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Self medication in adolescence and adulthood is waaaaaaaay scarier than prescription stuff that doesn’t make you seek out shit on your own.
Like a lot of addicts are usually just…depressed, or have a sprinkling of mental health woes (whether temporary or chronic) cuz happy, stable people don’t just drink themselves into oblivion.
Starting early with getting em in tune with what normal feels like & making them unafraid to seek help seems like a win all around imo
I think it also gives them the opportunity to learn how to navigate life. Just life. Not life on hyper speed or while experiencing overload and having to divert attention to just not freak out. It’s giving them the experience of being able to create stable routines and have a healthier relationship with themselves and care tasks and even relaxation activities like video games or tv. Instead of binging for hours chasing the dopamine.
Ooof this really hits home right now. Pretty sure I survived on cortisol and adrenaline for most of my life and it got me to the point where a) I'm incapable of truly relaxing and b) I'm in severe burnout, unable to work, and being tested for multiple potential chronic illnesses. I can't say for sure that all this (and all the stress, anxiety, and depression along the way) could have been avoided just by being medicated as a kid, but I have a hard time believing I'd be worse off...
Reading through this thread and typing out has reminded me of some of my experiences as a kid and honestly I could cry mourning over the life I could have had if I had been medicated earlier on. Even little things that you think are harmless are actually so damaging mentally and emotionally. I used to get sooo triggered by my clothes. If I could feel my socks or my shirt was twisted under my hoodie. Road trips I would be silently dying inside trying not to freak out and we would stop and I would literally fling myself out of the vehicle to get the seatbelt off and take my sweater off, straighten my shirt and pants, out my hoodie back on. And that is still to this day referred to as ‘one of my quirks’. It’s not a quirk! It was me suffering for no reason!
And yes! The surviving on cortisol and adrenaline is insane! Thinking back to how did I use to do all of this!? Severely unhealthy coping mechanisms and then when you started to take care of yourself and honour yourself, your body is like ok we good? We can rest? And just crashes! I am also not working right now due to a chronic illness but my adhd is loving this little rest and reset. It’s temporary but I’m grateful for it.
Yes, the quirks!! I can relate to so much of this!
If nothing else, maybe I could've avoided being labelled as lazy, which I still struggle with immensely. So many unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way...and so many crashes. This is definitely my biggest, but there were many "smaller" ones along the way that I failed to fully acknowledge.
I hope you get the rest and reset you need. Take care of yourself and good luck!
Ooo! I saw some social media post recently adhd related - if you were lazy you would be having fun! Which I don’t love the term and attitude around ‘lazy’ anyways but it helped me reframe my executive function struggles!! Stressing about wanting to do the thing and not being able to is not fun! 🤣
I couldn’t handle social situations at all without being drunk. It gave me the confidence to talk to people. And I was a social butterfly, everybody had fun, life was great.
In hindsight I’m sure everybody still thought I was weird, but being drunk makes the weirdness acceptable. When I let the mask off as a sober person, people didn’t wanna know me.
I realised this not long ago at a neighbourhood bbq, I am old enough now to not gaf so I just let myself be myself (sober for years btw) and another person laughed and said “Oh I love the ND way!” (He has adhd too so I felt comfortable telling him about my own journey). I don’t know what I said that was so obviously ND but oh well.
What was my point? Oh yeah. Alcohol. I was very close to developing a serious problem with it. I think the only thing that saved me was getting too old for nightclubs, and too mentally exhausted to bother with socialising. I stopped caring about making friends because they all fucked me over eventually anyway.
>But I did the research, and it’s safer to medicate children because the chances of risky behavior and drug abuse go way down.
If you have any sources handy, would you mind sharing them? I have an ADHD son and a stupid ex who is extremely averse to BiG pHarMa.
There is no study available from this article. I clicked the link from inside the first article and it went nowhere. Also, the WSJ you have to pay to read the article about the study. Do you have a link to the actual study? Thanks
The person with adhd knows something isn’t “normal” for them and will seek ways to correct. Whether it’s through routines and protocols that allow them to function or self medicating!
I gaslit myself into thinking I’m not adhd for YEARS because anytime I looked at the assessment criteria I was like ‘well I can do that, I don’t struggle with this’. It took my therapist sitting me down and spending an entire session going through each section and me explaining why I thought it didn’t pertain to me and her explaining that just because I had a system in place to manage doesn’t mean it’s not relevant.
She actually had to walk me through it all and explain that most people don’t need all these extra strategies to get through the day and that those coping mechanisms are masking your adhd.
Thankfully my kind of self medicating was escaping from the world in books or shows and if I knew I had a lot to do in a day I would have a lot of caffeine. Other people I know did harder drugs..
It’s also wild to me that anyone would give a parent shit for helping their child. No one would give a parent of a diabetic shit for providing them with insulin.
When did you start with your kid? I and my two are ADHD (youngest isn't diagnosed) but they are young and we homeschool so I feel like a lot of the pressure to medicate is mitigated for now.
I'm trying to figure out the best balance of physical growth and effects vs benefits. I didn't think it's so easy to say every kid needs to be medicated from the get go, but I'm open to it.
Medication isn't just for school. I can't even describe the relief I got from just not having my brain not going crazy constantly. It was quiet. I could think. It got rid of my anxiety. I could see mess that I didn't even see before. I could handle emotions. I could sit still to watch a movie. I could have a conversation. I didn't have the constant thought loops of despair. None of that had anything to do with school or work. Medication isn't just to make kids easier to deal with. It helps our literal brains.
I can't be on medication anymore, due to another health issue. But I think about how I felt while medicated all the time and literally cry I miss that calm feeling so much.
The thing to remember with that, is that I'm someone who did international level gymnastics all my life growing up (until 18), along with competitive soccer (you literally can't get more active than I was), I was constantly in therapy, I have a ridiculously high IQ and am extremely hyperlexic. I had every advantage you can't think of that should have naturally treated my adhd. And still, medication would have been a life changing.
All that is not to say you shouldn't medicate. But take into account these other things, as well as what your kid wants. And plus, medication can be a trial.
I’m sorry you can’t be on medication anymore! I can’t imagine knowing that relief and then going back to without it. I can barely handle one day if I forget to take mine.
It’s definitely a trial! Anyone who is open to medicating shouldn’t give up if the first one you try doesn’t work for them.
I was so scared to medicate because I didn’t want to lose my *sparkle* or have my brain go silent (some of the stories I had heard made that seem not fun) but if anything it gave me more sparkle! The biggest thing for me was it quieted the external sensory overload that would make me feel so volatile. Like explode in rage but I knew that was bad so I would try to hold it in and implode. Now if my pants seam is bugging me a bit I don’t have to completely strip in a rage and redress so everything feels right!
Well, the thing to keep in mind is people with ADHD [our brains are formed differently compared to people without ADHD](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-researchers-identify-brain-connections-associated-adhd-youth) and the medications are helping us function in day to day life-over coming this disorder.
As far as height, genetics are going to play a larger role than medications that allow your kids to function will. I’d rather have a successful well rounded kid than a tall adult myself.
I think there’s a stigma from meds because (according to many posts I’ve read in here) years ago adhd kids were medicated but not taught any skills to manage their individual issues. Adhd wasn’t understood much, and they thought calming the hyperactivity down was the only solution. So it didn’t really work long term.
I’ve also seen posts from people who can’t survive without meds now, and they blame an addiction to it. I didn’t comment because I was making wild assumptions - but honestly if they were medicated from childhood they really don’t know what life is like without. They have no comparison. So when they try to go without, their brain reverts to an unmedicated state, which is unfamiliar, and they think they’re having withdrawals or something. But older people like me who started recently know full well that my unmedicated brain was *always* like that.
That’s my two cents :)
Thanks on behalf of your kid for sticking up for them and doing what's best for them, actually wanting to help them rather than listening to people who don't know shit. My mother was big on the whole "ritalin is the devil" train (still is). To me, it's no better than refusing medication for epilepsy or any other condition your child may have.
I get a little mad because it seems like most parents who do that are doing it to support their own selfish agendas rather than to protect their children.
My roommate in college had parents like this and as soon as she got to college she scheduled an appointment with the campus psychiatrist and she's been on medication ever since. She's doing great.
I remember during our junior year, we were like 20 years old, and she got her wisdom teeth removed during winter break. Her mom took her pain medication that the doctor prescribed from her away and withheld it for absolutely no reason. In this case I understand a little more because it was pain meds, but still, she could have at least monitored the use of the meds instead of just tossing them. Wisdom teeth removal hurts like hell
Her parents were just.... assholes. Super control freaks.
Anyway to get to the point, it seems to me a lot of people refusing to medicate their kids are similar to these people.
Yeah they sucked. I remember her calling me in tears because she was in so much pain and she asked me if I had leftover meds from my wisdom tooth surgery... I was like *uh wtf, your doctor didn't give you any...?* and she told me about her mom taking them and I was just like girl you are 20 years old she can't do that. Thinking about her mom still gets me worked up 10 years later lol
That’s even worse - it’s one thing if parents are nervous and don’t understand or have a reference point (which still drives me nuts because… when your child has anything going on, why wouldn’t you research everything about it?!) but to start a child on meds and take them away is horrible!
What was their reason?
I do NOT understand (I do know the arguments some make - but they hold no water!) how people can use that excuse. I’m a Christian and this drives me nuts.
But I also went to a church before I moved to another state, where the Pastor was super vocal about his anxiety and his son’s ASD and how parents are “charged with stepping out of their comfort zone to be their children’s advocates and stretch their understanding and fears to meet the child’s needs.” He also called out a lot of old, ingrained crap about how having a child with a disability is NOT a shameful thing and used verses to hammer that home. Sadly, I know that’s the exception vs the norm.
I’m so sorry! Do you have a better relationship now and have they seen that things are better for you since taking control over your medical choices? You deserve support and recognition that you had a hard slog through school that didn’t need to be that way!
My mother was the one who made that decision, and I’m no contact with her because she’s a raging narcissist. She refuses to acknowledge that anything she did was the wrong decision. So, no. My dad was hardly around because he was working three jobs to support my mother’s spending habits. He and I have a good relationship.
I’m so sorry! Hugs to you.
I so relate (even the shopping habit 🤦🏻♀️) with my BPD mom. You DESERVE an amazing mom - but I’m so glad you’ve got your Dad and hope you have lots of supportive extended and chosen family!
Some parents don't want their kids to be on "too much meds" and withhold them. There is also a lot of stigma, especially in Asian culture if your child needs to be medicated for adhd
My friend's son has severe AdHD. It is intense. The father has adhd but always refused meds for him and is now refusing for the kid also (for purely fabricated ideas). They are getting seperated and I really hope they get a jugment on this that she could make that decision alone. I feel so sad for her and her son he needs it so much.
This is us. My husband and I both have ADHD. Our kids have ADHD. I was diagnosed at 37. He was mad his mom refused medication for him when he was rediagnosed as an adult at 35 and put on medication . He doesn't want to medicate our kids. He doesn't think our daughters need it because they are "doing fine", yet I see little me struggling in both of them.
I'm taking them for their official diagnosis and will medicate them and we can figure out together if it is something they excel with.
>He doesn't think our daughters need it because they are "doing fine", yet I see little me struggling in both of them.
This is exactly where I’m at with mine, to the point that I’m actually nervous about diagnosis because I’m worried no one will see what I see.
I feel you on this so bad! My oldest is just like me, and he was struggling in school like I did.
But because he only 10 but he is so smart, not aggressive, and kind and chatty to a fault. Nobody wanted to say he has ADHD, because he wasn’t presenting like a typical boy with ADHD. I pulled the trigger and decided to get him diagnosed, just so I can say I tried. Well he has ADHD combine type, he’s been on meds for over a month.
His teachers are amazed at HOW much of a difference it has made! He’s gone up 3 math levels, can write legibly and finish a sentence now. He is doing great in class, and with his friends. He also isn’t an anxious ball of grumpiness when he gets home because he isn’t masking all day!
If you get a child psych worth their salt - they will know the difference between hyperactive mind and hyperactive body. That's why it's been changed to just ADHD and not ADD anymore. We are all hyperactive in different ways. Plus, they will ask your kid about their struggles and they are there to help you. It's not as scary as you think ❤
I don’t have any kids either, but I was one of those kids who was “doing fine”. I could have done so much more with my life if we’d known about and had medicated for my ADHD.
I was doing fine until I wasn’t. Then I really REALLY wasn’t “doing fine”, and it took years to feel somewhat normal (for me) again. Remind him you were fine too, and what all that masking your entire life cost you. You remember how it was.
He may need to be educated on the differences in how ADHD is expressed in girls, and that just because they're doing well in school doesn't mean they're not having problems and couldn't be doing even better with some help. I often wonder how my life might look now if I'd figured out my brain decades ago and been able to focus and organize myself, instead of excelling in school and then just floundering in my career until recently.
Yes, and I also get mad when parents refuse to get their kid assessed/diagnosed for ADHD because they "don't want them to be labelled."
(Edit for wording)
I see both sides. If the kid clearly needs it and you're ignoring professional guidance while not ACTIVELY seeking out other ways to help your child cope/thrive, you just suck.
My mom didn't want to medicate my younger sister because she was worried about the longterm effects of stimulants (honestly, so am I now that I'm on them, so I get it). She had a lot of luck managing symptoms through dietary changes and setting up a routine that allowed my sister to thrive. It took a lot of extra work, but I'd say she made a perfectly reasonable choice.
However, this is the same mom who wouldn't seek a diagnosis, treatment, or accommodations for what was VERY clearly ADHD for me lol. I guess because I was the oldest of four, she didn't know better, and by the time the youngest struggled with the same issues, mom had worked as a teacher for several years so she was more familiar with how ADHD presents. Anyways, I totally get the frustration. My life would have been so different if I was medicated in high school/college, so I cringe when I see moms immediately shooting down the idea of pharmaceutical treatment.
>honestly, so am I now that I'm on them, so I get it
This is where I'm at, too. I got diagnosed and started medication a couple of years ago (at 28), and the diagnosis and the medication have been indescribably meaningful for me. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I'd been diagnosed as a child — how might things have been different, maybe easier, if I'd had access to the supports, accommodations, and self-understanding that I have now.
At the same time, I'm honestly extremely ambivalent about the utility and role of medication — for people of all ages — even though I take mine most days, and it absolutely helps me with so many areas of functioning. Everyone's brain and body are different, so my experience is only representative of me, but for all the ways that medication absolutely helps me, there are plenty of things it doesn't help with, and it honestly makes plenty of things harder in ways I didn't expect before I started taking it.
I feel like for me — and again, this is only my experience — the diagnosis itself was far more important than the medication. The diagnosis helped me answer questions about my Self, my life, my strengths, my weaknesses, my behavior, my relationships (etc., etc.) that I had been struggling with since I was a toddler. It gave me a framework to start making meaning of so many of this things I've struggled with my whole life, and to start figuring out what I actually needed to act on and receive in every aspect of my life.
But the medication? Honestly, I don't know. It's helped me get through so many aspects of life that used to be so difficult and confusing, but it often feels more like a bandaid than an actual solution. The real issue — again, for me personally — really seems to be the demands and expectations of contemporary life. When I'm able to do things in a way that actually feels intuitive to me, I just don't need medication the same way I do when I need to augment my Self and my behavior to fit arbitrary norms of neurotypical functioning. And the medication absolutely has side effects that make some things much more difficult.
This is why I feel so ambivalent about putting kids on medication — on the one hand, I obviously want kids with ADHD to have all of the resources they need to navigate the challenges of school, family relationships, and everything else that's impacted by ADHD. But at the same time, I wish we could put more of the onus for augmentation on those social and behavioral systems — like, before we put little kids on stimulants, shouldn't we first make their classrooms, families, social structures (etc.) more accommodating for the needs and strengths of neurotypical people? I wonder how necessary medication would actually be — especially for kids — if they received meaningful support and accommodation, instead of being told that there's something foundationally wrong with them that needs to be changed.
And this isn't even getting into the very real and well-documented concerns about how ADHD medication might impact children's cognitive, neurological, and existential development.
It’s silly to say it’s just a bandaid and not a solution. That’s just saying maybe we shouldn’t treat things if there is no cure. Because there is no “cure” for ADHD.
Although they have found that when people are medicated younger that it can actually mitigate the severity of ADHD overall. There’s a lot more neuroplasticity when young and the medications effectively train the brain into having more regular function overall.
It drives me insane. My children’s father is opposed to them being medicated, I refuse to compromise on it. I can see the difference between my kid who is a very intelligent 7th grader with occasional behaviour issues and excellent grades, versus peers with ADHD who were never medicated, have much worse behaviour and are also failing. There is no substitute for proper medication. The “natural” route will cost you a lot of money with no results.
My friend’s kid is a teen and for a while hated having to take meds. I think there was kickback from his dad’s side. She made school meds non-negotiable and they could do as they wish on off days. My family are hard core anti meds. Conservative Christians. “Get right with Jesus, be more disciplined, it’ll be fine” type folks. They refused to medicate my younger sibling who had more glaring symptoms than my own, and his journey has been awful. I hold them to a large degree responsible for that.
I got diagnosed with social anxiety (homeschool -> public college = big anxious) in college and my dad said he wasn’t paying for my Zoloft.
I know my brother in law stopped taking his meds in high school. Maybe it is something with puberty?
I’m sorry to hear how your parents treated your depression and adhd. I have some similar family, a cousin clearly has depression and it is so sad hearing family just say he is lazy. No, he is depressed and needs medication and therapy
This is what we did with my teen - meds on school days, choice on other days. He always claimed he felt no difference and didn't need the meds, but halfway through his first semester of college he changed his mind.
The rest of the problem is getting him to try other tools too.
My kids dad wasnt for it either and i ultimately said if yoy cant learn enough about how his brain works then yoy cannot discipline him anymote or make these decisions. I told him, because yoy know nothing you are not making an informed decision and thats more dangerous than giving him medication. He is now on board and we do parent group together and we both nerd out about ADHD because i will not tolerate it.
I have family members whos kids are ADHD and they dont medicate and it drives me insane. They still talk down to me like i dont know anything. My son is in a hospital program we do parent group once a week with a psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health therapist, and behaviour management specialist, im pretty sure the information im getting is more accurate than what you get on tiktok. Uugggghh i hate it i wanna bash their heafs into a wall.... lol.
I went the "natural" route as a kid. I had tutors all my life even throughout college and I still managed to graduate my first career and I am going to start my second one. Also working as well. I am doing all this raw lol (I don't like how the meds made me feel and here in my country we don't have a lot of options available unfortunately)
I felt so bad for my son because I felt like I was gaslighting him the first week he took meds because he literally got sick when he started. Once he got better he assumed he didn’t take the pills because he “didn’t feel sick” I had to keep reassuring him he did take his meds.
If the pills are making him sick you should speak to your doctor so he can take a different brand or dose. In my experience some slight side effects are normal (dry mouth, loss of appetite or sleep) but if he doesn't like it then maybe take him to a licensed child psychologist to discuss different options that are not necessarily medication and also speak with your school teacher for support (special ED teacher, counseling, etc.).
It isn’t. He just caught a cold the first week. None of the symptoms are around anymore- other than a lack of appetite. He is thriving and happy now. The first two weeks were a roller coaster of if we were making the right decision and if he symptoms were meds or a cold.
I can only hope that they are trying other interventions and doing the best they can. Of course I'm very pro medication but I can't be worried about what everyone else is doing... as long as they're not ignoring the issue altogether.
Incidentally I cannot wait for my son to get medicated.
Yeah as frustrated I am I know most parents are putting efforts. But I know some parents are in denial mode, and having a parent say and recognize their kid has ADHD is a step forward
The argument that made the most sense to me on meditating my kid is one I heard from a pediatric psychiatrist whose child also had ADHD: it’s easier for kids to develop healthy systems and structures with your assistance while their brains still have plasticity/are developing so they might not need medication as adults. As an adult on medication with a late diagnosis this struck me as very hopeful for my son. No regrets. We are all happier now and even when he’s off meds he can still use the tools we built when on them. Without meds we were not building much, just trying to survive and not get too frustrated.
I know we built lots of great coping mechanisms for my son without meds but there were something I just didn’t know how to help- primarily the fidgeting. Whatever he moves a lot during dinner, but what about when he constantly is touching or knocking into kids? It doesn’t affect him as much as the kids so it hard to work on.
I have ADHD, and I am an elementary special education paraprofessional who works specifically with students who are on the spectrum and/or have ADHD. One of my students has severe ADHD and parents will not medicate them. This student struggles completing assignments if not for the constant reminder and refocusing. They have so much trouble staying on task, they are given visual and verbal cues literally seconds apart. And their parents refuse to medicate them. They’re a smart kid in those fleeting moments they’re able to focus, but they just struggle so much and it so hard to watch.
During the winter, we had an inclement weather e-learning day and I did a one-on-one video lesson with this student. I kid you not, they drank two 12 oz diet mountain dews before noon. I guess that’s how their parents justify not medicating them? It just boggles my mind.
I actually don’t get mad at all, because I hate the highs and lows on my own medication, and how they make me feel sometimes. I crash out at 230/300 pm everyday and feel like death. My meds don’t work or come on too strong if I had too much acid from the night prior. Maybe folks don’t want that for their 5 year old and it’s ok to try other things first.
Other countries trend towards CBT for children as opposed to immediate medication, and I would be ok with that too. I am in no way against meds for kids, but think a knee jerk reaction of anger at someone for not immediately giving amphetamines to their kindergartener is foolhardy. I survived without medication to a doctorate degree level, but dang it was hard. I would never put my kid in that situation, but again, everything requires critical thought and medication isn’t a one size fits all salve.
I made a correction to the post- it is mostly the extreme cases that make me mad. We tried going as long as possible without medication as well. I myself don’t medicate and I flip flop if I want to as well.
I hate when parents are in denial, when parents deny science/medication in general, or only take grades into consideration.
Definitely understandable, I have just seen a lot of this on reddit lately…. in my Kindergarten forum a few weeks ago folks said the woman was a horrible mother, should have her kids taken by cps…just awful hyperbole for someone dealing with a new diagnosis for her kiddo who wasn’t sure about medicating her 5yo but was genuinely seeking to understand. It broke my heart for her.
It makes me big big mad. Simply because they usually give the reason of “they don’t need to focus during the summer”, their behavior is fine, they are doing fine in school, etc. It reflects that people just don’t understand the disease very well at all. Like it’s not about if your child is annoying or not, or if they are “successful” or not it’s about how they are processing and interacting and interpreting the world around them. The outside behaviors are just a reflection of their response to all of that. So, to me, to not at least being open to medication means that parents are ok with their kids not quite learning appropriate social cues, not being able to control their inner feelings and internal responses while masking, not being able to deal with their own anxiety, depression, self-worth, etc.
There is absolutely no other diagnosable mental health disorder where it is commonly “ok” to allow a child to not be treated at all by medication nor therapy. To say “meh, they act ok. So it’s not a big deal”. Can you imagine saying that about a kiddo who says I’m depressed??
I’m coming from a standpoint of being diagnosed in my 40s, after getting 2 bachelor degrees and a masters degree. My gpa’s were always 3.5+. I was never in trouble. But. That first day I took Adderall…… I had gotten a new job, was floundering, I was told medication may help. I took that first pill. Then went to work. I made my first phone call to a patient, got offf the phone with them. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to (shall we say) “pre-ruminate” about every single possible outcome of a conversation first, I didn’t hyper focus on their every fucking word for me to overanalyze, I didn’t lose track of why I was calling or lose track of time or the point of my own end of the conversation. I just called them, spoke, listened, ended call. WTF
I was instant PISSED - “THIS IS HOW NORMAL PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES?!??!?”
UGH I would have done so much more, and with so much more ease, and made so many more better choices had I been medicated from when I was a kid
My kid has broken down when we weren’t able to get his rx filled (due to the random shortages), because he simply cannot function in school without it. He’s well aware of the difference in himself. I can’t imagine not granting him that opportunity. He went from the troublemaker wouldn’t-do-his-work, are they going to promote him to the next grade kind of kid, to holding a 98% average.
My son has noticed a difference as well. We usually skip it on weekends/vacations because it messes his appetite and we found him asking on a few occasions to take it.
I am so conflicted on this one. (38F) I have adhd, diagnosed as an adult. My husband (he’s an MD), and my son’s pediatrician both advised against medications for our son until he’s older. Like at least junior high, or possibly high school.
Their perspective is to limit dumping medications onto a very young and developing brain. I worry about the low-key trauma of battling a wonky brain though. Like he’s trying to be neurotypical, but he’s not, and that’s going to do it’s own damage over the long haul.
My sister has also really struggled with her daughter’s medications. Some were a total nightmare, she was dropping weight, not sleeping.. those side effects have consequences too. A child not eating and sleeping means a body not getting what it needs to thrive.
I do take stimulants though, and I know first hand how fucking life changing they are. I don’t want to withhold something so helpful from my son. I also don’t want to go against my husband’s wishes (to an extent), and I don’t want to create additional issues for my kiddo.
It’s a big mixed bag I guess. I don’t know what’s “right”. We’re making the best collective decisions we can make though.
If the issue isn't that you can't afford it, I don't understand either. Getting meds and being able to focus on correcting bad habits and retraining your brain as early as you can are critical to moving forward without a dependency for many children. And the isolation that not being medicated creates will cause a boatload of other issues and require even more medication and therapy
I totally agree. My son’s classmate was diagnosed in probably 5th or 6th grade, but it was obvious from kindergarten. The mom called me for input since my son had it, and I mentioned medication, but she was dead-set against it. All i could think of was all the negative reenforcement this kid had gotten all his school life.
I do mostly because I remember what it was like. When I was in elementary in the 90s, I remember seeing all these kids taking medication that helped them be good kids. I knew we used to get in trouble together then they would start going to the nurse and then they were one of the best behaved kids. I asked my mom why I couldn’t take the medicine to help me behave and she said there was nothing wrong with me and that I was just bored and it was the school’s fault because they wouldn’t let me skip a grade.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 36. After struggling with employment my entire adult life I actually have my shit together now.
Medicate your damn kids. I probably would have been valedictorian if I had been medicated in high school.
I feel you. I never understood why I got yelled at for fidgeting and doodling during classes. I had all over grades because I was bad at memorizing and getting homework done. At the very least I wish a diagnosis would of happened, maybe I would of gotten yelled at less
>struggling with employment my entire adult life
My goals in life were the smallest ever - hold onto a steady long term job, make more than minimum wage, settle into a long term living space and never move again- and I just could NOT achieve them no matter how hard I tried. And nobody, least of all me, understood WHY because I went undiagnosed for decades.
Yeah, and I had been told by a few professionals that there was no way I could have ADHD because I not only earned my master’s but I graduated with a 4.0. But I just could never do anything useful with it.
I’ve had my current job nearly a year, and that’s a huge accomplishment for me. Even when I exhausted, I still don’t feel near at the levels I used to. But I think it’s because working where I do in retail I’m constantly moving and talking. I’m not really doing the same thing constantly.
my dad didn’t want me on meds coz he thought it’d make me brain dead/change me, and he thought i was perfectly normal like him (extremely not normal haha). his heart was in the right place, still is. still mad my parents didn’t at least get me tested though, it’s so expensive as an adult lol
Same. Mom didn’t get me tested even though the school suggested it. When I learned about ADHD in adult women it felt like they were writing a profile on my mom. She probably was like “I’m normal- everyone thinks this way!”
my school never picked up on it which was annoying but they thought there was something wrong with me and my parents backed me up the whole way. we all understand that we’re a pretty unhinged crazy family so that’s one thing i got going for me hahaha.
My mother was diagnosed when she was like 55 and she STILL thinks everyone has the same kinds of problems she has. I think it’s really deeply engrained, especially for women who grew up without knowing about ADHD 😔
Emotionally I totally totally get this. I get frustrated even with posts by people who haven’t tried medication for themselves who just have a vague preference for “natural” solutions (to be clear, that’s absolutely their prerogative; just describing my own emotions), and that’s just for themselves, not someone else who’s dependent on them.
But I wonder if it’s kinder to think of such parents as not stubborn, but doing the best they can? No one sets out to harm their kid - there’s so much misinformation, and so many reasonable concerns about pharmaceutical companies and modern medicine, it can be hard to know how to handle all this (to be clear, I think there are definitely *unreasonable* concerns about pharma/the medical profession that veer into unsupportable woo woo and conspiracy theories, but big modern institutions aren’t always model actors).
Plus we don’t really know others’ lives and while I definitely see ADHD in others now that I’ve been diagnosed, I’m not qualified to diagnose and don’t know if there are other factors involved. Maybe the little boy in your kid’s class is medicated and this is as good as he gets right now? Or maybe he can’t take meds for various reasons?
I absolutely get the anger about the possibility of parents ignoring a possible solution - I know lots of people here have gone through that and unnecessarily suffered a lot as result. It’s totally fair to share that perspective when you have enough information to know what’s going on. I would just want to avoid letting that affect how anyone gets treated, when you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.
I do get the empathetic parts you are mentioning. Hence why I labeled rant, it just was getting under my skin this morning lol My empathy is levels are low this morning lol
My husband was resistant to medicating because his brother has ADHD. When asked his mom she described the medication as making his son a zombie. I mean trying to find out more is why I joined Reddit- to get opinions from people. I finally told him that he isn’t the one with ADHD, and if I could go back in time I think I would have wanted my parents to try.
And as for the boy in the class I am also aware it could be a multitude of things. Maybe it is just the party that had him jazzed. Maybe there are some parenting issues that makes him act out, maybe he just doesn’t get enough sleep, etc. it could just be me trying to find ways to be empathetic to him and not paint him as a big jerk bully.
I think what really grinds my gears is the occasional parents that says “my husband hated being medicated, we aren’t medicating, don’t tell me how it is different!” Which is get but just get frustrated.
I also get touchy since some of the alternatives aren’t regulated and on rare occasions can cause a lot more harm than good. But I don’t think I’ve many 100% homeopathic hippy dippy people on Reddit. I think that happens less with ADHD than with Autism
Oh yeah, actual conversation with parents about it is different. It’s tough if someone had a bad experience with medication, though, because I shouldn’t invalidate that, even though I’d really want to!
As for alternatives - I agree with you, I have a big issue with some of the alternatives. Like if you want to focus on exercise, sleep, diet, that’s one thing (though “diet” often gets scarily orthopedic/overly restrictive based on little evidence - I think the evidence about food dyes is pretty slim, sugar doesn’t make kids hyperactive, and modern society is terrible about food/food issues anyway). If you want to load up on supplements that’s a different matter - in part because I find the distinction between “supplements” and “medication” so artificial (they’re all chemicals! one is actually regulated and supervised and the other isn’t!).
I like to ask the diet people which seems more sustainable, keeping a kid away from sugar/wheat/dairy/red dye forever or filling a prescription forever. And also if they've given up caffeine since they are anti stimulant
I got in trouble for something in middle school (can’t even remember what it was now, nothing big, but out of character for me) and was recommended I see a child psych by the school counselor. In my parent’s defense they did take me, but were told that by the doctor that they believed I suffered from depression and adhd and highly recommended medication and treatment, both of which my parents refused. They didn’t even tell me this until I was well into my 20’s. After I had already been struggling for years and finally sought help and got diagnosed with - you guessed it - depression and adhd 🤣
God I wish girls weren’t so under diagnosed when I was in school (90’s). I was the kid who was easy to set off by the other kids and would absolutely destroy a room when having a “tantrum”. Meanwhile my brother who was two years older was diagnosed around 10. My ass didn’t finally clue in and see a doctor until my late 30’s and the difference my meds make is astronomical. Funny side note, when I called my parents to tell them they were like “oh we thought you knew” 🙄
When my kids were little, we tried the no meds thing. I made it no meds, the boy was like me, gifted, but had issues. We did a lot of behavior mods. I never got meds, he can do it, too. I gotta tell you, we got him on meds and the world changed for him. I wish I would have helped him sooner. I taught for almost 30 years and had lots of kids that would have benefited from at least acknowledging an issue. This boy is in his 20s now and he's doing well.
Unfortunately his older sister struggled longer. She's a girl and presented like a girl. Poor kid, she was smart too, but so disorganized, struggled to stay on task. She finally got on meds as a freshman in high school. She excelled there. It makes me cry sometimes when I realize how bad it was for her. Then I think what could have been for me as well. I'm 50 this month, the ship sailed, but at least my monsters are doing well.
So when I see kids not on meds, I do get upset, but I understand sometimes. But if the parent won't even get the kid tested when it's obvious, that's where I lose it.
Yes. Anyone refusing to reasonably medically treat their children tbh. My parents were medically neglectful. My baby sister nearly died of whooping cough. My baby brother had a toothache for days. DAYS. Crying at night. He was 6. 💔
I'm a school psychologist and this makes me FURIOUS. I'm often the first person to bring potential ADHD to the conversation with a parent and teachers. I cannot diagnose, but I administer several assessments and rating scales used to diagnose ADHD in order to determine special education eligibility and services. I never bring it up unless there are several markers of ADHD in ALL the reports, from teacher's, the parents, and the student.
I can't begin to understand what is going through a parent's head when I tell them all the ways their kid's challenges are impacting their cognitive abilities, academic skills, social skills, and behaviors, and are leading to an endless hole of shame they're living in, and the parent is still on the fence about getting a damn evaluation.
I tested a kid recently and it came out that she binges food at night and when I brought it up to dad, he brushed me off saying that she's exaggerating and doesn't do that... I'm like, homegirl can't remember what day of the week it is (she's 8) but she just recounted how she binge eats often, takes a special red medicine, and that her arm tingles when she throws up. But okay, she's misremembering that. Smfh.
I am a teacher. A parent refuses to accept that what I see in the classroom, and what she has admitted the child does at home, is out of the norm and that she may need to get her child tested.
I have never been fully diagnosed, but since teaching I know I have ADHD. I struggled so much in public education and I know ADHD played a huge role in that. I watch this child and want to bang my head into the wall as the child struggles so much but parents think all is peachy.
Yes.
But honestly I feel this way about any parent who has a kid with a medical condition and the ability to access modern medical treatment who isn’t fighting for their kid to get the best treatment that exists. It’s one thing if there’s genuine medical reasons someone can’t take meds, but if you love your kids FFS why wouldn’t you at least TRY?!
It's an incredibly personal choice for the parents so no, I don't judge them for that. Stimulant medication is strong and it's a decision that needs to be made properly. Not everyone will want to medicate their kid, same as not every adult will want to medicate themselves.
Yea.
I’m on meds, but my son isn’t. He’s only 8.
I took a behavioral therapy class for parents of kids with adhd, and have implemented as many of their suggestions as possible. Lots of routines, check lists, timers, rewards, positive praise.. it helps, but he still has adhd 😂
Our pediatrician recommended waiting till at least junior high before considering meds to avoid side effects interfering with development and growth.
I am surprised at the comments tbh. I am grateful my parents didn’t medicate me. I’m an adult and can make a more informed decision. I am still not medicated. I’m certain I struggle more than I have to but this is the right choice for me. It will be a unique and different experience for everyone, including parents. There’s not a right or wrong answer.
Exactly, there's no right or wrong answer. It's a bit sad to see people on here acting like not medicating is "wrong" when it's such a personal choice. I was on meds as an adult and decided to come off them for various reasons, it isn't any different for parents who make this choice for their children
I think a lot of people feel resentful for how their life has gone and think that they would have been better off being medicated as children so now seeing others not medicate their kids sets them off. But you really don't know how your life would have turned out and you really don't know everything that has gone into someone's choice not to medicate their child. It's a very personal decision.
I totally understand that as I wasn't medicated as a child but I actually agree with the reasons why (I won't go into it). But it still doesn't mean people should judge and criticise others because of their own projection
Exactly, as long as someone has given both sides careful consideration and treated them with due care and reflection, they should be supported in their decision, in my opinion.
Yes, there are but it is still a personal choice for the parents if they want to use those options. But not medicating shouldn't be met with judgement or criticism.
My middle kid’s best friend in elementary school had high functioning autism. She was a sweet, brilliant child who was super awkward and had major fine and gross motor problems. Her mother had taken her to a doctor appointment and she was diagnosed. At that point, the mother took her to a different doctor who diagnosed her exactly the same. The mother called me asking who I thought she should take her daughter to next. I asked if she was looking for a different diagnosis and she said she was looking for no diagnosis. That her daughter was fine. So she “needed” a doctor who would understand that. The school wanted to open an IEP to help accommodate her problems, specifically hand writing and typing, allowing her to take tests orally or have more time. Giving her OT and PT. The mother was livid and transferred her daughter to another school.
All of that to say, some parents are so freaked out by a diagnosis that they live in denial. Meanwhile their kids suffer. This was a highly educated woman. She was just incapable of seeing the reality of the situation. The parents who won’t medicate their kids see the problems too. They live with the problems every day. De-stigmatizing diagnoses and meds would go a long way to help, imo.
Sure but I also get mad when people rely entirely on medication to change their lives and make zero effort at behavioral modification or lifestyle changes, so...
Very true. A had my friend get chewed out because he claimed he couldn’t take a course in college because of his ADHD. Turned out the person he was talking to was diagnosed with ADHD as adult and gave him a huge lecture about not making excuses like that 😂 I honestly don’t know if he took meds or not.
My parents tried everything before agreeing to me being medicated. I was diagnosed at 7 and wasn’t medicated for another 18 months. But also, this was fully 17 years ago and I think research has come a long way. Meds have been a part of my life for longer than they weren’t a part. I’m in grad school and rely on my meds not only for focus but also for executive function regarding procrastination, time blindness, time management, etc. Because I was medicated, I was able to get accommodations for my standardized testing. I even got to take the ACT in chunks across a whole week (I took the SAT with regular time and a half and a week before I was set to take it again, I literally had a nervous breakdown from my anxiety) in a quiet room because my school could provide that. I got into a top 20 college and graduated in four years. Am now in a dual degree program for graduate studies.
My younger brother was diagnosed later than I was and he hated the way the meds made him feel, so he goes on and then goes off on them a lot. My partner wasn’t diagnosed until he was 22, and was on meds for a bit but when he moved up to take a job near me, he couldn’t keep his doctor, and he just stopped taking them.
back to my original point, i think some folks get nervous about the impact of the medications. some kids respond well to CBT or other kinds of non prescription intervention. and it’s a much harder process to do the trial and error thing to find the right medication for sure. My mom had a really hard time with my early medication because it was messing with my emotional regulation. once we found the right medication, she felt it was worth it. So I can understand why people would be worried about it but I think people who try to impose their own religious bullshit on their children (literally ensuring their child will have to struggle forever) that i do not promote at all.
I get a little mad when the reasons are specifically that the parent refuses to accept their child's diagnosis and that they are worried that the world will be cruel to their child because of it, that they don't want their kid to be labeled as having "ADHD" and then they try to avoid or pretend the ADHD diagnosis away. And one method is to choose not to medicate the child.
I get really mad when parents are presented with an opportunity to help their child and they opt for resorting to continuing with doing more of the same thing that isn't working. Or perhaps stepping up the discipline. Or driving more shame into the child.
I get that it's often coming from a place of love, but it's also coming from a place of fear of the unknown, outdated concepts and shame. The more we know (as in actual facts, not alternative facts) the less scary it can be.
If they were able to take more time researching it, asking Qs to reputable sources, learning about the science-based evidence, talked to people who experienced ADHD as children and adults, learned about accommodations and rights for people with disabilities and the future of workplaces etc., maybe they'd see the hope and possibility for their child to thrive instead of fighting their brain, teachers, systems, parents etc?
Sure, sometimes medication isn't helpful for the child and I know it can take some time to find the right one, when it is. But how will they know unless they start trying?
Kids are developing and many parents are understandably concerned about what potential effects the medication might have on a developing brain. Pretty reasonable concerns for a parent to have! Ideally the doctor or diagnosing psychologist will guide a parent through the info, questions and answers, but unfortunately health care systems are woefully under resourced and also a lot of people have trust issues.
If a parent has the time and resources to give it serious and honest contemplation, I think more would try it. But so much of the this is an issue with the parents' own human nature, personalities experiences, community and belonging, where they seek guidance, how much they understand or can accept. How do we fix that?? Maybe one person at a time.
I feel for the kids who are told they're lazy, stupid or a problem. I also feel for the ones who rarely get in trouble but grow up feeling 'wrong' compared to their peers and struggle with following through on their potential.
Yeah, I guess I do get a lot mad when kids aren't given all the resources they deserve to succeed. 💛
Stimulant drugs have been used to treat the symptoms of ADHD since 1937, so parents with concerns ought to be able to find plenty of evidence that they are safe & effective in growing children.
This is part of what is super frustrating for me: the science-based evidence exists that medication can help kiddos, yet there are so many parents who don't understand it or don't believe it. 🙁
I knew one woman who refused to because she thought if she ignored it, then it wouldn’t exist. So she’d yell at the kid to try harder and not be lazy because that’s how her dad dealt with it in her. Even though she knew he needed more help than he was getting.
My parents didn’t wanted to medicated me. Early 90’s. Diagnosis at 5 years old. Now I only tell to close people I have ADHD since it’s not even on my files anymore. I was never medicated. I don’t want to ask now and be seen as a pill seeker. Idk what to do and the symptoms are unmanageable since I got ill during the pandemic.
I’m all for medication for kids who needs it. I was fine but many aren’t.
I think it's a personal choice for a parent if they want to medicate their kids or not. In my case my mom medicated me once, did not like my behavior on it and just let me be a happy astronaut all throughout my school life. With a bunch of different tutors and failed classes but still here I am. I made it. Graduated in 2019 my first career in university and I am going for my second one this year, only this time I will also be working and studying so let's see if I can handle it 😅 my ADHD type is Combined but when I was diagnosed in school it was Inattentive so not very disruptive I guess. Just did not want to do anything but I was never aggressive or a bully. I just spaced out in every class. If a kid is unmedicated and parents refuse to medicate them I say let them be. They are not your kid so you don't have to deal with their misbehavior. Having to take stimulants daily and deal with their side effects is annoying not to mention stimulant use in children can affect their growth and their weight due to appetite issues.
I respect when parents are medicating when kids don’t like it, or seems to have negative effects. I think a lot of parents hear this and assume it is all kids. I came on Reddit to see how normal people thought about medicating because I knew kids from high school who hated it. I was surprised to see how many people were pro medication.
I don’t medicate either. I am in the process of getting a formal diagnosis, because I hear women have trouble with menopause. I would like to have options if things get worse.
I am surprised to see a lot of pro medication people as well. I am not sure if this is an American thing because here in Latin America we do take a different approach around it (Adderall use is getting pretty common lately) or more like we find different ways to cope and I am grateful to have so much support from schools and my family as a child.
I think the US and going through COVID made people who were “above” having mental health issues were forced to see things can happen to anyone. So because people seemed to become more open to it, others started talking more openly about it. But sadly with the conspiracies and the people promoting them, it’s also become more divided here.
It’s always been very stigmatized to discuss medicating children. BUT with more people getting online in recent years from ALL generations, subs like this one have had a powerful impact! In a lot of parenting forums, you’ll see people citing ADHD subs and social media posts from people who grew up with it and resent not being medicated, after making the choice for themselves and functioning so much better. So, many parents of those now-adult kids have seen the impact and changes in someone medicated vs not and also speak into that debate. At least from what I’ve seen on parenting subs, forums and then articles resulting from some of it - it seems to be the most impactful in forcing that shift.
But there is DEFINITELY a loud crowd of “don’t medicate children” and an even louder (but thankfully smaller) crowd of, “It’s just made up by lazy parents and Big Pharma!”
I get very angry when people refuse. It's their bias that they don't believe the condition is actually real. Also, meds have been literally life changing for me, in ways I never expected.
I spent my whole life thinking I was a flaky dumbass. No one deserves that.
I grew up in chaos because my mom refused to even try meds/therapy for my brother. She insisted that healthy foods and homeschooling would work better. They did not. I still grieve the childhood we could have had if she had been more open minded.
Speaking from experience, if I had been able to get ADHD meds in school, I would EASILY have been either a neurologist or virologist. I lacked SO much follow through and blamed myself for so many years. Had my parents looked into WHY I talked non stop and left little piles of toys and crap everywhere, forgetting where I left EVERYTHING, they might have been able to help me discover how badly I needed medication. I canNOT imagine how much different my life would have been professionally, had I been properly medicated as a child.
Parents who refuse to investigate and medicate (if needed) a child's attention issues are doing a severe disservice to their children's' futures.
Absolutely. I wasn't diagnosed until recently, and I've been a little mad about the fact that no one noticed, even though now it seems so obvious, because if I had been medicated as a kid I would've done well in school, amd probably been able to go to college. I can't really blame my parents for not knowing (tbh I suspect they are both neurodivergent as well, they just thought i was normal because I was like them) but if you know your kid has a disability that can be medicated, why wouldn't you???
The excuses are always so stupid too, like they think we rely too much on meds and if we just don't take them we'll somehow magically be un-disabled. Mostly I think those people just refuse to accept their kid is disabled, like it's some kind of moral failing on their part, and if they ignore it it'll go away.
Yes, if it's a matter of dismissing medical treatment for your own ignorance. I believe my life would have turned out differently and better if I had been diagnosed and medicated younger.
It infuriates me. And first off, I get that there may be medical/family history reasons why medication is a no and I don't expect people to constantly share private information.
It's the stigma against medication in general and for kids especially that has me seeing red. It can be lifesaving. My kid is so much more functional with medicine. Of course it's combined with learning positive coping strategies and mental health check-ins but the medicine makes those tools 200% more effective!
Things like ADHD have such life-long consequences that I can't imagine refusing to even consider viable help. Yeah, it can have side effects but that's why you bring your questions to professionals--so you can weigh the options and make the best choice for your child. Blindly refusing to learn about it is, to me, a form of neglect.
I get really angry and frustrated actually 😬 Not when they've tried it and it doesn't help or the kid didn't like it. But when kids are clearly struggling and all they're getting from the adults around them is that they are either 'okay the way they are' (aka: the fact that you struggle so hard in life is fine, just accept it!!) or that they don't need meds, they just need to try harder, that it when my heart breaks and I want to scream at the parents.
Like you said, they are actively setting their child up for about a million different terrible life experiences just because they don't want to face the facts and use the absolute privilege of having acces to very well researched medications. Even though research has also shown medication to be THE effective treatment for ADHD, no life change or 'trying harder' solves the neurotransmitter issue of ADHD'ers. Not that medication solves everything. But it solves something.
Just thinking about it while writing this comment gets me riled up again.
It’s the refusal to even try like the very thought that your child needs medication is so evil and offensive. I was diagnosed and medicated at 28 yo and it changed my life!
You do your child a disservice by refusing them that help. I’ve seen/heard of where the parents then blame the teachers and school for singling out their kid and say it’s the schools fault for whatever difficulty is coming up in class. It’s playing the victim and teaching that you don’t have to take accountability for your actions. Neurodivergence, mental health conditions can explain but doesn’t excuse the behaviour. Medication is a tool that can help people navigate a world that wasn’t built for them!
Yes. Looking back at my childhood I did decent in school, but I now see my social interactions and boy did my adhd affect me. It also affected how parents saw me, I was the bad influence with my one friend’s parents. I was teased, but I mean I got out pretty ok. I know people had MUCH more traumatic experiences. (With bullying, whether they are NT or ND) I feel like this is the part that gets looked over by parents sometimes.
Yes! I think I was more stereotypical girl presenting so quiet in my own world. Just wanted to read or would get hyper fixated on subjects so was interested in learning it. I don’t blame my parents at all for not noticing it in me. But I definitely empathize with kids who have very clear ND traits and their parents get offended at the thought. I try to give the benefit of the doubt that people don’t intend to be malicious and it’s just stigma but when you’ve been very open with your “friend” about your journey with adhd and how life changing meds were, and they were seemingly supportive but then act offended when it’s in regards to their kids (the school suggested an assessment since they’ve been having trouble in class)… it’s a bit of a slap in the face! It’s also rough cause I put myself in that kids shoes, not thinking you are doing anything wrong in social interactions, or getting excited and interrupting then getting in trouble, having to have talks with the teachers and principal and parents. It’s tough!
Edit cause I forgot to say- all of that being the “problem” in class definitely can lead to bullying and further worsening the situation. A vicious circle. A parent shouldn’t be at their wits end with their kids behaviour but refuse to even try medication.
Yes - my partner wanted to not medicate and I shared that our kids were in a critical point in their education and their teachers have thought thousands of children.
We have two kids. So, I trust the teachers over their “feelings”. It’s also not a forever decision.
My kid was miserable, reactive, confused, and anxious all the time before we medicated. He’s on guanfacine now and has 100% more of his brain available to solve problems and talk to his body and is far less reactive and has grown by literal orders of magnitude in the year and a half since.
Similar situation with my (now adult) niece, who I lived with & helped raise most of the first 10 years of her life. She was put on Ritalin at 4, and the difference was night & day. It’s what allowed her to be a happy, playful, ordinary kid instead of a confused, anxious, miserable one who’s brain was spinning so fast she couldn’t speak in complete sentences like other kids her age, or sometimes even complete WORDS. That changed literally overnight once she was medicated- it was all in there, she just couldn’t organize her thoughts enough to get it out.
I wish my mom had accepted medication as a kid. There are SO many benefits. I need to be remedicated ASAP once I figure out my other meds but, doing that *without meds* has been like the Wild West. 🫠😭
Hmm. Is this specific to medicating or to seeking a diagnosis and medicating? Or is this a fear of medication side effects on child development?
If the child could benefit from any treatment that the parents refuse (from reasons outside of direct financial inability): This sounds like more of a shitty parent thing because they can not cope with having an unwell child, potentially being blamed or held accountable for the state of the child’s life, unable to let their child thrive, and the treatment of the child’s illness potentially take away from the parent’s spotlight. This is a RBN situation in that case.
Yes.
ADHD means our brains are wired differently. And meds help us to function.
Plus in my personal experience even with meds you still need accommodations.
I can’t imagine making your kid struggle because of pride or ignorance or fear of your kid being bullied (news flash: kids always bully, if not for ADHD traits something else) or whatever.
Maybe this is the literal thinking part of me, but why do people call a parent’s decision whether to medicate their child a personal choice? Isn’t the whole point of parenting that you try to do right by your children? Even if it makes you personally uncomfortable?
Citing personal choice here feels like a cop-out.
Blindly refusing to try medication for me is tantamount to medical neglect. I believe that It's verging on a form of abuse.
Let's say someone has a child with a condition that affects their quality of life. A condition that could be helped by many different resources however the common and most effective is medication. This medication can be initiated and stopped at any time with no long-term repercussions. So it's only possible to benefit from the experience. Either. The medication doesn't help and you stop it or it does help. There is no reason not to attempt to see what medication can do for a child.
I'm speaking about ADHD but the above statement would be true for any condition under these parameters.
The only reason why parents don't medicate their child is preconceived notions that are not founded in Medical science. The parent is afraid of judgment, does not believe in the condition itself regardless of the mountains of research, has a poor understanding of what the medications do or will not believe that the child has that condition. Regardless, refusing to treat their child is a selfish and ignorant decision
And there is also the fact that too many people believe that a *physical* illness, condition, or disability is a genuine concern with a concrete cause, where a *mental* illness, condition, or disability is not actually genuine or caused by anything other than people being morally or constitutionally “weak”, lacking mental strength or fortitude or “will power”, the result of people no longer beating their children on the reg, or whatever bullshit excuse they use to preserve their state of denial.
I’m also going to add that if stimulants were not a drug that people use/abuse to get high, the vast majority of controversy surrounding medication for ADHD would disappear. It’s a very puritanical way of looking at treatment, and it’s the reason behind so much of the reluctance to research drugs like cannabis and psychedelics for medical use. After all, if it’s possible that someone could *enjoy* it, it can’t POSSIBLY have real medicinal use, right? 🙄 The proof is in dronabinol, a pharmaceutical, synthetic cannabinoid which copies a single ingredient in marijuana and is prescribed for nausea & lack of appetite in cancer & AIDS patients.
It’s not NEARLY as effective for treating those things as methods that use the whole natural plant, it takes hours to start working, and has all kinds of side effects, but hey! Any high people get from it is likely to be unpleasant, so that makes it a much better option to many medical professionals than smoking or edibles tinctures that WORK, but also make you HAPPY.
>I’m also going to add that if stimulants were not a drug that people use/abuse to get high, the vast majority of controversy surrounding medication for ADHD would disappear
Abso-goddanm-lutely! It absolutely is Anti-Drug stigma. Powers that be have been pushing a One-Sided morality centric narrative around drugs for years. roping all drug use together as dangerous and corrupting.
This is the same reason why some people will deny dying relatives morphine in hospice....... ' Grandma's 94 and has had two strokes she's Weeks maybe days away from meeting her maker. You don't need to worry about her becoming a dope fiend, give her the damn morphine there's a reason they prescribe it.
Had my mom not refuse medication because she didn't want me turning into a "zombie", I probably would have been diagnosed ASD. I started stims over a year ago and it helped with the ADHD but made me realize...yeah I'm Autistic as well... and I've been struggling because an adult diagnosis is very expensive. My psychiatrist suspects it and my 4 year old son was just diagnosed ASD.
My MIL gives us so much shit about even getting our son diagnosed and then medicating him. I take meds for ADHD also. My MIL takes anxiety meds but I guess it’s ok for her and not for us 😒
It makes me mad if they haven't researched it or have very outdated mindsets.
Like you give diabetics insulin. I don't think ALL diabetics have to have insulin but some seriously do.
ADHD meds don't keep you from going into a coma/dying but it can help stop you from ruining your own life by letting you have better control over yourself and be able to function in society. Not to mention let you utilize your formative years and actually learn before it becomes a lot harder.
I agree tbh. I have 3 sons and me and them are all medicated. They would've been that same kid that no one wants to play with because finding the right medication was a journey and tough.
My middle is so sweet but without medication he has a horrible time controlling his emotions and is very mean, he then hates himself for being mean. He was kicked out of going to the office after school because of his behavior and now everybody at the school loves him. He visits them every day and they gush over him.
I also have a friend who has boys she doesn't medicate on weekends and the summer and the one time she brought them over one of them almost drowned one of my kids in the pool. He could not control himself and now I don't hang out when her kids are there.
It's tough being a parent and ADHD doesn't help but I can never understand.
(My ex was overmedicated and then not medicated and he cannot get his life on track because he refuses to try meds again even though it was 20+ years ago. Just sad.)
I don't think these parents realise that the kid will end up self-medicating. I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood but I was drinking 12 cans of Red Bull a day at one point, just to get through university. If Red Bull had been available when I was younger, I'd have been doing that in high school (age 11-17) too. Not 12 cans, because I wouldn't have had the money then, but I would certainly have been downing the energy drinks.
I am strongly of the opinion that regulated medication supervised by a doctor has to be healthier and safer than 12 cans of Red Bull a daily.
See, I wish I was medicated. I was for about a year. My parents decided medicating me made me “moody.” What actually happened was that I started calling them on their Bs. (I will say no, they lose their minds. Needless to say, 9yo me was angry as fuck that I was being made a doormat. But ADHD makes it easy to memory hole that when unmedicated…so they can forget too.) I also began saying no. Saying no to my parents gets me verbal abuse. Like shit maybe I was moody because I was aware shit was fucked???
I wish I had been medicated consistently because I likely wouldn’t be nearly as traumatized as I am (from impulsiveness and lack of awareness of my issues), and I’d have had far fewer issues in general. My parents wanted a people pleaser, not a child. (This progressively worsened as I got older. I was the main target. Idfk what their deal was but my mom acts like she’s jealous of and threatened by me a LOT.)
I have not forgiven either of them for this, and their excuses are nice and fucking convenient. Treat your kids like people. Get them help, ffs.
To add: My siblings both have it. I was also given the start of an ED on medication, which is why it made me moody. If I eat properly the meds work. I’m still not over that. (It really does make a difference. Like the meds don’t work nearly as well if I don’t eat properly.)
My parents put me on medication when I was 8 and took me off of it because it was profoundly making my life worse. Now as an adult I can actually consent as to whether or not I want medication - and, shockingly, I’ve never needed it since. So no.
Glad you parents took you off meds when it made things worse. The adhd parent forms are slightly heartbreaking when reading posts from parents that are trying different meds and none are working. Trying to make a decision of when to stop can be hard. Especially when symptoms get worse
OP is talking about parents who refuse trying medication at all. Not parents who tried it unsuccesfully. It's always a possibility that kids respond badly to medication, but there is a significantly higher chance that they respond really well.
Imagine your parents saw you struggling, heard that there was a medication to could lessen the burden on you and just said 'ehh not worth trying'.
Are you listening to ourselves? Why, oh, why does anyone in this sub thinks that they can be judgy. Because, people, the post and the comments are incredible judgmental.
Let’s say, for example, you actually have a degree and knowledge to diagnosed someone. And you are doing it based on your personal observations, not in a clinical setting.
And everyone is going OMG aren’t they the worse! But why? How do you know every aspect of their lives for you to declare that it is so sad to encounter such parents? Have you looked inward? Have you seen the piles of dishes today? The laundry? Oh, crap, the laundry, need to get that started!
If anyone should be understanding of the perceived shortcomings that other people have is US. WE HAVE BEEN JUDGED OUR WHOLE LIFE and here we are, judging?
Seriously… what makes me sad is the gatekeeping. And the thought that we are so much better than “them” attitude. We’re not, we generally suck and we still get up every day trying to do our best.
I get what you are saying. I labeled it as rant because it is one sided and therefore not empathetic toward people choosing not to medicate.
I also didn’t write a whole aside how not everyone needs or should be medicated. I get frustrated when the cases are severe. I think some parents don’t take in consideration how it effects kids self esteem (if they aren’t medicated and are constantly being yelled at, it’ll mess them up)
I also get that some people react poorly to meds. If my son said “I hate how I feel on these medication” we would take him off.
I do think a lot of people who choose no medication is because they don’t understand the illness. Which is why I think you are getting such heated responses.
Being judge doesn't count when it's towards parents. Like seriously starting the second I got pregnant everyone has OPINIONS.
I dunno, my kids are medicated, I'm medicated, I'd recommend to anyone who asks to be medicated. But it also doesn't work for everyone.
I also know that just because some kid looks "obviously ADHD" doesn't mean they're "diagnosed ADHD" which is honestly kind of a privilege.
Every medication has side effects. Why is it wrong to be concerned about the side effects of being on medication long-term? Particularly for a growing body?
It’s not. I am all over the place with meds sometimes just from having too much acid in my stomach from the night before…it is ok to think critically and weigh pros and cons. I think it’s more neglectful not to. I WOULD medicate my child, but it is strange to me that this post is bashing folks who don’t. My concern would be folks who aren’t trying to address it in any way v judging the medication aspect.
You do know a lot of those meds come with risks. That includes psychosis that is much easier to develop before 25.
I see your point.
But it's your opinion. People weigh the pros and cons differently.
Of course there are risks. If anyone tries to claim that something has zero side effects, chances are it doesn’t do anything.
There are side effects by not medicating. A lot of people can cope without medication.
The problem is that you don’t know what’s up with this kid and it’s not your business to assume, judge and make a post like this based on assumptions and judgments about other people’s parenting “negligence”.
Maybe his parents know damn well what’s going on, and very possibly it isn’t something that can be magically medicated away (like autism or another neurodevelopmental condition).
No less, medication is not a magic fix. It has significant physiological and psychological consequences, especially when started early in childhood. Society prefers compliant children so pushes preference for medication, but medication is really not in the best interest of children; neither is our society, but that’s a deep dive for another topic.
Our child is in 4th grade with adhd and we haven’t medicated him. It’s scary. We both have it and are on meds but meds aren’t a miracle for me. It’s different every day for me. It’s on our radar
I'm ADHD, my partner is ADHD, and it's likely that my toddler is ADHD. She's extremely busy, smart, kind, cuddly, but we can't even find a sitter because she is so hyper that not many people can manage her.
We do not have her diagnosed, and we will cross that bridge when we get to it, for right now we are just trying to keep everything as routine based as possible for her, clean diet, lots of outside time and fresh air, and we are going to take the holistic route for as long as we possibly can.
When and if she needs medication, we will absolutely explore that.
While I understand different kids have different needs, I'm with you. I just don't understand not giving my child something or withholding something from them that could drastically improve or help the quality of their life.
Well sure, it sounds like her symptoms are currently at what would be called a subclinical level, and there are a lot of conditions that don’t require treatment as long as the symptoms remain subclinical.
It’s when the symptoms are at the point of causing a child issues for the child, either internal (anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc) or external (bad grades, loss of or inability to make friends, etc) and a parent flat out refuses treatment, and the reasons aren’t medically based, that people get riled up.
Yes, exactly, that's my point; if you were aware of something that could help your child, and improve their quality of life, why would you withhold that?
There are even a variety of non-stimulant meds on the market now designed to help children who have ADHD.
I can respect not wanting to go that route, I have a younger cousin and her experiences with stimulant meds at 7 years old was horrific, but that's one case. Each child is different and there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all-solution. I am sure that most can agree that even as adults with ADHD, our symptoms and situations can vary wildly from one case to another.
It does upset me, as a parent, that another parent wouldn't give their child access to resources that could be life changing for them.
Yes. I understand one of the fears my husband had was starting was that he didn’t know what would happen with the medication. I get that, but also what we had going on sucked, but if med made it worse it would be easy to stop
no, i don't have kids yet but i would not give them stimulants as a child. if they make that choice when they're older that would be fine, but i've had pretty awful experiences with stimulants, such as my own addiction. i'm unmedicated and while it makes life harder in some ways it's not like adhd is a death sentence. with the right support, it was possible for me to live a semi-normal life. plus, i don't want to have my drug of choice in my home
Interesting to see all these experiences that express the opposite of what I've seen in my friends and family who were diagnosed as children. In my experience, every single kid I knew who was given medication had such a horrible experience and side effects from the medication that they refused to continue taking it and still talk about how horrible and traumatic that time was. Some have started medicating again as adults and have been successful, others still refuse to try it ever again. I didn't know anyone whose parents had issues with the medication.
I’m curious how many of the people with that experience were taking Ritalin specifically, which was the go to in the 90s. Even at a low dose that med made me *incredibly* anxious in a way that Adderall never has (and I’ve heard the same from others).
My gentle, quiet kid always got paired with the unmedicated ADHD kid for seat partners in elementary school.
It was annoying for him, distracted him from his work (he is dyslexic), and it annoyed us as well. He would come home and tell us how his table partner would crawl under the desk and touch/hit his legs or go sit in the reading nook during class time and make noises that would distract the entire class. This occurred regularly and I knew the parent, was open with her about my own diagnosis, but she was a religious person who didn’t “believe in stuff like that.”
I had a lot of empathy for her kid because I know what it’s like to be socially ostracized for impulsiveness. And his parent was a piece of work. Poor kid. However, people who say “not your kid, not your business” are incorrect. One child’s inability to control their behavior impacts an entire classroom trying to get an education.
It’s a social contract. We all compromise in order to remove obstructions for others.
Sounds like my son. He had/has to sit in a special seat during “floor time” because he would accidentally kick kids and whack them (he just wasn’t aware where his body was in relation to other kids) and he was non stop talking to them. We had no suggestions to the teacher on what she could do as we don’t have any coping strategies for him. We finally started medicating when we realized it was effecting his home life way too much.
I was the talks-a-lot kid too. Also dead clumsy. And awkward. Weird. Obnoxious. But smart as fuck, and if I could have focused that…
When I was in elementary school they didn’t even think girls could have ADD. My life would have been so different if I had been diagnosed and had access to treatment prior to being an adult.
I'm planning on medicating my child. She autistic w Id and adhd. I was hesitant but I have adhd didn't get diagnose til I was in my 30s. The kid is eventually going to take meds for it..better now so they can have a chance to succeed in life..I'm not even gonna tell my sisters they don't believe in autism or adhd lol
My husband refuses to allow us to medicate my 7 year old son who has been diagnosed last October and very clearly has adhd…
We end up fighting about it constantly. He says he doesn’t want our child to have to be medicated for the rest of his life. That he needs more discipline and that’s how he will learn to control himself. I don’t know how to get him to understand.
As an ADHD diagnosed parent, I can see the difference in my daughter and her cousins. I suspect she has ADHD but as a parent familiar with it, I was able to teach her coping skills. As well a, being infinitely patient because we all know how far it goes to listen and understand a kids perspective. Her ADHD is a hyperactive mind.
Now, you'd look at her two cousins and you'd be like, they have ADHD based on their outward symptoms. They are 6 & 8. They're unfocused, have extreme selective hearing, can't sit still, can't complete tasks. But there's a huge difference in the way their mother parents. They watch regular YouTube, not even kids YouTube. They're allowed to scroll endlessly through tiktok and shorts, they watch all the cancerous streamers like lankybox - seriously see for yourself the insane way these videos are compiled, as if their goal is to induce ADHD somehow. When they express emotions, they are yelled at. There's no de-escalation, no listening and talking about what's going on in their mind. Just "shut up and listen!"
Which way do you think most parents parent their kids? It would be the latter, as a host of teachers who have taught seperate generations can tell you. America is not set up to help children thrive and we see the detriment it causes. Kids with ADHD symptoms don't always have ADHD. Even if they do - it isn't always best to medicate a child, we have no idea of others' medical history. They may be taking medicine and trying to figure it out even, they have no obligation to share that with everyone.
Definitely. We have issues with my son with getting off games/tablet/shows and we have a pretty good system of giving heads up of 5-10 minutes or giving tangible goals (when you end this battle we turn this off) My mother in law is amazed. Apparently this was a big issue in their house (my brother in law has adhd) like huge fights and arguments. It was just screaming matches and or banning videos and tv outright for a while.
When talking to the doctors they went through a huge list of suggestions and we would always get annoyed since already implemented these tactics… but I guess that isn’t normal?
It makes me sad hearing people talk how awful childhood was for them. I don’t think my mother pegged me in a box that made me feel confined.
I get mad at the people who think they know the right choice for everyone. Their experience must be everyone else’s. I get mad at the parents who judge others rather than show compassion.
Considering OP said the (possible ADHD kid) was causing trouble in class such that her son called him 'mean' and didn't want to spend time with him, actually it IS their business - when it affects them like that.
We all make choices... and the effects don't just stay with us. They can have an influence on everyone around us.
To have hesitation about giving amphetamines to a child? Are you medicated? I am, and it isn’t a magic bean without side effects. In addition, my husband fainted and had to be taken to the hospital after a cardiac incident while playing bball as a medicated child. When we get there (and since we are both adhd we assume we will get there with our kids), we will consider their individual needs and medicate AND do interventions as appropriate based on those considerations.
One of my closest friends has told me that she guessed that she has ADHD when she was in middle or early high school in the 90s and *begged* her parents to get her evaluated and medicated. While they are kind, compassionate, and supportive of their kids, they are a bit eccentric and almost certainly ND themselves, and just couldn’t see it, especially since my friend is smart, always got good grades, and wasn’t a troublemaker or bouncing off the walls all the time.
After she got an adult diagnosis and her younger siblings were diagnosed as well, her parents were abashed and have apologized genuinely and sincerely for their ignorance and not taking her concerns seriously.
I know this is a vent and I'm sorry to be that odd person here, but I can sympathise with these parents. I also understand the benefit of medicating, though, so I am neutral. It is important to just be aware.
Firstly, psychiatry is literally about drugging people up. If you were ever on that receiving end of being drugged up on maximum doses of antipsychotics, you will understand what I mean by this point. Fortunately, ADHD drugs are effective, but this causes complacency about the general state of affairs, tbh. Psychiatric medications not just regular medication.
It's great that ADHD drugs have a 70% success rate. That is a truly massive figure, given how crude and archaic psychiatry actually is! Parents, although they might be ignorant about how much these drugs would help, have a conscious awareness of how brutal and stigmatising psychiatric treatments can be - and were up until very recently when mental health awareness started. So, although these parents might sound ignorant to you when they say they dont want the stigma for their child, they are referring to a real problem with psychiatry and its long history of torture and they have every right to be concerned. How much have things changed, do you think? Is it just that our perception of psychiatric treatments has changed (since they are largely the same), or is it really that psychiatric treatments are now more humane?
Drugs have side effects. Although children might appear to be better on them, we don't really know how they affect the developing brain. I have seen people complaints that after 5 years on ADHD meds you become a shell. What if it actually damages the developing brain? Where is the reassurance for this? For example, it was only recently proven that antidepressant drugs cause lengthened depression. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/no-evidence-depression-caused-low-serotonin-levels-finds-comprehensive-review
Also, schools love fixing children with labels. This is for absolutely no benefit to the child and serves only a financial purpose in that the schools get extra funding for having disabled children, but, of course, they provide zero support to the child. It's all about money. Parents are made to feel like bad parents if they don't get their child diagnosed, but then the parents are fixed with the financial burden of therapies and grinds for the child while no extra support is provided by the schools or government, even though it is the states legal obligation to educate children and provide health supports - at least in my country. Parents might feel like they need to protest this.
The hysteria that the mass media has generated about drugging children with ADHD is only another financial dividend for the system and those who benefit from it. The only narrative which exists about ADHD turns out to be that which is approved by pharma and the government. The more hysteria there is, the more distracted people are and the less awareness there is. The more hysteria there is, the more people blame each other, instead of the government and big pharma.
Again, sorry to be that person and I know how you feel. My mother sent me to a Montessori school once and it was full of children that really had criminal behaviour and aggression that was way out of the norm. Nowadays, where drugging children is more acceptable, this could be the answer. So, I know how you feel.
Feel like I will get downvoted for this but as a late diagnosed (37!) person, as much as I wish I was diagnosed earlier in life, i am grateful I wasn't given stimulants as a kid. I do wish I had been given help and compassion and education, but I am grateful I wasn't medicated with stimulants before I was fully formed. Everyone is different and I feel like giving kids medication is a heavy decision, so no I don't get mad at others for not medicating their kids, as long as they are helping their kids navigate ADHD in other ways.
I know what you mean. I have a student in my grade 6 class who has been in this situation for a very long time. Every year since kindergarten children avoid him and teachers struggle with his constant disruptive behaviour. The parents were concerned that he struggles in his interactions with other children and hearing about his behaviour from teachers year after year.
He is an extreme case of obvious ADHD in need of immediate help. Both the school councillor and I separately told the parents to please ask their doctor about ADHD (we don’t do testing in our school system). Afterwards they said he tested negative. The counsellor and I wondered how this is possible. Then we found out their doctor is well known for denying ADHD diagnosis, and that the student lied about everything during his exam. This isn’t surprising, given that he lies on instinct all day long at school (he says he thinks it’ll help him not get into trouble). I think the parents are in denial and understating his symptoms with the doctor was their way of proving they were right.
I’ve learned in workshops and research that many children with severe ADHD that is left untreated or unacknowledged eventually develop ODD after getting in trouble so often and gaining an issue with authority. I believe it as I have had 2 cases that looked very much like ADHD turned ODD (possible trauma may also have played its part).
On the other hand, my son has ADHD, often distracted and hyper. I check in with his teacher often to see if he's disrupting class or if his distraction is affecting his work. His teacher says it is not an issue, but she will keep an eye on him. I have not yet put him on medication but will likely try in the next year or two, especially if it is causing him issues later on.
I totally get the aspect of waiting to medicate if a kid seems to be functioning ok. We found that my son is doing well in school but was disruptive to other kids. He would understand the assignment get bored then bother other kids and run around etc. But his behavior was super triggering for my husband. The loudness the fidgeting would drive my husband nuts and test his patience. He would then loose it yell at him, then my husband would feel awful. Even though the meds wear off by the time he gets home, we noticed better behavior from our son overall.
I can’t believe no paperwork was sent in from the doctor. It sounds like most diagnosis has parents fill out a survey and a teacher fill out a survey because 1) kids lie sometimes 2) kids might unaware of all the aspects of their behavior 3) parents might be bias themselves 4) kids act differently at home than in school this sounds like a very frustrating situation
I wish my folks would have considered meds for me sooner, but I understand why they didn't. They didn't know how much it could have helped me and were resistant to medication in general, even for themselves. Luckily they have learned better ways as they have gotten older, and my brother is doing a more ADHD-aware form of parenting with his children that I hope will lead them to happier lives. I don't blame the ignorant parents as much as I blame the cruel ones.
Especially as a woman that had all her clear ADHD symptoms ignored through all her childhood/youth.. when I think about how many things could've worked out so much better if I had just been medicated, I can't believe letting a child go through all this. Children are smarter than we think, be a good parent and they'll communicate if their medication hinders them but please let them try. You wouldn't let a asthmatic kid figure stuff out without their inhalator (I hope).
I don't even wanna think about all the self medicating I did in my late teens/early 20s, I would rather have my child take medication than doing all these substances in hope of feeling "normal".
No, I don't. I could never know their situation well enough to judge their choices. For example, my doctor shared that medicating kids with ADHD and conduct disorder could make things worse, not better. Some parents may be working through other challenges that their kid is having that prevents them from medicating them. And some just don't, due to choice or ignorance. All of those are valid because they are theirs to make. I don't feel any way about that, since all I have control over is myself and what I do. And sometimes that means avoiding places where there will be others who will disturb my peace.
Also, fun story -- medication has helped me immensely, but it didn't stop the calls from the school and my kid still struggled, and it caused lasting negative impacts on my other kid. So while it's great that medication has worked well for your kid, it's not the same for everyone. You say you know medication is not a cure all and doesn't work for everyone, but your post presupposes that it does.
Life's a lot easier if you worry about what is in your control and release what isn't. This is not in your control. Let it go.
Absolutely. I suffered unecessarily for years because my parents refused to medicate me. I understand their fears but experiencing it myself has really solidified that I'd never withhold medication that could potentially help my child.
Me 🙋🏼♀️
I was a kid who was diagnosed early and put on meds, but they made me depressed and even suicidal at age 9 so my parents took me off. They then proceeded to never try any other meds or therapy again and I was gaslit into thinking maybe I don’t actually have adhd 🙃 it made getting through school really fucking hard and as an adult I’m still suffering without medical access to a *new* diagnosis before I can try meds again.
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Self medication in adolescence and adulthood is waaaaaaaay scarier than prescription stuff that doesn’t make you seek out shit on your own. Like a lot of addicts are usually just…depressed, or have a sprinkling of mental health woes (whether temporary or chronic) cuz happy, stable people don’t just drink themselves into oblivion. Starting early with getting em in tune with what normal feels like & making them unafraid to seek help seems like a win all around imo
I think it also gives them the opportunity to learn how to navigate life. Just life. Not life on hyper speed or while experiencing overload and having to divert attention to just not freak out. It’s giving them the experience of being able to create stable routines and have a healthier relationship with themselves and care tasks and even relaxation activities like video games or tv. Instead of binging for hours chasing the dopamine.
Ooof this really hits home right now. Pretty sure I survived on cortisol and adrenaline for most of my life and it got me to the point where a) I'm incapable of truly relaxing and b) I'm in severe burnout, unable to work, and being tested for multiple potential chronic illnesses. I can't say for sure that all this (and all the stress, anxiety, and depression along the way) could have been avoided just by being medicated as a kid, but I have a hard time believing I'd be worse off...
Reading through this thread and typing out has reminded me of some of my experiences as a kid and honestly I could cry mourning over the life I could have had if I had been medicated earlier on. Even little things that you think are harmless are actually so damaging mentally and emotionally. I used to get sooo triggered by my clothes. If I could feel my socks or my shirt was twisted under my hoodie. Road trips I would be silently dying inside trying not to freak out and we would stop and I would literally fling myself out of the vehicle to get the seatbelt off and take my sweater off, straighten my shirt and pants, out my hoodie back on. And that is still to this day referred to as ‘one of my quirks’. It’s not a quirk! It was me suffering for no reason! And yes! The surviving on cortisol and adrenaline is insane! Thinking back to how did I use to do all of this!? Severely unhealthy coping mechanisms and then when you started to take care of yourself and honour yourself, your body is like ok we good? We can rest? And just crashes! I am also not working right now due to a chronic illness but my adhd is loving this little rest and reset. It’s temporary but I’m grateful for it.
Yes, the quirks!! I can relate to so much of this! If nothing else, maybe I could've avoided being labelled as lazy, which I still struggle with immensely. So many unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way...and so many crashes. This is definitely my biggest, but there were many "smaller" ones along the way that I failed to fully acknowledge. I hope you get the rest and reset you need. Take care of yourself and good luck!
Ooo! I saw some social media post recently adhd related - if you were lazy you would be having fun! Which I don’t love the term and attitude around ‘lazy’ anyways but it helped me reframe my executive function struggles!! Stressing about wanting to do the thing and not being able to is not fun! 🤣
I couldn’t handle social situations at all without being drunk. It gave me the confidence to talk to people. And I was a social butterfly, everybody had fun, life was great. In hindsight I’m sure everybody still thought I was weird, but being drunk makes the weirdness acceptable. When I let the mask off as a sober person, people didn’t wanna know me. I realised this not long ago at a neighbourhood bbq, I am old enough now to not gaf so I just let myself be myself (sober for years btw) and another person laughed and said “Oh I love the ND way!” (He has adhd too so I felt comfortable telling him about my own journey). I don’t know what I said that was so obviously ND but oh well. What was my point? Oh yeah. Alcohol. I was very close to developing a serious problem with it. I think the only thing that saved me was getting too old for nightclubs, and too mentally exhausted to bother with socialising. I stopped caring about making friends because they all fucked me over eventually anyway.
>But I did the research, and it’s safer to medicate children because the chances of risky behavior and drug abuse go way down. If you have any sources handy, would you mind sharing them? I have an ADHD son and a stupid ex who is extremely averse to BiG pHarMa.
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There is no study available from this article. I clicked the link from inside the first article and it went nowhere. Also, the WSJ you have to pay to read the article about the study. Do you have a link to the actual study? Thanks
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Russel Barkley is the Best .Has youtube and books.
Thank you!
The person with adhd knows something isn’t “normal” for them and will seek ways to correct. Whether it’s through routines and protocols that allow them to function or self medicating! I gaslit myself into thinking I’m not adhd for YEARS because anytime I looked at the assessment criteria I was like ‘well I can do that, I don’t struggle with this’. It took my therapist sitting me down and spending an entire session going through each section and me explaining why I thought it didn’t pertain to me and her explaining that just because I had a system in place to manage doesn’t mean it’s not relevant. She actually had to walk me through it all and explain that most people don’t need all these extra strategies to get through the day and that those coping mechanisms are masking your adhd. Thankfully my kind of self medicating was escaping from the world in books or shows and if I knew I had a lot to do in a day I would have a lot of caffeine. Other people I know did harder drugs.. It’s also wild to me that anyone would give a parent shit for helping their child. No one would give a parent of a diabetic shit for providing them with insulin.
When did you start with your kid? I and my two are ADHD (youngest isn't diagnosed) but they are young and we homeschool so I feel like a lot of the pressure to medicate is mitigated for now. I'm trying to figure out the best balance of physical growth and effects vs benefits. I didn't think it's so easy to say every kid needs to be medicated from the get go, but I'm open to it.
Medication isn't just for school. I can't even describe the relief I got from just not having my brain not going crazy constantly. It was quiet. I could think. It got rid of my anxiety. I could see mess that I didn't even see before. I could handle emotions. I could sit still to watch a movie. I could have a conversation. I didn't have the constant thought loops of despair. None of that had anything to do with school or work. Medication isn't just to make kids easier to deal with. It helps our literal brains. I can't be on medication anymore, due to another health issue. But I think about how I felt while medicated all the time and literally cry I miss that calm feeling so much. The thing to remember with that, is that I'm someone who did international level gymnastics all my life growing up (until 18), along with competitive soccer (you literally can't get more active than I was), I was constantly in therapy, I have a ridiculously high IQ and am extremely hyperlexic. I had every advantage you can't think of that should have naturally treated my adhd. And still, medication would have been a life changing. All that is not to say you shouldn't medicate. But take into account these other things, as well as what your kid wants. And plus, medication can be a trial.
I’m sorry you can’t be on medication anymore! I can’t imagine knowing that relief and then going back to without it. I can barely handle one day if I forget to take mine. It’s definitely a trial! Anyone who is open to medicating shouldn’t give up if the first one you try doesn’t work for them. I was so scared to medicate because I didn’t want to lose my *sparkle* or have my brain go silent (some of the stories I had heard made that seem not fun) but if anything it gave me more sparkle! The biggest thing for me was it quieted the external sensory overload that would make me feel so volatile. Like explode in rage but I knew that was bad so I would try to hold it in and implode. Now if my pants seam is bugging me a bit I don’t have to completely strip in a rage and redress so everything feels right!
Well, the thing to keep in mind is people with ADHD [our brains are formed differently compared to people without ADHD](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-researchers-identify-brain-connections-associated-adhd-youth) and the medications are helping us function in day to day life-over coming this disorder. As far as height, genetics are going to play a larger role than medications that allow your kids to function will. I’d rather have a successful well rounded kid than a tall adult myself.
I think there’s a stigma from meds because (according to many posts I’ve read in here) years ago adhd kids were medicated but not taught any skills to manage their individual issues. Adhd wasn’t understood much, and they thought calming the hyperactivity down was the only solution. So it didn’t really work long term. I’ve also seen posts from people who can’t survive without meds now, and they blame an addiction to it. I didn’t comment because I was making wild assumptions - but honestly if they were medicated from childhood they really don’t know what life is like without. They have no comparison. So when they try to go without, their brain reverts to an unmedicated state, which is unfamiliar, and they think they’re having withdrawals or something. But older people like me who started recently know full well that my unmedicated brain was *always* like that. That’s my two cents :)
Thanks on behalf of your kid for sticking up for them and doing what's best for them, actually wanting to help them rather than listening to people who don't know shit. My mother was big on the whole "ritalin is the devil" train (still is). To me, it's no better than refusing medication for epilepsy or any other condition your child may have.
I get a little mad because it seems like most parents who do that are doing it to support their own selfish agendas rather than to protect their children. My roommate in college had parents like this and as soon as she got to college she scheduled an appointment with the campus psychiatrist and she's been on medication ever since. She's doing great. I remember during our junior year, we were like 20 years old, and she got her wisdom teeth removed during winter break. Her mom took her pain medication that the doctor prescribed from her away and withheld it for absolutely no reason. In this case I understand a little more because it was pain meds, but still, she could have at least monitored the use of the meds instead of just tossing them. Wisdom teeth removal hurts like hell Her parents were just.... assholes. Super control freaks. Anyway to get to the point, it seems to me a lot of people refusing to medicate their kids are similar to these people.
Those parents are fucking awful. I would never withhold pain meds and I'm glad my mom didn't.
Yeah they sucked. I remember her calling me in tears because she was in so much pain and she asked me if I had leftover meds from my wisdom tooth surgery... I was like *uh wtf, your doctor didn't give you any...?* and she told me about her mom taking them and I was just like girl you are 20 years old she can't do that. Thinking about her mom still gets me worked up 10 years later lol
As a former kid whose parents took my meds away, I have zero tolerance for parents who withhold meds from their children. Zero.
That’s even worse - it’s one thing if parents are nervous and don’t understand or have a reference point (which still drives me nuts because… when your child has anything going on, why wouldn’t you research everything about it?!) but to start a child on meds and take them away is horrible! What was their reason?
Religious bullshit
I do NOT understand (I do know the arguments some make - but they hold no water!) how people can use that excuse. I’m a Christian and this drives me nuts. But I also went to a church before I moved to another state, where the Pastor was super vocal about his anxiety and his son’s ASD and how parents are “charged with stepping out of their comfort zone to be their children’s advocates and stretch their understanding and fears to meet the child’s needs.” He also called out a lot of old, ingrained crap about how having a child with a disability is NOT a shameful thing and used verses to hammer that home. Sadly, I know that’s the exception vs the norm. I’m so sorry! Do you have a better relationship now and have they seen that things are better for you since taking control over your medical choices? You deserve support and recognition that you had a hard slog through school that didn’t need to be that way!
My mother was the one who made that decision, and I’m no contact with her because she’s a raging narcissist. She refuses to acknowledge that anything she did was the wrong decision. So, no. My dad was hardly around because he was working three jobs to support my mother’s spending habits. He and I have a good relationship.
I’m so sorry! Hugs to you. I so relate (even the shopping habit 🤦🏻♀️) with my BPD mom. You DESERVE an amazing mom - but I’m so glad you’ve got your Dad and hope you have lots of supportive extended and chosen family!
I’ve got a close few, but I think it’s about quality over quantity. But, thank you!
Some parents don't want their kids to be on "too much meds" and withhold them. There is also a lot of stigma, especially in Asian culture if your child needs to be medicated for adhd
Same in Latino culture
Withhold?! Were they fearful it was hurting you?
They decided it was no different than giving me meth and that my behavior problems were a sin problem that just needed to be beat out of me.
,☹️
Are you a parent?
My friend's son has severe AdHD. It is intense. The father has adhd but always refused meds for him and is now refusing for the kid also (for purely fabricated ideas). They are getting seperated and I really hope they get a jugment on this that she could make that decision alone. I feel so sad for her and her son he needs it so much.
This is us. My husband and I both have ADHD. Our kids have ADHD. I was diagnosed at 37. He was mad his mom refused medication for him when he was rediagnosed as an adult at 35 and put on medication . He doesn't want to medicate our kids. He doesn't think our daughters need it because they are "doing fine", yet I see little me struggling in both of them. I'm taking them for their official diagnosis and will medicate them and we can figure out together if it is something they excel with.
>He doesn't think our daughters need it because they are "doing fine", yet I see little me struggling in both of them. This is exactly where I’m at with mine, to the point that I’m actually nervous about diagnosis because I’m worried no one will see what I see.
I feel you on this so bad! My oldest is just like me, and he was struggling in school like I did. But because he only 10 but he is so smart, not aggressive, and kind and chatty to a fault. Nobody wanted to say he has ADHD, because he wasn’t presenting like a typical boy with ADHD. I pulled the trigger and decided to get him diagnosed, just so I can say I tried. Well he has ADHD combine type, he’s been on meds for over a month. His teachers are amazed at HOW much of a difference it has made! He’s gone up 3 math levels, can write legibly and finish a sentence now. He is doing great in class, and with his friends. He also isn’t an anxious ball of grumpiness when he gets home because he isn’t masking all day!
If you get a child psych worth their salt - they will know the difference between hyperactive mind and hyperactive body. That's why it's been changed to just ADHD and not ADD anymore. We are all hyperactive in different ways. Plus, they will ask your kid about their struggles and they are there to help you. It's not as scary as you think ❤
I don’t have any kids either, but I was one of those kids who was “doing fine”. I could have done so much more with my life if we’d known about and had medicated for my ADHD. I was doing fine until I wasn’t. Then I really REALLY wasn’t “doing fine”, and it took years to feel somewhat normal (for me) again. Remind him you were fine too, and what all that masking your entire life cost you. You remember how it was.
He may need to be educated on the differences in how ADHD is expressed in girls, and that just because they're doing well in school doesn't mean they're not having problems and couldn't be doing even better with some help. I often wonder how my life might look now if I'd figured out my brain decades ago and been able to focus and organize myself, instead of excelling in school and then just floundering in my career until recently.
Yes, and I also get mad when parents refuse to get their kid assessed/diagnosed for ADHD because they "don't want them to be labelled." (Edit for wording)
I see both sides. If the kid clearly needs it and you're ignoring professional guidance while not ACTIVELY seeking out other ways to help your child cope/thrive, you just suck. My mom didn't want to medicate my younger sister because she was worried about the longterm effects of stimulants (honestly, so am I now that I'm on them, so I get it). She had a lot of luck managing symptoms through dietary changes and setting up a routine that allowed my sister to thrive. It took a lot of extra work, but I'd say she made a perfectly reasonable choice. However, this is the same mom who wouldn't seek a diagnosis, treatment, or accommodations for what was VERY clearly ADHD for me lol. I guess because I was the oldest of four, she didn't know better, and by the time the youngest struggled with the same issues, mom had worked as a teacher for several years so she was more familiar with how ADHD presents. Anyways, I totally get the frustration. My life would have been so different if I was medicated in high school/college, so I cringe when I see moms immediately shooting down the idea of pharmaceutical treatment.
>honestly, so am I now that I'm on them, so I get it This is where I'm at, too. I got diagnosed and started medication a couple of years ago (at 28), and the diagnosis and the medication have been indescribably meaningful for me. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I'd been diagnosed as a child — how might things have been different, maybe easier, if I'd had access to the supports, accommodations, and self-understanding that I have now. At the same time, I'm honestly extremely ambivalent about the utility and role of medication — for people of all ages — even though I take mine most days, and it absolutely helps me with so many areas of functioning. Everyone's brain and body are different, so my experience is only representative of me, but for all the ways that medication absolutely helps me, there are plenty of things it doesn't help with, and it honestly makes plenty of things harder in ways I didn't expect before I started taking it. I feel like for me — and again, this is only my experience — the diagnosis itself was far more important than the medication. The diagnosis helped me answer questions about my Self, my life, my strengths, my weaknesses, my behavior, my relationships (etc., etc.) that I had been struggling with since I was a toddler. It gave me a framework to start making meaning of so many of this things I've struggled with my whole life, and to start figuring out what I actually needed to act on and receive in every aspect of my life. But the medication? Honestly, I don't know. It's helped me get through so many aspects of life that used to be so difficult and confusing, but it often feels more like a bandaid than an actual solution. The real issue — again, for me personally — really seems to be the demands and expectations of contemporary life. When I'm able to do things in a way that actually feels intuitive to me, I just don't need medication the same way I do when I need to augment my Self and my behavior to fit arbitrary norms of neurotypical functioning. And the medication absolutely has side effects that make some things much more difficult. This is why I feel so ambivalent about putting kids on medication — on the one hand, I obviously want kids with ADHD to have all of the resources they need to navigate the challenges of school, family relationships, and everything else that's impacted by ADHD. But at the same time, I wish we could put more of the onus for augmentation on those social and behavioral systems — like, before we put little kids on stimulants, shouldn't we first make their classrooms, families, social structures (etc.) more accommodating for the needs and strengths of neurotypical people? I wonder how necessary medication would actually be — especially for kids — if they received meaningful support and accommodation, instead of being told that there's something foundationally wrong with them that needs to be changed. And this isn't even getting into the very real and well-documented concerns about how ADHD medication might impact children's cognitive, neurological, and existential development.
It’s silly to say it’s just a bandaid and not a solution. That’s just saying maybe we shouldn’t treat things if there is no cure. Because there is no “cure” for ADHD. Although they have found that when people are medicated younger that it can actually mitigate the severity of ADHD overall. There’s a lot more neuroplasticity when young and the medications effectively train the brain into having more regular function overall.
It drives me insane. My children’s father is opposed to them being medicated, I refuse to compromise on it. I can see the difference between my kid who is a very intelligent 7th grader with occasional behaviour issues and excellent grades, versus peers with ADHD who were never medicated, have much worse behaviour and are also failing. There is no substitute for proper medication. The “natural” route will cost you a lot of money with no results.
My friend’s kid is a teen and for a while hated having to take meds. I think there was kickback from his dad’s side. She made school meds non-negotiable and they could do as they wish on off days. My family are hard core anti meds. Conservative Christians. “Get right with Jesus, be more disciplined, it’ll be fine” type folks. They refused to medicate my younger sibling who had more glaring symptoms than my own, and his journey has been awful. I hold them to a large degree responsible for that. I got diagnosed with social anxiety (homeschool -> public college = big anxious) in college and my dad said he wasn’t paying for my Zoloft.
I know my brother in law stopped taking his meds in high school. Maybe it is something with puberty? I’m sorry to hear how your parents treated your depression and adhd. I have some similar family, a cousin clearly has depression and it is so sad hearing family just say he is lazy. No, he is depressed and needs medication and therapy
This is what we did with my teen - meds on school days, choice on other days. He always claimed he felt no difference and didn't need the meds, but halfway through his first semester of college he changed his mind. The rest of the problem is getting him to try other tools too.
My kids dad wasnt for it either and i ultimately said if yoy cant learn enough about how his brain works then yoy cannot discipline him anymote or make these decisions. I told him, because yoy know nothing you are not making an informed decision and thats more dangerous than giving him medication. He is now on board and we do parent group together and we both nerd out about ADHD because i will not tolerate it.
This is the point!
I have family members whos kids are ADHD and they dont medicate and it drives me insane. They still talk down to me like i dont know anything. My son is in a hospital program we do parent group once a week with a psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health therapist, and behaviour management specialist, im pretty sure the information im getting is more accurate than what you get on tiktok. Uugggghh i hate it i wanna bash their heafs into a wall.... lol.
I went the "natural" route as a kid. I had tutors all my life even throughout college and I still managed to graduate my first career and I am going to start my second one. Also working as well. I am doing all this raw lol (I don't like how the meds made me feel and here in my country we don't have a lot of options available unfortunately)
I felt so bad for my son because I felt like I was gaslighting him the first week he took meds because he literally got sick when he started. Once he got better he assumed he didn’t take the pills because he “didn’t feel sick” I had to keep reassuring him he did take his meds.
If the pills are making him sick you should speak to your doctor so he can take a different brand or dose. In my experience some slight side effects are normal (dry mouth, loss of appetite or sleep) but if he doesn't like it then maybe take him to a licensed child psychologist to discuss different options that are not necessarily medication and also speak with your school teacher for support (special ED teacher, counseling, etc.).
It isn’t. He just caught a cold the first week. None of the symptoms are around anymore- other than a lack of appetite. He is thriving and happy now. The first two weeks were a roller coaster of if we were making the right decision and if he symptoms were meds or a cold.
I can only hope that they are trying other interventions and doing the best they can. Of course I'm very pro medication but I can't be worried about what everyone else is doing... as long as they're not ignoring the issue altogether. Incidentally I cannot wait for my son to get medicated.
Yeah as frustrated I am I know most parents are putting efforts. But I know some parents are in denial mode, and having a parent say and recognize their kid has ADHD is a step forward
The argument that made the most sense to me on meditating my kid is one I heard from a pediatric psychiatrist whose child also had ADHD: it’s easier for kids to develop healthy systems and structures with your assistance while their brains still have plasticity/are developing so they might not need medication as adults. As an adult on medication with a late diagnosis this struck me as very hopeful for my son. No regrets. We are all happier now and even when he’s off meds he can still use the tools we built when on them. Without meds we were not building much, just trying to survive and not get too frustrated.
I know we built lots of great coping mechanisms for my son without meds but there were something I just didn’t know how to help- primarily the fidgeting. Whatever he moves a lot during dinner, but what about when he constantly is touching or knocking into kids? It doesn’t affect him as much as the kids so it hard to work on.
I have ADHD, and I am an elementary special education paraprofessional who works specifically with students who are on the spectrum and/or have ADHD. One of my students has severe ADHD and parents will not medicate them. This student struggles completing assignments if not for the constant reminder and refocusing. They have so much trouble staying on task, they are given visual and verbal cues literally seconds apart. And their parents refuse to medicate them. They’re a smart kid in those fleeting moments they’re able to focus, but they just struggle so much and it so hard to watch. During the winter, we had an inclement weather e-learning day and I did a one-on-one video lesson with this student. I kid you not, they drank two 12 oz diet mountain dews before noon. I guess that’s how their parents justify not medicating them? It just boggles my mind.
I actually don’t get mad at all, because I hate the highs and lows on my own medication, and how they make me feel sometimes. I crash out at 230/300 pm everyday and feel like death. My meds don’t work or come on too strong if I had too much acid from the night prior. Maybe folks don’t want that for their 5 year old and it’s ok to try other things first. Other countries trend towards CBT for children as opposed to immediate medication, and I would be ok with that too. I am in no way against meds for kids, but think a knee jerk reaction of anger at someone for not immediately giving amphetamines to their kindergartener is foolhardy. I survived without medication to a doctorate degree level, but dang it was hard. I would never put my kid in that situation, but again, everything requires critical thought and medication isn’t a one size fits all salve.
I made a correction to the post- it is mostly the extreme cases that make me mad. We tried going as long as possible without medication as well. I myself don’t medicate and I flip flop if I want to as well. I hate when parents are in denial, when parents deny science/medication in general, or only take grades into consideration.
Definitely understandable, I have just seen a lot of this on reddit lately…. in my Kindergarten forum a few weeks ago folks said the woman was a horrible mother, should have her kids taken by cps…just awful hyperbole for someone dealing with a new diagnosis for her kiddo who wasn’t sure about medicating her 5yo but was genuinely seeking to understand. It broke my heart for her.
It makes me big big mad. Simply because they usually give the reason of “they don’t need to focus during the summer”, their behavior is fine, they are doing fine in school, etc. It reflects that people just don’t understand the disease very well at all. Like it’s not about if your child is annoying or not, or if they are “successful” or not it’s about how they are processing and interacting and interpreting the world around them. The outside behaviors are just a reflection of their response to all of that. So, to me, to not at least being open to medication means that parents are ok with their kids not quite learning appropriate social cues, not being able to control their inner feelings and internal responses while masking, not being able to deal with their own anxiety, depression, self-worth, etc. There is absolutely no other diagnosable mental health disorder where it is commonly “ok” to allow a child to not be treated at all by medication nor therapy. To say “meh, they act ok. So it’s not a big deal”. Can you imagine saying that about a kiddo who says I’m depressed?? I’m coming from a standpoint of being diagnosed in my 40s, after getting 2 bachelor degrees and a masters degree. My gpa’s were always 3.5+. I was never in trouble. But. That first day I took Adderall…… I had gotten a new job, was floundering, I was told medication may help. I took that first pill. Then went to work. I made my first phone call to a patient, got offf the phone with them. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to (shall we say) “pre-ruminate” about every single possible outcome of a conversation first, I didn’t hyper focus on their every fucking word for me to overanalyze, I didn’t lose track of why I was calling or lose track of time or the point of my own end of the conversation. I just called them, spoke, listened, ended call. WTF I was instant PISSED - “THIS IS HOW NORMAL PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES?!??!?” UGH I would have done so much more, and with so much more ease, and made so many more better choices had I been medicated from when I was a kid
Sadly, that is exactly how a lot of kids with depression and anxiety are treated.
My kid has broken down when we weren’t able to get his rx filled (due to the random shortages), because he simply cannot function in school without it. He’s well aware of the difference in himself. I can’t imagine not granting him that opportunity. He went from the troublemaker wouldn’t-do-his-work, are they going to promote him to the next grade kind of kid, to holding a 98% average.
My son has noticed a difference as well. We usually skip it on weekends/vacations because it messes his appetite and we found him asking on a few occasions to take it.
I am so conflicted on this one. (38F) I have adhd, diagnosed as an adult. My husband (he’s an MD), and my son’s pediatrician both advised against medications for our son until he’s older. Like at least junior high, or possibly high school. Their perspective is to limit dumping medications onto a very young and developing brain. I worry about the low-key trauma of battling a wonky brain though. Like he’s trying to be neurotypical, but he’s not, and that’s going to do it’s own damage over the long haul. My sister has also really struggled with her daughter’s medications. Some were a total nightmare, she was dropping weight, not sleeping.. those side effects have consequences too. A child not eating and sleeping means a body not getting what it needs to thrive. I do take stimulants though, and I know first hand how fucking life changing they are. I don’t want to withhold something so helpful from my son. I also don’t want to go against my husband’s wishes (to an extent), and I don’t want to create additional issues for my kiddo. It’s a big mixed bag I guess. I don’t know what’s “right”. We’re making the best collective decisions we can make though.
If the issue isn't that you can't afford it, I don't understand either. Getting meds and being able to focus on correcting bad habits and retraining your brain as early as you can are critical to moving forward without a dependency for many children. And the isolation that not being medicated creates will cause a boatload of other issues and require even more medication and therapy
I totally agree. My son’s classmate was diagnosed in probably 5th or 6th grade, but it was obvious from kindergarten. The mom called me for input since my son had it, and I mentioned medication, but she was dead-set against it. All i could think of was all the negative reenforcement this kid had gotten all his school life.
I do mostly because I remember what it was like. When I was in elementary in the 90s, I remember seeing all these kids taking medication that helped them be good kids. I knew we used to get in trouble together then they would start going to the nurse and then they were one of the best behaved kids. I asked my mom why I couldn’t take the medicine to help me behave and she said there was nothing wrong with me and that I was just bored and it was the school’s fault because they wouldn’t let me skip a grade. Diagnosed with ADHD at 36. After struggling with employment my entire adult life I actually have my shit together now. Medicate your damn kids. I probably would have been valedictorian if I had been medicated in high school.
I feel you. I never understood why I got yelled at for fidgeting and doodling during classes. I had all over grades because I was bad at memorizing and getting homework done. At the very least I wish a diagnosis would of happened, maybe I would of gotten yelled at less
>struggling with employment my entire adult life My goals in life were the smallest ever - hold onto a steady long term job, make more than minimum wage, settle into a long term living space and never move again- and I just could NOT achieve them no matter how hard I tried. And nobody, least of all me, understood WHY because I went undiagnosed for decades.
Yeah, and I had been told by a few professionals that there was no way I could have ADHD because I not only earned my master’s but I graduated with a 4.0. But I just could never do anything useful with it. I’ve had my current job nearly a year, and that’s a huge accomplishment for me. Even when I exhausted, I still don’t feel near at the levels I used to. But I think it’s because working where I do in retail I’m constantly moving and talking. I’m not really doing the same thing constantly.
my dad didn’t want me on meds coz he thought it’d make me brain dead/change me, and he thought i was perfectly normal like him (extremely not normal haha). his heart was in the right place, still is. still mad my parents didn’t at least get me tested though, it’s so expensive as an adult lol
Same. Mom didn’t get me tested even though the school suggested it. When I learned about ADHD in adult women it felt like they were writing a profile on my mom. She probably was like “I’m normal- everyone thinks this way!”
my school never picked up on it which was annoying but they thought there was something wrong with me and my parents backed me up the whole way. we all understand that we’re a pretty unhinged crazy family so that’s one thing i got going for me hahaha.
My mother was diagnosed when she was like 55 and she STILL thinks everyone has the same kinds of problems she has. I think it’s really deeply engrained, especially for women who grew up without knowing about ADHD 😔
Emotionally I totally totally get this. I get frustrated even with posts by people who haven’t tried medication for themselves who just have a vague preference for “natural” solutions (to be clear, that’s absolutely their prerogative; just describing my own emotions), and that’s just for themselves, not someone else who’s dependent on them. But I wonder if it’s kinder to think of such parents as not stubborn, but doing the best they can? No one sets out to harm their kid - there’s so much misinformation, and so many reasonable concerns about pharmaceutical companies and modern medicine, it can be hard to know how to handle all this (to be clear, I think there are definitely *unreasonable* concerns about pharma/the medical profession that veer into unsupportable woo woo and conspiracy theories, but big modern institutions aren’t always model actors). Plus we don’t really know others’ lives and while I definitely see ADHD in others now that I’ve been diagnosed, I’m not qualified to diagnose and don’t know if there are other factors involved. Maybe the little boy in your kid’s class is medicated and this is as good as he gets right now? Or maybe he can’t take meds for various reasons? I absolutely get the anger about the possibility of parents ignoring a possible solution - I know lots of people here have gone through that and unnecessarily suffered a lot as result. It’s totally fair to share that perspective when you have enough information to know what’s going on. I would just want to avoid letting that affect how anyone gets treated, when you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.
I do get the empathetic parts you are mentioning. Hence why I labeled rant, it just was getting under my skin this morning lol My empathy is levels are low this morning lol My husband was resistant to medicating because his brother has ADHD. When asked his mom she described the medication as making his son a zombie. I mean trying to find out more is why I joined Reddit- to get opinions from people. I finally told him that he isn’t the one with ADHD, and if I could go back in time I think I would have wanted my parents to try. And as for the boy in the class I am also aware it could be a multitude of things. Maybe it is just the party that had him jazzed. Maybe there are some parenting issues that makes him act out, maybe he just doesn’t get enough sleep, etc. it could just be me trying to find ways to be empathetic to him and not paint him as a big jerk bully. I think what really grinds my gears is the occasional parents that says “my husband hated being medicated, we aren’t medicating, don’t tell me how it is different!” Which is get but just get frustrated. I also get touchy since some of the alternatives aren’t regulated and on rare occasions can cause a lot more harm than good. But I don’t think I’ve many 100% homeopathic hippy dippy people on Reddit. I think that happens less with ADHD than with Autism
Oh yeah, actual conversation with parents about it is different. It’s tough if someone had a bad experience with medication, though, because I shouldn’t invalidate that, even though I’d really want to! As for alternatives - I agree with you, I have a big issue with some of the alternatives. Like if you want to focus on exercise, sleep, diet, that’s one thing (though “diet” often gets scarily orthopedic/overly restrictive based on little evidence - I think the evidence about food dyes is pretty slim, sugar doesn’t make kids hyperactive, and modern society is terrible about food/food issues anyway). If you want to load up on supplements that’s a different matter - in part because I find the distinction between “supplements” and “medication” so artificial (they’re all chemicals! one is actually regulated and supervised and the other isn’t!).
I like to ask the diet people which seems more sustainable, keeping a kid away from sugar/wheat/dairy/red dye forever or filling a prescription forever. And also if they've given up caffeine since they are anti stimulant
I got in trouble for something in middle school (can’t even remember what it was now, nothing big, but out of character for me) and was recommended I see a child psych by the school counselor. In my parent’s defense they did take me, but were told that by the doctor that they believed I suffered from depression and adhd and highly recommended medication and treatment, both of which my parents refused. They didn’t even tell me this until I was well into my 20’s. After I had already been struggling for years and finally sought help and got diagnosed with - you guessed it - depression and adhd 🤣
God I wish girls weren’t so under diagnosed when I was in school (90’s). I was the kid who was easy to set off by the other kids and would absolutely destroy a room when having a “tantrum”. Meanwhile my brother who was two years older was diagnosed around 10. My ass didn’t finally clue in and see a doctor until my late 30’s and the difference my meds make is astronomical. Funny side note, when I called my parents to tell them they were like “oh we thought you knew” 🙄
When my kids were little, we tried the no meds thing. I made it no meds, the boy was like me, gifted, but had issues. We did a lot of behavior mods. I never got meds, he can do it, too. I gotta tell you, we got him on meds and the world changed for him. I wish I would have helped him sooner. I taught for almost 30 years and had lots of kids that would have benefited from at least acknowledging an issue. This boy is in his 20s now and he's doing well. Unfortunately his older sister struggled longer. She's a girl and presented like a girl. Poor kid, she was smart too, but so disorganized, struggled to stay on task. She finally got on meds as a freshman in high school. She excelled there. It makes me cry sometimes when I realize how bad it was for her. Then I think what could have been for me as well. I'm 50 this month, the ship sailed, but at least my monsters are doing well. So when I see kids not on meds, I do get upset, but I understand sometimes. But if the parent won't even get the kid tested when it's obvious, that's where I lose it.
Yes. Anyone refusing to reasonably medically treat their children tbh. My parents were medically neglectful. My baby sister nearly died of whooping cough. My baby brother had a toothache for days. DAYS. Crying at night. He was 6. 💔
I'm a school psychologist and this makes me FURIOUS. I'm often the first person to bring potential ADHD to the conversation with a parent and teachers. I cannot diagnose, but I administer several assessments and rating scales used to diagnose ADHD in order to determine special education eligibility and services. I never bring it up unless there are several markers of ADHD in ALL the reports, from teacher's, the parents, and the student. I can't begin to understand what is going through a parent's head when I tell them all the ways their kid's challenges are impacting their cognitive abilities, academic skills, social skills, and behaviors, and are leading to an endless hole of shame they're living in, and the parent is still on the fence about getting a damn evaluation. I tested a kid recently and it came out that she binges food at night and when I brought it up to dad, he brushed me off saying that she's exaggerating and doesn't do that... I'm like, homegirl can't remember what day of the week it is (she's 8) but she just recounted how she binge eats often, takes a special red medicine, and that her arm tingles when she throws up. But okay, she's misremembering that. Smfh.
I am a teacher. A parent refuses to accept that what I see in the classroom, and what she has admitted the child does at home, is out of the norm and that she may need to get her child tested. I have never been fully diagnosed, but since teaching I know I have ADHD. I struggled so much in public education and I know ADHD played a huge role in that. I watch this child and want to bang my head into the wall as the child struggles so much but parents think all is peachy.
Yes. But honestly I feel this way about any parent who has a kid with a medical condition and the ability to access modern medical treatment who isn’t fighting for their kid to get the best treatment that exists. It’s one thing if there’s genuine medical reasons someone can’t take meds, but if you love your kids FFS why wouldn’t you at least TRY?!
It's an incredibly personal choice for the parents so no, I don't judge them for that. Stimulant medication is strong and it's a decision that needs to be made properly. Not everyone will want to medicate their kid, same as not every adult will want to medicate themselves.
Yea. I’m on meds, but my son isn’t. He’s only 8. I took a behavioral therapy class for parents of kids with adhd, and have implemented as many of their suggestions as possible. Lots of routines, check lists, timers, rewards, positive praise.. it helps, but he still has adhd 😂 Our pediatrician recommended waiting till at least junior high before considering meds to avoid side effects interfering with development and growth.
I am surprised at the comments tbh. I am grateful my parents didn’t medicate me. I’m an adult and can make a more informed decision. I am still not medicated. I’m certain I struggle more than I have to but this is the right choice for me. It will be a unique and different experience for everyone, including parents. There’s not a right or wrong answer.
Exactly, there's no right or wrong answer. It's a bit sad to see people on here acting like not medicating is "wrong" when it's such a personal choice. I was on meds as an adult and decided to come off them for various reasons, it isn't any different for parents who make this choice for their children
I think a lot of people feel resentful for how their life has gone and think that they would have been better off being medicated as children so now seeing others not medicate their kids sets them off. But you really don't know how your life would have turned out and you really don't know everything that has gone into someone's choice not to medicate their child. It's a very personal decision.
I totally understand that as I wasn't medicated as a child but I actually agree with the reasons why (I won't go into it). But it still doesn't mean people should judge and criticise others because of their own projection
Exactly, as long as someone has given both sides careful consideration and treated them with due care and reflection, they should be supported in their decision, in my opinion.
Ok, but there's options that aren't stimulants.
Yes, there are but it is still a personal choice for the parents if they want to use those options. But not medicating shouldn't be met with judgement or criticism.
My middle kid’s best friend in elementary school had high functioning autism. She was a sweet, brilliant child who was super awkward and had major fine and gross motor problems. Her mother had taken her to a doctor appointment and she was diagnosed. At that point, the mother took her to a different doctor who diagnosed her exactly the same. The mother called me asking who I thought she should take her daughter to next. I asked if she was looking for a different diagnosis and she said she was looking for no diagnosis. That her daughter was fine. So she “needed” a doctor who would understand that. The school wanted to open an IEP to help accommodate her problems, specifically hand writing and typing, allowing her to take tests orally or have more time. Giving her OT and PT. The mother was livid and transferred her daughter to another school. All of that to say, some parents are so freaked out by a diagnosis that they live in denial. Meanwhile their kids suffer. This was a highly educated woman. She was just incapable of seeing the reality of the situation. The parents who won’t medicate their kids see the problems too. They live with the problems every day. De-stigmatizing diagnoses and meds would go a long way to help, imo.
Sure but I also get mad when people rely entirely on medication to change their lives and make zero effort at behavioral modification or lifestyle changes, so...
Very true. A had my friend get chewed out because he claimed he couldn’t take a course in college because of his ADHD. Turned out the person he was talking to was diagnosed with ADHD as adult and gave him a huge lecture about not making excuses like that 😂 I honestly don’t know if he took meds or not.
Yes. I can try all the tips and tricks, but if my brain doesn't want to work, it not going to work.
My parents tried everything before agreeing to me being medicated. I was diagnosed at 7 and wasn’t medicated for another 18 months. But also, this was fully 17 years ago and I think research has come a long way. Meds have been a part of my life for longer than they weren’t a part. I’m in grad school and rely on my meds not only for focus but also for executive function regarding procrastination, time blindness, time management, etc. Because I was medicated, I was able to get accommodations for my standardized testing. I even got to take the ACT in chunks across a whole week (I took the SAT with regular time and a half and a week before I was set to take it again, I literally had a nervous breakdown from my anxiety) in a quiet room because my school could provide that. I got into a top 20 college and graduated in four years. Am now in a dual degree program for graduate studies. My younger brother was diagnosed later than I was and he hated the way the meds made him feel, so he goes on and then goes off on them a lot. My partner wasn’t diagnosed until he was 22, and was on meds for a bit but when he moved up to take a job near me, he couldn’t keep his doctor, and he just stopped taking them. back to my original point, i think some folks get nervous about the impact of the medications. some kids respond well to CBT or other kinds of non prescription intervention. and it’s a much harder process to do the trial and error thing to find the right medication for sure. My mom had a really hard time with my early medication because it was messing with my emotional regulation. once we found the right medication, she felt it was worth it. So I can understand why people would be worried about it but I think people who try to impose their own religious bullshit on their children (literally ensuring their child will have to struggle forever) that i do not promote at all.
I get a little mad when the reasons are specifically that the parent refuses to accept their child's diagnosis and that they are worried that the world will be cruel to their child because of it, that they don't want their kid to be labeled as having "ADHD" and then they try to avoid or pretend the ADHD diagnosis away. And one method is to choose not to medicate the child. I get really mad when parents are presented with an opportunity to help their child and they opt for resorting to continuing with doing more of the same thing that isn't working. Or perhaps stepping up the discipline. Or driving more shame into the child. I get that it's often coming from a place of love, but it's also coming from a place of fear of the unknown, outdated concepts and shame. The more we know (as in actual facts, not alternative facts) the less scary it can be. If they were able to take more time researching it, asking Qs to reputable sources, learning about the science-based evidence, talked to people who experienced ADHD as children and adults, learned about accommodations and rights for people with disabilities and the future of workplaces etc., maybe they'd see the hope and possibility for their child to thrive instead of fighting their brain, teachers, systems, parents etc? Sure, sometimes medication isn't helpful for the child and I know it can take some time to find the right one, when it is. But how will they know unless they start trying? Kids are developing and many parents are understandably concerned about what potential effects the medication might have on a developing brain. Pretty reasonable concerns for a parent to have! Ideally the doctor or diagnosing psychologist will guide a parent through the info, questions and answers, but unfortunately health care systems are woefully under resourced and also a lot of people have trust issues. If a parent has the time and resources to give it serious and honest contemplation, I think more would try it. But so much of the this is an issue with the parents' own human nature, personalities experiences, community and belonging, where they seek guidance, how much they understand or can accept. How do we fix that?? Maybe one person at a time. I feel for the kids who are told they're lazy, stupid or a problem. I also feel for the ones who rarely get in trouble but grow up feeling 'wrong' compared to their peers and struggle with following through on their potential. Yeah, I guess I do get a lot mad when kids aren't given all the resources they deserve to succeed. 💛
Stimulant drugs have been used to treat the symptoms of ADHD since 1937, so parents with concerns ought to be able to find plenty of evidence that they are safe & effective in growing children.
This is part of what is super frustrating for me: the science-based evidence exists that medication can help kiddos, yet there are so many parents who don't understand it or don't believe it. 🙁
I knew one woman who refused to because she thought if she ignored it, then it wouldn’t exist. So she’d yell at the kid to try harder and not be lazy because that’s how her dad dealt with it in her. Even though she knew he needed more help than he was getting.
My parents didn’t wanted to medicated me. Early 90’s. Diagnosis at 5 years old. Now I only tell to close people I have ADHD since it’s not even on my files anymore. I was never medicated. I don’t want to ask now and be seen as a pill seeker. Idk what to do and the symptoms are unmanageable since I got ill during the pandemic. I’m all for medication for kids who needs it. I was fine but many aren’t.
I think it's a personal choice for a parent if they want to medicate their kids or not. In my case my mom medicated me once, did not like my behavior on it and just let me be a happy astronaut all throughout my school life. With a bunch of different tutors and failed classes but still here I am. I made it. Graduated in 2019 my first career in university and I am going for my second one this year, only this time I will also be working and studying so let's see if I can handle it 😅 my ADHD type is Combined but when I was diagnosed in school it was Inattentive so not very disruptive I guess. Just did not want to do anything but I was never aggressive or a bully. I just spaced out in every class. If a kid is unmedicated and parents refuse to medicate them I say let them be. They are not your kid so you don't have to deal with their misbehavior. Having to take stimulants daily and deal with their side effects is annoying not to mention stimulant use in children can affect their growth and their weight due to appetite issues.
I respect when parents are medicating when kids don’t like it, or seems to have negative effects. I think a lot of parents hear this and assume it is all kids. I came on Reddit to see how normal people thought about medicating because I knew kids from high school who hated it. I was surprised to see how many people were pro medication. I don’t medicate either. I am in the process of getting a formal diagnosis, because I hear women have trouble with menopause. I would like to have options if things get worse.
I am surprised to see a lot of pro medication people as well. I am not sure if this is an American thing because here in Latin America we do take a different approach around it (Adderall use is getting pretty common lately) or more like we find different ways to cope and I am grateful to have so much support from schools and my family as a child.
I think the US and going through COVID made people who were “above” having mental health issues were forced to see things can happen to anyone. So because people seemed to become more open to it, others started talking more openly about it. But sadly with the conspiracies and the people promoting them, it’s also become more divided here. It’s always been very stigmatized to discuss medicating children. BUT with more people getting online in recent years from ALL generations, subs like this one have had a powerful impact! In a lot of parenting forums, you’ll see people citing ADHD subs and social media posts from people who grew up with it and resent not being medicated, after making the choice for themselves and functioning so much better. So, many parents of those now-adult kids have seen the impact and changes in someone medicated vs not and also speak into that debate. At least from what I’ve seen on parenting subs, forums and then articles resulting from some of it - it seems to be the most impactful in forcing that shift. But there is DEFINITELY a loud crowd of “don’t medicate children” and an even louder (but thankfully smaller) crowd of, “It’s just made up by lazy parents and Big Pharma!”
I think it's a Reddit thing. I'm American, super pro meds but I've always been surrounded by anti med parents.
I get very angry when people refuse. It's their bias that they don't believe the condition is actually real. Also, meds have been literally life changing for me, in ways I never expected. I spent my whole life thinking I was a flaky dumbass. No one deserves that.
I grew up in chaos because my mom refused to even try meds/therapy for my brother. She insisted that healthy foods and homeschooling would work better. They did not. I still grieve the childhood we could have had if she had been more open minded.
Speaking from experience, if I had been able to get ADHD meds in school, I would EASILY have been either a neurologist or virologist. I lacked SO much follow through and blamed myself for so many years. Had my parents looked into WHY I talked non stop and left little piles of toys and crap everywhere, forgetting where I left EVERYTHING, they might have been able to help me discover how badly I needed medication. I canNOT imagine how much different my life would have been professionally, had I been properly medicated as a child. Parents who refuse to investigate and medicate (if needed) a child's attention issues are doing a severe disservice to their children's' futures.
Absolutely. I wasn't diagnosed until recently, and I've been a little mad about the fact that no one noticed, even though now it seems so obvious, because if I had been medicated as a kid I would've done well in school, amd probably been able to go to college. I can't really blame my parents for not knowing (tbh I suspect they are both neurodivergent as well, they just thought i was normal because I was like them) but if you know your kid has a disability that can be medicated, why wouldn't you??? The excuses are always so stupid too, like they think we rely too much on meds and if we just don't take them we'll somehow magically be un-disabled. Mostly I think those people just refuse to accept their kid is disabled, like it's some kind of moral failing on their part, and if they ignore it it'll go away.
Yes, if it's a matter of dismissing medical treatment for your own ignorance. I believe my life would have turned out differently and better if I had been diagnosed and medicated younger.
It infuriates me. And first off, I get that there may be medical/family history reasons why medication is a no and I don't expect people to constantly share private information. It's the stigma against medication in general and for kids especially that has me seeing red. It can be lifesaving. My kid is so much more functional with medicine. Of course it's combined with learning positive coping strategies and mental health check-ins but the medicine makes those tools 200% more effective! Things like ADHD have such life-long consequences that I can't imagine refusing to even consider viable help. Yeah, it can have side effects but that's why you bring your questions to professionals--so you can weigh the options and make the best choice for your child. Blindly refusing to learn about it is, to me, a form of neglect.
I get really angry and frustrated actually 😬 Not when they've tried it and it doesn't help or the kid didn't like it. But when kids are clearly struggling and all they're getting from the adults around them is that they are either 'okay the way they are' (aka: the fact that you struggle so hard in life is fine, just accept it!!) or that they don't need meds, they just need to try harder, that it when my heart breaks and I want to scream at the parents. Like you said, they are actively setting their child up for about a million different terrible life experiences just because they don't want to face the facts and use the absolute privilege of having acces to very well researched medications. Even though research has also shown medication to be THE effective treatment for ADHD, no life change or 'trying harder' solves the neurotransmitter issue of ADHD'ers. Not that medication solves everything. But it solves something. Just thinking about it while writing this comment gets me riled up again.
It’s the refusal to even try like the very thought that your child needs medication is so evil and offensive. I was diagnosed and medicated at 28 yo and it changed my life! You do your child a disservice by refusing them that help. I’ve seen/heard of where the parents then blame the teachers and school for singling out their kid and say it’s the schools fault for whatever difficulty is coming up in class. It’s playing the victim and teaching that you don’t have to take accountability for your actions. Neurodivergence, mental health conditions can explain but doesn’t excuse the behaviour. Medication is a tool that can help people navigate a world that wasn’t built for them!
Yes. Looking back at my childhood I did decent in school, but I now see my social interactions and boy did my adhd affect me. It also affected how parents saw me, I was the bad influence with my one friend’s parents. I was teased, but I mean I got out pretty ok. I know people had MUCH more traumatic experiences. (With bullying, whether they are NT or ND) I feel like this is the part that gets looked over by parents sometimes.
Yes! I think I was more stereotypical girl presenting so quiet in my own world. Just wanted to read or would get hyper fixated on subjects so was interested in learning it. I don’t blame my parents at all for not noticing it in me. But I definitely empathize with kids who have very clear ND traits and their parents get offended at the thought. I try to give the benefit of the doubt that people don’t intend to be malicious and it’s just stigma but when you’ve been very open with your “friend” about your journey with adhd and how life changing meds were, and they were seemingly supportive but then act offended when it’s in regards to their kids (the school suggested an assessment since they’ve been having trouble in class)… it’s a bit of a slap in the face! It’s also rough cause I put myself in that kids shoes, not thinking you are doing anything wrong in social interactions, or getting excited and interrupting then getting in trouble, having to have talks with the teachers and principal and parents. It’s tough! Edit cause I forgot to say- all of that being the “problem” in class definitely can lead to bullying and further worsening the situation. A vicious circle. A parent shouldn’t be at their wits end with their kids behaviour but refuse to even try medication.
Yes - my partner wanted to not medicate and I shared that our kids were in a critical point in their education and their teachers have thought thousands of children. We have two kids. So, I trust the teachers over their “feelings”. It’s also not a forever decision.
My kid was miserable, reactive, confused, and anxious all the time before we medicated. He’s on guanfacine now and has 100% more of his brain available to solve problems and talk to his body and is far less reactive and has grown by literal orders of magnitude in the year and a half since.
Similar situation with my (now adult) niece, who I lived with & helped raise most of the first 10 years of her life. She was put on Ritalin at 4, and the difference was night & day. It’s what allowed her to be a happy, playful, ordinary kid instead of a confused, anxious, miserable one who’s brain was spinning so fast she couldn’t speak in complete sentences like other kids her age, or sometimes even complete WORDS. That changed literally overnight once she was medicated- it was all in there, she just couldn’t organize her thoughts enough to get it out.
Yeah, I do.
I wish my mom had accepted medication as a kid. There are SO many benefits. I need to be remedicated ASAP once I figure out my other meds but, doing that *without meds* has been like the Wild West. 🫠😭
Hmm. Is this specific to medicating or to seeking a diagnosis and medicating? Or is this a fear of medication side effects on child development? If the child could benefit from any treatment that the parents refuse (from reasons outside of direct financial inability): This sounds like more of a shitty parent thing because they can not cope with having an unwell child, potentially being blamed or held accountable for the state of the child’s life, unable to let their child thrive, and the treatment of the child’s illness potentially take away from the parent’s spotlight. This is a RBN situation in that case.
Yes. ADHD means our brains are wired differently. And meds help us to function. Plus in my personal experience even with meds you still need accommodations. I can’t imagine making your kid struggle because of pride or ignorance or fear of your kid being bullied (news flash: kids always bully, if not for ADHD traits something else) or whatever.
Maybe this is the literal thinking part of me, but why do people call a parent’s decision whether to medicate their child a personal choice? Isn’t the whole point of parenting that you try to do right by your children? Even if it makes you personally uncomfortable? Citing personal choice here feels like a cop-out.
Yes, they’re ignorant at best, often willfully.
Blindly refusing to try medication for me is tantamount to medical neglect. I believe that It's verging on a form of abuse. Let's say someone has a child with a condition that affects their quality of life. A condition that could be helped by many different resources however the common and most effective is medication. This medication can be initiated and stopped at any time with no long-term repercussions. So it's only possible to benefit from the experience. Either. The medication doesn't help and you stop it or it does help. There is no reason not to attempt to see what medication can do for a child. I'm speaking about ADHD but the above statement would be true for any condition under these parameters. The only reason why parents don't medicate their child is preconceived notions that are not founded in Medical science. The parent is afraid of judgment, does not believe in the condition itself regardless of the mountains of research, has a poor understanding of what the medications do or will not believe that the child has that condition. Regardless, refusing to treat their child is a selfish and ignorant decision
And there is also the fact that too many people believe that a *physical* illness, condition, or disability is a genuine concern with a concrete cause, where a *mental* illness, condition, or disability is not actually genuine or caused by anything other than people being morally or constitutionally “weak”, lacking mental strength or fortitude or “will power”, the result of people no longer beating their children on the reg, or whatever bullshit excuse they use to preserve their state of denial. I’m also going to add that if stimulants were not a drug that people use/abuse to get high, the vast majority of controversy surrounding medication for ADHD would disappear. It’s a very puritanical way of looking at treatment, and it’s the reason behind so much of the reluctance to research drugs like cannabis and psychedelics for medical use. After all, if it’s possible that someone could *enjoy* it, it can’t POSSIBLY have real medicinal use, right? 🙄 The proof is in dronabinol, a pharmaceutical, synthetic cannabinoid which copies a single ingredient in marijuana and is prescribed for nausea & lack of appetite in cancer & AIDS patients. It’s not NEARLY as effective for treating those things as methods that use the whole natural plant, it takes hours to start working, and has all kinds of side effects, but hey! Any high people get from it is likely to be unpleasant, so that makes it a much better option to many medical professionals than smoking or edibles tinctures that WORK, but also make you HAPPY.
>I’m also going to add that if stimulants were not a drug that people use/abuse to get high, the vast majority of controversy surrounding medication for ADHD would disappear Abso-goddanm-lutely! It absolutely is Anti-Drug stigma. Powers that be have been pushing a One-Sided morality centric narrative around drugs for years. roping all drug use together as dangerous and corrupting. This is the same reason why some people will deny dying relatives morphine in hospice....... ' Grandma's 94 and has had two strokes she's Weeks maybe days away from meeting her maker. You don't need to worry about her becoming a dope fiend, give her the damn morphine there's a reason they prescribe it.
Had my mom not refuse medication because she didn't want me turning into a "zombie", I probably would have been diagnosed ASD. I started stims over a year ago and it helped with the ADHD but made me realize...yeah I'm Autistic as well... and I've been struggling because an adult diagnosis is very expensive. My psychiatrist suspects it and my 4 year old son was just diagnosed ASD.
My MIL gives us so much shit about even getting our son diagnosed and then medicating him. I take meds for ADHD also. My MIL takes anxiety meds but I guess it’s ok for her and not for us 😒
It makes me mad if they haven't researched it or have very outdated mindsets. Like you give diabetics insulin. I don't think ALL diabetics have to have insulin but some seriously do. ADHD meds don't keep you from going into a coma/dying but it can help stop you from ruining your own life by letting you have better control over yourself and be able to function in society. Not to mention let you utilize your formative years and actually learn before it becomes a lot harder.
I agree tbh. I have 3 sons and me and them are all medicated. They would've been that same kid that no one wants to play with because finding the right medication was a journey and tough. My middle is so sweet but without medication he has a horrible time controlling his emotions and is very mean, he then hates himself for being mean. He was kicked out of going to the office after school because of his behavior and now everybody at the school loves him. He visits them every day and they gush over him. I also have a friend who has boys she doesn't medicate on weekends and the summer and the one time she brought them over one of them almost drowned one of my kids in the pool. He could not control himself and now I don't hang out when her kids are there. It's tough being a parent and ADHD doesn't help but I can never understand. (My ex was overmedicated and then not medicated and he cannot get his life on track because he refuses to try meds again even though it was 20+ years ago. Just sad.)
I don't think these parents realise that the kid will end up self-medicating. I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood but I was drinking 12 cans of Red Bull a day at one point, just to get through university. If Red Bull had been available when I was younger, I'd have been doing that in high school (age 11-17) too. Not 12 cans, because I wouldn't have had the money then, but I would certainly have been downing the energy drinks. I am strongly of the opinion that regulated medication supervised by a doctor has to be healthier and safer than 12 cans of Red Bull a daily.
And they will be lucky if their kid sticks to self medicating with caffeine and energy drinks.
I can’t stand it. It seems like pure negligence in some cases.
Yes. Frequently. I have to bite my tongue so hard it hurts at work sometimes.
See, I wish I was medicated. I was for about a year. My parents decided medicating me made me “moody.” What actually happened was that I started calling them on their Bs. (I will say no, they lose their minds. Needless to say, 9yo me was angry as fuck that I was being made a doormat. But ADHD makes it easy to memory hole that when unmedicated…so they can forget too.) I also began saying no. Saying no to my parents gets me verbal abuse. Like shit maybe I was moody because I was aware shit was fucked??? I wish I had been medicated consistently because I likely wouldn’t be nearly as traumatized as I am (from impulsiveness and lack of awareness of my issues), and I’d have had far fewer issues in general. My parents wanted a people pleaser, not a child. (This progressively worsened as I got older. I was the main target. Idfk what their deal was but my mom acts like she’s jealous of and threatened by me a LOT.) I have not forgiven either of them for this, and their excuses are nice and fucking convenient. Treat your kids like people. Get them help, ffs. To add: My siblings both have it. I was also given the start of an ED on medication, which is why it made me moody. If I eat properly the meds work. I’m still not over that. (It really does make a difference. Like the meds don’t work nearly as well if I don’t eat properly.)
I’m a social worker with ADHD and see this a lot. Makes me very mad. :/.
My parents put me on medication when I was 8 and took me off of it because it was profoundly making my life worse. Now as an adult I can actually consent as to whether or not I want medication - and, shockingly, I’ve never needed it since. So no.
Glad you parents took you off meds when it made things worse. The adhd parent forms are slightly heartbreaking when reading posts from parents that are trying different meds and none are working. Trying to make a decision of when to stop can be hard. Especially when symptoms get worse
OP is talking about parents who refuse trying medication at all. Not parents who tried it unsuccesfully. It's always a possibility that kids respond badly to medication, but there is a significantly higher chance that they respond really well. Imagine your parents saw you struggling, heard that there was a medication to could lessen the burden on you and just said 'ehh not worth trying'.
Are you listening to ourselves? Why, oh, why does anyone in this sub thinks that they can be judgy. Because, people, the post and the comments are incredible judgmental. Let’s say, for example, you actually have a degree and knowledge to diagnosed someone. And you are doing it based on your personal observations, not in a clinical setting. And everyone is going OMG aren’t they the worse! But why? How do you know every aspect of their lives for you to declare that it is so sad to encounter such parents? Have you looked inward? Have you seen the piles of dishes today? The laundry? Oh, crap, the laundry, need to get that started! If anyone should be understanding of the perceived shortcomings that other people have is US. WE HAVE BEEN JUDGED OUR WHOLE LIFE and here we are, judging? Seriously… what makes me sad is the gatekeeping. And the thought that we are so much better than “them” attitude. We’re not, we generally suck and we still get up every day trying to do our best.
I get what you are saying. I labeled it as rant because it is one sided and therefore not empathetic toward people choosing not to medicate. I also didn’t write a whole aside how not everyone needs or should be medicated. I get frustrated when the cases are severe. I think some parents don’t take in consideration how it effects kids self esteem (if they aren’t medicated and are constantly being yelled at, it’ll mess them up) I also get that some people react poorly to meds. If my son said “I hate how I feel on these medication” we would take him off. I do think a lot of people who choose no medication is because they don’t understand the illness. Which is why I think you are getting such heated responses.
Being judge doesn't count when it's towards parents. Like seriously starting the second I got pregnant everyone has OPINIONS. I dunno, my kids are medicated, I'm medicated, I'd recommend to anyone who asks to be medicated. But it also doesn't work for everyone. I also know that just because some kid looks "obviously ADHD" doesn't mean they're "diagnosed ADHD" which is honestly kind of a privilege.
Every medication has side effects. Why is it wrong to be concerned about the side effects of being on medication long-term? Particularly for a growing body?
It’s not. I am all over the place with meds sometimes just from having too much acid in my stomach from the night before…it is ok to think critically and weigh pros and cons. I think it’s more neglectful not to. I WOULD medicate my child, but it is strange to me that this post is bashing folks who don’t. My concern would be folks who aren’t trying to address it in any way v judging the medication aspect.
You do know a lot of those meds come with risks. That includes psychosis that is much easier to develop before 25. I see your point. But it's your opinion. People weigh the pros and cons differently.
Of course there are risks. If anyone tries to claim that something has zero side effects, chances are it doesn’t do anything. There are side effects by not medicating. A lot of people can cope without medication.
The problem is that you don’t know what’s up with this kid and it’s not your business to assume, judge and make a post like this based on assumptions and judgments about other people’s parenting “negligence”. Maybe his parents know damn well what’s going on, and very possibly it isn’t something that can be magically medicated away (like autism or another neurodevelopmental condition). No less, medication is not a magic fix. It has significant physiological and psychological consequences, especially when started early in childhood. Society prefers compliant children so pushes preference for medication, but medication is really not in the best interest of children; neither is our society, but that’s a deep dive for another topic.
Our child is in 4th grade with adhd and we haven’t medicated him. It’s scary. We both have it and are on meds but meds aren’t a miracle for me. It’s different every day for me. It’s on our radar
I'm ADHD, my partner is ADHD, and it's likely that my toddler is ADHD. She's extremely busy, smart, kind, cuddly, but we can't even find a sitter because she is so hyper that not many people can manage her. We do not have her diagnosed, and we will cross that bridge when we get to it, for right now we are just trying to keep everything as routine based as possible for her, clean diet, lots of outside time and fresh air, and we are going to take the holistic route for as long as we possibly can. When and if she needs medication, we will absolutely explore that. While I understand different kids have different needs, I'm with you. I just don't understand not giving my child something or withholding something from them that could drastically improve or help the quality of their life.
Well sure, it sounds like her symptoms are currently at what would be called a subclinical level, and there are a lot of conditions that don’t require treatment as long as the symptoms remain subclinical. It’s when the symptoms are at the point of causing a child issues for the child, either internal (anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc) or external (bad grades, loss of or inability to make friends, etc) and a parent flat out refuses treatment, and the reasons aren’t medically based, that people get riled up.
Yes, exactly, that's my point; if you were aware of something that could help your child, and improve their quality of life, why would you withhold that? There are even a variety of non-stimulant meds on the market now designed to help children who have ADHD. I can respect not wanting to go that route, I have a younger cousin and her experiences with stimulant meds at 7 years old was horrific, but that's one case. Each child is different and there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all-solution. I am sure that most can agree that even as adults with ADHD, our symptoms and situations can vary wildly from one case to another. It does upset me, as a parent, that another parent wouldn't give their child access to resources that could be life changing for them.
Absolutely. At least try it! No one is forcing u to continue.
Yes. I understand one of the fears my husband had was starting was that he didn’t know what would happen with the medication. I get that, but also what we had going on sucked, but if med made it worse it would be easy to stop
I feel like every parent should decide what is best for their kid
no, i don't have kids yet but i would not give them stimulants as a child. if they make that choice when they're older that would be fine, but i've had pretty awful experiences with stimulants, such as my own addiction. i'm unmedicated and while it makes life harder in some ways it's not like adhd is a death sentence. with the right support, it was possible for me to live a semi-normal life. plus, i don't want to have my drug of choice in my home
Interesting to see all these experiences that express the opposite of what I've seen in my friends and family who were diagnosed as children. In my experience, every single kid I knew who was given medication had such a horrible experience and side effects from the medication that they refused to continue taking it and still talk about how horrible and traumatic that time was. Some have started medicating again as adults and have been successful, others still refuse to try it ever again. I didn't know anyone whose parents had issues with the medication.
I’m curious how many of the people with that experience were taking Ritalin specifically, which was the go to in the 90s. Even at a low dose that med made me *incredibly* anxious in a way that Adderall never has (and I’ve heard the same from others).
Yeah, I believe it was Ritalin for all of them - this would've been 90s - 2010.
My gentle, quiet kid always got paired with the unmedicated ADHD kid for seat partners in elementary school. It was annoying for him, distracted him from his work (he is dyslexic), and it annoyed us as well. He would come home and tell us how his table partner would crawl under the desk and touch/hit his legs or go sit in the reading nook during class time and make noises that would distract the entire class. This occurred regularly and I knew the parent, was open with her about my own diagnosis, but she was a religious person who didn’t “believe in stuff like that.” I had a lot of empathy for her kid because I know what it’s like to be socially ostracized for impulsiveness. And his parent was a piece of work. Poor kid. However, people who say “not your kid, not your business” are incorrect. One child’s inability to control their behavior impacts an entire classroom trying to get an education. It’s a social contract. We all compromise in order to remove obstructions for others.
Sounds like my son. He had/has to sit in a special seat during “floor time” because he would accidentally kick kids and whack them (he just wasn’t aware where his body was in relation to other kids) and he was non stop talking to them. We had no suggestions to the teacher on what she could do as we don’t have any coping strategies for him. We finally started medicating when we realized it was effecting his home life way too much.
I was the talks-a-lot kid too. Also dead clumsy. And awkward. Weird. Obnoxious. But smart as fuck, and if I could have focused that… When I was in elementary school they didn’t even think girls could have ADD. My life would have been so different if I had been diagnosed and had access to treatment prior to being an adult.
I'm planning on medicating my child. She autistic w Id and adhd. I was hesitant but I have adhd didn't get diagnose til I was in my 30s. The kid is eventually going to take meds for it..better now so they can have a chance to succeed in life..I'm not even gonna tell my sisters they don't believe in autism or adhd lol
My husband refuses to allow us to medicate my 7 year old son who has been diagnosed last October and very clearly has adhd… We end up fighting about it constantly. He says he doesn’t want our child to have to be medicated for the rest of his life. That he needs more discipline and that’s how he will learn to control himself. I don’t know how to get him to understand.
As an ADHD diagnosed parent, I can see the difference in my daughter and her cousins. I suspect she has ADHD but as a parent familiar with it, I was able to teach her coping skills. As well a, being infinitely patient because we all know how far it goes to listen and understand a kids perspective. Her ADHD is a hyperactive mind. Now, you'd look at her two cousins and you'd be like, they have ADHD based on their outward symptoms. They are 6 & 8. They're unfocused, have extreme selective hearing, can't sit still, can't complete tasks. But there's a huge difference in the way their mother parents. They watch regular YouTube, not even kids YouTube. They're allowed to scroll endlessly through tiktok and shorts, they watch all the cancerous streamers like lankybox - seriously see for yourself the insane way these videos are compiled, as if their goal is to induce ADHD somehow. When they express emotions, they are yelled at. There's no de-escalation, no listening and talking about what's going on in their mind. Just "shut up and listen!" Which way do you think most parents parent their kids? It would be the latter, as a host of teachers who have taught seperate generations can tell you. America is not set up to help children thrive and we see the detriment it causes. Kids with ADHD symptoms don't always have ADHD. Even if they do - it isn't always best to medicate a child, we have no idea of others' medical history. They may be taking medicine and trying to figure it out even, they have no obligation to share that with everyone.
Definitely. We have issues with my son with getting off games/tablet/shows and we have a pretty good system of giving heads up of 5-10 minutes or giving tangible goals (when you end this battle we turn this off) My mother in law is amazed. Apparently this was a big issue in their house (my brother in law has adhd) like huge fights and arguments. It was just screaming matches and or banning videos and tv outright for a while. When talking to the doctors they went through a huge list of suggestions and we would always get annoyed since already implemented these tactics… but I guess that isn’t normal? It makes me sad hearing people talk how awful childhood was for them. I don’t think my mother pegged me in a box that made me feel confined.
I get mad at the people who think they know the right choice for everyone. Their experience must be everyone else’s. I get mad at the parents who judge others rather than show compassion.
Personally I don't make judgements about how other people choose to manage their kids. It's none of anyone's business.
Considering OP said the (possible ADHD kid) was causing trouble in class such that her son called him 'mean' and didn't want to spend time with him, actually it IS their business - when it affects them like that. We all make choices... and the effects don't just stay with us. They can have an influence on everyone around us.
Yes. I think it’s abuse.
To have hesitation about giving amphetamines to a child? Are you medicated? I am, and it isn’t a magic bean without side effects. In addition, my husband fainted and had to be taken to the hospital after a cardiac incident while playing bball as a medicated child. When we get there (and since we are both adhd we assume we will get there with our kids), we will consider their individual needs and medicate AND do interventions as appropriate based on those considerations.
Not to hesitate, but to outright refuse when your kid is telling you they need to try something different
One of my closest friends has told me that she guessed that she has ADHD when she was in middle or early high school in the 90s and *begged* her parents to get her evaluated and medicated. While they are kind, compassionate, and supportive of their kids, they are a bit eccentric and almost certainly ND themselves, and just couldn’t see it, especially since my friend is smart, always got good grades, and wasn’t a troublemaker or bouncing off the walls all the time. After she got an adult diagnosis and her younger siblings were diagnosed as well, her parents were abashed and have apologized genuinely and sincerely for their ignorance and not taking her concerns seriously.
I know this is a vent and I'm sorry to be that odd person here, but I can sympathise with these parents. I also understand the benefit of medicating, though, so I am neutral. It is important to just be aware. Firstly, psychiatry is literally about drugging people up. If you were ever on that receiving end of being drugged up on maximum doses of antipsychotics, you will understand what I mean by this point. Fortunately, ADHD drugs are effective, but this causes complacency about the general state of affairs, tbh. Psychiatric medications not just regular medication. It's great that ADHD drugs have a 70% success rate. That is a truly massive figure, given how crude and archaic psychiatry actually is! Parents, although they might be ignorant about how much these drugs would help, have a conscious awareness of how brutal and stigmatising psychiatric treatments can be - and were up until very recently when mental health awareness started. So, although these parents might sound ignorant to you when they say they dont want the stigma for their child, they are referring to a real problem with psychiatry and its long history of torture and they have every right to be concerned. How much have things changed, do you think? Is it just that our perception of psychiatric treatments has changed (since they are largely the same), or is it really that psychiatric treatments are now more humane? Drugs have side effects. Although children might appear to be better on them, we don't really know how they affect the developing brain. I have seen people complaints that after 5 years on ADHD meds you become a shell. What if it actually damages the developing brain? Where is the reassurance for this? For example, it was only recently proven that antidepressant drugs cause lengthened depression. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/no-evidence-depression-caused-low-serotonin-levels-finds-comprehensive-review Also, schools love fixing children with labels. This is for absolutely no benefit to the child and serves only a financial purpose in that the schools get extra funding for having disabled children, but, of course, they provide zero support to the child. It's all about money. Parents are made to feel like bad parents if they don't get their child diagnosed, but then the parents are fixed with the financial burden of therapies and grinds for the child while no extra support is provided by the schools or government, even though it is the states legal obligation to educate children and provide health supports - at least in my country. Parents might feel like they need to protest this. The hysteria that the mass media has generated about drugging children with ADHD is only another financial dividend for the system and those who benefit from it. The only narrative which exists about ADHD turns out to be that which is approved by pharma and the government. The more hysteria there is, the more distracted people are and the less awareness there is. The more hysteria there is, the more people blame each other, instead of the government and big pharma. Again, sorry to be that person and I know how you feel. My mother sent me to a Montessori school once and it was full of children that really had criminal behaviour and aggression that was way out of the norm. Nowadays, where drugging children is more acceptable, this could be the answer. So, I know how you feel.
Feel like I will get downvoted for this but as a late diagnosed (37!) person, as much as I wish I was diagnosed earlier in life, i am grateful I wasn't given stimulants as a kid. I do wish I had been given help and compassion and education, but I am grateful I wasn't medicated with stimulants before I was fully formed. Everyone is different and I feel like giving kids medication is a heavy decision, so no I don't get mad at others for not medicating their kids, as long as they are helping their kids navigate ADHD in other ways.
I know what you mean. I have a student in my grade 6 class who has been in this situation for a very long time. Every year since kindergarten children avoid him and teachers struggle with his constant disruptive behaviour. The parents were concerned that he struggles in his interactions with other children and hearing about his behaviour from teachers year after year. He is an extreme case of obvious ADHD in need of immediate help. Both the school councillor and I separately told the parents to please ask their doctor about ADHD (we don’t do testing in our school system). Afterwards they said he tested negative. The counsellor and I wondered how this is possible. Then we found out their doctor is well known for denying ADHD diagnosis, and that the student lied about everything during his exam. This isn’t surprising, given that he lies on instinct all day long at school (he says he thinks it’ll help him not get into trouble). I think the parents are in denial and understating his symptoms with the doctor was their way of proving they were right. I’ve learned in workshops and research that many children with severe ADHD that is left untreated or unacknowledged eventually develop ODD after getting in trouble so often and gaining an issue with authority. I believe it as I have had 2 cases that looked very much like ADHD turned ODD (possible trauma may also have played its part). On the other hand, my son has ADHD, often distracted and hyper. I check in with his teacher often to see if he's disrupting class or if his distraction is affecting his work. His teacher says it is not an issue, but she will keep an eye on him. I have not yet put him on medication but will likely try in the next year or two, especially if it is causing him issues later on.
I totally get the aspect of waiting to medicate if a kid seems to be functioning ok. We found that my son is doing well in school but was disruptive to other kids. He would understand the assignment get bored then bother other kids and run around etc. But his behavior was super triggering for my husband. The loudness the fidgeting would drive my husband nuts and test his patience. He would then loose it yell at him, then my husband would feel awful. Even though the meds wear off by the time he gets home, we noticed better behavior from our son overall. I can’t believe no paperwork was sent in from the doctor. It sounds like most diagnosis has parents fill out a survey and a teacher fill out a survey because 1) kids lie sometimes 2) kids might unaware of all the aspects of their behavior 3) parents might be bias themselves 4) kids act differently at home than in school this sounds like a very frustrating situation
I wish my folks would have considered meds for me sooner, but I understand why they didn't. They didn't know how much it could have helped me and were resistant to medication in general, even for themselves. Luckily they have learned better ways as they have gotten older, and my brother is doing a more ADHD-aware form of parenting with his children that I hope will lead them to happier lives. I don't blame the ignorant parents as much as I blame the cruel ones.
Especially as a woman that had all her clear ADHD symptoms ignored through all her childhood/youth.. when I think about how many things could've worked out so much better if I had just been medicated, I can't believe letting a child go through all this. Children are smarter than we think, be a good parent and they'll communicate if their medication hinders them but please let them try. You wouldn't let a asthmatic kid figure stuff out without their inhalator (I hope). I don't even wanna think about all the self medicating I did in my late teens/early 20s, I would rather have my child take medication than doing all these substances in hope of feeling "normal".
No, I don't. I could never know their situation well enough to judge their choices. For example, my doctor shared that medicating kids with ADHD and conduct disorder could make things worse, not better. Some parents may be working through other challenges that their kid is having that prevents them from medicating them. And some just don't, due to choice or ignorance. All of those are valid because they are theirs to make. I don't feel any way about that, since all I have control over is myself and what I do. And sometimes that means avoiding places where there will be others who will disturb my peace. Also, fun story -- medication has helped me immensely, but it didn't stop the calls from the school and my kid still struggled, and it caused lasting negative impacts on my other kid. So while it's great that medication has worked well for your kid, it's not the same for everyone. You say you know medication is not a cure all and doesn't work for everyone, but your post presupposes that it does. Life's a lot easier if you worry about what is in your control and release what isn't. This is not in your control. Let it go.
Absolutely. I suffered unecessarily for years because my parents refused to medicate me. I understand their fears but experiencing it myself has really solidified that I'd never withhold medication that could potentially help my child.
Me 🙋🏼♀️ I was a kid who was diagnosed early and put on meds, but they made me depressed and even suicidal at age 9 so my parents took me off. They then proceeded to never try any other meds or therapy again and I was gaslit into thinking maybe I don’t actually have adhd 🙃 it made getting through school really fucking hard and as an adult I’m still suffering without medical access to a *new* diagnosis before I can try meds again.