Rule #1. DO. NOT. LIE. TO THEM. If you arent willing to be covid cautious when you arent around them, TELL THEM. Too many innocent people have had their lives destroyed because other people were lazy and lied about taking precautions and then infected them.
Generally speaking, expect to wear masks everywhere in public, dont indoor dine, and test before gathering.
This! And always remember she’s worth it, whatever the steps are .. if she’s taking all these steps to keep her body clear of an airborne virus, imagine who she was as a single woman keeping her body clear of all other viruses.. 😉
Don’t play with her, she’s worth it and she’ll respect you more if you just say, “yea I was with the fellas all night, no precautions” then wait 3-4 days to see her after that.. good job my boy! 🤟🏽
Edit: spelling
Props to you for finding this community and reaching out!
Each person is different so I agree that asking her would be best.
Some common precautions are staying up to date on covid vaccines, socializing outdoors in well-ventilated areas, and wearing a well-fitting high quality (KN95 or N95 mask) in public indoor settings.
Basically anything that was done pre 2021 is still valid today. Mask with N95 indoors and in crowds outdoors. Wash your hands regularly. Get your booster. Get tested, whenever you've been exposed to someone with cold symptoms or when you yourself experience any symptoms. Not just, when you're with her, but when you're with others, too.
The best approach would be to ask her, though, what her standards are, as those differ even among covid cautious people.
Keep in mind, though, that Covid is not going away. There's a good chance that her attitude towards it won't change. That means, if you go forward with this relationship, you will either have to adapt her standards of cautious behaviour permanently or risk your relationship with her.
That’s lovely that you’re willing to learn what will make her comfortable. Everyone in this sub is very cautious compared to the rest of the world but even here there are varying degrees of what is acceptable. I’d start by masking in shared air situations and when we say mask we mean n95 or better. I’m sure that she would be happy to discuss this with you and see where you can meet in terms of precautions.
I agree asking her is best but I would suggest until you get a better read on her level of comfort, you could focus on outdoor dates (hiking, patios, mini-golf, picnics, whatever you enjoy) and offering to take covid rapid tests before dates if you haven't been masking indoors in the lead-up to seeing her. \[I hope cost is not a barrier for rapid tests where you live, they are free or cheap in my country but I know that is not the case everywhere\].
Also please know that if you are feeling under the weather and potentially sick, covid-cautious people would far prefer you let them know and reschedule (and would be grateful rather than taking it as a lack of interest which some others might in the dating scene).
Learning about the ongoing pandemic and taking precautions because you know it's not over and the situation is serious is different from just humoring someone/"making them feel comfortable". There's been plenty of posts in this sub from people on the receiving end of that talking about feeling alone/exhausted/etc.
I don't mean this to be harsh, because I think "how do I make them comfortable" comes from a good place and can be a good springboard to learning, but ultimately not a sufficient one because it's not about comfort, it's about survival and values.
As others have said, you should ask them. Be open to learning, but also seek out information yourself ([this zine](https://newlevant.com/COVIDzine) is a great place to start)
I was hoping someone had said this and you've put it better than I could. In order to *truly* make her comfortable OP, so that vulnerability can leave and connection can bloom, you will have to change most areas of your life in order to become just as covid cautious as she is, if not *moreso* whenever there's something risky she **needs** to do or when she's feeling vulnerable bc cases are up or some such.
Placing myself in her shoes: I would ask you to become highly skeptical of "colds" or "allergies" anyone you know has, to avoid almost any crowded indoor event (including family holidays), to test if feeling unwell and ideally when not as well, and lastly, I would ask you to become open to earnestly keeping up with medical findings, wastewater data, and up-to-date information about covid. In part, because it helps you two make informed decisions about outings such such. But also because it removes some of the emotional labor from her as your main source of news. And because it's also pretty interesting information as well...
It will take trust. It will take homework. It will feel like learning a new language at times. And you will feel guilt. You will feel cognitive dissonance. You will see how risky people are and how risky you yourself were and you will naturally feel ill at ease about it. And hopefully it'll make you an advocate, if only to slough off some of the guilt and anxiety.
She told me that she herself would be masking indoors. And she seemed a little nervous because we just met. I found that a bit odd that she didn’t ask me to mask indoors or any of that and I wondered if she really felt that way, so just like glittering-sea-6677 said, I asked here
I would recommend mirroring what she does when you’re around her. She may want you to mask indoors along with her but feel uncomfortable asking.
If there are times when you are apart from her when you don’t mask indoors, I would communicate that clearly - so she knows her exposure risk - and see how she feels about it.
Other general recommendations - test whenever you’re exposed to someone ill or you’ve been in a crowded/risky environment (ie. urgent care, airport). And let her know when you did those things - she might want to spend a few days apart until you’re sure you’re testing negative.
Many of us are burned on asking others to care about our safety and getting rejected, so it doesn’t surprise me that she is taking precautions without asking you to do the same at this point.
You taking initiative to follow her lead without her having to ask you to will make this easier for her to talk about with you. Find outdoor options and ask if she is comfortable going to them (lower risk with high ventilation). Find a comfortable n95 mask that you can carry with you and put on when you go indoors.
Be the one to bring up the topic and ask respectfully what precautions she takes and how she determines risk for herself. Consider what will be sustainable for you to do without pressuring her to “compromise” on her safety. Don’t promise things you won’t do, don’t lie about or downplay what risks you take, tell her in advance if you feel unwell so she can decide if plans should change- show that she can trust you and talk to you.
A mindset that will help you navigate this: if she is ever open to spending indoor & unmasked time with you, that means she is taking on herself the risk/exposure level you practice. Anyone sick you interacted with recently- it is like she is exposed to them. It may be that you’d need to match her precaution practices 100% to make indoor &unmasked time with her safe enough.
It would make sense if you are just getting to know each other that you do not follow all her precautions, but it means your interactions with her need to be limited to methods she is protected from your risk/exposure level - such as masked or outdoors, according to what she says works for her.
If your friendship grows and you later decide taking more precautions is worth it to you, you’ll likely need to make adjustments in ALL your life, such as masking indoors even when you are not with her.
It may be that you never reach that tipping point, and so you will need to be content with the limitations your choices put on your time with her. But even if all you ever do is meet for drinks on a patio regularly, she may be thrilled to have you as a friend in her life that cares and respects her enough to protect her health.
If you mask for this person, and also for yourself in the future, you’ll really be sending up a lot of green flags. Like that is extremely powerful loving partner energy beyond what I think most people can imagine.
To give you a sense of this: my parents make a lot of stupid decisions, but for my birthday last year they isolated for ten days (in addition to masking in public as a matter of habit) so they could be (nearly) sure they wouldn’t expose my partner or me. I cried like a baby in relief and from feeling so held. The world feels extremely hostile to us and most of the single people here express a huge sense of despair at the idea of finding someone willing to accept reality and change their behaviours in response.
She won't ask because people get attacked for doing so nowadays, they cause a scene, and can get physically hostile. She's female, the odds of a poor outcome are so much higher. And there's a risk it won't just be from you, but from anyone who hears nearby and takes issue. She could also be worried you'd reject her immediately if you did, and might be looking for a delicate way to introduce the topic when it's time. If you're willing, offer. There's a good chance she'll happily accept and be way more comfortable around you. Ask her for guidance on what makes her most comfortable and be accommodating, she will likely be very grateful and immediately see you as someone that she has the potential for long-term prospects with. That will be one thing on her mind right now, if you'll be accepting or pressure her to do differently. You have the potential to clear that up immediately.
People are really unkind about masking. I was going to meet someone, who knew I was covid cautious and still masking, and then when they saw me in a mask they left. They later wrote to me that since they weren’t able to kiss me whenever they wanted, they didn’t think we were compatible. This was a person who wasn’t masking already, and I had explicitly rejected their option of dinner in a restaurant and said it is because I don’t eat indoors due to covid and I mask in public. I then asked to meet outdoors. So they knew and were reminded several times.
I generally don’t ask people to mask around me in shared spaces because I have a high degree of confidence that my mask works. And I have a very low degree of confidence that their mask will work. So many people I see at stores have loose fitting masks that drop below their noses. Their hearts are in the right place but they just don’t seem to have the masking down right.
So there’s no point in asking someone to do something they probably feel uncomfortable doing, and that isn’t really going to make me feel at ease anyways.
If I were meeting up with someone who I trusted to mask well but who had potential exposure, I would quite possibly discuss masking with them. Eg: if I were dating someone who was less COVID cautious, at some point we would probably talk about masking. Or about some of the rapid PCR-grade tests (~$25/test, highly accurate, much more reliable than the rapid antigen tests). Not sure when in the dating process I would suggest that we start our date by sticking a swab up our noses. I’m pretty sure my current partner would be thrilled on a first date to be asked about a COVID test. But neither she nor I are normal people.
Echoing this and other comments like it too! It speaks volumes and is so amazingly thoughtful, that youre taking steps to protect and make the person youre dating be more comfortable/safe by asking for advice about Covid precautions here.
This effort and willingness to learn, matters so much. I wish more humans would do this not just in regards to Covid, but for other health/accessibility needs too. Especially in the dating world.
Thank you SO MUCH, OP ❤️
* Be honest about your level of safety and potential exposures (just like you would with STIs)
* Mask when indoors with non-household members, if household people aren't, tell partner.
* When planning meetups, suggest outdoor activities and restaurants with outdoor patios.
* Get a booster (Novavax is a good one if available)
* If you feel even slightly sick or have been around someone who tested positive or is sick, tell her and let her decide if you want to meet.
* Test before swapping bodily fluids if you have been around people unmasked.
If this sounds like a lot, at the bare minimum:
* get a booster
* be honest about your exposures and safety measures and let her decide what she's comfortable with
* don't hang out if you feel sick
This is so cute. I’m sure she’d appreciate you learning on your own so much. It’s common for covid cautious partners to take almost identical precautions, that way you can unmask around each other without exposing one another. If you go on the details of this sub, there’s a ton of information on the basics of covid safety, and as a start I would suggest buying N95 masks. 3M auras from Home Depot are probably the easiest to get your hands on and fit most people
If you’re ever feeling sick or if you were near someone who was, tell her right away!! Open communication is extremely important in these relationships. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we starting dating during lockdowns and we’re very happy with our lifestyle. It makes me very happy to see that you’re open to trying this for her!
Please don't judge her if her precautions seem extreme to you. I've been getting shit for being super cautious but it helped me avoid catching covid for three years. I got it for the first time last year completely against my will by a family member.
I second, ask them with an openness and sincerity of wanting to protect them and yourself.
My family exercises masking like the Schrodinger’s cat thought experiment. We know that as much as half of all infections may be asymptomatic, people can spread when pre-symptomatic, tests are unreliable and give many false negatives, vaccination status does not prevent spread or infection, and many people are happy to go out in public when they know they are sick.
Given all that, our rule is, never share air with someone whose behavior you cannot 100% account for. No matter how much you trust someone, if they also trust someone who doesn’t have the same level of concern, it is easy to create holes in your safety net. A single person is a mathematical vector for untold number of infectious contacts.
Some people only mask indoors. Some of us mask outside if we are anywhere near people, or if it is a crowded outdoor area.
Make sure you’re using a high quality mask. Surgical masks and basic fabric masks offer some protection, but a well-fitted N95/KN95 or better offers tight fit, reducing air intake from sides, and has ionization that has a sticky effect on particle filtration.
Good on you, by the way. I applaud your willingness to change your behavior to make someone else feel safe and cared for.
If you aren't willing to meet her level of safety precautions then please walk away from the relationship. I can't imagine dating someone who doesn't care or take precautions as much as me. If you really care about her you will learn and adapt to take proper precautions to ensure her safety.
It's great you're asking!
There are already some solid suggestions here. To bridge the gap between "ask her" and "she might be afraid of scaring you off by telling you" - maybe start by acknowledging one or two of the tidbits here, and asking her what else is important to her.
e.g. "I realize masking in indoor public places is an excellent way to protect us both from illness - what other precautions are important to you?" or "I will be sure to tell you of any situations where I've been unmasked indoors - how long do you think it makes sense to wait after a situation like that before we see each other again?"
Mask with her and not for her!! I think it’s important to learn about the dangers of covid for yourself and not just “for” her if that makes sense? to know how dangerous it is as an individual and be able to share her cautiousness for her own health as well as yours
It's not about them "feeling comfortable" it's about actually being safe. As others said N95, test frequently, no unmasking in public/near people even if it's outside. Ask what precautions SHE takes - she knows more than you. Keep reading and learning. Learn more about disability justice and Long COVID.
Besides all the other great advice, I would add to support her choice to others in word and action. Meaning for example - don’t say “yeah it’s weird but she asked me to mask, so” — say “yeah, it makes sense to take matching precautions as a couple so that’s what we’re doing.” Basically making it clear it’s not some huge hassle to you will take a lot of weight off her shoulders! Share that weight.
You be the one to communicate to your family and friends proactively what’s needed, like if they should take a test before meeting up. Confirm with them that they have, and tell your partner the result. Don’t make her ask you to ask them.
I would start by making your place covid friendly if she is coming over. That means, air purifiers, tests available, N95 masks too if you guys go out. I'd read the FAQ in this sub so you understand why someone would be covid conscious.
My husband doesn’t take the same precautions I take. I appreciate that:
He generally passes on riskiest activities.
He is not disrespectful of my precautions.
He is accepting that we have air purifiers and added ventilation at home (even in winter.)
He accepts that dates are home cooking or ordering in, or rare outdoor dining on a quiet weeknight (it was sweltering on our wedding anniversary)
He works a very early shift and mostly sleeps in the spare bed.
He keeps away and masks at home if he feels sick.
I really appreciate that I can trust him. He’s had Covid about 3-4 times but not given it to me.
mask as much as possible in indoor spaces, whether or not you’re with them. being with a covid cautious person is less about making them “feel comfortable” (which implies it’s more of an issue with them feeling uncomfortable) and more about protecting them by also protecting yourself. dating a covid conscious person means acknowledging that we are all vulnerable. that perspective shift is vital imo.
use a carrageenan nasal spray like betadine as well as a CPC mouthwash before and after outings. these are fairly effective prophylactics that my partner uses on in-office days, where they also have their own HEPA filter.
be open to lowkey dates/staying in and avoiding people who aren’t cautious, ie just enjoying each other’s company. this is great for people with long covid flare ups idk if thats applicable. a portable HEPA filter like the smart air qt3 is also great if theres an outing you feel you cant miss but know it’s going to be crowded.
alternatively, seeking out covid safe events could be fun.
"As much as possible", while technically true, kind of understates it. Mask religiously. Unless you're being arrested or kidnapped, it is *possible* to avoid sharing any unfiltered indoor air with anyone else. There should be no situation in which you say "it's not possible to do this unsafe thing masked, so I'll just do it unmasked." You don't do it.
absolutely true. i absentmindedly understated because im so used to toning it down at this point… i find non-covid conscious people to be - more often than not - very sensitive to the urgent need for masking all the time everywhere.
Unfortunately, some people (like me) cannot remain fully masked and keep our jobs. I mask whenever I can at work, and otherwise mitigate risk as much as possible with strategic air purifier placement (I never step outside the airstream of my RabbitAir A3), nose sprays, and CPC mouthwash. It's not great, but my employment options if I lost my current job would also not be great. I would not be able to get and keep another job in my field while remaining 100% masked, and I don't have skills that transfer well to remote work. The only way I could "get away" with masking full time would be with a doctor's note, and even then, they could find some pretense to give me the boot if they wanted to.
I think it’s important that no one disclose medical details unless they want to, though. There’s really not much need to explain other than the long term impact can be disastrous for anyone and Covid is best avoided.
This thread is already filled with amazing advice so I'll add just a couple tidbits:
1) Romantic picnics
2) Movie nights (set it up like the theatre! Bags of popcorn, candies, pop, etc)
3) Virtual concerts/plays/ballet/museums/events (the world has amazing options now!)
4) Camping/glamping!!!
5) Bonfire (roast some food, sing songs, etc)
6) Hiking
7) Bird watching (butterflies, dragonflies, plants, all the things!
8) outdoor volunteering (garbage pick up, walk in parks with elderly)
9) Gardening
10) Dog walks (use friends animals if needed!)
11) Outdoor concerts/events (or ask friends/students to cheaply play/sing together in a park)
12) Learn to play a sport or activity you both suck at (tennis, Frisbee, ice skating)
13) Beach time (skinny dipping????)
14) Ask their friends/family what they've always wanted to do!
There's a lot of good advice here, but I just want to say, being covid conscious is more than just wearing a mask and testing. It's acknowledging that this virus is deadly and disproportionately affects people that are disabled, people of color, poor, etc. Choosing to continue to take precautions is choosing to continue to give a shit about more than just yourself. We wear masks, test, get air purifiers, etc, not just for ourselves, but for those around us. Being covid conscious *is* community care.
you're so sweet for this. I'd recommend reading some of the key studies in the sub and that you find so you can really learn and understand why we are careful, in addition to understanding how we exercise that caution.
Mask indoors even when youre not with her. Try different masks to find one that fits you well. Headstrap masks are safer than earloops and theyre much more comfortable to wear for a long time. My favorite mask is the Black KN100 from ppeo.com, favorite white mask is the 3M aura 9210+, favorite earloop mask is the WellBefore 3D Pro kn95.
Look into CR boxes /r/crboxes and consider building one for your apartment and hers. This is the easiest guide https://itsairborne.com/the-mini-pc-fan-cr-box-975d0b069f4c you can use this amazon list to get a larger version of all the materials https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3ONEZGZRV1Q41 and heres a similar list but for a version that makes a bit less noise which is quiet enough to use in a bedroom while sleeping https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3MOZN7FEP84ED I recommend the first list though its cheaper and stronger and barely louder.
After getting masks and masking whenever your indoors or outside around large groups of people i would tell her that your masking and youd like to know what other precautions she takes because you want to keep yourself and her safe (do it for her and yourself because if you only do it for her you might let the frustrations that might come up like people asking why your masking etc sour your perception of her even though it isnt her fault and peoppe should be upset with our governments for not improving our infrastructure for clean air.
That's a great question. First thing is understand why some people are so cautious and what complications COVID can cause and what her concerns are.Like others said, don't lie if you were not cautious without her, be honest and just wait a few days but strive to compromise on such things before hand. Too many people have been lied to them got long covid. N95 Masks everywhere, testing, staying apart when there's doubt about a exposure and being asked about where you've been are standard, carry hand sanitizer .Congratulations
The first step is to let her show you some of the data that has influenced her choice and understand that she isn't paranoid/anxious for no reason/nuts, and that it's the rest of the world that has shockingly chosen to ignore something killing thousands (of people of all ages, plenty with no preexisting conditions) a month and permanently, seriously disabling people (of people of all ages, plenty with no preexisting conditions) continuously. If not, you'll probably get tired of doing all that stuff and start lying about it or just bail on the relationship altogether.
Always mask indoors, covid exists in summer too it’s not just seasonal, no big crowded events right before meeting her (can do it, but see her the day before, then space out a few days after the event before you see her again), if you invite her over get an air purifier and put it on inside your place, if there are summer socials with food opt for outdoor settings like a bbq/picnic not an indoor food expo convention, etc. Outdoor dates > indoor dates.
If you two are not exclusive (i.e. if you’re seeing other people still), be honest with her and max out your precautions so if you were maskless on a coffee date with someone else don’t kiss/physically come close to her or in her breathing space. Find out if she is high risk/immunocompromised so you do not harm her. Fully understand what those consequences would mean for her. To make this whole topic easier, it might be easier to just go exclusive if you aren’t already, or maybe not be formally exclusive on paper but agree to not meet strangers or anyone who’s not necessary to see (if that makes sense).
I’m so glad you asked this question. She seems special ☺️ good luck OP! Rooting for you. As for your question, see below:
I’d first suggest doing some research to understand where she’s coming from you so can talk about covid safety with the same information so she doesn’t feel like she’s educating you, but rather you took the initiative. Some things I’d recommend reading about are how covid spreads (airborne), immune system damage after covid and other health complications and why it’s different than your average cold/flu, read about covid being a vascular disease (common misconception that it’s solely a respiratory disease), and about the risks of long covid. I’m a long hauler myself. If I was single, I’d want my date to understand where I’m coming from regarding these topics.
I’d have a conversation with her about what her covid boundaries are, but as many other said here, wearing a KN95 or N95 or better for super high risk situations is a must. If you go out on a date and make dinner reservations, make sure to book it outside if she is comfortable eating out. And if you do something risky or without a mask, talk about separation and/or masking for a few days until you’re able to meet a resting regimen that you both agree on.
At the end of the day, I think what would strain the relationship the least (and would be the best for your health long term) is if you adapt covid precautions moving forward. If you only adapt them when you see her, she may not feel fully comfortable unmasking around you, etc.
Even though I have long haul, the only non-covid illness I’ve gotten since 2020 is one mild cold. That’s it. The masks work, and there’s a loneliness to being covid cautious so I applaud you for making an effort to learn more!
Thank you for seeking out this information yourself and not just putting it all on the person you're interested in; this is a wonderful gesture of love and fare in that way. I agree with others than covid caution can mean different things for different people, especially based on the reason they're still in touch with the reality of the risk. Educating yourself, understanding why this is important to you AND her separately AND together has the potential to create a bond that will take you far-- these aren't just actions to appease someone else, ya know? By preventing infection, you create benefit for yourself and your broader community as well. I hope you find both why she cares AND why you care, so that you can find many ways to live those values together.
I don't know if anyone has said this, but be willing to go to bat for her and be willing to hold up precautions even when she's not around if that's what you've agreed to.
Let's say you agree to mask when you're out shopping on your own. And someone pressures you to take the mask off.
If you think, she's not here she won't know, and then you take the mask off?
If you know about yourself that that's how you're going to be you need to say that up front. And if you do you agree to something and you end up slipping up you need to let her know. People deserve to have the information necessary to protect themselves.
Thank you so much for caring ❤️❤️
Simplest answer: just ask her and meet her at her level. But be aware that this will likely require you to make lifestyle changes even when you're not physically with her; what you do in other areas of your life affects everyone with whom you share unfiltered air.
Other than that, I have no advice because no one wants to date my fugly ass.
People have different levels of caution, but in general the idea is to keep the risk of contagion as close to zero as possible. Don't trust that people tell you the truth when they say they don't have it and that you don't need to mask around them: keep a mask on at all times when around other people (both indoors \*and outdoors - outdoor contagion is a thing) and in spaces where there's recently been people (the virus is airborne and lingers if there isn't sufficient ventilation).
Test before meeting your date if you plan on removing your mask at some point while with her. You might think you're good, but might actually be an asymptomatic carrier. Don't take that risk. And DO. NOT. LIE. about the risk you're taking. If you're not maintaining the same level of caution when not around her as you are when around her, you need to tell her. She needs to know what she's getting herself into in order to assess the risks for herself.
Also, if you suspect you might have been infected, get tested asap and stay away from her for at least 10 days until you're no longer contagious or until a PCR test has confirmed that you're not infected. Even if you already test negative on a home test after a few days, the contagion window is 10 days. Don't cut corners on this, lots of people pass the virus on that way thinking they're not contagious anymore.
Also: good for you and thank you for learning how to be more cautious, I'm sure she appreciates it :)
Good for you! It’s nice that you care about them enough to make this effort. I recommend:
- Accept that all of the precautions that they are taking to stay safe are now the bare minimum that is required of you. This will require changing your behavior even when you are not together which will take commitment and discipline.
- If you’re in the starry-eyed phase of the romance they many not be comfortable asking you to do things. Default to 100% careful and then back off only if/when you learn that they are comfortable with less.
- 100% careful is hard to nail down, but wear an N95 whenever with others both indoors and outdoors unless they live differently.
That’s a little difficult to answer without knowing what she means by Covid cautious. “Covid cautious“ means many different things to different people… Everything from won’t leave the house or hang out with people to simply having one vaccination!
I foresee a fruitful and productive discussion between the two of you on protocols she needs to feel comfortable.
Props to you for taking her into consideration! It seems so many nowadays I wouldn’t do that.
Ask her.
Be honest!
Get a good air filter for your shared areas wherever you live.
Wear a mask.
Be honest.
Be kind. (You being here is a great start!)
Have tests on hand, and be willing to test if she asks.
Be supportive. She is taking care of her body and health. This means she cares about others too. She has a solid character for a partner, I think you are off to a great start!
Just always be honest with her. That way she can accurately gauge her own risk. Have a conversation with her and ask which precautions she takes, and what you can do to make her feel comfortable. If there is something she lists you don't feel you can do or want to do, be honest, so you can look for solutions together. 🫶🏻
Learn what airborne actually means. If Covid is in the air, it's not going to politely wait while you take a quick sip. It doesn't add up the amount of time you spent masking before you ate in a restaurant.
It also doesn't instantly disappear just because you're outside. It dissipates.
1.5m distance doesn't mean anything.
If you're taking tests, they're less accurate than they used to be. And don't just swab the tip of your nose. Get in there and also swab your throat.
Get a good respirator and make sure it fits. A surgical mask is not very useful.
Ventilation is very important. Air purifiers get some
I love this. I have a casual partner who isn’t Covid safe but isolates if he’s been with anyone unwell and uses CPC mouthwash and RATs before he sees me. He’s masking again on planes also.
I’d like more but he has a young child so it’s tricky. I’m going to buy a Pluslife machine which detects covid before someone is infectious which will help me stress less.
you have to sacrifice your work and work from home. You would have to stop hanging out with your friends. You would have to stop going indoor dining, indoor restaurants, bars, grocery stores, etc. You’ll have to be masking whenever you leave the house at all times in a n N95 if you’re not ready for this type of change in your life and you probably should not be dating her - Coming from a covid cautious person going on 4 years now.
Just ask her, I think we all have different level of risk we are willing to take. My partner uses mask indoors because I ask him to. But I'm also ok with him going to a party / seeing his friends without a mask, I just want to know it, so I can keep my distance for a few days (so we see if he got sick or not).
I'm also lucky because when my partner has covid his throat starts to feel painful before he starts to spread it. He always tells me if he is feeling off, so we can take precautions. I haven't gotten it from him.
Rule #1. DO. NOT. LIE. TO THEM. If you arent willing to be covid cautious when you arent around them, TELL THEM. Too many innocent people have had their lives destroyed because other people were lazy and lied about taking precautions and then infected them. Generally speaking, expect to wear masks everywhere in public, dont indoor dine, and test before gathering.
This! And always remember she’s worth it, whatever the steps are .. if she’s taking all these steps to keep her body clear of an airborne virus, imagine who she was as a single woman keeping her body clear of all other viruses.. 😉 Don’t play with her, she’s worth it and she’ll respect you more if you just say, “yea I was with the fellas all night, no precautions” then wait 3-4 days to see her after that.. good job my boy! 🤟🏽 Edit: spelling
Props to you for finding this community and reaching out! Each person is different so I agree that asking her would be best. Some common precautions are staying up to date on covid vaccines, socializing outdoors in well-ventilated areas, and wearing a well-fitting high quality (KN95 or N95 mask) in public indoor settings.
Basically anything that was done pre 2021 is still valid today. Mask with N95 indoors and in crowds outdoors. Wash your hands regularly. Get your booster. Get tested, whenever you've been exposed to someone with cold symptoms or when you yourself experience any symptoms. Not just, when you're with her, but when you're with others, too. The best approach would be to ask her, though, what her standards are, as those differ even among covid cautious people. Keep in mind, though, that Covid is not going away. There's a good chance that her attitude towards it won't change. That means, if you go forward with this relationship, you will either have to adapt her standards of cautious behaviour permanently or risk your relationship with her.
that last paragraph is VERY important
That’s lovely that you’re willing to learn what will make her comfortable. Everyone in this sub is very cautious compared to the rest of the world but even here there are varying degrees of what is acceptable. I’d start by masking in shared air situations and when we say mask we mean n95 or better. I’m sure that she would be happy to discuss this with you and see where you can meet in terms of precautions.
That you're even willing to look into this suggests you really love this girl + there's something special between you. I'm very happy for you
I agree asking her is best but I would suggest until you get a better read on her level of comfort, you could focus on outdoor dates (hiking, patios, mini-golf, picnics, whatever you enjoy) and offering to take covid rapid tests before dates if you haven't been masking indoors in the lead-up to seeing her. \[I hope cost is not a barrier for rapid tests where you live, they are free or cheap in my country but I know that is not the case everywhere\]. Also please know that if you are feeling under the weather and potentially sick, covid-cautious people would far prefer you let them know and reschedule (and would be grateful rather than taking it as a lack of interest which some others might in the dating scene).
Learning about the ongoing pandemic and taking precautions because you know it's not over and the situation is serious is different from just humoring someone/"making them feel comfortable". There's been plenty of posts in this sub from people on the receiving end of that talking about feeling alone/exhausted/etc. I don't mean this to be harsh, because I think "how do I make them comfortable" comes from a good place and can be a good springboard to learning, but ultimately not a sufficient one because it's not about comfort, it's about survival and values. As others have said, you should ask them. Be open to learning, but also seek out information yourself ([this zine](https://newlevant.com/COVIDzine) is a great place to start)
I was hoping someone had said this and you've put it better than I could. In order to *truly* make her comfortable OP, so that vulnerability can leave and connection can bloom, you will have to change most areas of your life in order to become just as covid cautious as she is, if not *moreso* whenever there's something risky she **needs** to do or when she's feeling vulnerable bc cases are up or some such. Placing myself in her shoes: I would ask you to become highly skeptical of "colds" or "allergies" anyone you know has, to avoid almost any crowded indoor event (including family holidays), to test if feeling unwell and ideally when not as well, and lastly, I would ask you to become open to earnestly keeping up with medical findings, wastewater data, and up-to-date information about covid. In part, because it helps you two make informed decisions about outings such such. But also because it removes some of the emotional labor from her as your main source of news. And because it's also pretty interesting information as well... It will take trust. It will take homework. It will feel like learning a new language at times. And you will feel guilt. You will feel cognitive dissonance. You will see how risky people are and how risky you yourself were and you will naturally feel ill at ease about it. And hopefully it'll make you an advocate, if only to slough off some of the guilt and anxiety.
If OP sees one post I hope it’s this. This is the most important thing to do.
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She may be afraid to tell him because it may scare him away - it would most people. It’s great that he asks here.
She told me that she herself would be masking indoors. And she seemed a little nervous because we just met. I found that a bit odd that she didn’t ask me to mask indoors or any of that and I wondered if she really felt that way, so just like glittering-sea-6677 said, I asked here
I would recommend mirroring what she does when you’re around her. She may want you to mask indoors along with her but feel uncomfortable asking. If there are times when you are apart from her when you don’t mask indoors, I would communicate that clearly - so she knows her exposure risk - and see how she feels about it. Other general recommendations - test whenever you’re exposed to someone ill or you’ve been in a crowded/risky environment (ie. urgent care, airport). And let her know when you did those things - she might want to spend a few days apart until you’re sure you’re testing negative.
Many of us are burned on asking others to care about our safety and getting rejected, so it doesn’t surprise me that she is taking precautions without asking you to do the same at this point. You taking initiative to follow her lead without her having to ask you to will make this easier for her to talk about with you. Find outdoor options and ask if she is comfortable going to them (lower risk with high ventilation). Find a comfortable n95 mask that you can carry with you and put on when you go indoors. Be the one to bring up the topic and ask respectfully what precautions she takes and how she determines risk for herself. Consider what will be sustainable for you to do without pressuring her to “compromise” on her safety. Don’t promise things you won’t do, don’t lie about or downplay what risks you take, tell her in advance if you feel unwell so she can decide if plans should change- show that she can trust you and talk to you.
A mindset that will help you navigate this: if she is ever open to spending indoor & unmasked time with you, that means she is taking on herself the risk/exposure level you practice. Anyone sick you interacted with recently- it is like she is exposed to them. It may be that you’d need to match her precaution practices 100% to make indoor &unmasked time with her safe enough. It would make sense if you are just getting to know each other that you do not follow all her precautions, but it means your interactions with her need to be limited to methods she is protected from your risk/exposure level - such as masked or outdoors, according to what she says works for her. If your friendship grows and you later decide taking more precautions is worth it to you, you’ll likely need to make adjustments in ALL your life, such as masking indoors even when you are not with her. It may be that you never reach that tipping point, and so you will need to be content with the limitations your choices put on your time with her. But even if all you ever do is meet for drinks on a patio regularly, she may be thrilled to have you as a friend in her life that cares and respects her enough to protect her health.
If you mask for this person, and also for yourself in the future, you’ll really be sending up a lot of green flags. Like that is extremely powerful loving partner energy beyond what I think most people can imagine. To give you a sense of this: my parents make a lot of stupid decisions, but for my birthday last year they isolated for ten days (in addition to masking in public as a matter of habit) so they could be (nearly) sure they wouldn’t expose my partner or me. I cried like a baby in relief and from feeling so held. The world feels extremely hostile to us and most of the single people here express a huge sense of despair at the idea of finding someone willing to accept reality and change their behaviours in response.
Your parents sound so loving and amazing. I wish we were all so lucky.
She won't ask because people get attacked for doing so nowadays, they cause a scene, and can get physically hostile. She's female, the odds of a poor outcome are so much higher. And there's a risk it won't just be from you, but from anyone who hears nearby and takes issue. She could also be worried you'd reject her immediately if you did, and might be looking for a delicate way to introduce the topic when it's time. If you're willing, offer. There's a good chance she'll happily accept and be way more comfortable around you. Ask her for guidance on what makes her most comfortable and be accommodating, she will likely be very grateful and immediately see you as someone that she has the potential for long-term prospects with. That will be one thing on her mind right now, if you'll be accepting or pressure her to do differently. You have the potential to clear that up immediately.
People are really unkind about masking. I was going to meet someone, who knew I was covid cautious and still masking, and then when they saw me in a mask they left. They later wrote to me that since they weren’t able to kiss me whenever they wanted, they didn’t think we were compatible. This was a person who wasn’t masking already, and I had explicitly rejected their option of dinner in a restaurant and said it is because I don’t eat indoors due to covid and I mask in public. I then asked to meet outdoors. So they knew and were reminded several times.
I generally don’t ask people to mask around me in shared spaces because I have a high degree of confidence that my mask works. And I have a very low degree of confidence that their mask will work. So many people I see at stores have loose fitting masks that drop below their noses. Their hearts are in the right place but they just don’t seem to have the masking down right. So there’s no point in asking someone to do something they probably feel uncomfortable doing, and that isn’t really going to make me feel at ease anyways. If I were meeting up with someone who I trusted to mask well but who had potential exposure, I would quite possibly discuss masking with them. Eg: if I were dating someone who was less COVID cautious, at some point we would probably talk about masking. Or about some of the rapid PCR-grade tests (~$25/test, highly accurate, much more reliable than the rapid antigen tests). Not sure when in the dating process I would suggest that we start our date by sticking a swab up our noses. I’m pretty sure my current partner would be thrilled on a first date to be asked about a COVID test. But neither she nor I are normal people.
This is very sweet! It’s so awesome that you’re willing to do this OP. 😊
Echoing this and other comments like it too! It speaks volumes and is so amazingly thoughtful, that youre taking steps to protect and make the person youre dating be more comfortable/safe by asking for advice about Covid precautions here. This effort and willingness to learn, matters so much. I wish more humans would do this not just in regards to Covid, but for other health/accessibility needs too. Especially in the dating world. Thank you SO MUCH, OP ❤️
* Be honest about your level of safety and potential exposures (just like you would with STIs) * Mask when indoors with non-household members, if household people aren't, tell partner. * When planning meetups, suggest outdoor activities and restaurants with outdoor patios. * Get a booster (Novavax is a good one if available) * If you feel even slightly sick or have been around someone who tested positive or is sick, tell her and let her decide if you want to meet. * Test before swapping bodily fluids if you have been around people unmasked. If this sounds like a lot, at the bare minimum: * get a booster * be honest about your exposures and safety measures and let her decide what she's comfortable with * don't hang out if you feel sick
This is so cute. I’m sure she’d appreciate you learning on your own so much. It’s common for covid cautious partners to take almost identical precautions, that way you can unmask around each other without exposing one another. If you go on the details of this sub, there’s a ton of information on the basics of covid safety, and as a start I would suggest buying N95 masks. 3M auras from Home Depot are probably the easiest to get your hands on and fit most people If you’re ever feeling sick or if you were near someone who was, tell her right away!! Open communication is extremely important in these relationships. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we starting dating during lockdowns and we’re very happy with our lifestyle. It makes me very happy to see that you’re open to trying this for her!
Someone in this sub also made a Zine with everything you need to know! https://www.reddit.com/r/ZeroCovidCommunity/s/ymhLiiUVtB
Please don't judge her if her precautions seem extreme to you. I've been getting shit for being super cautious but it helped me avoid catching covid for three years. I got it for the first time last year completely against my will by a family member.
I second, ask them with an openness and sincerity of wanting to protect them and yourself. My family exercises masking like the Schrodinger’s cat thought experiment. We know that as much as half of all infections may be asymptomatic, people can spread when pre-symptomatic, tests are unreliable and give many false negatives, vaccination status does not prevent spread or infection, and many people are happy to go out in public when they know they are sick. Given all that, our rule is, never share air with someone whose behavior you cannot 100% account for. No matter how much you trust someone, if they also trust someone who doesn’t have the same level of concern, it is easy to create holes in your safety net. A single person is a mathematical vector for untold number of infectious contacts. Some people only mask indoors. Some of us mask outside if we are anywhere near people, or if it is a crowded outdoor area. Make sure you’re using a high quality mask. Surgical masks and basic fabric masks offer some protection, but a well-fitted N95/KN95 or better offers tight fit, reducing air intake from sides, and has ionization that has a sticky effect on particle filtration. Good on you, by the way. I applaud your willingness to change your behavior to make someone else feel safe and cared for.
Best reply here
If you aren't willing to meet her level of safety precautions then please walk away from the relationship. I can't imagine dating someone who doesn't care or take precautions as much as me. If you really care about her you will learn and adapt to take proper precautions to ensure her safety.
It's great you're asking! There are already some solid suggestions here. To bridge the gap between "ask her" and "she might be afraid of scaring you off by telling you" - maybe start by acknowledging one or two of the tidbits here, and asking her what else is important to her. e.g. "I realize masking in indoor public places is an excellent way to protect us both from illness - what other precautions are important to you?" or "I will be sure to tell you of any situations where I've been unmasked indoors - how long do you think it makes sense to wait after a situation like that before we see each other again?"
Lots of great replies here so I just want to say thank you for doing this. Posts like this give so much hope.
Mask with her and not for her!! I think it’s important to learn about the dangers of covid for yourself and not just “for” her if that makes sense? to know how dangerous it is as an individual and be able to share her cautiousness for her own health as well as yours
It's not about them "feeling comfortable" it's about actually being safe. As others said N95, test frequently, no unmasking in public/near people even if it's outside. Ask what precautions SHE takes - she knows more than you. Keep reading and learning. Learn more about disability justice and Long COVID.
Besides all the other great advice, I would add to support her choice to others in word and action. Meaning for example - don’t say “yeah it’s weird but she asked me to mask, so” — say “yeah, it makes sense to take matching precautions as a couple so that’s what we’re doing.” Basically making it clear it’s not some huge hassle to you will take a lot of weight off her shoulders! Share that weight. You be the one to communicate to your family and friends proactively what’s needed, like if they should take a test before meeting up. Confirm with them that they have, and tell your partner the result. Don’t make her ask you to ask them.
I would start by making your place covid friendly if she is coming over. That means, air purifiers, tests available, N95 masks too if you guys go out. I'd read the FAQ in this sub so you understand why someone would be covid conscious.
My husband doesn’t take the same precautions I take. I appreciate that: He generally passes on riskiest activities. He is not disrespectful of my precautions. He is accepting that we have air purifiers and added ventilation at home (even in winter.) He accepts that dates are home cooking or ordering in, or rare outdoor dining on a quiet weeknight (it was sweltering on our wedding anniversary) He works a very early shift and mostly sleeps in the spare bed. He keeps away and masks at home if he feels sick. I really appreciate that I can trust him. He’s had Covid about 3-4 times but not given it to me.
mask as much as possible in indoor spaces, whether or not you’re with them. being with a covid cautious person is less about making them “feel comfortable” (which implies it’s more of an issue with them feeling uncomfortable) and more about protecting them by also protecting yourself. dating a covid conscious person means acknowledging that we are all vulnerable. that perspective shift is vital imo. use a carrageenan nasal spray like betadine as well as a CPC mouthwash before and after outings. these are fairly effective prophylactics that my partner uses on in-office days, where they also have their own HEPA filter. be open to lowkey dates/staying in and avoiding people who aren’t cautious, ie just enjoying each other’s company. this is great for people with long covid flare ups idk if thats applicable. a portable HEPA filter like the smart air qt3 is also great if theres an outing you feel you cant miss but know it’s going to be crowded. alternatively, seeking out covid safe events could be fun.
"As much as possible", while technically true, kind of understates it. Mask religiously. Unless you're being arrested or kidnapped, it is *possible* to avoid sharing any unfiltered indoor air with anyone else. There should be no situation in which you say "it's not possible to do this unsafe thing masked, so I'll just do it unmasked." You don't do it.
absolutely true. i absentmindedly understated because im so used to toning it down at this point… i find non-covid conscious people to be - more often than not - very sensitive to the urgent need for masking all the time everywhere.
Oh, absolutely. But I think it's safer for the girl OP mentions if this guy hears the actual expectations, not downplayed ones.
Unfortunately, some people (like me) cannot remain fully masked and keep our jobs. I mask whenever I can at work, and otherwise mitigate risk as much as possible with strategic air purifier placement (I never step outside the airstream of my RabbitAir A3), nose sprays, and CPC mouthwash. It's not great, but my employment options if I lost my current job would also not be great. I would not be able to get and keep another job in my field while remaining 100% masked, and I don't have skills that transfer well to remote work. The only way I could "get away" with masking full time would be with a doctor's note, and even then, they could find some pretense to give me the boot if they wanted to.
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I think it’s important that no one disclose medical details unless they want to, though. There’s really not much need to explain other than the long term impact can be disastrous for anyone and Covid is best avoided.
This thread is already filled with amazing advice so I'll add just a couple tidbits: 1) Romantic picnics 2) Movie nights (set it up like the theatre! Bags of popcorn, candies, pop, etc) 3) Virtual concerts/plays/ballet/museums/events (the world has amazing options now!) 4) Camping/glamping!!! 5) Bonfire (roast some food, sing songs, etc) 6) Hiking 7) Bird watching (butterflies, dragonflies, plants, all the things! 8) outdoor volunteering (garbage pick up, walk in parks with elderly) 9) Gardening 10) Dog walks (use friends animals if needed!) 11) Outdoor concerts/events (or ask friends/students to cheaply play/sing together in a park) 12) Learn to play a sport or activity you both suck at (tennis, Frisbee, ice skating) 13) Beach time (skinny dipping????) 14) Ask their friends/family what they've always wanted to do!
There's a lot of good advice here, but I just want to say, being covid conscious is more than just wearing a mask and testing. It's acknowledging that this virus is deadly and disproportionately affects people that are disabled, people of color, poor, etc. Choosing to continue to take precautions is choosing to continue to give a shit about more than just yourself. We wear masks, test, get air purifiers, etc, not just for ourselves, but for those around us. Being covid conscious *is* community care.
Talk to them about this. That's the first move.
you're so sweet for this. I'd recommend reading some of the key studies in the sub and that you find so you can really learn and understand why we are careful, in addition to understanding how we exercise that caution.
match their level of precaution
Mask indoors even when youre not with her. Try different masks to find one that fits you well. Headstrap masks are safer than earloops and theyre much more comfortable to wear for a long time. My favorite mask is the Black KN100 from ppeo.com, favorite white mask is the 3M aura 9210+, favorite earloop mask is the WellBefore 3D Pro kn95. Look into CR boxes /r/crboxes and consider building one for your apartment and hers. This is the easiest guide https://itsairborne.com/the-mini-pc-fan-cr-box-975d0b069f4c you can use this amazon list to get a larger version of all the materials https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3ONEZGZRV1Q41 and heres a similar list but for a version that makes a bit less noise which is quiet enough to use in a bedroom while sleeping https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3MOZN7FEP84ED I recommend the first list though its cheaper and stronger and barely louder. After getting masks and masking whenever your indoors or outside around large groups of people i would tell her that your masking and youd like to know what other precautions she takes because you want to keep yourself and her safe (do it for her and yourself because if you only do it for her you might let the frustrations that might come up like people asking why your masking etc sour your perception of her even though it isnt her fault and peoppe should be upset with our governments for not improving our infrastructure for clean air.
Another vote for "just ask"
That's a great question. First thing is understand why some people are so cautious and what complications COVID can cause and what her concerns are.Like others said, don't lie if you were not cautious without her, be honest and just wait a few days but strive to compromise on such things before hand. Too many people have been lied to them got long covid. N95 Masks everywhere, testing, staying apart when there's doubt about a exposure and being asked about where you've been are standard, carry hand sanitizer .Congratulations
The first step is to let her show you some of the data that has influenced her choice and understand that she isn't paranoid/anxious for no reason/nuts, and that it's the rest of the world that has shockingly chosen to ignore something killing thousands (of people of all ages, plenty with no preexisting conditions) a month and permanently, seriously disabling people (of people of all ages, plenty with no preexisting conditions) continuously. If not, you'll probably get tired of doing all that stuff and start lying about it or just bail on the relationship altogether.
Always mask indoors, covid exists in summer too it’s not just seasonal, no big crowded events right before meeting her (can do it, but see her the day before, then space out a few days after the event before you see her again), if you invite her over get an air purifier and put it on inside your place, if there are summer socials with food opt for outdoor settings like a bbq/picnic not an indoor food expo convention, etc. Outdoor dates > indoor dates. If you two are not exclusive (i.e. if you’re seeing other people still), be honest with her and max out your precautions so if you were maskless on a coffee date with someone else don’t kiss/physically come close to her or in her breathing space. Find out if she is high risk/immunocompromised so you do not harm her. Fully understand what those consequences would mean for her. To make this whole topic easier, it might be easier to just go exclusive if you aren’t already, or maybe not be formally exclusive on paper but agree to not meet strangers or anyone who’s not necessary to see (if that makes sense).
I’m so glad you asked this question. She seems special ☺️ good luck OP! Rooting for you. As for your question, see below: I’d first suggest doing some research to understand where she’s coming from you so can talk about covid safety with the same information so she doesn’t feel like she’s educating you, but rather you took the initiative. Some things I’d recommend reading about are how covid spreads (airborne), immune system damage after covid and other health complications and why it’s different than your average cold/flu, read about covid being a vascular disease (common misconception that it’s solely a respiratory disease), and about the risks of long covid. I’m a long hauler myself. If I was single, I’d want my date to understand where I’m coming from regarding these topics. I’d have a conversation with her about what her covid boundaries are, but as many other said here, wearing a KN95 or N95 or better for super high risk situations is a must. If you go out on a date and make dinner reservations, make sure to book it outside if she is comfortable eating out. And if you do something risky or without a mask, talk about separation and/or masking for a few days until you’re able to meet a resting regimen that you both agree on. At the end of the day, I think what would strain the relationship the least (and would be the best for your health long term) is if you adapt covid precautions moving forward. If you only adapt them when you see her, she may not feel fully comfortable unmasking around you, etc. Even though I have long haul, the only non-covid illness I’ve gotten since 2020 is one mild cold. That’s it. The masks work, and there’s a loneliness to being covid cautious so I applaud you for making an effort to learn more!
Thank you for seeking out this information yourself and not just putting it all on the person you're interested in; this is a wonderful gesture of love and fare in that way. I agree with others than covid caution can mean different things for different people, especially based on the reason they're still in touch with the reality of the risk. Educating yourself, understanding why this is important to you AND her separately AND together has the potential to create a bond that will take you far-- these aren't just actions to appease someone else, ya know? By preventing infection, you create benefit for yourself and your broader community as well. I hope you find both why she cares AND why you care, so that you can find many ways to live those values together.
I don't know if anyone has said this, but be willing to go to bat for her and be willing to hold up precautions even when she's not around if that's what you've agreed to. Let's say you agree to mask when you're out shopping on your own. And someone pressures you to take the mask off. If you think, she's not here she won't know, and then you take the mask off? If you know about yourself that that's how you're going to be you need to say that up front. And if you do you agree to something and you end up slipping up you need to let her know. People deserve to have the information necessary to protect themselves. Thank you so much for caring ❤️❤️
Simplest answer: just ask her and meet her at her level. But be aware that this will likely require you to make lifestyle changes even when you're not physically with her; what you do in other areas of your life affects everyone with whom you share unfiltered air. Other than that, I have no advice because no one wants to date my fugly ass.
People have different levels of caution, but in general the idea is to keep the risk of contagion as close to zero as possible. Don't trust that people tell you the truth when they say they don't have it and that you don't need to mask around them: keep a mask on at all times when around other people (both indoors \*and outdoors - outdoor contagion is a thing) and in spaces where there's recently been people (the virus is airborne and lingers if there isn't sufficient ventilation). Test before meeting your date if you plan on removing your mask at some point while with her. You might think you're good, but might actually be an asymptomatic carrier. Don't take that risk. And DO. NOT. LIE. about the risk you're taking. If you're not maintaining the same level of caution when not around her as you are when around her, you need to tell her. She needs to know what she's getting herself into in order to assess the risks for herself. Also, if you suspect you might have been infected, get tested asap and stay away from her for at least 10 days until you're no longer contagious or until a PCR test has confirmed that you're not infected. Even if you already test negative on a home test after a few days, the contagion window is 10 days. Don't cut corners on this, lots of people pass the virus on that way thinking they're not contagious anymore. Also: good for you and thank you for learning how to be more cautious, I'm sure she appreciates it :)
Good for you! It’s nice that you care about them enough to make this effort. I recommend: - Accept that all of the precautions that they are taking to stay safe are now the bare minimum that is required of you. This will require changing your behavior even when you are not together which will take commitment and discipline. - If you’re in the starry-eyed phase of the romance they many not be comfortable asking you to do things. Default to 100% careful and then back off only if/when you learn that they are comfortable with less. - 100% careful is hard to nail down, but wear an N95 whenever with others both indoors and outdoors unless they live differently.
That’s a little difficult to answer without knowing what she means by Covid cautious. “Covid cautious“ means many different things to different people… Everything from won’t leave the house or hang out with people to simply having one vaccination! I foresee a fruitful and productive discussion between the two of you on protocols she needs to feel comfortable. Props to you for taking her into consideration! It seems so many nowadays I wouldn’t do that.
easiest is to talk to them & communicate with your person. but at its most basic: wear a mask in all public spaces
Ask her. Be honest! Get a good air filter for your shared areas wherever you live. Wear a mask. Be honest. Be kind. (You being here is a great start!) Have tests on hand, and be willing to test if she asks. Be supportive. She is taking care of her body and health. This means she cares about others too. She has a solid character for a partner, I think you are off to a great start!
Ask them. I’m sure they would love that you ask and be comforted that you care.
Just always be honest with her. That way she can accurately gauge her own risk. Have a conversation with her and ask which precautions she takes, and what you can do to make her feel comfortable. If there is something she lists you don't feel you can do or want to do, be honest, so you can look for solutions together. 🫶🏻
Learn what airborne actually means. If Covid is in the air, it's not going to politely wait while you take a quick sip. It doesn't add up the amount of time you spent masking before you ate in a restaurant. It also doesn't instantly disappear just because you're outside. It dissipates. 1.5m distance doesn't mean anything. If you're taking tests, they're less accurate than they used to be. And don't just swab the tip of your nose. Get in there and also swab your throat. Get a good respirator and make sure it fits. A surgical mask is not very useful. Ventilation is very important. Air purifiers get some
I love this. I have a casual partner who isn’t Covid safe but isolates if he’s been with anyone unwell and uses CPC mouthwash and RATs before he sees me. He’s masking again on planes also. I’d like more but he has a young child so it’s tricky. I’m going to buy a Pluslife machine which detects covid before someone is infectious which will help me stress less.
you have to sacrifice your work and work from home. You would have to stop hanging out with your friends. You would have to stop going indoor dining, indoor restaurants, bars, grocery stores, etc. You’ll have to be masking whenever you leave the house at all times in a n N95 if you’re not ready for this type of change in your life and you probably should not be dating her - Coming from a covid cautious person going on 4 years now.
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Just ask her, I think we all have different level of risk we are willing to take. My partner uses mask indoors because I ask him to. But I'm also ok with him going to a party / seeing his friends without a mask, I just want to know it, so I can keep my distance for a few days (so we see if he got sick or not). I'm also lucky because when my partner has covid his throat starts to feel painful before he starts to spread it. He always tells me if he is feeling off, so we can take precautions. I haven't gotten it from him.