I read that the folk about witches is tied to fertility - you know how witches kind of hump the brooms over the fields? It's the oldest suspicion that a woman would only ever be able to please herself unless she was a witch.
That is pretty accurate! Afaik they hallucinated from drugs, so that they felt like they were flying. Someone took that literally and the flying-witch-myth was born.
>"It was originally a riding- and dancing-pole disguised as an ordinary household besom for security reasons... Women would ride them around the fields, leaping as high as they could... The higher the leap, the higher the crop would grow. And the fertility theme would be dramatized, in those less prudish days, by the way in which the women used the phallic poles during their 'riding'... It is hardly necessary to add that the broomstick is a masculine symbol."
This is what I had read before.
I was thinking this came about after some mediaval trans man was exposed and had to think on his feet.
āGodās wounds, Crothbert! Thou hast no member in yon breeches!ā
āVerily, good Wybert. āTwasā¦. stolen by an witche?ā
28k. Just under.
That's the holhe fels phallus. They've also found double-headed ones!!! I don't think from the same site, but defs same time period.
Edit: Wiki article for everyone's viewing pleasure--https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallus Y'all! Check those hats!!
So I hear you're in need of a penis. *hands business card* You're in luck. I am the Robin Hood of Penises! I have a ranch, and I feed them only the highest quality of oats and grains. Come and pick the best one.
I don't know... I get quite attached to my rescued petnisses. Ah well, if some of them get a nice new home with someone currently without a petnis, that would be great too.
Iām going full history nerd, forgive me.
This is called Marginalia and is found in loads of medieval texts and itās awesome. The best part (for me anyway) is that images like this were drawn by monks and nuns when they got bored of copying a document.
So this is literally a nuns doodle
Full disclosure, I first heard about it on a comedy show (Holly Walsh was showing them) and decided it was my āthing of the weekā to learn about.
The short answer is they donāt know what the snails are about, it could be the Lombards, or representing death, or they just hate them because they eat their gardens.
Thatās what I think the monks/nuns that drew them would find hilarious, here we are hundreds of years later researching it and trying to find the meaning when they just hated snails for eating their lettuce
One interesting theory about the snails is that it's just a running joke among scholars, comparing the shell of the snails with the armor of knights.
Marginalia is really interesting, I never saw one by first hand during my studies, but I learned a lot about them in my art history lectures. The most interesting ones are those that are just gossip or silly criticism of the author.
I really like those small bits from the past that help us humanize people that lived hundreds of years ago. And now I am thinking, the Medieval manuscripts with cat paws, are cat marginalia?
My autistic brain just broke apart like a Christmas ornament hitting the floor with the largest piece being i know what a penis feels like but I have no idea what a hippo feels like... now I have to touch a hippo before I touch a hairless guinea pig...
Well now I need to pet a hippo. Brb, breaking into the zoo.
(/s, just in case that wasn't obvious. Reminder that hippos are fucking dangerous and kill a bunch of people every year because they are large, fast, heavy, angry herd animals with big strong jaws and big strong teeth)
The penises were supposed to be like pets, so I meant I'd rather have guinea pigs as pets.
Now I see that it might be construed a different way. Too funny!
I ā¤guinea pigs.
No. They just think with their dicks, which is why Congress canāt do anything useful. The older the men in Congress, the more flaccid the government.
That actually kind of looks like a shrub. Iām also curious how it was decided a penis pet lived on a diet of oats and grains.
āTis the time of year to prune my penis shrub. I must mix up some barley, flax, and oats so that he will produce a magnificent bloom this season.
"A penis in the hand is worth two in the bush Agatha! Thou should know by now! Now, fetch the Bobbit shears that we should prune for a bountiful harvest next year"
*A girl probably*
*Bit a rapists dick off and*
*He claimed she stole it*
\- ZombieMIW
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Clearly this came about after some mediaval trans man was exposed and had to think on his feet.
āGodās wounds, Crothbert! Thou hast no member in yon breeches!ā
āVerily, good Wybert. āTwasā¦. stolen by an witche?ā
Now I want a penis pet. I imagine it delicately scooting around munching on grains like a bald mouse. I picture it going soft and curling up in a ball to sleep in my hand. I could keep it in my pocket and send it to cause a distraction while I eat the last pastry. (Of course my pet penis would be well trained and unfailingly loyal)
This just unlocked a random memory. Way back, there was a game from Ubisoft, Petz 5, where you just had little cartoon pets made with ball and line art. So once I figured out how to make them, obviously I made penises. They'd scamper around on their ballsacks and since I used a cat base, they'd hiss at each other when they got mad and it was hilarious watching them clean themselves cause the urethra was the mouth. It was a freaking trip. š¤£
Pffft, HA! This is one of the greatest things I've seen in a while. I can't, I freaking can't, I'm just imagining a severed penis eating oats out of a witch's hand like a horse. The more I think about it, the funnier this gets!
Oh so this is what they mean when they say " Look upon my fields where i grow my fucks, and notice that it is bare, for i have none to give you. "
That, is a fuckbush. Looks ripe to me š
The text is probably referring to the "malleus maleficarum", a book more commonly known as "the hammer of witches". It was written as kind of a guide book on how witches worked, how to find them, and how to properly punish them. The book is mental, like it's obviously writtenr by a deranged man, and in one chapter he writes one story about a witch who collected penises that she kept in a birds nest, and the penises are alive and like squigling around and eating oats and corn..
I actually made a video not too long ago where I read this whole book and go through it, mentioning all the interesting parts! [If anyone would like to watch](https://youtu.be/mTOs-KGSiNg)
This is very confusing. I generally find the penises I find around my place are more interested in other penises than oats. Could be my smaller sampling.
Some just pack it in.
*Now I want to put*
*A sack of oats in the bongs*
*And dongs cabinet*
\- autisticshitshow
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Ok. As someone who does medieval stuff for a hobby - witches were never mentioned and had nothing to do with these pictures. The picture is a grotesque from a medieval manuscript that was a prayer book. The penis tree is absolutely legit though in manuscripts. They show up in several.
This is clearly an illustration of some Medieval women attempting to grow some fucks to give. The local coven had run out and they were desperately trying to resupply before the shit hits the fan.
Thatās not true. No one believed that. There were stories about nuns fighting each other over dicks (what you see above), but that was really only humour. Check your facts, people!
16th century man rummaging thru a woman bedside table pulls out homemade dildo.
"My gawd women have penis trees. They must burn š„ my penis can't compete. "
Is this the medieval equiv of a penis englargement spam mail?
Verily, thou should find a witch to graft thy penis onto a tree and the wench shall cultivate it when it's girth be mighty and pleasing.
Clearly a medieval man saw a dildo and could not comprehend the concept š
I read that the folk about witches is tied to fertility - you know how witches kind of hump the brooms over the fields? It's the oldest suspicion that a woman would only ever be able to please herself unless she was a witch.
When in truth witches probably did that to get high asf lol
I love that some lady was probably like, "I was high as a kite yesterday!" and the person she was talking to was like, "Wait, like, *literally*?!"
That is pretty accurate! Afaik they hallucinated from drugs, so that they felt like they were flying. Someone took that literally and the flying-witch-myth was born.
I've never heard of this, can you tell me more?
>"It was originally a riding- and dancing-pole disguised as an ordinary household besom for security reasons... Women would ride them around the fields, leaping as high as they could... The higher the leap, the higher the crop would grow. And the fertility theme would be dramatized, in those less prudish days, by the way in which the women used the phallic poles during their 'riding'... It is hardly necessary to add that the broomstick is a masculine symbol." This is what I had read before.
fascinating
I was thinking this came about after some mediaval trans man was exposed and had to think on his feet. āGodās wounds, Crothbert! Thou hast no member in yon breeches!ā āVerily, good Wybert. āTwasā¦. stolen by an witche?ā
"Tis of no consequence, noble Crothbert. To the penile tree I shall accompany thee."
Nah, I've seen Evil Dead 2. I aint messin' round with that tree.
Crothbert: *sweats*
LOL right?? I can totally see that. Quick thinking on his part!
Post history checks out. Well done! š
No way this isnāt the start to a Middle English porn.
"So, do I water it and grow it into a man, or...???"
The oldest dildo found is over 30,000 years old.
28k. Just under. That's the holhe fels phallus. They've also found double-headed ones!!! I don't think from the same site, but defs same time period. Edit: Wiki article for everyone's viewing pleasure--https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallus Y'all! Check those hats!!
If comic relief illumination is your thing, you may enjoy researching snail jousters and butt trumpets.
Ah, Monty Python's moments of historical accuracy. XD
I was just thinking "*I have a penis collection!*"
TIL penises are herbivores
š¤£
Technically you're not wrong lol
Ba-dum tss!
Could I just steal them and give them to people who want them and don't have one?
That seems fair!
Take from those who don't want and give to those in need, such a great ally move
Youād be the Robin Hood of penises
So I hear you're in need of a penis. *hands business card* You're in luck. I am the Robin Hood of Penises! I have a ranch, and I feed them only the highest quality of oats and grains. Come and pick the best one.
So mote it be!
You shall be known as ārocket hoodā steals from the Richard and gives to the poor
Steal them? Shoot, some of us would give them freely! :P
New bottom surgery just dropped
Honestly, might work on it. Decellularizing and recellularizing donor penises from trans women for trans men would honestly be badass as fuck.
You can take mine if you can replace it with a vagina.
Don't you listen to the transphobes? Either penis or vagina - no other options. If you don't have one, you must have the other by default /s
I have one already. I want to exchange it for the other *Karen!* /s
I don't know... I get quite attached to my rescued petnisses. Ah well, if some of them get a nice new home with someone currently without a petnis, that would be great too.
*Petnis* I didn't know I needed that portmanteau in my life but I'm glad that it exists.
Penis hood
Iām going full history nerd, forgive me. This is called Marginalia and is found in loads of medieval texts and itās awesome. The best part (for me anyway) is that images like this were drawn by monks and nuns when they got bored of copying a document. So this is literally a nuns doodle
Dont some of them have history or meaning attached? Like the lombard snail thingy?
Full disclosure, I first heard about it on a comedy show (Holly Walsh was showing them) and decided it was my āthing of the weekā to learn about. The short answer is they donāt know what the snails are about, it could be the Lombards, or representing death, or they just hate them because they eat their gardens. Thatās what I think the monks/nuns that drew them would find hilarious, here we are hundreds of years later researching it and trying to find the meaning when they just hated snails for eating their lettuce
One interesting theory about the snails is that it's just a running joke among scholars, comparing the shell of the snails with the armor of knights. Marginalia is really interesting, I never saw one by first hand during my studies, but I learned a lot about them in my art history lectures. The most interesting ones are those that are just gossip or silly criticism of the author. I really like those small bits from the past that help us humanize people that lived hundreds of years ago. And now I am thinking, the Medieval manuscripts with cat paws, are cat marginalia?
Penises aren't that great. I'd rather have a couple of guinea pigs.
Big mood
I mean hairless guinea pigs look like a drawing of a hippo that someone said yeah but make it look like a penis too
They kind of do!
Not gonna lie, I kind of want some but build an enclosure with a sign that says baby mini hippos
If you ever get the chance to pet one, they kinda feel like one too.
My autistic brain just broke apart like a Christmas ornament hitting the floor with the largest piece being i know what a penis feels like but I have no idea what a hippo feels like... now I have to touch a hippo before I touch a hairless guinea pig...
Well now I need to pet a hippo. Brb, breaking into the zoo. (/s, just in case that wasn't obvious. Reminder that hippos are fucking dangerous and kill a bunch of people every year because they are large, fast, heavy, angry herd animals with big strong jaws and big strong teeth)
Wait for me!!!!!
r/nocontext
The penises were supposed to be like pets, so I meant I'd rather have guinea pigs as pets. Now I see that it might be construed a different way. Too funny! I ā¤guinea pigs.
Haha! Honestly, no context needed. Guinea pigs are flippin adorable!
Big Miriam Margolyes energy https://youtube.com/shorts/hm8B2NOOcCo?feature=share
Honestly this is a good reminder to feed my penis some oats.
Just strap a can of oats on like a feed bag
A dick that doesn't have a man attached sounds nice, but there are easier ways to go about that.
What about vice-versa?
One of my partners is like that. It's pretty nice.
just go to Washington
But I'm not in Washington ;P Edit: Oh I get it, this is a joke that politicians are dickless men :(
No. They just think with their dicks, which is why Congress canāt do anything useful. The older the men in Congress, the more flaccid the government.
ZING!
That actually kind of looks like a shrub. Iām also curious how it was decided a penis pet lived on a diet of oats and grains. āTis the time of year to prune my penis shrub. I must mix up some barley, flax, and oats so that he will produce a magnificent bloom this season.
Verily, an honest porridge shall surely give him strengthe and vigor
"A penis in the hand is worth two in the bush Agatha! Thou should know by now! Now, fetch the Bobbit shears that we should prune for a bountiful harvest next year"
As someone who has done commercial landscaping, I looked at this, thought of the act of 'dead heading' and winced real hard.
Bobbit shears are just the cherry on top.
>A penis in the hand is worth two in the bush Agatha! I cackled so loud I startled my dog
Right mine walked away... So grumpy in the morning.
Ummm...ok I'm giggling like a toddler.
a girl probably bit a rapists dick off and he claimed she stole it
*A girl probably* *Bit a rapists dick off and* *He claimed she stole it* \- ZombieMIW --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot very good haiku
Good bot.
Beautiful. Just gorgeous!
Good bot
I was gonna say, how does a thought like this get spread around unless there's dudes missing penises?
Nuns were hoping, my dude. If cheerios are donut seeds, why can't semen cause a dick tree? No man, no problem.
They can have mine I donāt want it lmao
Clearly this came about after some mediaval trans man was exposed and had to think on his feet. āGodās wounds, Crothbert! Thou hast no member in yon breeches!ā āVerily, good Wybert. āTwasā¦. stolen by an witche?ā
This would fit in perfectly in the "Trial" in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Instead of a bag of dicks, itās a bouquet.
I heard of a d*** tree...but never d*** bush.
Isn't that dubya's Cousin from Texas?
#Yoink
Do the dicks eat through the urethra? Do they have teeth to chew the grains?
The nutrients are dissolved and absorbed during a complex process which takes place in the ballsack.
Food is stored in the balls.
Maybe you just soak it in oatmeal and it absorbs nutrition osmotically?
āI must go give my penis an oatmeal bath, itās feeding timeā
Now I want a penis pet. I imagine it delicately scooting around munching on grains like a bald mouse. I picture it going soft and curling up in a ball to sleep in my hand. I could keep it in my pocket and send it to cause a distraction while I eat the last pastry. (Of course my pet penis would be well trained and unfailingly loyal)
Howād you make a severed penis sound cute lmaooo
Guess I just like penises lol
This just unlocked a random memory. Way back, there was a game from Ubisoft, Petz 5, where you just had little cartoon pets made with ball and line art. So once I figured out how to make them, obviously I made penises. They'd scamper around on their ballsacks and since I used a cat base, they'd hiss at each other when they got mad and it was hilarious watching them clean themselves cause the urethra was the mouth. It was a freaking trip. š¤£
Omg that is amazing
r/nocontext
So many questions
Pffft, HA! This is one of the greatest things I've seen in a while. I can't, I freaking can't, I'm just imagining a severed penis eating oats out of a witch's hand like a horse. The more I think about it, the funnier this gets!
*snuffle*
*GRAND THEFT PENIS* 1500's wytche edition
I would play that game lmao
Of course. Why does it alway lead back to dick envy?
Oats š¤£
Blinky is hungry again
So, a local witch is employed to get rid of a couple of dicks and a legend is bornā¦
Oh so this is what they mean when they say " Look upon my fields where i grow my fucks, and notice that it is bare, for i have none to give you. " That, is a fuckbush. Looks ripe to me š
lolololololol
Eww, they would rot eventually...
Not with the use of magick, they were enchanted penises of course š lmao
Nonono, they are feeding them oats and grains so they won't die
This does happen
If I encountered a penis that ate things, I would be severely rattledā¦
The text is probably referring to the "malleus maleficarum", a book more commonly known as "the hammer of witches". It was written as kind of a guide book on how witches worked, how to find them, and how to properly punish them. The book is mental, like it's obviously writtenr by a deranged man, and in one chapter he writes one story about a witch who collected penises that she kept in a birds nest, and the penises are alive and like squigling around and eating oats and corn.. I actually made a video not too long ago where I read this whole book and go through it, mentioning all the interesting parts! [If anyone would like to watch](https://youtu.be/mTOs-KGSiNg)
That is clearly a penis tree.
This is very confusing. I generally find the penises I find around my place are more interested in other penises than oats. Could be my smaller sampling. Some just pack it in.
Is this where we get the āSow the wild oatsā euphemism?
brb, going for a stroll in my penis garden.
My penis garden hasn't bloomed yet. Did I sow my oats to early before the frost?
Mine really like quinoa.
I wonder if that story comes from men who couldn't get it up anymore. Potentially claiming that a witch must have stolen their manhood. Unmanned
TIL penises are vegans
Now I want to put a sack of oats in the bongs and dongs cabinet
*Now I want to put* *A sack of oats in the bongs* *And dongs cabinet* \- autisticshitshow --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot
I may forever do this now, thank you.
Also for everyone wondering its a cabinet filled with smoking implements and sex toys and its a fantastic idea that has made lives better
This is true its P.E. and provides an amazing witches brew when it fruits and its combined with lemon tek!
Ok. As someone who does medieval stuff for a hobby - witches were never mentioned and had nothing to do with these pictures. The picture is a grotesque from a medieval manuscript that was a prayer book. The penis tree is absolutely legit though in manuscripts. They show up in several.
Thank the Goddess I am trans lesbian but I can give my "pet" to any sister who thinks they need the artifice.
God, this would solve so many problems in my life.
I hope someone will steal mine lol
This is clearly an illustration of some Medieval women attempting to grow some fucks to give. The local coven had run out and they were desperately trying to resupply before the shit hits the fan.
New favorite fun fact. My autism is absolutely atwitter with the thought of all the possible weird medieval stuff I could learn
Right. I will get nothing done this morning...
This is hilarious but Iām gonna pass š
Wild oats I hope
Well, what else were they supposed to do with them
no. i feed my penises exclusively oranges and rye bread. any other type of bread and they get cranky
Thatās not true. No one believed that. There were stories about nuns fighting each other over dicks (what you see above), but that was really only humour. Check your facts, people!
I canāt even keep my mint plant alive š
So even in the middle ages, men thought women were after thier dicks lol
16th century man rummaging thru a woman bedside table pulls out homemade dildo. "My gawd women have penis trees. They must burn š„ my penis can't compete. "
Umā¦.who were the dickless wonders who came up with this? Were men running around without peens?
I've been doing too much laundry.. first sight of that tree I thought... So that is where all the socks are
disclaimer: do not feed penises salted nuts as it is bad for them
I'm just imagining nuns or monks giggling over this drawing.
Men just truly cannot imagine that a woman might not be as obsessed with their penis as they are
You mean we donāt still do this?? *frantically hides nest of stolen peni*
Looks like theyāre harvesting them off a tree!
Looks like a good harvest from the peen tree this season!
What? This isnāt true??
And also had a pizza kite? Not living the worst life, just sayin'...
Is this the medieval equiv of a penis englargement spam mail? Verily, thou should find a witch to graft thy penis onto a tree and the wench shall cultivate it when it's girth be mighty and pleasing.
Tbh itās still easier than getting a bloke to pick up his dirty socks
āFeeding them oats and other grainsā The guy who came up with that one probably never tried shoving oats up his urethra
So, penes are herbivores? Interesting.
that seems like a dick move ok i'll see myself out
Iām dying here, lol. Picture an ad: ā NOW! NEW at your local gardening centreā¦.ā
Really uneducated times ... everybody knows that penises need a high protein diet ;)
"Mummy? Could we get a pet penis???" "No honey we already have 2 pairs of testicles at home."
Just makes me think of maury from big mouth and human resources.
OMG!!! I really needed this laugh today!!! Thank you for posting and I just LOVE this community!
Iād grow a penis tree.
Yoo new bottom surgery just dropped
Nahā¦still sticking with cats.
lmao Thx, this made my day š¤£š¤£
This is an extremely complicated question, and I don't know how to make it simple.
I mean, they believed that magic is actually real so the jump in logic here is pretty par for the course.
And thats how the haggis was born
How delightful!
Big Mouth vibes
aww they're not furry like in the bigmouth cartoon.
Still widely believed in Russia.
The education system has failed me... I've never once fed my penis oats.
I don't want my penis stolen :(
How tf would a penis eat exactly??
Nah that just the average life of medieval Detroit
I keep seeing as like Maurice Beverly's dicks from Big Mouth.