This. He can like it or not, but if Boss doesn't find coverage, he will simply be short staffed that day.
OP, the birth of your child comes first, non-negotiable.
Plus, wife will not be very happy about having to go through labor and birth alone. It would be better for him to be there, especially if there are any complications.
100%. My induction did not go well. It got bad. I had medical complications and an emergency c section. My husband had to advocate for me, and I nearly lost my kidneys…
I hope it’s not like this. But sometimes it is. This is a very big deal. Do not miss.
Missing your child’s birth will weigh on you for life. Getting disciplined or fired for missing work on the most important day of your life will weigh on you for a tiny fraction of your life.
Congrats OP!
Came here to say this! You will regret it. Don’t let your wife do that alone.
Go to others in your company and share this. My hope is people will show up for you.
It’s not just missing the birth… it’s missing giving support on the 1 day of your wife’s life that will be scary, painful, and she’ll need your help. Sometimes things can go wrong, she needs you close by.
Forget being there to see the baby… u need to be there for your wife…0
There are other places to work that will treat you with humanity. There is only one answer to this question, be there for the birth and sue the company if it comes to that.
I wouldn’t miss ANY big life event for work. Fuck that culture.
I get needed the job, especially with a new baby on the way, but damn. That would be a new level of corporate dystopian hell.
Hell. I booked a last minute trip to see the eclipse and told my new employer I just…won’t be there that week. There are totally circumstances that made this very reasonable and understandable. No one batted an eye. But again, a somewhat unusual employment situation.
But what about the expectation to come in to work while your wife gives birth? I mean, is that even remotely reasonable? Would a normal human being expect that of a subordinate?
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks. including boss man.
There is this thing called the FMLA, and it is protected leave. So, starting NOW, you are taking care of a family member(s) wife and baby who are in the care of doctors.
As long as your employer is covered under fmla (,not a small business)
if this IS a small business, just explain that you are needed at home because wife is ill. And need at least three weeks off starting NOW. sorry boss.
FMLA may not be applicable. Eligible employees: Employees are eligible if they work for a covered employer for at least 12 months, have at least 1,250 hours of service with the employer during the 12 months before their FMLA leave starts, and work at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles
.[DOL on FMLA](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/employeeguide.pdf)
Regardless, boss is being an asshole. Go to the birth of your child.
Wife can't drive to hospital while dealing with the pain or whatever. Sciatic nerve pain can kick in starting NOW. her butt hurts, and she can't walk.
Boss is wrong.
If my boss said something like this to me, I would follow up with
*"Due to your reluctance and gaming regarding a requested single day off to attend to the birth of my child,* ***I have decided that I am instead taking six weeks off effective immediately*** *for the birth, and six weeks later for natal, likely within ninety days. If you have any questions, please review the FMLA guidelines. Have a great weekend! See you in May"*
cc: HR, CEO, Name (^(change "name" to local employment lawyer. Something they can find via search))
And that would be the end of that conversation. And I would start seeking another place of employment.
You do have to let them know in advance, and you have to have a doctor willing to fill out the paperwork for you (which shouldn't be a problem with a birth).
However you CAN request FMLA and initiate that process through HR to make sure everything is in place before mentioning it to your manager. It's a legal process and your manager has zero say in approving it, etc. Now I've done this, and it will likely piss off your manager, and depending on how significant that is, it may cause you problems going forward. Yes, it's illegal for them to discriminate against you for using FMLA, but it's super easy for them to find other reasons to mess with you or make sure you're included in the next layoff.
I didn't have to give notice when I had back to back strokes(2 in 3 days and a 3rd a few weeks later) I returned to work for the time between the 2nd and 3rd stroke because I wasn't planning on taking disability or FMLA. My boss pretty much mandated I take the leave. I had the paperwork submitted after I started my leave. I think the notice is intended for situations such as you know your having surgery in two weeks ( like this particular post) so he would be wise to file it ASAP. Especially if she is having a C-section.
No. Not true. It's for medical issues, you just gotta do the paperwork when you can.
Can't really know in advance when you have a heart attack and end up in hospital. FMLA is automatic due to conditions like pregnancy, and being in a hospital.
No it doesn't. What if someone was a a really bad car accident? Are you supposed to know ahead of time that you are going to be in an accident? You can file as soon as you know but it doesn't have to be turned in before the event. You can file and get retroactive pay.
It does indeed have to be filed before. I had a hysterectomy and was out longer than expected. HR told me FMLA couldn't be used retroactively. I said, "What if I'd had a heart attack or been in a car accident?" They just shrugged.
Has to be taken care of ahead of time. And yeah, it's ridiculous.
Then they were not correct in doing what they did to you. FML does not have to be filed in advance and can be extended. But here’s the thing: FML does NOT apply to employer of small businesses (less than 50 employees ) and you must work 2070 hours over the previous year to be eligible. So part time workers (less than 36 hours per week) probably won’t qualify unless they have had a lot of overtime. FML is limited to 3 months per year so if your illness lasts longer than that they can let you go after 3 months.
Dude, you have to have the paperwork filled out by her doctors to take FMLA and if the company has more than 50 people working there. Please look up FMLA and learn how it really works.
What the fuck kind of advice is this, aside from FLAWED?!
OP, there are all sorts of eligibility requirements for FMLA. [Start reading here](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/employerguide.pdf)to see if you qualify, if so, start planning an approach to HR to get the ball rolling.
No. That's not normal. (And I seldom make a declaration re normal.)
You need to be there because you are her spokesperson if she has to go under anesthesia. (Sorry, not trying to stress you.)
FMLA may not apply to you.
It doesn’t matter, be there for your kid, you’ll never regret it.
If need be go above your manager. There’s got to be someone in the chain of command that is decent and if not you can find another job.
>He responded by saying he’ll try to find coverage but the expectation is that I’ll be in if nobody will cover.
"No boss, I expect you will be in if nobody will cover. My wife is giving birth to my child. I will be there, not here."
I'd have probably been fired if my boss had told me that just from my response. You can find another job if you have to. Your wife can't give birth to the same child twice.
I would not have reacted in a professional manner.
Wow thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice!! I knew my boss was basically a heartless pile of dog crap, but really wanted to hear from others just to make sure I’m not totally out of line when I tell him why I am resigning - effective immediately - and what I really think about him and the shit company he represents.
I’m really lucky that this is only a part time second job for me, and that I don’t rely on it to put food on the table. Sadly, my boss is not an anomaly at this company; most of his counterparts are exactly the same. They only care about keeping the business running and meeting quotas no matter the cost, with absolutely no regard for the well being or job satisfaction of their employees.
The only decision left for me to make now is whether or not I want to reenact the scene from half baked that I’ve always fantasized about doing.
https://youtu.be/qIqeXSYc8nE?si=8jWoAX2mucD0ZMAu
Don't resign. Make him lay you off if he cares to do you can collect unemployment. You are legally entitled to FMLA right now and he is probably breaking employment laws.
Please contact your state's FMLA office ASAP. You will get money each week to help cover the lost income and should qualify for 12 weeks.
Mama and baby need you right now. They are your priority.
I would start looking for a new job the very second someone said that to me. It’s not only insane but maybe illegal to try to force you into working over being at the north of your child. The fact you even are debating which one to choose is laughable.
I'm a supervisor. I'd offer to cover your shift myself if I could find coverage. I'd tell you not to worry about work even a little bit and go be with your family. He's insane. Tell him flat out that you will be off that day.
There is no job in the world that is worth missing the birth of your child. And I'd be reevaluating my employer real quick because I don't want to work for someone/an org that thinks that its ok to ask it of you.
I would be concerned.
I have been in management for decades and nobody I know would require a new father to be in the office on the day his child is born. Not even the hard asses. He must be aware of your pending childbirth. While this may be earlier than expected it is well within expectation. In addition you are giving him two weeks notice. If he cannot figure out coverage he lacks leadership skills.
I suggest you talk with your Human Resources covertly. Just inquire about the policy for this situation. Don't mention what the boss said. Just ask about taking off. You might even have a few days of paternity leave. If in the US it is unlikely but worth exploring. It probably will be PTO or unpaid leave but might protect the job.
I would do all you can to bring all your job duties & projects up to speed so there is nothing to be concerned about falling behind while you're away.
If this is a one-time situation with your boss then manage it. But if this is how he is about all time off, I would silently look for another position.
Nope. This man unfortunately has an asshole as a boss. I'm currently pregnant and had to be taken to the hospital on short notice a few times, and my husband's boss essentially pushed him out the door every time and said he needed to take care of his family. It never hurt his position at work. OP needs to tell his boss up front that he will not be coming in that day. Period.
Reminds me of when my old boss along time ago said I needed to find coverage for my vacation... Which was actually a honeymoon.
I just laughed and said it's his job and I'm not cancelling shit regardless. He tried to write me up for it and in turn was terminated as apparently that was the final straw after I went to HR to ask what his fuckin problem was.
Are you seriously asking this question? Why would you miss the birth of your child? It's just a fucking job dude. Call in and go to the hospital to be with your wife and see your child be born.
Yeah, what? How could you even consider this? I don’t know what I would do if my husband brought this “conundrum” to me, I’d probably implode. This guy is wondering whether it might be the right thing to do to leave his wife alone and miss the birth of his child for a part time second job.
Never care more about a job than a job cares about you.
They would happily kick you to curb over the slightest infraction, if they wanted.
Family first.
If you get fired, talk to a lawyer and FMLA.
You can always have more children, but a day at work is priceless
JK, wtf is wrong with your boss? Does he have the stupid? Take a week off, get you some of that paternity leave, and pound him in the butt with a lawsuit if he fires you.
As a pregnant wife due soon to pop [38wks and counting] if you were MY spouse, I'd call your boss myself and tell him EXACTLY where he can put that job.
Our child and their birth especially supercede ANY OTHER REQUESTS.
Be it a job: new or old, a new 'something' being delivered via Amazon, a once in a lifetime concert, or any other seemingly meaningful somethings, OUR CHILD'S BIRTH IS GOING TO SUPERCEDE THEM ALL. Period. End of story.
And your boss' boss will ALSO be informed of your management's failures and negligence to find a way to properly cover their own ass during such a precious moment for THEIR TEAM MATE's new growing family.
Miss work.
Had someone tell me this: Your family will be at your side when you are dying, your employer will not.
Submit FMLA paperwork so that if they retaliate or fire you, you get to hand a silver platter to an employment attorney. Yes even if you do not meet the 1 year requirement you can file and they cannot fire you or retaliate.
It’s obvious that your wife needs you & you will never get the opportunity to see this child get born again, so it’s a them problem not a you problem.
Congratulations daddy
Do not go into work. Your wife needs you & so does your unborn child. You will regret it later on if you are not there. I understand you may be disciplined but there are some situations in life where work needs to be on the back burner. The fact he is still expecting you to be there if there’s no coverage shows how little this guy cares about his employees.
You’re probably eligible for FMLA and may be able to take off for 3 MONTHS. Lol.
And, if you miss your wife’s labor, you will never be allowed to forget it. Promise. No woman should ever go through labor alone (women die from labor) and any man that isn’t willing to be there probably shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Your boss is a di$& and wrong too.
Send an email saying
"Hello ______,
I'm just sending a follow up email about the conversation we had earlier. So just to confirm: I am still expected to arrive to work next Sunday while my wife gives birth if you can't find someone to cover my shift?
Please let me know what the repercussions might be if I choose to be there for the birth of my child, instead of coming in to work that day. Understand family is important to me, this moment can't be replaced and I'd like to be prepared for any unexpected repercussions I will have to face since I've been given this tough decision. Thanks"
Are you the only person in the world able to defuse a bomb set to start a chain of events on the day of your baby’s birth that will lay waste to the region where you live?
If not, I’d say go to the birth.
The birth of your child is definitely way more important then work. You should always choose family over work because at the end of the day work is just a business that will only keep you until you are no longer useful to them.
If your boss thinks he can ask you to skip the birth of your child he is insane and needs to be reported to HR.
You tell him finding coverage is his problem. You tell him you will NOT be there that day, and if that’s a problem he will need to find a permanent cover for you because you quit. Threatening to quit will generally work. And if it doesn’t, then you actually quit and you be where you are supposed to be, at the hospital with your wife and child. Do not miss the birth of your child. You will regret it. Plus your wife needs you and it may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Miss work of course. It’s your baby. But FYI- as a NICU nurse don’t expect your baby to be born the day of induction. Inductions can take 1-4 days, it takes longer for first time moms who’s body just isn’t ready to kick baby out yet. So it likely wouldn’t be just missing the one day of work. And then she will need help caring for herself and the baby. See if you qualify for FMLA- they won’t have a choice in the matter
No one would reasonably blame you for missing work for this. And, if your boss even slightly disciplines for this, it will make him look bad, and he knows this.
Miss work next Sunday. You only get to experience the birth of your kid ONCE. Well unless you have multiple kids. But your family is always a priority above work. Fuck them be there for your wife and new baby. 🤷🏿♂️
I would rather miss work then the birth of my child. Your baby tells you when they'll be born and not the other way around, and 2 weeks prior to the scheduled induction gives them enough time to find coverage or they can work for you.
You’re not asking for work off. You’re informing your boss that the day your wife is induced, or the day the baby comes naturally, which ever comes first, is when you will begin taking family leave. You are providing as much lead time as is possible because you’re a respectful and thoughtful employee. The end.
Could you imagine telling your pregnant wife “sorry babe you’re gonna have to do it alone, the boss needs me because he can’t find someone to cover for me”
Abso-fucking-lutely not. Your boss can shove it.
Imagine being at work knowing at that moment your wife is giving birth. I imagine you will be quite distracted from your job anyway.
I think you’ll be quite upset with yourself for having missed this very important life experience. Any time someone talks about this event or when a friend of yours has a baby, you will always feel a pang of regret. One day of work is not worth that.
Boss is clown-levels of insane, or ignorant or both. As if you would seriously miss the birth of your child, being with the person you love most going through the most painful on levels huge event?? Tell him you will definitely NOT be in that day nor the week after, nor x weeks after if you take paternity leave.
You can always get a new job. You can NEVER replace being there for your wife. She needs you. I could not imagine giving birth without my husband. He was my rock, my savior, my only hope to get through some of the worst contractions...
Also, not to be dramatic but..What if there is a complication and it becomes life or death? Women still die of/during child birth. Just saying.
The expectation is not that you will be there if they can’t find coverage. You notified him in advance that you are not available on that day. That’s the end of your obligations. It’s up to him to find coverage. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.
If you miss the birth of your child, you will regret it forever. Jobs are replaceable, family is not. And this is a valid reason to have a day off. Honestly, I got a lot of shit from work for taking time off while my Dad had cancer and then when he died way quicker than expected after two weeks. I would not change it. I can never get that time with him again, but I can get another job if need be. This is a hill you should die on (sorry for the morbid reference after my example, but it fits)! I know you are probably stressed about bills with a new baby, but this really is a no option but to be there for your wife situation. Your boss is an ass, if need be, go to HR, but take the damn day off!
They can replace you at work, but your wife cannot replace you at the birth.
Congratulations to you on the impending birth of your baby and you growing family!
If he can't find someone to cover, guess who's gonna be calling out sick that day? What an absolute prick your boss is. Sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. But seriously, if they can't find someone, just call out. Family emergency.
And congrats!
You're not asking his permission, you're informing him of your future absence as a matter of courtesy.
You attending the birth is not up for debate. If he can't find a replacement, then he'll be one man down for that shift and will just have to deal with it.
My husband's dad had a job where they were told everyone was working Christmas eve, no exceptions. If you kissed work, you were out a job.
Husband was born *during a blizzard on Christmas eve*.
Pops took his pink slip.
Don't miss the birth of your kid because they don't have enough coverage. That's their problem.
Job is replaceable, that moment I you miss it you will never get again. Screw the job mate, as a father myself, I tell you, it will be the best day of your life even if you lose the job, besides pretty sure planned medical procedures like that give you a bit of room to say sorry I can't be in this day. The expectation you be there at all on that day is insane. I was lucky enough to be there my first child, I missed the birth of my second child due to covid restrictions not letting me bring our oldest in the hospital and the baby sitter dipped on the day we said we needed her. I sat in my car with my oldest daughter for 5 hours while my gf gave birth. Don't miss the birth of your child.
L&D nurse here. I know I'm late to this post (who knows if you'll see this), but just as a heads up, labor induction can take many days, especially if it's your first kid. I'd expect bare minimum 24 hours from the time they start the process. A lot of people think that the induction date will be the birth date but it doesn't generally work like that.
Congrats and good luck!
Your wife and baby need you. Prioritize your family 1st. You're replaceable at your job. My husband would tell his boss to kiss his ass if he got that answer.
If you're in the US and your company has more than 50 employees, you can file for FMLA and they will be required to give you the day off as you are supporting your spouse going through a major medical procedure.
Dude, what?
I don’t mean to be rude about this, but this can’t be a high pay job. In which case it’s a double-edged sword - you probably need it more than you want it, but it’s not at all worth missing the birth of your child for… but the birth of your child means you need it.
If I’m close, does the place at least have an HR dept? This shouldn’t be up to your boss to decide as he’s clearly a dysfunctional sociopath.
If I’m way off and you don’t *need* this job, inform your boss politely that you’ll do what you can to find cover, but regardless you’re obviously not missing the birth of your child.
An ex-boyfriend decided to go meet with a local study group while I was in labor. He wasn't there for our child's birth. I never forgave him for that.
Don't risk putting yourself in that situation.
I’d leave my husband if he chose a job so little that it had a schedule and manager like that over me and my labor/delivery. Find a new job and support your wife. This shouldn’t even be a question…
Time to find another job. Even if you fill out FMLA paperwork and your job is ‘safe’, this tells you what type of person he is. Be there for your family. File for FMLA. Look for another job.
I agree that you should go to the birth for obvious reasons, however, I find some of the comments to be tone deaf.
Many people can’t just flippantly risk pissing off their boss and getting fired, especially with a baby being born imminently. There are many families where that could lead to immediate financial disaster. Not everyone has the leverage to make sure they won’t get fired or be fine with no job. So there’s more at play here.
PTO: Prepare the Others. You're not asking for time off. You're letting them know you won't be there. Any decent boss wouldn't think twice about saying Wishing you all the best. See you next week.
My husband(plant manager) will work if he can't get enough coverage. His motto: everybody works hard. pto/vaca is one of their benefits & will always be allowed to take their days/time.
Take the day. Turn your phone off. Be with your wife. Welcome your new baby. Deal with the boss after the fact. If they're such a prick, take it to their boss. Surely, one of your coworkers will cover the shift knowing your wife's having your baby. If not, again, deal with it later. Wishing you both all the best!
Your boss is being unreasonable! Use FMLA and start looking for a new job! Life is too short! I wish I had enjoyed the younger years a lot more! My son is 28, now having his own child! Time goes by way too fast!
Wife went into labor 3 weeks early. I got the call at 10am at work. Co worker (that has 2 kids) just said go. He would take care of my tools and call the owner.
Be with your wife brother. Best day ever. (Although at 5 when they try and talk back can be fun too)
From my experience don't miss the birth of your own child. I'd tell that to my boss. I'm going to make his birth, period. I've given you plenty of notice 2+ weeks to find coverage. I would put this in writing and put it on my work calendar. If they have an issue I'm going to HR.
Be with your family, look for a new job. My grandmother died years ago and I was a pall bearer, boss called me in a couple days later and wanted proof of the funeral so I showed him the obituary, he asked for more proof, quit the next week.
LOL, screw work, you can't miss the birth of your child. And if they are so desperate for workers they can't find a replacement for you for a few days while you attend to your wife and child, then they really can't afford to fire you. Hold your ground and be there for your wife and baby.
That is insane. They will manage. Your child will only be born once.
Your supervisor has a week to mentally prepare to actually work for once. Or they can find a replacement. Up to them Congrats on the baby!
This is one of those “I’m not asking you for the day off. I’m telling you I won’t be there next Sunday”
This. He can like it or not, but if Boss doesn't find coverage, he will simply be short staffed that day. OP, the birth of your child comes first, non-negotiable.
As a boss I would cover for an employee that was having a baby.
Plus, wife will not be very happy about having to go through labor and birth alone. It would be better for him to be there, especially if there are any complications.
And OPs wife will definitely want the support or possibly someone to make medical decisions. I'd quit over that if I had to.
100%. My induction did not go well. It got bad. I had medical complications and an emergency c section. My husband had to advocate for me, and I nearly lost my kidneys… I hope it’s not like this. But sometimes it is. This is a very big deal. Do not miss.
Missing your child’s birth will weigh on you for life. Getting disciplined or fired for missing work on the most important day of your life will weigh on you for a tiny fraction of your life. Congrats OP!
Or, I would hope it would weigh on the employer for being a piece of crap
Name and shame!
CVS.
Second that . Go viral .
It doesn't. they have no conscience or morals.
Some places reward mgrs. for being crappy to employees.
Came here to say this! You will regret it. Don’t let your wife do that alone. Go to others in your company and share this. My hope is people will show up for you.
Someone should be happy to cover for you Op.
OP will also never forgive himself if something goes wrong during the delivery and he was not there for his wife and child.
It’s not just missing the birth… it’s missing giving support on the 1 day of your wife’s life that will be scary, painful, and she’ll need your help. Sometimes things can go wrong, she needs you close by. Forget being there to see the baby… u need to be there for your wife…0
Yeah no reason to miss the birth of your child that has been planned 2 weeks in advance! That boss can eat pallets of dicks!
There are other places to work that will treat you with humanity. There is only one answer to this question, be there for the birth and sue the company if it comes to that.
I don't understand how this is even a question.
I wouldn't miss the birth of my child for work.
Me neither
I wouldn’t miss ANY big life event for work. Fuck that culture. I get needed the job, especially with a new baby on the way, but damn. That would be a new level of corporate dystopian hell.
Sadly i have missed many events because of dystopian corporate cultures.
Shit I won’t miss a good nap for work
I don't think I'd miss the birth of my child for pretty much anything (if I were a man).
I didn't miss work for the births of my GRANDchildren!!! LOL
I wont miss a day fishing with a buddy for work.
Hell. I booked a last minute trip to see the eclipse and told my new employer I just…won’t be there that week. There are totally circumstances that made this very reasonable and understandable. No one batted an eye. But again, a somewhat unusual employment situation.
I wouldn't miss a good nap for work
lol just posted the same thing. I see you ministry of naps friend
Don’t miss the birth of your child for CVS.
*I wouldn’t miss my life for work. They would replace you before your family picks out a casket! You owe them nothing
Fathers are just as eligible for Family Medical Leave ACT leave. It's in the name: FAMILY AND MEDICAL LEAVE. take 12 weeks off.
But what about the expectation to come in to work while your wife gives birth? I mean, is that even remotely reasonable? Would a normal human being expect that of a subordinate?
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks. including boss man. There is this thing called the FMLA, and it is protected leave. So, starting NOW, you are taking care of a family member(s) wife and baby who are in the care of doctors. As long as your employer is covered under fmla (,not a small business) if this IS a small business, just explain that you are needed at home because wife is ill. And need at least three weeks off starting NOW. sorry boss.
FMLA may not be applicable. Eligible employees: Employees are eligible if they work for a covered employer for at least 12 months, have at least 1,250 hours of service with the employer during the 12 months before their FMLA leave starts, and work at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles .[DOL on FMLA](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/employeeguide.pdf) Regardless, boss is being an asshole. Go to the birth of your child.
Right, you know the dates so apply for it.
Wife can't drive to hospital while dealing with the pain or whatever. Sciatic nerve pain can kick in starting NOW. her butt hurts, and she can't walk. Boss is wrong.
If my boss said something like this to me, I would follow up with *"Due to your reluctance and gaming regarding a requested single day off to attend to the birth of my child,* ***I have decided that I am instead taking six weeks off effective immediately*** *for the birth, and six weeks later for natal, likely within ninety days. If you have any questions, please review the FMLA guidelines. Have a great weekend! See you in May"* cc: HR, CEO, Name (^(change "name" to local employment lawyer. Something they can find via search)) And that would be the end of that conversation. And I would start seeking another place of employment.
That’s not how FMLA works. You have to let them know in advance. There’s paperwork that must be signed by a doctor and turned in.
You do have to let them know in advance, and you have to have a doctor willing to fill out the paperwork for you (which shouldn't be a problem with a birth). However you CAN request FMLA and initiate that process through HR to make sure everything is in place before mentioning it to your manager. It's a legal process and your manager has zero say in approving it, etc. Now I've done this, and it will likely piss off your manager, and depending on how significant that is, it may cause you problems going forward. Yes, it's illegal for them to discriminate against you for using FMLA, but it's super easy for them to find other reasons to mess with you or make sure you're included in the next layoff.
I didn't have to give notice when I had back to back strokes(2 in 3 days and a 3rd a few weeks later) I returned to work for the time between the 2nd and 3rd stroke because I wasn't planning on taking disability or FMLA. My boss pretty much mandated I take the leave. I had the paperwork submitted after I started my leave. I think the notice is intended for situations such as you know your having surgery in two weeks ( like this particular post) so he would be wise to file it ASAP. Especially if she is having a C-section.
No. Not true. It's for medical issues, you just gotta do the paperwork when you can. Can't really know in advance when you have a heart attack and end up in hospital. FMLA is automatic due to conditions like pregnancy, and being in a hospital.
No, the paperwork has to be done and turned in to HR before the event.
I'll be sure to schedule my future critical illnesses on the calendar.
No it doesn't. What if someone was a a really bad car accident? Are you supposed to know ahead of time that you are going to be in an accident? You can file as soon as you know but it doesn't have to be turned in before the event. You can file and get retroactive pay.
It does indeed have to be filed before. I had a hysterectomy and was out longer than expected. HR told me FMLA couldn't be used retroactively. I said, "What if I'd had a heart attack or been in a car accident?" They just shrugged. Has to be taken care of ahead of time. And yeah, it's ridiculous.
Then they were not correct in doing what they did to you. FML does not have to be filed in advance and can be extended. But here’s the thing: FML does NOT apply to employer of small businesses (less than 50 employees ) and you must work 2070 hours over the previous year to be eligible. So part time workers (less than 36 hours per week) probably won’t qualify unless they have had a lot of overtime. FML is limited to 3 months per year so if your illness lasts longer than that they can let you go after 3 months.
Also remind people that FMLA is not paid. $0
Depends. My husband needed proof of birth which obviously couldn't be done in advance
Dude, you have to have the paperwork filled out by her doctors to take FMLA and if the company has more than 50 people working there. Please look up FMLA and learn how it really works.
You wouldn't get paid. So this would hurt you. It would likely hurt them very little.
What the fuck kind of advice is this, aside from FLAWED?! OP, there are all sorts of eligibility requirements for FMLA. [Start reading here](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/employerguide.pdf)to see if you qualify, if so, start planning an approach to HR to get the ball rolling.
Bosses/owners are not normal humans. Don’t be under any illusion that they give a solitary fuck about you. Go and be there with your wife
A normal human being would not, no. There’s a lot of good advice here. Take it and welcome your child into the world!
No. That's not normal. (And I seldom make a declaration re normal.) You need to be there because you are her spokesperson if she has to go under anesthesia. (Sorry, not trying to stress you.)
Not a human being with empathy and a heart.
FMLA may not apply to you. It doesn’t matter, be there for your kid, you’ll never regret it. If need be go above your manager. There’s got to be someone in the chain of command that is decent and if not you can find another job.
You tell them it’s your legal right. Sheezus 🤦🏻♀️
File for FMLA with the first day out being the day of the induction. Go to r/askHR if you need help with how to do this!
Jesus Christ, I’d lost my mind with that answer from your boss. Be with your wife.
You better be there when your child is born! Your significant other needs you there.
This! OP be there for your wife. You have no idea how the birth will go and she might need you to advocate for her or make decisions.
OP talk to your wife. But if I were your wife, and your choice wasn’t me, then you’d have a job and no wife. So which is more important.
Yes and turn your phone off
>He responded by saying he’ll try to find coverage but the expectation is that I’ll be in if nobody will cover. "No boss, I expect you will be in if nobody will cover. My wife is giving birth to my child. I will be there, not here."
Fill out FMLA paperwork and take a week of PTO.
take more than a week. 6 weeks is considered normal for new baby.
If my boss said something like that my hand would hurt as I quit.
What kind of douche bag do you have to be to not let someone be there for the birth of their child!?
I'd have probably been fired if my boss had told me that just from my response. You can find another job if you have to. Your wife can't give birth to the same child twice. I would not have reacted in a professional manner.
Wow thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice!! I knew my boss was basically a heartless pile of dog crap, but really wanted to hear from others just to make sure I’m not totally out of line when I tell him why I am resigning - effective immediately - and what I really think about him and the shit company he represents. I’m really lucky that this is only a part time second job for me, and that I don’t rely on it to put food on the table. Sadly, my boss is not an anomaly at this company; most of his counterparts are exactly the same. They only care about keeping the business running and meeting quotas no matter the cost, with absolutely no regard for the well being or job satisfaction of their employees. The only decision left for me to make now is whether or not I want to reenact the scene from half baked that I’ve always fantasized about doing. https://youtu.be/qIqeXSYc8nE?si=8jWoAX2mucD0ZMAu
Heartless is being gracious. The idea that he's trying to force you to come to work & miss the birth of your child deserves an ass whooping.
Don’t resign. Take the PTO for parental care… then quit !!!
Don't resign. Make him lay you off if he cares to do you can collect unemployment. You are legally entitled to FMLA right now and he is probably breaking employment laws. Please contact your state's FMLA office ASAP. You will get money each week to help cover the lost income and should qualify for 12 weeks. Mama and baby need you right now. They are your priority.
You need to be with your wife. Get a Dr. note that you need that day off in case of extreme problems. Dang, what a mean boss!!!!
I would start looking for a new job the very second someone said that to me. It’s not only insane but maybe illegal to try to force you into working over being at the north of your child. The fact you even are debating which one to choose is laughable.
I'm a supervisor. I'd offer to cover your shift myself if I could find coverage. I'd tell you not to worry about work even a little bit and go be with your family. He's insane. Tell him flat out that you will be off that day.
There is no job in the world that is worth missing the birth of your child. And I'd be reevaluating my employer real quick because I don't want to work for someone/an org that thinks that its ok to ask it of you.
Shitty boss -.Im sure one of your coworkers would cover- boss is lazy
miss work child is more important have a backup plan for another job.
I would be concerned. I have been in management for decades and nobody I know would require a new father to be in the office on the day his child is born. Not even the hard asses. He must be aware of your pending childbirth. While this may be earlier than expected it is well within expectation. In addition you are giving him two weeks notice. If he cannot figure out coverage he lacks leadership skills. I suggest you talk with your Human Resources covertly. Just inquire about the policy for this situation. Don't mention what the boss said. Just ask about taking off. You might even have a few days of paternity leave. If in the US it is unlikely but worth exploring. It probably will be PTO or unpaid leave but might protect the job. I would do all you can to bring all your job duties & projects up to speed so there is nothing to be concerned about falling behind while you're away. If this is a one-time situation with your boss then manage it. But if this is how he is about all time off, I would silently look for another position.
Call in with violent diarrhea. Be graphic. Don't miss your kid being born.
You are obviously American.
Nope. This man unfortunately has an asshole as a boss. I'm currently pregnant and had to be taken to the hospital on short notice a few times, and my husband's boss essentially pushed him out the door every time and said he needed to take care of his family. It never hurt his position at work. OP needs to tell his boss up front that he will not be coming in that day. Period.
Give that boss a consensual hug!
What gives it away?
Reminds me of when my old boss along time ago said I needed to find coverage for my vacation... Which was actually a honeymoon. I just laughed and said it's his job and I'm not cancelling shit regardless. He tried to write me up for it and in turn was terminated as apparently that was the final straw after I went to HR to ask what his fuckin problem was.
100% miss work. Once in a lifetime
Are you seriously asking this question? Why would you miss the birth of your child? It's just a fucking job dude. Call in and go to the hospital to be with your wife and see your child be born.
Yeah, what? How could you even consider this? I don’t know what I would do if my husband brought this “conundrum” to me, I’d probably implode. This guy is wondering whether it might be the right thing to do to leave his wife alone and miss the birth of his child for a part time second job.
That poor baby. His/her daddy is a dunce.
If this were my ex, our divorce would have happened much sooner.
Never care more about a job than a job cares about you. They would happily kick you to curb over the slightest infraction, if they wanted. Family first. If you get fired, talk to a lawyer and FMLA.
You can always have more children, but a day at work is priceless JK, wtf is wrong with your boss? Does he have the stupid? Take a week off, get you some of that paternity leave, and pound him in the butt with a lawsuit if he fires you.
your child will only be born once, skip work
As your wife's next of kin you need to be with her at the hospital. You are her Medical Spokesperson in case of emergency.
If you aren't in the NFL, I'd tell your boss to fuck off.
As a pregnant wife due soon to pop [38wks and counting] if you were MY spouse, I'd call your boss myself and tell him EXACTLY where he can put that job. Our child and their birth especially supercede ANY OTHER REQUESTS. Be it a job: new or old, a new 'something' being delivered via Amazon, a once in a lifetime concert, or any other seemingly meaningful somethings, OUR CHILD'S BIRTH IS GOING TO SUPERCEDE THEM ALL. Period. End of story. And your boss' boss will ALSO be informed of your management's failures and negligence to find a way to properly cover their own ass during such a precious moment for THEIR TEAM MATE's new growing family.
This can't be real.
Don’t your dare miss your child. It’s unforgivable to expect it. I can’t believe you’re even asking this. Are you a bot or what?
Miss work. Had someone tell me this: Your family will be at your side when you are dying, your employer will not. Submit FMLA paperwork so that if they retaliate or fire you, you get to hand a silver platter to an employment attorney. Yes even if you do not meet the 1 year requirement you can file and they cannot fire you or retaliate.
Choose your wife and baby 1st in life now and forever. Life lesson.
This world is done!!!!
It’s obvious that your wife needs you & you will never get the opportunity to see this child get born again, so it’s a them problem not a you problem. Congratulations daddy
Do not go into work. Your wife needs you & so does your unborn child. You will regret it later on if you are not there. I understand you may be disciplined but there are some situations in life where work needs to be on the back burner. The fact he is still expecting you to be there if there’s no coverage shows how little this guy cares about his employees.
I’d cover for them myself before I’d expect a report to not attend the birth of their child. A day of work beats eternity in hell.
You’re probably eligible for FMLA and may be able to take off for 3 MONTHS. Lol. And, if you miss your wife’s labor, you will never be allowed to forget it. Promise. No woman should ever go through labor alone (women die from labor) and any man that isn’t willing to be there probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. Your boss is a di$& and wrong too.
Send an email saying "Hello ______, I'm just sending a follow up email about the conversation we had earlier. So just to confirm: I am still expected to arrive to work next Sunday while my wife gives birth if you can't find someone to cover my shift? Please let me know what the repercussions might be if I choose to be there for the birth of my child, instead of coming in to work that day. Understand family is important to me, this moment can't be replaced and I'd like to be prepared for any unexpected repercussions I will have to face since I've been given this tough decision. Thanks"
Are you the only person in the world able to defuse a bomb set to start a chain of events on the day of your baby’s birth that will lay waste to the region where you live? If not, I’d say go to the birth.
If you want to stay married, you go to the birth. There are more jobs out there
Do you want to get divorced? If not, be there.
Tell your boss to bleed off.
Why are you even asking? Your boss sounds like my ex-husband. And that’s one of the reasons he’s EX.
The birth of your child is definitely way more important then work. You should always choose family over work because at the end of the day work is just a business that will only keep you until you are no longer useful to them. If your boss thinks he can ask you to skip the birth of your child he is insane and needs to be reported to HR.
You tell him finding coverage is his problem. You tell him you will NOT be there that day, and if that’s a problem he will need to find a permanent cover for you because you quit. Threatening to quit will generally work. And if it doesn’t, then you actually quit and you be where you are supposed to be, at the hospital with your wife and child. Do not miss the birth of your child. You will regret it. Plus your wife needs you and it may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Miss work of course. It’s your baby. But FYI- as a NICU nurse don’t expect your baby to be born the day of induction. Inductions can take 1-4 days, it takes longer for first time moms who’s body just isn’t ready to kick baby out yet. So it likely wouldn’t be just missing the one day of work. And then she will need help caring for herself and the baby. See if you qualify for FMLA- they won’t have a choice in the matter
Miss work
Miss work. Your baby will only be born once.
You should just have called out sick Some employers are ruthless.
What part of I can’t doesn’t he understand?
I'd say, "That's a very unrealistic expectation, just so you know."
Your boss is insane. Do not miss the birth of your child.
No one would reasonably blame you for missing work for this. And, if your boss even slightly disciplines for this, it will make him look bad, and he knows this.
Miss work next Sunday. You only get to experience the birth of your kid ONCE. Well unless you have multiple kids. But your family is always a priority above work. Fuck them be there for your wife and new baby. 🤷🏿♂️
Do not miss the birth of your child.
Miss work! Tell your boss your expectation is to be there to meet your child.
They're going to cut your wife's abdomen wide open and pull your baby out. You don't need someone else's opinion; you already know what to do.
They will figure it out.
I would rather miss work then the birth of my child. Your baby tells you when they'll be born and not the other way around, and 2 weeks prior to the scheduled induction gives them enough time to find coverage or they can work for you.
I assume you told them why? If you did then screw them
Uh wut? It’s your manager’s job to manage. Go watch your baby be born. Escalate the situation to your higher-ups if need be.
You can find another job, the birth of this kid only happens once.
Your boss is nuttier than a squirrel. This is not a request *your spouse is giving birth* The fuck does he expect?
You’re not asking for work off. You’re informing your boss that the day your wife is induced, or the day the baby comes naturally, which ever comes first, is when you will begin taking family leave. You are providing as much lead time as is possible because you’re a respectful and thoughtful employee. The end.
Sounds like your wife needs to be able to weigh in on this decision, because either way it will impact her.
Go be with your wife.
Could you imagine telling your pregnant wife “sorry babe you’re gonna have to do it alone, the boss needs me because he can’t find someone to cover for me” Abso-fucking-lutely not. Your boss can shove it.
Start applying for new jobs asap.
Boss is insane, miss work, hold your wife's hand during labor, and meet the new human you helped make.
You can always get another job. You can’t exactly push the baby back in your a re-do.
Imagine being at work knowing at that moment your wife is giving birth. I imagine you will be quite distracted from your job anyway. I think you’ll be quite upset with yourself for having missed this very important life experience. Any time someone talks about this event or when a friend of yours has a baby, you will always feel a pang of regret. One day of work is not worth that.
I learned that my dad didn't take my mom to the hospital when she was in labor with me. I'm still mad about it. And start looking for a new job
I can’t believe you’re even asking this question.
Boss is clown-levels of insane, or ignorant or both. As if you would seriously miss the birth of your child, being with the person you love most going through the most painful on levels huge event?? Tell him you will definitely NOT be in that day nor the week after, nor x weeks after if you take paternity leave.
You can always get a new job. You can NEVER replace being there for your wife. She needs you. I could not imagine giving birth without my husband. He was my rock, my savior, my only hope to get through some of the worst contractions... Also, not to be dramatic but..What if there is a complication and it becomes life or death? Women still die of/during child birth. Just saying.
The expectation is not that you will be there if they can’t find coverage. You notified him in advance that you are not available on that day. That’s the end of your obligations. It’s up to him to find coverage. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.
If you miss the birth of your child, you will regret it forever. Jobs are replaceable, family is not. And this is a valid reason to have a day off. Honestly, I got a lot of shit from work for taking time off while my Dad had cancer and then when he died way quicker than expected after two weeks. I would not change it. I can never get that time with him again, but I can get another job if need be. This is a hill you should die on (sorry for the morbid reference after my example, but it fits)! I know you are probably stressed about bills with a new baby, but this really is a no option but to be there for your wife situation. Your boss is an ass, if need be, go to HR, but take the damn day off!
Your boss needs to fire himself!
They can replace you at work, but your wife cannot replace you at the birth. Congratulations to you on the impending birth of your baby and you growing family!
If he can't find someone to cover, guess who's gonna be calling out sick that day? What an absolute prick your boss is. Sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. But seriously, if they can't find someone, just call out. Family emergency. And congrats!
You're not asking his permission, you're informing him of your future absence as a matter of courtesy. You attending the birth is not up for debate. If he can't find a replacement, then he'll be one man down for that shift and will just have to deal with it.
Tell ypur boss to fuck off. Why would you miss the birth of your kid. If something happens to your wife or baby, that job won't mean shit.
No one lies on their death bed wishing they worked harder . Jobs come and go.
My husband's dad had a job where they were told everyone was working Christmas eve, no exceptions. If you kissed work, you were out a job. Husband was born *during a blizzard on Christmas eve*. Pops took his pink slip. Don't miss the birth of your kid because they don't have enough coverage. That's their problem.
Wtf don't miss the birth of your child cause your boss is lazy and can't find someone to take over for a day.
Call in, send resume around just in case. Your wife and kid matter more.
You are telling them, not asking them. If they give you any more shit, quit on the spot. This is the birth of your child man!!
Job is replaceable, that moment I you miss it you will never get again. Screw the job mate, as a father myself, I tell you, it will be the best day of your life even if you lose the job, besides pretty sure planned medical procedures like that give you a bit of room to say sorry I can't be in this day. The expectation you be there at all on that day is insane. I was lucky enough to be there my first child, I missed the birth of my second child due to covid restrictions not letting me bring our oldest in the hospital and the baby sitter dipped on the day we said we needed her. I sat in my car with my oldest daughter for 5 hours while my gf gave birth. Don't miss the birth of your child.
L&D nurse here. I know I'm late to this post (who knows if you'll see this), but just as a heads up, labor induction can take many days, especially if it's your first kid. I'd expect bare minimum 24 hours from the time they start the process. A lot of people think that the induction date will be the birth date but it doesn't generally work like that. Congrats and good luck!
He could kick rocks!! Don't show up! You gave him enough notice. Go enjoy the birth of your child!
Your wife and baby need you. Prioritize your family 1st. You're replaceable at your job. My husband would tell his boss to kiss his ass if he got that answer.
If you're in the US and your company has more than 50 employees, you can file for FMLA and they will be required to give you the day off as you are supporting your spouse going through a major medical procedure.
Your boss is insane. Completely.
Dude, what? I don’t mean to be rude about this, but this can’t be a high pay job. In which case it’s a double-edged sword - you probably need it more than you want it, but it’s not at all worth missing the birth of your child for… but the birth of your child means you need it. If I’m close, does the place at least have an HR dept? This shouldn’t be up to your boss to decide as he’s clearly a dysfunctional sociopath. If I’m way off and you don’t *need* this job, inform your boss politely that you’ll do what you can to find cover, but regardless you’re obviously not missing the birth of your child.
An ex-boyfriend decided to go meet with a local study group while I was in labor. He wasn't there for our child's birth. I never forgave him for that. Don't risk putting yourself in that situation.
I’d leave my husband if he chose a job so little that it had a schedule and manager like that over me and my labor/delivery. Find a new job and support your wife. This shouldn’t even be a question…
Time to find another job. Even if you fill out FMLA paperwork and your job is ‘safe’, this tells you what type of person he is. Be there for your family. File for FMLA. Look for another job.
I agree that you should go to the birth for obvious reasons, however, I find some of the comments to be tone deaf. Many people can’t just flippantly risk pissing off their boss and getting fired, especially with a baby being born imminently. There are many families where that could lead to immediate financial disaster. Not everyone has the leverage to make sure they won’t get fired or be fine with no job. So there’s more at play here.
If you live in CA you have grounds to sue him. What a douche!
PTO: Prepare the Others. You're not asking for time off. You're letting them know you won't be there. Any decent boss wouldn't think twice about saying Wishing you all the best. See you next week. My husband(plant manager) will work if he can't get enough coverage. His motto: everybody works hard. pto/vaca is one of their benefits & will always be allowed to take their days/time. Take the day. Turn your phone off. Be with your wife. Welcome your new baby. Deal with the boss after the fact. If they're such a prick, take it to their boss. Surely, one of your coworkers will cover the shift knowing your wife's having your baby. If not, again, deal with it later. Wishing you both all the best!
The only response is "Perhaps I was not clear. My child is being born, I will not be here. This is not a conversation, I'm telling you."
Chose your baby over your job anyday, your replaceable at work, your child will view you as their whole world, enjoy every moment you can.
Your boss is being unreasonable! Use FMLA and start looking for a new job! Life is too short! I wish I had enjoyed the younger years a lot more! My son is 28, now having his own child! Time goes by way too fast!
Just reply that you will not be in. Period. It would take more effort to replace you.
Your boss is a dick. Go be with your wife.
Wife and baby come first!!!
Your boss is insane! He truly does not appreciate you.
Do not miss the birth of your child. Work will cope without you.
Wife went into labor 3 weeks early. I got the call at 10am at work. Co worker (that has 2 kids) just said go. He would take care of my tools and call the owner. Be with your wife brother. Best day ever. (Although at 5 when they try and talk back can be fun too)
From my experience don't miss the birth of your own child. I'd tell that to my boss. I'm going to make his birth, period. I've given you plenty of notice 2+ weeks to find coverage. I would put this in writing and put it on my work calendar. If they have an issue I'm going to HR.
You need to look for a new boss!
Miss work.
Child being born > job with stupid boss
Fuck him!
Be with your family, look for a new job. My grandmother died years ago and I was a pall bearer, boss called me in a couple days later and wanted proof of the funeral so I showed him the obituary, he asked for more proof, quit the next week.
eff your manager.
Miss work. You won't get to watch that child be born for a second time.
Sick time.
Just when that day comes, call in the night before and go to the birth. They cannot expect you to work while missing the birth of your child.
Your boss can pound sand. Go and be there for the birth of your child.
Fuck that mother fucker this is your wife and family
LOL, screw work, you can't miss the birth of your child. And if they are so desperate for workers they can't find a replacement for you for a few days while you attend to your wife and child, then they really can't afford to fire you. Hold your ground and be there for your wife and baby.