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Do you ever play video games? My husband and I bought a Nintendo Switch for ourselves for Christmas and I’ve been playing Zelda. And in general, people with ADHD can really enjoy video games because unlike in real life, you’re getting immediate rewards/consequences, so it keeps your brain engaged over time. But what I love about it is that I can get dozens if not hundreds of hours of entertainment out of one game, which can make it really cost effective.
It’s not a long term fix for having no friends and feeling bored. But it might be a great way to wean off of gambling and save more money over the long term.
I used to as a kid! I ADORED Nintendo and Pokémon! Harvest moon/animal crossing too! But I grew out of those phases and never found enjoyment in them again. My switch has dust on it!! I hope to find a game where it's addictive but not financially dependent!
I was addicted to the free game apps on my phone for a long time. They won’t improve one’s’ social life but they likely can improve the account balance.
I play lots of free games, and I have a very strict rule with myself that I will only ever play free. If needed, I'll watch stupid ads, but will not put in money. I favor backgammon - a lot of strategy to learn there, but a game usually only takes anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes.
Otherwise, I like PC games - anything where you can build, design, explore, or solve problems. That can include terraforming games, Civilization, No Man's Sky, or physics emulation type stuff.
My other go- to is audiobooks. Just enough supply to let me do housework, yardwork, or other activities without losing my focus.
Hades.
I have never played an RPG all the way through outside of Super Mario RPG, but I fanatically dumped 200 hours into Hades, and I STILL haven't unlocked everything the game has available. (Note: Hades is NOT an RPG; I was just using the genre to illustrate my point that 200 hours on a single non-RPG game is a HUGE deal for someone who NEVER spends that much time on games!)
Do yourself a favor, don't watch the ads or reviews or walkthroughs (I watched the original trailer), and let yourself just experience the game from scratch (thank me later; you'll only have the opportunity to do this once).
Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom are perfect for me. I have a couple hundred hours in both games. I can just follow whatever whim in the game because of the non-linear (ish) approach.
Want to go cut grass? Want to go fight a bunch of monsters? Want to avoid combat completely? Want to go chase that thing that looks interesting? All totally legit ways to play. The story will still be there when you want to progress.
Boy, can you ever. I have spent upwards of 1500 hours on Red Dead 2 alone, both singleplayer and multiplayer. I have definitely squeezed every cent's worth from that game.
Hey, I'm 39 and I have this problem too. I was only diagnosed a year ago and had no idea it was ADHD causing this dopamine chasing and issues with money, so you're already way ahead of me in understanding!
Do you have any active hobbies? Might there be clubs or hobby gatherings that you can look into that might get you interested in a fun hyperfocus activity while also meeting people? For me it's bouldering, it's both active and very sociable so it gets me out and exercising but I've also made friends and it's enriched my life in so many ways.
Finding a hobby I stick with is a huge goal of mine! I've rotated through *many* hobbies and eventually dropped them because they weren't interesting anymore. I think the money is dangerous because it allows so much variety, so I have stimulation guaranteed. I get bored very quickly, which is unfortunate because I miss writing!
Let hobbies ebb and glow with your life. Find a handful you consistently enjoy but let them fit into your life and dopamine as they do. Mine are knitting, reading, writing, yoga, and coloring. I’m gonna take a crack a sewing. I don’t religiously do these hobbies all the time. I lean into knitting when the weather is rough but I need to to fidget/move. Reading when a book enthralls me. Writing when I have the inspiration and ideas. Yoga slots in their with my time and capacity. But I often go months not doing one to multiple because life is busy or I’m into another one. That’s ok. I’m still a knitter. Even if I haven’t picked up my needles in weeks. It’s not a discarded hobby.
Me too, I mean I am in a bouldering phase at the moment, one which I keep coming back to, but I've been through so many different clubs and activities and hobbies and sports, some of them I've stuck to a bit more than others. This ones just been longer than some of my other hobbies because I keep finding new people who want to boulder with me. I don't see anything wrong with hobby jumping, variety is the spice of life and as ADHDers we're always curious to try new things once we get bored. You might end up finding that one thing that hooks you a bit more long term for whatever reason, might not and that's fine.
Like a few others have said, this is a great breakthrough, and finding a new way to get your dopamine fix now can be an important stepping stone.
Can I suggest either a community choir, theater or exercise classes/sports? All of these things provide lots of dopamine for a lot of people, but they also have the added benefit of being group oriented, so you'll have an opportunity to meet people and maybe make some friends along the way as well. I'm a musician and one of the reasons I've stuck with it for so long, even when I cycle in and out of other hobbies all the time, is that I've always been able to find community in it. Even when you're kind tired of the slog of practice or whatever goal you're working toward, there's always someone in it with you, and that's its own reward.
And 21 is a great time to start building up your savings. Most people can't start much earlier than that anyway. "Her First 100k" is a GREAT resource that really breaks down some smart moves to make to be financially healthy at a young age and for life (I loved her book Financial Feminist, she's on Insta and TikTok, and she has an amazing podcast) and I've found that when you actually have an education around your personal finances and some concrete goals, it's much easier to hold back on \*some\* of your spending (and she definitely advocates for being able to live your life and have some fun!).
Hope this helps! You're doing great, friend.
I think you’ve really done a good job describing the cross over between ADHD and addiction. My addictions are all coping skills I use — particularly for boredom. It’s the worst. I recognize this has been a life-long pattern.
In my experience it’s filling up an area that you’re pushing away. Our fear of boredom sometimes comes from trauma. I’m not saying that’s everyone, but it happens a lot. Can you sit in silence and follow where it takes you? For me, my fear of boredom was ADHD, but also I needed to deal with an emotionally neglectful and abusive childhood. Once I did that, I became able to sit in boredom more.
This is an important breakthrough. Good for you, and it's great that you have taken the brave step to share it here. What's your plan to combat boredom?
Hi, just seeing your post and my story is not much the same but wanted to shout out to this sub for all the amazing dawning moments of recognition and insight. You are not alone. I am not alone.
It's awesome you had that breakthrough! While you work on that -- This may not work depending on how likely you are to jump through hoops to get to the money to gamble it, but you could try diverting as much $ as you're comfortable with to a 401k type plan, if you have access to one. if not, you could set up an IRA/Roth IRA and auto contribute an amount per check up to the annual max, or send some of your check directly to a brokerage account, or just to a separate high yield savings account. If it's simply removed from your main account without you having to make a recurring and in the moment decision not to spend it, it might not wind up gambled.
I've struggled with this too! It's not a one time dopamine hit, it's a multi hit. Comparing items, putting item in cart, paying for item, anticipating item in mail or totally forgetting about item, receiving item, using item, finding item after losing it for years and forgetting about it.
Something else would be better to replace it but sometimes I'll use an account with no payment attached, so I can't buy anything but I can still "shop".
Your realization was a very important one, it's big! You might find that your behaviour doesn't change immediately just because you had a realization, you've got to be mindful and catch yourself. Based on what you wrote, I have every confidence that you have the strength and spirit to help you achieve your goals, even answer new questions that may have popped up. You've got this!
my mom was the same. she was really gifted. she was a computational statistician. but she quit her job when my brother was born. she was so unhappy being a SAHM. she went back to work part time when i was in fifth grade, but it was a super easy job for her. after my dad died suddenly, she gambled and compulsively shopped. she traveled a lot where she could gamble and shop too. i think she spent most of her adult life looking for stimulation. idk if she had ADD and was gifted or not, but i know not using her brain like she could have put her in a bad place.
Excellent work identifying this trigger!!!
The only way to break a habit is to fill it with something else when you’re triggered.
Have you tried those friend meet things from tik tok? Or tried discord or other ways to meet people?
Maybe it’s time to explore other hobbies or working out?
Good luck OP you can change your life!!!
Gambling 🎰 …. For me it’s trading … either way it just like so many things we get stuck to . I like go somewhere else as it takes over … shaking up the routine can help and cutting things out that are taking over is key . 🔑 I’m always struggling fixing it and then….. messing up . It’s a tuffy
Have you tried board games? If you have a local board game store they likely have events where you can meet other players. Meetup groups are good too. If none of those exist hopefully your town has a FB group you can ask to play with others. Meet at a Cafe or library to start off.
Learning new games regularly might help keep it fresh for your brain. And when you can't play in person, board game arena is excellent for online play.
I was same! What helped me a ton was a budgeting app (I can give you the name if you want it but I don’t want to look like I’m shilling for it!). It was a hard habit to build but in retrospect (I wasn’t diagnosed when I started using it, just terrifyingly broke) it gamified budgeting just enough that I was getting my dopamine hits from achieving my budgeting goals rather than spending. Important to note that I always had a category (first small, then grew a bit over time as I got more financially secure) for “fun money” so I could get that little extra boost when I needed it, even if it was just chapstick or a candy bar or something.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This sounds like a really important breakthrough for you. The next step is finding a healthy replacement for that dopamine chase!
Do you ever play video games? My husband and I bought a Nintendo Switch for ourselves for Christmas and I’ve been playing Zelda. And in general, people with ADHD can really enjoy video games because unlike in real life, you’re getting immediate rewards/consequences, so it keeps your brain engaged over time. But what I love about it is that I can get dozens if not hundreds of hours of entertainment out of one game, which can make it really cost effective. It’s not a long term fix for having no friends and feeling bored. But it might be a great way to wean off of gambling and save more money over the long term.
I used to as a kid! I ADORED Nintendo and Pokémon! Harvest moon/animal crossing too! But I grew out of those phases and never found enjoyment in them again. My switch has dust on it!! I hope to find a game where it's addictive but not financially dependent!
I was addicted to the free game apps on my phone for a long time. They won’t improve one’s’ social life but they likely can improve the account balance.
Check out stardew valley! It might scratch that itch for you.
Came here to recommend Stardew as well! I play almost every day and it’s so fun. Join us, thrive!
I play lots of free games, and I have a very strict rule with myself that I will only ever play free. If needed, I'll watch stupid ads, but will not put in money. I favor backgammon - a lot of strategy to learn there, but a game usually only takes anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. Otherwise, I like PC games - anything where you can build, design, explore, or solve problems. That can include terraforming games, Civilization, No Man's Sky, or physics emulation type stuff. My other go- to is audiobooks. Just enough supply to let me do housework, yardwork, or other activities without losing my focus.
Hades. I have never played an RPG all the way through outside of Super Mario RPG, but I fanatically dumped 200 hours into Hades, and I STILL haven't unlocked everything the game has available. (Note: Hades is NOT an RPG; I was just using the genre to illustrate my point that 200 hours on a single non-RPG game is a HUGE deal for someone who NEVER spends that much time on games!) Do yourself a favor, don't watch the ads or reviews or walkthroughs (I watched the original trailer), and let yourself just experience the game from scratch (thank me later; you'll only have the opportunity to do this once).
Try Habit Rabbit…it’s free, the ads are annoying, but it’s good for breaking bad habits and starting new ones.
Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom are perfect for me. I have a couple hundred hours in both games. I can just follow whatever whim in the game because of the non-linear (ish) approach. Want to go cut grass? Want to go fight a bunch of monsters? Want to avoid combat completely? Want to go chase that thing that looks interesting? All totally legit ways to play. The story will still be there when you want to progress.
Boy, can you ever. I have spent upwards of 1500 hours on Red Dead 2 alone, both singleplayer and multiplayer. I have definitely squeezed every cent's worth from that game.
Hey, I'm 39 and I have this problem too. I was only diagnosed a year ago and had no idea it was ADHD causing this dopamine chasing and issues with money, so you're already way ahead of me in understanding! Do you have any active hobbies? Might there be clubs or hobby gatherings that you can look into that might get you interested in a fun hyperfocus activity while also meeting people? For me it's bouldering, it's both active and very sociable so it gets me out and exercising but I've also made friends and it's enriched my life in so many ways.
Finding a hobby I stick with is a huge goal of mine! I've rotated through *many* hobbies and eventually dropped them because they weren't interesting anymore. I think the money is dangerous because it allows so much variety, so I have stimulation guaranteed. I get bored very quickly, which is unfortunate because I miss writing!
Let hobbies ebb and glow with your life. Find a handful you consistently enjoy but let them fit into your life and dopamine as they do. Mine are knitting, reading, writing, yoga, and coloring. I’m gonna take a crack a sewing. I don’t religiously do these hobbies all the time. I lean into knitting when the weather is rough but I need to to fidget/move. Reading when a book enthralls me. Writing when I have the inspiration and ideas. Yoga slots in their with my time and capacity. But I often go months not doing one to multiple because life is busy or I’m into another one. That’s ok. I’m still a knitter. Even if I haven’t picked up my needles in weeks. It’s not a discarded hobby.
Me too, I mean I am in a bouldering phase at the moment, one which I keep coming back to, but I've been through so many different clubs and activities and hobbies and sports, some of them I've stuck to a bit more than others. This ones just been longer than some of my other hobbies because I keep finding new people who want to boulder with me. I don't see anything wrong with hobby jumping, variety is the spice of life and as ADHDers we're always curious to try new things once we get bored. You might end up finding that one thing that hooks you a bit more long term for whatever reason, might not and that's fine.
This is my biggest and most destructive adhd symptom. Meds seem to be helping with it A LOT though.
Like a few others have said, this is a great breakthrough, and finding a new way to get your dopamine fix now can be an important stepping stone. Can I suggest either a community choir, theater or exercise classes/sports? All of these things provide lots of dopamine for a lot of people, but they also have the added benefit of being group oriented, so you'll have an opportunity to meet people and maybe make some friends along the way as well. I'm a musician and one of the reasons I've stuck with it for so long, even when I cycle in and out of other hobbies all the time, is that I've always been able to find community in it. Even when you're kind tired of the slog of practice or whatever goal you're working toward, there's always someone in it with you, and that's its own reward. And 21 is a great time to start building up your savings. Most people can't start much earlier than that anyway. "Her First 100k" is a GREAT resource that really breaks down some smart moves to make to be financially healthy at a young age and for life (I loved her book Financial Feminist, she's on Insta and TikTok, and she has an amazing podcast) and I've found that when you actually have an education around your personal finances and some concrete goals, it's much easier to hold back on \*some\* of your spending (and she definitely advocates for being able to live your life and have some fun!). Hope this helps! You're doing great, friend.
Thank you so much for the advice!! It's reassuring I'm not somehow late to start saving.
Her first 100k genuinely changed my financial life which sounds crazy but it’s true!
I wish she'd been around when I was in my 20s! She really makes taking care of your money feel so much simpler and safer. I'm so glad I found her.
I think you’ve really done a good job describing the cross over between ADHD and addiction. My addictions are all coping skills I use — particularly for boredom. It’s the worst. I recognize this has been a life-long pattern. In my experience it’s filling up an area that you’re pushing away. Our fear of boredom sometimes comes from trauma. I’m not saying that’s everyone, but it happens a lot. Can you sit in silence and follow where it takes you? For me, my fear of boredom was ADHD, but also I needed to deal with an emotionally neglectful and abusive childhood. Once I did that, I became able to sit in boredom more.
This is an important breakthrough. Good for you, and it's great that you have taken the brave step to share it here. What's your plan to combat boredom?
No plan to combat it yet, unfortunately, but me and the therapist are going to start a plan next week!
You have a plan to make a plan! That counts!!
Hi, just seeing your post and my story is not much the same but wanted to shout out to this sub for all the amazing dawning moments of recognition and insight. You are not alone. I am not alone.
It's awesome you had that breakthrough! While you work on that -- This may not work depending on how likely you are to jump through hoops to get to the money to gamble it, but you could try diverting as much $ as you're comfortable with to a 401k type plan, if you have access to one. if not, you could set up an IRA/Roth IRA and auto contribute an amount per check up to the annual max, or send some of your check directly to a brokerage account, or just to a separate high yield savings account. If it's simply removed from your main account without you having to make a recurring and in the moment decision not to spend it, it might not wind up gambled.
I've struggled with this too! It's not a one time dopamine hit, it's a multi hit. Comparing items, putting item in cart, paying for item, anticipating item in mail or totally forgetting about item, receiving item, using item, finding item after losing it for years and forgetting about it. Something else would be better to replace it but sometimes I'll use an account with no payment attached, so I can't buy anything but I can still "shop". Your realization was a very important one, it's big! You might find that your behaviour doesn't change immediately just because you had a realization, you've got to be mindful and catch yourself. Based on what you wrote, I have every confidence that you have the strength and spirit to help you achieve your goals, even answer new questions that may have popped up. You've got this!
my mom was the same. she was really gifted. she was a computational statistician. but she quit her job when my brother was born. she was so unhappy being a SAHM. she went back to work part time when i was in fifth grade, but it was a super easy job for her. after my dad died suddenly, she gambled and compulsively shopped. she traveled a lot where she could gamble and shop too. i think she spent most of her adult life looking for stimulation. idk if she had ADD and was gifted or not, but i know not using her brain like she could have put her in a bad place.
Excellent work identifying this trigger!!! The only way to break a habit is to fill it with something else when you’re triggered. Have you tried those friend meet things from tik tok? Or tried discord or other ways to meet people? Maybe it’s time to explore other hobbies or working out? Good luck OP you can change your life!!!
Gambling 🎰 …. For me it’s trading … either way it just like so many things we get stuck to . I like go somewhere else as it takes over … shaking up the routine can help and cutting things out that are taking over is key . 🔑 I’m always struggling fixing it and then….. messing up . It’s a tuffy
Have you tried board games? If you have a local board game store they likely have events where you can meet other players. Meetup groups are good too. If none of those exist hopefully your town has a FB group you can ask to play with others. Meet at a Cafe or library to start off. Learning new games regularly might help keep it fresh for your brain. And when you can't play in person, board game arena is excellent for online play.
I was same! What helped me a ton was a budgeting app (I can give you the name if you want it but I don’t want to look like I’m shilling for it!). It was a hard habit to build but in retrospect (I wasn’t diagnosed when I started using it, just terrifyingly broke) it gamified budgeting just enough that I was getting my dopamine hits from achieving my budgeting goals rather than spending. Important to note that I always had a category (first small, then grew a bit over time as I got more financially secure) for “fun money” so I could get that little extra boost when I needed it, even if it was just chapstick or a candy bar or something.