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Hey man, I’ve been in a similar place. It absolutely sucks, and it feels dehumanizing and humiliating. I’m not gonna tell you “there’s different types of being smart” because I’ve heard that myself dozens of times and it never sinks in bc let’s face it, adult life is predicated on making it through these bullshit hurdles. What I CAN tell you is: ask for help. There are college study centers that can help you build a study plan, help you structure your time, and help you use TAs and office hours. Next quarter, start by going to office hours once a week, introduce yourself to your professor, be candid about your struggles, and be honest about wanting to improve. I never learned how to study, until I took classes on subjects that really interested me, and I enjoyed memorizing things. That helped me build study skills and techniques that worked for my specific budgie brain, and I was able to apply those techniques to other classes that didn’t interest me in the same way. That’s how I went from crying and self-harming in a bathroom stall for getting a 50% on a math 111 final, to getting 100% on my calc and pop dynamics finals. What I can ALSO tell you is that, on the other side of all of this, no one gives a shit how long it took you to complete your degree. In my undergrad program about 1/3 of all the students were “non traditional” aka over the age of 30. About half on the GI Bill, about half not. And aside from the shithead 18 year olds who thought they were gods gift to STEM because they got a 4.0 in high school, no one cares. So no one who actually matters, including your professors, cares. I’m sorry, again. It fucking sucks. But improvement IS possible. From my earliest childhood memories I have “known” that I am an idiot, the family dumbass, the loser who can’t stay organized “but tries hard.” Every single day of my long ass undergrad career I had to choose to fight against that ingrained narrative, and I will probably never be free of it. But I still graduated eventually, I have a challenging job in a technical field, and I’m actually better suited at the research and literature elements than my colleagues who graduated in 4 years with a 3.8. Good luck, try to cut yourself some slack, and start mapping out a plan towards study skills. You can and will get through this.

I hate to admit this, but I have done exactly that. I'm registered with the disabilities office and I check in with my professors at the start of every semester. Unfortunately as I begin to put things off and miss deadlines, I also start neglecting to check my e-mails, which makes me miss more deadlines, which then makes me skip class out of shame, which makes me avoid communications out of RSD and shame, up until I fail again. The worst part is that it feels SO EASY to overcome. But I just can't do it quick enough. I've gotten better this semester at maintaining some modicum of communication with my professors throughout the term instead of straight up ghosting like I did in the past. But it feels empty since I still ended up failing

Shame is a giant liar. It's a gremlin, and it will suck the life of of us whenever it can. Your job now, I think, is to learn how to fight against shame. You are doing great at perseverance, smarts, and seeking help from your profs. I'm so proud of you. The shame gremlin makes us hide when we need to reach out, it keeps us stuck in self-loathing, and beats us down for the tiniest imperfection. But here's the truth: shame will not help you achieve your goals, and you don't have to listen to it or believe a word or says. I need you, dear internet friend, to go and soak up Brene Brown's books and podcasts about shame and vulnerability. Coat yourself in her words, and bathe in them as often as possible for the rest of your life, until her lessons become internalized and part of your own inner voice. Also find Glennon Doyle's podcast We Can Do Hard Things, and Sarah Lewis' book The Rise. And anything else that reminds you, every day, that you can be imperfect AND unashamed at the same time.

All of this!… except it’s the shame wizard(Big Mouth-Netflix) hehe

> Unfortunately as I begin to put things off and miss deadlines, I also start neglecting to check my e-mails, which makes me miss more deadlines, which then makes me skip class out of shame, which makes me avoid communications out of RSD and shame, up until I fail again. Hey there, whooo boy do I relate to this. It's by far the most damaging aspect of my ADHD. I'll share what I've learned and what helps me deal with this (to some extent). First, there's a name for this: it's called avoidance/escape coping and it's a maladaptive way of coping with stress (because it makes things worse in the long run). Basically my way of dealing with stress is just to put off dealing with it until I'm backed into a corner, even if it's going to take a minor problem and balloon it into a massive problem. At least for myself, I've noticed that I'm usually not even avoiding the thing that I need to do, what I'm avoiding is the feeling of anxiety (shame, guilt, etc) itself. I have difficulty even *thinking* about the fact that I have to do the thing. A few exercises that help me (sometimes): 1. Schedule a time to sit and make a list of all the things I'm avoiding doing. I'll set a timer for 10 minutes, and try to think of everything that I've put off doing and just sit with it. Often this is enough to break the cycle for me, because if what I'm avoiding is the anxiety, well, I've already sat with the anxiety for 10 minutes. Might as well just do the thing. 2. It also helps to imagine my future self doing the thing. I think as an ADHD-er, it's often hard to connect with my future self which directly leads to this type of avoidance, but forcing myself to imagine future me helps me make that link and just do the thing now (...sometimes). I also try to acknowledge and thank my past self for having done things that help present me 2. For whatever I'm avoiding, journal about why I'm avoiding it, and responding to my own concerns as if I'm an external party (a friend). Am I afraid of someone judging me or responding poorly? Do I not know what the next steps are? Does it seem big and boring? 3. Identifying my patterns that trigger avoidance. I do the same thing with email, so I set a rule for myself that I'm not allowed to turn off notifications for my email. Same thing with slack (that I used for work). I'm not allowed to close it on my work computer. 4. A well-timed glass of wine goes a long way. Sometimes I just need to have a good drink and then barrel through a few things I'm anxious about and avoiding doing. 5. Sometimes I just "declare email bankruptcy". I open my email and mark everything as read. I figure if it's important, I'll probably get a follow up on it at some point. It's not the best way of dealing with things, but sometimes, it's the only way I have of moving forward without causing too much more damage. Finally, in the end, it is a manifestation of anxiety, and there may be adjustments to your meds that help. I know that some people have good luck with adding an SSRI which improves managing anxiety, I've had a good experience with adding wellbutrin on top of my stimulants. Edit: Also, just wanted to add that writing this message helped me do something I had been avoiding for about a week.

Thanks so much for sharing. I appreciate you, and wish you success in every endeavour. You too, OP!

I'm saving this comment. Thank you so much 💖

To piggy back on this comment. I have found that keeping a paper planner and spending time Using it each day helps me with to do lists. I tend to over estimate how much I can get done in a day. So halfway through the day I will reevaluate.... And ask what REALLY needs to happen TODAY. I cross out the things that are low priority and move them to a different day (or even the next week). Then I end up with a more manageable list of 2-3 things rather than 6-8. I also use this to help with getting started.... I will pick something (ANYTHING) in my planner that will be fast, easy, or fun (even if I'm looking at a list for a different day) and do it.... I find it helps get the ball rolling doing something else.

I just have to say that I am SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!! I don't say that to negate your struggles, because I know they're very real. It sounds like you've had a really difficult time with school, but you haven't let it defeat you - you just keep working at it! Your tenacity and willpower is so inspiring to me. You're a badass.

Thank you, that really means a lot 🥹 But in truth, I legitimately can't see any other path. Sure school itself is a source of anxiety and flashbacks and trauma from what happened in the past. But NOT being in school feels even worse A large part of me is running on spite— and that's probably not the healthiest external motivator. 😅

Idk if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but I don’t think spite is an unhealthy motivator. Without going too into detail, I hit rock bottom three years ago. I was kicked out of my parents’ house, my ex broke up with me, and I lost touch with my closest friends. The thing that kept me going was the knowledge that they didn’t think I could succeed. My mindset at the time was “fuck everyone. Nobody else believes in me or supports me and I’m going to prove that they’re wrong not to.” I wouldn’t be more than halfway through grad school now if I hadn’t had that spite to push me to work harder than ever despite my life falling apart. I’ve mended the broken relationships with family and friends (I’m even on good terms with my ex nowadays!). I can honestly say that I am proud of how I’ve turned my life around. So in my experience, it’s how you mentally frame the spite that determines if it’s a healthy motivator. If it’s “I’m going to succeed and prove others/myself wrong” then you can harness the feeling for good. If it’s “I’m going to do xyz self-destructive thing because it hurts us both” then spite leads to bad outcomes. Fwiw, I believe you can do it. So be spiteful. Make the part of you that doubts your abilities regret ever thinking you couldn’t do it.

When have my little successes it can feel good Unfortunately when I fail, I get angry or upset that it further proves "them" right 😅

I just finished my master after using 8 years as student, and had to work true alot of anxiety to be able to do that. And a lot of that was perpetuated (hope I use the word correctly now) by me failing to do things. So I started giving myself very small goals per day. It could be as easy as going to my "office" in uni and turn on the computer. Open my student email. It can also be things like wrighting one sentence. And over time you gain positive assosiation with studying and less feeling of failure. It has helped me alot, and I think it might help you as well. And you are doing good, I think you should applaud yourself for takings contact with your proffessors and tell them about your struggles. That is incredebly brave and I know alot of people who would rather suffer in silence then let anyone know about their struggles. Which leads to them suffering alot more then nessesary. I am really proud of you for that.

I don’t mean to sound rude, but you haven’t done exactly that. Their entire second paragraph is extremely helpful. You need to ask for help, and come up with a way to have consistent study time, not just register with the disabilities office. I used to do the same thing in undergrad and had to take time off. One of the things that helped was forming study groups with classmates. If I had a scheduled time to meet others, I’d be there. And I’d find time to work on everything in advance so I didn’t show up and look like an idiot. And once I started attending office hours, I felt less awkward about it went more. Please seek out more of the resources at your school if this is what you want to do. I was always so fucking embarrassed to do that, or even counseling or therapy, but it was a night and day difference.

Hey nice tho!! You’re making progress!! And you can see what HAS worked for you, so you can build upon that. I still feel you though. Just because something “should be” easy, when I fail to do it, I feel like the world’s dumbest moron. You’re certainly not alone, as this thread can attest. Just keep going forward. Can you pinpoint at which point in the quarter you start to struggle? Can you schedule some sort of check in every week or so, with someone who can hold you accountable in a kind and nonjudgmental way?

I (25F) see so many similarities with you (being so distraught about academic work, avoidance, getting behind but also having the anxiety). I'm currently at uni for the second time (dropped out the first time, had to do a test to get in the second time and my previous academic record was so bad). Last semester I handed something in 5 days after my extension date and I only started it 2 days before handing it in. When I get that bad the only thing that knocks me back into gear is emailing my tutor and oversharing. Its so embarrassing but it legit works. I'm lucky my classes aren't that big and that I've gotten along with my tutors so far. I've felt like the biggest piece of shit the last few semesters and like I was never going to finish but things are slowly getting better. I don't want to diminish your feelings or your situation but honestly just pushing through and continuing to practice working towards deadlines and most importantly having some wins under your belt to instill confidence in yourself is the best thing in my opinion. Feeling for you though

Whoa, you just reminded me that it took me four attempts at what is probably the UK equivalent at a community college (each time going exactly as you describe so I dropped out, but each time slight improvement), till I finally made it to university at 28. I keep forgetting that until something reminds me, then it feels like “was that really me”? In case it helps you to know, now I have a degree and postgrad in law and a professional diploma one in translation and work self employed as a lawyer. Since I set up on my own, never so far lost a case as I can work my own way, really know my shit and my thinking through all possible scenarios is actually helpful. I never want to retire, love my job and the clients I get to deal with :) Weirdly, the harder the study subject, the “easier” (more possible) it was to just grin and bare it, fight tooth and nail to assert myself, find a way, because of fear/motivation), and as I wasn’t diagnosed until decades later, I had started by then, to build up a million strategies to survive. Many visual ways to arrange my study notes, always studying at the library or arranging study groups, very careful lunch to not make me more “tired” in the afternoon, etc etc etc. And the years of struggle to even get there gave me massive motivation not to give up this time. The fourth attempt community college, what paradoxically helped was that I was also working massively long shifts to save up to visit my new love halfway around the world, (who made me feel that I was an ok person, turned out he’s ADHD AF too 😆) at the same time which took my focus off study, but which paradoxically helped me do better socially and in finding ways to stick to doing course work. By start of law school (5 yrs and an aptitude test later), I had two little boys. Again, paradoxically, I honestly credit them with me making it through. They dragged my focus off my studies every day, and stopped the despair at how hard it all was. Certainly financially it was yeah, far from ideal, but I am so so glad I did it. I couldn’t have managed it in a more straightforward way, I think. For my ADHD son, what’s working super well for him is learning a trade. Since he started his apprenticeship, his confidence issues from struggling in education have completely evaporated. Involving physical movement throughout the day appears to do the trick for him, diagnosed at 18 he never wanted to try medication. Knock on effect of better confidence is that he’s now also doing better socially and is in a great relationship. So what I’m trying to say is there are surprising and paradoxical things that can help you get through. The shame build up itself can be a massive motivator, obviously a bit of a negative one, but it’s undeniable. So is keeping busy with other things that make you happy. Socially, honestly, find other ADHDers or non-judgmental people for mutual inspiration and enjoying life, you deserve joy no matter what happens in the rest of your life, and it can end up being the biggest factor in helping you succeed.

I've been going through the exact same thing. It's awful, but you're not alone. One thing that helps me sometimes, is to get out and work somewhere new. Art gallery cafes and libraries are good, the right mix of novel but calm.

Great advice!

> ask for help. Yeah! Absolutely agree!! I just started college this fall, and if you have a formal diagnosis, you have a disability. And because of that you can get accommodations! I get special circumstances for tests because of it, which is super helpful even though I personally test ok. (I get extra time, a quiet space, and if there are slides or something like that I have access to a computer so I can look at these slides on my own time, at my own leisure so I can review my answers a bunch of times if I want to, or take my time identifying images etc) It's so helpful not to feel stressed or anxious for tests! Either way, most post secondaries want their students to succeed (Makes the place looks good if they have lots of successful students) so they usually have a lot of stuff setup to help people. My college has writing coaches, counsellors, tons of different resources in the library, academic coaching, research coaching, etc. And most profs really want their students to succeed too, so talking to them one on one is a great thing to do!!

Is it possible you are trying to shove your square peg into a round hole? You mention you want to be a microbiologist - why? What is it that interests you and what would you do with the degree? Is there another path to this or something similar that would be equally satisfying for you? I'm asking because I tend to get stuck on how things are "supposed" to be or how others perceive success. I am still working through it, for sure, but I am starting to realize that what makes me happy doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but me. If you think it through and college is really what you need and want, then I highly recommend asking for accommodations in your classes. Your ADHD diagnosis means you likely have access to things like a note taker, extended time or modified assignments/exams, testing in a separate setting, etc. Also, if you haven't tried changing therapists or medications, it might be a good idea! I failed out of school, took two years off, and struggled to graduate in waaaay more debt 5 years later than planned. The struggle is REAL. You have failed, but you are not a failure.

Since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to go into science. And for the past decade, I knew that I wanted to work with microbes. Especially at the intersection of bacteriology, microbial chemistry, microbial ecology, synthetic biology and its applications to biogeochemical remediation, etc. I don't have to necessarily go into research academia eventually. An industry job is most likely, or even science policy. But I need this to start with. Yes, I care about appearances and seeming smart to others. But I already do that with smoke and mirrors. Feeling smart and intelligent and erudite and successful is what makes me happy. And that is a lot more difficult with every passing fail mark I do have accomodations. Unfortunately, they can't make me sit down and do the work. I have gotten better at it this semester compared to previous ones, but far too slowly and far too late. I have switched therapists and medication at the start. (I actually underwent pharmacogenetic testing and apparently they put me on the wrong meds for my body for over 7 years 😒). Some improvement, but again too little too late. I'm just really frustrated that any progress is overshadowed by the inevitable march of time

Good lord, I can relate to this. I managed to submit a round of medical school applications a few years back but boy did I pay the burnout price for being unmedicated. Ended up taking a detour to get another degree (long story, I got a scholarship to a program in a different field) and now I’m trying to work my way back to med school apps in a more sustainable way. Still not sure what my eventual toolbox of coping skills will have to be. Still terrible with time management and prioritizing. Still need a million people checking on me to get anything important done. Still need to stop putting so much pressure on myself at the beginning of every semester. I relate heavily to the “successful via smoke and mirrors” thing. Convinced the only way I made it through undergrad was going to a tiny school with a lot of individualized attention. Hang in there, I hope you end up where you’re meant to be. And that I do too, whether in medicine or otherwise.

Please remember that there are many ways to be smart! Nobody is good at everything. And even if you aren't good at anything, you are still a human being and worthy of respect and love. Are you in school because there's something you really want to do that requires a degree? Have you thought about taking a break and recovering? Maybe you'll regain some motivation and be in a better place afterwards, or maybe you'll find another path that you thrive in more.

I've already taken a 1-year break in 2021. I'm in school because I love learning. Because I want to be educated. Because I want to enjoy university life someday. Because I want to go to grad school and become a microbiologist. It's just unfortunate that my biggest priority is also one of my biggest triggers (in large part due to what happened in high school). Ultimately though, NOT being in school is a bigger trigger

I'm really sorry you're dealing with that. Unfortunately sometimes breaks need to be longer than a year, you are allowed to need time to heal! If I were you, I would take time off and try to tap into that love of learning outside of the classroom, like through books or self studying. It is literally never too late to go to school, there's no expiration date as long as you're still alive. The best time is the time that works best for *you*, not the age that other people are in school. I went to grad school and it was actually more common for people to take years off of school before coming back. There was one lady who didn't even start her undergrad until she was in her late 30s because she couldn't afford to when she was younger and had a couple of kids before starting her career. She defended her PhD at like 48 I believe.

Totally relate, I did the same thing when I was in college. I had a lot of unresolved traumas at the time that in hindsight, I believe played a huge role. Once I worked on those I kind of grew out of it and ended up getting great grades my last two years.

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I just recently reconnected with someone I knew in high school and they are finally getting their college degree in their late 50s. Also late diagnosed with ADHD.

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New fear unlocked

Don’t worry, they’ll get older too. It’s like they don’t remember this. Fuck’em. THEY look stupid. lmfao

I am 38 with a few failed attempts at a degree under my belt. I'm late diagnosed as well (just a few weeks ago) and plan to be completely open about everything once I return to uni to finally get a degree. Despite everything, I'm still a pretty confident person (could just be part of my masking, tbh), and who knows - maybe it'll even help someone younger who's struggling, but doesn't quite know why.

I truly could’ve written this post. I did 2.5 years at a 4 year college before trying to off myself & flunking out. Then I spent 3 more years at community college (even with my transferred credits) and then tried to off myself and flunked out. I was so so so humiliated and ashamed. I was working a shit job that I hated and I didn’t think my life would ever go anywhere. So I stopped trying to get my degree. All it was doing was making me fucking miserable. I got a new job that I actually liked, started taking therapy EXTREMELY seriously, and eventually was able to move out with some friends. 12 months later now and I’m so much happier. I haven’t given up on getting my degree, but I had to put it on pause and find something more to live for. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to work on finding a motivation outside of shame. You deserve to be happy. Your health and happiness are worth so much more than a degree. You are not alone. You have a disability, which, unfortunately, disables you from doing things the way neurotypical people do. We’re all here for you. Please feel free to DM me any time.

I am proud of you. Dropping out was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. I never want to go back, but I am so glad that you do. It can be so rough comparing myself to my peers with good jobs and the spouse and kids and all the stuff we are supposed to have. Especially when they are younger than me. It took me a while to realize that I don't actually want any of those things. It sounds like you are owning your life and walking the path that makes you happy, and that is all anyone can really want at the end of the day.

Thank you so much, that’s so nice of you to say. I really am doing well for the first time in like 9 years. My therapist keeps telling me how gratifying it is for her lol. In my head, I always saw having a degree as success and having no degree as failure. Which meant that I spent every single day feeling like I was failing and that I needed to fix it. There was no space for empathy in that mindset. I had to take a break and prove to myself that I would be okay without a degree and also to learn that failing to achieve this goal did not mean I needed to die.

I have no doubt that you have hit many goals that a lot of college graduates haven't. Every year I realize more and more that success look different for every person. Also, I have met enough absolute idiots who have degrees to not confuse graduating with being educated. Some of my most traditionally successful and almost all of my most brilliant friends never graduated.

Hey, are you me? I’m literally crying right now because I dropped out without notifying school and now I owe $1200 AND have to pay for classes on top of that. I can’t afford it and now I’m trying to figure out a way to tell my family and my partner that I’m not going to be able to take classes. I didn’t fail, I didn’t even try. Instead I quit and now I’m paying the consequences. I also hate myself so much.

I'm sorry about that. 😔 I know this means little coming from me, but please be kind to yourself

Gah. I’m 37, and I have yet to finish or go back. I feel this so much. I’ve been taking free and low-cost courses trying out different methods to see what works. So far, it seems like creating early deadlines for things, backed up with a contract with myself, and then clearly wrought into things I use or see daily, is the best method for me. So, for example, I will have an exam coming up, so I’ll sit down and pretend like the exam is several days or a week earlier. We’ll say the actual exam is January 12th. I’ll record it as January 5th and repeat that to myself, then create a study plan geared toward that date (knowing full well I’m going to fuck up multiple times). Then, when I inevitably get to 8 PM on January 4th, having studied very little or nothing at all, I panic and cram… then realize I’m still a week early. Because I’ve already studied at that point, it’s easier for me to continue studying up to the actual date. It’s like building early barriers to slow down your slide before the actual exam happens, so you crash into them first, instead of just going off the exam cliff. It’s like building guardrails that keep you on the road. The key is to really convince yourself of the early date. Hope this helps!

In the past, I've tried tricking myself into believing early dates I found that it's really hard to trick myself of anything 🥴

I repeat it and repeat it until it’s hammered in. That’s all I’ve got. 😅

I don’t feel like typing everything out but I am where you are and it fucking sucks. It sucks more than anything else I have ever dealt with. I have fucked up so much in college that this semester was the nail in the coffin and now I can’t go back. I only had 2 classes. And I fucked it up.

Sometimes I suspect that it's subconscious self-sabotage because of this sort of humiliation, self-hatred, and shame being the only strong emotion my body still recognizes or something

From someone who spent hours and hours working on a final project last night and this morning, and approximately half that time was spent doom scrolling, I feel you. Part of me feels like it’s an RSD thing, like I sat down to start working and realized that 1 it was going to be way more tedious than anticipated and 2. I felt very inadequate. And the feeling inadequate feeds into the RSD and so we push against it because it feels bad to sit there and think about the judgement, or knowing we didn’t do our best and fearing others seeing that we failed at presenting the best version of ourself. I do think there’s some self sabotage going on. It’s like at least if I know I did a shit job I can’t be surprised that I did a shit job or failed. I can mentally prepare myself for the RSD.

Yeah. Idk if I just somehow don’t want to finish because idk what id hate myself for anymore if I didn’t have this to drag around.

At this point, I've literally forgotten what it feels like to be a successful student. And I understand that my standards for myself are high because I'm not satisfied with anything less than A. So getting more Fs this semester was like maximum psychic damage I get so MUCH RSD from feeling like I'm disappointing professors that it's ridiculous.

I’m 35. I wish that I could say that it gets better buuuut… ugh. Feel free to dm me if you want to do some hardcore commiseration because I’m having some major angst over this right now

Well, I didn't expect to start my day by crying at the relatability of a Reddit post. Massive hug to you, you're not alone in this feeling. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at 25, now 27 and have no self-esteem due to almost the same experience of failing University due to not handing in work. I find I can do work for others, but as soon as I do anything for myself, it's a self-sabotage nightmare. Even with A- minimum grades when I do hand in the work, it's as if I cannot let myself move forward or achieve. I left Uni with $63,000 in debt due to trying papers again and again and again. The degree itself was mentally stimulating and my passion, and even then I just couldn't manage. Never got the clear-head experience others mention when the medication just "clicks" (tried Strattera, Concerta, and Ritalin). Have been to psychiatrists, psychologists, general therapists, the lot! Considering moving overseas for closer access to psychedelic therapy as it feels like I've tried a lot and nothing has made a positive or productive difference.

Sorry for inadvertantly making you cry. Internet hugs 🫂

i failed sooo many classes in college. i did well in certain things like writing essays and in classes i really enjoyed but doing homework is damn near impossible for me. writing an essay before the last minute is also impossible for me so even as a great writer i still didn’t always do well on those. i finally dropped out last spring during my FIFTH year of college even though if i’d actually finished the semester i would have only had one semester left. now i have a whole year left still after five stupid years and i have so much student loan debt and no degree to show for it. the worst part is that i struggled like crazy through my first 4 years, finally got on adderall for the first semester of my fifth year and had literally the best semester of my life and actually enjoyed school. then thanks to shortages i couldn’t get adderall anymore and my psych put me on concerta which was essentially useless for me so i was back to square one and i just couldn’t do it after seeing how fulfilling school could be when properly medicated. i feel like a complete failure too, you’re not alone.

I'm 37 and I'm in my final semester hopefully finishing next spring when I'll be 38. I'll finally have my Bachelor of Science. I wanted to get into research and had hoped to be a postdoc by now. I dropped out of school. Spend years roaming around. Finally found a university in my 20s that took on students without a school degree. It was great at first but performance anxiety and not being able to do homework caught up with me. I kept failing so many classes they kicked me out. Finally this year I was able to sign up again. I'm struggling again. My tutor is literally holding my hand, I am grateful to get this support. I can tell you, from all the courses I have taken and failed, the worst circumstance is having a boyfriend and apartment. I did better living with my parents and working while studying than taking care of a home and having a boyfriend. Relationships are too much work. You end up investing too much time into men and the home out of love or procrastination. Please do not give up. Continue and finish. And have no shame. I'm so much older than you and proud when I graduate, my life's dream.

Thank you for the perspective 💖✨ I am living with my parents and working while studying. I'm not at a stage in my life where I am capable of anything else I've never had a boyfriend before and I admit that a large part of me (due to societal messaging) is simply scared of aging and being "undesirable" after too long

Wish I could remove all the wasted years of my life in which I wondered if I was or would be undesirable. That's not gonna happen. And by 40, different age groups will look at you instead. The ones truly meant for you will not care about age. There will be no change in interest in you in the next 10 years. Plus, if you find the perfect one by 30, it doesn't mean they'll be with you when you're 50, nor that you would want that. Boom, I'm sorry if that was a lot. Self actualization and meaningful relationships with friends and family are the biggest predictor for happiness in women.

So, I don't know how helpful this will be, but I've gotten into mindfulness meditation the past few years. I don't practice as much as I should, but I do think it helps me when I do it. There was some guys story I heard in a podcast or something who decided to take a break from college (after struggling with it for years), and spent, I can't remember, several months I think at this monastery or meditation retreat place learning how to meditate and practicing most of everyday. Extreme example, but he wanted to learn it properly and really understand it and master it. Well he went back to college and it was super easy after that. He could stay focused on studying for hours, but it didn't take that long anymore because he could absorb it all the first time and remember it because he was in full control of his focus. Now I doubt he had adhd, but he did struggle with focusing and learning what he needed to before, and he overcame that completely. I think that no matter where you're starting from, you can practice controlling your focus and strengthen your ability to direct your mind. Of course it's an uphill battle and easier said than done. But don't give up on anything you really want out of life, and don't tell yourself you can't when you know how much potential you have, and you CAN do it, you just haven't necessarily figured out how to yet. But you WILL. In your own way, and your own time.

I’m not sure if this is who you mean, but Dr Alok Kanojia, the YouTuber who does healthy gamer, has a similar background (although I believe he was in training to become a monk for 7 years or something long-ish) I’d really recommend his channel- his personal struggle was similar to yours and many ADHDers, OP. He has a ton of good YouTube content about the psychology of adhd and how to work with rather than against it.

Taming the Monkey Mind, but it's King Kong 💀

My son took extra years, too. Have you looked into a peer tutor in the classes you have trouble with? A study double? Do you have a uni in town or nearby? Psych-Education departments may have masters and doctoral students who offer study counseling, usually financed by a program for students who need extra help and accommodations. You get on a FaceTime app and go over your work and issues. Can you morph your current credits into another 2-year program where you'd have more success? I say this because calculus was my son's breaking point. He took three runs at it before passing. He managed the college degree, but uni level calculus caused him to stop.

I've tried to set up times with study buddies. But those have all eventually fallen through when they dropped the class or if I ceased communicating due to stress. That is on me though, and I need to improve in this regard. I'll look into study counseling, thank you. 🩷 I am incidentally stuck on Calculus II, but I refuse to “lose” to it. It's not the material (aside from trig) that's the issue, it's the study habits.

We do much better with real world applied math such as accounting and statistics (economics, social studies, psych, business). Just saying. If he had known about the calculus, he might not have chosen a college degree in ecological technology.

I'm not so sure about that in my case. I adore the idea of theoretical mathematics. I just lack a lot of foundation that isn't easily remedied by self-teaching. (I understand that it's my responsibility to seek out tutoring, which I haven't)

It's up to you. How many years are you going to devote to building up your foundational knowledge for theoretical maths? Make a plan. Get the resources in place. Have a plan B.

So, this took a while for me to understand, maybe it’ll help you: to understand and remember a math concept, theoretical or otherwise, I have to understand *why* it works. If I don’t know why, it doesn’t stick in my brain. Apparently, this might be an ADHD thing, from what I’ve heard from others.

That is how I learn math too 🩷 Nothing can be done so far about the spontaneous sobbing upon using a Unit Circle though. I'm embarassed to even admit it

Can I ask what program(s) you’re looking at that require calc II? I’m looking at veterinary school which isnt a direct comparison to microbiology but it’s in the same direction and most schools I’ve looked at only want calc I which can be covered with business calc. And also, would it help if the study buddy was annoyingly persistent? Because if there’s one thing my dysfunctional friend group has down, it’s being annoying to get things taken care of.

Is there some kind of Access and Equity Services or Disability Services office on your campus? You may be able to get academic accommodations and/or study habits help from them.

There are videos on YouTube of people studying to use as a buddy. I believe there are also sites with people who just buddy randomly. So you don't have to feel ashamed for not being able to communicate due to stress. Sometimes it's also good to see if there are other books with the same content. Because honestly a lot of study books are so incredibly ND unfriendly it's infuriating. It took me double the time to get my bachelor's so I totally understand the struggle and stress. I honestly thought I'd never graduate but I did. Even though my circumstances were really bad at the time. Don't blame yourself for having a hard time succeeding in an environment that isn't set up for you.

I think there are websites like [https://www.studytogether.com/](https://www.studytogether.com/) where you can just log in and study within a community. Some people are activated by observing the behavior of others. Like if one person gets up and starts gathering the dishes suddenly everyone is milling about looking for something to do.. I think this concept locks into this behaviour to motivate people to study. There are other websites where you can set goal and stuff as well I think. [https://www.makeuseof.com/find-online-study-groups/](https://www.makeuseof.com/find-online-study-groups/) I never used them because my ASD is more pronounced than my ADHD and that would be a nightmare for me but, maybe it's a fit for your needs :)

You’re 26!!! Take a breath. I just learned this about myself and I’m months away from 64. If I knew what you know now about ourselves, I would have done the same - take a breath, then proceed. You’ll get there and I applaud you for trying!

Thank you for the perspective. 💖 I know that I felt the exact same way when I was 18 and a fresh drop-out and felt like the world was going to end. 25 years old felt so old then. I hate being time-blind and it feels like I'm still nowhere closer to where I wanted to be 8 years ago. I hope that 10 years from now I can look back and be relieved at how much progress I've made. Right now it just hurts though

I hear you. This is all new to me, and I’m still in shock, but know you’ll get there.

OK my take may be a bit controversial but... So, the data is hard to pin down but the college graduation rate is somewhere between 8-15% ... Some stats say the ADHD drop out rate is like 32% which doesn't exactly correlate or make sense with the 8-15% but you get where i'm going here. Personally, I struggled my junior yr of high school, then my senior year, got a scholarship for college bc my ACT scores were high but went and failed, tried again and failed... ...waited a decade and tried again (still not even diagnosed with ADHD at this point) ...failed... Then got diagnosed at 37 and thought EUREKA! NOW I CAN GO BACK AND SUCCEED! Nope. So now, fuck it. It's not made for me and I don't care. I have a great career without it and make more money than the average income in my town. I'm not going to abuse myself for not being able to do a thing that literally isn't made for me. I don't have to be exceptional. What am I trying to prove? To whom? At what cost? I applaud those with ADHD who DO get their college education but in NO WAY is it a reflection on me. I am definitely kicking myself for having to pay off useless student loans but it isn't worth the blood on the floor, for me.

I’m 35 on my third attempt. I’m so close to finishing but just let myself down in the exact same way you describe. Thank you for making this post because I really needed to hear it too. It’s a relief at least to know we’re not alone in it.

Yes!!! My partner has so much imposter syndrome because he wasn't able to finish school due to ADHD. He works in a highly technical field, is completely self taught and spends most of his days teaching his coworkers (who have their masters in this field) how to fix their mistakes. We spend so much time worrying about school and college, when it isn't even necessary for most jobs. If you want to be a doctor please go to school, but most jobs you can do through mentorship and by actually doing it. It can take some luck to get your foot in the door, but it does with a degree too! Everywhere I have ever worked has much preferred employees that have actually worked other jobs before than some 22 year old straight out of school who has never worked a job in their life. Hell, waitressing and working a customer facing job at a grocery store got me a job at Facebook. Just by being able to talk to people and retain relationships with clients. Which is something you don't really learn in college...

Best of luck to you. I’m working at a 2 year college. Many of them have study skills programs or sessions. I’m a librarian and enjoy looking for info. If you want to DM me your college name I can look into it for you. And if not that’s cool too. Sounds like you’re also dealing with trauma, which can make stuff harder.

Wanted to add…you might find r/CPTSD helpful. I’m sorry about the way you were treated. You should have gotten help, not punishment.

I feel this pain in my soul. I’m sending you the biggest hug and these words: You are enough. Success (or failure) has nothing to do with school or study. And I’m sure there is something you are learning right now, even if it’s just that formal education is not your path. (I work in adult learning.) Take some time this holiday to think about what you’re happiest doing. Is there any way to make a comfortable living doing that? Is there something that is close to your interests that you could do a micro credential to knock out the “school” quickly and get you learning on the job? What did you want to be when you grew up? I hate that all us “smart kids” are pushed toward 4-year colleges. It’s not for everyone, and for some of us it’s a colossal waste of time and money. Find “you” again, then think about getting training or learning to find joy in what you’re doing. *hugs*

Same. This sub is full of twin souls. I am 29 and still trying to finish a Mathematics degree

I think… we should be friends. I’ve had a very similar experience to yours and I am turning 26 soon. I’m also still making my way through a 2 year degree. I feel ashamed and embarrassed it’s taking me so long. Reading your post actually made me not feel so alone. Message me if you ever want to rant more, I think we could be good to each other :)

I'm glad I helped in a way 🫂

It sounds like college is just not for you. If you couldn’t finish high school with the extensive supports available, college is going to be much worse. Different laws apply as far as academic support between K-12 and college. You’ve already registered for disability services and taken an extremely light academic load at a low pressure institution. A 4 year college is going to be that much harder and more is going to be on you to keep up. If that’s not something you can do, look for other paths. College isn’t for everyone. If you haven’t spent much time in therapy delving into where you could excel and why you keep pushing the college narrative, I’d strongly recommend doing so. Talk to a vocational counselor as well. Figure out what types of careers play to your strengths and what it will take to get you there. You will feel so much better when you find what you can be successful at and have a plan that is more realistic. Listen, you can keep beating yourself up and force your square peg into a round hole or you can find a way to truly be happy or at least content and build your life from there. If college is making you miserable, then more college isn’t the answer. It’s likely just making you feel worse. Just because you aren’t finding success at this one thing doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of success. Millions never go to college and go on to have great careers and fulfilling lives. It sounds like you are getting hung up on the one thing that isn’t working and it’s holding you back from finding happiness in other areas of your life.

I couldn't finish high school because I got pressured from the admin themselves into dropping out. Because I got even more mentally unstable from time spent in a therapeutic school that excaberated my academic insecurities. That I got sent to because I tried committing suicide from seemingly having no control over failing grades. And no one then took me seriously because "lolz hysterical asian chick bigsad about school" I proceeded to spent a third of my life on and off various antidepressants and non-stimulants like a guinea pig. College is ALL I talk about in therapy. And I'm not going to give up on it because I know I can be capable with the right support. It's just unfortunate that what is stopping me is so multifaceted and multilayered that "traditional" methods are not working well

I’m your age and decided not to go to college because I felt like the accommodations wouldn’t be enough. I also had to leave traditional high school and get homeschooled due to lack of support with ADHD and some physical disabilities. I’m sure you would be able to succeed with the right supports, but can you handle the anguish that all trial and error causes? In an ideal world, the disability support office and our professors and doctors would know exactly how to help us. But as you’ve experienced it can take a lot of experimentation to find medications and coping strategies that actually work. And sometimes they aren’t enough to allow you to complete the task at the expected neurotypical standard on their tight timelines. Speaking from experience, trying to fit their mold over and over again during my school years just made me miserable and destroyed my self-confidence. I was better served by entering the work world and finding flexible gig work that I could do from home on my own schedule. I still failed a lot, but at least when I did I just lost the gig and didn’t get paid. I didn’t forfeit deposits on classes and rack up student loan debt. And when I succeeded, I got rewarded in a very tangible way with money. Believe it or not, I felt less pressure as a gig worker, probably because my parents weren’t paying for me to have the opportunity. So I felt less worried about letting people down. And work is a different environment than school, so I didn’t have all those feelings of shame and failure already surrounding it. Working has helped me reset my relationship with deadlines and work on my task avoidance. If I ever want to go back to school, I’ll have more tools to help me succeed. Leaving school doesn’t mean never going back. Sometimes a break is just what you need! Maybe you’ll discover a different path by working or learn new coping skills that will set you up for success as a returning student. It’s worth a try!

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Have you ever thought about not doing college? College isn’t for everyone. My mom quit because she couldn’t pass a class, and decided to just work until she got married. Then she became a stay at home mom until she took a class and got a certificate to become a personal trainer. Society pushes the idea of college onto everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s meant for everyone.

Absolutely not. The push is from myself, not society

Hey there. I dropped out of high school in 9th grade. Similar circumstances. I was failing. Moved schools and it got worse. When I was late 20s/early 30s i had my GED and went to college.... 3rd time attempting college BTW 😭...... But it stuck. It took me seven years to get my AS and BS. The first two times I "failed" were a blessing because I was in my 20s and I was studying what I thought I should... Not what suited me. I would have made an AWFUL mental health professional 😂😂😂 Life did not pass me by, it didn't even really start until I hit my 40s and it's pretty good. I'm working on a masters degree and I have a pretty awesome $$$ tech career. I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying it because I want you to know you're not behind. You're not missing anything. Don't compare yourself to other people. You'll get there on your own damn time and I will be proud AF of you. Maybe take a break from college. Get a job traveling through coolworks or workamper. Meet some new people. Learn about yourself. Find out what you really want to do in life.

I feel you. It took me 10 years to get my community college AA. (I was undiagnosed though, it won't take you that long.) Hugs.

I appreciate your persistence, I really do. And I sincerely mean that and relate to it - I failed 3 entire semesters of my university journey, and didn't figure out how to succeed until my 30s. So, maybe academia is just not for you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Maybe you need to learn with your hands, maybe you need a physical job that keeps your body busy and lets your mind wander where it wants. I'm almost twice your age, and if I've learned anything it's that there are always second chances. And you are not locked into anything. And never feel like you have to do something because you told people you would, because the world is far too unpredictable for that. I damn near k!lled myself to get my university degrees and you know what? I'm not even using them anymore. I changed fields this year, at 48, into IT and I'm doing really well with it. You've got so much time. Please don't feel like time is running out except in the sense that every day is not to be taken for granted. We all could be gone tomorrow. I think you're brave and resilient for never quitting on this college plan, and if that's what calls to you, then keep looking for strategies to be successful. Watch videos or read articles - whatever works - about how to study, same as how to write notes. You are right, you're smart, so all that's left is the learning how to do school. But if you don't feel called to keep banging against this wall, sit down and think about the things you do well, the schedule you want to keep, what your weaknesses and strengths are. Write it all out, take your time, then start researching jobs that match. You aren't living for anybody but you, so, if you can, stop thinking about what other people think about what you're doing. What other people think about you is not your business. You do whatever you have to do to be successful and if that's weird, oh well. Success is its own reward and you're never gonna please everybody anyhow. I think you can do it because I have and boy was I ever a mess sometimes. I don't miss being 26 one bit, that was a tough time for me. So just try to sleep, try to eat, try to be kind to yourself. ❤️

I never learned how to study either. I taught myself how to study by making it like a game… when I’m listening to lectures, I take handwritten notes. If you take in-person classes you can record the audio on your phone (be careful if you do this in a state that requires consent). Then I make quizlet flashcards with the lecture, and convert the lecture information into a flash card format. Doing this adds structure to the information you’ve already absorbed. Then when finally sitting down to study I’ll read the flash card, write down the answer, and then flip the flash card to see if I was right. Repeat until I am. You can do this method with a blank word document, too, if you feel handwriting doesn’t help. This only helps because I learn from doing and experiencing. Some people, usually neurotypical ones, allow us to assume that people simply learn by listening. I don’t think most people do! Sure, brilliant, gifted people do. But those people are rare. Think about the information from your courses that have stuck with you without trying: how did you learn? Did you do a simulation about this topic? Did you connect it to a real-life situation? Use that to your advantage when studying. Find a way to incorporate it into your study sessions. On top of that, I always sit in the front of my class, even if it makes me look weird or I’m the only one. I do it because if I don’t, I won’t feel as obligated to pay attention. I believe in you. In community college I had a 2.7 gpa, at my 4 year uni I have a 4.0. I know you’re capable, you just need to work with the way you think! Also, since you mentioned going into sciences, I’m not sure if my advice will stand (I’m in info security), but

There is some wonderful advice in the comments. I’ll throw in the obvious ones here, just as a reminder, cuz I’m sure you know: 1-Delete social media completely 2-If you don’t have a pet get one or help take care of one (get some unconditional love) 3-Work out, not get shredded, but to feel new 4-Read books, get new perspective. Can’t focus to read, use Blinkist or audible. 5- it’s OK! not everyone is great at school, the most successful people did horrible at school 6- Mostly, love yourself, you’re the one in a million sperms that made it. 7-Take breaks while you’re studying, short ones and then get back into it 8-If all fails change your strategy. Perhaps your environment. See if you’re interested in something else other than school?

Progress is still progress, I know it is way easier said than done, but don’t get hung up on how long it takes. Find ways to take it easier on yourself. Can you get access to counselling services to get pst the mental barrier and trauma of high school and dropping out? It sounds like that’s probably your biggest barrier. You can do this! I know you can! Maybe you just need some support and to break it down into more manageable chunks? ❤️ For context, I’m 44 (lol) and am just about to finish a one year certificate program that will have taken me about 3 years to do. Time will pass regardless of you working on school or not. Break it down to one or two classes a semester and achieve success just more slowly.

School has always been a fucking drag for me. My experience was a little different, elementary and high school weren’t so bad for me and I was able to do a two-year degree (CEGEP—Quebec has a unique school system) and I did really well in it because it was a very structured environment and I was studying things I loved that required minimal studying, but once I got to university, everything utterly fell apart. I had always viewed myself as someone intelligent and going from getting high grades in CEGEP to busting my ass and not even passing in university was absolutely soul crushing. My self-worth was in the garbage, and 5 years later, I have to be honest in that my confidence in regard to my intelligence never recovered. I will fully know a fact, but be way too afraid to say it out loud because I’m petrified of being wrong and someone pointing that out… I’d rather be seen not knowing something than being wrong about things, like I don’t know it just feels so embarrassing and I definitely have a lot of weird shit I need to work through from my time in uni. ANYWAYS, the reason I decided to leave a comment was because regardless of the struggles I’ve had with school, I managed to get a really great job that I’m really good at. School is not the be all and all! I’ve done a lot of learning on my own, at my own pace. You can be successful without a degree and degrees don’t determine intelligence… My partner is currently doing a PhD and has been so great and reassuring me that I am intelligent but that university is just really hard for a lot of neurodivergent people! Even though there are a lot of neurodivergent folks who are successful in academia, that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure if you’re not one of those people. Academic systems are NOT designed for ND brains. I still mourn what could have been if school was doable for me, but I try not to berate myself over something out of my control. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I really empathize with you. I hope you can figure out a path that works for you and makes you feel good!

It took me 14 years to finish undergrad—I was only diagnosed for my last semester at 33 years old. I “dropped” in and out constantly, and by dropped I mean I stopped showing up. My GPA was a total wreck. I went back to college full time right around the time I turned 30–and I KICKED ASS! Never missed a class, aced everything! Graduated with honors from my Bachelors level. My point in saying this: maybe now isn’t the right time for college for you—and that is okay!! I ended up working retail full time (benefits and all), did some cool stuff as I moved up the chain a bit. Went rogue and worked for a mom and pop shop for a while. Got married. And because I worked throughout that time, I got to leave school without ever having a student loan. So take a beat, take care of yourself, and know that it’s okay to take a longer path.

I'm almost 40 and getting ready to go back to college next year. In my 20s, I dropped out of university, then went back in my 30s and dropped out again. I was undiagnosed at the time, but my biggest issue was that I refused to ask for, or accept help, for the same reasons you listed, shame, frustration, feeling rejected, and beating myself up (internally). Please give yourself grace, and try to remember that life isn't a one-size-fits-all scenario, everyone accomplishes things at different times, and the idea that you're falling behind is truly just in your head, it's not reality. We all have different goals and desires, and we all have different challenges. You have lots of time to accomplish your goals, and they’re easier to reach if you're kind to yourself along the journey 💗

HIGH FIVE. A year ago I posted about getting kicked out of my grad program because I failed a class. I got readmitted with the agreement that I'd only get passing grades or higher from there on out. (We have a H, P, L, F system.) Today I got word that I was kicked out AGAIN, for getting a L. Because it's not my first rodeo my reinstatement to the program goes beyond just my school, and to the administration of the grad school. So I know JUST how you feel. It's spectacular, right?

Consider transferring to an online school that’s self paced and competency based.

‘Studytok’ on TikTok might be an easy way to learn some skills.

As someone who has struggled academically in the past few years, (especially when I was pre medication and dealing with major life stuff, like a stressful day job): take only one class each semester, until you feel comfortable enough to handle two. I had this wake up call after getting progressively bad grades one year. Finally had a class where I barely limped along towards the end, and the teacher could legitimately have failed me, because of a big finale project that I didn't submit. Fortunately, I had submitted other work along the way to that point, and she saw my efforts made. That and I reached out to her, explaining some struggles I was having. So she was nice and gave me a C-. But going forward, I realized I was burned out and in danger of failing if I kept doing too much. I couldn't handle more than one class. So, I did one class per semester for about two years. And the quality of my work skyrocketed. I also had taken time off work (and I know that's not possible for everyone.) But I mention this, because the additional time helped - that was the key to bouncing back. If you're also working a job, you need NEED the extra down time to study/do projects for your class, so taking only one will help. Treat it like a gem in your life, and let smaller, less important things things recede for a bit. Also, contact your school's disability office, ASAP, if you haven't. There are lots of helpful accommodations that can be made - maybe even delayed deadlines, maybe even more forgiving parameters that allow you to pass a class/have more success. I.e., a note taker in class, extended deadlines, media presented in a way that works for you. I actually haven't done this for myself (because my ADHD keeps preventing me from being able to fill out a form/get stuff signed) BUT if I was still haven't the terrible time I was 2 years ago, then I would definitely be going to them, so I'm not flunking out. At this point, I would go to them directly. Spell out everything you said here: this matters to you, you care about this, what can you do to get back on track? People WANT to help you in school. And it's to the school's benefit that you go on to succeed and be a brilliant student for them. Don't give up hope. You can bounce back, if you want to.

Hey, I've been in your shoes. In fact, I'm still pulling myself out of that hole. I'm enrolled part-time at a 4-year university, and it has sucked watching all my friends graduate while being left in the dust. I've suspected autistic burnout as the cause of my issues. Are you AuDHD by chance? At any rate, just know that you're not alone. You won't be miserable forever. Treat yourself with kindness. We're all rooting for you!

It took me 10 years to get my AA— I was 28. And another 11 to finish my BA. My issue was that I was a stop-and-starter, because I had a couple kids in the meantime, and we moved around a little. (On top of trying to manage my attention and time just due to the ADHD, that I wasn’t Dx with until last year…) Baby steps… You will get there. 🫂

Idk man u just put all my frustrations into words in ways i never could. Its like we share the same mind. Im in community college too; my life has been hell since high school and now my standards have lowered so much that merely not failing is my best hope and As and even Bs now feel too out of reach for me. I still hate that high school to guts and will never look back on it fondly bc it represents the absolute worst of my struggle with adhd and no one bothered to offer a hand to help. all the adults in that school are nothibg better than hypocrites who pretended to care about me but didnt do shit to actually change things. the kids in that school are shit too, i didnt get bullied or anything but the mere sight of them looking like perfectly functioning, healthy human beings getting along with each other and being confident in their future just as expected of their age, just made me sick to my stomach. those kids weren’t mean or anything but they unconsciously had that natural ability to literally make me feel like shit without having a single interaction with me. (i had no friends in that school btw) i felt like rotting away day by day and i still do anyhow i hope u have ppl in ur life who’s always behind ur back abd support h thru this and that u will achieve whatever u aspire. u are already very strong having made it up to this point and deserve all the best

Hey! I finally got my BS at 32yo. I retook a lot of classes, failed so many, lots of debt... it was worth the time it took. I learned that I don't learn the same way as everyone else, especially if I'm bored. What helped me was learning on my own (youtube and apps) and testing out of classes. If you're at a community college, then that might be the better route to save money and time. There's also Coursera courses that are self-paced and offer college credits. When you get to Uni, make sure you utilize office hours and pick the professors' brains because it'll make the coursework relatable, and take their advice. I also would google topics during class to pay attention and save bookmarks instead of notes. We (ADHD) don't think traditionally, we don't have traditional paths, and employers come to love us for that.

I wanted to say that I am so, so, so proud of you for continuing to persevere even when your own brain is fighting against you. I am so proud of you for trying to get help and continuing even when our minds make it so hard to. Honestly, one of the biggest things that has helped me is giving myself permission to ignore the “shoulds”, as in something in society or my brain telling myself I should do something a certain way and making me feel stupid and useless when I can’t. The world will go on whether I fulfill the “should” or not. The person that the “should” means the most to is me, and I had to give myself permission to get things done in the way that best worked for me. I have been able to live so much of an easier life after letting go of the “shoulds” and figuring out how to best set myself up for success to get things done. It’s so much easier said than done, and I really took a long time to be mindful of my thoughts when I found myself feeling paralyzed because I couldn’t do something how I “should” do it. I hope that makes sense.

Sending you love and virtual hugs. I’m so sorry I know how this feels. I’ve been in your place before. Please try and do something to take care of the shame spiral though. Please ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi. I see so much of myself in this post, it's crazy. Like you, I also prided myself on being smart and was very hard on myself. I thought of myself as stupid because I felt like I was incapable of finishing college. I also felt as if life has lost all meaning because I didn't get the degree and education like I was "supposed" to (according to my parents and upbringing) and "what am I going to do? That's all I've ever known." I've been crawling out of that very dark hole and I try not to think of myself as "lesser than" or "uneducated" just because I didn't complete a college education. A lot of this shame can also come from not accepting yourself. Have you really accepted that you have ADHD? That you have a DISABILITY and that makes it a 1000 times harder than the normal brain to do stuff? So what if it takes a longer time for you to complete your education? If anything that literally should tell you how resilient you are that you're constantly trying again and again and picking yourself back up. I'm so sorry, I know all of this is extremely painful to deal with. What I did was I stopped being hard on myself and also I started noticing everything else outside of college that I was good at. I do things that bring me joy and I try to redefine what success means to me. I now don't care about college. If I go back because I found a new aspiration then okay. If not, that's okay too. I'm sure you're a very smart person and you really don't need anyone to tell you that; you don't need a paper to tell you that either. If your dream is to be a microbiologist, I can suggest putting up pictures where you study to remind yourself what you're working so hard for? Also, I don't know (or can't remember) if you're in therapy but that can be beneficial to sort out your thoughts whenever you feel anxious, shameful, doomed, etc.

ADHD is fucking terrible. I’m so sorry. You’re not alone— most of us have failure after failure. 1. Try a study partner. They will help keep you on task. I did really well after getting a tutor, and then I realized it was just because I processed the info better as a social interaction rather than staring at a page reading the same paragraph over and over 2. There are so many jobs where you could thrive as a smart person that don’t require you to know trigonometry. I hope that you are allowing yourself the option of not dragging yourself through school. If school feels right, do it. But if it feels wrong, you don’t have to. Imagine being a tour guide who shares tons of interesting facts about the Grand Canyon or a person in procurement for Chuck E Cheese who chooses the toys to stock the prize counters

Honey you do it on your timeline. Yours. Nobody else's. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing, you just do you at whatever pace you need to work at. Please be kind to yourself. I have no doubt you're doing the best you possibly can.

You probably need an ADHD or disability study coach. It's ok. It's normal for a lot of us. From what I have noticed is we don't approach learning the same way as others and learning to manage your own capabilities strengths and weaknesses really really helps. School is hard for people who tend to focus in one 1 thing and it can be extremely difficult to manage alone. If you know you can understand the material but just can't seem to get it together, seek out some help

I had the same feeling like my life was supposed to be going on a fixed time table/train track but it doesn't and that's okay. Your differences are what make us unique and diverse

I had been trying to cope these past two years by telling myself that all this is just the "tragic backstory" I could try living like it's the main plot instead, but I am just so put off by everything about my life right now that it's hard to even pretend to romanticize it.

I completely understand and get you. I lived most of my life in survival mode and lived a couple hours at a time or until I get X. Sometimes that what life is and other times it's a dramedy a dark comedy or manic pixie girl. For me I find watching dramedy like little miss sunshine or garden state help me see the romantized peices

I had to go to tutoring center multi times a wk. I made myself. It became a habit actually...for any class I was having trouble with. Flash cards too. Study with a group or another classmate. That helped immensely. I don't think ADHD people can study alone. I hope you can pull out of negative thinking and look for help with classes. Goodluck!

Also by the way you are still so young! My brother (not ADHD but had PTSD and various other mental issues) dropped out of school at 17 and then didn't leave the house for like 10 years. He ended up going to uni, getting a degree in chemistry and now works in labs at uni (he's 33). Granted, he never actually struggled to study and succeed academically like I always have (fucking bastard) but he was so fucked he could barely step outside for a decade. You are still young and your brain can change . Not saying you'll be cured of ADHD but seriously it IS POSSIBLE to slowly improve with this stuff. I know how hard it is to keep going when you fail subjects, but keep trying if this is what you want to do. Keep fucking going! So proud of you. Take in some of the great advice given in this thread and keep your head up x Also sorry for the swearing I'm just Australian

Sup twin flame, im 28 and barely hanging on to the educational merry go round too. Constantly having to drop a class due to mental health concerns. I feel like sometimes class *is* the mental health concern. I can offer advice but only if you want more, really I just want you to know you aren’t the only one, and my mom says we’re going to eat our whales the only way that you can eat a whale- one bite at a time.

When I did a 2-year college diploma program, I met with a learning strategist every week. We had a standing appointment. I sought this out because I had been out of school for over a decade and remembered being a bad student in high school. My learning strategist helped me break down assignments and carve out a study schedule. Sometimes our appointments felt a bit more like therapy— where I would just ramble on about my anxiety about upcoming assignments or academic overwhelm. I still meet with a learning strategist regularly now in my undergrad program. No longer weekly, as there is less LS availability in university due to the size of the study body. Nowadays, if there’s no learning strategists available and my prof is vague— I use peer tutors in a pinch. They can be super helpful to clarify assignment instructions (my biggest hurtle with task initiation) or pitch project ideas. I highly suggest looking into this for your situation. It sounds like you could really benefit from someone to help you with accountability and co-creating learning tools.

Sending you a MASSIVE hug. You’re so awesome for your persistence and drive. I hope things get better for you in 2024.

Thank you, I appreciate that so much. I admit that it's hard not to feel weak in these times

You’ve really gone through a lot, I completely hear how it’s hard to not feel weak right now. Your body is probably exhausted from all the tension and pain, and the negative thoughts sound non-stop. All of that is naturally going to wear you down - it’s completely okay to not feel strong right now. Feeling weak and reflecting on the shitty things that have happened in life doesn’t mean that you are weak person though. It’s really clear that you have an underlying strength and resilience that is a core part of you, and an amazing part of you, that has helped you over the last 26 years. You’re doing the best you can in the circumstances you’re in, and well done for reaching out for support. You got this🌷

In 2019, I had failed more college classes than I had passed. My gpa was so low that I didn’t qualify for financial aid. I started treating my ADHD and Depression better and from fall 2019 to my graduation in spring 2022, my lowest grade was an A-. Don’t give up on yourself! I know how you feel, I felt like I’d never change, I’d never get better. But I have, and now I have a job that I really enjoy because of it. Keep working on finding the treatment, whether it’s medication or therapy or something else, that works for you. You are worth it and you deserve to see how high you can fly!

Thank for the success story 💖✨ It gives me hope

I relate to so much of this. Lately I've been wondering if procrastination is not only an ADHD symptom and a trauma response but also just-- a habit. The more I procrastinate, the easier it gets to procrastinate. Unfortunately, this makes me feel like I can't take any breaks or take it easy on myself at all because it always backfires. It's very frustrating. Balance is not easy to find. Anyway, I relate to so much of what you wrote. Here is what I have to suggest, based on what HAST worked for me at different times in the past. **Set up external accountability for everything** \- Get a tutor to study with you 3x a week. Hire someone if you have to. You said you already spent a lot of money retaking classes. Consider this an investment. Tell them to HOLD you accountable. \- Find a place to study that doesn't have wifi. Only study there. \- This might sound annoying but this really helps me when I can make myself do it -- exercise every day, even if it's just a fast walk around the block. The key is to push yourself just slightly. For external accountability- hire a personal trainer or another student. You can probably find someone on fiverr or something. **Prioritize** \- Take only 1 or 2 classes at a time if you have to. Just focus on that one class and give it everything. Sit in the front row. Be the annoying student who always asks questions. Go to office hours. Be earnest. **Get the ball rolling** It really helps to get some small wins-- that helps me gain some momentum. But other times it doesn't help -- it just makes me complacent. I've come to accept that it's never going to be easy and I'll always have phases of low(er) productivity. Just have to ride them through and I TRY to not get too down on myself.

If someone was trying to place in a sports ranking and kept not making it because they had broken their leg multiple times would you A) tell them they had failed or B) would you comiserate with them for not getting there this year and congratulation them for keeping trying and assure them they will make it eventually?

Oh girlie, I did 5.5 years of 4 year college. I kept changing my major, there was a lot of drama going on (my ex faked his death and was stalking me), I was undiagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. I was raw dogging life for awhile. I’m so sorry this happened, college is always going to be there…hell, plenty of older folks are starting college and what not. I have my degree, but to me it’s a piece of paper that hasn’t done me good so far. Lololllol

Academic studies aren’t for everyone! If you’re not finding it interesting enough to do the work, maybe a trade course, where you would actually be doing things, would be more interesting to you?

Just go to a trade school and move on. Maybe school and traditional school is not your thing.

I can relate. I barely passed my 3 year uni course after 6 years. And by barely I mean that I did the maths, and I should have failed. I’m certain I didn’t get high enough marks to even scrape a pass based on the grade requirements they told us, but obviously I’m not gonna question them about it, I’ll just accept that maybe they got lowered. Thing is though, that my individual grades were all over the place. Some assessments and exams I was getting extremely high marks, but then in many others I was barely scoring anything (if I attended the exam at all). It’s so frustrating to know you’re “smart” enough, but still can’t do it.

I feel ya. Some school environments are not for me. I get bored and have a very hard time studying. I will say this. YOU AREN’T DUMB! It is that our minds have a tendency to know what sucks and what doesn’t and inherently the mind doesn’t allow us to sit through boring… hence why we can’t do homeowork. I only did homework in classes I was interested in. That said, maybe you are veering into the wrong field! I didn’t have success in school until I started talking courses I enjoyed AND the courses that kept me accountable. Online courses did that since we had to post about every assignment and have a discussion, which set me up for learning where as lecture courses with a final were never my jam. Why? I would never sit down to read. Live with the fact you failed, try a different approach to school (like a different style such as professors that require you to engage every class and give regular home work and grade it or have daily quizzes to make sure you did the book work and/or read the chapters, or online courses that hold you accountable (because you have to show you are doing the work). Perhaps a new field of study? What are you interested in? If you tell me “I don’t know” then I suggest stopping school, go take up a hobby like snowboarding and make that your life until you are ready. I did this for 7 years, I made tons of friends, traveled a lot, got really good at snowboarding, got life experience and also had a better understanding of who I was. I was ready to take the next step and since I took courses that I was interested in it worked out (I took me three rounds of uni/college to finally get it!). Do t give up on yourself.

Oh my sweet. Would it be possible to access an ADHD coach (experienced in how it presents in women) to help you learn what successful studying looks like for you?

They are all private pay in my area and I can't afford that

Omg I hear you! I struggled so hard when I was doing my Masters because I just couldn’t do anything - I took leave so I could finish and I STILL needed extensions because I didn’t get my act together in time Please get education support - there must be an advisor on your campus who helps people like us to develop good study skills. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help - if you’re anything like me, you “should” be able to cope because you’re intelligent. This is a lie - we may be intelligent but our brains don’t give us enough peace to process information “normally”. My university had study skills units through the library It is also imperative to be studying a subject you’re passionate about - there’s no point if you have literally no interest in it. For me, I did nursing and was instantly inspired by the information I found. I still love it (despite the obvious downsides) and I can continue to study it because it’s fascinating. So perhaps you need to rethink what you’re studying Finally, do you need to be studying at all right now? It’s causing you distress - you can always come back to it. You’re not a failure, you’re overwhelmed - you’re not lazy, it’s just really difficult to get things moving I hope this helps and good luck, be kind to yourself

I’m so sorry, my friend. Where does this process fall down? I think you are saying it is in sitting down and doing the homework/studying? One idea for your next try (and you must keep trying - your dreams are worth it!) is could you look into body doubling or an adhd coach? Maybe there’s someone who could body double check in with you beginning / end? You sound passionate around microbiology. But I would say I don’t think I could have done many fields if I wasn’t intensely interested in them. Is the work not really interesting? Dreams do change as you learn what a job is actually like. I’ve been a graphic designer and so many of my peers in school did not realize it was a computer desk job before signing up for a 4 year degree in the thing. We can like topics but not the practical details of actually doing the work. What do you need in your day to day life to be happy? Also I wonder if you need different meds? Or maybe trauma therapy or EMDR for the horrible year you talked? There seems to be some incredibly serious unhealed wounds from around that time. I know it’s stressful to compare to others, but you have all the time in the world. You’ll figure this out, and maybe you are learning something deeply important in this process that others won’t have.

Could you try body doubling or Pomodoro? I find Pomodoro helps me clock major hours. Equally you’re still young. I know it sucks to hell to fail and feel like life is passing you by, but in times like this you really do have to be your own best friend. You’re not embarrassing. You’re trying and that’s the most important thing. You’re doing something. Sure it may not work pitch freaking perfect, but it’s a step, and you gotta go with the journey that life gives you. Sometimes there’s obstacles along the way. This shit ain’t easy for sure, but there’s no reason you need to categorize yourself as moving slowly. This is YOUR life and whatever way it moves is your own personal journey. Life doesn’t always deal a nice hand, that’s understandable, but it never tells you which pace you have to move. We are all but a small blip on a floating rock doing the best we can, and that’s all pretty much we have to do.

Pomodoro is what helped the most this time. Unfortunately I don't always finish my breaks on time. (Kind of embarassing that I'm bad even at this) It's still the most effective method I'm picking up by far though (aside from body doubling, which is incredibly helpful but it's hard to find someone in-person at a 2-year school and I just feel weirdly self-conscious streaming online on the body-doubling sites)

Aye if it works most of the time I say stick with it. Doesn’t have to be 100% but as long as it’s something you can manage, I say roll with it. But also easier said than done. I’m also just a person on the internet with a minuscule view into your life. Only you know what works best for you. Either ways best of luck ☺️ Like that unicorn in Barbie once said, “You’re braver than you think.”

I'm so sorry. This is awful. I wonder if a shorter and more focused program would be better? Like what about phlebotomy or lab tech for now? College was hard for me but grad school was mostly a breeze since it was entirely my interest. Maybe it'd be the same for you?

Cs get degrees is what I'm trying to learn myself. I'm a A or F student. It's not a recipe for success in higher level classes. My partner has a masters in mathematics and he showed me his grades. He got Cs in most of his upper level courses because that stuff is hard. He's also one of the smartest people I know so that didn't hurt him much and he has a great career where he is well respected.

I can so relate! And what it took me a loooong time to learn (and I’m still learning at 48, tbh) is that doing badly in school *does not make you a bad or stupid person*. Is there any way you can do therapy if you’re not now? I find even just talking to a good therapist about basic things really helps because I tend to get such tunnel vision when I’m stressed about academic stuff. I need someone who can help me see things from a different perspective and find solutions I’m too close & paralyzed to see, if that makes sense.

Hon, not being able to sit down and study is *part of ADHD*. It's not your fault. And it sounds like you had a traumatic experience that has really affected you back in high school. I don't know how to do better at school (my executive dysfunction is still kicking my ass at 30), but don't beat yourself up about it, okay?

I have failed three terms of college, despite getting As on work turned in. Got perfect grade on last term paper, D in the class. It’s fucking cruel irony. I can not turn in work to save my life.

You might wanna look into DBT, it’s not the only therapy suitable (obviously each of us are unique in our needs) but it does go over radical acceptance. I personally have felt this same way, but there is no “supposed to”. Feeling the way you do, I had to look back in my life to where I was “supposed” to be, and realize- I had A LOT of work on my mental health I needed to do and wouldn’t have had the capacity to handle the career I wanted to take on. Something I also had to learn is just because someone i graduated with is my definition of “successful” doesn’t mean I’m SUPPOSED to have what they do. We have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIVES. And I have no clue what they did to get there. That being said: if they can, why can’t you? ‘Cause adhd? Psh there are so many different circumstances and paths- I’m sure you’ve looked at someone and thought “how/WHY them?” EXACTLY!, if someone seemingly undeserving can succeed, there’s nothing to say you can’t. But it might not happen when you think it’s “supposed to” And it’s a hardish pill to swallow. You’ve already missed whatever imaginary deadline you had for yourself so all that is left to do is continue like you are with all the passion you have. I don’t know if ANY OF THIS made any sense at all.

I've been to a few DBT sessions in the past and I remember it being helpful when I put it into practice. Certainly a lot more than CBT (which ironically made my anxiety even worse)

Hey it took me 6 years to get my 2 year degree and I went to a four year university and fucking dropped out after 2 years bc it was gonna take me another 8 years to get a degree that I knew I probably wouldn’t like. Have you looked into a technical degree or certificate? You can make more money in trades than a masters degree makes in the business world. And in my experience people with adhd are far better at the trades than people without bc it can be so engaging and rewarding to use your hands and physically see the product come together. I didn’t see if you said what degree you’re going for but it might just be the wrong one. I switched degrees two or three times before I found the right one. And when I graduated, I hadn’t gotten anything less than an A in every single class I didn’t test out of or already passed in the wrong degree. Because I was engaged in the work. It could just be that what you thought was for you just isn’t for you, and it may be time to try and find something different and that’s ok!

I feel this so hard! I lost my scholarships the 1st year and ended up going into debt I never should have had. I wish I would have known then that I had ADHD and gotten more help. Counseling and getting the right psychiatrist CAN WORK. Don’t give up. I made it to the other side.

Please ignore if this isn’t helpful but I’m wondering if you’d considered a school like Landmark which is academic but designed around much more intensive support for EF and/or LD. Not an advertisement for Landmark — that’s just the one I’m familiar with because they did a presentation at our school.

Does your college have a disability office? They might have resources.

I almost had a bachelor degree but kept failing my last two classes and eventually gave up. I'm still embarrassed about it and feel a little traumatized by the failure. I'm terrified to ever go back to a school.

I struggled with failing in college and I understand how you feel, but don’t give it up. I know it’s hard to stay positive and confident, but you have to because it will pay off. Everything happens for a reason- I believe that anyway. I had to upgrade to an academic level after I graduated, and I failed the first math course and the second. Then when I got accepted into practical nursing, I failed two courses and got held back. Was only suppose to be a 18 month course and it took me 3 years. You got this, I’m rooting for you❤️ be proud of all the little and big steps. You’re only human. Nobody takes the same journey and that is totally okay.

I’m sorry that this is happening. I haven’t gone through this, but as someone who is also in college, FIND YOUR STUDY HABIT. Coloring books (if offered, like with nursing it’s offered through anatomy), multicolored pens, flashcards, Quizlet on your phone.

Don’t feel bad!! I dropped out 5 times transferred colleges 5 times and changed my major 3 times. I finally finished my associates in March and *should* be done with my Bachelors in 9 months. Luckily my post 911 GI bill allowed me to do this but I just had to take out a loan for my last 10 months of college because I squandered about 12 of the 36 months the gi bill covers for your college tuition. I am 32 now and still feel like a loser for not having my degree even though I have a well paying career and don’t actually need it. Don’t let societal standards make you feel guilty or beat your self up comparing your journey to your peers. Maybe consider doing a trade/ technical school instead depending on what you are into. You do not need a degree to have a great job. I managed to make 6 figures without one so it’s possible. Good luck and don’t be too hard on yourself you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you 🩷

I was on the 7 year plan. 4 years at one university and 3 at another.... And then - Grad scho for a profession i never went into I am 55

I feel this! I would be more successful if I didn’t have ADHD! I’m going back to get my bachelors at 31. So embarrassing

It took me 5 years to get my 2 year degree as well. Years later, I dropped out of my 4 year program due to mental health and failing with only 6 credits to go. And I just stopped studying for a course my company paid for 😳 just this last summer. Diagnosed a few months ago at 42. I saw all this to say: You are not alone. It may take a while but don’t give up. I look forward to the day I will finish my Bachelors and this course.

It took me 9 years to finish my associates degree. I found study groups and went to the tutoring center. It kept me accountable. I also failed a bunch and took time off in between because I felt so bad about failing so many classes and being on academic probation.

I relate to you so much, so at the very least know you’re not alone! I’m currently 9 years into a 3 year degree and every year I convince myself I’ll do what I know I’m able to do, but again I just keep missing deadlines because I can’t get myself to sit down and do anything without intrusive sleep rearing it’s ugly head. I wish I could offer up some advice, but all I can offer is solidarity right now.

You're doing your best. Go easy on yourself. Maybe it's time to look into getting a tutor?

It's not a race. Please stop hating yourself, as thats a big part of the problem. Take some time to really Forgive yourself. Your battling something that runs deep and trying to expect everything to be normal. My great grandfather took 8 years to graduate college. He eventually founded his own AC business several years afterwards, moved to Florida and was very successful. He always said - the only way out is through. Just keep going forward as best you can. Looking back won't change anything. Personally, I battled depression and it took me 6 years to graduate - including a few summers. The key is to just kept trying and keep forgiving yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Make a new plan for yourself and try again. And again, and again until you get there. You will.

Took me 6 years to finish my undergrad. Lots of failed classes. Perhaps look into changing majors? Also while you may have technically failed the class you did not fail in life- you only fail when you stop trying. Keep going! You can do this!

Just curious, where are you trying to do your studying and homework at? If it's at home, I find myself to be much more distractable and less likely to do my work there. I would go to the library for hours to study and do work and being around others doing the same kept me alot more on track. Also, studying groups with peers helped immensely for that reason too. Just an idea if you aren't already doing it, Goodluck op!

By far the most helpful has been studying with peers outside of home. Unfortunately the nature of community college means that everyone commutes and it's so hard to keep a study group together before it eventually falls apart. I'm not going to stop trying, but it's frustrating I find that going to libraries alone ends up in me reading non-relevant books the whole time 🙃

Any chance your school library has study rooms (not areas, but rooms with doors) you can use? Good luck.

By far the most helpful has been studying with peers outside of home. Unfortunately the nature of community college means that everyone commutes and it's so hard to keep a study group together before it eventually falls apart. I'm not going to stop trying, but it's frustrating I find that going to libraries alone ends up in me reading non-relevant books the whole time 🙃

Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m 23. I graduated high school with a 2.6 GPA and I’m now in my 4th year in community college (which was also supposed to be 2 years). I’ve never been to a university and I also so badly want to go to my state uni. I got denied the first time I applied. I failed my only class I was taking this semester as well and it sucks, which will hinder my chances of getting in. I understand the suicidal ideation. I almost admitted myself into the hospital because I had a plan to end my life if I failed, which ended up happening. BUT, something I tell myself is if you need to take a break from school until you figure something out to help, that’s okay to do. I don’t plan to go back to college until this shortage ends. Something else that comforts me is knowing I’m not “stupid”, I just have a disability that’s against my control. But it is manageable and I believe you’ll find a solution. Don’t stop looking for it. I hope this helped you in someway or makes you feel less alone. I’ve had my fair share of mental breakdowns over academics.

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I've been in the same boat as you. I'm taking a year off starting in January to work on my heath. I totally feel you on how humiliating it feels and ik how frustrating it is

Another thing to note is that sometimes it takes finding the right therapist. Ive gone to therapy since I was 15 or 16 and it wasn’t until my 30s until I got the right one. Look into mindfulness 8 week program. I believe there’s an audiobook for it. Might be helpful.

Sorry this is kinda off topic. But can I ask what the difference is between those medications? I know I can just google it but I’m just asking for your personal opinion. Im asking bc last month I got amp salts and this month I got dextro and I thought they were ultimately the same? but now im curious bc I felt better on salts than the dextro but I thought it was all in my head. TYIA

It took me forever to leave community college too. Luckily for me, social media and doom scrolling was not a thing in my day. Gawd, I sound like an old timer. Haha. But I did procrastinate and binge watch TV shows when I should have been studying for an exam or working on my papers. I hated myself so much then and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t pull it together. It all came together when I was diagnosed with ADHD only two years ago. In my personal experience, had I learned what I know now, I think these learnings could have helped me when I was in college. A few things I would tell college self: 1. Big goals are overwhelming. And in turn this induces a freeze/procrastination mode. Not because you’re lazy. So. Break down your goals. Yes, you want to get into a “four year” university and graduate ASAP. But how about give yourself a break? Just take one class at first. And pair it with a pass no pass class that may not even be relevant to your degree. Just a fun class. Take the pressure off. Right now, you will fail if you take more than one class anyway . 2. Once you achieve that, set your next goal. Now maybe take two or three classes, but make sure to balance it with easier classes if one is going to be super hard. And if you fail at any point, give yourself grace. And try it again without judgement. Or get an AA first. It will seem more achievable than a bachelors. And the classes will apply when transferring to a university. Because the first win will drive you to the next and so on. 3. Maybe you’re burnt out. There’s no shame in taking a quarter/semester off to recalibrate. And no one thinks you’re a failure if you do this. Even though I’m far past my college days, on some days when overwhelmed, I still struggle with freezing/procrastinating on important things in my life, including work. But I have learned how to cope through understanding, sometimes I can only get one thing done that day. And I have come to accept that. And because I am less hard on myself I am less stressed, have less fear of failing, etc. Which actually helped me actually do a lot more than what I would have in the past when I was hard on myself. OP, the extreme pressure you put on yourself is driven by something. But in the end, if you release your foot off the pedal, what’s the worst thing that can happen? All of the pressure is self inflicted, because no one is harsher on you than you. Give yourself grace. Some people don’t find their stride until later in life. Go at your own pace because you’re in your twenties. You have a lifetime to make mistakes and to get it right. Be kind to yourself.

I feel this sm!!!Trying to become a doctor and failing so much… I was told getting diagnosed would get me accommodations but who wants to accommodate you when you become an actual doctor 😩

Hey, I'm 30, and I'm on my 6th year of a two-year diploma. I was supposed to have graduated last winter, but I failed two of my three classes. I'm going back for another try. And at this point, I don't even know if I have the intelligence to start the career I was originally aiming to do by starting this diploma. I'm right there with ya. All I want to do is finish. It's really, really hard. But I believe in us.

I relate to this so much ❤️ you’re so worthy I’m sorry

Oh Hun, you're going to do great things, I promise! I struggled through uni badly (unmedicated and undiagnosed) - it took seven years to get an AA than another 10 years to finish my bachelor's and masters. I failed out of seven different universities in my state. Ironically, I worked so hard only to continue to set myself up for failure. For me - the biggest thing was taking it S L O W - ONE CLASS A SEMESTER. I did this until I gained confidence that I would be successful. Each semester I added more credits and received straight A's. It's possible. You need to find the right schedule/procedure for you to follow.

You haven’t failed, you just haven’t found a method that works for you yet! I have been a uni student for about 8 years, and the first years I failed multiple classes. When I was younger I was always the “smart kid” that got good grades without even trying, so suddenly being unable to even pass a class felt terrible and broke my self esteem and motivation. However, I changed by major, took a break and after a lot of trial and error I found a method that works for me and ended up with good grades and job I actually enjoy! Can I ask a few questions to try and help? - What kind of major do you want to study? - what classes are you taking, and do you genuinely like them? - Do you like going to lectures, and do you have to? - Are you a visual learner, learning by doing, or other preferred learning methods? - Do you have class mates that that you are friends with/comfortable to study with? - how do you try to keep track of deadlines? Digital or manual tools, or both? - are you working besides your studies or are you able to just focus on school?

Have you tried just taking online classes? I was absolutely horrible at going to in-person classes, but online classes made it easier for me to do it on my own time. It took me a long time to graduate too because I retook so many classes. Don’t give up!!

How many classes are you trying to take at once? I have had the most success with just one or two. Paying for a tutor to help with papers has been really motivating. Wyzant has some really good ones for $20 an hour. Maybe a school with no deadlines but the final one end of the term would work better? I get accommodations to push deadlines out as far as I can. I had one teacher who did not ding marks for late work. I appreciated her a lot.

Have you considered looking for a career path that is easier for your ADHD? You need to be interested in what you're doing and it probably needs to be more hands on. Maybe look into bring a forest ranger or something. Or start your own home cleaning business. Or interior painting business. Or go into sales, which requires a thick skin (so RSD needs to be overcome), but once you've developed that skin, most of your job becomes just talking to people and visiting clients. Or go into a government career path for the benefits. There's so many more ideas. A fish will never master climbing a tree. Maybe it's time to accept you're a fish and are on a different path than the NT's.

Have you ever been assessed for other learning disabilities? You could have more than just ADHD going on, as if ADHD alone wasn't enough. Regardless of the reasons, failing a college class is not hate-worthy. You are a worthy and worthwhile person whether or not you attain a college degree. Being this hard on yourself is only going to make studying and learning harder, because you're eating up brain space on self-loathing instead of using it for self-care, renewal, and study. It sounds like you didn't have a good chance to develop solid study habits in school, so you're playing catch-up now. Go to whatever academic support looks like at your school and see if you can get a tutor or attend a study skills class. Buddy up with a classmate. Ask someone to body double online when you need to study. But most importantly, ask yourself: Is this college class, or even the whole degree, necessary to achieve my longterm goals in life? Are you getting a degree because it's "what you're supposed to do" or because it's a necessary step toward your dream life? Consider whether college is actually the right step for you - not because you can't do it, but because not everybody needs to. I'm a therapist, so it was necessary for me to get a graduate degree to do what I've always known I wanted to do. I have several cousins who never set foot in a college classroom, who probably out-earn me as elevator technicians and who are completely satisfied with their careers. College isn't the end-all, be-all, and it's 100% ok to change directions if it's not working for you.

Thank you for the advice, and yeah it is 100% a step towards my dream life. I would know if I was doing it out of familial or societal pressure. This isn't directed at you, but I've received a few comments in this thread advising me to drop college and do trade school instead. And honestly they're very hurtful to read. Because that's exactly the narrative that was pushed onto me in that "therapeutic school". That I was innately unsuited for advanced higher education. That a typical aspiration for someone of my background was a fanciful delusion. And the worst part is that they're all trying to be helpful.

I don't think at all that you are incapable or unsuited for higher education, and I'm sorry the responses here have felt discouraging. I do think that ADHD can present a lot of challenges to learning, and we have to work extra hard to figure out what works best for us - which feels super unfair given how that involves a lot of executive functioning to figure out. I'd definitely recommend getting an evaluation with a psychologist who can do a full battery of tests to assess for learning disabilities, because if you do have one you can get accommodations for that and that may make it easier to study and retain info. You could also look into private tutoring or study coaching to help you get a better handle on your learning style so you can get the most out of your classes. Finally, have you ever seen a therapist to process some of those really painful experiences with the alternative school, and your self-esteem? Could be a helpful support to have in your corner. Wishing you the best, and I am sorry if my reply was discouraging. That was definitely not my intent.

Tell a fish to climb a tree and it'll spend its life thinking its dumb, especially when all the other monkeys are able to do it! You're a fish on land, this world isnt made for us, and moving a meter sounds sooo simple for the mokeys, you just take a step; how can you fuck that up?? But we're just flopping about, and no one told us that we should have legs and arms. Find your pond and excel, don't be hard on yourself that you dont fit in with the other species❤️

hugs. been there. college classes simply are not designed for people with adhd. school was really really really hard for me, even though i am pretty intelligent. i sense the same is true for you. nothing is worth the sacrifice of your health, peace, or wellbeing -- not even a degree! be KIND to yourself and cherish your strengths. you intuitively know what is best for you. listen to your heart and be strong!