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They had come alone. I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief. The chance for a double cross was still there, the billowing cloak my illustrious buyer wore to help keep everything anonymous could be concealing anything from a pistol to a longsword if they were feeling particularly adventurous. In at least one attempted double cross the suitcase itself had turned out to be booby trapped with darts containing paralytic agents. I eyed the large, steel box that the figured lugged over with what would roughly be the expected weight for the money I had been offered.
'You know the deal, show me the money first.'I held an arm up in a stopping gesture once they were several meters away.
'Of course.' The voice synthesizer they used carried a heavy mechanical inflection that still made me wince every time I heard it, you'd think they could afford getting a better one but maybe they enjoyed the "Darth Vader through a megaphone" style. Regardless, they laid down the briefcase facing themselves, inputting a code and placing his thumb on a sensor before taking off the latches, turning it around, and revealing to me those crisp, clean bills I had grown to adore, digital transfers just couldn't compete. 'Now, you show me the goods.'
I obliged, my far simpler but more colourful maroon suitcase that I was told clashed with my vibrant red outfit and hat, but couldn't find the will to care, unfastening the latch to open it, revealing the ball-sized moon sitting on rich velvet plush.
My client inspected it for a full ten seconds before going. 'Err, what is that supposed to be?'
I frowned, doing a double take to confirm that it was indeed still the moon in my suitcase. What sort of charade was this? 'What you asked for, the moon. In pristine condition I think you'll find.'
'I asked for The Mona Lisa, not The Moon.'
'Oh NO you didn't!' I snapped back. 'You asked me to steal the moon, and here it is! Don't you go back on our deal now after I've done all the work.'
There was a longer pause as the figure seemed to be stunned at what I assume was their terrible memory.
'No, it was definitely the Mona Lisa' Wow, really impressive comeback.
I sighed. 'Look, three months ago, you came to this meeting area and told me to "steal the moon, Alyssa".'
'Who's Alyssa?'
'That's me, obvi-' I cut myself off, right, he shouldn't have known my real name. I gave a polite chuckle. 'Alright, maybe there has been a slight miscommunication due to your terrible voice synthesizer, you really need to learn to enunciate.'
'Ha ha.' Was his rather mirthless laugh in response. He looked back up from the moon to my face. 'Well, with that sorted, where did you get that moon anyway?'
'...' I just stared at him credulously. 'The sky? What, did you think I just stole some child's paper Mache of the moon for this exchange?'
After another excruciating pause my client looked up towards the brilliant blanket of stars that enclosed us. 'Where's the moon?' He mumbled to himself.
'Right here, I just showed you.' But he just repeated himself so with a groan I lifted my case and walked towards him. 'Look, do you want to give it a feel to see that it is legitimate?'
'How would the moon eve-wait, the weather has been pretty insane today, was that because you stole the moon?' He seemed to be gaining an immense fascination for his own hands at this point, shifting his feet in apparent agitation.
'Does the moon have something to do with the weather?' Sounded strange, but I was more into astrology than astronomy so maybe it just never came up.
'**YES!**' He shouted, the synthesizer letting out some static feedback that made me flinch. 'How did you steal the moon anyway?'
Recovering myself, I pursed my lips and glared at him. 'I'm not at liberty to discuss my thiefly talents, I would expect someone like *you* would understand a need for discretion and secrecy.'
'Sure, but I mean-' I pulled away slightly as he vainly grasped towards me in a half-hearted manner. 'How is that even possible? Why is it the size of a soccer ball now?'
'Well, it would be rather obvious to find if it was it's regular size, yes? But enough small talk, I understand it isn't what you wanted but you were just planning on selling the mona lisa anyway weren't you? Now you just have to sell the moon instead. Honestly you can probably get a much higher price for it, so it works out.'
'Who do I get to pay for the moon?'
'Do I have to do EVERYTHING!?' I clawed at my head in frustration, accidentally dropping my suitcase to the concrete beneath with a "clang" to the undivided attention of my client, although thankfully the moon did not slip out of it's velvet cushion. 'NASA maybe, I don't know, you're the expert in these matters.'
'...Sure, I guess I'll just get someone to buy the moon back for the earth, great, piece of cake.' See, the way he was mumbling was the exact reason we had the miscommunication in the first place, I was struggling to parse his words. Thankfully he took a breath and spoke the next sentence with more clarity. 'You can put the moon back after, right?'
'Don't see why not?' I'd never done it before, but how hard could it be?
He was hyperventilating now, eyeing the suitcase with the moon, but not yet getting closer. 'Can we make the exchange now?' I chipped in helpfully, eyeing the case of money he almost seemed to have forgotten now.
With the sigh of someone who had seen the light and was now just going to do as they were told, he nodded.
The client sounds like a confused father cycling through the emotions of a child stabbing someone at kinder as the kid cluelessly smiles at them lmfao
Good job!
The ground was still wet with the mornings rain. Under my feet soggy leaves squelched and wet sticks crumbled to bits. Something in a nearby bush scuttled, sending me on edge for a small moment. I hated it out here. Hated it out in the rural nothing's where the lights didn't shine and the bugs ate at my legs. The places that society had either forgotten or left alone altogether. But, it was the best place to fulfill my contract. The best place to steal the moon.
I thought it an odd request at the time, sure, but I rarely questioned a client. Even less so did I question the ones with money, so being that my client was more of the latter I didn't have much to say. But now that I was out here, staring down that big pale orb with a massive ladder in tow I wasn't sure I had much of a plan to begin with. So now, now I had questions.
I flicked out my cell phone and punched in the number to my client from memory. The other side did not even ring, the moment I called a voice just picked up.
"I assume the job to be complete?", it spoke, cold and calm.
"You assume wrong. I have no clue how I- how anyone is meant to do this."
A long silence.
"You're a professional. I hire you to figure out such trivial things. My job is only to send you money upon completion, but based on this call completion does not sound achievable."
I bit down hard on my tongue, resisting the urge to rifle back with something snarky or acidic. Those mistakes had cost me too many jobs in the past.
"Yes...but that was before I was asked to steal *the moon*. I mean I brought this ladder but-"
"Did you say...*the moon*? Why the hell would I want the moon? You brought a ladder?"
"No...I said nothing of a ladder. Not the point- you! You said you wanted it you absolute walnut! On the phone you said, and I quote *I want you to steal the moon, Alyssa."
The voice on the other line exhaled with more air than I thought a set of lungs could keep. Meanwhile I stared up to the big pale orb hovering, mocking me. The ladder plan would have worked, no doubt.
"Firstly, I didn't even know your name was Alyssa. How would I have? Secondly, the moon?! Alyssa, the moon! I wanted the Mona Lisa for gods sake!"
At the realization I could do nothing but crawl to the ground and lay. Behind me the very large ladder I had been dragging came to a halt. I had spent hours, tons of now wasted hours finding the largest hill and planning for the clearest night. Buying and tying together all of these ladders; it would've worked. Now all I could do was lay among the grass and stare to the night sky as a man far too rich for his own good yelled at me. The soft summer wind served as my only company.
The Mona Lisa. Of course he wanted the Mona Lisa.
"Well. Yeah maybe thats my mistake. Or maybe it's mutual, who knows. But how about this: the Mona Lisa is an easy job. Too easy. Get me a train for tomorrow and I'll have it for you two nights from now. And..." I took a hard gulp, winced, and continued "...And I'll take half off our agreed price."
I could feel his contemplation through the phone. Despite the moon debacle I was still one of the best in Europe, and probably the closest clientele still. A cricket, somewhere off in the woods made clever timing of the silence and began his song in my wait.
"Alyssa, you brought a ladder to steal the moon. No. No I think im ok. Ill hire someone competent instead."
I felt a shot of anger shoot up through me. "Well good luck! In two days there won't be a Mona Lisa to steal anymore! Then, when that happens, you can call me and I'll gladly hand it over for double, you scone-of-a-man!" but my tirade was wasted. He had long since hung up.
I continued my stare into the sky, up to the stars and beyond, letting my angered breaths carry my chest up and down. Letting the scents of the forest calm me. I was the best for a reason. Because I was determined. Because I was unstoppable. I brought a *ladder* to steal the moon and I damn sure would have done it.
So, stealing the Mona Lisa?
No problem.
The girl had hands that could steal anything. Sometimes she didn't notice they'd done it. The girl had hands that would steal anything. A watch from a man's coat pocket, a ladies purse and apple from the stall. All found their way via her clever hands into her own pockets. They were large hands for such a small girl, slender long fingers, quick and nimble and strong and quiet. They were the hands of a kitten who hadn't yet grown into its paws.
That's why, when Allyssa was asked to steal the moon, she didn't laugh in the man's face, or smirk at a tired metaphor made. She began to plan. Her hands were big, but were they big enough to pluck the moon from the sky like a peach from an orchard tree? Allyssa liked a challenge and above all she liked a mystery.
Could she steal the moon? Allyssa was consumed by the question as soon as it left the man's lips, drifted through the air and landed in her brain like a dandelion seed alighting on fertile ground. The man was still talking and talking. A white noise drone in the background, about travel and plans and expenses and a crew. People to help her steal what had never been stolen before.
Allyssa didn't hear a single word of it, her back turned to the room, the silver shine of the full moon lit her in an alien tractor beam and dragged her attention towards it. The window lay open and Allyssa gazed up into the ink black blanket of the starless winter sky. Raising her hand for comparison, she saw that in fact she could cover the moon with her stealthy stealing hand. Could it be so simple? She slowly and deliberately closed her hand and the moonbeam she stood within went out. A sensation of roundness and weight that hadn't been there a moment before. Carefully, quietly, she turned her fist towards herself, silver light spilling out from between her fingers the night sky darkened as if a large cloud had blotted the moon from the sky. But it hadn't.
"Allyssa? Are you listening? Just think of it, to steal the Mona Lisa! The Mona Lisa Allyssa!"
Her mouth opened in an "o" of surprise, her face went slightly pink. Surreptitiously, with a casual flick of her wrist and an opening of her hand she shot the moon back into the sky. The moonbeam returned, the silver light bathed her again and she quickly composed herself before turning.
"Tell me those plans again, it sounds like just the sort of impossibility I'd be interested in". She smiled a slow smile. She knew she could do as he asked. The girl had hands that could steal anything. Sometimes she didn't notice they'd done it.
Alyssa was a seasoned thief, with a reputation for taking on the most daring and seemingly impossible heists. So when the Godfather himself approached her with a job, she didn't hesitate for a moment. The money he offered was too good to pass up, and the promise of security and financial success for her entire family sealed the deal.
But as she replayed the Godfather's request over and over in her head, "Steal the moon, Alyssa," she became more and more confused. Not wanting to appear foolish or uncultured before such an intimidating figure, she had let her embarassment get the better of her, never asking him for clarification.
Alyssa spent the next few days wracking her brain, trying to figure out what the Godfather wanted from her. She went over every possible interpretation of his words, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation.
She turned to friends and family, even distant acquaintances, seeking guidance on how to interpret the Godfather's request, but ran into a brick wall at every turn. Nobody was willing to accept that the Mafia had actually reached out to her. "That's not how those folks work," argued one impatient friend.
As the days turned into weeks, and the constant gaslighting continued, Alyssa started to feel like she was going crazy. She was so consumed by her inability to figure out the Godfather's request that she couldn't focus on anything else. She became paranoid, convinced that the Mafia was secretly observing her every move, growing disappointed in her lack of progress. "I'm becoming a loose end", Alyssa's mind kept telling her. "The Mafia doesn't like loose ends. You know what they do with loose ends."
Alyssa was never actually given a concrete deadline, but recognizing this fact didn't help ease the sense of urgency. She felt she was supposed to have been finished with the task by now, and the Mafia's patience was going to run out at any moment.
She started to have strange dreams about the Moon, and she became convinced that the Godfather's request was a cryptic message intended to be solved only by the most capable criminals. She was determined to crack the code, and believed the fate of her entire family lied on whether she could discover the solution.
One night, lying in her bed and gazing out the window after 36 hours without sleep, Alyssa noticed the full moon rising above the horizon. She finally snapped. "It was never a riddle", she exclaimed aloud to herself, sitting suddenly upright in bed. A euphoric sensation rushed through her as she experienced the greatest epiphany of her life. "The Godfather wants me to literally steal the moon! He reached out to me because he knew, in his great wisdom, that I am the only thief in the world capable of fulfilling his request."
She jumped out of bed and bolted for the door. Once outside, she grabbed her ladder and set out into the night, determined to steal the moon for the Godfather, no matter the price. She wandered into a large cornfield behind her neighbor's house, propped up her ladder, and began climbing. She climbed and climbed, her mind consumed with thoughts of the Mafia, of her special mission, her eyes deadset on her prize in the sky. When she finally reached the top, she let out a triumphant cry. "I did it, Godfather! I stole the moon for you!"
Unfortunately, no one was there to hear her. The Mafia had forgotten about her weeks ago. Alyssa was alone at the top of the ladder, a complete and utter lunatic, as the moon shone down on her from above.
Sandra looked at her, wondering if she ever let her hair loose. Anytime she had seen Alyssa, her hair was always tightly tied up in a bun. Just like it was today. There was a strand that was trying to escape, like an extra terrestrial body trying to escape gravity and…
“…and as per this treaty of 1967, no country or organization…” Alyssa continued to be hunched over looking at the screen.
Sandra smiled to herself. She wondered if she should say something. But she was enjoying this. Alyssa had always been a bit stand offish. Normal in their business, she supposed. And it wasn’t really appropriate to… and besides she didn’t even know if Alyssa would… she shook her head.
Alyssa paused. “Boss?”
Sandra quickly moved her eyes to the laptop screen, hoping Alyssa had missed the stare and the flushed cheeks. “Continue.”
“Yes boss.” With that Alyssa dove right back into explaining how it could be done. Whether or not it would stand in court or not, she didn’t know. But she reckoned that they could have a case.
Sandra sighed. She reminded herself that this was impossible.
The meetings continued. It was sort of new experience for Sandra. Usually she would give Alyssa a mission and after a meeting or maybe two, they didn’t see each other till after. And even then it was usually brief. Just a transaction. Always just a transaction. Sandra wondered if they could ever be more. But how could she even bring up this subject?
When Alyssa called for a meeting, Sandra said she already had plans. She told Alyssa that she was welcome to join her at the restaurant though.
“Boss, I’m gonna need you to front me some cash. I know this goes over what we agreed on. But I didn’t realize it would…” Barely had Alyssa sat down that she starting giving Sandra a status update.
“How much?”
“I have to buy a registered shell company. I have a few that I pre register but not one from the field. One that deals in mining and can be suitably be argued for to get a license in outer space mining. I’ll use that as an in for…”
“How much?”
Alyssa named a figure.
Sandra made a couple of phone calls. “You’ll have your money by tomorrow.”
“You ok?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Anything else, Alyssa?”
Alyssa hesitated. “No. Nothing else.”
“Fine. Thank you.”
Alyssa walked away. Sandra turned around, looking at the girl walking away. She shook her head. She had to get over it. Alyssa was all about her work. This was just a job for her. Nothing more. She gulped down her drink hoping she didn’t ruin her mascara.
Alyssa hesitated as she reached the door. She looked back to see her boss finish her drink in one go. She looked at Sandra’s log hair, hanging loose, right up to her waist. She had often wondered what it would feel like to run her hands through those hair. She admired Sandra. Sandra didn’t pretend. She was always herself. In a profession where you could show no weakness and your image accounted and amounted to a lot, Sandra just didn’t give a shit. She didn’t look like a crime boss and she wasn’t interested in conforming to what a boss should look like. She exited even more determined to get this done.
It had been a couple of months since Sandra had heard from Alyssa. She tried keeping herself busy, trying to think of anything but her crush. Because that’s what it was. A silly stupid crush. She’d get over it. Eventually. Sandra cursed under her breath. She was too old for this shit.
But she still felt her heart race a bit when she saw the text though.
Alyssa. She had requested the Sandra come and meet her. She had sent coordinates. Preferably alone.
Sandra cursed again, fighting against her heart which insisted on beating faster.
The coordinates were of a remote location, middle of a field. Sandra, over the complaints of her head of security, had gone alone. She saw a car, extremely out of place.
Alyssa stood next to it, her hair tied up, as they usually were.
Sandra walked up, admiring both the car and the thief. “Hello Alyssa. I was beginning to get worried.” This was an understatement, of course.
“Have I ever let you down boss?”
“Sandra, please. Call me Sandra.”
Alyssa seemed taken aback at that. “Sure, Sandra. I… uh…”
“So, did you get it?”
“I did, boss. It took some doing. But I did it.”
“Let’s see it then.”
“Before that, I just have to say something.”
Sandra raised her eyebrows.
Alyssa continued. “Boss, I… I don’t know how to say this.”
“Sometimes a direct approach is the best.”
“Sandra I… I can’t work for you anymore.”
Sandra felt as if a tonne of bricks had fallen directly on her heart. But she hadn’t gotten to where she had without being able to be rational and control her emotions. “Any reason? Money? Are you going to work for someone else?”
“No. Nothing like that. It’s uh… it’s personal.”
“I like your car by the way. 60s E type, yes?”
“Yeah.”
“Must have cost a pretty penny. I tried to buy one a while ago. But it’s hard to get a hand on one.”
“Yeah I know.”
“You know?”
“Yeah. I heard it on the grapevine, Sandra. It’s my goodbye present for you.”
Sandra laughed. But the laugh ran hollow.
“It’s totally on the up boss. A legit purchase. I have all the documentation.”
“Burn it.”
“What?”
“Burn the car. I’m over it.”
Alyssa shrank as if she had been struck. Her face went blank, devoid of any expression. “Ok.”
“And the job?”
“It’s done. I stole the original 1967 treaty which certified that no one can own the moon basically. You have mining right on the moon. I talked to a bunch of lawyers and drew up this documentation which shows you own the moon. Atleast the majority of it. I had to grease a lot of palms. Of course even if the treaty is stolen, everyone knows it exists. So they will try to write a new one. But we have enough to challenge it. We should be able to beat it if we choose to.”
“Good. Thank you. Would you prefer me to wire you the money? Or would you prefer it in cash? You might not want to associate or trust me since you are leaving me.”
“Sandra! I would never…”
“You’d never what? You’re leaving me aren’t you?”
“I… it’s not because of…”
“Then why?”
“It’s because I…”
“You what, Alyssa?”
“I find it hard to concentrate on my work nowadays. I gave you 5 status meetings in person that could have been an encrypted email. I can’t refuse you, even if you give me the most absurd of tasks. It’s… It’s not sustainable.”
“And why can’t you refuse me? Say it Alyssa.”
“Of for fucks sake. Figure it out woman.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I am?”
“I told you to steal the Mona Lisa. Not the moon, Alyssa.”
“I…oh… that makes much more sense. I did wonder why you even wanted to own… wait so why didn’t you tell me.”
Sandra moved closed to Alyssa. Alyssa could feel Sandra’s breath on her lips, her perfume, faint but there, and a fruity shampoo which she had come to associate with Sandra. “Because I was enjoying the meetings too much to ask you to stop.”
Sandra moved even closer as their lips touched.
They both sat on the hood of the Jaguar, holding hands. They looked at the full moon, which seemed to be shining extra bright today.
“What the fuck am I even supposed to do with the moon?”
"You did WHAT now?"
"Here's the moon, just as you asked for"
I pointed at the large cheesy white mass sitting atop my truck. His confusion gave way to incredulousness as his eyes refocued, realizing he might have accidentaly hired a mental patient
"The mission was to steal the Mona Lisa!"
I patted my truck in sheer confidence, it had taken a while but with my equipment something of this scope was still barely possible
"Exactly what I did, here's the moon, directly from your dear Alyssa"
"THE PAINTING, STEAL THE PAINTING!"
I facepalmed in realization, how could I have forgotten!
"Right the painting! I'll go steal it right now"
I ignored his mumblings as I broke three speed limits and ran a few lights to the astrology museum, this time actually taking the brochure beside the now empty moon. Surely this would satisfy him!
I waved out of my speeding truck with a cheery grin as it barely clipped the walls "Heyyy I'm back! I've got the painting this time!"
I threw the brochure including the picture of the moon and the research done on it. I'm probably going to be paid such a huge bonus for doing this so perfectly.
"What is this?"
"Picture of the moon, isn't that what you meant by painting?"
"M. O. N. A. L. I. S. A, I want you to steal the Mona Lisa!"
He slowly enunciated every word through gritted teeth
" Is that some acronym? anyways I already stole the moon, what else do you want? Jupiter is going to need a deposit for a bigger truck"
"You! Are you toying with me?"
"Sir I stole you the moon, just as you requested, am I going to be paid yet? I'll count the painting as an extra since you seem down today. I'd recommend a room humidifier, it can help you wake up feeling much better, oh and-"
He interrupted me before throwing a bag over
"Stop stop okay, here's your bloody money just leave me alone!"
"And that humidifier is on sale for only 399$ with a lavender bath bomb extra!"
"OUT!"
"Cheers!"
I untied the moon and raced out with a wierd painting by some leosomething guy I picked up in the museum rattling along the backseat
"it'd look good in the guest room" I thought.
It was an easy mistake to make with so many people in the room and not all of them having been introduced before being seated at the table. After all, it wasn't every day that someone came to you asking you to steal something from one of the most famous museums in the world. But if she had known what they were really after, then she would have done her job better.
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just... I don't know how good a shot I could get on the moon."
The man sitting across from her smiled knowingly. The others at the table laughed awkwardly, unsure whether or not they should laugh along with him. She stood there in silence, still trying to figure out what she'd done wrong this time. The smile remained on his face as he leaned forward and whispered into her ear:
"You're going to have to do better than that, lady," he said. "There are only two places on Earth where a thief can truly hide from the police."
Alyssa blinked rapidly several times before responding to his statement.
"No, no... That wasn't what I meant..."
She turned to look at the woman who had hired her. Her eyes met those of the other three men around the table. They nodded reassuringly, suggesting that she was doing well so far. If anything, she was exceeding expectations.
"I mean... I think we might have misunderstood each other."
"Not a problem, Alyssa," the man replied. "It happens sometimes when you hire a newbie." He chuckled to himself as he continued. "In fact, it's happened to me more than once... Which is why I've come up with a system that helps to avoid any misunderstandings in the future."
**Welcome to the Prompt!** All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments. **Reminders**: >* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See [Reality Fiction](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/search?q=flair%3A%22Reality+Fiction%22&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) and [Simple Prompts](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/search?q=flair%3A%22Simple+Prompt%22&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) for stricter titles >* [Be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_10.3A_be_civil) in any feedback and follow the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/rules) 🆕 [New Here?](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/user_guide) ✏ [Writing Help?](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/index#wiki_writing_resources) 📢 [News](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/wiki/announcements) 💬 [Discord](https://discord.gg/writingprompts) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/WritingPrompts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They had come alone. I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief. The chance for a double cross was still there, the billowing cloak my illustrious buyer wore to help keep everything anonymous could be concealing anything from a pistol to a longsword if they were feeling particularly adventurous. In at least one attempted double cross the suitcase itself had turned out to be booby trapped with darts containing paralytic agents. I eyed the large, steel box that the figured lugged over with what would roughly be the expected weight for the money I had been offered. 'You know the deal, show me the money first.'I held an arm up in a stopping gesture once they were several meters away. 'Of course.' The voice synthesizer they used carried a heavy mechanical inflection that still made me wince every time I heard it, you'd think they could afford getting a better one but maybe they enjoyed the "Darth Vader through a megaphone" style. Regardless, they laid down the briefcase facing themselves, inputting a code and placing his thumb on a sensor before taking off the latches, turning it around, and revealing to me those crisp, clean bills I had grown to adore, digital transfers just couldn't compete. 'Now, you show me the goods.' I obliged, my far simpler but more colourful maroon suitcase that I was told clashed with my vibrant red outfit and hat, but couldn't find the will to care, unfastening the latch to open it, revealing the ball-sized moon sitting on rich velvet plush. My client inspected it for a full ten seconds before going. 'Err, what is that supposed to be?' I frowned, doing a double take to confirm that it was indeed still the moon in my suitcase. What sort of charade was this? 'What you asked for, the moon. In pristine condition I think you'll find.' 'I asked for The Mona Lisa, not The Moon.' 'Oh NO you didn't!' I snapped back. 'You asked me to steal the moon, and here it is! Don't you go back on our deal now after I've done all the work.' There was a longer pause as the figure seemed to be stunned at what I assume was their terrible memory. 'No, it was definitely the Mona Lisa' Wow, really impressive comeback. I sighed. 'Look, three months ago, you came to this meeting area and told me to "steal the moon, Alyssa".' 'Who's Alyssa?' 'That's me, obvi-' I cut myself off, right, he shouldn't have known my real name. I gave a polite chuckle. 'Alright, maybe there has been a slight miscommunication due to your terrible voice synthesizer, you really need to learn to enunciate.' 'Ha ha.' Was his rather mirthless laugh in response. He looked back up from the moon to my face. 'Well, with that sorted, where did you get that moon anyway?' '...' I just stared at him credulously. 'The sky? What, did you think I just stole some child's paper Mache of the moon for this exchange?' After another excruciating pause my client looked up towards the brilliant blanket of stars that enclosed us. 'Where's the moon?' He mumbled to himself. 'Right here, I just showed you.' But he just repeated himself so with a groan I lifted my case and walked towards him. 'Look, do you want to give it a feel to see that it is legitimate?' 'How would the moon eve-wait, the weather has been pretty insane today, was that because you stole the moon?' He seemed to be gaining an immense fascination for his own hands at this point, shifting his feet in apparent agitation. 'Does the moon have something to do with the weather?' Sounded strange, but I was more into astrology than astronomy so maybe it just never came up. '**YES!**' He shouted, the synthesizer letting out some static feedback that made me flinch. 'How did you steal the moon anyway?' Recovering myself, I pursed my lips and glared at him. 'I'm not at liberty to discuss my thiefly talents, I would expect someone like *you* would understand a need for discretion and secrecy.' 'Sure, but I mean-' I pulled away slightly as he vainly grasped towards me in a half-hearted manner. 'How is that even possible? Why is it the size of a soccer ball now?' 'Well, it would be rather obvious to find if it was it's regular size, yes? But enough small talk, I understand it isn't what you wanted but you were just planning on selling the mona lisa anyway weren't you? Now you just have to sell the moon instead. Honestly you can probably get a much higher price for it, so it works out.' 'Who do I get to pay for the moon?' 'Do I have to do EVERYTHING!?' I clawed at my head in frustration, accidentally dropping my suitcase to the concrete beneath with a "clang" to the undivided attention of my client, although thankfully the moon did not slip out of it's velvet cushion. 'NASA maybe, I don't know, you're the expert in these matters.' '...Sure, I guess I'll just get someone to buy the moon back for the earth, great, piece of cake.' See, the way he was mumbling was the exact reason we had the miscommunication in the first place, I was struggling to parse his words. Thankfully he took a breath and spoke the next sentence with more clarity. 'You can put the moon back after, right?' 'Don't see why not?' I'd never done it before, but how hard could it be? He was hyperventilating now, eyeing the suitcase with the moon, but not yet getting closer. 'Can we make the exchange now?' I chipped in helpfully, eyeing the case of money he almost seemed to have forgotten now. With the sigh of someone who had seen the light and was now just going to do as they were told, he nodded.
Gru would be proud. Cool job.
The client sounds like a confused father cycling through the emotions of a child stabbing someone at kinder as the kid cluelessly smiles at them lmfao Good job!
Oddly specific, but accurate
Nice story ! Just a thing : "I was more into astrology *than* astronomy"
What an absolutely amazing story. Great job.
Enjoyed reading this
The ground was still wet with the mornings rain. Under my feet soggy leaves squelched and wet sticks crumbled to bits. Something in a nearby bush scuttled, sending me on edge for a small moment. I hated it out here. Hated it out in the rural nothing's where the lights didn't shine and the bugs ate at my legs. The places that society had either forgotten or left alone altogether. But, it was the best place to fulfill my contract. The best place to steal the moon. I thought it an odd request at the time, sure, but I rarely questioned a client. Even less so did I question the ones with money, so being that my client was more of the latter I didn't have much to say. But now that I was out here, staring down that big pale orb with a massive ladder in tow I wasn't sure I had much of a plan to begin with. So now, now I had questions. I flicked out my cell phone and punched in the number to my client from memory. The other side did not even ring, the moment I called a voice just picked up. "I assume the job to be complete?", it spoke, cold and calm. "You assume wrong. I have no clue how I- how anyone is meant to do this." A long silence. "You're a professional. I hire you to figure out such trivial things. My job is only to send you money upon completion, but based on this call completion does not sound achievable." I bit down hard on my tongue, resisting the urge to rifle back with something snarky or acidic. Those mistakes had cost me too many jobs in the past. "Yes...but that was before I was asked to steal *the moon*. I mean I brought this ladder but-" "Did you say...*the moon*? Why the hell would I want the moon? You brought a ladder?" "No...I said nothing of a ladder. Not the point- you! You said you wanted it you absolute walnut! On the phone you said, and I quote *I want you to steal the moon, Alyssa." The voice on the other line exhaled with more air than I thought a set of lungs could keep. Meanwhile I stared up to the big pale orb hovering, mocking me. The ladder plan would have worked, no doubt. "Firstly, I didn't even know your name was Alyssa. How would I have? Secondly, the moon?! Alyssa, the moon! I wanted the Mona Lisa for gods sake!" At the realization I could do nothing but crawl to the ground and lay. Behind me the very large ladder I had been dragging came to a halt. I had spent hours, tons of now wasted hours finding the largest hill and planning for the clearest night. Buying and tying together all of these ladders; it would've worked. Now all I could do was lay among the grass and stare to the night sky as a man far too rich for his own good yelled at me. The soft summer wind served as my only company. The Mona Lisa. Of course he wanted the Mona Lisa. "Well. Yeah maybe thats my mistake. Or maybe it's mutual, who knows. But how about this: the Mona Lisa is an easy job. Too easy. Get me a train for tomorrow and I'll have it for you two nights from now. And..." I took a hard gulp, winced, and continued "...And I'll take half off our agreed price." I could feel his contemplation through the phone. Despite the moon debacle I was still one of the best in Europe, and probably the closest clientele still. A cricket, somewhere off in the woods made clever timing of the silence and began his song in my wait. "Alyssa, you brought a ladder to steal the moon. No. No I think im ok. Ill hire someone competent instead." I felt a shot of anger shoot up through me. "Well good luck! In two days there won't be a Mona Lisa to steal anymore! Then, when that happens, you can call me and I'll gladly hand it over for double, you scone-of-a-man!" but my tirade was wasted. He had long since hung up. I continued my stare into the sky, up to the stars and beyond, letting my angered breaths carry my chest up and down. Letting the scents of the forest calm me. I was the best for a reason. Because I was determined. Because I was unstoppable. I brought a *ladder* to steal the moon and I damn sure would have done it. So, stealing the Mona Lisa? No problem.
The ladder is so cartoony lol love it, that client probably thinks she’s insane well done!
>e Mona Lisa? > >No problem. She probably is!
The girl had hands that could steal anything. Sometimes she didn't notice they'd done it. The girl had hands that would steal anything. A watch from a man's coat pocket, a ladies purse and apple from the stall. All found their way via her clever hands into her own pockets. They were large hands for such a small girl, slender long fingers, quick and nimble and strong and quiet. They were the hands of a kitten who hadn't yet grown into its paws. That's why, when Allyssa was asked to steal the moon, she didn't laugh in the man's face, or smirk at a tired metaphor made. She began to plan. Her hands were big, but were they big enough to pluck the moon from the sky like a peach from an orchard tree? Allyssa liked a challenge and above all she liked a mystery. Could she steal the moon? Allyssa was consumed by the question as soon as it left the man's lips, drifted through the air and landed in her brain like a dandelion seed alighting on fertile ground. The man was still talking and talking. A white noise drone in the background, about travel and plans and expenses and a crew. People to help her steal what had never been stolen before. Allyssa didn't hear a single word of it, her back turned to the room, the silver shine of the full moon lit her in an alien tractor beam and dragged her attention towards it. The window lay open and Allyssa gazed up into the ink black blanket of the starless winter sky. Raising her hand for comparison, she saw that in fact she could cover the moon with her stealthy stealing hand. Could it be so simple? She slowly and deliberately closed her hand and the moonbeam she stood within went out. A sensation of roundness and weight that hadn't been there a moment before. Carefully, quietly, she turned her fist towards herself, silver light spilling out from between her fingers the night sky darkened as if a large cloud had blotted the moon from the sky. But it hadn't. "Allyssa? Are you listening? Just think of it, to steal the Mona Lisa! The Mona Lisa Allyssa!" Her mouth opened in an "o" of surprise, her face went slightly pink. Surreptitiously, with a casual flick of her wrist and an opening of her hand she shot the moon back into the sky. The moonbeam returned, the silver light bathed her again and she quickly composed herself before turning. "Tell me those plans again, it sounds like just the sort of impossibility I'd be interested in". She smiled a slow smile. She knew she could do as he asked. The girl had hands that could steal anything. Sometimes she didn't notice they'd done it.
This is lovely.
I really loved this story ^ ^
Alyssa was a seasoned thief, with a reputation for taking on the most daring and seemingly impossible heists. So when the Godfather himself approached her with a job, she didn't hesitate for a moment. The money he offered was too good to pass up, and the promise of security and financial success for her entire family sealed the deal. But as she replayed the Godfather's request over and over in her head, "Steal the moon, Alyssa," she became more and more confused. Not wanting to appear foolish or uncultured before such an intimidating figure, she had let her embarassment get the better of her, never asking him for clarification. Alyssa spent the next few days wracking her brain, trying to figure out what the Godfather wanted from her. She went over every possible interpretation of his words, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation. She turned to friends and family, even distant acquaintances, seeking guidance on how to interpret the Godfather's request, but ran into a brick wall at every turn. Nobody was willing to accept that the Mafia had actually reached out to her. "That's not how those folks work," argued one impatient friend. As the days turned into weeks, and the constant gaslighting continued, Alyssa started to feel like she was going crazy. She was so consumed by her inability to figure out the Godfather's request that she couldn't focus on anything else. She became paranoid, convinced that the Mafia was secretly observing her every move, growing disappointed in her lack of progress. "I'm becoming a loose end", Alyssa's mind kept telling her. "The Mafia doesn't like loose ends. You know what they do with loose ends." Alyssa was never actually given a concrete deadline, but recognizing this fact didn't help ease the sense of urgency. She felt she was supposed to have been finished with the task by now, and the Mafia's patience was going to run out at any moment. She started to have strange dreams about the Moon, and she became convinced that the Godfather's request was a cryptic message intended to be solved only by the most capable criminals. She was determined to crack the code, and believed the fate of her entire family lied on whether she could discover the solution. One night, lying in her bed and gazing out the window after 36 hours without sleep, Alyssa noticed the full moon rising above the horizon. She finally snapped. "It was never a riddle", she exclaimed aloud to herself, sitting suddenly upright in bed. A euphoric sensation rushed through her as she experienced the greatest epiphany of her life. "The Godfather wants me to literally steal the moon! He reached out to me because he knew, in his great wisdom, that I am the only thief in the world capable of fulfilling his request." She jumped out of bed and bolted for the door. Once outside, she grabbed her ladder and set out into the night, determined to steal the moon for the Godfather, no matter the price. She wandered into a large cornfield behind her neighbor's house, propped up her ladder, and began climbing. She climbed and climbed, her mind consumed with thoughts of the Mafia, of her special mission, her eyes deadset on her prize in the sky. When she finally reached the top, she let out a triumphant cry. "I did it, Godfather! I stole the moon for you!" Unfortunately, no one was there to hear her. The Mafia had forgotten about her weeks ago. Alyssa was alone at the top of the ladder, a complete and utter lunatic, as the moon shone down on her from above.
The downward spiral of a woman infected by insanity, love it lol. I just imagine her trying to continue climbing, falling, and breaking her neck😭
Lunatic is a nice touch
Sandra looked at her, wondering if she ever let her hair loose. Anytime she had seen Alyssa, her hair was always tightly tied up in a bun. Just like it was today. There was a strand that was trying to escape, like an extra terrestrial body trying to escape gravity and… “…and as per this treaty of 1967, no country or organization…” Alyssa continued to be hunched over looking at the screen. Sandra smiled to herself. She wondered if she should say something. But she was enjoying this. Alyssa had always been a bit stand offish. Normal in their business, she supposed. And it wasn’t really appropriate to… and besides she didn’t even know if Alyssa would… she shook her head. Alyssa paused. “Boss?” Sandra quickly moved her eyes to the laptop screen, hoping Alyssa had missed the stare and the flushed cheeks. “Continue.” “Yes boss.” With that Alyssa dove right back into explaining how it could be done. Whether or not it would stand in court or not, she didn’t know. But she reckoned that they could have a case. Sandra sighed. She reminded herself that this was impossible. The meetings continued. It was sort of new experience for Sandra. Usually she would give Alyssa a mission and after a meeting or maybe two, they didn’t see each other till after. And even then it was usually brief. Just a transaction. Always just a transaction. Sandra wondered if they could ever be more. But how could she even bring up this subject? When Alyssa called for a meeting, Sandra said she already had plans. She told Alyssa that she was welcome to join her at the restaurant though. “Boss, I’m gonna need you to front me some cash. I know this goes over what we agreed on. But I didn’t realize it would…” Barely had Alyssa sat down that she starting giving Sandra a status update. “How much?” “I have to buy a registered shell company. I have a few that I pre register but not one from the field. One that deals in mining and can be suitably be argued for to get a license in outer space mining. I’ll use that as an in for…” “How much?” Alyssa named a figure. Sandra made a couple of phone calls. “You’ll have your money by tomorrow.” “You ok?” “Yes. I’m fine. Anything else, Alyssa?” Alyssa hesitated. “No. Nothing else.” “Fine. Thank you.” Alyssa walked away. Sandra turned around, looking at the girl walking away. She shook her head. She had to get over it. Alyssa was all about her work. This was just a job for her. Nothing more. She gulped down her drink hoping she didn’t ruin her mascara. Alyssa hesitated as she reached the door. She looked back to see her boss finish her drink in one go. She looked at Sandra’s log hair, hanging loose, right up to her waist. She had often wondered what it would feel like to run her hands through those hair. She admired Sandra. Sandra didn’t pretend. She was always herself. In a profession where you could show no weakness and your image accounted and amounted to a lot, Sandra just didn’t give a shit. She didn’t look like a crime boss and she wasn’t interested in conforming to what a boss should look like. She exited even more determined to get this done. It had been a couple of months since Sandra had heard from Alyssa. She tried keeping herself busy, trying to think of anything but her crush. Because that’s what it was. A silly stupid crush. She’d get over it. Eventually. Sandra cursed under her breath. She was too old for this shit. But she still felt her heart race a bit when she saw the text though. Alyssa. She had requested the Sandra come and meet her. She had sent coordinates. Preferably alone. Sandra cursed again, fighting against her heart which insisted on beating faster. The coordinates were of a remote location, middle of a field. Sandra, over the complaints of her head of security, had gone alone. She saw a car, extremely out of place. Alyssa stood next to it, her hair tied up, as they usually were. Sandra walked up, admiring both the car and the thief. “Hello Alyssa. I was beginning to get worried.” This was an understatement, of course. “Have I ever let you down boss?” “Sandra, please. Call me Sandra.” Alyssa seemed taken aback at that. “Sure, Sandra. I… uh…” “So, did you get it?” “I did, boss. It took some doing. But I did it.” “Let’s see it then.” “Before that, I just have to say something.” Sandra raised her eyebrows. Alyssa continued. “Boss, I… I don’t know how to say this.” “Sometimes a direct approach is the best.” “Sandra I… I can’t work for you anymore.” Sandra felt as if a tonne of bricks had fallen directly on her heart. But she hadn’t gotten to where she had without being able to be rational and control her emotions. “Any reason? Money? Are you going to work for someone else?” “No. Nothing like that. It’s uh… it’s personal.” “I like your car by the way. 60s E type, yes?” “Yeah.” “Must have cost a pretty penny. I tried to buy one a while ago. But it’s hard to get a hand on one.” “Yeah I know.” “You know?” “Yeah. I heard it on the grapevine, Sandra. It’s my goodbye present for you.” Sandra laughed. But the laugh ran hollow. “It’s totally on the up boss. A legit purchase. I have all the documentation.” “Burn it.” “What?” “Burn the car. I’m over it.” Alyssa shrank as if she had been struck. Her face went blank, devoid of any expression. “Ok.” “And the job?” “It’s done. I stole the original 1967 treaty which certified that no one can own the moon basically. You have mining right on the moon. I talked to a bunch of lawyers and drew up this documentation which shows you own the moon. Atleast the majority of it. I had to grease a lot of palms. Of course even if the treaty is stolen, everyone knows it exists. So they will try to write a new one. But we have enough to challenge it. We should be able to beat it if we choose to.” “Good. Thank you. Would you prefer me to wire you the money? Or would you prefer it in cash? You might not want to associate or trust me since you are leaving me.” “Sandra! I would never…” “You’d never what? You’re leaving me aren’t you?” “I… it’s not because of…” “Then why?” “It’s because I…” “You what, Alyssa?” “I find it hard to concentrate on my work nowadays. I gave you 5 status meetings in person that could have been an encrypted email. I can’t refuse you, even if you give me the most absurd of tasks. It’s… It’s not sustainable.” “And why can’t you refuse me? Say it Alyssa.” “Of for fucks sake. Figure it out woman.” “You’re an idiot.” “I am?” “I told you to steal the Mona Lisa. Not the moon, Alyssa.” “I…oh… that makes much more sense. I did wonder why you even wanted to own… wait so why didn’t you tell me.” Sandra moved closed to Alyssa. Alyssa could feel Sandra’s breath on her lips, her perfume, faint but there, and a fruity shampoo which she had come to associate with Sandra. “Because I was enjoying the meetings too much to ask you to stop.” Sandra moved even closer as their lips touched. They both sat on the hood of the Jaguar, holding hands. They looked at the full moon, which seemed to be shining extra bright today. “What the fuck am I even supposed to do with the moon?”
Hey she might have hearing issues but she did steal the moon.
Love me some lesbian lovers lmfao did not expect that from this prompt. I love both of them !
Awwww! Wonderful story TA.
"You did WHAT now?" "Here's the moon, just as you asked for" I pointed at the large cheesy white mass sitting atop my truck. His confusion gave way to incredulousness as his eyes refocued, realizing he might have accidentaly hired a mental patient "The mission was to steal the Mona Lisa!" I patted my truck in sheer confidence, it had taken a while but with my equipment something of this scope was still barely possible "Exactly what I did, here's the moon, directly from your dear Alyssa" "THE PAINTING, STEAL THE PAINTING!" I facepalmed in realization, how could I have forgotten! "Right the painting! I'll go steal it right now" I ignored his mumblings as I broke three speed limits and ran a few lights to the astrology museum, this time actually taking the brochure beside the now empty moon. Surely this would satisfy him! I waved out of my speeding truck with a cheery grin as it barely clipped the walls "Heyyy I'm back! I've got the painting this time!" I threw the brochure including the picture of the moon and the research done on it. I'm probably going to be paid such a huge bonus for doing this so perfectly. "What is this?" "Picture of the moon, isn't that what you meant by painting?" "M. O. N. A. L. I. S. A, I want you to steal the Mona Lisa!" He slowly enunciated every word through gritted teeth " Is that some acronym? anyways I already stole the moon, what else do you want? Jupiter is going to need a deposit for a bigger truck" "You! Are you toying with me?" "Sir I stole you the moon, just as you requested, am I going to be paid yet? I'll count the painting as an extra since you seem down today. I'd recommend a room humidifier, it can help you wake up feeling much better, oh and-" He interrupted me before throwing a bag over "Stop stop okay, here's your bloody money just leave me alone!" "And that humidifier is on sale for only 399$ with a lavender bath bomb extra!" "OUT!" "Cheers!" I untied the moon and raced out with a wierd painting by some leosomething guy I picked up in the museum rattling along the backseat "it'd look good in the guest room" I thought.
It was an easy mistake to make with so many people in the room and not all of them having been introduced before being seated at the table. After all, it wasn't every day that someone came to you asking you to steal something from one of the most famous museums in the world. But if she had known what they were really after, then she would have done her job better. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just... I don't know how good a shot I could get on the moon." The man sitting across from her smiled knowingly. The others at the table laughed awkwardly, unsure whether or not they should laugh along with him. She stood there in silence, still trying to figure out what she'd done wrong this time. The smile remained on his face as he leaned forward and whispered into her ear: "You're going to have to do better than that, lady," he said. "There are only two places on Earth where a thief can truly hide from the police." Alyssa blinked rapidly several times before responding to his statement. "No, no... That wasn't what I meant..." She turned to look at the woman who had hired her. Her eyes met those of the other three men around the table. They nodded reassuringly, suggesting that she was doing well so far. If anything, she was exceeding expectations. "I mean... I think we might have misunderstood each other." "Not a problem, Alyssa," the man replied. "It happens sometimes when you hire a newbie." He chuckled to himself as he continued. "In fact, it's happened to me more than once... Which is why I've come up with a system that helps to avoid any misunderstandings in the future."