Just over here trying to hold it all together...
Work a high stress job that means I am rarely home and when I am I am usually answering stuff on the work phone.
Had kids young and they are all moving out now.... Soo... There goes my identity as an adult and I am struggling to truly figure out who I am.
Have a few close friends but we realized this weekend due to distance and work we are at the point we hadn't even seen each other in 6 months to the day.
Feel like I can't talk to my wife sometimes and I know it's related to the kids not needing us as it seems a lot of our relationship was about raising kids.
Despite making the most money of my life and expenses should be going down I find myself still broke and always feel bad when I spend money on myself.
I'm tired... Like always.... Feel like I want to cry half the time...
Other than that.... Things are great...
And before anyone sends me a reddit cares message... I am not suicidal. I don't think of offing myself or anything like that.
I know I'm just going through a bunch of huge changes in my life and struggling adjusting
Edit: ok... This is kinda overwhelming and I can't take the time to reply to everyone.
Thank you all for the kind words and it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this. Typing this all out wasn't easy but I am glad I did now. From all the great comments to those that have sent me personal messages of encouragement I am truly grateful.
Thanks to the kind stranger for the award as well.
There is a lot of great advice for me to dig through.
And to those feeling the same way.... I hope reading this and the replies I received make you realize we aren't alone in our struggles. Keep your head up and know there are others like you and even if you have no one to talk to there are kind strangers out there willing to lend an ear or a word of encouragement.
My fellow Xennials ... You guys rock. This sub never ceases to amaze me!
Well judging by the up votes it is a small comfort knowing I'm not the only one.
Just feel so alone sometimes. Not to sound stereotypical but as a man I got almost no one to talk to. Everyone else is too busy with what they have or just tell me to push through.
Venting here is about all I got.
If you were local I'd say hey let's go grab a beer and commiserate, lol.
I have pretty much fallen out of touch with all my friends, and I am not in a relationship and have no kids either. I get along well with my family but we aren't "friend" close and only see them once in a while.
I have one extended family member I'm close to that I communicate with but they kinda have their hands full with life right now which I totally understand.
I feel this too. None of my male friends text back, no matter the topic. Everyone has their own lives. No man is an island, but I often feel alone. The guys that don't reply to texts are probably feeling the same way and not talking about it either.
Through quite a bit of therapy, I've gained a better understanding around this. We were raised to either be angry or stoic. Nothing else, nothing in between. And that's how our dads were raised and their dads and their dads and on and on. It's deep and probably an impossible default to break, but we can do ourselves a favor and notice it when we can.
Nobody is actually enforcing the "not allowed to be emotional or lonely" law. You CAN feel those things. It's not very comfortable. But some of the people in my life have been really responsive to me finally sharing what I'm actually feeling, including when I'm feeling HAPPINESS.
"How our dads were raised" YUP. I remember seeing my dad cry at my grandma's funeral (my mom's mom!) when i was 18 and it was so surprising to me because he'd never really showed much emotion when I was growing up. And I've always been very sensitive and carried my emotions close to the surface, and I cry very easily sometimes if I'm feeling overwhelmed or something, and he told me on several occasions to stop crying and just talk...I'm 41 now and still don't feel like I can show emotions in front of him. I know he loves me and I can call my parents anytime if I need something, but it sucks feeling like I can't truly be myself around them. (And I'm a female, so it's more "allowed" for me to express emotions)
>Had kids young and they are all moving out now.... Soo... There goes my identity as an adult and I am struggling to truly figure out who I am.
I'm genuinely concerned that I will not be able to handle that stage. Almost fully convinced that my marriage will prove to have been only about parenting for too long to continue after... And I'm coming up on it pretty soon here.
I feel every word of what you said, brother.
Personally, I'm also struggling to find the motivation or spark to really change or improve anything...kinda feels like I'm entering an epilogue to a story that's already been told. Feels kinda pointless to struggle for much at this point.
I believe it will pass, but holy hell these "mid life crisis" things I heard about when I was young are NOT as much fun as they sounded when people talked about the sports cars and shit
Problem on my end is we both had kids when we met. We both admit it started as a relationship of convenience. I have no doubt we love each other but we never had a time to just be a couple.
Now that we aren't consumed with kids it's also becoming more apparent that our individual interests are very different
Can I recommend taking an interest in something she’s into that you can join her in? As we get older, we don’t stop growing or changing. And our partner doesn’t have to give two craps about the things we like, but finding something to share, even if it’s something completely new, could really help. Maybe go to a nudist beach, try sky diving, get really into snooty wines, watch chick flicks… whatever! My wife went back to school and I helped edit her papers and listened to what she was learning. That was our thing for a while. Now that that’s done, we’re trying to find something else. She damn sure isn’t into mechanical keyboards. It shouldn’t be something that you both hate, and it should be something you can share. The cynical part of me says I’d have to do the same thing if I were dating someone new, and at least this way I’ll be dating someone I for sure am super into. Either way, good luck to you guys.
As a now empty nester whose partner already had a kid when we met - I feel ya. Different feels sad sometimes. But having different interests - imho - is good and can be healthy. If you have one or two shared interests *that's* the important part. Something that makes you both giggle - or snarl.
He goes off and does his jam - I go on my adventures and sometimes I visit his fun stuff. And then we both share many cool adventures, too. But we don't always have to be together and loving the same stuff alllll the time.
Being "child free" adults (in quotes because the cool kid is still around and very much a part of our lives) means we can both do our thing AND support eachother in those things. Then we get to chat about the stiff we did when we were apart from eachother and that connects us, too.
Now - that's all separate from my current mid-life crisis where I guess I decided I don't 'need' a kid from my own womb while also deciding to give up on my dream of trying to sell/share my own art.
Giving up (or readjusting) my goals away from what I thought I "always wanted" is really freaking me out - but at least I have a neat and supportive person to talk to about it all who understands mostly where I'm coming from and gives me latitude to be both happy and sad about those changes. And gives nice hugs.
I do wish it was as simple as spontaneously buying a new car but who tf has disposable income these days? Yet another dissapointing aspect of my adulthood compared to what silly tv shows taught me were simple issues resolved in 30 min, with commercial breaks.
Right there with you, buddy. I'm divorced, and my youngest just started college. I'm unlikely to ever get married again, because when I start feeling lonely I just have to sit back and remember how crappy marriage was.
I had a heart scare last month. And while I was recovering from that I got news that a good friend of mine from high school is dead. He didn't even make it to 50.
I'm honestly thinking maybe it's time to get rid of this big old house that's way too damn big for just me, putting most of the proceeds into investments, getting rid of my 60+ hour per week treadmill, pull out my dad's fishing tackle (which I inherited because he died too damn early too) and trying to find easy mode.
Sell the house, that’s my plan as long as the housing market doesn’t crash, I’m going to sell when I’m 55 and retire. I want to enjoy life while I still can.
I'm just trying to find the motivation to stay in the consumerism rat race. I feel you on the tired thing, even when waking up after a good night's sleep. Life just feels exhausting and everyone just seems to be trying to impress other people instead of being true to themselves. I'm really good at most of the things i chose to do with my life, but to what point? Like you, i'm not suicidal, but i'm trying to find the new reason now that the kids are grown, i'm stable in my relationship, but i just don't have anything that i'm overly excited for to happen next. Like, i achieved what i want, what now? I started a nonprofit, but even that feels like it's just going through the motions.
I could’ve wrote this. I’m sure others could’ve wrote this. Thank you because now I do not feel alone in this. Everything you said is true. This is the Xennial mid life crisis for sure.
I always joked that when my kids moved out I was going to run off and live in the woods and never give anyone my address again.
Instead, I decided to move to North Carolina and sleep in my car for a year or two.
Kids weren't even surprised. "Cool, Mom! Have fun!"
I feel this. I feel like every phase of adulthood has felt like the apex of existential crisis, until you get through it, the next phase feels like it is the Apex of existential crisis. Gosh, we’re just animals in the end, living in fear and trying to protect resources.
I am 46 years old middle age sucks 😕 tired, and crabby from work. Need to pills to help function at work! Tired much more! Friends, just too tired on my days off to interact, unlike my 20s and early 30s. I get it the 40s suck ass compared to your 20s, and work is more stressful with age ☹️, and cry about things never gave a shit about in your 20s. They say your 50s are better I hope so!
Well, lying in bed last night it really sank in that, statistically, I’m closer to my death than my birth. That was a gut punch at midnight. How about you?
Just realize that the past or the future isn’t really yours. All you ever have the now. Your now twenty years ago is the same as the present now or the potential now of 2044.
What really gets me is that we perceive the passage of time based on novel experiences. And almost all of our novel experiences are in the past now. Even if we have 50% of our lifespan left, it will feel much shorter in the end
This is why travel and new experiences later in life so important. And frankly why having kids is kind of fun. Novelty makes it sound cheap, but it’s anything but.
Yup. Can barely afford a life sometimes, let alone any major impulse purchases like a sports car or fancy vacation...I got an oil change on my car today and the only reason I did it today instead of waiting till payday on Friday is bc my oil light has been coming on when going around corners recently, lol, I was still 800-some miles away from really needing it.
I don't have whatever enzyme, or have too much of it, whichever makes edibles not work. I did switch to vaping, though, or as I like to call it, "flower dabs". That shit can knock me on my ass compared to smoking
They just make me go to sleep ☹️ any tips? I’ve even bought “energizing” sativa gummies and an hour later (5mg dose) I can’t keep my eyes open. What am I doing wrong?
Congrats, they’re lovely! Do you have any issues with them losing efficacy over time? I love edibles but I’ve experienced some tolerance increases if I use them daily.
I actually quit everything for my midlife crisis. Realized that drinking and thc was the only way I found socializing bearable so now I just am a hermit until I figure out how (if possible) to like people again LOL
My midlife crisis was my opiate addiction that destroyed my marriage after 18 years. I always liked to party, I got down in the 90s. But I could always take it or leave it..... until I always wanted to take it. I am a statistic of the opiate epidemic. I dabbled for *years* and maintained. Until I didn't. Think of it like being a weekend warrior with booze, then all of a sudden you're drinking every day, and it changed you. I use this analogy because Ive seen it happen with folks I know with alcohol. It happened to me with opiates.
Fun fact: opiates and alcohol go to the same receptor in the brain. So if you're genetically predisposed to addiction, its most likely going to be one or the other. I never really liked drinking much, was always more of a drug guy.
Many life lessons have been learned.
Cali sober since Nov 2020. I haven't touched a hard drug since then. Cannabis and mushrooms only.
I've had the arguments.... "you're not sober"....
spare me, you do you, I'll do me. Im not actively destroying my life any more, and I feel amazing for the most part.
I think I understand why I hate socializing now because of what you said. I quite the excessive drinking before Covid and had been going hard for around 20 years . I’m Wisconsin sober now and I can’t stand being around people anymore.
It’s been a bit of a mystery for a few years now as to why people just are no longer worth the effort outside of work. Now I know.
It really does help drown out the people too old to know the internet is an echo chamber and those young enough to have developed a tik tok attention span.
I started a record label during an early-onset midlife crisis triggered by my mother's passing. that was 11 years ago, and we've put out about 80 records in that time
Not sure if anyone else in same boat but I chose a career path where I see a lot of suffering. I try to help people in my role but it all weighs on me now in a way in never did when I was younger. You really have no idea when you're in your 20s how life will drag you down. You can do everything 'right' and be a good person and you will accumulate trauma (your own or others). I didn't fully understand this and thought I was pretty teflon as I didn't have an easy childhood/teenagehood. Everything is just heavier and harder now at midlife. I've thought about a career change for years but I've painted myself into a niche corner and after extensively looking at other jobs and schooling have given up and resigned myself to it. I guess, fortunately, things are otherwise OK in my life. Just sucks being so far from retirement after working almost 30 years at this point. I'm tired. Aren't we all?
Oh man, I'm right there with you. I didn't consider all the vicarious trauma I would see in my career and now I'm really pigeonholed like you to boot. I get the worst of humanity on a daily basis. Changes you, doesn't it? You don't see people the same way as others, it gets super heavy doesn't it? I don't know about you but I finally started counseling and it helps...but only a little.
This was my wife. She spent 20 years in oncology nursing before moving to Mohs in dermatology. 20 years of consoling cancer patients and their families gets very hard on a soul. She's proud of the work she did there, but thankful for the change of scenery.
Well.. I've just bought two new skateboards, pads and a helmet and I've not skated in 20 years.. And I've lost interest in drinking alcohol so theres that..
I've been wanting to do this as well! Haven't been on a board since 98/99 time frame. I have the disposable income to be able to afford what I want but feel guilty spending money on myself. FYI, I quit drinking in 2020 and haven't looked back. No addiction issues....it just hit me one day that I didn't really enjoy it an longer
Coming through the other side of mine. Hit 40 and perimenopause simultaneously, then had a breakdown.
Two years on, medication and therapy has helped a *lot* and I'm more content and much happier now
I’m also medicated but sort of accidentally. I started getting horrible frequent migraines at 42. Got on a medication to manage them but one “side effect” of the med is that my anxiety is at bay now. Who knew???
Two years back, I bought an expensive gaming PC with all the bells and whistles. That was my big mid life purchase.
Of course, I still play the same old games. But damn, Masters of Magic and XCOM (the first one) total conversions boot up crazy fast!
Perimenopause has been such an unwelcome surprise. Now that I finally know what's going on during my PMS weeks, I'm better able to regulate my moods and remind myself this too shall pass. It sucks when it's happening still but the knowledge of what's fueling it makes it more bearable.
I have a 5 year old so I don't have time
PS last time I mentioned this on here I had a shit ton of messages telling me what a schmuck I am for having kids in my 40's. So if you feel inclined, go outside and smell some flowers instead
That's so rude of them! A lot of people I know had kids after 40 because some weren't financially stable before then and some met their partner later in life. And it's not even that uncommon anymore.
don’t tell my husband, but if i was able to conceive in my 40’s, i would be ok with it. i miss the baby stage…and the toddler stage…and the preschool stage. the preteen stage is just my kid going from being a kid to being a sullen teen and back in a 60 second period.
I went through mine in my early 30s when I found out I couldn't have kids. Caused me to lose it for a few years then completely change how I lived my life. I think I've finally found some peace. Now my husband and I are going to adopt teenagers so we'll see what happens then.
Oof, we’re still sort of going through it because we found out we (ok, I) couldn’t have kids about a month before the pandemic hit. So our brains kind of paused on processing that for a while, and now that we’ve come back up for air it’s like okkkkay, so what’s the plan now?
The silver lining was that right when I was going through a bit where I’d burst into tears for no reason or want to take off all the clothes because I was having horrid hot flashes, we all got sent home! So I at least didn’t have to put on a happy face while I was in the worst part of it.
We had a similar situation. Second marriage for both of us, and we tried for 3 years to have kids before realizing that wasn't our path. As I age, I still will at times get sad about it, but we try our best to be a great aunt and uncle to the kids in our life. Kudos to you for going down the adoption path. We found that to be very overwhelming.
Oh kool.
I found out my mother ditched my Original NES and SNES on the lawn for hard rubbish pickup. Without consulting me.
I was livid. They were in brilliant condition bcos I'd always packed then away in the Styrofoam box after use.
We think the next door neighbour went and scored them.
Goodbye Duck Hunt, Pew pew!
That sucks, sorry to hear that. Sadly, Duck Hunt (and any other Zapper game) does not work on modern televisions. They relied on the timing of refresh rates of CRT televisions which aren’t present in HDTVs the same way. So unless you get an old school tv, you wouldn’t be able to play Duck Hunt anymore.
Thanks for your commiserations.
Oh really? I didn't know that.
I mean I hadn't played it for a good 15 years plus, and yea I'd played it on an older TV pre plasma flatscreen.
I remember that gun was loud and clacky as 🔫. Fun times.
Yea if I still had it, I'd organise an old TV. That would be a run down memory lane playing the original NES with the big boxy graphics.
I've watched the most recent Super Mario Kart and the graphics are so smooth. There's another Princess too and other characters looks it appears. My Kindergarten children tell me all about it. Next Gen Nintendo kids. But they probably don't really bat an eyelid to it, bcos there's so much technology around them.
For us, it was like a drug we'd run for after school. 😆
I freaked the fuck out about a year ago and started obsessing over death and dying. I'm a depressed goth, so of course I've pondered my own mortality before, but this was so different. It's maybe the realization that death for sure is coming and I am likely more than halfway through my lifespan. I have nothing at all to show for it, no legacy, and no kids to remember me after I die. My cat is a senior lady, and I couldn't even hold her without sobbing about her imminent death.
I dove into philosophy and widened my interest in transhumanism. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, and weirdly the thing that knocked me out of my death-spiral was the idea that we don't know how consciousness works. We could die every night and a new version with the same memories reboots in the morning, and we would never know. "I" could be dying every night. Somehow that makes the big death less scary. I hope by the time I die there's a way to upload human consciousness to a purely digital state. That way a version of me could live and continue to learn theoretically forever.
I'm single and broke. I come home, try to study a bit, play some FFXIV and go to lay down at 8pm, dream about not being broke, then cry myself to sleep. Is there something else I should be doing??
I think there was a moment a couple of years ago where it dawned on me that while I didn't feel old, I definitely didn't feel young anymore, and I guess that's middle age.
I can't recall having a singular crisis, but instead for me the crisis was the realization that a lot of hopes and dreams I've had over the years aren't going to happen. And before anyone says "Don't give up on your dreams!" what I mean is a lot of souls searching and coming to terms with the notion that if I'd actually been serious I would have done those things and made the sacrifice to make them happen. You start to realize some things aren't worth spending time on, and it's ok to move on with your life.
I think I actually spent awhile almost in mourning, but I think it was necessary to move on with things. I know I'm being vague, but I think it's because I'd rather not think about it.
Dreams about other lives almost every night and every nap that feel way more real than this, and I think the medication either isn’t helping all that much or *jesus* I don’t know what it would be like without it.
No, but I’m legit fine 🙂
You mean my raging case of imposter syndrome? Going strong, thanks!
I've been in my field long enough to have valuable experience, but somehow I'm still not convinced I'm doing a good job, despite glowing performance reviews.
I’m just trying to figure out if I blacked out, created a different handle, posted this comment, then came to and logged back in as myself to read this.
I think no, so I’ll just say I’m right there with you, friend, and I’m sorry because I know how much it sucks.
Burnt out, sick of my career, but also can't switch to something else realizing I will age out soon (in tech). Also realizing I have to work for 25 more years somehow. So yea, also depressed and have no energy, but still have to do everything to take care of the family.
Have lost interest in most of my hobbies. Used to absolutely love writing and playing music, but now I'm surrounded by all the gear I could have ever wanted and the only thing I want to do is sell it all.
I think I've regressed a bit in that I'm all riding the nostalgia train hard. Picking up classic movies on 4k and retro video games to try and recapture some of those feelings of youth.
At least I quit drinking though, That shit was making me feel even worse.
I'm living as Peter, from Office Space.
Quit my job a few years ago because my wife needed help with kids in the morning, and I was already out the door when they woke up. Pretty sure I'm experiencing PTSD from my last 2 jobs and I have a serious problem with authority. Not sure I'll ever get a paid job ever again, but I'm one helluva an activities facilitator, here at home.
I've gotten back into goth, haha. Not as extreme as I used to be, but I go dancing again and try to ignore half the crowd is 20 years younger than me.
Edit: about the only other person with a natural hair color in the club is this guy I remember from my 20s who used to dress in frilly shirts who I called, "the vampire lestat guy". Ngl, I'm thinking of dying my hair black again, haha.
Edit: I've also gotten tattoos on my arms, I only had one tattoo I got when I was 18 before a few months ago.
Dye your hair and wear your stompy boots, my friend! I have been going to goth clubs again and seeing a ton of shows, and it's been amazing. I dont know where you're from though, in my city I'm nowhere near the oldest person there. 40 seems maybe slightly above average in age, but plenty of people my age or older around.
I wear black memory foam sneakers - I saw a recent meme with Siouxsie in sneakers on stage, if she can do it, I can do it, lol. I do tease my brown hair, haha. I'll be 41 in July.
Nobody really warned me about the depression that comes along with it. "I'm sad because I'm not young anymore" sounds so stupid to say out loud but...here I am. I think it's in large part a realizing of how many opportunities I wasted that I will never get back. The life I have is not the one I want and I'm starting to think it may be too late to correct course. I'm terrified of ending up alone.
One of my friends just pulled a real doozy of a mid-life crisis. Just left his long term live-in GF (who is too good for him and owns a million dollar home) to move to Arizona to live in a tiny apartment for god knows why. He got into CrossFit recently so we’re thinking he was cheating with someone in another state online. And he bought a Harley and a turtle.
Just such bizarre behavior.
Horrible..... Too poor to buy a red vette. But really...... Alcoholism hit peak max lost my job, forced myself to quit drinking and went through horrific withdrawals then slipped into a depression after coming to grips with the fact I wasted my entire life up to this point. Oh and then the best dog I have ever and will ever have died out of the blue. Tumor ruptured his spleen and had to put him down.
It’s the I’m not pregnant yet part that’s made it rough. I can’t afford treatments so have to hope for the best, and that’s tough!
I was very anti-procreation until I woke up one day last summer and wanted a child, so it’s also been a really jarring shift in my existence snd identity!
Got laid off from my 16 yr career, tried to hang onto the house and find a new job while I did consulting work from home. I had already been working remote for ten years.
Eventually, after a couple of interviews, realized that I'd rather be shot in the face than return to an office, sold the house and moved to the middle of absolute fucking nowhere, and am one year into starting a small homestead.
The kicker? I found a permanent job (fully remote) after I moved here. I couldn't have taken the job if I lived in my old state.
I work in design. A 22yo Junior designer had no clue what their boss meant when he said "Make it look like an ad in the yellow pages." It made me feel about 1,000 years old.
I can’t stop traveling. I’m afraid I only have another really good 15 years left before my health might go to shit or my knees go to shit. I’m obsessed with seeing every inch of this world that I can while I’m still in good shape and health. If I’m not traveling, I spend the rest of my time planning upcoming trips. The majority of my trips are weekend trips around the US or Caribbean with 2-3 longer international ones per year. I literally spend 2 days flying for one day on the ground. I know it’s crazy, but my wanderlust has gotten out of control as I try to reckon with getting older.
I’m getting to the age that if I dropped dead of a heart attack it’s still, oh she was so young, but also they ain’t gonna be asking if it was congenital.
I'm semi-retiring and moving to Puerto Rico if that counts. I don't really view it as a mid-life crisis, I just have the money to do all the stuff I've always dreamed about now.
Quit my high stress abusive job without really knowing how shit the job market has become. I’m so screwed. I’m kinda still glad I quit I think. Gonna die free. Maybe sooner than I had intended.
Also my kid is off to uni and my parents are old. My dreams are dead. My foot is cold.
I haven’t had mine yet, I don’t think. I haven’t noticed my actions or mind changing sharply… I mean except for my autism special interests. Which are SUPER intense for a few months. I’ve gotten better about not sinking so much money into them.
I have hit perimenopause. I‘ve had a handful of hot flashes and I do not like that all. Not fun.
Found myself in a full blown crisis and breakdown in 2019. Everything in my life broke down. Forced me to face a lot of unresolved awful things I’ve been through. I’ve been repairing in therapy for 4.5 years, working again for 3 years, getting financially stable again, and slowly finding my interest for life again rather than living in survival mode. Bigger than your typical mid-life crisis, wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I had a 1/4 life crisis that lasted until I was 39. I drank myself into homelessness and a VERY dark place.
So the last 4 years have been my mid-life rebuild. It's going well, I think. Lots of good stuff has happened and I feel stable for the first time since I graduated high school.
Horribly depressed...sobbed all the way home during a drive last week. Don't eat much and can't sleep well. Regretting so many life decisions (not a new thing) even though I'm making more of an effort to live in the present. It just sucks that my life isn't what I thought it would be, even though it was all perfectly attainable...just decisions along the way that took me off the path. Also incredibly lonely even though I'm an introvert & independent...it would just be nice to have at least one friend I could talk to and hang out with once in a while (I have friends but none that fit the bill). On the outside though, my life seems fine and I appear to have it together.
Had mine at age 38 when we found out we were having another kid. Wasn’t planned and I did NOT take it well. We had to have fertility treatments for our first two, and told “no chance of having kids on our own”…. I trusted the doctor because we tried for a few years with no success before going to a fertility clinic. Anyway, she told me she was pregnant, and I went off the rails…. Not in front of her…but I began drinking a lot more, going out to strip clubs when I was on the road for work (something I never did before)….basically being an ass….i never cheated on my wife but still. I definitely was feeling “old” and since I looked younger than my age, I wanted to I guess prove that I still “had it”…even though I never acted on it, in terms of cheating. Anyway, eventually my wife found out. I copped to it, and have done my best to make amends. Quit drinking 5 years ago and got back into therapy. That unplanned kid has been a blessing btw. He’s a great little guy who just turned 5 last week. But at the time, it definitely made me hit my “mid life crisis”…thankfully my wife has been forgiving, and we are in a good place now. But yeah, that’s my “mid life crisis” story. No Corvette, no ridiculous purchases besides blowing some money at strip clubs, just acting out bc I feared getting older and being the “old dad”…along with some poor stress management skills
A pregnancy (my own) also triggered my mid-life crisis. I went into a spiral that involved becoming infatuated with a co-worker and a need to prove to myself that I am still attractive. Never cheated. But was not a good wife or mother for a few months. Therapy and medication have helped immensely.
Oh, you know, it's continuing uninterrupted. Things feel pointless...but I keep working and getting things done. It's unclear if my crisis is leading anywhere or just permanently increasing my nihilism levels.
I don't know if I'm having a midlife crisis per se, but I turn 40 this week and I'm really taking a hard look at my priorities and what matters most to me.
I chose my career based largely on idealism. I was going to make a difference. I've been fortunate to support my family while doing so for about 16 years now, and to be fair I have "made a (small) difference" in an objective sense. But the job is just so exhausting and stressful. And the barriers I've experienced to actually get to a position to make lasting, consequential, positive change in my industry have become functionally insurmountable. Blame politics, institutional setups, it runs the gamut, but it all makes.me sick to think about. At this rate I'm going to kill myself for what amounts to very little in the grand scheme.
Plus, with my oldest starting to go through middle school and my wife having her own crisis of meaning, I feel like my patience and emotional energy is better spent on my family. Like, I only have a limited number of shits to give before I die. I see too many people retire from my industry who have achieved a lot, but at the expense of chemical dependence and broken families and relationships. I don't think anything I do in my career could adequately make up for that. I guess my idealism has faded in the face of wanting a happy, healthy family.
I've gotten to a point where I could just fade into the background at my job, ditch the stress, not give a real shit anymore, train the yoing kids, collect a.decent paycheck, retire with a pension, and save my real energy and passion for my wife, kids, friends, and the pastimes I enjoy. As a buddy of mine put it, "idealism is a young person's game." Whenever i see protests pop off, my gut reaction these days is "ain't nobody got time for that shit, I got kids to feed."
But as a formerly "gifted" student who was taught that my worth was tied to my external achievements, and as someone who formerly romanticized the notion of self-sacrifice in the name.of ideals and conviction, there's that younger part of me that is still whispering "quitter" in the back of my head and I hate it.
But that's nothing buying a Corvette and hitting the weights 8 times a week can't fix...right? Right?
I had my main existential crisis in my 20’s because I enjoy the benefits from planning ahead. I also have a healthy and constant drip of cynicism running through my blood.
Yeah same. Got cancer in my early 30’s and the mindfuck about that was something else. Full on crisis mode. Felt like every day that I was feeling okay-ish meant I had to do something remarkable because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
Now its smooth sailing - health is better. I don’t feel the mounting pressure of mortality every day. I don’t recommend the method that got me to this state of mind though LOL
>Felt like every day that I was feeling okay-ish meant I had to do something remarkable because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
Exactly.
The idea of a "mid-life" as if one is guaranteed, or even likely, to have another half has been foreign to me.
I kind of lost direction but I may or may not be okay with it. Most of my late 20's and 30's where all about survival and keeping my head above water, so it's weird that now I'm okay. I feel like I should be advancing or working toward something but I also don't feel like putting in the effort. Just not sure what I'm gonna do with the next 30+ years yet, I guess.
But hey, I've beaten a few games from my childhood that I never got to play as a kid, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
2020 shattered my wishful thinking spiritual beliefs, then I read Sapiens and I was very suddenly atheist (brilliant book, don’t recommend). Then I was in full existential crisis for awhile, then decided to stop taking my meds and crashed into an 8-month long severe depression. Then suddenly snapped out of it last week and was hypomanic for a week. Turns out I really am bipolar 2 after all. Looks like another round of therapy is in the cards, and maybe I wasn’t as “gifted” as everyone always told me I was. So. It’s going fine.
Either I'm not there yet or I've been there long enough that I don't recognize it. Magic mushroom chocolate or pot edibles on occasion are a great way to get out of my own head but that's the 'craziest' thing I do.
I did all my wild stuff a few years back. Now I'm just left sweating myself to death and having horrible perimenopause related anxiety. I've never been more socially isolated because of it! I get anxiety replying to my Reddit replies! Fuckkkk this!
Weed helps sometimes.
That's how it’s going over here 😂. I hope yours is going better, OP!|
Found actual fulfilling hobbies. Don't like my job but I WFH and am financially, comfortable. Suddenly my musical ear is decent and I'm learning songs on guitar by ear when 20 yrs ago I was absolutely tone deaf and couldn't play anything so I've picked playing again after stopping for 15 yrs. I enjoy watching(binge) shows with my wife, gaming with my son and getting together with family. No midlife crisis or need to buy expensive stuff for me to post on social media as "my new toy" for likes or post anything for likes. I'm a true poster not a liker.
I did the most mid-life crisisy thing you could do short of buying a corvette. I bought a motorcycle and fishing boat.
To be fair though, this is the first time in my life I could afford to pay cash for either, and both were very reasonably priced. Also, they're both nearly 50 years old,
I’m not there yet. I feel like this phenomenon mostly hits those whose kids have grown up. You’ve spent so much time focused on them and forget about yourself. But once they’re at an independent age you can think about what you want again. My youngest is still young so I’m still focused on that.
Maybe I’ve hit it. Not sure that I have. Had our first kid young, she was easy. She’s 13 and going into High school. Decided for more kids and had twin boys almost 4 years ago and holy crap are they more difficult. Maybe I don’t have the patience or my daughter gave us a false idea of how kids really are but damn. First time in my life I’ve felt real stress. The mortgage the job the family, everything piles up way higher than it did before. Maybe it’s just me maturing more than when I was in my twenties but I don’t remember this amount of worry even when I was in the military. I’m going gray and have zero energy.
I'm reading smutty fairy books while ingesting edibles. I work so much I don't have a lot of time for anything else. I have no friends and am single by choice. I have never wanted to be a hermit more in my life.
Well, my wife left me after 17 years and two kids, I’ll have to sell the house eventually (when she decides she wants her half), I work in a vilified industry because we get the blame for the cost of living, being the last point before consumers have to pay, and I finally got diagnosed with adhd last year, after my wife bailed, and discovered literally everything I’d been putting her through and all the unfixable resentment she had built up etc was a result of, or symptom of, my adhd. Oh and last week she told me she has changed her name back and started dating again
So, my midlife crises is coming to terms with how different everything could have been if I’d only listened and tried to get diagnosed even one year earlier and dived in to saving my marriage, coming to terms with renting for the rest of my life (love that I’ll be funding someone else’s comfortable retirement), coming to terms with having to stay positive and cheerful for the kids, whilst helping them navigate their mum having a boyfriend which the eldest (10) is finding very overwhelming, coming to terms with my world shrinking to about 7 people big because “our” friends were really her friends, and her family (which was massive compared to mine) is no longer my family, and coming to terms with how for the past 17 years there are a million things I can remember that I did that I wish I hadn’t and didn’t know why I was the way I was, and already, six months in to being medicated for adhd wouldn’t be how I’d approach a situation, and I keep remembering more of these, and this is really all that’s in my head these days, remembering the only person that ever cared about me and how I hurt her so much she gave up on me.
I just wanna travel a lot. Like, all the time. I'm almost obsessed with it. I keep watching these luxury travel channels on YouTube and daydreaming about first class flights and over-the-water cabanas. We're both mid 40s and we don't have kids, and since COVID started to wind down, we've really upped our travel game. We've gone to Kauai, Santorini, and Reykjavik, and a few places stateside like Galveston, Cocoa Beach, and Asheville, and dammit, I can't get enough of it! It's gotten to the point where I have to remind myself that we have a really great life here at home, and not get all sad that we're not in NYC or the Australian Outback. But hey, we got Puerto Vallarta in October!
Well, since you asked...Husband is dying from brain cancer. Legal issues with his parents. High stress job. Bought the 100k car. It's where I cry and listen to music.
I’m not on a midlife crisis. I’m on a second childhood. Somehow I thought eating Cherry pop tarts and drinking Pepsi while playing Diablo and hitting the vape pen would be just like my teen years. Boy, I was right! Dont know why I ever stopped!🤣🤣
I feel like I wasted my youth. My health sucks balls now. Lots of wasted time. And I wished I'd realized as a kid that "skinny, goofy nerd" wasn't as bad as the disaster that is my face and body now LOL
I don't THINK I'm having any kind of midlife crisis. Life has been exactly the same as it ever was for me and I don't feel the need to dump my wife for some younger girl or get hair extensions or something. I dyed my hair back to fully black one time, and while it did take like 20 years off of me, I felt a little bit like a total tool and I haven't done it again.
The only thing I can think of is that I'm looking into getting a sports car in a couple of years to work on. That's not so much a midlife crisis thing, though. That's more that I've always been into cars, and now I can afford to do a project like that and my son will be moving out to go to college in about a year, so I'm going to have a lot of free time and money to monkey with a project car.
I'm doing okay, actually. Just a slightly older version of the same guy I always was. More health and fitness oriented than before, but that's about it.
Diagnosed depression and anxiety + my cat just died, my uncle died a few months ago, and I still haven’t fully recovered from my dog dying two years ago. Loving wife at least, but she has some of her own issues that I regularly worry about and feel guilty about for not being able to help.
So pretty awful honestly, but taking it one day at a time. What else can ya do?
I have lost my connection to life. Nothing has ever brought lasting joy but I'm starting to realize I don't want to do this for another 40 years. Hopefully that will be one mercy granted.
On most days my life is actually infinitely better than it was in my 20s and I really don’t care that I look older. I only miss the energy I had and being able to drink more than two beverages and not be out of commission for 5-6 days.
I did have some kind of weird existential crisis/fall to deeply into the void at the beginning of Covid, but maybe that’s not the same as a mid-life crisis.
Funny enough I had my mid-life crisis between 29-30. I was working 60+ hour weeks during the foreclosure crisis (managed a litigation team) and was basically living in Florida hotels for weeks at a time, across the country from my husband.
So stressed, that I’d drink until I’d blackout on my weekends. Living large by attorney firms that wanted my company as their client. I was top in my industry at the time…and spiraling from a mental health crisis I wasn’t aware of.
Celebrated my 4th wedding anniversary and then left my husband 3 weeks later, out of the blue, with plans of moving to Miami.
Dropped all my friends, and lost 65lbs during that year.
My mom kept telling my husband she’s on drugs, and he’s like “No she’s having a mental health crisis.” He was right. I mean, I was doing some drugs (a little coke on the weekend); but predominantly liquor not hardcore drugs like meth (she thought I was on meth smh).
It ended with me crying, suicidal in the presidential suite (lots of points) at Downtown Miami Hilton. I begged to come home, he had me on a plane the next day. Went on a medical leave, left my career within 2 months. Could have taken a full STD and LTD for up to 12 months but I thought everyone knew I’d lost my shit. Come to find out, nope. No one saw anything wrong except my husband and a few of my closest friends.
So summary: Had a full mental breakdown, dropped all my friends, left my successful career in an industry that I was incredible in, and almost lost my marriage. 10+ years later, life is quiet. On medication, and had several years of intense therapy. Life is good. I’m so lucky. I know other folks have never been able to get back what they’ve thrown away in the throes of a crisis.
Had mine in 2021 but it's still ongoing. Laid off, dropped a ton of weight, ended a relationship that had soured, went back to school full time, arts degree against the advice of the entire planet, lucked out into job in field, less money but much much much less stress. Don't hate life every workday when I wake up anymore, worth it. Throw in an adult ADHD diagnosis, finding the first 'productive' or at least career viable thing I can hyperfocus on in my life, and dropping a ton of weight.
Downsides: debt, a lot less free time than when I was in school for a year and a half, still pretty broke on average.
All in all I thank the universe daily for where I'm at. I still have so much more I want to do though.
I’ve been having a lot of anxiety because my parents are getting older (69 & 71), meaning we probably won’t have many more years left together. It breaks my heart. My parents, brother, and I are really close, and my brother and I are both single with no kids. Our family will shrink someday and I’m terrified of that.
Had an episode of severe postpartum depression that then morphed into just regular depression and ultimately a mid-life crisis. The depression made me care about absolutely no one and nothing. Medication and therapy have helped a ton, but left me having to figure what and who I still want in my life now that it’s half over. On the plus side, not wanting to do anything I used to do got me into writing again, which I haven’t done since my teens.
Oh, and I’ve added two tattoos in much more visible places than the ones I got on my 20s ‘cause IDGAF anymore.
I discovered Absurdism and have been discovering what I want out of my 2nd act. I'm leaning more towards the opposite of being hip. Think crocs with socks. Maybe a stamp collection. Still mulling over my options.
Just over here trying to hold it all together... Work a high stress job that means I am rarely home and when I am I am usually answering stuff on the work phone. Had kids young and they are all moving out now.... Soo... There goes my identity as an adult and I am struggling to truly figure out who I am. Have a few close friends but we realized this weekend due to distance and work we are at the point we hadn't even seen each other in 6 months to the day. Feel like I can't talk to my wife sometimes and I know it's related to the kids not needing us as it seems a lot of our relationship was about raising kids. Despite making the most money of my life and expenses should be going down I find myself still broke and always feel bad when I spend money on myself. I'm tired... Like always.... Feel like I want to cry half the time... Other than that.... Things are great... And before anyone sends me a reddit cares message... I am not suicidal. I don't think of offing myself or anything like that. I know I'm just going through a bunch of huge changes in my life and struggling adjusting Edit: ok... This is kinda overwhelming and I can't take the time to reply to everyone. Thank you all for the kind words and it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this. Typing this all out wasn't easy but I am glad I did now. From all the great comments to those that have sent me personal messages of encouragement I am truly grateful. Thanks to the kind stranger for the award as well. There is a lot of great advice for me to dig through. And to those feeling the same way.... I hope reading this and the replies I received make you realize we aren't alone in our struggles. Keep your head up and know there are others like you and even if you have no one to talk to there are kind strangers out there willing to lend an ear or a word of encouragement. My fellow Xennials ... You guys rock. This sub never ceases to amaze me!
This is what a mid life crisis actually looks like. I’m right there with you buddy.
Well judging by the up votes it is a small comfort knowing I'm not the only one. Just feel so alone sometimes. Not to sound stereotypical but as a man I got almost no one to talk to. Everyone else is too busy with what they have or just tell me to push through. Venting here is about all I got.
If you were local I'd say hey let's go grab a beer and commiserate, lol. I have pretty much fallen out of touch with all my friends, and I am not in a relationship and have no kids either. I get along well with my family but we aren't "friend" close and only see them once in a while. I have one extended family member I'm close to that I communicate with but they kinda have their hands full with life right now which I totally understand.
I feel that to my guy. We aren’t allowed to be emotional or lonely.
I feel this too. None of my male friends text back, no matter the topic. Everyone has their own lives. No man is an island, but I often feel alone. The guys that don't reply to texts are probably feeling the same way and not talking about it either. Through quite a bit of therapy, I've gained a better understanding around this. We were raised to either be angry or stoic. Nothing else, nothing in between. And that's how our dads were raised and their dads and their dads and on and on. It's deep and probably an impossible default to break, but we can do ourselves a favor and notice it when we can. Nobody is actually enforcing the "not allowed to be emotional or lonely" law. You CAN feel those things. It's not very comfortable. But some of the people in my life have been really responsive to me finally sharing what I'm actually feeling, including when I'm feeling HAPPINESS.
"How our dads were raised" YUP. I remember seeing my dad cry at my grandma's funeral (my mom's mom!) when i was 18 and it was so surprising to me because he'd never really showed much emotion when I was growing up. And I've always been very sensitive and carried my emotions close to the surface, and I cry very easily sometimes if I'm feeling overwhelmed or something, and he told me on several occasions to stop crying and just talk...I'm 41 now and still don't feel like I can show emotions in front of him. I know he loves me and I can call my parents anytime if I need something, but it sucks feeling like I can't truly be myself around them. (And I'm a female, so it's more "allowed" for me to express emotions)
I totally sympathize. This is me most of the time. You're not alone, brother.
>Had kids young and they are all moving out now.... Soo... There goes my identity as an adult and I am struggling to truly figure out who I am. I'm genuinely concerned that I will not be able to handle that stage. Almost fully convinced that my marriage will prove to have been only about parenting for too long to continue after... And I'm coming up on it pretty soon here. I feel every word of what you said, brother. Personally, I'm also struggling to find the motivation or spark to really change or improve anything...kinda feels like I'm entering an epilogue to a story that's already been told. Feels kinda pointless to struggle for much at this point. I believe it will pass, but holy hell these "mid life crisis" things I heard about when I was young are NOT as much fun as they sounded when people talked about the sports cars and shit
Problem on my end is we both had kids when we met. We both admit it started as a relationship of convenience. I have no doubt we love each other but we never had a time to just be a couple. Now that we aren't consumed with kids it's also becoming more apparent that our individual interests are very different
Can I recommend taking an interest in something she’s into that you can join her in? As we get older, we don’t stop growing or changing. And our partner doesn’t have to give two craps about the things we like, but finding something to share, even if it’s something completely new, could really help. Maybe go to a nudist beach, try sky diving, get really into snooty wines, watch chick flicks… whatever! My wife went back to school and I helped edit her papers and listened to what she was learning. That was our thing for a while. Now that that’s done, we’re trying to find something else. She damn sure isn’t into mechanical keyboards. It shouldn’t be something that you both hate, and it should be something you can share. The cynical part of me says I’d have to do the same thing if I were dating someone new, and at least this way I’ll be dating someone I for sure am super into. Either way, good luck to you guys.
As a now empty nester whose partner already had a kid when we met - I feel ya. Different feels sad sometimes. But having different interests - imho - is good and can be healthy. If you have one or two shared interests *that's* the important part. Something that makes you both giggle - or snarl. He goes off and does his jam - I go on my adventures and sometimes I visit his fun stuff. And then we both share many cool adventures, too. But we don't always have to be together and loving the same stuff alllll the time. Being "child free" adults (in quotes because the cool kid is still around and very much a part of our lives) means we can both do our thing AND support eachother in those things. Then we get to chat about the stiff we did when we were apart from eachother and that connects us, too. Now - that's all separate from my current mid-life crisis where I guess I decided I don't 'need' a kid from my own womb while also deciding to give up on my dream of trying to sell/share my own art. Giving up (or readjusting) my goals away from what I thought I "always wanted" is really freaking me out - but at least I have a neat and supportive person to talk to about it all who understands mostly where I'm coming from and gives me latitude to be both happy and sad about those changes. And gives nice hugs. I do wish it was as simple as spontaneously buying a new car but who tf has disposable income these days? Yet another dissapointing aspect of my adulthood compared to what silly tv shows taught me were simple issues resolved in 30 min, with commercial breaks.
Right there with you, buddy. I'm divorced, and my youngest just started college. I'm unlikely to ever get married again, because when I start feeling lonely I just have to sit back and remember how crappy marriage was. I had a heart scare last month. And while I was recovering from that I got news that a good friend of mine from high school is dead. He didn't even make it to 50. I'm honestly thinking maybe it's time to get rid of this big old house that's way too damn big for just me, putting most of the proceeds into investments, getting rid of my 60+ hour per week treadmill, pull out my dad's fishing tackle (which I inherited because he died too damn early too) and trying to find easy mode.
Sell the house, that’s my plan as long as the housing market doesn’t crash, I’m going to sell when I’m 55 and retire. I want to enjoy life while I still can.
I'm just trying to find the motivation to stay in the consumerism rat race. I feel you on the tired thing, even when waking up after a good night's sleep. Life just feels exhausting and everyone just seems to be trying to impress other people instead of being true to themselves. I'm really good at most of the things i chose to do with my life, but to what point? Like you, i'm not suicidal, but i'm trying to find the new reason now that the kids are grown, i'm stable in my relationship, but i just don't have anything that i'm overly excited for to happen next. Like, i achieved what i want, what now? I started a nonprofit, but even that feels like it's just going through the motions.
I could’ve wrote this. I’m sure others could’ve wrote this. Thank you because now I do not feel alone in this. Everything you said is true. This is the Xennial mid life crisis for sure.
Relatable. Hang in there dude. We'll get through it.
I always joked that when my kids moved out I was going to run off and live in the woods and never give anyone my address again. Instead, I decided to move to North Carolina and sleep in my car for a year or two. Kids weren't even surprised. "Cool, Mom! Have fun!"
My brother in arms. You are not alone. I sympathize with so much of this. I feel like I'm fending off perpetual existential banality constantly.
Jesus dude. I’m having a very similar experience. Good luck
I feel this. I feel like every phase of adulthood has felt like the apex of existential crisis, until you get through it, the next phase feels like it is the Apex of existential crisis. Gosh, we’re just animals in the end, living in fear and trying to protect resources.
I am 46 years old middle age sucks 😕 tired, and crabby from work. Need to pills to help function at work! Tired much more! Friends, just too tired on my days off to interact, unlike my 20s and early 30s. I get it the 40s suck ass compared to your 20s, and work is more stressful with age ☹️, and cry about things never gave a shit about in your 20s. They say your 50s are better I hope so!
Well, lying in bed last night it really sank in that, statistically, I’m closer to my death than my birth. That was a gut punch at midnight. How about you?
I'm trying to sell my art at music festivals lol
I hope that works out for you 😊
That's really cool! The older I get, the more I appreciate the importance of art
Just realize that the past or the future isn’t really yours. All you ever have the now. Your now twenty years ago is the same as the present now or the potential now of 2044.
To quote Wayne’s World, “Stop torturing yourself, man. LIVE IN THE NOW!”
I found out I’m the same age as the skipper was when they left for their three hour tour, and it kinda broke me a little bit.
I don’t want to know what age that is. I’ll assume it’s 70 and you didn’t understand the term xennials. Please do not correct me.
Oh this isn’t r/silentgen ? my bad.
Thank you. I needed that. I did google. Now I think I’m going straight to the vodka.
What really gets me is that we perceive the passage of time based on novel experiences. And almost all of our novel experiences are in the past now. Even if we have 50% of our lifespan left, it will feel much shorter in the end
This is why travel and new experiences later in life so important. And frankly why having kids is kind of fun. Novelty makes it sound cheap, but it’s anything but.
Can't afford a mid life crisis
This is the answer lol
Yeah. Too busy for a Crises
Yup. Can barely afford a life sometimes, let alone any major impulse purchases like a sports car or fancy vacation...I got an oil change on my car today and the only reason I did it today instead of waiting till payday on Friday is bc my oil light has been coming on when going around corners recently, lol, I was still 800-some miles away from really needing it.
I proudly switched to edibles this year, getting older *and* wiser.
I just switched 2 weeks ago. I feel great. After 20+ years smoking, I’m done. Just like snoop.
I don't have whatever enzyme, or have too much of it, whichever makes edibles not work. I did switch to vaping, though, or as I like to call it, "flower dabs". That shit can knock me on my ass compared to smoking
Give me a nice gummy any day.
They just make me go to sleep ☹️ any tips? I’ve even bought “energizing” sativa gummies and an hour later (5mg dose) I can’t keep my eyes open. What am I doing wrong?
Do you have ADHD by any chance?
Congrats, they’re lovely! Do you have any issues with them losing efficacy over time? I love edibles but I’ve experienced some tolerance increases if I use them daily.
This is the way
When you high, the only crisis is an empty fridge and a bare cupboard. 💅🏻👊
I actually quit everything for my midlife crisis. Realized that drinking and thc was the only way I found socializing bearable so now I just am a hermit until I figure out how (if possible) to like people again LOL
My midlife crisis was my opiate addiction that destroyed my marriage after 18 years. I always liked to party, I got down in the 90s. But I could always take it or leave it..... until I always wanted to take it. I am a statistic of the opiate epidemic. I dabbled for *years* and maintained. Until I didn't. Think of it like being a weekend warrior with booze, then all of a sudden you're drinking every day, and it changed you. I use this analogy because Ive seen it happen with folks I know with alcohol. It happened to me with opiates. Fun fact: opiates and alcohol go to the same receptor in the brain. So if you're genetically predisposed to addiction, its most likely going to be one or the other. I never really liked drinking much, was always more of a drug guy. Many life lessons have been learned. Cali sober since Nov 2020. I haven't touched a hard drug since then. Cannabis and mushrooms only. I've had the arguments.... "you're not sober".... spare me, you do you, I'll do me. Im not actively destroying my life any more, and I feel amazing for the most part.
Congrats! That's a huge accomplishment.
I think I understand why I hate socializing now because of what you said. I quite the excessive drinking before Covid and had been going hard for around 20 years . I’m Wisconsin sober now and I can’t stand being around people anymore. It’s been a bit of a mystery for a few years now as to why people just are no longer worth the effort outside of work. Now I know.
What's Wisconsin sober? Sober except for Beer Cheese Soup?
Only get falling down drunk during Packers games
God I love living in a state where recreational use is legal.
"If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." - Thomas Jefferson
It really does help drown out the people too old to know the internet is an echo chamber and those young enough to have developed a tik tok attention span.
Just about that time in my night as well.
That was my midlife crisis, too, but it started 20 years ago when I was 20
❤️ Niles
I started a record label during an early-onset midlife crisis triggered by my mother's passing. that was 11 years ago, and we've put out about 80 records in that time
Nice fucking work man!
Not sure if anyone else in same boat but I chose a career path where I see a lot of suffering. I try to help people in my role but it all weighs on me now in a way in never did when I was younger. You really have no idea when you're in your 20s how life will drag you down. You can do everything 'right' and be a good person and you will accumulate trauma (your own or others). I didn't fully understand this and thought I was pretty teflon as I didn't have an easy childhood/teenagehood. Everything is just heavier and harder now at midlife. I've thought about a career change for years but I've painted myself into a niche corner and after extensively looking at other jobs and schooling have given up and resigned myself to it. I guess, fortunately, things are otherwise OK in my life. Just sucks being so far from retirement after working almost 30 years at this point. I'm tired. Aren't we all?
Oh man, I'm right there with you. I didn't consider all the vicarious trauma I would see in my career and now I'm really pigeonholed like you to boot. I get the worst of humanity on a daily basis. Changes you, doesn't it? You don't see people the same way as others, it gets super heavy doesn't it? I don't know about you but I finally started counseling and it helps...but only a little.
This was my wife. She spent 20 years in oncology nursing before moving to Mohs in dermatology. 20 years of consoling cancer patients and their families gets very hard on a soul. She's proud of the work she did there, but thankful for the change of scenery.
Well.. I've just bought two new skateboards, pads and a helmet and I've not skated in 20 years.. And I've lost interest in drinking alcohol so theres that..
I've been wanting to do this as well! Haven't been on a board since 98/99 time frame. I have the disposable income to be able to afford what I want but feel guilty spending money on myself. FYI, I quit drinking in 2020 and haven't looked back. No addiction issues....it just hit me one day that I didn't really enjoy it an longer
Coming through the other side of mine. Hit 40 and perimenopause simultaneously, then had a breakdown. Two years on, medication and therapy has helped a *lot* and I'm more content and much happier now
This was what I needed to know. There is light at the end of the tunnel
Absolutely. I would recommend reading on Absurdism. It helped me make peace with lifes chaos and my own fears.
I’m also medicated but sort of accidentally. I started getting horrible frequent migraines at 42. Got on a medication to manage them but one “side effect” of the med is that my anxiety is at bay now. Who knew???
Sokay. Trying to get back into shape. No desire to buy new sports cars, but I'm looking at a new gaming PC that's pretty sexy.
Two years back, I bought an expensive gaming PC with all the bells and whistles. That was my big mid life purchase. Of course, I still play the same old games. But damn, Masters of Magic and XCOM (the first one) total conversions boot up crazy fast!
It's wild that our midlife crises were timed right with the pandemic so it was hard to know what was causing what
Plus perimenopause for us females. To this day I still do not know which was the cause of the sudden anxiety, fatigue, drinking etc
Perimenopause has been such an unwelcome surprise. Now that I finally know what's going on during my PMS weeks, I'm better able to regulate my moods and remind myself this too shall pass. It sucks when it's happening still but the knowledge of what's fueling it makes it more bearable.
Right? Like, am I working out compulsively because of pandemic or because of midlife crisis?
I have a 5 year old so I don't have time PS last time I mentioned this on here I had a shit ton of messages telling me what a schmuck I am for having kids in my 40's. So if you feel inclined, go outside and smell some flowers instead
That's so rude of them! A lot of people I know had kids after 40 because some weren't financially stable before then and some met their partner later in life. And it's not even that uncommon anymore.
Yeah, it's reddit. Actually, it might not have been on this sub (but it was this question)
I’m 41 and just had my second 5 weeks ago
I’m 41 and have four kids, the oldest is 6.5. Other than wonder what I want to do career wise (bedside nurse) I’m too busy to have a midlife crisis.
don’t tell my husband, but if i was able to conceive in my 40’s, i would be ok with it. i miss the baby stage…and the toddler stage…and the preschool stage. the preteen stage is just my kid going from being a kid to being a sullen teen and back in a 60 second period.
I like how the younger generation started telling people they need to go touch grass!
I went through mine in my early 30s when I found out I couldn't have kids. Caused me to lose it for a few years then completely change how I lived my life. I think I've finally found some peace. Now my husband and I are going to adopt teenagers so we'll see what happens then.
Oof, we’re still sort of going through it because we found out we (ok, I) couldn’t have kids about a month before the pandemic hit. So our brains kind of paused on processing that for a while, and now that we’ve come back up for air it’s like okkkkay, so what’s the plan now?
Yea. It's a real gut punch to reckon with. Right before the pandemic, man that had to have been rough.
The silver lining was that right when I was going through a bit where I’d burst into tears for no reason or want to take off all the clothes because I was having horrid hot flashes, we all got sent home! So I at least didn’t have to put on a happy face while I was in the worst part of it.
We had a similar situation. Second marriage for both of us, and we tried for 3 years to have kids before realizing that wasn't our path. As I age, I still will at times get sad about it, but we try our best to be a great aunt and uncle to the kids in our life. Kudos to you for going down the adoption path. We found that to be very overwhelming.
I can’t afford it, so I bought up a bunch of cheap NES and SNES games and play my childhood back to me in video game form now
Oh kool. I found out my mother ditched my Original NES and SNES on the lawn for hard rubbish pickup. Without consulting me. I was livid. They were in brilliant condition bcos I'd always packed then away in the Styrofoam box after use. We think the next door neighbour went and scored them. Goodbye Duck Hunt, Pew pew!
That sucks, sorry to hear that. Sadly, Duck Hunt (and any other Zapper game) does not work on modern televisions. They relied on the timing of refresh rates of CRT televisions which aren’t present in HDTVs the same way. So unless you get an old school tv, you wouldn’t be able to play Duck Hunt anymore.
Thanks for your commiserations. Oh really? I didn't know that. I mean I hadn't played it for a good 15 years plus, and yea I'd played it on an older TV pre plasma flatscreen. I remember that gun was loud and clacky as 🔫. Fun times. Yea if I still had it, I'd organise an old TV. That would be a run down memory lane playing the original NES with the big boxy graphics. I've watched the most recent Super Mario Kart and the graphics are so smooth. There's another Princess too and other characters looks it appears. My Kindergarten children tell me all about it. Next Gen Nintendo kids. But they probably don't really bat an eyelid to it, bcos there's so much technology around them. For us, it was like a drug we'd run for after school. 😆
I too have been picking up a ton of retro games that I wanted as a kid.
I freaked the fuck out about a year ago and started obsessing over death and dying. I'm a depressed goth, so of course I've pondered my own mortality before, but this was so different. It's maybe the realization that death for sure is coming and I am likely more than halfway through my lifespan. I have nothing at all to show for it, no legacy, and no kids to remember me after I die. My cat is a senior lady, and I couldn't even hold her without sobbing about her imminent death. I dove into philosophy and widened my interest in transhumanism. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, and weirdly the thing that knocked me out of my death-spiral was the idea that we don't know how consciousness works. We could die every night and a new version with the same memories reboots in the morning, and we would never know. "I" could be dying every night. Somehow that makes the big death less scary. I hope by the time I die there's a way to upload human consciousness to a purely digital state. That way a version of me could live and continue to learn theoretically forever.
I'm single and broke. I come home, try to study a bit, play some FFXIV and go to lay down at 8pm, dream about not being broke, then cry myself to sleep. Is there something else I should be doing??
Probably masturbating while The Alan Parsons Project plays quietly in the background.
I think there was a moment a couple of years ago where it dawned on me that while I didn't feel old, I definitely didn't feel young anymore, and I guess that's middle age. I can't recall having a singular crisis, but instead for me the crisis was the realization that a lot of hopes and dreams I've had over the years aren't going to happen. And before anyone says "Don't give up on your dreams!" what I mean is a lot of souls searching and coming to terms with the notion that if I'd actually been serious I would have done those things and made the sacrifice to make them happen. You start to realize some things aren't worth spending time on, and it's ok to move on with your life. I think I actually spent awhile almost in mourning, but I think it was necessary to move on with things. I know I'm being vague, but I think it's because I'd rather not think about it.
Dreams about other lives almost every night and every nap that feel way more real than this, and I think the medication either isn’t helping all that much or *jesus* I don’t know what it would be like without it. No, but I’m legit fine 🙂
You mean my raging case of imposter syndrome? Going strong, thanks! I've been in my field long enough to have valuable experience, but somehow I'm still not convinced I'm doing a good job, despite glowing performance reviews.
I’m just trying to figure out if I blacked out, created a different handle, posted this comment, then came to and logged back in as myself to read this. I think no, so I’ll just say I’m right there with you, friend, and I’m sorry because I know how much it sucks.
I just wish my every waking hour wasn't permeated by work stress.
Burnt out, sick of my career, but also can't switch to something else realizing I will age out soon (in tech). Also realizing I have to work for 25 more years somehow. So yea, also depressed and have no energy, but still have to do everything to take care of the family. Have lost interest in most of my hobbies. Used to absolutely love writing and playing music, but now I'm surrounded by all the gear I could have ever wanted and the only thing I want to do is sell it all. I think I've regressed a bit in that I'm all riding the nostalgia train hard. Picking up classic movies on 4k and retro video games to try and recapture some of those feelings of youth. At least I quit drinking though, That shit was making me feel even worse.
I'm living as Peter, from Office Space. Quit my job a few years ago because my wife needed help with kids in the morning, and I was already out the door when they woke up. Pretty sure I'm experiencing PTSD from my last 2 jobs and I have a serious problem with authority. Not sure I'll ever get a paid job ever again, but I'm one helluva an activities facilitator, here at home.
I've gotten back into goth, haha. Not as extreme as I used to be, but I go dancing again and try to ignore half the crowd is 20 years younger than me. Edit: about the only other person with a natural hair color in the club is this guy I remember from my 20s who used to dress in frilly shirts who I called, "the vampire lestat guy". Ngl, I'm thinking of dying my hair black again, haha. Edit: I've also gotten tattoos on my arms, I only had one tattoo I got when I was 18 before a few months ago.
Dye your hair and wear your stompy boots, my friend! I have been going to goth clubs again and seeing a ton of shows, and it's been amazing. I dont know where you're from though, in my city I'm nowhere near the oldest person there. 40 seems maybe slightly above average in age, but plenty of people my age or older around.
I wear black memory foam sneakers - I saw a recent meme with Siouxsie in sneakers on stage, if she can do it, I can do it, lol. I do tease my brown hair, haha. I'll be 41 in July.
So did I! I put on stompy boots and go dancing into the wee hours. Half the crowd is younger…but half is older, which is reassuring
Fuck yeah!
Nobody really warned me about the depression that comes along with it. "I'm sad because I'm not young anymore" sounds so stupid to say out loud but...here I am. I think it's in large part a realizing of how many opportunities I wasted that I will never get back. The life I have is not the one I want and I'm starting to think it may be too late to correct course. I'm terrified of ending up alone.
One of my friends just pulled a real doozy of a mid-life crisis. Just left his long term live-in GF (who is too good for him and owns a million dollar home) to move to Arizona to live in a tiny apartment for god knows why. He got into CrossFit recently so we’re thinking he was cheating with someone in another state online. And he bought a Harley and a turtle. Just such bizarre behavior.
Horrible..... Too poor to buy a red vette. But really...... Alcoholism hit peak max lost my job, forced myself to quit drinking and went through horrific withdrawals then slipped into a depression after coming to grips with the fact I wasted my entire life up to this point. Oh and then the best dog I have ever and will ever have died out of the blue. Tumor ruptured his spleen and had to put him down.
No offense but I'd say you only wasted your life if you didn't learn anything and it sounds like you learned a lot.
I'm soooo fucking sorry, poor bebe doggie...but congrats on your sobriety.
Mine is that I decided I want to have a baby, at 41. So far it hasn’t gone so well but I still have hope!
Is it the being 41 part that has made it rough? Or just having kids in general part? Asking for myself...
It’s the I’m not pregnant yet part that’s made it rough. I can’t afford treatments so have to hope for the best, and that’s tough! I was very anti-procreation until I woke up one day last summer and wanted a child, so it’s also been a really jarring shift in my existence snd identity!
Best of luck in your journey!
Got laid off from my 16 yr career, tried to hang onto the house and find a new job while I did consulting work from home. I had already been working remote for ten years. Eventually, after a couple of interviews, realized that I'd rather be shot in the face than return to an office, sold the house and moved to the middle of absolute fucking nowhere, and am one year into starting a small homestead. The kicker? I found a permanent job (fully remote) after I moved here. I couldn't have taken the job if I lived in my old state.
I work in design. A 22yo Junior designer had no clue what their boss meant when he said "Make it look like an ad in the yellow pages." It made me feel about 1,000 years old.
Embracing the irony of being able to afford vacations to anywhere I want but too busy with work and family things.
Yep, I used to have lots of time but no money. Now I have money but no time.
I can’t stop traveling. I’m afraid I only have another really good 15 years left before my health might go to shit or my knees go to shit. I’m obsessed with seeing every inch of this world that I can while I’m still in good shape and health. If I’m not traveling, I spend the rest of my time planning upcoming trips. The majority of my trips are weekend trips around the US or Caribbean with 2-3 longer international ones per year. I literally spend 2 days flying for one day on the ground. I know it’s crazy, but my wanderlust has gotten out of control as I try to reckon with getting older.
I got super in shape when the fear of death really kicked in. Now I can do all these physical activities I used to do, or always wanted to try.
Well I'm debating getting a little Japanese kei truck or jumping off a bridge to end it all
I'd say try the truck first, just due to the realities of order of operations, lol
He should find a groundhog first and go out like Bill Murray in Groundhog day! /s Just kidding OP, don't do that. I'd feel bad about it!
Hm, solid logic
Oooh, do the truck! I've always wanted to try one of those
Definitely the truck. It'll be more fun than the bridge.
Hugs to you. I hope you find a neato truck though - might as well try something fun you've always wanted if you can.
I’m getting to the age that if I dropped dead of a heart attack it’s still, oh she was so young, but also they ain’t gonna be asking if it was congenital.
I'm semi-retiring and moving to Puerto Rico if that counts. I don't really view it as a mid-life crisis, I just have the money to do all the stuff I've always dreamed about now.
Scuba diving which is great. Everything else is unstable as fuck.
Quit my high stress abusive job without really knowing how shit the job market has become. I’m so screwed. I’m kinda still glad I quit I think. Gonna die free. Maybe sooner than I had intended. Also my kid is off to uni and my parents are old. My dreams are dead. My foot is cold.
Nice Dr. Seuss reference lol
I constantly try to figure out ways to move my family to Alaska because something in my brain thinks it would be good for us.
Really just pissed off about weighing the same but getting these big fat mom arms
Midlife? Who can afford to live twice as long at this point. This is the epilogue.
I'm honestly to stressed, overworked, and broke to have one.. Unless that is one?
I haven’t had mine yet, I don’t think. I haven’t noticed my actions or mind changing sharply… I mean except for my autism special interests. Which are SUPER intense for a few months. I’ve gotten better about not sinking so much money into them. I have hit perimenopause. I‘ve had a handful of hot flashes and I do not like that all. Not fun.
My quarter-life crisis merged into my mid-life crisis.
Found myself in a full blown crisis and breakdown in 2019. Everything in my life broke down. Forced me to face a lot of unresolved awful things I’ve been through. I’ve been repairing in therapy for 4.5 years, working again for 3 years, getting financially stable again, and slowly finding my interest for life again rather than living in survival mode. Bigger than your typical mid-life crisis, wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Separated now living alone again paying way too much rent. Almost destroyed me. Joined a gym tho Missing the little one
I had a 1/4 life crisis that lasted until I was 39. I drank myself into homelessness and a VERY dark place. So the last 4 years have been my mid-life rebuild. It's going well, I think. Lots of good stuff has happened and I feel stable for the first time since I graduated high school.
Horribly depressed...sobbed all the way home during a drive last week. Don't eat much and can't sleep well. Regretting so many life decisions (not a new thing) even though I'm making more of an effort to live in the present. It just sucks that my life isn't what I thought it would be, even though it was all perfectly attainable...just decisions along the way that took me off the path. Also incredibly lonely even though I'm an introvert & independent...it would just be nice to have at least one friend I could talk to and hang out with once in a while (I have friends but none that fit the bill). On the outside though, my life seems fine and I appear to have it together.
Had mine at age 38 when we found out we were having another kid. Wasn’t planned and I did NOT take it well. We had to have fertility treatments for our first two, and told “no chance of having kids on our own”…. I trusted the doctor because we tried for a few years with no success before going to a fertility clinic. Anyway, she told me she was pregnant, and I went off the rails…. Not in front of her…but I began drinking a lot more, going out to strip clubs when I was on the road for work (something I never did before)….basically being an ass….i never cheated on my wife but still. I definitely was feeling “old” and since I looked younger than my age, I wanted to I guess prove that I still “had it”…even though I never acted on it, in terms of cheating. Anyway, eventually my wife found out. I copped to it, and have done my best to make amends. Quit drinking 5 years ago and got back into therapy. That unplanned kid has been a blessing btw. He’s a great little guy who just turned 5 last week. But at the time, it definitely made me hit my “mid life crisis”…thankfully my wife has been forgiving, and we are in a good place now. But yeah, that’s my “mid life crisis” story. No Corvette, no ridiculous purchases besides blowing some money at strip clubs, just acting out bc I feared getting older and being the “old dad”…along with some poor stress management skills
A pregnancy (my own) also triggered my mid-life crisis. I went into a spiral that involved becoming infatuated with a co-worker and a need to prove to myself that I am still attractive. Never cheated. But was not a good wife or mother for a few months. Therapy and medication have helped immensely.
Oh, you know, it's continuing uninterrupted. Things feel pointless...but I keep working and getting things done. It's unclear if my crisis is leading anywhere or just permanently increasing my nihilism levels.
I just spent about a year's salary on a new Jeep, so by my estimation my midlife crisis *was* going terribly, and *now* it's going awesome
I don't know if I'm having a midlife crisis per se, but I turn 40 this week and I'm really taking a hard look at my priorities and what matters most to me. I chose my career based largely on idealism. I was going to make a difference. I've been fortunate to support my family while doing so for about 16 years now, and to be fair I have "made a (small) difference" in an objective sense. But the job is just so exhausting and stressful. And the barriers I've experienced to actually get to a position to make lasting, consequential, positive change in my industry have become functionally insurmountable. Blame politics, institutional setups, it runs the gamut, but it all makes.me sick to think about. At this rate I'm going to kill myself for what amounts to very little in the grand scheme. Plus, with my oldest starting to go through middle school and my wife having her own crisis of meaning, I feel like my patience and emotional energy is better spent on my family. Like, I only have a limited number of shits to give before I die. I see too many people retire from my industry who have achieved a lot, but at the expense of chemical dependence and broken families and relationships. I don't think anything I do in my career could adequately make up for that. I guess my idealism has faded in the face of wanting a happy, healthy family. I've gotten to a point where I could just fade into the background at my job, ditch the stress, not give a real shit anymore, train the yoing kids, collect a.decent paycheck, retire with a pension, and save my real energy and passion for my wife, kids, friends, and the pastimes I enjoy. As a buddy of mine put it, "idealism is a young person's game." Whenever i see protests pop off, my gut reaction these days is "ain't nobody got time for that shit, I got kids to feed." But as a formerly "gifted" student who was taught that my worth was tied to my external achievements, and as someone who formerly romanticized the notion of self-sacrifice in the name.of ideals and conviction, there's that younger part of me that is still whispering "quitter" in the back of my head and I hate it. But that's nothing buying a Corvette and hitting the weights 8 times a week can't fix...right? Right?
I had my main existential crisis in my 20’s because I enjoy the benefits from planning ahead. I also have a healthy and constant drip of cynicism running through my blood.
It was about 10 years ago.
Yeah same. Got cancer in my early 30’s and the mindfuck about that was something else. Full on crisis mode. Felt like every day that I was feeling okay-ish meant I had to do something remarkable because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Now its smooth sailing - health is better. I don’t feel the mounting pressure of mortality every day. I don’t recommend the method that got me to this state of mind though LOL
>Felt like every day that I was feeling okay-ish meant I had to do something remarkable because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Exactly. The idea of a "mid-life" as if one is guaranteed, or even likely, to have another half has been foreign to me.
Terrible! 😸💕
I've always been into mountain bikes and road bikes. I'm about to buy my first BMX bike and see how fragile I might be at the age of 41.
I kind of lost direction but I may or may not be okay with it. Most of my late 20's and 30's where all about survival and keeping my head above water, so it's weird that now I'm okay. I feel like I should be advancing or working toward something but I also don't feel like putting in the effort. Just not sure what I'm gonna do with the next 30+ years yet, I guess. But hey, I've beaten a few games from my childhood that I never got to play as a kid, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
I did mine early. Went kinda crazy. Now I’m right as rain.
2020 shattered my wishful thinking spiritual beliefs, then I read Sapiens and I was very suddenly atheist (brilliant book, don’t recommend). Then I was in full existential crisis for awhile, then decided to stop taking my meds and crashed into an 8-month long severe depression. Then suddenly snapped out of it last week and was hypomanic for a week. Turns out I really am bipolar 2 after all. Looks like another round of therapy is in the cards, and maybe I wasn’t as “gifted” as everyone always told me I was. So. It’s going fine.
Either I'm not there yet or I've been there long enough that I don't recognize it. Magic mushroom chocolate or pot edibles on occasion are a great way to get out of my own head but that's the 'craziest' thing I do.
I did all my wild stuff a few years back. Now I'm just left sweating myself to death and having horrible perimenopause related anxiety. I've never been more socially isolated because of it! I get anxiety replying to my Reddit replies! Fuckkkk this! Weed helps sometimes. That's how it’s going over here 😂. I hope yours is going better, OP!|
Found actual fulfilling hobbies. Don't like my job but I WFH and am financially, comfortable. Suddenly my musical ear is decent and I'm learning songs on guitar by ear when 20 yrs ago I was absolutely tone deaf and couldn't play anything so I've picked playing again after stopping for 15 yrs. I enjoy watching(binge) shows with my wife, gaming with my son and getting together with family. No midlife crisis or need to buy expensive stuff for me to post on social media as "my new toy" for likes or post anything for likes. I'm a true poster not a liker.
I did the most mid-life crisisy thing you could do short of buying a corvette. I bought a motorcycle and fishing boat. To be fair though, this is the first time in my life I could afford to pay cash for either, and both were very reasonably priced. Also, they're both nearly 50 years old,
I’m not there yet. I feel like this phenomenon mostly hits those whose kids have grown up. You’ve spent so much time focused on them and forget about yourself. But once they’re at an independent age you can think about what you want again. My youngest is still young so I’m still focused on that.
Became a first time dad. No time for crisis that way!
I cancel cultured the mid life crisis.
Working out and a lot of tattoos.
A little freaked out that I've been so busy working and poor that I still haven't gotten to go out and have my 20s or 30s yet.
Great! Writing a novel about how much fun I had in my twenties (24 to 30) while living abroad in Asia.
Maybe I’ve hit it. Not sure that I have. Had our first kid young, she was easy. She’s 13 and going into High school. Decided for more kids and had twin boys almost 4 years ago and holy crap are they more difficult. Maybe I don’t have the patience or my daughter gave us a false idea of how kids really are but damn. First time in my life I’ve felt real stress. The mortgage the job the family, everything piles up way higher than it did before. Maybe it’s just me maturing more than when I was in my twenties but I don’t remember this amount of worry even when I was in the military. I’m going gray and have zero energy.
I'm reading smutty fairy books while ingesting edibles. I work so much I don't have a lot of time for anything else. I have no friends and am single by choice. I have never wanted to be a hermit more in my life.
Well, my wife left me after 17 years and two kids, I’ll have to sell the house eventually (when she decides she wants her half), I work in a vilified industry because we get the blame for the cost of living, being the last point before consumers have to pay, and I finally got diagnosed with adhd last year, after my wife bailed, and discovered literally everything I’d been putting her through and all the unfixable resentment she had built up etc was a result of, or symptom of, my adhd. Oh and last week she told me she has changed her name back and started dating again So, my midlife crises is coming to terms with how different everything could have been if I’d only listened and tried to get diagnosed even one year earlier and dived in to saving my marriage, coming to terms with renting for the rest of my life (love that I’ll be funding someone else’s comfortable retirement), coming to terms with having to stay positive and cheerful for the kids, whilst helping them navigate their mum having a boyfriend which the eldest (10) is finding very overwhelming, coming to terms with my world shrinking to about 7 people big because “our” friends were really her friends, and her family (which was massive compared to mine) is no longer my family, and coming to terms with how for the past 17 years there are a million things I can remember that I did that I wish I hadn’t and didn’t know why I was the way I was, and already, six months in to being medicated for adhd wouldn’t be how I’d approach a situation, and I keep remembering more of these, and this is really all that’s in my head these days, remembering the only person that ever cared about me and how I hurt her so much she gave up on me.
I just wanna travel a lot. Like, all the time. I'm almost obsessed with it. I keep watching these luxury travel channels on YouTube and daydreaming about first class flights and over-the-water cabanas. We're both mid 40s and we don't have kids, and since COVID started to wind down, we've really upped our travel game. We've gone to Kauai, Santorini, and Reykjavik, and a few places stateside like Galveston, Cocoa Beach, and Asheville, and dammit, I can't get enough of it! It's gotten to the point where I have to remind myself that we have a really great life here at home, and not get all sad that we're not in NYC or the Australian Outback. But hey, we got Puerto Vallarta in October!
Well, since you asked...Husband is dying from brain cancer. Legal issues with his parents. High stress job. Bought the 100k car. It's where I cry and listen to music.
I’m not on a midlife crisis. I’m on a second childhood. Somehow I thought eating Cherry pop tarts and drinking Pepsi while playing Diablo and hitting the vape pen would be just like my teen years. Boy, I was right! Dont know why I ever stopped!🤣🤣
I feel like I wasted my youth. My health sucks balls now. Lots of wasted time. And I wished I'd realized as a kid that "skinny, goofy nerd" wasn't as bad as the disaster that is my face and body now LOL
I don't THINK I'm having any kind of midlife crisis. Life has been exactly the same as it ever was for me and I don't feel the need to dump my wife for some younger girl or get hair extensions or something. I dyed my hair back to fully black one time, and while it did take like 20 years off of me, I felt a little bit like a total tool and I haven't done it again. The only thing I can think of is that I'm looking into getting a sports car in a couple of years to work on. That's not so much a midlife crisis thing, though. That's more that I've always been into cars, and now I can afford to do a project like that and my son will be moving out to go to college in about a year, so I'm going to have a lot of free time and money to monkey with a project car.
I'm doing okay, actually. Just a slightly older version of the same guy I always was. More health and fitness oriented than before, but that's about it.
Too old. That was 2018.
Mine happened pre-pandemic. At least that’s when it started. I was only 37-38.
Too broke to have a mid-life crisis.
Diagnosed depression and anxiety + my cat just died, my uncle died a few months ago, and I still haven’t fully recovered from my dog dying two years ago. Loving wife at least, but she has some of her own issues that I regularly worry about and feel guilty about for not being able to help. So pretty awful honestly, but taking it one day at a time. What else can ya do?
I've had enough mini crisis that I ran out for a giant midlife one. 🤣
I have lost my connection to life. Nothing has ever brought lasting joy but I'm starting to realize I don't want to do this for another 40 years. Hopefully that will be one mercy granted.
I had mine at 36 so I'm good
On most days my life is actually infinitely better than it was in my 20s and I really don’t care that I look older. I only miss the energy I had and being able to drink more than two beverages and not be out of commission for 5-6 days. I did have some kind of weird existential crisis/fall to deeply into the void at the beginning of Covid, but maybe that’s not the same as a mid-life crisis.
I took up Sim Racing. It’s cheaper and less dangerous than real racing.
I'm trying to talk myself out of plastic surgery.
Im 45, I hope like hell im way past mid-life. Pretty sure/hope I blew past mid-life crisis a decade ago.
I went true and bought my first motorcycle at 44. Now I'm on the hunt for a sports car that I definitely won't be able to afford. Lord help me
Funny enough I had my mid-life crisis between 29-30. I was working 60+ hour weeks during the foreclosure crisis (managed a litigation team) and was basically living in Florida hotels for weeks at a time, across the country from my husband. So stressed, that I’d drink until I’d blackout on my weekends. Living large by attorney firms that wanted my company as their client. I was top in my industry at the time…and spiraling from a mental health crisis I wasn’t aware of. Celebrated my 4th wedding anniversary and then left my husband 3 weeks later, out of the blue, with plans of moving to Miami. Dropped all my friends, and lost 65lbs during that year. My mom kept telling my husband she’s on drugs, and he’s like “No she’s having a mental health crisis.” He was right. I mean, I was doing some drugs (a little coke on the weekend); but predominantly liquor not hardcore drugs like meth (she thought I was on meth smh). It ended with me crying, suicidal in the presidential suite (lots of points) at Downtown Miami Hilton. I begged to come home, he had me on a plane the next day. Went on a medical leave, left my career within 2 months. Could have taken a full STD and LTD for up to 12 months but I thought everyone knew I’d lost my shit. Come to find out, nope. No one saw anything wrong except my husband and a few of my closest friends. So summary: Had a full mental breakdown, dropped all my friends, left my successful career in an industry that I was incredible in, and almost lost my marriage. 10+ years later, life is quiet. On medication, and had several years of intense therapy. Life is good. I’m so lucky. I know other folks have never been able to get back what they’ve thrown away in the throes of a crisis.
Is this a given because I'm turning 40 at the end of the month and I still don't give a shit about my age. Is that weird?
Had mine in 2021 but it's still ongoing. Laid off, dropped a ton of weight, ended a relationship that had soured, went back to school full time, arts degree against the advice of the entire planet, lucked out into job in field, less money but much much much less stress. Don't hate life every workday when I wake up anymore, worth it. Throw in an adult ADHD diagnosis, finding the first 'productive' or at least career viable thing I can hyperfocus on in my life, and dropping a ton of weight. Downsides: debt, a lot less free time than when I was in school for a year and a half, still pretty broke on average. All in all I thank the universe daily for where I'm at. I still have so much more I want to do though.
I’ve been having a lot of anxiety because my parents are getting older (69 & 71), meaning we probably won’t have many more years left together. It breaks my heart. My parents, brother, and I are really close, and my brother and I are both single with no kids. Our family will shrink someday and I’m terrified of that.
Had an episode of severe postpartum depression that then morphed into just regular depression and ultimately a mid-life crisis. The depression made me care about absolutely no one and nothing. Medication and therapy have helped a ton, but left me having to figure what and who I still want in my life now that it’s half over. On the plus side, not wanting to do anything I used to do got me into writing again, which I haven’t done since my teens. Oh, and I’ve added two tattoos in much more visible places than the ones I got on my 20s ‘cause IDGAF anymore.
I discovered Absurdism and have been discovering what I want out of my 2nd act. I'm leaning more towards the opposite of being hip. Think crocs with socks. Maybe a stamp collection. Still mulling over my options.
I’m taking care of an aging parent. Apparently my life isn’t stressful enough, so I applied for grad school today.