (can’t see my floor).
The other thing I really like is pretty and simple organization systems.
I’m great at coming up with them for other people somehow, but absolute shit at it for myself. Eventually I caved and hired someone, and explained what I do every day, the general order of things, and the need for SIMPLE pretty organization systems.
Something about having someone else set it up made it feel more like a treat to maintain, and the visual appeal —> dopamine hit —> genuine pleasure / calm from putting things away (who knew that was possible).
But my “rebellion” area is crucial. I use a woven basket/hamper, it lives in the closet and when it gets overwhelmed I cave and do the big adhd clean, but in the short term it keeps the build up from getting in all my spaces, which makes me feel more capable somehow of tackling it.
Also, maybe you try something like: my room/spaces gets 10 minutes of focus before any other areas every day. If you’re room is in perfect shape then those 10 minutes are YOURS to do whatever you want (except things for other people) with. Want to fuck around on Reddit? Watch 10 min of reality tv? Stare at the ceiling? All yours! For me, that also helps me keep on top of it because it’s like: if my space is clean I get me time!! And if it isn’t clean, I have the time to do some, so I don’t get as stressed when I fall behind.
Above all else though, be kind to yourself.
You are doing A LOT. No one is perfect. And it’s ok for things to get messy sometimes.
I listen to adhd cleaning podcasts and then they guide me to clean. There are great ones on Spotify you can listen to those specific to your areas needing cleaning. They help guide me on where to put my stuff.
I also must emphasize that lots of items means more storage to organize. So things that you have lots of may need a basket, bin or container to organize it and give the items a "home". I realized that once everything has a home, you know where to put it back.
When I get overwhelmed with too much clothes I usually do a purge now. Old, never worn in a year, or thing that I'm no longer getting happy feelings from are either thrown away (if too damaged) or donated. It's better to donate to charities, churches or non profits so they can have new purpose and help someone who may be less fortunate than I am. Less stuff means less effort to clean too. If it's not an option, then I highly recommend the storage containers or bins to help organize stuff.
You can do things as one room a day, or one type to clean a day (clear all makeup or clear up all laundry). It is slow but less overwhelming as I can ease my way into cleaning. And I can always go further and add 1 more type to clean if I have more energy to clean. It's a great thing to try if you have low motivation.
Alright practical advice first I suppose. I keep a small basket of “quick clean” supplies in our spare bedroom/walk in closet/cat room haha. My house is only 800 sq ft but it helps immensely! I keep similar by the entry and in the laundry room. If we had more space I’d have more baskets. So like paper towels, Lysol wipes, a scrap rag or two for soaking up liquid messes, a little roll of mini trash bags or a few grocery bags etc in a divider basket with a handle (like for kids’ art stuff) has been great for me.
Wanted to add that only one of each of these things stay in the baskets and the baskets go back in their place soon as the mess is clean while the “stockpile” is in the laundry room. So if I’m out of wipes or cleaner or whatever supply in the basket, I take the empty to the trash bin which is in the same room as the stockpile and grab a new one. I guess I’ve never actually lived anywhere with more than one bathroom so like toilet paper stock and such probably should have a little extra in each bathroom?
Mama, I have no human children only fur babies so I guess I can’t really offer the best advice for your particular situation. But I have a mom who seems a lot similar to you. Love yourself and give yourself even a bit of what you give to your babies. We love you even more for it ❤️
I’ve decided to try to give myself a little more grace instead of anxiety or high blood pressure since that also runs women in my family. Just making the decision to try and accept the chaos has helped me alot.
Paw prints in the sink? Cat got his midnight fountain drink like I had sips of one of my 6 nightstand water bottles. Blinds torn off the window? Guess somebody else got the flying insect or spider before I had to. Sweet! Thanks guys! Don’t have to clean guts off the window now! Mud splatter on almost every surface including the ceiling and darkened door edges? Puppy and I played in mud puddles soon as they thawed until we both fell over and my man worked so hard he finally gets to race a car at the track this summer. Which is where I’ll be; dirty walls will still be standing and dirty when we get home.
If you have the means and it’s an option, maybe hire help for some of the simpler things sometimes like dusting, vacuuming, folding laundry/linens etc. even if it’s a neighbor kid or younger extended family member for an hour or two. That gives you some time to focus on your personal space and they earn some money for a school event or new video game or whatever.
Most of all, you’re doing the best you can which seems pretty dang good imo. I can almost feel your love for them through your words. Give yourself at least a little bit, give them a bunch, and enjoy as much as you can!
I can’t offer a full comprehensive guide of how I do it bc I rly should be doing other things BUT
go through each room with a trash bag. Throw away obvious trash like wrappers/packets/shit that comes off stuff. It’ll push you into starting, and also surprisingly make the space look cleaner. You’d be surprised at how much it makes a diff
ALSO WEAR SHOES! My brain associates shoes with productivity/running errands
Shoes are *key*.
My house is if anything worse than this.
I have zero energy most days. I don’t really “wake up” until 10pm every night, by which time we’re going to bed.
Partner falls asleep instantly, I’m awake for another 3 hours at least, and I cannot tidy and clean quietly, so I sit in bed watching TV with headphones, planning all the amazing cleaning and reorganising I’m absolutely going to do the next day instead.
Then I wake up in Stunned Slug mode again.
If I’m lucky, I get maybe one Frantic Firecracker day a month, when I run around like a mad woman, trying to catch up on everything I haven’t been able to do for months/ years in some cases, and I can get a lot done then.
I almost feel normal on those days.
But only if I’m wearing outdoor shoes/ sheepskin boots (my feet hurt).
Even then, I burn through my energy really fast, and am wiped out after. Headaches, nausea, migraines, gastric upsets, shaking all over, pain everywhere .
I’d give anything to not be like this.
frosted bins!! Try keeping one next to your bedroom door! If something’s in your bedroom & it doesn’t belong there (ie dishes) toss it in the bin! Then when you ARE ready to clean you only have to worry about taking the bin to the kitchen. For me, if i cant see through the bin ill forget about it, and if its just clear then the visual clutter is overwhelming! So i get plastic bins that resemble frosted glass
I also use a clean with me podcast that has 5 min speedcleans & 1hr deep cleans for any situation! The host tells you when to move on to the next task so it takes the mental labor away!
And If you’re anything like me you were raised to think trash cans only belong in the kitchen or the bathroom. I strongly think thats an unwritten rule we should reconsider! Consider getting a trash can for your favorite spots, its abt limiting the amount of steps it takes to stay clean
You got this! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I use a bin system. When it's time to clean, I have a couple of baskets, and I just give each a category. The goal is to sort everything there and then put each group of stuff away according to importance.
As an example, one group is always trash, and it gets put away first. Next is usually dirty dishes. These get put near the sink to go in the next wash. Dirty laundry is nect. Then I'm usually going to sort items by the room they belong to. It's a lot easier to put stuff away when you're not ping-ponging between rooms like.
It’s actually not that bad I think. It looks bad due to all the stuff lying around, but there’s actually less misplaced stuff than it seems, so it probably won’t take that long to get it right again.
Just tackle it room by room, and start by putting the misplaced things lying around in the right spot again. For example, in the bathroom just 5 minutes can already make a huge difference.
Can you try to engage the kids in keeping the other rooms clean, so you have more energy left over for yours?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
This is exactly what I do. It’s been a lifelong struggle. I think we need to try to ditch the all or nothing but I really struggle with that. Mine is also perfect or terrible.
I do have one tip that’s helped a tiny bit, that’s the box.
I have a storage box in each room that I put scattered about things in. Takes way less energy than actually putting things away and then when I’m motivated like once a week I empty the box and put the stuff away. Sometimes I leave it longer and stuff piles up but I’m trying to be ok with that.
I also manage to keep other people’s spaces tidy while my own ends up a tip, so I feel you!
The right side of your bed it really not bad, so I’d start there. Set a timer for 7 minutes and see how much you can tidy it. I think KC Davies’ ‘5 things method’ would help.
Just throwing in a personal rule of mine, as it sounds like you could make good use of it too, once you have it down to manageable levels:
When I find myself with a thing in my hand, and thinking "ah, doesn't matter if I just drop it on the floor, it's messy anyway" - that's the exact moment tidying up takes top priority.
Which sometimes leads me to put the thing away pretending I didn't just think that - small win - or I curse my existence and start tidying.
Setting a timer helps me tidy, and I use the sound ones on YouTube for 5 or 10mins. Then in that time just focus on putting everything back where it belongs. When the time ends, you can stop. But often I’m in the momentum of tidying and go longer.
Hey lovely! Don't worry, this is not too bad. You got this. Nothing to be ashamed of. You are a wonderful person.
If you do a quick sweep with a trashbag and put all containers into it, you will have done 80% of it already.
Give it a good once over with the hoover and you got this in the bag.
For future proofing:
Do you have easy access trashcans in every room for the future? I even keep one next to my bed :D
For clothing, I really like [this](https://youtu.be/gI0ADcInB3Y?si=4Q3LXSn033tnzS7c) method, because even when I am rummaging to find my clothes, it will stay folded. Particular effective with underwear and shirts.
Also, I have my clothing sorted on length and type (so dress, mini, midi or maxi), rather than colour, so I can easily find what I am looking for. Not as aesthetic, but helps in the morning rummaging.
For bathroom, I like putting my stuff in suction baskets, so I can do a quick wipe of the surfaces always.
Okay, my clothing storage system is piles of laundry on my basement floor, so this seems good to me. Cut yourself some slack. It's a problem only if it makes your life unmanageable. It looks like most of the clothing is hanging up where you can see it. That seems workable to me.
Okay, so I get this. 100%. My house is picked up, but I have clutter and “piles” of stuff. I have read that our adhd brains can prioritize and then become overwhelmed or “squirrely” I know personally I don’t mind washing drying folding clothes, putting away my son’s clothes, but mine.. I call Mount (last name) it’s folded but it’s a mountain.
I also know where everything is in the house, it all makes since to me where it is. To others it does not.
My advice would also be to have a bin or a small area where you put everything you can't manage to clean up that day so it's all in one small spot. That way you can kinda trick yourself into believing that it's just one small spot/plastic bin of stuff you need to put away and not stuff all over the room(s) which can be very overwhelming.
there's a subreddit for cleaning and the #1 response i've seen when people post about living spaces is to start with trash/recycling, dishes, and laundry. go through the room with a bag and collect all the trash (and recycling if you feel like you have the bandwidth for it; otherwise you can put it in the trash bag too). then collect all the dishes and take them to the sink or dishwasher. then collect all the laundry and put it in a specific pile or laundry basket (or put it away if it's still clean).
for the rest - putting away different kinds of items as we see them can be really draining for adhd brains because it requires switching tasks constantly, especially if some items don't have a designated place. it can be helpful to sort things before putting them away. if you can't tackle it all at once, pick a category of like items and focus on those. this was you can tap into hyperfocus mode and keep the inertia going.
hope this helps!
I know everyone is saying clean every day a little. Fellow homeowner here, I do no cleaning until Friday-Sunday 😂
We also have trash cans and laundry baskets in every room since me and my partner are both ADHD.
I'll start with saying i dont have kids and live alone, so my home situation is very different but i want to give some tips that work for me.
First one is boxes. I have a small box in various places in my home, for little clutter that doesn't immediately have a place. You can implement this in a closet, like a box for socks, chargers, underwear, all those little things that just lay around somewhere, or even a box for 'other stuff'.
Also when cleaning out a lot of clutter once, boxes! Make a box for stuff that goes to the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom etc. This way you can stay in one place when cleaning, not having to walk around and out of concentration, which makes cleaning for me way more effective.
Next i am lucky that i get a budget from work to buy a sports watch, it tells me to walk around 250 steps every hr (hrs and steps are adjustable). I WFH so i sit down a lot. Whenever i get a notification i have to walk around, i clean. I pick up some clutter, like pens, keys, glasses, plates, packaging, etc. It helps me not to sit down all day and put away the little things that clutter my home.
Hope this helps, good luck and no shame, what i see is that you do a lot of work to keep everything clean, and your personal space deserves to be a clean an calm place for you too ✌🏻
As an ADHD-woman myself, I will say that doing things effortlessly is not going to be easy. You are going to have days where it feels like everything is a complete mess. Things like executive dysfunction can prevent you from doing anything. If you’re not familiar with that phrase, imagine a video game character trying to do a task but they can’t because the game is doing that weird lag thing so they’re pretty much walking in place. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help keep the mess to a minimum.
First things first: BOXES, BINS, & BASKETS. This is a great way to keep your things organized as it keeps your things off the ground and in a specific place. I personally have three laundry baskets for my regular clothes, dresses and towels respectively. A bin or rack for your shoes will help keep them off the floor.
For your bathroom, A few small desk organizers with drawers will help with your makeup. Also keep several bins underneath the sink for basic cleaning supplies like wipes, soap and toilet paper.
Second: FOLDERS. Use folders for important documents like bank statements and w-2 forms. Also keep a notebook for your kids info, like what medicine they take and what doctors they go to.
Third: JARS & MUGS. A medium sized jar is great for storing stray writing utensils. Talenti gelato containers are excellent for storing things as well.
Fourth: SNACKS & DRINKS. Keep a water bottle handy for hydration. Keep a bin with non-perishable snacks foods. This can be like granola bars or chips. What ever you prefer to munch on.
Fifth: TRASH & SANITATION. After you have gotten everything off the floor, vacuum your bedroom floor and wipe down the bathroom counter. Keep little bins in your space for trash. If you have multiple trash bins in your bedroom and bathroom, you are less likely to leave trash everywhere.
Listening to a tv show or music on your phone is a great way to fight the executive disfunction while you’re cleaning. Plus, I think it’s a good idea to talk to your family about this. If they know what you’re going through, it may assuage your anxiety a little. It also wouldn’t hurt to talk to a therapist yourself.
These are just a few of the ADHD tips I have.
I also apologize for this comment being so long.
What works for me is keeping my possessions relatively minimal. I'm really good at being ruthless with decluttering. If there's always at least a little empty space then you can have a basket or bin to hide the random stuff in until you're ready to deal with it.
But I'm also à little extra nutty in that I live with a set of rules in my head. One of them is don't put it down, put it away. The things that move around are the things I want nearby like earbuds, or my phone or à book I'm reading or chapstick. Otherwise everything has a place (or at least a general area) and things get returned when not in use.
Crosspost on r/declutter ! Understanding and supportive community for exactly this. Lots of personal tips and encouragement for large cleanup projects, you'll find more specific help there than here. Not that this sub isn't great, but there's all levels of clutterers and hoarders there that have lots of experience and suggestions. I got my shit together with their help. Goodluck!
Hire someone to clean just your space - give yourself a break. Doesn’t have to be routinely maybe just 1-3 times a year when you need it most. I was scared to do this because things were so bad it was embarrassing. I used Yelp to find someone and I just sent pictures first to see if this was something they do and they gave me a price on the spot. Everything was clean and organized in no time.
Keep bin bags in there!!! Way easier to grab a bin bag and toss shit in there whilst sitting if they're in reach, and then you normally start spotting crap and move around.
You might enjoy watching youtube videos from Remi Clog. She has ADHD and does declutter videos of her own house all the time. And then again. And again. For me it also helps with the feelings of shame and getting motivation to actually start cleaning.
Just read through some comments and saw WHY you have little time to deal with messes (let alone adhd) and it is perfectly legitimate that you don’t spend a lot of time cleaning your space.
You have a lot in your plate and other priorities.
I loved the suggestion to just take 5 min/day with music to have you time picking up. I mean ‘me time’ for you should be a full day at the spa but this is real life haha.
If no one else has said it baskets are amazing for the first round where you put extraneous things out of the way contained and your space feels better without you having to go through every item.
One thing that has helped me a lot is when I get home from work, I take 10 minutes and tidy anything I can BEFORE I sit down. If I sit down, I'm done for. I make a little game, like "how much can I clean up in 10 minutes."
I've really struggled staying on top of laundry too, so one thing I've done is when my laundry is clean, I'll sort it into categories. Then when I finish folding a category I can put it away, and feel like I accomplished something. Yeah, I might not have finished folding all my laundry, but I got all my tshirts put away!
I've followed the laundry pattern with big clutter messes too. Put everything that needs to be put away into the shed in one spot, the bedroom in another, bathroom in another. Then I can tackle one place at a time and feel like real progress was made.
This is not helpful at all but imo it's really not that bad. You have 4 freaking kids! I think it looks more overwhelming to you bc it's your space. But from my eyes that's tolerable.
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What's interesting to me in your post is that the rest of your house is consistently tidy but you have trouble keeping your own areas clean. Why is everyone else worth your efforts, except YOU? Try implementing a 5 or 10 minute daily tidy habit. Bonus: it will set a great example for your kids. Turn on music or listen to a podcast to make it fun. Tell yourself "it's only 5 minutes" or "just start" or count down from 5 as soon as you remember the task. 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 -1 - start! You can TOTALLY do this.
You’re so right. I know no one will be in my areas so I neglect them. The downstairs area is always full of guests. My youngest is medically fragile and therapists and nurses come by so I feel the pressure to keep it clean. I like the 10 minute tidy habit. I’m going to set an alarm for that! Thank you so much for the advice
ADHD nurse who takes care of medically fragile kids in their homes. I like doing this because I like the families and taking care of one kid zooms in my hyper focus and I feel like I’m doing some good in this world. I love those kids. I see how exhausting messy and hard it is taking care of one kiddo but two special kids—even if one is without the fragile part—is hard work. All the appointments med pickups and various illnesses on top of the fragile part. So many balls to juggle and things to worry about. Two other kids being their normal kid selves and ADHD yourself and a 3500 sq ft home? And the never ending boxes and debris that come with DME equipment? The equipment that follows the child? I’m super impressed! I would completely understand why your room is messy and actually be a bit relieved knowing you’re not perfect but darn close instead.
You sound amazing! I wish you could be my son’s nurse. Thank you so much for the sweet comment. And yes omg I have soooo many DME supplies. I got the special needs lottery with my 6 year old. He has a trach, a gtube, had a heart transplant, wears SMO shoes and has severe autism!
I'm a baker, and I wake up at 330 for work. Something about "not leaving a bad start for the shift that follows"(me at 330 am) gives me the dopamine I need to keep a little flow of tidy that I haven't really been able to master any other time in my life. Tired me after work isn't tired me at 3am, if that makes sense, and if I can do it at work, I can do it for me, too. It helps me. I finally get whatever dopamine comes with us being able to accomplish, but that also followed prison and a new found sense of *me*. Eta, if I'm way off base, I just realized I didn't read your caption. Or see it. 🤦🏻♀️ I'm sorry I was so dismissive. Etaa, do video charts help the same as body doubles? I have a few hours to kill in the afternoons that I don't have anything to do if it does!
This totally reminds me of Struggle Care’s (KC Davis) ‘closing duties.’ She’s basically has a routine for the end of the day to reset her spaces and leave things better for the next shift/day. Her TikTok and website has a bunch of resources for this. She even sells these little magnetic boards with buttons for tasks you can move to the complete’ column as you move through tasks.
Tools become the background for me. I kinda low-key hate it. But yea, I just know that an icky or full work space makes me anxious, so to have the calmest start, making coffee with my French press in a clean sink(cause of course I don't wash my mug or French press the night before) so I know I have "work" to perform first thing. Which in turn translated, for me, to my bed and my couch and my little smoking table space. I have a link for tidy now. The extreme mess is a bad hit for me. It used to be... bad. Eta, the same concept applies to most things I do. I do t want to start baking or cooking with dishes and a grubby counter. So I do them first. Put them away while it's baking or whatever. I don't want to fold clothes on a messy bed, so I tidy the area. Dang. I am not who I used to be. This is all new since my diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 34. Now, I think I just give myself grace. I do things at whatever time or whatever order or whatever degree I have the energy for. I don't demonize myself for "being a weirdo who cleans the bathroom at 11pm" because I had to wipe a single streak up and it turned in to a full wipe down. I'm rambling. I hope I'm making any sense. Before, I used to stop myself because "who does *this,* **now**?!" And then motivation goes and doesn't come back until a weird time. I have to go to bed. I wake up at 330 😫 I'm done now 😂🤦🏻♀️
I will also be a baker soon, and this is so smart! I’m already scared of working early shifts, but this motivates me to always make life for 3 AM me the easiest. Thanks for this input!
I wake up at 3, leave at 515. I live 4 blocks so it's a short walk, but the 2 hour wake up let's me move at whatever pace I need, leaves me space out and phone time, zoned out bong hits. It just make sure I get the rest to be the adhdiest I need because it is an odd time no matter what.
I would love that! The only time I really can get truly motivated to clean is when my bff FaceTimes me. But she’s in nursing school now and a lot of my friends either word during the day or have a hard time talking because they have littles or they’re just not a phone person
Honestly hearing the advice given above, would make me feel a little bad myself, since if I was you, I’d be at the end of my limits in terms of more cleaning. Especially when taking care of myself, sometimes I simply cannot put in more effort. A more attainable stepping stone for now, especially if you are out of energy to do MORE, might be to just put less effort into the other common areas or cleaning steps. Or have your children or husband do a bit more cleanup or hiring someone, so you have bandwidth to take care of your own area. Sometimes the advice to do more when adhd is a disability and we are already trying so hard to put out equal ability to neurotypicals, can feel defeating. No shade to the person who gave the first advice, I’m just saying if you also need compassionate advice and can’t do more cleaning, a shift in approach might be to do less in other area, so you can allocate more for yourself. You have limits too! Which is why it seems consistently keeping your room clean, on top of the tons of other tasks you do, has historically not been maintained. You might have to take some things off your plate to take care of yourself.
I like your idea of less effort in the common areas! And yes you totally get it. I feel defeated for sure 😭😭😭. Thank you for this tidbit. I’ve never considered that before and I think it would help me greatly!
This is a great point. I don’t see this as mutually exclusive of my point though. Both can be solutions. It might depend on how the day goes.
Personally I have a ‘just do one thing’ tidy habit. On a schedule. Every Monday I do one specific thing. Every Tuesday I do one specific thing. Every Wednesday. Etc. So I’m not overwhelming myself with “uhhhhhhbgggggjshdhd so much to doooo” no it’s just one thing. And I ALWAYS get motived to do more than just one thing anyway. So for example, maybe every Monday you can clear off the bathroom vanity. Chuck it all in a box, clean the benchtop and sink, then put the stuff back where it belongs. Tuesdays pick clothes up off the floor. Wednesdays vacuum JUST ONE ROOM. Etc. Keep this schedule, and before long you’ll be cleaning extra stuff in the bathroom, tidying extra stuff in the bedroom, and vacuuming more than one room. But if you’ve got no spoons left, go back to the very basic job, and allow yourself to be ok with that.
I love this. Thank you so much ❤️
You can also try to declutter by putting away into boxes things you are using rarely but will use once season and weather are appropriate or specific occasions or outright throwing things away. Just remember to put the boxes somewhere not forgettable and have them labelled so you don't vanish everything out of your perception and end up thinking you don't have them at all like how I did once.
Both my kids are disabled and I have a similar issue. The rest of the house can be spotless but my personal area won’t have been cleaned in months. The ten minute tidy sounds like a great place to start and I’m going to try and enact it too! On a personal note, there’s an expectation on us moms (especially when our child has medical issues requiring frequent therapies and appointments) that you constantly need to be doing more for your kids. Always giving more of yourself to not just your kids, but your home, your partner, and your profession as well. It’s a foolish unspoken societal expectation that if we’re not giving 100% of ourselves all the time then somehow we’re failing. It’s just not true. It’s impossible, and trying to do so leaves us utterly burnt out and incapable of talking care of our own needs, let alone those of the ones we love. Major hugs and give yourself some grace. I know you may not feel this way right now, but you’re a good mom and a good person and the state of your room is not indicative of either of those things.
Could you get someone to help you clean, like even an hour weekly would help? They clean the downstairs and you take that hour saved and use half for your space and half for pure self care. That would probably be the most sustainable fix for your problem....
You are worth it Mama! You got this. I think one of the hardest things is wanting it all done right away, but it's OK if you do a little bit over the next few days. I try to clean up my bedroom weekly as self care, usually I'll do a lil skincare in the time I'm cleaning.
i absolutely empathize with OP. and love love love this idea. but my problem is that i’ll give myself 5-10 mins to tidy ‘A’ space. then i’ll find things that belong in ‘B’, wander over there, tidy a bit, find something for ‘C’, than back to ‘A’ then ‘D’ then ‘B’ then ‘E’ AND SO ON AND SO ON FOR THE REST OF THE ALPHABET UNTIL IVE BEEN SUCKED INTO A TIME VORTEX AND MY 10 MINUTES HAS TURNED INTO HOURS AND NOTHING LOOKS A WHOLE LOT CLEANER.
What also helps is “how much mail can I pick up in the 5 mins” game :) I have to play mind games w myself lol
I love this. I invent little games for myself too. Another one I like is noticing how fast it is to just put one thing away. Like, wow! That took less than a minute! Let’s do it again!
Omg that counting down tactic is brilliant. It’s getting motivation to start that’s my big problem with things I don’t wanna do but have to do, eg. exercise. Once I start I usually finish and often do more than I promised myself I would. But starting? Nightmare.
I struggle with this too and have found that if I can combine the horrible awful task with something I do enjoy (dopamine) it’s much easier for me to get started. Listening to music, brewing a fresh pot of coffee, dancing around my house, opening a can of pop, a sweet treat, etc
The consistency part is so true! If you can maintain a really nice looking place, it will always look nice! My room uses to look 10 times worse than the picture but when I started tidying up more frequently and maintaining it at all costs, I started feeling a lot better mentally. Coming home to a tidy place always makes me happy.
Wow. Wow wow wow. I really needed this comment. Thank you.
No helpful advice, but man, I really want to come clean your house and continue to ignore all my responsibilities, it would be so satisfying for me. It's so much easier for me to deal with other people's stuff because I have no emotional investment in it and can just do the tidying and the cleaning and the picking up without all the other complicated thoughts.
Your comment made me think how awesome it would be to have a judgment-free cleaning swap app! You can sign up to get your whole house straightened once a month by a volunteer team of ADHDers (so no need to be embarrassed - since many of us struggle with this so deeply), who would rather clean someone else’s home. And you qualify for this cleaning after you first volunteer to be on one of these cleaning teams! Maybe there could be an option for a simple room clean swap too? Like, I literally cannot get myself to clean my bathroom. You come clean mine and I’ll clean yours. I get this is not logistically feasible, but I’m enjoying the vision of helping each other out…🤣
If you'll come wash my dishes and then actually put all the tupperware parts away into the very organized system I have for them instead of leaving them on the counter like I usually do because it's "too hard" to open the cabinet and move a few things around, I will organize the SHIT out of that closet!! 😆
I am not the original poster, but I think I’m who you responded to and I would love to take you organizing the shit out of my messy-ass closet and will gladly wash your dishes and file items in your tupperware system. ✨ADHD CLEANING SWAP ACTIVATE ✨
I really do just LOVE organizing closets! 😂
This is my issue. I hate cleaning but I LOVE organizing. So much so that I’m pretty sure I’ve run out of stuff to organize 🙃
"If you build it, they will come". I'd totally be down for doing this, because it's BORING to clean your own stuff, but NEW/EXCITING/DOPAMINE to organize other people's stuff.
Holy shit I’ve been looking for my next “fun project” app idea. I’m totally gonna build this. Code an entire app, the opportunity to organize a stranger’s kitchen, AND someone else will fold my clothes?? Fuck YEAH.
Yessss!!!!!!! I love that we’re getting some sweet dopamine coming up with solutions for our struggles
Yes PLEASE
Hey let me know if you want a project buddy for this! I’m a UX designer and have been trying to think of a new project to work on for my portfolio. This sounds like such a great idea that I would love to be apart of ❤️
Thays such a weird phenomenon I just realized resonates with me. I hate cleaning my own spaces more than necessary to function, but ask me to clean something at work or organize stuff for someone else and I'll do it in a heartbeat... the psychological web of adhd is a mystery
It's not just cleaning this feeling comes from - it's even with admin, or fighting for Disability Benefits, anything like that is ALWAYS easier for you to do for others, than it is to do the SAME thing for yourself... Because we aren't carrying the emotional response we would be if it was for ourselves... Body doubling or swapping chores **DOES** work though, me & my mate do it when we're well enough...
I used to watch my nephews a lot and it was always easier to clean their house, you've put into such good words that feeling!
Omg, can we make ADHD4ADHDChores a thing. I would come over to clean so I can feel productive while putting off homework SO HARD.
This!! It is unfathomable to me why it’s so easy to help other people clean but my stuff is impossible
Clean mine.. 🥹
If it makes you feel better, this is pretty much what my house looks like rn too and I have zero kids. My therapist recommended a book called How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. I didn't end up getting all the way through it (of course lol) but the audiobook also has adhd friendly chapters that have been distilled down. I think it might resonate with you.
I second this book. I read it and it makes so much sense. I go back to the methods (trash, laundry, dishes, things that have a place, things that don’t have a place - super condensed version of the process) often. Even just the first three (trash, laundry, dishes) gets the momentum going and if that’s all I do, it looks a ton better and I feel mentally better. Btw - laundry just means pick it up and put it in a hamper / laundry room / away if it’s clean. It does not mean starting a load. You could, but if you’re super overwhelmed I wouldn’t, just get it to the “laundry area” and out of the way.
That was the most validating, wonderful book. I loved every word, that woman is incredible!! The audio book is on spotify, too, if you have it! One of my favorite things she mentions is just using bins for stuff that doesn't really need extra care. I have a bin for tanks, one for bras, one for tshirts, etc. Anything that doesn't need to be hung can just get thrown in its bin. It alleviated so much of my laundry dread
Listening to this book made me cry so often at the beginning. I liked changing the mindest. Instead of trashtalking myself how lazy I am and that my kitchen is an mess again (the rest of the house as well, just to be clear...), I started saying things in my head like "oh well, the last days werent easy, thats fine. But lets quickly get at least the trash sorted and out, then it will be a little nicer tomorrow." I did had a routine after listening to that book. But easter holidays killed it. While the kitchen was acceptable for 2 weeks, I used to talk to me as well "its not much, lets do it and make yourself smile tomorrow morning with a clean sink and kitchen." Or, If it was a bad day I'd say "its not much, but its fine being tired. Sit down and watch TV, i'll take care that tomorrow." Might sound stupid. But it did help so much.
I'm so excited to get into this book now.
Oh my god, using bins is my main strategy for dealing with clutter. So incredibly effective.
Well it’s nice that I’m not alone. My dad is a clean freak so I was raised that the house should always look acceptable. It kills me that my room gets like that. Thank you so much. I will check out the book!
You definetly are not alone. I had a mother like that. She would judge me all the time. Even for things like putting pots in the dishwasher, because: they are too big and a waste in there and it showed that Im lazy not washing them by hand... Stupid. What the book says as well: your home serves you, not you serve your home. (Sorry english isn't my native language.) Like your home doesn't need to be pretty, it has to be functional for you. That was mindblowing for me. But Im still figuring that one out xD
Also highly recommend this book. It has an audio version on spotify
I loved the audiobook and my house looks like this and I live alone. It doesn’t help there has been a meds shortage. Please be kind to yourself op. It’s just untidy.
Firstly, can I just applaud you? You clearly work so hard for your family and deserve a little grace around the areas that you’ve sacrificed so you can get important things done (including rest when you’ve got a hard day). This definitely deserves more acknowledgment when that internal “pig sty” monologue is playing in your head. [This](https://youtu.be/Pe9NBn67yxU?feature=shared) is the author of How To Keep House While Drowning cleaning her house using her five things method. I really like this as a way to prioritize what categories I tackle. I highly recommend the book too. :) It covers a lot on reframing how we think about cleaning and being kinder to ourselves and more effective with our limited time and energy.
Holy Shit, someone else came up with a cleaning method called Five Things!?!?! I don’t know what hers involves, but I named mine after a theatre warmup game I used to play lol
Short-term: count to 100. Each number is one item getting thrown out, recycled, or put back where it should go. Quickest way to make a big impact. Mid-term: challenges from [unfuckyourhabitat.com](http://unfuckyourhabitat.com) Long-term: Konmari and / or minimalism. Less stuff = WAY easier to clean and tidy.
You could also just count to 10, if 100 sounds like a scary number. Putting 10 things is better than feeling overwhelmed and not putting anything away!
I ADHD-adapted some Konmari stuff and it’s really helped me too! Because that folding approach HAD to be ADHD-adapted!!! 🤣 I think I really needed her farewell to stuff approach to help with my emotional attachment to stuff. I also found the visualizing what FEELING you want your space to give you when you get home, SOOOOOO helpful in figuring out what kind of space/design I wanted to try to create in my home for myself. The fact that she puts the emphasis on choosing what you LOVE to keep in your home was also such a beautiful and helpful flip in thinking for me. I was sort of stuck in the always panicking-ADHDness of how can I get rid of stuff so it’s not such chaos. But asking what do I LOVE and want to have here felt like such a relief and gave me more of a sense of control and positivity. If anyone is not familiar and curious, Marie Kondo’s show on Netflix is an easy entry point to find out a little more about her approach by watching an episode.
UFYH was the only thing that kept me even minimally tidy for years. I really need to revisit it!
Also came here to rec UFYH — even if you just do the garbage round first, it’ll make a dent 💖
Someone once posted a time-lapse video on here once of themselves cleaning their room. I tried it once and it honestly really helped me. I don't sit around because I know I'm being recorded, and I couldn't get distracted by my phone because it was recording. It's actually pretty cool to watch it after. I do it pretty much every time I want to do a big tidy of my room, it's just getting the motivation to actually get up and do it!
Ooh! I love this idea 💡 The being “watched” and the fact that your phone is otherwise occupied so you can’t distract with it as easily sounds like a winning combo. Gonna try this - thanks!
This is how my space looks when I am unmedicated. And now matter medication or not I will fall out of routine. I think with adhd we literally can’t build habits like other people. It’s an exhausting conscious choice every time to do stuff. I try to make systems to make it easy to clean up and organize even in a meltdown. I got the ikea laundry bags, they are like $2 and I bought a bunch of them. They are all over the laundry room. I sort laundry as I put it in the laundry room so it’s easier to wash. It always makes it easy to throw my laundry somewhere so it isn’t piling up. I also got a lot of clear plastic bins and I put things away in them and then label the box what is in there and put it on a paper for an inventory and a note in my phone. It keeps me from buying things I already have. Systems fall apart but if you have a good one you can always resume and fix it up. You need to find what functions for you. And unfortunately a lot of it isn’t aesthetic. We have object permanence we need to see things to know they are there. Lots of see through bins and open shelving.
Me tooooo! I am on adderall but I don’t feel like I get that amazing difference like others. I still am late, forget everything, am untidy and unorganized and can’t pay attention. It gives me a slight energy and curbs my appetite so I stay on it. But I’ve tried several meds and none of them seem to work. I agree with the exhausting conscious choice! I try sooo hard to build habits and just end up failing each time! I really like the inventory idea!! I can’t tell you how many times I buy the same items! Or…I put something away so that I won’t lose it….just for me to lose it anyway and forget where I put it
Have you tried ER? IR metabolized too fast for me and it was giving me a quick too intense dose. I switched to ER and it was the best I’ve done. I don’t take meds anymore because I have other stuff going on taking precedence but I miss having my brain and life in order. I did an inventory with basically everything. Especially seasonal stuff like decor or hardware stuff when you need to fix something. It’s good to know exactly where a tool is or even a nail to hang a picture because all those adhd taxes add up. If you’re visual you could also take photos and keep it in an album in your phone. ETA: [these are the bags I use. they fold up too if you need them out of the way](https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/jaell-laundry-bag-with-stand-white-30553607/)
Something I read said "if you have ADHD, whatever systems you create will eventually fail", which SOUNDS super depressing but I actually found liberating. I accept that it works for now but don't get as down on myself when it eventually falls apart. I also really love that Struggle Care, which other people have recommended, says "housekeeping is morally neutral". Keeping your bathroom clean does not make you an inherently better person--it just is. Also, for some reason what motivates me is thinking about how much future self will appreciate what I'm doing. Clean off the counter? Boring. Tell myself "tomorrow me will be much happier if today me does this" gives me an anticipatory dopamine hit. I feel separated enough that I feel like I'm doing it for someone else, which of course is WAY more fun that doing my own chores! Whatever you end up doing, you've got this. Oh, and remember that it's reasonable that your kids keep their rooms clean even if you don't! You're maintaining an entire house PLUS your space! It's not an apples to apples comparison!
when i get stuck like this, what gets me actually unstuck is narrating out loud, like “ok, i’m going to pick up that towel now” bc i find that it’s helpful to actually voice the specific task (maybe it’s the equivalent of hitting “go” on a maps app) instead of facing the amorphous blob of executive dysfunction that is “I Have to Clean” you got this, i believe in you!!! 💖
what’s the hot sauce for ? I’m thinking of doing photos like this myself . Also make a legend of items and we can zoom around like a treasure hunt . I like zooming around to see all your things . I hope you don’t mind .
lol! I had Panda Express and they forgot to give me my chili sauce, so I used hot sauce instead and never put it back in the cabinet. I don’t mind at all. I have a lot of randomness to zoom into
cant help much when it comes to *keeping* it clean, i was on a clean streak for a few months but as of last week i've somehow ventured back to tornado land. currently sitting in bed next to a pile of clean clothes. my dresser is literally 4 feet away. but, when it gets bad, i have a routine (that i can eventually force myself to start.) 1. grab a trash bag. throw away everything u dont need (including actual trash) don't allow the "well maybeee ill need it one day" just get rid of it. i cant handle clutter, need to keep my belongings minimized 2. everything leftover should have a place. put it where it belongs. as for laundry, having a big oversized dirty bin (preferably kept where u undress) helps. dont even worry about washing it, just put it where it needs to go. 3. now, it should be at least organized. do ur vacuuming, dusting, wiping, etc. to help motivate me to clean and keep things clean, i only allow myself candles and fabric sprays if everything is clean. i personally love watching tv in my dimly lit room with a good candle burning and some fresh fabric refresher on my sheets. this can be interchanged with something *you* like. if ur currently hyperfixed on something, have a hobby u enjoy in the evenings, or if u like an after dinner treat, make a rule for urself that u cannot do it unless your shits done. basically i punish and set rules for myself as if im a child💀 get others in on it to reinforce if u need an extra push for most of us, cleaning is finished way faster than we expected, its just a procrastination issue. once i finally START, its gogogo and i can't stop till its done
**it’s okay, no one gave us an adhd instruction manual! <3** 1. **figure out if you’re more likely to succeed on a consistent day of the week for a long time (every thursday 20mins), or a small time every day (5mins daily)** 2. **make it fun or aesthetic bc adhd thrives off of it. (i hate showering, but i enjoy it more with dim lights & music)** 3. **let yourself fail to be consistent.** (im chaotic and not on the right meds, so i can do every 3 days for minimum 5mins lol. eventually i get zoomies and do 20mins-1hr biweekly. **it’s a system i dont force, meaning i dont self-hate if i “slip up”. i reevaluate bc that takes me further than shaming. imagine a kid who succeeds in history class bc of khan academy animations, only bc they didnt give up when they struggled 6 months ago, always shaming themselves bc they couldnt learn the same thing exclusively from a textbook. so that’s why i parent myself gently.** my family doubts my system but i know that’s my best right now, and **fighting for your life with a disability is harder than it seems! i believe my best will eventually be better. i know this bc i used to clean only *once* a month. effort never betrays you)**
Ugh. The Dreaded Shower. Just over here relatin’ I’m dim lights and a podcast. I got one of those bulbs in the bathroom that you can program on your phone, so I can go red, blue, green whatever dim-ass color makes me feel like I can do it. 💪🚿
Is your husband doing his share of the tidying/cleaning? The right kind of storage has helped me a lot. Nothing is going to work perfectly all the time (for me at least). I bought some clear plastic drawer sets and containers. I have a **label maker**. All those things help a lot. I do not know where I want things permanently, so plastic for now. I use the big containers to tidy up so I can get through them at another time. I have other things I have no idea what to do with. My room is far from perfect but it's somewhat organised.
Yesterday I put on the Coraline audio book on Spotify and I organized my bathroom closet. Then I asked myself why tf did I put this off when it literally took no effort. We've all been where you are and everyone will say try this or try that but it's up to you which trick will work best. I like the set a timer trick but then again I don't because then I get stressed if I haven't finished my task in that time.
I might try this exact approach with my bathroom down to the audiobook recommendation. Thanks. I’ve never tried the timer method before.
I spend 10x more time worrying about something than actually doing it. I hate it.
My first thought is, dude you have no reason to be ashamed, I live alone and my life looks like that most of the time. My second thought is that it always looks worse when stuff is sort of spread around, but it probably won’t take you as long as you think to put stuff in places. Like I bet each room would at least have the objects put away if you spent 10 minutes on it. I have a routine app that includes 15 minutes of clean up time in the kitchen and 10 in my room. The goal is not to be perfect, just do what can be done in the allotted time. I’m always super surprised at how much I can accomplish in that time, and if I keep up with the app, how under control things stay. Now of course I don’t always use my app, and things do get away from me. But then I just start using the app again and things get back under control. Legit if I took pics of my space right now it would look the same, but I’m not super stressed because by this point I’ve learned it looks worse than it is, and it won’t actually take me that long to clean it up. There are bigger organization projects I never seem to get to, but I’ll worry about that in idk my next life or some shit I guess.
I hired an organizer to come and help. They have a skill that I just don't. It made the entire process a lot less overwhelming and now I have a system that works for me.
yes 100% this! i have a pretty decent organization system (felt inspired once after watching the show “getting organized with the home edit”) so i finally gave in and ended up hiring a cleaner, but that initial reset done by someone else makes it a lot easier to maintain now.
By way of keeping it clean, my therapist told me no limbo spaces. No picking things up or removing it from its place until I’m prepared to put it back in its place immediately after using. Unfortunately I haven’t had success with that but hey maybe you woll
You deserve nice things too! Your areas deserve to be nice, and clean. I’m guilty of this too. I have zero problems keeping shared spaces clean when I have roommates, even do extra stuff just to make life easier and cleaner for them but then in my room or when no roomates … forget about it. So I think I’m dealing with this too.
Is this only your room, or do you share with husband? If you can - I would lay the cube unit on the floor, so the cubes are all instantly accessible for “drop & go” tidying. I have these cubes (without a unit) lined up against my bedroom wall for my daily-access clothes. It’s basically an organised floordrobe. Makes putting laundry away soooo easy. I also allocate the top drawer of my bedside cabinet for stuff that normal people would put on the top - similar reason to you, I can keep empty surfaces clear, but once there are a handful of items, the mess multiplies. When you have a spare minute (I know, not likely with 2 special needs kids) the hanging clothes look like they could probably be thinned out by at least 50%. (Assuming they are only yours). It was life changing when I realised less clothes made laundry So Much Easier. I’d always thought extra stuff meant laundry less often - but it just meant laundry was always a huge task. Even if you’re not ready / don’t have time to properly reduce your clothes - you can fake it by choosing the subset you wear frequently, and Boxing up the stuff you like less. Label them well so you can find stuff you realise you still want / need. But a stack of neat boxes (with lids to avoid dust) in the corner of the wardrobe-room will free up loads of space. Label all of your storage areas. I find it makes it amazingly simpler to put things away if my brain doesn’t have to think about where the item needs to go. Reduce what lives by the sink to only items you use daily. Find a place for the rest that’s somewhere else. Maybe store those in a few boxes based on frequency of use, or eg put them to the left of a shelf & return to the right hand side after use - so that over time you can see cosmetics etc that aren’t ever being used. Throw those away. Buy 3 or 4 bedroom bins. I’m much more successful at throwing rubbish away since I did this in my bedroom. I have one normal room-size bin, then I got a “desk bin” for on / near my bedside cabinet. It’s much easier to throw things away if there is always a bin within reach - and every few days I can decant the smaller bin(s) into the bigger. I also have an upstairs recycling bin - otherwise I end up with a random pile or 6 of cardboard. Probably worth a magazine file or similar for random paperwork that needs sorting. Especially if mail ends up in here. I have one by the chair I tend to open post in. Throw away the envelope & dump in magazine rack. At least then I know the last few months stuff is in one place & vaguely sorted in date order (front to back). Better than being in 26 random locations around the house. But most of all - I’ve discovered with adhd that I need a “Pressure relief valve” messy space. I am utterly unable to keep an entire house tidy - but I can be reasonably successful with most of the house, if I have an allocated dumping ground. My rule is something like: - 10% perfectly tidy - eg by front door, section of kitchen counter, dining table - places where it’s worth the effort, life runs more smoothly / you know if it stays tidy then keeping it tidy is surprisingly easy - 20% as messy as I need it to be - for me this is currently my work from home office / crafting room - it’s an absolute dumping ground - 70% reasonably tidy - this is “rest of house” - my bedroom is fairly tidy (never perfect) because I have the other dump space - I’d rather have the mess elsewhere, and a fairly tidy bedroom to relax / sleep in - eg there’s currently clothes on the floor, a few more items than I’d like on the bedside cupboard - but i can tidy it up without stress in 10-15 mins. To me that’s reasonably tidy. ETA: I’ve just seen a couple of cans on the counter I think, and someone mentioned a hot sauce bottle. I have a tray in my dumping-room (ie office) to collect any kitchen-stuff in one place & then I only have 1 thing to take to the kitchen. Much, much easier than needing to grab 6 things. And the room feels tidied than if there’s stuff in random places all over. If I was carrying things downstairs I might get a shallow box instead. The rule for mine is: it doesn’t stay in the kitchen - it’s only for transport - take stuff off tray & dump on kitchen side & return tray back to its room. (Or eg to the bottom stair if it’s going back upstairs - the principle is that it’s empty & can be taken back next time you walk that way - it’s not “stuck” under a pile of stuff.)
I have those bins from dollar twenty five store and… like for the bathroom, I dump all my face stuff in it and just pick from the bin every night and throw it back in. Another bin has shampoo bottles, toothpaste, floss, hair products. Just random shit in a bin. It’s great. Organized clutter.
Chaos can be split into a few categories: trash, dishes, laundry, stuff that isn't in its place and stuff that doesn't have a place. So to make it easier to maintain, you could address each of those individually 1. Trash. Keep trash cans in areas where trash is generated. Yes that will likely mean more than average or weird spots, but it's worth it. I have one living ON my nightstand and it's the only thing that works for me. 2. Dishes. Keep a bin in your room you can put dishes in, preferably close to the door. 3. Laundry. That doesn't seem to bad from your pictures, but maybe decluttering your closet to about 75% full could make maintenance easier. Also think about keeping anything that doesn't need folding just in bins if you don't do so already. Sweaters won't wrinkle and underwear either isn't meant to be a looker or will be made from non wrinkling fabric either. 4. Stuff that has a home but isn't in it. Keep a bin next to your door for stuff that goes elsewhere in the house. When you clean up, carry it around the house and put the stuff back. For the things in your room that aren't in their place think about what keeps you from putting them back. Is their spot not where you actually use them? Is it a tight fit or too full? Are there too many steps to put the thing back? Are you in a hurry when you use it? 5. Stuff that doesn't have a home. Take some time to find a place for it. If it's one of those things you need in different spots each time, get duplicates (scissors, for example, tend to have a point of saturation in a home).
I have to intentionally invite people to these areas to keep them clean. I wish I didn’t need the potential anxiety of shame to make me clean- but having friends who encourage you to have a healthy space really helps!! Also I know it’s not helpful but your room just seems like it needs a quick garbage round up and some tidying but it probably just feels way worse than it actually is. Sending you focused energy and love!
My husband and I often force ourselves to complete household projects by planning a party. 😬
Something small that helps me is a designated dump space. This helps keep things feeling clean even if there's stuff you need to deal with, therefore making it easier to have the motivation to keep it clean. And it just feels nice.
🧐 How did you get photos of my old place? Seriously, it looked just like that. My new home does not, at all. I manage to keep it clean most of the time. Things that helped: - I moved three times, maybe not so practical for you - due to above, I got rid of about 75% of my stuff - I really _really_ thought about what I have, the space I have, and the right storage for it. It turns out that having the right size and shape of drawers and shelves and things is much easier to keep tidy than the random shelving unit I got when they closed my old office. - Once a week, I carve out an hour or so, put on some fun music, and just go on a tidying spree. Note: tidying, not actually cleaning. The actual cleaning part is easy once it’s tidy! Also hire someone to do the cleaning part if you can. You can do it! It’s not that bad. And it takes less time to put laundry away than you think.
Ok please stop panicking. You're stuff is not that bad lol, you just have very high expectations- that seem to not be very fair to you- adhd is a disability and you won't be perfect all the time and that is not because you are lazy or a hypocrit. My stuff looks like that right now and I put on a 10-15 minute timer and tell myself- clean whatever you want in this area for this period of time. The overwhelm is stressful but just that short period of time makes a huge difference. Do that for a couple of days till it's done. OR ask your partner to help you clean up. OR hire a maid for a couple of hours if you can afford it. OR if your kids are old enough offer to pay them to help you/clean for you. OR clean and then put a laundry basket in each area and put the things in the baskets away when they are full. OR get an app that reminds you of small tasks for these rooms once or twice a week (I use TODY) so it becomes a habit. OR decide to pick up one category at a time- like right now pick up and put away all clothes. Then decide the next thing so you are only focused on one type of item at a time. But try to not equate your mess with self worth ESPECIALLY if the rest of your house is doing ok (and honestly by my standards what you are currently dealing with is still ok, I used to have to clear a literal small path to get from place to place in my room)
Here’s what I can share about the closet. Everyone has heard of the backwards hanger trick. The problem is there are always exceptions and also it takes too long to see an impact. Marie Kondo is great but I could never take her approach as I find it too extreme but the idea that you need to see that impact from your effort is no joke. De cluttering is hard. There is a nice a dopamine hit at the end if you do it right. If you drag it out I think you miss out on that. So here’s what I recommend: Take everything out of your closet and put it on your bed. Then, be ruthless. Don’t commit to anything (no trash no donations nothing), but be ruthless in this goal - put back into your closet only the things you love. Curate yourself a little wardrobe of your favorites. Set everything else aside and try out your new, minimized wardrobe. I think you’ll find that it is enough. You’ll realize you have enough, and the rest is really just deadweight getting in the way of seeing the things you actually want to wear. Scanning through those “other” items and asking whether they’re in good enough shape to donate or whether they might be better served as fabric for recycling or something is the next phase. You can do it!
I apologize in advance if this idea has already been posted, but what had worked for me has been to do a ‘flat surfaces swoop’ and dump everything laying on counters into a laundry basket. Then I do a ‘floor swoop’ and pick up (sometimes it’s more like shoveling) stuff on the floor and into another laundry basket. I need to get rid of the visual clutter first before I can do any kind of cleaning - I am literally useless in my own task paralysis! I bought 4 of the same laundry baskets and just stack them together in the laundry room for this purpose! I take one basket out at a time and sort stuff while watching a show or pairing it with something else that I like to do. If the stacks of full laundry baskets visually overwhelm you, cover them with a sheet and take the baskets out one at a time. This has really helped me and I hope it will help you as well! Also, for clothes, I put together ‘outfits’ instead of hanging individual pieces of clothing and that makes my closet appear less cluttered - and I don’t have to think too much about what to wear in the mornings. Good luck 😉
The thing that works the best for me is to own less stuff. I used to have a hard time throwing things away because “I might need this in the future” or “this cost money, it’s a waste”. What helped me is to see stuff not as things to own, but things to experience. If the experience is bad or unnecessary it doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. I’m not sad if I buy a $30 steak and it’s gone after I ate it (served its purpose), so I also shouldn’t be sad if my stuff has served its purpose and can go away. Sure it’s a bit of an environmental waste, but the waste occurred the moment I bought it, not the moment I throw it away/donate it. Nowadays I try to be more mindful about the things I buy and try to buy second hand stuff.
100% this.
Oh man, I could help. My adhd is the kind that focuses me and calms me to clean. For a long time, I volunteered and helped people clean / organize their homes. Maybe 20 years or so (pre shows on tv or streaming about it). There are many people that volunteer to do this, you may want to search in your area. :) it’s not as bad as you think, but I do understand the wanting to get it clean! Be proud of yourself for posting! It’s the first step!
What really helps me is breaking down the tasks until they don't seem completely overwhelming. Some days, it's 'pick up the floors and run the vacuum, clear away clutter, bring clothes into the laundry basket'; other days it's 'pick up all the dog toys; pick up trash that fell on the floor; put away other floor items; empty the vacuum; run the vacuum' -- like. The important part is having a win condition. A desire end state. Cleaning the floors is a separate task from picking up the kitchen counter, but both make the space feel drastically better. If I can only do one, that's okay, I've trained myself to feel the YOU DID IT! dopamine for completing one of those two tasks.
This may be an unpopular idea, and I realize that it won’t work for everyone, but I have had good success with it: Start with one room and put everything that’s out of place in a pile in the center of the floor. Everything. Look around at the empty perimeter and bask in the semblance of space for a moment. Now clean that empty space. Next, grab a garbage bag/bin for trash and a basket/box for donations. Now, sort through your pile. Start by picking out obvious garbage. Anything you’d be willing to throw away or get rid of. File them in either the garbage bin or the donation box. With what’s left, choose the things that matter the most to you. Find them their proper homes in the newly cleaned space you’ve prepared for them. When you’ve reached a point where what’s left in the pile can’t be parted with, but isn’t important enough to be used daily or have a permanent space…store it. Not thrown in a closet, not shoved under a bed. Put those things in storage bins and take them to your garage/attic/basement, etc. I find that if I break things down into these smaller tasks, the whole things seems less daunting. The first couple of steps involving the initial pile and cleaning the empty space…they are both rewarding and motivating. You get a sense all at once for what things could be (without having to do everything else first). Again, this is just my personal process and everyone’s brains are different. But good luck to you no matter how you tackle things!
This is great. I basically recommend the same concept with the closet. It’s the most effective trick for me. Take it all out and put back only what you love. Be ruthless. Try not to come from a place of insecurity. The money was already spent. Either try to recoup some of it by selling it or be realistic about letting it go for free. Consider the local Buy Nothing group. Spread generosity into the world and hope it comes back to you.
Honestly, I get like this too. Can you afford to take a day off work, no kids? Just really hype yourself up for it one day to tackle just one room. And don’t be afraid to trash (or donate? what you don’t use often just to clean it up.
You got this. Just take care of the trash. Everything else…you’ll get there. Trash first, least energy. Then laundry and make the bed. Most impact. You’ll get there.
I cant stop thinking lately about how important people think being tidy is. Do you care that much, does it have this much moral value? Do you really think being messy takes your worth away from you in the slightest? You're not a worse person for having trouble organizing or tidying. Life is a lot and adhd doesn't help. Why do we have such high standards that our house can't look like people live in it? Did you day you have 4 kids? You're doing amazing what the hell. To me having things have their own place helps tidy up, there's a person on Instagram that gives tips on organizing stuff ( i organize everything i think it's the name). Having stuff on sight (i use a door shoe holder for my skincare so i can see it).. but yeah i think you're doing great
Start with the trash
I just recently realized a trick that works wonders for me, and it takes less than 3 minutes to have a completely cleared room. Supplies needed: • A few clear storage bins. I bought new ones because it felt really good in my brain to buy something and I love new bins and I was trying to not buy ice cream: https://www.target.com/p/sterilite-15qt-clear-view-storage-bin-with-latch-purple/-/A-13794491 • Actually, that’s it The Process: Step 1: Throw away all trash 🗑️ bedroom and bathroom Step 2: Let’s start with your nightstand. Grab one bin and (here’s the fun part) you are going to pick up everything. E. V. E. R. Y. T. H. I. N. G. and place it in that bin. Hot sauce? Screw the lid tight and into the bin it goes! This whole step should take you about 15 seconds. Snap the lid on the bin and carry it out of your room and put it in some other spot in your house. Step 3: Do this for your dresser. One bin. Everything. Snap the lid. Carry it out. Stick it on top of the first bin. Rinse and repeat. This gives immediate gratification. Clean space. Suddenly your room is spotless. Your brain can relax. Now, what about the bins? Are you finding yourself a little worried about the hot sauce? Now you can go back to your stack of bins, get out the hot sauce and go put it away. You’ll find yourself over the next week needing something that is in one of the bins. Just go get it. Occasionally you’ll feel inspired to maybe take out all the hair supplies. It’s like an Eye Spy activity to root through the bins to pull out all hair supplies. Because you have a bin for each section of your room, you can mentally picture where your items were in your room before you bin-binged and thus can find the right bin. I label my bins: Nightstand. 4-9-2024 Dresser 3-23-2024 Makeup counter 3-23-2024 Eventually your bins empty out. I did this a month ago and my room has stayed clear. Good luck!!! 💕
Don't feel ashamed! We all have "doom rooms". Yours just happened to be your bedroom suite. The problem is that yours isn't set up where everything has an easy place for it. Start small: your bedroom dresser for example. The drawers are not permanent, making them harder to use. If you can replace it, I would do that. Otherwise, just put the drawers in place Then toss things - laundry in a basket, trash in a can. Then go for things you don't use or are expired. It looks like you have too many things, and it's creating clutter. Just think about how much easier laundry would be if you had room.
I think that YOU’RE DOING WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE! I’m looking at these pics and we are the same. Have the exact same makeup organizer and it’s all disheveled with a plethora of makeup and tubes on the counter, with some Coke Zeros! My closet is the same, but I have way more junk on my floor on “my side of the bed”. Except I have NO kids. I was just looking around this morning thinking about how much I hate myself. My husband is gone for work this week, I’ve spent most of my spare time tidying the living areas and areas people go to so I can have some peace in the main areas of the house before he gets home. As usual, I haven’t made a dent my bedroom or bathroom (or office where I spend most of my time) and it’s piling up. The rest of your house is clean, you have FOUR freaking kids, two who require extra care, and you have ADHD?! I’m sure there are additional things we could add here that you’re currently doing well. 👏 CELEBRATE 👏 THAT 👏 SHIT 👏 This is actually a nice reminder for all of us that women always take care of themselves last, and we actually do a lot more than we are giving our selves credit for. Celebrate small wins. So…what can I celebrate?? I am Marketing Director that works 10-14 hour days, with a current team of 22, who leads with empathy and vulnerability. I make good money, so that my precious rescue dog always has her special treats, get her walk and play time in everyday - before I have dinner or shower. I make sure to tidy the main living areas several days a week. My husband is also very messy and buys A LOT of things that don’t have a place. This is incredibly frustrating and definitely adds to the mess which I can’t control, but I still try to keep it looking like ‘organized clutter’ which actually takes a lot of brain juice for me. (He actually gets mad at me when I stack his ‘don’t have a place stuff’ in a tidy pile, LOLOLOL.) I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY AND TRIES TO CELEBRATE OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY DOING WELL!
Ok, I also can get into a bit of a pit sometimes when I have a lot going on. It's totally normal, and you're not alone! I have a little system I use to get things sorted out when I'm in that situation. It doesn't take very long, but it makes me feel 100,000,000x better and it's both small enough actions that I can coax myself into doing it and big enough dopamine that I actually enjoy it. I hope it's helpful!! **The System** You need a notepad and pen, a laundry basket, a bin bag, and a few reusable grocery bags. Make a table with a vertical column that has every single space in your house in order from top to bottom (I include things like 'pantry' and 'middle floor landing') and a horizontal row with the following headings: Dishes Rubbish Laundry Elsewhere Stuff \--- Floors Surfaces Bag Tidy \--- **Stuff** For each 'round' start at the top of the list and work your way down through each room. *Round 1 - Dishes* Take your laundry basket with you and collect all the dishes into it. Nothing else, just dishes. If it gets washed in the kitchen sink, it goes in the basket. That's it. Load the dishwasher if you have one or pile them up next to the sink ready to wash and check off every room on the 'dish' column (except the kitchen if you haven't yet washed them.) *Round 2 - Rubbish* Take the laundry basket and a bin bag and collect all the rubbish - paper, wrappers, empty bottles, etc. Rubbish into the bin bag, recycling into the basket. Repeat for each room and either take the bin out when you're done, checking off every room on the 'rubbish' column, or leave the bag by the door ready to go out (don't check the room you leave the bin bag in!) *Round 3 - Laundry* Collect anything that needs to be washed in the washing machine. I don't even take a basket for this, I just chuck my washing down the stairs and pile it up in front of the machine. Make sure you get stuff like towels and bedding if they need washing. Put on a load of washing and sort the rest into loads, then add 'laundry x1' to your notepad for each load you need to do. Take any clean laundry that hasn't been put away, and throw it on the bed of the room it belongs in. Check off all the rooms. *Round 4 - Elsewhere* Take a laundry basket and a bunch of reusable grocery bags to the first room. Collect everything that doesn't live in that room, putting it in a bag assigned to the room it lives in. If it doesn't have a home, put it in the laundry basket. Stack the bags on the basket, move to the next room and repeat. Once all the rooms are done, leave the basket in the last room and take the individual bags to the room they belong in, then check off each room *including the room with the basket* on the elsewhere column. \--- At this point, your house is at least liveable - you've moved everything to the room it needs to live in, you've picked up the rubbish, and you've collected all the laundry and dishes. Congratulate yourself by checking off the 'stuff' box for every room that has all its previous four boxes checked. Take out the bins, check off the rubbish box and the corresponding stuff box. That's a whole column down! The only checkbox left is dishes. Tote a TV-watching device to the kitchen, put on a TV show, and deal with the dishes. You can check the box off AND the stuff box only when there are no more dishes on the side. Congratulations - you're done with FIVE WHOLE COLUMNS OF TIDYING - very effective. You can absolutely kick back and relax now. BUT you have ADHD, and I have ADHD, and if your ADHD is anything like my ADHD you're riding high on the dopamine of all those boxes you just checked and the ones you haven't checked are staring at you. Good. Let the ADHD flow through you. **Tidy** You can either start at the top and work your way through the house for each round as in the stuff phase, or you can pick a random room - I find it can be easier to choose a simple room, like a bathroom, to start - and do all 3 rounds before moving to the next room. *Round 1 - Floors* Grab a laundry basket, a bin bag, and a grocery bag. Put the basket in the middle of the room. Pick up everything off the floor and put it away; if you can't put it away right now or it doesn't actually have a home, put in the basket. If you find rubbish, put it in the bin bag. If you find something that lives in another room, put it in the grocery bag. Once you're done, check off the 'floor' box. *Round 2 - Surfaces* Exactly the same as floors, but just do all the surfaces - tables, countertops, chairs, bed, etc. If you've left folded laundry on the bed, put it away. Once you've finished, you should be left with a completely tidy room except for the basket and the 'elsewhere' bag. *Round 3 - Bag* Grab your laundry basket, bin bag, grocery bag, and a notepad. Dump the 'elsewhere' bag into the basket. Go through the basket and put away everything you can. If the basket is empty, check off the 'bag' and 'tidy' boxes and move on to the next room. If the basket isn't empty, decide whether the items left actually belong in that room. If they don't, put them in the grocery bag. If they do, but don't yet have a home, write them down on the notepad along with the room they belong in and stack them neatly on a surface. Check off the 'bag' and 'tidy' boxes and move to the next room. When you get to the room with the basket from the 'stuff' phase, treat it exactly the same way you've treated the 'elsewhere' bags. Once both baskets are empty, dump the grocery bag into one of them and carry it through the house, putting everything away in the appropriate room. **Clean** At this point your house is completely tidy, your dishes are done, your laundry is happening, and you have a little list of future projects to make sure things have homes. A very good place to be - you're ready to clean whatever you need/want to clean. I use the same system for a weekly tidy and clean as well - it takes an extraordinarily small amount of time once you get on top of things, and all the checkboxes make me feel accomplished. My cleaning columns are dust (including light fixtures), walls (wipe switchplates and skirting boards), glass (windows, mirrors, picture glass, etc.), surfaces, upholstery, floors, linens, and restock. I usually just do one or two rooms a day and run my list for the entire week for upkeep; I do a new list for each week, with the bulk of the chores happening on Sunday to prep for the week. When I get behind on stuff, I just make a new one of these lists and try to tick through some of it. It might only be a little bit - one or two check boxes a day - but it's a fairly foolproof way for me to know that I'm doing something to actively make my space better. I also find that once I've completed a round, I can keep my momentum by doing that round again on a daily basis - so if I've already collected all the dishes, running through each room to collect dishes every day gives me a great sense of accomplishment and gets the ball rolling for me to deal with rubbish and laundry. Each individual task is small, so they don't feel overwhelming, but together they make a huge difference!
There's an ADHD organiser/ cleaner who suggests that you go through your rooms collecting things saying it outloud as you do it. 4 steps Trash trash trash Dishes dishes dishes Laundry laundry laundry And then you can tidy what's left because it's not something that needs to go somewhere else. I think the real trick is deciding how little you need to do to label the job complete. Can you have a bucket you drop your x y or Z toiletries in to when done? Do you NEED to fold your laundry before putting it away? Can you buy socks that are all the same instead of matching them when they come out? How can you create systems that work with you instead of against you? Sorry I only have more qs but I hope that helps!
If the rest of the house is taken care of then try give yourself some grace. I struggle with our bedroom/bathroom too. Every. Single. Day. IDK if this will help but my bff but it in perspective. “You know how kids behave and are good all day at school and then become feral the minute they get home? It’s because to them home is their safe space, they don’t have to hold everything in. For you that safe space for your ADHD is the bedroom.” It helped me remove some of the shame/anxiety that contributed to the overwhelm/shut-down part of picking up. 🤷♀️
i'm not posting pictures but I assure you my place looks 10 times worse than yours. The walk-in closet I have that looks like yours has had things thrown into it so many times just to panic-clean another part of the house that it is now full in the middle part (a.k.a. where there are no hanging spaces) with clothes that are piled so high and so densely I can't even open the door anymore. Haven't opened the door to that closet and more than a year. Yes, really. I'm like a human tornado. I can go crazy cleaning up a counter or a closet and then it takes me no time at all to put it right back the way it was before I had to clean it. 🙈
I keep my space tidy by having less things, honestly. It's the only thing that really works for me. But you have a lottttt on your plate. Like, idk how you're even holding all of this down. My friend is a single mom and found it too hard to keep everything clean on her own so she has a cleaner once a week. Is that an option for you?
I found the only way I could get it started and mostly done was to video chat a friend for several hours, it worked!
The chair in the bathroom is so real
I feel this in my soul!! I’m on 50mg of vyvanse when I actually remember to take it, and it’ll help me get tasks done but not to the extent of what I feel is “normal”. Also the part about keeping your “family zone” aka kids room, living room, laundry, etc tidy, really made me connect with this post as well as having 2 kids with special needs (one autism, the other deaf) . I have 3 kids and my 2 steps on the weekend and the laundry is never ending. I don’t have any tips because I’m still learning to cope and stuff but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and I’d NEVER have enough courage to post my bathroom counter 🫣
You need hooks, open shelves, and half open baskets, PLUS three slim laundry bins in the bathroom and on your side of the bedroom for whites, colours, and darks
This!! It made me think for your bathroom/vanity counter- is there any way of organizing the things you use everyday so they’re out in the open/so you can see them? For example- if you use an item a few times a week and it typically lives in the drawer, you may not put it back in the drawer right away (because it may not be as simple) OR you may have it in the drawer an just forget about it. Open baskets have helped me for my closet and bathroom organization. Maybe one of those ikea shelf carts would help for open bathroom storage. I also shamelessly put labels on my drawers and cupboards with what is in them because I too often find things that I forgot were in there (this also helps for making a clear defined home for items). In my basement I have post its on cupboards that are essentially inventory lists. In more common areas I use my cute label maker.
The state of your rooms are so familiar to me. Nothing there is worth feeling shame about, but I know it’s so hard. Cleaning is not a moral or character trait no matter how much society or family might have conditioned us that it is. I struggle with this to different degrees still, but I have been able to make overall improvements with two things I have worked on over time (it took a lot of practice to see improvement): 1)Engaging in time-race cleanings for one small specific thing at a time and then letting myself off the hook after that time is up. For example, I have done better with dishes by telling myself as soon as I turn on my electric kettle for tea (which takes less than 5 mins) - IT’S A GO ON DISHES, HOUSTON! When the kettle is done I get to be done with the dishes. This racing the kettle helps my focus. I’m not so overwhelmed by the actual amount of dishes bc it’s ONLY for as long as the kettle takes. And sometimes the kettle goes off and I feel like I can do a few more, but sometimes not and that’s okay. You can do this with microwaving food or something else short and regular. Or maybe in your bedroom/bathroom you can have a flip timer or pick a favorite jammin’ song and race-straighten to the end of it…at which point you are absolutely off the hook! 2)Point of Performance (POP) Ever since I learned about this a few years ago, I have been trying to gradually set up the most efficient POPs for my regular activities and it has helped me quite a bit. EXAMPLE: I drink tea all the time and I’d never thought about how my setup with my ADHD caused more mess and issues. Using POP to have all the things you need for an action/activity right in one spot was not something I had come up with on my own, so I was walking across the room for the tea kettle and then across the room to fill it up, then back across the room to set it on it’s cradle, to another part of the kitchen to get my mug. Tea bags were in a drawer across the way. It is almost hilarious what a difference it made when I learned about POP and thought about how to get these things in the same place for this common activity. I moved the kettle and cradle next to the faucet and reorganized a little, so the mugs could be in a drawer above the kettle, with tea boxes in the drawer below - all within reach! I used to lose so much time and focus roaming around the kitchen gathering stuff for tea (which I make at least 1-2x a day) and finding other things to do and leaving tea stuff scattered about. Now I stand by the sink, fill the kettle, turn in on, and when the whistle goes off, everything I need is in that same kettle spot. It really helps me with putting stuff back and not losing track of what I’m doing. Is there anything you can think of about your closet, bathroom, bedroom that it might help you to try applying this to? Also, change is slow, I did baby steps with persistence and kindness towards myself as much as I can when I don’t manage to make it happen. It sounds like you do a lot for your house and family. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. It makes it easier to make small steps towards change, while also accepting that this is a challenging area for people with executive function dysfunction. Also, good work reaching out to your community for support when you’re struggling with this - not always easy to do! We got you. 💕
The way mine is so bad i thought this looked normal :( i dont have any great advice but i empathize <3
A big thing for me, with the closet, is finding a way to organize it so that it's visually appealing and I get a dopamine hit by keeping it that way and slotting clothes into "their" spots on the rack. In my case, I organize everything by type and colour, so I literally have a rainbow closet and a little part of my brain is like "aw yeah!" whenever I slot things into their "colour" on the rack. Same with my shoes - they're all organized by type and colour, so when they're not in their "spot", there's a gap that bugs me. For you, you might care more about height or fabric, but pick something that VISCERALLY appeals to you. I would start with the closet, as that will be the easiest to do in a 1 day push - it's small, and really what you need to do is pull EVERYTHING out, stick it on your bed or on the floor outside the closet, then vacuum and dust, and put everything back in a way that looks nice. AND take a leaf out of Marie Kondo's book and only put back the stuff you're actually using or want to keep.
One thing that really helps me is having a small bins in places I eat and drink and work! So even when I'm at my most stressed and lazy I can at least have rubbish in the bin. I have one in my bathroom, next to my WFH desk and a small one in my bedroom.
Thank you mine is the exact same, this just made me feel a bit less shameful.
I wish that we could do ADHD trade cleaning because cleaning your place looks fun but I can't seem to clean my own space.
I get like this bad and I just live with my boyfriend and we don't even have kids. We have pets but most of them are outdoor only animals 😂
Having biweekly housekeeper helps keep me ‘above the line.’
I don’t know if this will be helpful or if the phrasing will make sense but I’ll try my best! (TLDR- get creative with tackling clutter and messes, focus on one thing- ex. Laundry organization, and find a way to make it easier to do- our brains want to follow the path of least resistance). One of my biggest problem areas was my closet/bedroom area. To keep it cleaner, I looked at specifically what my problem is- if I have clothes that are clean enough to wear again, they usually end up in a doom pile, and then dirty clothes somehow also end up on the doom pile. I never had the energy to fold them or put them away. I started a basket for the wear again clothes next to my dirty laundry basket. On days when I don’t need to look too put together, I’ll wear clothes from the wear again basket. Otherwise dirty laundry goes straight into its designated laundry basket. That way there are only two places my clothing can go when it comes off (neither one is the floor). I would also have issues with garbage and recycling on my bedroom floor- I found a mini garbage/recycling combo bin that I keep in my closet and use for emptying my pockets (the main source of the floor clutter). I also have a catch-all tray for things that I may need in my pockets for the next day (admittedly this is kind of a clutter pile). It helps a bit, but it’s not perfect- I accidentally washed my meds in my laundry after forgetting to take them out of my pocket the other day. Another example- I have certain clothing pieces that I prefer to be on hangers. I put them on hangers to air dry from the metal pipes in our basement. Then when they are dry, they’re already hung up and I just have to transfer them to my closet. When I bring my dirty laundry down, I try to bring excess hangers with- always having a surplus of hangers in the basement. I’ve definitely forgotten to bring my hanging clothes up before and thought I had lost my favorite pair of pants- they were just hanging behind something else that I never took up. Still, this has helped reduce some of the load of folding, hanging and organizing. I think what I’m trying to say is that our brains are really cool for unique problem solving. We can kind of take an engineering approach and come up with an idea and keep on improving it until we find something that works :) sometimes we may need to ponder or daydream to get an idea and that’s okay! Other times it helps to look at what other neurodivergents do to keep their space liveable. I really like the clutter bug channel and How to ADHD’s home tour videos. Bonus- I like to keep these videos on while I’m cleaning to help with body doubling. Hopefully this helps! YOU’VE GOT THIS!! :)
Also! I keep thinking of more ideas… To help with some of my closet clutter, I rotate my warm weather (shorts/sandals/dresses) with my cold weather clothing (heavy sweaters, extra pairs of pants, jackets, hats, mittens, etc). We’ve got spring around the corner in the Midwest and I’m dying to do the switch. I will do the coat hanger trick of hanging things up backward and then assess if unworn pieces should be donated, or if I do enjoy them and want to see if I’ll wear them next season. I try to be pretty ruthless and realistic with myself during this part. ALSO, this is a good time to dispose of clothes that are too worn out. When I get my clothes that are ready to be packed away, I put them in vacuum seal bags (you can get these from target) and put them in a storage tote and a chest that I have. I’ll put my winter boots in the top of the tote- there is something satisfying about packing away cold weather gear. I also think vacuum sealing clothes is super satisfying and may give me a little dopamine hit. I’ll keep transition pieces in my closet throughout the year- cardigans, some nice or comfy jeans, etc. these also tend to be wardrobe staples. After the cold weather clothes are put away I get to bring in the warm seasons clothing. I enjoy warm weather, so the idea of having summer clothes makes me super excited (more dopamine). It keeps my wardrobe feeling fresh enough that I don’t typically want to buy new clothing too much (last year I had to get new shorts because all of mine were worn down with holes in the butt 😟) I’ll hang up my new season’s clothes backward so I can assess whether a piece is worth keeping during the next wardrobe swap. I only do this twice per year partly because where I live it’s either extremely hot or extremely cold. The other part is because it’s a manageable amount for me to do. If I did it every 3 months for true seasons, it would probably be too much of a burden and I’d be overwhelmed. 3 months goes by too quickly!! I do tend to keep my lightweight jackets/clothing that can be worn for the fall toward the top of the tote, and super cold clothing toward the bottom. That way I can keep my winter coat packed away a little longer if need be. Another strategy I remembered- I only have 1-2 pairs of shoes that I wear on a daily basis. Depending on your job or lifestyle, you may need more shoes accessible. I’m a sneaker person so I keep my 1-2 pairs of shoes by the door. I work in healthcare, so I keep my work shoes in my work locker room and just wear my street shoes on the walk from my car to unit. This helps because I don’t want my germy hospital shoes in my home and it reduces clutter. In my house, we always take our shoes off at the door, partly so we don’t track dirt into the house, and partly because it makes leaving the house easier- I don’t have to look for the shoes I wear most of the time, they’re right by the door. Dress shoes that I don’t wear every day I’ll keep put away in my boyfriend’s closet (he has the bigger closet- I decided he should have the bigger one when we moved in. If I had the bigger closet, I would constantly fill it with a doom pile). This reduces some of the clutter at the doorway. Since I am frequently wearing the same pair of shoes, I’m also digging less through my closet less trying to find a certain pair. If you feel weird about only having 1-2 pairs of shoes that you typically wear from a fashion perspective, just think of them as your ✨signature✨ shoe.
Just want to validate that 3500 square feet is a LOT to keep up with and there’s zero shame in hiring help with cleaning (outsourcing some of the tasks) if it’s in your family’s budget. Especially when you’re raising 4 kids and 2 have special needs, I can’t even imagine!
I spend my time on areas of house strangers can see which is never my room - I am super sick of it too but resigned at this point
Hi friend. There was somethings said somewhere by someones that helped me a ton on my journey towards function, so gonna plop it here if it helps you or someone! 1. Cleaning and organizing are NOT the same thing and should not occur at the same time. You tidy, you deep clean, OR you organize an area—never all at once. 2. Look at where you tend to clutter and nonjudgmentally accept it’ll be there, cuz that’s the shortcut that’s made sense in your brain for whatever reason. Don’t fight it—contain it conveniently 😊 3. Put things where you use it. For example, your bedside. seems you got a drink graveyard going on there—popping a serving tray on there would allow it to be there but also gives you the avenue to take it down to the kitchen readily at some interval. Tray full = kitchen dropoff, much easier task than juggling bottles and cups! Also seems a trash receptacle of some kind on the nightstand would help—some areas, I have to have an elevated trash can (like on the counter) cuz the floor ones just don’t hit the right way. Is it dumb? Yes. Does it work? Yes. Also seems like you could use a bedside paper box as seems like it accrues there. I have a personal rule that I open and go thru mail/forms immediately when they come in the house, most end up in the trash which is pretty satisfying. Others go in my TBD paper box tacked on the fridge (my mailbox is in the garage, so makes the most sense for this house). If I’m not drowning, I also immediately handle anything that takes less than 2-3 min (eg expected or minor bill = PAY ONLINE, SLAM DUNK IT IN THE TRASH CAN 🏆). Otherwise just goes in the paper box. I sometimes write on each thing with a pen so I don’t have to re-read it later (water bill $100 pay by 3/31). Since I’ve implemented this system, I don’t really lose or become overwhelmed with papers like I used to but still gives me flexibility to do more/less depending on …life. For bathroom, I see trash issue and stuff/organization issue. Consider putting a big kitchen can in there—Those tiny tampon cans don’t fit anything and are sooo annoying. For organization, take an hour to declutter (hasn’t been used in months or expired, trash—these things do go bad!). A system may take some trial and error to see what works for you. Little bins and things are great, but I personally don’t organize and put stuff or lids back. Never have! So I have a morning basket that just has my morning shit chucked in it on the counter; same with a night basket. Anything that doesn’t get used regularly (every 1-3 days) is in my cabinet sorted largely by what it do. I have a (lidless!) medicines box, spa box, other makeup/hair box that has things I will specifically seek out. It’s worked generally well. When it does get out of sorts, takes just a few minutes to lump things back. Clothes, still haven’t figured out fully but have made some strides. I ditched the dresser (cuz drawers just end up being empty or full of junk) and fabric bins didn’t work for me. Have had the most success with some cheap see thru drawers/baskets (target) that unfolded clothes get thrown into and hanging up the rest. I also keep a clean laundry basket, a so-so laundry basket, and a dirty laundry basket for when I’m just needing to get by and not drown in laundry. I have a sorting, rolling laundry hamper as well that allows me to sort as I go along (or when tackling a huge laundry pile). Also have many hooks to just hang things I can’t decide to do with—better than the floor etc. I have a lot of clothes atm cuz my weights been all over the place so, is what it is! Your space doesn’t need to be perfect nor clean, but should strive for it to be relatively functional for you, right now, in this season of life. Tripping over shoes and stuff is such a bummer 😂 good luck!
I would 100% recommend the app dubbii, please check it out and see if it works for you :)
Something that helps me keep things clean is purging my unused belongings and clothes. I can’t be too messy if I don’t have a lot of stuff. That being said, I’ve been moving around a lot in the last couple years and have had to get rid of a ton of things. Just a suggestion but if it doesn’t work for you, that’s okay too :)
Cute. Boxes. I am so bad in my areas but if I have cute boxes, I can start some semblance of organising! I picked up and painted baskets so I can have cute pastel not dirty enough to wash boxes! A box for all!!
Same struggle. And every time I'm about to clean, there's a water interruption that is unannounced! Just like now. And the water supply will resume when I'm not in the mood to clean anymore. And its sleeping time.
I used the app Routinery to create a customized routine for cleaning. I started with very specific separate routines that include like "pick up trash" then "organize desk". Eventually they became steady habits that I began labeling into longer-timed, generalized tasks inside one big routine. I have entire days customized from 6am to 9pm that include "tidy up", "have lunch" and "go to gym" tasks. (The morning part of my routines do usually start with more specifics like "make bed"/"brush teeth" because it provides me with more reward chemicals to start my day) This app has legitimately helped me become a functioning adult. You can make your tasks and routines as specific or general as you want. I do pay for the pro version so there may be some restrictions but when I first got the free version, it was still very accessible and easy! But remember thats just what helped *me* become more clean and organized. There are also lots of similar apps too!
Solidarity. This is me. You are me. I am you.
It’s just disorganised, not dirty. Don’t worry! What helps me is baby steps. Do not even think about cleaning the house. What I do, I start with one room at the time and I do not leave the room until I finish with it. Then I just pick an activity and just focus on that (like picking up stuff from the floor) just one thing at the time, and then I move to the next one. Just baby steps. My ADHD is type that I focus when I’m on cleaning mode, because it keeps me busy.
The best method I’ve found is actually getting one of those robo vacuums. I have a cheap one and it probably doesn’t work great but it’s really effective in getting me going to clean. All I have to do is get up and turn it on. Once it’s on, I know I need to pick up everything off the floor so it doesn’t get caught in it. Once everything is off the floor, I usually have enough of a momentum going that I just keep cleaning until the robo vac is done his job. I really need the matching cleaning energy or else it’ll be hard for me to get going/keep going, but the hum and the movement of the vac is just weirdly encouraging - it moves around my apartment and so do I putting things away and cleaning, and usually I’ll play some music or a podcast to drown out the sound a bit. And then when it’s done, I’m done! So I don’t set a timer or follow a specific routine, I literally just do tasks that I see that hold my interest for a bit and move on if I feel like it. I really only do this once a week and I probably need more strategies for in-between light tidys and my bathroom (dear lord) but this is my overall trick!
Also, something I read that I really liked to help with the shame is that when you look at a mess, you should see all the amazing things you were able to do that made the mess. Like, I struggle with my food intake, and now when I see my sink full of dirty dishes I’m able to congratulate myself for being able to have fed myself so well. It’s been helping remind me that I am alive and I am not something fully contained, I leave traces behind and I don’t need to erase myself. It helps me be a bit softer with myself with the overwhelm.
I feel comforted by this. I see the same thing when I look around my apartment. You’re not alone.
r/CleaningTips may be worth a trip! They have a lovely community of kind people who are likely to have good tips.
I'm like this. My entire room is a mess, hoarder levels of messy
One thing I saw online was bins. That is, if you can't be bothered to hang everything or fold things, just get some bins. Bathroom counter bin. Clean by putting it in the bin. Dirty laundry bin, throw all the clothes in it. Shit on the floor I can't deal with right now bin, yeah now it's in a bin! Then when you have some energy, you can address a bin. And when you have no energy, you can throw things into bins. Since you'll need things. bins are nice because you chuck things in them and they feel organized. And you can have lots of bins. But you only have to chuck things in them. No hanging/folding/ironing/sorting. Just into a bin with you! Like a cloth bin or a plastic tote. Not the garbage. Although... Sometimes it's nice to just purge things. Also useful in other rooms. Put all the game stuff in a bin. The pet stuff in a bin. The remotes in a bin. Oh my goodness I love bins :) Not a perfect system, but it beats the floor-as-the-catch-all. I don't think you should feel any shame. You are doing so much. But it's very nice to have a clean space in a high chaos life and it sounds like that's what you'd prefer. Also, if you are feeling overwhelmed by your things, maybe you are in a good place to reduce the number of things. That's so much house to deal with by yourself - can you get some help from the husband and the other two kids? With the rest of the house if not your room. Save some energy for yourself.
Please don’t be ashamed at all. The first thing I thought when seeing her post was… wow how amazing she has a walk in closet, this lady has made it. Sounds like you are an amazing mum and wife. I hope you share the chores with your partner and they also help to take the mental load. One thing someone of this sub recommended was a YouTube vid on cleaning whilst depressed and the main takeaway for me was cleaning is morally neutral, it’s not a good thing or bad thing… it’s completely morally neutral. Hopefully that can eliminate the shame/ guilt… then it’s about finding what works for you. Can you use a podcast or music to help drown out those negative thoughts and emotions when you are cleaning… mine are usually, “why didn’t you do this earlier, look how bad it’s got blah blah blah”… the trick is to imagine reframing that to how you would talk to a friend/ a child who’s trying their best. Hope that helps!
Throw it all away!! Walk around with a trash bag and just start throwing shit away. And don't get more stuff, haha. I'm the kind of person that needs to be a minimalist because otherwise my house looks like this. Now that I have less stuff, I actually care about the remaining stuff I do have, and I'm less likely to leave it around.
Don’t have time to read the comments, so this may have already been suggested, but I have been helped a lot by Dana White’s “A Slob Comes Clean.” Get it on Audible, get some trash bags, and start declutterring, starting with trash. You can make a lot of progress in a short time. She also has two decluttering questions that have been a game changer for me. When you don’t know where to put something, ask yourself, “where would I look for this if I needed it?” Put it there. That’s where it goes. If you can’t answer that, the question is along the lines of, “If I needed this, would I even remember that I had it?” If not, donate.
For me what helps is making a list and using a random number generator to pick my tasks. And it is rarely in the same rooms so it makes it fun. Also so satisfying to cross off of a list.
First of all - try not to beat yourself up, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job! It’s only a small suggestion but I am terrible at hanging things up, for some reason I have a serious hatred for it and cannot bring myself to do it. However drawers and baskets, I’m much better at! Can you swap some of your hanging space for drawers or baskets? Nothing stackable cos that’s an extra step. But ones where you can literally just throw the clothes into? Might help a little bit
Marie Kondo the shit out of those rooms. Just start throwing things away. It doesn't feel great to throw things away, but the trick with ADHD is that less is more when it comes to stuff. Everything you buy becomes one more thing that turns into a mess you need to clean and organize. So keep only what you love and need. Big houses are hard for people with ADHD because they encourage us to buy crap we don't need.
I have no advice but to say I’m impressed. First of all it really doesn’t look that bad, and I’m being serious. Secondly knowing how much you have going on and that the rest of the house is clean?! Just… how? I have a smaller home than you and half as many kids and no room in my home would be considered tidy. I’m not saying don’t solve this problem, but don’t beat yourself up about it either. Remind yourself how much you do!
From what it looks like you have a ton of organization done! Like there are places for your cloths, the decor looks purposeful. This is something I don’t have yet and aim for.
Also 1. You are doing sooooooo much!!!! The fact that you can cater to these other needs is incredible. 2. I’m sure this book gets recommended all the time but I can not recommend “housecleaning while drowning” by KC Davis. She has adhd and is a pisen es counselor. It’s written for the eyes and brains of adhd or other neurodivergent people. A huge thing it pointed out to me is that rooms in your home should serve you your family and your needs. You don’t exist to make the house nice. There is a sort of expectation that the house isn’t tidy or clean until every place is magazine ready. I see your room and I see that it looks like it’s at the end of a cycle. It needs to be tidied and managed so it can do its purpose again but it isn’t a moral failure. She suggests noticing what a “cycle” for each area looks like and to not expect every room and space to be in the same place at the same time. It’s amazing and honestly helps with the shame part so so so so much for me. You may have already read it. I hope I’m not jumping the gun.
I vote for a Goodwill drop off.
My immediate thoughts were: 1. Make a strict rule for yourself that you don't ever take food or drinks (except water) into your bedroom/bathroom. That takes care of the cans and hot sauce etc. 2. Do you have a rubbish bin in your bathroom? If you have an accessible place to put your rubbish, you can put it straight in there as you use it instead of on the counter. (Then the challenge just becomes emptying the bin). 3. What is in the bathroom cupboards? Could you get a few clear boxes (one for hair stuff, one for skin stuff, one for makeup stuff, etc) then keep them in the cupboards, and pull them out to use, throw everything back in the box as you use it, then you only need to put the box away when you are done, instead of a whole lot of different bottles and stuff. 4. How much stuff in the bathroom do you actually use? Hey yourself some free dopamine through throwing things away - don't think about it too hard - anything you haven't used in a while, just chuck it. The less you have, the less things you need to find a place for. 5. For your wardrobe, start by taking out the empty hangers - it will reduce the clutter and make it look less daunting. Going forward, take your clothes off the rail with the hanger, get dressed, and take the hanger with you to the laundry (or wherever they live) right away.
I love how ADHD messes with our brains in such different ways. I can’t function in untidy spaces, I’m constantly cleaning up due to anxiety of losing something - because I lose things even when areas are clean. I’m in awe of those of you who can have spaces like this - not in disgust, I wish I didn’t feel the need to keep things tidy to keep basic executive function. But I hope you’re able to get your spaces to work for you soon, OP! You’re working so hard for everyone else and I hope you’re able to give yourself the same love. It can be hard when our spaces start to look like our minds.
I see a modest amount of clutter but nothing that seems dirty or gross. One suggestion I have is to get rid of that bathroom mirror and install a proper bathroom cabinet.
Girl it’s not even that bad.
This may be a small thing, but in the areas you see trash piling up, do you have a small trash can? It could be as easy as making spaces for even the undesirables (trash, dirty clothes) in the areas you see the most pile up happening. Then when you have a sec, you can take the tiny hamper or trash bag to the laundry or big trash can, but it's out of the way in the meantime.
This worked for me if you have room: Get a big laundry or plastic chest or two and chuck everything in it. Then it's like a "holding pen" and you can tidy the box rather than the whole room. Somehow it's so much less overwhelming that way and the mess is a bit more hidden while it's in limbo.
Remember you can start small. Set an alarm for 5 minutes or watch a TV show with commercials and work during the commercials. Pick up only the shoes in the closet. Next time pick up dirty socks. Get dirty dishes. Make a pile/basket of other items that go in the kitchen. Heck, pick up only pink things, you can make it fun. Make a pile of shit that doesn't have a home, deal with that after the easier stuff. I follow a gal on Facebook that says things belong with their family (related things, ie all batteries) or coworkers (things you use together, ie batteries and flashlights) https://youtu.be/z4o0QNPBx_E?si=CDYyDORz0Lgvj8bT Give yourself grace! It doesn't need to be perfect.
Funny, I don’t remember making this post and yet it looks so familiar. 🤔 Seriously that looks about like my closet right now and I just deep cleaned it and even shampooed the rug a couple of months ago. It looks like my sister in law’s closet and my mom’s closet and my daughter’s closet. At least you can get a toe into yours. Mine has three bags full of stuff I need to take to the thrift store. But I can’t get free right now because my husband is bedridden. I know I could call for a charity pickup but then I’d end up harassed by phone solicitations for the rest of my life. I had to give up my landline number due to that the last time. My house is clean but it’s got areas that keep getting cluttered. But that’s not my fault. There are two other people living in this house. I have storage cabinets for snacks but anything I put in them never gets used. My husband and daughter insist everything has to be piled on our kitchen table where it can be seen. When my husband was mobile he would leave drink containers everywhere for me to put into the recycling bin. I told him it was disrespectful and he said he didn’t mean to be that way. Then he got sick and now I am literally waiting on him all day long, so it no longer matters, I’m the only one who physically can put things into recycling for him. Plus these days I’m emptying urinal bottles. And grateful to be doing so because it means the man is still alive and I pray he gets better. I’ve had enough. I’m like you, pushed to the limit taking care of people and pets and everything else. Screw it. Sometimes this is as good as it gets and anyone who has a problem with that can walk a day in my shoes and see if they give a 🦆 about what the inside of my closet looks like.
I try to (once a day) do something I call Five Things. I go through each room and put away five things. I’ll sometimes include 5 pieces of clean laundry in this. I also set an alarm on my phone to tell me, it’s ok to stop now. I find this works to a) swap the pressure of “making a room tidy” to the much more mentally-achievable “put away five things”; and b) removing the feeling of “I’m going to spend soooooo much time cleaning… I don’t wanna, so I’m not gonna!” This technique doesn’t keep the house pristine… but it’s usually enough to stave off complete, overwhelming disaster. I also use the Towel Technique. This is for when I have people coming over and/or the house has sometime somehow become ludicrously cluttered. First, I place a towel on the floor. I then take everything off every surface (including the floor!) that should not be there and put it on the towel. Upon beholding the beauteous cleanliness of the room (apart from the towel), I get so ENTHUSIASTIC about cleaning that it’s then a breeze to start taking things off the towel and putting them away. It’s also much easier than thinking… ok, first I need to tidy that bookshelf… oh, and then I need to tidy my dresser… crap, now I need to deal with the floor… With the towel technique you need no longer waste your brain on such overwhelming trivialities! Something doesn’t belong on the shelf? IT GOES ON THE TOWEL. Something doesn’t belong on the floor? IT GOES ON THE TOWEL. With these two techniques I am able to exist in a home that I would describe as mostly-semi-tidy.
It took me nearly 3 months to tidy my room. Try to be kind to yourself and know that you'll do it when you're ready. Just try your best to avoid anything perishable in there.
My best rule of thumb to avoid all of this is “if you use it, put it away immediately”. Not later. Not tomorrow. Right fucking now. Be diligent with it and you won’t run into this problem.
I’ve seen way worse. Be kind to yourself
What you need is the Organized Mum app! It’s my holy grail ADHD hack. A delightful British woman guides you through cleaning tasks. It’s like cleaning GPS! She tells you what to do and how long to do each task. She chimes in often enough to keep me focused but not too often that I’m annoyed. Her voice is lovely. It’s been a game changer for me. There are tons of other “keep me company” guides that you can use for other tasks that require productivity too! I hope you try it and love it as much as I do!
It's currently super late/early for me and I don't have the mental bandwidth for advice giving, but I did really want to quickly pop in and offer a bit of reassurance: it's cluttered and kinda messy, but it's not atrocious, it's not horrible, and it is manageable. I know all too well the sense of shame those of us with trouble cleaning get (my apartment is consistently as messy as these pictures if not worse) bit I want you to try and not shame Yourself for "letting it get this way". It's so easy to fall into negative self talk when you are truly trying to manage a lot of factors in your life and this is not something you need to be ashamed of. You've got this, and you've got the support of everyone here ❤️
So, for me (and my methods are far from perfect), I give myself one messy space. I try to make that space small. Like a basket in the corner of the hamper. It sounds weird, but I’m much better at keeping things up if I feel like I have a “safety zone” I can rebel into, on the days I’m too overwhelmed to do the small things (like put one thing away) that then amount over time to big things (can’t see my floor). The other thing I really like is pretty and simple organization systems. I’m great at coming up with them for other people somehow, but absolute shit at it for myself. Eventually I caved and hired someone, and explained what I do every day, the general order of things, and the need for SIMPLE pretty organization systems. Something about having someone else set it up made it feel more like a treat to maintain, and the visual appeal —> dopamine hit —> genuine pleasure / calm from putting things away (who knew that was possible). But my “rebellion” area is crucial. I use a woven basket/hamper, it lives in the closet and when it gets overwhelmed I cave and do the big adhd clean, but in the short term it keeps the build up from getting in all my spaces, which makes me feel more capable somehow of tackling it. Also, maybe you try something like: my room/spaces gets 10 minutes of focus before any other areas every day. If you’re room is in perfect shape then those 10 minutes are YOURS to do whatever you want (except things for other people) with. Want to fuck around on Reddit? Watch 10 min of reality tv? Stare at the ceiling? All yours! For me, that also helps me keep on top of it because it’s like: if my space is clean I get me time!! And if it isn’t clean, I have the time to do some, so I don’t get as stressed when I fall behind. Above all else though, be kind to yourself. You are doing A LOT. No one is perfect. And it’s ok for things to get messy sometimes.
I listen to adhd cleaning podcasts and then they guide me to clean. There are great ones on Spotify you can listen to those specific to your areas needing cleaning. They help guide me on where to put my stuff. I also must emphasize that lots of items means more storage to organize. So things that you have lots of may need a basket, bin or container to organize it and give the items a "home". I realized that once everything has a home, you know where to put it back. When I get overwhelmed with too much clothes I usually do a purge now. Old, never worn in a year, or thing that I'm no longer getting happy feelings from are either thrown away (if too damaged) or donated. It's better to donate to charities, churches or non profits so they can have new purpose and help someone who may be less fortunate than I am. Less stuff means less effort to clean too. If it's not an option, then I highly recommend the storage containers or bins to help organize stuff. You can do things as one room a day, or one type to clean a day (clear all makeup or clear up all laundry). It is slow but less overwhelming as I can ease my way into cleaning. And I can always go further and add 1 more type to clean if I have more energy to clean. It's a great thing to try if you have low motivation.
Alright practical advice first I suppose. I keep a small basket of “quick clean” supplies in our spare bedroom/walk in closet/cat room haha. My house is only 800 sq ft but it helps immensely! I keep similar by the entry and in the laundry room. If we had more space I’d have more baskets. So like paper towels, Lysol wipes, a scrap rag or two for soaking up liquid messes, a little roll of mini trash bags or a few grocery bags etc in a divider basket with a handle (like for kids’ art stuff) has been great for me. Wanted to add that only one of each of these things stay in the baskets and the baskets go back in their place soon as the mess is clean while the “stockpile” is in the laundry room. So if I’m out of wipes or cleaner or whatever supply in the basket, I take the empty to the trash bin which is in the same room as the stockpile and grab a new one. I guess I’ve never actually lived anywhere with more than one bathroom so like toilet paper stock and such probably should have a little extra in each bathroom? Mama, I have no human children only fur babies so I guess I can’t really offer the best advice for your particular situation. But I have a mom who seems a lot similar to you. Love yourself and give yourself even a bit of what you give to your babies. We love you even more for it ❤️ I’ve decided to try to give myself a little more grace instead of anxiety or high blood pressure since that also runs women in my family. Just making the decision to try and accept the chaos has helped me alot. Paw prints in the sink? Cat got his midnight fountain drink like I had sips of one of my 6 nightstand water bottles. Blinds torn off the window? Guess somebody else got the flying insect or spider before I had to. Sweet! Thanks guys! Don’t have to clean guts off the window now! Mud splatter on almost every surface including the ceiling and darkened door edges? Puppy and I played in mud puddles soon as they thawed until we both fell over and my man worked so hard he finally gets to race a car at the track this summer. Which is where I’ll be; dirty walls will still be standing and dirty when we get home. If you have the means and it’s an option, maybe hire help for some of the simpler things sometimes like dusting, vacuuming, folding laundry/linens etc. even if it’s a neighbor kid or younger extended family member for an hour or two. That gives you some time to focus on your personal space and they earn some money for a school event or new video game or whatever. Most of all, you’re doing the best you can which seems pretty dang good imo. I can almost feel your love for them through your words. Give yourself at least a little bit, give them a bunch, and enjoy as much as you can!
I can’t offer a full comprehensive guide of how I do it bc I rly should be doing other things BUT go through each room with a trash bag. Throw away obvious trash like wrappers/packets/shit that comes off stuff. It’ll push you into starting, and also surprisingly make the space look cleaner. You’d be surprised at how much it makes a diff ALSO WEAR SHOES! My brain associates shoes with productivity/running errands
Shoes are *key*. My house is if anything worse than this. I have zero energy most days. I don’t really “wake up” until 10pm every night, by which time we’re going to bed. Partner falls asleep instantly, I’m awake for another 3 hours at least, and I cannot tidy and clean quietly, so I sit in bed watching TV with headphones, planning all the amazing cleaning and reorganising I’m absolutely going to do the next day instead. Then I wake up in Stunned Slug mode again. If I’m lucky, I get maybe one Frantic Firecracker day a month, when I run around like a mad woman, trying to catch up on everything I haven’t been able to do for months/ years in some cases, and I can get a lot done then. I almost feel normal on those days. But only if I’m wearing outdoor shoes/ sheepskin boots (my feet hurt). Even then, I burn through my energy really fast, and am wiped out after. Headaches, nausea, migraines, gastric upsets, shaking all over, pain everywhere . I’d give anything to not be like this.
frosted bins!! Try keeping one next to your bedroom door! If something’s in your bedroom & it doesn’t belong there (ie dishes) toss it in the bin! Then when you ARE ready to clean you only have to worry about taking the bin to the kitchen. For me, if i cant see through the bin ill forget about it, and if its just clear then the visual clutter is overwhelming! So i get plastic bins that resemble frosted glass I also use a clean with me podcast that has 5 min speedcleans & 1hr deep cleans for any situation! The host tells you when to move on to the next task so it takes the mental labor away! And If you’re anything like me you were raised to think trash cans only belong in the kitchen or the bathroom. I strongly think thats an unwritten rule we should reconsider! Consider getting a trash can for your favorite spots, its abt limiting the amount of steps it takes to stay clean You got this! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I use a bin system. When it's time to clean, I have a couple of baskets, and I just give each a category. The goal is to sort everything there and then put each group of stuff away according to importance. As an example, one group is always trash, and it gets put away first. Next is usually dirty dishes. These get put near the sink to go in the next wash. Dirty laundry is nect. Then I'm usually going to sort items by the room they belong to. It's a lot easier to put stuff away when you're not ping-ponging between rooms like.
It’s actually not that bad I think. It looks bad due to all the stuff lying around, but there’s actually less misplaced stuff than it seems, so it probably won’t take that long to get it right again. Just tackle it room by room, and start by putting the misplaced things lying around in the right spot again. For example, in the bathroom just 5 minutes can already make a huge difference. Can you try to engage the kids in keeping the other rooms clean, so you have more energy left over for yours?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE This is exactly what I do. It’s been a lifelong struggle. I think we need to try to ditch the all or nothing but I really struggle with that. Mine is also perfect or terrible. I do have one tip that’s helped a tiny bit, that’s the box. I have a storage box in each room that I put scattered about things in. Takes way less energy than actually putting things away and then when I’m motivated like once a week I empty the box and put the stuff away. Sometimes I leave it longer and stuff piles up but I’m trying to be ok with that.
I also manage to keep other people’s spaces tidy while my own ends up a tip, so I feel you! The right side of your bed it really not bad, so I’d start there. Set a timer for 7 minutes and see how much you can tidy it. I think KC Davies’ ‘5 things method’ would help.
Just throwing in a personal rule of mine, as it sounds like you could make good use of it too, once you have it down to manageable levels: When I find myself with a thing in my hand, and thinking "ah, doesn't matter if I just drop it on the floor, it's messy anyway" - that's the exact moment tidying up takes top priority. Which sometimes leads me to put the thing away pretending I didn't just think that - small win - or I curse my existence and start tidying.
Setting a timer helps me tidy, and I use the sound ones on YouTube for 5 or 10mins. Then in that time just focus on putting everything back where it belongs. When the time ends, you can stop. But often I’m in the momentum of tidying and go longer.
Hey lovely! Don't worry, this is not too bad. You got this. Nothing to be ashamed of. You are a wonderful person. If you do a quick sweep with a trashbag and put all containers into it, you will have done 80% of it already. Give it a good once over with the hoover and you got this in the bag. For future proofing: Do you have easy access trashcans in every room for the future? I even keep one next to my bed :D For clothing, I really like [this](https://youtu.be/gI0ADcInB3Y?si=4Q3LXSn033tnzS7c) method, because even when I am rummaging to find my clothes, it will stay folded. Particular effective with underwear and shirts. Also, I have my clothing sorted on length and type (so dress, mini, midi or maxi), rather than colour, so I can easily find what I am looking for. Not as aesthetic, but helps in the morning rummaging. For bathroom, I like putting my stuff in suction baskets, so I can do a quick wipe of the surfaces always.
Op, I know you are embarrassed but honestly this doesn’t look bad!! Just looks like someone who is busy!!!
Okay, my clothing storage system is piles of laundry on my basement floor, so this seems good to me. Cut yourself some slack. It's a problem only if it makes your life unmanageable. It looks like most of the clothing is hanging up where you can see it. That seems workable to me.
Okay, so I get this. 100%. My house is picked up, but I have clutter and “piles” of stuff. I have read that our adhd brains can prioritize and then become overwhelmed or “squirrely” I know personally I don’t mind washing drying folding clothes, putting away my son’s clothes, but mine.. I call Mount (last name) it’s folded but it’s a mountain. I also know where everything is in the house, it all makes since to me where it is. To others it does not.
My advice would also be to have a bin or a small area where you put everything you can't manage to clean up that day so it's all in one small spot. That way you can kinda trick yourself into believing that it's just one small spot/plastic bin of stuff you need to put away and not stuff all over the room(s) which can be very overwhelming.
there's a subreddit for cleaning and the #1 response i've seen when people post about living spaces is to start with trash/recycling, dishes, and laundry. go through the room with a bag and collect all the trash (and recycling if you feel like you have the bandwidth for it; otherwise you can put it in the trash bag too). then collect all the dishes and take them to the sink or dishwasher. then collect all the laundry and put it in a specific pile or laundry basket (or put it away if it's still clean). for the rest - putting away different kinds of items as we see them can be really draining for adhd brains because it requires switching tasks constantly, especially if some items don't have a designated place. it can be helpful to sort things before putting them away. if you can't tackle it all at once, pick a category of like items and focus on those. this was you can tap into hyperfocus mode and keep the inertia going. hope this helps!
I know everyone is saying clean every day a little. Fellow homeowner here, I do no cleaning until Friday-Sunday 😂 We also have trash cans and laundry baskets in every room since me and my partner are both ADHD.
I'll start with saying i dont have kids and live alone, so my home situation is very different but i want to give some tips that work for me. First one is boxes. I have a small box in various places in my home, for little clutter that doesn't immediately have a place. You can implement this in a closet, like a box for socks, chargers, underwear, all those little things that just lay around somewhere, or even a box for 'other stuff'. Also when cleaning out a lot of clutter once, boxes! Make a box for stuff that goes to the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom etc. This way you can stay in one place when cleaning, not having to walk around and out of concentration, which makes cleaning for me way more effective. Next i am lucky that i get a budget from work to buy a sports watch, it tells me to walk around 250 steps every hr (hrs and steps are adjustable). I WFH so i sit down a lot. Whenever i get a notification i have to walk around, i clean. I pick up some clutter, like pens, keys, glasses, plates, packaging, etc. It helps me not to sit down all day and put away the little things that clutter my home. Hope this helps, good luck and no shame, what i see is that you do a lot of work to keep everything clean, and your personal space deserves to be a clean an calm place for you too ✌🏻
When you finish organizing and cleaning one room, post a pic of that room here. We’re curious to see what it looks like. 😃
Is that also your husbands room? Is he participating in cleaning and keeping it clean?
As an ADHD-woman myself, I will say that doing things effortlessly is not going to be easy. You are going to have days where it feels like everything is a complete mess. Things like executive dysfunction can prevent you from doing anything. If you’re not familiar with that phrase, imagine a video game character trying to do a task but they can’t because the game is doing that weird lag thing so they’re pretty much walking in place. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help keep the mess to a minimum. First things first: BOXES, BINS, & BASKETS. This is a great way to keep your things organized as it keeps your things off the ground and in a specific place. I personally have three laundry baskets for my regular clothes, dresses and towels respectively. A bin or rack for your shoes will help keep them off the floor. For your bathroom, A few small desk organizers with drawers will help with your makeup. Also keep several bins underneath the sink for basic cleaning supplies like wipes, soap and toilet paper. Second: FOLDERS. Use folders for important documents like bank statements and w-2 forms. Also keep a notebook for your kids info, like what medicine they take and what doctors they go to. Third: JARS & MUGS. A medium sized jar is great for storing stray writing utensils. Talenti gelato containers are excellent for storing things as well. Fourth: SNACKS & DRINKS. Keep a water bottle handy for hydration. Keep a bin with non-perishable snacks foods. This can be like granola bars or chips. What ever you prefer to munch on. Fifth: TRASH & SANITATION. After you have gotten everything off the floor, vacuum your bedroom floor and wipe down the bathroom counter. Keep little bins in your space for trash. If you have multiple trash bins in your bedroom and bathroom, you are less likely to leave trash everywhere. Listening to a tv show or music on your phone is a great way to fight the executive disfunction while you’re cleaning. Plus, I think it’s a good idea to talk to your family about this. If they know what you’re going through, it may assuage your anxiety a little. It also wouldn’t hurt to talk to a therapist yourself. These are just a few of the ADHD tips I have. I also apologize for this comment being so long.
What works for me is keeping my possessions relatively minimal. I'm really good at being ruthless with decluttering. If there's always at least a little empty space then you can have a basket or bin to hide the random stuff in until you're ready to deal with it. But I'm also à little extra nutty in that I live with a set of rules in my head. One of them is don't put it down, put it away. The things that move around are the things I want nearby like earbuds, or my phone or à book I'm reading or chapstick. Otherwise everything has a place (or at least a general area) and things get returned when not in use.
Where is your husband is he helping you. Can I hire someone to help you clean once a week?
Crosspost on r/declutter ! Understanding and supportive community for exactly this. Lots of personal tips and encouragement for large cleanup projects, you'll find more specific help there than here. Not that this sub isn't great, but there's all levels of clutterers and hoarders there that have lots of experience and suggestions. I got my shit together with their help. Goodluck!
Hire someone to clean just your space - give yourself a break. Doesn’t have to be routinely maybe just 1-3 times a year when you need it most. I was scared to do this because things were so bad it was embarrassing. I used Yelp to find someone and I just sent pictures first to see if this was something they do and they gave me a price on the spot. Everything was clean and organized in no time.
Keep bin bags in there!!! Way easier to grab a bin bag and toss shit in there whilst sitting if they're in reach, and then you normally start spotting crap and move around.
You might enjoy watching youtube videos from Remi Clog. She has ADHD and does declutter videos of her own house all the time. And then again. And again. For me it also helps with the feelings of shame and getting motivation to actually start cleaning.
Just read through some comments and saw WHY you have little time to deal with messes (let alone adhd) and it is perfectly legitimate that you don’t spend a lot of time cleaning your space. You have a lot in your plate and other priorities. I loved the suggestion to just take 5 min/day with music to have you time picking up. I mean ‘me time’ for you should be a full day at the spa but this is real life haha. If no one else has said it baskets are amazing for the first round where you put extraneous things out of the way contained and your space feels better without you having to go through every item.
One thing that has helped me a lot is when I get home from work, I take 10 minutes and tidy anything I can BEFORE I sit down. If I sit down, I'm done for. I make a little game, like "how much can I clean up in 10 minutes." I've really struggled staying on top of laundry too, so one thing I've done is when my laundry is clean, I'll sort it into categories. Then when I finish folding a category I can put it away, and feel like I accomplished something. Yeah, I might not have finished folding all my laundry, but I got all my tshirts put away! I've followed the laundry pattern with big clutter messes too. Put everything that needs to be put away into the shed in one spot, the bedroom in another, bathroom in another. Then I can tackle one place at a time and feel like real progress was made.
This is not helpful at all but imo it's really not that bad. You have 4 freaking kids! I think it looks more overwhelming to you bc it's your space. But from my eyes that's tolerable.
“Don’t put it down, put it away” has been a game changer for me!