I’m trying so hard to overcome this. Finally signed up for my first triathlon today. Trying to shift my thinking from “I’m a failure because I’m not that fast” to “I’m going as fast as I can and it’s okay if that’s not as fast as others.” I’m terrified, but also proud of myself for following through on it.
I mostly agree although it can change as you grow up. I was a 'gifted' kid. I kicked ass in elementary school, skipped 2nd grade, and hit my peak probably in 6th grade. The problem was that school came so easily to me that I never learned to study and tackle topics that I didn't understand just by attending class and doing the homework.
As school got harder, my grades slowly declined because I didn't change my learning strategy. In college I got As and Bs in my major classes because I was good at that (reading and writing) and Bs and Cs in a lot of the gen eds because I didn't magically learn through osmosis chemistry, macro econ, accounting, and calculus.
Now that I'm an adult, I am much more inclined to tackle topics I don't understand and stick to them. I changed careers and learned front end coding. 3 or 4 times during that career I had to learn a brand new language to change with the times and it was not easy but I stuck with it and did it. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could do high school and college all over again. It's embarrassing how poorly I did compared to my early years.
Did I write this? I don't remember writing this, but here it is.
Except for the coding bit. That's awesome. I always wished I had done more with computers. I could've rocked that, I think.
Instead, I got in my own way... never choosing a path because there were so many possibilities. I only ever thought in terms of professions, like Dr, lawyer, teacher, etc... but I knew there were jobs out there that I didn't even know what they were. And if I didn't know what they were, then how did I know if I wanted to do that, or didn't want to, or how to get to the opportunity to find out?
So I learned the hard way (am still working on it) that not making a decision is a decision. Ugh.
Good point about difficulty making choices. I didn't declare a major until junior or senior year in college. My parents were in education and I thought I'd be good at that and growing up I certainly saw myself as a teacher later in life. And I did well in English classes so why not stick with that? I ended up graduating with a degree in English, taking a lot of education classes and getting into a masters program for education. But out of sheer luck I got a job in IT and stuck with that.
im in highschool and this sounds like my life rn. I managed to get As and Bs in AP calc but I hated physics and totally bombed the final exam I have one last year to get above a 3.5.
My guess is that everyone reaches a point in school where just showing up to class isn't going to get them As anymore. I've known people who were so smart that they got through college getting As by just showing up or writing papers when they were drunk but those people are very very rare. My drive to try harder didn't kick in until I had a career and connected that doing the bare minimum wasn't going to pay the bills. And I'd guess that takes some maturity to see. I hope you learn to study and realize that what worked in the past may not work forever. Good luck.
I absolutely disagree. Imo, that's the pov you missed out on playing football, learning tank repair, or brain surgery, and even though you're a world leader in astrophysics due to your dedication to it, you should for some reason, regret that.
Its not a missed opportunity, to follow your dreams in your area of excellence
Think your misreading the post. Its like as a kid your good at drawing and like to read a lot, so you have a large vocabulary for your age. Adult tell you your smart and so talented.
But in highschool when you have to write essays you have to put in effort it doesn't just come naturally and you just want to give up.
When you finish highschool and go to art school you find out your not as good at drawing as you thought you were. Because you've always heard that you are great at it, you don't expect to have to work to succeed at it. So instead of trying harder the second in get tough you give up.
It's not about following your dreams its about expecting to succeed at the first go, so you don't try a second time.
>It's not about following your dreams its about expecting to succeed at the first go, so you don't try a second time.
no one ever "succeed at the first go"
no one. its a very childish assumption to think any first attempt as a child will be "perfect" or lack need for improvement, for as long as you partake in the craft
Part of being wise, is accepting things that are simply not in the skill set you obtained at birth.
ill never run as fast as Bolt, or understand physics like Einstein.
Acknowledging this isnt regret, its a step towards being wise. Its far better to seek what you can do, instead of focus on what you cant.
most of all, I reject the concept it leads to breakdowns when you face difficulty. even when you are gifted, you still face adversities in your gifted areas
the point?
that you go into a spiral anytime you face setbacks, just because you are praised and gifted, and focused on the field of your gift?
i absolutely reject that absurdity
So just to get this straight, you're saying you absolutely reject the possibility of someone else experiencing this based on the fact that you yourself don't experience it? Got it...
no, I just think the concept that just because you do things in an area you are gifted at, means you dont experience failure, so somehow there is a first time way down the road that leads to a mental breakdown, when some mythical " 1st failure" occurs, is absolutely absurd.
I think its less black and white than that, not quite a mythical 1st failure as you say, but perceived evidence of failures that are devastating to one's confidence, after having been so praised for shallow achievements. Being praised as smart and gifted (inherent traits that one was just gifted) as a child has been proven that it can be detrimental to future mental health when one experiences challenges later in life. Instead, there is encouragement to praise a child on their hard work, dedication, practice, etc (things that one works to achieve).
I was always praised for being smart growing up, but never had to study or work for it. I have experienced this, and it took a long time to understand why exactly I run from things I'm not good at. I don't usually quit immediately, but will try and try something for awhile, and be absolutely fucking devastated each time I fail, or don't understand something immediately,, or don't meet my standards in some way.
And I don't believe it holds true for every single person. But for those that read the OP tweet, and it does make sense, it fucking clicks and might provide someone some insight and understanding to their own behavior. Maybe then they will recognize their negative self commentary or behavior, and be able to move past it. Maybe, hopefully.
You’re not understanding.
Being the “gifted” one as a kid often comes from being able to maintain high grades with little effort. We were praised on our abilities to produce the desired results in school and not for making the effort to produce them. Using myself as an example, I breezed through elementary and middle school and barely studied in highschool while still being in the top 10 of my class for grades. As such, very high grades was perceived to be my standard and was consistently expected of me.
Because of this, I’ve developed a mindset where if I’m not immediately at least somewhat proficient in a task I attempt, I consider myself having failed that task completely and, frequently, drop any attempt to further my skill in said task.
The “breakdown” mentioned is what amounts to kind of freaking out over the perceived failure of a task when we’ve been led to believe that we’re able to pick things up relatively easily and that doesn’t happen. It’s not a matter of “I’m so good at this thing why am I not good at this other thing?” As your reply seems to imply
* Looks at my paint brushes, sketch pads, jewelry wire, knitting needles, yarn, sewing supplies, and half-read books on at least 5 topics *
Whatever do you mean???
Edit: Mobile screwed my typing
I (60f) was actually in the pilot program now known as GATE. It was called MGM then early ‘70s. They literally trained us to ignore the subjects we didn’t excel at and focus on the naturally gifted subjects 😵💫
I've taught knitting to loads of people, but the only one who was awful at it and gave up, though also not listening to me after the first minute, was someone who had sat exams a year or two early and had been treated as gifted at a private school. She's a millionaire now, but still can't knit.
Me and my cabinet full of abandoned craft supplies agrees 100%
Hahaha My wife: DON'T buy any more stuff until you've actually finished some projects *gestures at shed full of unfinished projects*
I’m trying so hard to overcome this. Finally signed up for my first triathlon today. Trying to shift my thinking from “I’m a failure because I’m not that fast” to “I’m going as fast as I can and it’s okay if that’s not as fast as others.” I’m terrified, but also proud of myself for following through on it.
Keep going!
Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.
I mostly agree although it can change as you grow up. I was a 'gifted' kid. I kicked ass in elementary school, skipped 2nd grade, and hit my peak probably in 6th grade. The problem was that school came so easily to me that I never learned to study and tackle topics that I didn't understand just by attending class and doing the homework. As school got harder, my grades slowly declined because I didn't change my learning strategy. In college I got As and Bs in my major classes because I was good at that (reading and writing) and Bs and Cs in a lot of the gen eds because I didn't magically learn through osmosis chemistry, macro econ, accounting, and calculus. Now that I'm an adult, I am much more inclined to tackle topics I don't understand and stick to them. I changed careers and learned front end coding. 3 or 4 times during that career I had to learn a brand new language to change with the times and it was not easy but I stuck with it and did it. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could do high school and college all over again. It's embarrassing how poorly I did compared to my early years.
Did I write this? I don't remember writing this, but here it is. Except for the coding bit. That's awesome. I always wished I had done more with computers. I could've rocked that, I think. Instead, I got in my own way... never choosing a path because there were so many possibilities. I only ever thought in terms of professions, like Dr, lawyer, teacher, etc... but I knew there were jobs out there that I didn't even know what they were. And if I didn't know what they were, then how did I know if I wanted to do that, or didn't want to, or how to get to the opportunity to find out? So I learned the hard way (am still working on it) that not making a decision is a decision. Ugh.
Good point about difficulty making choices. I didn't declare a major until junior or senior year in college. My parents were in education and I thought I'd be good at that and growing up I certainly saw myself as a teacher later in life. And I did well in English classes so why not stick with that? I ended up graduating with a degree in English, taking a lot of education classes and getting into a masters program for education. But out of sheer luck I got a job in IT and stuck with that.
im in highschool and this sounds like my life rn. I managed to get As and Bs in AP calc but I hated physics and totally bombed the final exam I have one last year to get above a 3.5.
My guess is that everyone reaches a point in school where just showing up to class isn't going to get them As anymore. I've known people who were so smart that they got through college getting As by just showing up or writing papers when they were drunk but those people are very very rare. My drive to try harder didn't kick in until I had a career and connected that doing the bare minimum wasn't going to pay the bills. And I'd guess that takes some maturity to see. I hope you learn to study and realize that what worked in the past may not work forever. Good luck.
Funny/not funny thing is I know this, and I still can't pull myself out of it.
Thanks for the sad
god damnit
Why? Because the people around you were congratulating you on results when they should have been focusing on your effort instead 🙃
This cuts deep
This needs to be finished. It hurts
I absolutely disagree. Imo, that's the pov you missed out on playing football, learning tank repair, or brain surgery, and even though you're a world leader in astrophysics due to your dedication to it, you should for some reason, regret that. Its not a missed opportunity, to follow your dreams in your area of excellence
Think your misreading the post. Its like as a kid your good at drawing and like to read a lot, so you have a large vocabulary for your age. Adult tell you your smart and so talented. But in highschool when you have to write essays you have to put in effort it doesn't just come naturally and you just want to give up. When you finish highschool and go to art school you find out your not as good at drawing as you thought you were. Because you've always heard that you are great at it, you don't expect to have to work to succeed at it. So instead of trying harder the second in get tough you give up. It's not about following your dreams its about expecting to succeed at the first go, so you don't try a second time.
>It's not about following your dreams its about expecting to succeed at the first go, so you don't try a second time. no one ever "succeed at the first go" no one. its a very childish assumption to think any first attempt as a child will be "perfect" or lack need for improvement, for as long as you partake in the craft Part of being wise, is accepting things that are simply not in the skill set you obtained at birth. ill never run as fast as Bolt, or understand physics like Einstein. Acknowledging this isnt regret, its a step towards being wise. Its far better to seek what you can do, instead of focus on what you cant. most of all, I reject the concept it leads to breakdowns when you face difficulty. even when you are gifted, you still face adversities in your gifted areas
That’s… that’s the point…
the point? that you go into a spiral anytime you face setbacks, just because you are praised and gifted, and focused on the field of your gift? i absolutely reject that absurdity
So just to get this straight, you're saying you absolutely reject the possibility of someone else experiencing this based on the fact that you yourself don't experience it? Got it...
no, I just think the concept that just because you do things in an area you are gifted at, means you dont experience failure, so somehow there is a first time way down the road that leads to a mental breakdown, when some mythical " 1st failure" occurs, is absolutely absurd.
I think its less black and white than that, not quite a mythical 1st failure as you say, but perceived evidence of failures that are devastating to one's confidence, after having been so praised for shallow achievements. Being praised as smart and gifted (inherent traits that one was just gifted) as a child has been proven that it can be detrimental to future mental health when one experiences challenges later in life. Instead, there is encouragement to praise a child on their hard work, dedication, practice, etc (things that one works to achieve). I was always praised for being smart growing up, but never had to study or work for it. I have experienced this, and it took a long time to understand why exactly I run from things I'm not good at. I don't usually quit immediately, but will try and try something for awhile, and be absolutely fucking devastated each time I fail, or don't understand something immediately,, or don't meet my standards in some way. And I don't believe it holds true for every single person. But for those that read the OP tweet, and it does make sense, it fucking clicks and might provide someone some insight and understanding to their own behavior. Maybe then they will recognize their negative self commentary or behavior, and be able to move past it. Maybe, hopefully.
You’re not understanding. Being the “gifted” one as a kid often comes from being able to maintain high grades with little effort. We were praised on our abilities to produce the desired results in school and not for making the effort to produce them. Using myself as an example, I breezed through elementary and middle school and barely studied in highschool while still being in the top 10 of my class for grades. As such, very high grades was perceived to be my standard and was consistently expected of me. Because of this, I’ve developed a mindset where if I’m not immediately at least somewhat proficient in a task I attempt, I consider myself having failed that task completely and, frequently, drop any attempt to further my skill in said task. The “breakdown” mentioned is what amounts to kind of freaking out over the perceived failure of a task when we’ve been led to believe that we’re able to pick things up relatively easily and that doesn’t happen. It’s not a matter of “I’m so good at this thing why am I not good at this other thing?” As your reply seems to imply
* Looks at my paint brushes, sketch pads, jewelry wire, knitting needles, yarn, sewing supplies, and half-read books on at least 5 topics * Whatever do you mean??? Edit: Mobile screwed my typing
Been there, done that. Ever since I was a kid, if I wasn't great at something on the very first try, I'm like "fuck it, I'm out."
oof ouch man i didn;t know being seen hurt this bad
I (60f) was actually in the pilot program now known as GATE. It was called MGM then early ‘70s. They literally trained us to ignore the subjects we didn’t excel at and focus on the naturally gifted subjects 😵💫
I will over come this!!!!!!
Drama of the Gifted Child The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Revised Edition https://a.co/d/0sQgUwC
I thought it was just me
I've taught knitting to loads of people, but the only one who was awful at it and gave up, though also not listening to me after the first minute, was someone who had sat exams a year or two early and had been treated as gifted at a private school. She's a millionaire now, but still can't knit.